Jennifer Grey, OUT OF THE CORNER: A Memoir

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jennifer Grey on "Out of the Corner: A Memoir"

Episode Title: Jennifer Grey, OUT OF THE CORNER: A Memoir
Release Date: January 29, 2025
Podcast: Totally Booked with Zibby Owens

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Totally Booked with Zibby Owens, host Zibby Owens engages in an intimate conversation with Jennifer Grey, renowned actress best known for her iconic role as Baby in Dirty Dancing. Grey discusses her highly anticipated memoir, Out of the Corner: A Memoir, delving into her personal experiences, challenges, and triumphs both on and off the screen.

Jennifer Grey’s Journey to Writing Her Memoir

Jennifer Grey opens up about the arduous yet rewarding process of writing her memoir. She describes the experience as akin to “having a baby,” where during the creation phase, she was often overwhelmed and uncertain, but ultimately found immense satisfaction and a desire to do it again (02:40). Despite not being a professional writer, Grey utilized her journal entries and vivid, synesthetic memories to piece together her life story:

“I have a very synesthetic memory. My memories are not who made dinner and who played with me. It was more like, I remember the texture of the corduroy, the ribbing on the corduroy dress in that photograph.”
— Jennifer Grey (02:30)

She credits Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird for inspiring her to start writing by focusing on minute details, which allowed her memories to unfold organically, like “pod by pod, bird by bird” (04:59).

Exploring Memory and Its Complexities

A significant portion of the discussion centers on Grey’s perception of memory. She describes her recollections as “scattershot” and emphasizes the sensory details that surface, often disconnected from specific events:

“I remember the smell. I can remember exactly what the lady. I could feel it.”
— Jennifer Grey (06:00)

Grey explains how her memoir captures these fragmented memories, presenting them as dreamlike snapshots that gradually form a cohesive narrative. This approach not only preserves the authenticity of her experiences but also highlights the intricate relationship between memory and storytelling.

Chronic Pain and Resilience

Grey bravely addresses her struggles with chronic pain resulting from a car accident ten days prior to pivotal moments in her life. She discusses the physical and emotional toll of her injuries, including nerve damage and surgeries, and how writing about these experiences was both painful and cathartic:

“...it was like a frog in the water. And you don't know it's getting hotter until you're too weak to jump out.”
— Jennifer Grey (16:32)

She reflects on the concept that pain serves as a barometer for unresolved emotions, referencing Dr. Sarno’s theories on psychosomatic pain. Grey emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing one’s feelings to mitigate physical suffering:

“...if you say to yourself, I'm feeling this feeling. What am I mad about? Nothing. Well, if you were mad at anything, what could you be mad at?”
— Jennifer Grey (19:58)

Motherhood and Personal Transformation

A heartfelt segment of the conversation revolves around Grey’s experience becoming a mother and how it transformed her life perspective. She shares the profound love she feels for her daughter and the sense of purpose it brought:

“...the love and the amount of how important it feels that I give her everything in my power so that she can have a good life to the best of my ability.”
— Jennifer Grey (29:00)

Grey discusses the challenges of parenting, such as striving for perfection and dealing with the relentless nature of the role, yet finds solace in the continuous opportunities to grow and improve:

“It is impossible. And yet there is always the next day to try again. I feel like that's the saving grace.”
— Jennifer Grey (27:03)

Intergenerational Insights and Legacy

Exploring her relationship with her daughter, Grey reveals how her memoir serves as a bridge between generations. She expresses pride and joy in her daughter’s engagement with the book, highlighting the importance of sharing personal stories to foster understanding and growth:

“She said, I just can't believe how good your book is, how much grace you have. And I said, well, here's the thing, honey. Everything that I have is in you.”
— Jennifer Grey (29:30)

Grey emphasizes the legacy she hopes to leave through her memoir, inspiring her daughter to pursue her passions and embrace her talents with confidence.

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Grey expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share her story and the therapeutic journey of writing her memoir. She acknowledges the support of her editor and the fulfillment she feels in bringing her experiences to life for others to learn from and connect with.

Zibby Owens wraps up the conversation by congratulating Grey on her memoir and the upcoming sequel to Dirty Dancing, highlighting the multifaceted nature of Grey’s career and personal growth.

Key Takeaways

• Authentic Storytelling: Grey’s memoir employs a synesthetic approach to memory, focusing on sensory details to create an immersive narrative.
• Healing Through Writing: The process of writing her memoir served as a therapeutic outlet for Grey, helping her navigate chronic pain and emotional trauma.
• Motherhood as Transformation: Becoming a mother profoundly changed Grey’s outlook on life, instilling a deep sense of purpose and resilience.
• Intergenerational Connection: Grey emphasizes the importance of sharing personal stories to bridge generational gaps and inspire future generations.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Writing Process:
  “It's been kind of like having a baby... I'd do it again.”
  (02:40)

• On Memory:
  “I remember the texture of the corduroy... that was not gonna make a very good book.”
  (03:00)

• On Chronic Pain:
  “Pain is our biggest teacher, right? It just tells us what we need.”
  (18:00)

• On Motherhood:
  “I just love being pregnant. I loved feeling like that's all I need to do right now.”
  (28:00)

• On Legacy:
  “Everything that I have is in you.”
  (29:30)

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Jennifer Grey’s candid and heartfelt discussion provides listeners with a profound understanding of the complexities of her life experiences, the challenges she has overcome, and the legacy she aims to leave through her memoir. This episode is a testament to resilience, self-discovery, and the enduring power of storytelling.

Transcript

[Zibby Owens]

Hi, this is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books. In my daily show, I interview today's latest best selling, buzziest or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your time. As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to stay in the know, get insider insights and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbymedia.com and follow me on Instagram. Iby Owens hi everybody.

[Jennifer Grey]

This is one of the Replay bonus.

[Zibby Owens]

Episodes to get you through the holiday season. Maybe you missed some. There have been over 2000 episodes. We are going into a rebrand where we're going to be changing the name of the podcast from Moms don't have Time to Read Books to Zibby's Podcast. So that is happening in the new year. In the meantime, have a listen, enjoy and let me know what you think.

[Jennifer Grey]

Bye.

[Zibby Owens]

Jennifer Grey is the author of out of the A Memoir. She is best known for her iconic portrayal of Baby opposite Patrick Swayze in the beloved classic Dirty Dancing, which earned her a Golden Globe nomination for Best Actress. By the way, I literally saw Dirty Dancing in in the theaters seven times when it came out, not to mention the bazillion times I've seen it since. Her numerous film, television and theater credits spanned decades, including starring roles in Zoe Trope's sailing masterpiece Wind Singing a duet alongside Madonna in Bloodhounds on Broadway as a gorilla fighter in John Milius's Red dawn, her Ace Award nominated taxi dancer in Peter Bogdanovich's episode of the Showtime series Fallen Angels Gray is currently teaming up with Lionsgate on the long awaited sequel of Dirty Dancing, which she will star in and for which I cannot wait.

[Jennifer Grey]

Welcome Jennifer. Thank you so much for coming on. Moms don't have time to read books. I'm so excited to talk about your memoir.

I know. I'm so excited to talk about it too. I'm so excited that you finally got to know what it was I was talking about all that time.

Seriously.

Thanks to make that happen.

It's not easy. I mean, you put so much in. I mean you just. I mean it was beautifully done and so much. I see. I mean, sometimes it's hard to find the right container for all the different stories, right? You've had such diverse experiences and with so many different characters and everything. How do you feel having gotten to the end of this project?

It's been so. I think it's been one of the best experiences of my life. Kind of like having a baby. Like, when you're doing it, you're like, what the hell is going on? And then afterwards, you're like, I'd do it again. I mean, the truth is that for me, having never been a writer, I'd written journals as a kid, and I had always liked writing, but it was mostly just for myself. And I had this really, really minimal amount of memories. Really. Like, scattershot. Is that the expression, scattershot? Yeah. It was just not. There was not a lot of. I didn't have a contiguous through line. I just had these, like, slides of memories. I mean, it was never like this happened, then that happened, and that happened. It was more like, well, let me just get down on my computer with these two fingers, because I don't even type. Like, these two fu Fingers really slowly, which made me actually take my time because of how slow I am with a computer, that I would just try to get what I knew out. And once I got what I knew out, then I would just put it aside, and then I would just get the next thing that I could remember. And they were very much. I have a very synesthetic memory. My memories are not who made dinner and who played with me. It was more like, I remember the texture of the corduroy, the ribbing on the corduroy dress in that photograph. Or I remember the texture of the wallpaper that was silver with kind of matte, chalky white design on it. I was like, well, that's not gonna make a very good book. Okay. And then I would. So I would just do it in little dreamlike. Just little snapshots. And then I almost felt like it started to meet me. The book started to, like, give me more. And, like, I remember when I was first thinking, maybe I should try writing. I read the Anne Lamott book, the Bird by Bird, and she talks about school lunches. Do you remember that?

Sort of, yes.

She would say, start with what you had in your school lunch. And I'd be like, oh. And then you concentrate on this really, really minute detail. And then it almost opens up. Like, I picture it like a pomegranate. And in my head, my brain, my memory bank are just all of those little pods, and they're all juicy and they're all intact. They're all mashed together. And that's how I just see It. And all of a sudden, I would just, like, pod by pod, bird by bird. I would just. I would notice things being revealed to me without me pushing on the door. And then I would get excited by the fact. Well, I remember I would sit with my dad doing his makeup, and I would go on the matinee. And I remember it like it was yesterday, though I can't tell you what I had for dinner yesterday. I remember the smell. I can remember exactly what the lady. I could feel it. I could feel where the doorway was, where the people would come in. And yet I can't remember so many things. So I just tried to let myself be as odd and stop judging and deciding it was odd. Just take. Let's just see what we have and stop pushing on it. And as soon as I stopped pushing on it, I would also say to myself, well, what else doesn't have to be related. Just what else? Well, I remember. Oh, that was bad. How did that happen? I don't know, but I remember being in Rio and how that happened. I'm like, what did your parents say? I don't remember it. But this I do remember. I remember the wild dogs on Ipanema Beach. And then I found a little scrap of. And then I had all these diaries that I was reading to refresh my memory. And I would see, like, notes and saying. Like, a note that I never sent to the guy that I went away with saying, and how could you have just let me, like, let me just throw up on the side of the road? And I was like, I don't even remember that. And I was like, that was. That's really bad. And so I thought. I mean, like, there's. You go, like, did I imagine this? This is so terrible and also so amazing because I've had such amazing great fortune and such lightning in a bottle. Good luck. And then bizarre, surreal turns of events that I can't find anyone who could share that experience with me. Does that answer your question?

That answered my question. Yeah. It's crazy about memory. The short term versus the long term. And I feel like I've gotten to the point where friends of mine will tell me a story, but it won't come back. It used to be that they'd remind me of something we all did, and I would remember it. And now I'm like, nope, just don't have that memory at all.

That happens, too. But then all of a sudden, I can. They can. Like, I can all of a sudden think about, like, the party in East Hampton where everyone was, You Know, making out and everyone was getting stoned, and I can just. All of a sudden, I could hear the crinkle of the Pepperidge Farm paper that was all pleated.

That was sit love that, you know.

With, like, I could. I could feel, like, the tin of the banana cake with the buttercream frosting.

Yep.

Right. And how moist it was and this. And then bending. I could feel the bending.

Totally.

Right.

Nobody does it like Sara Lee, right?

No, nobody doesn't like.

Nobody doesn't like. Yes, exactly.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee.

Yeah, we had those all the time in the freezer.

Yeah, that makes me want to get one right now and put it right.

I don't know. I feel like there used to be all these products that all of us shared in addition to, like, shared entertainment and everything, and now, you know, I.

Think we have more connectivity because we all know you're soaking in it, or we all know plop, plop, fizz, fizz. Because we had no choice about. We were forced to watch the same commercials because we were forced to watch a limited amount of shows. And it was either that or do your homework or write your diary or practice your recorder. It was just like, you never had to be. You had to be bored in order to watch that awful American. What was it called? Animal Kingdom. Yule Gibbons. Like, oh, that was so depressing. But it made connectivity between us because there was one movie that would come out that summer. Yes, Butch Cassidy or whatever it was. And we all saw the same thing. And now everyone sees everything and they see whatever they want all day long. It's just. I don't know. I do sound like an old lady. Like.

No, I feel the same way. I feel the same way. And it was such a particular generation. I feel like even. Just like, even 10 years younger than me. It's not the same thing.

Yeah.

I don't know. But in your memoir, one of the things I was so struck by was just how, despite all the love in your life, how just on your own, you seem to be, like, without anybody catching you when you were falling, the Johnny Carson moment. For me and the dress, I know it's not the end of the world wearing the same destitute premieres, but just how fragile you were. Literally, basically broken and not even realizing it and then having to be thrust into all these situations and just who was, like, taking care of you, you know, how do you get over that? And obviously you made it through and all of that, but, you know, I just. I don't know. My heart Just kind of went out to you. You think that in these moments, they're like the best moments of someone's life, and yet it could be the exact opposite.

Well, especially because I. Ten days before, I had just been in the car accident.

Yeah.

I would think that I would have extra special kid gloves.

Yes.

And a lot of people showing up and offering me clothes or lending me money or taking me shopping. It was culturally, the generational shift of what it was like to be a mom and dad in those days was very different, obviously. I mean, my parents were. We were super close. Super close. Almost too close. Almost two. All over me. Right. Which created the individuating rebellion that had to ensue to just. It's the natural course of things, you know, goes from child to adult. But my parents, when they would go to Europe, they would go for weeks maybe, and they would be like, we're going to call collect on Sunday nights. Be home, you know, I was like, okay. Then we'd wait for the call and we'd get the call. But they would, like, come back. They would do little, like, let's, you know, stand on this and we'll put an outline on your foot so we can get you shoes. And they'd come back with, like, presents from Italy or whatever, little matchbooks from the gritty palace or whatever. But there was a lot of them doing their own thing. Doing. Which was really considered. They weren't even socialites the way some of my other friends were socialites. But they had a big career and they went away on vacations without us. And I was taking the bus to school. I was starting probably very early in grade school. Like, for third grade, I would take the crosstown bus, and then I'd take the 5th Avenue bus to go to the Fleming School. So it was considered. I remember being walked to the bus the first few times, getting my bus pass and just traveling the city by myself as a kid.

I have to say, though, I think the buses must have been different. I took the bus everywhere, too. We all took the bus. But, like, the buses were filled with all the kids going to school. I don't know that it's the same thing. You know, the bus pass. I was like, what color is going to be this month?

I haven't been a bus around school time for a long time.

Okay, well, I'm just telling you, the kids, most of the kids. Well, I shouldn't say that. It's not. Anyway.

But I took the subway when I was going to the United nations school. I would take The Lexington Avenue subway. And that was a. That was gnarlier.

Yeah, I can.

Really young. And I remember being, like, scared and. But it was. It was. We were much more. I mean, nobody had cell phones. When went to Europe as a teenager, I just had maybe $200 of traveler's checks, and that's it. No credit card, no cell phone. It was much more the norm at the time to not hear from your parents or them to hear from you for long periods of time. And it wasn't out of lack of love. It was just normal. And in a way, it created a resilience in me and an independence in me. Even though to this day, I just, you know, deeply attached to my parents. Like, they're both alive, they're both 90, and I'm just like. I talk to them every day. I just can't imagine my life without them. And as a kid, I lived in terror of anything happening to my parents. So super bound to them, super dependent on them. But there was a thing in me that was. I could handle myself. I could handle myself. I mean, I took night trains in Europe by myself. And I mean, I don't know. I didn't even know where I was going. I was like, I think I'll go to the South Americans. And I would just go on, like, get on, like, look on the train schedule and get on the train and not know where I'm going and get to San Tropez. Where should I stay? I didn't know anybody. No friends there. Like, that's pretty. I don't know. I just can't imagine. Yeah. My child living. It's just different. It was a time when travel was different. And it was. It didn't feel like we didn't know we could have a phone. You know, there was the pension with the one, you know, the ring.

Yes.

You know, and you're like, hi, I'm okay. I've got more travelers. Say more job. You don't have anyone. Okay, I'll see you. Okay, bye.

I do think. I mean, part of the attachment or the intense worry about something happening to your parents. I feel like that's so classic anxiety stuff. Right.

Which you talk about. I'm very classic anxiety stuff, as you can tell from my book.

Yes. And you real. I mean, you talk about it. Yeah. Yeah.

But I didn't know it. I didn't know what it was because we didn't talk about that kind of stuff then. I knew there are people who had depression, but I didn't have that. I didn't know there was any medicine for me. I didn't know I had adhd. I didn't know I had anxiety. I didn't know that I had auditory processing. I was just like, okay, just going to make this work. What do I have to do to get through this? Yeah, because it was the Wild west compared to now, Right?

So true. I think it's so interesting that you had all these fears. And also, you know, there's this whole movement of your body, keeps the score and all this stuff, and how your body can internalize things. And here you are living life with this chronic pain that's not addressed for so long. And I know a lot of it was exacerbated or perhaps just totally caused by the accident, but the amount and how you described it in such detail in the book and the operations and just the deterioration of the vertebrae and how much pain. That scene in the shower where you were on your bed like you couldn't. The nerve damage, I don't know. I mean, that was so intense. What was it like to relive it as you wrote about it? And how do you feel now?

Well, just talking about it makes my neck tight. No, no, I'm kidding. You know, I have very, very special. I take very special care of my spine now. And I know that there's certain things I can and can't do, but in certain things, I must do. I must extras. Like if my head's like this too long, I have to pull it back. I know that I have to move, that if I don't move, things really get really spasmy. I just treat myself like if I was a diabetic, I'd have to shoot myself with insulin. It's just one of those things that I've learned to care for. Oh, I'm not good in that. If I'm sitting in a restaurant, I can't sit like this. For the. If I took a plane, airplane ride with you, I would have to switch seats halfway through if we were talking, because I can't just sit this. I have to then sit this way. It's just like special needs that you just start to understand what it needs. But the idea of chronic pain is really so debilitating because it's like a frog in the water. And you don't know it's getting hotter until you're too weak to jump out. But you could have jumped out, but it just is incremental. So your world just gets smaller and smaller and you start just accommodating all of these things to try to figure out how to get out of pain. Because pain is our biggest teacher, right? It just tells us what we need. And it. Usually, for me, it's a really great barometer to know if I'm anxious or unhappy about something and not expressing it, I'll just start to feel it and I'll be like, oh, what are you trying to tell me? Oh. Oh, okay. Oh, was that. What am I. There's that Sarno book. I actually saw Dr. Sarno and he's like, your neck's fine. You're angry. I'm like, well, now I'm angry. I just waited like a year to get in with you. But anyway. But what he talks about is really interesting, which is if you are what he has, he calls a good. If you're a good or a pleaser or somebody who thinks about other people's needs ahead of your own, you're more likely to have this particular. He has a name for it, whatever this thing is. And what happens is you're not allowed to be mad. You're not allowed. You're basically trained to not have needs, not be angry, otherwise the love will be taken away. And so what happens is, if you are mad or you're angry instead of feeling it or expressing. Which is too threatening for your system, your family system, or whatever your ecosystem is that you swimming in, that if you start. If you're a migraine sufferer, let's say, or if you have a neck issue, instead of going, oh, I've got a bad neck. Because if I say, oh, I've got a migraine, you'll say, oh, go lay down. And I'll never have to tell you I'm mad. But if he says. If you say to your body, if you say to yourself, I'm feeling this feeling. What am I mad about? Nothing. Well, if you were mad at anything, what could you be mad at? Nothing. Everything's fine. Pick one thing you could be mad at. Blah, blah, blah. You know, the fact that I had to learn, okay, go into that feeling. You don't even have to say it to the person. Just making it conscious can literally change the way that oxygen is sent to that section of your brain. Your stomach, your, you know, nervous, anything, whatever your thing is, becomes like. What's it called? Like a. You know, the.

When it's psychosomatic.

No, no, it's not psychosomatic because it's physical, but when it's a scapegoat. Oh. So what happens is you don't have to get mad. You can say, oh, I'm just really have a terrible migraine and then everyone's nice to you because you're injured. So now it literally changes the way oxygen is sent to that spot. Don't you think that's interesting?

I find that fascinating, yes.

So if I have a chronic problem of like, I have a bad back, I have a bad, well, I could say, like, there's a lot that I was never aware of being angry about because I like, who would love me if I was angry? Who would be able to tolerate my displeasure or disappointing them? And then you realize you've put yourself in this little corner, if you will, and then you're living your life in corners because you're not really free to be you and me the way Marlo Thomas said, like, you're not free to. To have feelings that are unpopular or to disappoint people are not, you know, put everyone ahead of yourself and then you, of course you're mad. It's just there's no balance to that. So I don't know if that's a long winded answer, but something I found.

That totally interesting and I have feel.

Free to cut it out.

I'm not cutting it out. Are you kidding? I'm about to go try that with somebody in my orbit who does this frequently. I'm going to try this.

Give yourself what if you were mad about something, what would it be? You have to pick something and then the more you experience and feel it, you watch the brain not have to divert to your weak spot, which is legit because you have a problem that's been legitimized by a doctor.

Wow.

Let me know how it goes.

I will report back. It's excellent. I loved reading about your becoming a mother and how that changed your approach to life and your feelings about your daughter and what that was like. So just tell me a little more about that and even what it was like writing about it and just some of the joy and how that moment shifted everything.

[Zibby Owens]

Today's episode is sponsored by acorns. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with $5 or even just your spare change so you don't need to feel like financial wellness is impossible. Acorns gives you small, simple steps to get you and your money back on track. And it's the New year when we all make New Year's resolutions. Last year I made a resolution to go to the gym more often. I tried to say I would go once a week. Basically I think I've gone to the gym like three times in the whole last year. But I am not giving up on my resolutions. And saving money and making smart financial decisions is a resolution that ACORNS makes.

[Jennifer Grey]

It really easy to keep.

[Zibby Owens]

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[Jennifer Grey]

It's amazing.

[Zibby Owens]

Head to acorns.com books or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns Tier 1 compensation provided investing involves risk Acorn Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures at acorns.com,/books well, actually before, when you.

[Jennifer Grey]

Were asking me how it felt to revisit the accident and all the pain and the surgeries and stuff, it was hard because it's. You go back into the scene in order to try to remember everything you can remember, and it's painful. And then when I looked at the parts in which I betrayed myself by not fighting for my career, not fighting, allowing people to treat me in ways that I wished I had known better, that regret of being so empathetic to the fact that I felt so. I didn't feel like I had a right to pursue my dream. That to be a good person means that I would have to subjugate. Sub. What's the word? Subjugate? No, I would have to capitulate for to serve the master of whatever that person is. Usually a man, usually a parent, usually a person that I've just been wired to serve. And all of a sudden when I got to the good part of getting to write about having my daughter, it was like going on vacation. It was like, oh, that's what I had to go all through. Through all that for. Because all of this stuff that I thought I wanted, all the whether it was fame, money or recognition or people to love me or not put me in the corner, whatever the thing was that I was. Had no. I had no capacity to change certain things. I felt so stunted and shunted and every other unted that I could think of. And I got pregnant and I was just. It was literally like I was released. I was released and I knew that There was no place that I would rather be. I knew there was no job more important. I wasn't jealous of anyone. I wasn't sad. I met this beautiful man who was doing this with me and was, like, showing up. And I just love being pregnant. I loved feeling like that's all I need to do right now. And I had the luxury of not having to do crappy job at the same time. And that I got to luxuriate in recognizing I almost didn't make it. I was 41 when I gave birth, and I got pregnant like that, naturally. And I didn't even think that that was that special because I was in so much denial about the realities. And then, you know, having it be scary that maybe she wasn't okay. And then I realized I don't care about anything else. I don't care about anything else. Just make my baby okay. And to this day, I'm just. I'm still trying to get a little bit more me centric, but it's like, really intense because the love and the amount of how important it feels that I give her everything in my power so that she can have a good life to the best of my ability, because there's so much out of my hands, but that I've done a good job. And it's a job that you never can do perfectly, which is really infuriating. Is always something I'm not doing perfectly. And that just should. That'll learn me. It's the hardest job to do well, isn't it? Consistently.

It is impossible. And yet there is always the next day to try again. I feel like that's the saving grace.

Right? And there's no end to those chances. And the fact that I literally be like, today's the day. I'm going to conquer naps or whatever it is. I'm going to get her to get that second nap, damn it. Or whatever it is. Right? And then they get older and you're like, wow, my job's almost done here. This is intense. Yes. And then. And then you realize how little control you have over any of it. That they're just this soul on their own, doing their thing and on their journey. And just like, my parents tried their best and did a great job. Same will. She'll be writing some book about me. And I would have said, like, wow, man, I really tried. Just like they did, and I did better. And then she'll do better than me. That's just evolution, in my opinion.

Have you talked with her about your book? Has she read it?

So I was living with her during the pandemic, when I was in earnest, writing every day because I'd started a couple years ago. But once the pandemic hit, she. All I was doing was working. And so I would say, hey, can I read you something? Can I read you something? And she'd be like, okay. And I'd see her be like, okay, how long is it? And I'd be like, just a paragraph. It was always like I was squeezing out a few more, you know, like, it's just a paragraph and I don't want her to see I'm reading really fast, you know. And she'd be like, wow, that's great. That's great. I said, okay, thanks. And then at the end I said, I really want you to read it. I really feel like I want you to. Because I wrote it pretty much for me, but also for her because I feel like what they. I believe, this is my opinion, that I don't know how much you talk about epigenetics. You understand about epigenetics, but there is so much, in my opinion, expressed genetically unsaid things that they perceive more than what we tell them. And that if I could give her any more insight or understanding, because she didn't know me as a girl, she didn't know me as a struggling actress. She didn't know me really getting beat up in the romantic world, in my adventures. She didn't know. Know that each time I was landing on my feet, you know, a little bit lighter, you know, the cost was great, but that I could continuously learn, continuously get better. She wouldn't know that part of me. So I thought, any way I can show her what is in her from, you know, in her genes, expressed the trauma that's expressed in her genes and the anxiety and all these things, as well as the incredible great stuff I have and the great stuff that my ex husband has, you know, the other day, so what happened was she said, I don't want to read it until I get the hard copy book, because, you know, I like to underline and annotate and I want to annotate and I want the real thing because that's the book I want to give to my kids.

Oh, that's so sweet.

So the other day she started annotating, underlining, and then she texted me, I'm so proud of you, mama. And I'm like, why? And then she showed me a picture. She just moved into her own first apartment. And she showed me, took a picture of my book sitting at her Bedside table. She said, you have so much grace. I said, honey, it was like the best day of my life. And she said, I just can't believe that you know how to write a book that you wrote. No, she didn't say. She said, I just can't believe how good your book is, how much grace you have. And I said, well, here's the thing, honey. Everything that I have is in you. And everything amazing about your dad is also in you. She's grown up with two famous parents, and that's, you know, having grown up the child of a famous actor. I know that it is. It comes with its own pressure and burden of, like, will I ever get to be what they were? Because, you know, it just looks like fairy tale if you're. If you're a kid, right? How did that happen? And so I said, because she is so much like me and so much like my ex husband. She is. I said, you have. Because she's a writer. She wants to be an actor. She's, you know, pursuing it. And I said, please start writing, because the best thing you could do is to be able to write material for yourself to act in and not be waiting for someone to give you permission to do what you love. And she's like, I know, I know, I know. I said, I'm telling you everything that I am. You could do anything I have and better. Same with your dad. You've got really talented. You've got a dad who can write and direct and act and is charming and smart and curious. All of that's in you. I just think it's cool to know I can see it in her. There's no reason she shouldn't have. Whatever it is that she decides makes her happy.

I love that. I love the image of your book on her bedside with her notes in it. Oh, my gosh. I mean, that's like the dream, right? And to have her be so positive. Oh, my gosh. I mean, you may have had a lot of bad days of parenting, but I feel like that is the score at the end. When you can get to a moment like that, it's like, you know what? It didn't matter about the two naps, right? Because here you are.

No, it's all about the helicopter shot. You know, just like, we pull up and we just look and we go. Not too shabby. Like this morning, my dad finally got the book. I was asking them to send him to him, and he was like, why haven't I gotten it yet? I called him this morning because he got Covid the other day. Oh, no, none of us have had it. My ex husband just got it. My dad just got it right after his 90th birthday. And I just.

[Zibby Owens]

Oh, no.

[Jennifer Grey]

So excited to see him. And he. So the book arrived just in time. So he's home isolating. And he was so sweet this morning. He was like, my God, you're writing. And I was like, I can't believe I've lived to have this moment. Like, everyone else can say it's shite, but my dad, I just can't. Yeah. So I've been very protective of it because it's so scary. And I just didn't want to have too many voices in my head. I really tried as well as I could to write my story. And also being so mindful and so concerned about hurting other people or anyone else, misunderstanding it and just knowing that this is just my story as I deserve to tell it because it's my life. But it's not me speaking for anyone else. It's just what I remember. And memory can be faulty. But I tried my very best to just say what happened from my perspective.

I love it. And the love you felt for your family, it totally came through. I mean, it really did. It was amazing. Congratulations.

I'm so glad you read it.

Oh, yeah, I read every word. I really. I couldn't get enough. I was like, couldn't believe some of the stuff you'd been through, the adventures. I mean, I felt like I went on the wildest ride. It was fabulous. Thank you. The highs, the lows, the trips, you know, your life. And now everybody gets to be in your shoes and. Oh, my gosh. Anyway, well done. Great job. Congratulations. I hope you get everything you want out of this whole journey of publication.

It's kind of there. I mean, to me, the writing of it was so. Such a Herculean effort for me, and the fact that I did it myself. And then I had this wonderful editor named Barbara Jones, who I hired the last few months. And we just did. We just did, really. Day hours, just on zoom, never in person. And she just helped shape it. And I just know. I can't believe I did it. It's a little like a dream. So I kind of feel like the rest of it's, you know, icing on the cake. Well, still.

All right, well, thank you.

I'm so happy that you read it and I'm so glad to be here with you. And congratulations on Princess Charming.

Oh, thank you.

How do you feel?

Oh, it's so fun. I love my Kids are so a part of everything. I've been putting my older daughter in the Princess Charming costume and bringing her. Oh, my gosh. I'm like, that's my daughter in there.

So what does that feel like?

Oh, it's great. She's having a blast. You know, the book was really about her, so the fact that she's there, literally in the costume about the book, that's really about her. It's also, like, meta.

I was gonna say. It's so meta.

Right? It's. Yeah. So. But it's been. It's been great. But thank you for mentioning so.

Well, I'm excited for you. I can't wait to see it.

Thank you. All right, well, thank you for coming on Mom's no Time to read Books.

And it's a pleasure. I'm just so happy to see you on your podcast instead of in person.

Yes.

And thank you for being so generous to me when I was feeling so I'd lost. Man, when you're out there before, you figure it out, like, I don't know, it was just thinking back on it, if just a lot's happened, but it was all there. I just was like, now it's done.

Totally get it all done. All right. Enjoy your time here. Okay, thanks so much. Bye.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram, Iby Owens, and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books.