Chris Fleming and The Spirit of Kermit ft. Caroline Goldfarb

Summary

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Trash Tuesday Podcast Episode Summary

Episode: Chris Fleming and The Spirit of Kermit ft. Caroline Goldfarb
Date: January 20, 2026
Hosts: Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn
Guests: Chris Fleming, Caroline Goldfarb

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Overview

This energetic episode unites co-hosts Esther and Khalyla with comedian Chris Fleming and multi-hyphenate Caroline Goldfarb. Through a fast-paced, unscripted session, the group dives into everything from Muppet drama and wedding planning to tales of fried fish, identity theft, mom group scandals, and the psychological lives of sentimental cars. With their signature mix of sharp wit, self-deprecation, and absurdity, the crew offers plenty of laughs—and a surprising number of passionate tangents about the Muppets.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Muppets, Kermit, and Puppet Lore

• The crew opens by marveling at the grueling physicality of Muppeteers, describing them as "subter," working in hidden, uncomfortable positions.
• Kalila Holt discusses recent drama around Steve Whitmire, the longtime Kermit puppeteer, and his manifesto criticizing Disney’s corporate take on the Muppets.
  • Kalila: "He believes that Disney treats characters like Kermit the Frog as Roles to be portrayed by an actor as opposed to what he thinks it should be: a direct extension of an artistic expression from a single dedicated performer." (27:36)
• They question whether it's healthy to become that invested in a puppet's spirit, but also agree with some of Whitmire's purism:
  • Chris: "You have to think he's real to bring him to life." (30:18)
• The group jokes about the existential pain of channeling an icon like Kermit.

2. Identity Theft, Police Encounters & Valley Drama

• Caroline recounts her partner's experience with identity theft, and the moral quandary of whether to press charges:
  • Caroline: "My instinct was like, nope, don't. Let's, like, let's figure out who this guy is. Is it a survival thing?" (08:18)
  • The group mostly sides with not snitching, citing LA-tinged street ethics: "Snitches get stitches."
• Khalyla shares a dramatic late-night SWAT raid next door involving a TikTok "drug rental" house—helicopters, police dogs, rubber bullets, and all.
  • Khalyla: "There were helicopters. So I was like, here's the code to the backyard. And I have a video of, like, 10 SWAT team members running into my backyard with a German shepherd." (13:07)
• They comment on how this kind of police activity and chaos is just "the valley, baby." (16:32)

3. Drinks, Death & Caffeine Rants

• Caroline brings up the infamous Panera “Charged Lemonade” caffeine incident:
  • Caroline: "You guys remember when Panera Bread killed two people? With their lemonade, of course." (19:28, 19:32)
  • They debate whether Panera was at fault, with Khalyla taking a surprising pro-corporate stance:
    • "If you have caffeine sensitivity...you shouldn't be drinking caffeine. If you're going to drink something that's called charged lemonade and presumably has lightning bolts on the label..." (21:10)
  • The group riffs about the unpredictability of caffeine in drinks and shares personal tales of accidental caffeine overload.

4. Miss Piggy, Dating Advice, and “Why Men Love Bitches”

• The discussion transitions to why the Kermit/Miss Piggy dynamic is the only “hetero couple” that works:
  • Chris: "Kermit Miss Piggy relationship dynamic is like, sort of the only, like, hetero couple dynamic that really works." (31:06)
  • The hosts draw connections to the book "Why Men Love Bitches," citing its ethos of keeping men guessing and never being a doormat.
    • Kalila: "The thesis of the book is like, if you want to get and keep a man, you need to treat him like absolute shit and he never knows where he stands with you." (32:04)
  • Jokes fly about writing a dating book titled "How to Date Like Miss Piggy."

5. Wedding Planning Mania

• Caroline and Kalila discuss their fast-approaching weddings:
  • Music debates dominate: Should the playlist focus on pre-1995 classics for the “olds,” or modern bangers? Is "We Are Family" too corny?
    • Kalila: "I have a huge ick for really obvious, embarrassing, overplayed corny wedding songs like 'Celebration.'" (41:51)
  • The group tries to invent ways Chris could induce labor at the wedding, riffing about giving birth on the dance floor for optimal comedic effect.

6. Fried Fish, Filipino Supermarkets & Sentimental Cars

• Caroline describes Filipino grocery stores transforming into nightclubs, leading to tangents about the community, fried fish, and residual food smells.
  • Chris: "I actually dated a guy who worked at a fried fish establishment, and it was a problem. He always smells crazy." (46:54)
  • The group discusses their varying levels of attachment to the smells and rituals of fried fish, as well as deep empathy for inanimate objects like cars.
  • Caroline describes her guilt over trading in a car:
    • "I traded in my car the other day, came home, had a meltdown because I forgot to say goodbye to her." (62:09)

7. Sunglasses, Transition Lenses, and LA Life

• Extended joking about sunglasses etiquette, transition lenses, and their symbolism in LA:
  • Chris: "This was. I had a year of this last year where I was wearing transition lenses all the time. And it was...I was always insecure and embarrassed about it." (52:48)
  • They consider the gendered and class implications of being a "non-driver" in LA.

8. Mom Group Drama: The Ashley Tisdale Incident

• The hosts break down a tabloid story about Ashley Tisdale's public mom group feud, involving Hilary Duff and Mandy Moore:
  • Kalila: "The person who speaks first and feels like they have to like, get this story out about how they were wronged is clearly the crazy one." (68:45)
  • They criticize both sides in the drama, noting "all parties can be evil in a situation always."

9. Robot Empathy, Waymo Stories & Future Tech

• Chris geeks out over driverless cars (Waymo), describing his emotional attachment to the experience and the comic mishaps of robots getting stuck.
  • Chris: "That's how I feel in my Waymo. I'm like, this is like my escape. Like, this is my time." (60:28)
  • The group admits they feel empathy for "delivery robots" that get stuck or tipped over, showing surprising tenderness for machines.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Chris (on Muppet performance):
  “You have to think he's real to bring him to life.” (30:18)

• Kalila (on manifesto culture):
  "The need to communicate sometimes is pretty psychotic, you know?” (28:11)

• Caroline (on car nostalgia):
  “I traded in my car the other day, came home, had a meltdown because I forgot to say goodbye to her." (62:09)

• Esther (on never getting rid of her old car):
  "I can't get rid of a car because my dog who passed, there's his fur is all in the back. And so I'm like, I'm gonna keep this car.” (63:12)

• Kalila (on social politics and drama): “All parties can be evil in a situation always… It seems like, take this podcast for instance." (69:09)

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Important Timestamps

• [02:50] Sneaker/utility shoe "Vibram" vs. "vibrant bottom" misunderstanding
• [12:00] SWAT team raid tale from Kalila
• [19:28] Panera Bread’s “Charged Lemonade” incident and caffeine debate
• [24:00] The Steve Whitmire Muppet manifesto drama
• [31:06] Kermit & Miss Piggy as the ideal couple; "Why Men Love Bitches"
• [41:27] Wedding playlist heated debate (classic vs. modern dance songs)
• [46:54] Chris’s fried fish breakup story
• [52:48] Transition lenses and LA social signaling
• [62:09] Caroline’s car attachment meltdown after trade-in
• [68:45] Ashley Tisdale, Hilary Duff, and the mom group feud
• [73:10] Passing around the engagement ring & lab-grown diamond discussion

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Final Thoughts & Tone

The episode is classic "Trash Tuesday": irreverent, self-referential, hyper-social, and unafraid to plunge from slapstick to dark reality and back. Every ordinary object or situation—shoes, sunglasses, cars, fried fish—becomes a vehicle for high-concept and deeply relatable discussion, while the ever-present threat of both awkwardness and sentimentality keeps the show fresh.

The overall vibe: Frenetic, lovingly judgmental, LA-chaotic, and ultimately heartfelt.

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Transcript

[Esther Povitsky]

That's the creepy thing about the Muppets is these puppeteers. You don't know about this unless you see the behind the scenes. They're subter. They're like in the sewer system.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like a lot of men with very long ponytails that are in the most physically uncomfortable positions a human could ever be in.

[Esther Povitsky]

They're like. They're like up there.

[Kalila Holt]

Really, like, they're ripping.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like this little home birth.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

January 28 Esther what? The comedy Store. Esther.

[Chris Fleming]

What?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Our live show. Dum Dum.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, no. I'm going to be giving birth.

[Kalila Holt]

This was your idea.

[Chris Fleming]

I know.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I said yes too quickly.

[Chris Fleming]

We've both betrayed ourselves. But it is going to be so fun and magical and special and like one of a kind. Special night. We're also doing exclusive merch at the event. So if you're in LA January 28th slugs, we cannot wait to see you at our live show. We have many exciting things planned, including all the people you see today. And more and more.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

And you guys, this is my only night out. This is my only. I've never been. I haven't been out in almost two years. Right? Jules?

[Chris Fleming]

Is true.

[Kalila Holt]

It is true. Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

This will be my only night out this year. I am making an exception.

[Chris Fleming]

We'll see you guys there. You get tickets at the link below. We can't wait, guys. We have a Patreon and we have new bonus episodes every week.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

That's where you get the good stuff.

[Chris Fleming]

We'd love to see you there.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Shop our favorite bras and [e-mail] Trash Tuesday. My favorite is obviously the Fits everybody thong. I also really love the cotton and jersey underwear. You can shop our favorite bras and [e-mail] and after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. And if you are looking for the perfect gift for your valentine or for yourself, the Skims Valentine shop is now open.

[Chris Fleming]

What do you think of Caroline's style?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It's giving.

[Kalila Holt]

You can roast me.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

No, no, no. It's giving like a hot Midwest lesbian.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Hot.

[Kalila Holt]

Feels like you just put it in there to be nice.

[Chris Fleming]

You put it in Midwest.

[Kalila Holt]

What was the nice part? You know what it is?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It's a car heart. That's all I focused in on. I didn't even look at the rest.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's the perkiest.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I didn't look at the morels.

[Kalila Holt]

It's a little high. Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I will say this right here, the gray and tan combo is like, my favorite.

[Chris Fleming]

That is cool. I've never seen that before.

[Esther Povitsky]

The distressed angle, that is.

[Chris Fleming]

You're breaking ground today.

[Kalila Holt]

I did that myself.

[Esther Povitsky]

Just gnawing on it.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

One more thing, though. Just saying, like, living life, walking through the city with vibrant bottoms is really, like, responsible.

[Chris Fleming]

What does that mean?

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, like, vibrant bottom means she's not.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Slipping, sliding on sleep. She's.

[Esther Povitsky]

She's free soloing. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

I hate to take you all to school right now, but Kalila and I, we got to teach you something. When you're buying a utility shoe, you want to look for something called the Vibram bottom. That's a name brand.

[Esther Povitsky]

You identified that even without seeing the bottom?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh, yeah, It's. They've been around since, like, the 1920s.

[Esther Povitsky]

Well, they used to. It would be the fingers, right. On the shoes, the Vibram fibers.

[Kalila Holt]

Vibram, yes. But the grip.

[Esther Povitsky]

Big in the Freegan community.

[Kalila Holt]

Big in the Freegan community, which is adjacent to the hot Midwest lesbian community.

[Chris Fleming]

You look Freegan today.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Fleming]

He nailed it.

[Kalila Holt]

I look like I just went dumpster diving outside. Nancy.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, no, no. You look like someone on a ferry.

[Kalila Holt]

You just giving up tickets on boats that. I look like I'm selling tickets on some sort of a water.

[Esther Povitsky]

Or you're. Or you're a passenger on the. A client on the ferry.

[Kalila Holt]

I'd much rather be the guy in charge of the ferry.

[Esther Povitsky]

It looks like you can take the wind is what it is. Like an unforgiving climate. Standing, hands in pockets, looking at. Looking at mountains.

[Chris Fleming]

You guys, welcome to Trash Tuesday. Today we have a guest that we've been trying to get for years. Decades. We welcome Chris Fleming, first time on the show. And then we have.

[Kalila Holt]

It's okay. Just say my name. You don't have to add any hype or pretend that it was hard to get me. Just say my name.

[Chris Fleming]

We have literally, my addiction in life. Caroline Goldfarb. Am I allowed to say what your job is, even though it doesn't.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, I almost spilled it?

[Kalila Holt]

No, you can't actually say what I. I got clarity on this recently. We have to say that I'm working on an upcoming DreamWorks project.

[Chris Fleming]

Okay.

[Kalila Holt]

Which sounds fun, could be anything.

[Esther Povitsky]

But if you tap in, you know what it is? The audience.

[Chris Fleming]

If you really look at her, you'll get it.

[Kalila Holt]

Look into my face and my bone structure, and you'll know.

[Chris Fleming]

Kyla, I unfortunately have a bone to pick with you. Okay.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I was.

[Chris Fleming]

So Kyla hosts another Podcast called Tiger Belly, and I was watching it this week because I'm a.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Which episode?

[Chris Fleming]

Marcelo.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Okay.

[Chris Fleming]

Who is just the hottest, coolest.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, I already know what bone you're gonna pick.

[Chris Fleming]

What?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh, no. Is it. Go ahead, go ahead.

[Chris Fleming]

You walk in to the show and you look gorgeous and you look great, and I'm like, oh, my God, she's so pretty. And within 30 seconds, you put on these hideous sunglasses.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

They're not hideous, they're Ray Bans. They're very cute.

[Esther Povitsky]

Did you want to hide your tells like poker?

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

The lights are bright. I've been having headaches, and she's just so anti me. Feeling better?

[Chris Fleming]

No, it's just the sunglasses make you look cool.

[Kalila Holt]

What?

[Esther Povitsky]

Nefarious.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Like a drug dealer?

[Kalila Holt]

Scared cartoon gangster.

[Chris Fleming]

Who's that guy? The Matrix? It's like Keanu.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Hot Keanu.

[Kalila Holt]

No, no, I don't think that's what she's talking about.

[Chris Fleming]

Maybe I actually. I don't know what I meant.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh, there's so many characters.

[Kalila Holt]

No, I.

[Chris Fleming]

Of course I haven't.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, no, that's the villain. One of the people who. Who multiplies.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yes, that's right.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

But why do you do it?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I haven't been feeling good. The sunglasses protect. I've been having chronic migraines.

[Chris Fleming]

Really?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

This took a dark turn. Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't feel bad. Looks over everything.

[Kalila Holt]

Would you have had the same bone to pick with her, the guest? If it wasn't cold, it wasn't hot. If the guest was like Susan Boyle, would you care?

[Chris Fleming]

Yes. No, I.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It's.

[Chris Fleming]

This is not guest.

[Esther Povitsky]

Boyle is hot.

[Kalila Holt]

Okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Susan Boyle is hot.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, I'd like to circle back to that immediately.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Someone very recently gave Susan Boyle her flowers.

[Kalila Holt]

Timothy Chalamet.

[Chris Fleming]

What did he do?

[Esther Povitsky]

I think it was in a manic episode, but he, like. I think he was really tired.

[Kalila Holt]

I'm sorry. That was a sex dream I had. I don't actually know who you're talking about. No, it was the Marty Supreme.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, it was the Marty Supreme. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

One of those things.

[Kalila Holt]

One of those things. They're sending everyone the jackets. Yeah, but not us. Did you guys get a Marty supreme jacket?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, they didn't even let me into the movie.

[Kalila Holt]

No, I know regular cinemas.

[Esther Povitsky]

They think, no, this is gonna. This is negative.

[Kalila Holt]

Not this guy.

[Esther Povitsky]

This is negative.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Advertising.

[Kalila Holt]

It hurts. It hurts to be left out of something, even if you weren't ever really in the running.

[Esther Povitsky]

Who got the jackets?

[Kalila Holt]

Susan Boyle.

[Esther Povitsky]

Susan Boyle got one. And a lot of athletes, right?

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. Susan Boyle. And a bunch of athletes.

[Chris Fleming]

That's not giving someone their flowers. That's making fun of them.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

No, this is.

[Chris Fleming]

No, it's like, oh, it's so random to pick you for my jacket. It's funny.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I don't think so.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Really?

[Esther Povitsky]

I could see Timothy being really inspired by her performance.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, I agree, because I was really.

[Kalila Holt]

All just ganged up on you on your own podcast.

[Esther Povitsky]

First, you came for Kalila for her chronic illness.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, I know.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

God forbid a girl have a migraine.

[Esther Povitsky]

Feeling that was gonna end in chronic. I had a feeling. I had a feeling we were steering. Steering into chronic.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, go ahead, Esther Ableist.

[Chris Fleming]

Let's call her that.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

You're an Ableist. I pots have autoimmune.

[Esther Povitsky]

I could feel migraines about to be brought up.

[Chris Fleming]

I stand proud. You guys cannot take me down.

[Kalila Holt]

Yes, we can. And we are. And we did.

[Chris Fleming]

And also, I have a rule on set today. Anyone who is caught looking directly at my belly is going home.

[Esther Povitsky]

I'm only looking at the midwife part. That's what I'm looking at. One hair down.

[Kalila Holt]

Like the woman that helps a trad wife, like, around the house today. You're giving trad wife assistant.

[Chris Fleming]

Assistant, yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

You're giving trad wife assistant.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I have a dilemma to pose for you guys. So this morning we got a call from Burbank pd. Oh, hey. To my partner, we have your Social Security card, your Hawaii driver's license, and basically your entire, like, wallet. And we arrested this guy who had your stuff plus six other people stuff. And he was like, would you like to go ahead and, you know, prosecute? You know, we can speak on your behalf. You don't have to show up. And my instinct was like, nope, don't. Let's, like, let's figure out who this guy is. Is it a survival thing? And they were like, oh, he's some South LA gang banger. And I was like, even more. I was like, I don't. I don't snitch. I ain't no snitch.

[Esther Povitsky]

Same.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Like, who is he? I don't. So where do you guys stand on this? Do we care, or are you just immediately, like, prosecute?

[Esther Povitsky]

No, no, no. We're. I mean, we're going to have our identity stolen weekly.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, my God, let them do it. I'm stealing all your identities as we speak.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

You look.

[Kalila Holt]

Midwest high.

[Esther Povitsky]

What it is, is when I find. When I caught the manicure in that outfit, that's when I go, oh, is this a disguise? That's what I said. Okay.

[Kalila Holt]

In Contrast under this. I'm extremely stylish and very sexual.

[Esther Povitsky]

Tassels.

[Kalila Holt]

You have no. There's tassels. I'm spinning one boob with the tassel.

[Esther Povitsky]

Same.

[Kalila Holt]

Here's where my mind went with your legal troubles. How do you know the call from BPD isn't a scam? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh, they gave detective names. We called number back. It wasn't like a quick pickup and, you know.

[Kalila Holt]

Okay, yeah, that solves that.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

But that's a great question. Great question.

[Esther Povitsky]

Burbank Police Department is same initials as borderline personality disorder.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I was thinking that's also confusing, honestly, for.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, that's also something to think about.

[Kalila Holt]

Something to definitely think about.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, I think your instinct is. Is right. Snitches get stitches.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yep.

[Esther Povitsky]

Let it happen.

[Chris Fleming]

How did his stuff get stolen?

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

What is he.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

We were at Tacos El Venado. I. It was a summer. I was very pregnant. I think we were acting a little bit sloppy, and we got home and you're like, oh, we don't have it. We looked everywhere, and it was gone. They had a lot of cash there, so they took the cash, but none of his other stuff was used. So I'm just like, how big of a crook is this guy?

[Esther Povitsky]

You're saying you had Social Security cards out?

[Kalila Holt]

Social Security at the taco place? Birth certificates in the salsa.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I know I asked. I was like, why are you carrying around your Social Security?

[Kalila Holt]

I really hung up on that.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, I know. Me too.

[Kalila Holt]

Isn't the rule that you're not. You're supposed to keep your Social Security card in a safe deposit?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

No, just on in your mind.

[Esther Povitsky]

Mine's gone. I haven't. I. I. My parents lost mine.

[Chris Fleming]

You can get a replace. I recently had to get a replacement.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

What did you need it for? The physical thing.

[Kalila Holt]

What do we ever need a Social Security card?

[Esther Povitsky]

Like witness protect. Are you doing witness.

[Kalila Holt]

No Dub pp.

[Chris Fleming]

You know we can't discuss that here.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's right.

[Chris Fleming]

That's how we know each other. I don't know why I needed it. But you do need it occasionally. You guys acting like you're never gonna need it is weird.

[Kalila Holt]

You need.

[Chris Fleming]

Of course.

[Kalila Holt]

You always need the number.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm not saying you need the card.

[Esther Povitsky]

I have to remember the last time.

[Kalila Holt]

I ever needed the card.

[Chris Fleming]

Guys, I have to call my mommy to ask. I don't know.

[Esther Povitsky]

I've need. People have been like, you need it. And then I somehow I feel like in the same way that you need the real ID to get through. Have You. You know, they're like. They just kind of. They humiliate you a little bit.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, they've been bitching about that at the airport.

[Esther Povitsky]

They make you take your shoes off if you taste a precheck. They, like, have one little level of humiliation.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

They punish you a little bit.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, I did get mine, but I was, like, scolded by Kalila that I got it last year instead of, like, five years ago. Do you guys have it?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, I. I won't be getting it for at least. At least a couple years. I can't. I cannot do it.

[Kalila Holt]

Did I tell you, Esther, about my encounter with the SWAT team recently?

[Chris Fleming]

What?

[Kalila Holt]

No, three in the morning. This is like two months ago. This is super. Recently, there's cop knocking on my door. I'm alone in my house, and I look on my ring camera, and it's three SWAT team people with automatic guns and night vision goggles. Like, ma', am, we need to get into your backyard right now. What's the code to your backyard gate?

[Chris Fleming]

They call you ma'.

[Kalila Holt]

Am. Yes. And it's all on camera in my mind. I was like, yes, officer. I was like, yeah. I was like, who are you guys? I thought I was really tough, but then listening back to it, I'm like. And my first thought was, is this a scam? Because you kind of hear about elderly women, which I spiritually consider myself a part of that community, being scammed by, like, fake cops and stuff.

[Esther Povitsky]

But night vision goggle you, you can't just get those.

[Chris Fleming]

Exactly.

[Kalila Holt]

What I.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Technical gear is very expensive.

[Kalila Holt]

Exactly. I think it was the night vision automatic gun combo.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, my God.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

With a helicopter above.

[Kalila Holt]

There were helicopters. So I was like, here's the code to the backyard. And I have a video of, like, 10 SWAT team members running into my backyard with a German shepherd.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay, nine.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. Canine unit running around sniffing. And I live next to this tick tock drug rental porn house that's just constantly having shady characters rented. And I guess this. These burglars that were just staying there, and they did this huge SWAT team. No, hope he shout out, North Hollywood. North Hollywood. Sorry. I just love saying North Hollywood as my vocal stem. It was really crazy. And they did like a.

[Esther Povitsky]

A.

[Kalila Holt]

They did a whole swarm on the house next door. And there were rubber bullets in my yard the next morning. And they did a drone. Was like, enough. There was a tank on the street. It was so crazy. And the next day I was like, was that normal? I was like, that happens sometimes when you live in a house. Because I'm A new house owner, new homeowner.

[Esther Povitsky]

Sure.

[Kalila Holt]

And I'm like, maybe that's just a thing that happens. And everyone was like, no, no, that's really scary.

[Esther Povitsky]

I've never seen the SWAT team.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

No.

[Chris Fleming]

Can you get compensation for being woken up at 3:00am? Like, that's not. That's not cool.

[Kalila Holt]

Emotional distress.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I'll send a rebate.

[Esther Povitsky]

What was your adrenaline like? Adrenaline.

[Kalila Holt]

During this first, I heard the door knock. And when your door knocks at three in the morning, it's the scariest thing, I think, that can ever happen.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, yeah. It's not good.

[Chris Fleming]

I can speak to that because that's. What Donut. I know it's donut and it's not SWAT team members, but it is so similar. My dog Donuts, she's seven pounds. She bangs on the door and, like, the way it wakes you up is like.

[Kalila Holt]

Like, it's so scary.

[Esther Povitsky]

What type of dog?

[Kalila Holt]

She's three pounds, the tiniest.

[Chris Fleming]

She bangs the door.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I love how she's comparing your SWAT to a Yorkie.

[Kalila Holt]

No, I relate.

[Chris Fleming]

This is crazy.

[Esther Povitsky]

To a toy breed knocking on the door. No, she is gently wrapping.

[Kalila Holt]

She's truly three pounds. Like, sometimes she's in my lap and I forget she's there. She's so small.

[Esther Povitsky]

Do you sleep in the same. You can't because you'll crush. Right.

[Chris Fleming]

But you're really in bed. She's in bed.

[Esther Povitsky]

She's in bed. So you. When you're that small, you have to be thinking. You have to be so alert in case someone just eats, even slightly rolls on you. You gotta. You gotta bail, right?

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

That's why small dogs are loud. Right. They have to make themselves known. They have to, like, don't step on me.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Chris Fleming]

Okay, so evidence supporting my suggesting.

[Kalila Holt]

No, we're talking about being in bed and someone rolling on her. I'm genuinely concerned and confused. How is she making that much sound? She's. She's this big.

[Esther Povitsky]

How fast is she running?

[Chris Fleming]

Because the way the door is, it's like all you have to do is go like this on it and it's like bang, bang, bang.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, so it's more the door frame. That's not her paws slamming against the door now.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Okay, now we do that thing where.

[Esther Povitsky]

That sound engineers do where they sleep with earplugs in, like psychopaths. New dads are doing that now.

[Chris Fleming]

That's scary because then you don't hear anything.

[Esther Povitsky]

Well, yeah, you're gone. You're full sensory deprived. Yeah. That is so scary. Yeah. How do you know? Because. Yeah. The smell, I guess.

[Chris Fleming]

Your sense of smell would be so.

[Kalila Holt]

Strong if you plugged your ears at night. Try it. Yeah. Okay. That's okay.

[Chris Fleming]

Sure.

[Kalila Holt]

I don't get any. That should only help my overall vibe. Having a super strong sense of smell.

[Esther Povitsky]

So you're having police department stuff, you're having SWAT team. That's a lot of. That's a lot of police activity.

[Kalila Holt]

That's what's up. That's the valley, baby.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It is a valley. No hoe.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

No. 818. It gets crazy down here in the valley, dude.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

The valley is rough.

[Esther Povitsky]

We're down here and I thought we were way up.

[Kalila Holt]

We're like a mile below sea level right now. At least. At least.

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[Caroline Goldfarb]

You guys remember when Panera Bread killed two people?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, with a lemonade.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

With their lemonade, of course.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

You remember that? Yeah. That just reminds me on the way.

[Kalila Holt]

Here, think about it quite frequently and.

[Chris Fleming]

There was no apology, pretty top of mind.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

There wasn't allergy and my sister was like, hey, remember that lady who couldn't have caffeine just ordered a lemonade and then they Forgot to disclose 400mg lethal dose.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, right.

[Kalila Holt]

They just kind of wrote on the dispenser like this will jazz. Yeah. Or something like it should legally say how many milligrams of caffeine. You know what I find kind of frustrating too. Sometimes it's hard to know how many milligrams of caffeine are in something. Why are companies so like sketchy about out? Because they don't know. It's like a mysterious science.

[Chris Fleming]

Don't you even feel when you look at a nutrition label and it tells you how much like calories, protein, whatever, you're like, how do they really know?

[Esther Povitsky]

I think caffeine is a vibe more than more than a measure. I think you only know after it's too late.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes, they tested.

[Esther Povitsky]

I think they test like Celsius on horses pretty much exclusively because that stuff. Yeah, I mean one little sip of that, I'm making a small business business dude.

[Kalila Holt]

That gets you flying. Like I couldn't tell you how many milligrams of caffeine are in that. But it makes my pop.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It's so good.

[Kalila Holt]

I miss. I had to stop drinking it cuz.

[Esther Povitsky]

I caffeine in general.

[Kalila Holt]

No, I just had to cut down because you get so into that celsi. I was popping a Celsius in the afternoon at like 3pm Flying.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, that's the danger zone. My boba shop pulled me off after four, they're like, like, no, no, no.

[Kalila Holt]

No, no, no, no, no. No more milk teas.

[Esther Povitsky]

You want to wander the property all night tonight, Chris? No, we're closed.

[Kalila Holt]

Just to go back to Panera. I don't know if this is going to be controversial. I'm completely on the corporation side. Because if you have caffeine sensing right now, if you have a caffeine sensitivity or a heart condition or you're pregnant or whatever it is that, you know, you shouldn't be drinking caffeine if you're going to drink something that's called charged lemonade and presumably has lightning bolts on the label or some visual guy with.

[Esther Povitsky]

A gun to his head. Yeah, that's the image.

[Kalila Holt]

That's the image.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Just a guy with, like, laser shooting out of his nipples.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I will say to this, as someone with a heart condition and who cannot drink caffeine or any kind of stimulant, I would just not expect a lemonade to have caffeine. Certainly not from Panera. You know, it's like the combo of the idea of Panera and just the refreshing lemonade. I. My head doesn't go to, you know.

[Esther Povitsky]

Coladas for the people, Caroline. For the corporations.

[Kalila Holt]

100.

[Chris Fleming]

Well, I also thought there was one of the people that died is because, like, they were, like, working at the cafe all day and they just kept getting refill after refill.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh, no.

[Chris Fleming]

And like, that somehow killed them.

[Esther Povitsky]

I have those days. I truly have those days where I'm like, if I keep. If I keep in taking this sugar like this, this. This plane may crash. Yeah, Like, I totally get that mindset.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

And Panera, I don't even think released an apology. I think they kind of owned it. I think they released a photo of their CEOs, like, crossing their arms.

[Kalila Holt]

Well, come on, Chris, you're an adult. Legally, you know that issuing an apology would somehow make them liable and make them responsible for the death. Think like, come on. Think like a company.

[Esther Povitsky]

You are so you are.

[Kalila Holt]

Come to the dark side. They can't apologize.

[Esther Povitsky]

Think like Shane Gillis after snl.

[Kalila Holt]

That's right. Double down and get way more successful.

[Esther Povitsky]

And play airport hangers or whatever until.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes.

[Kalila Holt]

And I was literally begging you to come back on and begging you to play Didn't Trump. What weren't they, like, begging him to come play Trump. Do you guys remember this?

[Chris Fleming]

No, sorry.

[Kalila Holt]

I'm like a little bit of an SNL gossip nerd. Kind of one of the coolest parts about me. I'm also really into the Muppets. But yeah. Oh, my God, I'm so such a loser.

[Esther Povitsky]

That felt very speed dating how you just said that. They also run into the Muppets, but do you feel like the way they keep doing the Muppets feels kind of like re. Injecting.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, my God, Muppets.

[Esther Povitsky]

A spirit of the seven.

[Kalila Holt]

So funny you just said that. I almost just ate the microphone. Yeah, I'm really into, like, Muppets lore, specifically the Muppet Corporation's really toxic work culture.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, what? How do you know about this?

[Kalila Holt]

The drama that really infects and infests the Muppet organization is Brian Henson.

[Esther Povitsky]

Messy.

[Kalila Holt]

Brian Henson's not really involved with the Muppet organization anymore, besides, like, an honorarium, you know, honorary. He's respected because he's a Henson, but it's really about the performer who plays.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's mostly Gonzo running it now. Okay.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, okay. It's always the performer who plays Kermit sort of defines the.

[Chris Fleming]

Sets the tone.

[Kalila Holt]

Sets the tone. Thank you. There was this performer who played Kermit for many years named Steve Whitmire. I think he played it after Jim Henson. And he was so crazy and such a God in his own mind and was the only person who truly understood what Jim Henson wanted and who Kermit really was. That it's why pretty much the Muppet sitcom on ABC was canceled. He would push back on, like, every stories that Kermit would never say this. Kermit does not have sex and he does not use bad words like he's such a crazy person that he, after.

[Esther Povitsky]

Years and years of Kermit, retains seed.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, Kermit. Kermit's a no nutter. Yeah, no nut. No nut all.

[Esther Povitsky]

It doesn't stop at no nutter.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Really? I didn't know this. I always thought Kermit was slightly horny.

[Esther Povitsky]

Well, he uses it. He retains it to use it.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I see.

[Esther Povitsky]

Prince did that. Yeah. Really supposed. Supposedly.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. And it worked out well for him. He was just addicted to painkillers and. Yeah, but.

[Esther Povitsky]

So the Kermit person had a God complex. I get that. I get it.

[Kalila Holt]

This morning, Steve Whitmire released a like, 10,000 word manifesto on his substack.

[Chris Fleming]

Why were you the first to receive it?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Someone.

[Kalila Holt]

The mummy community.

[Chris Fleming]

We talk.

[Esther Povitsky]

I think it's important to know how early it is in the morning. The morning.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like, what time is it?

[Esther Povitsky]

It's barely 10am I have a job too.

[Kalila Holt]

Like, it's. It's.

[Esther Povitsky]

So you're just up all night refreshing The Steve Whitmire substance.

[Kalila Holt]

I was like, I know he's gonna.

[Esther Povitsky]

I feel a manifesto.

[Kalila Holt]

Fired for over 15 years and he's gonna speak one of these days.

[Esther Povitsky]

Did you read it?

[Kalila Holt]

It was so long, I couldn't even read it. I uploaded it into chat. GPT for summary, and even the summary is like 500 words.

[Chris Fleming]

We're talking, like, that's what you got.

[Esther Povitsky]

We're talking, like, full manifesto. It's a manifesto, like, Chris donor style.

[Kalila Holt]

No, it's like he's going to kill. Kill someone. Maybe his parents.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Stoner.

[Kalila Holt]

The.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

The cop.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, the same. The guy who ended up in.

[Chris Fleming]

He, like, invented the manifesto.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, he. He thinks. I think he was like, Margaret Cho rocks at, like, on, like, 40. He was like. It was like a full taste making thing. Like, it wasn't all, like, against the police. It was also like. Like he was doing some influencing. He was like, get these pants right. Like, it was like a lot of, like, style racks.

[Chris Fleming]

I think that's where you got your style. Yeah, right. Originally.

[Kalila Holt]

Wait, what did you.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Chris, say.

[Kalila Holt]

Wait, did you guys know Chris? Wait, what? How do you guys know Chris? I don't. That was his name. Chris. What's his name?

[Esther Povitsky]

I think it was Christopher.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Christopher Dorner.

[Esther Povitsky]

Using a. I'm. I'm speaking to informally. I'm taking the topher off.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

But Chrissy Dorner, he doesn't like when.

[Kalila Holt]

You take the topher off. I'll try to summarize, but in this essay, former Muppet performer Steve Whitmire argues that the Muppets have lost their soul and authenticity under Disney's corporate ownership, under Jason Siege. Question. Are you guys even in at all?

[Chris Fleming]

I watched Muppet Babies. I'm not. Not into it. If there's drama to be heard, you.

[Kalila Holt]

Don'T have, like, Muppets. A mild case of Muppets autism.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like a Jim Morrison reenactor.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like, okay, you're not into the Muppets either.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, no.

[Kalila Holt]

I thought you were.

[Esther Povitsky]

I absolutely am. But it's like when they come back.

[Kalila Holt]

I'm like, you kind of roll your eyes a little bit.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, my grandma loves.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like a tribute band. It's not the original band, which is actually a very key point in Steve Wetmire's essay. Yes, yes, I'll send it to you. I'll just send it to my fellow. I don't. We don't need to.

[Chris Fleming]

But tell us anything about it.

[Kalila Holt]

He believes that Disney treats characters like Kermit the Frog as Roles to be portrayed by an actor as opposed to what he thinks it should be a direct extension of an artistic expression from a single dedicated performer. Because only a true performer who has the spirit of Kermit and really understands Kermit can. Is the only person that can be trusted to play Kermit. I'm sorry, two things can be true. You can be completely batshit crazy, obviously, and you can be dead on. Right. Yes. Yes. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[Esther Povitsky]

The need to communicate sometimes is pretty psychotic, you know?

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. I. Talking is embarrassing. I'll just say it. Releasing a statement is, no one asked for this. This was not.

[Esther Povitsky]

Even if it's correct. Correct statement. It's like, okay, no, it's.

[Kalila Holt]

You know that he's been grappling with this, and instead of being like, should I cut it down and, like, boil it down to the main points, he's just kept going longer.

[Esther Povitsky]

It seems like he's about to occupy, like, a state building or something.

[Kalila Holt]

No, he's going. I'm telling you, he's going to kill someone with a gun. Did you guys know there's a difference between channeling versus copying?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, I love that. Yeah, I love that.

[Chris Fleming]

Of course.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yes. The spirit running through you instead of.

[Kalila Holt]

Just the current performers are mere channelers, and they're sort of akin to a tribute act, like a band imitating the Beatles. Whereas he is channeling is channeling, which must be painful. It's not easy.

[Esther Povitsky]

Kermit the Frog in you, like.

[Kalila Holt]

It's so brave of him to even admit.

[Esther Povitsky]

Must be agony. His personal life must be in shambles.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, I'm fully on this crazy man side.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, totally.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

So far, yes. I am, too, Completely.

[Kalila Holt]

The new Muppet show reboot, certainly we're all familiar with that. You guys do work and live in the industry. You don't. You guys don't know about the Seth Rogen Muppet show reboot that's coming out?

[Esther Povitsky]

Carpenter is. Is one of the.

[Chris Fleming]

No, no, that's coming.

[Kalila Holt]

It's coming.

[Esther Povitsky]

They made a pilot.

[Kalila Holt]

I guess they made a pilot.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

There's been trailers for it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

What do you guys do all day? Excuse my kids or something? I don't get it. You guys are weird. Whatever. Yeah, he. He called it a tactic to use nostalgia to hide the true problems happening within the Muppet organization.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh.

[Kalila Holt]

Sabrina Carpenter is like a flashy object being thrown in our faces to distract us from how shitty the Muppets truly are. Makes you think.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

And this is My favorite part. And we'll leave it at this Whitmire concludes that just because he's a green puppet doesn't mean he's actually Kermit. Because right now he's being treated as a puppet rather than what he is, which is a living soul with real history. I love that Whitmire thinks that Kermit is real. Yeah, I love.

[Chris Fleming]

I mean, you have to think he's real out to bring him to life.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yes. Yes.

[Kalila Holt]

Let the record show that today, whatever day and time this is, we are team Crazy Man.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, I am.

[Kalila Holt]

We are with you, Crazy Man.

[Esther Povitsky]

He's about to do something so bad in like a week.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Right. Five minutes. Something five minutes after we hit changes our country. It's going to be bad, but whatever.

[Kalila Holt]

You could ever imagine.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Worse than murder somehow.

[Chris Fleming]

But you guys do realize there has been a conversation, like, just circling the Internet of the last, like, year or so, where people say that the Kermit Miss Piggy relationship dynamic is like, sort of the only, like, hetero couple dynamic that really works.

[Esther Povitsky]

I agree with that.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, my God.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I see it and I agree with it. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

I mean, it's fin. Domino.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's getting the bedroom, Kermit.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Kind of on that same vein. It's like the ultimate man. Haters always have the best boyfriends.

[Esther Povitsky]

The ultimate manators.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Like, if you find.

[Esther Povitsky]

Right.

[Kalila Holt]

It's. It's.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It's the girls who are always out there being many shit. Men ain't shit. And then you look at their partner and they just have the best partners, like tough bitches because their bar is so high. So it's like, in order for you to even, like, be a part of my life, like, you really have to hit all the marks. Marks type shit.

[Chris Fleming]

I think you're giving them too much credit. And I think it's more that, like, you know the. The book that I used to talk.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

About all the time.

[Chris Fleming]

My twenties, my favorite book, why Men Love Bitches.

[Kalila Holt]

The only book that matters.

[Chris Fleming]

It's truly like, it will change your life.

[Esther Povitsky]

But you give a couple points from it. I'm not familiar.

[Chris Fleming]

It's just. Caroline.

[Kalila Holt]

I sure can. The thesis of the book is like, if you want to get and keep a man.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

You need to treat him like absolute. And he never knows where he stands with you. Ye never. Like, if he texts you text back two days later. If he wants to set a date with you for Friday night, he texts you. Wednesday, it's too late, you're not free.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like, oh, you guys schedule, like, a month in advance.

[Kalila Holt]

Truly keeping a man basically at arm's distance and confused constantly about how you actually feel.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

I mean, okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

That is like a ferret in a cage.

[Chris Fleming]

You know, I would give the example of, like, don't be the girl who's the doormat who's like, let me bait. Let me make you dinner tonight.

[Kalila Holt]

Wow.

[Chris Fleming]

It's like, why would you do that for a guy? Like, he does that. He hasn't earned that. He doesn't deserve that.

[Esther Povitsky]

I've never met anyone like that.

[Chris Fleming]

I just think that if you do have that quote unquote mentality, which it is, like, not the best word, but.

[Kalila Holt]

It'S a little outdated. And it was written by a French woman.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Apparently a lot was lost in translation or something. This is true.

[Esther Povitsky]

It was probably about ecology or something.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

It's a really fascinating. Yeah. Scientific paper. But.

[Chris Fleming]

But I feel like that is the secret. More so, like, than anything is just like, being a woman. That's not like a doormat. And then you end up with a great partner.

[Esther Povitsky]

And Miss Piggy is the opposite of a doormat.

[Kalila Holt]

She's a.

[Esther Povitsky]

She's spinning them around her head. She's throwing them out windows.

[Kalila Holt]

She's ha. Ying.

[Esther Povitsky]

She's. She's doing karate on her man.

[Kalila Holt]

She's doing karate. She's a pig. Like, she doesn't care about.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

What she let. She lets it all hang out. She's not hiding anything.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Question. Should we all write a dating book called how to Date? Like Miss Piggy?

[Chris Fleming]

Yes.

[Esther Povitsky]

She's almost waging a coup on Kermit. She. I don't even know if it's a consensual relationship.

[Kalila Holt]

No. It's hostile.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. She's taken over Kermit.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. I sort of disagree with this idea that their relationship works. It's quite abusive.

[Esther Povitsky]

But I think that's the. That's the terrifying thing is, like. And you see this with baby boomer couples that have lasted a long time. Like, sometimes, like, one person kind of.

[Kalila Holt]

Calls the shots, and it's usually the woman.

[Esther Povitsky]

You would hope so.

[Kalila Holt]

And when it's a man, it's like a scary situation and she has to.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's a documentary.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Chris Fleming]

I feel like you used any Miss Piggy or why Men Love Tactics to recently. By the way, get engaged and you're getting married soon.

[Kalila Holt]

It's so funny and I'm hating how much we're talking about the Muppets, but I have to say this. I did buy our cake topper for the wedding. We're doing a fast wedding. It's in less than a month.

[Esther Povitsky]

Is that the way you let us know that we're not invited?

[Kalila Holt]

I. You know what? There's always.

[Esther Povitsky]

You guys are going to slow me down.

[Kalila Holt]

Can you play the marimba Cuz if so, you can join the band.

[Esther Povitsky]

I have a friend who does and made me cry in high school by how beautifully he played it.

[Kalila Holt]

To be moved by a xylophone to tears.

[Esther Povitsky]

I was in a rough spot.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, you weren't doing well.

[Chris Fleming]

Before you continue, I forgot that I have a really big bone to pick with you, which is that you are having your wedding a week before one of your closest, most important friends is due to give birth.

[Kalila Holt]

Your due date's on.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, I thought your due date was.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, don't pretend.

[Kalila Holt]

Honestly, I didn't know what your due date was. I was going to pretend to like a whole lie. I. That's weird. Cuz when I talked to your doctor, I thought that she said it was was in April.

[Chris Fleming]

So I'm going to look very bad. But that's my gift to you.

[Kalila Holt]

Sorry, just to finish.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, no, no, I want to.

[Kalila Holt]

I got a cake topper and it's Kerman and Miss Piggy, but it can circle back. Oh, it was on Etsy and it was over $200. Just. If you're curious what the bootleg Muppet cake topper industry is, what I'm hearing is fanatic.

[Esther Povitsky]

Muppet fanatic.

[Kalila Holt]

It's, it's sounding like 8am substack.

[Esther Povitsky]

Refreshing.

[Kalila Holt]

I hate how much I'm talking about the Muppets.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, no, no. They're incredible. Incredible. Like I, I, I know. You know the giant one.

[Kalila Holt]

Sweetums. Yes, yes, yes, I do.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know I'm about to get sick when I close my eyes and I see Sweetum.

[Kalila Holt]

That's a really bad sign in the mental health community.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, yeah. I gotta take some apple cider vinegar.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, you gotta take some silver.

[Esther Povitsky]

Cuz how did they get him? How did they make him so big? Or is he just big in compare? He's just a guy. Maybe. And they're all tiny. Cuz they're all.

[Kalila Holt]

Is this like a question about how puppets are constructed or like, like, like a deep question about like life itself?

[Esther Povitsky]

I feel like I'm finally seeing you for the first time.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, like your question was so deep that I can't even answer it. Like how do we get big? I'm like, I like seeing planets fly by numbers. I'm like, I.

[Esther Povitsky]

You see Reagan?

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, I just meant like why is he so big? He towers over the others. And I think it's Cuz aren't that's the creepy thing about the Muppets is these puppeteers. You don't know about this unless you see the behind the scenes. Scenes, they're like in the sewer system.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh.

[Esther Povitsky]

Because they have to make the ground lower so they can get down so Kermit can be right. So Brian Henson was always, like, at the core of the earth. And Jim, like, Frank Oz has probably inhaled more coal.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like a lot of men with very long ponytails that are in the most physically uncomfortable positions a human could ever be in.

[Esther Povitsky]

They're like. They're like.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, they're really like.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

They're wrestling like this.

[Esther Povitsky]

And they have to hold home birth.

[Kalila Holt]

Full upside down. Home birth in space.

[Esther Povitsky]

And they're riffing.

[Kalila Holt]

They have to hold their arm. Have you ever held your arm up for one minute? It hurts.

[Esther Povitsky]

My friend Kristen had to play Charlotte in Charlotte's Web when we were in middle school, and she had to go through, basically, Navy SEAL training. Like, what she had to do was astonish. I. I can't even do that. What I just did right now.

[Kalila Holt]

No, it hurts to just do this for 30 seconds. Muppet trainers and. And your friend who played Charlotte, they have to hold their arms up for, like, hours.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Hours.

[Kalila Holt]

So I don't want to hear you complain about going to my wedding a week before you have to give birth when there are Muppet performers have to hold their arms up.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are you thinking about potentially giving birth at her wedding? Because that's like the classic getting engaged at someone's wedding. That's, like, raised.

[Chris Fleming]

That would be my dream.

[Esther Povitsky]

Just you giving birth.

[Kalila Holt]

Steal my attention and my thunder. By giving birth on the dance floor.

[Chris Fleming]

Life for that opportunity.

[Esther Povitsky]

Stand up. That would yield for you.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I know.

[Kalila Holt]

You might even have a name for your special. Wait, fuck.

[Chris Fleming]

What?

[Kalila Holt]

Myers already stole this whole concept, kind of.

[Chris Fleming]

That's okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Giving birth at a wedding.

[Kalila Holt]

Well, giving birth in a lobby. Doesn't he have a special called Lobby Baby? It's different. Yours will be different.

[Chris Fleming]

It's fine. My birth. My baby is never going to come early. I could never be so lucky.

[Esther Povitsky]

Is there a way to induce labor? Like, could you, like, smell like a watermelon or something?

[Chris Fleming]

There are so many, like, myths and urban legends. Like, get this one salad. Drink this oil. Do this exercise. Yeah, I think it's all fake.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Read Steve Whitmire's manifesto.

[Chris Fleming]

Like, ah.

[Kalila Holt]

Esther, do you think a live band playing September by Earth, Wind and Fire might do something? Chris with a marimba solo.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Now where.

[Esther Povitsky]

The question is, where is September going to be played? Because that is a good way to get. If you want everyone on the dance floor. That's. That's. That's how you get.

[Kalila Holt]

We've been talking a lot about our get people on the dance floor song. I think September, in all seriousness, is corny. And I have a huge ick. And weddings are corny. Let's just establish that. Wedding fun.

[Chris Fleming]

Everyone loves going to weddings.

[Kalila Holt]

They're fun, but they're corny. But I have a huge ick for like, really obvious, embarrassing, overplayed corny wedding songs like Celebration by Cool and the gang Makes me me.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I know what you mean.

[Kalila Holt]

Angry. Yeah. Celebrate good times. Come on. Like that kind of stuff. Or like the black eyed peace song Happy by Pharrell. That is absolute. No.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

But I think our get everyone on the dance floor song palace.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes.

[Kalila Holt]

Just the chorus on a loop. We're still working on it, but any suggestions will be welcome. I was gonna say it, but then I got embarrassed that it actually might be corny. Maybe we are Family by sister Sledge. It's corny, but.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It'S not quite get me on the dance floor.

[Kalila Holt]

That's good to know.

[Esther Povitsky]

It actually hit me. I would actually say I'm gonna sit this one out.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, I. I would sit that one out too.

[Kalila Holt]

Let me leave the building.

[Esther Povitsky]

This is a really good question.

[Kalila Holt]

Feedback.

[Chris Fleming]

It's all about timeliness with these things. You don't want to go classic. You want to go like, what's.

[Kalila Holt]

This is the worst feedback you can give me because we're only doing like, we're. I. We're. I don't know if we're playing any songs that came out after 1995.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, okay.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Okay. I was gonna say it's 2000. That's really gonna. Maybe. Unfortunately. Oh, no.

[Esther Povitsky]

So you're doing.

[Kalila Holt]

Throat's getting so dry.

[Chris Fleming]

You're not playing any lady all wrong. Lady Gaga at your wedding.

[Kalila Holt]

I don't think so.

[Esther Povitsky]

Currently, what you're saying before pre 95.

[Kalila Holt]

Or post 95, it's all pre 95.

[Esther Povitsky]

Got it.

[Kalila Holt]

I mean, you guys don't like that.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Trying to think. I'm trying to think. I'm really trying to dig deep.

[Kalila Holt]

Late night.

[Esther Povitsky]

We're doing don't stop believing in.

[Kalila Holt]

We're doing only don't stop believing Late night. We're doing modern. We're doing more modern songs. We're bringing it into the late 90s. I thought classic was good.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Cuz classic is good.

[Esther Povitsky]

Old people. A wedding, ultimately, you think it's really. They dominate the energy.

[Kalila Holt]

Thank you.

[Esther Povitsky]

And we're the kids table. Still.

[Kalila Holt]

I thank you. I'm trying to bring the olds to the flow, but why is that your focus?

[Chris Fleming]

This.

[Kalila Holt]

Shut up. You don't know anything.

[Esther Povitsky]

Esther really wants Lady Gaga at the wedding.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

What do you want?

[Chris Fleming]

Okay.

[Kalila Holt]

Name a couple songs.

[Chris Fleming]

Are you going to. I think just probably not.

[Kalila Holt]

That's a good question.

[Esther Povitsky]

If they think that might.

[Chris Fleming]

Can you dance in a wheelchair? Like, I don't know.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yes, you can.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. You want us to put a hammock for you on the dance floor and Dave can kind of push you to the beat.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're going to be in a wheelchair.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I was thinking maybe like a Prince song.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, Prince is good.

[Kalila Holt]

That. Thank you. Prince is on the playlist.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Okay, good. That would get me on the dance floor. I think a lot of generations still are.

[Esther Povitsky]

We're also thinking covers. Remember, this is not the actual. So you're not going to have the. The base. You're not going to feel the bass.

[Kalila Holt]

Right. That's true. Remember, this is a live band.

[Esther Povitsky]

Cover can be tough.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

A Prince cover can be the Kiss.

[Esther Povitsky]

This lady's on her phone reading the lyrics.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, that's true. What about a live band doing, like, a less good version of Crazy in Love? That would be fun.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

That's a great one. That's a great one.

[Chris Fleming]

That is good.

[Esther Povitsky]

I. I think with a live band, the more modern, the more exciting it would be, actually, because we don't hear it that much.

[Kalila Holt]

It's so crazy how you guys are giving me the exact opposite advice of every choice I've made thus far.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like just whatever you do, don't trust your instinct.

[Kalila Holt]

No.

[Chris Fleming]

Do. I'm sure what you're planning, it's going to be perfect because you're cool and.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

You have good taste.

[Chris Fleming]

So we're just basic and we don't know what we're saying.

[Esther Povitsky]

Where is this happening?

[Kalila Holt]

Should I say the name and date and time? It's happening in la at. It's like a. A venue. It's like a wedding venue.

[Chris Fleming]

It's a nice place.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, it's the Chuck E. Cheese and Eagle Rock.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm not.

[Kalila Holt]

They think it's open.

[Chris Fleming]

I was able to get her in.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Have you guys ever been to a Seafood City? It's a Filipino supermarket.

[Kalila Holt]

Absolutely.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Now they turn Seafood City into basically like a nightclub. I know that nightclub culture is dead, but not for Filipinos and Seafood City. Our grocery store turns into a nightclub with a full dj and everyone is so hyped then. It's so fun.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're saying it's a grocery store during the day. By night, it's a club. Whole Foods tried this with the bar. And then I think Whole foods can never.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Seafood City. Seafood City is on its own because the Filipinos never gave up the spirit of the nightclub. And we have basically birthed the new version that. Look at this.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's Seafood City. Shut up. That looks like it's outdoors.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

And it's like everyone is dancing and everyone is just full on energy.

[Kalila Holt]

That looked awesome, that picture. But I was hoping to see men, like, whipping king crab legs around.

[Esther Povitsky]

Totally.

[Kalila Holt]

Like, it's kind of devoid of seafood theming. Oh, I see.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

You want more seafood.

[Kalila Holt]

You know what I mean?

[Chris Fleming]

Like, instead of, like, brighter than I pictured.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. They could turn the lights down a bit.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I imagine the fried. The whole fried fish are still being fried. And I feel like it's something you can have as, like, you know, post party snacks.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

That's when you go Seafood City. Right? You pick your seafood and then you can have them fried.

[Kalila Holt]

Do you guys know about this? That. Because when you fry a fish in the home, which is something. I'm sure you. You guys have this issue all the time.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's why I was late.

[Kalila Holt]

Your morning fry.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

It makes your house smell crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

So I actually dated a guy who worked at a fried fish establishment, and it was a problem. He always smells crazy. Like, it.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like the telltale heart.

[Chris Fleming]

He did break up with me. Just to be clear. He broke up with me. The man who smelled like fried fish all the time.

[Kalila Holt]

Thank you for clarifying, but we weren't actually curious. We kind of knew.

[Chris Fleming]

Sorry, continue.

[Esther Povitsky]

Did you bring it up in the breakup? Like, oh, and by the way, like, I'm haunted by your smell.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't turn against people when they break up with me.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

You're kind of a guy in this way where it's like, you know how men. A lot of men don't break. They're afraid to do the breaking up. Oh, so they make your life hell so that you do it. Yes. I have my question. I've asked you this before. It's like, if this fish fry guy never left, like, and just stuck around like, you've never been one to ever break up.

[Chris Fleming]

I would never have broken up.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's too hard to make someone sad. It's horrible.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't turn away light love. I would stay in it.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

You guys would still be together.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Kind of the opposite of the entire lesson of why men love.

[Chris Fleming]

That's why I had to read the book and tell everyone I knew about it.

[Kalila Holt]

Right, right, right. That's such like a.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

A skill to have.

[Kalila Holt]

It's anxious attachment.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

But also kind of like old school and like classic in a way.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's very romantic.

[Chris Fleming]

Thank you so much. Classic.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, classic passive. It's like classic in that way that's like women used to smoke while pregnant. You know, sort of nostalgic passivity. Wish for the days of yore. The worst breakups are when you get dumped by the fish fry guy. By the people that you know you shouldn't be dating in the first place.

[Chris Fleming]

I. Again, you keep saying it like I thought I was better than the fish guy, didn't like the smell. And that was not enough for me.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

That was not a deal breaker for you at all.

[Chris Fleming]

I wanted to stay with him. Him.

[Kalila Holt]

Okay, you're not clarifying. We can move on.

[Esther Povitsky]

He's making you fish every day.

[Chris Fleming]

Then I didn't eat any fish. And to this day I don't eat any fried fish.

[Kalila Holt]

Because why.

[Chris Fleming]

Fried fish is just like a turn off to me. I think probably because that.

[Kalila Holt]

Frying the fish or even just.

[Esther Povitsky]

You want to see the fish.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't like fried fish. I don't know the taste of it.

[Kalila Holt]

You're not. You got to be way more specific.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, I need. I need more.

[Chris Fleming]

Don't you ever see a food and you're like, I'm not eating that.

[Kalila Holt]

But in what form? The whole fish or like a fish stick?

[Chris Fleming]

Anything that's fried fish.

[Kalila Holt]

I don't want to.

[Chris Fleming]

I just want like a fresh piece of grilled fish or sushi, like what.

[Esther Povitsky]

A bear might eat.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, but I like fries.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Fried fish is so good.

[Esther Povitsky]

What if you imagine. Yeah, see, I don't. I would prefer fried fish because I like to not have to think like, the batter is the cushion for me.

[Chris Fleming]

But it's this. I think the years of the smell. It's like, oh, that's a turn off and I'm not doing it.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I love the smell of fried fish.

[Chris Fleming]

No one loves that. Yeah, that's no one.

[Kalila Holt]

What? It's cooked in fruit in front of you when.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

When you're cooking it. I mean, if it's days old, like still lingering in the air.

[Esther Povitsky]

I don't love if it's in a car. That's never good.

[Kalila Holt]

What if you were. Can I. Can I posit a situation? This is for real. Okay, let's imagine you're in a Filipino supermarket.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like 9:30pm okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are people dancing yet?

[Kalila Holt]

You're with your friends, Family by Sister Sledge.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Come on.

[Kalila Holt]

Comes over the loudspeaker.

[Esther Povitsky]

And I'm twerking.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, you're twerking. And Kalila comes over and hands you a delicious little piece of fried fish.

[Esther Povitsky]

That sounds good.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Very flaky on the inside. Still very hot. On top of a little bit of rice, a little soy sauce and vinegar, a little bit of chili.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, yum, yum, yum.

[Chris Fleming]

I guess maybe.

[Esther Povitsky]

Guess what it sounds like. It sounds like you need a trusted adult to give you the fish. It sounds like you had the wrong fish supply there.

[Kalila Holt]

Esther has like, you have the affiliation.

[Esther Povitsky]

With fried fish with this guy.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't understand why you guys are making such a big deal out of not wanting fried fish.

[Kalila Holt]

Honestly, I don't know. Personally, I don't know why either. I don't know. I think it's because you're ableist and I want to get back at you and make you suffer.

[Chris Fleming]

What are you gonna say about frying fish in the home?

[Kalila Holt]

It smells crazy and it lingers for days. So that's why a lot of ethnic supermarkets, like super, like seafood city and 99 Ranch and stuff. Yeah, they'll.

[Esther Povitsky]

I love 99 Ranch. They have like full on mako sharks in the back. Like, they have like the biggest stuff.

[Kalila Holt]

Let's go.

[Esther Povitsky]

I've ever seen. The crab, the giant crabs. It is thrilling. And veggies.

[Kalila Holt]

Living the worst life any organism could ever live.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like a pod hotel for them.

[Kalila Holt]

Japanese businessman, hotel kind of. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

I don't know.

[Kalila Holt]

On top of each other. Yeah. Maybe they like thunder blanket activity. Maybe they like it.

[Esther Povitsky]

To back Esther up about this, the sunglasses conversation is interesting because I do think.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, I do think that when they're.

[Esther Povitsky]

There's like a yellow tint. I think there's something very comedy store, very sinister about. About that. Is that what you're kind of talking about sometimes when it's not. Was. Were you wearing a full sunglass?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

A small, little cute oval one.

[Chris Fleming]

But a lot of the times it's like a big, ugly one.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It's like a classic wayfarer, Ray ban. Big ugly one. The most classic one that they just can't stop selling out of.

[Esther Povitsky]

I think it's like the cult when the lens is cultural. Colorful. It does look like someone is trying to do nefarious business.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh, if it's colorful. No, it was just black and regular.

[Chris Fleming]

The ones that really bother me.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

The ones that bother her are brown and see through where you can actually see my eyes.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Either show Me no eye or show me the full eye? Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Don't give me her show like you're.

[Esther Povitsky]

Looking through a fish tank.

[Kalila Holt]

Here's a question for, for you two. How do we feel about a transition lens?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, I think they're hilarious. They're so funny. Very libertarian. I mean, I, I love, I love. Because they're always, they're always one climate behind. There's a tragedy to it.

[Kalila Holt]

Constantly yearning and striving. And they know that.

[Esther Povitsky]

And they're always apologizing for the lens. They're like, I'm sorry, it's not you, it's the lens. Yeah, to me.

[Kalila Holt]

No, it's not the lens. It's them talking about their transition.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes. This was. I had a year of this last year where I was wearing transition lenses all the time. And it was. I was always insecure and embarrassed about it. And then people would be like, no, they look really cool.

[Kalila Holt]

They were lying. You would think it was kind of.

[Esther Povitsky]

Cool cuz it seems purposeful.

[Chris Fleming]

It's so bad.

[Kalila Holt]

I can't believe you got pregnant in the period when you were wearing transition lenses. Like, I'm just doing the mental math.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, were you wearing them?

[Kalila Holt]

Your husband. Sorry, just give me a second.

[Chris Fleming]

My transition the other way. So it helps.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. Facing the sun. Yeah, that's. You look at a fire for too long and they start going a little bit.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh my God.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, they don't. They don't know what. They don't know how to be in the middle. It's a very male thing. I actually don't think I've ever seen.

[Chris Fleming]

A woman feel so validated right now. Because the whole time I wore them, I knew they were embarrassing and I knew it was weird and no one would validate me, like, well, you're the.

[Esther Povitsky]

First woman to do it. Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Women I can imagine wearing transition lenses are like paleontologists in their 50s. You know what I mean? Like, it's so not.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, you.

[Kalila Holt]

Who told you?

[Esther Povitsky]

Someone on a dig in Montana.

[Kalila Holt]

Totally.

[Chris Fleming]

It's because I was going through a phase where I thought, which I still think that your contact lenses are leeching microplastics into your brain.

[Kalila Holt]

Esther. You.

[Esther Povitsky]

Of course.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Okay.

[Kalila Holt]

Okay. If Chris says, then I agree with him.

[Esther Povitsky]

My aunt, my Auntie Patty once told me that someone's contact lenses dripped into like their lungs or like their body took them like cuz they forgot to take them out. So I, I mean, I could never.

[Kalila Holt]

Put them super scientifically sound. Wherever she heard that, I'm sure.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Located is the word to a different organ.

[Chris Fleming]

But so then I switched to wearing glasses all the time. Then you're in la. You're always in and out of the house. There's the sun. You want to, you know, prevent macro. What is it?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

The generation.

[Chris Fleming]

You got to wear your sunglasses and so macular degeneration.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

I can't with this scientific discussion. We do not know what we're talking about. But.

[Esther Povitsky]

Microscoping.

[Kalila Holt]

Can we get the Steve Whitmire letter printed as well?

[Chris Fleming]

Then you need prescription. Prescription sunglasses.

[Kalila Holt]

Yes.

[Chris Fleming]

Because you're not wearing your contacts. So it just seemed like do it all in one.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

What about those?

[Chris Fleming]

Really?

[Kalila Holt]

I thought we solved this problem in the 80s with those really big sunglasses that go on top of your glasses. Do you guys know what I'm talking?

[Chris Fleming]

Do you think that's better?

[Esther Povitsky]

Maybe you're saying like a bingo shield.

[Kalila Holt]

It's kind of like a bingo shield, but they're. They're more of a proper sunglass. They. They used to sell them at drugstores. My grandpa used to wear them. If that helps you guys. I don't know.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are these a social experiment or we're allowed to eat this? These.

[Kalila Holt]

Can I give you a compliment?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

And I'm sure it's you all. Can I totally apologize if this is something you've heard a lot of times.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh dear.

[Kalila Holt]

But I've never met anybody. You're so wonderful and funny and amazing and all of that.

[Esther Povitsky]

Thank you.

[Kalila Holt]

I've never met anyone who looks so much like they would be British. Is this a major.

[Esther Povitsky]

This is a common problem.

[Kalila Holt]

Okay.

[Chris Fleming]

Really?

[Kalila Holt]

I'm. I figured.

[Esther Povitsky]

People are horrified to find out that I'm not British.

[Kalila Holt]

I'm finding myself feeling oddly betrayed and angry at you for reasons I wish you had a British accent.

[Chris Fleming]

Explain yourself.

[Kalila Holt]

You're so wonderful and great and I love everything. I don't want you to change at all.

[Esther Povitsky]

People are really pissed that I'm from domestic soil. They. They either want me to be Canadian or British.

[Kalila Holt]

I am pissed.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Where are you from?

[Esther Povitsky]

Massachusetts.

[Kalila Holt]

That I'm so New England is.

[Esther Povitsky]

It is truly the next stop.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes. 100.

[Kalila Holt]

You get a lot of points for that.

[Chris Fleming]

Where in Massachusetts?

[Esther Povitsky]

Central Massachusetts. A place. A little rural place. No street lights. Yeah. Yeah. Whenever Uber drivers take me to my parents house, they go, I'm never coming back here again.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Whoa.

[Esther Povitsky]

Spooky.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like far from an airport.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Is there a Panera there?

[Esther Povitsky]

No, no, no, no. We used to go to a Panera. Like everything's like 25 minutes away.

[Kalila Holt]

Wow.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're All West Coast. You must be West Coast.

[Kalila Holt]

No, no, no.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're Midwest. You're Midwest.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Thank you so much, though.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're Midwest.

[Kalila Holt]

He corrected himself.

[Chris Fleming]

No, yeah. I'm from Chicago. Suburbs.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, cool. Did you start stand up there?

[Chris Fleming]

No. Which is, like, so shady of me.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's not shady.

[Chris Fleming]

It is because everyone's like, oh, you're from Chicago, so you must have started. No, I didn't. I had to move to LA in order to be like.

[Esther Povitsky]

Started in la?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, that's so scary.

[Chris Fleming]

I know. It's really not the move.

[Esther Povitsky]

You did your first bit online in Los Angeles. California.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. Where did you start?

[Esther Povitsky]

With Bernie Mack watching? I started Master two, you know, that's, you know, so it's a little. A little freaky club.

[Chris Fleming]

I. I didn't start where I was, which is like a little bit weird.

[Kalila Holt]

But you were really young when you came to la, right?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, And I just. I could have, but I knew that my dad would not let me, like, go out of the house at night if I lived there.

[Esther Povitsky]

You couldn't leave after night.

[Chris Fleming]

He would just find a way to manipulate me into not leaving because he has anxiety and doesn't like when I drive.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, you drive?

[Chris Fleming]

Yes. Despite this size?

[Esther Povitsky]

No, no, I.

[Kalila Holt]

That's not safe for pregnant women.

[Esther Povitsky]

I think a non driver is a more powerful. You strike me as a non driver.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, my God.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

And I think that's a compliment.

[Chris Fleming]

A West coast non driver is how I'm being.

[Esther Povitsky]

About what we do to keep them. Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

She just doesn't drive. She's like, she never thought to, never had to, but she said it without any shame. She's just like, no, I don't do that.

[Esther Povitsky]

Who does it?

[Chris Fleming]

Penelope Cruz.

[Kalila Holt]

It's a wealth indicator, right? Like, yeah. If you live on the west coast and you don't drive, you're basically. Basically saying, I'm really rich.

[Esther Povitsky]

I see you in the back on your phone. Transition lenses on. Thank you. Getting out.

[Chris Fleming]

I do love a Waymo.

[Kalila Holt]

You do?

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm addicted to.

[Kalila Holt]

What do you think of the new ugly Waymo cars that look like jelly beans?

[Chris Fleming]

I don't care what they look like. I love them so much.

[Esther Povitsky]

Do you scream in them? Because you can get loud.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't scream. I'm not a screamer. The one down side is that, like, you get in and someone before you had, like, a lot of perfume on.

[Kalila Holt]

I thought that was the point of the Waymo. That we don't have to deal with.

[Chris Fleming]

The cologne smell of an Uber, but that's happening still.

[Esther Povitsky]

You think it might be the Waymo itself trying the perfume?

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. Just trying to impress you.

[Chris Fleming]

By the way, my sister is so out of touch that when I told her I took us, like, a driverless car, she thought that I owned it.

[Esther Povitsky]

I think they're only in California, Waymo.

[Chris Fleming]

There, it's like, a few Texas, SoCal, North Northern California, and then Phoenix, maybe Austin.

[Kalila Holt]

Wayo is your Muppets. You're obsessed. I've been caught.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm on wh.

[Kalila Holt]

Mo Reddit. You are, are you. You are obsessed.

[Chris Fleming]

You know who else is obsessed with.

[Kalila Holt]

Wayos back and forth? My dad.

[Chris Fleming]

Your dad loves wayos.

[Kalila Holt]

He's a.

[Chris Fleming]

Okay, well, I know what I'm doing at your wedding.

[Kalila Holt]

He sends me. He would love to talk to you about who's. He sends me selfies I didn't ask for. I love you, dad. He will be listening to this.

[Chris Fleming]

He listens to everything.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's so sweet.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I.

[Kalila Holt]

He sends selfie videos in a Waymo. Being like, here I am in a Waymo. I'm like, I know that you're in a Waymo. I don't. Okay.

[Chris Fleming]

He just.

[Kalila Holt]

He loves them.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Have you done it?

[Kalila Holt]

I haven't yet.

[Esther Povitsky]

I did one with my friend in San Francisco who, like, he and his wife take, like, separate Waymos places. It's a mess up there. Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

So dark.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

I screamed. I screamed.

[Chris Fleming]

You did?

[Kalila Holt]

Why?

[Chris Fleming]

Because you could.

[Esther Povitsky]

It was like when the first film crowd saw the. The train coming at them. I was just. It was just first. First generation wayo.

[Chris Fleming]

Scary.

[Esther Povitsky]

Now. I think now my kids will be. You know, I don't have kids, but my. The next generation of me will be. They'll be civil. They'll handle it well.

[Chris Fleming]

They'll. Yes.

[Esther Povitsky]

But me, I. I freaked out.

[Chris Fleming]

The way that people talk about, like, dads hiding in the bathroom, you know, like dad. You know, like, the dads go to shit and they take, like, an hour and they're hiding. Writing.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, they're writing poetry.

[Chris Fleming]

That's how I feel in my Waymo. I'm like, this is, like my escape. Like, this is my time.

[Kalila Holt]

Esther's dad time.

[Esther Povitsky]

I feel like the things, though, they look a little Miss Frizzle. Like the wing. Like the. The. It's like. I think it's discrediting them. Like the. The whirling dermato.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. Focusing too much on the looks.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

The cosmetics. Once you're in.

[Chris Fleming]

It's a vehicle. This is. It's transportation. Okay.

[Kalila Holt]

I don't know. I mean, I Love Waymo fail videos. It is, like, my favorite when they drive into, like, active, like, crime scenes. Or when, like, a woman got in a Waymo and there was just a dude in the trunk. And she's like, how did you get in there? And he's like, I don't know. I can't get out. Or like, when way mos get into, like, a face off and they get confused and they start all beeping at each other. Or like, who's get in a roundabout and they get confused and they just can't stop going in the roundabout.

[Chris Fleming]

I've had that about where it can't get out of a parking lot. And then, like, people are watching and I'm just like, in the back eating my breadstick.

[Kalila Holt]

It's like wayos are somehow. They get embarrassed for them. It's like when a baby falls and everyone laughs at it. And you have to be like, it's okay. But you're like, it's so funny.

[Esther Povitsky]

The little robots, the little cocoa things.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

I have such empathy because I feel like obviously that system is not gonna, is not for long.

[Kalila Holt]

Right?

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, there's like, three of them, and they make probably, like $30 a year.

[Kalila Holt]

No, I mean, if, if my.

[Esther Povitsky]

Because they're always stuck and they're like, they're crying.

[Kalila Holt]

They're totally defeated by a pothole or like a crack in the sidewalk.

[Esther Povitsky]

People knock them over in New York. I guess it's like, but here's how they get us. I guess we're not supposed to have empathy for these machines.

[Kalila Holt]

No. I'm so guilty of having empathy for.

[Esther Povitsky]

If it has eyes.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I traded in my car the other day, came home, had a meltdown because I forgot to say goodbye to her. And so I am that empathy person. And then I told my partner, and I thought he would be like, oh, you're crazy. And he was like, oh, no. Like, we should drive back. And I told my mom and my mom's like, we should drive back and say bye. So everyone agreed with me. I, I, my whole household is psychotic, apparently. Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

You've got crazy people in your life.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I do, but I don't, because I feel like in their minds, it's like, this is. She brought your baby home safe from Cedar Sinai. She had all these memories. Like, there's an escalation to, like, life that becomes this thing that you drive around. Right.

[Kalila Holt]

What was she.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

And then the guy, the guy at Audi was just like, oh, no, we send all of these to Brazil. Oh. And so then my partner was like, don't worry. She's gonna end up in a really nice tropical place in Brazil. I was really upset. I know it sounds. I just, It's. I'm that person who feels bad for the little robot.

[Esther Povitsky]

I can't get rid of a car because. Because I. My dog who passed, there's. His fur is all in the back. And so I'm like, I'm gonna keep this car. That is truly. There's a. I think there's several squatters living in it at this point. It's like, completely decomposing.

[Kalila Holt]

Do you drive it? Are you a non driver?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, no, no, I'm a driver. I, I'm.

[Kalila Holt]

You just have a car that you drive and then you have your.

[Esther Povitsky]

I have this car just sitting.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, you're one of those people that have an old car in front of their house.

[Esther Povitsky]

And I let people drive it. Wants to.

[Kalila Holt]

That's nice.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

But I, I, I get that I can't get rid.

[Esther Povitsky]

And also, I drove across the country in it, and it's like, I feel very.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, I guess I had that a little bit with my old Camry.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. Mine's a Corolla.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

But then evil Dave made me donate it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Evil Dave?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

He made you donate it.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Did you say bye? Did you tell her why you were, you know, setting her.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't know. I don't want to even think about it now.

[Esther Povitsky]

I get, I get that.

[Chris Fleming]

Wait, why do they send the old cars to Brazil?

[Kalila Holt]

Totally. We send all of these old ones.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

He's.

[Kalila Holt]

He's at Carnival in Brazil and he's having the best time.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

That car's probably in Long Beach.

[Chris Fleming]

He just wrote us a letter. Yeah, his car.

[Kalila Holt]

A selfie in front of Christ the Redeemer. He's having the best time ever. He might have been smashed up and used for metal.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Kalila Holt]

What kind of car was it?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

An Audi.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, yeah. Okay. They might send that to Brazil.

[Chris Fleming]

It's kind of nice.

[Esther Povitsky]

It must be really expensive to get a car to Brazil, don't you think?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I would think so, yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, you'd think. It's like when they send a check, like a residual check for, like, less than the cost of the postage.

[Esther Povitsky]

Right, right.

[Kalila Holt]

I'm, like, certainly transporting a car to South America. Like, flights are really expensive to South America. Like, I don't know how much the.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Car would be, but thank you guys for understanding.

[Esther Povitsky]

I totally understand.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I don't know that there would be, like, major opposition to this. I know you. You were very like, okay, this is.

[Kalila Holt]

I'm A little more clinical and kind of hard edge with that stuff.

[Esther Povitsky]

You needed to know. I don't. Caroline asked maybe four times what kind of car it was.

[Kalila Holt]

No, I didn't. I didn't.

[Esther Povitsky]

For her to feel empathy.

[Kalila Holt]

Now that I know it's an Audi.

[Esther Povitsky]

Though, if it was a Jeep, I. I wouldn't feel a connection to a Jeep. A Jeep. It's like a guy friend. Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're like. Not that you don't feel him, but you're like, you'll be fine, dude.

[Kalila Holt]

You kind of see once in a while.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. Yeah. You're good.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah. Good to see you. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

You ever have a guy friend who you don't know that well save an audio message that you ever.

[Chris Fleming]

It's so when people save an audio.

[Esther Povitsky]

I'm like, oh, you're. You're sentimental.

[Kalila Holt]

No, it's like sexual. Does it feel a little.

[Chris Fleming]

It does.

[Kalila Holt]

I also don't know how to even save.

[Esther Povitsky]

Where does it go to? I've never seen.

[Kalila Holt]

And where does it go?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah, I've saved voicemails that are like a decade old.

[Kalila Holt]

That's different.

[Esther Povitsky]

But they don't get the notification when you send an audio note.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

That is true.

[Esther Povitsky]

And then people. People keep them.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Where do they go to?

[Kalila Holt]

My. The mysterious files folder. I don't even know how to access.

[Chris Fleming]

I always see that. And I assume it's a misfold mistake, right? It's just like an iPhone mistake. Like, they didn't mean to save it.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, no, no, no. Because I never save them.

[Kalila Holt]

What they want you to think people.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are always saying kept, and then. Then when they don't keep it, you're like, oh, you don't like that one.

[Kalila Holt]

Let me resend it. You can have it both ways.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Start over.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, here you go again with your this old. This old story. You're like, don't save it, but I wish you would save it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Classic me. Are we supposed to take our shoes off?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Oh, no, no.

[Kalila Holt]

Okay, okay, okay. Where are Asian Esther's Weian.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

You would. You could pass.

[Kalila Holt]

You are Waian, actually.

[Chris Fleming]

Really?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Am I okay?

[Esther Povitsky]

I'm trying to figure out what wian.

[Kalila Holt]

Is white and Asian, and you guys.

[Chris Fleming]

Are going to get me in so much trouble for smiling and agreeing. You guys said it.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Wait.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm so sad that we have to wrap it up now.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, we do.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Damn it. I really wanted to get into the Ashley. Ashley Tisdale thing.

[Kalila Holt]

Mom drama. The mom drama.

[Esther Povitsky]

What's happening? Ashley Tisdale.

[Kalila Holt]

What's Ashley Tisdale remind me of? Ashley Tisdale, does this do anything for you?

[Esther Povitsky]

I see Hillary Duff and I see Ryan. That's not Ryan Seacrest. That's Hillary Duff's husband calling Ashley Teasdale. I saw Hillary Duff in Santa Barbara a couple years back.

[Kalila Holt]

Love this cheeky little anecdote. Let's hear about that.

[Chris Fleming]

Beautiful.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, stunning.

[Chris Fleming]

I've seen her through a restaurant window once.

[Esther Povitsky]

Stunning. So I've never heard a restaurant window.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Ashley Tisdale writes. She writes this article. Yeah, right. And basically saying, I'm no long. I got kicked out of this mom group, this toxic mom group. What else does she say?

[Kalila Holt]

She was basically like, the behavior in this mom group I was in was so toxic and they were leaving me out of activities and it felt very high school. So for my own mental health, I decided to leave. But when I read it to me, and I do want to be clear, I skimmed it. She seems like the problem. Sorry, sorry.

[Esther Povitsky]

She even make that statement.

[Kalila Holt]

She's kind of complaining about, like people not inviting her to stuff a little bit. And I'm like, maybe there was a reason. And the reason is that you suck.

[Esther Povitsky]

Totally.

[Chris Fleming]

Basically, Ashley Tisdale writes this article, it goes viral, everyone's talking about it, and then people are obviously going to speculate who is the mom.

[Kalila Holt]

Well, they figure it out because it's a public mom group.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes. So if they figure out it's like Hillary Duff, Mandy Moore, etc, whatever.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, that's a nice mom group.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

So then Hillary Duff's husband posts and his caption says, when you're the most self obsessed, tone deaf person on earth, other moms tend to shift focus to their actual toddlers.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, God.

[Chris Fleming]

Some people are like, oh, well, that's proving her point. But I actually totally disagree. And I agree with what you're saying, Caroline. It's like the person who speaks first and feels like they have to like, get this story out about how they were wronged is clearly the crazy one.

[Kalila Holt]

Yep.

[Chris Fleming]

And you know, people are going to know who, who you're talking about. That's not going to. Just because you think you're sharing your story and. Oh, I'm not saying who. It took five seconds to figure it out.

[Kalila Holt]

I think Meghan Trainor might be in the mom group too. Just want to throw that one out there.

[Esther Povitsky]

It strikes me as one of those things. Also, that is a very new concept that I have kind of accepted is that all parties can be evil in a situation always.

[Kalila Holt]

And it seems like, take this podcast for instance.

[Esther Povitsky]

Everyone's bad. Like, I don't like, like that he did that.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. That's embarrassing that he did.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like, if emasculating for Hillary Duff.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I would be embarrassed a little bit if that was my man.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's right. That's right.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't like.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Can you not. Can you stay out of this?

[Esther Povitsky]

Also, we shouldn't have an Instagram.

[Kalila Holt]

Social media to have a man even understand that you're in any kind of a feud or disagreement with any other women. Like, men should be like, hope it's going okay, sweetie. And be so focused on their own manly tasks.

[Esther Povitsky]

Chalk, chop the logs.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

Then we got the firewood that he's not chopping logs. And he recreated, like, her pose. And.

[Esther Povitsky]

And he capitalized the word to make it look like an article headline. He capital the amount of time that that takes to capitalize the first letter of every word in your sentence.

[Kalila Holt]

Yeah, I know.

[Esther Povitsky]

My guy spent 20 on that.

[Kalila Holt]

Least. At least.

[Esther Povitsky]

While Hillary and the baby are shivering in Santa Barbara.

[Kalila Holt]

I just want logs from my men. It's very cuck. It's a little giving. It's giving low tea.

[Chris Fleming]

It's not giving what he thinks it is.

[Kalila Holt]

Yep.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

I agree.

[Chris Fleming]

It's not masculine. It's not standing up for your girl. It's not good.

[Kalila Holt]

I'm high tea. Sorry, we're just.

[Esther Povitsky]

I'm low. I'm low E. Low T. You're. I'm high T. That's got sugar in the body.

[Kalila Holt]

Just sugar.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

But can I just say, I would. Would give my fucking left breast to be part of this mom group. And I just want to say, for.

[Esther Povitsky]

The record, am I sitting like him?

[Kalila Holt]

We actually are.

[Esther Povitsky]

I'm humiliated. I think I literally. While Esther was talking about the sunglasses, I think I was literally doing.

[Kalila Holt]

Wait, Mr. Duff, you are exactly him.

[Chris Fleming]

Wait, look at his lenses. You can see his eyes.

[Esther Povitsky]

He's shown exactly the same amount of leg.

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, my God, Chris.

[Chris Fleming]

Fuck.

[Esther Povitsky]

What have I become?

[Kalila Holt]

You've become a low T. Coma husband.

[Esther Povitsky]

God damn it. Well, I'm just as bad as Mr. Duff.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

It could be worse.

[Kalila Holt]

I don't know how.

[Esther Povitsky]

You better have taken her name.

[Kalila Holt]

You know he did.

[Chris Fleming]

You guys, we have to say goodbye. I'm so sad. This has been the most fun ever.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Of course.

[Chris Fleming]

We have the two most funniest guests together. It's, like, so overwhelming and, like, too much fun. Chris, can you tell us anything about your tour? What?

[Esther Povitsky]

February. I'm in the Midwest a little bit. Oh. And I have a special coming out end of February.

[Chris Fleming]

What's it called?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Where?

[Esther Povitsky]

It's called Chris Fleming live at the Palace.

[Kalila Holt]

Where can we watch your special?

[Esther Povitsky]

I think I'm allowed to say hbo.

[Kalila Holt]

Kris.

[Chris Fleming]

Kiss Kris.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Kris.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Kris.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, my God.

[Kalila Holt]

What day is the special?

[Esther Povitsky]

February 27th. The day after your wedding.

[Kalila Holt]

The day before you give birth.

[Esther Povitsky]

The day before you give birth.

[Kalila Holt]

It's all for me.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's all for you. You. Esther.

[Kalila Holt]

That's so exciting.

[Chris Fleming]

I cannot wait to watch it because you seriously have the funniest viral standup clips. Like, it is insane. People are obsessed with you.

[Esther Povitsky]

Thank you.

[Chris Fleming]

Like, I cannot wait that it's going to be all there in an hbo. In a juicy HBO special.

[Kalila Holt]

So good.

[Esther Povitsky]

Thank you. Succulent. Thank you guys for having me and Caroline so much. Chris, pleasure to meet Caroline.

[Chris Fleming]

Caroline is getting married.

[Kalila Holt]

Nothing going on. It's okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

But we're gonna get into it.

[Kalila Holt]

You can find me deep on Muppet Reddit. Is that a place? Yes, it is.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. And we might be starting something, you and I.

[Kalila Holt]

A little something.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Wanna be starting some.

[Kalila Holt]

Add it to the list. Add it to the list. We're in my DJ list.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're just gonna fight. That's kind of what that sounds like.

[Chris Fleming]

No, we do need to arm wrestle again this year.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

That's what I missed out on. I need to see that. I wasn't there for it. I came a little late.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, I read about that.

[Chris Fleming]

The funniest person in the world. She actually does have a sub stack. I never.

[Kalila Holt]

It's. It's a sore subject, but still.

[Chris Fleming]

Go back, look at the archives.

[Kalila Holt]

They're so, so, so good.

[Esther Povitsky]

Carolyn used the verb to pause it earlier. I don't think I've ever said that vocally. I would like to pause it. Something. I can't even. My mouth doesn't even fit around. Around it. That's how good.

[Kalila Holt]

Imagine if I substacked consistently, how powerful I would be.

[Chris Fleming]

Can I have your engagement ring? It's so pretty.

[Kalila Holt]

It is. Really. You can have it.

[Esther Povitsky]

I gotta start. I never check people's fingers.

[Kalila Holt]

Chris, will you marry me?

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Yes.

[Esther Povitsky]

I thought you'd never ask.

[Kalila Holt]

Wow.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Pass it around.

[Chris Fleming]

Is that around?

[Kalila Holt]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Esther Povitsky]

I've never worn anything so beautiful.

[Kalila Holt]

Beautiful.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

So beautiful.

[Kalila Holt]

Pass it around.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's so gorgeous.

[Chris Fleming]

Why?

[Kalila Holt]

It's egregious.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

What?

[Chris Fleming]

Is there, like, a meaning behind yellow diamonds?

[Kalila Holt]

Oh, where do it start?

[Esther Povitsky]

Well, yellow roses are jealousy, right? So it's jealousy.

[Kalila Holt]

It's. Yeah, it's vengeful jealousy, resentment, vengeance somewhere in there.

[Esther Povitsky]

Esther, if you like it so much, it's yours.

[Kalila Holt]

You'll like the way you look. I mean, will I get my hand cut off in a Trader Joe's parking lot one day? Yeah, probably.

[Chris Fleming]

By me.

[Kalila Holt]

It will have been so worth it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Wow. I love the yellow. Yellow.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's gorgeous.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, no, it's pretty. I'm just curious if there's a.

[Esther Povitsky]

Where do you get a ring like this?

[Kalila Holt]

From the mines.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

From.

[Kalila Holt]

Straight from the mines. No, it's. I have no shame. It's lab grown because. Thank you, but no. Diamonds are evil and unethical. Yeah. I mean, these are things that I'm saying because it was a lot cheaper. I mostly am a believer in saving.

[Esther Povitsky]

Money, but the crowd went wild when you said lab grown.

[Kalila Holt]

You got to put that in your next. What about lab grown diamonds, everybody?

[Esther Povitsky]

I heard a couple guys in the back who I. I didn't even know were here clapping at that.

[Kalila Holt]

Response like that.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Kalila Holt]

But anyway, it's fabulous, and I'm sure my fiance will appreciate me outing it as being lab grown, but I. I don't know. I think everyone should have lab grown diet.

[Chris Fleming]

I agree.

[Esther Povitsky]

Do you think it's devalued by me and Esther trying it on? The love is weakened a little bit.

[Kalila Holt]

I was gonna say it's like when you drive a car off the lot and immediately depreciate. It's like, what happened? No, no. Are you kidding? This was on the hand of someone with an HBO special coming out. That's huge for this ring.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay, good. Okay, good.

[Chris Fleming]

Two requests for the comments. One, what should Caroline's band play at her wedding? And also, what should I wear? Not months pregnant to a wedding.

[Esther Povitsky]

Definitely show the a clear.

[Caroline Goldfarb]

Like a clear.

[Chris Fleming]

We'll see you next week with a brand new episode.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Bye, guys.