Podcast Summary: How I Found My Soulmate // Relationship Goals: In Real Life (Part 1)
Transformation Church | Pastor Michael Todd | February 15, 2026
Episode Overview
This episode kicks off Transformation Church’s new series, “Relationship Goals: In Real Life,” led by Pastor Michael Todd. The core theme revolves around shifting our understanding of relationships from social ideals and wishful thinking to authentic, healthy relationships that thrive in real life. Pastor Mike challenges listeners to move beyond image management and cultural noise, focusing instead on God’s Word as the foundational guide for building relationships—starting with personal soul health.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Why a New Relationship Series?
- Pastor Mike opens by acknowledging the anxiety and reactions past “Relationship Goals” series have sparked (00:35):
- “Some of y’ all are scared because some of y’ all lost your last boyfriend after the last relationship Goal series. Others of you got into counseling for the first time.”
- He didn’t plan this series—felt led by the Holy Spirit to address pressing relational issues facing the culture (01:56):
- “Sometimes He’ll tell you what you need to know to get you past where you are… you have to be open to the Spirit’s moving.”
- Critique of modern relationship advice:
- People often look to voices lacking wisdom or healthy experience—family, social media, influencers (03:05):
- “We are listening to people on podcasts that have not had a successful relationship in a decade tell you what a man is supposed to be and how females should…”
- People often look to voices lacking wisdom or healthy experience—family, social media, influencers (03:05):
2. The Real-Life Standard: God’s Word
- Emphasizes the need to “silence the noise” and look to God’s design for relationships (05:20).
- Cautions against superficial fixes:
- “We have already seen that just fine doesn’t work. We’ve already seen that money just doesn’t do it… It’s because something was wrong… from the beginning.” (06:00)
3. Start with Yourself, Not ‘Them’
- Calls for introspection and personal accountability (07:02):
- “We can’t start with them. We have to start with us… Because the only person that you can change in the relationship: Start with me, God.”
- Addresses deflection of blame and the importance of personal change.
4. Valentine’s Story—Love in Real Life
- Shares a personal story of 25 years with wife Natalie; first Valentine’s gift vs. current real-life needs (09:03).
- This year’s meaningful gesture: Sent the kids away and created a restorative environment for Natalie, aligned with who she really is, not just public expectations (10:55).
- “Let me give you what I know you need in real life… The facade is wearing you out.” (12:20)
- Underscores the difference between performing for Instagram and loving in a way that meets your partner’s real needs.
5. God Wants Heaven’s Wholeness ‘In Real Life’
- Grounding relationships in God’s promises for real-life fulfillment—not just spiritual afterlife (15:35):
- “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, where? On—in real life, as it is in heaven.”
- Calls out how so many settle for less than God’s best because they don’t trust or apply His principles.
6. Healthy Relationships Start with a Healthy You
- The series’ central claim (22:14):
- “The goal is not relationships. The goal is—say the word with me—healthy relationships.”
- Challenges listeners to honestly assess the health of their relationships, and even more, their own health.
- “Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals. Are you healthy?” (23:51)
- Points to the difficulty of self-awareness and personal responsibility; many are either unaware or unwilling to change broken patterns (25:51).
7. What Is Soul Health and Why Does It Matter?
- Explores the concept of ‘soul’: mind, will, emotions.
- “Do you have a healthy soul?... Your mind, your will, and your emotions.” (28:50)
- Encourages deep self-examination:
- Is your mind healthy? What thoughts dominate your day?
- Is your will healthy? Can you say "not my will" and actually live it out?
- Are your emotions healthy? Are you manipulating others with your feelings or dealing honestly?
- Relays the dangers of expecting another person to fix what only God can heal (34:00):
- “Many of us have a deficit in our soul…we think that another person is going to solve what only God can heal.”
8. Relational Building Blocks: The Four Foundational Needs
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Outlines the non-negotiable foundations for healthy relationships (49:01):
- To Be Seen
- To Be Soothed (Cared For)
- To Be Secure
- To Be Safe
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If these are missing, relationships default to dysfunction, self-protection, or emptiness.
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Discusses how these unmet needs in childhood or past relationships sabotage adult connections.
“The reason why your relationships aren’t working is because you did not get soothed… The man can be married to you and still cheat on you… because he can't come to you and say, 'Baby, I had a bad day.'” (53:30)
9. Soulmate vs. Soul Match: Redefining Relationship Fulfillment
- Explains the difference between a soulmate (God) and a soul match (life partner) (57:00):
- “I met Natalie at 15, but I found my soulmate at 25. She’s not my soulmate, she’s my soul match. The only one who can fill the holes in my soul is the one who created it.”
- Warns against attempting to find soul fulfillment in people.
- “Stop trying to put your soul match where your soulmate goes.”
- Calls for a shift in expectations—no person can meet our soul’s deepest needs; only God ("the lover of your soul") can.
10. Final Charge & Challenge
- The episode closes with a powerful prayer, an invitation to seek God as the only true soulmate, and a rallying cry to build relationships with healthy souls (1:01:24):
- “You’re not just looking for someone sexy. You’re looking for a solution for your soul condition. That’s what relationship’s about.”
- Preview for series: Will teach how to build life and relationships upon godly principles—starting with fixing what’s broken in our own souls.
Memorable Quotes
- “We are listening to people on podcasts that have not had a successful relationship in a decade tell you what a man is supposed to be and how females should…” – Pastor Michael Todd (03:10)
- “We can’t start with them. We have to start with us… Because the only person that you can change in the relationship: Start with me, God.” – Pastor Michael Todd (07:14)
- “The goal is not relationships. The goal is… healthy relationships.” – Pastor Michael Todd (22:50)
- “Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals. Are you healthy?” – Pastor Michael Todd (23:51)
- “Many of us have a deficit in our soul. We have something broken in our mind, will, and emotions. And we think that another person is going to solve what only God can heal.” – Pastor Michael Todd (34:12)
- “She’s not my soulmate. She’s my soul match. The only one who can fill the holes in my soul is the one who created it.” – Pastor Michael Todd (57:05)
- “You’re not just looking for someone sexy. You’re looking for a solution for your soul condition. That’s what relationship’s about.” – Pastor Michael Todd (1:01:24)
Important Timestamps
- 00:35 — Recap of past Relationship Goals impact
- 01:56 — Prompting by the Holy Spirit to address relationships
- 07:14 — Accountability: “Start with me, God.”
- 09:03 — Pastor Mike’s real-life Valentine’s story
- 15:35 — God wants fulfillment “in real life”
- 22:14 — “The goal is healthy relationships.”
- 28:50 — What is soul health?
- 34:12 — The futility of seeking healing from people, not God
- 49:01 — Four foundational needs of relationships
- 53:30 — Impact of unmet childhood needs on relationships
- 57:05 — “She’s my soul match; God is my soulmate.”
- 1:01:24 — Final reflections, prayer, and invitation for soul health
Episode Flow & Tone
- Language/Tone: Direct, warm, raw, and humorous at times; Pastor Mike’s energetic, authentic style combines scriptural teaching with personal anecdotes and cultural observations.
- Progression: Begins with context and a heartfelt call for wisdom, weaves in personal stories, unpacks biblical truth, and delivers practical steps—always cycling back to self-examination and surrender to God.
Takeaways for Listeners
- Don’t derive relationship prescriptions from culture or broken sources—make God’s word your standard.
- Focus on what’s happening inside you before demanding change from others.
- Soul health—healed mind, will, emotions—is foundational to every relationship you have.
- No person (not even your spouse) can fill the deepest needs of your soul; only God can.
- Healthy relationships require four building blocks: to be seen, soothed, secure, and safe.
- Pastor Mike urges listeners to take the next weeks seriously, do the “hard work” of soul examination, and allow God to reset expectations and foundations.
For the next episode: Pastor Mike promises to dive deeper into building with these four foundational blocks—how to recognize what’s missing, replace old patterns, and step into healthy, God-centered relationships in real life.