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- [00:01]
Zibby Owens
Hi listeners, Just a quick note. I'm super excited because today I found out that On Being Jewish now hit the USA Today bestseller list for the 13th week. Thank you to everyone who supported the book that I edited and came out to events last week and in other weeks to support the book. We have two giant events coming up on Being Jewish Now Live in New York and LA on March 23 and April 5. We have discounted tickets for $25 for those who need them and would love to see there. You can find them on Eventbrite and also if you go to my Instagram at Zibby Owens I put the link in bio and they're on zibi media.com so anyway, please come and in the meantime enjoy the podcast. Sorry for the interruption. I was just so excited I had to share and if you haven't left a review or a rating or anything of this podcast and you love it, would you please do that? That would really help with discovery and everything else. Thanks so much everybody.
- [01:03]
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- [01:32]
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- [02:02]
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- [02:12]
Ione Skye
Blisters.
- [02:13]
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- [02:35]
Zibby Owens
Hi, this is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby. Formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books in my daily show, I interview today's latest best selling, buzziest or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your As a bookstore owner, publisher, author and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to stay in the know, get insider insights and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbymedia.com and follow me on Instagram ibbeowensk Ione Skye is the author of say Everything A Memoir. Ione Skye has had an extensive career as an actress, making her film debut starring opposite Keanu Reeves in River's Edge, followed by her iconic role as Diane Quart in say Anything, starring opposite John Cusack and directed by Cameron Crowe. FYI, this was one of my favorite movies. Sky went on to appear in other notable film and television projects including David Fincher's Zodiac and A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon, Gas, Food, Lodging, Wayne's World, Fever Pitch, Private Practice and Private Practice and Arrested Development. Most recently, she has had regular roles on Camping, created by Lena Dunham and Jenny Connor, and has guest starred on the award winning Netflix series Beef. In addition to acting, sky is a painter who has exhibited and sold her work for 25 years. She is the author of the children's book My Yiddish Vacation and co host of the weekly podcast Weirder Together. She is the mother of two daughters and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and collaborator, the musician Ben Lee.
- [04:22]
Ione Skye
Welcome Ione, thank you so much for coming on Totally Booked with Zibby. I'm so excited to talk to you about your book. Yay.
- [04:29]
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
- [04:32]
Okay, when did you decide to write a memoir and why did you decide to do it?
- [04:36]
Well, there was some interest in my life story in a short period of time and people were sort of asking me stories about what it was like to, you know, be in the 80s and 90s in Hollywood and questions about Anthony Kiedis and different things. And so it got me thinking and also I realized my people don't know me because I'm sort of shy and ethereal, enigma, things like that. So I just really, truly wanted people to get to know my mind and get to know me and it felt, I felt excited at the idea of writing my story. And I just thought, if this project feels like it's got a good support and flow to it, I'll do it. And it did. And so I started almost three years ago.
- [05:25]
Oh, my gosh. Well, as I was saying earlier, I mean, I found it so hard to put down because it was this great mix of you showing us who you are, coming of age in this very unique way, and then peppered with all the people, like, I grew up knowing anyway. And so it was the glamour mixed with, like, everything stripped away and, like, your innermost feelings on everything from, like, sexuality to parenting. Parenting of you and then later parenting. But were there things that you were like, I'm writing a memoir. I have to make sure that people know this about me. Like, this is a misconception or whatever.
- [06:03]
Well, one thing that my mother. What was she doing? How could she let me be with Anthony Kiedis when I was young? That I was happy to describe that she. Although she saw him as, you know, she felt like, oh, I feel bad for this person. He's clearly having an addiction issue. But she and my brother were both, like, physically sick to their stomachs. And later in life, I apologized to her. I'm so sorry. That must have been a horrible few years. Well, yes, but she. There was nothing she could really do. She wasn't gonna, like, throw me in a car and drive me back home. So I don't know that I wanted to clear up that she wasn't, you know, just letting it go by with that. But apart from that, I. Apart from just in general feeling really good about people knowing me, I don't. That was about it. That was about the only specific thing.
- [06:58]
So you take us through your relationships and your career and how it got started. Why don't you just tell listeners, let's pretend they don't know who you are.
- [07:06]
Right.
- [07:07]
How you got your break, so to speak. Which I loved hearing that story and how it led to say anything and everything else.
- [07:14]
Yeah. So I think partly I did grow up in Los Angeles, and not that you just get discovered sitting on a, you know, bus stop, but there are. It is peppered with people around. And my mother had some, you know, people in the music industry, in the business. So there were people around like that. But I wasn't like, I gotta act. I wasn't one of those kids that just wanted to act. You know, as a child, my brother was. So he was auditioning up a storm. I was in high school. He was, you know, three years older, and you know, senior. And he was auditioning for this movie, River's Edge, and a friend of ours had taken a picture of us that was in the LA Weekly. And I, My brother took this in because he was like, look, I'm in a. You know, he was a real. Just, he got his own age and he was just like promoting himself. And I think the casting director saw me and knew that this sort of brunette, this sort of look of me was kind of the style that this director liked because he had done other movies, like Matt Dillon, I think was in the first movie he did, and you know, that kind of Brunetti kind of look, whatever. And my brother said, they want you to come in, they're seeing everyone. I was like, what are you talk. So I described in the book. So I got the job, which was incredible. And it was the lead and it was opposite Keanu Reeves. And I thought, well, maybe that's it. Like I, you know, just. I did this one movie and I'll go back to high school. Then I got an agent and got a job, like for this big miniseries. I think if it had petered out and was just like commercials and stuff, because my mother wasn't like, you guys act. She was just sort of baffled by the whole thing. But I think had it not been a momentum in the quality of. The jobs were great, you know, especially the second job was going to Paris in this big, you know, fabulous miniseries that was sort of fun. Anyway, so that then it just like I had like four or five years where it was just non stop and the rest is history. But it's, you know, it's a lot to keep the career going, but it's also good. I don't know, everybody has to keep something going.
- [09:19]
Well, the way you wrote about your relationship with Keanu Reeves, like, this is why I feel like you read the book and you're like, oh, I kind of know her. Because you show us that you have a crush on him and you're like, I'm just going to show up and all the details like, here I am and here I am in the bathroom. And like, then he's like, no. Or you know, all the little things, because all of you and your middle school friends and feeling like on the outsides of some of those girls, and then feeling like you were interested but then rejected, like, not enough people talk about that, right? And that you could be so successful in some ways, but then the things that are most personal and private, you feel like a failure.
- [09:59]
I know, it's funny, it's all the things that people. Most kids go through in high school, having crushes and, you know, how do I get them to like me back? But it just so happened to be Keanu Reeves. But I think it's. Well, that it wasn't that I wasn't aware of that. You know, like, this is extra exciting because even though he wasn't famous by then, he definitely just seemed like this magical person. But, yeah, it is funny to do all of that, but on a film set. And sure, I mean, the feelings are still the same, even if it's. You're both starring in a movie together.
- [10:34]
I love how you're like, no, we don't have to get out of the sleeping bag. Like, we're fine here. We're fine.
- [10:38]
We're just gonna chill.
- [10:39]
Thanks so much.
- [10:41]
I am taking this opportunity. He was such a gentleman and so great because, you know, he just is so. He's so sweet. But I don't think I'm the only woman who's tried their hardest and he's rejected.
- [10:56]
There's this other through line of sort of the search for the musician of your life. Your father abandoned you and your mother and your brother very early. Maybe abandoned is. Well, okay, should we go with. Opted to be with a different woman family and then had subsequent kids and all that. And so it left a void for you. And then as you sort of reflect at the end of the book about how you were trying to plug that hole with different musicians and your first in the line really was Anthony Kiedis, which you referenced who. And then at the end, you still say, like, when you think about your daughter, like, the idea that you could watch that happen. I know you just said that about your mom, but you were so young. Like, even he was young. You were both like, oh, I know.
- [11:41]
Yeah, he was very young, too. And when I say it was a different time, which I've said, it's not that it was okay. It was just that it was sort of. That's what a lot of people in that scene at least were like. I mean, some of the things that now are just, you know, not on the table. We know that now. So it was still, like, you know, a little dodgy. But also doing it now is almost worse than ever doing things that, you know, aren't.
- [12:12]
Whatever.
- [12:12]
You know what I'm saying. But, yeah, it's. I hope that my kids. Well, there is more communication. I mean, my mom was pretty good at communication, but now more than ever. And so. And I talk to my kids like so much about everything, like consent and all these things that we know now, which is so good.
- [12:32]
But you have these scenes where you're alone in the apartment in Hollywood, like making house but by yourself and like.
- [12:39]
Zibby Owens
A sketchy guy at the window.
- [12:41]
Ione Skye
And you just feel this sense of like, I'm trying so hard to be a grownup, but I. Like, actually, I'm not and I don't.
- [12:47]
Really want to, but I had a kind of, I don't know, pride. There was something. My mom's house wasn't that far away where I grew up, and I loved it, but I. It was strange. I had. I don't. It felt like pride, like, I can't go back, but I was so scared. It was a nice apartment, but la, even in a nice neighborhood, it's safer in New York, I feel like. Yeah, it was. It was really scary. And I had, like, you know, alarms on the windows, but then they would blow open. It'd be like, you know, guest bedroom window open. I was like. It was like, worse than almost not having the alarm, but. And no one was there. It was just. But yeah, it was really scary. But I had this nice. I had this nice job at the same time, say anything. And I still had some. My friends that I was connected to because when you're in that situation, you end up, like, hiding and feeling like, almost embarrassed. So I was kind of like my life was getting small, but when I would go to do say anything, it was such a confidence building. People were vibrant, they were happy. And it just. That's so great because finally when it snaps and you're like, what am I doing? You know, I just realized. And also meeting Adam, who is so lovely, and I was like, this is warm and wonderful. Anthony, you know, God bless him. Right now, not so warm and wonderful. So that was really good to finally snap out of it and then have all this, like, so many people just like, I love you. Let's hang out. So that was good.
- [14:21]
When that ended well, you go from Anthony Kiedis a tiny bit John Cusack scene, blah, blah, blah. And then Adam just falls head over heels in love with you. And it was so amazing. And for a while, you two were so happy.
- [14:37]
So happy. Yeah, that was wonderful.
- [14:40]
And you show us, like, you can really be your own worst enemy in a way.
- [14:44]
Oh, yeah. I mean, there's two kind of thoughts. One, I was young, and I should have been probably just, you know, college age dating and being myself and not married. And then the other, clearly I was, you know, just looking for love and didn't feel like when he was gone. Intellectually I knew we're coming back together, but emotionally I just would have abandonment issues, I guess. So on one end, I feel like sad. And I at that point could not stop myself from like, you know, whatever, just being a cheater at the time, which was so bad and it was awful and made it very hard to let go. Go of that relationship. For some reason it made him more complicated. But yeah, he really was. But I'm so happy that he really. We had. He. We really protected each other and we were both famous at the time and it was really nice. We were really good to each other. He was very, very sweet. Yeah, that's amazing. I know. It's amazing. I found a good marriage again, which is so amazing. It's like after that I was like, well, I guess I had my one shot, but I'm just happy that you can have a second chance.
- [15:58]
So you, during your relationship to Adam, you explored what you first felt as a flutter during a sleepover situation when you were a kid and then decided, okay, maybe I am bisexual. Let me explore this.
- [16:12]
Yeah, I mean, there was a very wonderful.
- [16:15]
Don't you love this? I met you like, you know, a few minutes ago when we were talking about, like. And tell me about this sexual encounter.
- [16:20]
It's. I'm happy to include it, but also I have that voice that's like. I get. But I'm very happy to include it, to be honest. But yeah, there was this really great scene in la. It was just a wonderful scene, like the L Word. Some of those people were really based on. Some of the people who actually in the scene ended up like acting in the L Word too. But it was just a wonderful scene of great women. And I don't know, I've been in therapy on and off my whole life and I not. I just was like always like, where is this? Like, we're. I would try to figure out, not in a way to, like, I have to cure myself, but just out of curiosity and what is this? And trying to figure it out. And I could never. Because that's why there's so many gender study classes because, like, who know, people cannot figure it out. But yeah, that was. Had it not been, you know, I guess it was a hard time in my life, but also a really nice time. But yeah, I have no idea what. Where that came from.
- [17:19]
At least there was in social media.
- [17:20]
Then that's true, I guess. Yeah, right.
- [17:22]
I mean, any picture you share now is up to you.
- [17:24]
That's true. That's true. I mean, some of the pictures might be really fun, but yeah, it's true. When we were young, all actors together, like, even hanging out with Drew Winona, like there was. We would just be able to hang out and just not worry and just be yourself and dress how you wanted and, you know, we're even less stylists. It was kind of a different time. A little bit. Yeah.
- [17:48]
And then as we go through your life, I feel like this isn't a spoiler because you were still married to Ben, but then you eventually you end up in a marriage where you're so happy and you've been in this long term relationship for a long time. And as you said, like in a really funny way, you're like still faithful. I know.
- [18:07]
Yeah. I think partly when I had Kate, my first kid.
- [18:11]
Oh, I skipped over David Netto.
- [18:12]
Oh, yeah, we'll go back. So I think what happened, why it all ended up nice is one, you know, you have a kid and just. You want something great for her. I did have a good, good taste with people. Like, Adam was amazing. I loved being married, believe it or not. When you read the book, it sounds like I'm all over the place, which I am. But I loved it. So I knew I like being married. I want a good situation for Kate. And I think all the work I'd done on myself, I was like, if someone. It's actually interesting. I met when I was pregnant with Kate. I was really nervous. I'm with David. And I thought, how can I? Sometimes people have their first baby and they think, is my life over? Am I going to. What's going to happen? Is it going to be interesting still, you just have these questions. And I met this couple, friends of David Netto's, who's Kate's father. And they seemed like they didn't really know what they were doing, but they were good parents. They were still stylish and fun, but they were taking the kid was the priority. And I just thought, this can be good. And also I had to believe I could have a good marriage. And so I think being older Kate and just knowing I like being married. So I don't know, I was set up for success, I guess, you know, because of all those things.
- [19:32]
I mean, really, people should have to wait, I feel until a certain age. Like we're all still developing so much. How can we possibly be? Yeah, it's like a miracle if any young marriage works out for sure.
- [19:41]
Yeah, I do feel lucky because I feel lucky that I was older because, you know, I really the maturity to be able to look, you know, at what's going on and not just be like pulled by emotions and, you know, and also Ben is like, we're both very analytical. We both love to work on ourselves. So, you know, it hasn't, you know, it's a marriage, so there's, you know, it's hard work, but we both are like really up for it, which is so nice.
- [20:13]
I love that.
- [20:13]
Yeah.
- [20:14]
My husband's about six years younger too, so I was very happy to see. Your husband is younger. You don't hear that so often.
- [20:19]
I know. And he's, he's always been like a little old man. So he's smart. But I like, yeah, it's nice that he's a little younger just because we can play tennis and he runs around. I'm a little. Yeah, he runs around better than me. But it'll be okay. It'll all work out.
- [20:36]
Zibby Owens
Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now. Even if all you've got is spare change. Here's a fact that may not surprise you. 66% of men are investing in the stock market compared to just 48% of women. Here's another one that won't surprise you either. Multiple studies have shown that women are better investors than men. Why? Because men are overconfident and women actually do their research. The investing gap means less women have the chance to build wealth now and can have huge repercussions down the road when it comes time for them to retire. The good news is that Acorns makes it easy for everyone to start investing, even kids. I have my kids invest their allowance in Acorns and they get to see it grow over time, which is really exciting and empowering for them and unites us as a family. Sign up now and join the over 13 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $22 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com books or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor. Few important disclosures@acorns.com Books Today's episode is sponsored by Wayfair. My personal style is simple, classic, elegant and timeless. And with Wayfair, I'm able to achieve all of that in all of my home and office design needs. Recently my tween daughter wanted to get a vanity for her bedroom and I said, okay, well let's go on Wayfair and check it out. And she said, well, let me look at all these other sites. And I said, no, no, no Wayfair. So she googled it and guessa came up the perfect product on Wayfair, which we ordered and we got in our home within two days. Like everything I get from Wayfair, this item is durable, great quality, looks great and fits in with our whole style aesthetic in our home, which is classic and elegant. It goes with her wallpaper and I'm just obsessed with it. As I've said on this podcast before, I've gotten all my office furniture from Wayfair and I am honestly such a huge, huge fan. So head over to Wayfair.com and find something that's just your style today. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.
- [23:26]
Ione Skye
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- [23:45]
Another sort of through line of the book they reference slightly is your dad and you developed a relationship with him over time so much and it formed like a really nice arc of the book from starting in Ireland essentially and you know, to getting back. It's beautiful. Anyway, talk a little bit about that.
- [24:03]
Yeah, I. I'll always think that it's not right to have children and not be with them. Like I won't ever think there's any reason you should do that. Like I feel like, you know what I mean? Unless whatever, there's some crazy situation. But I do feel sad for myself and upset at him still. But I also can't not want to get to know him better. Like when I left seeing him for the first time, I just wanted to know him more. So holding all those feelings at once. Like I still don't think it's right and I'm still confused and. But I just love still getting to know him and I might see him in the Spring. Unless, for some reason, I think he'll be okay with the book and everything. I haven't sent it to him, but.
- [24:49]
I think he'll be wondering.
- [24:51]
I didn't send it to him. I just gave it to. You know, I'm not so close with him. And so, to be honest, I was like, I'll just wait till it comes out. But I think he'll be all right, I think. But, yeah, I do. I'm still curious about him.
- [25:06]
And there's a lot of. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of unknown when you have someone in the world who you haven't lived with. Like a regular parent.
- [25:14]
Yeah. And it's just fascinating, too. It's also a way to get to know a part of yourself a little bit, like, genetically and just. That's. It's still fascinating to me. And there is some tenderness there. You know what I mean?
- [25:27]
Yeah, of course. Well, you have, like, all these different arcs, right. We've got your dad, we have your relationships, and then there's your career, which is also really interesting because there aren't that many sort of, let's do a retrospective of my career in acting or whatever that really take us in. And you take us into a lot of your projects and the films and what you got out of it and even acting tips and how you learn to be a better actress or actor or whatever. Talk a little bit about that because you've also, you know, you've shifted your career and maintained it for, you know, this forever, you know, your whole life.
- [26:03]
It's amazing to be able to have done that because it's, you know, being an artist, essentially. It's, you know, goes up and down. But, yeah, I always. Because it was sort of accidentally happened to me, I. People have imposter syndrome anyway, so I definitely had that. But I realized I really loved it. I loved being on a film set. Like, people would come visit sometimes and say, oh, this is boring. Like, even Ben, who's a musician, finds it boring because there's a lot of. Sit around and wait. I don't find it boring. I can talk to the writers or I can. I don't know. I'm enamored by the whole thing. So I knew that. And I love actors, so I don't know. It's. So it's been. And I love. All the different acting classes were so interesting to me, all the different methods. And so even though it sort of accidentally happened to me, I was. I am an actor, and I'm. I'd still kind of scratch my head and think, that's so wild. Because I don't seem like there's an actor type and an actress type, that I'm. Some somehow don't fit the mold. And I say in the book, I'm not exactly someone who is, like, a Hollywood player, but I've always wanted to be, and I like that. I kind of am. So it's. It's not. I don't. I watch the Oscars, and I always think, oh, I don't like the Oscars. And then I watch them. Like, I love the Oscars. So I love it. I like the industry. I like the business. I mean, you know, the business. Business is business. But I like that side of it. I like my side of it. So it's funny. But why I also like writing the book is people think I didn't want it or I'm just too cool for it. And even though I do other things and I. I don't know, it's just something that I. That's something I kind of want to clear up whether I need to or not. Maybe it's okay to be all of those things, you know?
- [27:59]
Well, you're also. I mean, you're super artistic. You're a writer. You're a painter.
- [28:03]
I love writing. Those were my first, like, basically reading, you know, the Magician's Nephew or something, and then just like, writing exactly the same story in my. Like, I did love writing and po. You know, writing poems, whatever, which a lot of people did back then. But, yeah, I love painting is also drawing. Yeah. I'm very creative.
- [28:24]
And do you find time to read now?
- [28:27]
I make myself read because it does do something to your brain and feels good. Good. So I love to read in the sun, but I'm. The sun's so bad for you. So I literally do like an egg frying. Like, I'll read, and then I'll turn over and read, and then I'll go in the shade. But I love reading in the sun. Yes. I make myself read because it's. It just. It just is different. It hits differently, as the kids say.
- [28:53]
And did you sort of study other memoirs and think of who you wanted to be like or not like?
- [28:59]
Yeah. I mean, I was like, carrie Fisher, please come inside my body so I can write funny. I wanted to be as funny, but I was like, there's no way I'm gonna be as funny. Yeah, I was. I was listening to. I listened to Barbra Streisand, and that was just when I was. I moved to Sydney, Australia, So I had all this time, so I was happy. It was so long. I listened to Al Pacinos. I read. Yeah, I was reading, rereading, like, Carrie Fisher's books. So I was trying to kind of absorb and study. And then a couple friends who wrote, like, Flea, who's. Who I'm friendly with, I asked him for advice, but I was very careful who to ask for advice, because you know how it could be annoying if the wrong. Like, some people I gave the book to, I'm like, no notes. I'm not asking unless there's something that you really want me to take out, but please don't give me any, like, tips or notes. But, yeah, I definitely was kind of going a little memoir crazy. But I used to. Sadly, I used to read so much as a kid. My mom, like, literally once I hid a book from me because she was like, you have to, like, clean your room or something. And I was like, you're hiding a book from your child. But, yeah, I. And now I wish she still reads, like, maybe it's a different generation, but she reads my mother all the time. But I wish I read more.
- [30:15]
It's busy. That's why we have podcasts about books.
- [30:18]
Zibby Owens
Then you can pick which book you want.
- [30:21]
Ione Skye
Podcasts. I like your podcast.
- [30:23]
So, yes, amazing. You mentioned that you love giving advice to actors and actresses and creatives who are starting out. When you're doing that, like, do you talk about fame itself and how, like, how do you feel about it? Overrated, underrated, annoying. Part of the. Part of the territory.
- [30:44]
I feel I've been so lucky. I'm feeling more than ever. My level of fame is I wish every famous person could have because I can go around the world and, like, do that side of it. I wish everyone could have, because I absolutely can. Like, I get noticed, like, just the right amount. So I feel like good people like me. But, I mean, I would like a little. I'm hoping after the book I have a little more action in my career, so I would like the fame to bump up a little more. So, you know, because it's really. How many seats are in the theater or nowadays how many people are watching whatever streamers shows. But yeah, I mean, I'm not. I would like more fame so I can have more options. But I think it's gonna happen. And the careers are always like, I'm sort of philosophical. Like, it just always kind of comes back again. So, yeah, I. I don't know what advice other than if you really, you know, if you can stay Long enough in it and, you know, see if it happens. Because. But people who. My friends who've tried acting and then stopped, they just were like, oh, I didn't really want to do it. So, you know, you hear that. Like, if you can stomach all of it and you really want to do it, that's different to thinking you have to do something. I've had friends who. Like a friend whose father is a doctor, but really she became like a writer and she was going down the path of trying to be a doctor for her dad. And, you know, those kinds of things, like, who are you doing it for? But being an artist, Like, I don't know if any parent, even other artists, most even actors are like, no, don't. Even if they do well, you hear them say to their kids, like, I think Bob Dylan famously told his kid to open a deli or buy a deli because, like, you just are like, this is not a great business. I'm rambling. But, you know.
- [32:38]
You're not rambling. No, I mean, these are all the things, you know, I think it's so interesting that for you, fame can be a tool to getting what you want as opposed to, like, reveling in it.
- [32:48]
Right.
- [32:49]
Like, I was at a book signing once, and there was somebody next to me who was like a famous actress who wrote a book or something, and I was like, I think I should. I wish I were famous just so that I could then sell my book.
- [33:00]
Right, right.
- [33:00]
Like, then it would be easier to sell my book about something totally unrelated.
- [33:04]
Yeah, I think it's true. It's to get somewhere. But it is fun. You do hear. And I feel the same. Other people wanting to delight the people they care about.
- [33:13]
Like, that's always really fun.
- [33:14]
The people you admire, friends who you admire, you're just like, ooh, they loved my book, or they loved my performance, or, I don't know. That's always really fun.
- [33:24]
And tell me about the process of writing this. You said it took three years.
- [33:27]
Yeah, it was good. The proposal was about. It took about a year, and it was so thorough at the end. So that was really great to hang a lot of things on. So that was wonderful, because it was. That was really good. I loved it. I was. I really was hard working with it. I loved. You know, I just. I loved writing about myself. So I must be really have a huge ego.
- [33:53]
No, not at all.
- [33:54]
But it was different. You know, I had done creative writing in my life, and memoir is so different. So I was sort of reading about writing a Little bit at the time. And I really, really, really liked it. I just. And I wasn't thinking so much about being exposed. I was thinking about exposing. I didn't want to expose others too much, but for myself, I didn't feel fearful. Now that I'm doing all the press and it's come out now I'm like, what have I done? No, I'm happy, but I'm. Now I'm a little more afraid. But I was able to kind of just, I must be good. I must, like, be thorough. So that was. It was really good. And the therapeutic part, they say when you write a memoir, it's more happening now. And I think even maybe in like, five years, I'll read it and learn more. But I almost feel like I'm too close to it. But talking about it, every time I walk away, the pieces are coming together a little bit about my life.
- [34:54]
Well, you say, you know, for anyone who's introspective and likes to work on themselves and always improve and whatever, I think writing is such a tool for that. And whether the end product gets distributed widely or stays in your computer, like, that process is not one of ego. I think it's one of understanding. So you could be a better person to the world, right?
- [35:14]
Yes, for sure. Yeah, I think. For sure. Yeah. And being, you know, I want to just be as happy as I can be. But, yes, I agree.
- [35:24]
Do you feel like you're happy now?
- [35:26]
Yeah, I think I'm, you know, knowing yourself better helps. And all of those things people say, say, like, I've noticed certain things that are great. Like, you know, when people are like, this too shall pass. And when you're young, you're like, but I feel this right now. So that's great. I'm learning. If I have an anxious night and I wake up a couple times nowadays, you know, my 20s and 30s, oh, my God, I have something tomorrow. And now I'm up and, like, I was so, like, anxious and overthinking. And now I'm like, I'll be fine because, you know, you're fine, you know, even if this happens. So I don't know. And being getting older is interesting because, yes, I care less and I'm being more bold in my acting. But also, aging is not easy. Like, last year was probably the first year that I started feeling like, oh, no, like, my face. But at the same time, you realize, wow, I'm so grateful that I'm healthy because, you know, you finally get old. You know, you're just like, you See other people who are, you know, not doing well or feeling well. So anyway, it's. It's that simultaneous thing of, like, wisdom and then dealing with getting a little older.
- [36:35]
Yeah, maybe. Maybe it was wired this way. Like we have to care a little bit less as we age, otherwise it would just be really depressing. Yeah, it's nice that we care less at the right time.
- [36:47]
Yes, exactly. Yes, that's so true.
- [36:51]
Okay, last question. For anyone out there who is thinking of writing a memoir, is there anything you learned from the whole process that.
- [36:59]
Well, just support. I had a friend, this actress, Jenna Malone, who. She's really great, and she said, why don't you write it yourself and put it out yourself? And I was like, I don't. So actually a friend of mine has this great life story and it's wonderful. And I was like, just try. Get the agent. Like, I would just recommend doing it kind of by the book because that's how I felt comfortable. I think it's great. I've made short films on my own with just me and my friends, but this, I would say, definitely get some help. People telling you, because I'm not in this business and for me, I wanted. I love, like, Patti Smith and like. But I wanted it to be, like, straightforward. So fine, you know, also you have to decide, like, are you going to do a more straightforward memoir? Or so that's another thing kind of deciding, because I thought, oh, I want it to be really, really creative. And then I just thought, no, this is memoir. I want it to be beautifully written, but like a memoir. So I put in some poetic stuff because I can't help it. But yeah. What else? Just it. Yeah, it's. It's. Some people who had written them told me, two people, I know that it was the way they said, this is an amazing experience. It was sort of like before having kids when people give you a look like, get ready, this is an amazing. And you don't know what it is until you're there. I just thought, oh, wow, they had a big experience, but I don't know. And so now having done it, I'm like, oh, that's what they're talking about. And I can't tell you exactly what that is, but now I understand the look in their eye. It's a big experience. Yeah, but good. Really good.
- [38:37]
Well, I'm glad you took the time for this big experience in your life, which is totally entertaining and sort of thought provoking for the reader. I feel like your own life could be its own movie. So you know, if you ever short of projects, you could just go for that Recreation 2.0. So anyway, thank you for this.
- [38:56]
Thank you.
- [38:56]
And thanks for writing it, putting yourself out there so much. Undoubtedly helping a lot of people along their journeys too.
- [39:03]
Yay. Thank you for having me.
- [39:04]
My pleasure.
- [39:05]
Zibby Owens
Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibi, formerly Moms don't have time to read books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram ibbeowens and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books.
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