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Totally Booked with Zibby
Rebecca Minkoff, FEARLESS: The New Rules for Unlocking Creativity, Courage, and Success
00:28:21
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- [00:01]
Unknown Speaker
The recent fire in LA destroyed many schools in the Pacific Palisades area where we have our home. I am currently raising money to completely rebuild the library collections of four schools in the neighborhood. If you are interested in helping me raise up to $800,000 to restock the libraries, go to zivimedia.com donate one book donate a thousand books but please help imagine if this was your school or your kids school. Thank you.
- [00:31]
Zibby Owens
Hi, this is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books. In my daily show I interview today's latest best selling buzziest or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think.
- [00:47]
Rebecca Minkoff
Is worth your time.
- [00:48]
Zibby Owens
As a bookstore owner, publisher, author and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to stay in the know. Get insider insights and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information go to zibbymedia.com and follow me on Instagram ibyoans.
- [01:15]
Unknown Speaker
Rebecca Minkoff is the author of Fearless the New Rules for Unlocking Creativity, Courage and Success. This is the paperback release of the book. Rebecca Minkoff's modern bohemian designs are inspired by strong, confident and powerful women who embody the effortless, free spirited lifestyle. In 2005 Rebecca designed her first handbag which she dubbed the Morning After Bag, which ignited Rebecca's career and inspired the lifestyle brand in the years to come. In September of 2018 she established the Female Founder Collective, a network of businesses led by women who invest in women's financial power across a socioeconomic spectrum by enabling and empowering female owned businesses. This organization has grown to over 25,000 members and has supported women owned business by giving them access to education, networks and mentorship. She is also a contributor to On Being Jewish now, which I edited and at this recording has been on the USA Today bestseller list for 10 weeks. Rebecca is married to Director Gavin Beller and they reside in Brooklyn with their four children.
- [02:18]
Rebecca Minkoff
Welcome Rebecca. Thank you for coming on Totally Booked with Zibby to talk about the paperback release of your book Fearless the New Rules for Unlocking Creativity, Courage and Success. Congratulations.
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Thank you. It's exciting and I'm happy to be resharing it with the world. I feel like it's a whole new audience that I get to interact with now.
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Unknown Speaker
So true.
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Rebecca Minkoff
I missed it the first time and now here I am reading it and gobbling up every word. I loved hearing your story and the path to success and all the obstacles and setbacks and times where you had to pivot and think things through. You don't sugarcoat any of it, and you just tell it like it was. And it's so inspirational. So I guess just summarize for listeners the book and why you wrote the book to begin with and why it's coming out again now in paperback.
- [03:03]
So the book is really about all the risks one has to take in order to succeed and all the setbacks that you're going to encounter. And you don't read the book and, like, fluff your hair over your shoulder and be like, I'm fearless now. It's kind of like, no, this is what you're in for. Get ready, buckle up. And at least you can go into something being really scared. But the difference of not doing it or doing it anyways. And they're 22 now. Used to be 21, but I added a bonus chapter, just Lessons of Stuff, of how I got back up after complete and total failure or almost going out of business probably five times, struggling through the pandemic, only to encounter huge challenges when we thought we were good. And so I think it's just a real honest account of what you need to know. And you can apply a lot of these lessons out if you're not going to be an entrepreneur. You can also apply these lessons to your career, to your personal life. So it kind of is. It's available for lots of different areas, even for marriage.
- [04:03]
By the way, there is some relationship advice in there, which I also loved. Like, thank you for sharing all of that. I mean, I feel like the book reads less as a manual for how to be an entrepreneur or how to conquer fear, and more as like, here's my story, here's how I did it, and here's what you can take from that. And I found it so captivating because it's really been quite the road for you to forming this business. And looking at you now, you think like, oh, my gosh. Like, well, but it wasn't always that way. Can you give us.
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And it still isn't, Zivy.
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Unknown Speaker
It still isn't.
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Rebecca Minkoff
You definitely paint a picture of it constantly being like, you never know if it's going to make it another day. And you. Despite all the success, even now we.
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Have those days, you know, literally a month ago, you know, I got word, okay, they're going to completely change the strategy of the company, and it's going to look like this. And I was like, well, that's that's a death wish. We shouldn't do that. So I spent two days panicking, calling everyone I know, saying, you know, who, who wants in on this, a, you know, plan, only to find out that three days later he's like, ah, just kidding, we're not going to go with that strategy. I was like, so it still is constant and evolving. And I think that's, that's the side of entrepreneurship I want to make sure is unglossed. Like, it's never just once you've hit a certain revenue threshold or once you've reached a certain size or years in business, there's always going to be these battles and it's just part of the. Part of it.
- [05:37]
So to take things back a bit, you grew up, you had this very traumatic move, which I felt so bad for you. You had this idyllic San Diego existence and then were like, plucked up to like, I don't know where in Florida, but you were not happy about it. And, you know, a pile of dirt substituted the beach for you at that point. And your parents, which you talk about a lot in the book, were very much like, go make your own success and good luck and there are no helping hands and like, go out and ride your bike and maybe you'll find friends as opposed to, like, let me.
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Unknown Speaker
Take you to this class.
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Rebecca Minkoff
And, you know, there was none of.
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That no hand holding and didn't ever feel like it wasn't without love. It was with a lot of love, but it was very much my mom's doing of like, she was an additional unexpected child. So her brother and sister were 15 years her senior, and she had her parents treated her like a baby and gave her everything. And not that she was well off, but she felt like when she emerged to be an adult, she didn't know how to do anything. And she's like, that's the last thing I want for my kids. So they're going to have to learn how to do everything, much to their dismay.
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And then it ends up turning out that you partnered with one of your brothers to do the whole business, which is another thing that I feel like I don't read enough about of, like, how to run a business with someone you're related to or someone you're close to? And like, how do you navigate it when you, you have communication issues with your husband or your brother or whatever? So those were great. They must be very happy. But you sewed your own bat mitzvah dress. You loved putting things together in fun ways, and you made Yourself, your morning after bag, because you thought it was cool. And then everybody. You were your own best model. You just would carry the bag or wear the shirt, and people would want it, and it just kept fueling your success, and you were just following demand almost, which was very cool.
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It was very cool. I feel like, in a similar way to a musician, when they have their, like, big hit that, you know, they might have. Have an entire library of music they've created or an author, and then they get that one bestseller, and then you're like, how do I achieve that over and over again? I wish there was a formula. Still don't know it, but I think when you have that momentum, it's. It's incredible. And it's nice when it's not just of you. You know, when other people are buying on and saying, how can we do this? How can we build this? How can we help grow it?
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And you addressed, too, like, all the blood, sweat, and tears you had poured into your women's fashion line to begin with. And then when the bag took off, you're like, but this wasn't even supposed to be the thing. This is just like, right? But now people really want this. What about all that other stuff? And I think that's a really important point. And it can be for writing a book, right? It could be for anything, right? Just. It's almost like the sunk cost thing. Like, sometimes, even though you have so many sunk costs, like, you can't go those back no matter what, so you might as well follow the success of something else, you know, Even though emotionally that's hard, I think it can be.
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A trap sometimes because you're. You've said, I've put the last. At that moment, five years into doing this or four years. Look how much time and effort. And if I just switch, all that was wasted. But I sort of look back and go, none of that was wasted. It was sort of the. The ground that was being built underneath to be a source of strength for whatever my launch pad was. And even now, when we abandon a project, if we do or we change course, like, it's like, okay, good, that led to what? And I try and reframe it. So it's not failure, it's not pivoting. It's. You know, I interviewed someone on my podcast. She said it's evolution. And I love that because even pivot has a dirty word or a dirty connotation. Like, oh, it didn't work, so you had to pivot. No, we have to evolve. And sometimes it's Unexpected. What. What will resonate.
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I like that. Yeah, I know. I find myself clinging to things like, I'm going to get this to work. I just have to try another way. But really, like, the market is speaking, and they really like that.
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Unknown Speaker
Oh, okay.
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Rebecca Minkoff
Right. So anyway, very interesting.
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Yeah.
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You had a scene in the book where you were trying to make a bag for a movie, and I was sure reading it, that you were gonna get it there in time and it would be a happy ending. But it wasn't a happy ending. It was. It missed it by two hours. And you could have had a big break at one point, but you ended up not having the break then. And of course, as a reader of the book, your heart, like, sinks for you because you're like, oh, my gosh, after all that? And she didn't get it. What do you do with moments like that? And, like, why do you think you picked yourself up again? And even though you'd invested all of your savings and everything into this, like, why didn't you just say, like, okay, this is not meant to be?
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I don't know how to stop once I want something. Much to my current CEOs dismay, I'm like, well, if you say no, I'm going to figure out how to do it anyways. And I think I've always been tenacious like that, but I just remember holding the bag going, wow, I just spent all my savings on this. Well, I'm going to carry it now and see what happens. See if people like it on the street. And they did. And that's what gave me the courage and confidence to sort of go through with wearing it. You know, contacting my friend, the buyer at Sateen, and then her contacting the Daily Candy editor. And it was all based on this. Like, there's something magical about this shape and its bag and its price point and the name. So to me, it was like, well, I could let it all go to waste, but then, you know, now I have this new opportunity. I gotta see it through.
- [11:01]
Wow. When you talk about finding love and relationships and the ones that worked and the ones that didn't, and, you know, talking to your dad about him saying warts and all and all that, pick what words you want, basically. I know we all know this, right? But the way you presented it was really interesting. You're like, get it all out there.
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Unknown Speaker
Now, and don't be afraid to get.
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Rebecca Minkoff
It all out there, because it's better to have it here now than when it's too late. Talk about your communication strategies. And were you always so clear or is it more in retrospect? Because it sounded like you were clear always in. This is how I'm approaching this.
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No, it wasn't clear. The gentleman that I tried to get back together with before I met my husband, that relationship was pure blind love with no, like, all the warning signs I chose to ignore. He had kids. I was like, it's okay, I'll be a cool stepmom. I was 21, you know, he. He slowly went from like, all the love and showering of things to like, nothing. Oh, that's okay. Things change in a relationship, you know, and you could just see him separating from the relationship. But I was like, it's okay, we're in love. And so I really decided to get clear right before I met my husband, where a friend actually gave me the advice, took me outside. She said, write down everything you want in someone and everything you don't. Physical, mental, spiritually, like, get it all out there. Because to me, once I did that, I could genuinely see, like, oh, this is a guy that's definitely going to be a one night stand. Or this is a guy that, you know, he has a bunch of the characteristics, but not all. But can those things that I want be fostered? And so when I met my husband and I kind of went through the initial list of what I knew after getting to know him, I was like, all right, a lot of these boxes can be checked and then new things erupt. You know, I think at the time when we met, I was just starting out. I lived in a fifth floor walk up with my roommate who was my intern. He was like in a band on the road. And I was like, this guy's gonna take care of me for the rest of my life. Like, going to be my famous band sugar daddy, you know? And then when the music industry went under in 2008, he's like, well, I have nothing. You look like maybe you got some things happening, you know, I'll move to you. And so that's another moment. We're like, wait, I thought you were going to take care of me. That's what I wanted, right? And I'm like, now I'm taking care of you. What? And obviously he has his own successful career, but there were those moments where like, what if he doesn't have that career? Like, what if he can't figure out what to do? So I just think when you're clear and you're ready and you're. And you have the, the determination to sort of say, okay, this is something that's never going to change. He's never going to change diapers, he's never going to wake up early, he'll never make lunches, whatever it is. Like, then. Then sadly, you have to walk because you're just going to end up fighting about it later.
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Excellent advice. You also write about kids and managing work and the. The juggle the balance. I hate all those words. But you know, how. How you have found your way through this all. What do you have to say about this? How. How do any of us do this?
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We don't. We have to just know that it's never. You're never going to win. And you're going to have times where you're missing out on your kids, you're missing out on work, you're. You're never going to be able to do it all because no one can do it all. And I think once we strip ourselves, that that's actually something that can be achieved. I think it frees you up to be like, all right, here. Here's a good example. Here's like, my month where I'm in New York, when I'm in Florida, how many nights am I away from my kids? How many nights am I not? And then I'm building my life around. Okay, good. I have a stretch of five days in New York, then three days in Florida, then four nights. And, you know, I just am constantly trying to find some sort of. It's not even equilibrium, some sort of. It's okay, sorta. And once you've disillusioned yourself that it's not possible, I think it becomes a little bit more freeing knowing that if you want to have a career and you want to have children, that there are sacrifices. You know, I don't go on girl nights out unless I'm traveling. My husband and I do a date night once a month. Like, there are definitely times, and I hate this word. There are seasons, right? To one's life. And right now, my older kids just want to play with their friends on the weekends. Soon all four will want to do that. And then I'll have time for girls lunches and dinners. And, you know, I think I just know that, like, this is the time where I want to be all in on motherhood. I want to drown in it, and I want to drown in my career and what happens after that. Like, everything's gravy if I get something else in.
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I love that. That's so good. You also talk about the importance of just having family or other people to step in right. There was one. Someone was having surgery or you had to go do something super important and you found somebody who could, who could step in. And sometimes, like, there's nothing wrong with that. Like, find someone else who loves your kid, who can step in on the off. On the times where you just can't be there and you can't be two places at once. And that's okay.
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It's okay. And it has to be. He. He still, by the way, reminds me that I didn't make it there and it is trauma he carries. And I'm just like, I. I don't know what to do. I, like, we. I had to be there and I couldn't be with you, and I'm sorry. And I love you and, you know, you don't always win. But finding those. That tribe, you know, that of support I think is key, especially if you are a hardworking mom. Like, I feel a lot less guilty if my parents are pitching in because I'm like, well, they're getting to spend time with them, so it's not as bad that I'm gone or good friends or, you know, I think we used to all have villages, so it wasn't a problem. Now we're all isolated and so it feels like more of a problem.
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Yeah. And what about, you know, all of this is you learning, right? Learning how to do all the different parts of your life better or to make yourself happier or to find a place of peace when you're also trying to succeed and all of that in terms of the business side of things, because as you point out, you had to learn a lot about the businessy terms. And you're so funny with, I don't know, EBITDA or some expression. You were like, I don't even know what they're talking about. But I know I want to grow this business. So I'm going to nod. No, I'm going to ask because now it's actually important to know what it is. What is going on. When you think about your own business strategy and how to make sure you're in charge and it's going where you want it to go and all of that. How do you. How do you. Is that just so natural? You don't even think about it? Like, how does that all work?
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I think once you've allowed yourself to get educated in the fundamentals of business and, you know, the general direction of where you want it to go, it's important, especially in the early years, that you control a majority of your company. I think a Lot of founders are experiencing, like, the, I'm going to raise a bunch of money. I'm going to bring on a bunch of people who know better, and they'll tell me what to do. And I've given up all my rights. And then you see these companies flail, you see the founders depart. No one knows what you want and how you need to do it and how to grow better than you. And so you need to, like, constantly gut check. And if it seems like Prince Charming is there with his big checkbook, believe me, there are trade offs. There is no one that writes a check without asking for a lot of things. And it's also knowing what things you know are important to you. You know, we sold our company, but I have creative control. So that was a really key point to put in writing so that they can't just go hire someone and change the total direction of the company. So you don't want to learn by having it, you know, blow up in your face. You want to sort of ask yourself what's key, what's important? And I say, hold out as long as you can before you take capital. Because once you share your company with other people, there's a lot more opinions and things that can happen.
- [18:48]
So in addition to running your business and doing all this other stuff, you happily contributed to the I'm Being Jewish now anthology and have been so helpful. You had all of us on your podcast. Why did you decide to do that?
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So I take my Jewish faith very seriously. I was brought up in the Jewish faith. And, you know, I. Someone, a troll on Instagram, was like, oh, leaning into Judaism now. Like, after October 7th, I was like, we all are. Are you kidding me? Because we're threatened in a big way. So, yes, I'm leaning into being more vocal about this, you asshole. Sorry. So.
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It's okay.
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I just, you know, for three, the last, I'd say three to five years, my mom had been like, be careful, you know, anti Semitic stuff. And I was like, yeah, right, you're so paranoid. Like, just be quiet. And then after October 7th, it was like, oh, no, this can happen. And we're seeing what can happen in the United States. And I refuse to live in a world where that is a reality. So to me, it was like, how do I stay vocal? How do I contribute? How. What else can I do to make sure that we're safe, that my daughter and my sons are safe? So to me, it's like if. If you are a participant in action and even if you're not Jewish, You're a participant in action. Like, we need everybody. We need everyone to weigh in and be like, one day it'll come for me and what I believe in, so you better hold the line now.
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Love it. Well, it was so great that you are a part of that. Yeah, I mean, it takes. You know, we keep talking about taking a village. Like, the sort of additive effect of everyone helping has never been more important. So it's great. You've been so outspoken in so many ways, and we need more of you and all of that, so that's great. You mentioned in the book how when people ask for advice, and I think I'm getting this right, but correct me that you can't always, like, take 30 minutes and go to lunch with somebody who asks you for advice. And in part, that's part of why you wrote the book. Just to be like, here you can read this, talk about that and, like, this desire to, like, feel bad. Like, because when you were young, you wanted help, and, like, how do you give back? But not to every single person. And, you know, is that why you started the book and all of that?
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I think that, you know, there is a misdeed happening with young women, and people are saying mentorship and everyone should have a mentor. Well, I don't know that we all have time on top of everything else, to be the mentor. In a way. Someone would need. They would need 24 access to you to really succeed. It's not just sitting down and me repeating my story. That doesn't help you. So for me, the book was a piece of that. My podcast is a piece of that. Female Founder collective is probably the main engine of that. Our mentor platform, where you pay to meet with a mentor is part of that, called the North. I think that you can get so much further by learning everything you can about this person, all the advice they've given in all the places they've given it, and then, where's the hole? And what is that one thing you can ask them to do? And I was always very tarded. My ask, can you get me an introduction to the buyer at Saks? Don't tell, you know, like. And that's so much easier than, like, tell me how you became a buyer at Saks. So I think it's. It's that shift of where's the hole? Who can plug that in the boat for me right now and get me to the next level? And I think people are a lot more willing to do that than to sit down and have coffee.
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Love that. And tell everybody More about your podcast.
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So my podcast is called Super Women with Rebecca Minkoff. I felt like when I peered out of the insularity of my industry, there were so many incredible women's stories that I wanted to share and women who have achieved big things that you've either heard of or most of the women I have on you have not. And I wanted people to honestly get a real look at entrepreneurship or making it our success and the pitfalls and the struggles and how they overcame them just as another layer to be like, it's fucking hard, but I'm going to keep going or it's really hard and I'm going to choose another path. So we've had great people on whether it's Katie Couric or Jessica Alba or bosom of St. John or the entire women authorship of On Being Jewish Now. Like just I think it's important to highlight women's stories and what they've accomplished.
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Well, that's so great and there's so much great advice in there. And so when do you, when do you do everything? Do you work around the clock? Are you like a night person? Do you, I mean just when do you get it all done?
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Okay, my children's school starts at 9am which is a gift. Okay. So I drop them off, then I go to the gym for an hour because our office hours start at 10. So if I'm lucky I'm not replying to texts in between my workout. But sometimes I am. And then I structure my day that I have to get everything done between 10 and 5:15 when they get home. And then I turn into mom and I'm whatever, snacks, carpool activities. And then good or bad, we put on the TV around 7:30 they can watch a movie and then I'm either mindlessly scrolling reading a book or I'm back to work for a little bit. But I will say after selling my company, the 24 hour working all the time stopped because I was like this thing is no longer my own. I have let it go. And so if there are fires there for other people to deal with that the ones that are not in my control. And then there are times where I'm working all weekend, like last, last weekend I think to get or two weekends ago to get the grant out and to for Female Founder Collective. Like I worked all weekend and I was like, you know what? I have to. It's for an incredible reason. And so yes, my kids saw me on my phone all weekend, but I was like, guess what we're doing. Guess what we're doing, you know, and here's who's being. You know, I brought them along on the journey.
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How old are all your kids now?
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13, 10, 7 and 2.
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Oh, 2. Oh, my gosh.
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Unknown Speaker
Unreal.
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Rebecca Minkoff
My goodness. Okay, well, what advice do you have for writing a book? Because in addition to everything, the book is well written. It reads like you're. We're having coffee or something and you're like literally telling me how to do things better in my life. Like, what are your secrets to writing a book?
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Oh, man. I don't know if I should be giving advice and writing a book. Be ready to commit to the process of not only the writing it, but birthing it. I think that writing it was almost easier because you're just telling. In my case, your story, birthing it was six months of non stop crazy for the first edition. You know, trying to pre sell, trying to get a book tour going during COVID trying to plan a large scale event online because of COVID Like it was so intense. And so you have to be ready for that. Not all publishers are the saviors they think you are. Sometimes publishers literally are printing your book. This time around, I said I don't have that bandwidth to do that. So I'm gonna give it my all. I'm gonna promote it. I'm gonna go on the best publicity tour ever. We're gonna do a very tiny book tour, and then I have to hope that people buy the book. I'm not pre selling in an aggressive way. I'm not doing bulk buys. But I also think you just have to know that it's a lot of work no matter, no matter what. And that you are really gonna be the sole person who's driving that. Because no one, even your agent or whoever is gonn about getting it out into the world. So you have to be willing to commit.
- [26:14]
Love it. And aside from everything else we've talked about, is there anything else you're committed to these days?
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Well, I can tell you stuff, but when do you think this comes out so I can time my news?
- [26:24]
Probably not that long from now. Quickly look it up when we have it scheduled. We have it scheduled for. Well, right now for Valentine's Day, actually.
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Oh, fun. Okay.
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Although we might change by a day or two, but yes, right around then.
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That's okay. So what I have planned is obviously the book coming out. And then we have an incredible day long event called Female founders day. It's March 13th. Where we are giving you workshops, not panels where women are sitting there with their Egos bragging about their success. Really the nitty gritty of what it takes to run a business. And that's in New York City. We do it there every year. And then we're continuing to celebrate my brand's 20th anniversary. So that's being done through a really fun podcast that I'm pairing up with Candace who wrote Sex and the City. We're gonna do a four episode arc on what finding love meant to a woman from Gen X, Gen Z, Gen Y. And a millennial.
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Love that.
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So that's gonna be fun. And then, yeah, continuing to overextend myself into my sub stack, which is very consumer and materialistic based about what I love. And then my workout program, which I was like, well, I do this every day, I might as well share it with all of you, so.
- [27:40]
Love it. Goals.
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But I wanna, I wanna also just say I can only do all this because I have built a team. You know, I think it's not me alone magically making all this happen. I have an incredible company of 30 employees. You know, I have a personal social media person, a brand social media person. You know, I have a CEO and co founder that runs Female founder collective. You know, like there are people in place. It's so it makes. I've gotten good in the last, I'd say two years at what do I do best, what is the highest and best use of my time and where can I hire for all the other stuff? And so that's, that's how you scale.
- [28:20]
Love that. Excellent. Rebecca, thank you so much. Thank you for fearless. All the advice, the story. I'm so inspired and really appreciate it.
- [28:30]
Thank you. Zibby.
- [28:31]
Thank you.
- [28:32]
Zibby Owens
Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram, ibbeowens and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books.