We Adopted Luke Binkow

Summary

Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn

Episode: "We Adopted Luke Binkow" (July 28, 2026)

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Overview

In this vibrant, laughter-filled episode of Trash Tuesday, hosts Esther Povitsky and Khalyla Kuhn officially "adopt" up-and-coming comedian Luke Binkow. The trio dives deep into topics central to their unique blend of personal stories and wild observations—ranging from traumatic pool memories and LA childhoods, to breakup survival strategies and the eco-system of Comedy Store door guys. True to Trash Tuesday form, the conversation bounces between humor, vulnerability, and absolute chaos. (Luke is playfully initiated as the show’s honorary “son.”)

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet Luke Binkow: The Newest Sluggie

• Esther and Khalyla introduce Luke as their unofficial third co-host, expressing genuine fondness and excitement.

• Luke shares his background: Los Angeles native, Comedy Store door guy, and burgeoning stand-up comedian.

  “I’m a door guy at the Comedy Store. I check tickets and I tell—sit right there, sir. And then they go, I don't want to sit there. And I go, sit wherever the fuck you want. I'll go myself. How about that?” (Luke, 02:15)

• Comedy Store “door guy culture” is described as insular and mysterious.

• Khalyla and Esther joke about their “outsider” status at the club, referencing their tangential connections via Bobby Lee.

2. Luke’s Fire Story & The Pisces Dilemma

• Luke details the trauma of his mom’s house burning down (Palisades wildfire), which forced a sudden life reset.

  “It really felt like a huge reset where it’s like, my whole life begins now at 24. I have no stuff. I thought I was gonna coast off the Xbox I got for Christmas when I was 13.” (05:02)

• Shares close relationship with his mom and more distant dynamic with his dad, who offered “work boots” instead of emotional support.
• Hosts and guest reflect on generational differences—debating whether kids should be forced to move out at 18, especially in LA.

  “I don’t understand setting your kids off on their own with no financial help at 18… Kids gotta live with you way longer than that.” (Khalyla, 07:02)

3. Dating, The Internet, and Raya Fibs

• Luke on modern dating: internet’s impact, feeling like his generation straddles pre- and post-digital eras.
• Luke meets his girlfriend on Raya—admits to lying on his application about being a film producer, to better his odds.

  “How’d you get on Raya?”
  “Because I’m famous as hell. I’m on Trash Tuesday… I lied on my application.” (Luke, 08:33-09:00)

4. The Art (and Tragedy) of Couple Photos

• Extended, hilarious reflection on why boyfriends take (objectively) bad photos of their partners.
  • Khalyla shares a traumatizing first-class plane photo taken by her boyfriend (“like Ferdinand the Bull”).

  “I looked like an actual farm animal, smashed into a tight lie-flat seat… I was like, ‘Do you hate me?’” (Khalyla, 12:40)

• Esther and Luke debate the psychology behind men’s inability to recognize a “bad” photo, noting the role of romantic bias.

5. Water Trauma & Swim Lessons

• Esther’s deep discomfort with water, swim culture, and traumatic junior-high swimsuit incidents.
• Humorous recounting of daughter Ace’s disastrous swim lesson, with Esther being asked to demonstrate blowing bubbles despite her fear.

  “‘Mommy, do it,’ and I’m like, ‘No.’” (Esther, 20:09)

• Group explores parent-child dynamics around water, memories of Raging Waters, and tangents into pool-hopping.

6. The Pool vs. Ocean Debate

• Khalyla (the “part mermaid”) and Luke bond as ocean people, both hating pools but loving the ocean and hot tubs.
• Tangent on the liabilities of pool ownership and the joys of sneaking into neighbors’ pools.

7. Drug Stories & Teen LA Culture

• Luke candidly discusses LA stoner culture, the “Zandemic” at Pali High (Xanax widespread), and getting busted by his mom.

  “I was in high school during the Zandemic. Everyone was taking Xanax all the time…” (Luke, 25:15)

• Recalls his mom’s intense drug tests and elaborate strategies to conceal weed use.

8. Personal Reset & Adulting

• Luke and hosts compare trauma-based resets: house fires, breakups, and post-breakup glow-ups.
• Luke talks about getting temporarily “buff” for Coachella, meal-prep extremism, and self-awareness as a "red flag".
• His love of California; reluctance to leave LA despite the norms of moving out.

9. Comedy Store Door Guy Improv

• The trio does a playful improv scene, riffing on the experience of trying to get into the Comedy Store without being on the list.

  “You’re not on the list. Sorry. You have the biggest drink. I’ve never seen this size cup served at the bar—it seems like you brought your own jug of alcohol.” (Luke, 41:38)

• Jokes about using connections to get in and the mythic power of “Bobby’s list”.

10. Relationships & Breakups: Advice Segment [48:00+]

• Listener writes in for advice on “getting over a breakup.”
• Khalyla’s advice: “The only way out is through.” She advocates diving into the heartbreak, not avoiding it, mentioning therapy and even “a ketamine journey.”

  “My breakup with Bobby was a long time coming… My motto is, the only way out is through.” (Khalyla, 50:09)

• Luke: masculine avoidance—“don’t address it, ignore it, take it out on random people.”
• Esther: tell everyone, feel the sadness, and trust you’ll “get hot and make new friends”—embrace it as a reset.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You don’t look beautiful—like, you don’t. There’s nowhere to put the anger.” – Esther on partner photos (11:03)
• “I can't care for a child and be wet at the same time.” – Esther on swim lessons (16:05)
• “You want white teeth? You’ll end up with no teeth.” – Esther’s warning about whitening strips (22:23)
• “I smoke like a mommy now—a tiniest puff and then the worst experience.” – Luke on his changed relationship to weed (42:29)
• “Talk to you soon” vs. “Talk to you later”: A heated debate on phone sign-offs (45:55)
• “Through that sadness, you will get hot.” – Esther on breakup recovery (54:05)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:53 – Luke’s “quinceañera”/introduction to the show
• 02:14 – Comedy Store door guy culture explained
• 04:48 – Luke’s house burns down—life reset
• 08:33 – Raya, fabricated fame, and dating in LA
• 10:24 – The bad boyfriend photo epidemic
• 16:05 – Esther’s water trauma & swim lesson nightmare
• 25:15 – “Zandemic” and LA stoner teen years
• 32:57 – Debate: toddler swim “survival” lessons
• 40:13 – Comedy Store door guy improv scene
• 48:15 – Audience question: breakup advice
• 50:09 – Khalyla’s journey through a slow breakup with Bobby Lee
• 54:05 – Esther’s advice: feel it, tell everyone, “you will get hot”

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Tone & Style

The episode is quick-witted, self-aware, emotionally honest, and veers between absurd comedic bits and surprisingly poignant reflections. The chemistry between Esther, Khalyla, and Luke gives the conversation an easy-flowing, confessional energy that is as comfortable with self-deprecating humor as it is with moments of earnest advice.

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Final Notes

• Luke is now considered the “son of Trash Tuesday”—a mascot and emerging voice for all Sluggies (and an honorary representative for “all sons out there”).
• Running themes: the struggle for self-acceptance, generational trauma, LA “native” comedy scenes, the challenges of modern adulting, and the enduring awkwardness of couple selfies.

For more on their wild takes, follow the show on Instagram and YouTube @TrashTuesday.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

This is like Luke's quinceanera.

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

He's like, coming out.

[C]

Coming out or coming of age?

[B]

Is it a coming out party?

[D]

I just think I don't want to call it a coming out party. If there's a way to come out.

[E]

Luke.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

I'm like operating at 10% and me. 10%. Me and Luke Solo really scares me. Like that's fear in the blood.

[D]

10% is crazy. You're. You're that low.

[B]

I think I'm a 10%.

[D]

You seem like more than 10%.

[B]

I'll get. As we go on the. It'll fill up.

[C]

I think I'm at 10. Dropping as we go on. It's gonna. The tank is almost empty, guys. So look, you gotta carry this.

[D]

Yeah, great. Thanks for having me on, guys. I really appreciate it.

[B]

We gotta figure it out to introduce him. We do. He's kind of. I feel like we already, both of us have like. We've already decided that he's a new. He's our third co host.

[C]

He's our up and rising. He's our guy. You know, we. We both decided this, right? I was like, hey, you know Luke? She's like, oh my God, I love Luke.

[B]

I was like, literally when I saw you at the Comedy Store and I forgot what you said to me, but you made fun of me or something and you were just so weird.

[D]

Great.

[B]

Do you remember what. What it was?

[D]

It was something about you being pregnant. I can't remember, but you were pregnant and having an issue.

[B]

I think you were like, are you gonna have the baby right now? I was like, I'm like, four months pregnant. You work at the Comedy Store.

[C]

What do you do at the Comedy Store?

[D]

I'm a door guy at the Comedy Store. I check tickets and I tell. I go. I say, sit right there, sir. And then they go, I don't want to sit there. And I go, sit wherever the fuck you want. I'll go myself. How about that?

[B]

I know all about the door guys. I was in a long relationship with one of them. I was. I was a door guy wife.

[C]

What is. What is the door guy? Door girl tea right now? Anyone dating, beefing? Is that, like, a whole, like.

[D]

I literally can't say.

[C]

It's its own, like, ecosystem, right?

[B]

Yeah. That can't be on podcast.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I literally can't say, really.

[D]

If you're in, you're in. And, you know. But, like, you guys are outsiders. Like, you wouldn't get it.

[B]

We're not outsiders. We're not, actually. That would be a good thing if we are. I'd love to be an outsider.

[C]

I'm for sure an outsider. Oh, because you're, like, not a comic.

[B]

Well, yeah. And you're like, people probably think of you as Bobby's ex, and they're like, oh, my God, that's Bobby's ex. Like, she's out. But it's like, you're literally still best friends with him.

[C]

Are you friends with your exes? Look at. I ask you this the last time.

[B]

Do you have. Are you old enough to have an ex?

[D]

Yeah, I only have one.

[C]

Oh, my God. His girlfriend.

[D]

She's stunningly beautiful.

[C]

She is a supermodel. She is stunning and so cool. Because I checked out her Instagram.

[B]

You're a comedian.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You do stand up. Correct.

[C]

And then how does she feel about that? I'm sorry.

[D]

She loves stand up. She's a fan of a lot of standups that I'm a fan of. And she. She thinks it's really cool. I will say, I think most people, like, find stand up really cool until you're, like, super, super close to it, and then it starts to be, like, pathetic. Oh, shit. This is like. It's not as pathetic, but it's like you have, like, a sickness.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You're like, oh, sorry, I have a show. And people are like, that's so cool. He has a show, and then one day you show up and you're like, this is six people in the back of a bar. You didn't even do well.

[B]

I feel like you articulated that really well for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I needed you to say that to people when I was in my 20s.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Because I absolutely experienced that. Like, she has a show and it's like, guys, it's in a laundromat or they're doing their laundry.

[D]

Exactly. No, literally. And I had to stop posting about a lot of my shows because, you know, you post on your story to show other standups and stuff. Like, I'm working. I got stuff going on. And then I had friends and family, so, like, show up.

[B]

And you grew up in L. A.

[C]

That's what I find really interesting about you is that there's hardly really anyone who's like, born and bred California boy that, like, everyone feels like a transplant.

[B]

Do you live with your parents?

[D]

Local. Okay. So I. I was planning on living. My parents are divorced. I was planning on living with my mom because I'm like, okay, perfect. I'm going to be a deadbeat, stand up, live in my mom's house forever. Literally. The dream.

[B]

She have a nice basement?

[D]

Oh, yeah. Great setup. And then our house burnt down and so I had to move out.

[C]

Wait, so you live in the Palisades?

[B]

Yes. Oh, my God, another fire victim today.

[D]

Yep. Who was the other her?

[C]

Right, right, right, right.

[D]

So, yeah, I had. I was kind of like, oh, fuck, I got to move out now. And it was also, it was funny because, like, it really felt like a huge reset on my whole life where it's like, okay, my whole life begins now at when 24 or whatever. I have no stuff. I've known nothing. I thought I was going to coast off the Xbox I got for Christmas when I was 13.

[B]

That is insane. And was all your. All your stuff was at your mom's house?

[D]

Everything. The only thing, it was funny because I was. I was working two jobs at the time. So I left my work when I was wearing, like a button down collared shirt to go to the Comedy Store to work. So the only things that survived were my two uniforms. And while I was at the Comedy Store where it was like, oh, shit, I think my house is burning down, there was like, immediately I'm being made fun of. There was no period of like, oh, I'm so sorry. But I think that was. That helped.

[B]

Yeah, we like to laugh at trauma here. And what about your dad's house?

[D]

He's coasting and totally fine. He moved to, like, Santa Barbara. He's chilling. He's probably like, score. Get fucked. L for you.

[B]

Are you. So you guys are. What, he doesn't like you?

[D]

I wouldn't say he loves me. I guess loves is a crazy word. To say for your dad. But, like, you know, we. We don't talk that often. When the house went down, he texted me. He's like, dude, so sorry. Like, if you need anything, work boots, work shirt, you know, any. Any kind of equipment, I'm like, equipment. You think I'm gonna rebuild the house. What is this message?

[B]

Are you close with your mom?

[D]

Very close, yeah. I feel so bad for my mom. It's. It's. I feel bad talking about it. It's not very funny. But, like, I feel bad for my mom because when my parents divorced, she, like, kept the house. That was like, her big thing was like, I just want the house so that the kids can, like, be in the house forever. And, like, you always have a place to come back to. And then it burnt down. And then now I'm like, yeah, I'm going to live in an apartment with Joey. And she's like, what about? I'm like, I know, I'm sorry.

[B]

Maybe you guys will get under one roof again, but maybe it's also for the best.

[D]

I know, I know. It's kind of like. It's funny that I, like, aspire to be, like, one day I'll move back

[B]

in with my mom.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I kind of don't believe in that anymore.

[B]

In what?

[C]

I don't understand, like, setting your kids off on their own when they turn 18 with, like, no financial help, with no backing, like, that does not make sense. Maybe for a certain generation, like a long time ago, but as it stands now, it's like, no. Your kids got to live with you for way longer than that.

[D]

100. Yeah. And, like, especially in a place like LA or whatever, it's just so expensive and so difficult. It's not really possible. And you're gonna put. You're just. If you're gonna force your kid to move into somewhere very sketch because that's the only thing that's affordable. It's like, yeah, but I feel very lucky. Hopefully I get to go back in there.

[C]

When I saw you last, I asked you, like, what's it look like for my son's generation?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And dating. And you basically said, oh, like, it's fucked.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, they stand no chance, that generation. What?

[D]

I wouldn't say they stand no chance. I just think dating has changed a lot. For sure. People have, like, different perspectives. I feel like when they're dating now

[C]

and do you think that mothers our age would be able to guide our sons when it's time?

[D]

Yeah, you can guide your kid.

[C]

Or do you think the Internet will just kind of take over their life.

[D]

Yeah, it's hard because, like, you really do get so shaped by the Internet. I feel like I was kind of. I'm 25. I feel like I was the last generation that, like, I had a flip phone. I wasn't directly on the Internet, but then eventually, you know, it clipped me at, you know, at an early age, I'm, like, looking up naked pictures of Megan Fox on a dsi. Kids now, they're so tapped into the Internet, it's like you could be anyone.

[B]

Well, how did you meet your girlfriend?

[D]

On the Internet?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, on Raya.

[C]

How'd you get on Raya?

[D]

Because I'm famous as hell. I'm on Trash Tuesday.

[C]

Hello?

[D]

Hello, Raya. I lied on my application.

[B]

Yeah, you're just a normal guy to us.

[D]

Yeah, well, I try to. I try to stay humble. I lied. I lied on my application. I said I was a film producer.

[C]

Can't. Don't they vet that? Can't they, like. Because I feel like. Raya. I never found, like, younger. Okay. People, they're always like, old, predatory fucks.

[D]

Well, you know, if you say you're a film producer, they just assume they're a predatory fuck. They put you right on there.

[C]

I know. I hate it.

[B]

It's funny to be 25 and say you're a film producer.

[D]

I know.

[B]

I feel like it'd be like, you're broke.

[D]

Yeah, I know. It was because they check your Instagram, and I don't have a lot of Instagram followers.

[B]

But don't you make video content?

[D]

I do now, but at the time when I applied, I was, like, pretty young.

[B]

So you want to. You just want to make sure everyone knows, like, you were lying at the time.

[D]

Yeah, I was lying. But now. Now I could be like, oh, famous podcast. Famous podcast guest.

[B]

Wait.

[C]

I have a question for you, Luke.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you take good pictures of your girlfriend?

[D]

Wow. It feels almost like a question that was set up by her to be asked on this podcast. She recently just told me that I'm not. I haven't. I don't do that. Apparently. I don't take good photos of her.

[C]

But how bad are they? Because I have things to share.

[D]

Well, like, I take a. If she wants me to take a photo, course, I take a photo, and we take photos together, and people take photos of us. And it's like, I'm always, like, snapping a photo of her because I want to remember the moment that we're at. Oh, we're eating breakfast. I want to take a Photo because, like, this is a nice moment, but it's like, you know, it's very candid of a photo.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So she sometimes will be like, you got to know that I want a photo taken in this setting. And then be like, I'm going to take a photo. And then like, I'll.

[C]

I agree with her. I think, like, you need to learn her light. You need to learn. I guess I feel like Dave takes incredible photos of you.

[B]

Okay, look, like, I know you think that. I know everybody thinks that. No, he doesn't. I mean, he can, but it's like to get those paparazzi shots, we have to take millions. I think this is a, an epidemic of partnerships because. And it's for a good reason. Right. It's like your partner, the guy thinks you're beautiful, and so he doesn't understand that you actually do look like dog shit in 90% of the photos that exist of you. It's like they don't know. They literally just don't know.

[C]

You really not know when it's like, oof, that's a rough one of her.

[D]

There's never been a rough photo ever taken over.

[C]

They don't, they don't know.

[B]

They do not know. And so that's why I can't get mad because, because I'll be like, this is horrible. And he's like, you look beautiful. And I'm like, I. Like, I don't, I don't. There's nowhere to put the anger.

[D]

We're biased.

[E]

It's a biased opinion.

[C]

That's insane. That's really.

[D]

I don't know what the reverse of it is though. Like, what's the equivalent for a guy? Because, like, I don't really need like a photo taken of, of me.

[C]

Well, I'll give you an example of what happened to me. Like, I really, truly believe that if you want to feel really badly about yourself, you should ask my boyfriend to take a photo of you.

[B]

I disagree. You want to have so tall. It'll be from a good high up angle.

[C]

Let me. Okay, let's, let's, let's look at a photo together. Okay. We don't always fly first class. It's very expensive. But when we do, it's like a little treat. Our last trip to Hawaii, I had the baby. So we were like, okay, let's fly. Let's go on a life flat seat. Very special occasion on Instagram, Kelly Slater's wife posted a picture of her and her baby in first class. And it was such an adorable photo. And I'm like, I want one just like that. And so I told my boyfriend, aloha when we get there and when baby and I take a nap, please, please just hover over us and get that photo. And he was like, no problem, babe. No problem. Plane lands. I'm like, hey, you got the. Did you get the photos? Because, oh, my God, I got so many.

[D]

That's the first red flag, obviously, because when I. When I'm fudgeing up a photo, I'm just like, I'm just going to take as many as I possibly can. And one will work anytime. I was like, I got so many. Don't worry.

[B]

Because then it's like it's 100 that look exactly the same.

[D]

It's got to be one photo. I got the photo.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I've never seen a photograph of myself or me looking like an. Like, actually Ferdinand the Bull. Like, I look like a physical farm animal. Like, smashed into a tight lie, flat seat with my baby's hair. Like, we're all sweating and uncomfortable. I'm wearing, like, what I thought was, like, cool monotone, like, tan on tan. I looked like a bull, like, smashed into first class.

[D]

Maybe it's the styling. Maybe you went wrong over there and he just got the photo of it. True to defend the boyfriends out there. Maybe you weren't prepped enough. Maybe Kelly Slater's wife, she knows.

[C]

Maybe she was awake.

[D]

Yeah. Fake.

[B]

Oh, yeah. By the way, if that's a posted photo, you know, that was staged. She probably. I don't know who she is, but I'm sure she has an assistant that took it.

[C]

Maybe in my head, Kelly Slater took the photo and I'm like, he's a good man. And in my. And after that, I was like, aloha. Like, you, you gotta stop with this shit. Do you hate me? Like, do you hate me?

[B]

I know the feeling.

[C]

This is the shot that he thought would be grid worthy.

[B]

We need to see it.

[C]

This is the best of the best.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's so bad. It's so bad. It's so bad.

[D]

It's bad.

[B]

So bad.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I can't look away.

[D]

You look like you're crying.

[C]

Look at my sideburns. I was like, babe, you gave me sideburns.

[B]

You've never looked like that. The sideburns, like, that's me kind of.

[C]

I honestly, I was like, I've never seen your nose. Is that me or is that like a farm animal?

[B]

I'm telling you, he saw this photo and he didn't break up with You.

[D]

It's very Picasso. Abstract.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Like melt is going on.

[C]

Guys don't even show the second one.

[B]

No, I want to see it.

[C]

It's the same, but different angle. But see, that's Dave ever done that to you?

[B]

Yeah, this is what I am.

[D]

You gotta plug that in.

[C]

Look at this angle

[E]

in it.

[D]

What does he get? Trying to get a photo of.

[B]

He's getting up your nose. Ye. Wait, what? What did he. Okay, okay.

[C]

What was his vision?

[B]

Let's go back.

[D]

Reference.

[B]

When you saw this and you reacted, what was. What did he. What was his defense?

[C]

He was like, you were sleeping. That's what she looked like. And. And I basically, I was like, aloha. You need to start a business if someone wants to retaliate.

[B]

Retaliation.

[C]

Yeah, retaliation business. Or like if you want someone's self esteem to drop, like, that's your business.

[D]

Yeah, it's like modern, like not fucked up revenge porn kind of thing where it's like, I'm going to get a photo of someone you don't like that just really look horrible and I'll post it on my story. Yes. Happy anniversary.

[C]

And you're like, oh, she doesn't look as good as. And you know, I had to send this photo to everyone I knew. I was like, hey, is this what I look like just for them to be a Kalila? Obviously not.

[D]

The whole thing is just like gray. It's like a really dark, sad.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

I feel so valid.

[D]

Lightning is very grim.

[C]

Yeah. But we got into a huge fight. I was. I feel very validated.

[D]

Yeah. You know, I apologize on behalf of boyfriend.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

I appreciate that.

[B]

Can you swim?

[C]

Yeah, he surfs.

[B]

You hate that I'm triggered.

[D]

Why are. You can't swim?

[B]

No.

[D]

What do you mean you can't swim?

[B]

It's just. That's what I mean.

[D]

Have you ever been in like, water?

[B]

Ever been in water? And I hate it. I. So this week we started swim lessons for Ace, my daughter.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I was like, I don't want to get in the water. Like, I just don't. I don't want to be like, in a wet swimsuit with my child. Like, I just don't think I can, like, handle it. Like, I can't care for a child and be wet at the same time.

[D]

Do you get in the shower?

[B]

No.

[C]

No, she doesn't.

[B]

I go to the swim lesson and the teacher ahead of time is like, some kids are fine without the parent in the water. But, like, you know, I do recommend it. So I'm like, We get there, she goes in with the teacher, immediately starts having a huge meltdown, and the guy's like, do you have your swims on?

[D]

My.

[B]

Yes. I rush. I put it on, I get in, I leave. The whole experience is, like, terrible.

[C]

Is her first time in a pool?

[B]

No, but it's like, her first time in a pool in a while. Yeah, I was freezing cold in a wetsuit. She's crying.

[D]

You can yourself.

[C]

Hang on. You wore a full wetsuit to the pool?

[B]

No, my suit was wet.

[C]

Oh, oh, oh.

[B]

But it was short and, like, it was. I do wear jeans and a T shirt. Yeah.

[C]

Your new balances.

[B]

Like, everything about getting in the water is triggering for me. Like, as you know, when I was in junior high, like, one other girl saw me in my swimsuit and was like, I didn't know she was fat. And, like, so I never want to be in a swimsuit.

[D]

That's kind of nice, though. Oh, I had no idea that you were fat. You do such a good job covering it up. I had. Oh, my God. I had no idea you were fat.

[B]

It's like, oh, okay. Core trauma healed.

[D]

Yeah. There you go. You're welcome.

[B]

Okay. Hate being in a swimsuit. Hate being wet and cold. I have a hole in my eard drum, so I'm, like, nervous about getting water in my ear. Yeah, what do you have? Yeah, you got anything for that one, Sassy boy?

[D]

I think everyone's got holes in their ears. That's how you hear stuff. So you're not special.

[C]

Wait, but all of these things that you're saying, I hate too, by the way. I don't like pools. I. And I was a swimmer for, like, what, 20 years? To this day, like, you couldn't pay me to just, like, look at a pool and be like, guys, I'm getting in. I hate the pool.

[B]

How do you manage getting wet?

[C]

Ocean's different, though.

[B]

How do you manage getting wet and then getting out and then still being wet?

[C]

I don't.

[D]

Off with a towel. Is this real?

[C]

Okay. Are you kidding me? You're an ocean person. I'm an ocean person. I think the people that make the. The biggest mistake when you get on land, you immediately get out of your wet stuff. You don't sit around and in your

[B]

wet where you stand in the sun,

[D]

it's a beautiful sunny day. You go in the pool, you jump in the pool. You have nine beers. First of all, you get in the pool, you're a problem. You're splashing. People get mad.

[C]

You.

[D]

You get out, you eat A wet hot dog or wet Doritos. And then you dry yourself off with a towel and you lay in the sun and dry off.

[C]

Yeah. You deck change or. I never keep my bottoms on. I always take them out immediately.

[B]

My bottoms out. But when is the. Where's the time? Where am I going? Just going to go nakey.

[E]

Under the towel.

[C]

Yeah, under the towel. Neck change.

[D]

You can keep them on. They dry pretty quick.

[C]

No.

[D]

Unless you are in, like, jeans or something. Like, I don't know what your fit is in the pool, but it's pretty quick drying stuff.

[B]

But then also, keep in mind, guys, there's a crying toddler. There's a lot of fashion.

[D]

Outdoor and indoor pool.

[B]

Outdoor.

[C]

I'm kind of on your side still. Because I hate the pool. I love the ocean. Hate the pool.

[B]

Okay. So then I'm like, oh, my God, that was so horrible. And I already signed up for eight lessons.

[C]

I hate that about kids. Swim lessons. You have to sign up the whole.

[B]

Yeah, so I'm like, already playing, like, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, also, it's a horrible time. Like, right before this, I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. Like, my whole life is ruined. And I email the teacher, like, hey, it seems like that didn't go great. Like, are we cool? And he writes back this long thing. He's like, I don't think you guys are ready.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

We got removed from the lesson, and he says to try again in the fall.

[D]

I don't think you guys are ready. It's crazy. I like how he roped you into it. Also, it's not an ace thing. Yeah.

[C]

It's a you thing.

[D]

Yeah. Your team is not prepared.

[B]

Now I'm like, is it me? Because every second we're in the water, I'm like, I hate this. I hate this. Like, it's so uncomfortable. Oh. And then.

[D]

Are you saying that?

[B]

Not out loud, but, like, the teacher's, like, showing.

[C]

It's like, blow bubbles.

[B]

Like, hum through your nose in the water, and then he should be teaching you. No, he literally. And he goes, mommy, do it. Does it. Mommy, do it. And I'm like,

[C]

no.

[B]

And he's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, I'm scared. And. And so I didn't realize, like, I was going to have to also demonstrate.

[D]

Is this important? Like, I've never hummed through my nose in the water. Like, do you need to learn these skills, like, blowing bubbles?

[B]

Why?

[C]

Because you need to know that you're not going to inhale it. That you're going to exhale the water. Not when you hum.

[B]

You don't inhale.

[C]

No, you don't. You. You have the bubbles is like the guy taught kids how to swim.

[B]

So you know what they do? They just put the baby under.

[C]

Did you know that after some acclimation, not like, oh, here you go, baby boom.

[B]

If they did that to me, I would immediately inhale.

[C]

If you actually do this thing where the baby goes in this way, because if the water hits the baby's head first, reflexively, you're going to do the right thing. You're not going to inhale the water. So they do. They usually dip the baby in, like, at an angle and up like this.

[B]

Yeah, she was fine. Like, obviously that's what they do. But I just couldn't believe it as someone that, like, if that happened to me, I would. It would be bad because when I was younger and people would dunk me in when I didn't want to, when I panic, I. Yeah. Or like when I went down a water slide that accidentally went too fast. As soon as I go in, it's like, horrible.

[D]

Yeah, we went too fast. Water slides are awesome. I love a water park. I love getting in there, sloshing around, seeing people's tattoos.

[C]

Did you go to Raging Waters?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Me too.

[D]

Big time. Hell yeah. I got every kind of fungus at Raging Waters.

[C]

I did, too. I think my teeth even got yellow there.

[D]

Perfect.

[C]

I remember this is, by the way, why my teeth. People are always like, why do you have such white teeth? It's because of a core trauma with a boyfriend after Raging Waters.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

My high school boyfriend. A couple weeks after aging Water, he started dating someone new. And one of the things he told me, he's like, yeah, she's got really white teeth. Yours were a little yellow.

[B]

What?

[D]

It's from all the nacho cheese after

[C]

our time in Raging Water. Exactly.

[D]

The. I like how you blame Raging Water. You're like, my teeth are yellow. Must have been the water.

[C]

Must have been Raging Waters.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Drinking a lot of that.

[C]

But that was my last past memory with him. And then it was Raging Waters. And then you have. Your teeth are not as white as hers. Really? Like, send me. Sent me into a tailspin.

[B]

Well, people with super white teeth. This is a psa.

[C]

That's scary.

[B]

I'm mad. No, no, worse than that. They are using white strips. And you know what? Those are bad for your enamel. And your teeth are gonna melt and rot away and not be strong. And you're gonna be no teeth. And then who's gonna be smiling? Me. With my yellow teeth. Okay, you're going to be jealous.

[D]

You use white strips?

[C]

Yeah, I use white strips. Yeah. Well, not anymore, but I did at that time. And guess what? They were really white.

[B]

They work really well.

[C]

They work so well. But then they burned, like, the top part of my gums, and they get, like.

[B]

They thin out. Your teeth?

[D]

I use them a couple of times, but they hurt my teeth.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. It makes them sensitive.

[E]

Are you.

[B]

Do you do drugs?

[D]

Like, Like, I don't understand the question that answers.

[C]

Okay, alcohol. Okay. Outside of alcohol and weed, what other fun things do you partake in?

[D]

When I was in high school, I was, like, a major stoner druggie. That was kind of the culture. I went to, like, Pali High. Shout out. Pali High. It was, like, very, like, California school off the beach. Everyone's doing drugs. We had the funniest slang. We had, like, the most drug slang. That was hilarious.

[B]

You must have been so cool.

[D]

I was not cool at all. I was not cool at all. I would hang out with the stoners all the time. That was about it. And then ultimately, I got busted by my mom and never talked to those people ever again. I had it. I got drug tested, like, every day for a year after that.

[C]

I was in the last for a year. And your mom did that? How'd she do that?

[B]

I love her.

[C]

I know. Me too.

[B]

I'm subscribed.

[D]

She bought. I remember because I would. You know, you get busted the first time, and you're like, I've never. Like, I've never smoked weed. Like, I'm really sorry. Like, it's my first time. And they were like, okay, we understand. Then it happens again. You're like, oh, this is, like, the second time I've ever smoked weed. Like, I don't know. It's a problem. Then it happens again, and they're like, okay, this is a trend. And you're like, oh, I don't know. They looked through my bag. I had, like. I don't know if you guys. Did you. Were you stoners at all?

[C]

I smoked weed in high school.

[D]

I had, like, the Arizona iced tea thing where you unscrew it and there's, like, a bunch of weed in it. And, like, I had all this. All these, like, accoutrements. I was into, like, dabbing. I had, like, dab rigs with torches and stuff under my bed. So I got in a lot of trouble. And she ordered, like, 300 drug tests off of Amazon, and I didn't Know. And I remember she was like, oh, really? I have a drug test, so if you. If you don't think. If you're not high, go take this drug test. And I was like, fine, fine. I will watch. And then I went to the bathroom instantly, called my friend, yo, how do I pass a drug test? And they were like, dude, we got. You Just drink a lot of water. There's stuff you could take at the liquor store that, like, you know, helps flush out your system. I'm like, no, I'm in the bathroom right now. I remember my friend just, like, pausing for a second be like, I mean, yeah, it's over. You're totally screwed. I peed in it. It came out positive. And then I was like, that test must be broken. That is positive. She's like, all right, I got another one. Take it again.

[C]

I got 300 more.

[D]

All day, it was positive again. And then she's like. I'm like, it's broken. It's broken. You're reading it wrong. You're reading it wrong. And she's like, okay, you know what? Here, we'll do, like, a test. We'll do, like, a baseline test. And then she looks at my dad and she's like, you.

[B]

You.

[D]

You pee on it and, like, we'll test it with you. My dad's like, I'm not fucking doing that. And she's like, what? You just pee on it and test? He's like, I'm not doing that. And then I was like, oh, it's. It's. What's up? What's up with that? I try to, like, deflect it.

[C]

Look over there, by the way, what was the punishment?

[B]

Wait, what?

[D]

Was obviously, like, smoking weed and was like. He's like, he's going to get in trouble now.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I was in high school during the Zandemic. Did you guys ever hear about that?

[B]

No. It's a pandemic.

[D]

Everyone was taking Xanax all the time. Everybody. Everybody taking Xanax all the time. All the time. Oh, my God. Oh, it's not expensive. And it was like everyone was taking Xanax all the time. I remember one time we were out hanging out, like, in the courtyard, and behind me, someone, like, slams a basketball super, super hard on the ground, you know, like. And I turn around, and it's a kid laying on the ground. And it was not a basketball. It was his head bouncing off the concrete. And it was like, oh, oh, my God. This kid just passed out, and his head so hard. And a security guard Like, Dean type of person runs over and is like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. What happened? Like, what did he take? What did he take? And everyone's standing around like, he's, like, tired. I think he's, like, really tired. And I remember the guy's face, like, going from, like, panic to, like, are you fucking serious? Can we just. Can you level with me for one second and just tell me what he took? And we're like, yeah, I think it's like, the heat. Like, it's like heat stroke. Like, I can only imagine the. The frustration of this guy. Of, like, your friend is laying here. He just hit his head. Do you want him to get help? You're like, yeah, I don't know. They. He leaves in an ambulance, and the kid who sold him the Xanax comes over and is like, guess what? I sold him all that Xanax. And I have more. And he, like, sold out of all of it.

[B]

Like, sold out. Everyone should be going to jail.

[C]

There's no Pali high for my son. There's no race, by the way.

[D]

It was so fun, though. Like, I wasn't. I didn't get so sucked into it, luckily, because my mom, like, pulled me out when I was, like, getting a little too deep into it. But it was, like, so fun.

[C]

We're taking deep breaths.

[B]

I can't believe you had it that as a teenager all the time.

[D]

It's like, why not? Like, I have nothing going on. All I have is, like, math class.

[B]

I should just do drugs.

[D]

I will say what you were saying, though, of, like, oh, you shouldn't do it at that young age, though. Not just because you're predisposed to something. But I think something I regret so much was I was so interested in weed that I have so much weed knowledge and so much knowledge about, like, glassblowing and, like, where I feel like that's a time where you develop your special interest, like movies or writing or surfing or whatever it is. And I locked into this, like, very spongy brain part of my life where all I know about is weed. And I don't even really smoke like that anymore.

[B]

You could write a really good stoner movie.

[D]

I could. I. I guess I could.

[B]

This episode is sponsored by Better help. Better helps. 2026 State of Stigma report surveyed 2,000Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74 say society discourages people from doing so.

[C]

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[C]

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[E]

Hey Esther, have you seen these videos where they just like throw the baby in the blue?

[B]

I hate These, by the way, why do you hate them? Yeah, this is traumatizing for me.

[C]

I think that my take on it is, yes, survival is really important for toddlers. And, like, especially if you're a family with a pool and all of these things, like. Like, it is important. I just never want to associate the water with something that my kid is scary fun. The water should be fun. It should be respected. But it should be a place where you feel calm. Like, that's always where.

[B]

That's the lost cause of my household.

[C]

Let me. Let me help you.

[E]

I feel like, the same thing. I think that's, like, when you're raised, going to the beach at a young age, you have, like, your experience with the ocean is nothing but, like, fun, and you learn to respect it because it's mother Nature.

[C]

You get up anyways. Like, you will eat sand, and you will get a good tumbling in there, and you're like, oh, like, that was crazy. But this age, like, it should just be a positive association. I know why these survival things, like, are out there. And if that's why, like, what's my rule if I ever purchase a home? No pool.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I will not.

[B]

You really would not have a pool, even with all this. What if you did? All the safety precautions.

[C]

No pool, no pool.

[B]

Really?

[C]

No. Nope.

[B]

Nope.

[D]

Why?

[C]

I will not. I don't. And I'm a swimmer. I'm swimmer inside of you.

[D]

You said you have all this trauma. You can't even get in. You're like, I can't imagine being wet. I'm, like, sick. You can't take a shower.

[B]

I'm glad you asked, because there's something about, like, for me, if I own my own pool, like, and it's mine, I can, like, in my own privacy, I can, like, beat the pool.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I think my fear, I guess, I

[C]

mean, you see it every day. It becomes familiar. You're like, okay, you know, I know this body of water.

[B]

It's like, there's privacy. Like, no one can see what I'm doing with the pool.

[E]

It's like pooping in your own bathroom.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, I do aspire. I have always secretly, like, fantasized about wanting a pool in a way where, like, I have nightmares about being in a plane crash. It's like, ooh, it was my own plane.

[D]

That's why I need my own plane with a pool in it.

[C]

That is so funny to me, because I feel like it even, like, I've spent my entire existence in a pool in a chlorinated pool. So my in laws have a huge pool in their home in Hawaii. And they have fences so high up. And their whole thing is not even that any of the kids might get in there, it's that any of the neighboring kids who want to sneak in, like, use the pool. You wake up in your own property and there's a floating body. No, thank you. I don't want that liability.

[B]

What? That was. You just got really far.

[C]

That's where my brain goes.

[B]

A floating.

[C]

You've never snuck into people's like, pools?

[D]

Oh, great. Another floating body in my pool. We gotta put this fence up. Keep the kids out.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

I. I never snuck into other people's pools, but I know that's a thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like pool hopping.

[C]

So no, thank you.

[D]

When you live close to the beach, like we. This has been said a lot, but I think when you live close to the beach, it's like a pool doesn't have the same kind of effect.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Wait, really? I didn't know that.

[C]

If you're an ocean person, the pool sucks. Like, when I see people like, like in a really nice hotel, beachside hotel, a resort, and I see them in the pool, I'm like, what are you doing?

[B]

The ocean is cold.

[D]

No, I guess. Yeah. If you're in a place where the ocean. If it's a really cold day, maybe you wouldn't do that.

[C]

But I think that a lot of ocean people hate the pool. That's my feel. Or I hope it's not just me.

[E]

I hate it.

[B]

I'm not arguing it. I'm just shocked as a non ocean, non pool person.

[D]

Okay, what about this? What about the Jacuzzi? Are you going to jump in the Yakuza?

[B]

Because I'm not jumping in anything.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Are you gonna step into the. Are you gonna hot tub it?

[B]

Yeah, I'll go in the hot tub. It's. It's hot.

[D]

Okay. But I thought you had all this trauma about being wet.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. I'll have like a stack of three towels and I'll have a hot bath ready to transfer over to the Jacuzzi.

[C]

Makes sense because you like baths.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So the Jacuzzi, a bubbling warm. It's almost like a giant bath for her. I can't do Jacuzzis because I have pots, so my blood pressure gets everywhere.

[B]

Which, by the way, I think I have that too.

[C]

I think you do too.

[B]

Yeah. Why didn't you tell me?

[C]

I did. I was like, you're like me? You sure?

[B]

Yeah. I didn't know we had like, a name for our Thing.

[C]

Yeah, we have pots, for sure. And the last I knew for, I was like, I'm never. The last time I got into a Jacuzzi was when I was 17 years old and I went to a party at Caltech in Pasadena with a bunch of nerds and I vomited right into the Jacuzzi.

[B]

No, that wouldn't really faze me.

[D]

Wait, what? Were people in it?

[C]

The guy I was in the Jacuzzi with didn't care, and he still made out with me.

[D]

Oh, it's crazy how common that was in high school to watch. I. I remember, like, after prom, making out, making out. Girl turns around, sprays vomit everywhere. Turn around. Making out, making out.

[B]

It's like, oh, yeah.

[D]

I mean, I respect the dedication and the true love you must feel for another person to put up.

[C]

It's not love. It's just horniness. It's just, like, power through, baby.

[B]

Did you go to college in a different city or did you.

[D]

I went to college in Orange County. Went to Chapman.

[B]

So you have not left SoCal?

[D]

No, I have not left. Honestly, I really love California. I think it's kind of a burden growing up in California, because everywhere I travel to is kind of just like, okay, this place is cool, but California is better. It is just a better place. I would love to see a place that's better. And a lot of people are gonna say, new York. I love New York. I would say they're not comparable places. New York is completely different. It's not similar to California at all.

[B]

I think that's a good point. They're really not, like, comparable places, like, because they are so different, but they do end up being compared because that's, like, the two choices to live. So you would always choose LA over New York?

[D]

Since I grew up, plan to move out of LA because it just feels like something you have to do is move away from where you grew up. But it does feel like a little bit of a burden because. And with comedy, like, I'll go to other places, like Austin, like, wherever. Chicago. It's like, I love it over there, but, like, California, I love to surf. I love good weather. I just. I like to snowboard. I mean, you can do all of it.

[B]

Do you like sushi?

[D]

I love sushi. I love sushi. I was shocked to find out that there's not really sushi in Chicago.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Really not really. There is, but, like, I wouldn't have it.

[D]

Yeah. Isn't that weird? I always thought sushi was just, like, a place that's everywhere.

[B]

It is Kind of everywhere, I'm sure. But it's just. I don't know. I wouldn't. I didn't start eating it until I was, like, in my 30s. I'm completely expensive.

[D]

I just really like California. And I want. I wanted to work in film before I got into comedy.

[B]

So what year did you graduate high school?

[D]

I graduated high school in 2019. Class of 2019. The dolphins.

[C]

The dolphins. You guys are the dolphins?

[B]

My elementary school was Dolphins. Devonshire Dolphins. Shout out to you guys.

[C]

You're really repping the dolphins with your. I hate swimming. Can't swim.

[B]

The water is scary.

[D]

I was on the surf team.

[B]

The surf team?

[D]

Yeah, for a little bit. We had surf class, surface.

[B]

We had Home ec.

[C]

What did you do in Home ec?

[B]

I am embroidered sweatpants to say slave for you on the butt, obviously. Why would you ask why?

[C]

Our Home EC was so different.

[E]

We were hoping to do a little improv where you guys are gonna try and get into the club or the Comedy Store, and you're not on the list.

[C]

And tickets are sold out.

[E]

Tickets are sold out, but you know

[D]

people inside the guest list. You know people on the show, but you're not on the list. Okay, okay.

[B]

Let me hold my drink. Like, we were at the bar drinking.

[C]

The hell's my drink? Oh, it's over there.

[B]

Okay, we're on the list.

[D]

Hey, cool. Yeah. I'm just gonna need your name to, like, look it up, so if you could just tell me the name.

[B]

My name is Na Na.

[D]

Are you serious?

[B]

Yeah, it should be for two for me and my friend.

[D]

Right. I'm looking it up here, and I just don't see your name on here.

[B]

We're on the list. We're. We're friends with the comedians.

[D]

Maybe if he could, like, come down and, like, get you guys or something. I just can't really let you in.

[B]

Can you say something?

[C]

I thought I was doing my own eventually.

[D]

Oh, sorry. Yeah. You guys are together.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I thought we were together.

[C]

Looking at me, I was like, you're doing good.

[B]

You separated us.

[D]

It seems like you guys don't really know each other, and you're saying you guys came here together?

[C]

We do. We do. We do. Hey, so I'm on Bobby's list.

[D]

Oh, Bob. Okay. Yeah, you're good. We love Bobby, so you can go up there, but. Yeah, you're.

[C]

What?

[D]

You're not.

[B]

You didn't even check if her name was on the left.

[D]

She's friends with Bobby. Yeah, of course. Bobby's like.

[B]

I'm friends with Bobby.

[C]

It's the way I came in. I'm friends with Bobby. I'm. Hey, go call Bobby. And they'd be like, okay, go call Bobby. And even if he didn't know me, he'd be like, she's hot enough. Let her in.

[B]

They probably, like, will never get a hold of Bobby. So that is.

[D]

There's no, like, calling. Yeah, let me just call Bobby.

[B]

Yeah, no, nobody's doing that.

[D]

Okay. If you're friends with Bobby, that sounds about right.

[E]

You.

[D]

The way you're talking to me, I just don't really trust anything that you're saying. And you seem drunk. Honestly, you have the biggest drink. I've never even seen this size cup served at the bar. It seems like you brought your own jug of alcohol.

[B]

No, it's electrolyte water. Do you want to try some?

[D]

No, I don't want to try your drink, but thank you so much, though.

[C]

Okay. Lucas is here for the first time. We have to see you again. Many more episodes, but let's actually get to know you.

[B]

This is like Luke's quinceanera.

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

He's like, coming out.

[D]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

Coming out or coming of age?

[B]

Is it a coming out party?

[D]

I don't think. I don't want to call it a coming out party if there's a way to come out.

[C]

Luke.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

What's your special interest?

[D]

You guys think I'm autistic or something? What is this? What is your special interest? And I'm coming out.

[B]

We already know it's weed, but do you still smoke weed?

[D]

I. I've only been, like, experimenting with it. I like to say, like, I smoke like a mommy now, where it's like, I'll take the tiniest puff and then have the worst experience and then take, like, three months and then come back to. I think my brain has changed. You smoke weed when you're younger and you're like, oh, my God, like, we ate cheese fries and we watched this movie and it was so funny. And then I smoke weed now, and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, my girlfriend hates me. Everyone. What am I doing with my fucking life? I'm doing. Stand up. This is a disaster. I should go back to work.

[B]

I feel like I hear that a lot from people that did it in high school. Are you doing a lot?

[D]

When I was in high school, I was doing a lot. But now. Now. Now.

[B]

What's something your friends don't know about? You tell them now.

[E]

Now.

[B]

And they're here. Bring them out.

[D]

That's interesting. I feel like I say a lot to my friends. What's the thing they don't know about me?

[B]

Do you have friends besides me and Kalila?

[D]

You guys are obviously my best friends and I think it's us three. And then my other best friend, my mom, obviously.

[B]

We love that.

[D]

My mom knows everything about me.

[B]

He's like our like the mascot of our show. Like us. He's a son.

[C]

Yeah, he's the son of the show.

[D]

I represent all sons out there. Happily, happily. What's something my friends don't know about me? I don't know. I just got a new apartment.

[B]

Do they know how handsome you are?

[D]

No, I don't think they know that.

[B]

Do they know how strong you are?

[D]

Yeah, they know how strong. I got super strong recently and then I gave it up.

[C]

What did you do to get buff?

[D]

I lost my mind and like it was for Coachella. Like me and my friend.

[C]

Oh, God, I love this because the things I would do to get hot for a Vegas weekend. Extreme.

[D]

Yeah. I had a food scale. I was weighing every single thing that I ate. I mean, I would salt and pepper or something, but I would just like, like everything I ate. Everything I ate. Tracking all your macros. Yeah, all my macros. Going to the gym every single day.

[B]

What's your biggest red flag?

[D]

Probably what I just said.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

If what I just said, if not everything before it. Yeah. I think my biggest red flag genuinely is that I'm very self involved.

[B]

What did you eat up until this point today? Have you eaten today?

[D]

I had a breakfast. I had a spicy Korean breakfast burrito from egg tonight.

[B]

Did you get it delivered?

[D]

No, I just moved into a new or not moved in, but I just signed the lease today with apartment and I walked across the street to get a breakfast burrito.

[C]

Have you lived with a girl?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Besides your mom?

[D]

Yeah. Okay, well then no. No. Yes. I've lived with two girlfriends. Yeah. My girlfriend that I have now, I actually lived with her for like eight months and then I moved out and now we live separate. But it wasn't like bad vibes that I moved out, but it was because my house burned down. I had nowhere to go. We had only been dating for one month and then I just moved out.

[C]

Oh, whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean but that's very like on brand for that age. Yes. I started living with every single boyfriend since the age of 17. Every single one.

[B]

I support that.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know if you're not. You wouldn't support it if Ace was doing it.

[B]

No, I wouldn't. Ace and Ace and Bernie are going to live in my room forever. My room. They're not. Not even the home. The room.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait. I actually do have a topic to bring up with you, Kalila. So I had called Kalila earlier this week.

[C]

Oh, no. What did I do?

[B]

And I noticed that when we get off the phone, I say, talk to you soon. But she says to me, talk to you later. What's that about?

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I want to talk soon. And you want to talk later.

[C]

Later, after soon.

[B]

Later is after soon.

[C]

Yeah. Later is after soon. Oh, no, I don't think so. I think soon is after later.

[D]

Wait, I. I kind of agree, actually.

[B]

What?

[C]

Yeah, you're wrong here. How?

[B]

Explain yourself.

[D]

Yes, Finally, I see later as, like, later today. That's like the full sentence.

[C]

Same too. Because we're always constantly texting. So we're gonna hear from each other at some point later in the day.

[D]

If we end. If we. If we. If we get lunch together. You know, it's a nice lunch. Bougie. I order for the table. Everything's good. I pay, obviously. And then we leave and I go, okay, see, I'll see you later. That's like, oh, I'll see you later today.

[C]

Today.

[D]

But if you. I say, oh, I'll see you soon. That's like weeks from now.

[C]

Yeah, okay. So if I'm at a meeting or if in a business setting and I say, I'll chat with you guys later, versus chat soon, but see, you're having

[B]

to do little changes. I'll chat with you guys soon. Don't change. Don't say chat soon.

[C]

But how did I say it? I'll chat with you later.

[B]

Talk to you later.

[C]

Yeah, and we talked later that day,

[B]

and I said, talk to you soon.

[C]

How soon were you thinking?

[B]

Soon. Sooner than later.

[D]

That's how soon I was thinking sooner than later. That's a pretty strong argument.

[C]

Actually, I fully disagree. And I think I'm in the right here.

[B]

Okay. The comments will need to sound off. What? Sooner soon or later?

[D]

See you soon. Oh, yeah. I'll see you soon. I'll see you later. I see. Later as today.

[C]

Thanks, Luke.

[D]

But I do think that it's fucked up that you guys don't say the same thing. Clearly, there is some contention where it's like, oh, you're not going to say the same thing as me.

[C]

I'm also not expecting for Esther to hang on to my every word.

[D]

That's your problem.

[B]

The second that you hung up I. I go, that's gonna come back to her. And I'm like, she's not even thinking about it right now, but that's coming back.

[C]

You know what I'm gonna say next time?

[B]

All right, bye.

[D]

Yeah, I thought you're gonna say. She just says bye.

[E]

Some questions from our Patreon slugs.

[B]

Kalila, what are your best tips for getting over your breakup with Bobby? That's funny. Like, so she's having the same breakup with Bobby or breakups in general? I'm going through a rough one. Oh, I'm sorry. That's the worst. And would love to know how you n. Navigated through all that. Thank you. Thank you, Lauren. And it's. I'm wondering why you're only asking Kalila

[C]

for advice has been broken up with the most. Yeah, she's the dumpy, right?

[B]

Yeah, I'm a dumpy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you dump or get dumped?

[D]

I dump.

[C]

Oh, how do you dump? Are you honest? In person, face to face.

[D]

Not text, in person face. I've only dumped one person. I've only, like, been seriously dating one person. But I see myself as a dumper rather than a dumpy.

[C]

Oh, gosh. Dumper energy is really scary to me. But. But, like, did she take it well?

[D]

Yeah, she took it, like, pretty well.

[C]

Was she expecting.

[D]

The problem was that I feel really guilty about was like, I was. I came there to do it, and then it kind of got away from me, and we had a great weekend together, and it was like, really nice, amazing weekend. And then I was like, okay. And by the way, the reason that I.

[C]

You know what? I take that back. I actually really appreciate this because a of lot, lot of times guys will just. Are so afraid to do the dumping that they will just do all the wrong things so that eventually she's pushed to her limit and she does the dumping.

[B]

I just can't. Okay, that's true. You are right. But I cannot believe what I just heard that he did.

[D]

I feel really bad about. I was young. I was in college.

[C]

I don't know that he had a great weekend. Yeah.

[B]

How did you have. Why. Why didn't that change your mind?

[D]

That was brought up in the discussion.

[C]

And why didn't you say in the beginning of the weekend versus after we've

[D]

already had this amazing time, know I was a pussy and I didn't bring it up. And then ultimately I kind of realized that, like, it was a great weekend, but it didn't. It didn't change, like, how I was feeling. And I think it would have been unfair. I wasn't living with her at the time, and I think it would have been unfair to, like, take another week.

[C]

I respect that. Yeah, I respect that. What are my best tips for getting over a breakup? I went on a ketamine journey.

[D]

Crazy advice.

[C]

I dove into the heart break. I wasn't trying to avoid it. I was. I was like, you know what? This is also. My breakup with Bobby was a long time coming.

[B]

It was slow.

[C]

It was slow. So we were in therapy for two years. There was like, a lot of, like, hey, this might not be working out. So we were almost, like, prepared to end things. My motto in life is, the only way out is through. And I knew that I had to just dive into the heartbreak I wasn't going to avoid.

[A]

Avoid it.

[C]

And I did. And he didn't. He avoid, avoid, avoid. And playboy. Playboy. And I was like, I'm gonna crack. Let me just crash out for three months, six months, however long this takes. Take some ketamine, get some clarity.

[B]

Get it out of the way.

[D]

It sounds so much better.

[C]

Yeah. It's like purging. And once it's out of your system, you've cried. You've cried it out. You've, like, felt every single molecule of agony. And you've. You've. You've. You've walked down memory lane 12 million times in your head. And when it's out of your system, you're like, okay, I'm ready to move on.

[D]

I disagree. Don't do that. Avoid it. And parse it out in, like, little itty spurts. Take it out on service workers, Take it out on people who you don't think matter to you, and then feel guilt, get over it. And then you'll do that for, like, 10 years, and then you'll be fine.

[C]

Yeah. What about you? What do you do? Esther, I.

[B]

Every single person that I see, I tell them what's going on, and I say, can you believe this? That I'm. And I just tell everyone around me, you missed this era of me being dumped at the Comedy Store, but everyone you should smile for, I wish I saw.

[D]

I think that's a really, like, nice way to know someone when they're at their rock bottom.

[B]

Many do. And I. Yeah, I just. Everyone I saw, I would cry. Like, I can't believe this. This. I can't believe this is happening.

[C]

Were you blindsided? Each time I'm thinking of just two

[B]

people, I feel like I'm never blindsided about a breakup. I feel like I always know that at any moment Someone's gonna break up with me. Like, I'm always, like, ready and why

[C]

do you think they're breaking up with you?

[B]

Why not? Why not break up with me?

[C]

Because you're never gonna break up with anyone, right? Like, that's your thing. Like, you're.

[B]

I can't break up with people. No, I don't want to. I never want to.

[C]

Even the guy you hated. Like, he's the guy who smelled like fit fish.

[B]

Oh, my God, that. I'm. I know where he lives today. Yeah, you know, I'm. I would never have broken up with

[C]

him, but I do remember he worked at a fish.

[B]

He worked at a fried fish.

[D]

I don't even know the backstory of why he smells like fish.

[B]

But, like, I actually did write a journal to myself, like, a week before he dumped me. That was like, I probably shouldn't be in this. But, like, oh, well, you're in.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

That's like, I don't turn away love. Love. I do. I would now. Dave.

[C]

No, you're safe, Dave.

[B]

I actually did recently, so I read that book, Strangers by Bell Burden, right? It's about, like, a big divorce and like, a prenup. And I told Dave, I was like, if you wanted to, I would sign a prenup. Like, he. He was like, well, the whole point of is you do it before you get married. But I was like, I would sign one that says, if I leave, I get nothing. Like, I. You could have everything from our marriage, but if you leave, I get everything. Like, I would sign that today, but

[C]

that favors you because you're just not a leaver.

[B]

Exactly. But that's how competent I am.

[D]

That's a crazy prenup.

[B]

Why?

[D]

I've never considered that being a thing of like, okay, if you leave, but because then it's like, oh, shit, I got it. You would have to convince your wife to leave you.

[E]

It's like an opposite prenup.

[C]

I think so. That's crazy, because then you could just misbehave within the marriage and be like, I'm not leaving, leaving, but I am doing all of these things.

[D]

I just don't like wearing pants anymore. What's the big deal?

[B]

I haven't thought about all these other things, but those are things to think about. Thank you.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think that's a good prenup. A post nup, if you plan on it, right?

[B]

My breakup advice is similar to Kyla. Feel it, tell everyone. Exist in the breakup. Through that sadness, you will get hot. You will make new friends. You will discover new things in life. Like it is a breakup is a reset, similar to your mom's house burning down. Like, it is a reset and good things will come of a reset. Right?

[C]

I don't think his mom wanted to break up with the house.

[B]

No, I know, but I'm just saying.

[D]

Broke up with me.

[B]

But. Oh, well.

[C]

But, yeah, no, I totally agree. Just sit in it.

[D]

And then I disagree and I say, don't address it. Ignore it. If people ask, like, wait, are you guys still together? Be like, huh? Yeah, no, we're still together. Just completely lie, lie, don't address it. And you'll figure it out later in a couple years.

[B]

The guy's way versus the. Yeah. Lactating mother's way.

[C]

Lactating mothers will give you different.

[B]

Is that the name of this podcast?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Mothers plus Luke.

[C]

Lactating Mummies.

[B]

Luke in the middle of two lactating mothers. Dream come true. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. And as always, we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Wait, Luke, where can people see more of you?

[D]

You could follow me on Instagram, Luke Binko. And I'm at the Comedy Store. You can come there and I'll let you in for free if you harass me. If you're not on the list and you know, Bobby, that'll be okay.

[B]

We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Vice LS.