Podcast Summary: "WHAT MY FATHER AND I DON'T TALK ABOUT: Sixteen Writers Break the Silence"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Totally Booked with Zibby
• Host: Zibby Owens
• Episode Title: Michele Filgate, Kelly McMasters, and Joanna Rakoff, WHAT MY FATHER AND I DON'T TALK ABOUT: Sixteen Writers Break the Silence
• Release Date: May 29, 2025

Introduction

In this deeply moving episode of Totally Booked with Zibby, host Zibby Owens engages with esteemed authors Michelle Filgate, Kelly McMasters, and Joanna Rakoff to discuss their contributions to the anthology "What My Father and I Don't Talk About: Sixteen Writers Break the Silence." This collection delves into the often unspoken and complex relationships between fathers and their children, offering raw and heartfelt narratives that resonate with many listeners.

Guest Introductions

Michelle Filgate is the editor of What My Father and I Don't Talk About. Her writing has been featured in prestigious publications such as Long Reads, Poets and Writers, The Washington Post, and The Paris Review. Michelle holds an MFA in fiction from NYU, where she received the Stein Fellowship, and currently teaches writing at the New School.

Joanna Rakoff is an international bestselling author known for her memoir My Salinger Year and the novel A Fortunate Age, which won the Goldberg Prize for Jewish Fiction and the Elle Readers Prize. Her works have been translated into 20 languages, and My Salinger Year was adapted into a film released in 2021. Joanna's writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Guardian, Oprah, and Vogue.

Kelly McMasters is an essayist, professor, and mother, with notable works including Leaving A Memoir and Welcome to Shirley: A Memoir from an Atomic Town, the latter inspiring the Sundance Selects documentary The Atomic States of America. She co-edits the anthologies Women Writing About Desire and Women Writing About Home. Kelly is an associate professor of English and Director of Publishing Studies at Hofstra University.

Origins of the Anthology

Michelle Filgate explains the inception of the anthology series, which began with her viral essay "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About". Observing the widespread response, she identified a significant demand for stories about paternal relationships, leading to the creation of the father-focused companion anthology.

"I wanted to do an anthology because the subtitle of both of these anthologies are... writers break the silence." — Michelle Filgate [06:45]

Joanna Rakoff discusses how TikTok played an unexpected role in popularizing the first anthology, with young women sharing their love for the book, resulting in millions of views and driving demand for the sequel.

"They just were talking about how much they liked the book. It was like a quick video that was like maybe a minute long..." — Joanna Rakoff [07:45]

Joanna Rakoff’s Contribution

Joanna Rakoff delves into her essay titled "Thumbs Up", reflecting on her relationship with her father and the subtle ways he communicates love and connection. She explores themes of emotional distance, legacy, and the evolving nature of parent-child relationships.

"He is obsessed with collecting memorabilia that reminds him of his youth." — Joanna Rakoff [26:14]

Joanna highlights the difficulty of writing about someone close, emphasizing how her insights deepened her understanding of her father's character and their interactions.

"I really love my mom a lot, and our relationship is complicated, and I love my dad a lot, but I'm really close with my dad..." — Joanna Rakoff [26:14]

Kelly McMasters’ Contribution

Kelly McMasters shares her heartfelt essay, which intertwines her experiences growing up with her father and the emotional complexities that have shaped their relationship. She reflects on her father's methods of communication and the impact of his passing on her understanding of fatherhood.

"He couldn't talk to me about what he necessarily wanted to be talking to me about... but he did it in his own way." — Kelly McMasters [24:28]

Kelly discusses the therapeutic process of writing, describing how crafting her essay felt like a personal breakthrough and a way to honor her father’s legacy.

"I had a lot of trouble writing this essay... but I did, and it was much easier in that setting." — Kelly McMasters [30:03]

Michelle Filgate’s Insights

Michelle Filgate reflects on her role as editor and contributor, sharing how writing about her own father provided a sense of closure and deeper understanding of familial bonds. She discusses the universal desire to explore and articulate complex feelings towards parents.

"We were just at the LA Times Book Festival... sometimes the whole piece is just throat clearing until the final graph." — Michelle Filgate [32:04]

Michelle emphasizes the evolving nature of parent-child relationships and how sharing these stories can inspire listeners to reflect on their own relationships.

"What stories would I write about my dad? And should I go write them?" — Michelle Filgate [29:28]

Impact and Reflections

The conversation turns to the emotional impact of sharing such personal stories and the communal healing that can arise from breaking silence. The guests express hope that listeners will find solace and understanding through the anthology, encouraging them to explore their own unspoken narratives.

Joanna Rakoff remarks on the fluidity of personal narratives, acknowledging that perspectives and feelings may change over time.

"My story is gonna change, just like I would change the essay in my first book." — Joanna Rakoff [30:03]

Kelly McMasters discusses the empowerment that comes from redefining legacies and the importance of open conversations about fatherhood.

"It feels empowering and I'm glad that I have that now to know, to have a new understanding of what he had to work against, to parent in the way that he did." — Kelly McMasters [34:15]

Conclusion

The episode concludes with heartfelt thanks to the authors and contributors for their courageous sharing of personal stories. Michelle Filgate congratulates the team on the anthology's launch, highlighting the collective effort in bringing these narratives to life.

"Thank you so much to all of you and to all the contributors for contributing to what my father and I don't talk about. Congrats." — Michelle Filgate [34:15]

Zibby Owens wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to engage with the anthology and support the authors by purchasing their books.

"If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram @zibbyowens and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books." — Zibby Owens [34:31]

Key Takeaways

• Personal Narrative as Healing: Sharing deeply personal stories about father-child relationships can be a powerful tool for healing and understanding.

• Evolving Relationships: Relationships with parents are dynamic and can change over time, influencing how we perceive and relate to them.

• Community and Connection: Anthologies like What My Father and I Don't Talk About create a sense of community, allowing individuals to see reflections of their own experiences in others' stories.

• The Power of Writing: Writing serves as a therapeutic process, enabling authors to explore and articulate complex emotions and relationships.

This episode offers a poignant exploration of father-child dynamics, enriched by the authors' candid reflections and literary prowess. Whether you’re navigating similar relationships or seeking to understand the intricacies of familial bonds, this discussion provides valuable insights and heartfelt narratives.