Stirring up Controversy w/ Justin Martindale

Summary

Trash Tuesday Episode Summary: "Stirring up Controversy w/ Justin Martindale"

Hosts: Khalyla Kuhn & Esther Povitsky
Guest: Justin Martindale
Release Date: October 22, 2024

In this lively episode of Trash Tuesday, hosts Khalyla Kuhn and Esther Povitsky welcome comedian and podcaster Justin Martindale to delve into a variety of hot-button topics ranging from pop culture controversies to personal wellness and nostalgic food memories. The conversation is threaded with humor, candid insights, and the characteristic banter that fans love.

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1. Introducing Justin Martindale

The episode kicks off with Esther Povitsky reintroducing Justin Martindale, highlighting their long-standing camaraderie from performing together at the Comedy Store for over a decade. Justin brings his unique comedic perspective, setting the stage for an engaging discussion.

Notable Quote:

• Esther Povitsky (00:43): “I've been on lineups with you for over 10 years at this point, at the Comedy Store every Friday.”

---

2. Pop Stars and Public Perception

The trio dives into a heated discussion about major pop icons like Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, and newer artists such as Sabrina Carpenter and Ariana Depix. Justin criticizes Britney Spears, attributing her vocal style to alleged meth use, while Esther passionately defends Spears' legacy from her youth.

Notable Quotes:

• Justin Martindale (03:19): “I think she's on meth. I'm just gonna say it. Allegedly.”
• Esther Povitsky (04:22): “She is God. Right. And she's also the girl that... I'm sorry, is there anyone in this room that didn't want to be Britney Spears?”

---

3. Broadway's Influence on Pop Music

The conversation shifts to the impact of Broadway on the music industry. Esther expresses frustration over the commercialization of Broadway, fearing it takes opportunities away from dedicated performers. They discuss the authenticity of artists like Ariana Depix compared to seasoned Broadway talents.

Notable Quote:

• Esther Povitsky (06:09): “What about the chorus girls who are getting to dance class every day in New York City, and they're lining up in the auditions. One of them needs to get a lead role, and we're taking away from them.”

---

4. Skincare and Mental Health

Esther revisits a controversial statement from a previous podcast where she claimed "soap is a scam," sparking backlash. The hosts discuss the overuse of skincare products, the importance of maintaining natural skin flora, and how these habits intersect with mental health issues like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Notable Quote:

• Esther Povitsky (16:05): “I just think that we over wash and there's too many products being thrown at us. It's like you just need. And you don't need up every time this is just my political statement.”

---

5. Nostalgic Eats: Ramen and Frozen Pizza

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to reminiscing about childhood favorites such as Tombstone frozen pizza, ramen noodles, and other nostalgic foods. The hosts share personal anecdotes about their favorite brands and the emotional connections tied to these comfort foods.

Notable Quote:

• Justin Martindale (37:56): “I just flip the bowl like, oh, my God.”
• Esther Povitsky (36:22): “Chef Boyardee is one of the greatest meals I'll ever have.”

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6. Culinary Preferences: Salads and Salsa

The discussion evolves into culinary preferences, focusing on the perfect chopped salad and the art of making authentic salsa. Esther elaborates on the essential components of a well-crafted salad, while Justin and Nicole engage in a playful debate over the ideal temperature and texture of salsa, highlighting their differing tastes.

Notable Quotes:

• Esther Povitsky (43:31): “The dressing super fresh? Is it finely chopped? Is there the right... It has to be like bitter and pepperoncini.”
• Justin Martindale (49:03): “I like hot. I like... I like spice.”

---

7. Reality TV and Pop Star Competitions

The hosts explore the realm of reality TV, discussing shows like Pop Star Academy and Real Housewives. They critique the format of talent competitions and the authenticity of participants, emphasizing the fine line between genuine talent and manufactured personas.

Notable Quote:

• Nicole Byer (63:29): “These girls are so incredibly talented. But the most talented ones don't always make it.”

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8. Closing Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode winds down, the hosts encourage listeners to follow Justin Martindale's projects, including his podcast Just Sayin and appearances on Sirius XM. Esther hints at her upcoming tour in Austin, inviting fans to attend and engage further with the show.

Notable Quote:

• Justin Martindale (71:11): “You can find me on my podcast called Just Sayin' with Justin Martindale.”

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Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity Matters: The hosts emphasize the importance of genuine talent over manufactured fame, especially in the context of pop stars and reality TV.
• Balance in Skincare: Esther and Nicole discuss the pitfalls of overusing skincare products, advocating for natural skin health.
• Nostalgia in Food: Reflecting on childhood favorites like ramen and frozen pizza highlights the emotional connections we have with certain foods.
• Personal Preferences: The playful debates over salsa and salads underscore the subjective nature of culinary tastes.

This episode of Trash Tuesday offers a blend of insightful discussions and humorous exchanges, making it a must-listen for fans who enjoy candid conversations about pop culture, personal wellness, and the quirks of everyday life.

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Follow Trash Tuesday for more:

• Instagram: @itstrashtuesday
• TikTok: @itstrashtuesday
• YouTube: Hit Our Buttons
• Khalyla Kuhn: @khalamityk
• Esther Povitsky: @esthermonster

Stay tuned for the next episode every Tuesday, where Khalyla and Esther continue to share their unfiltered thoughts and hilariously relatable takes on life.

Transcript

[Esther Povitsky]

On this podcast, like a few weeks ago, I said soap is a scam and people got really upset.

[Nicole Byer]

Did they really?

[Esther Povitsky]

Yes.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, like bar of soap?

[Esther Povitsky]

Like all soap.

[Justin Martindale]

Not all soap.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know not. Hashtag not all soap.

[Nicole Byer]

I totally understood what you were saying, which is like you're overstripping your skin.

[Esther Povitsky]

Exactly.

[Nicole Byer]

And I think that you, like, you.

[Esther Povitsky]

Want a little bit of your bacteria.

[Nicole Byer]

Some of it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You want your flora to thrive.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But I think why people were mad was not the soap thing. It was the not showering for 10 days.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah. There's that.

[Esther Povitsky]

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[Nicole Byer]

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[Esther Povitsky]

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[Nicole Byer]

Hi, Justin Martinell.

[Justin Martindale]

Hello. How are you?

[Esther Povitsky]

Hilarious.

[Justin Martindale]

Ladies.

[Esther Povitsky]

Comedian who we've been on lineup. I've been on lineups with you for over 10 years at this point, at the Comedy Store every Friday.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, we kick it.

[Esther Povitsky]

We say hi, we talk Gaga. We're like, what's going on? By the way, did you ever go to the ERAS tour?

[Justin Martindale]

No, I'm a grown person. No, I don't go. I'm not. No. Did you?

[Esther Povitsky]

I did, but. So you have this. You have like a Taylor blind spot. Kind of like you're not.

[Nicole Byer]

Ooh, interesting. Which I get intentional blind spot.

[Justin Martindale]

No, she's just. I mean, now that she's endorsed Kamala Harris, I'm like. But like, as like an artist, I think it's kind of. She's just very, like, I don't know, programmed, I guess. Like, I just feel like, they're. Everyone wants to know her take on things, and I get it. Like, she's a nice person and she's. She pays her bus drivers and all that stuff, but, like, it's just. It's not me. I like a jam, a bop.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

I like Sad Girl in the Attic music.

[Esther Povitsky]

I was with you for a long time. I did convert, but I absolutely get your point of view.

[Justin Martindale]

There's a lot of conversions. Like, there's some people who have converted.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. And the faith of a convert can be stronger than an original, I think. So I'm not saying I'm that, but I'm looking at.

[Nicole Byer]

Because you go from a 0 to 100.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

In a very short amount of time versus someone who's been following her career since she was 14.

[Esther Povitsky]

Maybe. I don't know.

[Justin Martindale]

She's got some songs that I like.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, of course I have.

[Justin Martindale]

Like. I have maybe two Taylor Swift songs that I really like.

[Esther Povitsky]

How are you feeling about Britney Spears these days?

[Justin Martindale]

I think she's on meth. I'm just gonna say it. Allegedly. We can say allegedly, right? Ye. She's like.

[Nicole Byer]

So I was in the bathtub.

[Justin Martindale]

Her voice is like, full vocal fry to the point where I want to ride a Ferris wheel only to jump off of it. Like, get out of the carnival bug.

[Nicole Byer]

Is she still with a boyfie?

[Justin Martindale]

I don't think so. But she's just like. The vocal fry is just like. It's actually the VNAs. And there was this girl named Sabrina. I think it's Sabrina Carpenter or something. I'm like, oh, you think? You know, like. Oh, you mean Song of the Summer? And she's like, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And she is kissing an alien.

[Justin Martindale]

And I thought that was weird because, like, why didn't you just use a girl? It's just weird. So I turned it off and I took a bath. And then on the carpet, she said with my name. And I forget sometimes that I'm famous because I'm like a mom.

[Nicole Byer]

And.

[Justin Martindale]

And she did that. And I'm like. And I'm out. I am out.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait. Okay. A lot circuited. The first thing that comes up with me with Britney, because I grew up at the Church of Brittany.

[Justin Martindale]

Sure.

[Esther Povitsky]

You know, I VHS recorded that Slave for you VMA performance. I watched it every day after school over and over again. Like, I just. She is God. Right. And she's also the girl that, like. I'm sorry, is there anyone in this room that didn't want to be Britney Spears?

[Justin Martindale]

Like, you didn't.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay, maybe. Okay. I Wait, Lila. How dare you? I'm sorry.

[Nicole Byer]

I just. I was a, you know, little brown immigrant who just didn't necessarily connect. But of course I loved her stuff. I just was, you know, maybe more into Scott Stapp and Creed at that time.

[Justin Martindale]

See, not everyone has to be a Taylor Swift fan. Right.

[Nicole Byer]

It might have been worse, by the way. Cause they kind of had a similar trajectory.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, but it is just.

[Justin Martindale]

So you were in your Creed era?

[Nicole Byer]

I was in my Creed era.

[Justin Martindale]

Someone needed to be. I just heard the news day.

[Nicole Byer]

My squat song.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, man.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, That's a good one.

[Nicole Byer]

I think he's. He's making a comeback, too. Please don't shit on Scott's death.

[Justin Martindale]

I don't know. He's doing something. I think he's.

[Nicole Byer]

He's always doing something.

[Justin Martindale]

He's doing something, but I think it.

[Nicole Byer]

Might be meth, too.

[Justin Martindale]

No, I think it's like, they're either going on tour again, or. I want to say he's, like, doing Broadway or something like that.

[Nicole Byer]

No way. That would be a great movie.

[Justin Martindale]

Something like that. I can't remember.

[Esther Povitsky]

I'm sick of Broadway being used as, like, oh, a great move. Like, it's for the kings and queens of the stage. It's not for a pr.

[Nicole Byer]

So you're not happy about, like, the Ariana Medix look?

[Esther Povitsky]

In a sense. Does that make me feel like I'm one step closer somehow? Yes. By then letting novices run the stage. But no, Then I think of the, like, hard bread and butter Broadway people.

[Justin Martindale]

Who are Patti Capone, the Bernadette Peters.

[Esther Povitsky]

Or what about the chorus girls who are getting to dance class every day in New York City, and they're lining up in the auditions. One of them needs to get a lead role, and we're taking away from them. That's all. That's all.

[Justin Martindale]

Think Michelle shows up from Selling Sunset. Like, get her in here. She's playing Phantom, you know, and you're like, what? How?

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, that is true. Like, when I see, like, an, you know, an Eva Noblezada, I'm like, okay, that's pedigree. That's Broadway pedigree. Right. And I know what you mean, but it is still. It's not to say that Ariana, like, can't do it because she clearly is talented.

[Esther Povitsky]

Totally. And I'm nothing against, like, full support, but I'm just saying there's two sides to every coin. And you're a purist. I'd love to be, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that. When Pamela Anderson was playing Roxie Hart, I didn't really want to go see it. I mean, the reviews were God awful and I just didn't make use of my time that way.

[Justin Martindale]

But like, but that documentary though.

[Esther Povitsky]

That. Yes, the documentary.

[Justin Martindale]

And now I want to go see her movie, the Last Showgirl I know, which everyone was like, it got a, you know, five hour standing ovation. Why are we doing like 15 minute standing ovations?

[Esther Povitsky]

It's all we have left. We have no other way to like express love other than like the like button.

[Nicole Byer]

Who's timing?

[Justin Martindale]

I don't know who is timing.

[Nicole Byer]

Is there someone with a stopwatch?

[Justin Martindale]

I would be. I will be damned if I am doing a six minute applause after Transformers 3. You know what I mean? Like, let alone going to see that.

[Nicole Byer]

But being like, I've never seen ovations like this before.

[Esther Povitsky]

Is Sabrina Carpenter the closest we've ever come to like the next Britney?

[Nicole Byer]

I would. Because I'm really hard on the Chapel Roan.

[Esther Povitsky]

Well, yeah, but Chapel's like the next Gaga.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, that is true. But I feel as though, I don't know, she's just.

[Justin Martindale]

I feel like she's the new like fluffy pop princess.

[Esther Povitsky]

So, okay, who else has been, I mean, a fluffy pop princess in this way?

[Justin Martindale]

Charli xcx. She's kind of fluffy pop. She's grittier. She's kind of like the ex Tina.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

And then, and then like Chapel. I mean, I just love her so much. And that's the thing.

[Esther Povitsky]

Charli XXI XCX is the closest we've come to Xtina stripped.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

That era, which we've all been chasing that era since the day it came out. And we've been failing.

[Nicole Byer]

This is really sad to hear if you are X Tina. Cause she's really made like, you know, a very recent transformation.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, God bless Ozempic. Seriously. She is just. She had that genie in the bottle and stuck it in her stomach and like lost all of it. Like, she looks so good.

[Nicole Byer]

Incredible.

[Justin Martindale]

Like so good. Like, you know what you see? Like a big transformation, like weight loss thing. And you're usually like, but she looks better than ever.

[Nicole Byer]

She should be the poster child because there are some Ozempics gone wrong. Right. But her face looks great. Everything looks great.

[Esther Povitsky]

And you're like, fuck, here's my bone to pick with Xtina right now. And this is why I literally like have tuned her out. And it's so immature and weird. But she started a Vegas residency. Yeah, it starts at midnight.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh God.

[Esther Povitsky]

What are we doing, like, the moms, the lames, the nerds. We need a 7:00pm showtime. Okay, Christina, give one. Give one option per.

[Justin Martindale]

Have a Sunday matinee.

[Esther Povitsky]

Sell popcorn, give me a soda, get.

[Justin Martindale]

Sweat on the floor, like, before sundown. Like, yeah, I mean, that is actually really funny. Like, just matinee where you can bring your kids and you're just like, yeah, they do that.

[Esther Povitsky]

Movie theaters, like, one showing a week where it's like, the lights are less. They're. They have the lights up a little bit and you can, like, breastfeed and whatever. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I have not made it to one.

[Justin Martindale]

I wonder, do they allow, like, creeps in there?

[Esther Povitsky]

You're like, can I go? That is interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe the creeps are, like, mapping out the schedule of when it's mommy and baby time.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's probably really hard, though, to, like, stroll in there confidently just like a single man to the mommy and baby. Anything.

[Justin Martindale]

Or they're like, oh, my wife's in there. How do you know? It's like, well, sir, you're dressed in a trench coat. Have a detective hat on. You can't come in here. Damn, I should have worked out my wardrobe better.

[Esther Povitsky]

Have you seen any pop stars live lately? Or anyone that you're like, is amazing. Live?

[Justin Martindale]

Any pop stars live?

[Esther Povitsky]

And do you. How do you feel about Chapel?

[Justin Martindale]

I love her.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

Like, that's the thing. Like, and I'm not, like, anti Taylor or whatever. It's just kind of like. It's not my thing. However, like, over the summer, it was just like, I heard Espresso, and I didn't know Sabrina Carpenter. I was just kind of like, oh, she's like some Disney girl or high school music.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, she was no that. But a Disney show.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, okay, whatever. And then Espresso came out.

[Esther Povitsky]

I was like, right, right.

[Justin Martindale]

I was like, this is a fun. I think we even, like, I saw you, like, at the store, and I was just like, espresso, right?

[Esther Povitsky]

We were like.

[Justin Martindale]

We were like, yes.

[Esther Povitsky]

This needs to be.

[Justin Martindale]

It was just like a fun, like, late summer vibe. And then. Then Chapel came out, and I was like, oh, this is cool. This is like rock and roll. It's like artistry. Like, it's just. It's just some. It's substance. It's not just, like, this kind of gimmick, I guess.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

And then, like, the girl can sing. And then I respected her more because she's like, I've been doing this for 10 years. Like, she's outside of a hot Dog stand. Like playing or playing?

[Nicole Byer]

No, those are my favorite videos to watch of her. Just in the park.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

With no one watching her.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

And isn't it crazy how you go from insane person to like successful pop star like that? It's just there's no middle ground. You're either like completely insane outside a hot dog stand, annoying everyone, or the like most important person of our time.

[Nicole Byer]

What is the difference though? Because they are talented. Right. It's really just whether or not someone's like, all right here, like, let me pluck you.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, but you guys, Sabrina, same thing. Okay, look, is it different? Yes, but there is a similar trajectory that I don't want to ignore when we speak on this. Sabrina has been in pop music for 10 years trying to make it. Has had some success because she was on the Disney show. She had the like teeny bopper fame, whatever, but had no mainstream relevancy at all. And like, but you kind of knew who she was.

[Justin Martindale]

I can't keep up with these kids. I feel like I'm like now at an age where I'm like, is this still okay to talk about?

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait, but I just kind of have to let that question go.

[Nicole Byer]

I refuse to. There's an age appropriate discussion to be had. What else? Who else would we be talking about that's age appropriate? Scott Stapp.

[Justin Martindale]

I don't know Scott Stapp.

[Nicole Byer]

That's all we have.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, we are talking about Maggie Smith.

[Esther Povitsky]

I don't even know the new lead.

[Nicole Byer]

Singer for Linkin Park.

[Justin Martindale]

A woman I know.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait, do you think that like the. Okay, the kids who this music is made for, right? Like espresso is made for what? People in their 20s, people in their teens. Do you think those fans are like, wait, why do old people listen? Like, are they judging us? Like, why are those old people liking the music that we like?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think so. Because I think that's why I love Chapel a lot.

[Justin Martindale]

Because it's refreshing.

[Nicole Byer]

Because it's like all age, like all ages, it doesn't matter.

[Justin Martindale]

And it's not like this, like it's not over sexualized. I think that's really annoying too. And it's not like auto tune. I'm so exhausted with just these like just auto tuned bots. Just, you know, I'm going to the club and I'm humping the floor and you're like, what? Like give me like a bop with a story and like, like a bridge, a chorus. You know something?

[Esther Povitsky]

I totally agree. I am really. I am exhausted by auto tune. I Think we've overdone it. I think in general, like, the whole world, whether it's like, vape to cigarettes, auto tune to real singing, like, let's go analog. Like, we're. I think I feel. Are we all feeling that?

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, talk to me in person. I don't want to do the long FaceTime or text. Like, let's, like, get together, sit down. Like, I don't know. I'm just. That's where my mentality is leaning. I think I'm just sad, but and lonely.

[Justin Martindale]

My friend has a daughter and she's 12, and she was telling me that she just FaceTimes all of her friends because they don't know how to hold the phone to their ear.

[Nicole Byer]

Is their wrist loose? Is there looseness?

[Justin Martindale]

No, they just say they just FaceTime their friends and talk to them on FaceTime. Because. Because they don't understand the concept of, like, hello. Like, so they're just like, hey.

[Nicole Byer]

I do sort of get that.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. I'm not against it.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm not a phone person either. If I am on a phone, it's on speaker. Cause I don't want the pimples.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, I thought it's the radiation.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, no. I just kind of break out here when I put, like, an object up against.

[Justin Martindale]

I don't know, you guys. Radiation is, like a really good substitute for filler. So it's like just really just like.

[Esther Povitsky]

Is that what you've been doing? Amazing.

[Justin Martindale]

Everyone asks if I'm either on Jar borrow or, like, getting Botox or fillers. Someone asked if I had a hairpiece the other day. It was extremely insulting.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, since the day I met you, you've already, like, had. You've already looked this way. Like, you've always looked filled and hair done.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's very. I don't know what your parents look like, but it works.

[Justin Martindale]

I don't either. No, it's just. I just moisturize vitamin C. Like, I just take care of my skin.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

My face.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's it.

[Justin Martindale]

That's it.

[Esther Povitsky]

I've given up on skincare. I also, like, on this podcast, like, a few weeks ago, I said soap is a scam and people got really upset.

[Nicole Byer]

Did they really?

[Esther Povitsky]

Yes.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, like, bar of soap?

[Esther Povitsky]

Like all soap.

[Justin Martindale]

Not all soap.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know not. Hashtag not all soap, by the way.

[Justin Martindale]

Hashtag all soaps matter. Okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, I just think that we over wash and there's too many products being thrown at us. It's like you just need. And you don't need up every time this is just my political statement.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm on board with it. I totally understood what you were saying. Which is like you're overstripping your skin.

[Esther Povitsky]

Exactly.

[Nicole Byer]

And I think that you want a.

[Esther Povitsky]

Little bit of your bacteria.

[Nicole Byer]

Some of it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You want your flora to thrive.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But I think why people were mad was not the soap thing, it was the not showering for 10 days.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, there's that when you start naming the bacteria.

[Esther Povitsky]

And cleaning them. But they're so special.

[Justin Martindale]

Look at my little critter. Cooter. No, no, thank you.

[Esther Povitsky]

No. But I do bathe regularly for legal.

[Justin Martindale]

Reasons because I'm a role model to my child. Now, what's the longest you've gone without a shower?

[Esther Povitsky]

I don't know. Like we should. It's not that crazy. Like I just, I do prefer baths. I'm leaning more into showers in the summer. But you know, I like bathe a couple times a week. I'll definitely do that. I'm just not an everyday needs to be.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

A couple, a few, three to four. It depends what's going on. Am I just bedrotting for three days? Then I don't need a shower. Okay. Okay. Silence. I've met been met by silence.

[Nicole Byer]

I think a lot of people do relate to it. They maybe were not in the comments, but I've heard that many times. And I'm like ukulele, which I think is also another time type of mental illness. Which is. It is. I am the extreme end of it. Which is also not okay. Which is like I shower too much. And I don't think that's good for my skin either because I like really hot water. I do love hot water like three times a day.

[Justin Martindale]

No way.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. And I cannot sleep if, unless like if I've. Let's suppose I've had a really long day. I fall asleep at 9.30pm I will get up at, at midnight to shower and make sure that I'm like fully in my routine or else. Nightmares.

[Justin Martindale]

Nightmares.

[Nicole Byer]

Nightmares. Tossing, turning.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Instant nightmares. Yeah. But it's, it's, it's, it is a mental.

[Esther Povitsky]

How do we solve this? Like how do we solve nightmares in general? Is there a way I'm like not doing well?

[Justin Martindale]

You're having a lot of nightmares.

[Esther Povitsky]

I do, I think I'm like high stress. I think like the life changes I'm going through, it's like a lot.

[Nicole Byer]

Are they real life nightmares or are they like. Oh, you know, like so absurd that.

[Esther Povitsky]

That'S hard to answer because mine is.

[Nicole Byer]

Always like end of the world. Like zombies. Like post apocalyptic. Lots of chasing and murder and gore.

[Esther Povitsky]

That.

[Nicole Byer]

Those. Yeah, those are my nightmares.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wow. I'm not leaning that way. Although I. A lot of, like, recurring one. Not recently, but like, a lot of, like, where you're on the plane and it's going down. Do you guys ever have that?

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, yeah. That means good luck. Don't you hate it when people say shit like that? Isn't it the worst? They're like, oh, no. Like, I had a dream. My teeth all fell out. That means money's coming your way.

[Nicole Byer]

That's untrue.

[Justin Martindale]

It's terrifying.

[Nicole Byer]

If you were to tell my mom, my Filipino mom, that. That your teeth are falling out, she would tell you, go straight to the sink, gargle, wash it out, because it means death.

[Justin Martindale]

Take seven baths. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, it's death. Teeth falling out is death. I think a boat passing by is death. I'm like, okay, that's.

[Esther Povitsky]

I'm so sick of like, it's like, like, because people will say these one things like you're saying. Or it could be like a negative thing. Like, now you have to go do this. You're. You're like, maybe giving someone ocd. Like, that's the. Which maybe is what your mom did to you.

[Nicole Byer]

Totally.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, and same. Like, it's just. Because then my brain will, like, hang on to it and then I'm like. Or like, chain letters. Remember those? Remember those? I'm. How old am I for saying the sentence? Remember those chain letters? But like, like, if you don't know someone, explain them. Justin.

[Justin Martindale]

Well, it was like, you would get a letter and it was like, send this to five people and if you don't, you'll die. And you're like 10 years old and you're like, oh, God.

[Nicole Byer]

They still exist, though. Like on Instagram. Yeah, on Instagram, on TikTok, on Facebook.

[Esther Povitsky]

The young ones are always like, my niece and nephew. It's always like, post the last picture of your camera. Roll. Or else, like, bad luck all summer. I'm like, I can't afford bad luck all summer and I don't want to post that. No, it's very stressful.

[Justin Martindale]

But I was thinking about the opening sequence to Mommie Dearest. Because it's just a day ending in. Why?

[Esther Povitsky]

And wait, the ice bath on her face.

[Justin Martindale]

Yes. I was like, thinking that for you, like, she has, like, the water and she's pouring it on the ice and she's like, dips her face in the ice cubes. I was like, I could do that.

[Esther Povitsky]

I wish that that movie was just the opening sequence and then like follow that through line. Like her self care. Joan Crawford is like a 1950s movie star. Self care is. I wanna drink that up. She puts her face in an ice bath. She just does like all these classic star.

[Justin Martindale]

Just like the hardest bristle of a brush and just digging under her fingers. Just like. Yeah. Just losing it has like a seven nozzle steam shower. And she's just like, oh, it's the best.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like that's how. If I could be, I would. But it's really hard. Cause it is about a woman abusing children. But it's like that first three minutes, that's something to aspire towards because it.

[Justin Martindale]

Has a color palette. It has like. It reminds me of like these. That trend that I'm seeing now where people are decorating the inside of their fridges.

[Esther Povitsky]

What have you seen? No.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Esther Povitsky]

What?

[Nicole Byer]

It's just another room in the house.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It's just interior decor.

[Justin Martindale]

But for your fridge aesthetic.

[Esther Povitsky]

What do we do? I want to do it.

[Justin Martindale]

You can like. Well, you can have like a Bridgerton themed fridge. Don't get me started. I know, I'm like. But like you have like antiques in your fridge and like live herbs and flowers and you just make the inside of your fridge cute.

[Esther Povitsky]

I need to do research and I actually kind of know what the perfect hot girl fridge is. And it's like, it's like random jars that have been repurposed with the labels torn off. Obviously. Obviously. And then like it has like carrot sticks in water, celery sticks in water. Like in different jars.

[Nicole Byer]

Not pickles.

[Esther Povitsky]

No. And then it's just like very obviously empty. There's a lot of blank space.

[Justin Martindale]

Like Taylor.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. And then there's gotta be some refrigerated supplements. Right?

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Because like you're not. If you're. If you don't have supplements in your fridge, you're ugly. Like, go check your fridge.

[Justin Martindale]

Refrigerated supplements. I don't know if I have any in my fridge.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm talking about symbiotica stuff, like probiotics.

[Justin Martindale]

Okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. Usually you're like, okay, I've got it.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Thank God. I have a problem.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, you need like sea monkey water.

[Nicole Byer]

In there or something.

[Justin Martindale]

You need Hailey Bieber's like bacteria.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, did you see like Gary Breca has a smoothie at Erolon now.

[Esther Povitsky]

What? Yes. Wait, what is it?

[Nicole Byer]

It's just his amino complex and a bunch of like other things.

[Esther Povitsky]

I need you to tell me who Gary Bracca is.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah. Me, too.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait, really?

[Justin Martindale]

I don't know who that is. Who is it? Is it somebody like, I should know? Is it embarrassing?

[Esther Povitsky]

No. I don't know. But I think she's like. I think. I think I'm like, are you seriously a bodybuilder? Because, you know, all these, like, tough men. No, they're not.

[Nicole Byer]

He's not. He's just a guy who.

[Justin Martindale]

He's just a guy. He's a biologist, but he's sort of.

[Nicole Byer]

A really good, like, marketing guy.

[Justin Martindale]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, he's taking concepts that aren't necessarily new, but he goes on, like, Rogan, and he goes all these shows, and he's basically telling us, like, if you want to know one good snapshot of your health, you need to take this one test. But he sells a lot of, you know, products along the way, and now he is just as relevant as Haley or Sabrina Carpenter because she has her short and sweet smoothie, of course, at Erewhon.

[Justin Martindale]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

It's actually better than the Haley.

[Esther Povitsky]

What happened? You're like, finally, finally, someone took the crown off of Haley. I honestly agree. I. I haven't tried it.

[Nicole Byer]

I like the Haley.

[Esther Povitsky]

I love the Haley. So what is.

[Justin Martindale]

I, like, pop star owning shit? I like. I don't want someone. I'm so tired of people just being famous because, like, their mom is like, I'm just like, what is it that you do successfully? If I had, like, curls on right now, they'd make better. Yeah. I'm like, what is it that you do? Like, you don't get to be famous just because your parents were.

[Nicole Byer]

I think Haley, aesthetically, is the most. The smoothie is the most like, oh, I want that on a hot summer day.

[Esther Povitsky]

The strawberry drizzle.

[Nicole Byer]

But the flavor profile doesn't hit. Hit me quite well.

[Esther Povitsky]

It is all looks. You're not wrong. Like, the Haley one is all looks, just like Haley. It's all looks because the actual smoothie, you taste it and you're like, this is just a strawberry banana smoothie. And, like, maybe I'm getting a lick of strawberry syrup, but, like, what. That's not healthy. What is the flavor profile of Sabrina? How is it going?

[Nicole Byer]

There's coconut cream. It's blue. It has spirulina.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm pretty sure that's what makes it blue.

[Justin Martindale]

Right.

[Nicole Byer]

Is a spirulina. And it almost has, like, this pomegranate thing on top, but it is not as sweet. And there's actually, like, you can taste different flavors versus just being like, oh, that's strawberry.

[Esther Povitsky]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

It's called short and sweet. I like it.

[Esther Povitsky]

You want to impress me with a smoothie?

[Nicole Byer]

That's what it looks like.

[Esther Povitsky]

Don't use banana. And I know that's very anti this show, but, like, I wore this shirt. A banana is a cheat code to a good smoothie. Like, you're. This is. I have the same thing.

[Justin Martindale]

Because it just has that sugar in it already.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's got you. It has sugar, creaminess. It's everything that, like, makes a smoothie good. Like, give me an amazing, creamy, sweet smoothie without a banana. I'm impressed. I have the same feeling about, like, a restaurant that, like, has great burgers or great fries. I'm like, they're all good enough. But if a restaurant can do, like, amazing broccolini or, like, same broccolini, I absolutely.

[Nicole Byer]

Broccoli. How can you fuck up broccolini?

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay, fair.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

But make broccolini taste like french fries or, like, make Brussels sprouts taste crispy.

[Nicole Byer]

Broccoli, like crystal sprouts is a little bit tougher to make, you know? Well, I think.

[Esther Povitsky]

But that's what I'm saying. It's like, if I'm spending my money, if I'm getting in my car and driving there, like, make something healthy, good. Don't. Like, I just am so over. Like pizza. I get it. Great. Pizza is amazing. But it's not impressing me that much. I don't know. Am I wrong? It don't impress me. I know you.

[Justin Martindale]

Shania, over here.

[Esther Povitsky]

You gave me the Shania look.

[Justin Martindale]

So you think you can make a pizza that don't impress me.

[Nicole Byer]

That documentary changed my life, by the way.

[Justin Martindale]

The Shania one, so good.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't realize how late in life she actually became. Shania.

[Esther Povitsky]

I love that I'm really. I'm getting late in life, and I need to become something new. So I need.

[Justin Martindale]

We're talking about broccolini on the podcast. You're like, let's get lit, you guys. I like crispy broccolini, but I think.

[Nicole Byer]

The Shania love story is, like, the ultimate, like, whoa. With mutt. So they basically did, like, a partner swap where the man that she was with who helped her become or become Shania, who she was with for what, like, over a long, long time, cheated with another woman. And guess who Shania eventually married and who she is still with now? That woman's husband.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's gorgeous revenge, right? That's gorgy.

[Nicole Byer]

And I mean better looking, too.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because mutt was kind of a mutt.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are they two. Are the Two.

[Justin Martindale]

Mutt was like. I mean, when your name's Mutt, it's like, it's hard.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's a hard road ahead.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are they.

[Justin Martindale]

Does not have probiotics in the fridge?

[Esther Povitsky]

Are they still together, the alternate couple?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think so. Right. That would be.

[Justin Martindale]

I don't think so either. Yeah. I don't think they're. I don't think they lasted, but Shania did.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

Still the one I run to.

[Esther Povitsky]

I can't know. I don't know if I'm hallucinating, if this is like, someone in my family, like a great grandma or something, where, like, the husband died and then she married the brother. But I think that's common, right? Is that, like. No, everyone's.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. War, I think.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah. That's like Haunted Mansion.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I was gonna say like a Natalie Portman movie. I was like, was that. Yes, it was. It was. Right.

[Justin Martindale]

Related.

[Nicole Byer]

It was called Brothers, and it was about people.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, wait. And he came back and she was like, ah, yeah, that was a good movie. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't imagine being attracted to my partner's brother or family member.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's tough. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, you've been there?

[Esther Povitsky]

No, like, it was really hard.

[Justin Martindale]

Civil war.

[Esther Povitsky]

After Dave's brother died, Dave and I did lock eyes and decide that this was what made sense.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, is that something you do? You clock, though, when you're with someone and you finally meet their family and you're like, oh, this was the ugly sibling. Do you acknowledge it and just let that thought die and never say it out loud? Or do you share it with a friend and say, ooh, like, the. The brother was actually, well, I have a hot brother.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait, you have a hot.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, no, I have, like, all my siblings are. Are very attractive, but my. My youngest brother, Paul, everybody's like. And I'm like, well, he gets it from me. Like, I always have to, like, turn it about me. I'm like, well, yeah, you know, I'm the oldest. He's the youngest, so. Yeah. Cause he's, like, tatted up. He's got, like, sleeves, long hair, dark skin. He's got, like, a stache, and he's like a diver.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're like, I'm the blue hair.

[Nicole Byer]

How old is he? Uh.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, wait, I'm taken.

[Nicole Byer]

But how old is he?

[Justin Martindale]

He's like. He's in his 30s. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. Yeah, I never want to meet him.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, like, half Hispanic.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are you.

[Justin Martindale]

Do you want to see? No, I'm Hispanic by marriage.

[Nicole Byer]

Show it to Me on this eye.

[Justin Martindale]

They're my half siblings.

[Esther Povitsky]

Just have.

[Justin Martindale]

I have three siblings. He's a diver, but he's married, so there's that too.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Thank God. Also, just tat up an arm and I'm in.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait, really?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, yeah, I'm kind of anti. I'm not as much. But about five years ago, if you were ugly and put a sleeve on.

[Justin Martindale]

Are you getting.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, who's he? I just need to know his Instagram. Okay, got it. I will remember.

[Esther Povitsky]

She'll memorize that too.

[Nicole Byer]

She needs beatitournerd. I'll never forget it.

[Justin Martindale]

He's gonna, like, have, like, all these followers. Like, when this comes out, he's gonna be like, what the hell's happening?

[Esther Povitsky]

That's your brother. Truly is a Latin man. That is, like, cool. Yeah, yeah, he's a hottie.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah, he's a hottie. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay. No, we've moved on from this, but I do need to go back and stir up controversy for just a quick second.

[Justin Martindale]

Okay, let's go. I love it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Tell me you've ever had a pizza that is better than just a good old tombstone frozen pizza with cheese and pepperoni.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, like, at a restaurant, like, is.

[Esther Povitsky]

There really a pizza that's that much better than a frozen pizza? A good frozen pizza?

[Justin Martindale]

Mm.

[Esther Povitsky]

I just. That's all. That's all.

[Nicole Byer]

I think pizza is.

[Esther Povitsky]

Mic drop.

[Nicole Byer]

So subjective. Because if you were to ask me my favorite pizza, like, ever, it has to do with nostalgia and not the actual, like, quality of.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, my God. Pizza Hut lunch buffet.

[Nicole Byer]

For me, it's this thing called Ma's Pizza. It literally is like. I don't even think they put real cheese on it. It's from the Philippines. You buy it by the slice, and they give you one piece of, like, old ham. And the smell of it. The smell of, like, whatever synthetic thing they're putting there, it drives me wild. It lights me up on the inside, and I will eat that all day long.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're so right that nostalgia overpowers everything and can make things in the world so much misleading. Like, because here I am. Maybe it's just nostalgia that I think Tombstone is so good.

[Justin Martindale]

Well, I mean, that's when everyone's happy. It's like, that's why the 90s are back and, like, the. The early 2000s. And, like, music is. I feel like finally going into this era. Like, every song. If you listen to every song right now, it's all. There is a sample of a song in it. Sabrina Carpenter, her song Taste with Jenna Ortega has seven Wonders from Fleetwood Mac in it it. And I'm like oh, that's why I like it because it just has that like familiarity, familiarity. I'm like why do I like this? I'm like oh, she sampled Stevie Nicks and I'm like and I love Stevie Nicks. And that's why I probably like her.

[Esther Povitsky]

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[Nicole Byer]

You guys, we're really excited to show you an app called Kalshi. It's the first legal exchange where you can trade or bet on any event. For example, do you think you know who will win the presidential election? Or how many seats the Democrats or Republicans will win in the House or Senate? Well, there's finally a legal way to bet on the outcome of these elections via a platform called Kelshi. Calshi is the first first legal exchange where you can bet on any event, including but not limited to elections. And it's not just elections. For example, you can bet on things like will there be a new Nintendo console announced this year? Or will Northwest drop an album this year? Or even things like Top artists on Spotify this year. Will it be Taylor Swift or the Weeknd? So put your money where your mouth is and sign up using our link kalshee.com trashtuesday and the first 500 traders who deposit $100 will get a free 20 dol credit. That's kelshi.com trashtuesday. That's kelsey.com trashtuesday.

[Esther Povitsky]

You guys, I'm so psyched to be talking about skims, as always, but today we're telling you about the skims bras. Okay? My favorite is the skims wireless form T shirt bra. This bra has no wire, but yet somehow gives me all the benefits from, like, the old, you know, wired bras I used to wear when I thought I was young and cool. I'm too much of a comfortable person now to wear those. But I want some support. I want some shape. I want a little something. You know what I'm saying? Okay, you can shop skims [e-mail] now available in 62 sizes, 30A to 46H. And if you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And I will be wearing the wireless form T shirt bra. Anytime I'm looking cute, that's the one I'm wearing. Can you explain?

[Nicole Byer]

I've never had Tombstone pizza.

[Esther Povitsky]

What have you had frozen pizza?

[Nicole Byer]

Like, not a lot.

[Esther Povitsky]

What America did you grow up in? Not my America.

[Nicole Byer]

Not your America. Yeah. I haven't had a lot of frozen pizza. I've had, you know, slices from places, but not a whole lot of frozen food.

[Esther Povitsky]

I don't, by the way. We always got Tombstone. But I remember, like, when you. You know, when you're a kid and you go to a friend's house and then, like, their food, it's like, oh, my God, your parents are on crack. Like, you guys have ramen noodles. Like I remember discovering. And then I remember also, like, the fancier, like, the digiorno. Having that at someone else's house is, like, absolute. The greatest.

[Nicole Byer]

That's how I feel about, like, canned ravioli. Like, Chef Boyardee is one of the greatest meals I'll ever have.

[Esther Povitsky]

I agree. SpaghettiOs.

[Nicole Byer]

I've never really gone to SpaghettiOs.

[Esther Povitsky]

Justin. Join me. Join me.

[Justin Martindale]

No, it's trash. I. Oh, no. I was like, I. Okay, I can get. Mine was the top ramen in the bags that were, like, 4 cents a bag. Like those.

[Esther Povitsky]

I wish I could double up on those. The name of my favorite flavor, but it's. It would get me canceled.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, what? For top ramen?

[Esther Povitsky]

No, regular ramen.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you guys all converted to, like, the newer stuff, right? Like Bullduck Carbonara one.

[Esther Povitsky]

What is this?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, gosh. It's like a whole new world.

[Esther Povitsky]

What. What do we do? How do we.

[Nicole Byer]

Simon Ramen.

[Justin Martindale]

It's a ramen that you get at the store.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. So, like, the flavors now, like, they've. We're done with the. I can say it. The Orientals. Okay, The Orientals. The noodles.

[Justin Martindale]

The noodles. The noodles.

[Esther Povitsky]

The blue noodles.

[Nicole Byer]

We can. We can. Can let that go now, because what's out there truly is, like, next level.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay. I'll need some links.

[Justin Martindale]

Time has passed.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

You know what mine was, was the. The chili lime. I like that one.

[Nicole Byer]

That's fancy.

[Justin Martindale]

The chili lime. Never the shrimp. No one's buying the shrimp.

[Nicole Byer]

I.

[Justin Martindale]

You ever go to the store? Yeah, we've all had it, but no one's like. Like, there's always boxes of just the shrimp at the store.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, no one wants that one. It's so weird to me, though, that, like, this food is obviously, like, highly processed. It was.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, yeah. Trash.

[Esther Povitsky]

10 cents a pack. It's so cheap. So bad for you, but, like, so delicious.

[Justin Martindale]

Nostalgia.

[Esther Povitsky]

And nostalgia.

[Justin Martindale]

Because I remember making, like, ramen noodles, like, as a kid watching Saturday night Nickelodeon, my parents, like, went out to get drunk, like, on a date, you know, and, like, we had a babysitter, and she's, like, you know, know, talking to her boyfriend on my landline, you know, and it was just like. It was like, the coolest thing that my parents would come home and they'd be like, hey. And I was like, oh, they had fun. We were all, like, in a good mood. Like, my dad paid the babysitter, and then, like, we went to bed. It was fun.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

And I got in trouble for eating two packets of ramen because I would double them up because I didn't think there was enough noodles in just one.

[Esther Povitsky]

Well, you're tall. You're a big person.

[Justin Martindale]

And then we would get, like, Little Caesar's Pizza, which I was like, we.

[Esther Povitsky]

Got that a lot, too. I loved it.

[Justin Martindale]

I didn't, but Pizza Hut for slams every time. Pizza Hut Supreme.

[Nicole Byer]

You guys ever did the shakeys thing?

[Esther Povitsky]

No, because I think that's California.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, no. We had it in the Philippines. Shakies came before Pizza Hut. So I have a very big nostalgia for shaky.

[Esther Povitsky]

What is Shakies? Like, what's your order when you walk into a Shakey's?

[Nicole Byer]

It's.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's just in case I accidentally fall into one later.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, there is a Shaggies nearby here?

[Esther Povitsky]

So they're everywhere.

[Justin Martindale]

They're close to one in West Hollywood.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

And I always just thought that was, like, a billboard to wish people Happy birthday.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know. That's all I think about it, like.

[Justin Martindale]

Every time I drove by to be like, happy birthday, Wanda. And I'm like, oh, get it? And I don't even know Wanda. But, like.

[Esther Povitsky]

Are you. Because you're like a SoCal original. Did you go to, like, Kukaroo or like, Soup Plantation?

[Justin Martindale]

Coming back? Yes, coming back.

[Nicole Byer]

I think Soup Plantation is too.

[Justin Martindale]

Can we say that?

[Esther Povitsky]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

I. I don't know what they're going to change up at Soup Plantation, but I think the. The crappiness of it is what made it worth going to. Right. It's like, you didn't like, like, what was it that. Boston Market. Do you ever have Boston Market?

[Justin Martindale]

I never did Boston tomorrow.

[Esther Povitsky]

But can I tell you the weirdest phenomenon about Boston Market, though? Every time for as many years I went there, every time the macaroni and cheese would taste really good for three bites. And then it turned disgusting. And I don't know why, because it's like sponge spinach.

[Justin Martindale]

It's just like sponge.

[Esther Povitsky]

It just. After three bites, I was like, this is repulsive. But I always got it if.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, here's.

[Esther Povitsky]

Is there, like a hotline I can call for this? Or like, I really need a dream.

[Nicole Byer]

Of mine because I love Boston Market. I don't want to know these things. Okay. Correct, Stella. But also, I love it. I love it where Ace was born.

[Esther Povitsky]

What hospital?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, so there used to be a Boston Market diagonal from there.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, that would have been a really great after birth meal.

[Nicole Byer]

Correct.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wow, I missed out. I was born in the wrong century. But, like, obviously the chicken was amazing. The mashed potatoes, the spinach. I never got the spinach. I never went green when I was a child. Never, Never.

[Nicole Byer]

When did broccolini start?

[Justin Martindale]

Broccolini started like five years ago.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's actually this year for me. That's like postpartum.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, postpartum broccoli. They're also performing Coachella next year.

[Esther Povitsky]

Postpartum broccoli.

[Nicole Byer]

How are you doing on your organ journey? Okay, so I organs now.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, I'm not, but I'm building up. Can I, can I have yours, please?

[Justin Martindale]

We need to do a trade off. You got to comment this on the show. I eat your kidneys.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, there's a smoothie at Erewhon that's with organs.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yes. So I'm wondering about that. It must be the powder, right? Like, they crack open the capsule, which, when I first heard of that, I was, like, grossed out. But the powder, the capsule's fine. Whatever.

[Nicole Byer]

But they're not putting, like, straight, like, chicken liver in there or anything. Although would be good, though.

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, now that I've discovered I have high cholesterol, I'm like, do I need to cut back on organ desiccation?

[Nicole Byer]

We need to have Gary Breca on here to really explain.

[Esther Povitsky]

Seriously, Stella, can you book us like, a cholesterol expert? Because I don't. My health insurance is sick of me.

[Nicole Byer]

I felt so much better when you called me about your cholesterol.

[Esther Povitsky]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

Because I. I have the exact same issue.

[Esther Povitsky]

Do you really?

[Nicole Byer]

So my HDL is very high, which makes me not as concerned that my LDL is a little elevated as well.

[Esther Povitsky]

Mine are all high.

[Nicole Byer]

Your triglycerides are good, though. I saw.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

She sends me her.

[Esther Povitsky]

She's a part of my care team. How's your cholesterol?

[Justin Martindale]

High cholesterol team.

[Nicole Byer]

How's your cholesterol?

[Justin Martindale]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

I look good.

[Justin Martindale]

I'm fine. Yeah, no, I need to go get. I definitely need to go to a doctor, like, probably in January just. Cause I just. I'm like, I'm fine. I'll go for a walk.

[Esther Povitsky]

Get your yearly physicals. Like, I feel like I do skip years here and there, but then whenever I do it, I feel good about it. Like, get your. Let's do, like, slugs. Get their yearly physical. Justin will lead the way.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Esther Povitsky]

How many. What percentage of slugs have high cholesterol? If you have low cholesterol, you can't listen anymore. You're not. We're not for you.

[Nicole Byer]

And we're a young podcast.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, we're young with high cholesterol.

[Justin Martindale]

Young, hot broccolini crowd. Well, I was gonna ask you guys, what is the one, like, food that's. Make it, break it for you? Like, if it's. If you have it and it's bad, you're like, I'm never coming back here again.

[Nicole Byer]

Or like, at any restaurant.

[Justin Martindale]

Any restaurant. Any restaurant that you go to. And you're like, you love. Love. Say Mac and cheese. Like you said. Like, if you went to a place that had shitty Mac and cheese, or would you just be like, I'm done. Like, what's the one food item that you love getting every time? And you know how it's supposed to taste and you know how it's supposed to feel?

[Esther Povitsky]

Like, texture wise, honestly, like a chopped salad.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, because.

[Esther Povitsky]

And those are hard to nail, believe it or not. But like an Italian chopped salad, when done right, I will move mountains to repeat that experience.

[Nicole Byer]

What makes It. Right, the ratio.

[Esther Povitsky]

The ratio. The dressing. Is the dressing super fresh? Is it finely chopped? Is there the right.

[Nicole Byer]

Are you into finely chopped or do you like bigger chunks?

[Esther Povitsky]

Finely chopped.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Finely chopped.

[Nicole Byer]

Got it, got it.

[Justin Martindale]

Look at the panic in her eyes.

[Esther Povitsky]

The right meats, the right cheeses, the right lettuces, radicchio. Like, it has to be like bitter and pepperoncini. Yes, of course. How?

[Justin Martindale]

I'm like an Herbal Essence commercial.

[Esther Povitsky]

In fact, there was the perfect chop salad at a restaurant in Hollywood called Delancey, which is like, right where. Where the old Arby's was closed, by the way. I know, but Delancey closed. Yes. Nothing survives there because it's like a war zone, basically. It's. But at one time it was peaceful. Whenever was that area peaceful, when I was getting my chopped salads, there was peace.

[Justin Martindale]

It was like a Wild west set. Like, is that where it. Is that like weird Wild West?

[Esther Povitsky]

No, it's a little. It's like near there, a little further east of the.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, but that is a really rough, rough corner.

[Esther Povitsky]

But then I have this perfect chopped salad. Now the place is closed. I can never recreate it because I don't have, like, artistic skill in that way. But then I go and I try to get. I get a chopped salad other places. It's fucking disgusting. And I'm like. It ruins. It hurts my every fiber of me. I don't know.

[Justin Martindale]

I just flip the bowl like, oh, my God.

[Esther Povitsky]

I scream like, you'll be closed in six weeks.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, that's chopped Violet. What about yours? Do you have one?

[Nicole Byer]

I. I mean, it's not as interesting, but if I go to anyone's home.

[Esther Povitsky]

You found that interesting?

[Nicole Byer]

I think you're right. I think you're right about a chopped salad. I. I do think there are layers to the game. There's levels to it. Because it is more than just what's in it. It's the size. And I do think the ratio is important, which controversial take. I don't think that overstuffed sandwiches are the better sandwiches. There. There are places where it's almost. There's just too much in it and people think that's the place to go to. And I don't. I think ratio is everything.

[Justin Martindale]

Can I name names?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Justin Martindale]

Like Sals. Fat Sals.

[Nicole Byer]

But over. Indulgent. I don't get it either.

[Justin Martindale]

I'm like, I'm sorry, Dave and Busters. What is this?

[Esther Povitsky]

It's for drunk people late at night. That's the conclusion I've had to come to.

[Nicole Byer]

But here's the. There's two types of people. People who think. Think that, oh, they will tell you, oh, you have to eat here. It's really good. And when you go there, it's just big servings.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And it's big, big servings. And they get bang for their buck. And then there are people who are like, here, eat here. And it's a smaller but properly portioned, very high on flavor.

[Esther Povitsky]

You're so right. That and I will admit that I personally have been victim to believing a food is better due to a big serving size. Like, I am not.

[Nicole Byer]

I think we've all been there.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. Wait, what were you gonna say when I cut you off though? About like when you go to someone's house.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, it's very simple. And I'm looking right at Stella when I say this. Like, if you don't know how to cook rice, I will never trust you.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Again.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Then you know what? Tell me right now how to cook rice. Yeah, Okay, I will tell me right now in broad daylight.

[Nicole Byer]

There's only one way to do it. Buy a rice cooker. It will do it for you. It will do the math for you. Stella, if you up a rice cooker. Right rice, I think you're in trouble. Okay, but what if I think that you're just underwatering everything every time because it seems as though I saw the rice?

[Esther Povitsky]

That is the rudest thing you could say to someone. You're underwatering everything underwater. Okay. Because with a rice, your skin is.

[Justin Martindale]

Dry, your plants are dead.

[Nicole Byer]

You can't grow broccolini because the rice cooker will do. Even if you add too much water in a rice cooker, it will steam it out, then fix it for you. So it kind of corrects your mistakes. So I think your mistake is that you just.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like a vagina self cleaning.

[Nicole Byer]

It kind of is self correcting. But we already know our vaginas don't self clean. They've stopped self cleaning. It's really sad.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know. Justin.

[Nicole Byer]

Sorry.

[Justin Martindale]

Not like this.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay, here's my like hyper anxiety brain bone to pick with the rice cooker. Do you know what I'm gonna say? It's Teflon. They're all Teflon.

[Nicole Byer]

It's true.

[Esther Povitsky]

And look, do I have Teflon? Do I have toxins? Hell yes.

[Nicole Byer]

I take my all clad bowls, I mean pots, and I'll show you how to do the finger method. I'll show you how to do. It's even easier than a rice cooker.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's fine.

[Nicole Byer]

It's just a ratio you use.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know the finger method and it hasn't worked for me.

[Justin Martindale]

I did the finger method once in high school. Never looked back.

[Nicole Byer]

No, but I mean, it's. I. I guess in this. If I go to a restaurant and the rice is not a certain way.

[Justin Martindale]

Do you like it like a little crunch or. No, like an al dente rice.

[Nicole Byer]

It depends what kind of rice. Yeah, different rice have different. Like, there's so many different kinds.

[Esther Povitsky]

What's the go to?

[Nicole Byer]

Long and separated. You have sushi rice, which is like, you know.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. Short.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. There's jasmine, there's long grain. There's just so many different kinds.

[Justin Martindale]

I love the Uncle Ben's rice. The. What are they? You know what I'm talking about. The microwavable orange packs.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. The separated rice. Yeah. It is good.

[Justin Martindale]

It's really good.

[Nicole Byer]

I love all rice, but. Yeah, that is my make or break. What's yours?

[Justin Martindale]

See, mine is. Mine is salsa.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, the perfect dancer.

[Justin Martindale]

Mine is salsa.

[Esther Povitsky]

You've done this before?

[Justin Martindale]

No. I mean, I was thinking about it the other day. No, because it's like. Like, I grew up in Texas. My mom would make, like, fresh pico de gallo. I make a badass pico de gallo, which is. And I feel like if you go to a Mexican restaurant, the minute the salsa. First of all, have chips and salsa. Readily available and unlimited. Unlimited. Give me chips and salsa at all times. I want to fill myself up with chips and salsa before my meal comes.

[Esther Povitsky]

I would rather sit on the floor, like, rip the booths out. Sell those. Give me free chips and salsa.

[Justin Martindale]

Absolutely.

[Esther Povitsky]

I don't need to be comfortable if.

[Justin Martindale]

That salsa is terrible. Terrible. I know the food's gonna suck.

[Nicole Byer]

I think you're right.

[Justin Martindale]

Absolutely. I mean, I feel like we could solve this presidential election with a salsa cook off. Kamala makes hers, Trump makes his. And whoever has the best salsa wins Tour America. Yeah. I mean, Trumps will probably be like gold ketchup packets in a bowl. And he'll be like, no, it's salsa. It's the best salsa Trump would win. Yeah, it's. But like, you do.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

I feel with Trump salsa. No.

[Nicole Byer]

Almost like, you know, and that can screw you up.

[Justin Martindale]

Flavor.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Because she's part Indian.

[Justin Martindale]

It's going to be Indian. It's going to be Jamaican. Little jerk in there. It's going to be good. The only thing that will hurt her with her salsa is if it's warm. I hate warm salsa. Temperature warm. Not. I love a good heat. I hate, like, warm salsa.

[Nicole Byer]

But what about room 10 temp? Room temperature? Not.

[Justin Martindale]

Not like a. Not like a. I don't know. I don't like. Not cold. Maybe like a room temp. Not like, I hate when it's, like, hot salsa.

[Esther Povitsky]

I think you're being insane, actually.

[Justin Martindale]

Why?

[Esther Povitsky]

I think warm, hot salsa is like, you know, the blender just heated it up like, it's. Or the tomatoes were just freshly roasted. Like, I think you're. You're. You're like, trash for this. This is low class.

[Justin Martindale]

What? Why? Because I don't like hot salsa.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yes, I think salsa should.

[Justin Martindale]

I like hot. I like. I like spice.

[Esther Povitsky]

I heard you. Yes, yes, I heard you.

[Justin Martindale]

You just don't agree with my temperature.

[Esther Povitsky]

Because it's really hard to find a.

[Justin Martindale]

Hot salsa because they're gross. Who's trash now? You're the only one. You're like, it's really hard. What, are you scourging the city? Hey, guys, it's Esther. Here's my top 10 places for hot salsa.

[Esther Povitsky]

I hope you have a lot of travel miles.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, but seriously, I think, like, if you're a Mexican restaurant, have a good salsa. I like a little bit of garlic as well.

[Esther Povitsky]

Sure.

[Justin Martindale]

Good garlic.

[Esther Povitsky]

Amen, sister.

[Justin Martindale]

I just don't like a. I don't want it to be marinara sauce.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, that's. I. You know what else? Like, chunks of onions are really good for me in a salsa. I want chunky.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, chunky.

[Esther Povitsky]

Don't blend it like guacamole. When it's like, mush is so nasty. Like, I want it, like, thick and fluffy and chunky.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a different experience.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's what guys say about me.

[Justin Martindale]

But there's nothing more bougie and, like, high class. That makes you feel like you were, like, in the gilded age. When they have, like, a guac person come over to the table.

[Esther Povitsky]

That is.

[Nicole Byer]

But I feel like that's a gimmick.

[Justin Martindale]

Of course it is. But for a minute there, I'm just like. And they're like. They're, like, mixing it up at the table and, like, mashing up the avocados. I'm like, I am rich.

[Esther Povitsky]

Who invented that? Like, what do we know? Like, is there an origin story for the tableside guac? Because it is. So. You're right. That's the most luxurious experience I've ever had. Yeah, It's.

[Nicole Byer]

It's.

[Justin Martindale]

So mix it at the table.

[Esther Povitsky]

And you don't. I don't see that anywhere anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

If you go to. Have been doing that for years, by the way. With Hirachi, I just want to say, where it's like a performance, but that's really just grilling meat.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Veggies. Yeah. And then they turned it into a Benihana.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Which, by the way, Steve Aoki's family owns.

[Justin Martindale]

Really? Wait, did I know that?

[Nicole Byer]

I only learned that very recently.

[Esther Povitsky]

What came first? Like, Steve Aoki or Benihana family?

[Nicole Byer]

Benihana family.

[Esther Povitsky]

Right. Okay, so he's just like a Nepo.

[Justin Martindale]

Baby at the Legacy.

[Esther Povitsky]

Legacy. Legacy, yeah. He's a legacy hire.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I think that they just opened, like, an. Like, an elevated Benihana.

[Justin Martindale]

Shit, what are we doing here?

[Nicole Byer]

And they're calling it something different, but I do want to try.

[Justin Martindale]

Where is it? Is it in Vegas?

[Nicole Byer]

I think it might be in Hawaii.

[Justin Martindale]

I'm going there next week. Or. No, I'm going there on Saturday.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, let me know. Wait.

[Justin Martindale]

Maybe.

[Esther Povitsky]

Send us a postcard.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, do you know which island it is?

[Nicole Byer]

Oahu.

[Justin Martindale]

I'm going. I will go. I'm putting in the itinerary. Okay, I will totally go for you.

[Esther Povitsky]

And she was drooling thinking about it.

[Justin Martindale]

I'll do a whole Yelp review for.

[Nicole Byer]

You and tell me how much better it is than regular Benihana experience does.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay. I thought we saw. I've never had Benihana, because when I was, like, living near one, I was very. Not an adventurous eater, but I always thought of Benihana as fancy. Is that just because I'm, like, white trash or. Oh. Conversation over. Yeah, but is it.

[Justin Martindale]

Take a seat, Worms.

[Esther Povitsky]

Is it not good Benihana? Is that not a starting point?

[Justin Martindale]

Here's.

[Nicole Byer]

It's fun if, like, you're a kid and you're like. They do these. All these tricks for you.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's.

[Nicole Byer]

It's like a fun experience. But if you're going there for, like, you know, delicious. Yeah. It's just very.

[Justin Martindale]

It's not bad. It's fun. And they have, like, the rice, and they toss all the rice on the thing. It's really fun. The only thing it's gonna make me sound like such an. Is I hate looking at the people across from me because I'm having a blanket and I'm with my friends, and then I look over, and you're like. And you see, like, the family from, like, you know, Ohio or something, and they're, like, sweating, and they've got their shorts on. Shout out, Ohio. But, like, you know what I mean? Like, and they're. Then they're just, like. Just like toad people.

[Nicole Byer]

And then they're Having their cultural experience.

[Justin Martindale]

Right? And it's just one big ass table that you're all sharing and you're like, I don't know. These people, People call them toad people.

[Esther Povitsky]

It is a little too intimate to share of an experience to share with, like, tourists from Ohio.

[Justin Martindale]

And then you have that one person who just gets really excited at the onion ring tower. And they're like, ah. And you're like, are you okay? Like, calm down.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that it is still fun, though.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I know when Bobby and I used to just go just for the sake of being like, oh, but there's a Benihana here. Like, why not? You know, where is it?

[Justin Martindale]

Where.

[Nicole Byer]

I think they only have them in, like, Ontario now. Like, you know the Rancho Cucamongs, Right? Those, those areas gentrified. What's it called?

[Esther Povitsky]

Stella?

[Nicole Byer]

We can't. I, we literally can't find. Any of us can find it.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, my God, it's so bougie.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a secret underground.

[Justin Martindale]

I know. It's a speakeasy. Beniana.

[Nicole Byer]

Steve Aoki. I think it's called Aoki's.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah. That's the only thing I can find.

[Nicole Byer]

Is like a. Yeah, that's.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, there's more to it.

[Justin Martindale]

Is it just like a rave when you go, oh, my God, that'd be fun.

[Nicole Byer]

I've never been. You'll have to tell me.

[Justin Martindale]

I'm gonna go check it out.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. Aoki Teppanyaki. Okay. There you go.

[Justin Martindale]

And it's in Oahu.

[Nicole Byer]

The Hilton Hawaiian Village in Waikiki. In wakes. Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

Evan, we are going to just, like, texting.

[Esther Povitsky]

Here's new nails. Click, click, click, click.

[Justin Martindale]

What are y'all watching?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, right now. Secret Lives of the Mormons.

[Justin Martindale]

I know, it's. I, you are seriously, I want to say the 10th person this week who has been like, are you watching? I'm getting DMs. I'm getting, like. People are like, are you watching this? Get into it. And I think I will start.

[Esther Povitsky]

What network? I will. I'm starting with you. Okay. Hulu.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm going. I, I, I think everyone's loving it a lot more than me.

[Justin Martindale]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I mean, I, I, I do watch a lot of, like, the Real Housewives. I've. It's so weird you don't know this about me, but I actually do follow reality tv, like, pretty closely.

[Esther Povitsky]

That is weird.

[Nicole Byer]

It is weird. It doesn't match the look, but I do.

[Justin Martindale]

That's fine. But because you're very, like, you're, you're like Monica From Salt Lake. Has anybody told you that? That you kind of look like Monica from Salt Lake?

[Nicole Byer]

Do I really?

[Justin Martindale]

She was reality Von Tees.

[Esther Povitsky]

Is she the one who married her grandfather?

[Justin Martindale]

No, different lady from Salt Lake. But she's the one who was on for one season and she, like, came in. I loved her. And it turned out that she had, like, a. What's it called? Like, a Finsta account. But it was, like, trashing all of them. She was like, a troll account.

[Nicole Byer]

I love that.

[Justin Martindale]

And they fired her, and I thought she was fantastic.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait, they fired her for having a Finsta?

[Nicole Byer]

For trashing everyone. Trashing everyone.

[Esther Povitsky]

Of Real Housewives. Like, don't they want that?

[Justin Martindale]

Well, it gave them a great season. A great season.

[Esther Povitsky]

I am calling bullshit that that's not why she was fired. Because that's like, just that. I've heard, we heard from Kathy Griffin that, like, they. The producers, like, you better start shit or you're. Yeah, she's like, she probably just didn't do enough.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, she was great, though. She was, like a single mom. She had, like, four kids. And I loved her. She was, like, young, too. And I think that's what it was is that all the other women were kind of like about her. I'm like, who gives a shit?

[Nicole Byer]

It's a troll account with a Mormon Wives thing. I mean, yes, it is a different take because they're trying to modernize the religion via these girls who are a part of this group called Mom Talk. Right? And basically what it is, it's like they're more open about sex. They're more open about, like, alcohol and, like, you know, just generally being human. But there's still so much weird cherry picking when it comes to. Yes, we. Like, one girl's like, oh, like, I'm gonna promote this, like, vibrator brand. And then is like, no to drinking.

[Justin Martindale]

Like, no. No to drinking. No Pepsi, no Coca Cola. But, yeah, like, I can, you know, say and all that kind of stuff and cuss like a sailor. And you're like, wait a minute.

[Nicole Byer]

But I will say what I love the most is that they're so messy and they are. I love when religion shows its face where it's like, yes, you are just. You are. You're the same kind of pigs we are. Yeah, but they have different addictions, too. Like, they might not be drinking soda and booze, but they found loopholes. Yeah. Laughing gas. So when they all go to get Botox, they all have their little laughing.

[Justin Martindale]

Gas parties, which is not a thing.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wait, I feel like that's gonna be me. Like, I'm gonna be sober, but I'll get, like, an epidural every once in a while.

[Nicole Byer]

That's exactly who I thought about. I was like, wait. Esther's sort of following this Mormon trajectory of finding loopholes without drinking alcohol.

[Esther Povitsky]

Yeah, yeah. Just have. That's what they do. They keep having babies to get their epidural high.

[Justin Martindale]

So weird. It's like cutting. That's so weird.

[Esther Povitsky]

I am. I just start a chimp. Crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

Is that the same makeup? The Tiger King?

[Justin Martindale]

Yes. I recommended it to Sarah Tiana. She was on stage last night. She goes off on. On the whole show. Like, on stage. I was like, I was the one, remember?

[Esther Povitsky]

I was the one. I am the blueprint.

[Justin Martindale]

It's so good. How far are you?

[Esther Povitsky]

Not far enough.

[Justin Martindale]

Okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

Only, like, halfway through the second episode.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah. So there's like, four, and it's like. It gets, like, kind of. It gets, like, sad.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's already very sad.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah. You're just kind of like, oh, my God. But, like, it ends great.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay.

[Justin Martindale]

But like, you're just kind of like, ooh. Like, these people are just. Something is off. There is a snapage in the medulla oblongata. And. And so that's a good docu series to watch. I loved Perfect Couple.

[Nicole Byer]

At last episode.

[Justin Martindale]

Have you told Esther about the dance break?

[Nicole Byer]

Every episode. The beginning of the episode is like a Mamma Mia.

[Justin Martindale]

Flash mob. Nicole Kidman is doing a flash mob.

[Nicole Byer]

Why? How is that happening? It's so weird, but I like it.

[Justin Martindale]

I do, too. And the song is a banger. Meghan Trainor sings it.

[Esther Povitsky]

Love, Megan.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, it's so good. I'm actually on. Are we watching? Oh, no. She was like, are we watching it? I will be recreating it on the beach of Hawaii. That dance. That dance.

[Nicole Byer]

I think you'll get a lot of, like, easy recruits there.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, absolutely. It's good. It's a flash mob. Esther, come on.

[Esther Povitsky]

With Nicole Kidman.

[Justin Martindale]

With Nicole Kidman, Lev Schreiber and Dakota Fanning.

[Esther Povitsky]

We're not worthy of this.

[Justin Martindale]

I know.

[Esther Povitsky]

Wow.

[Justin Martindale]

I had no idea that, like.

[Nicole Byer]

And that girl Megan from. From White Lotus.

[Justin Martindale]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Who is.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, I love her.

[Justin Martindale]

I know. I need to, like, she used to be more than. So I can remember her name.

[Esther Povitsky]

Megan Fay.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

I can't call her that girl. Megan from White Lotus.

[Nicole Byer]

And the. The guy from Midsommar.

[Justin Martindale]

Midsommar.

[Nicole Byer]

No, Midsommar is. Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, the Florence Pugh movie.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, that one.

[Justin Martindale]

Midsommar. It's Midsummer.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

But it's fun to call it Midsummer.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, did you really? Is that how you pronounce it?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. You probably got that from me, cuz that's how I pronounce. It's spelled mid and then S O M, M A R. I know that too.

[Justin Martindale]

But it's Swedish.

[Nicole Byer]

Just erased that and called it Midsummer. And it's like. No, that's spelled Midsummer.

[Justin Martindale]

It was her boyfriend.

[Nicole Byer]

It is in that. In Per.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, he's the ticket. He's the brother.

[Nicole Byer]

Brother who sleeps with the.

[Justin Martindale]

Yes. And I was. I was like, who was that guy? And you see his D in Midsummer.

[Nicole Byer]

You do?

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, if it was real or not. But yeah, it's great. And then, of course, selling Sunset. God damn.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I watch all of the first season of the OC one.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, OC's kind of boring. Yeah. I'm like, Oppenheim Sunset.

[Nicole Byer]

OG Wait, there's one that I really think you will love.

[Esther Povitsky]

What?

[Nicole Byer]

It's Pop Star Academy.

[Esther Povitsky]

Okay. I watched the first five minutes and was like, like, these girls look like they're 12 and turned it off. But if I'll go back because they're.

[Nicole Byer]

A legit group now.

[Esther Povitsky]

They are.

[Nicole Byer]

They are. And I only found this out because Jules is like, oh, my God, you're watching Cat's Eye. I'm like, what's Cat's Eye? She's like, those girls?

[Esther Povitsky]

Really? Okay, I meant.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, what is this? I don't know.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's on Netflix. Pop Star Academy.

[Nicole Byer]

So basically, in Korea, there is a machine, right? That is. That creates all of these groups. And they're always gonna make it huge because they just have like, the perfect formula.

[Justin Martindale]

There's like 15 of them. Pick one.

[Nicole Byer]

Right. So they've now brought that whole system to America and they've done like a casting of girls from everywhere, from, like, Belarus to Argentina to Hawaii, and they create this group. But then the girls go through, like a survival show, which then the fans get to pick which girls get out of here.

[Justin Martindale]

It's like Hunger Games pop stars.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. But these girls are so incredibly talented. But they're the most talented ones don't always make it.

[Esther Povitsky]

I.

[Nicole Byer]

Which is really.

[Justin Martindale]

So is the moms in the back. Like.

[Esther Povitsky]

Thank you for the recognition that I will need in the future.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

But one of the girls on there has a dance dad.

[Justin Martindale]

A dance dad? Like, dad was a dancer.

[Nicole Byer]

Dan. No, dad was the one who, like, pushed her to dance. Dad was the one doing that in the. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

The greatest show I've ever seen in my Life. I will never. This is my most transformative experience in TV. Making the band 3.

[Justin Martindale]

Danny Kane.

[Esther Povitsky]

Danny Kane watched all of it. So this is giving me, like, oh, maybe this has tastes of that. Of that show.

[Nicole Byer]

Except for the weird missions that they sent a lot of, like, the girls.

[Esther Povitsky]

On, but, like, glory.

[Justin Martindale]

And when they don't make it, drones fly overhead and. And shoot them out of the village. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Lorianne Gibson shouting and screaming at young dancers on the treadmill to turn their speed up higher. That is what built me. I am that. That's my job.

[Nicole Byer]

And you won't like Pop Star Academy because it's so technical. And for me, like a layman, I'm watching it, and I'm like, wow, that was incredible. And then you hear him saying, that was trash. You guys are working hard enough. Esther, do you watch Cowboys?

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, yeah. So good.

[Nicole Byer]

Broken hips, usa. Yeah.

[Justin Martindale]

Wait, is that the. Is that the. The one who is like, her mom was a. Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Well, the hardest part for that, for me, was the short girl gets cut.

[Nicole Byer]

The short Indian girl.

[Esther Povitsky]

No, she was great.

[Nicole Byer]

She just couldn't do the kick.

[Esther Povitsky]

Oh, yes. She was amazing.

[Nicole Byer]

She was amazing.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's like, all. All.

[Nicole Byer]

And she was a dentist.

[Esther Povitsky]

I loved her. I don't know how she got cut.

[Justin Martindale]

What dentist do you know that can kick? You know what I mean? Like, come on, now.

[Esther Povitsky]

But, like, I. Yeah, I'm just. Justice for short girls. I don't know. That's. Honestly, Kamala is kind of a short girl. She's five. Five. So is she a short girl? Kamala Harris is too short to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah.

[Esther Povitsky]

Pass it on.

[Justin Martindale]

We need short girl fall. That's what we need.

[Nicole Byer]

Because you're right. Because they just cannot keep up with the kick line.

[Esther Povitsky]

I disagree. I disagree.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, no, I think I agree with you, but I'm just saying, I think that's their reasoning, right? It's because it doesn't look uniform when the girl is down here.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's what we have the Rockettes for. This is an outdated system. Short girls can kick high. The audience will not be that upset if one girl's. I'm just. I think we should end the show here also.

[Nicole Byer]

You're not gonna like Pop Star Academy then.

[Justin Martindale]

Why?

[Nicole Byer]

Why?

[Justin Martindale]

Cause I.

[Nicole Byer]

Because I do think that, like, the favorites are always, like, the taller girls.

[Esther Povitsky]

Of course, always. This is why I'm a fucking comedian and not a ballerina.

[Nicole Byer]

But I used to think, like, in just. Same in gymnastics, where they used to shit on the tall girls who would qualify for the Olympics and then point her out and look at how awkward she is because she shouldn't be here. She's 5. 5 instead of like 4 11.

[Esther Povitsky]

Really? Okay, so I'm in the wrong business.

[Justin Martindale]

You could have been a gymnast, damn it.

[Esther Povitsky]

But I was too scared.

[Justin Martindale]

Yeah, I don't blame you.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's so scary that trust.

[Justin Martindale]

However, I will say that gymnasts are like the Olympics this summer. I was glued. I loved every bulge, every. Just like muscle in the leg, guys and girls. I loved it all. And I loved watching the women's and the men's gymnastics because it was just like, how the hell do you do this? Like the one kid who's like blind and had to wear the glasses and did the pommel horse. I'm like, get out of here.

[Nicole Byer]

He's on Dance with the Stars now. I know, so cute.

[Justin Martindale]

I know. And I really hope he wins. Cause you know, I like a good like blind ballroom. I love a blind samba. You know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

He's really blind. Well, I know, but we cross eyed a little bit. Like me.

[Justin Martindale]

Well, right, But I'm also like, now take them off and do it. Like that's what I. If you can do. If you can take your glasses off with a pommel horse, like do the samba blind or whatever. But like I was gonna say, like, that's what always scares me is like, you see these athletes in their shape and they do all that and then they interview them and they're like, well, how did you think the event went? They're like, I thought it was. You're like, oh, no, what is that? It's like the tiniest, like the tiniest, squeakiest voice. You're like, wait, no. Oh, the illusion's been ruined.

[Esther Povitsky]

It's so true. Haven't you always said this? Like a hot person, like they have everything to lose by opening their mouth.

[Nicole Byer]

This is why I swear they need to be quiet. Like, dating sites are not for me. Because a voice is my number one thing.

[Justin Martindale]

It's okay. As straight women, allegedly. Are you guys getting. Are you guys witnessing and seeing Instagram turning into Craigslist Miss Connections? Is that like in your algorithms at all? No, no.

[Esther Povitsky]

I wish it was. That sounds so fun.

[Justin Martindale]

It's literally like, like single dads being like, I'm just looking for a wife for my girls. And they don't know. They don't know where I can find one. And then they'll do like a TikTok trend. And I'm like, oh, no. Or like guys being like, why am I always Single. I got this empty chair here. My dog in the back of the truck hit me up, and I'm just like, is this what we're doing? It's insane.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a bold move.

[Justin Martindale]

Very bold.

[Nicole Byer]

So not that long ago, I dated a guy who I thought was very aesthetically handsome. And I think that he hit the marks in terms of, like, he was excellent at something, which is also one of the things in my criteria. You have to be excellent at one thing. But I really tried to override my hatred for his voice. And I just.

[Justin Martindale]

His rice cooking was incredible, though.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, the rice cooking was actually. Okay. So I was like, check there. And I tried. I was like, kalila, don't be shallow. Don't be shallow. Don't be shallow. But I swear to you, like, I was embarrassed for him. Open his mouth in front of my friends. Cause it just.

[Justin Martindale]

What does it sound like?

[Nicole Byer]

Like, just a little nasally, but okay.

[Esther Povitsky]

On the flip side.

[Nicole Byer]

But then I met his brother. Who would have really. I didn't meet his brother, but I heard his brother on the phone. Deep, beautiful voice. So I'm like, why don't you punch that frog out of your throat, dude?

[Justin Martindale]

Or go to war and die so I can marry your brother?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. All right, I'm out of here.

[Esther Povitsky]

That's it. We have to go. Justin, where can people see more of you? I'm addicted to you. I'm so lucky. I get to see you every single week at the Comedy Store. You always, by the way, when you. When. Whether you bring me up or I bring you up after I. You always say the funniest shit about me.

[Justin Martindale]

Oh, yes. It's all out of love.

[Esther Povitsky]

I know. It's so good. Like, he roasts me so hard. It's so good. Where can we see you? We love you.

[Justin Martindale]

Well, you can find me on my podcast called Just Sayin'the. Just Sayin podcast with Justin Mardale. It's the Comedy store network. ITunes, YouTube, and, yeah. Can catch me on as a regular on Jeff Lewis live on Sirius xm.

[Esther Povitsky]

We love you, Justin. Come back soon. Of course, slugs. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. And I think I'm gonna be on tour in Austin, so you can get tickets at the link in the description.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, wow. Mommy, she's doing it.

[Esther Povitsky]

I think. That's so sad. Thank you. You're like, she's so brave. All right, we love you guys. We'll see you next week. We love Justin.

[Nicole Byer]

He's so brave.

[Esther Povitsky]

Br.