← Totally Booked with Zibby
Loading summary
Transcript68 lines
- [00:00]
Instacart Advertiser
If you're a parent or share a fridge with someone. Instacart is about to make grocery shopping so much easier because with family carts, you can share a cart with your partner and each add the items you want, since between the two of you, odds are you'll both remember everything you need. And this way you'll never have to eat milkless cereal again. So minimize the stress of the weekly shop with family carts, download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes plus enjoy. Zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees app for three orders in 14 days excludes restaurants if you wear.
- [00:36]
Warby Parker Advertiser
Glasses, you know how hard it is to find the perfect pair. But step into a Warby Parker store and you'll see it doesn't have to be. Not only will you find a great selection of frames, you'll also meet helpful advisors and friendly optometrists. Yep, many Warby Parker locations also offer eye exams. So the next time you need glasses, sunglasses, contact lenses, or a new prescription, you know where to look. To find a Warby Parker store near you or to book an eye exam, head over to warbyparker.com retail they say opposites attract.
- [01:08]
Sleep Number Advertiser
That's why the Sleep Number Smart Bed is the best bed for couples. You can each choose what's right for you whenever you like. You like a bed that feels firm, but they want soft. Sleep Number does that. You want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep Number does that too. Why choose a Sleep Number Smart bed so you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. Sleep Number Smart beds start at 999. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Exclusively at a Sleep Number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details.
- [01:42]
Zibby Owens
Hi, this is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books in my daily show, I interview today's latest best selling, buzziest or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your time. As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to stay in the know. Get insider insights and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbymedia.com and follow me on Instagram Ibbeowens Tess Sanchez is the author of We've Decided to Go in a Different Direction Essays. Tess Sanchez has spent 20 years in the entertainment industry as a casting director. We've decided to go in a different direction. It's her debut book. She resides in Los Angeles with her husband, actor Max Greenfield, who has also been on this podcast for his children's book and their two children. Welcome, Tess. Thank you so much for coming on Totally Booked with Zibby to discuss what we've decided to go in a different direction essays.
- [02:54]
Tess Sanchez
Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.
- [02:56]
Zibby Owens
Tell listeners, please, what your book is about.
- [02:59]
Tess Sanchez
My book is about sort of a two year period of my life in which I experienced and dealt with a lot of what I like to call in the book painful favors, which are some challenges, unexpected challenges that ultimately were hard but ended up being probably, you know, interesting and good pivots in my life.
- [03:21]
Zibby Owens
Do you really look back and feel like that? I mean, I know there was so much in your, in your book about, you know, what happens when you are in a career that you're really proud of and things go off the rails and you just have a hard time sort of even recontextualizing your identity after so long.
- [03:38]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah, I mean, that, that's really what, what the book is about is, you know, me sort of questioning why so much of myself was defined by my job and my, and the other roles in my life really being secondary to, you know, this like, purpose, this driving purpose that, that I really felt so passionate about. And yeah, when that goes away, you know, like, it, it really did make me look at all the relationships in my life and they were all sort of seen through this prism of I'm a career woman and I have, you know, this, this really big life aside outside of my family and outside of my children and outside of my husband that I found so fulfilling. And so, you know, there's a point in the book where I kind of look at my kids and say, like, oh, hello, nice to meet you. I haven't spent this much time with you before. So, yeah, you know, I think, you know, it's been, you know, a time of sort of self reflection and, and in doing that, I had to sort of go back to the beginning of building my career and sort of how I got there. And that's why I do sort of a look back on, on my early casting days and, and getting to the place of why this career had meant so much to me over 20 years.
- [04:57]
Zibby Owens
And it all started at BCBG.
- [05:00]
Tess Sanchez
That's right. I love your shoes.
- [05:03]
Zibby Owens
And by the way, I was living like right above sunset Plaza in 1998-2000. And I remember going into that BCBG and, like, did you.
- [05:12]
Tess Sanchez
Oh, my God.
- [05:13]
Zibby Owens
Yeah, yeah, yeah. For, like, some big.
- [05:15]
Tess Sanchez
Oh, my God, that's. I probably helped you.
- [05:18]
Zibby Owens
Yeah, we probably. Yeah. Crossed paths as I walked by. I thought it was the closest to New York that I could, like, walk around, and.
- [05:25]
Tess Sanchez
Oh, yeah, for sure. That was a hot. That was a hot strip.
- [05:29]
Zibby Owens
It was really fun. It was fun. But, you know, throughout everything that's happened in your life, you have been very driven and you know what you want, and you're open to just throwing yourself in and being like, yes, I'll be an intern. Yes, I'll try this. Like, yes. Like, you wrote this one note to a potential buyer boss saying, like, I might not have as much experience, but I'm gonna work really, really hard. And he literally was like, I get a good feeling about you. Come on board. And I feel like that's such an important lesson. Lesson. Especially as, like, the millennials are in the job force. And, you know, they're so true.
- [06:04]
Tess Sanchez
It's like, the one thing that I try to instill in my. In my own kids is just, like, this sense of it's okay to take risks and it's okay to put yourself out there, even if it feels scary and uncomfortable. It's how things. It's how movement happens in your life. And I. You know, I always say to Max, my husband, I'm like, you were born with, like, a lot of just, like, beautiful gifts. Like, you didn't have to try very hard for some of the things that you were born able to do. I did not have an apparent gift from God, so my gift was my drive. And I found out very young that, like. Like, I was going to have to be the. The force in my life in order to make things happen. And, yeah, I think, like, that drive, I think, is just innate. I mean, it certainly is. You know, started with my father and my mom, who. Who basically were very independent when I was growing up and had their own lives. And. And they were, you know, not particularly into, like, facilitating opportunity for me. I knew I had to do that myself.
- [07:13]
Zibby Owens
Interesting. How does. How does that go over when you say that to your husband, like, you were just born this way?
- [07:19]
Tess Sanchez
I know. I'm like, you haven't worked hard. No, I'm just kidding. He has worked hard, and certainly, you know, he had 10 years of auditioning before he had a real break, which is, you know, amazing and also really hard. But, I mean, I actually do remember meeting him and being like, oh, like, I Guess things just kind of come easy for you as I'm, like, clawing my way.
- [07:47]
Zibby Owens
I mean, I think it just speaks to all these different assumptions we make, like, so quickly about people. Right? And now you've been married for, like, so long, you know, what is it? What does it mean? Like, no one likes to, you know, just so anyway, whatever. I could go down a whole rabbit hole here, but, oh, my gosh, I won't pry apart your marriage. Well, anyway, your drive ends up getting you all these great things. You meet so many stars as they're on their way up, and you learn from the best to identify talent and that certain something that will make someone shine. At the beginning, you're so funny being like, well, really, why? Until you realize that you have that gift yourself, right? You can figure it out, right?
- [08:28]
Tess Sanchez
And I think it is. It is by osmosis of the amazing people that I've worked with. And, you know, a lot of, like, I often tell actors, like, the best thing that you could do is to spend one pilot season working as, you know, as an intern in a casting office, because it gives you such perspective on actors when you see. When you see them coming in and auditioning and just what to do, what not to do, who really stands out to you? Who's doing something different but in a good way, and who's doing something different but in a bad way, you know, and how all that translates. But it. You know, it's such an incredible, like, learning experience. And, you know, I had incredible mentors that, you know, were like, no, this is what makes this person special. And, you know, this is how they shine. And, you know, it took years to hone that, but ultimately, I think I got there.
- [09:33]
Zibby Owens
So when you look back and you think about the different directions that your life has taken you in, like, where did you actually think it was going?
- [09:42]
Tess Sanchez
Oh, I thought I would be sort of carried out on a stretcher from my last job. I thought I was going to be in that job forever, and. And I would have been. And so I do think that, you know, life happens the way it's supposed to, and. And, you know, the universe knew that I needed a little kick in order to leave a, you know, what felt like a very comfortable yet fulfilling situation. You know, I. I knew I was good at my job, and I knew I was confident in my skill set. And, you know, maybe that was like somebody saying, hey, you know, you're not done yet. Evolving as a human being, you need to develop another skill set. You need to feel uncomfortable and Change to really like, you know, become more evolved as like a full human being.
- [10:40]
Instacart Advertiser
At Great Wolf Lodge, there's adventure for the whole family. You and your pet can splash away in the indoor water park where it's always 84 degrees. There's a wave pool, a lazy river and a bunch of massive water slides, including ones your family can all in enjoy together. They even have adventure packed attractions from the Northern Lights arcade to delicious dining. And you can't miss the nightly family dance parties. With 23 lodges across the country, you're always only a short drive away from adventure. So bring your pack together at a lodge near you. Learn more@greatwolf.com greatwolf.com and strengthen the pack.
- [11:18]
Warby Parker Advertiser
What makes a great pair of glasses? At Warby Parker, it's all the invisible extras without the extra cost. Their designer quality frames start at $95, including prescription lenses plus scratch resistant, smudge resistant and anti reflective coatings and UV protection and free adjustments for life. To find your next pair of glasses, sunglasses or contact lenses or to find the Warby Parker store nearest you, head over to warbyparker.com that's warbyparker.com they say opposites attract.
- [11:50]
Sleep Number Advertiser
That's why the Sleep number smart bed is the best bed for couples. You can each choose what's right for you whenever you like. You like a bed that feels firm but they want soft. Sleep number does that. You want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep number does that too. Why choose a Sleep number smart bed so you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. Sleep number Smart beds start at $999. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Exclusively at a sleep number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details.
- [12:23]
Zibby Owens
Well, I love when, I mean, I don't love it. It was really sad. But you just keep repeating like, this is not how. This is how my story ends. This is how my story ends. And you're in such shock that your husband puts his face in the zoom and was like, this is over now and just like closes it down.
- [12:41]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah, it's still so vivid in my mind. Have you ever been blindsided like that before?
- [12:48]
Zibby Owens
Yeah, things happen all the time. Right? Of course. And I think part of what's hard is that you've already planned a future in a certain way. Right. And then you have to go back and you have to change all of those sort of plans like you had. Just like it's, you're not just losing the present, you're losing all that potential Future, right?
- [13:08]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I definitely felt like, you know, initially when it happened, like, I was at a bit of a dead end. I was like, is over for me. And I really, like, really loved to, like, wallow in that for, you know, six months before I started to, you know, get off my butt and. And, you know, started creatively just generating again. And I, you know, I think I mentioned in the book, like, I was like, you know, every other day I was coming up with like, a new business idea. And, you know, that was like, an interesting thing to learn about myself. It was like, I can't sit still. And so I'm like, I'm gon do, you know, I'm gonna just do people's dinner parties and just do, you know, tablescapes, you know, or I'm gonna have a cocktail line. Like, I. I mean, I was literally like, taking things like 3/4 of the way down the field with, like, these ideas. And then. And then I was like, I mean, what? I. I can't. I mean, I'm not gonna get a liquor license and, you know, alcoholic. So. But, you know, it was all part of this journey and. And part of that was, you know, in real time, writing some of. And not really knowing where this was going. And ultimately it became a book, which, you know, still. Still surprises me.
- [14:29]
Zibby Owens
I know. It's so exciting. And by the way, my husband and I for a while were sitting at the bar at most restaurants. Cause I don't like to wait for tables. So if there's seat available.
- [14:37]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah, I love a good bar meal.
- [14:38]
Zibby Owens
Right. And so finally we were like, let's launch like a his and hers tequila box set. And I'm like, how would we do this? What would the bottle look like? You know, we went down this whole rabbit hole too. So.
- [14:50]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah, that's very relatable. So I get it.
- [14:52]
Zibby Owens
I totally get it. Tell me about the process of writing the book and even the editing process. How much did things change from the beginning? How much did it change from what you thought it would be when you first started writing it to even when you finished your first draft?
- [15:07]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah. So you and I met early on in the pitch process. But before that, the real truth is I was literally following my husband around, telling him, like, asking him these big life questions, like, well, why am I not good enough for that? And like, what. What should I do next? And he said to me, I'd like, please, I'm begging you, go hire a professional sounding board. Get a therapist. I can't do this anymore. I don't have the answers that you're looking for, but I was like, but why? But why? And so I did. I went to therapy. And part of that process, as I was in the middle, like, literally in the middle of this, of just trying to figure out how I got here and what happened, you know, this therapist was like, you got to write some of this stuff down. Like, it's just really going to be helpful to you to like, relive these things kind of on. On paper. And so that's how it really started is like it was kind of an assignment. And then, you know, in writing sort of like the present day stuff, which was like, about my dad and the loss of a job and having my full identity, cris, like I mentioned earlier, I. I ended up looking back a little bit and then it just. It all started to sort of, you know, take on a life of its own. And when I finished writing, I was like, oh, this is like, oh, this is. There's an arc here. This is like, this is a story. And, and I certainly, you know, when. When my dad passed away, it really. And. And I found all the letters that I had written him. It really felt like the period at the end of a sentence, like I was like, oh, like this is all kind of. This was meant to be, this, this journey. And so, you know, that part, you know, I had written probably 80% of the book. And then when I got to, you know, meet Andy and, and I got to meet you and, and a couple other people and ultimately Simon and Schuster, they basically said, like, this is too sad. Like, you need to add some like, humor to this because it's just too sad of a read. And I was like, understood. And so I went back and I was like, I was actually in a pretty good place at that point to like start to see some humor in these things. And you know, it's like, what is the definition of comedy? It's like tragedy plus time. And I was just moving far enough away to see how absolutely absurd, you know, I. And manic. I had sort of been in this process of like, I want self discovery and being able to like, write that and infuse, you know, comedy into some of the sad stuff. You know, like when I'm looking for a retirement place for my parents and like, really, like, it's one of. It was so depressing, but I was able to go back and sort of like find ways to infuse like my own brand of like, cynicism and humor and irony in those. And so you Know that, that, you know, a lot of the comedy stuff came later and that was part of like sort of the editing of like you, you, you can't. You know, as a, as a first time writer, I, you know, I definitely, I didn't have perspective because I was just sort of like stream of consciousness, like writing down these events that were traumatic. And it was really helpful to, to hear from my editor, like, this is really good, but to make this a full story where you can get, you know, humor and heart and, and sadness and tears and all those things, like, here's what you need to go back and do. And that was, you know, because of the timing, that was actually, you know, the fun assignment part of like, how can I make this funny? Yeah. And I got to pull. Like I, I got, you know, I went back and I like pitched, I pitched during a lunch. I was like, you know, I did dm, Britney Spears. I don't know if that's normal or not. And like the fork was like, you did what? It's like right about that. Please.
- [19:26]
Zibby Owens
Nuts.
- [19:27]
Tess Sanchez
You know. And then I realized that just sort of feel it fit into, you know, sort of my, my. It kind of, you know, fit into casting and like how I'm just like a busy body and meddling into things and, and it really became like, oh, this is part of the story. This is part of who I am. So yeah, that was fun.
- [19:47]
Zibby Owens
And what about coping with your dad's aphasia, which I'm so. That's so. I mean, that's hard to make super funny, right? That's like a real.
- [19:56]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah, yeah.
- [19:57]
Zibby Owens
And heavy.
- [19:59]
Tess Sanchez
They said, you know, God, you've got to like figure out. And you know, I think I pushed back on that initially of just being like, there is nothing fucking funny about this. This is just really awes. Awful. And you know, it's, it's like all of this was kind of coming to be randomly when like the word aphasia was coming out into like the world because of Bruce Willis. And I just was like my, you know, the, the idea of like losing the ability to speak is, is, is just like so dark and such a death. And like ultimately, you know, when it's combined with Alzheimer's where you lose the ability to read and write and it's just, it's devastating. And you know that, that part of the book is just very honest. And with my mom and having her process, like watching her try to process this and also try to also pretend like it wasn't really happening, which I was like Okay. I guess everybody has their own, you know, methods of coping, but, you know, it was hard to watch, for sure.
- [21:13]
Zibby Owens
Sorry. Well, you wrote about it beautifully, and I'm just so sorry that you had to go through that. And same for him and your mom and everyone. So you have this big, exciting launch coming. I've been seeing all the visuals of your upcoming events and all of that. What are you looking forward to about touring for the book and all of that?
- [21:32]
Tess Sanchez
Well, I'm most excited about the book being out in the world and, like, people having it just, like, I haven't given it to friends and family. I've really sort of kept it close and, like, literally, I am just now having it be part of the world and hearing people, like, getting texts from people that are like, oh, my God, you know, this is what resonated with me. Like, that's the most exciting because it is such a solitary experience as, you know, from writing your books that, you know, you're sort of in this solitary experience, and then you're like, and here's the gift, or here's what I'm giving you. And then you actually get to talk to people about this very singular experience. And that's really exciting to me. Like, I'm really. I'm really excited about that. And yeah, just like, having. I'm excited to talk about it and have exchanges and. And yeah, I'm. I'm excited to come and visit you.
- [22:34]
Zibby Owens
Yay.
- [22:35]
Tess Sanchez
At Zibby's Books. That's gonna be great.
- [22:37]
Zibby Owens
I can't wait. I'm so excited you're coming. That's awesome. Yeah, really great. What advice do you have for aspiring authors now that you are an author?
- [22:47]
Tess Sanchez
Oh, wow. I'm still getting used to that. But I think, you know, writing. Writing your own story, you know, is really. Can be very therapeutic. And try not to judge it too much. Just try to do it. And I think the most, like, sort of meaningful thing that I experienced was when you're not writing it, trying to please other people, you're just writing, writing it for yourself. It's a different experience. And I think the same goes for, like, promoting a book is just sort of like, you know, you can't try to, you know, have it be for other people. You just have to sort of understand that this is your journey and, like, you're going to. It shouldn't matter what. What the outside is thinking. You know, just, you know, stay present to. To what you're doing and. And, you know, I mean, I think everyone should. Should have an Experience of writing their own book. I really do. And. And I think I didn't. I never set out to write a book, but as you know, I don't do things halfway. So I just was like, well, now I gotta finish this and I gotta sell this, you know, and so I kind of feel like I, like, woke up one day and I'm like, now on a zoom with Zibby Owens. And I'm like, wait a minute. So this I actually did. Like, I went all the way.
- [24:19]
Zibby Owens
You went all the way. You did a great job. You should be so proud of yourself. Like, it's very exciting and it's not easy just to put all of your innermost stuff out into the world. It is vulnerable and nerve wracking. Even the most. Stella. Hardened people, when they put what's inside, it's a whole different ballgame.
- [24:40]
Tess Sanchez
Yeah, I think one of the things that was exciting was when Max read the book for the first time, I had not let him read it. I said, you know, I'd like to talk about you getting sober in our relationship. Is that okay? And he said, yes. But I waited until the book was sent to Simon and Schuster Legal, and I had legal. It was in the legal department. And. And then I was like, okay, you can read it because, you know, I can't go back and change anything because they're. They're already approving this. And he said to me after reading it, like, there's so much internally that was going on with you that I had no idea and I was here living it with you. And to really understand, even though, you know, you were following me around and talking at me, you know, all this time I didn't really understand the depth of sort of what ultimately like losing your job and this sort of new identity and new purpose in your life was about. And so I think that he's like, I was there, but I didn't really understand until I read the book. And that made me really happy because I was like, oh, he gets this.
- [26:02]
Zibby Owens
Well, congratulations, Tess. I'm so excited for you. I'll be watching and cheering and I'll.
- [26:07]
Tess Sanchez
Be seeing you on the 4th.
- [26:09]
Zibby Owens
Amazing 4th of April.
- [26:11]
Tess Sanchez
We're going to be there.
- [26:12]
Zibby Owens
Awesome.
- [26:13]
Tess Sanchez
Okay. Okay.
- [26:14]
Zibby Owens
Thank you. That's it.
- [26:15]
Tess Sanchez
Easy, easy peasy. You're so welcome. Thank you. By the way, thanks for reading.
- [26:19]
Zibby Owens
Of course, of course.
- [26:21]
Tess Sanchez
I'm so, so, so honored to be here and have you have read the book. So thank you so much.
- [26:26]
Zibby Owens
Oh, my gosh. Of course, of course. Okay.
- [26:29]
Tess Sanchez
Hi, Tess.
- [26:31]
Zibby Owens
Thank you for listening to totally booked with Siby, formerly Moms don't have time to read books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram ibbeowens and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books.
- [26:53]
Sleep Number Advertiser
They say opposites attract. That's why the Sleep Number Smart Bed is the best bed for couples. You can each choose what's right for you whenever you like. You like a bed that feels firm but they want soft. Sleep Number does that. You want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep Number does that too. Why choose a Sleep Number Smart bed so you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. Sleep Number Smart beds start at $999. Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Exclusively at a Sleep Number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details. Ever wonder what your lashes are destined for? The cards have spoken. Maybelline New York Mascara does it all. Whether you crave Fully Fan lashes with Lash Sensational Bold Volume from the Colossal a Dramatic Lift with Falsies Lash Lift or Natural Looking volume from Great Lash, your perfect Lash future awaits. Manifest your best mascara today. Shop Maybelline New York and discover your Lash destiny.
- [27:49]
Zibby Owens
Shop now at Walmart.
- [27:51]
Warby Parker Advertiser
What makes a great pair of glasses? At Warby Parker, it's all the invisible extras without the extra cost. Their designer quality frames start at $95 including prescription lenses plus scratch resistant, smudge resistant and anti reflective coatings and UV protection and free adjustments for life. To find your next pair of glasses, sunglasses or contact lenses, or to find the Warby Parker store nearest you, head over to warbyparker.com that's warbyparker.com.