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Zibby Owens
Are you interested in being part of the live studio audience while I film a series for Totally Booked with Zibby Live in New York City? Sign up@zibbyowens.com I have a little Google form that you can fill out and if you get selected you can come sit in the audience, hear from authors before their books have even come out, and be a part of the show again. Go to zibbyowens.com Filmings will be on April 16th, 23rd, 30th and May 7th in New York City.
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Be a part of it.
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Dr. Becky Kennedy
Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.
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Hi, this.
Zibby Owens
Is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't.
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Have Time to Read Books.
Zibby Owens
In my daily show, I interview today's latest best selling buzz or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your time. As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to stay in the know, get insider insights and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbemedia.com and follow me on Instagram ibioens.
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Dr. Becky Kennedy is the author of that's My Truck, A Good Inside story about hitting. Dr. Becky is the clinical psychologist and mom of three behind the breakthrough parenting company Good Inside. She specializes in helping parents become sturdy leaders in their homes by sharing the skills and strategies parents need to raise resilient kids. Dr. Becky is a number one New York Times bestselling author, a TED speaker and the host of the chart topping podcast good inside with Dr. Becky and has amassed a global following of millions of parents. Welcome Dr. Becky.
Zibby Owens
I'm so excited to be talking to you today. Congratulations on that's My A Good Inside Story About Hitting. Yay.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Thank you so much for having me. So excited to finally talk to you.
Unknown
Yay.
Zibby Owens
And as we're talking, I know you hit the USA Today list so, so high up this morning. Really exciting. No surprise, but yay.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Thank you.
Zibby Owens
Tell listeners about the book and if for some reason they have not heard of you yet and don't know about your expertise in the parenting space and what has made you so just such a sensation in terms of how you think about parenting and kids and humanity and all of it, give a little spiel about that too.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
You know, first of all, I just, I love children's books so much. I really believe children's books can bring these kind of moments of connection between a parent and a kid that I think sometimes are really hard to generate on your own at the end of the day when you're stressed and overwhelmed. And if you reach for the right book, then in my mind has kind of a really meaningful, probably messy, realistic moment. It, it allows you and your kid to just end the day feeling really connected and to kind of have this deepening. And I just know children's books have done that, you know, with me and my kids, especially when they were younger. And that's the kind of book I wanted to write. Now the book in some ways is just kind of this manifestation of a lot of these ideas we have around what's really going on for someone when they act out what do people need, whether they're 2 or 82, you know, what matters the most. And I think the biggest thing thing Good Inside really stands for is we really can be firm and boundaried and warm and connected to others all at the same time. I think our boundaries kind of allow us to live our values. They kind of keep Us connected to ourselves and empathy and validation keep us connected to other people we love. And usually we're pretty good at one side of that or the other, like most people are. Like, I really am good at understanding other people's feelings and I kind of lose myself along the way or oh, I've gotten the opposite feedback. I kind of always know what I want and sometimes forget there's people I care about, you know, and I want to understand them. And I think good insight is, is resonating with people because whether it comes alive in a children's book or in our app or in these many programs we do, or in the way people are just applying it in the workplace or in our partnerships, there's kind of the sense of, oh my goodness, there's this very practical way where I can feel like the most confident, sturdy, true to myself version of me and I feel closer and more connected to the people I care about most. And that's really what we're all about. Giving parents away to feel confident, to feel like they get back to what we call the sturdiness, the sense of knowing what I want and kind of the limits I'm allowed to set because they just feel right to me and tolerating my kids reactions and understanding they're not going to be happy with me along the way and that kind of dance. And so what I really love about this book and what's come up a lot as I've talked about it is I think our first children's book is really about like a moment a lot of people don't like to talk about. Like kids hit. They do, they hit often. That's one way where a kid says, I am angry and I don't yet have the skills to manage my anger. And so it's coming out as hitting. And to me this allows us to really explain what's going on in a different way than commonly is. I think in the book we really illustrate Charlie's fear before he hits. Oh my goodness, my sister had my truck. Like what if she breaks it? Or I think a kid really does think, like, what if she played this at the wrong way and that would be so bad. And then of course that feeling gets big. And then I don't think a kid really says, therefore I'm going to hit my sister. No, it just happens. And that doesn't make it okay, but it helps us understand. And also in the book we get into how a parent could intervene. And I just love this experience of I can talk about these ideas but bringing them to life with illustrations and in very simple language. It helps, I think, a parent as much as it helps a kid.
Zibby Owens
I totally agree. I mean, you show us on all your social media videos how to manage certain things, like taking away an iPad or doing these things, and you sort of, like, role play it for us. So we're like, okay, now I get it. And this book is a way of doing that. And when you say to Charlie, like, you're a good kid having a hard time, right? That is so empathetic. It's a different way of looking at it. It's so kind. He immediately changes. You can, like, see his whole body language, and then the situation is diffused. And that is such a generous way to show all of us how to parent. I feel like you need a thousand of these for every situation.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Well, you know, that's probably in line with the number of children's books I would like to put out into the world, because they're just. There's so many specific scenarios. We know as a parent, every moment feels a little different. Hitting feels maybe a little different than kicking, and it feels different than verbal aggression. And it obviously feels different than when you're kind of having your kid clinging to you at a birthday party and you're like, I'm the only one whose kid won't join soccer. Right? And I feel like bringing to life those moments is so powerful because I think what we've heard from kids a lot about this book and what I would like to be true about all the children's books I end up writing is kids actually are really resonating with how messy the moment is, how it's not even tied up with a bow at the end. Because sometimes I have this pet peeve with children's books where I'm like, that's. That's true in my house, too. And then it's kind of like. And then Charlie never hit again. And I was like, well, that's not true in my house. And that's. I don't think that's how progress ever actually looks. And I think. I just think I've never been afraid to, like, name what feels true. I don't think naming what's true is the thing that causes problems. I actually think it's avoiding what's true that tends to cause problems. And I'm just loving the words I'm hearing directly from parents, like, where they're. They're just one page where we kind of illustrate the shame spiral that I think a kid feels after bad behavior down down, down, bad, bad. And I had someone say, my kid just wants me to read the down, down, down page over and over. Because I think kids are like, I'm just trying to figure out these powerful sensations in my body and these things that happen, and I actually don't need you to fix it. It's the confusion about it and the feeling alone in it that's the worst. And the more I just understand myself. Same thing for us adults. The more we understand ourselves, the more we're able to change. And I think our children's books will be different from others and that we're always going to just try to name what's true. We don't feel like we have to tie it all up with a bow. And we believe these are just powerful ways to understand kids. For kids to feel understood and for parents to have a better sense of how they can show up in a sturdy way.
Zibby Owens
Well, it's really like what you're doing is treating kids with the respect that they deserve. The way you would put yourself in someone else's shoes. You do that for kids, which so many people don't. And I know you talk about this in Get Inside with, like, how the theories before were all about behaviors, but we're actually like raising human beings here, and it's a little bit different. And the behaviors are not ways the whole story. They're like a little bit of the story. And that's so true for grownups. Like, this is a good model for.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Grownups as well as for kids, a hundred percent. And we have this kind of very binary way of thinking about it, where if I say to a group of parents, okay, your kid hit, I guess that's a problem. But what I would say is it's actually not the problem. Like, it's a symptom of the problem. It's kind of like if you watch a kid play tennis and they keep hitting the ball into the net, okay, that's a problem. Obviously you should go over the net. But saying to a kid, hit the ball over the net, Like, I don't think anyone would think that's a great coaching job. Like, is it the grip? Is it the strength? Is it their body position? Is it actually that they're just saying to themselves in their head, over and over, I'm an awful tennis player. I'm an awful tennis player. Just because the ball was hit into the net, it doesn't mean you actually understand the problem. You just know that there's something that you need to understand. And if you can activate Curiosity. Okay. I want my kid to hit the ball over the net, and then you can say what might be going on, what's really underneath here. I just don't think anyone would say to me, you're a really permissive tennis coach. It's like an absurd thing to say. You're just reinforcing hitting the ball into the net by being curious about what's causing that. Like, it's actually nonsense. If I say it out loud, they'd be like, that's what any good coach would do. You'd be like, well, what's actually the source of this? And then talking to a kid about how the issue is really their grip doesn't mean you're reinforcing hitting the ball into the net. Like, it doesn't even make sense. But if you think about hitting. We say this all the time. If I say to my kid, oh, it's so hard to see your sister have your favorite truck. I understand that. People, we've been taught, oh, you're basically saying it's okay to hit. Like, I'm definitely not doing that. But we collapse that with our kids behavior and probably our adult behavior, where there's almost something we've learned. We're being curious about bad behavior or being compassionate about the underlying reasons equals permitting or reinforcing bad behavior. It's like this weird math equation that's been passed down through the generations, even though we never think about that with sports. Right. No one ever thinks giving kids swim lessons when they can't swim is telling a kid that it's okay not to swim. And we would never say that. And I just think more generally, yes, we're trying to help people. See, hold on. I can be curious about my own bad behavior. I can be curious about the underlying reasons of my kid bad behavior. That doesn't mean I'm permitting behavior. That sets the foundation you need to improve behavior. And that just totally changes our approach to parenting and to understanding ourselves.
Zibby Owens
Thank you for improving my tennis. At the same time.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
You know, we gotta be efficient with our time here. Ziggy, Wandavy, ladies.
Zibby Owens
No, but it's so true. It's like when someone tells. When someone tells me, like, don't. Well, I'm worried about something. Well, don't worry. Well, it's like. Well, that's not what. Like, I'm not gonna just turn it off. It's the same thing. Like, don't be sad. Like, well, don't be upset that she has. Well, you deal with it, like, dealing with it like that kind of thing thing that it just doesn't work. It doesn't work for kids who have limited conversational ability. Like, we forget how young they are. Like, if they could say, you know, it's really like bumming me out today and it would really be so much better if you could just maybe we could work out some sort of agreement with this toy and da, da, da.
Unknown
But like, that's not going to happen.
Zibby Owens
So what can they do?
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Exactly. I actually was talking to a group recently about the book and I was like, let's be honest, like, did anyone see the recent season of White Lotus? Like, you think those three women really understand how to deal with jealousy? Well, like, okay, maybe they're not hitting each other, but when one of them leaves and they're just talking smack, like, I don't know, it's kind of the adult version of being out because you don't know how to manage anger or jealousy or insecurity. And to me, the most amazing thing about kids bad behavior. Okay. Is if you have a really long term view. And I always like to say at good inside, we're very long term greedy in our parenting because we actually give you so many strategies that help right away. And I feel like we're all kind of parenting for the years our kids are out of our house. We want them to still be in a relationship with us. We know the stakes are higher if they don't know how to manage hard situations. So if you think about that when your kid hits or when your kid says I hate you, right. What they're really saying is, I am struggling to manage anger, disappointment, jealousy, some hard emotion. When our kid is 20 and 40, they're still going to feel anger, they're still going to feel jealousy, they're still going to have disappointment. No one gets those feelings out of the body. And in some ways our kids bad behavior when they're young gives us this amazing opportunity. Oh my goodness. If I can look at this behavior not as a sign of who my kid is, but as a sign of the skills my kid needs to develop, then in a weird way, I'm almost grateful that they're hitting at 4 because I'd actually rather start to deal with this at age 4. And when you start to build skills at age 24, it is totally possible. But I don't think any of us think that's as fortunate as if a kid could start to build the skills at age 4 and have some of them at age 24.
Zibby Owens
Well, it's like picking up tennis at 24 versus 4. All the kids learn early.
Unknown
You're usually better.
Zibby Owens
You're more comfortable with it. So that's right.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
And if you've learned fundamentals in tennis when you're young, or if you've learned fundamentals in swimming, you're going to be a stronger swimmer in the ocean later on. If you were just optimizing for swimming in a training pool, like the quickest, easiest thing, maybe it looks like you're a good swimmer as a four year old, but I don't think we feel confident about that person swimming in the waves later on. And so I really do believe at good inside we're doing something. And this is even bigger than the book. Like, and this is the kick I'm on, if I'm honest. Like, there is no other job in the world that is as hard that we are told from society should just come naturally. And I think there's this comfort we have with this idea of maternal instinct, but I think it's just like the nastiest, most almost women hating narrative that there is. Because if parenting could just come purely by instinct, then the corollary to that is in every moment that I don't know what to do or I feel stuck, the only answer is that I'm broken because I should find this easier. I should be able to figure this out on my own. I just don't know any surgeon who's like, I have a surgical instinct. I don't need to go to med school, don't need to go to residency. I just listen to some reels on Instagram, a podcast here and there, and I'm ready to operate. I mean, and the irony is, Zibby, you and I, we would never go to that doctor. We'd be like, no, thank you. Like, we want to go to the doctor who's gone to med school and residency, maybe even had a mentor for years and takes pride in that education. So I think my larger message to parents, separate from hitting, is the only thing that comes naturally in parenting is how you were parented. And so if you want to do anything even a little bit different, which a lot of us do, then we should think about investing in a true, substantive kind of parenting education. The same way we'd probably take an education seriously at every other part of our life when we were doing a job that probably mattered less to us than parenting. There is no shame in raising your hand and saying, I need help. And I actually look forward to the day where, like, I'm a CEO and a founder now of a company, my fellow CEOs and founders, they brag about the executive coaches they have. They have such pride, you know. And I just look forward to the day when parents are like bragging about the kind of guidance and support and education they get. And that's the world like more than any book or something. That's really the world like I want to help create.
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Zibby Owens
In New York City.
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Zibby Owens
Which is amazing. Your theory that people are fundamentally good inside, that is something I also believe. It is something I have believed my my whole life, that we are all good. We all have a story to tell. If we all just like shared who we are, we would connect on a deeper level. But I feel like there have been a lot of things happening in the world where I am being. That belief of mine is questioned, which sort of throws off my, my own belief system.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Are.
Zibby Owens
Is everybody good? Do you still can you still believe that?
Dr. Becky Kennedy
I. I think this, again, is something where we can kind of collapse multiple things. And just because you believe people are good inside, which I do, doesn't have anything to do with whether we want to associate with them, whether we believe in what they're doing with their actions, whether it's excusable. Right. Someone being good inside again, I've never looked at my kids saying I hate you to me and being like, well, they're good inside, so I just don't care. No, it just changes how we intervene. So I really do believe, like, when babies enter the world, all of them, I do. I believe they're born good inside. I just don't think there's a baby who's like, I cannot wait to be older, screw over the world, and, like, mess everyone. I. I don't believe that. Just. And at the same time, I'm a pragmatist. We come into the world good inside. I believe still in adults, they're good inside. And yet we develop circuits, we develop ways of relating to the world and other people and ourselves, and we operate with fear. And all of those really shape how over time, we show up to the world and then the impact we have on the world. Being good inside has nothing to do with having good impact on the world. And those are two very different things. So I guess what I believe in this moment, people are born good inside. And there's a lot of very kind of broken, fearful, extraordinarily, psychologically and emotionally immature people. They are essentially babies and toddlers running around in adult bodies. And if I think about the big picture, I really believe the way one of the ways you can change the world is through how you raise the next generation of kids who will become the adults who take over the world. And what really powers me to get out of bed every morning is to think like, there's a lot of people out there and there's a lot of even startups, right? Like, people are like, why? Why is this a startup? Why don't you just write books? Why do you have an app? Why do you have a whole engineering team? I believe the best way to have the impact we want to have in the world is to have something that not only is an idea, but combines that with modern technology to reach the most amount of people. That we have apps that make our lives more convenient. Why is it a question? Why do we have to get an SEO optimized article that isn't meant for our kid and we have AI in our app? There's an amazing chatbot. Why? Because I believe that's what we need to actually make the impact. And I. Maybe I am this eternal optimist, but I'm also a pragmatic person. I really do believe this movement can have this impact of truly saying we are putting a better generation of kids into the world, and we are also simultaneously healing the adults who raise them along the way.
Zibby Owens
That's beautiful. So in addition to writing your books and starting this movement, you have made a movement into, like, you've scaled this in such an impressive way, and you've turned an idea and a mission into something that millions of people consume and are inspired by and make their lives better. How did you do that?
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Well, first of all, thank you. And my honest reaction is there's something about the question that I'm like. I feel like I have to formulate it differently because this might sound cheesy. It's true. Like, I. I don't really feel like I did that. Like, I really don't. That's, like, my honest truth. And anyone who knows me would be like, becky has no problem taking credit for things she does. So it was a difficult question. I'd be like, I did that. I really don't think I did that. And I think I really would describe Good Inside, not as a company, not as just an app, not as a book, as a movement. And to me, when I think about a movement, I think about something generative. Like, my image for a movement, at least for Good Inside, is. I know for me, maybe this started, like, I was so lit up inside by these ideas, and it took an unlearning for me. I was raised, and I was raised. I was trained to teach parents how to give timeouts and punishments and sticker charts. That's how I was trained. And at first, I did that because I was like, this makes sense. I love it. I was like, wait a second. Maybe this doesn't make sense. Maybe we've just been told this for hundreds of years, and this is just a system of behavioral control. And hold on a second. If I yelled at my husband and he was like, becky, that's unacceptable. I'm taking away your phone for a week. I just. Why would that. That would I promise you, not help me or my relationship with my husband? And kids don't really need things that are different. And I just, like, unraveled. And then what I really got back to was a couple things. I believe kids are born Good Inside, and I believe we are all born with all the feelings and none of the skills. And anytime feelings overpower skills in life, they come out as bad behavior. That's why we do yell at our partners. Sometimes we have a built up feeling of frustration or feeling misunderstood. The skills we have to manage those feelings are lower than the intensity of the feeling. So it explodes out of us. And I just. I just had this, like, aha moment. Oh, my goodness. We've been, like, blaming the feelings and the behaviors. The real issue is the lack of skills. That's the issue with swimming too. No one's born knowing how to swim. Nobody thinks we teach kids how to swim by sending them to their room. Like, it would be insane. Come back when you know how to swim. Why would that help? Now I just feel more shame, which means I'm gonna have trouble getting in the pool. Every time we send kids to their room, we just raise the amount of bad feelings. So we increase the gap between feelings and skills. So I was just like, we need to help parents just see things differently and see ourselves differently, because that's so hard. We weren't raised this way. And this is really just a model of, like, let's see kids as good inside and needing to build skills. And if we approach parenting in that way, so many things would change. These ideas and you can hear me, I get so excited about them. I can't keep them inside. People are like, why did you start Instagram? I had a full private practice. I started Instagram as a relief. I was like, I need a container to vomit out all of these thoughts. I just need to put it somewhere. And my husband was, like, sick of me talking his ear out, you know? And then what happened? I really believe this. I do not believe I have unique ideas that I insert into people. I don't. I don't think. It's like, I have an idea and someone's like, that's a genius idea from Dr. Becky. I believe these are things we kind of all have inside of us. And we've all built up things from our childhood that were adaptive at first and now work against us that kind of prevent us kind of, kind of accessing that confidence and that clarity, right? And that compassion, all of those good things. And when that happens, we all need someone to be like a little bit of a lighthouse or a guide to come back. And so to me, when I think about the movement, I feel like I feel so lit up about this. It explodes out of me. And in doing that, something gets lit up in someone else that I really believe was always there, and it explodes out of them. And if you think about this, like, in a. In a beautiful way, like, almost as light or that fire, that it spreads not because of me. I really believe that because something gets so lit up in someone else that becomes, in a beautiful, amazing way, uncontainable, and then it spreads from there. And there's no way I could have spread this. I'm not some superhuman person. I go to sleep. I have my life. I just feel like this thing has taken on a life of its own. And everything we do as a company is truly just responsive to what the people who are core to this movement tell us they want. Even our app. They're like, why can I deposit a check for my house? But there's no sophisticated app for the most. I promise you, parenting is a more important job than whether or not I deposit the check for my house or have to go to the bank. If I still had to go to the bank, but I had something in my pocket that felt like a really sophisticated support, I would choose that. And I was like, that's really true. That's messed up. There's all these brilliant people in the tech industry. How many of them have said, parents deserve better. Parents should not be Left out. This AI revolution. I'm not trying to be mean. 0us, like, and that's why we did it. I was like, no one else is doing that. Why a children's book? So many people have said, good inside is like a new language, and it's still kind of new. I would love a book that I can almost do more good inside with my kid. Like, I want to do it. We could do that, you know, and our podcast people, like, I like the old format. Okay, we'll go back to, like. I just feel like I trust the people in this movement, and I think nothing makes me happier, especially than, like, women increasingly using their voice and feeling like my ideas matter and I can voice them and they can be heard by other people. And I feel like that really is the good inside movement. And I. I feel just honored to be a part of it. Like, that's actually how I feel. I really don't feel like it's like it's mine.
Zibby Owens
Amazing. Which is why you are so good inside, honestly. Okay, so what else do the people want? What else is in the pipeline? Where are you going from here?
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Well, I think there's been an amazing response about this book that people have been like, it just feels different than other books. And I was a little vulnerable putting out. I have to be honest. And there are. And I'm gonna be totally honest with you. Some reviews that are like, this kind of ends abruptly, like, you know, and we really talked about the ending a lot. And I have to think about, maybe I should have put one more note in. But sometimes in my house, like, if my kid hits and I intervene, I do just move on in that moment. I do just build a tower. And then I'm like, okay, I don't have to do all my parenting in the next 30 seconds. Like, I kind of can figure it out. And my best moments with my kids after a hard moment are just like the conversations that happen after. Right. And so we're going to do more children's books for sure. Our app is where I just pour ever, you know, the app. And even our membership came up because people were like, I want a one on one session with you. And so, number one, to make that work that way, like, it's just financially not feasible for most people and. Right. And I just literally don't have the time. And what I noticed is, especially with parenting, there were like these 25 sessions, essentially I was always having on repeat about anxiety, about how do I talk to my kids, about sex, about clinginess, about defiance, about why is everything a battle about hitting. And I was like, what if I could like, record essentially a session and just do it with more people? And what if I could do better than that? Because I could also have something where it felt like you were just texting me and getting an answer. Like, I've worked on our chatbot for a year myself. Like, I have very high standards. I want it to feel like you're texting me. And it does. And I want there to be short videos and I want you to be able to connect, live with good inside coaches. That's all. And I was like, so what I would want for every one of my friends and for myself is what we want that, like, app membership experience to be and just continuing to improve that. And then I think the other thing that, like, it's not on the roadmap right now, but we really want to do is I just need to find a way to get all of the people in this movement together. Like, I feel like parents deserve, like, a really cool summit. Like, again, jobs have summits. You learn together, you connect, and it feels elevated. And this is the hardest job in the world. And I believe education is power. I believe on some level we give parents their power back and the best meaning of power. We give them power and play. And I kind of want something maybe that, like, really Brings that together with amazing speakers and cool things and definitely not just. And so that's something I'm just like, honestly, you're the first person I told about that, but I'm just like, I can't stop thinking about it. And I know our community wants to be together and I just, I don't know if there's a way to bring that to light, but maybe if I put it out to the world now, I'll, you know, get more people who are good at that. Yeah, exactly. Put it out to the world.
Zibby Owens
We do events like that all the time. I love bringing people together. It's so important. And I think this has to be a TV show, by the way. I'm sure. I'm hoping it's in the works, but this has to be like an animated tv.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
That too.
Zibby Owens
Okay, that too.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
That too. Because I do think we need good media for kids. And it's interesting. So many children's things out there are like animal characters which no shade to that. I trust me. Bluey, Daniel, Tiger, like only the most brilliant. And I think for us, we're like, we're just, I think again, we just are. We lead with what's real. And like, I think, I love that our characters are our kids. They're people, you know, and there could be something amazing about bringing that to life in a show.
Zibby Owens
So thank you, Dr. Becky. Congratulations on that's my truck. On all the things you do to make the world better. It is amazing. It is like the ultimate mitzvah. Honest. It's like the most amazing thing you could do. So congratulations and if only everybody could do what you're doing to make change in the world like this, really congrats.
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Thank you so much, Zibby.
Zibby Owens
Okay, thank you. Thank you for listening to Totally booked with sibi, formerly Moms don't have time to read books.
Unknown
If you loved the show, tell a.
Zibby Owens
Friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram ippyowens and spread the word.
Unknown
Thanks so much.
Zibby Owens
Oh, and buy the books.
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Podcast Summary: Totally Booked with Zibby – Episode Featuring Dr. Becky Kennedy
Introduction
In the April 16, 2025 episode of Totally Booked with Zibby, host Zibby Owens sits down with Dr. Becky Kennedy, a renowned clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and the founder of the groundbreaking parenting company, Good Inside. The episode delves deep into Dr. Becky's latest work, That's My Truck: A Good Inside Story About Hitting, exploring her innovative approach to parenting and emotional intelligence in children.
About Dr. Becky Kennedy and Her Work
Dr. Becky Kennedy is celebrated for her compassionate and insightful methods in helping parents raise resilient and emotionally intelligent children. With a substantial following from her TED talks and her impactful podcast, Good Inside with Dr. Becky, she has become a pivotal figure in modern parenting. Her mission centers on fostering sturdy leadership within families by equipping parents with the necessary skills and strategies to nurture their children's emotional well-being.
Exploring That's My Truck: Understanding Children's Emotions
Dr. Kennedy introduces her children's book, That's My Truck: A Good Inside Story About Hitting, as a tangible extension of the Good Inside philosophy. She explains that the book aims to bridge the emotional gap between parents and children by portraying a realistic scenario where a child hits another, not as an act of malice but as an expression of overwhelming emotions.
“Kids hit often. That's one way where a kid says, I am angry and I don't yet have the skills to manage my anger.” – Dr. Becky Kennedy [04:08]
Through the character of Charlie, the book illustrates the fear and confusion that precedes such behavior, offering parents a tool to understand and address the underlying emotions rather than merely disciplining the act itself.
The Philosophy of Being "Good Inside"
A significant portion of the conversation centers around the core tenet of Dr. Kennedy's work: the belief that children are fundamentally good inside. She emphasizes that behaviors like hitting are symptoms of unmet emotional needs and a lack of coping skills.
“Being good inside has nothing to do with having good impact on the world.” – Dr. Becky Kennedy [23:37]
Dr. Kennedy draws parallels between teaching children to swim and teaching them emotional regulation, arguing that just as no one expects a child to swim without instruction, parents shouldn't expect children to manage their emotions without guidance.
Challenging Traditional Parenting Methods
Dr. Kennedy critiques conventional disciplinary methods such as timeouts and punishments, suggesting that these approaches often exacerbate the emotional disconnect between parents and children. She advocates for a more empathetic and skill-based approach to parenting.
“If you think about hitting, we say this all the time. If I say to my kid, oh, it's so hard to see your sister have your favorite truck... it doesn't mean I'm permitting behavior.” – Dr. Becky Kennedy [10:47]
By fostering curiosity about the root causes of a child's behavior, parents can better address the emotional turmoil their children experience, leading to more effective and compassionate interventions.
Building a Movement: Good Inside Beyond the Book
The conversation shifts to how Dr. Kennedy has transformed her ideas into a comprehensive movement. She discusses the development of the Good Inside app, which offers resources such as chatbots that emulate her guidance, short instructional videos, and live interactions with trained coaches. This digital expansion aims to make her methodologies more accessible to a broader audience.
“When I think about the movement, I feel like it explodes out of me... It's not something I could have spread. I'm not some superhuman person.” – Dr. Becky Kennedy [26:55]
Dr. Kennedy underscores that the movement thrives on collective energy and shared experiences, rather than being driven solely by her efforts.
Future Endeavors and Vision
Looking ahead, Dr. Kennedy shares her aspirations to further expand the Good Inside movement. She envisions creating more children's books addressing various emotional scenarios, enhancing the app's functionalities, and even developing an animated TV show that brings her characters and philosophies to life in a relatable medium for children.
“We're just... leading with what's real... bringing that to life in a show.” – Dr. Becky Kennedy [35:26]
Her goal is to provide parents with a robust support system that evolves with their children's needs, ensuring that emotional intelligence and resilience are cultivated from an early age.
Conclusion
The episode concludes with heartfelt congratulations to Dr. Becky Kennedy for her impactful work and the successful release of That's My Truck. Zibby Owens expresses admiration for Dr. Kennedy's dedication to transforming parenting paradigms, highlighting the profound societal benefits of such initiatives.
“Thank you for improving my tennis at the same time.” – Zibby Owens [13:23]
Key Takeaways
This episode of Totally Booked with Zibby offers invaluable insights into compassionate parenting, emphasizing the importance of emotional intelligence and the profound impact it has on both children and their families.