Oops! All Standups w/ Rosebud Baker - Gabby Bryan - Stewart Fullerton

Summary

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Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn

Episode: Oops! All Standups w/ Rosebud Baker, Gabby Bryan, Stewart Fullerton

Release Date: May 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

This energetic, candid episode features a roundtable with hosts Esther Povitsky and Khalyla Kuhn, joined by standup comedians Rosebud Baker, Gabby Bryan, and Stewart Fullerton. The “Oops! All Standups” theme means the conversation is overflowing with sharp comedic banter, vulnerability, and real talk about relationships, divorce, motherhood, mental health, dating in 2026, bad bananas, the realities of being a woman in comedy, body image, and personal growth. The gang also dishes on astrology, the nuances of female friendship, supplement obsessions, and, of course, their uniquely trashy takes on modern life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions & Setting the Stage (02:24–04:51)

• Host vibes: Khalyla introduces the guests as “three of my favorite girls” and welcomes back Rosebud as the “returning champion.” Rosebud’s memoir, “Fully Baked,” is hyped.
• Backgrounds:
  • Stewart jokes about her Arkansas roots (“my dad is dead. So you guys are close. He was an iconic cokehead and middle school principal”—14:41).
  • Gabby is outed for having a famous musician father in Bon Jovi’s band.
  • Rosebud’s family history slides into a hilarious “war criminal” bit.

“To me, it’s like, both of you, Epstein files.” – Rosebud (04:04)

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2. Rosebud’s Divorce: Coparenting, Moving On, and Emotional Growth (06:13–16:00)

• Rosebud”s divorce is a major thread: She’s honest about the difficulty (“I’m gonna rip your sternum out” – 06:48), but emphasizes the importance of co-parenting and keeping things copacetic for her daughter.
• Learning to compromise: “The only way to, like, make things good for your kid is to be cool with their dad... I just want us to be cool” (07:11).
• Modern vs Boomer divorce: Rosebud notes how less dramatic millennial divorces can be, often because “we’re all broke.”
• Dating as a newly single mom: Rosebud’s dream man is “a construction worker who voted for Obama twice” who can switch between being “an assistant and a boss” (11:14–11:55).
• Coparenting logistics: The weirdness of asking your still-legal husband to watch your kid while you date (“it is so weird to ask your husband for permission to go on a date” – 09:08).

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3. Sex & Relationships: Needs, Detachment, New Flings (14:00–18:53)

• Differing needs in marriage: Khalyla reflects on learning independence and not “getting all your needs met from your partner” (14:46–15:15).
• Astrological deep-dive: Everyone reveals their signs (a lot of Pisces, some Gemini, one Scorpio)—leading to much speculative analysis over compatibility and vibes (15:12–16:18).
• Sex post-divorce: Rosebud is frank about sleeping with someone new (“Was it good? Only once?” “It was fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, it was fantastic.” – 18:06).
• Sex & dancing connection: Stewart claims her dance background gives her sexual confidence—“I find that to be helpful.”

“I want to get fucked, like, six ways from Sunday and then just fall asleep. That’s all I want.” – Rosebud (17:12)

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4. Motherhood, Baby Fever & Friendship Shifts (19:29–22:58)

• Gabby confesses to “baby fever” at 32, which sparks discussion about age, comedian timelines, and deciding to have kids.
• Khalyla and Rosebud discuss the identity shift post-baby (“the old me is gone… Be warned: once you cross over…” – 22:20).

“I just give you that warning.” – Khalyla on the life-swallowing intensity of motherhood (22:33)

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5. Mental Health, Peptides, and Supplement Talk (25:19–28:18)

• Gabby claims she has “perfect mental health” (“famously”—25:44), which everyone marvels at.
• She credits nature, silence, and “peptides” for her calm. The group riffs on injections, surgery, and wellness fads, including colostrum and probiotics.
• Stewart shares her struggle with body image, experimenting with “fake Ozempic” from Florida, and what finally helped (48:13–48:53).

“I cured myself. But also I just have never really had mental illness.” – Gabby (26:13)

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6. Divorce & Antidepressants: New Perspectives (49:00–50:22)

• Rosebud connects her decision to separate with starting antidepressants: “I just saw things a little more clearly… There’s like a fog, and I was like, oh, there’s, like, you know what I mean?” (49:00–49:14).
• The group reflects on how antidepressants can spark life reevaluations, especially for women.

“If your partner goes on antidepressants, they might break up.” – Khalyla (49:29)

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7. Modern Dating: Ghosting, Attachment Styles, and Rules (32:28–37:54)

• Stewart says her dating life is “tragic…getting ghosted left and right” (32:46–32:55); Gabby says Stewart never replies and is actually avoidant.
• Discussion about showing interest, the failure of dating rules, and diverse attachment styles (Gabby: “I’m secure. Sorry.”)
• Gabby’s take: “Rejection is God’s protection” and “Why would I want to stay at a party I’m not invited to?”

“If someone’s not obsessed with me, I’m like, oh great, I’ll never think about you again.” – Gabby (37:21)

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8. Bodily Functions, Health Tips, and Hygiene Humor (42:32–47:28)

• Stewart’s infamous banana-eating faux pas sets off a spiral of embarrassment and group laughter.
• A candid chat about farting early in relationships, GI issues, and pelvic floor physical therapy ensues.
• Gabby pushes colostrum as her supplement of choice, claiming it rebuilds gut health wrecked by microplastics.

“Only you would think peeling a banana is a faux pas.” – Gabby to Stewart (46:47)

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9. Friendship, Outgrowing People, and Healing Rifts (58:08–63:47)

• The group grapples with the philosophy: is how someone sees you a good reason to cut them off?
• They trade stories about growing apart, pregnancy loss, and how grief and motherhood warp old relationships.
• Rosebud notes: “You don’t achieve peace through any sort of action… you achieve peace through what you choose to ignore.” (63:28)

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10. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I want, like, a man, man. Proud of what he does, even if I don’t understand it.” – Rosebud (11:17)
• “My dad is a beautiful woman, and he plays piano.” – Gabby (05:30)
• “All the advice… How could it ever always work? Everyone is crazy in their own way, except for you.” – Esther to Gabby (38:03)

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11. Plugs and Goodbyes (64:05–66:19)

• Stewart: Follow on Instagram (@stewartandjill). “I’ll show you how to eat a banana.”
• Gabby: On tour (“Gabby Brian is my best friend”), newsletter full of unfiltered life updates.
• Rosebud: Upcoming memoir “Fully Baked,” available for pre-order (audiobook drops June 9, her birthday); on tour at rosebudbaker.com.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Epstein Files & Family Backgrounds: 04:00–05:47
• Rosebud on Coparenting/Divorce: 06:13–08:22
• How Marriage Changes You: 14:34–15:46
• Astrology Deep Dive: 15:12–16:14
• Post-Divorce Sex: 17:42–18:53
• Mental Health/Peptides: 25:19–28:18
• Ozempic & Antidepressants: 48:13–49:14
• Dating & Attachment Styles: 32:28–37:54
• Banana-Gate & Body Humor: 42:32–47:28
• Friend Breakups & Healing: 58:08–63:47
• Plugs/Goodbyes: 64:05–66:19

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Tone & Iconic Banter

The episode is fast, irreverent, and unfiltered—jumping from hard truths about divorce to neurotic dating rituals, childhood trauma, hormonal rants, and toilet humor. Despite the jokes, there’s a deep undercurrent of female solidarity and relatability. The comics never shy away from “ugly” truths, embodying the “Trash Tuesday” spirit for longtime “sluggies” and newcomers alike.

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Notable Quotes in Context

• On coparenting:
  “I’m gonna rip your sternum out… But the only way to…make things good for your kid is to be cool with their dad.” – Rosebud (06:47–07:10)
• On post-divorce discovery:
  “Once you heal the issue, you start to see things a little more…like the way they are.” – Rosebud (49:15–49:17)
• On forgiving friends:
  “People expect more from me, but I don’t have more.” – Esther (62:26)

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For First-Time Listeners

If you like messily honest, girl-forward talk that’s somewhere between a therapy session, a roast, and a group chat with hilarious oversharers, this episode demonstrates Trash Tuesday at its best—full of confession, chaos, and comfort.

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End of summary.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

No, I was too old to be as into Justin Bieber as I was. Yeah, and by the way, we found him on the street.

[C]

I remember that.

[B]

But at first I, like, reached out and talked, touched him.

[C]

Wait, you touched him?

[B]

Yeah, I went. I went just like that.

[C]

So pathetic of me.

[B]

I know. It's really. It's really bad.

[C]

We've all moved on from the banana thing.

[D]

Now that you know that she's a

[C]

grown woman and reached out and I touched. This has eclipsed you guys. We have a Patreon, and we'd love to see you there. Go to patreon.com Trash Tuesday, podcast the link below and unlock all of our bonus content. Right, Kalila?

[E]

So much bonus content. It's where we come unmasked.

[C]

You know, maybe we should keep our masks on.

[E]

I think we should. Listen, I know everyone's like, be your authentic self. No, overrated. Unless it's a Patreon. So if you want to see us fully unmasked, go to our Patreon.

[C]

We'll see you there.

[B]

So glad you guys are saying.

[C]

A really beautiful, skinny, pretty woman from Beverly Hills that I met when I first moved here was like, whenever your friends get divorced, first you ask, is it a good thing or is it a bad thing? She was divorced from two billionaires and later found out that she hung herself. But she was amazing. And so. So I take her advice.

[B]

She hung two billionaires and hung herself.

[D]

Now, was that a good thing or a bad thing? She did.

[B]

That is chic chic.

[C]

Wait, so is it. The divorce is a good thing?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Congratulations.

[B]

I met him.

[C]

I met him and I love him.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

Welcome to the show, you guys. This episode is so long overdue in the making. I have three of my favorite girls. Girls here today. We have returning champion Rosebud Baker.

[B]

Returning champion.

[C]

And you guys. I cannot believe I'm in the presence of her book. Fully baked, which I cannot wait to devour. You have to. Is it available now? Pre order?

[B]

Yes. Pre order, pre order. Yes.

[C]

Okay. We'll have a link in the description. I'm so excited for this because I've heard little things about it and everything I hear, I'm just like, I need. Okay. Because your life is so messed up. It's so weird. Your everything about your life is weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then we have Gabby Bryant. Hi, Stuart. Literally, do you have a last name? Cuz to me you're Stuart.

[D]

You know what's so crazy? Someone brought me up last night and just said my Instagram. And I'm like, what if I go Madonna, like with it? But I do have a last name. It's Fullerton.

[C]

That's right. Okay. Stuart Fulton and Gabby Ryan. They're like, you guys are a duo in my heart.

[F]

And we're a duo in America as well as Europe

[B]

occasionally.

[D]

You're up.

[C]

This is all Oops All Stand up Comedian day. Everyone here has a stand up Oops all stand up. That's sick.

[F]

Sorry.

[D]

Time listener. First time caller.

[B]

By the way.

[C]

By the way, wait, I feel like your thing is that you're from the south, right?

[D]

Yes.

[F]

Arkansas.

[D]

Arkansas.

[C]

So weird.

[D]

It's getting weird. Nobody knows what Arkansas is. It's the most random state.

[F]

Billy Bob Thornton.

[D]

Billy Bob Thornton is from Hot Springs. Bill Clinton. Not to brag.

[C]

Oh, hot.

[B]

Shout out.

[C]

Shout out. I mean, shout out to me.

[B]

To me. It's like, both of you, Epstein files.

[C]

Was anyone related to you in the Epstein files?

[B]

Not that I know of.

[C]

Okay. Were you too scared to search? Really?

[B]

I was too scared to search. I did not go through the Epstein files. I'm like, yeah, let's check. What if I find out today?

[F]

What if me and Stuart are on it?

[D]

What if I would. I would have probably been on it. I feel like, like they are mentioning random people.

[F]

Body McFarland's on it. Did you see that?

[B]

Why? Yeah, because she was on a flyer. On a stand up flyer that like at the Cellar.

[C]

And why?

[B]

I guess he was coming to New York or something.

[D]

Epstein was going to go to everyone's.

[C]

Of course he was a stand up fan.

[D]

That's that. Yeah.

[F]

That makes me want to say it more than ever.

[B]

Stand up world is a safe haven for criminals.

[C]

Context for Rosebud, her grandf a war criminal.

[B]

Okay, yeah, I'll finish the sentence.

[D]

That's so chic, though.

[F]

It really is chic. It's like, if your grandpa's gonna be anything, it's either a war criminal or. And a pedophile.

[B]

Yeah. Or aunt.

[C]

Yeah. And context for Gabby. Your dad is like a famous musician. I was trying to explain it to Dave last night, but your dad is Bon Jovi or something.

[D]

He's sort of.

[F]

He's behind him.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

He's the first behind him. He's the keyboard.

[C]

Keyboard. Okay, cool. That's something that guys will be really excited about.

[F]

Guys, we have our resident guys. My dad is a beautiful woman and he plays piano.

[C]

And you're just from Arkansas.

[D]

I'm from Arkansas. My dad is dead.

[B]

So you guys are close.

[C]

He was iconic.

[D]

He was kind of like an iconic cokehead.

[C]

Yeah, and principal.

[D]

Yeah, and my principal. My middle school principal. And then a cokehead.

[B]

He was both. Yeah. Wow. You really can multitask.

[C]

They can do it, so.

[B]

Really can.

[D]

And the thing about men is I don't say a lot of nice things about them, but they can hide a coke addiction pretty well.

[F]

And girls really can.

[D]

Girls can share too much.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Does anyone want coke and a lippy?

[B]

People, we're talkers. Yeah. Yeah. And you add coke on that, that's fuel to the fire.

[C]

Zip, zip. Okay, Wait, Rose. But I do want to talk about this extreme life change that you're going through. You're our first trash Tuesday divorce.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Will you talk us through it?

[B]

Yes, I will talk you through it.

[C]

And he's the father of your child. So you guys are good.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, you guys are. Are good, right?

[F]

Yeah, we're good at peace.

[B]

I mean, we're co parenting.

[F]

I don't.

[B]

It'll get peaceful.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's getting peaceful now. It was. It was tough, really. For a second there, it was. It was touch and go. For a second there. Mostly because of me. I've got a little bit of a temper.

[F]

No.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I know it's hard to believe because I am so cool, calm, and collected, but I've got a little bit of a temper. And there were things that were done that I was like, I'm going to rip your sternum out. But it was like, we feel. I'm like, okay, we're going to move past this. I was like, oh, we have to move. Like, I have to be cool with him. Right?

[C]

You have no choice.

[B]

The only way to, like, make things good for your kid is to be cool with their dad and I. And also, like, I am cool with him. Like, I was like, this is okay. Like, we've all. You know, when you go through a separation, there's, like, a massive life change. And I really genuinely believe that people are not necessarily responsible for their actions when they're, like, sad for, like, a second. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like. So I just kind of gave him some. Some leeway with that and was like, I'm gonna, like, choose to get past some shit, and then we'll be okay, you know? And we had, like, a talk, and I was like, I'm. I'm gonna move past this. I want us to be cool. I can't be. I can't keep saying, like, I just want us to be getting along and then also be, like, furious at you. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So now we're at a place where we're, like, figuring it out. Like, this morning, I was, like, really proud of us. We had a. A moment that could have been messy, but, like, he gave in, and I was like, oh, wow. Okay, cool. So, like, it is. It's hard, but.

[E]

But we'll.

[B]

We'll be fine. I genuinely think we'll be fine.

[C]

You're making me want to have this relationship with every ex, even though I don't have kids with them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I want them to be forced to, like, make compromise with me in the aftermath.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know. That sounds so healing.

[F]

You should reach out to them, send

[D]

them a dog and be like, this is our dog.

[C]

This is our dog with one of my exes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

15 years ago. The dog is 16, and every. Like, he won't die. And I'm like, this is keeping me connected to my ex. You're keeping me in the past.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Go back and forth.

[C]

Truly.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Joint custody. I feel like it would be really hard for me. I know. You're as, like, a good parent. You're not supposed to talk about your.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Other person to the kid. I don't. I don't think I have that in me.

[B]

I promise you, you would. You'd just be like. You would go. Because trust me, I am. I did have one. One moment where I was, like. I said some nasty, and then immediately was like, oh, my God. And just, like, switched it up immediately. But, like, I. I'm like, I really want them to be good. Like, I don't want her to not like her dad, and I want her to. To get along with her dad, and I want him to be in her life. You know what I mean? Like, I want them to get along. So you just. You just go, all right. It, like, it is so weird, though, to be, like, still married and have your ex and you be like, hey, can you watch so and so? So I can go on a date? Like, can you. Like, it is so weird to ask your husband for permission to go on a date.

[F]

Do you have to ask that information?

[C]

It's very genuine.

[B]

You don't have to. But, like, you know. You already know. You know when? Because, like, the vaguer it is or the more vague it is, the more you're like, oh, he's going to get his butt wet, you know?

[F]

His butt?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

What's he doing with his butt?

[B]

I'm kidding. I'm just. I just think it's a funnier way to say it, but. Yeah, that's what I've said to him. I'm like, oh, you're going to go get your but wet.

[F]

He's like, in what world?

[B]

Yeah. I like to throw things at him that, like, sort of confuse and offend him at the same time. Yeah.

[F]

Are you a child of divorce?

[B]

Yeah, I've been through it. Also, my parents don't get along at all. Like, they can't be in the same room, so that's very Boomer divorce.

[F]

So you're actually doing a really good job. Millennial divorce.

[B]

Well, yeah, because we're. We're all broke. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, they had money to, like, fight over.

[F]

Right.

[B]

We're just more chill, I think. Two comics. It's like your artist, you know?

[F]

At least Minnow's also gonna be a comic now. That's nice.

[B]

Oh, God. No, that's not. No, that can't.

[F]

Child of divorce.

[B]

The odds are it's not gonna happen. She's gonna be a scientist, right?

[C]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

It can't happen.

[C]

What are you looking for now?

[B]

I want, like, a construction worker that voted for Obama twice. Oh, I want, like, a man. I want, like, a man, man, you know what I mean? Who, like, makes a living and is, like, doesn't have to be rich, but, like, likes what he does and is, like, proud of what he does, even if I don't even understand it.

[C]

I feel like that is a really key trait that, like, us evolved women are looking for.

[B]

Yes. I want a guy who's, like, I'll handle it. I just want a guy who's, like, somewhere between an assistant and a boss. Oh. Like, and, like, switches up, like, when I Need him to.

[C]

Not a boss.

[B]

Yes, like a boss sometimes and then an assistant at others. You know what I mean? I need. I need both.

[D]

I feel like you need a real Irish person.

[B]

An Irish person?

[F]

An Irish man?

[D]

Yeah. Like not in. Because I feel like Italians sometimes. No, but a real one. Like from Ireland.

[F]

Yeah, Like Killian Murphy.

[B]

Well, now.

[F]

Well, I just thought of the first Irish person I could think of. Is he.

[D]

I don't know. Have we seen him?

[B]

No, I don't want that. Okay. Okay. What's another culture? Yeah, yeah, let's go through it.

[F]

Scandinavian. What about a Viking? That'd be nice. They're getting their butt wet.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I really don't know.

[C]

It's such a. Like, it's so exciting to me that you're in this new era.

[B]

I'm really excited.

[D]

So fun.

[C]

What's gonna happen? Like. Yeah, I don't know. I'm. I want to, like, follow you around.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's fun. It's exciting. I mean, he's. I feel like once the divorce is finalized, then it's going to feel like, okay, now let's get out there and be somebody.

[C]

Why does that. Cuz it's like, I always wonder when people say that, why does that matter so much? Because you know that you're ending it anyways.

[B]

Like, you just.

[C]

You need that.

[B]

I don't think it. It doesn't really matter so much, but it is kind of like you. There's always like, the threat of taking someone to court. Oh, and also, I'm trying to, like, give this the space that is respectful, you know, like a respectful amount of space.

[C]

You do already have viral clips about your divorce.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, I do.

[C]

Obviously.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's necessary.

[B]

I have written jokes about it.

[F]

Well, the best reason.

[B]

I have written some jokes about it. Yeah. And about his choices in women afterwards and things like that.

[C]

Where can we see those clips?

[B]

I will send them to you. I'm gonna leave the ones about. I'm leaving women of it. I don't want to, like, you know, I'm trying not to, like, mess with the women, really.

[C]

But that's the best part.

[D]

I want the tea.

[B]

I know. I will give you the tea, but it's. Yeah, yeah, it's depressing.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

Oh, no. I'm foaming at the mouth for the tea.

[C]

Are you guys single?

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Beyond.

[F]

Well, yeah.

[C]

Do you relate to the quality that she's looking for in a partner of

[D]

like, construction worker or like,

[F]

are you

[B]

trying to be sexually assaulted any of you again.

[F]

No, I get the idea of we all. Because we have sort of a masculine job, if you will. We need, like, an Ultraman. Ultra to sort of, like, I want someone to grab me by the scruff of my neck and, like, lock me in a basement. You know what I mean?

[D]

I like your marriage, though.

[B]

Is it.

[D]

But is it not even a marriage?

[C]

No. Yeah, we're married.

[D]

I like that you guys do your. I need. What you have is, like, you do your own thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You, like, are so independent, but still

[C]

so united, you know, I found that I was looking for when I was younger and stupider that I was looking for, like, we're like this. And he serves my every need. And, like, that was crazy and made all the relationships bad. And then he had boundaries and that, like, I learned that, like, you don't get all your needs met from your partner. And.

[B]

Wait, what's Dave's sign?

[C]

He is a Gemini.

[B]

Gemini.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

This is interesting to me.

[D]

Why?

[F]

I have been going on a lot of dates with a Gemini, and Stuart's a Gemini.

[D]

I'm a Gemini, but a woman.

[C]

My best friend. My female best friend, but a woman.

[B]

So it's fine.

[D]

It's fine.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

But I've been interested in a Gemini man, and my best friend is also married to a Gemini.

[C]

What are you?

[F]

I'm a Pisces.

[C]

Me, too.

[B]

I'm Pisces, too. Really? Yeah.

[C]

Scary. I'm scared.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

Wait, that's actually. You guys want to cry? That's actually bad for us. We shouldn't be together.

[C]

Oh, really? But we only see each other, like, Pisces months.

[F]

We're just emotional. That's why we're all connected.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

And obviously stewards of Gemini.

[D]

I'm a Gemini, but I love Pisces. I do.

[B]

Yeah. I love that. That's such a Gemini move to, like, make up a word for us.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Wait, When's your birthday?

[B]

March 16th.

[F]

Mine's March 10th.

[C]

March 2nd.

[F]

March.

[D]

Girls. The March Sisters.

[F]

The March sisters.

[B]

Sisters.

[D]

Wait.

[F]

See, I think this is why a Gemini is maybe good. You should be writing this down. Why maybe a Gemini is good for us is because they're a little, like, doing their own thing on their own.

[B]

I can't be with a Gemini. I was with a Gemini. I was, like, really not into it.

[C]

What was the issue?

[B]

I think I was just, like, really bored. I was really bored. I know. I'm sorry. I was really bored. No, I mean, he wasn't boring, but I remember, like, walking back from, like, we Both finished work at the same time. We were like, on the subway. We get off the subway, and he was like, so, how was your day? And I was like, is this what

[F]

this is gonna be, Rosewood? You're crazy. You're crazy for that.

[C]

I'm so.

[B]

He's like, is this all. It's gonna be forever.

[F]

That's all there is.

[B]

Like, how was your day? And how was my day? And I'm so bored.

[C]

I literally live. I sit there and live to be asked how was my day? And to ask him how was his day?

[F]

Every detail.

[D]

I relate to this so much.

[B]

I don't want any of that. I don't need. I don't want to know how your day was.

[D]

I want.

[B]

I want to get fucked, like, six ways from Sunday and then just fall asleep. That's all I want.

[C]

Your daughter's outside.

[B]

I know. It's important to know that it's fine to do that as a woman.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, I love it.

[F]

No, I want to talk and talk and talk and talk.

[B]

Yeah. I don't. I'll talk after. After I get six ways, but I don't want to, like. I don't want to talk about how my day was. You know, I don't want to, like, give the. Give the rundown of the day.

[F]

Right.

[B]

I mean, I've already forgotten.

[C]

Have you already had, like, sdx, Esther, with new people? What is with sex?

[F]

And, like, the kids are not here

[B]

getting our butts wet? Have I gotten my butt wet? Is that what you're asking? Yeah, I have. Yeah. Yes, I have.

[F]

Oh, my. Was it good? Only once?

[B]

It was fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, it was fantastic.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It was really good.

[F]

Did it shed a lot of light on the situation where you're like, oh, I haven't been getting. Got like this.

[B]

Yeah, it did. But it's also, like, someone that I know and that I've known for a long time that, you know, like, dying to know. You've all got that person that you're like, I can't be in the same room as that person or I will them.

[C]

It was Delilah.

[F]

That's why she's not here.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, please get her out. Everybody's got that person that you're like, I. I just can't even. You know what I mean? And for me, it's my dog. Yeah, yeah, don't. Your dog right in there. Yeah. It was good, though. I was like, whoa, this is crazy.

[F]

And what was his sign?

[B]

Do we know? He's a scorpio.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Dark red. I have, like, four or five different things in Scorpio, so, like, I. I do love a Scorpio. I have Scorpio water sign, Scorpio rising. So does Minnow.

[D]

Oh, my God. Me and Minnow connected.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

No.

[B]

She immediately held your hand. Yeah. You and me.

[D]

I think that a lot of kids. This might be crazy, but the kids look at me. I don't think they see redheads a lot, so I think it shocks them a little bit.

[B]

She's a Gemini. She's a Gemini moon, too, by the way. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[D]

Me and my mom down to babysit, by the way. By the way.

[B]

Yeah. Anyone?

[D]

Always looking.

[B]

She immediately was like, you're coming with me. And she, like, held your hand.

[D]

It was really cute.

[B]

Let's go find a snack.

[C]

They know.

[D]

Maybe I'll have a kid. I don't know. We'll see.

[F]

I want one so bad.

[D]

Gabby wants a kid really bad.

[F]

I have really bad baby fever right now.

[C]

It's so strange for, like, a young comedian.

[F]

I'm not that young. I'm 32.

[C]

That is young.

[B]

That's young.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

In comedian land. That's. That's.

[F]

We're going to need my eggs are.

[C]

We're going to. To think that's young for us to be. Okay.

[F]

Okay, okay.

[B]

That's. That's really young.

[F]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You're just a little baby. Little tiny.

[C]

You just got started.

[F]

You just want a baby. Do you think I should do it?

[C]

You go first.

[B]

If you really want one, then, yes, if you really want one. Yeah.

[C]

But how does one know if they really want one? Because they've never had one.

[B]

That was my issue.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, back and forth, back and forth, but I was like, I'm more curious about this than not curious. I was like, there is something that is, like, pulling me in this direction that I'm like, I want to know what this life is about. And also, like, I loved my career, I loved my life, I loved everything about it. But I also was like, I don't know if I'm gonna love everything about this for much, you know? Like, I'm like, I'm getting a little bored, you know, and things are great.

[C]

Bored? You poor Minnow. Once you get bored of her, I'm

[F]

worried she better learn how to juggle or something.

[B]

Minnow is, like, the least. She's wildly entertaining.

[C]

I can tell.

[B]

She is wildly entertain. Okay, so on the way here to LA, right? I wake up at 4 in the morning. I'm like, we got to get on the plane by five. We get to Charlotte airport. She wants to do everything herself right now. She's like, I'll do it, I'll do it. So it adds like 45 minutes to what could take five, right? Cuz she's like, oh, look, the floor's shiny. And you're like, yeah, it's really shiny. You know what I mean? So I'm. I just pick her up, she's screaming the whole way. She's obviously like half my height. So I'm. I'm holding someone who's half my height and my bags. And I'm running through the Charlotte airport, finally get to the gate. I'm pouring sweat, I'm dying, right? We get on the plane, sit down, I'm like like just breathing. And she goes, can I have a snack? And I go, yeah. I look in my bag, I'm like, I don't have any fucking snacks. So I. I'm like reaching through it and finally I find like a bag of Doritos. It's like half eaten. And I hand it to her and she looks at the Doritos and then she looks at me and she goes, you're a bomb.

[D]

A bomb.

[B]

A bum. How did you like a 1930s say that? I have no idea.

[F]

You're a bum.

[B]

You're a bum. And then like threw her cigarette on the ground and fudgeing.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Spun on it. It was crazy. I can't. This is too funny to like, you're. How is this happening? You're two and a half.

[C]

She's your boss.

[D]

That's fun. Kids humble you. And I like, I do like that.

[F]

I think it's good for the spirit.

[B]

It is very good for the spirit.

[D]

I humbled my mom so much.

[F]

Oh my God. I was the biggest alive.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

And then tell us about motherhood.

[C]

I love it, but I'm like on a drug. Like, I have fully. The thing is, is that the old me is gone. And like, I'm happy.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

But it's like, be warned, like, once you cross over, like, yeah.

[B]

You are not going.

[D]

I heard that your brain, like, yeah.

[C]

You're going to be completely hu. Loser. And you have to be okay with that. Like, the only thing I care about is mom stuff and like birth stories and people who are pregnant. Like, it's pathetic. Like, there's still enough of me to know that this is sad, but I don't care. I'm smiling through it. Like I'm happy. And so I just give you that warning.

[F]

But I'M ready for that. What are we doing? What am I doing all day long? Getting a matcha and texting. It's time to have a little purpose, you know what I mean?

[D]

You're going to be shocked by how early. Cuz you have to wake up early when you have kids.

[F]

That's the issue at hand.

[B]

Not even half. That's not true.

[F]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. You can wake up late.

[F]

You train them.

[B]

Well, I woke up late today, but my daughter had swallowed half a bottle of melatonin when I woke up, so. And I did have to call poison control. But you can sleep. You can sleep if you're brave enough.

[D]

Wait, is she okay?

[B]

If you're brave enough to be neglectful, you can sleep.

[F]

Oh, no problem.

[B]

Yeah, no, she. She's okay. She's fine.

[F]

She has a thing about her where you're like, oh, that's a star. And also she's a real person.

[D]

She's a city.

[B]

I'm really scared that she might be an entertainer. It's really scary.

[F]

Do whatever you can to stop that. That's your purpose.

[B]

I'm trying. I mean, aside from staying married to her dad.

[D]

Well, she seems like she. Right, she might be.

[B]

I just. Sorry, I can't do it. Can't be done.

[F]

Unfortunately, that is the biggest push towards comedy.

[B]

I remember my friend being like, you know, she's not in comedy, but she was like, you just have to like make it. She's like, everybody's gonna have problems. Like, you might as well make it work with the father of your kid. And I listened to her and I was like, yeah, I just don't think I care about staying married that much. Like, I'm like, I just don't care. Like, I'd rather not.

[C]

Right.

[F]

No, it's. Yeah. And that's okay.

[D]

Yeah. I kind of do not think two comedians should now.

[B]

I'm like, it depends. Like if it works for certain people, then it works for people. But for me it was like there was too much. You know, what it came down to is like money. It really just came down to money. Yeah. That being a source of tension. And like if it's like money and infidelity are like the two things, like fudgeing tank a marriage.

[F]

But then you get divorced from two billionaires and you hang yourself. So it's like.

[B]

But that was, that probably was like a statement. That was probably like, this is how I want to go out.

[C]

She left an impression on me. Let me tell you. When I first moved to la, this. I used to babysit for this woman and she. When we first went out to lunch, the wait, this. The server was like, do you guys want dessert? And she said, esther doesn't need dessert. She's trying to lose weight.

[B]

No.

[C]

I am so sick. I was like, yeah, she's right. I am trying to lose weight.

[B]

You're like. And she's my hero.

[C]

Yeah. So that's who I look up to. Wait, we have on the board that says Gabby Comedy Newsletter. What is that?

[F]

I mean, I write a newsletter, but it's not.

[D]

Well, say what you would say what it is say. Because you. Gabby's newsletters are always like, my life is perfect, and I woke up and I'm in a Barbie dream house. And then she recently wrote one that was like, life has been hard.

[F]

This is what happened, basically. I do have perfect mental health, famously. And.

[D]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

And everyone does get mad when I.

[D]

But everything's amazing.

[F]

I have perfect mental health. And I'm. And I am sorry.

[C]

Do you know. You know, Martin Short has this, too.

[F]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. He talks about this. He's like, I'm just always happy. And, like, that's just a thing.

[D]

I love that.

[F]

Oh, I need to. I'm gonna text him. I don't know him at all. But then I don't know either.

[C]

It's in his book.

[F]

I don't have mental illness of any kind.

[C]

Do you have any. Can you give us that somehow?

[D]

What are your tips?

[F]

I hate to be this girl, but I think I cured myself.

[C]

Oh, how?

[F]

But also, I just have never really had mental illness.

[B]

Okay, well, now I really want you to have a kid. Oh, yeah.

[F]

I think I'd be good at it. I don't look at my phone. I stare at a tree all morning like this. I, like, love to be alone and silent. I love silence. Like, I really am. Okay. But then I started doing peptides. Follow this train.

[D]

Why?

[F]

Because I'm just, like, kind of a frat boy, and that'll try anything. And I'm also from the Jersey Shore, so I'll get any surgery. I'll try any sort of medication.

[C]

Okay, but what were you looking to get out of the peptide?

[F]

Nothing.

[C]

Looking.

[D]

Looking amazing.

[B]

Just, like, trying at all.

[D]

Trying?

[B]

Yes.

[F]

You know?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

So I started injecting N, which was making me even more cracked out on life. And then I took a break, and I swear, it gave me mental illness. So I had a week of mental illness for the first time in my life where I was, like, tired and depressed. And I wrote him. I wrote a newsletter about it, and my new Newsletters are psychotic. Like, I'm just like. Like I'm not even reading what I'm writing. And I just said that I had. I was waking up with anxiety and I got 15 phone calls. I posted it. Every single one of my friends called me and said, are you okay? Wow.

[D]

Compared to her other ones, it was a suicide note.

[F]

Literally. They thought I was going to kill myself. And it was just me being like, has anyone ever woken up confused? And people were like, she's sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

And I really think it was just me coming off of nid, which I'm back on, by the way. You.

[C]

Oh. Oh, no.

[B]

You inject it?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

How much does that cost a month?

[F]

100 bucks.

[B]

100 bucks a month?

[F]

It's so cheap.

[B]

Where do you get it?

[F]

I have a dealer.

[B]

Send it.

[F]

I'll hook you up after.

[B]

Send it to me.

[F]

I'm on five different peptides.

[C]

Why are you on peptides?

[F]

Because they're interesting.

[C]

You're so.

[B]

I'm gonna go on them. I'll go on them.

[F]

I literally inject myself like a heroin addict every morning.

[C]

Do you notice differences?

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, wait, What? What other crazy stuff have you done? And injected.

[F]

I've got a boob job.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Say more. Go.

[F]

I have big fake new tits.

[C]

When did you do that?

[F]

A year ago.

[C]

They look great.

[D]

They're actually perfect.

[F]

A little cute. Little C's.

[B]

They're really cute.

[F]

But I was flat as a board. Light as a feather. Flat as a board. I looked like a little Dutch boy before.

[C]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Financial stress can really take a toll on your mental health, which can lead to problems just emotionally in relationships. And 88 of Americans are feeling some form of financial stress at the start of 2026. And money worries often bring anxiety, sleep disruption, and even depression.

[E]

The most valuable thing that I got from therapy in the last couple years is she said this to me. She's like, kalila, I know that money is such a sore subject for you because it was the reason why my family fought a lot when I was younger. I never wanted to talk about it. It was something that. It was just not open for discussion. But she was like, we to find a way for you to talk about money with your partners, with your family, with your friends. And that's the one thing I got from therapy. Like, I now know how to discuss finances without sweating like buckets. I learned the tools in therapy, and so if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, we highly recommend Better Help. Better Help has quality therapists who work according to strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US and

[C]

we're not talking about financial advice. We're talking about managing the structure, stress and having support or even learning to

[E]

talk about money in a healthy way. Right. Without freaking out or without, like, cussing someone out.

[C]

When life feels overwhelming. Therapy can help. Sign up and get 10 off at better help.com Tuesday. That's better help. H lp.com trash Tuesday.

[F]

How are you good at bed? Can you describe that to me? Because I always. People always talk about how they're ripping blow jobs and they're doing all this stuff, and I just want to know what you mean by that.

[B]

So I'm. If I'm into someone, then I'm good. If I'm not into you, obviously, I'm fucking disaster. You know what I mean? I think I just put a lot into it. I think I put a lot into, like, Rodeo Superstar.

[F]

Like, are you being flipped around?

[B]

Yeah, I just am kind of nasty.

[F]

That is a Pisces thing.

[B]

Is it?

[F]

I read this thing that Pisces. No comment, by the way. Yeah, I read this thing that Pisces, like, freaky sex.

[B]

I do.

[F]

I think it's because we're connected to the spirit realm.

[B]

I think. Well, it's like, I don't see the difference between, like, a lot of people are like, oh, there's like. And then there's, like, making love. But I'm like, I. To me, they're the same. I hear that they're the same thing. Like, if you're really somebody, you're also making love to them.

[C]

Like, making love is a little bit hard to swallow. Like, it's like a gross.

[B]

It is a disgusting term.

[D]

Yeah, Yeah, I know that. I've made love.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I am good at sex because of dancing. Do you find that to be true for you?

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I don't know if I do.

[D]

Okay. I find myself to be like, no.

[F]

What kind of dance?

[B]

Like, have a physical awareness. I have physical awareness.

[D]

I have a rhythm. I can. I'm like, I'm.

[F]

Blah, blah.

[D]

There's a flexi.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

You know.

[B]

Yeah. You're like, watch this. Yeah. Twirl.

[D]

Oh, my God. So I find that to be helpful, but maybe not the same for you.

[C]

Well, sort of. Off of what you said, I feel that it's always about, like, the duo. It's like, how are the two people working together?

[B]

It really is like a. Yeah, the pas de deux.

[C]

Yeah, it is the pas de deux.

[F]

Yes, the pas de deux. Of course. The Pas de deux. I like a book boyfriend. Like a romantasy book boyfriend who's, like, throwing me into the drywall and I'm doing almost nothing, but I'm being like, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam.

[C]

Passionate kiss.

[F]

Yeah. But I'm not leading the charge by any means.

[B]

I think I put in, like, ugly chick effort. I think I do.

[C]

That Is going to have it.

[F]

Yeah. Like renaissance woman.

[C]

That's.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna make you love me with, like, skills. Yeah.

[F]

Cosplay.

[C]

I see that. On the stage, please. Will you take that to the stage?

[F]

Sure.

[B]

I'll try it.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

I'll try it tonight.

[F]

May I see that on the stage, please?

[C]

What's going on with your guys dating lives?

[B]

What do I have to look forward to? I.

[D]

We should go out.

[B]

Can we.

[D]

Yeah, we can go out. And what we're supposed to do is, like, sit kind of at a hotel bar. We don't have to drink or anything, but we can, like, sit and look.

[B]

I can sit at a bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

With a blowout.

[D]

That's what we're, like, ideally supposed to be doing. That's what they're saying. My dating life, it's tragic. Esther. Nothing. Nothing good. Getting ghosted left and right. That's true.

[B]

Getting ghosted.

[F]

Well, no, Stuart has no grip on reality with her dating life. She's literally like, these men hate me. And then she shows me the texts. She never answers any of their texts,

[D]

but they should be.

[F]

They're like, do you want to go out last night? And she's like. Or this tonight? And she's like, what? Like, this is how she responds to these men. Like, I know they think that they.

[D]

I think they should be a little

[B]

more like, I'm taking you out.

[D]

I feel.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I feel like my person is going to be a little more.

[C]

I hate that.

[B]

I know.

[C]

I disagree. I'm mad at you.

[D]

I know.

[B]

But listen, Esther, because guys are so

[C]

scared, and it's okay. And they need a little bit of, like, confidence sometimes. You got to show them because they don't want to be too. A guy that's too aggressively, like, chasing you down is almost borderline. Red flag.

[F]

Doesn't text first.

[D]

I don't text first, but I'm going to work on this. I'm going to work on this. I think I have avoidant is what they're saying.

[C]

And you have that?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yes. How did you know? I'm just looking at you.

[D]

I know.

[F]

I'm just making Eye contact.

[C]

What are you? The exact opposite.

[B]

Anxious. Attached.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Don't make me say it. I'm secure.

[C]

Say it.

[F]

I'm so sorry, but you have to show interest or they think that.

[D]

I know, I know. And I'm working on it. I. I went into a. A FEMCEL territory for a second where I like, really not. Not femcel. I always have new characters. I always have, like, there's always someone new popping in that I'm like, but

[C]

you are becoming or that you're interacting with.

[F]

No. Lovers.

[C]

Lovers. New lovers.

[D]

Like the stories are fire. Like they'll come in and out and in and out.

[F]

But these millionaires are taking her to omakase.

[B]

What?

[D]

Not billionaire. Millionaire.

[F]

No, she's not going to hang herself.

[D]

Not billionaire.

[B]

Okay. Where are you meeting these millionaires?

[D]

They see her at a time.

[B]

I need to know this. I need to know where the money is.

[D]

I know. We need to go to the hotel bar.

[B]

I promise I will go with you. I will go. I'll sit there and wait for you to come.

[D]

We will go. We're so funny. Chateau Marmont. Yeah.

[F]

Can you just go in there?

[D]

But then we're gonna like, run into some of her Boy Meets World. And I like, can't do that. Right.

[B]

I don't want anybody in the industry at all.

[D]

We don't need anyone in the industry.

[B]

Unless they're like, produce. I. I would do a producer.

[C]

Yeah. I feel like off screen is good.

[D]

You know what I like is the guys that hold the camera or the boom mic.

[B]

I like them, but that's what I'm saying. That's my.

[D]

That's.

[B]

That's what I'm into. And yes, they don't. They just. They crazy good. But they don't have money.

[C]

Right.

[F]

Because they're so used to holding things up that they get to.

[C]

They're so strong.

[B]

But a lot of their moms are dead, which is a plus, I feel.

[D]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How do you.

[F]

Wait. What?

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

It's just. What is that through vibe I'm picking up? Like, I know a lot of blue collar guys have dead moms.

[F]

You whispering into the boom mike, is your mom alive?

[B]

Yeah. Tell me if your mom's dead.

[C]

Oh, my God. Why do I trust your science so much?

[B]

I don't know. It's not just made that up fully.

[F]

We believed you wholeheartedly.

[B]

Well, I know.

[D]

It's fact for me.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

100.

[D]

All of their moms.

[B]

But I totally get what you're saying. Those guys are like, yeah, I like them.

[D]

They're hot. They're like, brunette.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Brunette tattoos.

[B]

Are you into brunette?

[D]

I'm fine with brunettes. I know blonde men.

[B]

No, that's.

[C]

I feel, like, universal.

[D]

Yeah. Universal.

[F]

They would have died in the jungle. They're weak.

[D]

I have no type, though. I. I go all over the map. But I'm gonna work on this. I'm gonna, like, get rid of some. Of avoidant tendencies.

[C]

It's good that you have a secure in your life, because then you just do what she says. Because she knows.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

It's, like, instinctual to her. Yeah. She knows what's right.

[B]

So, wait, Gabby, if you're ever feeling anxious, which I do. I'm not a secure person. Yeah. How do you deal with that?

[F]

I drink a lot of water and I go sit in silence and I stare at a tree. Are you talking about in dating?

[B]

I'm talking about, like, if you're. If you're anxious about somebody that you're dating, like, they haven't texted you.

[D]

She's like, not.

[F]

Oh, I'll text them again.

[B]

Yeah. And. But what do you say? Hey, that's it.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

But also, I. I'm so delusional where I'm like, if they're not obsessed with me, then something's wrong. And. And, you know, rejection is God's protection.

[B]

I do believe that.

[F]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, if someone's not being obsessed with me, I'm like, oh, great, I'll never think about you again.

[B]

Yeah. It is kind of like, why would I want to stay at a party I'm not invited to?

[F]

I don't need. I like my dad. I don't need this man's attention.

[C]

Right.

[F]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't like my dad, but I know you mean just text a

[F]

man if he's not giving me anything. I'm like, okay, bye. Bye.

[D]

Which is funny because it's like I consume some dating advice, and they say not to do that, but it does work. Like, sometimes all the dating advice is wrong.

[F]

I think it's supposed to be all wrong.

[D]

Yeah, it kind of is. You are supposed to be, like, openly being yourself and texting these people.

[C]

It's so confusing because, again, it's like sex. It's like, it's all about those two people. And so how. The advice. How could it ever always.

[D]

100. Yeah.

[C]

Everyone is crazy in their own way except for you.

[D]

And, like.

[B]

Yeah. Except for Gabby. Yeah.

[F]

Maybe I'm actually the most crazy. And then I think I'm not crazy at all. Like maybe it's more of a multiple personality situation with verbo care.

[B]

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I know.

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[C]

know how like around 5pm, 6pm I start to panic. You're starving.

[E]

I panic because I'm like, I'm hungry.

[C]

I've waited too long, there's nothing to eat.

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[C]

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I could certainly can't go to. I can't figure out groceries.

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Now that I have two kids, which is crazy, dinner is very, very challenging and I need Home Chef because it just does the thinking for me and the food. The meals are so good. They have a shrimp carbonara, they have a Hawaiian beef and pineapple plate. Like, these are things that I would never have come up with on my own and certainly never would have had the concept that I could make them in my own kitchen. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to Home Chef.com/Tuesday that's Home Chef.com Trash Tuesday for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Home Chef.com Trash Tuesday must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert.

[F]

What are you doing right now?

[D]

Oh, sorry. I eat it like, oh. So sir, are we not eating it now?

[C]

You can have it.

[B]

How do you do it?

[D]

Oh, this is how I open a banana. I go, I don't like it. Doing from the top. The top Is like.

[F]

Is that the better way to do it?

[C]

That's, like, the masculine way.

[D]

I think Europeans do it this way.

[C]

I don't really.

[B]

No.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

I think Europeans do it this way. I'll just take it. I'll just believe that.

[C]

I don't not put my mouth on the outside. Outside.

[D]

That was gross. I actually really am super embarrassed that I did that. I'm like. I'm like, I can't believe I'm single.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Wiping a banana from its ass. Yeah.

[D]

Gabby. I'm so glad Gabby has perfect mental health because I won't sleep for four days because I did that.

[F]

She'll bring this up in literally two weeks.

[D]

In two weeks, I'll be like that.

[F]

I've been thinking about it all morning.

[D]

That was bad.

[F]

No, I. That's how I peel an orange. I bite. Bite the outside.

[D]

I forgot I was on camera. It just feels so natural to be here talking with you ladies.

[B]

Gabby, how early do you fart in front of somebody that you're dating?

[F]

Oh, well, my issue is that I fart all night long, so I think I fart almost immediately, and then I have to be like, did I fart last night?

[B]

You know, do they say yes?

[F]

Yeah, sometimes.

[C]

Does it make a loud noise or is it a snow?

[F]

Have you ever farted in the middle of the night and you're woken yourself up?

[B]

No.

[F]

Really?

[C]

No.

[F]

I'm a Jew. I'm like a gassy jewel.

[C]

I. I don't want to throw my husband on the bus, but that's.

[F]

He's a gassy Jew, too.

[C]

Yeah, there's been some noises, especially, like, really early on in dating where it's like, yeah. Oh, my God. So that's so awkward.

[F]

No, no, it's really awkward. Sometimes I'll fart in the middle of the night with a new guy, and I wake up and I have to, like, see if he's sleeping, and I know he's not.

[B]

I, like, cannot fart or around somebody that I'm.

[F]

Me neither.

[B]

Dating for, like, too long, I feel like, ever, if I get to. I get there. But it takes a long time, and there's, like, a lot of, like, you know, especially if you, like, if you take a trip or something.

[C]

You come from a long line of Republicans.

[B]

I know. It's like, it. You just hold it in. You just hold everything, and then it turns into cancer.

[F]

Listen, you gotta let it out.

[D]

My body won't even let me do. It's not like I can't. Like, my body won't do it.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I can't. Like, it'll. Four days will go by. Yeah. And I don't. I'm like, I gotta get home. Yeah. I've got to get home. Or I gotta go to the hospital.

[F]

You just have to go to a coffee shop.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You say, I'm calling my sister because

[B]

I'll be like, they know that I'm here, and they know that I'm.

[F]

But I don't think men understand the passage of time, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

[B]

That's an interesting perspective.

[F]

You know what I mean? I don't think.

[B]

They're not really thinking about it. Dumb.

[C]

You know what I recently learned from my pelvic floor? Floor. Physical therapist.

[F]

Loving this.

[C]

If you have a tight pelvic floor, when you need to relax to go to the bathroom, if you go, like, you know, if you want to push, you're like, yeah. But if instead you go and you make a sh. Sound when you push, the right muscles will relax. It'll be easier. I just want to give a health tip.

[B]

Is that true?

[C]

It is true.

[B]

Have you tried it?

[C]

Did you think it was a joke? No.

[D]

I'm like, amazing.

[B]

What I mean by is it true? Is like, have you tested it?

[C]

Yeah, it works. Works. Okay, so if you are on a date, I think you could try that.

[B]

I'm sitting across the table, and I just go.

[F]

He stops talking. He's like, yeah.

[B]

Are you shushing me?

[F]

Oh, no, sorry.

[B]

I'm trying to. I'm trying to.

[F]

Also, you should be taking colostrum every morning. Makes you.

[C]

What?

[B]

Colostrum. Like. Like breastfeeding stuff. Like the.

[F]

Yeah, but it's not human. You guys aren't on the colostrum train. I feel like you would be.

[C]

I want to be, but I don't know enough. What do I need to know?

[F]

So it is kind of gross that it's. Am I talking too much about medications?

[C]

No, this is my dream.

[B]

Yeah, It's.

[F]

I thought you were whispering something to Esther.

[D]

Hey, just, you know, she's crazy. She's crazy snake oil salesman. No, no, no.

[B]

The.

[D]

The colostrum is good, right? You guys, please. I'm embarrassed myself with the banana thing. And now I did another major faux paw. Huge faux pas.

[F]

Only you would think peeling a banana is a faux pas.

[D]

The way I gnawed at it was weird.

[B]

Pause and go, what are you doing? We did all stop and go, wait, what the.

[D]

What's.

[B]

What's happening?

[C]

Move on.

[D]

It's Over.

[C]

Yeah, it's over.

[B]

Nobody's gonna think about it ever again. We're on to thinking about

[C]

is filmed, though.

[D]

It is forever.

[B]

Everyone at home will be thinking about it, but none of us.

[F]

There might be on the Internet that

[D]

people might be in the comments saying that's true, but the biting was weird.

[C]

They're gonna.

[D]

People do feel them from the bottom, but the biting was unacceptable.

[F]

No, it's totally okay. And I need you to know that it's okay. Colostrum, right? So. So colostrum is what, as you guys know, is in breast milk for the first week or two weeks to build your gut biome. Then it dispels, and then it's just milk.

[B]

Right.

[F]

But they take it from cows and they distill it, and then you take it every morning as a powder because our gut biomes are so broken from microplastics and everything that we should be constantly rebuilding our gut biomes. So you take it every morning, fixes your stomach, makes everything regular.

[C]

It makes you poo. Poo? Is that what you're saying?

[F]

Yeah, it makes you okay.

[C]

I've been taking seed. The probiotic.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

That has helped my poo poos.

[B]

Probiotics really do help, you think? Yeah, I mean, I've noticed they do.

[F]

Can you tell me about the one. The Ozempic you ordered from Florida?

[D]

Oh, I did order, like, years ago. I ordered fake Ozempic for. From Florida that I had to, like, mix together myself. And I poisoned myself, and I, like, almost died. I was literally, like, thinking I was a nurse. I, like, literally got DH gate. It was a big. I was like, thinking I was a nurse. Some, like, girl that I met in Nashville told me to get it, whatever. It came from Florida. And that was horrible. And then I. I couldn't leave the bed, so I stopped taking that. And then I got, like, a doctor to prescribe it. I don't think all girls should be on it. And I think more power to you. But I have, like, body issues. And it.

[B]

It's helped a lot.

[D]

And it cut some of my depression noise.

[B]

I mean. Yeah. By the way, that was a major reason why I got separated was because I went on antidepressants.

[F]

What do you say more?

[B]

And I was like, oh, I just saw things a little more clearly.

[C]

Like, you weren't as depressed.

[B]

Like, I thought I was like, oh, I thought this was, like, me the whole time. The fog. Yeah. And I was like, oh, there's like. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Because once you heal the issue, then you're like, okay.

[B]

You start to see things a little more like, like the way they are, you know? Yeah.

[F]

That's just giving me chills.

[B]

Because you're like, I don't even know what that's like.

[D]

Oh my God. I can't imagine.

[C]

It's really good to know, like, just I feel like universal advice that if your partner goes on antidepressants, they might break out.

[B]

Be careful.

[D]

Like, beware.

[C]

That's really sinking in for me.

[D]

Men should start like poking holes in it like they do with birth control. When they want. When they want.

[B]

Yeah. But I do think it's women. I think women are the ones that would do it. I don't think men will do it. Cuz I don't think men. Because I think, I think relationships are set up for them to benefit them. Like, I think women are genuinely happier alone.

[C]

I know that's like, like a huge part of culture right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I did not see this coming because I'm so insecure and I feel like I'm just such this big loser. But like, what? No, truly. Because it's the anxious attachment. But then I see like on Tick Tock and all the trends and stuff, it's like women are the ones that initiate like all the divorces.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Women are like you said, like they're better off without men. Men are worse off without women. Like I did not see this coming because I'm like my self esteem was so low. Like I always felt like, like I'm the lesser partner, you know, if I'm in a partnership. I don't know.

[D]

We, they don't add any value to our lives. We add all the value. They have no empathy.

[B]

There's no, like magazines about how to be a better husband. You know what I mean? Or how to be a better groom. Like there's no. It's set up for us to be like working on making them happy and like not ourselves. Like they are not working to make us happy.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I also think that like they feel.

[B]

I don't.

[D]

I mean, there are some lonely women, but I feel like men really internalize loneliness.

[C]

Loneliness.

[F]

I think they have to do way more work to level out than we do. Like we, we're all like a little bit mentally ill. They're like extreme. They're working back from 100 and we're working back from like 20.

[B]

Yeah. Because they're not like allowed to cry. Yeah.

[D]

I have empathy for them.

[F]

They don't have it for you though.

[D]

They don't have it for us though. That's Scientifically proven.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

They don't have empathy. Like, men cannot put themselves in someone's shoes, in my opinion.

[F]

I don't know if they're.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Know.

[D]

I don't.

[F]

Sorry.

[B]

Literally, the day that we got separated, I went out and everyone was like, you look so good. And it was like this weird shift where I was like, I didn't look any different. Like, I didn't dress any differently. Everyone I saw was like, what's going on with you? You look so good. And I was like, oh, I made the right call. Glow from immediate.

[F]

Your aura changed.

[C]

I have a friend, she was telling me that her and her. Her partner, her husband, they were gonna separate. And I was like, it's really surprised. And the. The first thing I asked, like, I think when you hear that, I'm so curious. I'm like, is this because you want it? And she literally laughed at me. She started laughing. She's like, what? Like, it was so obvious to her that she was the one that wanted it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

She laughed at me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But, like, in my mind, I'm like. Like, I don't know. I just. I. I love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's kind of great for us.

[B]

Yeah, it is. It's a good move.

[F]

I think men are not journaling enough. I think they're not meditating enough.

[C]

They're not staring at trees.

[F]

They're not staring at trees. They're not even considering it. I think there's three healthy men on earth and who are they and who are they and where are they?

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

And may they text me.

[D]

Maybe the Rock or something.

[F]

Maybe the Rock, for sure.

[C]

Guys, he's on someone who's on camera. No, no.

[B]

Yeah, right, right, right, right, right.

[F]

But he probably has a cousin.

[B]

I've had dreams where I just, like, rode around on his shoulders for, like, a day.

[C]

You are so horny.

[D]

Huh?

[F]

That is.

[B]

That.

[F]

That is not a good sign. Or it is a really good sign. I don't know.

[B]

I mean, it wasn't even. They didn't feel sexual.

[F]

I have dreams that I'm childhood best friends with Justin Bieber, and it's not sexual. I'm just like, backstage. Like, that's great.

[C]

That's awesome.

[D]

I wish I had that dream.

[B]

So jealous.

[F]

Just being like, oh, we went to camp together.

[B]

I'm so jealous. I'm such a huge Bieber fan.

[F]

Who isn't? Are you seeing those. Those videos that ever. Like, everyone our age is showing their daughter old just doesn't. Bieber videos. And all the little girls are like, watching real. Yeah, it's really.

[D]

You have to do what?

[F]

It.

[B]

Gotta do this. I gotta do. We gotta do this.

[C]

I didn't even know about this. I don't. I'm not a. I don't know anything about Justin Bieber except for Haley Bieber.

[F]

It's on, mom. Tick tock, though.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[F]

You have to watch it.

[C]

Okay. What do they like about. What are the girls like? He's cute.

[D]

It's like the charisma of him being a young starlet was when we all fell in love is. It's like, I guess how people felt about the Beatles.

[F]

Do you remember when Baby, the music video for Baby dropped and all of us were like, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it was like he was like in the laundromat.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They're like laundry together.

[D]

You're such a girl pop star fan.

[C]

Yeah, maybe I'm a lesbian. Like, I just. You guys are all really straight or something, and I'm not.

[B]

No, no, it's just Justin.

[F]

It's just Justin Bieber. I can't stress this enough.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Did you.

[F]

Were you a Jonas Brothers girl?

[C]

No, this is. I'm. I'm too. We're old.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Sorry to pull you down. I was too.

[B]

No, I was too old to be as into Justin Bieber as I was.

[C]

Yeah. Was.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Me and Corinne had a whole podcast about it.

[F]

I forgot about that.

[B]

How obsessed we were with him.

[C]

How did that happen to you?

[B]

And by the way, we found him on the street.

[C]

I remember this.

[B]

I completely forgot about found him on the street. We got a tip from somebody that we know that worked at tmz there he was like, justin's at this hotel. I got. I got off my couch watching a Handmaid's Tale. Gotten an Uber. That's a time st. And, like, waited outside for him and Haley to come out and was like, I'm so happy for you guys. Did he say anything about Are, like, meant to be together? And then. But at first I, like, reached out and touched him in a way that was like. My hand felt really big, like I was on acid or something. I was like, oh, that's the. The biggest my hand has ever lost.

[C]

Wait, you touched him?

[B]

Yeah, I went. I went just like that.

[C]

So pathetic of me.

[B]

I know. It's really. It's really bad.

[C]

We've all moved on from the banana

[D]

thing now that you know that she's

[C]

a grown woman and reached out and I touched.

[F]

This has eclipsed.

[B]

Yeah, I touched him.

[D]

Wait. I think it's great on the Street.

[B]

On the street.

[F]

Yes.

[D]

Perfect.

[C]

React. Was it like, nothing to him? Because it happens all the time.

[B]

No, he was really annoyed. He turned around. He was really annoyed. And then I, I. I immediately pivoted because I was like, I know he's obsessed with her, and I know he's a Pisces. So if I just go, if I just say something nice about his new relationship, he's gonna, like, he's gonna immediately like me.

[F]

That's so Pisces.

[B]

So I was like, I'm so happy for you guys. I think you're, like, meant to be together, and this is amazing. And he was like, thank you so much. She's amazing. And I was like, she is amazing. I was like, you guys are amazing together. Like, it was just. It was the weirdest. It was almost like I was, like, begging to be a third or something. It got to a point where they were like, yeah, there's still time. No, there's not. They have a kid.

[F]

So you. That could bond you.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Was.

[F]

You could do a swingers.

[C]

Was Haley so beautiful in person?

[B]

Yeah, she's gorgeous.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

She's gorgeous.

[F]

I love rude.

[C]

You do? What, what do you do? You really think it's good?

[F]

I like the lip. The. I mean, the toner is really good.

[C]

I don't think they have a toner.

[F]

They do. It's a milky.

[D]

The peptide glazing fluid.

[F]

No, the one before. You do before that.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[F]

But not the first up. The second instead.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

Do you know what I'm talking about?

[C]

A little bit?

[F]

You go like this.

[C]

That's. I have that, too. And I feel like that's not a toner.

[F]

It's like a milk.

[C]

Yeah, it's like a moisturizer.

[F]

It's milk, but it's not the moisturizer.

[C]

Right.

[B]

It's not moisturizing toner.

[F]

It's not this. It's this.

[B]

Yeah, that's a toner, Esther.

[C]

No, but it's. What comes out is milk.

[F]

It's a milky toner.

[B]

But there is. Yeah, there's milky toners.

[F]

What?

[C]

Comments Sound off and tell us.

[B]

I think moisturizing.

[D]

Oh, here we go.

[C]

Glazing milk.

[F]

It's the glazing milk. Ceramide facial essence.

[C]

But to be clear, I don't know what a toner is, and I also

[B]

don't know what no one's milk is.

[F]

Okay, well, these things aren't things.

[D]

I don't know if road is not a thing, but the packaging is. Is cool. I like that the lips are short.

[C]

That no I. I want to purchase everything, but I. I have to, like, check in and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Just because she's beautiful. Yes, yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Of course. Oldest time. And it always works.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. It's like, if I put this on, I will be.

[D]

It'll change. I always believe that that's how I'm with that Summer Friday lip balm. It's like carrying it makes me feel like I can run the world.

[C]

And why? Like, who used it? That got you.

[D]

It's like a crystal just holding it. I didn't even see anyone doing it.

[B]

It's like.

[D]

It's like a crystal. It's like I feel like my life is in order.

[C]

I'm. We made the moisturized powers.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Whoa. Okay, we're really getting somewhere. I saw this tick tock where this woman basically is saying that, like, the way someone sees you, if you don't like it, that's reason enough to stop being friends with them, to stop dating them, whatever. Like, I have experienced this so hardcore in my life where someone is always, like, putting me down, like, or they're projecting themselves onto me. And then I can feel. I feel their idea, what their idea is of me in their head. And I'm like, that's not who I am. And they have it wrong. And like, this tick tock is basically saying, like, don't be friends with that person. 100.

[D]

Get out of your life.

[F]

Cut it.

[D]

Love it. Cut it. Cut it.

[C]

Have you guys had that? Yes.

[B]

Yeah. I'm kind of like, in a weird space with that. There's this weird balance. Right. Like, there's. Yes. There's like a moment in where you know that, like, you've outgrown someone or it's just not the same or it's not like. But I don't really, like, cut people out like that. I. I don't. Like, I will disappear.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But then I feel like there's so much of that going on right now

[C]

of cutting people out.

[B]

Yeah. And obviously maybe that's because I just cut my husband out. But with friendships, I don't know, I'm like, you know, conflict and conflict resolution are like, part of friendship and relationships. And so, like, there's this weird. I go back and forth about it where I'm like, it's so easy to be like, yeah, get out. You know, I don't like the way that you see me. But that also avoids the question of, like, why are they seeing me that way?

[F]

Yeah. Like, what did I do or portray that has that right.

[B]

Like, where's the self, self reflection in that?

[C]

But like, what if there's nothing you did, right? Like, what if, what if. Let's say we're hanging out all the time, we're best friends and I'm like start to be like, say things like, you're stupid, but I'm like saying it funny. Or I'm like, you're lazy.

[B]

Like, yeah, that's like not even. That's like beat it right? To me that's like a no brainer.

[A]

Like get out.

[B]

You know?

[C]

So then I feel like you agree, but you're thinking of something more like, like nuanced maybe.

[B]

Yeah, I totally, I totally agree with that. When it's, when it's like an obvious. This person has animosity towards me for no apparent reason, like, get, get out of my life. But there's also like my best friend, right? Like Courtney, who lives in Portland and she has like two kids. We've been through like crazy different life changes, right? Like we both got pregnant at the same time. I had a miscarriage. Her pregnancy. She. Her pregnancy went to term. We were at completely different, like, things in our lives. And it was like really hard for me to be happy for her. And it was really hard for her to understand what I was going through.

[C]

I had this too with a friend.

[B]

Yeah. And it was like at one point that she was like freaking out about giving birth and I was trying to like talk her, like just to like calm her down. And she said something like, I. You don't understand what this is like. And I was like, that's like a crazy thing to say to me right now. You know what I mean? Like, it was like, so there's like these. And there was a lot of animosity between us that we couldn't, we couldn't really get past because it was just life and like human shit. You know what I mean? And it's like, if you really, really care about a person and like a friendship, then it's like, yeah, I don't like the way you see me right now, but that could change. You know what I mean?

[C]

Are you guys good now? Yeah, I'm like, not repaired with a friend that I went through that with, but we kind of always had like, stuff, but like, we were pregnant at the same time. I lost the pregnancy, she didn't. And then I feel like she's mad at me because then I didn't like make an effort to come see her baby. And I feel like. And I feel like, yeah, I didn't like I'm. I'm okay that I did.

[B]

Right. Yeah.

[C]

Like, I'm. I know that's maybe rude or whatever, and people would maybe expect more from me, but, like, I don't have more. Whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

I really like what you just said. People expect more from me, but I don't have more.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, that's kind of not prolific. I do think about it a lot because it's someone that I've known for so long.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm like, well, now we're both moms. We both have two kids, like, now. Probably be really fun to be friends again.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think it takes. It just takes, like, a long time.

[D]

I think time is good.

[B]

Yeah. And also.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know that she fully ever will understand. Well, I don't think she will understand, like, what that feels like, because if you haven't gone through it, you don't know.

[F]

How could you.

[B]

The same way that, like, you don't understand what it's like to have a kid unless you've had a kid. Like, it doesn't. So there was just, like, a massive. On misunderstanding. And life is like that sometimes, you know?

[F]

And sometimes you just have to choose, like, oh, I'm just gonna completely let this go.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

You either can or you can't. Like, if you wanted to be friends with her again, you just have to be like, I have to release that entire situation.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I feel like I have, but I. I'm, like, scared that she hasn't. Who cares, right?

[B]

Yeah. There was, like, something that I saw that's probably AI. That was like, that truly. But it was like. Like, you don't, like, achieve peace through any sort of action that you. It's like you achieve peace through what you choose to ignore. And I was like, oh, that's, like. That's, like, very intense.

[C]

That's good.

[B]

It's also very appropriate that I can hear my daughter crying.

[C]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

So I'm gonna choose to ignore that.

[D]

Just ignore.

[C]

We do have to wrap it up, which I'm so sad because this is like, you guys, I could talk forever.

[F]

I know. It kind of just feels like we're hanging out.

[C]

We need part two, part.

[F]

Part seven, part five.

[C]

Yes. Thank you so much for being here. Are you guys on tour? Like, where can people see you? What. How do we. What do we do first?

[F]

No, you go.

[B]

Oh, God.

[D]

She's gonna go first. I'm not on tour. Yes, but follow me at Stuart and Jill.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And you will show people how to eat a banana.

[D]

And I'll show you how to eat a banana. Stuart explains.

[F]

Stuart explains.

[B]

And they can find us at a bar.

[D]

And they can find us at possibly the Regency Hotel in midtown. I also drink non alcoholic little things.

[F]

We'll have a martini. You have a club soda.

[B]

Yeah. I'll have a little mocktail. I'll give you a little nad.

[F]

You'll be juiced up. You'll be ready to rock.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

And men love to talk about peptides. It's a good.

[B]

I know because Easy things of Rogan

[C]

and Are you on tour?

[F]

I'm on tour. The tour's called Gabby. Brian is my best friend. You can follow me. GabbyisBrian on everything. And I'm around.

[D]

Check out our newsletter.

[F]

Check out my newsletter. I guess it's a huge suicide note. I keep reading it back being like, I think it's fine. I think I'm just saying I'm waking up confused and everyone's calling me like, do you have a knife? Do you have a gun?

[B]

Yeah. Hide it, hide it.

[F]

Run.

[C]

Rosebud. Your book.

[B]

I am. Oh, yes. My book is coming out. It's called Fully Baked. It's a memoir. It's really. I think it's good.

[C]

I have a good feeling that it's gonna be really good.

[D]

This is the new fame.

[B]

Sick. I'm hoping it's good and I'm. Yeah. So definitely buy my book. It's for pre sale wherever you buy your books. I am on tour at. Just go to rosebudbaker.com and I'm Rosebud Baker everywhere.

[C]

Is there going to be an audiobook?

[B]

Yeah. And I read the audiobook and I do cry. Oh, I do cry.

[C]

When is that available?

[B]

I think it's available on June 9th.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

It's available whenever. That's my birthday. But you can also pre order the. Really?

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Amazing.

[C]

Celebrate. That's.

[D]

Let's have a launch party.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You'll pay for it. I would love that.

[B]

Because I'm not totally comfortable with a book launch combine.

[D]

You do your book lunch party and then it'll be my birthday. We'll combine. That's fun.

[B]

Amazing.

[C]

Oh, my God, you guys, thank you for being here. I'm obsessed. I'm addicted. And thank you to our listeners. Please comment if if that thing is a toner or not. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Thank you. Sa.