Podcast Summary: Translating ADHD – Understanding Emotions in ADHD Behavior
Hosts: Asher Collins (A) and Dusty Chipura (B)
Episode Date: April 7, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode delves into the complex role that emotions play in unwanted behaviors for adults with ADHD. Asher and Dusty explore how emotional responses—often rooted in context, past experiences, or social messaging—drive behaviors that seem irrational on the surface. They discuss the importance of unpacking the stories and emotions behind these behaviors, when to distinguish ADHD coaching from therapy, and the practical coaching strategies they use to foster awareness, acceptance, and change.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Emotions as Drivers of Unwanted ADHD Behavior
- Example Case: The "Hard Emails" Dilemma ([00:10]–[05:00])
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Asher shares a coaching story about a busy client struggling to control morning email habits.
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The behavior—spending too much time on email—stemmed not from new emails, but from avoidance of "hard emails" associated with guilt and shame.
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Insight: Emotional avoidance (here, guilt/shame over not responding to specific emails) can fuel persistent unwanted behaviors.
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Resolution: Creating a simple template for "hard emails" unlocked the client, leading to a rapid resolution.
"The entire behavior of 'I wake up and I'm in email and I'm spending way too much time' ... had everything to do with the guilt and shame of not attending to these old, quote, unquote hard emails."
—Asher ([04:31])
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2. Understanding Emotional Context and Stories
- Drag from Past Experiences & Social Narratives ([05:06]–[07:29])
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Dusty raises how rejection sensitivity in ADHD can be seen either as hypersensitivity to imagined rejection or as a real response to repeated micro-rejections/trauma.
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The importance of recognizing when past trauma informs current emotional responses.
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Emotional reactions can be out of proportion when outdated stories are dragged into present context.
"Our contextual brains often drag context forward into new situations."
—Asher ([04:48])"Trauma sort of creeps up, and it informs the current context even when it's not relevant, right?"
—Dusty ([06:07])
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3. Coaching vs. Therapy: Navigating Emotional Work
- Maintaining Safe Boundaries ([07:29]–[12:34])
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Asher discusses how coaching sometimes necessitates exploring the past for context, but distinguishes it from therapeutic trauma work.
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Coaching: Being curious about past stories; exploring their current impact if it’s emotionally safe.
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Therapy: Required when past experiences are too charged to be approached with curiosity.
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Coaches pay close attention to emotional shifts—if a session becomes unsafe, therapy may be indicated.
"Therapy is about moving through something and coaching is about getting up above it and being curious about it."
—Asher ([09:52])-
Clients sometimes pause coaching for therapy, or can discuss the past if they’ve done healing work already.
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Notable analogy: Unlearning social behaviors/”masking” starts with becoming aware; healing follows.
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4. Updating Outdated Self-Stories
- Personal Growth, Awareness, Acceptance ([12:34]–[21:17])
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Dusty describes how change and growth can feel slow and invisible, leaving clients stuck in old, inaccurate self-perceptions.
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Coaches help highlight and update these outdated “stories.”
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Emotions and self-concepts need to be regularly brought into alignment with reality.
"They will outgrow their stories faster than they'll update their stories... It's my job as their coach to be like, that's actually not true."
—Dusty ([13:56]) -
Asher emphasizes building:
- Awareness: Identifying the emotions/stories behind behaviors.
- Acceptance: Recognizing enduring ADHD challenges, normalizing struggles, and not letting them define one's worth.
"Now you have a nuanced and clear picture of yourself, strength, strengths and challenges in the same picture. And who cares what anybody else thinks, right?"
—Asher ([19:47])
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5. Normalizing and Contextualizing Struggles
- Shame, Shoulds, and Social Comparison ([22:36]–[27:37])
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Example: Client struggling with finances internalized shame—not because of explicit criticism, but by comparing herself to “proper adults.”
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Asher normalizes that financial management is not intuitive for everyone.
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Dusty illustrates how internalized messages (“fatphobia,” money competence) are often absorbed through observation, not direct reprimand.
"She was afraid to be embarrassed and look dumb. Look. Look like somebody who doesn't know how to be an adult."
—Asher ([25:44])"We pick these things up. We're very sensitive."
—Dusty ([27:37])
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6. Practical Framework: Pause, Disrupt, Pivot
- Developing New Emotional Responses ([27:37]–[end])
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Asher shares a core coaching model:
- Pause after the emotional response, before acting.
- Disrupt the habitual behavior by recognizing what triggered it.
- Pivot to a new, chosen response.
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Most clients first notice the pattern only in hindsight—this is normal and the first step to change.
"The pause is the hardest part. So don't kick yourself if your first noticings are in hindsight... you're creating the opportunity to get closer in time to when it happens to have that pause moment."
—Asher ([28:20])
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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On Emotional Drivers:
"We'll have the thoughts right? We will drag that context forward. But we don't realize that's what we're doing."
—Asher ([04:54]) -
On Differentiating Coaching and Therapy:
"If you haven't moved through this in a way that makes it safe for us to get up above it and be curious about it in the coaching context, then maybe we shouldn't go here."
—Asher ([09:54]) -
On Outgrowing Old Stories:
"They will outgrow their stories faster than they'll update their stories."
—Dusty ([13:56]) -
On Acceptance:
"To be neurodivergent in modern society... We are always going to be met with some amount of misunderstanding. We're always going to be misunderstood to some degree and getting to a place of acceptance..."
—Asher ([16:35]) -
On Internalized Shame:
"It's not even necessarily the case that someone had to shame her... we pick these things up. We're very sensitive."
—Dusty ([27:37]) -
On Change Process:
"It's about awareness... and then being able to stand in that acceptance now that you have a realistic picture of who you are instead of the one down picture..."
—Asher ([20:38]) -
On Pause, Disrupt, Pivot:
"The opportunity here is just notice. Notice the situations where you have a strong emotional reaction... and maybe get thrown right into that defensive crouch... and see if you can't get a little curious and find out a little something new about what really did kick off that emotional response."
—Asher ([28:37])
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 00:10–05:00: Story of the “hard emails” client; emotions as root causes of behavior
- 05:06–07:29: Rejection sensitivity, trauma, and contextual emotional drag
- 07:29–12:34: Coaching vs. therapy—how to discern boundaries
- 12:34–15:12: “Outgrowing your stories” and slow, intangible personal growth
- 15:12–21:17: Building awareness and acceptance; examples of real-life coaching breakthroughs
- 22:36–26:38: Financial shame, normalizing lack of intuitive skills
- 26:38–27:37: Absorbing shame and self-criticism from social/family context
- 27:37–End: Introducing and explaining Pause, Disrupt, Pivot; advice for practicing new responses
Tone & Style
Throughout, Asher and Dusty maintain an encouraging, empathetic tone, using real-life anecdotes, relatable analogies, and practical advice. They demystify the emotional landscape of ADHD, emphasizing self-compassion, the value of curiosity, and patient, sustainable growth.
For listeners new to ADHD coaching, this episode offers a rich, inside look at how emotional context shapes behaviors—and how gentle inquiry, awareness, and acceptance, rather than shame or self-criticism, are the foundation for lasting change.