Totally Booked with Zibby

Episode: Belle Burden, STRANGERS: A Memoir of Marriage
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Belle Burden
Date: January 13, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of Totally Booked with Zibby features Belle Burden, debut author of STRANGERS: A Memoir of Marriage. Zibby and Belle dive into the raw, complex, and deeply personal story chronicled in Belle’s memoir—the abrupt and unexplained end of her marriage during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. Their discussion explores the aftermath of betrayal, processing trauma, family legacy, the importance of community and kindness, the challenge of telling personal stories publicly, and Belle’s new identity as a writer.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Story Behind the Memoir

• Sudden Marital Breakdown

  • Belle’s account: During the second week of COVID lockdown in 2020, while at their Martha’s Vineyard home, she received a call from a stranger revealing her husband’s affair. By the next morning, her husband had left without further explanation, triggering Belle’s journey through shock, loss, and self-discovery.
  • "I got a phone call from a man while I was mopping the floor saying that his wife was having an affair with my husband. I was completely shocked [...] by the next morning, he had packed a bag and said he wanted a divorce, got in his jeep and left the island, and then really became someone I did not recognize at all and gave me no information about why he was leaving." — Belle Burden (05:06)

• Purpose and Process of Writing the Memoir

  • Initially, Belle wrote for herself, seeking to process and clarify the story, spurred by the lack of closure and information from her ex-husband. Submitting a "Modern Love" essay began the process which developed into her book.
  • "It's actually really contrary to my personality to put this out there. I'm actually very shy and very private." — Belle Burden (06:37)

2. Grappling with 'Unknowability' and Narrative Shifts

• Emotional Aftermath and Processing Abandonment

  • Belle describes the chilling realization that someone you trust can change overnight, and the terror and instability that follows.
  • "It felt like something changed in his constitution, in his brain and his being, that made him decide that this part of his life was over. [...] It really feels like a switch went off and there was no going back." — Belle Burden (08:47)

• Narrative Conflict and Gaslighting

  • Zibby reads a scene depicting her ex-husband reframing the breakup as a matter of "changing residences," minimizing Belle’s devastation and casting her as the 'victim.'
  • "In his version, I was lucky. In his version, he hadn't done anything wrong. In his version, he had never left. Was he right? Had I made it all up?" — (Quote read by Zibby, 12:43)
  • "It was astonishing to me that something that felt so clear to me about what had happened, he could rewrite it and view it entirely differently." — Belle Burden (14:05)

3. Trauma, Legacy, and Breaking Cycles

• Linking Past Traumas—Both Spouses

  • Belle reflects on her ex-husband’s loss of his best friend to a drug overdose, considering how this event may have influenced his actions years later.
  • "I think it may have made him feel his mortality more and that he wanted to have a different part of his life at this age." — Belle Burden (15:25)

• Family Legacy of Infidelity and Silence

  • Belle discusses patterns in her maternal line—women drawn to charismatic men who betray, and the silence that follows. She hopes that writing and speaking openly will help her and her children break this generational cycle.
  • "There is something, especially when it's not talked about, that stays in families and often gets repeated. [...] I think in speaking it and writing it, maybe you can stop that legacy." — Belle Burden (18:59)

4. Social Fallout and Community Response

• Navigating Social Life as a Newly Single Woman
  • Belle notes the subtle and overt challenges of divorce in a tight-knit community, especially as the "one who was left", including exclusion and judgment, but also describes moments of genuine support and compassion.
  • "I do write about the difficult parts of that, but there was also so much kindness. [...] There were a few moments that felt very alienating and sexist as I look back on it [...] But these things happened." — Belle Burden (23:43)
  • Belle’s major takeaway is to “move towards” those suffering loss—show up, acknowledge it, and don’t let silence compound pain. (25:51)

5. Legality and Ethics of Telling Personal Stories

• Handling Privacy and Legal Review
  • The book underwent multiple legal reviews in the US and UK. Belle notes that her ex-husband has read the book, but she doesn’t know his detailed reaction.
  • "I've been through four very rigorous legal reviews, both in the US and abroad, and I feel very comfortable with the book legally. I had to make choices about what to include and what not to include, which felt complicated at times." — Belle Burden (26:31)

6. Parenting Through Upheaval

• Honesty with Children
  • Belle, herself a child of divorce, tries never to disparage her children’s father, but also to acknowledge their changed reality instead of pretending everything is fine.
  • "I try and walk that line, but it's tricky. It's still tricky to do that. To try and be compassionate and not complaining, but to also make sure that they feel like their reality is acknowledged." — Belle Burden (28:16)

7. Life After Memoir: Writing, Influence, and Advice

• Literary Influences

  • Belle is inspired by authors Elizabeth Strout and Lily King for their spare style and digestible, immersive stories.
  • "I love Elizabeth Strout, so I thought a lot about her. I loved the recent Lily King. Same feeling, I just devoured it. And I love her writing style, so I would say both those were guiding lights." — Belle Burden (29:49)

• Future Projects and Advice

  • Belle aspires to write fiction next, finding it much harder than memoir, but is invigorated by her newfound identity as a writer.
  • Advice to aspiring authors: "Just really go for it. I had no idea that this would happen. And I'm 56 years old, so it is truly never too late. And just write every day." — Belle Burden (31:56)

Notable Quotes

• “I believed I was very happily married. I was very much in love with my husband. [...] I got a phone call from a man [...] saying that his wife was having an affair with my husband.”
  — Belle Burden (05:06)

• “It felt like something changed in his constitution, in his brain and his being, that made him decide that this part of his life was over.”
  — Belle Burden (08:47)

• “In his version, I was lucky. In his version, he hadn't done anything wrong. In his version, he had never left. Was he right? Had I made it all up?”
  — (Quote read by Zibby, from Belle’s memoir, 12:43)

• “There is something, especially when it's not talked about, that stays in families and often gets repeated. [...] In speaking it and writing it, maybe you can stop that legacy.”
  — Belle Burden (18:59)

• “When I have people in my life who are going through something difficult, the answer now is always to move towards them.”
  — Belle Burden (23:43)

• “It's never too late. Just write every day.”
  — Belle Burden (31:56)

Memorable Moments & Timestamps

• 04:44 — Belle’s summary of the memoir’s inciting event and its immediate emotional impact.
• 12:43 — Zibby reads a pivotal, emotionally charged confrontation scene between Belle and her ex.
• 18:59 — Discussion of multigenerational legacy and the weight of family secrets.
• 23:43 — Belle reflects on social ostracization and profound acts of kindness during her divorce.
• 29:49 — Belle discusses favorite authors and the kind of memoir she wanted to write.
• 31:56 — Belle’s advice for aspiring writers, emphasizing persistence and starting at any age.

Tone and Atmosphere

The episode maintains a compassionate, thoughtful, and respectful tone. Both Zibby and Belle speak candidly about pain, confusion, and the search for understanding, but also highlight resilience, hope, and the solace of literature. Zibby’s warmth and deep engagement as a host foreground the episode’s focus on empathy and the possibility of new beginnings after loss.

Final Thoughts

Listeners will gain not only a sense of what makes STRANGERS: A Memoir of Marriage compelling, but also deep insight into the complexities of betrayal, grief, family legacy, and personal reinvention. Belle Burden’s journey is both unique and relatable, and this conversation provides comfort, camaraderie, and inspiration for anyone navigating their way through unexpected upheaval.