Dina Alvarez & Dina Aronson, MIDLIFE PRIVATE PARTS: Revealing Essays that Will Change the Way You Think About Age

Summary

Podcast Summary: Totally Booked with Zibby – "Dina Alvarez & Dina Aronson, MIDLIFE PRIVATE PARTS: Revealing Essays that Will Change the Way You Think About Age"

Release Date: June 29, 2025

---

Introduction

In this engaging episode of Totally Booked with Zibby, host Zibby Owens welcomes listeners to a special discussion centered around the anthology "Midlife Private Parts". Co-edited by Deena Alvarez and Dina Aronson, the book features a collection of essays that delve into the multifaceted experiences of women navigating midlife. This episode not only highlights the origins and purpose of the anthology but also features insights from several contributors who share excerpts from their essays.

---

About the Book: "Midlife Private Parts"

Deena Alvarez and Dina Aronson provide an overview of their collaborative journey in creating Midlife Private Parts. Their friendship, forged in their early 50s, inspired them to challenge the prevailing narrative that often portrays midlife as a crisis. Instead, they aimed to present midlife as a period of empowerment, creativity, and rediscovery.

Key Insights:

• Rewriting the Narrative: They sought to shift the conversation from seeing midlife as a period of decline to recognizing it as a time of opportunity and growth.
• Community Building: The anthology emerged during the pandemic, leveraging online connections to gather diverse women's stories, fostering a sense of community and solidarity.
• Personal Empowerment: Both editors emphasized their personal transformations, highlighting newfound confidence and the importance of being seen and heard.

Notable Quote:

Deena Alvarez [05:52]: "The narrative is so outdated and just wrong, so let's rewrite it."

---

Contributor Essays

Several contributors share their personal essays, each offering unique perspectives on midlife. Below are summaries and notable excerpts from their stories:

1. Laura Friedman Williams: "Sexual in Midlife" [10:44]

Laura recounts her transformative journey through a midlife crisis triggered by her husband’s affair, leading her to rediscover her sexuality and self-worth. Her exploration of intimacy empowered her, allowing her to voice her needs and embrace a more fulfilling life.

Notable Quote:

Laura [10:44]: "I learned so much about myself, but also, really, it gave me a voice."

2. Jessica Fine: "Shifting Perspectives" [11:00]

Jessica discusses the revelation that post-50 is not a time for stagnation but rather an open field for exploration and self-definition. She emphasizes the removal of societal expectations, allowing for personal growth and experimentation.

Notable Quote:

Jessica [11:01]: "Once you get to a certain point, it's all wide open. There are no more 'shoulds.'"

3. Skyla Liberty Rose: "All Day I Wonder Briefly" [13:05]

Skyla addresses the mental load carried by women in midlife, balancing increased confidence with societal pressures that suggest diminishing value with age. Her essay highlights the daily struggles and the importance of community and solidarity.

Notable Quote:

Skyla [13:05]: "I want them to know that they're not alone. There's so many of us that are trying to figure all of this out."

4. Julie Flackstad: "Shifting Identities" [15:15]

Julie explores the duality of aging, mourning past identities while embracing new possibilities. Observing her elderly neighbors' move into retirement homes prompted her introspection on her own life’s pivotal moments and the anticipation of her second act.

Notable Quote:

Julie [15:15]: "There is this mourning and loss coupled with curiosity, growth, and inspiration."

5. Katie Fogarty: "Pandemic and Perimenopause" [16:39]

Katie shares her tumultuous experience during the pandemic compounded by perimenopause, leading to strained relationships and emotional overwhelm. Launching her podcast, A Certain Age, became a therapeutic outlet, connecting her with other midlife women and offering solace.

Notable Quote:

Katie [18:11]: "My essay invites people to explore that for themselves."

6. Laura Belgray: "Mysterious Charge" [20:04]

Laura delves into her pursuit of aging gracefully amidst societal pressures and medical interventions. Her essay highlights the delicate balance between maintaining one's appearance and embracing natural aging processes, emphasizing personal choice and empowerment.

Notable Quote:

Laura [22:17]: "Don't wait till you see crepiness at the first sign of it or even before. Get softwave done."

7. Marian Adams: "Three Years of Medical Gaslighting" [22:21]

Marian recounts her harrowing three-year battle with misdiagnosed menopause symptoms, enduring countless medical appointments and treatments before finally receiving accurate diagnosis and treatment from Dr. Carolina Sierra. Her essay advocates for listening to one’s body and challenging medical misconceptions.

Notable Quote:

Marian [27:04]: "If you don't feel right, you're not right. Depression is a symptom, not a diagnosis."

---

Host and Contributors’ Reflections

Zibby Owens expresses her admiration for the anthology, emphasizing how the essays provide both understanding and inspiration to midlife women. The contributors echo sentiments of empowerment, community, and the importance of sharing personal stories to foster connection and support.

Notable Exchange:

Zibby [09:03]: "Having read the whole collection, I not only felt understood but totally inspired and also just really energized..."

Deena Alvarez [18:23]: "I can't wait for it to be out and about in the world."

---

Conclusion

The episode culminates with heartfelt thanks from both Zibby and the contributors, reiterating the anthology’s mission to amplify midlife women's voices and experiences. They encourage listeners to embrace their journeys, seek community, and celebrate the vibrancy of midlife.

Final Thoughts:

• Embracing Midlife: Recognizing midlife as a phase of continued growth and self-discovery.
• Community Support: The importance of sharing stories to alleviate feelings of isolation.
• Empowerment Through Storytelling: Using personal narratives to reclaim and redefine aging.

Closing Quote:

Deena Alvarez [33:55]: "When you're present and you're open to, you open your eyes. It's all around."

---

Additional Resources

• Book Information: For more details about Midlife Private Parts, visit zibbymedia.com.
• Follow Zibby Owens on Instagram: @zibbyowens

Stay connected, share your stories, and join the conversation as you navigate your own midlife journey.

Transcript

[Zibby Owens]

Hi listeners of Totally Booked with Zibby. This June we have one episode coming out every single day and to celebrate that, I've started the June Listening Club. You can sign up on zibbedia.com or you can just keep listening and every day there'll be a little quiz on Instagram. We're giving prizes away every single day this month you're gonna get amazing stuff. You would all be invited to a party and a zoom at the end of the month to celebrate with a special certificate. So sign up on Zibbe Media today. Make sure following Totally Booked with Zibby on Instagram and get ready to listen. Make it a challenge. June is crazy. Find some airtime for yourself. Put it on in the background. Get ready to listen, learn, laugh and enjoy life. Better Help Online therapy bought this 30 second ad to remind you right now, wherever you are, to unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath in and out. Feels better, right? That's 15 seconds of self care. Imagine what you could do with more visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of therapy. No pressure, just help. But for now, just relax. Race the rudders.

[Deena Alvarez]

Race the sails. Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.

[Zibby Owens]

Over.

[Deena Alvarez]

Roger, wait, is that an enterprise sales solution?

[Zibby Owens]

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors.

[Deena Alvarez]

With LinkedIn ads, you can target the.

[Zibby Owens]

Right people by industry, job title, and more.

[Deena Alvarez]

We'll even give you a $100 credit.

[Zibby Owens]

On your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results.

[Deena Alvarez]

Terms and conditions apply. Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Let's talk about an elite green flag being a cat dad. Temptations, America's number one cat treat brand, is making 2025 the year of the Cat Dad. And honestly, about time. Whether he's coordinating snack time with the meow schedule or just vibing with his tabby, Temptation Treats make cat dads even more irresistible to their cats and to us. For more information about Temptations Brand Cat Dads, or to learn more about the brand, visit temptationtreats.com and don't forget to share your own catdad sightings on social. We'll be scrolling.

[Zibby Owens]

Hi, this is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books. In my daily show, I interview today's latest, best selling, buzziest or underrated authors, story creators whose work I think is worth your time. As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to stay in the know, get insider insights and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbymedia.com and follow me on Instagram. Ibbe Owens welcome back to Totally Booked Live. So excited to be here. We have such an amazing show today. We have not only Dina Alvarez and Deana Aronson, the co editors of Midlife Private Parts, revealing essays that will change the way you think about age, which I definitely need myself and have rethought my own thoughts a million times, but we have a number of the contributors to this fabulous anthology. By the way, I am one of the contributors. Not to toot my own horn, but anyway, so we'll start with reading a little bit about the two of you and then we'll hear from some of the contributors. I'm so excited. Welcome by the way.

[Deena Alvarez]

Thank you.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you for having me.

[Deena Alvarez]

Thank you for having us. Thank you.

[Zibby Owens]

Oh, it is my pleasure. Okay. Raise your hand if your name is Deena Alvarez. Okay, great. Dina Alvarez started her writing career as a freelancer for Big Apple Parent in New York City, covering education, local politics, and lifestyle. She later co founded Somos Padres, the first and only bilingual parenting publication for Hispanic families in New York City. Dina continues to write in her spare time with a focus on creative nonfiction pieces. She is an avid reader and lover of anthologies, particularly those that tell women's stories. Dina is the mother of two adult sons and a native New Yorker. She continues to call the city home where she lives with her husband. Yay. Welcome Deana Alvarez. Also, Deana Aronson is passionate about shining a light on midlife women and reframing the cultural conversation around aging. She began her career as an attorney, later founding a legal search firm, but pivoted as she approached midlife and couldn't find relevant content that reflected her experience. She began freelancing for startups aimed at the 40 plus woman and founded the Patina Blog, now a substack newsletter called Patina with Dina Aronson, where she explores topics in and around aging through her midlife lens. Speaking of midlife lenses, I am wearing my Catus readers, which I am obsessed with, and they have gifted you all catuses as well. She has two grown stepsons and currently resides between New York City and Miami with her husband, who I just met and is here as well. So, so welcome Dinas. Thank you for coming.

[Deena Alvarez]

Thank you. You did it.

[Zibby Owens]

I did it didn't fall over Very exciting. Okay, before I bring everybody else on, just give an overview of the book and how it came to be.

[Deena Alvarez]

Okay. Well, the book is a collection of incredible stories, some of which are from these women. And it came to be because Dina and I, we actually came together later in life. We met in our 50s, in our early 50s, and we just had an instant connection. And Dina had an idea for an anthology that was a little bit different than this one. And I was sort of steeped in midlife as you just read about the blog. And I started that because there wasn't enough content that reflected what was happening in our lives. And so we came to this idea of, why not tell these stories? The narrative is so outdated and just wrong, so let's rewrite it. And so we started to. You know, we were creating community, and it was pandemic time. So a lot of us were online and meeting each other, and we connected with the most incredible women, and we just started reaching out and saying, hey, this. We think this is really important, and we'd love for you to come along and tell your stories and, you know, let's share so that we can start to shift this conversation. And I think, you know, more personally, it's just such a. It can be such a lonely time. There's so much changing. There's, you know, relational shifts and physical shifts and emotional shifts, and it can leave us feeling so unhinged. And I know I have felt that way. And so we also want women to know, like, they're not alone on this journey, and that even though it doesn't feel anything approaching normal, it's normal. So that's sort of the idea, and I'll let Dena jump in. Well, the anthology was definitely born of a midlife friendship. Two women who came together with similar values and ideas and loved to write. And I also felt that we have a part in the book. I think it's the beginning where it says, type in the word midlife in any Google search engine, and the word crisis will come up. But the world we were living in at the moment, women were not having a crisis at all. In fact, they were going out and starting podcasts and placing in the top 1%. They were becoming jewelry designers or creating other new endeavors. We have a writer who started a woman's health product. We had all these women around us. None of them were having a crisis, and they had great stories to tell. Is life perfect? Absolutely not. But there is always a silver lining in almost anything if you look for it. And I think that's what we wanted to help other women see that midlife is not a time to be afraid of. You know, we're sold this idea that aging and getting older is something to fear, when in fact, I had the very opposite experience. I felt like a sense of freedom and curiosity and wanting to do a new project. So it's also a way to show younger women, if they pick up the book and read it, that there are a lot of great opportunities out there and that you can learn from the women who are already there. So that was really the reason we wanted to work together, to kind of pool our resources and give other women the opportunity to feel seen, heard, and understood, which I think many of us aren't. And it's just been a wonderful project, and I'm thrilled to have all these wonderful women contribute who you'll hear from in about 30 seconds.

[Zibby Owens]

Amazing. Well, having read the whole collection, I not only felt understood, but totally inspired and also just really energized to be part of a group of people who are creative and maybe have a little extra time to do the things they always wanted to do. Not in the weeds of the parenting years or whatever, but this opportunity to do what's next, which can feel depressing and overwhelming, but exciting. So on that note, we'll start having our contributors one at a time. Come sit here. So come on over, and if you don't mind, just share your name and what your story is about.

[Deena Alvarez]

Sure. Thank you. My name is Laura Friedman Williams, and my story is about sexual in midlife. It was actually born out of crisis, so I would say midlife crisis was forced on me. I don't think I would have entered it on my own, but who knows? When my husband had an affair and my very long marriage ended and I was single for the first time in my late 40s, it had been since I was, like, 19 that I had been single. And I went on a sexual journey and really rediscovered intimacy and sexuality and myself. And I gained so much, so much power through it. I learned so much about myself, but also, really, it gave me a voice. It just gave me a voice again. It helped me find my way. I think a lot of people felt that I was just sleeping around, and there was some of that, and that was fun. I mean, there's nothing like having fun again after your heart's been broken. So I have no shame about that, actually. I feel like people should just all be having more sex.

[Zibby Owens]

That's a wrap. That's all we need. We've gotten what we needed out Of. No, I'm kidding.

[Deena Alvarez]

And then I wrote a book about it. And so I think the sex gave me a voice, and then the voice gave me a book.

[Zibby Owens]

Amazing. Thank you so much. Try to top that.

[Deena Alvarez]

Jess, I was just gonna say.

[Zibby Owens]

Oh, my God.

[Deena Alvarez]

Hi. I don't wanna be the one following the sexual journey. Okay. I'm Jessica Fine, and my story is about shifting perspectives. And it's about the realization I came to sometime after 50, that what I had envisioned post 50 being like, was absolutely the inverse. I had always thought, like, your 20s, your 30s, you're figuring out who you are, what you believe in. You're, like, testing, experimenting. And then by the time you creep up in age, you got it. Like, that's when you know everything you believe in and you're just done. And you can stand firm in who you are, what you believe, all that kind of stuff. And what I realized is, is once you get to a certain point, and for me, it was post 50, it's all wide open. There are no more shoulds. There's no more, this is who I am because this is who my parents were, or this is who I am because this is what I was raised to be. It's now we can be who we want to be. We can explore and we can experiment. And it's just, for me, been much more of an open, invigorating, inspiring, exciting time than I thought it would be. The essay, I give specific examples, but that's the general theme.

[Zibby Owens]

And I might be mixing this up, but weren't you saying that you now wear string bikinis to the beach?

[Deena Alvarez]

Okay, string bikinis is a little bit of an exaggeration, but maybe since I followed the sexual journey, we can just leave it at, yes, I wear string bikinis, but I do appreciate your shout out to the glasses, because that is part of my essay, is that I am known to wear more. More than one pair of glasses at the same time.

[Zibby Owens]

Yeah. I was interested when you said you wear distance glasses and reading glasses. Because now in the car, I'm, like, trying to see the things that are close, but then the road and it's the whole thing.

[Deena Alvarez]

Yeah. I'm telling you, just put one pair on top of the other and you will be all set.

[Zibby Owens]

Oh, boy. It's a good look. Anyway, thank you. That was the first essay in the collection, by the way, so it kicks it off with a great new point of view. Hi.

[Deena Alvarez]

Hi. Hello. I am Skyla Liberty Rose, and my essay is about All Day I Wonder Briefly. And it's about the mental load that we carry as women and how in midlife, as we start to visibly age, we often feel this sense of not being seen and becoming invisible to society. And it's really about the conflict that exists in that space. So for me, personally, I feel that at 50, I am becoming more confident in so many ways. And this is at the exact same time that society is telling me that my value is diminishing and my worth is decreasing. And so it's really about what it takes on a daily basis to navigate that. Because as women in midlife, we have this kind of unique vantage point of the wisdom that we've acquired over the years. But then again, this sort of uncertainty, the, you know, what does the future hold? And, yeah, it's. It's a lot. And when I whittled it down to what I think about on a daily basis, I was like, no wonder we are walking around exhausted, day in, day out. It is so much to carry. So I wanted to give some insight into that because I think that this often feels like a very isolating time for women. And I just want them to know that they're not alone. There's so many of us that are trying to figure all of this out. And I am also somebody who wears two pairs of glasses at the same time. So, yeah, already I can identify with a lot of the shares that I've heard. So I hope that other women will find that sense of warmth, community, understanding, and solidarity as well.

[Zibby Owens]

I love that. And it's not even just that everyone is sharing, like, what you shared in your essay, but. But the writing of the essays is also such high quality. I mean, these are really beautiful essays. Not just quickly dashed off, sort of bloggy type posts. These are beautiful essays which were a joy to read, like yours. So thank you.

[Deena Alvarez]

Thank you, thank you.

[Zibby Owens]

Next up.

[Deena Alvarez]

Hello. Hi, my name is Julie Flackstad. I'm excited to be here with you all. My essay is about shifting identities. It's really about the duality of aging. And I believe passionately that there is a duality. There is this mourning and loss that is coupled with curiosity, growth, inspiration. But there's two sides of the coin. And in the work that I do, I really. I don't think you can have one without the other. So the essay explores exactly that of looking back at one's life and realizing all the moments with children, with motherhood, with marriage, with friendship, and kind of taking a look back and then also taking a look forward about what's ahead and realizing the essay actually takes place with me watching my elderly neighbors move into a retirement home. And in watching their move happen over the course of several weeks, it gave me an opportunity to reflect and pause about where I was at this pivotal moment in my life. And it was a teary few weeks, but it really also set me up for everything that was ahead and making sure that I lived in the moment for this second act that we're all approaching.

[Zibby Owens]

I love that essay so much. And how you were like, wait, how am I the oldest person on my street? You're like, when did that happen? Oh, it was so nice.

[Deena Alvarez]

Exactly. And little kind of footnote on that. So that a young couple moved into that house, and they have a three year old and a one year old, which was exactly the age I was when I moved into my house. So it's kind of this. It's really wonderful how the circle of life continues. So, anyway, congratulations to everybody.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you.

[Deena Alvarez]

Hi. Hi, everyone. My name is Katie Fogarty. My essay opens with me looking at my husband of 20 plus years and shouting, I want a divorce in the middle of our driveway during the middle of a pandemic. And spoiler, we're still married. We managed to work it out. But my essay is really about, like, how did I get here? How did I get in this towering state of rage, looking at somebody that I love so deeply and saying, I'm at a breaking point? And so the essay explores perimenopause, the pandemic sheltering place with everyone. I gave birth to this sort of hothouse of emotions. And then the launch of my podcast, A Certain Age, which is how I'm first connected to Zibby. And the podcast set me in rooms exactly like this, talking to women in midlife, hearing their stories, and learning. I was very far from alone in this moment of overwhelm. And how did I exactly get to this phase of my life? And so the essay, I think, invites people to explore that for themselves.

[Zibby Owens]

Amazing. And there's some sex in yours as well.

[Deena Alvarez]

Yes. Yeah, of course. That's why we're still married.

[Zibby Owens]

With some specific tips, but we'll leave that to the end.

[Deena Alvarez]

Exactly. So it's a wonderful collection. I can't wait for it to be out and about in the world. And I want to thank the Dinas for organizing it and bringing us all together, and for Zibby for always amplifying the stories of people and now amplifying the stories of midlife women, because we will not be aging quietly. Thank you.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you.

[Deena Alvarez]

This summer, Instacart is bringing back your.

[Zibby Owens]

Favorites from 1999 with prices from 1999.

[Deena Alvarez]

That means 90s prices on juice pouches.

[Zibby Owens]

That ought to be respected, 90s prices.

[Deena Alvarez]

On box Mac and cheese and 90s.

[Zibby Owens]

Prices on ham, cheese and cracker lunches.

[Deena Alvarez]

Enjoy all those throwbacks and more at throwback prices only through Instacart. $4.72 maximum discount per $10 of eligible items. Limit one offer per order.

[Zibby Owens]

Expires September 5th while supplies last. Discount based on CPI comparison. BetterHelp Online Therapy bought this 30 second ad to remind you right now, wherever you are, to unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath in and out. Feels better, right? That's 15 seconds of self care. Imagine what you could do with more. Visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of therapy. No pressure, just help. But for now, just relax. Looking for high quality maternity and baby clothes that don't break the bank? Quince has you covered.

[Deena Alvarez]

Think super soft PJs and sleep sacks for babes. Bump friendly styles and all the postpartum.

[Zibby Owens]

Essentials you need, all at half the cost of similar luxury brands.

[Deena Alvarez]

By partnering directly with top artists, prisons.

[Zibby Owens]

And factories, they pass that saving on to you.

[Deena Alvarez]

Get elevated essentials for mom and baby with quince. Go to quince.comlittleluxuries for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Little Luxuries hi. Hi Dina.

[Zibby Owens]

Hi.

[Deena Alvarez]

Hi everybody. My name is Laura Belgray and well, my essay I too have been on a journey. It's not a sexy it is a laser journey, as in dermatological lasers, microneedling, everything having to do with the jawline and the neck. And we'll say that when I was on Katie's podcast, she ends with a fill in the blank. As I age, I feel and I know I was like something empowering, something empowering bad about my neck. So my essay is called Mysterious Charge and it opens with my husband going over our Amex bill and me praying that he doesn't notice the big fat charge from the dermatologist. And it really deals with the ideas of aging, what it means to age gracefully in our culture, and the duality of that. Thank you for that word because we are supposed to keep it up, maintain look great, age gracefully, but not look like we've had anything done. We're just basically supposed to have Polina Porizkova's bone structure and that's what's expected of us as women as we age. So it deals with just the hope and the shame and the hiding of stuff that I've had done and hoping that it works and hoping it's not discovered and lying a little bit about it to friends.

[Zibby Owens]

Is there one thing you've had done that you would recommend that we all do?

[Deena Alvarez]

Oh, yes. Okay. At the first. Don't wait till you're. And it's not my fault that I waited. They didn't have this technology yet. But I would say don't wait till you see crepiness at the first sign of it or even before. Get softwave done. I think not everyone's a candidate. I think it depends on how much melanin you have. But that kind of laser, it tightens. And I think that it's gonna do what I need it to do and not have to go under the knife. No one has to go under the knife. But to achieve what I want, I think there are advances so that we don't have to, you know, have facelifts if we want a certain look.

[Zibby Owens]

Today's episode has been sponsored by softwave.

[Deena Alvarez]

Seriously, I want to invest in it. Created by Israelis. Good stuff.

[Zibby Owens]

Great. Amazing. Maybe we all get a discount.

[Deena Alvarez]

Yeah, exactly.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you, Laura.

[Deena Alvarez]

Hi, I'm Marian Adams. I am so honored to be part of this beautiful collaboration. Full heart. I wrote an essay about my three year medical gaslighting menopause experience. I recently turned 60, and it's the best. But in 2015, when I was 52, I started to not feel like myself. My hair started to fall out, I had torturous insomnia, I had crippling fatigue. I couldn't concentrate or focus. I was falling apart. For over three years, I saw 10 doctors, many of whom said my debilitating symptoms, pardon me, were in my head, likely from a chemical imbalance in my brain, for which there's no test for that, by the way. It's only diagnosed by conversation. There's no scan, there's no blood test. I believed it because I was definitely not myself. So I saw two internists, two OBGYNs, four psychiatrists, one Ayurvedic doctor and one neurologist. After about 22 antidepressants, two week hospitalization, 36 rounds of transcranial magnetic stimulation, I was basically a catatonic recluse. I felt like I was just a vessel that just needed calories. But my personality, my joy, my spirit was just gone. And in the beginning of this three years, I couldn't stop crying. And at the end of it, I couldn't cry. I just couldn't even cry. I Was just sort of void. And some people said, well, maybe it's not depression. Maybe you're sad because you don't have small children to care for anymore. Maybe you should get a job. Another doctor said, you can't be that bad. You're wearing your pearls and your hair looks nice. Sort of just very condescending, dismissive things. And this all was in New York City, in Long island, but not too far from here. Dr. Number 11, my angel, saved my life. Dr. Carolina Sierra. She's an internist, endocrinologist. I thought she was a nutritionist. And I went to her to maybe get some food ideas to make me feel better. And she turned, listened to my history. She looked at me, she heard me. And she said to the nurse, I want the following test. Thyroid, estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, vitamin B, vitamin D, and Epstein Barr. Two days later, she turned over the results, and she said, marian, the reason none of the treatments or medications you took helped you is because they target a chemical imbalance in the brain. And that is not what caused your symptoms. You haven't slept in three years because you have no progesterone. You can't stop crying or feel like yourself or do anything, have any energy because you have no estrogen or testosterone, which women need to. Your vitamin D is completely depleted. Your vitamin B is completely depleted. And you did have the Epstein Barr.

[Zibby Owens]

Virus at one point.

[Deena Alvarez]

Those are seven different things, one of which would put you on the couch so swiftly, very swiftly, probably within about two weeks after I started a bioidentical hormone cream, rubbed it on my little wrist. Thyroid medication, prescription strength, vitamin D once a week, 50,000 units. That's the key for that. And daily vitamin B. And I started to come back to life. It was a miracle. I really felt like I rose from the dead. So I was determined to write an essay for one reason. So that women can avoid unnecessary, preventable suffering and learn the lessons that I learned. And I guess what I would leave them with would be one, if you don't feel right, you're not right. Depression is a symptom, not a diagnosis. And then finally, if treatment for a condition is not working, it might be time to question the diagnosis. So that was what I wanted to share. And if it helped one person and 99 said, you're crazy or you're dumb, I would say that's okay, as long as one person benefited from it. So I'm just so grateful. Yeah, great job.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you. Your essay was so good. Thank you especially. You were like, I just Wish I could get that time back with my family. Those years, those months and years that were just lost to misdiagnosis.

[Deena Alvarez]

Yeah. Yeah, that was a tough one. But in the end, I now feel like one of the lucky ones because I think goodness knows how many women, you know, how many women struggle. So, thank you. Lovely to see you.

[Zibby Owens]

And of course, both of you also wrote essays. Can you share what those are?

[Deena Alvarez]

So my essay is titled the not so Invisible Woman, because I've had a very interesting later in life experience. I was a severe introvert when I was younger and very shy. And so I kind of. There's a line where I say I've worn an invisibility cloak my whole life, but somehow I got to 50 and it was like this switch went off and I suddenly felt very different and I felt very seen. And I felt that the people that needed to see me were the right people and I was in the right place. And, you know, this book was born of that experience, also feeling like I had finally come into myself. And the chapter title is can youn See Me Now? But I could have easily gone into a chapter called Late Bloomer, because I'm not quite sure which one of those would fit. But I do seeI do feel very seen, and I feel empowered and I feel confident, and it's something I never had when I was younger. So it's. I feel like I've lived my life in reverse in a way, and I don't think that's a terrible thing. I actually am very appreciative of it. And so if you asked me what age I would go back to, I would say none. This is it. This is where I want to be. I feel comfortable and confident and excited. And I think this was also a catalyst to the book as well. Putting, you know, creating a project that could give me a little space to be creative and also share other stories that maybe you don't feel invisible, but you have other things going on that I'm also experiencing. And they say, read the book, write the book you want to read. So that was another thing. But, yes, so I'm no longer invisible. I feel great at midlife. And I hope that other women, you know, if they're feeling that way, I hope that they get there and they. I think part of it is just putting yourself in the right places with the right people and the right communities, and you will feel seen.

[Zibby Owens]

People are definitely seeing you today.

[Deena Alvarez]

Yes, I'm here. And my essay was born of the loss of my mom. Pardon me. It's called Flying Motherless, because I wrote it on a plane on the anniversary, the second anniversary of the second anniversary, I think of my mom's death, but also was a big catalyst for this book because when my mom died, she left space. And I felt very compelled to use that space to create something beautiful and meaningful and something that would honor her. And so in my story, I talk about how I, you know, I almost lost my mom when I was much younger. And so I thought it was interesting to examine sort of the idea of losing her then and actually losing her when I did. And I talk about how I was really as rational a person as I am. I was very prone to magical thinking when it came to my mom. She was never going to die. Obviously, we all die. But I don't know what my life would have been like if I had lost her at 21. And I. You know, and it was still such a struggle when I did lose her, just three years or just a little under three years ago. So I think the learning for me, and as I was writing, that was like the idea that you can hold joy and sorrow in the same hands. And I think, too, that facing what was my biggest fear, losing her, in some very ironic way, helped me to let go of fear. Although I was a little afraid coming up here today. I'm kidding. But, you know, I just. So it was, you know, really such a learning experience. And I really am so grateful that, you know, I was able to find a way to use that space to honor her. And you heard these stories. I mean, it's just. I just. It's like an embarrassment of riches with these women. So I just. I think the message for me and what I want to convey is that, you know, as we move into midlife, we all experience loss and grief. And I think it's really important to find ways to be present in it, to feel it and, you know, to know that it's okay and life will go on because the world keeps spinning and you need to find a way to be in it. And so I just. I just want people to know that you can find joy. And there is joy everywhere. When you're present and you're open to, you know, you open your eyes. It's all around.

[Zibby Owens]

I love in your essay how you were like, I'm 56, but I still just lost my mom.

[Deena Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Zibby Owens]

Like, it doesn't make it any easier just because we're older to lose people. Just because it's the natural order of things doesn't make it less sad. So I think giving people that permission to grieve is so important. I also wrote an essay in this book which now that I heard all the other essays, I'm like completely embarrassed by my essay. But it was a quick thing I dashed off one morning when my older kids were at boarding school. My two little kids were with their dad that day and, and I was walking the dog on the street and watching all the other kids get on the bus and just like feeling like I didn't want to go back up to my apartment because it was just so quiet and I wanted to stay there with all the school kids. And I was just mourning sort of the transition of all my kids fleeing the nest and wondering what's next. Even though I'm happy, it's still so sad. So that was what my essay was about. So as you can see, see, this book is chock full of amazing stories and I think everyone who contributed could have written another 50 stories and I'm sure everybody else could. I think you guys need to have some sort of summit where there are panels all divided by the sections in your book where people talk about these issues all day because we have so little time and we could talk about this all day and all feel so much better. So thank you for aggregating all the voices. Thank you for coming today. Midlife Private Parts. Thank you so much.

[Deena Alvarez]

Thank you. Thanks for having us. Thank you guys.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibi formerly Moms don't have time to read books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram ibeowens and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books. Looking for high quality maternity and baby clothes that don't break the bank? Quince has you covered.

[Deena Alvarez]

Think super soft PJs and sleep sacks for babes. Bump friendly styles and all the postpartum.

[Zibby Owens]

Essentials you need, all at half the cost of similar luxury brands.

[Deena Alvarez]

By partnering directly with top artisans in.

[Zibby Owens]

Factories, they pass that saving on to you.

[Deena Alvarez]

Get Elevated Essentials for mom and baby with quince. Go to quince.comlittleluxuries for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com Little Luxuries hi, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Let's be real. Cat dads are in their golden era. Temptations, America's number one cat treat brand, is celebrating how seriously irresistible these guys are. They've got sensitivity, snack, timing, precision, and their cats adore them. Add in a handful of Temptations treats and boom, you've got a certified Cat Dad. Show more love to the Cat dad in your life with Temptations Cat Treats and tag your fav moments with hashtag Cat Dad Sighting. You know we're dying to see them. Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Let's talk about an elite green flag being a cat dad. Temptations, America's number one cat treat brand, is making 2025 the year of the Cat dad. And honestly, about time. Whether he's coordinating snack time with the meow schedule or just vibing with his tabby, Temptation Treats make Cat Dads even more irresistible to their cats and to us. For more information about Temptations Brand Cat Dads, or to learn more about the brand, visit temptationtreats.com and. And don't forget to share your own hashtag CatDad sightings on social we'll be scrolling.