Episode Summary: Heather Aimee O’Neill on The Irish Goodbye

Podcast: Totally Booked with Zibby
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Heather Aimee O’Neill
Episode Air Date: November 7, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode, Zibby Owens sits down with debut novelist and poet Heather Aimee O’Neill to discuss her acclaimed novel The Irish Goodbye, which has recently been chosen as the Read with Jenna book club pick. The conversation unfolds at a Zibby’s Greenwich retreat, rich with insights on grief, family dynamics, the process of writing, and the power of forgiveness. O’Neill opens up about personal losses that shaped the novel, how secrets and mistakes form the core of her characters, and the urgent need for compassion in both literature and life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Genesis of The Irish Goodbye (03:06–04:20)

• Zibby congratulates Heather on The Irish Goodbye becoming a Read with Jenna pick, a secret Heather held for months, even from her family and therapist.
• The novel centers on three sisters reconvening in their Long Island hometown, where a dinner guest from their past forces them to confront an old, haunting family tragedy.
• The core tragedy: The death of the sisters’ brother by suicide ten years prior and its enduring ripple effects.

Notable Quote:

“One of the questions of the book is, what contributed to the brother’s downward spiral? And that’s another tragedy…But a more important question is, are these sisters going to be able to come together and find forgiveness and take off their masks…to really allow for the kind of intimacy and vulnerability that grieving requires?”
— Heather Aimee O’Neill (04:04–05:13)

2. Grief, Secrets, & Family Dynamics (05:36–10:34)

• Zibby reads a powerful passage about family members reflecting on how tragedy has shaped their identities.
• Discussion on how families, especially siblings, tend to regress into old dynamics when reunited, and how secrets can both protect and isolate.
• The role of a disrupting outsider in unmasking deeply held truths within the family.

Notable Quote:

“Sometimes to move forward, you need a stranger from the past to come in and shake things up…Kate, the oldest sister, is protecting her own secret but is also willing to say the thing no one else will say.”—Heather (07:49–08:29)

• Heather shares her motivations for not writing directly about her personal 9/11 loss, and how she pivoted to using suicide as the family’s tragedy for the novel.
• The universality of guilt in tragedy and the reverse engineering of “if only” in grief.

3. Personal Loss & Real-life Inspiration (10:34–12:01)

• Heather’s personal account: Her father's company was on the 104th floor of the South Tower during 9/11; her cousin and 66 company employees died.
• She describes the communal and personal layers of grief, and how her Irish Catholic family’s humor shaped resilience—a tone infused into the novel.
• The author’s age at the time (early 20s) and the profound, lifelong impact of that event.

Notable Quote:

“I come from an Irish Catholic family, and humor is a big part of...the experience of grief—like, how are we going to restart? I wanted that to be a part of the story, too.”
— Heather (11:21–11:57)

4. Character Deep Dives & The Power of Mistakes (12:01–16:04)

• Maggie (the youngest): A schoolteacher, wrestling with shame, intimacy, and a recent affair. She brings her girlfriend home to a Catholic family, adding tension.
• Alice (the middle): The caretaker who returns home, faces a threatened marriage, and embodies long-term responsibility.
• Kate (the oldest): The “truth-teller” holding the heaviest secret around their brother’s death, now returning from London and recently divorced.
• The role of forgiveness and compassion—especially in a culture prone to public call-outs and punishment for mistakes.

Notable Quote:

“The main thing I wanted people to take away was to have more forgiveness and more compassion…People make mistakes and they shouldn’t be defined by their mistakes.”
— Heather (13:01–13:57)

5. Exploring Marriage, Motherhood, and Aging (19:54–23:43)

• Alice’s marriage with Kyle is portrayed with nuance: struggles, faith, and conflicting but equally valid viewpoints.
• The authenticity of motherhood and the frantic “mom life” is reflected, especially in scenes involving travel, lost phones, and everyday chaos.
• Inclusion of aging parents: Exploring the evolving nature of familial responsibility, foreshadowing future challenges and the blessings of sibling support.

Notable Quote:

“At the beginning, the sisters are very separate…by the end, I wanted them to find connection, not only for themselves but because things are going to keep happening in the family…one tragedy or experience isn’t the end.”
— Heather (22:24–23:43)

6. Empathy, Teaching, and Literary Purpose (24:14–27:17)

• Heather’s artistic aim: Building empathy and seeing humanity in others, not just differences; literature should foster connection.
• Her background as a poetry writer and teacher, including editing and copywriting for major projects.
• Lessons learned from teaching: The importance of plot in fiction (“My students taught me plot matters!”).

Notable Quote:

“For me…the job of an artist is to help us see each other’s humanity and to not just see each other’s differences, but to see…the ways that we are more alike than different. It sounds cliché, but it’s really lacking in the world right now.”
— Heather (24:14–25:00)

7. Craft, Secrets, and what’s next (27:17–28:58)

• Zibby reads another excerpt about secrecy and the value of letting go of shame and pretending.
• The character Isabel serves as an outsider mirror, revealing the family’s issues and potential for growth.
• Heather announces her next project: Winter Island, about a high-stakes surrogacy (“I’m about halfway through it”).

8. Advice for Aspiring Authors (29:05–29:12)

Quote:

“Keep showing up for yourself. Keep showing up for yourself, because then you give yourself a chance. And that’s everything.”
— Heather (29:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I didn’t tell my mom, my sisters, my therapist. I didn’t tell anybody. I’m good with secrets, which if you’ve read the book, the sisters have a lot of secrets.” — Heather (03:20)
• “Are these sisters going to be able to come together and find forgiveness and take off their masks…to really allow for the kind of intimacy and vulnerability that grieving requires?” — Heather (05:11)
• “Sometimes…life forces us to change, and that’s good. It should. Otherwise, what’s the point?” — Heather (20:30)
• “I can’t tell you how desperate I am for more compassion and empathy in the world. For me, the job of an artist is to help us see each other’s humanity.” — Heather (24:14–25:00)
• “Keep showing up for yourself, because then you give yourself a chance.” — Heather (29:05)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:06 – The Irish Goodbye announced as Read with Jenna pick; secrets and family
• 04:01 – Novel summary and core tragedy
• 05:36 – Discussion on processing grief, family regression, character motivations
• 08:48 – Real-life inspirations, 9/11 loss, the Jed Foundation
• 12:01 – Character backstories and themes of mistakes/forgiveness
• 19:54 – Marriage, motherhood, and compassionate characterization
• 22:24 – Depicting aging parents and ongoing family change
• 24:14 – Empathy, humanity, and the purpose of art
• 27:17 – On secrets, external perspectives, and next book announcement
• 29:05 – Advice to writers: keep showing up for yourself

Final Thought

This episode is a heartfelt, insightful exploration of grief, familial bonds, and finding compassion. Heather Aimee O’Neill offers both literary and personal wisdom—highlighting how fiction can mirror life’s messiness and the healing that comes from vulnerability, connection, and forgiveness. Essential listening for readers interested in family sagas, the complexity of mourning, and the craft of writing with heart.