My Wife’s Best Friend - Jocelyn Kirk

Summary

Tosh Show: Episode Summary – "My Wife’s Best Friend" featuring Dr. Jocelyn Kirk

Episode Information:

• Title: My Wife’s Best Friend
• Host: Daniel Tosh
• Guest: Dr. Jocelyn Kirk
• Release Date: January 7, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of the Tosh Show, host Daniel Tosh welcomes his guest, Dr. Jocelyn Kirk, who is not only his wife's childhood best friend but also a distinguished neonatal nurse practitioner with a Ph.D. Their longstanding friendship forms the foundation for an engaging and humorous conversation that delves into personal histories, professional experiences, and quirky anecdotes.

Early Friendship and Childhood Memories

The episode begins with Tosh reminiscing about his wife's school days and introduces Dr. Jocelyn as a key figure from that time.

• Daniel Tosh [08:00]: "Many people might not know you, I believe the very first hello from Tosh Show was to you."

Dr. Jocelyn shares her early connection with Tosh's wife, highlighting a humorous moment from their fourth-grade dance:

• Dr. Jocelyn [09:20]: "At the dance, your wife asked me if we would trade boyfriends."

This playful exchange sets the tone for their enduring friendship and Tosh's light-hearted teasing throughout the episode.

Beliefs and Paranormal Experiences

The conversation takes a quirky turn when Tosh probes Dr. Jocelyn about her belief in ghosts:

• Daniel Tosh [07:32]: "Do you believe in ghosts?"
• Dr. Jocelyn [08:04]: "I lived with a ghost once."

She recounts eerie incidents from her time living in Canada, where unexplained water turn-ons during the night affirmed her experiences.

• Dr. Jocelyn [08:34]: "As we were explaining it to a friend, the water in the bathroom turned on full blast."

Educational and Professional Background

Dr. Jocelyn provides insight into her academic journey and professional life:

• Daniel Tosh [12:32]: "You've been a nurse for five, and then a nurse practitioner for 11 years."
• Dr. Jocelyn [12:55]: "It's a Doctorate of Nursing Practice, which is a little bit different."

Tosh humorously challenges the necessity of her advanced degree:

• Daniel Tosh [12:57]: "That's what they make women get that don't like research."

Experience in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU)

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Dr. Jocelyn's extensive experience in the NICU:

• Daniel Tosh [12:39]: "You've done this for how long?"
• Dr. Jocelyn [12:35]: "16 years."

They delve into the challenges and emotional aspects of caring for premature infants, including survival rates and the advancements in neonatal care.

• Dr. Jocelyn [15:37]: "The further you are from term, the less likely you are to survive. But even a 30-weeker has a 90-95% chance."

Tosh brings a touch of dark humor to the topic:

• Daniel Tosh [16:43]: "Sometimes in this country we save children that we probably shouldn't."

Personal Life and Relationships

The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes, including Tosh's playful remarks about Dr. Jocelyn's relationships and her eventual partnership:

• Daniel Tosh [26:26]: "You want to play F Marry Kill?"
• Dr. Jocelyn [26:26]: "Okay."

Their banter continues as they discuss past pranks and light-hearted moments, reinforcing their close friendship.

Childhood Challenges and Family Dynamics

Dr. Jocelyn opens up about her tumultuous upbringing, touching on her mother's struggles with addiction and the impact it had on her family:

• Dr. Jocelyn [28:05]: "She had an addiction problem. Not right away."

Tosh empathetically explores the effects of her mother's battles with substance abuse:

• Daniel Tosh [32:02]: "We're glossing over how ridiculous your childhood was."

Pregnancy and Motherhood

In a heartfelt segment, Dr. Jocelyn announces her second pregnancy, albeit with her typical stoic demeanor:

• Dr. Jocelyn [40:47]: "We're expecting number two."

Tosh exuberantly celebrates the news, highlighting the dynamic of their friendship and her role as a dedicated mother:

• Daniel Tosh [40:47]: "My beautiful daughter. I have spent maybe $6 on clothes for her because you spend so much."

Travel Tales and Pranks

The duo shares amusing stories from their travels and pranks they've played on each other, including Tosh's infamous "shrimp scampi" gag:

• Daniel Tosh [39:17]: "I took her suitcase and placed scampi inside."
• Dr. Jocelyn [40:25]: "That's pretty good."

These anecdotes showcase the playful and mischievous side of their friendship.

Gift Exchange and Future Plans

Tosh engages in a humorous gift-giving segment, where he returns Dr. Jocelyn's generous presents with his own brand of humor:

• Daniel Tosh [44:11]: "Now I'm giving it back to you."

Their exchange includes teasing about fashion choices and future events, reinforcing their close-knit bond.

Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Tosh expresses his appreciation for Dr. Jocelyn, blending heartfelt sentiments with his characteristic humor:

• Daniel Tosh [50:44]: "Jocelyn, I love you."
• Dr. Jocelyn [50:45]: "I love you."

Their conversation concludes on a warm note, celebrating friendship, resilience, and the joys of motherhood.

---

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Jocelyn [08:04]: "I lived with a ghost once."
• Daniel Tosh [15:01]: "You gotta make it to 35 weeks."
• Dr. Jocelyn [35:02]: "Probably a little bit. Growing up, Carly and I would actually plan to be obstetricians and pediatricians."
• Daniel Tosh [44:33]: "I like that it’s Ardipop."
• Daniel Tosh [50:44]: "Jocelyn, I love you."

Key Takeaways

• Enduring Friendship: The episode highlights the deep-rooted friendship between Daniel Tosh and Dr. Jocelyn Kirk, underscored by years of shared experiences and humor.

• Professional Insight: Dr. Jocelyn provides a profound look into the world of neonatal nursing, emphasizing the advancements and emotional challenges in the NICU.

• Personal Resilience: The discussion reveals Dr. Jocelyn's resilience in overcoming a challenging childhood, her mother's addiction, and her dedication to motherhood despite personal hardships.

• Humor in Adversity: Tosh effectively blends humor with serious topics, making the conversation both entertaining and insightful.

---

Listening Recommendation: For those intrigued by the blend of humor, heartfelt stories, and professional insights, this episode of the Tosh Show offers a compelling glimpse into the life of Dr. Jocelyn Kirk and her invaluable friendship with Daniel Tosh. Tune in on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform to experience this engaging conversation firsthand.

Transcript

[Unknown]

Abc.

[Daniel Tosh]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days when his.

[Daniel Tosh]

Daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Daniel Tosh]

The wheels come off.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults?

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore. Series premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Spectrum business knows that you put in unlimited effort to unlock the unlimited possibilities of your small business.

[Nikki Glaser]

Get Internet, mobile, phone and TV services.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

To connect all aspects of your business.

[Nikki Glaser]

And see your business made limitless.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Learn [e-mail] business do you want a.

[Eric Zimmer]

Shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the Good Wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One youe Feed. Every week I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is a lifeline transformational, the best.

[Nikki Glaser]

Antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard.

[Eric Zimmer]

Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Daniel Tosh]

How easy would it be to switch babies on someone in the hospital?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Easy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, God damn it. Toshow Tosh Show. Tosh show for show. Hey, guys, Dan Tosh here, host of Tosh Show 2025. Happy New Year. We're one week in and I gotta tell you, honestly, this year sucks. It's been bad since day one.

[Unknown]

I mean, what. What happened?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, nothing happened. Just a gut feeling.

[Unknown]

You just got a feeling about this here?

[Daniel Tosh]

Just a gut feeling that it's going to be a rough one. I went down to the beach and I filmed. I don't even tell you I filmed something. Here, I'll just play it for you. Wait a second. Trump sucks dicks that suck.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Christ is king. Why would he write both of those things? Now, I'm not a handwriting analysis expert, but do you think the guy that was writing Christ is King also wrote the other one?

[Unknown]

Man, I want to imagine so.

[Daniel Tosh]

God, I want to imagine so, too. That'd just be real funny.

[Unknown]

I wonder if a handwriting expert could look at something written in the sand and take something away from it.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what we got to find out. We got to get A handwriting analysis expert on this show to tell me if the man that that wrote Trump sucks dicks is the same that wrote Christ is king. Both messages have a strong opinion.

[Unknown]

Yeah. What if there's a world where there's, like, two people out there writing messages in the sand?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. No, it's funny to think of them doing it at the same time and looking over at each other.

[Unknown]

What are you writing?

[Daniel Tosh]

What are you writing? I'm writing Trump sucks dicks. And that guy's like, whoa, I'm writing Christ is king. And, oh, that's good, too. Let's go have breakfast. Little nail on head, if you ask me. It's funny when you see something that somebody writes in the beach and you're like, oh, that's funny. Speaking of saying goodbye to 2024 and good riddance, by the way, my wife, we've been talking regularly about sitting across from me. She seems to be receptive.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, if my wife backs out of the deal somehow, and Lord knows she's capable of screwing things up, I thought, well, what better replacement than today's guest, my wife's childhood best friend. Doctor, Neonatal nurse practitioner. Oh, it's a good day here. Enjoy.

[Unknown]

So it's a new year, 2025, and you're thinking, how am I going to make this year different? How am I going to build something for myself? I'm dying to be my own boss or see if I can turn this business idea I've been kicking around into a reality, but I don't know how to make it happen. Shopify is how you're going to make it happen. And let me tell you how the best time to start your new business is right now. Shopify makes it simple to create your brand, open for business and get your first sale. Get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates. No coding or design skills required. All you need to do is drag and drop. What happens if you don't act now? Will you regret it? What if someone beats you to the idea? Don't kick yourself when you hear this again in a year because you didn't do anything. Now with Shopify, your first sale is closer than you think. Established in 2025. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comtosh all lowercase. Go to shopify.comtosh to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.comtosh Inside you two wolves are locked in battle.

[Eric Zimmer]

One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One youe Feed. I've been there. Homeless, addicted and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf.

[Daniel Tosh]

This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hardest parts of life.

[Eric Zimmer]

The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hey, it's Nikki Glaser. I'm not here to roast you. I'm here to overshare everything that went down at the Golden Globes last Sunday. Everyone is already talking about what happened on air at the Golden Globes, but you are going to hear about what happened off air from the horse's mouth. Yes, I'm the horse. Me, Nikki Glaser. Join me on my podcast, the Nikki Glaser Podcast, where I will be telling you all the details. I can finally relax with my besties, my listeners and dish what happened backstage, what went down, the things people are already talking about, the things that people should be talking about. I've got it all. From what it took to prep for the Golden Globes to the behind the scenes of the Golden Globes. What went down in the rehearsals, who said what at the after party, who I saw at the after party, who was dancing with who? I'm going to spill it. All Secrets will be revealed. You do not want to miss this episode. Listen to the Nikki Glaser podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Daniel Tosh]

Paw show. My guest today has seen a lot. Despite a humble white trash upbringing in Florida, she is now a neonatal nurse practitioner with a PhD. She's also my wife's best friend and they share many secrets that they had planned to take to the grave. Please welcome Dr. Jocelyn.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Hi.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you nervous?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Very.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's the best. Jocelyn, this is a special day for me to have you in the hot seat. Now, Jocelyn, many people might not know you, I believe were the very first hello from Tosh show was to you. Yes, but you're my wife's best friend. Ah, that's silly. Well, I mean, it's debatable if you're her best friend because you guys have a little clique. I don't know the pecking order exactly. But we'll get to it eventually. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I lived with a ghost once.

[Daniel Tosh]

You did?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

When?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

When I lived in Canada. Our apartment was haunted. Like, it. I don't know how to explain it, but we would wake up in the middle of the night to, like, water being turned on, like, full blast. And then it would shut off. And then it would turn on full blast and shut off. One time we were, like, telling a friend that the water kept turning on and off in the middle of the night. And as we were explaining it to him in, like, broad daylight, the water in the bathroom, like, turned on full blast.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that's good. That was good. It was some validation.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you Canadian?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Half Canadian.

[Daniel Tosh]

Were you born in Canada?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, I was born in Florida.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so you and my wife, you met in fourth grade?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you guys met in fourth grade and you had the same boyfriend?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wait, wait. You wanted to switch boyfriends in fourth grade?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

We went to different elementary schools.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

But they had, like, one community fourth grade dance. And your wife.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was a fourth grade dance. They allowed fourth graders to dance?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I guess so. I don't know.

[Eric Zimmer]

That's so.

[Daniel Tosh]

That seems weird. Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

And they. At the dance, that's where I met her. And she asked me if we would trade boyfriends.

[Daniel Tosh]

So the first time you met her was her saying, hey, can we trade boyfriends?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who was the guy she was with?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Ian Sharp.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ian Sharp. A famous. Now I know Ian Sharp. Only. Only through folklore. Him and his brother. His brother's name was Madison.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Madison Sharp. They were the best skim boarders on the west coast of Florida. Oh, they could skimboard. And every. Every girl knew it. Which one of them played Glycerin one time on the guitar?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

That was Ian.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ian. Ian Sharp played Glycerin on an acoustic guitar. And the girls just. Just. I don't want to say this. Cause I don't know how old they were, but they were turned on. True or false?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

True.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so you were with Ian.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, Carly was with.

[Daniel Tosh]

Carly was with Ian?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah. And you were with a boy named Chip.

[Daniel Tosh]

A boy named Chip. And Charlie was like, fuck Ian. And she wanted to switch to Chip. And you were like, yes, I will make this switch.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think I said, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

You said no?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, I.

[Daniel Tosh]

But Chip's dead, right?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Unfortunately, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. That's very unfortunate. He died in an ATV accident not long.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

A couple years after that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, my wife, famously, in her family, they love to fucking talk about it. That she skipped third grade or second grade. One of Them. One of the meaningless grades. They act like, oh, she's so gifted. She has to a shitty Florida public school. She skipped a grade. I tell you what, if you can't skip a grade in Florida, you might need to be tested anyway. All right. Carly was my wife, the valedictorian of her high school. And you were a distant six. You were six, seven, seventh. You were in the top ten.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes. Top ten.

[Daniel Tosh]

We know this because when all of them get together, this little friend group, one of them, Megan, who's in Kentucky, she didn't get into the top 10.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think she was 11.

[Daniel Tosh]

Embarrassing. I know she finished 11th in the class, which I don't think they even. They don't even recognize that.

[Unknown]

Nah, it's just like you're part of the class.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, yeah. You're just in the class. But now, you know, you've graduated from Johns Hopkins. Do you think that you are so much smarter than Carly?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, but you are.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, I don't think so.

[Daniel Tosh]

I ask Carly simple questions, and then when she doesn't answer, I go. The fact that you call yourself a valedictorian is embarrassing.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It was a Florida high school.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know, but she should be able to answer simple questions. How old was my wife when she lost her virginity?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, college. College, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

She didn't lose it in high school.

[Nikki Glaser]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's great to hear. Look at that. She's pristine. Oh, my goodness. There's so much tread on the tire. Before we get into the fact that you're, you know, you take care of babies in the nicu. The most traumatic time for most parents.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

And you've done this for how long?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

16 years.

[Daniel Tosh]

16 years?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's actually a long time. Good for you.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Well, I was a nurse for five, and then I've been a nurse practitioner for 11, I guess. When did you get your Ph.D. was a DNP? Oh, I don't know if it matters, but does it? Kind one's like, are you a doctor? Yes. A doctorate of nursing practice, which is a little bit different than a.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what they make women get.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, that's what they make women get that don't like research.

[Daniel Tosh]

I just remember putting your report cards up on my refrigerator. How long ago was that?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

20. 19. Okay, yeah, five years, maybe.

[Daniel Tosh]

I remember that. Before children.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Ah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Life was fun.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, a lot of fun.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you exhausted, by the way, today?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

She flew here today, guys. All the way from Charlotte, North Carolina. Do you hate Charlotte?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

When I first met you, you were doing Travel, nursing a lot. So you would live in different places. I believe when I first met you, you were living in Houston. Maybe not. I didn't meet you when you lived in la.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

You've lived in la, you've lived in Seattle, you've lived in Houston.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And at different points, you've loved them all and you've hated them all.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Which cities in the United States have the best hospital care for babies and mothers?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

The west coast in New York by a mile. Yeah. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about New York?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think like the Boston, New York area is pretty good. But then the south is like, there's actually the March of Dimes has a report card. And if you look at the report card, it's like pretty good. Like New Hampshire's pretty good up in the Northeast. And then the south is just like a D and an F. That just speaks volumes.

[Daniel Tosh]

But you can't tell them anything, can you? No, they've got everything figured out. Well, enjoy your coin flip. Okay, full term 40. When, when does the NICU. When is it mandatory that the baby has to go to the NICU?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Usually less than 30, like under 35 weeks and under like 2 kilos or 1.8, like around 4 pounds. They would have to come to us. But if you're 35 or 36 weeks and you can like maintain your blood sugar, you can breathe on your own, you can stay warm, then you would stay with your parents.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, what a cutoff.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

You gotta make it to 35 weeks.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And anything before. When are you like, oh, that's not gonna, that's gonna be a lifetime of some potential.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

We've gotten better.

[Daniel Tosh]

You can fix things.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes. Like we, our science is a lot better now. We take care of the babies a lot better. So like I used to think, like when I first started, like 26 weeks was like, oh, geez, like, I hope they learn how to walk. And now like a 22 weeker can do all the things.

[Daniel Tosh]

What percentage of babies that are born before 30 weeks live.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

The further you are from term, the less likely you are to survive. But even like a 30 weeker has like a 90 over 95% chance. Yeah. Like I do believe.

[Daniel Tosh]

But a 25 week old has a 25 weeker.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Probably. I don't know the statistics off the top of my head, but like really good survival. But if they have morbid, like, different things wrong with them because they were premature, it goes up higher and higher the earlier you are born.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is there any age where it's like, no, that does that's, that's not 22 we saved. We're not going to try to.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, 22 and 0 is the lowest we will save.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Or like attempt resuscitation, like offer to do something.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that's anywhere in this country. You always used to joke about when you were pregnant, like, hey, go to Mexico until you're from 20 to 28 weeks.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I still would do that personally, but not 28, but like 24 weeks.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is the point that you were saying was sometimes in this country we save children that we probably shouldn't.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

And it's not shouldn't, but it's like, come on, nature's handling itself here, guys.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Right. Well, it just doesn't take a lot to be a baby. So all they have to really do is breathe and tolerate food. But it's hard to imagine what that would be like as a five year old where it's like all they're doing is what a baby would do.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the youngest baby you've delivered that you've seen survive?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

22 and 0.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you always try to break the record?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, the thing with the pregnancies that you just, you're always like, oh, well, once I get. Once I hear a heartbeat and they're like, well, no, you gotta get to the 20 week one where you can really find out this. And then it's like, no, no, no, you gotta make sure that they're at least 30. It's just, there's just no end. Yeah, that's the problem.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And my mom would argue, you know, who was a lifetime nurse and she did pediatrics for a long time, but would just be like, they love to do that. When in our day. Well, in our day kids just died constantly. But take that away. There is something to like, oh, I'm pregnant and not knowing anything until, oh, I'm delivering. There is some peace of mind in that.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, you can at least focus more on the excited stuff because like you, I try to get you excited about stuff and you're like, well, yeah, but gotta make sure. Look at this, this and this. And what if you're always like, what if their eyes aren't blue? No. You don't care about that.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

How awful is it talking to these parents that were so excited about having a baby and then it's, oh, they're excited.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Even if they're born premature.

[Daniel Tosh]

They are.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I mean, they're sad for like the baby being born early, but they're just very. It's. They get to Celebrate a bunch of milestones that, like a baby born at term, they would never get to like, breathing on your own or like taking a bottle for the first time eight weeks after you're born. Like, they're. They're very excited. It's.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many people. Is it. Is it like because of drugs or anything like that in Seattle?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Seattle had more than other places. Like north of Seattle. There's a lot of heroin there.

[Daniel Tosh]

Uh huh.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, no, I mean, I figured as much.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

And meth.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Yeah, they get them all.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

By the way, true or false? Especially in Seattle, a lot of times people would come in delivering early because they tried to do a little recreational cocaine sometimes. Is that a thing?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Cocaine's not that popular any. Well, it's not like the drug of choice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Of course it's not.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

But if you do cocaine, if you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do cocaine while you're pregnant, you can.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Have a placenta abruption.

[Daniel Tosh]

You hear that, guys?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Don't let them do cocaine or they're gonna have a baby.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you ever played a prank on the dad and brought a newborn? That's a different race to them. And here's your baby.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that'd be fun. You should do that one time. No, just bring over especially. Cause you're in the south, right? Go to some real like good old boy white man and just bring a little black baby over and go, this is your baby. And just watch his face. Oh, it'd be a good gag. And then he'd be like, you're on my prank show. Nicu Race bait. I'm workshopping the title.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

That's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

I like that.

[Unknown]

Nick. You should see your face.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's better. How easy would it be to switch babies on someone in the hospital?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Easy.

[Daniel Tosh]

God damn it.

[Unknown]

I mean, it has to be done.

[Daniel Tosh]

We knew it, right? We knew it. It could be done.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes, it could easily be done. All newborns kind of look the same. Like, I mean, they're.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man, this is. I don't think my kid's mine. I've never wanted to spend 50 bucks on the little DNA test I've seen, but maybe I should do it. Your life outside of the hospital. Hospital. Precision. Smart. You know, everything you do, then you go home and you might be the messiest person I've ever met.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, that's probably true.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's just comical.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've spent almost every holiday with you since I've met you. The ones that I care about. Thanksgiving, Christmas, we're usually together.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Then you had to go and ruin Everything. And, you know, you got a man for the longest time, you were like, I'm just. I'm just. You know, you were so weird about who you were interested in. I want to date Wayne Gretzky. I don't know what she said. I always just, you like some hockey star or something from Canada. It seemed like somebody that you'd like. Okay, is that silly?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

That's really silly.

[Daniel Tosh]

But then you met your current boyfriend. True or false? When you met him, he was in a. A healthy marriage.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It wasn't healthy, but he was married legally. Yeah. He's still. It took a while.

[Daniel Tosh]

They were separated.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

They were separated. They were, like, in the process of a divorce.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

They still had, like, shared custody of their dogs.

[Daniel Tosh]

And how long did you wait before having a child with him?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

15 months.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, really?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, wow. Why in my head was it so much shorter?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Well, I mean, you know, 10 of nine of those months is growing a human.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, bullshit. Okay, so you got. How quick did you get pregnant? Now I gotta do math, right?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Six months.

[Daniel Tosh]

Six months. That's okay. You sneaky, sneaky. Ah. And then you guys had a child. Oh, that changed everything, didn't it?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes. Yes, it did. Is that fun, having a child?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you feel better at work now that you have a child? Did people ever be like, oh, you don't have a child? Did people ever ask?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No. No. They would. Nobody ever asked. But I do find it harder to be at work now. Like, I. I always, like, thought it was somebody's, like, this is someone's child. That we're, like, doing these harm. Like. Like a lumbar puncture or something super painful. It's a lumbar puncture, like a spinal tap, like, where you put a needle in their spine. But now when I have to do it, I'm like, this is somebody's child. Like, it, like, actually, like, wears on me. It's hard for me to do my job now that I've had a child.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, that's tough. There's something. Something about seeing your kid go in and have any procedure where you're like, oh, this isn't right.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what I used to like about you?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

You disappear for six months, I'd be like, where is she? And then I'd be like, oh, she's in Thailand. You used to travel like a crazy person.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I did, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just by yourself?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And just like, yeah, I'll figure things out.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's always impressed me. Cause I could never do it. I mean, I guess I Probably could. I don't know. It terrifies me. You like traveling the world by yourself?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, I really liked it. It was. I mean, we was. I would go to places that were supposed to be safe for girls to travel by themselves.

[Daniel Tosh]

What blog do you look up for that?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

There's actually one called the Blonde Abroad, which is about, like, solo female traveling.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that helped you?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, I followed a lot of you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Never had any problems.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

The only, like, scary thing that I had was in New Zealand, which is a super safe country.

[Daniel Tosh]

Super safe.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I was in, like, a camper van for three weeks and I was in some random coastal town and I could feel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wait, wait, were you in the South Island?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I was in South Island.

[Daniel Tosh]

South Island's creepy as shit.

[Nikki Glaser]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

North Island's South Island's beautiful.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It's beautiful, but fucking.

[Daniel Tosh]

The people in the south island are fucking weird. Christchurch is creepy, okay?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Christchurch.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, it's all stupid.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes. But then I was, like, walking along a boardwalk and I could feel somebody following me. And then I turned down a street where it was, like, all windows in the building and I could see his reflection. And so. So I turned into, like, a pizza place. And he stopped and waited outside. And I don't know what, like, possessed me to, like, go back out and I could see where my hotel was, so I just, like, ran. But he started running, too. But thankfully I went inside before he.

[Daniel Tosh]

He started running too.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

That was the only creepy thing that happened to me that I.

[Daniel Tosh]

What if he had dropped something and he was just trying to give it back?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, he was not trying to give it back.

[Daniel Tosh]

Huh. Did you poop in that van?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

It had a bathroom, didn't it?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Uh, I think it did.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't drink water?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I do drink water. I have water here.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, it's full. You don't pee and you don't drink water. Is that true?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I mean, I used. No, actually.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many times a day do you pee?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Like, three. I'm a nurse. We don't get to pee that much at work.

[Daniel Tosh]

She never pees, guys. I know everything about her. She never pees. It's so baffling.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

We don't get breaks at work. Or, like, conditioners.

[Daniel Tosh]

You ever get up in the middle of the night to pee?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, but if you start doing it, it becomes, like a habit. Your body gets used to it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, I pee constantly. So you're telling me I should stop it?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I started that. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's my fault that I pee, I think.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, you're A doctor. You should fucking know.

[Unknown]

Peeing's not a habit.

[Daniel Tosh]

She says peeing's a habit.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Like middle of the night peeing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Middle of the night peeing. She's saying, it's not my bladder.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I could be wrong, but.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, you're definitely wrong. But who cares? True or false? Before I started dating my wife, she said, why would he date me? He only dates supermodels.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

That is true. Carly denies it.

[Daniel Tosh]

My wife denies that she ever said that. You say it's true.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It is true.

[Daniel Tosh]

I will 100% tell that story to my children when they get older. Bragging. I'll be like, huh, look at this.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

But your wife is a supermodel.

[Daniel Tosh]

So if supermodels were 5, 2 and didn't make any money modeling, would you say that you love me as a brother, As a human?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you ever said I love you to me?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you think that you're allowed to? Do you think that'd be weird? What if we just started saying it to each other? Do you think. Do you think Carly would think it's weird?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Probably not.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, let's play a game of F Marry kill.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know how to play it?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Me.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, gosh.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mm. Your friend Megan's husband.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

And your friend Jess. Husband.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

So it's her four. It's these chocolate childhood friends. She's gotta play F marry kill with her friends. Partners. Go ahead.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, no. I would marry you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ay, ay. Winner, winner.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

And then kill the rest.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, look at her trying to take the easy way out. I bet you, you and Megan's husband would have a great time in bed. I've. Since iPhones have allowed tracking, I've tracked you.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because I've always been, like, terrified that you were going to be taken.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

But there is nothing I would be able to do. Like, if that guy would have got you in the south island, in New Zealand, I'd have been like, well, I know where she is. I mean, I guess I could call. I would call authorities.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It is creepy getting a text from you, though, at like 11:00 at night, being like, go home. The Lincoln Memorial is so creepy at night. And I'm like, what? How do you know where I am?

[Daniel Tosh]

You can turn it off. You can disable it. Now I have to set up your life for a second.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, here you go. You knew this was coming. So. Because some people, they look at you, they probably say, oh, look at this. She has a charmed life. But you've had some obstacles in your life.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Your mother and your father. Your mother. How do I put it nicely? She had an addiction problem. Yeah.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Not right away.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not right away.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No. She was young, but.

[Daniel Tosh]

She was young.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

She was young. She was, like, 20.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

When she had. Yeah, she had my sister and I, like, at 19 and 21 or something like that. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Your father was in the picture. Not really in the picture.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think they got divorced when I was, like, 10 months old is, I think, what my mom used to say.

[Daniel Tosh]

So they were married?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

They were married, yeah. My mom was a few months pregnant with my sister when they got married.

[Daniel Tosh]

That old story. Okay, here's the thing. Your childhood, I'm sure when you reflect on it, is like, oh, my goodness, this was so ridiculous, what I went through. Other kids had such normal families, but Carly, when she reflects back on your mother, she's like, oh, but we all thought she was the fun moment, you know? Cause you would go to your house and they would put, I don't know, shaving cream all over the trampoline. That seems like a memory that stood out to my wife.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes. But then, like, because my mom was a kid herself, she would let us, like, jump off the roof onto the trampoline that had soap all over it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so that was a bad idea.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I mean, it's like, in the moment, it was fun, and I didn't know anything different. But now, as like, an adult looking back, like, I would never let my daughter jump off a roof onto a trampoline with soap on it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, it's a bad idea.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

So she, like, kind of went off crazy in, like, 2000, 2001.

[Daniel Tosh]

She's an alcoholic. She's bipolar.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

She's bipolar. She's kind of got mixed up in that, like, dope sick, opioid crisis. She, like, ripped a rotator cuff, and they gave her OxyContin in, like, 2000 when they were, like, prescribing it because they didn't know how addictive it was. So she was like that genre of drug addict.

[Daniel Tosh]

Your mother. One time, you. I. Is this true? You were marrying somebody on some mountain?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And your mom, you had always paid for her to have a cell phone or something like that. And she was unhoused. She was bouncing around the Southwest, and she found out how to get into the account, and she locked you out of the account. She ended up purchasing a bunch of stuff, an iPad. Closed you out of your account. And you just happened to be off grid in a mountain and couldn't find your way back. And now you were locked out of your phone.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, that's true.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that was great.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's just a real lesson in helping out.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

How'd you break the code?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I stopped at a Verizon. Like, by the time I got down the mountain and drove, like, an hour and a half, there was, like, a Verizon store that I went into, and I had to show my ID and they finally let me back in.

[Daniel Tosh]

They turned your phone back on?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did they turn hers off?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

So does she still have a phone under your account?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

She doesn't, but I did pay for that iPad for, like, two years.

[Daniel Tosh]

You seem like you could have paid it off quicker.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, no, no. Like the monthly service. Like the.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, for two years she got. Oh, she scammed you.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Good shepherd me in.

[Daniel Tosh]

They wouldn't. Verizon. Verizon. Come on, man.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

The Verizon in Taos, New Mexico. There's this very specific store that was very much like, we can't help you.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm a customer of Ve. And if they don't credit you, how much do you think all in you paid?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I don't know. Because the crazy thing was, is that back then, you would call, like, 411 if you needed a phone number.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I remember information.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay. But if you call it now, it's, like, 299. And because she's, like, manic, like, she would call it, like, 25 times in a day.

[Daniel Tosh]

She's calling 411. What number does she need?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I don't know, but she would call it over and over again. So my bills would be crazy high because she was calling 411. She didn't know you could, like, Google something.

[Daniel Tosh]

I just feel like you've got grounds for some time type of lawsuits or reimbursement to Verizon. I don't think the mentally unstable should be able to rack those kind of bills up.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Definitely not.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I think we're glossing over how ridiculous your childhood was. She did, at one point, live in a tree.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes, she did.

[Daniel Tosh]

And. And again, this isn't. We're not making light of it. How was she living in a tree?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I don't. I don't know. I think she. That was just where she ended up, and that was where she could get cell service, where she. Wherever she was. Like, she would end up in the.

[Daniel Tosh]

House going to the High.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah. And she would just, like, call me from her treat.

[Daniel Tosh]

She also, like, one time thought there was bugs coming out of her body.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

A lot she still thinks that.

[Daniel Tosh]

She thinks there's bugs inside of her.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah. I think that's like a side effect of doing meth, but.

[Daniel Tosh]

Huh.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

They don't talk about that on the meth campaigns. She had another child. You have a half brother.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who was legally blind.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes. You say illegally blind.

[Daniel Tosh]

Legally blind.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Legally blind.

[Daniel Tosh]

He's blind.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

He's blind. He doesn't have eyes. His eyes are glass.

[Daniel Tosh]

He doesn't have eyes. He has glass instead of eyes. Okay. I don't think I knew that.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, well, he was premature. And your eyes are very underdeveloped when you're first born. And so his never developed. And so to make his face be able to develop normally, they put in glass eyes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now you guys think, oh, that's gotta be the interesting thing that you brought up. Not even remotely what I thought was the interesting thing, but now that I've learned about these glass eyes. He became a figurehead in what church? What religion do you even know?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Well, they're Catholic, but I don't think it was Catholic.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. It was just in some Christianity, some church. He became a singer as a child, and this is when Yahweh's like, the church is so suspect. Don't even get Jocelyn started on her beliefs. She believes in ghosts. Do you believe in God? Don't answer. But he would tour and he would play, like, arenas.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Singing. He wasn't. And it was just. People were just like, why were they fascinated with him as a singer?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think because of his, like, he would tell his story of he was born to a drug addict mom, he lost his eyesight because he was premature, and then he's also autistic. And when kids are autistic, they can often sing in perfect pitch.

[Daniel Tosh]

Could he sing in perfect pitch? Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

He could.

[Daniel Tosh]

Here's my thing. When he was younger, I didn't think it was amazing.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No. But when he was younger, I think it was the whole story. It wasn't just his voice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Cause, well, you said in perfect pitch, and I was always like, I don't think this is perfect. But you're saying when he was. But now he's kind of aged out of that. And does he perform still or.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, I don't think he still does, like, motivational speaking.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

And like, telling his story. But no, I don't think he sings it well.

[Daniel Tosh]

I feel like the church, and this is just me, and I'm super hypocritical of the church a lot of times, but I feel like they Were kind of using a kid.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It was a good story. It sold. I know that's not millions of views and that's.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, the kid was popular, guys. Like, it was off the charts type of stuff. Did you feel drawn to this profession because of your childhood?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Probably a little bit. Like, growing up, Carly and I would actually. We had this, like, plan that we were gonna be a obstetrician and a pediatrician, and one was gonna deliver the babies and the other going to take care of them. And then once Christopher was born, it, like, opened up this whole world of, like, oh, babies actually can be born sick and early and not on time and not healthy. And then that's what kind of like, introduced me to the nicu. I didn't know it existed, actually, before that.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then it was just. Just. That's what I'm going to do. That's pretty neat to have a clear vision of what you want to do with your life.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's the only thing in your life that's just completely focused.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

The rest of it just. Mm. Hmm.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yep. Do you brag to your friends who don't live in Hollywood about the time you slept on a pie at Leonardo DiCaprio's house?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you ever told that story to any of your friends?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, I don't think people would believe me if I. Okay, you might be there.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'll tell you the story. You ready for this? I rented Leonardo. I've rented it multiple times. Leonardo DiCaprio has an income property that he uses occasionally. Got a pickleball court in Palm Springs. And one morning, she's in this house. We're all in this house. And one morning, I see her. I said, hey, did you enjoy that slice of pie I gave you last night? And she's like, what are you talking about? And I go, I put a slice of pie under your pillow. You know, as you would do.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Pie, pillow.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It was still in the pie container, though.

[Daniel Tosh]

No. No, it wasn't.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes, it was.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was on a plate. You're wrong. Revisionist history.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Really?

[Daniel Tosh]

It was on a plate. I put a plate with a slice of pie.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

There was a plate with a slice, and I put your pillow on top of it.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

So she's like, no, you didn't. And I go, jocelyn, I fucking put a slice of pie under your pillow. What in the. Did you. Then I thought maybe she slept in a different room. We go to her room. It smells like fucking pie. As soon as you open the door, it smells like pie. And I lift the pillow up, she sleeps. Literally. This person doesn't pee because she doesn't move. Just perfectly still doesn't put her hands under the pillow. And there's a perfectly smushed pie under her pillow. What kind of pie? I don't fucking remember.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think it was pumpkin.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was pumpkin. Yeah, it was pumpkin. Because I hate pumpkin. And nobody ate it. And she probably made me order it in the first place. For Thanksgiving? Yeah, it was for Thanksgiving. We were there. That reminds me of another time. Go ahead.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I was thinking of a different pie.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, one time she baked me a pie. It was like a fruit cobbler.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, I think it was a strawberry rhubarb or something.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was strawberry rhubarb. And you did your own crust. It was delicious. It was for the Fourth of July.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And this was back when Twitter wasn't run by that dipshit. And I posted a photo of you holding my pie and wrote something stupid underneath it. Yep.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Embarrassing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Embarrassing. I was trying to find you a man. You were always manless. It was just so depressing. Anyway, but I never wanted you to have a man. Cause it was like, you were our throuple. It was always fun to travel with you. Cause it was, like, just me and my wife and you. Then we ruined everything by having kids and you having a partner. Now you were in a hospital working in Seattle.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, in la. I was in.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was la.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah. I was on a travel assignment.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. I thought it was Seattle.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No. Cause it was, like, the next night, like, it was Fourth of July. And then the next night, I went back to work, and my parents of my patient, who were, like, very shy and sort of embarrassed to ask me, they were like, is this you? And they brought up this embarrassing photo that you had tweeted of me holding a pie and, like, a bathing suit top and all these horrible comments under it about, like, what people wanted to poke in my pie. And.

[Daniel Tosh]

That'S delightful. Well, that's. That's good that they followed me back then.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah. They were excited.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that's great.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Mortified.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man. Do you remember the time I. I filled your suitcase with shrimp scampi? She was leaving my house.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

She was leaving Tahoe. And before she left, I had taken her suitcase, which is always just the biggest suitcase you've ever seen. It's just, you know, at the seam, zipper ribbon. And it had a lot of pockets hidden there. So I just individually saran wrapped a couple dozen shrimp scampies.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And placed them, like, in her jean pocket in the bottom of a shoe. And then I unzipped the lining of the suitcase and put some scampi inside there and zipped it back. Just tons of scampi. So. Because I wanted this joke to play out over time, it did.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Like, months. Months. We started finding them, like, in line to check in our bag. Our shrimp scammy bag. But then, like, six months later, I still found one rogue shrimp scambi. When I went to use that suitcase again, did you eat it? No, it smelled horrible.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you keep the luggage?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, I don't think. No, I don't have that suitcase.

[Daniel Tosh]

That is good stuff. You can't beat the old shrimp scampi gag.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

That's pretty good.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is exciting. A toss show first. Okay, you guys ready for this? Eddie, just go. Do you want to. You want to hit me with a drum roll or something? Okay. What are you. What's new in your world? Right now?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

We're expecting number two.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, my goodness, you guys, Dr. Jocelyn is pregnant right now with her second child. It's a first on the toss show. An exclusive. This is where you want to announce it now. Don't tell anyone, okay? And just let us air this and just wait for all the love to come pouring in. Are you as excited as I am? Am I more excited?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

You're way more excited.

[Daniel Tosh]

I couldn't be more excited. Oh, you're an amazing mother. You're gonna. It's gonna be so good. And you know what else is gonna be. It's gonna be so fun for your daughter.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, my goodness. That's so great. I couldn't be happier. I think it's gonna be the best thing in the world. This one's gonna be so much easier.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you excited about being pregnant?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're not?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ah.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

My first pregnancy was horrible.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ah. But we still had fun.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

We did.

[Daniel Tosh]

You came up to Tahoe right away, you're like, yeah, yeah, it started out bad, this one. Just nothing but good signs.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

I can't imagine anything bad happens. We're gonna have to re edit this fucking. I'm so happy that you're having another child now for a few reasons. One of the reasons I'm so excited is because you. My daughter. Okay. My beautiful daughter. I have spent maybe $6 on clothes for her. And the reason I've only spent $6 is because you. You spend so much. You buy so much clothes for your daughter, and then you send it to us once she outgrows it. And then I give it on to other people whenever we Can. But now I'm going to get to give it all back to you. And there's just. I mean, it's crazy how much stuff you buy.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I've cut back.

[Daniel Tosh]

You buy every color that it. I'll get into that in a minute. But you do you buy the same thing? I'll look at it, but. Oh, there's five of these. I just the other day got something from you where you had sent four or five new sets of pajamas.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, that was. Yeah. Uh huh.

[Daniel Tosh]

What? And why? And because you.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, because when I ordered. That's a silly story. But when I ordered the pajamas, they got lost. So the company sent me a whole new order and then said, if your other order shows up, pass it along to someone.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah. So that was.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you bought six pair, you got six pair, and then another six showed up and you sent them on to us.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, well that makes a little more sense. It's just all the time I'm just like, every time a box comes from you, I'm just like, God damn it. Why is there so much clothes? What does your daughter's closet look like?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

There's not a lot in it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Really?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah. I give it all away.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

But I mean, it's just at some point it has to be filled, has to be gridlocked. Everybody that's on the show gets gifts now. One of your gifts. I'm so excited about this because. Oh, this is only. We'll see how I can use this.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Every week I watch you just like give away everything I gave to you.

[Daniel Tosh]

That is hysterical. So Jocelyn, multiple times on this show, the gifts that I've given away have been gifts that she gave me. The first thing I'm gonna give you back. This was bought for you.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes, it was.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. My wife and her friends went to get. And I'm told that this is very expensive. Yes, like $500. And then you gave it to us.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

And now I'm giving it back to you.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, this is gonna be great. Are you excited to use it again?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

By the way, we didn't use this one that much.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

You didn't?

[Daniel Tosh]

I liked another one.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It was super comfy though.

[Daniel Tosh]

I didn't like it. Ass also looks the stupid logo. I hated it.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that a fancy brand?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's it called?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think it's pronounced Ardipop.

[Daniel Tosh]

Artipop.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yeah, Artipop.

[Daniel Tosh]

I might give us free shit. All right, so that's yours again. This is Carly's. She liked it.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

And inside There, Watch. Look at this. I think it's. I think I saw this this morning. I just.

[Unknown]

Triple scampi.

[Daniel Tosh]

Look at this. Target gift card.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Perfect.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Don't know if there's any money on it or not, but this is in my closet. This is, you know, a new baby bag.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Perfect.

[Daniel Tosh]

There might be a pacifier in there. Who knows? Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now when I get to re. Give all your clothes back, I want you to. When we find out the gender of your baby.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I don't want to find out.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're gonna. You don't.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Eric does.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, of course he does. Cause that's normal. Yeah, well, when we find out if it's the day that they are born, you know, if it's a girl, I am going to unload hell on you. Okay, I'm gonna send everything. I just wanna give an example. By the way, I got some stuff in here I wanna. This is a real bad outfit here for Eric. I want him to wear this. It's James purse, but it's matching pants and shirt. It's bad.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

It looks awful. But make him wear that. And there's a shirt for him.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, but this is what? This is just a. I want people. When I say I'm gonna give her trunks full of clothes back, this is the thing. Everything that she would give us tonally is browns. You only wanted your daughter to ever be in like muted brown color. Why is that?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I don't know, but she was kind of delayed in learning her colors. And I always thought it was because I didn't put her in like any primary colors.

[Daniel Tosh]

Every rainbow that you give is like a shade of brown rainbows.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I think she was confused.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so here, get these. Let's just. Do you want. What would you want?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

For what?

[Daniel Tosh]

Sex. Boy or girl?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I don't have.

[Daniel Tosh]

You have no preference?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, just healthy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just healthy. Good for you. You get it now. See, I'm never that way. I've always like. I just wanted a healthy girl and then I got a healthy boy kind of kinda.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

All right. Okay, thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hold on. So much more stuff. Okay, this. Oh, no, this. Because you travel so much. Dumb shit. This is a travel rail to put on a bed.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Perfect for your girl. She needs this now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes, exactly. So now when we travel this week, she won't fall out because I have different things that I use also. I don't give a fuck if my kid falls out anymore. I'm like, just hit your head, buddy.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

She fell out of the bed last night. Actually.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now you Got this. I used this on tour on the tour buses all the time.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, perfect.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, that's good. Okay, now I'll go on tour. I'm so excited. Are you excited for. Excited for the best one of my re. Gifts.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I'm nervous.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

So I have already finished Christmas shopping for my wife. Oh, do I buy my wife good gifts?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Very good gifts.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm a great.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

You're a good. Yeah, You're a gift. Gift giver.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. So I got them wrapped. I'm like, well, guess what? Because you were gonna be on the show, I'm like, this is hysterical. I'm gonna give you one of the gifts that I had just bought my wife that she hasn't even opened yet.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, right. That's super exciting now. Okay. Oh, my.

[Daniel Tosh]

Aw. You know that brand, huh? Look at that. Oh, are you so excited.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

Go ahead, open that gift up. How do I see if you like the. Oh, that just scratched the shit out of.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, did it really?

[Daniel Tosh]

How did a bag scrat. The table. Oh, no, it doesn't matter.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I'm opening this really awkwardly because I was trying to get off the table.

[Daniel Tosh]

Get the box out. Oh, look at this Saint Laurent box.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay, but what's in it for real?

[Daniel Tosh]

Scampi.

[Unknown]

Yeah, probably Saint Laurent jacket full of scampi.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm not afraid to put. I'm not afraid to put scampi in St. Laurent.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

What's actually in it?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man, there's so many boxes and bags when you get a Saint Laurent.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I know.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It's an actual bag.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know. Well, wait, you need. Here's my thing. You need a big tote for the new one, and nothing better than, like, a sexy, cute one.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Are you being real? Yeah, it's beautiful.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know it is. And it's the it bag right now is what Carrie told me.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, really?

[Daniel Tosh]

Carrie's like, this is the it bag. Oh, man. Are you so excited?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Yes, I'm super excited now.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're excited for your baby. You're gonna feel, by the way, you're not even gonna take care of it. You're gonna fill it full of your dumb fucking granola bars that you eat at work and diapers and swaddles and all that. Get that off of this.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Look at that bag, you guys. Oh, my wife is gonna be fucking furious.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Well, she'll be excited if you decide to go in the same direction for her.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know. I mean, I think she'll be like, wait, that was supposed to be for me and Now I gotta fucking look at Jocelyn with it.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It smells like real leather.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't. I don't. I'm sure it is. You're gonna just keep it on?

[Dr. Jocelyn]

No, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

Jesus loves it. Is. Is. Is Eric gonna be upset with me now? He's like, what the fuck? But you have to sit, let him know. This is. This is a big podcast budget show. We could afford these kind of things. How many guests now? Now, when girls are on this show, they're gonna be, where the fuck is my Saint Laurent bag? And I'm gonna be like, listen, you're not saving children's lives every day like Dr. Jocelyn. I mean, out of all of her friends, I probably have the most love for you. And some of her friends, especially her new friends, her new Malibu friends. Some of her friends, you know, no issue. Some of them, you're like, ugh. Ugh. People always think that, like, California is such a bubble. It's like Malibu is a weird bubble. The other direction.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I didn't know that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it is.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

Oh, all right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Jocelyn, I love you.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

I love you. My hands are so sweaty.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm so sweaty. I know.

[Dr. Jocelyn]

It's so dope. I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

What is. I don't love you anymore. Disgusting.

[Eric Zimmer]

Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One youe Feed. I've been there. Homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf.

[Daniel Tosh]

This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hardest parts of life.

[Eric Zimmer]

The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hey, it's Nikki Glaser. I'm not here to roast you. I'm here to overshare everything that went down at the Golden Globes last Sunday. Everyone is already talking about what happened on air at the Golden Globes, but you are going to hear about what happened off air from the horse's mouth. Yes, I'm the horse. Me, Nikki Glaser. Join me on my podcast, the Nikki Glaser Podcast, where I will be telling you all the details. I can finally relax with my besties, my listeners, and dish what happened backstage, what went down? The things people are already talking about the things that people should be talking about. I've got it all. From what it took to prep for the Golden Globes to the behind the scenes of the Golden Globes. What went down in the rehearsals, who said what at the after party, who I saw at the after party, who was dancing with who. I'm gonna spill it. All secrets will be revealed. You do not want to miss this episode. Listen to the Nikki Glaser podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm Jason Alexander.

[Unknown]

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the really Know really.

[Daniel Tosh]

Podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions, like.

[Unknown]

Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

[Daniel Tosh]

We got the answer.

[Unknown]

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna drop by.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us. How are you? Hello.

[Unknown]

My friend Wayne Knight about. About Jurassic Park.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wayne Knight. Welcome to really.

[Unknown]

No, really, sir.

[Daniel Tosh]

Bless you all.

[Unknown]

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

Really?

[Daniel Tosh]

That's the opening. Really? No. Really? Yeah, really. No, really.

[Unknown]

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason Bobblehead.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's called really? No really. And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast Paw show. Hey, thank you. Dr. Jocelyn. What a delight. And guess what. My wife is furious that I gave the gift away. That's what I wanted. I wanted it to, you know, be funny. And she was mad. She was like, are you kidding me? Turns out it would have been a good gift for my wife. Turns out she would have loved it. Guess what? Jocelyn's not giving it up. That's what I like. All right, let's do our segment. Ready, buddy? Hello from Tosh Show. That's where we say hello to one of our subscribers. Now, this week, we are saying hi to Lorna in Savannah. Now, she's not a subscriber, but her husband Carl, he's a big fan. Carl. His name's Carl, but he spells his with a K. You spell yours with a C. Okay. You don't care. Anyway, he's just hoping that this shout out will make his wife Lorna get on the tosh train. Well, Lorna. I've never said that word before. You know anybody named Lorna?

[Unknown]

No. Lorna's.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've never met a Lorna. I'm excited now. Lorna, we hope you. We hope you come aboard. I don't know. Lorna. Lorna and Carl. That sounds like a real Georgia couple. We gotta do some plugs. Tossshowstore.com get some of that sweet Tosh show merch. There you go, Carl. Welcome back. Eddie's tour, Daniel's tour. Check out our dates this week. It's free plug. Let's go hit the free plug music.

[Eric Zimmer]

Mmm.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's just some vintage library rock music right there. This week's free plug. Believe it or not, we're doing bowling again.

[Unknown]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've never. I've never seen a bowling commercial in my life. Here on Tosh Show. This is the second time we've plugged bowling. All right. It's in beautiful Pacifica, California for the dry January sober social. Oh, that just rolls off the tongue too. Dry isn't no alcohol. Nothing better than bowling and sobriety. It's a substance free gathering. It's designed for those committed to staying sober throughout the month. This is the month. I never get why people do things for one month and then they're back. What a weird increment of time. Anyway, they are offering a refreshing way to connect with others who are taking the dry January pledge. Is that a thing? People aren't drinking in January.

[Unknown]

That's a thing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that just like a New Year's thing? And then you realize, oh, well, no wonder this month is so depressing. We've been sober the whole time. Join us for dinner and bowling. Okay, so they're going to have dinner. Oh, man, what's that meal? What's that meal going to be anyway? It's Dry January sober social bowling plus dinner. January 24th from 6 to 9pm how many frames can you bowl in a three hour window? 60. What?

[Unknown]

Three hours? Like at least nine.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wait, is frames a game?

[Unknown]

Oh, wait, I'm going complete games. Nine. It'd be 90 frames, right?

[Daniel Tosh]

No. Okay, how many games?

[Unknown]

I would say nine.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I've never bowled more than two games in my life. I can't imagine wanting to go continue to keep bowling.

[Unknown]

Three hours is a lot.

Yeah, that's a long.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I don't even care about the time. I just meant. I was just referring to nine games. All right, anyway, more information, visit Stanford Beers. No peers. That'd be weird. Stanford peers or soberscoredstanford? See you next week.

[Eric Zimmer]

Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the Good Wolf. I'm of the one you feed. Every week I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is a lifeline transformational, the best.

[Nikki Glaser]

Antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard.

[Eric Zimmer]

Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or Words. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hey, it's Nikki Glaser. So I hosted the Golden Globes, Hollywood's biggest party. Honestly, you've probably seen all the headlines this week, but like any good party, there's a lot of wild stuff that goes down behind the scenes that you don't know about. And since I hosted the Golden Globes, I'm letting my podcast listeners, my besties in on all the behind the scenes tea stuff that did make it to the live tea taping. What went down in rehearsals, who said what at the after party? You're going to hear it all. Listen to the Nikki Glaser podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm Jason Alexander.

[Unknown]

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the really no really podcast is to get the.

[Daniel Tosh]

True answers to life's baffling questions, like.

[Unknown]

Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign. Jason Bobblehead the Really no really Podcast.

[Daniel Tosh]

Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.