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Esther Povitsky
Welcome back to Trash Tuesday. Well, not welcome back. Welcome. Welcome back to the viewers. To our best friends. Our only friends.
Kalila Wright
I like this.
Esther Povitsky
Why?
Kalila Wright
I've never seen you in this color combo in my life.
Esther Povitsky
Wait, why am I getting the most compliments when I wear a white sweatshirt? Even Rick. I wore this last week and Rick was like, you look good. I'm like, you've never said that.
Kalila Wright
Maybe it's your color match.
Esther Povitsky
I think he said that it makes me seem like I'm clean.
Kalila Wright
It makes you seem like you might be in my scrubs. Oh, it's like a scrubs color.
Esther Povitsky
Like I'm medical. Yeah, but see, now, I think the. The whole reason that Rick thinks I'm gross is not that I'm ugly, it's that I'm unclean. I think he was attracted to me in the sweatshirt. I'll say it. Shout out to our golden slug, Brandon. Guys, we have a Patreon. And the truth is we just recorded a long and deep episode for our patrons only. And it was the four of us, and it was really intense. And if you want to listen that. That will be the bonus episode this week. Check it out. Check us out@patreon.com Trash Tuesday podcast or the link below. And we have new bonus episodes every week.
Kalila Wright
It's a little extra juicy. It's a little bit more of our unmasked version of ourselves, and I think it's our best work. So go check it out.
Esther Povitsky
I am on tour. I'm so excited that I will officially be going on tour this fall. Starting in September, I'm going to be in Madison, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Philly, Boston, New York, Olympia, all these great cities. I can't wait to share all my new material with you guys. It's been so fun to work on it. Get tickets@prettylittlebaby tour.com and you can get tickets now before they sell out the link below. Thank you. I'm excited. I'll see you guys there.
Kalila Wright
You guys, I have a hair care brand that I'm really proud of. It is Hyper Clean Reef Safe. Incredible Top incredible. That's why I can carry it with me. I mean, like, you know when you create something and you're like, wow, I really nailed it. I really nailed it. The formulation, the packaging, everything about it is beautiful. Go to eboceanclub.com We've sold out of the shampoo and conditioner for now, but we are trying to bring that back asap. But we still have a ton of detanglers. There's some it Will come back, though. They are equally amazing. Go get yours@ebOceanClub.com.
Esther Povitsky
So today we have Lara Bites. She's a hilarious community comedian.
Lara Bites
Thank you.
Esther Povitsky
She. You have a special coming out.
Lara Bites
Yes. It's called Stoppable. It's going to be out in July.
Esther Povitsky
It's called Stoppable.
Lara Bites
Thank you so much for laughing at that.
Esther Povitsky
I'm so jealous.
Lara Bites
I've been saying it to people. They've been not laughing, and I'm like, it's funny.
Kalila Wright
That's hilarious. Because I feel like that's very much the. My vibe these days. Very stoppable.
Esther Povitsky
I'm so stoppable. Just one little roadblock. Okay. I'll go home.
Kalila Wright
I'll go home, lie down.
Lara Bites
That's just it.
Kalila Wright
Go horizontal for the rest of the day.
Lara Bites
I can be stopped. And I did. I did Rogan's podcast, like, years ago, and he was like, you should call your first special Unstoppable. You're kidding. Yeah. And so I was like, stoppable. I think it's more fitting.
Esther Povitsky
You punched it up. You punched it down.
Lara Bites
Actually punched it down.
Esther Povitsky
Welcome to the show. So I think today is, like, there are stethoscopes on the table. This is a. We're doing medical theme.
Kalila Wright
Is that why the color?
Esther Povitsky
No, this is just. I'm just cute now. Sorry.
Kalila Wright
I mean, even the shoes, you never match.
Esther Povitsky
I'm. This is an accent I'm not meant to match, because this isn't. This was just. I was cold and it was on the floor.
Kalila Wright
Are you one of those that, like, knows your colors?
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, a little bit.
Lara Bites
I kind of. Yeah. Like oranges. It's not real great. Yellow, not terrific. There. There aren't colors where I'm like, I will not wear that. Although I don't have anything orange. But, like, lavender is good. Light blue is good.
Kalila Wright
What does that fall under? Like, you know how you have, like, warm autumn or cold winter?
Lara Bites
I don't know. My Instagram is full of, like, people who are, like, crazy about that, and they'll, like, put up a different colored sheet and they're like, don't you see how her eyes. It's different under her eyes. And I never see it.
Kalila Wright
Well, I. I see it when they have. If someone has, like, rosacea or obvious eczema like me, and if I put a color up and it sort of fades the redness, then I. I get it.
Esther Povitsky
But that means it's good, right?
Kalila Wright
That's good. But, yeah, the heartache of it all is the colors look amazing on Me are colors. I don't like looking at colors. Red.
Esther Povitsky
You don't like looking at red?
Kalila Wright
I don't like looking at red. I don't like looking at orange. And orange looks spectacular on me.
Esther Povitsky
I've never heard of someone not liking to look at colors that you're. That's like, you're too sensitive.
Kalila Wright
No. Maybe. But you know when something evokes calm and peace. When you go into your bedroom, what color are your sheets? My sheets have to be soft pastel pinks, soft greens. It cannot be a harsh red. You don't feel that way.
Esther Povitsky
Well, about bed sheets, of course. But I actually learned years ago, bed sheets, you have to just go white.
Kalila Wright
If you're an Airbnb. Yeah. If you have no personality.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah. Well, if you don't, you want to feel like you're in a hotel.
Kalila Wright
For someone who doesn't bathe regularly, I'm shocked by the white sheets.
Esther Povitsky
Also, they're covered in blood. And it's not all my blood. It's not all my blood. My husband bleeds regularly.
Lara Bites
Why are you saying that? Like we care. Why are you saying it's not all my blood? As if that is the point of, like, what makes what you just said gross? Who cares whose blood it is? I mean, I guess it matters to an extent, but I'm not like, oh, your blood. I'm just like, it's gross that your is covered in blood, dude. Oh, it's the same as if you're just like, yeah, there's like, shit streaks. It's not all my shit. Like, what are you talking about?
Esther Povitsky
I think because I'm like, you look at the sheets. They're covered in blood. You go, obviously, it's the woman's blood. What are you saying? This is man blood.
Lara Bites
Okay, you just said you have to have white sheets, and you have white sheets covered in blood. I'm picturing it, and I'm picturing white sheets covered in blood.
Esther Povitsky
But isn't that better than if they were baby pink covered in blood, like Kalila's house?
Kalila Wright
I don't have blood anywhere.
Esther Povitsky
What?
Kalila Wright
I mean, yeah, I have my period panties that are constantly stained, but those have a place in my home, and those are tucked in the abyss of my closet, dude.
Lara Bites
They're not all white. I wear. I have, like, a thousand pair of Steve Jobs, like, black underwear.
Esther Povitsky
Exactly.
Lara Bites
Because he had, like, a. A million black turtlenecks.
Kalila Wright
Turtlenecks.
Lara Bites
I'm that with underwear. Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
What brand?
Lara Bites
Amazon Basics, Dude. I have so many pairs.
Esther Povitsky
So your underwear collection is all For Jeff Bezos and Steve Jobs?
Lara Bites
Pretty much, yeah. You also don't see blood stains all over my. It's not because all my underwear is white.
Esther Povitsky
What is so crazy? What color are your sheets?
Lara Bites
I have gray ones and peach ones.
Esther Povitsky
I could never. I did one. So I have to admit I had navy sheets for a while and then it became like a meme that like broke guys have navy sheets and I had to throw those away.
Kalila Wright
But you are essentially like that is your vibe, Broke guy.
Esther Povitsky
That's my taste. Okay, Do I want a Batman poster on the wall? Sure. Do I want navy curtains? Maybe like of a headboard?
Lara Bites
Sure, yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Like it's. My aesthetic is broke guy. I don't know.
Lara Bites
I would love it if I. If I like knowing you but not knowing what you just said. If I went into your place and it was just like a mattress on the floor with a blood covered sheet and a Batman poster on while like this is not. You're a mother now. Like, this is not what I would expect.
Esther Povitsky
Oh boy.
Kalila Wright
Shock.
Esther Povitsky
Well, you know, wait. Speaking of like colors looking on you one time this porn star told me that like it's good to wear baby colors like light pink and light blue cuz it makes men think you're younger.
Kalila Wright
Okay, so you've said this before and this is what I find disturbing is that she said this to you maybe 15 years ago. 15 years ago. And I just find it so creepy that you would want to dress for a man to think of you in like a pure way.
Esther Povitsky
It's subconscious. It's subliminal.
Lara Bites
Yeah, I don't take advice from sluts.
Esther Povitsky
You should leave then. You shouldn't hear anything we say.
Lara Bites
But that is gross.
Esther Povitsky
I know.
Lara Bites
It dressed like a baby blanket. It's gross.
Kalila Wright
I never want a man to look at me and think, hmm, purity.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, but it's subliminal. It's like. It's not.
Kalila Wright
Like what is the subliminal message? That I am what I am?
Esther Povitsky
Youthful. Like, because Look, I'm a 37 year old woman. Like it's not like they're. I guess I'm a bad example.
Kalila Wright
That's like that one boyfriend telling you to wear white underwear.
Esther Povitsky
I know.
Kalila Wright
Because he wanted to infantilize you even more. Which is even. It's just so creepy to me.
Esther Povitsky
I know.
Kalila Wright
Let's stick to a black Amazon basics.
Esther Povitsky
Separate that. Let's. Let's keep everything separate. Let's move back. Let's go back to my bloodstained sheets for just a sec. Actually let it. Let us go Back to that. You guys are telling me that your period is so managed that you don't have blood stained sheets?
Lara Bites
I mean, I've been getting it for long enough that I, like, wear a tampon to bed if I'm having my period.
Esther Povitsky
Do you wear biker shorts? No.
Lara Bites
Bed to bed. I don't wear anything to bed.
Kalila Wright
You want your pussy bound?
Esther Povitsky
If I was having a sleepover, many.
Lara Bites
Yeast infections do you get? Like, I could never. How many do you have?
Kalila Wright
I can't even have anything without a cotton gussick. Gussick Gusset. Goodbye. Like my. The little extra strip of fabric that has to sit on top of the pad and it has to be 100% cotton or else I get a, you know, VC.
Esther Povitsky
Do you get those from your Amazon underwear?
Kalila Wright
No, they have cotton gussets. I checked.
Esther Povitsky
I have Amazon basics as well, but I don't know. I think I'm just confused. Like, I'm. I don't sleep in biker shorts, but if I were to want to not leak out during my special time of the month, I would have to be wearing a tight pair of underwear covered by a baggy pair of underwear covered by a tight pair of.
Lara Bites
Bro. Do you use, like, a tampa?
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, use pads.
Lara Bites
Use pads.
Esther Povitsky
You guys don't use pads?
Lara Bites
No. Hell no. Because it gets all over your bed.
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Lara Bites
Yeah, they don't.
Kalila Wright
That. That is a losing game. Yeah, I mean, I've tried.
Esther Povitsky
You're all tampon. Your. Oops.
Kalila Wright
Tampon or cup. Right.
Esther Povitsky
Cup.
Lara Bites
Yeah, Diva cup. I. I won't do it.
Kalila Wright
I mean, look, listen, I. I tried the diva cup.
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
Years ago. And I literally had to birth it on, like. Like, on a cold, hard floor like it was a baby. Because people, you just pop it out. You do it this way.
Lara Bites
It's.
Kalila Wright
Dude, it's so hard.
Lara Bites
Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't do it.
Kalila Wright
So, yeah, I'm a tampon. And maybe, yes, toxins are in my bloodstream, but, you know, I'd rather that than look like Dexter.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, I'll go Dexter. That's just me. Okay, so today we're. We're like medical themed per my white sweatshirt, which will be covered in blood soon enough. We're gonna do a check in. Does anyone have any current medical trauma or ailments?
Lara Bites
Can we first talk about the fact that Catherine isn't here because she had to go to urgent care on medical day?
Esther Povitsky
Will you explain what happened?
Lara Bites
She cut her foot on a glass. She was rushing to get here, and she dropped her glass and stepped on it, which is if you know her is the most Catherine Blandford thing really possibly have happened. Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
So Katherine Blandford is a hilarious comedian. She was supposed to be joining us today, and she's not here because Stella cursed her with the medical theme. I hope she's okay.
Lara Bites
I'm sure she's fine, but she has to go to urgent care. Yeah, that sucks.
Kalila Wright
But get a tetanus shot for sure. Yeah, those ones hurt.
Esther Povitsky
Do you administer tetanus shots?
Kalila Wright
No, but I have a plug. I have hookup. You need one?
Esther Povitsky
Sure, I'll take. Is it just like I think you need for fun?
Kalila Wright
Oh, no, no, no. I think you need one.
Esther Povitsky
Why are you saying that?
Lara Bites
Because the way remember it, you probably need one.
Kalila Wright
No, because. Just because of the way you live.
Esther Povitsky
What do you mean by that?
Kalila Wright
There's just, you know, exposure to, like, hazardous waste, it seems.
Esther Povitsky
Okay, that's true. I'll admit I'm not great about sticking to the diaper pail, bro. If there's a poopy diaper, it could be in any trash.
Kalila Wright
This I agree with. I actually agree with. When you stick a ton of diapers in one place, I think that's a toxic area that just emanates all day.
Esther Povitsky
Spread it everywhere.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, spread it everywhere.
Lara Bites
That's one toxic area that you know is toxic, but usually.
Kalila Wright
Where. Where is it? In the baby room. And I think that it shouldn't be in the baby.
Esther Povitsky
And this baby poop. Even talk. Is poop toxic? Am I crazy?
Kalila Wright
Yeah, Esther.
Lara Bites
Oh, it is. Yeah. Yeah.
Kalila Wright
It's waste. It's literally like, if they will, like.
Esther Povitsky
Come home from work and open the kitchen garbage, I'll be like, like what? It's like, why did you throw a poopy diaper in here? Because I didn't want to go to a different level. I didn't want to use the stairs.
Kalila Wright
I get that.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah. Okay. Medical check in. Anybody ailments?
Lara Bites
Let me think. I mean, I'm in physical therapy for, like, some stuff.
Esther Povitsky
For what?
Lara Bites
My hip and my back and my neck.
Esther Povitsky
What's going on? My. In my crack sock?
Lara Bites
Yeah, yeah. They've just. My back has hurt since I was 19. I think a lot of it is, like. Like poor stress management, which I'm working on. I've started, like, meditating twice a day and doing a lot of stuff to manage my stress better.
Kalila Wright
Are you unknowingly, like, tensing all day, all the time? Yeah, that would you up?
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
I hear that's probably the cause of tmj, too. Is like, from the back to the neck. Yeah, to the jaw.
Esther Povitsky
I very much relate.
Lara Bites
It's the cause of so many things. Like, my doctor was concerned about my liver after, like, my last blood work, and that's like, stress related.
Esther Povitsky
Was it like your ale.
Lara Bites
Something with the numbers? I don't know, dude. He just told me to stop eating chicken sausage. I told him to go himself.
Esther Povitsky
Chicken sausage? Yeah.
Lara Bites
I didn't tell him to go himself, but yeah.
Esther Povitsky
What. What's the problem with.
Lara Bites
It's processed meat, I guess that's bad chicken.
Esther Povitsky
It's not even.
Lara Bites
Don't even get me started.
Kalila Wright
Wait, what do you. What chicken sauce? Is it Applegate or Idel?
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
Oh, no. I eat that every day. Well, is my liver dying?
Lara Bites
Maybe you're fine. No, I think it's stress. And that's what made me mad is he, like, made no mention of stress. And then I went home and did a bunch of research. And, like, stress is worse for that than. Than what I eat. You know, Like, I eat. I thought I ate, like, an immaculate diet. I, like, weigh and measure everything I eat. I eat 10 ounces of vegetables with every meal. Like, I don't eat any flour or sugar.
Esther Povitsky
Oh, my God.
Lara Bites
I eat no junk food ever, ever, ever. But I walk around like a clenched fist 100% of the time, so. Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Do you make yourself meals? Like, what's for dinner tonight?
Lara Bites
Turkey and brown rice, pasta, vegetables and an apple.
Kalila Wright
I have a question about. I have a question about the brown rice pasta. Is that the one from Trader Joe's?
Lara Bites
I don't like that because it sticks together. There's a really good one at Ralph's. It's just, like, Simply Organic. It's $2.99, and it's the best brown rice pasta that I've.
Kalila Wright
The brown rice pasta from Trader Joe's. I've never been more gassy in my life. Like, it lit me up like it was coming out of my nose.
Lara Bites
Yeah, I know. Someone else happened to your nose farts?
Kalila Wright
My nose was farting from Trader Joe's.
Esther Povitsky
I'm nasty.
Kalila Wright
Listen, I didn't plan for it. It's not. I. After one session, I was like, you know what? Not gonna do that again.
Lara Bites
Whoa.
Esther Povitsky
I never really do brown rice pasta. I feel like I read one article, like, four years ago that was like, white rice is actually better. And now I'm so committed to my white rice lifestyle. Really?
Lara Bites
I get so hungry if I just.
Esther Povitsky
I rice, but with other things. With. It's not as my whole meal.
Lara Bites
I know, but, like, I. If I feel like it doesn't sustain me. Like, it doesn't do anything.
Esther Povitsky
Even if you had that with, like, meat and a veggie, I would only.
Lara Bites
Have it with meat and vegetables.
Esther Povitsky
Okay.
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Well, I have a really huge medical check in.
Kalila Wright
Oh, I know this one.
Esther Povitsky
I already called you seven times about it. And I haven't talked about this on the podcast, which, you know, when I have a medical ailment, I'm going to be milking it on all across all platforms, multiple times. So let's go from the beginning. So I fall asleep listening to podcasts. And like, two or so years ago, I noticed that when I was laying on one side, I could hear it perfectly, and the other side, I literally could not hear it at all. But I, like, was like, whatever. That. Nothing, whatever. And then, like, in the last few months, Dave would be talking to me, and I'd be like, can you say it in my good ear? And I'm like, something's wrong. So I went to my doctor, I got a hearing test. She's like, okay, yes, you have unilateral hearing loss. She's like, typically, that's a brain tumor. I'm like, what a dumb.
Lara Bites
That is so not typically a brain tumor.
Kalila Wright
How do you jump to that?
Esther Povitsky
I don't know.
Lara Bites
Irresponsible of her to say she's literal.
Kalila Wright
Physical manifestation of WebMD.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, go.
Kalila Wright
Brain tumor. Tumor, Cancer. Cancer. Just like. That's the first thing.
Esther Povitsky
I think I saw her Googling it, actually. Unilateral hearing loss. And maybe that's how she got it.
Lara Bites
Are you kidding me? No.
Esther Povitsky
So. So I go to the audiologist for my hearing test. She goes, yeah, unilateral hearing loss. I go, so, like, is there any chance it's not a brain tumor? She's like, it's would. She's like, it would be very strange if that was a brain tumor. Like, oh, thank God. Okay. And she basically was like, I think you have a hole in your eardrum, but you need to see the doctor. So if I waited two weeks, finally I saw the doctor confirmed. Hole in the eardrum. I know. And I. I had one when I was little and it got sewed up, so it might be like the same thing. I know this is, like, painful. So I'm in this predicament where it's like a hole in your eardrum is, like, could be kind of chill. You could do nothing. But then you have to wear little shower caps for your ear so that you get no water in there.
Lara Bites
Oh, yeah, I saw you post about a tiny ear shower. Cap and I didn't have context.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Lara Bites
I didn't understand what was happening.
Esther Povitsky
I apologize for that. Now you're in the know. And so either, like, you basically do that your whole life, you can never get water in your ear, which is, like, low key. Fine. Because I don't like swimming and I'm scared of the water. Or I can get this surgery that fixes it, but then I can't do any heavy lifting for a month. I just feel like, do you get this, like, kind of big surgery or do you just wear the shower cap for your ear? Sound off in the comments. What do you guys think?
Kalila Wright
I mean, is the surgery gonna fix the hearing?
Esther Povitsky
This surgery will give you some improvement, but not a perfect score.
Kalila Wright
What's some improvement? Is it 50? If it's anything over 50, I'll. I would do the surgery.
Esther Povitsky
I want to hear again my hearing loss. They. I will say that they did say it's minor.
Kalila Wright
I love how it went from brain tumor, hearing loss, hearing loss.
Esther Povitsky
I know. Maybe they, like, wanted to create an emotional roller coaster for me and, like, they just wanted me to have content. That's why they told me, maybe you're dying from a birthday.
Kalila Wright
I would get the surgery.
Lara Bites
I would have a really hard time not getting my ear wet for the rest of my life.
Kalila Wright
Exactly.
Esther Povitsky
Into, like, water stuff.
Lara Bites
I mean, look at this picture. That's so silly. And I am into water stuff. I like swimming. I just wouldn't like being like, I can never swim again, you know? Cause you can't wear that. The ocean will fucking rip that off your head so fast. Dude. Like, what is that good for? It's good for the shower, but surgery is. But it's silly. 400. 4. 429. For how many of those? 100. Okay. I suppose that's 4 cents per. I'm like, at what point does the surgery pay for itself with money that you save from not having to buy those silly little ear condoms?
Esther Povitsky
You're so right. I don't know. Kalila, would you get the surgery?
Kalila Wright
I was a swimmer for most of my life. I still am a diver, so I have swimmers here. I've had swimmers here my. My whole life. I had an ENT doctor, Dr. Chan from the time I was six years old all the way into my teens before I left the Philippines. Chronic ear infections. I have some hearing loss. Absolutely. I would. If there's a way to. To fix something, why not? You have health insurance. Why wouldn't you?
Esther Povitsky
Oh, what about no heavy lifting for a month?
Kalila Wright
Oh, my God, what is heavy lifting?
Lara Bites
I would love that. I feel like that would be why you would.
Esther Povitsky
But my child, Dave, can you. I know.
Lara Bites
And he owes me to vacation.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah. Maybe he does owe me because he's been gone for a month and because.
Lara Bites
You had the baby.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, that's.
Lara Bites
You carried it already.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah. Yeah, I did my time.
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
I don't know, Klila. Any medical ailment?
Kalila Wright
Everything.
Esther Povitsky
Everything. Yeah.
Kalila Wright
I'm still Bell's palsy baby. Did you forget?
Esther Povitsky
I did.
Kalila Wright
I have healing Bell's palsy.
Lara Bites
Okay.
Kalila Wright
And my mind is going to shit, so that's my medical. Yeah. Name a body part, and I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
Esther Povitsky
Okay. Feet.
Kalila Wright
Constantly sweating. Honestly, cramping a lot these days. I'm not. Maybe not drinking enough.
Lara Bites
Such a funny visual.
Kalila Wright
You ever seen your toes just go different directions?
Lara Bites
I totally know. I totally got it from that. I totally got it from that.
Kalila Wright
Do you know the saluma for the face, the infrared? I put it on my feet yesterday to try to, like, you know, maybe feel a little bit better. Constantly cold and clammy.
Esther Povitsky
Do you have Raynauds?
Kalila Wright
I don't. My sister does.
Esther Povitsky
Okay.
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Do you know what that is? Okay. It's kind of like a hot girl disease, but my dad has it, too. It's like, when you get cold, your hands and feet turn purple.
Kalila Wright
It's poor circulation, basically. Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
I feel like it's a flex if.
Kalila Wright
You'Re, like, so painful.
Lara Bites
Yeah. It's like a skinny thing.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Lara Bites
Like, oh, I'm blue.
Esther Povitsky
I'm so fragile.
Kalila Wright
So if you could be any disease, disorder, what would you be similar to? If you could be any drink, what would you be?
Esther Povitsky
If any drink you could be. That's, like a normal topic of conversation. People are supposed to know.
Kalila Wright
I think so. I think, like, I saw it on Vanity Fair with the Barbie cast. They were like, what if I was a cocktail, what cocktail would it be?
Esther Povitsky
Oh, I don't know. Cocktails. But I think I'm Sprite.
Lara Bites
I was gonna say, like, that's not the question. Yeah, that's not the question. The question is, what?
Esther Povitsky
Well, I'm just getting warmed up with the drink.
Lara Bites
Oh, okay.
Esther Povitsky
I don't want to.
Lara Bites
I feel like you would be Sprite, too.
Esther Povitsky
Really?
Lara Bites
You nailed it. Yeah, totally.
Esther Povitsky
Thank you so much.
Kalila Wright
I disagree. I think maybe like a 711 slurpee.
Esther Povitsky
Oh, you think I'm nasty, huh?
Kalila Wright
Nasty little thing.
Esther Povitsky
I think I'm a little late night sexy, little icy ice queen. What? What drink would you guys be I don't know, man. Kyla, your matcha. That's because I'm racist.
Kalila Wright
Wow. Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Wow.
Kalila Wright
Esther, I don't even drink matcha.
Esther Povitsky
I know.
Kalila Wright
And Japan is not the Philippines. Jesus. I would take coconut water. Maybe closer.
Esther Povitsky
No, banana smoothie.
Kalila Wright
Banana. That. No, that. Banana milk in a carton that you get at H Mart. You. You know what the Asian community is going to come get you one day?
Esther Povitsky
Banana milk.
Lara Bites
It sounds awesome.
Kalila Wright
Thank you. You know how there's chocolate milk, which is, by the way, not real chocolate because it's probably just flavored. If you drink that, why wouldn't you drink strawberry milk? Mango.
Lara Bites
Strawberry milk's gross. But banana shakes are awesome.
Esther Povitsky
Acting. Banana milk is like artificial. Banana flavored candy isn't universally discussed as, like, not gross.
Lara Bites
It's good gross.
Esther Povitsky
We have a rare sampling in here today of three freaks who, like, you know, runs. Nobody wanted the banana.
Lara Bites
I absolutely.
Kalila Wright
I like the banana.
Lara Bites
They're my favorite ones.
Esther Povitsky
All of you?
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
No, no, no. The comments need to come out and support. Show your support. You're gonna get right now, dude.
Lara Bites
You're gonna get annihilated.
Kalila Wright
Thank you. Thank you.
Esther Povitsky
No, no, no, no, no. Banana Laffy. Tag. Taffy.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, anything. Banana is not as bad.
Lara Bites
All of it. If they're banana popsicles, there's a banana option. It's the best.
Esther Povitsky
Banana cream pie kind of isn't a fair thing to throw in.
Kalila Wright
You're calling it fair? It's literally banana foster.
Lara Bites
It's not artificially flavored.
Esther Povitsky
That have actual bananas. Respect. Whatever.
Kalila Wright
Unprovoked. You sent another racist text to me.
Esther Povitsky
What?
Kalila Wright
Unprovoked. You were like, cherimoya sucks.
Esther Povitsky
It is so gross.
Kalila Wright
As if I am somehow supposed to. And I did have a big reaction because I'm like, how dare you? It's literally. You're like, oh, it tastes like vomit. It's literally the mildest tasting thing. So much so that it's called sugar apple.
Esther Povitsky
That's crazy. And also, I. I wasn't. There was context in my text because I was saying we should try it on the show. And like, I didn't even know that you would know what it was. Have you had it?
Lara Bites
It? No.
Esther Povitsky
They call it nature's ice cream at the farmer's market. It tasted like puke. I did not approve.
Kalila Wright
Laura, I promise you it doesn't.
Esther Povitsky
Don't trust her.
Kalila Wright
If. No.
Lara Bites
You don't like banana stuff.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Lara Bites
And your sheets are covered in blood.
Esther Povitsky
What drink would you be?
Lara Bites
I don't know. I really don't.
Esther Povitsky
Well, you're so, like, strict with your eating in a good way that I admire. Like, I feel like you're like a Perrier.
Lara Bites
That's what I was thinking, but then I was like, am I hot enough to be Perrier?
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Lara Bites
You know, all right.
Esther Povitsky
I mean, I didn't say Pellegrino, so I'm just kidding. Wait, I know what disease you are.
Kalila Wright
What?
Esther Povitsky
It's gonna be so mean.
Kalila Wright
Is it gonna be some, like, Kawasaki disease or something? Autoimmune from Japan or Asia?
Esther Povitsky
You're Covid. No, you're. You're a teratoma.
Kalila Wright
I love teratomas.
Esther Povitsky
I know.
Kalila Wright
I love them. I think they're so funny. I mean, imagine something growing in your body, like a random tumor that has teeth and hair, you know? Bitch, you're a fucking teratoma.
Esther Povitsky
I kind of agree, actually. I take it back. I want to be a teratoma. Here's why. A teratoma, it's like, in theory, like, it could be cute, and you're. They're harmless. Right?
Lara Bites
I knew when you said in theory, I was like, I cannot wait to hear what she's about to say. And then you saying it could be cute is, like, the most on brand thing you possibly could have said.
Esther Povitsky
Don't you think that the coolest it could be, it would be a cool Adult Swim cartoon, Like the teratoma family. Like, they should be a cartoon. Oh, wait, never mind. Never mind. Blur it.
Lara Bites
Yeah, it's adorable. Show it looks like you found it in a drain.
Kalila Wright
Oh, that's exactly what it looks like when you clean out your drain. And those clumps of hair mixed with, like, soapy suds.
Lara Bites
Oh, yeah, like toothpaste. That didn't quite go away.
Kalila Wright
It's not.
Esther Povitsky
I guess you're the teratoma.
Kalila Wright
You know what? I'll take teratoma.
Esther Povitsky
I feel like, if it suits you, because you're into them. You, like, want one as a pet?
Kalila Wright
Yeah, I get attached to, like, skin tags, so that makes sense.
Lara Bites
For real.
Kalila Wright
I got a couple removed, but there's this new one here where I'm like, you know what? Like, maybe that's a part of me. It's meant to be there, so also.
Esther Povitsky
I know what disease I would be. What I would want to be rheumatoid arthritis, because my husband and my mommy have it, so I could be close to them.
Lara Bites
Okay. It's not. What disease would you want to be, like, if you could be any disease? Unless I misunderstand it.
Kalila Wright
No, you're correct.
Esther Povitsky
No, wait. Why?
Lara Bites
What Disease do you think is like the parallel to you?
Kalila Wright
Oh, honestly. Rheumatoid arthritis. Just the chronic nature and the chronic ache of it all and it just, just when you think it's going to go away, it persists. I feel like that's sort of you, actually.
Esther Povitsky
Thank you so much.
Kalila Wright
And it's by the way, debilitating. It will fuck people's lives up.
Esther Povitsky
But if you can, if you handle it the right way. How? My mom does self injections and Dave does infusions every eight weeks at the self.
Lara Bites
Injections of what?
Esther Povitsky
Heroin medication.
Lara Bites
My mom had rheumatoid arthritis hips and told me that she almost killed herself like before she got him replaced. She said it was brutal.
Kalila Wright
Ra is a.
Esther Povitsky
My mother in law has it. It's autoimmune.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, it's. It's really debilitating.
Esther Povitsky
No, I know you are. Thank you. I'm debilitating.
Kalila Wright
That's what you are.
Esther Povitsky
And shout out to Claro. That singer, she has it and she was talking about it, so Claro. Come on, let's. Let's get you on here and talk about your disease. Love you, girl. Your pretty girls need to be talking more about their health issues. Wait, what did you have like a life or a career before comedy?
Lara Bites
No, no, I worked with people with special needs. It was really hard and I was not cut out for it.
Esther Povitsky
Were you funny at it?
Lara Bites
There was a time I like recorded like problem behaviors. There was a time where a six. I. I can't. I can't talk about it. That's what sucks. Oh, someone, a teenager spit in my face 110 times in one day. So like that's the kind of thing. And waking up at 6 to do that and then going from there to do stand up till late and then wak up at. I just was like, I got to go full time doing standup. Just in time. Like, just in time. I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna keep doing this.
Kalila Wright
Pastor, I'm kind of mad about the teratoma thing, but we'll, we'll. We'll fight about it.
Esther Povitsky
Well, did that. I sent you a TikTok. Did you see there was a girl who thought she had an ovarian cyst and then was like, it was actually a teratoma.
Kalila Wright
Well, that's what my best friend had. They. It was an ovarian cyst. It was a growth. She had her whole ovary removed. And then when they did the biopsy, it was a teratoma. So yeah, they tend to happen a lot in ovaries.
Esther Povitsky
Did they tuck the DNA? Were you the father?
Kalila Wright
I was indeed the father of the teratoma. Hardcore scissoring.
Esther Povitsky
So there's this TikTok, like, trend, you know, like, tell me the most unhinged thing, whatever. And we found one that's like, tell me the most unhinged thing your mom said to you, which I know your mom passed away. Is this.
Lara Bites
No.
Esther Povitsky
Are you. We're cool.
Lara Bites
Where are you guys getting your information?
Esther Povitsky
She didn't. No, I made that up.
Lara Bites
Yeah. My mom's alive.
Esther Povitsky
God, Esther. Because you just said my mom had rheumatoid arthritis in her hip. I thought you were.
Lara Bites
She had new hips. She got new hips. I had to die from ra. Just chilling.
Esther Povitsky
I can't believe I just killed off your mom. I'm so sorry.
Lara Bites
It's okay.
Esther Povitsky
Oh, my God. Please tell your mom I'm.
Lara Bites
Her eyes filling with tears. It's not a big deal. It's totally fine. You didn't know. I'm just like, she's not dead. I mean, I needed to tell you. What am I going to. I can't stand.
Kalila Wright
I'm such a people pleaser.
Esther Povitsky
I would have just gone with it. But, yeah, okay. She thinks my mom's dead.
Lara Bites
I think she'd be upset if she saw, you know.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Lara Bites
That. I just was like, yeah, she's dead. You know, she's like, you're telling people I'm dead now? I don't think she would like that.
Esther Povitsky
Do you have a mom that, like, said mean things to you and was hard on you and mean like us?
Lara Bites
I think that that's how moms are. And I listened to, like, a really interesting podcast about it recently where it was, like, basically saying, like, the reason that your mom will say terrible things to you, which my mom has come a long, a long way with that, like, major progress. But the reason your mom will say terrible things to you is, like, you're their alter ego. So, like, what you feel, they feel, and they love you more than anything. So they don't want to see the world deny you anything. So if they see something that they think might make the world deny you something, they're like, hey, like, put on a longer skirt. Your hair sucks. Lose weight. You know what I mean? Because they don't want you to, like. Like, lose out on something.
Kalila Wright
Is it just for the girls or also sons?
Lara Bites
I think way more for girls.
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Lara Bites
Way more for girls. Which I hear things like this. Way more from women.
Kalila Wright
Right.
Lara Bites
Like, comments from their moms. Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah. I feel like moms are not hard on sons. Like dads are hard on sons.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, I see that.
Esther Povitsky
Which I feel like I weirdly have that I have like a father son relationship with my dad because he's like hard on me.
Kalila Wright
But I think that mom should be hard on son sons.
Esther Povitsky
You do?
Kalila Wright
I do. And I think dads should be more tender with their sons.
Esther Povitsky
Oh, I like that.
Kalila Wright
I think that the opposite should be happening because historically it hasn't been that way. And moms generally tend to do everything for their boys. And by the time it's it, that boy is off to, you know, have a partner himself. Like she, that girl has now inherited another son because he can't do for himself.
Esther Povitsky
That's so real.
Kalila Wright
And I always see this too, like this dynamic of when, like I've dated a younger brother who's had a sister and how the mom treats him compared to the sister is like night and day. And it really irked me. And I dated a mama's boy and was like so disgusting. Yeah, he couldn't do for himself and he was, he was the least successful one because the girl was never coddled. The mom was very hard on her and she's like this huge success.
Esther Povitsky
That's so, I feel like in Latin families too, that's like a big like stereotype that happens is like the, they're so hard on the daughter and then the son is like just like prized.
Kalila Wright
I, I can see that. Yeah. Especially in like machismo culture, like in the Philippines too. For us that happens.
Esther Povitsky
You know how there's also this thing on like tick tock. A lot of the big conversation is like people with their toxic mother in laws. I realize that the Lord has blessed the women on this planet by not giving my mom a son. Because if someone out there had to be my mom's daughter in law, they would kill themselves. My mom would be the worst mother in law to a girl.
Kalila Wright
What?
Esther Povitsky
Because she can't keep her mouth shut and she's so like, harsh. The things my mom says to me. I'm like, and I know you would say this to a daughter in law. Like, I told you my mom was like, ace would be better off in daycare than at home with you. Like, she's so mean and she can't hold back, she can't control herself. Like, I just think some moms should not have a son. And it's good that my mom didn't have one. Delilah. I was at the Comedy Store doing a set like a couple weeks ago. And Bobby, out of nowhere in the parking lot, he just turned to me and he goes, I love you so much.
Kalila Wright
Do you think it was real or fake or.
Esther Povitsky
I don't know what it was.
Kalila Wright
I want to hear it. I want to hear it.
Esther Povitsky
Well, I have it. I have it recorded. I love you so much. Yeah, right. I do. What a joyous human being. You've been really mean to me. No, I haven't.
Lara Bites
You.
Esther Povitsky
So it did turn. It did take a turn.
Lara Bites
But that's his love, though.
Esther Povitsky
So Reclip is this app that I downloaded and it just records everything in the background. Then the whole thing is just automatically captured. Now I have this moment saved forever and I will 100% be using it as blackmail when the time is right. If Bobby ever tries to act like he doesn't, like, love me, I will be showing everyone this.
Kalila Wright
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Kalila Wright
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Esther Povitsky
What is wrong with you that you don't have it if you're just like.
Kalila Wright
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Esther Povitsky
It was like abusive.
Kalila Wright
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That's crazy.
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Esther Povitsky
So these unhinged things that mom said. This one's amazing, this girl commented. I was bringing my first boyfriend to meet my parents. My mom asked, aren't you worried that he might fall in love with your sister since she's so much slimmer and pret you?
Lara Bites
I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know if the mom said that. I don't know if she said that or if that's what the memory was. And I believe it's an honest memory, but I wonder if those were the exact words. But no matter how she said it, I'm sure it sucked. I mean, I'm sure it was something shitty since she's so much slimmer and prettier than you. There's no way I believe it. Sorry.
Esther Povitsky
No, I believe it. The mom probably wanted the daughter to lose weight. And this was like a little nudge at that.
Lara Bites
And I mean, some people are also just like pathological, you know?
Kalila Wright
This.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, this one, I like people. This one is amazing. This one I telling my mom that I miscarried at 14 weeks in pregnancy. And she said, I just gave everyone cake in the office announcing I'm going to be a grandma. How awful. I'm not going to be a grandma. What am I going to tell them? That one is Great. This girl, her mom said fat people.
Lara Bites
Melody Mays.
Kalila Wright
What did she say?
Esther Povitsky
Oh, read it so bad.
Lara Bites
My puppy got hit by a car in front of me when I was 14 and I was self harming in those years. And my mom said, you better not cut yourself over this. As we stood next to his flattened corpse. Oh, it's for me, it's the. As we stood next to his flattened corpse.
Esther Povitsky
I can't.
Lara Bites
Like it's flattened. It's the adjective flattened that's like a.
Kalila Wright
What are you gonna do, cry now?
Lara Bites
So crazy.
Kalila Wright
Oh my God.
Lara Bites
And yet I understand that the mom didn't want her to cut herself. I don't know, I'm so defensive of moms today. But it's like, yeah, she didn't want her to cut up her arms.
Esther Povitsky
She was like being practical.
Lara Bites
Probably could have taken it with a little bit more grace.
Esther Povitsky
Right?
Kalila Wright
My mom said something pretty interesting the other day, which I thought was an attempt at a dig, but it actually made me feel very relieved, which is she looked at my baby, she looked at my son, she turns to me and she goes, I love him so much more than I ever loved you and your sister. And initially I was like, oh my God. But then also I was like, this is incredible. This is incredible. Like, I'm okay with this. I'm okay with her loving my son more.
Esther Povitsky
I am too. But I just am wondering why.
Kalila Wright
How I think she was meant to be a boy mom and she got two big back this.
Lara Bites
She also isn't 100% responsible for your son, so she doesn't have all of the stuff. I've never been a mom, so I don't know. But I think it would be very understandable if mothers built up some resentment towards their kids.
Kalila Wright
Cuz it's scary.
Lara Bites
Like I look, I look back on like the way I acted as a kid and like my mom worked all day, came home tired, I can't imagine. And then having, you know, cooked us all dinner, took care of us, always made sure that I, I was fed and safe, you know, relatively. Then I would be like, I don't want to eat this. And like I did, I ate it. But it's still just like to do everything for someone and then have them complain and kick and scream and tantrum and not want to do it and never say thank you, you know what I mean? Like, but she doesn't have to go through that as a grandparent.
Kalila Wright
Right? That makes a lot of sense because I think as a mom you're sort of just like surviving Each moment as it comes. And just white knuckling. This experience. You're on suicide watch, basically, when they're so little and you're like, get that out of your mouth. Do this. Don't fall. That you don't really create a lot of space for, like, soft affection, maybe. And that I totally understand. And initially when I heard it, I was like, it doesn't mean that she loves me less. It just means that she had. Now has space to love presently.
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
Because, you know, she's off the hook because she's rested. Yeah, she's rested. That makes a lot of sense.
Esther Povitsky
And maybe, like, her life was, like, so chaotic and when she was young and had you guys that, like, now she can. Can actually breathe and, like, enjoy the baby.
Kalila Wright
I think so.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
And I see her laugh with him, and I see her just, like, love being a grandma. And I'm like, oh, this is really sweet to watch. So I don't. I didn't take it well and see.
Lara Bites
If you latch on to this, maybe there's something here. But, like, I imagine she loves him so much because she loves you so much, and it's like, it's her baby's baby. Like, he's not just some baby off the street.
Kalila Wright
Right.
Lara Bites
You know?
Kalila Wright
And I realized how much she loved me because my mom is a hospice nurse, so she literally watches people transition. She's seen very grotesque ways people go. She's seen agonal breathing, like, all of this stuff that's very traumatizing for the regular folk. When she was in the delivery room with me, she passed out. Seeing me in pain, she couldn't watch me even be in slight discomfort. She got lightheaded. And then she made it about herself. We had to put her feet up, and it was just. It was this whole thing. And. And she. When she came to, she, like, was emotional, and she's like, I. I have. I'm having trouble, like, watching you, like, struggle. And I was like, oh. Like, she. That's how deep her love is. It's, like, so physical in her.
Esther Povitsky
Okay, I have a question. So I have this pet peeve, which is, I think, like, one of the rudest things someone can do is, like, if you are invited over to their house, like, maybe it's like. Like, it could be, like, Thanksgiving or Easter. Like, it's a holiday, whatever. They're having a bunch of people over, and you get there, and, like, one of the. The person who's hosting one of them is, like, in the shower when you get there. And I feel like this happens more often than not, right? Like, oh, you get there, and the mom is like, come on in. You know, my husband's in the shower.
Kalila Wright
It's like, this is like a porn setup.
Esther Povitsky
What? No, it's not.
Kalila Wright
The beginning of some.
Esther Povitsky
That's where you go.
Kalila Wright
Yeah. Did you go, come on in. My husband's in the shower?
Lara Bites
No, I'm kind of waiting to hear where you take it. Because I get annoyed if I, like, get to someone's place and then they're like, I'm gonna hop in the shower. Real?
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Lara Bites
I'm like, well, I'm gonna travel back in time and stay at my house another 15 minutes.
Esther Povitsky
Okay? So this is, like, a thing, and it happens, and I feel like it's so rude, and I don't want to be a hater, but, like, I have so many memories, like, growing up, like, where you get to someone's house and, like, the one of the hosts is like. Like, in the shower, and I'm like, we didn't get here early. You know?
Kalila Wright
Are you getting there right on time, though?
Esther Povitsky
Don't. Let's not make this about.
Lara Bites
I mean, if it's a party that starts at seven and you're there at seven, that's weird.
Esther Povitsky
Why?
Kalila Wright
If you're invited to some place and the party starts at 7, are you there at 7?
Lara Bites
Sometimes that's really dorky, Esther. You can't do that. Even I know that.
Esther Povitsky
I get so annoyed if I have, like, a gathering and people are not there with the start time.
Lara Bites
Then you need to adjust that about yourself. Because it's socially weird to show up the minute a party starts.
Esther Povitsky
I know. Like, Dave will be like, we're invited to a birthday party, and it started at 8, and it's like, 8:30. And I'm like, oh, my God, we're so late. He's like, you're a loser.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, because I feel like when it comes to, like, parties, unless it's, like, a wedding and the wedding starts at this time and the bride's walking down the aisle, it's sort of like a loose suggestion, especially if it's someone's home. Like, it is a casual hang. We're not. It's not a punctual hang. You know, hey, come over for this. And that is not a get here at 8. And let's just all be punctual is weird, Esther.
Esther Povitsky
But then everyone's arriving at different times, and then you, like, don't know, like, the awkwardness of, like, one combo versus another. I don't know.
Lara Bites
I Culturally is how we have parties.
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
I am standing firm. I'm. No. When I. Next time I throw a party, I'm going to tell everyone it's a wedding and that they have to be there for the ceremony.
Lara Bites
If it's something where it's like, dinner will be served.
Esther Povitsky
Right. Okay. Whatever. Right.
Kalila Wright
That's a great way to do it.
Esther Povitsky
Okay.
Kalila Wright
It starts at 6, but dinner will be served promptly at 7:30.
Lara Bites
Drinks and whatever at 6. Dinner will be served at 7:30.
Esther Povitsky
Okay. Well, anyways, my question is, is it better? Let's say you're the kind of person where, you know, some days someone asks, when was your last shower? And it takes you a while to think about it. And let's say you're having company over and they're going to be there in 15 minutes, basically. Do you take the risk of being in the shower when they get there? Is that more rude or is it more rude to not be.
Lara Bites
I would absolutely shower same if I couldn't. I'm sorry. The question is, if I couldn't remember the last time I had showered and someone was gonna be at my house in 15 minutes and I was having a party, would I get in the shower or be unbathed? Since I could remember for my entire party, I'd hop in the shower.
Esther Povitsky
Okay, well, you're running this.
Lara Bites
Does anybody have a different answ?
Esther Povitsky
You're running a risk of being rude. To who?
Lara Bites
That risk.
Kalila Wright
Either way, Kalila, Esther, you know the answer.
Esther Povitsky
But then I'm gonna come over and you're gonna be in the shower, and I'm gonna be sitting there twiddling my thumbs, waiting for you.
Kalila Wright
That's on you, babe.
Esther Povitsky
Why?
Kalila Wright
That's on you because you're showing up right on time like a psychopath.
Lara Bites
And you can look at your phone. You'll be fine. Twiddling your thumbs.
Kalila Wright
Are we this close? Is it you and me? If I go over to your house, I walk in the door, Esther's in the shower. I'm like, okay, big deal. Who cares?
Esther Povitsky
No, that's rude of me.
Kalila Wright
That's not rude. There are far. There are other things you do that are rude, but that's not one of them. That wouldn't be one of the. Showering for a guest because you want to be clean for me is not rude. I promise.
Esther Povitsky
I'm learning how to offer people water, okay? It's a work in progress. I'm trying to just put the water out before the guests get there because I get too overwhelmed when they come that I Forget to offer it, but I'm working on it. So next time you come over and I offer you water, I expect a lot of positive reinforcement.
Kalila Wright
Gold star.
Esther Povitsky
I'll expect cheers and kisses and smiles.
Lara Bites
Can we talk about jeans on a plane? Second time I've seen that prompt and I need to pop off. Absolutely not. Out of the question.
Kalila Wright
Thank you.
Lara Bites
Why do people do it?
Kalila Wright
Why?
Esther Povitsky
Okay, so I like, if you tell.
Lara Bites
Me you wear jeans on the plane, I will leave because you have worn sweatpants almost every time I have ever seen you in my life. I am gonna lose my shit if you wear jeans on a plane.
Esther Povitsky
Okay. So I went through a very brief phase where I was feeling really cool and I saw one cool girl wearing jeans on a plane. I go, huh, that maybe that could be me. And so I did it once and it worked out like, you know, they, they were a good fit, whatever. But then I did it another time and I was so uncomfortable in the airport that I had to go buy sweatpants at the gift shop.
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
There are times when this could work, but there are times when this is an. Like, the plane needs to land early. This is an emergency. It's really painful.
Kalila Wright
There have been many attempts on my end to. I've had aspirations to look a certain way.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
On flights where I look at other people, I'm like, wow, they really do look pretty chic.
Esther Povitsky
Isn't that crazy when you see that?
Kalila Wright
When it's game time and I look into my closet, I cannot help it. I put on it's soft socks, Crocs, the ugliest sweatpants, the biggest sweatshirt. Like, I. I physically cannot get myself into anything pretty. Worse yet, like jeans. Hell no.
Lara Bites
I do admire people where they look very put together. There's often like beige or cream color.
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Lara Bites
Like, and. But they look comfortable. Like, stuff is like flowy. That I think is.
Esther Povitsky
Do you mean like a nude colored sweatsuit or something different?
Lara Bites
I'm not talking about a sweatsuit, but I did get cream colored sweatpants for planes because I think that's such a good look look. I think that's classy. I think it's impractical, though, and stupid. But I think that people look really cool when they wear that to fly and it's comfortable.
Esther Povitsky
I have the same issue that you just described, but like, every day where it's like the night before the podcast, I'm like, I'm going to look so cute. Like, I'm going to wear these jeans, I'm going to wear this tight shirt, and then morning comes And I look at my closet, I'm like, I physically cannot put those clothes.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, that's just depression, though. That's like, what? Yeah, because I think depression is having, like, aspirations, but then feeling paralyzed to execute. Like, that's how my depression always looks, where it's like I'm stuck in my own, like, fantasies, and I'm in bed in the dark. I'm like, I want to do this, but can't.
Esther Povitsky
Not in my follicular phase, though.
Kalila Wright
Are in your follicular right now?
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
God bless.
Esther Povitsky
I know. Thank you. I was in such a. I was, like, happy yesterday. I woke up happy for the first time, like, four years.
Kalila Wright
Isn't it wild to be like, wow, I'm really feeling pretty. Feeling peppy. Like, it's such a weird thing that every month we just, like, cycle through the highs of highs and the lows of lows.
Lara Bites
Dude, I'm so luteal right now.
Esther Povitsky
Thank you for being there.
Lara Bites
I was present to my thoughts, and it was just like, shitty thought, shitty thought, shitty thought. Just everything. I'm like, that's dumb. That's annoying. I'm going to tell them I'm in my head just having, like, negative fantasies of just. Just, like, fighting with people who aren't in the room. And I. And then I, like, pull myself out of it, and then there's another one to take its place, and I'm just like, yeah, this is.
Kalila Wright
It's so.
Lara Bites
Because it happens once a month where I'm just like. It's just nastiness in my head, unfortunately. It's like. It is funny to me now, but it's still, like, it sucks.
Kalila Wright
What's wild for me is, like, I cannot tell if I'm having actual, like, dysmorphia about the way I look or if I really am that ugly in my luteal phase. Like, sometimes I'm. I'm like, oh, dear God. Like, I cannot. I. I look so ugly when I see myself. Or is it something that. Is it just dysmorphia from the luteal phase?
Lara Bites
It absolutely is. And I have a rule where I am not allowed to have an opinion about my body at that time. So if I catch myself looking in the mirror, being, like, holy, I'm just like, I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed that.
Kalila Wright
That's a good rule.
Lara Bites
It's a privilege. And I don't get that privilege today.
Esther Povitsky
I, like, have looked so shitty in my face for so long, like, since I feel like, postpartum, that I don't have an opinion on my face anymore either. I'm like, should you accidentally stumble upon looking good? Like, you can enjoy it, but nothing else. Nothing else. I don't look in the mirror and go, oh, my God, those lines. Oh, my God, those spots. Like, I don't anymore. I'm like, I barely look. I just. I'm avoidant with my face. It's easier than you think, guys.
Lara Bites
That's so helpful to hear because you're both so beautiful that I'm like, okay, it is just like a normal thing. Like, it's just how we see ourselves. Which I guess is more depressing now that I say it out loud.
Kalila Wright
I think for me, it's. It's gotten to the point where it's debilitating, where I not. I don't want to show up to work. I don't even want to be seen. Like, my. My partner is very social, and he has. He likes going to shows, he likes going to. He just likes being out. And I am so curmudgeonly during my luteal phase that it's like, no, I don't care if you go and if you cheat on me with 20 women, just do not ask me to leave this house. Like, please, for the love of God. Like, that's how horrible I feel about myself. Like, please just leave me alone in my ugliness and, like, don't talk to me. Basically.
Esther Povitsky
You know what was a breakthrough for me was recently, like, looking back at, like, some footage of myself from, like, eight years ago, whatever, and being like, oh, my God, my God, I was so cute. And knowing exactly how I felt about myself at that time. Like, oh, I'm the ugly girl on this show. I'm. I'm the ugly one. And me looking back and going, like, I'm so cute that I'm like, oh, I'm never to be trusted again. Never again.
Lara Bites
Yeah, 100%.
Esther Povitsky
I was so cute.
Lara Bites
Something that helped me was seeing, just like people drew a picture of someone based on their description of themselves without seeing them, and then they drew a picture of the person based on their friend's description of them, still without seeing the person. And the friend's description, the person was, like, so much more beautiful. And when they described themselves, they were ugly. So it helps me to just know that it's like, no matter what I think I don't see what other people see. Yeah. I don't know if they also had a control where they, like, had someone they hate describe them. You know, I mean, even.
Kalila Wright
Even people. I do Hate like I. I like if they're hot, they're hot.
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
And it sucks.
Esther Povitsky
And sometimes you put people you hate.
Kalila Wright
On a pedestal, they're almost hotter, right?
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Like they're cute nose.
Lara Bites
I also like, just when I'm ovulating, I like get so emotional and I cry a bunch. Wait, really? Yeah. Yeah. And I. It doesn't happen in everybody, but it is a thing. And I can't tell you how many times I've been really emotional and I've been like, am I? And I've checked it and it's been like, you're ovulating today. And I'm like, okay, this isn't a real problem then probably.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Kalila Wright
I like that though. I feel like maybe when my sister gets a little emotional and a little bit bit like teary eyed when she's ovulating, but I think it's her just kind of coming back to her soft self because that is when you are, you know, releasing an egg. Right? Yeah, that makes sense to me.
Esther Povitsky
I have a lot of friends with PMDD lately. I'm like, don't we all just kind of have PMDD to some degree?
Kalila Wright
Yeah, I think so.
Lara Bites
But yeah. I do know of people where it's like they want to kill themselves one week a month. Like, it's really.
Kalila Wright
It's so extreme.
Esther Povitsky
I see. Gotcha.
Kalila Wright
They become completely different people and almost unbearable to be around. Realm. Wow. Like, they hate their families, their kids, their husbands. You can do this really quick. It's. I tried to do like a little tricky trivia.
Lara Bites
Are you for real right now?
Esther Povitsky
I'm so sorry. I'm literally. It's actually relevant. What? So I have to cancel. Okay. My.
Lara Bites
Those are my favorite words.
Kalila Wright
No, my technician and cancel.
Esther Povitsky
My splenic ultrasound just got canceled. I can eat your what?
Kalila Wright
Ultrasound.
Esther Povitsky
You know when I got my pre nouveau scan and they found a leash.
Lara Bites
What is in that bag? I've never seen a bag like that in my life.
Esther Povitsky
Why am I like treated like such a second class citizen amongst this group?
Lara Bites
Everything you've done in the last 30 seconds has been weird. I just want to say that. And you've said crazy things.
Esther Povitsky
You know I had a full body MRI last year.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, we know, Esther.
Esther Povitsky
I'll get there. I'm getting there.
Kalila Wright
I.
Esther Povitsky
They found an indeterminate lesion on my spleen. And like I was supposed to follow up in a year and then I was supposed to have that scan today, but of course they just called the technician to go home early. Like. Okay, but I Had to fast for it and I've been not eating all morning. But if this. If that's canceled, I'm gonna eat my chocolate muffins. If you'll excuse me. I feel embarrassed. I. I'm. No, I just.
Kalila Wright
I know that I acted on your spleen.
Esther Povitsky
I know that I acted inappropriately the second that I found out I wasn't having the scan when I reached for the muffins and. I'm sorry.
Lara Bites
No, I get it. I'd be hungry as hell if I hadn't eaten all day.
Esther Povitsky
Okay, what's the.
Lara Bites
I have blood work that I have not had done because I don't want to fast.
Kalila Wright
And sometimes when they're like, oh, yeah, come at 2:00pm it's like, no, go yourself. Yeah.
Lara Bites
What are you talking about? At 8? If.
Kalila Wright
Exactly. Crazy. Or when they have like, schedule a colonoscopy for like midday. I'm like, no, thank you.
Lara Bites
Absolutely not. Not absolutely out of the question.
Esther Povitsky
My chocolate muffins turned out good.
Lara Bites
I just had my first colonoscopy. It wasn't bad.
Kalila Wright
How was the prep?
Lara Bites
Gave me fentanyl.
Kalila Wright
Whoa, they gave you Fentanyl? Not prop. Propofol.
Lara Bites
No, they did. My insurance wouldn't cover that, so they gave me fentanyl. I was like, fine, dude.
Kalila Wright
Can I just say propofol, though? There's a reason why Michael Jackson loved it so much. It's quite nice. And it's very short acting. So you're not up for the rest of the day. Fentanyl sort of gets you for the whole day. Right, Right.
Lara Bites
I like it.
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
Lara Bites
Yeah. Well, I'm 11 years clean and sober, so I don't get to be up a lot, but I love it more than anybody and I. I don't know, I can't. So, like, near the end of it, it occurred to me, like, I. I don't know what possessed me, but it's so funny to me now that I like with them by being like, what are you doing to me? What's happening right now? And I had been fine like the whole whole time.
Kalila Wright
What prompted the colonoscopy?
Lara Bites
I have something that the colonoscopy found out it was. It's called collaginous colitis. It means my. It. It can be stress induced and it means that my immune system is attacking my colon. It usually only happens in women over 60, but yeah, I basically was like, sorry, Esther. Having like horrible like rivers 15 times a day. Oh, this is never both for like months Keep going. I don't care.
Esther Povitsky
I eat my Chocolate.
Kalila Wright
I'm not even faster.
Esther Povitsky
But I also don't want you to feel left out with the old lady stuff, because I had shingles when I was in my 20s.
Lara Bites
Oh, my God. That's wild.
Kalila Wright
Yeah. And I, too, have had a colonoscopy. She's had a colonoscopy. Mine was for blood, and I have a different kind of colitis, which is like a colitis in, like, the lower part, which is like proctitis, but it.
Lara Bites
Is hot girl stuff.
Kalila Wright
It is. It is blood, blood, GI symptoms, stress. It's just a. It's a hot girl thing.
Lara Bites
Yeah.
Esther Povitsky
Anyone else's bowel movements have problems?
Kalila Wright
Okay, let's see. What is this game? Okay, so basically, I tried to trick everybody into there's weird, like, medical terms. So you have to guess which. For example, this is a real medical term, and you have to guess whether it's goosebumps or having the same nightmare.
Esther Povitsky
Over and over again.
Kalila Wright
If you're gonna go by the my, I'm gonna take a stab. Okay, Sorry. And the word is horror. Do you want to say it? Because I probably. Horopilation. The. The word. The pil in Latin is supposed to be like hair, so I'm gonna say it's goosebumps because it's chicken skin and hair raising. You're right. God damn it. I knew you'd be good at this.
Lara Bites
I had the same thought.
Kalila Wright
Does someone else.
Esther Povitsky
Nostalgia hangover or another word for female discharge?
Kalila Wright
I mean, I have my answer, but maybe Esther, you can. Or Lara, you can go.
Lara Bites
Esther, you do this one.
Kalila Wright
Rude. Because it's female.
Esther Povitsky
Oh, I don't care. Discharge all you want. I'll eat my muffin. Nothing's gonna stop me. I think it's discharge.
Kalila Wright
I think it's hangover. Because if this is a word that describes female discharge and I don't know it, I'd be shocked.
Lara Bites
I'm thinking hangover because of the vei. I feel like that because it reminds me of, like, vein. And I think hangovers have something to do with, like, the blood vessels in your brain. Brain being, like, Big Hangover 4 Borgnie.
Kalila Wright
I know this one. Sorry.
Lara Bites
Oh, okay.
Kalila Wright
So it's either the rumbling and gurgling in the stomach or an ingrown toenail.
Lara Bites
It sounds like rumbling and gurgling in the stomach, which means I want it to be that.
Kalila Wright
Yes. No.
Esther Povitsky
But that's probably why Stella made that one up.
Lara Bites
Not.
Kalila Wright
Yeah, yeah, go with your gut.
Esther Povitsky
Ingrown toenail. No.
Kalila Wright
What's your gut?
Lara Bites
Well, I guess because of your reaction to that it would be the rumbling and the gurgling in the stomach.
Esther Povitsky
Wow.
Kalila Wright
That one I know.
Lara Bites
Knew.
Kalila Wright
Oh, this one I know too. Sorry. I knew this is very Kylo coated. Yeah, I mean, it's because it's a rumen.
Esther Povitsky
Is it allergic to salt water? Ocean water or earwax?
Kalila Wright
Yum.
Lara Bites
Well, I have both.
Esther Povitsky
No matter what it is, it's earwax.
Kalila Wright
Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to answer? I thought it was my turn.
Esther Povitsky
There's no point in guessing.
Kalila Wright
No, Cerumean is.
Esther Povitsky
Kohla knows it all.
Kalila Wright
How do you know? Just because. Not. Not the nurse. Oh. I thought it was like an etymology thing. Oh, no, no, no. I went to nursing school.
Esther Povitsky
Oh my God. When they cleaned out my earwax at the ent.
Kalila Wright
Did you see it?
Esther Povitsky
Oh, it felt so good. It was. It was chunky and brown. It was amazing. It's making me hungry for more muffins.
Lara Bites
I have to go. I have to go.
Esther Povitsky
You don't like getting your earwax cleaned out?
Lara Bites
No, I like it.
Esther Povitsky
Well, I guess that's to our time. I just want more muffins.
Kalila Wright
I feel like now you're.
Lara Bites
You're crashing from the food that happened so fast.
Kalila Wright
Y. Laura, thank you so much for being here.
Lara Bites
Yeah, thank you so much for having me.
Esther Povitsky
Thank you for being here. This is really fun. Where can people see more of you?
Lara Bites
Instagram is the best place to find me at. Lara Bites. L A R A B E I.
Esther Povitsky
T Z well, thank you for being here. And thank you, slugs. And as always, we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. And please comment if you don't like banana candy. And if you do like banana candy, just keep your mouth shut today.
Lara Bites
You're gonna get destroyed.
Esther Povitsky
Bye.
Detailed Summary of "Trash Tuesday" Episode: "Lara Beitz is Stoppable"
Podcast Information:
[00:24 - 02:24]
Esther Povitsky and Khalyla Kuhn kick off the episode with their signature banter, discussing Esther's newfound fashion feel and Khalyla's pride in her hair care brand, Ebocean Club. The hosts briefly promote their Patreon for exclusive, more in-depth content before smoothly transitioning into the episode's main focus.
Notable Quote:
[02:24 - 03:12]
The hosts warmly welcome their guest, Lara Bites, a community comedian, who announces her upcoming special titled "Stoppable" set to release in July. The conversation humorously plays on the title, with Khalyla relating to the concept of being "stoppable" in her own life.
Notable Quote:
[10:09 - 56:56]
The core segment of the episode revolves around a medical trauma check-in, where each participant shares their current health issues and personal struggles related to their well-being.
[16:01 - 20:39]
Esther recounts her unexpected diagnosis of unilateral hearing loss, initially suspected by her doctor as a potential brain tumor before being identified as a hole in her eardrum. She discusses the emotional rollercoaster and the decisions between undergoing surgery or adapting to her condition with protective measures.
Notable Quotes:
Esther Povitsky: "I have unilateral hearing loss... she thought it could be a brain tumor. I'm like, what a dumb move."
[16:44]
Khalyla Wright: "I would get the surgery."
[19:00]
[12:42 - 14:35]
Lara shares her experiences with chronic back, hip, and neck pain, attributing much of it to poor stress management. She talks about her new regimen involving meditation and other stress-relief practices to alleviate her physical ailments.
Notable Quotes:
[20:46 - 28:14]
Khalyla discusses her ongoing battle with Bell's palsy and other chronic ailments, including Raynaud’s phenomenon and excessive sweating. She humorously yet candidly delves into the impact these conditions have on her daily life and mental health.
Notable Quotes:
Khalyla Wright: "Everything. Name a body part, and I'll tell you what's wrong with me."
[21:02]
Khalyla Wright: "I'm still Bell's palsy baby."
[20:47]
[27:01 - 49:55]
The conversation deepens as the hosts and Lara discuss the emotional toll of chronic illnesses like rheumatoid arthritis, autoimmune disorders, and other stress-related conditions. Esther shares her struggles with body image and mental health, particularly during different phases of her menstrual cycle, highlighting issues like PMDD and dysmorphia.
Notable Quotes:
Esther Povitsky: "Feeling better in your body shouldn't be a full-time job."
[23:36]
Lara Bites: "I'm so luteal right now... it's just nastiness in my head."
[50:37]
Kalila Wright: "Depression is having, like, aspirations, but then feeling paralyzed to execute."
[49:50]
[30:24 - 41:48]
A significant portion of the episode explores the complex relationships between mothers and daughters. The trio shares personal anecdotes and discusses the psychological impact of mothers' critical comments, highlighting how these interactions shape self-esteem and mental health. They delve into cultural stereotypes and the differing ways mothers treat sons versus daughters, particularly in Latin and patriarchal cultures.
Notable Quotes:
Esther Povitsky: "Some moms are just so mean and can't keep their mouths shut."
[33:25]
Lara Bites: "The reason your mom will say terrible things to you is, like, you're their alter ego."
[31:00]
Kalila Wright: "She looked at my baby, she looked at my son, she turns to me and she goes, I love him so much more than I ever loved you and your sister."
[39:30]
[42:35 - 53:06]
The hosts engage in a heartfelt discussion about body image issues exacerbated by hormonal changes. Esther and Kalyla talk about their experiences with dysmorphia during menstrual cycles, while Lara shares techniques to manage negative self-perception. They emphasize the disparity between self-view and how others perceive them, offering insights into overcoming internalized negativity.
Notable Quotes:
Lara Bites: "I have a rule where I am not allowed to have an opinion about my body at that time."
[51:19]
Esther Povitsky: "I see myself differently in the mirror, but I know others see me better."
[53:05]
[58:09 - 60:43]
The episode features an interactive game where the hosts and Lara guess whether certain medical terms are real conditions or humorous interpretations. This segment blends education with humor, making the discussion both informative and entertaining.
Notable Quotes:
Kalila Wright: "Horopilation sounds like goosebumps to me."
[59:00]
Esther Povitsky: "Do you have Raynauds?"
[21:28]
[61:22 - 61:59]
As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the various discussions, reiterating the importance of mental health and self-acceptance. They thank their guest, Lara Bites, and encourage listeners to follow her on Instagram. The episode concludes with a light-hearted exchange about personal habits and preferences, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and support.
Notable Quote:
Follow "Trash Tuesday" for More Content:
This summary encapsulates the essence of the "Trash Tuesday" episode titled "Lara Beitz is Stoppable," providing an overview of the key discussions and moments shared by Esther Povitsky, Khalyla Kuhn, and their guest Lara Bites.