Podcast Summary: Translating ADHD
Episode: Rebroadcast: How Clean Slate Thinking Harms Us
Hosts: Shelley (B), Cam (C)
Date: June 23, 2025
Episode Overview
In this insightful episode, Shelley and Cam explore the concept of "clean slate thinking," a common but destructive approach for many adults with ADHD. They discuss how the urge to "start over"—in relationships, jobs, or with personal organization—can lead to cycles of avoidance and unfulfilled goals. Through personal anecdotes and client experiences, they unpack why this mentality can be harmful and how developing awareness and realistic expectations can set the stage for sustainable change.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. What is Clean Slate Thinking?
[00:35–03:19]
- Clean slate thinking refers to a deep urge to wipe everything away and start anew, often in response to feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or stuck.
- Shelley recounts, “Almost every client I ever had at some point during this session would look at me and say, 'I just want to put a match to the whole thing.'” (01:01)
- This mentality isn't just about clutter; it applies to relationships, jobs, projects, and many other life domains.
- Cutting and running (leaving abruptly) is a manifestation of clean slate thinking.
2. Personal Stories of Cut and Run
[03:19–06:24]
- Shelley: Shares about quitting jobs suddenly, sometimes locking up a store and leaving without notice.
- “I closed the store in the middle of the day because I was just done... I don’t think I ever even returned the keys.” (03:54)
- Cam: Talks about vanishing from relationships and friend groups when things got "complicated," with no closure.
- “My M.O. when that happened was to cut and run... It seemed at that time a solution. No goodbyes, no closure. Just gone.” (04:50)
3. Why Clean Slate Thinking is Harmful
[06:24–09:13]
- Two typical results:
- Cycle of Repetition: People replace jobs or relationships without learning, repeating the same issues.
- “We don’t learn anything. There’s no growth. It’s just a cycle that repeats.” – Shelley (06:44)
- Stuck in Fantasy: People live in the fantasy of “when I’m organized/things are better,” hoping for pain to disappear in a non-existent magical future.
- “There’s this magical land somewhere in the future... where the to dos are done and our stuff is together and we’re organized...” – Shelley (08:32)
- Cycle of Repetition: People replace jobs or relationships without learning, repeating the same issues.
- Cam draws a parallel to "Groundhog Day," noting the "damned to repeat the same behavior" feeling (09:13).
4. ADHD, Overwhelm, and Boredom
[09:13–13:21]
- Overwhelm: When decisions and clutter pile up, it’s easier to fantasize about burning it all down.
- Boredom: The need for novelty can drive "grass is greener" thinking, pushing people to jump to something new without building depth or skills.
- People with ADHD often have values (simplicity, integrity) that are at odds with this cycle of avoidance and impulsive decisions.
5. Values, Integrity, and Self-Understanding
[13:21–16:11]
- Living out of sync with one's values—like honesty, reliability, or simplicity—causes deep pain. Most aren’t aware that this is the source of their discomfort.
- “I can’t overstate how awful the experience is to be that far removed from your values... I was living way outside of my values. But I didn’t even see the behavior.” – Shelley (13:30)
- Awareness is necessary for any kind of sustained change.
6. Awareness and Translation as Tools for Change
[16:11–20:44]
- Shelley outlines that a clean slate urge is a signal: “If you find yourself desiring a clean slate, I actually believe that that is a signal for a lack of awareness. You don’t know where your pain is coming from, if that is the solution you’re seeking.” (16:13)
- Cam and Shelley urge listeners to ask: “What are you running from? What do you want to be free from in this clean slate world that doesn’t exist?” (17:42)
7. Practice and Value of Finishing
[17:48–21:57]
- Many with ADHD have little experience finishing tasks or projects; closure feels unfamiliar and unpracticed.
- You can modify outcomes—“Just because you said you were going to do something three months ago doesn’t mean you have to do that thing.” – Cam (19:16)
- Pull in support to finish or bring closure in a way that honors your needs and values.
8. Limiting Scope and Setting Realistic Expectations
[20:44–24:39]
- People with ADHD struggle to limit scope, often biting off more than they can chew and setting unachievable standards.
- Shelley: “We’re bad at limiting scope and we’re bad at setting realistic expectations for ourselves... our life is so together. My house looks like it belongs in a magazine... Nobody lives that way.” (20:50)
- Cam introduces the “snowplow” analogy: “You never see a snowplow with a blade that can push across seven lanes... But with ADHD... I want the whole enchilada. And anything less is not success.” (22:02)
- Anchor on TEA (Time, Energy, and Attention), recognizing these are finite, not infinite resources.
9. Change in Context, Not from Pause or Burnout
[24:06–24:39]
- Life continues during change; there’s no pause button to reorganize everything.
- "This organizing project needs to happen in the context of the rest of your life and not the other way around." – Shelley (23:54)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Shelley [01:01]: “Almost every client I ever had at some point during this session would look at me and say, ‘I just want to put a match to the whole thing.’ Have you ever felt that way?”
- Cam [04:50]: “My M.O. when that happened was to cut and run… No goodbyes, no closure. Just gone. Walk away and start over.”
- Shelley [06:44]: “When we do this behavior, we don’t learn anything. There’s no growth. It’s just a cycle that repeats.”
- Cam [09:13]: “You have this dynamic of being caught in this almost like a movie-like situation where we’re just damned to repeat the same behavior. Also… we still have these coping behaviors that are so familiar.”
- Shelley [13:30]: “I can’t overstate how awful the experience is to be that far removed from your values... I didn’t recognize that as a pattern of mine. So, as you said, awareness is the place we have to start.”
- Cam [19:16]: “Just because you said you were going to do something three months ago doesn’t mean you have to do that thing.”
- Shelley [23:54]: “This organizing project needs to happen in the context of the rest of your life and not the other way around.”
Conclusion
Shelley and Cam compassionately illuminate the pitfalls of clean slate thinking for adults with ADHD, using vivid anecdotes and practical metaphors. The conversation encourages listeners to dig deeper into the roots of their discomfort, build awareness, and lean into their values for sustainable change. Ultimate takeaways include the importance of realistic goal-setting, valuing small incremental progress, and understanding that real transformation comes not from burning everything down, but from honest self-reflection and conscious, supported change.