Podcast Summary: Totally Booked with Zibby – “That’s What Friends Are For” with Wade Rouse

Date: April 14, 2026
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Wade Rouse
Setting: Recorded live at Zibby’s Bookshop, Santa Monica

Overview

In this heartfelt and lively episode, Zibby Owens welcomes bestselling author Wade Rouse for a live conversation about his new novel, That’s What Friends Are For. The discussion explores the book’s central theme of friendship and chosen family, particularly through the lens of aging gay men. Rouse and Owens delve into the novel’s inspiration from The Golden Girls, how stories connect generations, the persistence of prejudice, and the healing power of humor and community.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Book: Inspiration, Plot, and Themes

• Elevator Pitch of the Book

  • That’s What Friends Are For follows four gay men over 60 living communally in a flamboyant Palm Springs mansion, all modeled after aspects of the Golden Girls. They run a performance troupe called “the Golden Gaze” and each harbors a personal secret, secrets that unravel when an estranged sister and teenage granddaughter arrive.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “It follows four gay men over the age of 60 who all live communally, like in Zsa Zsa Gabor's very real, very pink former mid-century mansion in Palm Springs... Each of the men has one of the characteristics of one of the Golden Girls, which inspired the novel... It’s a story about friendship, found family, fighting like hell to find the people that get you and love you. Aging…with grit.” (04:52)

• Connection with The Golden Girls

  • Rouse ties the enduring popularity of The Golden Girls to universal feelings of being overlooked or discarded, describing how its themes resonate today and inspired his own approach to representing older gay male friendship.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “You wouldn’t think you would necessarily have so much in common with four retired women, but...they feel a bit discarded, overlooked. And who doesn't feel that way occasionally?” (07:15)

• Impact of Art and Storytelling

  • The show was a way to connect across generations. Rouse describes watching The Golden Girls long-distance with his mother and grandmother as a means of staying in touch and finding common ground on issues like coming out, aging, and loss.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “Great art…that’s the connection—is that we do not really understand the impact they will have on our lives. But it’s always profound in some way.” (08:49)

Personal History & Universal Pain

• Losing a Brother

  • Rouse shares the tragedy of losing his brother, the impact it had on his family, and how it influences every book he writes.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “My brother was…everything I was not. Fisherman, hunter, tinkerer of engines... In the Ozarks…a truck driver fell asleep and hit my brother…It devastated my family…But my mother and my grandmother refused to let him die. They talked about him openly and honestly.” (09:41)

  • His writing mines personal and universal pain, connecting with readers who have experienced loss and adversity.

• Being Gay in the Ozarks

  • Raised in a time and place with little language or acceptance for LGBTQ+ people, Rouse describes feeling like the “wrong brother” survived, but also how adversity forged his resilience.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “There wasn’t even a vocabulary to discuss me…We didn’t even understand. And so it was hard. And yet I felt kind of forged and ironed to become the person I am.” (11:06)

Building Characters & Choosing Their Struggles

• Character Challenges

  • Each man in the book faces a unique and serious struggle, inspired by Rouse’s own life or his friends’ experiences, including familial rejection, addiction, and the quest for love and acceptance.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “...From my own personal history or the histories of our friends…Kicked out of their home, familial abuse, addiction to alcohol or sex…A plethora of very deep issues that we think have passed but…we’re still struggling with every single day.” (12:37)

• Grounding Fiction in Reality

  • Rouse based the character Barry on Coco, the cut gay housekeeper from The Golden Girls pilot, highlighting how representation has shifted (and stalled) over time.

    “If you ever saw the premiere episode, there was a character named Coco…cut from the premiere…Maybe audiences weren’t ready for that.” (13:34)

The Power of Friendship & Chosen Family

• Role of Friends in Life and Literature
  • Rouse and Owens read and discuss a moving passage about the strength friends offer through loss, secrets, and hardship.
  • Zibby Owens reading from the book:

    “A house can be filled with historical significance and unparalleled beauty, but it is simply walls and a roof without love, family, struggles and stories to fill it...BFFs have that instinct, don’t we? And when they look me in the eye and smile, I know that I am seen, even if just for a moment.” (14:42)

  • Rouse reflects on the significance of friends as chosen family, especially after losing his parents and in facing life’s obstacles, crediting friends for filling the void left by family’s absence.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “They’ve been everything to us. I mean, they’ve kept us upright and going. That’s what this book celebrates, is finding your people…they simply love us. And that’s a rare gift.” (15:55)

Generations, Hope, and Activism

• Children & Progress

  • A subplot revolves around the Jewish tradition of finding the afikoman at Passover, symbolizing how future generations carry forward hope and progress.
  • Rouse speaks of his godchildren, noting that many young people today accept him and his husband for who they are—an idea represented in the story’s teenage character, Ava.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “...They see me and Gary as only me and Gary. That’s all they’ve seen their whole lives…that’s what gives me hope. We have the battle scars…yet there’s so much hope still in their lives that we’re going to get it right one day.” (23:22)

• Hate Crimes and Intolerance in Real Life and Fiction

  • Rouse details a hate crime subplot rooted in real events, including drag queen story hour protests and book bannings.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “People need to understand that when hate is given oxygen, it just takes fire. And that’s what’s happening.” (24:39)

  • Both Rouse and Owens reflect on the fearful climate for marginalized communities and women today.

    “[We’re] walking on quicksand right now. We better be ready to battle.” (25:49)

Humor as Survival and Literary Tool

• Balancing Humor and Pathos
  • The book combines sharp wit with serious issues, modeled after the comedic rhythms of classic sitcoms like The Golden Girls and “Shrinking.”
  • Wade Rouse:

    “When you know somebody better than anybody else…you know which button to push and you’ll push it…When you’ve been knocked around a lot in life, the only thing you have is to be able to laugh at it and yourself and life.” (27:10)

  • Rouse describes feedback from his editor, who pushed for humor with realness and pacing, as well as praise from casting director friends who say the book balances humor and tragedy perfectly.

    “It’s easier to make people cry than it is to make people laugh…I love funny, you know.” (28:43)

Writing Under a Pen Name vs. Real Name

• Viola Shipman vs. Wade Rouse
  • Rouse explains his extensive career writing as “Viola Shipman” in honor of his grandmother and why this novel needed to be published under his own name.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “This one actually will honor you. And this has to happen, and it has to happen under your own name.” (30:10)

  • Publishing often locks authors into one “lane,” so moving out of his established women’s fiction niche was a leap.

Literary Journey and Regrets

• How He Became an Author
  • Rouse tells of writing his first memoir, America’s Boy, based on his mother’s advice to live with no regrets.
  • Wade Rouse:

    “She came out…‘What all the people I’ve cared for today have in common? They are filled with some sort of regret. I beg of you not to end your life with regret.’ And I truly went home and started writing after that.” (33:49)

  • He shares candidly about the regret of not loving himself earlier and missing out on youthful experiences due to being closeted, but sees his past as essential to who he is today.

    “I regret not loving myself more…But I did not know how to navigate that at the time. And yet, I do not believe I would be who I am today without any of that.” (34:53)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Pain and Power of Chosen Family

  “They simply love us. And that’s a rare gift—to find those people.” — Wade Rouse (15:55)

• On Humor as Lifeline

  “It’s easier to make people cry than it is to make people laugh…I love funny, you know.” — Wade Rouse (28:43)

• On Generational Hope

  “They see me and Gary as only me and Gary…that’s what gives me hope.” — Wade Rouse (23:22)

• On Art and Impact

  “Great art…we do not really understand the impact they will have on our lives. But it’s always profound.” — Wade Rouse (08:49)

• On Regret and Growth

  “I regret not loving myself more…But I did not know how to navigate that at the time. And yet, I do not believe I would be who I am today without any of that.” — Wade Rouse (34:53)

Key Timestamps

• Book Elevator Pitch: 04:52
• Golden Girls and Societal Outcasts: 07:15
• Personal Loss (Brother): 09:41
• Ozarks Childhood: 11:06
• Character Building and Real-life Inspiration: 12:37
• Friendship and Passage Reading: 14:42
• Children and the Next Generation: 22:12
• Hate Crime and Current Hostility: 24:39
• Humor and Balancing Tone: 27:03
• Switching from Pen Name: 30:10
• First Book & Living Without Regret: 32:38
• On Regrets and Personal Growth: 34:53

Final Thoughts

This episode of Totally Booked with Zibby is a poignant, funny, and unflinchingly honest conversation about love, friendship, resilience, and the power of story. Rouse’s new novel offers laughter and tears in equal measure, and his personal anecdotes ground the literary discussion in genuine warmth and lived experience. This is a must-listen (or read) for anyone who believes in the bonds of chosen family or the healing potential of storytelling.