Things Get Rodiculous w/ Rosanna Pansino and Olivia Lopes

Summary

Podcast Summary: Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn

Episode: Things Get Rodiculous w/ Rosanna Pansino and Olivia Lopes
Date: May 12, 2026
Guests: Rosanna Pansino (aka "Row") and Olivia Lopes

Overview

This episode of Trash Tuesday brings together hosts Esther Povitsky and Khalyla Kuhn with special guests Rosanna Pansino (baking YouTube superstar, author) and Olivia Lopes (podcaster, producer, YouTuber, H3 alumni). The four women dive into hilarious and honest discussions about blending millennial and Gen Z cultures, self-image, generational catchphrases, hosting styles, female health (PMDD, hormones, motherhood), and the intricacies of friendship, group dynamics, and support.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Height, Pain Tolerance & Short Girl Hacks

• The group opens with comedic banter about their heights, with Row sharing her experience as a former gymnast/ballerina and explaining how her YouTube kitchen set is built shorter to suit her stature.
  • “We created the kitchen set to look smaller ... so that I look like a normal people.” – Row (01:58)
• Pain tolerance as athletes/Gymnastics and its impact on adult life: high pain tolerance can mean ignoring your body’s real needs.
  • “Having a high pain threshold is so overrated because you’re not listening to your body like ever.” – Khalyla (03:01)

---

2. Coffee Bean vs. Starbucks: LA Nostalgia

• Olivia shares her love for Coffee Bean's ice blendeds, sparking a nostalgic LA chat.
  • “When you explain how good the ice blended are, people always want to try it ... And that’s what Britney Spears was smelling in 2006.” – Olivia (05:09)
• Discussion about how certain LA traditions get left behind with new generations (TikTokers choosing different cafes).

---

3. Self-Deprecation & Positive Self Talk: Millennial vs Gen Z

• The group laughs at their own tendency toward self-deprecation, with Olivia advocating for positive self-talk.
  • “Don’t talk about my friend like that!” – Olivia (06:28)
  • “That is a very distinct Gen Z/Millennial ... like we hate on ourselves all the time.” – Esther (06:34)
• Reflections on Gen Z confidence and its differences from Millennial coping mechanisms.

---

4. Gen Z Teaches Millennials: 'Millennial Sayings' & Generational Humor

• Olivia reads from her “millennial sayings I cannot deal with” list, sparking a lively debate (“I did a thing,” “adulting,” “doing life,” “doggo”).
  • “‘I did a thing’—that is overused ... That makes me kind of like—ugh.” – Olivia (09:44, 09:58)
• The group debates the cringe vs. timelessness of group photos.
  • “What is the most famous group photo of all time? The Last Supper.” – Esther (15:10)
• Group photos: Are they millennial? Gen Z prefers candid, “cool girl” aesthetic, but the hosts defend their importance as memories.

---

5. Artificial Living, Underground Houses, and Generational Traits

• Esther dreams of living in a pristine, underground Vegas house (“no environmental damage!”), while Khalyla finds the idea anxiety-inducing due to artificial lighting.
  • “I thrive in fake lighting.” – Esther (12:00)
  • “It’s freaking me the fudge out—I hate it.” – Khalyla (12:10)

---

6. Friendship Roles & The "Mary Poppins Bag"

• Who’s the friend who always brings everything? Is this a generational thing?
  • “You’re the snack mom.” – Kalila (22:18)
  • “Even in these small bags...EpiPen...sewing kit…” – Row (21:24)
• Safety and preparedness (ADHD, medical items, taser, pepper spray) discussed lightheartedly.

---

7. Cultural Differences: Feeding Guests & Parenting Styles

• Swedish custom: Don’t feed other people’s kids? The group reacts—Khalyla/Row are shocked; Esther gets it.
  • “This is mind blowing to me–that you’re not constantly saying, ‘Are you hungry? You want more?’” – Kalila (24:28)

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8. Pet Peeves: Friends Bringing Their Own Food

• Esther’s pet peeve: a friend regularly bringing her own meal to Esther’s house.
  • “Why does that bother me? Should it not?” – Esther/Kalila debate (25:57–26:39)
• Row and Olivia discuss their own hosting/eating habits, including always bringing food or non-alcoholic drinks for others.

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9. Millennial vs. Gen Z Girl's Night Out

• Row and Olivia describe their friend group, girls’ nights (drinking, appetizers, group photos, hot tub, games).
  • “There’s on my end, a lot of drinking. I’m a drinker ... then we just catch up about life.” – Row (44:19)
• Memorable Moment: Row flashing rude drivers during a girls’ night out:
  • “I just went out the window and fully flashed them. And then they stopped. They gave us a little honk, honk and a wave and they were too cute.” – Row (45:10)

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10. Motherhood & Body Changes

• Conversation about breastfeeding, body changes, and how their self-image evolves.
  • “When you’re pregnant, [areolas] get really, really dark ... the baby needs that high contrast.” – Kalila (46:35)
  • “The thing that I said I would not do when I had kids is ... talk about what's bad about motherhood and then they don’t talk about what's good ... literally, I’m on a drug of addiction to my babies, and they make me so happy.” – Esther (47:22)

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11. PMDD and Women’s Health Real Talk

• Row shares her journey with PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder), its severity after age 40, symptoms, treatments, and mental health implications.
  • “I’m going to have it basically forever until menopause starts ... it affects 3 to 8% of women ... it’s often misdiagnosed for bipolar disorder...” – Row (49:01)
  • “As soon as your period starts, the hormones flip, and you feel great—Euphoric, even.” – Row/Kalila (52:39)
• Row discusses treatment options, hormone replacement, egg freezing, difficulties with hormone imbalances, and potential hysterectomy.
  • “My case of it is severe, and it’s one of the more severe she’s seen...I’m definitely going to have a struggle with postpartum if I do carry.” – Row (64:18)
• Notable Statistic: “30% of women with PMDD try to commit suicide.” – Row (52:21)
• Discussion on how hormonal issues affect relationships/divorce rates post-40; importance of partner support and understanding.
  • “Track her period—just so I don’t have to explain why I’m ripping your head off today.” – Kalila (66:41)

---

12. Motherhood, Infertility, and Adoption

• Row expresses the frustration and pain of wanting to be a mom; hosts respond with empathy, share their own fertility/parenthood stories, miscarriages, and feelings.
  • “Oh, I want that so much ... and it's just so frustrating. It just, like, hasn't happened, you know?” – Row (69:11)
• Importance of open dialogue about miscarriage and trying to conceive.
  • “When I had my miscarriage, the first thing I did was call the three acquaintances that I knew had posted about their miscarriages.” – Esther (70:05)
• Discussion about love in adoption, mother-infant bond, and the universality of “your baby” regardless of genetics.
  • “The love is not because she came from me. It's because she's like my baby that I take care of.” – Esther (71:03)
• “The idea that there's just a baby with no one ... is the most like earth shattering thought to me.” – Kalila (72:18)

---

13. Pop Culture Roundup: Pop Divas, Madonna & Addison Rae

• Olivia’s takes on Madonna (“legend, icon, but kind of embarrassing—she’s a witch”), Madonna/Addison Rae viral incident at the Abbey.
  • “Madonna curses young women when she needs to ... She will either bless you or curse you.” – Esther (32:21)
• Olivia’s ranking for Gen Z pop stars (Olivia Rodrigo, Sabrina, Charli XCX, Billie Eilish).
  • “I think Olivia Rodrigo is probably my favorite ... Sabrina is probably second for me ... Charlie XCX top ten, Billie Eilish top 15.” – Olivia (35:38)
• Rachel Zegler love fest: musical theater, personal interaction stories.

---

14. Musings on Identity:

• Esther is dubbed “timeless” for her ability to fit in any era.
  • “You’re kind of a ghost. You fit in all centuries.” – Kalila (18:21)
• Row’s maternal instinct and “too much estrogen,” leading to an addiction to fostering/adopting dogs.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Row (on self-image and group photos):
  • “I wish I did that. So millennial of you. And I’m like, no, just take the photo.” (14:13)
• Esther (on parenthood):
  • “Nothing has made me more open to adoption ... than having my own child. The love is not because she’s mine ... it’s because she’s my baby that I take care of.” (71:03)
• Kalila (on PMDD):
  • “30% of women with PMDD try to commit suicide.” (52:21)
• Olivia (on Gen Z self-confidence):
  • “I walk around and I’m like, I look gorgeous, feeling hilarious... But if something goes wrong, I will be like, oh, I’ll, like, kill myself.” (07:14)
• Esther (on the importance of miscarriage stories):
  • “The first thing I did was ... call the three acquaintances that I knew had posted about their miscarriages.” (70:05)
• Row (on her PMDD):
  • “That birthday was the hardest month of my life other than losing my dad ... it was severe depression, severe anxiety, and I really struggled.” (73:45)
• Khalyla (on relationship advice):
  • “Boys, if you’re listening, that’s the least you can do. Track her period ... just so I don’t have to explain why I’m ripping your head off today.” (66:41)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:58 — The “shorty” kitchen set story
• 06:28 — Olivia: “Don’t talk about my friend like that” self-worth mantra
• 09:44–10:58 — The “millennial sayings” roast and generational humor
• 15:10 — “The Last Supper" as the ultimate group photo
• 22:18 — The “snack mom” and Mary Poppins bag
• 24:28 — Swedish tradition: not feeding kids
• 25:57 — Esther’s ‘friend brings her own meal’ pet peeve
• 35:38 — Olivia’s top Gen Z pop stars ranking
• 49:01 — Row on living with PMDD, symptoms and misdiagnosis
• 52:21 — “30% of women with PMDD try to commit suicide.”
• 69:11 — Row on the frustration of wanting to be a mom
• 70:05 — Esther calls acquaintances for miscarriage support
• 71:03 — The power of adoptive love

---

Tone and Language

The episode is characteristically irreverent, self-deprecating, and full of supportive “hot girl” energy. The hosts and guests blend humor with vulnerability, moving easily between inside jokes (“S.L.U.G.S,” “group photo with Jesus”), loving roasts about generational divides, and deeply felt conversations on hormonal health, motherhood, and female friendship. Conversations about health struggles, fertility or self-image are honest but never dour—the tone is one of camaraderie and realness.

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Final Thoughts

This jam-packed episode of Trash Tuesday is a love letter to women’s friendships, a crash course in how millennial and Gen Z cultures can clash and complement, and a strikingly open discussion of female body realities. Fans of either generation—or anyone who loves feminist camaraderie with a dash of pop culture—will find a lot to relate to, laugh at, and think about.

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Listen to more from Rosanna and Olivia on their podcast, “Rhodiculous.”

Transcript

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[Row]

yeah, I went to calaves so nice and we're actually.

[Kalila]

What are we doing in our lives

[Olivia Lopes]

come next time there's one in Mexico.

[Row]

Mexico that we're going to. I can't wait.

[Kalila]

Losers.

[Esther]

You and me, we're nothing. We're zeros.

[Kalila]

Zeros. Yeah, zeros.

[Olivia Lopes]

Tens. Tens

[Kalila]

you guys. We are obsessed with everything Skims here at Trash Tuesday. Skims has this everyday cotton set that I am completely obsessed with. Shop everyday cotton and all of our favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show Trash Tuesday in the drop down menu that follows. Heights I know I need to know

[Row]

I'm a shorty so we're on the shorty side. I'm glad we're together.

[Kalila]

How funny. You don't look short on camera at all. Truly like she looks like a small girl like in real life and on camera I thought I was like I'm shocked that like you're actually like petite like Esther.

[Row]

We created the kitchen set to look smaller like it's like it's actually constructed cuz we built it from scratch so we made the entire kitchen set like a few inch, well a lot of inches like 5 inches shorter than like industry standard so that I look like a normal people like the kid kitchens in the little and we have like pull out on the bottom these like pull out boxes that we used to have on tracks that they're basically apple boxes so even when I have a guest I can go a little higher

[Olivia Lopes]

if I need to.

[Esther]

So smart. See I am a short Girl that refuses to wear heels. So. Yeah, I see you these. Wow. I see what you got.

[Olivia Lopes]

How tall are you?

[Esther]

I'm almost 5 1.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay.

[Row]

Oh, you're tall.

[Olivia Lopes]

You're like my mom.

[Row]

I'm 410.

[Olivia Lopes]

She's teeny tiny.

[Row]

I'm gymnast. I'm an ex gymnast. So I feel like that's why the heels feel so comfortable to me because I did ballet for seven years and then gymnastics. So it was just like always those sports where like a lot of pain was involved.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

And.

[Row]

And I'm. I have a really high tolerance to

[Kalila]

pain, which kind of backfires as an adult.

[Row]

It does.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Like having a high pain threshold is so overrated because you're not listening to your body like ever. You're overriding your own sensors all the time.

[Olivia Lopes]

I have a very low tolerance for discomfort.

[Kalila]

That's going to keep you. That's, that's going to keep you living longer.

[Olivia Lopes]

Young.

[Esther]

It's true.

[Row]

I'm kind of scared now.

[Kalila]

You and I both because I was an athlete. So it's like I wasn't allowed to say out loud what hurt me or. Because even if I did, they'd be like, suck it up anyways. Oh, you know, so.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, I always need a break.

[Esther]

I need a chair.

[Olivia Lopes]

Do we have a chair? Can I have a five, please?

[Kalila]

Both of you are going to live longer. Me and Rosanna are going to, you know.

[Row]

Yeah. Because even when I mean all my doctors.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Like my bestie, Olivia is drinking a vanilla ice cream. Splendid. From the, from the past. From the.

[Olivia Lopes]

From Coffee 2006.

[Esther]

Yeah. A coffee Bean ice drink.

[Kalila]

This is crazy because anytime I pass by the Coffee Bean by my house, there's only really cool old Armenian men playing chess.

[Esther]

No way.

[Kalila]

And that's their like, hub. So I'm like, I feel like this is actually really cool of you.

[Row]

Thank you.

[Olivia Lopes]

I actually, sadly, I get it via Postmate. So I don't. I haven't met the men, but yeah, I do participate in self indulgence like every day.

[Esther]

For people who don't know. Basically, if you don't live in la, I think you don't know. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf was. When I first moved here in 2009, I was like, oh, this is LA's Starbucks. Like it's everywhere. It's on every corner. It rivals Starbucks. And then I feel like the Tick Tock generation left it behind.

[Olivia Lopes]

I'm like devastated about it.

[Esther]

But why?

[Kalila]

I. Because I, I do remember it being. And just about every, like there, there was a Starbucks There was a coffee bean close by.

[Esther]

I don't.

[Kalila]

I didn't even realize it was just a California thing.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah, it really. People don't know about it, but when you explain how good the ice blended are, people always want to try it. They're like, I have to come down. I have to try your ice blended.

[Esther]

But isn't it just a Frappuccino?

[Kalila]

It's.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, it's so different.

[Esther]

Excuse me.

[Olivia Lopes]

So when I was growing up, my friend bought the coffee bean powder that they would put into the ice blended. I don't know if they still sell it, but it has a very particular smell and taste is just better than anything else in the world. And they put it into every single ice blended. And you smell it when you walk into Coffee Bean. You smell it when you have your little drink. And that's what Britney Spears was smelling in 2006. That's what Ashley Tisdale was smelling in 2006. So I feel like I'm in good company.

[Esther]

Your skirt is right.

[Olivia Lopes]

You like it?

[Esther]

It's right on. On style.

[Olivia Lopes]

Thank you. This is Teddy Fresh. Oh,

[Kalila]

sorry about the Andrew W.K.

[Row]

thing. Why?

[Esther]

Because I have ugly hair?

[Kalila]

No, no, it's. I initially when I. I didn't see it was gray, but I thought you were doing white on white.

[Esther]

Okay, look like I'm auditioning for the leftovers. Like.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, no, don't say that about yourself.

[Row]

Wait, is that a cult show?

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Yes.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, you're wearing two tones. That's white and that's like light gray.

[Esther]

Yeah. I don't know. I. I'm in my gray era.

[Olivia Lopes]

Cool.

[Esther]

I'm not. I didn't dress well today. Just.

[Kalila]

No, that's not what I said. Oh my God.

[Row]

No, you're.

[Kalila]

And your WK is a star.

[Olivia Lopes]

Chic and casual.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

Like, what's going on? Why are we speaking about ourselves this way?

[Row]

Not allowed. Not allowed. Olivia helped me with this a lot because I self deprecating humor.

[Olivia Lopes]

I say, don't talk about my friend like that.

[Row]

Yeah. So when we hang out, she'll say that to me.

[Olivia Lopes]

And it helps a lot.

[Esther]

I do feel like that is a very distinct Gen Z millennial. Like we hate on ourselves all the time.

[Row]

It's like so it feels so natural and normal and like when we were getting to know each other, I brought Olivia to this like all women's fitness retreat at this luxury resort. We had so much fun to bond because, like, we knew each other, but we didn't like, know know each other. So when we were first getting to know each other. I thought that would be fun. Like a team bonding thing.

[Olivia Lopes]

It was amazing.

[Row]

And it was so massages. And literally what I learned from her is, like, more positive self talk.

[Esther]

That's so sweet. I do feel like the Gen Z's, like, you guys like yourselves too much.

[Olivia Lopes]

Thank you. I think that I definitely, like, walk around and I'm like, I look gorgeous. And I'm, like, feeling hilarious and xyz. But if, like, something goes wrong, I will be like, oh, I'll, like, kill myself.

[Esther]

Like, everything.

[Row]

I step in, and then I step in when it's serious, and I'm like, no, you're a badass.

[Olivia Lopes]

I'm quick to panic, but, like, I'm easy to please.

[Row]

Usually that's my moment to shine. I feel like that's our zillennial love. She's Gen Z and I'm millennial, and then it says zillennial love. Our generations really get along well, sometimes.

[Kalila]

I've noticed, but there's a lot of friction, too.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah. Like, I have a list of millennial sayings that, like, I need to get with or else, like, I'm gonna die if I don't. Because I hear it. I hear it would not just from you.

[Esther]

From.

[Olivia Lopes]

Not everybody. Okay, everybody. No, everybody above the age of 30. I can read some if you want.

[Esther]

Wait, so first of all, let's introduce our guests.

[Row]

Oh, my God.

[Olivia Lopes]

So sorry.

[Esther]

No, it's not your fault. We have Olivia Lopes.

[Olivia Lopes]

Thank you for having me.

[Esther]

They are podcasters, youtubers. Olivia, you work with. You used to work with H3. That's how I. I. You're so familiar to me.

[Olivia Lopes]

I was there for, like, four years, I think.

[Esther]

And you still work there some. Are you?

[Olivia Lopes]

I still hang out there sometimes, yeah.

[Esther]

And Rosanna, you are a baking YouTube

[Kalila]

extraordinaire, author, businesswoman, all of the things. Two really cool girls. We're not worthy in our.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, you guys too, showed up. I am such a big fan of you guys. Like, just so we have it on the record, I love you guys.

[Row]

Yeah, she's like, let the record show a huge.

[Olivia Lopes]

I'm a Trust Tuesdays girl.

[Row]

You really are. I love it. And, like, Olivia was showing me some of her favorite episodes, so we.

[Olivia Lopes]

Episode.

[Row]

Yeah, your favorite.

[Olivia Lopes]

So funny.

[Row]

So good.

[Esther]

She's blowing up.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, yeah. She's so happy for her.

[Row]

The first time I ever was introduced to her was on your guys's podcast. And then I saw her in that new Keanu Reeves Reeves movie where she was playing his assistant, and I was like, she's next to my man.

[Olivia Lopes]

You were like, oh, my God, That's a girl from Trash Tuesdays.

[Esther]

Breaking talent over here we are.

[Kalila]

I think so. Caleb Heron.

[Esther]

We had him early.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, my God.

[Kalila]

Early on. Early. One of the greatest for the big pop.

[Esther]

It's usually just my husband tells us who to book and they become super famous immediately.

[Row]

Oh, my God. Me next.

[Olivia Lopes]

Me next.

[Esther]

Yes. Wait, so tell your millennial sayings.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, right. It's an ever growing list. Millennial sayings I cannot deal with, but have to. So I did a thing.

[Kalila]

Oh, okay.

[Olivia Lopes]

That is overused.

[Kalila]

That is. That is.

[Olivia Lopes]

That's like a crazy.

[Kalila]

That makes me kind of like.

[Olivia Lopes]

So I did a thing. It's like.

[Row]

Okay, for the record, I've never said no.

[Olivia Lopes]

To be fair, I've never heard you say that.

[Row]

I'm so, like, grew up in a bunker, so.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah. You never do anything.

[Row]

I never do anything.

[Esther]

Yeah. You grew up in a bunker. Like Kimmy Schmidt. That's what she like.

[Row]

We joke like that because were so poor and my dad worked on ton of military contracts, so it's just like, we didn't have a tv. So when you're not exposed to, like pop cultural phenomenons when you're growing up, like, I just didn't relate to the kids in school. I never knew what the inside jokes were. Like, I was just so oblivious. Like, I read the newspaper with my dad and understood about his job and that was like, about it. Yeah. We joke that it's kind of like growing up in a bunker, but Olivia is teaching me on the podcast about pop culture, like, events and things that are going on. So it feels like for the first time in forever that, like, I understand things as they're happening. And it's exciting.

[Esther]

That is great. I actually was hoping that you did grow up in a bunker, because I. That would be. My goal is to raise my family underground. Have you guys seen that 1970s underground house that's like in Vegas that some really rich guy built A farm full, perfect house. I can't believe you guys haven't seen this.

[Olivia Lopes]

After, like, nuclear destruction. He can have a beautiful, gorgeous interior because.

[Esther]

Look at this. Because it's underground. The sun and none of it has any damage.

[Kalila]

I did see this.

[Olivia Lopes]

It has all the lighting.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

It has no environmental damage, so it's literally pristine.

[Olivia Lopes]

Wow.

[Esther]

Like, this is where I want to raise my children.

[Kalila]

I'm having, like, anxiety already looking at this.

[Esther]

Oh.

[Olivia Lopes]

Because of the, like, pressure from above.

[Kalila]

I think it makes it worse that there's artificial lighting. To make it seem like real life. Because when I go to Vegas and I go to. Is it Caesars with a artificial, I start to not feel good because I'm like, this isn't real. I would rather it be dark and soily and, like, exact to what it is and be like. As opposed to trying to mimic something that isn't there, which is sunlight.

[Olivia Lopes]

You're an authentic girl.

[Esther]

I thrive in fake lighting.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah, so do I. Honestly, like, no seasonal depression is going on in the bunker.

[Kalila]

Really?

[Olivia Lopes]

I don't think so.

[Row]

I like warm and moody.

[Kalila]

Yeah. It's freaking me the fudge out. I hate it.

[Row]

This is wild. No, I didn't grow up like this. I mean, I wish, but it really

[Esther]

made me believe that for one second.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yes. And it was a dream for those few seconds.

[Row]

Well, I feel like that's a good way to introduce myself because then you'll kind of know, like, kind of where I'm at.

[Esther]

Expect that you'll know anything.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

And I love to explain.

[Row]

I know stuff about, like, news, global politics, weapons trade. Because that's what dad.

[Kalila]

Weapons trade. Honestly, that's kind of all you really need.

[Olivia Lopes]

I don't know anything about that stuff.

[Kalila]

That's. Yeah.

[Row]

So it's just. It's very, like, particular. But then I went to college, and then my whole world opened and I was like, whoa.

[Kalila]

I feel like then you got bang for your buck. Because a lot of people go to college and they're kind of like, eh. About it. You.

[Row]

I.

[Kalila]

The fact that you're you.

[Row]

Life changing.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

Change.

[Kalila]

What's that one book about that girl who lived, like, off the grid and decided to go to college? It's called. I think it's called Educated.

[Row]

I don't know it.

[Kalila]

Yeah, Educated. Right.

[Row]

Okay. I'm have to read that.

[Esther]

Megan Knowing books.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay. Mega being educated. Okay, I do have more.

[Esther]

Let's go.

[Kalila]

Let's hear.

[Row]

I have.

[Olivia Lopes]

When people make their Instagram note, city name, I am inside of you. I hate those people.

[Row]

Seattle.

[Kalila]

I'm in you.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah. When they post, like, Los Angeles, I am inside of you. And it's like, I don't think I

[Kalila]

know how to use a note.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, good.

[Kalila]

It's just a little bubble on top, right?

[Esther]

Oh, that's what you're saying?

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Oh, yeah. I think any use of those is pretty damning.

[Kalila]

It's pretty millennial. Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

Unless it's like, a call to action. Like, I want you all to give me attention right now. Like, if you're really upfront about it. I'm okay with that. And I'll be like, hey, girl. Like, love you. Yeah.

[Row]

The one thing I am guilty of. Of. We were talking about it earlier, but we went out to dinner. We do a lot of girls nights. Like, we're going out tonight for a girl's night at the Hideaway. And I do. Like, I make them do group photos.

[Kalila]

I see. I see.

[Row]

Olivia told me, and my other girlfriend told me. Is so millennial of me, but I'm like, cute.

[Kalila]

It's like a memory.

[Row]

It's like, when I'm old, I want to remember, like, have these little memories, and I wish I did that. So millennial of you. And I'm like, no, just take the photo.

[Kalila]

Yeah. I think I'm gonna push back on the whole. That's so millennial. Because I do think that when I look back at group photos, even though I understand why they're cringe, because the whole Gen Z thing is to be like, let's just do, you know, filmy slash cool girl looking away, you know, casual aesthetic. When I look back, because my memory is going out, I'm like. It actually is like, my archive. I'm like, this was whose birthday it was, and this was who was there. Yeah. And it's really sweet. I'm like, oh, my God, we were all there together.

[Esther]

I think that they're a little. The youngins are a little hard on us for group photos. And. And I think that you guys should be hard on us. I think everything. That everything about millennial culture is for lame. But I will argue about group photos. That they are not millennial. They are timeless. What is the most famous group photo of all time?

[Kalila]

Oh, yeah. Jesus. Oh.

[Esther]

The Shining is not a photo.

[Olivia Lopes]

It's a painting.

[Esther]

The Last Supper.

[Kalila]

The photo. The Last Supper.

[Esther]

That is like, group photos. Like, how will you ever haunt people from the. From the past?

[Olivia Lopes]

That's a really good point.

[Esther]

It can't be haunting without a group photo.

[Kalila]

I click.

[Olivia Lopes]

So everybody knows who's there.

[Esther]

Y.

[Olivia Lopes]

You know, like, it can't just be me. That's not scary.

[Esther]

You need a picture with, like, 12 mysterious faces so that people can, like, put together puzzle pieces and solve mysteries about you.

[Kalila]

Can we pull up the Last Supper? I just need. I need everyone to know, like, historically, group shots are a thing.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And, like, they're never gonna go out of style.

[Esther]

You're right.

[Kalila]

Look at this.

[Row]

Look at everybody. This is a group photo.

[Esther]

Not bring up the one from the Shining because it's way better.

[Olivia Lopes]

And, like, imagine if Jesus picked up his phone and selfie. That would have been it. So less impactful. So different.

[Row]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Look at this.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, whoa.

[Row]

Oh, whoa.

[Esther]

That. Is there any scarier image ever?

[Olivia Lopes]

And what brave girl said. Hold on, everybody. Let's take a photo.

[Esther]

It was real. It was rough.

[Row]

Like, everybody squeeze it. Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, I'm grateful. I'm grateful to have the memory. I just need to get used to it, I guess.

[Kalila]

Like, it's just not for the grid posing in life.

[Olivia Lopes]

You're right. It's not

[Row]

like in the carousel, but it's like at the end. End. And then I posted at the beginning.

[Olivia Lopes]

Second. It could be second.

[Row]

Oh, second.

[Olivia Lopes]

Just not first.

[Row]

I posted it first.

[Kalila]

That's fine. What else do you have?

[Olivia Lopes]

I have adulting. Oh, that one hurts. Really?

[Kalila]

That one? Yeah. I think it hurts us even.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay, that's. That makes me feel a lot better say that.

[Row]

No, no.

[Olivia Lopes]

I have doing life. I hear that a lot.

[Esther]

You do?

[Row]

I do.

[Kalila]

I don't hear that as often.

[Olivia Lopes]

I do. Maybe it's because I watch a lot of true crime. Millennial YouTubers, they, like. They, like, say that, and they also say the ma. It Mathing.

[Kalila]

Oh, yeah. That's a little bit rough for me. That one.

[Row]

I'm like that. That.

[Olivia Lopes]

Just so you don't get it. What do you mean? I have make it make sense.

[Kalila]

I feel like that's not. Like. That's not true. Millennial. I feel like somehow that was a Gen Z thing that millennials.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, we can't take credit for that. That's horrible.

[Kalila]

I don't know.

[Olivia Lopes]

Sound off.

[Row]

Guys, can we put in the lennial category?

[Olivia Lopes]

I don't want it.

[Row]

We'll just put it in the middle.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay. Okay.

[Row]

Hang out there. Okay.

[Olivia Lopes]

I have doggo and girls night over, literally everything else.

[Esther]

Okay.

[Row]

I say doggos all the time.

[Kalila]

What is doggo like about your dog? Yeah. Everyone's a doggo. Yeah. Doggo.

[Esther]

Really?

[Kalila]

You missed that boat.

[Esther]

Good.

[Kalila]

I. You know, I. I had to give up doggo, too, once I realized I'm like, oh.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, you were.

[Kalila]

You were homies early on. Yeah, early on.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay.

[Esther]

I think I am honorary Gen Z, and I know every millennial says that.

[Olivia Lopes]

I feel like you are.

[Esther]

Thank you so much.

[Olivia Lopes]

Absolutely.

[Esther]

I identify. Yeah. For sure. I've never said doggo, and I passed the test.

[Kalila]

Yeah. I feel like you are Gen Z.

[Esther]

Really?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Coming from you, that's like, only because.

[Kalila]

But then here's the thing about you. I think that you're kind of a ghost.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

In that you fit in all centuries.

[Olivia Lopes]

You're Timeless.

[Kalila]

Like, if we were to throw your ass back to the 1800s.

[Olivia Lopes]

Fine, Esther.

[Esther]

No one would notice. No one's from somewhere else.

[Olivia Lopes]

You'd wake up, you'd have your tutor, you'd go to lunch, and then you would. Yeah. Go to the ball. Yeah, I could see you at a ball.

[Row]

What do they do in the 1800s?

[Esther]

Like, garden?

[Olivia Lopes]

Like, read, play music, talk to each other.

[Row]

Props, Sauce.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Esther]

It probably was so much better because you weren't scrolling. So you just, like. Everything was so stimulating.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah. And their posture was probably really good.

[Kalila]

You think?

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah, I was like, whoa, whoa. My entire reels thing is, like, different exercises to move your shoulder blades back. And, like, I don't even like them or interact with them. They just, like, know that, like, I'm struggling.

[Row]

Olivia, did you see that sports bra that Taylor Swift was wearing?

[Esther]

That, like, supposed to help your posture?

[Olivia Lopes]

Does it vibrate?

[Kalila]

It's really wide and not, like, very nice looking, though. Okay. It's like, a really thick back.

[Esther]

She's actively working on her posture. Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

I feel like I've seen memes of people talking about her posture.

[Kalila]

I have a hot take on this. I think that if you have any kind of autoimmune disorder, like, for me, I'm a potsy girly. Your posture is something you can never fix because it is physically exhausting for me to sit upright. Like, I'm thinking about it every single second. Like, I can't even breathe well.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Like, it just feels like everything is not in the right. It's weighted the wrong way. When I slouch, I'm like, I'm happy here. Leave me here. It's also cuter.

[Olivia Lopes]

Kind of.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

Like, this is kind of ugly sometimes. Depends who's doing it.

[Esther]

Oh, my God. How about the Mary Kate Olsen Early Y2K slouch, where they're, like, so thin and just decay.

[Row]

I didn't even recognize them when I saw pictures.

[Esther]

Like, unless they're together.

[Row]

Then I'm like, twins.

[Olivia Lopes]

I could probably. I could say that's Michelle walking around.

[Row]

I can't. I can't recognize them individually.

[Olivia Lopes]

Michelle. What's her last name? Tanner.

[Esther]

Oh, yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

You know, Full house.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

Come on, guys. I'm the. The Gen Z.

[Esther]

What's going on?

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah, I was on Nick at night.

[Kalila]

I have a question.

[Row]

Olivia, if you. Okay, so, like, like, in your purse, if you have a Mary Poppins bag, what generation is that? Is that Gen X? Is that. That's not Boomer? Like, what is that?

[Olivia Lopes]

Mary Poppins? I feel like it's from the 20s.

[Esther]

Right.

[Olivia Lopes]

So, like, that.

[Esther]

But do you mean, like that friend that has the big bag that has everything in it? That's.

[Olivia Lopes]

That's, like, odd.

[Kalila]

Maybe a little bit more on the. That's not Disney Adult. Right.

[Olivia Lopes]

I also don't even feel like it's generational. I think it's just the type of friend you are. If you've got the big bag of the little. I'm the friend with the little bag. Like, I'll have my. My vape and my credit card.

[Row]

You have the important things, and then I have everything.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Row]

And that's just kind of.

[Olivia Lopes]

Everybody needs their friend to have the

[Kalila]

ADD thing, to have everything. Yeah. Because I have everything in mind.

[Row]

I have adhd. That's probably it.

[Kalila]

It's because if it doesn't have, like, a single pot to exist, I'll lose everything. That's what I have to do.

[Row]

Even in these small bags. Like, if you went through this, it's like, psycho. I just. Like, I can't. Like, this is the EpiPen. I don't even need this. This is just in case a friend. You do need that as an anaphylax.

[Kalila]

Oh, my God. Same. We're. You're in the right room.

[Esther]

Yeah. That's weird.

[Olivia Lopes]

And then, like, you guys are medically.

[Row]

For safety. Pepper spray. That looks like a lipstick. For safety.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, she got me a taser.

[Kalila]

I do like this. Should we go through our stuff?

[Esther]

Sewing kit for the podcast.

[Kalila]

Mints.

[Row]

But these are just always in here. Hand sanitizer.

[Kalila]

Yes.

[Row]

Mints from my nail salon. They're great. They're like, like, minty and. And creamy at the same time.

[Kalila]

Whoa.

[Row]

So, yeah, I didn't know what generation this is.

[Esther]

It sounds like you. You're someone that's been through some.

[Kalila]

I feel like this is very, like, mom. Right? Like, you're prepared. You're ready.

[Row]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Olivia Lopes]

I can give you my keys and

[Row]

be like, snacks in reverse.

[Kalila]

Yes. You're the snack mom.

[Row]

Oh.

[Kalila]

Which I, by the way, I just learned. I don't know what country it is, but apparently, I don't know. I don't want to, like, like, slander Sweden by accident or Finland or any of these countries, but culturally, if, like, say, for instance, I have kids. You have kids. Your kids come over, and then it's. It's dinner time. Apparently, I kick your kids out, and I'm like, no, my direct family is having dinner. You sit outside while we have dinner, and I don't offer you food.

[Esther]

Wait, what apparently is My culture.

[Kalila]

Can you look it up, please? Because I. I didn't make this up.

[Olivia Lopes]

You have to tell a kid to leave.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I'm Italian.

[Row]

That's the exact opposite. I'm Italian, so it's, like, more the merrier.

[Kalila]

Same with Filipinos. In fact, eat everybody.

[Esther]

No, I. I get this. I like this. I'm into it.

[Olivia Lopes]

I mean, sometimes I don't like when people watch me with my parents.

[Row]

I was hungry at dinner time because I have to go sit outside.

[Esther]

I don't know your food allergies. Like, I don't also, I don't want you feeding my kid your food. I don't know what you're doing.

[Kalila]

But then that's a thing of, like. That's what the parents have to consider before the invitation.

[Row]

Oh, okay.

[Kalila]

Sweets. Don't feed other people's.

[Esther]

That is so funny.

[Kalila]

I was reading a comment that said they don't want to assume that, like, you're not fed.

[Olivia Lopes]

They think it's, like, rude to assume that, like, your own family didn't feed you or something like that, too.

[Kalila]

Yeah, so rude for a kid. Because I know I've been to friend's house, and I'm, like, famished, and I'm like, you know, it's a one place where I'm not eating whatever healthy. My mom is constantly feeding me, and they're having, like, pizza, and I'm like, like. And if I were to be kicked out in that moment.

[Row]

Oh, cry.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I'd cry. I'd cry.

[Olivia Lopes]

Specific dinners that I had at friends houses. I remember there was a specific girl named Sydney Gubernick when I was in fifth grade. And her mom would put butter in the rice, and it was so good. My mom never let me put butter in my rice.

[Esther]

See, that's. If I'm your mom, I'm, like, suing that other mom.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, my gosh.

[Esther]

Now you know about butter rice.

[Kalila]

Esther.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Esther]

What?

[Kalila]

This is crazy. You're with the Swedes here.

[Esther]

Yes, of course I am.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

This is. Fuck, I'm Filipino. This is, like, mind blowing to me that you're not constantly, like, saying, are you hungry? You want more? You want more stressful?

[Esther]

Because then it's, like, rude when I turn.

[Kalila]

No, it's not rude. It's not rude. It's just more like Italian communal family taking care of each other.

[Esther]

I'm a little bit with you.

[Row]

Something from scratch. That was my family. Like, whatever you want, they'll just make it.

[Esther]

But what if I say no? Then you guys hate me.

[Row]

Well, we just Keep offering you something until you want something.

[Esther]

See, it's.

[Olivia Lopes]

That's too much pressure.

[Row]

Yeah, it's. It's a little aggressive.

[Esther]

We. I. I need your guys opinion on this. So I know that I'm, like, kind of scroogey and, like, get. I get really, like, irritated, like, really easily. Right? So I'm taking faults out the gate

[Row]

with this pet peeve.

[Esther]

I have a friend, and I've learned to accept this behavior, and I welcome it. But it does. It bothers me. I just want to know what you guys think.

[Kalila]

Is it me?

[Esther]

No, but it is.

[Olivia Lopes]

I know that feeling.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Esther]

They're on this podcast all the time.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Esther]

I have a close friend where every time she comes over, she brings, like, a big bag and, like, makes her own meal. I'm like, what is. What. Why is this bothering me? Like, I don't really know. Like, it's. She's not, like, eating my food, which would be fine, but if it was something I was saving for later, I'd maybe be a little scroogey about it. But she just brings. She always, like, sets up and eats over at my.

[Olivia Lopes]

My house, in my kitchen.

[Kalila]

With you. Is she. Are you eating with her?

[Row]

No.

[Kalila]

She eats on her own time?

[Esther]

Yes, on her own time.

[Olivia Lopes]

Does she clean up?

[Esther]

Yeah. Well, yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay.

[Kalila]

What?

[Esther]

Like, what is that? Like, why does that bother me? Should it not bother me? I accept it. It.

[Kalila]

Wait, I thought for some reason you would probably like it because you're. You agreed with the Swedish thing. She obviously has control issues with her diet. She is probably very anxious about allergies and things like that. You know, she doesn't want to burden you with being like. With you being, hey, let's. Let me make you dinner. And then it's something she can't have.

[Esther]

That's true, and I see that, but I'm also like. I feel like this is weird.

[Kalila]

I do. I would feel like, what are we doing here? Are we not friends? Yeah. Are we not gonna break bread?

[Esther]

Well, why does it make you think not friends? To me, it's like, too close of friends.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, I'm with Kalila. It's like you don't want to share your food or the idea of your food even. Like, you're not even telling me that you're gonna make it. You're just doing it.

[Kalila]

Are you bringing some for me?

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kalila]

Or is it just rationed specifically for you?

[Olivia Lopes]

Are you selfish about it?

[Esther]

I don't know. I feel like I could have some if I wanted.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay. Maybe we should ask Next time.

[Esther]

And see, you're the baker. You're the food maker. What do you think of this? Would you just show up at my house and like, start making.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

Like, even with my boyfriend, the first time we really hung out, he was like, oh, we're gonna have like a little get together. So I bought like, I brought over like trays of food. Like, I made so much food, like, like for 80 people. Like, aw, yeah, that's just me. I usually just bring a lot of food everywhere. And then sometimes to girlfriend's houses, I'll bring booze because I have a few girlfriends who don't drink, so I know that they're not gonna have like, like a fully stocked bar.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, it's for you.

[Row]

Yeah. And I'll bring them like a cute little like Betty Buzz or a cute little, like, non alcoholic, whatever. And then I bring my own thing because I know it's like, I don't want to pressure anybody, be anybody's. I don't want to be in the way, but I want.

[Kalila]

You're my kind of girl. I feel like, I mean, guy. Ariel, like the. The other weekend, what did you say? You're like, oh, we. What did you say about me and

[Row]

food Always having it around.

[Kalila]

Your snack game is incredible.

[Olivia Lopes]

It's almost like you guys are like stoners, you know, like the level of snacks that are like always there. Always.

[Kalila]

After they all went to Coachella, like a big group of them, what did you guys come home to?

[Row]

I was asleep, but what did I

[Kalila]

leave on the table at 2 in the morning? Oh, there was so much Mexican food. That is whole Mexican food, like a whole spread for them. Because I know that they would be tired, their feet would hurt, and they'd be hungry. But that's the same thing. It's like. And it's always for 80 people. Right. Way too much food.

[Esther]

But see, you call me a goat ghost, and then here you are feeding people where you're disappeared.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah. That's the most ghost thing I've ever.

[Kalila]

I know, I know. You're right.

[Esther]

You're eerie.

[Row]

It is super eerie.

[Kalila]

But I really like that it was Sting. That's so the host.

[Esther]

You're a ghost.

[Row]

But it's very nice. It's a very nice ghost host. Thank you. It's very thoughtful.

[Kalila]

Appreciate that.

[Row]

So it's like, it's really nurturing Coachella

[Kalila]

or you were a long story. I fake one. Do you know what that means?

[Olivia Lopes]

You went to the desert, but you didn't go to the festival.

[Kalila]

Right. So I had My pass. I had an artist pass.

[Olivia Lopes]

That's amazing.

[Kalila]

But I also brought my baby with me. So then I told Esther, I'm only going to like Coachella from 2 to 4, and I'm gonna discover the new AX. I didn't even go to that.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay.

[Kalila]

I ended up giving my artist pass to our crew, and they had a time, and I just hung out at the. At the house.

[Olivia Lopes]

My God, that's so nice of you.

[Kalila]

I. Big fomo, though. I was, like, looking at them because they were all in, like, the live stream. I was like, these motherfu.

[Olivia Lopes]

Was it. Was it Sabrina that you missed?

[Kalila]

I missed all weekend.

[Olivia Lopes]

But, like, who. Who were you upset about?

[Kalila]

David Byrne, the Strokes, Givan? There were these acts that I just was like, okay, these are non negotiables for me. And I didn't end up going.

[Olivia Lopes]

We negotiated them.

[Esther]

That's fine.

[Olivia Lopes]

There were live streams, and you were with your baby.

[Kalila]

I was with my baby. It felt. It felt okay. It felt like a. Okay exchange.

[Esther]

Actually, I have a question for you, Olivia.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Esther]

What are your thoughts, just as a healthy, young, normal person on Madonna?

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh. I mean, I know she's a legend. I know she's an icon. Her MTV Music Awards performance of Like a Virgin changed culture. I love her. She is like a different type of entity that, like, I think I've never seen. She's a pop star, but she's a little bit embarrassing. But, like, she's such a legend that it's fine is how I feel.

[Esther]

That was a really great neutral answer

[Olivia Lopes]

because I know that every. People love her, and, like, I love her. Like, the Glee Madonna episode was one of the best. It really was.

[Kalila]

What's the drama with Addison Ray taking the mic?

[Esther]

I don't know.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay. I. I know it.

[Row]

Wait, when was this? Is this at.

[Olivia Lopes]

This was at the Abbey. No, this was at the Abbey.

[Kalila]

Post Coachella. Yeah.

[Esther]

She did a listening party at the Abbey, which is a little on the nose.

[Kalila]

The Abbey, West Hollywood. Like, the problematic place.

[Olivia Lopes]

So, yeah, I go pretty much every Monday because they do musical Mondays, Broadway

[Esther]

karaoke, but did not know that we have to go.

[Olivia Lopes]

It's so Mondays.

[Kalila]

We can do Monday.

[Olivia Lopes]

There's an old lady named Disco Debbie who's always there, and she was just somehow, like. I guess she was just lingering outside of the Abbey because I don't think it was open to the public, but she was posting all day, like, I'm gonna try my best. I'm gonna be there. And then she was. She was recording Madonna in the Abbey.

[Esther]

Okay, so what happened with Addison Rae?

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, okay, so Madonna was at the BO. She was DJing, and Addison was, like, invited because. Oh, my God, that's so cool. That's Addison Ray. And so she was given the mic and she was, like, talking, but there's a clip that went viral of Madonna being like, wait, like, I want the mic back. And everyone was like, oh, my God. Addison wouldn't give her the mic back. But really, it's just her, like, not socially not being aware that, like, Madonna wanted the mic back.

[Row]

Just, like, just not, like, just not clocking.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Row]

Like, understand.

[Kalila]

She said that she was drunk is what Addison Ray said.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, did she respond to it already? Maybe she was like, I was just drunk and having fun. Sorry, sorry.

[Esther]

You know, Madonna. I'm strong. Love you, Madonna. Oh, this is not good.

[Olivia Lopes]

What?

[Esther]

This is, like. I'm telling you, this is gonna have a lasting negative impact on Addison. I. I just feel something is coming over me. Really? Madonna curses young women when she needs to.

[Olivia Lopes]

She tried for Lady Gaga.

[Esther]

She will either bless you or she will curse you. And this is not. I'm getting the chills like that. This is bad. Yeah, this is really bad. I love her with all of my heart, but I know that she's actually like, a for of evil when she needs to be a witch.

[Kalila]

She's a dark witch.

[Esther]

Yeah, that's.

[Row]

This is.

[Olivia Lopes]

She's dark witch.

[Esther]

You can't just be young and stupid, like, next to Madonna on a stage. Like, that will never leave.

[Kalila]

Yeah. I'm still kind of working up to my understanding of Addison Rae in general. I know that, you know, I really am trying, like, my best to, like, sorry, Megan.

[Olivia Lopes]

No, I think I can. Maybe I can make an argument.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Row]

She can help a lot.

[Olivia Lopes]

My thing about Addison Rae. Is she incredibly talented at singing? No, but, like, is she incredibly talented at dancing?

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

She was a tick tocker, which is so cringy. For so long. She was in the Bryce hall group. And then she started, like, seeming more authentic, like, kind of crazy. Like, there was this viral photo of her being like, I love sitting on the ground. It makes me happy. And everyone's like, that is so cringe. But it was the first little taste of authentic Addison. And then, like, she would do Q&As on her Instagram story, and there would be like, what are you obsessed with right now? And she'd be like, my life. And everyone's like, that's kind of cool. And then she was like, I want to be a pop star really bad. But she didn't have any music written. So she went to her potential music label and she brought them a binder full of colors and words, and she was like, this is what my album is going to be. So she's like, a woman who is inspired by, like, herself constantly. And I think that that's so cool. And she's just, like, having fun and she's, like, gorgeous while she does it. And I don't think that she even, like, like, thinks she's that good. I think she's just, like, in the business of making something she is passionate about and, like, something she thinks is beautiful and, like, a nice way for her to express herself. Like, you're a famous person in this space. You don't want to be doing something cringy. You want to be, like, making something that other people can enjoy. And also, like, she somehow found her way into, like, the prestige of music. She is nominated for best artist, best new artist, and she just has a dream.

[Kalila]

I think that it's cute. I think that when people, like, execute, I can really respect that. I'm just not necessarily sold because, I mean, it's like between, like, the Madonnas and the lady Gagas and all these, like, huge pop stars. When people say that, oh, she's the next coming, I. I don't believe it yet.

[Olivia Lopes]

You know, I don't feel that way either. I think that she's, like, awesome and super cool. I don't think she's the next, like, coming.

[Esther]

Yeah, the music does hit.

[Kalila]

It does.

[Esther]

I'll give you that. The dancing absolutely hits. The music videos, the outfit, like, there. It's all there. But something. There is a piece of the pie that is missing for me, and I can't quite quite figured out. But it. It may just be like, that I'm like, a mom and, like, things don't,

[Kalila]

like, I think me too, like, grab

[Esther]

my soul the way they did like, when Britney was Britney.

[Olivia Lopes]

It's kind of bizarre, which is like, a new element to pop starness. Which, like, I like. I like bizarre. Weird.

[Esther]

What's your ranking of, like, the current, like, pop divas? Like, who, like, the. Your generation? Like, who's, like, number. Who's your Britney? Who's number one through five?

[Olivia Lopes]

Like, okay. I think Olivia Rodrigo is probably my favorite. Yeah. I just think think, like, total, like, her lyrics and her music and her talent. Like, love her. I think Sabrina is probably second for me. Love.

[Row]

What about the Charlie?

[Olivia Lopes]

I do really like Charlie xcx.

[Row]

I don't know if she's in my top five Is she in top ten? Yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay.

[Row]

She can hang out.

[Kalila]

Charlie's so fun. I feel like she's in her own. Very specific.

[Row]

What about Billie Eilish?

[Olivia Lopes]

She's not in my top five. I do think she's amazing.

[Row]

Top 10? 10, top 15.

[Olivia Lopes]

She's just like, not really always on my most listened to. I like the. What's the extent that extended song that's really good, where she's screaming. That one's like, the best one.

[Row]

What are you saying right now?

[Olivia Lopes]

She's screaming, there's a song that's really good, where she's like, really angry and it's an extended one.

[Kalila]

What the.

[Olivia Lopes]

I know, right? The best ever.

[Row]

No.

[Kalila]

Oh, happier than ever. Yes.

[Olivia Lopes]

Happier than ever.

[Kalila]

God, that's such a great one to belt with your whole chest at night

[Olivia Lopes]

when it's dark and you're driving. Yeah, you could scream that.

[Kalila]

Are you a Lana girl?

[Olivia Lopes]

I grew up loving Lana. She's not like in my regular rotation right now, but right now I'm actually like, I'm a musical theater girl. So, like, I'll be half listening to musical theater and then half listening to like top 100. So right now I'm like, really obsessed with Rachel Zegler. Do you guys know Rachel Zach?

[Esther]

Of course. Those Evita clips.

[Kalila]

She's.

[Olivia Lopes]

Did you see? They announced it today. It's coming to Broadway. It's moving to Broadway.

[Esther]

When?

[Olivia Lopes]

When they announced it today. We have to go.

[Esther]

We are going.

[Olivia Lopes]

I saw her at the Hal Valuable last week. Doing the last five years.

[Esther]

You saw that?

[Olivia Lopes]

One of my favorite musicals in the whole world. Yes.

[Esther]

God, me too.

[Kalila]

I felt really terrible for her.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah, me too.

[Kalila]

For a hot second there. But I'm so glad that she is so supremely talented that it's gonna be like a long forgotten thing.

[Olivia Lopes]

And it was like, she didn't even ever do anything.

[Kalila]

I know. She just did. She did it literally.

[Olivia Lopes]

She stood up for what she believes politically, which I think is very brave. And then, like, didn't talk about it. Just let the world, like, hate her for it. And then everyone was so racist about her. Meanwhile, she's like the most talent young person to ever walk the earth. Like, I've been watching her since I was in college and she was like, posting YouTube covers to you.

[Esther]

Really?

[Kalila]

Yes.

[Olivia Lopes]

And then one day, I Don't you guys. One day. A few summers ago, when we were on H3 covering Colleen Ballinger. Before she. It was like before her Hunger Games movie, before Snow White. It was when I knew her from, like, theater. Theater. And from west side Story, Steven Spielberg's. She messaged me and said she followed me first, you guys. And she said, obsessed with you, Queen. And I was like, you don't understand. I've been watching your Shrek the musical clips from high school on your vlog channels like I love. And then guess what? After last Friday when I saw her at the Hollywood Bowl, I was posting all over my Instagram story. And guess who became Oomphie as well. Jason Robert Brown, the composer of the last five years. I went to a master class that he taught when I was was in 8th grade.

[Esther]

Oh my God.

[Olivia Lopes]

Thank God he saw my Insta story and he said thank you. Yes, I know. Yeah. So two out of three. Ben Platt next then. I totally have like conquered that whole show.

[Esther]

Oh, that's so exciting.

[Olivia Lopes]

It was the coolest thing I've ever experienced. I needed to brag.

[Esther]

This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Financial stress can really take a toll on your mental health, which can lead to problems just emotionally in relationship relationships. And 88% of Americans are feeling some form of financial stress at the start of 2026. And money worries often bring anxiety, sleep disruption, and even depression.

[Kalila]

The most valuable thing that I got from therapy in the last couple years is she said this to me. She's like, kalila, I know that money is such a sore subject for you because it was the reason why my family fought a lot when I was younger. I never wanted to talk about it. It was something that it was just not open for discussion. But she was like, we're gonna find a way for you to talk about money with, with your family, with your friends. And that's the one thing I got from therapy. Like, I now know how to discuss finances without sweating like buckets. I learned the tools in therapy and so if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, we highly recommend Better Help. Better Help has quality therapists who work according to strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US and

[Esther]

we're not talking about financial advice. We're talking about managing the stress and even support or even learning to talk

[Kalila]

about about money in a healthy way. Right. Without freaking out or without like cussing

[Esther]

someone out when life feels overwhelming. Therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Trash Tuesday. That's BetterHelp H lp.com Trash Tuesday

[Kalila]

so I have one of these Lola blankets on my couch and every single person that comes in tries to steal it, walk out the door with with this exact blanket. This is the softest most warm and fuzzy thing that has ever touched my body. You guys need one. You need one for your room. You need one for your, I would say even car. You need one for your car. You need one for your living room. Everywhere you go, we have one on set for a reason. It is so soft. It is so dreamy. Lola is the world's number one blanket, crafted with ultra soft luxury faux fur and a signature four way stretch that sets it apart. It's machine washable, double hemmed for durability and stays flawless. No pilling, no shedding, even after repeated washes. And if you missed giving a Mother's day gift, I still believe you can retroactively gift this and make up for that mistake because she is gonna absolutely love this. For a limited time, Our listeners get 40% off select Lola blanket products with code Trash Tuesday at checkout. Just head to lolablankets.com and use code Trash Tuesday. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please, please, please support our show and let them know we sent you. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola blankets. I'm a new mom. I cannot mess around with dinner time anymore. I have to put something on the table. It cannot be a girl dinner. It has to be something that feeds my entire family, including my toddler. Which is why I love Home Chef. And can I tell you guys what they have on the menu this week? This is what I love about Home Chef. You think, okay, well, it's like, you know, they send it to your door. How good can it be? How does this sound? Finish and artichoke cream. Cream sirloin. It's with brussels sprouts and parmesan potatoes. Another one spicy mahi. Mahi. My mom loves mahima. She's definitely coming over for dinner for that one. Dinner time can sometimes be a headache. What are we gonna eat? Where do I find all the ingredients? Do I have the time to put it all together? Home Chef eliminates the headache, the dilemma. Home Chef makes cooking simple, fresh food delivered, easy recipes to follow, and meals that actually taste great. No long shopping list, no complicated prep, and best of all, all easy cleanup. And people really love it. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste and recipe ease. And for a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50 off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com Trash Tuesday that's Home Chef.com Trash Tuesday for 50 off your first box and free dessert for life home chef.com TrashTues Tuesday must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Okay, so you guys, I'm a new mom and honestly, dressing myself up has, I'll say it kind of been a struggle. My body has changed a ton. But the one thing I will say is when I put on a skims, whether it's underwear, a skims T shirt, whether it's a pajama set, I always end up feeling a little bit better about myself. And I'll tell you why. So I have eczema. My skin is very, very sensitive to certain kind of fat fabrics. I love the everyday cotton and I'm wearing their bralette right now and I wear it every day because it is just so comfortable. I can wear it to sleep, I can wear it to work out. It is so versatile. Today I'm wearing the bralette. I'm telling you guys, it is so soft, so comfortable. Even though my body has changed so much, I kind of didn't have to size up or size down. It just kind of like adapted to my new size and it stayed equally as comfortable. Shop everyday cotton and all of our favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show Trash Tuesday in the drop down menu that follows. Wait, so what do you guys do on these, like, girls days? Days out, like, I'm so like, my girlfriends and I, like, they come over, we stare at each other, we cook some rice, cook some greasy, and we just like have our thumbs up our asses and we're like, all right, that was it. And then we leave. There's really nothing going on. So please, like enlighten me, girl. That's enjoyable.

[Row]

There's on my end, a lot of drinking. I'm a drinker. So that's how we start the night off. We'll go to a restaurant, we order a bunch of drinks, bunch of appetizers. We get into a groove and we just catch up about life and we make so many stuff about. Yeah, we do. Oh my gosh, so many friends want

[Olivia Lopes]

to be our friends. When we get drunk in public, does

[Kalila]

it stop at dinner or does it go somewhere else?

[Row]

Sometimes it goes, it goes somewhere else afterwards. And thank goodness those pictures aren't public. Some of those.

[Olivia Lopes]

Oh, love them. One time. Can I tell them what you did one time when we were drunk? We were, we weren't driving. No, I think I was sober and I was driving. You were drunk?

[Row]

You were sober to the second place.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yes. And then Row decided that she wanted to stick her head out of the window and just like moon the world.

[Row]

Yeah. I flashed these guys behind us cuz they were tailgating us. They were getting close and all the girls were like, these guys are. I was like, let me just flash them really quick and they'll, they'll, they'll leave us alone. So I did. I just went out the window and fully flashed them. And then they stopped. They gave us little honk, honk and a wave and they're too cute. They got us.

[Kalila]

They're.

[Row]

Imagine us.

[Kalila]

Imagine us.

[Olivia Lopes]

I think you guys would be really cute.

[Esther]

I just want to say one thing to you and to you and to all the women listening. Flash as much as you can before

[Row]

you have your children, love.

[Esther]

Before you start. Start breastfeeding.

[Kalila]

Can I tell you, if I were to flash right now, you wouldn't see my nipple because it would be right where the door handle is.

[Olivia Lopes]

You wouldn't even see the out of frame.

[Kalila]

It would be out of frame completely. You'd see a long chest, but then you. The nipples.

[Esther]

Yeah, but that's not true, right, because you're still breastfeeding, so they're still like milky, right?

[Kalila]

Yeah, but they're starting to kind of. I mean, it's been almost two years, so they're starting. The weight is starting to take its toll on, on where the nipple is.

[Row]

I feel like it'd be fun because they're a lot, you know, bigger when you're breastfeeding and they're, you know, I feel like it'd be, you know what?

[Kalila]

She has a point. Now is the time for us to flash with milky titties.

[Esther]

Not really at a good mental place.

[Olivia Lopes]

You're not at a mental.

[Esther]

My areola size. I weren't. I'm not used to it yet.

[Kalila]

Oh, that was the most shocking for me too.

[Row]

Really, Where I'm like, what, your aolas change sizes?

[Kalila]

Yes. They're like a mile long.

[Esther]

You're so innocent.

[Kalila]

So, okay, so when you're pregnant. When you're pregnant, they get really, really dark. And the reason they get really dark is because the baby needs that high contrast because they're, they're, they don't see very well right out the gate. So they need a bullseye to say, okay, there's mama's nipple, and that's where I have. But then you get your color back.

[Row]

Okay.

[Kalila]

But then when you actually do start breastfeeding, they also need the bullseye to be a mile long. And so you look down, and it takes up three quarters of your boob

[Olivia Lopes]

with wider as well.

[Kalila]

They're just. I don't know if yours is like this, but they're bigger. They're just big.

[Olivia Lopes]

I don't want them to get bigger.

[Esther]

I know, I know.

[Kalila]

I shrink back, but I haven't. I'm, you know, I'm still nursing, so I don't know. I will report back and let you know.

[Olivia Lopes]

Babies outweigh it, though.

[Esther]

They do. Yes. It is true. I, I, this is the word. This. I'm doing it again. The thing that I said I would not do when I had kids is like, this is what all parents do, is they only, like, talk about what's bad about motherhood, and then they don't talk about what's good. And it's like, it's just a weird thing that you do when literally, I. I'm on a drug of addiction to my babies, and they make me so happy. So it's like, this doesn't even matter. But just, I just needed to get my message out. Like, keep on flashing.

[Row]

Totally keep going. We definitely have too much fun. And then usually, like, after we go to, like, two places, then we'll usually go back to somebody's house, and we're still trying to just, like, gossiping and catching up. And sometimes we do little, like, funny photo shoots, jump in the hot tub or play games. Like, it's really silly. It just makes me feel super alive, and it's just cute and bonding.

[Esther]

Are there other girls in this group, or is it just you two? No, there's more.

[Row]

Yeah, there's more of us. There's Maddie, there's Rachel, there's Simone. Candy. And we're going out with Avery tonight.

[Esther]

They have a friend named Candy.

[Row]

It's just literally like, oh, my gosh. Candy Johnson. She's so sweet. She did makeup. She was like, a makeup. Oh, you know her?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Oh, my God, I love her.

[Row]

She taught me how to cover a pimple.

[Esther]

She's so sweet. I was on Nicole Richie's reality show with her, like, randomly.

[Olivia Lopes]

That is so cool.

[Esther]

We're all pretending to be friends.

[Row]

Ray of sunshine. Like, she's so much fun. So much.

[Esther]

Like, she has, like, a lot of grown kids, doesn't she?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

I think she's got, like, four babies. Wow. I'm so jealous. I want, like, nine. I want a million kids.

[Esther]

Wait, I read that you had. You were struggling with pmdd. Is that.

[Row]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Can you, like, tell us about that?

[Row]

Like, are you pmdd? I'm gonna have it basically forever until menopause starts or until I decide to remove my uterus, which I just, like, have been really hesitant about. And I don't. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do that. But it affects 3 to 8% of women. They don't even quite know because it's. It's similar, but way more severe than PMS. So, like, PMS. 80% of women are affected by PMS, and that's where you get, like, discomfort, irritability, you know, when your period and hormones shift. That's very normal and natural. And that's what I thought it was. For years. I just thought that I had, like, on the scale, you know, some women don't have any cramps, and some women have very severe cramps. So I just thought, like, oh, I'm just on the severe end. Like, I'm just pain or mood or pain, mood, everything. I just assumed for years that I just had really bad pms. Like, oh, that just sucks. Whatever. But then I realized, like, oh, wait, no. Like, I'm getting these symptoms a week before my period. Period. Which doesn't make sense. And it's often misdiagnosed for bipolar disorder because you're like yourself and happy and balanced and chill for, like, three weeks out of the month. And then this one week, you just feel depression, you feel anxiety, and your whole body physically feels like it's going into withdrawal. That's the best way I can explain it. It's basically, we have a disordered reaction to the progesterone dropping. Like, our body. Bodies have this weird reaction where it's almost like an allergic reaction, and it makes our bodies feel like you are in withdrawal from Xanax and alcohol. And so you get really shaky, kind of like getting the flu every month. Like, you get shaky, you get nauseous.

[Kalila]

My sister gets the period flu.

[Row]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

So she has, like, an uptick in, like, almost like a mild fever. When she is, like, you know, even a whole week out from her period, she starts feeling. Just because she has some version of pmdd.

[Row]

Yeah, it's a reaction to the progesterone dropping. So when the progesterone drops in the body to prepare for your egg being released and things. Most women don't have a reaction, but there's a small percentage of us where we have this disordered reaction to the drop, and our hormone is actually converted. The progesterone converts into another hormone. I can't remember the name. It's really long, and it binds To a G, a B, a gaba, I call. And then that's what is the same thing that binds to Xanax and alcohol. So it makes you feel like you're in withdrawal. And it's just the weirdest feeling. It's like the best way I can describe it to other women is like, you are really irritable. You feel horrible. You feel like you have the flu, and you just kind of, like, want to check out for a week and just rest.

[Kalila]

You schedule your life around that specifically?

[Row]

Yeah. I have to now. When I was younger, not so much. I just thought it was pms, and I just like. Like that. That athlete mentality, I just, like, blazed through. We. We filmed TV shows, my HBO show, we've. We just filmed all the way through, and I just toughed it out. But now the symptoms are getting really severe. So I also learned that I turned 40 last year. And after 40, apparently the symptoms get severe. And 30% of women with PMDD try to commit suicide.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah.

[Row]

Just because when you're in that state, it's so uncomfortable. It's so painful, people. And your mind, you just go into a deep depression. And it's so weird because as soon as your period starts, the hormones flip.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

And you feel great.

[Kalila]

Euphoric, even.

[Row]

Yeah. Most women are like, oh, I don't want to get my period. I want to get my period. Oh, cramps. And I'm, like, praying for it.

[Olivia Lopes]

I'm like, yes.

[Row]

Because I feel, like, amazing as soon

[Kalila]

as the estrogen starts to creep up even a little bit. Yeah.

[Row]

So I'm working with, like, a lot of specialists. So, like, most commonly, women who are diagnosed go on a low dose of SSRI just to keep you a little bit more even keel. And then you can also work with hormone replacement and working with a specialist in Beverly Hills who we take progesterone. We're doing a little science there to see if it helps or if it's actually making the symptoms worse. Upping the testosterone and everything, just to try to keep everything more balanced.

[Kalila]

We were talking about just hormone replacement. Men have always had that at their disposal for so long. So they've never actually had to kind of deal with, like, what I consider my mom and a lot of my aunties to be a part of, which is like the lost generation, because a lot of these women were told if you take hormones that you up your chances of breast cancer and a lot of these other, you know, type of, like, serious things. And so you have a whole group of women, whether it was PMDD or perimenopause or menopause who just never got the hormones that they needed. Their lifespan was shortened, their quality of life was severely affected. It makes me sad because it's like you associate testosterone with just men needing that, but it's like we need that.

[Esther]

You know what makes me sad with everything?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Is that the. There's finally like a really strong male doctor who is getting behind this for women. Women. And then he was in the Epstein file.

[Kalila]

Dr. Peter Peter. He was like championing on 60 Minutes. He was like, we gotta. And finally everyone was listening because a man was finally telling the world that hey, like women need these hormones and they're not going to cause breast cancer and stop fear mongering. And then two weeks later he got got.

[Esther]

But to be fair, he wasn't at the island. He was just Epstein's doctor and he was just being, you know, he was,

[Kalila]

was just like, he was just being a little creepy on email. But it wasn't.

[Olivia Lopes]

Regardless, one of the doctors who like

[Kalila]

not the UCLA doctor. Yeah. But the message still stands. I hope that like there needs to be better messaging about hormone replacement.

[Row]

Yeah. You need your estrogen, you need progesterone and you need your testosterone.

[Esther]

Sounds like, are you sort of like still figuring out your treatment that works for you or what do you. Is there anything.

[Row]

Another thing that can really help is sometimes, sometimes doctors will prescribe going on a birth control. Like Yaz. Yaz is the only one the FDA approved for PMDD treatment. And that's more just so that you will know exactly the day when your luteal phase starts. I would say for ladies, you probably understand these phases like men aren't a hormonal everyday cycle. Theirs is a 24 hour cycle hormonally. But women are on a monthly cycle. My partner, partner learned so much about this like talking to our doctors and specialists and now really understands that. But that's like what I really try to tell every dude out there is that's how it's different. And those three elements are so important for balance. Like if you, if women don't have enough testosterone because most women, I think you're supposed to have a minimum of 50. But mine would drop to be 0.01.

[Kalila]

Oh wow.

[Row]

Mine would drop to be so low where I had no energy, was really fatigued. My sex drive went away. I just felt like I was 85. Like it just like I was like, let's you know, you ever want to retire and just like raise some cute goats by the beach. And we could get a little beach house. And my partner's like, who are you? And then next week, my levels would go up and I'd be like, yeah, I got three shows to pitch. Like, we could also do this. We could open a bakery. And then. And he's like, what is happening with you? And I'm like, and it's so crazy because it's just testosterone. It. It. It controls even Brain fog.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

If your testosterone is too low for women, especially as you get older right

[Kalila]

now, that's why I wrote brain fog yesterday.

[Row]

Brain fogs a words on the tip of your tongue. But it's just not like my word recall processing. As you're getting older, just know that, like, that could be a dip in testosterone.

[Kalila]

That for sure is what I'm experiencing right now. I was like, okay, this is either early onset dementia, which I hope it's not, or just like severe dip in testosterone dip, because it's like my brain feels like sludge. Today, as I was asking my partner on the way out, on the way here if something was in my purse, and it was like, hey, is my wallet in my purse? Or something like that. I asked, is my purse in my purse? And I repeated it five times. And then he was like, what are you saying? I was like, is my bag in my purse? And I. I doubled down and said the wrong thing, like, 13 times. And I was like, oh, like, something's going on here.

[Olivia Lopes]

Where?

[Kalila]

Like, I need some. Some hormones, something. What do you change?

[Esther]

Do you think that's like breastfeeding? Do you think that's.

[Kalila]

Yeah, it's long term breastfeeding. It's a fact that I haven't had eight hours of sleep in almost two years. Oh, whoa. Right. Because, like, sorry, I don't want to scare you. And you can breastfeed. Stop breastfeeding anytime.

[Esther]

No, I fully. I'm going all the way. I'm going to 18. I'm with you, gorgeous. But no, we need to get. Get sleep still.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I mean, I'm getting like, at most, like a four hour stretch, but it's very fractured, right? Yeah, the fracture.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

It's just. You're not, you know, you just. It won't last forever. It's just babyhood, toddlerhood. It'll pass. But I've never felt so insecure about my, like, lack of memory. Short term is, like, completely out the window, and I just can't find the words, like, ever.

[Esther]

But see, okay, so I have the, like, I can't find the words thing, which Is really embarrassing as a podcaster, but I have the brain fog. But I feel better breastfeeding right now because I'm not on my cycle. And my cycle makes me a little crazy girl sometimes.

[Kalila]

Right?

[Esther]

I'm on that, like, and I'm still learning about it. I. I don't know. I don't think I have pmdd. I think I would know, but, like, it def. Your cycle still messes you up. Like, I'd rather have this.

[Row]

Really.

[Olivia Lopes]

When you breastfeed, you don't have your period.

[Kalila]

Not for a while. It eventually comes back. Mine came back at six months.

[Olivia Lopes]

Okay.

[Kalila]

So you know, it will level out.

[Esther]

It could come in like six weeks, a year. Like, it's really.

[Row]

When you were pregnant, did you have no issues?

[Esther]

I didn't like pregnancy. It's really weird. I feel like breastfeeding hormonally, I'm really good at. I feel like you were really good hormonally pregnant, pregnant.

[Kalila]

I felt like my therapist said, what? Whatever, we should take your hormone. We should check your hormones now. Cuz whatever concoction and levels you're at is giving you a perfect brain. I felt like happy, invincible, calm. Like, all the things I hadn't felt. Like my anxiety was out the window. Like, I went into give birth and

[Row]

I was like, you're glowing.

[Kalila]

Chill. I was pretty. I was gorgeous. Yeah. And she didn't feel that. I felt that very much. And then when postpartum hit, I was like, oh, these are the pits of hell. Like, I. I was crying every day just. Just like this. It's scary.

[Row]

That's more consistent with pmdd. So the one time that PMDD disappears is when you're pregnant. As soon as you get pregnant, all your symptoms go away. And they said it's going to be like your Most happy, stable 8 months of your life.

[Kalila]

Interesting.

[Row]

And as soon as you give birth, you're almost guaranteed, if you have pmdd, to have really bad postpartum because that hormonal shift, shift, which your body is so sensitive to and has a reaction, is going to have a major reaction.

[Kalila]

That sounds about right for me.

[Row]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And I think that maybe I've dismissed the idea of PMDD for most of my life because I'm not like a heavy bleeder and I. I don't have like severe cramping, but I.

[Esther]

She has a pick me period.

[Kalila]

I have a very pick me period. But I feel horrible on the inside. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, I'm the other ugliest person I'VE ever seen. I'm disgusting. I will not leave the house. I call my friends. If we. If we make plans, for instance, and it just happens to fall under the wrong day of my luteal phase. I'm like, I have a bad attitude. Mental health day. You're not going to see me for a couple. Like, I feel that cruddy about myself, but it's. I take it out on myself.

[Row]

That sounds like pm.

[Kalila]

I know, but it's like the athlete thing.

[Row]

You don't have to have all the symptoms. It's just like there's. I think there's six of them and there's so many symptoms. But if you have six at the same time. Time, that's usually it.

[Esther]

Olivia, are you. Do you have any, like, dips or are you just like.

[Olivia Lopes]

Like, I'll know that I'm probably getting my period. Or it'll make sense like four days after I have a breakdown.

[Esther]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Olivia Lopes]

Like, I love that. I don't, like, mark it in my calendar when it's coming.

[Kalila]

Oh, you have a young. You're playing a young girl's game.

[Olivia Lopes]

I'll be like, upset about something. I'll be like, oh, like, probably.

[Row]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Or when you finally see it and you're like, oh, that makes sense.

[Esther]

Yeah, that's why I was crying.

[Olivia Lopes]

Sorry, girl. Like, I guess you were right. Like, yeah, you're the most like, glowing, gorgeous woman ever. That like, breaks my heart, I swear.

[Kalila]

I. I should add that when I gave birth, I got Bell's palsy. So I think that added to the mental decline of postpartum. But thank you for saying that.

[Row]

Goddam.

[Kalila]

But you said something really interesting to me, which is I cannot wait till I see that first drop of blood because I know I'm gonna feel immediately better.

[Esther]

You taught me that.

[Kalila]

Yes. I'm like, wait, you're gonna get your period. Congratulate you got as soon as you start bleeding. What do I say?

[Esther]

Congrats. You're like, this is great.

[Kalila]

You're gonna feel better.

[Esther]

Where I'm. I'm usually like, day one of my period, I'm like, this is means for me. That means like, I'm having a really bad crampy day all day, like, need

[Row]

to be at home.

[Esther]

But you'd always be like, this is good. Oh, whoa.

[Olivia Lopes]

I identify with you about that.

[Row]

That's pms. And. And what we feel is more pmdd. Yeah. And there's different even levels of pmdd. Like, some people have very light symptoms, medium symptoms to severe, and just as I've been getting older. It's been getting really severe, and it's starting to scare me a little bit. And so I think in the next couple of years, I'm going to have to make some decisions.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

Like, because I don't know if I can make it till I'm 50 for when menopause starts. I don't know if I can go a decade. Like, it's. It gets pretty bad.

[Esther]

Is the solution, like, a hysterectomy is what you're.

[Row]

Yeah. And I've froze my eggs, so I did, like, freezing my egg session, and I have 24 healthy eggs.

[Kalila]

Oh, my God. Ready to go.

[Row]

So I feel kind of like maybe I'll do one more round, and then I'll have, like, 50 of them, and then I can. Yeah. And then I like, 50 babies. But I'm just nervous. It's such a huge decision. I think that's also, like, kind of

[Kalila]

stopping me, but to have life above all.

[Row]

Right.

[Kalila]

Because my sister's going through that right now. She's kind of. She has a couple of autoimmune stuff happening, but she's committed to getting the hysterectomy. She's like, I can't live.

[Esther]

Like, really?

[Kalila]

Yeah. So she's gonna probably get it this year or next year.

[Esther]

Do you feel like you want to do pregnancy, like, or try for it?

[Kalila]

Because what might feel nice for your brain.

[Row]

I literally want, like, nine babies. So I'm just like. I want all the little babies. So it just, like, hasn't happened.

[Esther]

So I see.

[Row]

I just. It's a bummer, but. So those are, like, things I've. I have to figure out.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

That I. Before, I was like, oh, I have so much time. I froze my eggs. I'm fine. I'm fine. And now I'm like, oh, wait. My symptoms, like, got very severe and changed. And I am working with Dr. Katie Underfirth. She is the director of Women's health at ucla. And this is her specialty. Like, that's what she is. She specializes in is women with PMDD and postpartum. And she just said that. That my case of it is. Is severe, and it's one of the more severes that she's seen. And she said that I definitely am going to have, like, really struggle with postpartum if I do carry. So just keeping in mind that there's different options, like surrogacy and things like that, which I'm not opposed to. I just. This just didn't how I envisioned it.

[Kalila]

Right. Right.

[Row]

I Thought I was getting my little bowling ball and I was going to be my little. My little round self rolling around. And I don't know, it's just. It's not how I envisioned it. But, like, I think, yeah, I changed. After 40, the symptoms got really severe.

[Kalila]

Thank you for sharing all this, though, because I feel as though like a lot of women really do just, like, grin and bear through it all, because it just gets chalked up as you're on your period and that's it and just deal with it. Right? There's so many varying degrees of have this PMDD that it can be mild, but it can also be, like, catastrophic to, you know, just your mental health. So I really appreciate you just kind of being open about that.

[Row]

Thank you. I appreciate it. I feel like it's really important not just for women to hear about it, but also for spouses, because a lot of women with PMDD, especially when they hit 40, the symptoms get severely worse until menopause.

[Esther]

I never heard that.

[Row]

I've heard about spouses, houses and, you know, they have a lot of divorces during this time because the, like, partners are like, wait a minute, like, who are you? Where's my wife? Like, what happened? Because this is just like, really not normal behavior. You know, the ups and downs are so much. And they don't understand, and there's just so much more conflict, and it causes a lot of breakups, a lot of divorces during this time. And I think, like, it's just good for women to know, but also their partners so that they can. Can understand what's going on with them and that there are treatment options that can really help, like, dull things get more stable.

[Kalila]

I really feel like that's the least. Boys, if you're listening, that's the least you can do. Track her period. Like I tell my man, track my. Just so you're not, you know, don't

[Olivia Lopes]

tell me about it.

[Row]

There's apps.

[Kalila]

Don't you dare.

[Olivia Lopes]

If they're like, well, this is the. It's like, shut up. Yeah, don't you dare.

[Kalila]

I know, but track it so that I have. I don't have to explain why I'm ripping your head off today.

[Olivia Lopes]

Totally.

[Kalila]

Just like, stand. And also another thing, I have a trainer, Marlon, who is the best because he tracks my period. Our workouts are according to what my body needs that day. And I'm not going to be doing the wrong thing. I'm not going to be doing hit training on day one of my flow. Like. Like that where it's like, there's so many things and adjustments you can make if you just are a little bit smarter about your guys. So yeah, guys luteal phase on the

[Row]

calendar, however, that's when it changes for. That's when I'm like, have you seen

[Olivia Lopes]

the men on Instagram reels who are like weaponizing the luteal face?

[Esther]

What?

[Olivia Lopes]

Yes. They're using it for. They're like, when my girl's on her luteal face. And I know what that means. And it's like, what does it mean? Like, shut up. Stop talking about me.

[Row]

Oh my God.

[Olivia Lopes]

That's how it feels for me.

[Kalila]

Gross.

[Olivia Lopes]

But when we were on our like girls trip for the, the health retreat, I heard Row telling women about her PMDD and there were like two or three women in a group of like 30 who were like, that has to be what I've been dealing with.

[Row]

One of the gals went and got diagnosed.

[Olivia Lopes]

Yeah. There are so many women who are just struggling and don't talk about it.

[Esther]

I'm definitely starting to hear it more from like privately with my girlfriends. And so when I saw that you had it and you're so well spoken about it, like, that's really helpful to hear. I feel like I've learned so much. Wait, what was the health retreat you guys were went on?

[Olivia Lopes]

Cal.

[Row]

Yeah, we went to Cal. So nice. And we're actually.

[Olivia Lopes]

What are we doing with our lives come next time?

[Row]

There's one in Mexico that we're going to. I can't wait.

[Kalila]

We're losers, you and me.

[Esther]

We're nothing. We're zero.

[Kalila]

We're zeros. We're zeros.

[Esther]

It helps.

[Row]

It helps so much with like everything. And honestly, I want to be a mama so bad, you guys. So like, that's something you guys have going on that I'm just, just like positive, like positive about it. But it's like I, I, oh, I want that so much. And it's just like, it's so frustrating. It just like hasn't happened, you know?

[Esther]

Yeah, that's really hard. It's really also so refreshing that you're speaking on that and sharing that. Cuz you know, when I've been like, I post a lot about like my pregnancy and motherhood and stuff and like I always try to like throw in there. Like I know that this, this content can be triggering for people who are trying or they're, you know, they're not where they want to be on that journey. Like that was me when had this like really traumatizing miscarriage. Like Five years ago. And it. That was so hard on me that I decided I was going to not have kids after that. Like, and I just. I'm just always so grateful when women do speak out about it. Because when I did have my miscarriage, you know what the first thing I did was is I called the like three acquaintances that I knew that had posted about their miscarriages. I was like, I barely know. I was like, I barely know them. I remember they posted this and then I just like, they were there for me and I knew. I just think it's so important.

[Kalila]

I also just love any of the content around the trying to conceive. I don't know. There is something really sweet and inspiring about saying out loud like, this is what I want. Because I think that sometimes the fear of thinking you may not have it makes you not say it at all. And I like that you say it. And even. And you accepting that, hey, hey, if I hope it happens, it may not. These are the things happening in my life is so, like, I feel like relatable to a lot of women. Yeah.

[Row]

And I feel like if I just can't get there. And even like with all the frozen eggs, they're all really healthy eggs, but like, if it just doesn't happen, I'm not even ruling out adoption. I think I'm really open to that and I would love that. So I'm. I'm trying more natural ways first and then adding a little nerdiness in science and then, you know, I'm like, I'm open to. So I'm just like trying to see what. How it's going to play out.

[Esther]

Nothing has made me more open to adoption and like, understanding of adoption than having my own child. Because I realized through raising my daughter, like, the love is not because she's mine. The love is be. It's not because she came from me. It's because she's like my baby that I take care of. Like, that's what it is. It's the same like with my dog. Like, I didn't give birth to my dog, but like, that's my dog.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Row]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[Esther]

Like, it's your baby. You're raising it like that's your baby. I don't know. It's really much more about that than I ever thought. Does that.

[Kalila]

I mean, you know me and adoption.

[Esther]

You already knew that, right?

[Kalila]

I have. My oldest sister is adopted. But I knew from the age of 10 that I was for sure going to adopt. And I'm still on that you know, journey. And that's still very much like a goal of mine. So. I love adoption stories. I love foster stories. You see those women who just get the phone call and they're like, hey, we have this like, NICU baby. Can you be her foster mama? And they just come, they drop everything. Like that's what I want to do.

[Esther]

Yeah. I did not realize until I became a mom, like, what that's about. Like, that is, that's what it, that's where it's at.

[Kalila]

Yeah. The idea that there's just like a baby with no one.

[Row]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Is the most like earth shattering thought to me. And I'm like, wait a second. Like, I look at my son, I'm like, there's someone like you with no mama and papa. Like, this can't be.

[Esther]

I was so selfish before. I was like, the reason that I will like my child is because it will be me but Minnie. Yeah, it's not that.

[Olivia Lopes]

She'll still be me but Minnie, no matter where she's from.

[Kalila]

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[Olivia Lopes]

It's true.

[Row]

I love that I have really high estrogen. That's the one thing I do have going for me.

[Kalila]

Way too high.

[Row]

So I will like, mother an aunt. Like, I have, I do have some problems with that. Like, we, my partner had to like, cut me off of adopting dogs. Who's like, we're at LA's legal limit.

[Esther]

How many dogs do you have?

[Row]

Three bulldogs.

[Olivia Lopes]

That's LA's legal limit.

[Row]

Yeah, you're only supposed to have three, but technically I told you that, like,

[Olivia Lopes]

I was like, so many animals.

[Row]

I was like, the house we build in the back technically has its own address, so we could have six.

[Kalila]

Yeah, no, I, I, I get that. I have a. Well, I had four dogs for a while, but I'm fostering a dog right now. But I'm constantly fostering dogs. So there have been, we passed the legal limit many times, but you know, they can shut up about that. Cuz. Karen Bass. What the are you doing about dogs in the shelters anyway? So like, like I'm doing something about. Yeah.

[Row]

So first season it was just like so good. And then we had to take a break for mental health because that's when my PMDD just like changed. It was literally my birthday. 40. Like clockwork. Like science. It was. That birthday was the hardest month of my life other than losing my dad. Like, that was just. It really hit so hard and so fast and it really just knocked me off. It wasn't just the regular symptoms. It was just like severe depression. Severe Anxiety. And I really struggled. Like, that was. It just changed everything. It was like, oh. And that's why I want so many people to know more about it because, like, if you get treatment, it can save not only, like, women's mental health, but it can save relationships. It could keep marriages together. It could keep families together. Because, like, when that happens, it's so out of your control. It's literally the. This huge hormonal reaction which you have no control over. And some women say that they feel like they turn into a werewolf because it's like, some. Some women feel, like, anger and irritability. I more struggle with, like, sadness. Like, it's depression and anxiety. That's kind of, like, more where I live. That's my, like, what my body does. That's why I also. I don't mind being friends with bitches. I literally.

[Kalila]

Ladies.

[Row]

If there's any bitchy ladies out there, I love you. I over here. I'm in the werewolf club. Like, if you're sad, mad, I don't care. I get it.

[Kalila]

So I grew up in the Philippines, and there's a term we use, the actual scientific term, which is like, dysmonoria. Dysmenorrhea. This in the Philippines, they say dysmonoria, but when you see a girl and she's having a bad day, you literally just have to say, oh, she has dis me. And then they'll excuse everything. You can go home, you can have a bad attitude. You can be a to anyone. And it. People just get it. It. They're like, oh, she has.

[Esther]

You know, just stop stretching those fingers everywhere.

[Kalila]

Stop being jealous of my perfect Aylor Danlos fingers.

[Esther]

They're hitting me. Oh, I'm so sad that we have to go because we have a time constraint today, but you guys have to come back for part 75.

[Olivia Lopes]

Literally would die too.

[Esther]

Like, literally. We're obsessed. This is like a match made in heaven. I'm so glad that we found each other other. And people need to listen to your podcast.

[Row]

We're having so much fun. We're being so sassy.

[Kalila]

I love this matchup, too. I love that you.

[Esther]

You guys are different.

[Kalila]

Admittedly, know nothing about pop culture, and you have a direct, like, plug into what's happening today. So that's really cool. I feel like I. I need a little bit of you and a little bit of you in my life.

[Esther]

A little less of me, a little less of Esther. All of us.

[Olivia Lopes]

Big group.

[Esther]

We love you guys. Go listen to their podcast. Rhodiculous.

[Kalila]

Yes.

[Esther]

Thank you and we'll as always, see you next week with a brand new episode. Thank you.

[Olivia Lopes]

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[Kalila]

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[Olivia Lopes]

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[Kalila]

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[Olivia Lopes]

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[Kalila]

And that it's one of those good

[Row]

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[Esther]

Love a good hot rock thing. Fancy.

[Olivia Lopes]

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