← Toure Show
Toure Show
George Wallace–I've Been Funny Forever
01:00:23
George Wallace is a legendary stand up comic. So much fun talking to him.
Loading summary
Transcript149 lines
- [00:01]
Torre
This episode is brought to you by Google Gemini. With the Gemini app, you can talk live and have a real time conversation with an AI assistant. It's great for all kinds of things, like if you want to practice for an upcoming interview, ask for advice on things to do in a new city, or brainstorm creative ideas. And by the way, this script was actually read by Gemini. Download the Gemini app for iOS and Android today. Must be 18 to use Gemini Live.
- [00:25]
Allstate Representative
This episode is brought to you by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know, to check the date of the big game first before you accidentally buy tickets on your 20th wedding anniversary and have to spend the next 20 years of your marriage making up for it. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
- [01:10]
George Wallace
What I tell young comedians, make sure this is what you want to do, because you can't. You can't want to be a comedian. You got to be a comedian. I'm going to do this. You know you can. I got friends want to be a meeting. They work, go on stage once a week, once a month. That ain't gonna work. That ain't gonna work. You gotta love this. I'm sorry. When you're into this comedy thing, as a real comedian, you could be married, but comedy better be number one. Wife, family sometimes comes in number two, or maybe they should equal. But most comedians, good comedians, number one thing to do is hit that stage. You can walk into a club with your wife, girlfriend, whatever. Walk into a club. If you see another comedian, you know what we say? I'll be right back. Be right back. We got to get to the other comic. It's a small, small club. We love each other. You gotta have that in you, in you. Something we cannot explain, but it's something deep down inside, you love it. Nothing can replace doing comedy. So we tell the young people, make sure you're going to love it. Be yourself. Be honest to yourself. Know who you are. Don't worry about being on top of the mountain. Just be on your way up the mountain.
- [02:28]
Torre
George Wallace is a comedy legend who has been around so long, it seems like he was doing comedy at the Last Supper. The man is amazing. He's hysterical, and I'm just honored to have had a moment to sit and talk with him because he's been making Us laugh for so long. It's my man George Wallace on Toray show. Being a standup comic and just like making it work for decades like you have is a dream for a lot of people. What do you love about being a standup?
- [03:15]
George Wallace
Let me tell you something, man. I do stand up. I'm doing what a lot of people don't get to do. I am honoring my essence. I love what I do. I love to go to work. I wish everybody enjoyed their life like I'm enjoying my life. By die tomorrow. The world owes me nothing, let me tell you. I don't know. I hope you enjoying your life as a journalist. Is that what you call stuff, journalists? Yeah, all of those. But nobody gets to do what I do every night for 44 years, every night. I'm so blessed, I'm choking up and I thank God every day I have a job where I go to work. All I do, I sit on stage, I walk on stage, and I just lie. I just lie. I just make up shit. I just lie. I love lying. And it's not because. And they pay me and they say, you're coming back tomorrow night. Oh, hell yeah. I love lying, man. How many people get to lie? And this is one of my better jokes. I like to do this joke. I ask God, let me be the greatest bullshitter in the world, right? Right. Now Donald Trump is kicking my ass in the bullshit department. You know, all bullshitters know each other, right? See, you live in New York. You're from New York, right? Yeah.
- [04:33]
Torre
Yeah.
- [04:34]
George Wallace
And we all New Yorkers, we already knew. Yeah, already knew. We didn't know why the other people. Don't you understand what's going on? This guy's a con man, homophobic, xenophobic, all of this. Misogynist, all of these things. He's not right. And we know. And I'm a bullshitter. And all bullshitters know each other. Now, let me make this perfectly clear. We don't know each other, right? But we know each other, Right?
- [04:55]
Torre
Right, Right, Right, Right.
- [04:56]
George Wallace
You know what I'm saying? So what I do. I wanted to be a comedian since 6 years old. How many people get to live their dreams and have a passion to.
- [05:05]
Torre
Wait a minute. When you were six, what did you see that made you say that?
- [05:12]
George Wallace
I saw a man named. I didn't see him at the time. Yes, I did. The reason I'm in the business is a comedian named Red Skelton. You're not old enough to remember him.
- [05:21]
Torre
I remember the name.
- [05:22]
George Wallace
He did a lot of characters and he was. He was just wonderful on tv, I tell you. I don't give him respect. You know, Rodney Dangerfield, you know, Red Buttons, Red Fox, Moms Mabley, Judge Pete. Meet Markham. I could go on down the line. Even Richard Pryor and all of these, especially the black entertainers. Oh, Wild Man, Steve, Amos and Andy. I got them all on the floor here of pictures of my favorite comedians. Eddie Murphy, just miles, maybe. Who else is there? You can just go down the line. I just love comedy. And what I would do, even when I was in school, high school, I would listen to jokes on the Tonight show and I would take them back to school tomorrow and I would do those jokes and people would laugh. So when I walked into the room, it caused happiness. And that's my job today, is to give back. When you walk into a room, if you don't cause someone to smile, then there's something wrong with you, you know? And so you don't want to walk in the room and hear somebody go, speaking of the devil, you know. But let me tell you, I could go on and on how blessed I am to do what I do. And I get paid for it. 44 and a half years of doing. I say nothing. I'll be the first to tell you, I do nothing. But it's probably the hardest job in the world to do. I have to work 24 hours a day. I'm listening to, like, you're in. I'm listening to the news, cnn, you know, we call that the Comedy News Network. I'm listening to CNBC. I'm listening to the 11th hour. I'm looking to Rachel. I'm listening to Sybil from the Tom Jonah Morning Show. I'm listening to everything. Everything is a joke. If I go to a funeral, you gotta get a joke out of it.
- [07:08]
Torre
So break it down for me. How do you write a joke?
- [07:11]
George Wallace
I have no idea. I just start. I just start talking, man. And you can't say anything stupid to me. I'll just pick it up, you know, Here's a simple joke. Out of nowhere, I called Delta Airlines and I said, I need a flight to New York City around noon. And the agent says, is that 12 noon? I said, no, that's 2 noon, you stupid heifer. So I take these. I take these moments and I just put them on stage. And, you know, it's like lying, and things just come out of my head. Like, everybody lied. Life is based on a lie. Everything you do. Our parents lied to us. And you go to church, they lie. We all lie. It's just everything is whatever in life. You see, there's a lie involved somewhere. Just going to church. I don't know whether you grew up in the church, but I'm from Georgia. If I never go to church again in my life, I. I put my time in, okay? We had to go to school. We used to go to church on Sunday. We didn't get out till Tuesday. That's too much damn church, okay? And I'm still going to church. But I used to notice things like jokes would pop up in my head in church. A little boy and the preacher would say, the doors of the church are open. My dumb ass would turn around to see those doors not open. You know, I didn't know.
- [08:35]
Torre
I want to leave.
- [08:37]
George Wallace
Yeah, let me get out of here. But I would take little things like that and I turn it into joke, like the preacher would say. The preacher would minister say. Every Sunday, even today, the minister says, everybody close your eyes in prayer. You might close one of those eyes, but you might close both of your eyes. Wait a minute.
- [08:58]
Torre
Wait, wait, wait. It seems to me there's two kinds of comedians. There's people who have well constructed material, like your friend Jerry Seinfeld. Every word and syllable is plotted out exactly where it's supposed to be. Chris Rock is like that.
- [09:14]
George Wallace
Yes.
- [09:15]
Torre
And then there's people, like, who could just read the phone book. And they have a funny voice and they have funny intonation. They just make you laugh like a Bernie Mac. You know, kind of like Eddie Murphy can kind of be like, what do you. Where do you think you are?
- [09:30]
George Wallace
I think I'm in the middle of everything. Cause I'll sit on and write a joke, and the next thing you know, I'll just go off and another thought would pop up. Like I say, just even ending with that joke. I had to every day, and I'm still adding jokes. I got jokes 40 years old that I'm bringing back that are going to be new because you never heard these jokes. I was talking about the preaching at churches. Everybody close your eyes. And you never close your eyes. And my mama would say to me, close your eyes, boy. I don't know how you know. You close your own damn eyes. You close the close.
- [09:57]
Torre
How do you know?
- [09:58]
George Wallace
How do you know? You close your own damn eyes. So writing jokes for me is just repeating things, observational. And then sometimes I'll just sit down and I see stupid things and listen to this. Walking through the grocery store, I see an item that says evaporated milk, and I'm Thinking, well, what the hell is in the can? Stuff like that go through my head. I'm crazy, I'm wacky. I don't play by the rules. I have my book. I wrote a book. I don't play by the rules. I do stupid stuff.
- [10:33]
Torre
So the joke machine is going all the time.
- [10:36]
George Wallace
It better be. It better be. That's why you get to do jokes for 40 years. If the machine is not continually oiled and running, you will run out of jokes. Can you get tired of it?
- [10:46]
Torre
Can you. Can you put a. Like. Like, what percentage of them are good? Good enough for the stage? And what percentage. And. Okay, throw that one out.
- [10:55]
George Wallace
Oh, man, you got the wrong person, because I have. Listen to me. I live with this. I live with the yellow legal pad every day I'm writing, okay, I love this. And I'm the one that. I don't know whether I invented it, but 1993, I'm the one with guav on Arsenio with the paddle and say, I got some new jokes here. They might be funny, they might not be funny. I don't know. I don't give a damn. I'm doing these new jokes. I got some new jokes I'm doing. And I did this on Arsenio. I got Letterman next week. I got to make sure this shit works. And you know what? When you're just honest and being yourself, people love it. And I would do joke number one. Joke number one, whatever the subject matter is, worked real good. Social distancing work real good. Joke number two, work real good. I like that. Joke number three, needs work. If it wasn't funny, needs work. Oh, now that turns me on. It's kind of like, you know, remember Johnny Carson used to do a joke and the joke didn't work? Okay. You know, with that attitude, I love it. When it didn't work, then I go to joke number four, and I go, okay, joke's funny. Audience sucks. They go berserk over the toilet. And then I would try to do my acting. And they said, no, no, go back to the yellow pad. Let's do some new jokes. So I love doing it every day. I don't want to say joke machine, but it is work. It's what I do.
- [12:22]
Torre
One thing about Johnny and some comedians, but I definitely remember with Johnny, if a joke didn't work now, he could get really funny because he might comment on that, comment on you, comment on himself. And then that jump ball moment, he would get really way funnier than the scripted material.
- [12:40]
George Wallace
That's what I Do. Sometimes I'll do a joke, that joke where I might. The audience might go, boo, Boo, hell, You'll be telling that joke tomorrow. Like, I talk about my buddy Stevie Warner a lot because we go to the same church. And I talk about him and he going to his concerts and things like that, and what a great person he is. And then having his kids at the show one night. And his two little boys were there. One of the boys was 14, and one of the boys was 12, and one of them was white and one was Japanese. And, you know, I wanted to tell him. And then the people go, you crazy? I crossed the line here. Talking about his kids and his daughter Aisha. Isn't she lovely? Isn't she marvelous? I'm going like, was he asking us or was he. So I can do that. And sometimes you get a. Let me tell you what I do. My personality allows me to do things that other people can't get away with. Because you know what? The politically. Being politically correct now. I talk about everybody. I don't give a shit. I've talked about. I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, last night. No matter where you're from, I was there last night. That's my new thing. People coming in from Cleveland. I was there last night. Where you people from? Singapore. I was in Singapore. And people going, like, did they just say, he was in such and such last night? So that was a lot of fun. But I tell a joke. I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I talk about anybody. A blind lady walked in late. Well, I chewed her ass out. I said to the blind lady, I said, how the hell you walk up in here late? You got somebody to lead and guide your ass around you walking here late. I said, look at all these other people in this room. Then I gotta stop. Then people gotta laugh. Look at all these other people in this room with a blind lady. And I said, and you ain't that damn blind neither. Cause you stand there pointing at me. You point straight at me. So I have a personality where I can get away with things you're not supposed to do.
- [14:33]
Torre
First of all, are you fearless on stage?
- [14:39]
George Wallace
No. Because now you've gotten to my drugs, you've gotten to my sex. Now this is my domain. This is what I love. I never did any drugs. I haven't had that much sex either. But when I get on stage, don't you laugh at me. Don't you laugh at me. But I get all I need on that stage, man. And I tell you what, there's no. What do you call it? A High. You can't get a high like you can on stage. I'm out there working. Sometimes I work for a room. My room in Las Vegas, 750 seats. Sometimes I get to work for 30,000. I've worked for 70,000. These people don't know me. And you walk upstage and you go like, oh, man. Oh, my, what a high. I can't even explain it to you. It's most rewarding job you could ever have. And you're in control by yourself. It's not with a band. It's not with anybody. It's really, really, really having fun. Even to talk about doing comedy, doing a job that you love. And I'm high right now, man.
- [15:40]
Torre
Hi. Just talk about it. Some comics I know talk about, you know, they have a certain ego of like, you know, like. Like, like I said, like, I'm fearless. I'll say anything. I don't care if they don't laugh. They don't laugh. But I'm gonna say whatever I wanna say. Some people are a little more like, you know, I hope I'm funny. Like, I feel like you're fearless, like, you'll say whatever you want.
- [16:02]
George Wallace
I'll say whatever I want. You know why? Like Dave Chappelle on Saturday Night Live three weeks ago.
- [16:09]
Torre
Yep.
- [16:10]
George Wallace
Now, some people thought he was okay. Some people thought he was funny. Some people had different judgments. I thought he was great because he is Dave Chappelle. He does have a name, he has a point of view. And I thought it was great that he could make a statement on what his thoughts were and that we know he's funny. But to come out sometimes and make a statement, I think that's great. Fearless. Just tell it like it is. Tell it like it.
- [16:32]
Torre
I feel like Chappelle is sort of taking the form of. In a new level. I mean, he's like one of the all time greats. You think he's one of the all time greats?
- [16:42]
George Wallace
Well, at this level, yes. Because he got away with some things you're not supposed to do on tv.
- [16:49]
Torre
Cigarette smoke. Yeah.
- [16:50]
George Wallace
He don't care how many times the N word was used.
- [16:53]
Torre
Right.
- [16:54]
George Wallace
You know what? He's Dave Chappelle.
- [16:56]
Torre
Right.
- [16:56]
George Wallace
I said, now, don't get angry when people come up and ask you about the nigga lesson. You go where you hear that.
- [17:01]
Torre
Right.
- [17:01]
George Wallace
You just invited them to do that.
- [17:03]
Torre
Right.
- [17:04]
George Wallace
So.
- [17:05]
Torre
But that's okay. That's okay. Some of the things that he does, he'll tell very long stories.
- [17:12]
George Wallace
Yes.
- [17:13]
Torre
Interweaving with other stories to where I can't repeat this because it's a 20 minute story with important digressions and all that sort of things. And it's. And it's amazing.
- [17:22]
George Wallace
Well, and some comedians can do that. Me, I'm all over the place. I'll do a joke, half the joke now, the other half 15 minutes later and I'll close out with the other half. And I tend to call those recalls right. And. But I love every type company there is. I like props, I like what intellectual company for some people might not think is funny. You know, like we used to have a guy named Franklin Jai. A lot of people didn't think he was funny because he was so smart and intellectual. I loved him. I love everything, everybody. You know what I really like? I like comedians. I think so called female comedians. I think they have the toughest job in the world. You think I've got it tough for a lady to walk out on stage and be really funny? Because some ladies don't even appreciate the other ladies. That's a tough job, man. So I watch these like Kathleen Madigan and Lou Neo. I love these ladies. Daphne Springs. I just love these young ladies working.
- [18:28]
Torre
I never Forget being about 10 years old and sitting in my dad's car and he was listening to Live on a Sunset Strip. Richard Pryor, his favorite guy. And he loved it so much that he was listening to it in front of me, even though he knew. He was like, you're too young to hear this, but I gotta play this. And he was dying laughing. And I was 10 years old, I wasn't really getting it, but I knew he loved it. And I just, I never forget. That's one of the moments that I always remember with him. Tell you knew Richard Pryor, you worked alongside him. Tell us about what made Richard Pryor so great.
- [19:06]
George Wallace
Okay, let me do the first thing. Let me tell you this. You being 10 years old as a kid, that's how I started. When I was young, we had moms Mabley and Red Fox and Skill and Leroy. Back in the day, they called party records for the parties. It was for adult humor. So. But when the parents would leave and go to church, that's when we'd play these albums. And we learned too, we're not supposed to hear them, but that was funny. We were kids and that's adult humor. But that's how we started too. Now Richard Pryor, the Days live on Sunset. I love Richard pryor. In the 70s and the 80s, this guy was killing his last album. He went to the Comedy Store he wouldn't do anything new. You talking about terrible, awful. Richard Pryor refused to do any old jokes, and everybody went. He may have been funny before, but this is. This is terrible. This is terrible. For a whole week. This is terrible. He come back next week, every night. Come to the store. Well, at least it's a little better than it was last week. We come back to third week, y'all. Okay, okay, okay. Fourth week, and it's getting better. It's getting better. Six weeks. Oh, my God. This is starting to get. Come this coming together. Four months live on Sunset Strip. The album made. We seen him. I saw him go from 0 to 10 in four months. What a great genius. Fantastic guy. Loved him, Loved his work. And Richard Pryor came along at a time when the black comedians had just entered the avenue where you can say what you want to say. Because, you know, we started off on tonight's show and Merv Griffin. We had to be clean. We had to be clean. So Richard is one of the guys that really broke out. And Bill Colley was probably pissed at him for saying what he did. You know, Bill Cosby called Eddie Murphy, you cuss too much. And what did Eddie Murphy tell me? Have a Coke. Kiss my ass and have a Coke. Or something like that. Richard Pryor, I saw him go through everything. What a great guy. He was too loved. He was really honest, too.
- [21:24]
Torre
Yeah, the honesty Pryor could get at, you know, the reality of being black, of, you know, I mean, I remember a bit he did also about just like a baby being born, and it was like, oh, my God, like, that was amazing.
- [21:39]
George Wallace
I remember he did a bit that I thought. I would never say that a sexual moment he had. You might know the one I'm talking about. I did that before going, damn. I would never admit that. I just thought that was great. When you can really, really, really just be honest and just tell the truth. And what a great comedian Richard Prowell was. And worked on the same stage with him and before him and follow him. I came along the time that's who was on stage. Richard Pryor, David Letterman, Robin Williams, Elaine Boosler, Jay Leno. And I have the greatest life ever. And you mentioned all those names. I'm going to tell you something. You're not going to believe this, but I am the most successful comedian you have ever met. You need to know that it's not how much money you make, it's how you enjoy your life while you're living. I've done everything. I've been everywhere. You know, they Call me the new Mr. Vegas. I've worked Las Vegas longer than any African American. I've done more shows. I never was interested in doing TV movies, even though I do them. The people call me, say, just do it. All I ever wanted to do was PA personal appearances and I went to Las Vegas. I've been in Las Vegas since 1979, 2004. I thought I'd go and start my own show. I owned the show. That make it perfectly clear, I don't work for the hotels. I own the show. I'm the producer, I'm the director. I do all of the marketing. I do all of the advertising. That's me. You got to be stupid to do something like that because you can lose a lot of money and most people do. But I had the niche of knowing how to advertise because, you know, my degree's in marketing and advertising. And you living in New York City, a lot of people don't know this about me. All of the billboards and spectaculars at Times Square, all of the 5,000 buses in subways in New York City. I was vice president of that company, doing the advertising, selling the space. So I made a lot of money doing that. So I knew how to advertise myself in Las Vegas and make it work.
- [23:43]
Torre
Tell me something, because I know you got a philosophy on this sort of stuff. What makes people laugh?
- [23:48]
George Wallace
What makes people laugh? The truth. The truth. Just tell the truth. You know, if you hear something, you know what's funny. The most simple things in life are funny. Like, I talk about my family sometimes my family is just like, stupid. Have an uncle that lived next door to us before he died. He could just say stupid stuff. And I think back and I said, you know, I need to talk about that more. Because he was a better liar than me. He would say things like, atlanta Braves. He used to love the Atlanta Braves, but he hated them at the same time because they're such a terrible team. Back in the day, I loved Atlanta Braves too. It was back in the day when it was on terr. Ted Turner, PBS. And they would play the Braves at 3:00 in the morning of the earlier game. My dumb ass, I'm watching like, well, maybe they're gonna win this time. It's the same game. Listen to it. My uncle, he wouldn't lie. He said, the Braves can't play baseball. They do better if they let. Their pitching is so bad. They do better if they let the opposing team throw up their own bowl and hit it like they did when we Were kids. People say things like that. You could ask my wife Ruby, and Ruby would tell you right now, when I was a young man, I played baseball. I was a backstopper. That's how old he was. A hind catcher, you know, a catcher. So that's how old I am. I said, hind catcher, but a catcher. He said, I was so good. When that boy on first base steal and go down to second. He said, I wouldn't throw that ball down there. I'd run down there and tag his ass out. That's my wife, Ruby. He would just lie, just make up, shit like that. He'd just make up. It's amazing. So it's funny. It's so funny. And he's the same guy that asks you a question and answered at the same time. If you pay attention. This is what I do. It's my job. See, I don't know what you do. Journalism, accountants, we don't know what they do. That's what they do. But it's my job to interrogate and learn what is funny. So I pick up on things that people do. Like, my Uncle Bo will ask you a question and answer it at the same time. You don't have people like that ask you a question. My uncle say, how y'all get up here? Walk for your dad at work. What time you get off? 6:00? Just ask your question, master. What's your mama cooking? Chicken. Just ask your question. Why you walking like that, boy? Your feet hurt? Why are you calling a doctor? You sick. You just listen. You can just go on and on and on. And you put all that together, next thing you know, you got an hour, you got two hours, three hours, five hours material. And you just stores and stores and stories. Then you start making up shit.
- [26:11]
Torre
I mean, you're right, you're right. Like when the comic says an observation that you're like, oh, my God, that's so true. I never realized that. But now that he's pointed out, now she's pointed out. It's like, oh, my God, that's so real. And that you laugh really hard like, oh, wow. Like, that's real.
- [26:31]
George Wallace
Yeah, that's real. It's like I used to make up the joke about people would jump in the fence when President Barack Obama was in office. And I said, you know, mostly it was white people, right? Because you see black people jump that fence. No, not many black people jump that fence. No, because let me tell you why they teach those dogs to eat black people. They teach them. Now, listen, they had to retrain those dogs not to eat President Barack Obama. This shit is true. I'm making up. That's what I would tell the people. This shit is true. I said, you ever see President Barack Obama get off that helicopter? Every time he gets up that helicopter, what was he doing? Because the dogs was chasing his ass. So you make up with things like that, the truth and you just put a twist on it. Here's how you write a joke. A, B, three, one, two, C. You got the subject, you got the substance and then you have your twist at the end. So that's our job as a brain.
- [27:28]
Torre
You said you got the subject, you.
- [27:29]
George Wallace
Got the what, the meat, you know, the substance on your substance and the twist. Yeah, yeah. So that it's a twist and then there's a twist at the end.
- [27:42]
Torre
Yeah. Because it's gotta be a surprise. There's gotta be a surprising element. The surprise is what makes you laugh.
- [27:49]
George Wallace
And then you tell the truth on things. Here's one. Here's a good one. Preachers stop lying in church. See, I'm always talking about there's always a lie. What's the first thing your pastor says when he woke up in the pulpit? I won't be long. That's a lie. I won't be long. So no matter what you do, no matter what you say, I'm finding something funny. People that need their ass kicked, people that pass you on the freeway then go slower than you were going. Little things like that. Police officers pulling me over. Just jokes just pop up out of your head.
- [28:23]
eBay Representative
This is what you do when you've just found that statement handbag on ebay and you want to build an entire wardrobe around it. You start selling to keep buying. Yep. On ebay over that all black everything phase. List it and buy. All the color feeling more vintage than ever. It's out with the new and in with the pre loved. Next thing you know you've refreshed your wardrobe basically without spending a dime. Yeah. Ebay. The place to buy and sell new pre loved vintage and rare fashion.
- [28:53]
Chevrolet Representative
Looking for a pickup truck to get just about anything done. Look no further. The Chevy Silverado EV isn't just the most powerful Silverado ever with next level towing capability and technology. It also offers game changing versatility with the available multiflex midgate and tailgate. Which means Silverado EV helps you carry large, bulky and oddly shaped items up to nearly 11ft in length Chevrolet together. Let's drive. Visit Chevrolet.com to learn more.
- [29:23]
Torre
Is there, is there a big difference between the things that Tend to make black people laugh as opposed to the things that tend to make white audiences laugh.
- [29:33]
George Wallace
Oh, hell yeah. There's different things that we do. You know that my best friend is white, and I go to his house. I hope he don't hear this. I hope he doesn't hear this. But they will order pizza, man. Four or five pizza. Four or five pizzas. No meat. Get the. No meat on. Just plain pizza. That's why people do stuff like that. You better give me some pepperoni and some sausage on this picture. And they just. And when they eat, white people eat, they go, oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's so good. It's so good. And I'm just. And I'm looking. This actually happened in the Seinfeld house. This is the best ever. And I'm just saying, you know, when black people. We get something really good. We. We have one word, don't we? So, yeah, there's certain things you can talk about, you can talk about. In the black church. You can talk about things, but I tend to talk about things. I try to make everybody relate to it. You know, just send things on tv. Al Sharpton, have you seen him lately? And we need to start a go feed me fun for his ass. This guy loses way too much. I look at little things like that.
- [30:48]
Torre
You know, Hey, I know the rev. He's not eating.
- [30:53]
George Wallace
Is that what it is?
- [30:54]
Torre
That's what happened. That's what happened.
- [30:56]
George Wallace
This guy gets any skinnier? I mean, when the microphone is on.
- [31:00]
Torre
Microphone where he's barely eating.
- [31:03]
George Wallace
I talk about him. He does. He did a thing once. Now, listen to me. Here's what's wrong with me. I'll talk about anything. No. He had a funeral for the N word. You might remember this. They had a funeral for the N word. People came from all over the world to bury their. They really wanted. Old people really wanted to get rid of the N word. They didn't want to hear that word, that N word at all. So they had a funeral for the N word. They had a regular three hour service. Black funeral. Just talked about the N word and took the N word. They put the N word in the coffin and they prayed over the N word. And the choir sang over the N word. And they took the N word. They closed the coffin with the N word in the coffin. They took the N word in the coffin out of the church, took the coffin down to the cemetery, and they buried the N word. They buried the N word. But on that third day.
- [31:59]
Torre
It froze.
- [32:00]
George Wallace
Back up, went inward, got Up. So I look, see, I'm paying attention to everything that's going on right now. It's just. So that's how I come up with my jokes. And the next thing you know, we're just having fun. And next thing is, if it's a cheap hotel, somebody says something stupid at the airport. Here's a joke I do. I'm walking through the airport and I sit in Pittsburgh and some guy said, hey, Mr. Wallace, you in town? And I just let shit like that go. You in town? It's a simple thing like that. I'm working at church. I'm working my church, Los Angeles Church of God in Christ. We're doing a Christmas show. And it was storming like hell outside. And some lady walked and she said, it's raining outside. So I made that a joke. Of course it was raining outside. Why the hell did you come in here? Of course it was raining outside. So I do little things sometimes. It's timing things that you don't think is funny. But if you do the right timing and you got the right mindset, the.
- [32:57]
Torre
Timing, the timing, the timing takes it from you. Talk about your man Jerry Seinfeld, one of your best friends. You were best man at his wedding. You guys have been close for decades.
- [33:07]
George Wallace
I'm actually the real George. I'm actually the real George. I told you that. You know, I'm his roommate for 13 years.
- [33:11]
Torre
Okay, best man at his wedding. Oh, Costanza. Costanza was based on you.
- [33:17]
George Wallace
Well, I'm actually roommate that, you know, it's kind of mixed up all different kinds of ways, but I'm his actual roommate for 13 years.
- [33:24]
Torre
So you're the actor.
- [33:25]
George Wallace
What are we gonna do? We're gonna go back and try to buy the place that we shared back.
- [33:31]
Torre
In the 70s and 80s, make it a historical landmark. So talk about. I mean, Seinfeld's one of the great comedians of modern, but he has more money than anybody.
- [33:41]
George Wallace
Does that make him the greatest? He's got so much money. This guy's so rich, man.
- [33:45]
Torre
No, it's an amazing. It's an amazing TV show. But, but, but, but him as a stand up, he is a. He is one of the great modern standups. What makes him so great as a standup?
- [33:56]
George Wallace
His writing. His writing is so good. And he does it every day still to this day, for one hour, he sits down with the legal pad. We both are old school, you know, the young kids walk on the stage with the telephone. We still walk out with the yellow pad. And I'll have the Pad. He has the piece of paper, his writing. So such a prolific writer. And it's just so sharp, his mind. And once you get into the groove and any comedian, once you get them and you. And that pattern, his thinking pattern, he's so sharp, his material is so good. And sometimes we write together and he can change the joke around and he's just good. He's one of the best ever.
- [34:34]
Torre
I mean, I know he talks about being like a wordsmith and just like the right place of the joke and the beat makes all the difference and.
- [34:44]
George Wallace
The words for him, you know, so he's the wordsmith. That's something I like to be. That's what you are too, as a wordsmith. I have no idea. I need to go back to college. I don't know nothing. I don't. I know.
- [34:55]
Torre
But you do you have. Do you have writing time? Like morning, afternoon, whatever it is. Like, I'm gonna spend an hour or two with the pad and see what's coming out, dude.
- [35:06]
George Wallace
We write 24 hours a day. If you're in a restaurant, write it on a napkin, put it on a match cover. We write all day. You wake up in the middle of the night, write it down in the middle of the night. You wake up, go, that's funny. And you wake up at 8 o'clock and you go, what the hell is this? You can't even read your own handwriting. What the. But yes, that's what we do. Comedians at levitt. We work 24 hours a day. You can sit down and write out a whole bit. Let's say, what do we got over here on the pad right now? I have this book, this new book, and I do the top five. It's called Bull Twit. This is a new book I have out right now, George Wallace dot net. What do you get the guy that has everything? Get him. Bull twit. He's the ramblings in my head. So I want to write a joke today. I want to do the top five cuts in the world. Cut. C U T E Top five cuts in the world. So I got down paper cut. I have down center cut. I think that's what they call a steak or something like that. I'll have down Connecticut. And I got down a haircut. And then somebody basically gonna have about cut one. Somebody cut one so little. These are crazy things in my head that they're not real jokes because you got to tweet them out in less than 240 characters. Start at 280 characters right so it's like crazy thoughts in my head. How poor we were. We were so poor. Now I'm from Atlanta. We were so poor. This true story here. We were so poor that we could only listen to the Pips. We never knew.
- [36:41]
Torre
Gladys. We didn't have enough for Gladys.
- [36:44]
George Wallace
Never knew about it. Gladys Knight, Never. There's two guys. When you were young, you ever heard of Sam and Dave? Yeah, never knew about Dave. Never knew about Dave. Little thoughts like that. So, yeah, so I like writing every day and I watch the news every day. So whatever's on the news, you know, just. You just write, write, write, write, and can't wait to get on stage to present it.
- [37:09]
Torre
So that's how the creative stuff comes. Talk a little bit about the business stuff. How do you make a career out of it? Because it's gotta be. It's more than just going to Comedy Store after Comedy Store night. It's got to be more to it than that.
- [37:22]
George Wallace
Trey, let me tell you what you just said. Magic words. There's two words we use when we get it. It's called show business.
- [37:31]
Torre
Right?
- [37:32]
George Wallace
You got to know the business side. I'm much. I'm so angry at a lot of people that mostly sports guys that make all this money, and the next thing you know, they're broke. You gotta. You know you're making all this money when you're. You see these guys, these boxers and sports guys, they make millions and millions of dollars. And the next thing you know, they're broke. They go out and they go crazy. They buy these big homes, $10 million homes. And the management, first of all, you don't even get but half the money you're making, okay? Because agents, managers, PR People, irs, RS R, S, irs. So they take half your money. And what you got to do is prepare for that. Because sometimes they think when they. They think the contract is going to go forever, you could get hurt. The next week, no money is coming. And guess what? When no money is coming in, the bills are still coming in the tax on the profit.
- [38:31]
Torre
So show business, how do you. How do you do it?
- [38:34]
George Wallace
You plan. You plan. Don't go crazy spending money. You don't need 15 brand new cars unless you're making just wild money. But you'll find out at the end you don't need all of that stuff. That's what I think. I could be wrong. I really be. I really want people to live the lives they want to. But I think you plan. I'm doing okay. If I never work a day again. In my life, I'm okay.
- [38:54]
Torre
Is it normally like, you know, let's be somewhere, 50 weeks a year?
- [39:00]
George Wallace
No, no. I've been all over the world. You know, I was in Singapore yesterday. Did I tell you that? Let me tell you. I just like doing comedy every night. Every night. I just so happen to like Las Vegas. But I go all over the world, you know, I'm on tour. I go on tour with Samoa. I go on tour with Mike Epps. I go on tour with Chris Tucker, D.C. young, fly. I love going all over the world. I love going into Constitution hall in Washington, dc. I love going into Madison Square Garden in New York City. And an audience, to me is an audience. People that I love, and they love to laugh. There's nothing better than laughter. So I'm in Las Vegas. Why? Since I own it, I just do it. I walk across the street. I have an apartment in the hotel. People come to see me from all over the world. That's just my choice. But I think what most comedians do, they do travel a lot, and that doesn't bother me. Okay? I love traveling, too. Let's make that perfectly clear. My first degree is in transportation. I love. I love traveling. Of course, I have my own jet, so let's make that perfectly clear. You do? I have my own jet.
- [40:13]
Torre
What do you have?
- [40:13]
George Wallace
Some idiot. Some idiot went up there the other day and wrote Delta on the top of it. That just pissed me off. You know what I'm saying? It pissed me off. So listen to. Thanks so much. Listen, I fly so much that I pretty much own the plane. I have, like, I have over 7 million miles just flying. And even this year, I've already done. I've done 110.
- [40:41]
Torre
If you see folks, younger folks coming up who want to be comics, want to have long careers in the game like you, you know, what do you tell them? What's some of the best advice you ever got?
- [40:54]
George Wallace
What I tell young comedians is, make sure this is what you want to do, because you can't. You can't want to be a comedian. You got to be a comedian. I'm going to do this. You know, you can. I got friends want to be a comedian. They work. They go on stage once a week, once a month. That ain't gonna work. That ain't gonna work. You gotta love this. I'm sorry. When you're into this comedy thing, as a real comedian, you could be married, but comedy better be number one. Wife, family sometimes comes in number two, or maybe they should equal. But most comedians, good Comedians, number one thing to do is hit that stage. You can walk into a club with your wife, girlfriend, whatever. Walk into a club. If you see another comedian, you know what we say? I'll be right back. Be right back. We got to get to the other comic. It's a small, small club. We love each other. It's something once made a statement. You got to have that in you, in you. Something we cannot explain, but it's something deep down inside you love it. Nothing can replace doing comedy. So we tell the young people, make sure you're going to love it. Be yourself. Be honest to yourself. Know who you are. I'm also teaching the young comedians. Like, there's a lot of hateful people out there, haters, you know, just do you. Be you. Whatever you do. There's a market for you. You don't have to make all the money in the world. It doesn't matter. And you don't have to be number one. I've been doing it long enough to know that there's a lot of problems with being number one. Look at Richard Pryor, look at Michael Jackson, look at Arthur Ashe, look at Dr. Martin Luther King. Everybody got all those problems. It's like traveling. When you have too much luggage, they charge you for it. So I'm teaching the younger men, don't worry about being on top of the mountain. Just be on your way up the mountain.
- [42:51]
Torre
Do you.
- [42:56]
George Wallace
This is the sound of your ride.
- [42:58]
Torre
Home with dad after he caught you vaping.
- [43:09]
George Wallace
Awkward, isn't it? Most vapes contain seriously addictive levels of nicotine and disappointment. Know the real cost of vapes brought.
- [43:20]
Torre
To you by the fda.
- [43:22]
Come to me.
- [43:23]
George Wallace
Focus Features invites you to succumb to the darkness. From director Robert Eggers comes a masterpiece of horror. He is coming. This creature is a force more powerful than evil is death itself. Nosferatu. We are under 17nm without parent now playing only in theaters. Special engagements in Dolby and imax.
- [43:52]
Torre
You. I know you write a lot. Do you have joke jokes that you love?
- [43:58]
George Wallace
I used to know every joke in the book, but I forgot most of my jokes. I get my joke jokes, but you know who one of my favorite comedians is? Joel Osteen. Who? Joel Osteen, you know.
- [44:13]
Torre
Oh, the preacher.
- [44:18]
George Wallace
He will not start a sermon. Will he not? He will not start a sermon without always like to start off a little funny story I heard. And jokes are so good. And every now and then I love jokes. I'm sure they're going to come back because everything is cyclical. After 30 years, you know, I'm sure they're going to come back. Here's a joke right here. An old couple was sitting on the front porch in the rocking chairs, and they were just rocking and just rocking and just rocking and I don't know where. The wife just turns over and just slaps the hell out of the husband. He goes, what the hell was that about? She says, that's for 57 years of bad sex. So they're sitting on the porch just rocking, just rocking. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, bam. He cold cocks and knocks her off the porch. She comes back up on the porch. She says, why you do that? He says, that's for knowing the difference. So I love jokes. Jokes are good, man. You start telling jokes. Jokes are funny, man. Maybe somebody should come back and tell. Godfrey. Gilbert Godfrey told a lot of jokes. Jokes are funny. Joel Osteen told a joke. One son, he said, a little boy turn 16 years old. He went to his dad and said, dad, I'm 16 today. I got my driver's license. I'd like to use the family car. His dad was a minister. He said, son, I know you want to use that family car, but I think we have other priorities. He said, son number one, you need to improve your grades. You see Psalm number two, me being a minister, it'd be very nice. It looked just like you, just like you. Be very nice if you were to start reading the Bible. And Psalm number three, you need to get a haircut. So six months later, the little boy came back to his dad, said, dad, I love you. I try to obey you. Do everything you asked me to do. You asked me to improve my grades. I stayed up late at night, dad. It was hard to do. But here's my report. I want to thank you, Daddy. I want to thank you, Daddy. We did it. Improving my report card, dad number two, you being a minister, making me read that Bible. I really gotta thank you for making me read that Bible. He said, dad, do you know when I was reading the Bible, do you know I read that Samson had long hair? Thank you, dad. He said, dad, I continued to read the Bible more and more and more, Dad, I even read a passage where Moses had long hair. Thank you, Daddy. He said, dad, I gotta tell you, you being a minister, making me read. I read the whole Bible, Dad. And even Jesus had long hair. And his dad said, now, if you remember, while you were reading, everywhere they went, walked. You need to get a haircut. So that's one of my favorite clean jokes. There they can get dirty. Dirty jokes are funny, too.
- [47:17]
Torre
Let me see if I get. My dad told me this one from.
- [47:22]
George Wallace
By the way, I am your real daddy. I'm your real daddy, okay?
- [47:27]
Torre
There's a white family, a white boy in the kitchen. His mom is making a chocolate cake. And they got the chocolate batter there. And mom turns around and he dunks his face in the batter and spreads it all around. And he says, and look, Mommy, I'm black. And she takes off her belt and she beats the shit out of him. She says, go in the living room and show your father what you've done. And he thinks dad's gonna get it. And he goes, look, Daddy, I'm black. And dad takes off his belt and beats the shit out of the kid. And he could go on the porch and show your grandfather what you've done. Now he knows what's gonna happen. And look, Grandpa, I'm black. And he takes a switch off the tree and beats the last bit of piss and tears out of the boy. And he's crying, now, go back in the kitchen with your mama. He goes back in the kitchen. Mom says, I hope you learned your lesson. And the boy says, I sure did. I've been black five minutes and I already hate all you white motherfuckers.
- [48:26]
George Wallace
Exactly. Right. There you go. That's the little boy. That's the same.
- [48:30]
Torre
You heard that? You heard that before.
- [48:31]
George Wallace
I know every joke in the fuck. Let me tell you a good joke. Let me tell you a good joke. So Easter Sunday, right at church, Easter Sunday, the bishop comes up in the pulpit and the church is full. He's never seen this many people in the church before. He says, oh, my God, I am so blessed today. You know, I wanted to come out and talk about the resurrection of Christ. I just. But I've got to change my mind today. I never seen. I got to speak on sand. He said, ladies and gentlemen, God bless all of you for coming today. He says, I got to speak on sand. He said, I want all of you number runners and gamblers. I want you to get up and get on this side of the church over here. He says, I want all you dope dealers, dope fiend, dope addicts. I want you to sit in the middle of church. I want all you hoes and prostitutes and homongers. Y'all sit on the left, right hand side of the church. So for the next 15 minutes, everybody's giving up, going to their different sections. So after everybody's seated, he looked in the back. There's one good looking little guy standing up by himself. Everybody else said. The preacher said, well, young man, you're still standing. Why are you standing? He said, well, pastor, you didn't call my category. So the preacher said, well, what is your category? He says, pastor, I'm a cocksucker. So the preacher said, well, you come on up here in the pulpit with me. You come on up here.
- [50:00]
Torre
I got something for. I got. I got a job for you.
- [50:03]
George Wallace
You got some jokes, Go ahead.
- [50:04]
Torre
Let me see if you heard this one. A guy walks into a bar and the bartender starts talking to him. And the guys in. The bartender says, well, what do you do? And the guy says, well, I'm a professional gambler. He says, well, let's make a bet. And the guy says, you, you don't want to make a bet with me. I never lose. And bartender, you gotta lose some of the time. The guy says, all right, I bet you that I can lick my left eye. The bartender says, What? That's impossible. $100 on the bar. And the guy takes out his left eye and puts it on his tongue. Glass eye. Bartender says, what? That's amazing. And the guy says, all right, I'll bet you $500 I can lick my right eye. And the bartender says, well, you can't have two glass eyes. You walked in here. $500 on the bar. The guy takes out his dentures and puts it on his like, oh, God damn it. The guy says, all right, I'll give you one more chance. I'm going to walk around the bar. I'm a couple of what? So he goes off in a corner with the Japanese businessmen and hangs out with them for a while. He comes back on the bar and he says to the bartender, okay, I'll bet you $1,000 that I can stand on the bar and pee into that bottle of vodka over there and not miss a drop anywhere. And the bartender says, okay, $1,000, because that's impossible. So the guy pulls down his pants and he pees all over the bartender. And he doesn't get any in the vodka bottle. And the bartender is dripping a pee. He's like, yay, I beat you. Finally. And he's like, why are you not upset? And the bartender and the guy says, well, I bet those guys $10,000 that I could stand on the bar and pee on you. And you'd like it.
- [51:43]
George Wallace
You wouldn't say a word. Right? That's exactly right. I know that joke. Here's a joke. Now, this is the original joke that I wrote. Now, if you're into jokes, this is. This is Johnny Carson's favorite joke. And one of the guys did it on the show. Clint Eastwood did it in one of the movies. I wrote this joke. Two Jews, a Mexican and a black, walked into a bar. The bartender said, yo, get the fuck out of here. That's the thing. It's no need to go into the. Just get the out of here.
- [52:21]
Torre
So all of you. You're right, I don't like any of you. Get. All of you get the.
- [52:27]
George Wallace
No substance in the middle. Nothing. Two Jews are mixing. The Jews and the Jew said this, and the black said it, and the bunch of. Just get the out of here. Jokes are fun. Funny is serious. It's a lot of work and you gotta love it. And there's a big time payoff. Do you know even if you didn't get paid, how rewarding it is to make people laugh? I talk about laughter all the time. It's the greatest medicine in the world. And we don't stop laughing because we grow older. But we do grow older because we stop laughing. You gotta keep laughter in your life no matter what. You can't even fake a smile without feeling better. Look at you right now. Go ahead and smile. It's something. Look at you. Look at you. You feel better. So keep laughing your life.
- [53:14]
Torre
Well, part of the beauty of what you do is it's involuntary. Even if I don't like you, you say something funny, I'm gonna laugh. I control it, you know? So that's part of what makes it so great. It's been an honor and a privilege.
- [53:30]
George Wallace
Well, I wish I could say the same. You see how Kennedy works? You see how that works? I wish I could say to say I'm sitting here spending my time bullshitting with you. I could be somewhere doing something, picking potatoes, looking at McDonald's, flipping hamburgers and shit. I'm here talking to you.
- [53:53]
Torre
What's that?
- [53:54]
George Wallace
You don't know? I asked you parle bou francais?
- [53:57]
Torre
Oh, a little bit. Yes, A little bit.
- [53:58]
George Wallace
You got a French name? Is that French? Your name is French?
- [54:01]
Torre
African. African.
- [54:02]
George Wallace
African. I apologize. I really apologize.
- [54:05]
Torre
No, it's okay.
- [54:06]
George Wallace
I should know better because I live in Atlanta. Did I tell you about, you know. Have you been to my hometown, Atlanta? Yeah. You have an African name. Did you ever think you. I was talking to what's his name the other night, Trevor. Noah. And I had to ask him. He's from Africa. And I said, when you got off the plane in Atlanta, did he shock the shit out of you. You never saw that many black people in your life, have you? There's more black people.
- [54:29]
Torre
You said that to him?
- [54:31]
George Wallace
Yeah. You know, it's the truth. There's more black people in Atlanta than Africa. And that's.
- [54:38]
Torre
No, I told you. I went to. I went to Emory. I spent three.
- [54:41]
George Wallace
So, you know.
- [54:42]
Torre
Yeah, I bet. I spent several years in. In Atlanta. You know, it's. It's a great town. It's a crazy town. It's a little crazy.
- [54:50]
George Wallace
Town is black. It's like even so many black people in Atlanta. You know they made the movie Black Panther here, right?
- [54:57]
Torre
Yep.
- [54:57]
George Wallace
And they wanted to make it in Africa. And this true story, they actually went to Africa to make the movie. But when they got to Aperture, they didn't have enough black people, so they had to call Delta and started that right back to Atlanta. I love talking about that. I love telling people, if you ever want to go to Africa, just call Delta. They'll fly you to Atlanta and you won't know the difference. There's so many black people here. The good thing about Atlanta, black people own everything. That's why I can brag about the number one Mercedes Benz dealership right here in Atlanta. I can talk about things like that. Black people own everything in Atlanta. Chinese restaurants. You go over there on the west side, they got Chinese restaurants. They got oxtail, fried rice, cooking all kinds of crazy shit. It's just crazy in Atlanta. I love this city. So when you come here, you can just laugh, look around and laugh. We got. We got Mercedes Benz Stadium. I call it the Chick Fil? A stadium, you know? Well, it's the Chick Fil? A stadium because the Falcons play there, and they both are closed on Sunday. So you just find all kind of laughter here, no matter what. We got two birds in Atlanta can't fly. The Atlanta Hawks, Atlanta Falcons. Neither one can fly. So I love talking about my hometown. And, you know, you've lived here, right. We got a place in Atlanta called College Park. Remember that?
- [56:22]
Torre
Yep.
- [56:22]
George Wallace
College Park.
- [56:23]
Torre
Yep.
- [56:24]
George Wallace
No college and no park, so. But it's still the nicest city in North America for African Americans. And we got great mayors. We got Stacy Abrams here. Oh, how good is she? I love Atlanta. I love Atlanta. We got churches here. We got everything. We got the preacher named Kepo Dollar. We got all Kepio Dollar. That joke. I wrote that joke. Must have been 20 years ago. Still funny. Keep your dollar.
- [56:59]
Torre
Thanks so much for listening to Torre's show. Torre's show gives you fuel to power your dreams because you can use your dreams like a rocket ship to blast you into a life you never imagined. You can make your dreams a reality. And maybe this show can help. You can find me on blueskyore and on Instagram or show and of course on TikTok orayshow. Toray show is written by me, Torre, and produced by Ashley Hobbs. Our editor is Ryan Woodhull. Our booker is Ray Holiday. And we're distributed by DCP Entertainment. And we will be back next Wednesday with more amazing guests because the man can't shut us down.