Totally Booked with Zibby: Dr. Zelana Montminy on "FINDING FOCUS: Own Your Attention in an Age of Distraction"

Date: September 17, 2025
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Dr. Zelana Montminy
Episode Focus: How to reclaim and harness your attention in an age inundated with distractions, based on Dr. Montminy’s new book "Finding Focus".

Episode Overview

This episode features Dr. Zelana Montminy, a behavioral scientist and author, discussing her book "Finding Focus: Own Your Attention in an Age of Distraction." The conversation explores the meaning and challenges of maintaining focus in today’s hyper-distracted world, the impact of distraction on mental health and relationships, practical strategies to reclaim attention, and the fundamental role of human connection. Zibby brings her characteristic warmth and relatability, admitting to her own struggles with distraction—sometimes right in the act of reading Dr. Montminy’s book.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Value & Crisis of Attention

• Attention is our most precious resource in a world engineered to hijack it (~05:03).
• Distraction isn't just about productivity—it deeply affects our mental health, relationships, and sense of purpose.

Dr. Montminy:

"The most valuable resource now isn’t time. It’s really our attention. And it’s completely getting hijacked by notifications and ... we’re drowning in nonstop distractions." (05:03)

• We now live “between our digital life and our physical life”—rarely fully present in either (~07:02).

“Focus Thieves”: What Steals Our Attention

• Devices are a major culprit, but the urgency built into our days is just as damaging.
• Society’s glorification of multitasking leaves us chronically exhausted and rarely engaged deeply.

Dr. Montminy:

"We’ve engineered our days and our life. Everything feels so urgent ... there’s this false sense of urgency that wears on us constantly." (07:02)

ADHD vs. Modern Attention Fragmentation

• Many people conflate attention challenges with ADHD, but most of us are simply responding to a hyper-distracting context.
• Clinical ADHD is different, and requires professional assessment; the book is for anyone overwhelmed by attention fragmentation (~08:38).

Grieving Our Lost Frameworks

Zibby reads Montminy’s viral post, “The Ache of Being Awake”:

“I think I’m grieving. Not a person, but a framework, a shared sense of decency ... This isn’t burnout. It’s heartbreak without a name.” (09:43)

• Montminy discusses the collective grief tied to lost societal norms and uncertainty—and how unprocessed micro-losses accumulate (10:06).

Practical Solutions: Reclaiming and Training Focus

Less About Gimmicks, More About Fundamentals:

• The key isn’t a detox or a retreat, but integrating “micro-moments” of attentiveness.
• Focus is a skill that requires regular practice, not superhuman endurance.

Dr. Montminy:

“Our brain needs sustained focus in order to function and to thrive ... Are we actually there when we’re doing any of it?” (12:53)
“We’ve trained our brain for distraction. We crave distraction because that’s how our brain has learned to function ... we really need to do now is retrain our brain.” (15:31)

Core strategies include:

• Prioritizing basics: sleep, nutrition, movement
• Creating moments of deep social connection—real, not just digital friendships (~13:52)
• Engaging in deliberate, brief moments of presence (e.g., 30 seconds of eye contact with a loved one) (16:25)
• Reframing perfection: it’s about openness and self-awareness, not never missing a moment (25:32)

Focus and Joy

• True focus cultivates real joy, because it lets us fully connect, play, and appreciate.
• Children exemplify this when immersed in play, reminding adults of the lost art of deep engagement (~27:53).

Dr. Montminy:

“What we’ve missed is that focus also cultivates joy ... It’s a shared connection. We’re connecting. It’s a shared experience.” (27:53)

Trauma and Attention

• In moments of acute trauma, the goal is simply “one foot in front of the other.”
• Grace and reduced expectations help during upheaval; basic actions can be major accomplishments (29:38).

Dr. Montminy:

“In those particular moments of acute trauma ... something as simple as making a coffee can be huge for the day. And that’s okay.” (29:38)

Simplifying the Search for Well-Being

• There’s “so many hacks” that people feel overwhelmed before they start.
• The book provides a minimal, accessible toolkit—no cold plunges or saunas required, but a return to the basics (32:32).

Dr. Montminy:

“Let’s get back to the basics of being human first. Let’s master that.” (32:59)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Meta Moment:
  Zibby describes reading the book on focus while being distracted by her son.

  “She’s literally writing about being distracted ... and I’m like, reading the book and being distracted by it. So I don’t know, it felt very meta to me.” (03:57)

• On Attention as Survival:

  “We live like we’re between our digital life and our physical life ... where does that leave me?” (07:02)

• On Focus and Emotional Health:

  “It’s not because of how much we’re doing. It’s really more about are we actually there when we’re doing any of it, right?” (12:53)

• On Parenting and Accountability:

  “I’m right there with you ... I look at my phone when my kids are talking too. You know, it’s like, I know I shouldn’t, but I do. And we have very open conversations about that.” (25:32)

• On Overwhelm from Self-Improvement Culture:

  “They looked so hopeless ... they literally didn’t even know where to begin because it is like there’s so many hacks and ... I said, babe, you don’t need a sauna.” (31:37)

• Parting Inspiration:
  Zibby: “If you’re searching for joy, just focus on something for a while. Do something deeply. And it sounds so ... simple, but it’s not. And it’s right there at your fingertips. Doesn’t even cost anything.” (31:05)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–04:55 — Intro and background on Dr. Montminy
• 05:03 — Why focus is the new time: Our attention is constantly hijacked
• 06:12 — “Focus thieves” and why we shouldn’t feel ashamed
• 08:14 — ADHD vs. modern attention fragmentation
• 09:35 — “The Ache of Being Awake” and collective heartbreak
• 12:15 — Why our brains crave focus and multitasking is a myth
• 16:25 — Micro-moments of connection (e.g., 30 seconds of eye contact)
• 23:15 — Dr. Montminy’s professional journey and the universality of these struggles
• 25:32 — Parenting, imperfection, and normalizing distraction
• 27:53 — Children as models for joy and immersion
• 29:38 — Surviving and focusing amid trauma
• 31:05 — The simplicity and accessibility of true focus
• 32:32 — Rejecting the wellness “hacks” overload; returning to basics

Conclusion: Big Takeaways

• Attention is precious—and under assault.
  It’s not just productivity at stake, but our very experience of living.
• You aren’t alone in struggling with focus.
  It’s a universal, modern challenge, not a personal failing.
• Return to basics.
  Small, sustained moments of presence, genuine connection, and simple self-care lay the groundwork for regaining focus.
• Joy is found in deep engagement, not perpetual multitasking.
  Even a few seconds of true attention—eye contact, play, or a heartfelt conversation—matter greatly.
• Grace in hard times.
  When life is upended, focus may shrink, but self-compassion and tiny steps count.

Recommended: For anyone feeling scattered, overwhelmed, or longing for more meaning and connection, Dr. Montminy’s approach and this conversation offer practical, encouraging steps back to focus and fulfillment.