We're Grateful for Jaime García and Ian Fidance

Summary

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Trash Tuesday – “We're Grateful for Jaime García and Ian Fidance”

Hosts: Khalyla Kuhn & Esther Povitsky
Guests: Jaime García, Ian Fidance, Karina
Date: November 25, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this special Friendsgiving-themed episode of Trash Tuesday, Khalyla and Esther welcome returning favorites Jaime García and Ian Fidance, plus Jaime’s best friend and roommate Karina. The sluggies get together for games, food, candid banter, and a lot of gratitude, weaving in heartfelt and hilarious conversations about family, relationships, culture, and personal growth. As always, the tone swings from vulnerably real to wildly absurd (and back), as the group navigates a Friendsgiving celebration Trash Tuesday-style.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Sweater Drama, Food Stealing & Sentimental Trades

[02:12–04:26]

• Khalyla’s fire story leads to a salvaged sweater: She debates whether to let Jaime keep her favorite sweater after he fell in love with it at the studio.
  • Esther proposes a “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” arrangement, or just taking things back when the original owner wants.
• Jaime recalls a hookup stealing a friend’s sweatshirt – by mistake!
• Funny quote:
  • Khalyla: “What about a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants situation where it’s like, every two weeks it’s his and every two weeks it’s mine?” [02:52]

2. Food Memories & Movie Snacks

[05:53–06:10]

• The group discusses bringing snacks (even wings and pizza) into movies.
  • Khalyla: “I think that all of it is not embarrassing.”
  • Esther: “No, I like that... But that’s different than, like, we brought our Sprite from home.”

3. Love Lives, Rejection, and Friendship

[06:18–07:07]

• Jaime updates the group—he gave up on dating after being friend-zoned post-soup delivery (previously discussed on Tiger Belly).
  • Esther: “Are you still looking for love?”
  • Jaime: “No, I gave up on that.”
  • Khalyla: “He had an update for you... The girl got mad about that episode. Two days later, she just cut me off.”

4. Thanksgiving Outfits, Church Nostalgia & Religion

[07:12–09:23]

• Fashion for Thanksgiving: Khalyla comes in "church shoes" after misunderstanding the dress code.
• The group reflects on nostalgia for church and changing attitudes toward religion after becoming parents.
  • Khalyla: “In my twenties and thirties... very anti God. But then I've been having feelings of nostalgia and tenderness towards the idea of going to Mass...” [07:42]

5. Childhoods & Cultural Roots

[09:09–09:46]

• Jaime and Khalyla swap stories of Catholic upbringing, including circumcision differences in the US vs. Philippines.

6. Thanksgiving Scratchers Game

[10:00–15:30]

• Ian gifts everyone scratch-off lottery tickets.
  • Esther: “What do you just... Because you don't buy cigarettes doesn’t mean you can't.”
  • Ian: “What happens is you were born poor and you think you have a chance to move classes…” [11:16]
• Khalyla wins $15 and gets extra excited ("I'm really lucky with Scratchers!").
• The group comments on how small wins keep people hooked:
  • Ian: “It's just enough to think you should keep playing.” [11:16]

7. Group Gratitude Circle

[15:32–23:53]

• The group plays the “what should everyone be grateful for” game, giving each other compliments (sometimes reluctantly).
  • Ian (about Esther): “She's beautiful. She's pregnant. She's loved. She's a great mother…everyone's favorite tiny friend to put in their pocket.” [16:07]
  • Esther, on turning 40: “You should be grateful that even at nearing 40, you look like a 12 year old.”
  • Ian, quoting Polish lore: “At a certain age, you go from like, oh, I'm 35...the next day you just wake up and you look like 70.” [18:39]
• Ian describes his struggle with mental health through the lens of The Giver:
  • “Sometimes I see color and I feel really good, but then it goes back to gray...and I find I see the color when I am living in gratitude.” [21:36]
• Khalyla reflects on parenthood helping her see wonder in small things.
  • “The way he looks at a basic piece of lint with excitement…that's really cool.” [23:53]
• Conversation turns to “fun dad” qualifications and caring for pets vs. future kids.

8. Doctors, Specialists, and Medical Anxiety

[30:43–33:14]

• Jaime asks if being referred to a specialist makes a doctor “bad.”
  • Group explains U.S. medical specialization.
  • Ian: “Would you eat lobster at a diner? No, you go to a seafood restaurant that specializes...” [32:15]

9. Compliments for Ian & Sobriety

[33:21–36:51]

• Khalyla: “There are not a lot of men who wear jewelry that I like, but you pull it off beautifully...You are very uniquely you.” [33:21]
• Ian opens up about sobriety: “Six months.”
  • “I'm grateful for the people in my life that love me...and for my sobriety.” [35:47]

10. Cultural Differences: Thanksgiving & Christmas

[37:06–37:51]

• Khalyla’s family never celebrated Thanksgiving in the Philippines—instead, Christmas is a months-long lead up.
  • Khalyla: “We have Christmas from July to December.” [37:12]
  • Ian: “People in America...put a Christmas tree up in November. It's terrible.”

11. Jaime’s Gratitude and Origin Story

[43:05–44:19 & 45:29–45:46]

• Jaime talks about being grateful for his new career and the podcasting opportunities thanks to Ralph, Bobby—and, eventually, Khalyla.
  • “I did come out of nowhere and it was thanks to Ralph... Ralph and Bobby...they put me on.” [43:08]

12. Taco Bell, Food Growth & Ex-Lovers

[44:34–46:05]

• Jaime evolves from eating only tenders and fries to trying sushi and fish.
• Group agrees on being grateful for ex-lovers:
  • Jaime: “You know, we should all be grateful for our ex lovers…They shaped us into who we are.” [45:45]
  • Khalyla: “Except if they were like, narcissistic, or like, punched you in the mouth—you can rot in hell!”

13. Jaime's Unfinished Love, Regret & Prison Pen Pal Drama

[46:05–54:31]

• Jaime confesses lingering feelings for his ex (the one he called from Mexico).

  • Karina confirms he’s not over her.
  • Karina reveals the ex now corresponds with a man in prison who sends her origami gifts via “homeboys.”
  • The hosts dissect the psychology of why women sometimes prefer distant/unavailable men, especially those in prison.
  • Jaime admits he failed to meet her needs for gifts and acts of service, her “love language."

  Notable Quotes:

  • “I think she met somebody. She has a pen pal in prison. Like, girl, what are you doing?” – Jaime [52:13]
  • “The allure of him being an inmate is, like, what got her.” – Kalyla [52:38]

14. Karina & Jaime: Friendship Origins

[54:54–56:39]

• Karina and Jaime met via DM for a photography shoot—establishing a non-flirtatious, genuine friendship.

15. Late-episode Games & Dares

[58:12–77:01]

• The group plays a "Truth or Dare" style game picking feathers with challenges:
  • Show screen time stats (Khalyla: 5h 38m daily).
  • Favorite podcast guest (Ian: "Guar" or Craig Ferguson).
  • Read dramatic scenes from films (“Marriage Story” & “White Lotus”).
  • Eat an Uncrustable in under 30 seconds (Ian wins).
  • Critique every other player in one word (Jaime: “Bitchy”, “Naggy”, “Nose”, etc).
  • Call a loved one to express gratitude (Khalyla phones her mom, causing mild panic).
  • Best turkey impression competition (Khalyla demonstrates Filipino turkeys: “olok, olok, olok!”)

16. More Food Dares: Serrano Pepper Challenge

[78:29–80:06]

• Jaime reluctantly eats a serrano pepper with encouragement/support from the group (and ice cream ready for relief).
  • Khalyla: “If you don’t get a lot of seeds, it won’t be that spicy because the heat is in the seeds.” [79:27]
  • Jaime: “Yeah, I don’t eat spicy, so there’s...”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On gratitude:

  • “Sometimes I see color and I feel really good, but then it goes back to gray...and I find I see the color when I am living in gratitude.” – Ian Fidance [21:36]
  • “We should all be grateful for our ex lovers…They shaped us into who we are.” – Jaime García [45:45]

• On regret and personal growth:

  • “I was lacking as a boyfriend, because what she wanted from me is...to be a provider. She wanted gifts and the food...her love language.” – Jaime García [53:33]

• On Filipino culture:

  • “In the Philippines, we say, oh, look. It's olok, olok, olok, olok. I think pretty accurate [for a turkey sound].” – Khalyla [77:41]
  • “We have Christmas from July to December.” – Khalyla [37:12]

• On humor, body image, and friendship:

  • “You should be grateful that even at nearing 40, you look like a twelve year old.” – Kalyla [18:12]

• On relationships:

  • “It’s unfortunate to really fall in love with someone who just isn’t aligned with your life. And I truly think that can happen.” – Khalyla [50:45]

• On Friendship & the Podcasting Family:

  • “You are beloved for all the things you might have grown up insecure about...all the reasons why, like, you're so cool and that you're so loved.” – Khalyla (to Jaime) [39:08]

• On mental health:

  • “I needed this. I had a gun in my mouth this morning...So I need to accept the color and accept that I have a very colorful, wonderful life...” – Ian Fidance [21:08]

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Breakdown by Timestamp

• [02:11–04:26]: Sweater trade; sentimentalism and stories about hooked-up-steals.
• [06:18–07:07]: Love-life drama—soup incident & getting ghosted.
• [07:42–09:01]: Khalyla’s nostalgia for church.
• [10:00–15:30]: Lottery scratchers, gambling, childhoods.
• [15:32–23:53]: Gratitude circle; deep-dive on age, self-image, group compliments, mental health.
• [30:43–33:14]: Doctors and why referrals aren’t failures.
• [33:21–36:51]: Compliments for Ian; sobriety as gratitude.
• [37:06–37:51]: Thanksgiving vs. Christmas across cultures.
• [43:05–44:19]: Jaime’s gratitude, origin story in podcasting.
• [46:05–54:31]: Jaime’s ex, love languages, prison pen pal story.
• [58:12–77:01]: Truth/dare feather game, acting movie scenes, food races, critiques.
• [78:29–80:06]: Serrano pepper dare.

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Representative Tone and Closing Vibe

• Emotionally honest, self-deprecating, and always ready to pivot from sincere sharing to roast humor and back.
• Deep moments are never far from absurdity—wholesome gratitude is balanced by bits about pepper-induced pain, impersonations, and childlike wonder.
• The family vibe—bickering, teasing, and gentle ribbing—proves why the Trash Tuesday universe has such devoted fans.

“I hope you’re surrounded with friends and loved ones and stay cozy and warm. Don't eat peppers. Don't be like these ding dong. We love you and we'll see you next week.”
– Khalyla Kuhn [80:52]

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For listeners and non-listeners alike, this episode encapsulates the full spectrum of the Trash Tuesday experience: hilarious, raw, personal, and, ultimately, grateful.

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Jaime]

Oh.

[Ian]

Oh, is it spicy? Yeah, it's bad.

[Jaime]

Yeah, I don't eat spicy, so there's.

[Kalila]

Ice cream there if you need. Eat ice cream if you need. Oh, poor Jaime.

[Jaime]

Can you take me back now.

[Esther]

You guys?

[Kalila]

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[Esther]

What?

[Kalila]

So, you know I don't have a lot of clothing because of, like, the Altadena fires.

[Esther]

Right, yes. Sorry about that.

[Kalila]

But I do. I do have a really favorite sweater. Sweater that I was able to salvage.

[Esther]

Really?

[Kalila]

And I left it at the Tiger Belly studio one day and without. Without me knowing. Jaime had a whole fashion show with it and then fell in love with it.

[Esther]

Is this it?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

It looks cool, right?

[Kalila]

And everyone's like, he looks so. It looks so good on him. But then I'm like, I don't think I can part ways, even though I do really want him to have it, because I think it does look good on him.

[Esther]

Well, remember you took the Ozzy Osbourne shirt?

[Kalila]

I remember that. So that's why I took into consideration.

[Esther]

That would be the only thing I would say. Like, maybe this is a fair trade.

[Kalila]

What about a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants situation where it's like, every two weeks it's his, and every two weeks it's mine?

[Esther]

Rather than that, what I feel like I would always be wanting to do, but my sister, like, no one would do it with me, is like, just. I'll give stuff to my mom, and I'll just be like, you can have this. But, like, when I think I want it, then I have to have it back.

[Kalila]

Okay, So I would just be like.

[Esther]

You can have it. But, like, if in a couple months, I'm like, actually, I really, like, I'm in the mood for it, you take it back.

[Kalila]

Okay, how about this? This winter season, it's yours. In the spring, I may take it back.

[Jaime]

Okay.

[Kalila]

Okay, deal.

[Jaime]

What if, like, a girl that I hook up with falls in love with and she takes it?

[Kalila]

I swear for God, I swear it's happened before. And I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen if that happens again.

[Jaime]

No. Okay.

[Kalila]

I will find her, and I will send a sweet little dm, like, hey, girl, sorry Jaime was such a so and so, but give me back my sweater.

[Jaime]

It happened before. She took this girl took my Zoomies sweatshirt one time, and when we hooked up the next morning, she was gone.

[Kalila]

And then you did. You were you, like, like, sad about it, or you're like, oh, it's just a Zoomy sweater.

[Jaime]

I was laughing about it because it was my. The guy that we travel with, he's a 4x. And he. She took his.

[Kalila]

Oh, she took the wrong one.

[Jaime]

She took the wrong one. And when he woke up, he's a big guy, and he got mad.

[Kalila]

Wait, wasn't even your sweater.

[Jaime]

Then he made me buy him a sweatshirt.

[Kalila]

Well, fair enough, because your girl stole his.

[Jaime]

No, I won't let a girl take this. I got compliments yesterday at Lucky Boy.

[Esther]

Oh, is that the one that Bobby is, like, talking about?

[Kalila]

It's not Bobby. I introduced Bobby to all the good places. Any good places.

[Esther]

You know what's weird is I don't know if I should trust Bobby's taste in food, because he seems like the kind of Guy that would just, like, eat anything.

[Kalila]

No, I think he's the kind of guy that likes, like, ambiance more than the food itself. And those are the people I don't trust.

[Esther]

I hate those people.

[Kalila]

Is the food good? Is the food not good? I don't care what your experience was over there. You're parking. What the tables look like, your service. Is the food good? Or is the food not just the Rainforest Cafe?

[Esther]

That ambiance is always worth it.

[Kalila]

It's always worth it. Do they still exist?

[Esther]

There's one in Chicago. I know that.

[Kalila]

I know there was one in Vegas, but did they. They might have done away with it.

[Esther]

I. I can't imagine there still being one in Vegas. Cuz if they existed, I would be. That is so triggering.

[Jaime]

I haven't had water yet.

[Esther]

No, no, it's okay. It's just. I just. When I hear that so loud and clearly, it reminds me of being in the movie theaters and, like, it being silent and my dad doing that noise and it's like, oh, my God, everyone knows we brought that from home.

[Jaime]

Oh, that's not bad.

[Esther]

No, it is. No, it's embarrassing.

[Kalila]

Is that just full? Full Sprite. Full sugars.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I love it. Full sugars, Full sugar Sprite. Those are so delicious.

[Esther]

There's something about referring to sugar as plural.

[Kalila]

Full sugar.

[Esther]

You need your sugars.

[Jaime]

Sugar cubes. It's not that embarrassing. I bring hot Cheetos. What embarrassing is bringing, like, wings and pizza.

[Kalila]

I think that all of it is not embarrassing.

[Esther]

No, I like that.

[Kalila]

Jean Hong and I brought, like, frozen yogurt, like a whole tub of it, and just tucked it under there.

[Jaime]

Tell you. Oh, okay.

[Esther]

Yeah, but that's different than, like, we brought our Sprite from home.

[Kalila]

That is true. They sell it.

[Esther]

Oh, we're poor.

[Kalila]

Readily available.

[Esther]

Yeah. Are you still looking for love?

[Jaime]

No, I gave up on that.

[Esther]

You gave up on love?

[Kalila]

Yeah. He had an update on Tiger Belly for you. Remember the last time he was here? He sent the girl soup.

[Jaime]

Oh, yeah. Her.

[Kalila]

The girl.

[Jaime]

She got mad about that episode. She watched it.

[Kalila]

Why? We just.

[Jaime]

After that episode aired.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Two days later, she just cut me off.

[Kalila]

Wait, but you just said you sent her soup while you were in Hawaii. What? Did we say anything bad?

[Jaime]

No, it's just like, she's like, hey, I didn't want to seem like I was leading you on or anything. We're just friends. And then she cut me off.

[Kalila]

Oh, dang.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

So sorry.

[Jaime]

Bye.

[Kalila]

Wait, I didn't realize today was friendsgiving. I thought it was I didn't read the whole thing. I just thought, wear your Sunday's best. So I wore my church shoes. This is not what I would wear to Thanksgiving.

[Esther]

What would you wear to Thanksgiving but.

[Kalila]

Like, pajama sweatpants to be sat in?

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I would never look cute for. Do you would dress up for Thanksgiving?

[Esther]

No, no, I. Unless there's one Thanksgiving where I dressed up like Lady Gaga and I put on a wig and then my dad, like, screamed at me and it was a really big fight. But no, I don't. I don't go for. I'm not formal.

[Kalila]

Yeah, me neither.

[Esther]

Wait. I'm curious though, that you have church shoes.

[Kalila]

I call them church shoes because they're loafers. Obviously. But you go to church. I used to go to church.

[Esther]

Creepy.

[Kalila]

Here are my recent thoughts around church. Is that I've just been so, like, in my 20s and 30s, mostly. Mostly like, anti God, because I was raised Catholic and it was like, shoved down my throat so much. And like, everyone that was Catholic in my family was like the biggest piece of shit human being. So I was like, okay, like, clearly this isn't a thing. So I very anti organized religion. But then I've been having feelings of nostalgia and, like, tenderness towards the idea of going to Mass. Like, it's just going inside the church and kneeling on the pews and laughing with my sister about, like, people watching and then giving our money to the people that walk around. And I don't know what it is. And I think maybe it's that early indoctrination, but it comes back around and it gives you warm feelings in the head.

[Esther]

Of course, this is not surprising at all. This is how they get you.

[Kalila]

I think they're getting you back. Yeah.

[Esther]

And also, it's like you've become a mother.

[Kalila]

I know. I think that's what's changed.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

It's like I'm remembering the. The good parts about it and the community around it. The singing and the singing. The songs were incredible.

[Esther]

I know. Somehow we all sound so good.

[Kalila]

It's jogging good feelings in my head. And I'm like, terrified that I might go back to Catholicism.

[Esther]

I'm open to that, even though I judge it and I don't really have respect for it. Like, I'm sort of into the fun of it.

[Jaime]

I went to church school. In Catholic church school, you were.

[Kalila]

You were raised Catholic. Did you go to mass, like, every Sunday? Did you. Were you baptized?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And where did you take, like, you did communion and all of that?

[Jaime]

Confession and all that? Are you circumcised like they cut my penis off?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

What did you cut it off?

[Jaime]

I think I was a baby.

[Karina]

Baby.

[Kalila]

Cuz in the Philippines they wait until you're like six or seven and it's like a coming of age kind of ritual over there. I mean not anymore, but in some neighborhoods they do this thing called Operation T. And they go all around the neighborhoods and they circumcise them. Talking about circumcision. Right on time.

[Ian]

My ears were burning.

[Jaime]

Nice to see man.

[Ian]

See you.

[Kalila]

Hi. Hi. Hi.

[Ian]

Your gifts.

[Kalila]

Oh, nice.

[Ian]

Oh yeah. You're you. Happy Thanksgiving.

[Esther]

Oh my God.

[Kalila]

Scratchers.

[Esther]

Well, you're actually the fun Thanksgiving friend.

[Kalila]

Suppose I get the $250,000. How much of it is actually yours? Yeah. Because I don't want to scratch unless I know this.

[Ian]

I would say that it would be 10%.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Karina]

Wow.

[Kalila]

That's more than fair.

[Ian]

No, 25%. 25. Okay, I bought it. Give it to me. All of it. Are we scratching them now? Am I interrupting?

[Esther]

No.

[Ian]

What were you talking about? What about circ? Are you going to circumcise your baby?

[Esther]

I don't know, I'm having a snack break cuz I was just got really hot.

[Kalila]

Oh well, welcome to our Thanksgiving friendsgiving episode where we were told to wear a Sunday's best and. Oh my God, he came through. Look at that shirt.

[Ian]

Yes, thank you.

[Esther]

I know, my nipples are itching.

[Jaime]

Scratch, scratch.

[Esther]

I'm not doing well. Okay, let's really make a decision Thanksgiving.

[Ian]

To Never forget the 911 at Thanksgivings.

[Esther]

How does it work?

[Jaime]

What?

[Ian]

You don't know how to.

[Kalila]

Are you being serious?

[Esther]

What? I don't buy cigarettes, so I don't know how to play the lottery.

[Ian]

What do you just. Cuz you don't buy cigarettes doesn't mean you can't.

[Esther]

That's when you go and get it right at 7:11.

[Ian]

What happens is you were born poor and you think you have a chance to move. Classes you go every day, you play certain numbers that don't make sense and then you spend your paycheck on a scratcher. And then you win maybe $2 once. And it's just enough to think you should keep playing.

[Esther]

Okay.

[Ian]

That's how you play roulette, right? Yeah.

[Esther]

So we scratch everything.

[Ian]

You scratch off the winning numbers.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Ian]

And then you scratch off your numbers and whatever numbers match, you just. You get that prize.

[Esther]

So we shot all of it.

[Ian]

Match any of your numbers to any of the five winning numbers, win that prize. Uncover a 2 times or 5 times symbol to automatically Multiply and win corresponding prize.

[Esther]

I love how you think that that.

[Ian]

Helped uncover a bell. Well, the directions.

[Esther]

Is there anything. Okay, that's all I wanted because it's everything.

[Ian]

Yeah, but it's more fun if you do it one.

[Kalila]

One at a time is better.

[Esther]

I will do one at a time, but I just didn't want it to be some trick where they're like, you don't get your 250,000 because you scratched off this.

[Ian]

So cute. You think any of us are going to win? Does anyone have a key?

[Esther]

Well, at least one of us is going to win.

[Ian]

No, dude. And I'm so dumb. I'll buy the $25 scratches back. Well, I'm spending more, so my odds of winning a better.

[Game Host]

I got one for my mom's last birthday, and she won two grand.

[Ian]

Really? Oh, my God. That's a big tuna.

[Esther]

You know it is. It's because my dad is a gambling addict, so I was never allowed.

[Ian]

Oh, really?

[Esther]

Like, we would go to carnivals. No, I'm fine.

[Ian]

Sorry.

[Esther]

We'd go to carnivals and he'd be like, you can't play these games. They're. They're like. He just was like.

[Ian]

He wouldn't let you play the water gun game because he was a gambler.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

And then if we got a good parking space, he and someone said, like, oh, we're so lucky. He'd be like, there's no such thing as luck.

[Ian]

It's very Eastern European. There's no such thing as luck.

[Kalila]

I've already won $5. Really?

[Esther]

Whoa. Yeah.

[Ian]

I get 10%. Okay. Do I win? No. Do I win?

[Esther]

Was this a holiday inspiration that you got these. This is a good idea.

[Ian]

Holiday, dude. See, this is what it does. My number's 13, and then I hit 31. The number is 26. I hit 25.

[Kalila]

Ian has a problem.

[Ian]

Half a dope number's 19. I hit 18. I mean, it knows what it's doing.

[Esther]

This is hard to scratch off. Yeah.

[Ian]

Wait till you push a baby out of your body. Oh, my God. You're for a world of pain, Esther.

[Esther]

Oh, God.

[Kalila]

See?

[Ian]

See, my number's 13. I hit 14. They do it to you on purpose, Hyman.

[Kalila]

Nothing.

[Jaime]

45 and 45. But it's just ticket.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Can I keep it?

[Ian]

Yeah, keep it. You want to go back with me to the 7:11 on La Ciena? We can get you another ticket, guys.

[Esther]

I didn't win.

[Jaime]

I won.

[Ian]

Yeah. Welcome to the club.

[Kalila]

Wow. I won $10.

[Ian]

Really? Kla.

[Kalila]

I'm really lucky with Scratchers. I was gonna say I'm really good at scratchers. Damn it. $10 so far scared the dog. Whoa.

[Esther]

What's this far? This is donut.

[Kalila]

Wait.

[Esther]

It's actually really good for everyone that Kyla is winning because she doesn't do well. If she doesn't win, I don't win.

[Kalila]

God.

[Ian]

See, I knew to give it to you.

[Esther]

Thank.

[Ian]

You're welcome. Happy Thanksgiving.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I think it's 10. I'm just making sure there isn't. Like, we should go back and get more.

[Ian]

That would be awesome, wouldn't it?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Now I got the answer.

[Jaime]

There's a game to it. That's why.

[Esther]

Oh, my God. I've never seen Kalila look like this before. It's freaking me out.

[Kalila]

I just want to make sure that I'm not, like, missing out on something, like, bigger.

[Ian]

You want me to check your work?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Thank you.

[Kalila]

Thanks, Teach. Whoa.

[Ian]

Okay. You won 5 bucks. 5 bucks makes 10 bucks.

[Jaime]

Wow.

[Ian]

17. You want. You want 15 bucks?

[Kalila]

Why?

[Ian]

Wow.

[Kalila]

Why did I win 15, not 10?

[Ian]

Are you upset?

[Kalila]

No, no, no. I just want to make sure because.

[Ian]

One of your winning numbers was 17, and then you hit 17 and you won $5. Winning number was 4.

[Jaime]

4.

[Ian]

You won 5. Winning number was 26. You won 5. What's 5 plus 5 plus 5?

[Kalila]

I didn't get to see the 26. See? Thank you, Teach.

[Ian]

You're welcome.

[Esther]

We're here. Thanksgiving, guys. Happy Thanksgiving.

[Jaime]

Happy Thanksgiving.

[Ian]

Happy Thanksgiving.

[Esther]

What are we grateful for?

[Kalila]

A lot.

[Ian]

That bad, huh?

[Kalila]

No, no, no. A lot, a lot. But I. I can't go first, so one of you guys go first. What the.

[Esther]

I'm the most miserable one here.

[Ian]

But you have the most to live for. Let's do. What should each person be thankful for?

[Kalila]

Okay. Okay. This I can do.

[Ian]

Okay. Esther, first we each go around and say what she should be thankful for.

[Esther]

Okay.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Ian]

She is alive. She's beautiful. She's pregnant. She's loved. She's a great mother to a human and a dog. And she's everyone's favorite tiny friend to put in their pocket. And they wish they could keep her forever.

[Esther]

Thank you. I will be grateful for those things.

[Kalila]

Go ahead.

[Jaime]

About Esther.

[Kalila]

Yeah, About Esther.

[Jaime]

What did you say? No, I don't know. You should be grateful.

[Esther]

Thank you, Uncle Jaime.

[Jaime]

No, you should be. You're grateful for living, you know, getting the chance to have a platform to speak.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Two little babies.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Great writers. Hopefully. Take the husband. A loving husband, I hope.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Ian]

I've never heard gratitude. Sounds so sad. That's crazy.

[Jaime]

Just good food that you have in your. In your. In your. In your table or whatever you eat.

[Esther]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kalila]

That's a gross grade, Jaime. Right? Yeah.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

You eat every day, right?

[Kalila]

No, I'm just saying, honestly, it's slam poetry. Sounds really good. I think you should be grateful for the obnoxiously good hair that you have, even when you don't wash it for three months straight.

[Esther]

Thank you. I was shamed for it this morning that I washed it in the bathtub.

[Kalila]

I think you should be great.

[Ian]

You're supposed to wash it.

[Esther]

Yeah, I know.

[Kalila]

You know, be grateful for your tiny little feet. Be grateful. The fact that you can wear kid sizes and not have to spend adults.

[Ian]

You know, you're a genetic freak and you should be grateful for it so much.

[Kalila]

And I think that you should, should. You should. You should be grateful for. I think they covered all of it. There's one more thing. Wait, hold on, hang on. There has to be one more thing. Oh, wait. You should be grateful that even at nearing 40, you look like a 12 year old.

[Esther]

Oh, thank you.

[Kalila]

That is like your maximum.

[Esther]

Like, I don't. You know what? I don't Recommend Being. Getting 40 and being white.

[Ian]

Why?

[Kalila]

What do you mean? You're like the only white person who's.

[Ian]

Like, have some pride.

[Esther]

No.

[Ian]

In your skin.

[Esther]

I'm so jealous of you. Like, and Jenna, you're looking, like, aged.

[Ian]

There's a thing called the polish drop off. Have you ever heard of that?

[Kalila]

No.

[Ian]

It's for like, Eastern Europe. Oh, never mind.

[Esther]

It sounds offensive.

[Ian]

It's like at a certain age, you go from like, oh, I'm, I'm 35 to the next day you just wake up and all of a sudden you look like you're like 70.

[Kalila]

They say that. They say that about Asians too, though.

[Ian]

Really?

[Kalila]

Yeah, because they say, like, you know, reason. Yeah, yeah. And then like, for us, somewhere, I think it's like 60 or something like that. We just like, turned into just, you know, gray haired, like overnight.

[Esther]

I think as I. Because I'm. I'm 37. And I think like, in these later years, it's just. You just gotta stick with good lighting.

[Kalila]

You're so dumb.

[Ian]

That's what you've learned in 36 years.

[Kalila]

That is so dumb. Like, you literally look like. Like a. Like a teen mom, but a teenager with wrinkles.

[Ian]

You know, where does it show me a wrinkle? I can't, Ian, because you don't have them.

[Esther]

Okay, thank you.

[Ian]

I will be grateful you're someone's illegal legal trophy.

[Esther]

I'm so happy. These are the things that people.

[Ian]

My friend. My lifelong best pal Corey is obsessed with you and constantly is, like, hitting me up about how much she loves you and how much, oh, my God, she's a fan. And every time you were in Philly and she was like, is there any way I could just meet Esther and tell her what she means to me and how great she is, I was like, I don't want to bother. But yeah, now that I'm seeing your demeanor, I should have.

[Game Host]

Have.

[Esther]

Yeah, now that you see how low.

[Ian]

But you need it. I should have.

[Esther]

Okay. I will be grateful for those things. All right, let's do Kalila next.

[Kalila]

Oh, God. Can we do hymen X? Let's do me last. Yeah, when everyone's okay out of.

[Ian]

Well, wait, wait. Once you go around and say everything that that person should be grateful for or what we're grateful for in them, that person should say, then say what they're grateful for.

[Esther]

Okay, fine.

[Ian]

We've lubed you up. Now go balls deep.

[Esther]

I'm grateful that I have a baby. I'm grateful for my family.

[Ian]

Wonderful.

[Esther]

Grateful for this career. Grateful for the amazing people in my life. All of you guys.

[Ian]

Fantastic.

[Esther]

Okay, let's do Ian.

[Kalila]

No, no.

[Esther]

Why does no one want.

[Ian]

Okay, fine. Do I need.

[Esther]

Okay, I think.

[Jaime]

Is it the same? Oh, go ahead.

[Esther]

Ian should be grateful that he is a very successful stand up comedian and he's always touring. He. It seems like he's living his dream. He's naturally very funny and people really like him just like organically, without him trying. I feel like you have a fun life.

[Ian]

That's very nice of you to say.

[Esther]

Do you. Do you feel like you have a fun life? Because sometimes people have a fun life and they don't feel it or know it.

[Ian]

I really do. I needed this. I had a gun in my mouth this morning. I was at the edge of my bed with a gun in my mouth. And I really appreciate this. Thank you.

[Esther]

You guys made me want to put a gun in my mouth with your compliments. You guys made me so depressed.

[Kalila]

No guns, no my Thanksgiving gratitude.

[Esther]

But do you know that you have a fun life or do you know is it. That's, like, hard. It's hard to keep.

[Ian]

I have to remind myself because I have a. I have a brain that tells me I suck and everything's bad. Of course, I'm like, terrible. And then like, I gotta do these things to, like, self talk myself to go. No, actually, things are like, have you ever read the Giver?

[Kalila]

Yeah, a long time ago. I don't remember too much, but I.

[Ian]

Remember it's about this boy that lives in this world and everything's black and white, but there's a giver, an old man who gives knowledge to one person, and then they become the giver and pass it on. And there's this moment where the giver throws the boy an apple. And when the apple's in the air, he sees the apple to be red for the first time ever. And when it lands, it goes back to black and white. But he holds onto the fact that he saw color. And so he strives to see more color until eventually he learns from enough from the Giver to then see color throughout the world. And so sometimes I see color and I feel really good, but then it goes back to gray, and I want to see more color. And I find I see the color when I am living in gratitude. And a lot of times it's hard. But hearing that is very nice. So I need to accept the color and accept that I have a very colorful, wonderful life. But a brain that convinces me it's awful.

[Esther]

I relate to the story you just said of really needing to see the color more often. And it must just be the, like, human condition. You're not gonna see the color all the time. Like, you can't, right?

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Like, who could?

[Kalila]

This is where I feel, like, the strongest argument for having children that I have. Because before, when you would ask me, why do you want to have kids? I wouldn't. I couldn't really give you a clear, like, answer. But when you're around a child or a baby, you're forced to see everything for the very first time through their eyes and to leave your adult colorless mind. And that, to me, has been like, the like. Like, the revelation of parenthood for me is to, like, now I stop, and I. The way he looks at a basic piece of lint with excitement. And he's like, mama, and it's just lint. And I'm like, oh, my God. Or when he gives me his little rock from the creek we went to. We go to the creek sometimes, and he has this little river rock, and he looks at it like it's, like, the greatest thing on earth. I think that's really cool.

[Esther]

I already look at everything like I'm a baby, so I don't have that.

[Ian]

Yeah. I try to bring childlike wonderment into everything.

[Kalila]

And you have to respond, by the way, with kids like, oh, my God. A one of a kind river rock. Like, that's how I talk to him.

[Ian]

Does that ever get tiring?

[Kalila]

No, it's really fun because you see his expression.

[Ian]

He's like, oh, that's so nice.

[Kalila]

That's so cute.

[Ian]

I do that with my cats.

[Kalila]

Yeah, you can do it with your cats dogs.

[Ian]

I'm like, oh, a paper clip. Look how smart my guy is.

[Kalila]

You brew me today.

[Ian]

Look at you.

[Kalila]

I love when cats bring in dead animals, like, as gifts. As gifts. I mean, I don't love it, but it's just like, why on earth do they think, like, fist tuning all of this bird's guts around my home was a gift?

[Ian]

Because they're thanking you for giving them shelter. So my guys are indoor cats. They're not outdoor. So they'll bring their toys to me in my bed. So, like, it's. It's really. And they put it in their mouth and they trot around. Like, they'll have, like, this, like, fish toy in their mouth, and then they'll put it up, and then they'll nose it to me to, like, thank me. It's really nice. So cute the way I am with my cats of, like, thinking about them, worrying about them, watching them on the ring cam, like, wondering about them, like, oh, I can't wait to see. I could not imagine what I would be like as a. As a father.

[Esther]

It would just be the same thing.

[Ian]

No, I feel like it would be skyrocketed into a next level because I'm psycho about my cats. I would be, like, a true blue, like, lunatic about my kids.

[Kalila]

You would be such a fun dad.

[Ian]

I really think I would, but I just don't think I have the patience or ability to not be selfish.

[Jaime]

Like, forget him in a car.

[Ian]

No, I would not do that.

[Kalila]

You know how sometimes the most boring life tasks end up feeling, like, way too hard to do? Like, why is splitting a bill between friends making me question our friendship? It used to be me. I was a person scrambling to calculate $14 divided by 4, blah, blah, blah. And then I discovered Cash App. And I swear it's that unlocked a level of peace for me that I didn't know existed. One of the coolest things about Cash App is that you can design your own debit card. You can pick a bunch of different colors and patterns, add your favorite stamps, doodles, or even you and your friends inside jokes to make it totally unique to you. You also get exclusive savings on stuff you're already buying, like coffee, boba, video games, and more. And if you're the type who loves concerts. Your Cash App card gets you early access to ticket sales for huge tours like Kendrick Lamar Sza and Sabrina Carpenter. Finally, no need to worry about random monthly charges or minimum balance requirements. Take control of your money today with Cash App. If you're between 13 and 17, you can still sign up. Just ask your parent or guardian for help to open up a Cash App sponsored account for a limited time. New Cash app customers over 18 years old can earn $10 if they use code thatsmoney10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. If you're 13 to 17 years old, request a sponsored account from a parent or guardian. Sign up with code thatsmoney10 and get $10 dropped into your account when you order and activate your Cash App card and send $5 or more to a friend within your first 14 days term supply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's Bank Partners Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank Member FDIC Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. Brand. Visit Cash App Legal Podcast for full.

[Esther]

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[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Jaime]

Have you guys ever experienced like a visit to a doctor and then. But he's. He assigns you to somebody else? Huh? Like, is that a bad doctor?

[Ian]

What?

[Kalila]

What do you mean?

[Jaime]

Like, you go to your doctor, right? But then he like, refers you to have health insurance. Yeah. Do you go to doctor?

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And what is. Okay, give us an example of your last doctor visit.

[Jaime]

You know, like, you go to doctor and like, you keep going because he's a family doctor.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

But then he's like, I can't do this anymore. So he refers you somebody else.

[Ian]

You mean you grew out of.

[Kalila]

That was your pediatrician?

[Jaime]

This is a doctor. That works.

[Kalila]

Okay. Why did. Why can't he see you anymore?

[Ian]

I've never seen a penis like this before. You guys gotta come in here. It's so gnarled.

[Jaime]

But like. Yeah, like that.

[Ian]

No, no, explain, explain.

[Jaime]

He's a bad doctor. Like, is that.

[Esther]

You're so retiring.

[Ian]

You saw the doctor your whole life?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Ian]

And then one day you went in and he said, I can't fix the situation. And what was the situation?

[Jaime]

He couldn't fix broken rib or like something with the eyes or the ears.

[Kalila]

What are we talking about, Jaime? You or someone else?

[Jaime]

Me.

[Kalila]

What did you break and what did you show this man?

[Jaime]

Never mind.

[Kalila]

You gotta tell us.

[Esther]

So weird. Did he just refer you to a. Like a specialist?

[Jaime]

Yeah, a specialist.

[Kalila]

Oh, that's what they do.

[Ian]

They're supposed to do that referral.

[Jaime]

How good of a doctor is he?

[Ian]

Because doctors are only specialized in certain fields.

[Jaime]

That's a waste of money.

[Ian]

Would you. Would you eat lobster at a diner? No, you go to a seafood restaurant that specializes in seafood. So why are you going to go to a doctor?

[Jaime]

Why can't we just.

[Ian]

Options for everything? You go to a specialist for certain.

[Jaime]

Things, but why can't we just have one guy do everything?

[Kalila]

For most things, yes. For instance, like a general practitioner, they can kind of give you answers. General stuff about, like, not so serious things. But if it's like, hey, like, your, you know, jaw is broken, right? Because you broke your jaw, then you have to go to an orthopedic surgeon who just does bones.

[Ian]

Because the body and everything is so intricate. You can't possess knowledge of every. Every aspect of the body. You have to have people that specialize and become masters of the domain of that specific part of the body.

[Esther]

This is just like how I didn't know how to use the lottery ticket, so I get it.

[Ian]

No, that was way, way dumber. No, this is actually like a pretty dumb.

[Kalila]

And did you go to the other doctor?

[Ian]

Dude, I'm feeling great. I needed this. I feel so smart.

[Kalila]

Back to gratitude and me so things. I think you should be grateful for, Ian. I think you should be grateful for the fact that you have impeccable style. I think you should be grateful for the fact that there aren't a lot of men who wear jewelry that I like, but you pull it off beautifully. I think you should be grateful for the fact that you are very uniquely you. You're one of a kind. They don't make prototypes like you often. I think you should be grateful for the fact that despite everything in your life, you have your sobriety, you have your friends, you have this career, and you are, I think, like, probably one of those. The most beloved comics that I know.

[Ian]

I don't see that, but thank you. That's very nice.

[Kalila]

I really like, like, I don't like love. I like you. I think you're really cool and kind.

[Ian]

And that's really nice.

[Kalila]

Yeah, all of the things.

[Ian]

Thank you. I like how you said, I don't love you, but I like you.

[Kalila]

That's for me. That's like, because Love is such, like, a throwaway. Right. Like, even when I say that to my partner, I'm like, I. I'm not in this with you because I love you and I'm lustful for you. Whatever it is. Like, I genuinely. Like, I like him.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Like, I. Even if he. We weren't together, he would be in my life. I like his constitution.

[Ian]

Interest.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Interesting. I like that. I tell my mom, I say I love you, but I don't like you.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

That was really kind of you.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Go ahead.

[Jaime]

Ian. What's up, man?

[Ian]

Hey. What's up?

[Jaime]

You should be grateful, man.

[Game Host]

Yes.

[Jaime]

You have a nice hair.

[Ian]

Oh.

[Jaime]

Nice glasses.

[Ian]

Thank you.

[Jaime]

Good livery.

[Ian]

Look at you, my man. Thank you, bro.

[Jaime]

Boot cut jeans.

[Ian]

They aren't, but. Thank you.

[Jaime]

It's not boot cut.

[Ian]

They're just tight.

[Jaime]

Okay. Nice boots. Thank. Martins, I assume.

[Ian]

Thank you. This is like. This is like asking a kid to tell them about the book they just read, and they just talk about the back cover.

[Jaime]

You got a nice shirt on.

[Ian]

Thank you. I am grateful for the shirt. Thank you. Shout out, Cousin Sherry. My cousin Sherry got me this. Thank you. That's very kind of you. I made.

[Jaime]

I know. Yeah. Like, be grateful for the career you have. You get to make people laugh for a living. It's very hard. That's it.

[Ian]

The man. Thank you, bro. That was really nice.

[Kalila]

Okay, your turn. Hi, May.

[Ian]

Well, I'm supposed to say what I'm.

[Karina]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Kalila]

Sorry.

[Jaime]

Oh, sobriety.

[Ian]

So it's not you. Oh, yeah. It's not just. Oh, you're sober. Oh, that's sick. That's awesome. How long?

[Jaime]

Six months.

[Ian]

Hell, yeah. That's great.

[Jaime]

Thank you.

[Ian]

I'm gonna go to a meeting after this. I need one.

[Jaime]

Oh, no.

[Ian]

If you don't go, I'm gonna drink. No, no, I'm kidding. Delivery. Yeah. I have to say what I'm grateful for or else it sounds like an intervention. I am grateful for the people in my life that love me. I'm grateful for my mom for never giving up on me. I'm grateful for my cats. I'm grateful that I have working limbs. I'm grateful to be alive, even though it takes me a while to feel that way. I'm grateful for when the sun shines on me, just a right enough way that I feel good and blessed. I'm grateful for you guys that you always make me feel like I have a home when I'm in. In Los Angeles, away from my home. So thank you. And I'm grateful for You, Kalila, you're so sweet.

[Kalila]

Thank you.

[Ian]

And wonderful. And you've always been so kind to me and grateful Esther's not here, so I don't have to lie about her. And I'm just grateful. And I'm grateful I get to eat food on Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday.

[Esther]

Is it?

[Kalila]

Yeah, it's my least favorite.

[Ian]

Why?

[Kalila]

I didn't grow up with it, so I don't have any. Like.

[Ian]

You didn't grow up at Thanksgiving. What did you grow up with?

[Kalila]

Well, we have Christmas from July to December.

[Ian]

That's crazy.

[Kalila]

That's the best.

[Ian]

You get gifts every day.

[Kalila]

What do you mean?

[Ian]

You have Christmas for the solstice.

[Kalila]

The Christmas tree grow, grows up, it goes up malls. And you. You start to hear Christmas songs in.

[Ian]

July to prepare for the day in.

[Kalila]

December for the birth of Jesus baby.

[Ian]

Wait, what?

[Kalila]

It's just a big.

[Ian]

People in America are like, they put a Christmas tree up in. In November. I. Yeah, it's terrible. So you don't have Halloween. You don't.

[Kalila]

We go through all that, but the Christmas tree is still up.

[Ian]

But you don't have Thanksgiving. You have Halloween, but you don't have.

[Kalila]

Thanksgiving because that's not part of our history, right?

[Jaime]

American.

[Kalila]

Yeah, it's American history. The massacres and stuff are strictly American.

[Ian]

I call them disagreements, but mild disagreements.

[Kalila]

How are we feeling?

[Ian]

A couple fisticuffs.

[Esther]

Better. It felt good to be in the air.

[Kalila]

Oh, good.

[Esther]

And to eat my parmesan crisps.

[Ian]

Jaime knows a doctor that could refresh such a one stop shop.

[Kalila]

Here we go. Jaime.

[Jaime]

Oh, great.

[Kalila]

Jaime, I think you should be grateful that you're wearing my favorite things sweater.

[Ian]

That's a nice sweater.

[Jaime]

Thank you, man.

[Ian]

It's a great sweater. It looks. Can I say, you two look so comfy and nice and like this time of year. Chic.

[Kalila]

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[Jaime]

Sherpa. This is Sherpa, right?

[Kalila]

It's fleece something.

[Jaime]

I like Sherpa.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

A Sherpa is someone that leads you to the top of a mountain.

[Kalila]

Yeah. The Himalayas.

[Ian]

You are not wearing a Sherpa. Sherpa clothes.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Mountain guide. But Sherpa is also a type of. Of clothing.

[Ian]

Is it? Yeah, There's a type of clothing and a person called Sherpa.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Is there anything else that is a person and an article. Clothing.

[Esther]

Sure looks like everyone's being stupid today.

[Ian]

Wow. I'm grateful I have company in my stupidity.

[Kalila]

I think that you should be grateful for. For being a part of this podcast multiverse that everyone loves you. And we all want you to sit in on all of our pods. And I think you should be grateful for the fact that you are beloved, for all the things you might have grown up insecure about, which is your speech impediment. The way that everything that you said that you've been insecure about is all the reasons why, like, you're so cool and that you're so loved.

[Ian]

You have a speech impediment.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Where you're killing it.

[Esther]

Yeah. I would add, like, you. I feel like you kind of just came out of nowhere and, like, are blowing up as, like, a really loved podcaster, and I think that's something to be grateful for because that's really a big achievement.

[Kalila]

And also for someone with a broken jaw, you talk for a living. That's kind of cool.

[Ian]

You have a broken jaw.

[Jaime]

Yeah, man.

[Ian]

Like, still, wouldn't it be so funny? I wouldn't have noticed any of this unless you guys, like, you're a. But you're doing great. You're.

[Esther]

Your jaw is currently broken.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

What?

[Ian]

So is it a thing? Like, do you need to get it fixed or you.

[Jaime]

Do I need to fix it? Because it's messing up the way I eat. And, like. Does it hurt? No, not right now.

[Kalila]

Do you have. Do you snore?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Yeah. It probably messes up, like, your airway in general, too.

[Jaime]

Yeah. And I told people, and the people in the comments are like, no, you're perfect the way you are, but not.

[Kalila]

If you can't breathe.

[Jaime]

Well, I need this surgery, guys.

[Kalila]

You're. Just. Don't let them change Kanye. Break his jaw. Yeah.

[Ian]

Look how he turned out. You're gonna be.

[Jaime]

A couple years. I'll be like him.

[Kalila]

Okay, now, things you're grateful for.

[Jaime]

Oh, he didn't say anything.

[Ian]

Oh, yes. I think you should be grateful for your warm demeanor, your ability to make people feel welcome and included the second they meet you, which you just did with me. You look very comfortable, and it's clear that you're beloved. And I like your mustache. And you should be grateful for your hairline, because one day it's gonna go away, and you're never gonna get it back. You can fix your jaw, boy, but you can't fix any other hair.

[Jaime]

Hair.

[Kalila]

You can in Turkey.

[Ian]

You can, but don't.

[Jaime]

No. Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah. Don't. No. They all look like idiots.

[Esther]

That is a lot of hair. How old are you?

[Jaime]

29.

[Esther]

Pretty good.

[Jaime]

Yeah. Mexicans. We have a lot.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

I wish I was Mexican. My hairline is no bueno.

[Jaime]

I do have a big forehead.

[Ian]

Do you?

[Kalila]

Let me see.

[Ian]

Put your hair back. No, no, dude, what are you talking about?

[Kalila]

Oh, my God. You have this small. You have a small forehead.

[Jaime]

You think so?

[Esther]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jaime]

What's a big forehead? That's not a big.

[Ian]

Are you doing some sort of like Jedi insulting to me?

[Jaime]

Oh, right now?

[Ian]

Are you kidding me? No, man. What are you talking about? Well, they're doing all their ad reads off my forehead. They're just gonna. I'm the teleprompter prompter for the show, you piece of. I take everything back.

[Jaime]

No, no, no. I thought it just your headline.

[Ian]

Yeah, I got. Mine's kicked back.

[Jaime]

Why did you receive, though? Do you ever think about that?

[Ian]

What?

[Jaime]

Like, why does it receive? Like, recede.

[Ian]

Why does it go away?

[Jaime]

Yeah, you ever think about that?

[Esther]

Did you ever think about that?

[Ian]

Yeah, cuz it's. It's. It's doesn't like where he lives. He's tired of it. He's trying to move out down slowly so I don't notice.

[Jaime]

Okay, well, I'm grateful.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah? What you're grateful for?

[Jaime]

I am grateful for the job I have now. I get to be on the road 24 7.

[Esther]

What?

[Jaime]

What?

[Esther]

24 7?

[Jaime]

Yeah. I haven't been home in two weeks and that's good. I don't have any. I don't have anything back home. I have a family, but they're okay.

[Esther]

I don't know why, when you said 24 7, I was like. That scared me. I got scared. I had a big reaction.

[Jaime]

Oh. But, yeah, I like. I love my job.

[Kalila]

I just.

[Jaime]

That the. That I can make people laugh and, you know, feel good about themselves, you know, and make me feel good about myself. I did come out of nowhere and it was thanks to Ralph. You know, Ralph and Bobby.

[Kalila]

They.

[Jaime]

They put me on.

[Kalila]

Hey, dude. I'm one of those.

[Jaime]

Yeah, you too. Bobby Collider always left in the dust. Gilbert George.

[Esther]

It's like, no guy wants to be like, thanks to the. The A Filipino woman. It's like they want to be like, thanks to the. The famous comedian.

[Kalila]

Yeah, it's true.

[Ian]

Why not?

[Jaime]

Thank you to tiger belly.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Yeah. That. They gave me this opportunity to get out my insecurity show. There's more than two chicken nuggets. You know what I mean?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

What do you mean?

[Ian]

What?

[Jaime]

We've been pushing not chicken nuggets, but chicken wings.

[Kalila]

When we first met Jaime, he. He was limited to like, chicken tenders. And that's all he would eat.

[Jaime]

He had never had from, like, Wingstop or.

[Kalila]

And he had never had sushi. He didn't even want to try, but now he's like, you know, a man of the world. He.

[Jaime]

I tries it all.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Tilapia.

[Kalila]

Oh, tilapia.

[Jaime]

Salmon.

[Esther]

Gotta have salmon.

[Ian]

Why had you never eaten anything but.

[Jaime]

Chicken tenders and French fries?

[Ian]

And French fries.

[Jaime]

And Hot Pockets.

[Ian]

And Hot Pockets.

[Esther]

What flavor? Hot Pocket.

[Jaime]

Pepperoni, Garlic. Right.

[Esther]

What about. Oh, you don't. You wouldn't. With Taco Bell.

[Jaime]

I love Taco Bell.

[Esther]

What do you get?

[Jaime]

Cheesy Gray Crunch.

[Esther]

Look, while we're talking about Taco Bell, just really quick, I wanted to say something I recently saw on TikTok, a hack for the Nachos Bell Grande, where this is like, seems psychotic, but, you know, the Nachos Bell Grande, it's like you get like a tray of nachos. It's like cheese. Sorry, I'm the most pregnant woman in the world right now. Cheese, beans, meat, tomato, sour cream. But these girls online, they get the chips on the side. So they get a bowl of the mushies and then a bowl of the chips and then they dip it themselves. I'm just saying that I'm gonna do that right now. Bye.

[Ian]

I'm proud of you.

[Esther]

Okay, I'm gonna be quiet again.

[Ian]

No, no, that was great. I didn't know you could do that. I'm grateful for that. Thank you.

[Esther]

I'm sorry to interrupt your monologue about your life. No, I'm gonna leave soon.

[Ian]

Your monologue, Talk about your life.

[Jaime]

But no, I'm grateful for everybody and all my loved ones and family and friends and ex lovers and.

[Karina]

Oo.

[Kalila]

Shout out. Ex lovers.

[Ian]

Shout out, ex lovers.

[Jaime]

You know?

[Kalila]

You know, we should all be grateful for our ex lovers.

[Esther]

For sure.

[Jaime]

They shaped us into who we are.

[Kalila]

Except if they were like, narcissistic or like, punch you in the mouth, you can rot in hell. Yeah, but the other ones. Yeah. Thank you.

[Ian]

And if you are watching, I'd be grateful for a phone call. I'd be grateful for you to come back into my life.

[Jaime]

My ex lover, she's like a four hour drive for me, so.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Are you guys still friends?

[Jaime]

No. I caught her one time when I was in Mexico.

[Kalila]

This is the girl that you were doing long distance with? Yeah. Oh, I thought she was in Sacramento.

[Jaime]

Yeah, it's like four hours. No.

[Ian]

Do you have a car? Yeah, I was gonna say I have one.

[Jaime]

You need a ride? Oh, no.

[Ian]

I was gonna say, you want to go to Sacramento? Do a punchline, open a prayer.

[Esther]

Are you driving to Sacramento?

[Ian]

No, I was gonna take him to his ex girlfriend's house. That was a joke.

[Esther]

Oh, you just happen to be going? I don't know.

[Jaime]

Oh, she's moving. What is she moving to?

[Ian]

Don't worry, we'll find her brother.

[Jaime]

She DM'd her.

[Kalila]

Wait, are you. Are you friends with his ex?

[Esther]

Why?

[Kalila]

Why the two nano mites?

[Ian]

A little bit weird. Not. Okay, creepy boundary.

[Kalila]

Wait, can you get on the mic real quick? Yeah.

[Ian]

Come here, sit on my lap.

[Kalila]

Jaime, please introduce your best friend.

[Jaime]

This is my best friend, Karina.

[Esther]

Hi.

[Kalila]

Hi, Karina. Wait, so you guys are best friends, but you're still. You're still in contact with his ex?

[Karina]

Yes, sometimes.

[Kalila]

Sometimes. Because you. You guys like, struck a friendship at some point, right? Which makes sense because you guys are roommates and besties. How do you feel about that?

[Jaime]

I don't care. I do miss her sometimes, but.

[Kalila]

But do you feel as though that relationship's dead?

[Karina]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Then let it die. Jaime. Why are you calling her from Mexico for?

[Jaime]

Then why is she checking up on me?

[Kalila]

Because.

[Ian]

Why is she checking up on it? She's using you to get to him. Because if she was really your friend, she wouldn't mention him at all.

[Kalila]

But she already knows that Jaime wants her back, so she could just get to him directly. She wouldn't have to.

[Ian]

She's hovering.

[Karina]

But she also, like, she does, like, want to be my friend because she'll ask me, like, when am I coming to la?

[Kalila]

I get that. So I've been in relationships where I almost, like, borderline regretted because they were such shitty people, but I did.

[Ian]

Friends you made through them.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian]

Well, maybe you need to put a boundary up and say, hey, I'd love to hang out and see you, but Jaime is my friend.

[Game Host]

Yeah.

[Karina]

I also feel bad.

[Ian]

It kind of makes me uncomfortable when you bring him up. If you want to know about him, you can talk to him. I'm sure he'd love to talk to you, but I just. If you want to be my friend, be my friend.

[Kalila]

One of my best friends right now. She dated a complete crackhead tweaker dude and was like, just overall really shitty to her. But what she gained from him is she's now friends with, like, really good friends with his baby mama, his whole family, the sister. And they continue to be friends. And initially I was like, ew, you gotta get. Get out of that. Like, that doesn't make sense. But I really do believe that they, like, love her. Love her in a way that is, like, genuine and like, completely separate off of the guy that she dated. And I'm like, okay, then why not? Right? Sometimes you meet people through, you know, interesting ways, and, you know, you can't deny that maybe they struck a real friendship. Sorry, Jaime.

[Ian]

How long did you date her for?

[Jaime]

Six months, I think. No, not even six months.

[Karina]

I was a little.

[Jaime]

Four or five. Yeah, yeah. Just tell her that you want to meet her up for lunch here and then I have location so I can just.

[Kalila]

So you're not over her walking and.

[Ian]

Go, what are you doing here? Double date.

[Kalila]

I thought so you really aren't over her?

[Karina]

No, he's not.

[Jaime]

Ian, back me up. Yeah, on your iPhone, right? You have an iPhone, right? So you get those pictures that pop up memories.

[Ian]

Oh, my God. It's like the iPhone knows. It's like, guess what? You were almost over it. But remember this. When you were happier, look at the sun setting in her eyes. When you had hope in the future.

[Jaime]

We had, like, good deeds, you know, like good sex. After we do piddle talk, huh? And she's, I want your babies.

[Ian]

She'll tell me, why'd she leave? I don't know.

[Karina]

Yes, you do know it.

[Kalila]

Was it his? Without elaborating, did he up?

[Karina]

Yes.

[Esther]

Hi, man.

[Ian]

What'd he do?

[Kalila]

But he didn't do anything.

[Karina]

It's just that he wasn't ready for what she was ready. Ready for?

[Ian]

What was she ready for?

[Kalila]

Oh, like, probably just more grown up, mature things, like, as a girl, like.

[Karina]

Yeah, she was.

[Kalila]

You know, sometimes we want things in order, like, get your together so we can go on this ride together. Because it's like, no matter how much I love you, if we're not on the same page, like, we can't continue? Because what if, like, I'm 33, 34, and I want to have a baby? And if you're not catching up to that, then you still want to be a road comic and all of these things, and that's a priority. Then I love you, but we can't go there. We can't get on this ride.

[Ian]

But then do you really love them or do you love the idea of them? Because what you really love is this idea of the future that you want.

[Kalila]

I think it's unfortunate to really fall in love with someone who just isn't aligned with your life. And I truly think that can happen. Yeah, that's. It really can.

[Ian]

It's really tough. And what did she want that you couldn't provide for her?

[Jaime]

She wanted, like, the family immediately, right now. Well, she. She wanted to start thinking about the family.

[Ian]

And you don't want that.

[Jaime]

I went on the road.

[Kalila]

See, that's why. That's why you guys broke up.

[Jaime]

Yeah, theater, baby.

[Ian]

Theater shows.

[Kalila]

Hell yeah.

[Jaime]

Chicago.

[Ian]

Trust me, it's miserable.

[Esther]

Don't go down the bed.

[Jaime]

I went down.

[Ian]

I am not happy, honestly. Go back to her. Do not do what I do. And don't you leave. Call her and change your life. You will be infinitely happier. I'm living in hell.

[Esther]

So I feel like a bombshell has. You, like, are still reminiscing about your ex and, like, why don't you bring.

[Ian]

Her on the road with you?

[Esther]

It sounds like they have some kind of a connection. But I also think that, you know, any exes, if you have, if neither of you have moved on yet, you're gonna linger on each other. But she said she wants your babies.

[Jaime]

No pillow talk or is that just.

[Ian]

Was that like, common me talk or was that like, afterwards?

[Kalila]

Afterwards? Both.

[Jaime]

Oh, thanks, Ian.

[Kalila]

So she was, like, really, like, serious about this.

[Jaime]

She. I think she met somebody. She has a pen pal in prison. Like, girl, what are you doing?

[Esther]

Menendez brother.

[Jaime]

One of them. Ye.

[Ian]

So she wants a guy in prison, but he's, like, unavailable, and you're unavailable, so.

[Esther]

But you know, at least you know.

[Kalila]

Where they are, and you can, you know, conjugals.

[Ian]

You don't think this prison guy's talking to someone else? He could think he's only got one pen pal.

[Kalila]

I knew this girl who went to in nursing school who was so obsessed with her boyfriend in prison, like, nothing could sidetrack her. Like, not any other options outside of prison could sidetrack her. She was obsessed with them. And I'm, I, I, I lowkey think that the allure of him being an inmate is, like, what got her.

[Esther]

Yeah, right. That's like a thing for sure.

[Kalila]

Yeah, of course.

[Esther]

It's like bad boy. Yeah. And you know where they are, and they can't go anywhere. And you have full control.

[Kalila]

Oh, you're right. The control. It's like he ain't going nowhere.

[Ian]

Yeah. Oh, God, I wish I was in prison.

[Esther]

You get so many girls.

[Ian]

I know. I had to get so much if I was in prison.

[Jaime]

Since we're in the topic, it's so funny.

[Esther]

Wait to see you guys, because that's one of the things that Ace knows how to do is just funny. See you guys do it.

[Ian]

Just two children fist bumping.

[Jaime]

She's wearing that topic. I think I, I was lacking as a kind of like a boyfriend, because what she Wanted for me is, like, kids, send her, like, cash app. Like, $20 or $30 for coffee or her food. Send her food.

[Kalila]

Provide you. She wanted to be a provider.

[Jaime]

Yeah. She wanted gifts and the food.

[Kalila]

It's her love language.

[Jaime]

No, I never did that as a boyfriend with her. But then we're on the phone a couple months later. She said that the guy from prison, he's able to send her stuff.

[Ian]

This chick sucks. She's taking money from a guy with nothing. Twice.

[Jaime]

But, like, you know, the origami. Huh? The origami.

[Ian]

Origami, yeah.

[Kalila]

Oh, he makes her paper cranes.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

That's sweet.

[Jaime]

And then he sends it to his homeboys, and then the homeboys send it to her.

[Kalila]

Okay, see, so now, which makes me think that she's not really after the cash app. She just wants, like, tokens. She wants to be reminded that you're, like, thinking about her. Via paper crane or via cash app? It doesn't matter.

[Ian]

Apparently, there's a difference. $20 for coffee. Coffee's not $20.

[Kalila]

I don't know. I don't.

[Ian]

She's fleecing you. You.

[Kalila]

I don't think so. I think it is there.

[Ian]

Okay, let's see.

[Karina]

Okay.

[Jaime]

Hey.

[Ian]

Call her up and say, hey, what would you like? $20 or me to make a paper crane for you? You choose and see what she chooses.

[Kalila]

I'll choose a paper crate. Yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

Give me a piece of paper.

[Esther]

How did you guys meet?

[Kalila]

Wait. Here, here. Come. Come here, Karina, take my mic.

[Ian]

Where are you gonna go? Here, Kalila, you sit on my lap. Can I just feel some sort of contact?

[Esther]

You do look like a scarecrow when you do that. How did you guys meet?

[Jaime]

We met four years ago during photography.

[Esther]

During photography. That is. That doesn't make any sense.

[Jaime]

No, no, no, no. I did photography.

[Esther]

So, like, a class?

[Jaime]

No, no, I was doing photography.

[Karina]

He's a photographer. I do, like, modeling. And so he DM'd me and was like, hey, like, do you want to shoot? And so I was like, yeah, sure.

[Kalila]

I have questions already.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Great.

[Kalila]

Initially, were you trying to, like, hit on her? Were you trying to hit on her first? When? Before you were like, hey, can I photograph you?

[Jaime]

Huh? Remember that bit?

[Kalila]

That's why.

[Karina]

Yes or no?

[Jaime]

No, I don't think so, brother. Brother. Boy.

[Karina]

He also didn't come off as, like, flirtatious either, because I would have definitely been like, yeah, you don't seem like.

[Ian]

You know, that way at all.

[Esther]

I know we're all over the place today, but when you stand over there.

[Kalila]

You want me to fluff his head?

[Esther]

No. It's like, you're so tall and, like, model.

[Kalila]

Like, five, eight. I'm tall? Can I fluff your hair in the back and fix it?

[Esther]

I'm intimidated. I like it when you're seated. You're more just like kind of a nothing. But when you're standing there, you're so pretty.

[Karina]

Yeah, you're sitting.

[Ian]

You're just like a lumpy gremlin. When you stand, you really become an angel.

[Esther]

You're like everybody else. I'm probably about to pass out, huh? Something's coming. Something bad's going on.

[Kalila]

Pretty again. Somebody come help her.

[Esther]

And so you're a model?

[Karina]

Yeah.

[Esther]

And you guys live together?

[Karina]

Are you looking crazy?

[Jaime]

What do you think a motto is?

[Esther]

I don't know.

[Jaime]

Not professional yet.

[Karina]

Yeah, not professional.

[Kalila]

Okay.

[Esther]

That's okay.

[Jaime]

She loves taking pictures.

[Esther]

Why are you nagging her?

[Jaime]

Fashion Nova Ambassador.

[Esther]

That's great.

[Kalila]

I'm not that. Yeah.

[Esther]

Do you guys pick on each other?

[Kalila]

Oh, yeah.

[Karina]

We're like. Yeah. That's like my brother.

[Esther]

Are you seeing someone?

[Kalila]

No.

[Jaime]

She's dangerous.

[Esther]

What do you mean she's dangerous?

[Jaime]

I tell her every day, her good looks is dangerous.

[Ian]

Why? What's so dangerous about it?

[Jaime]

She's pretty. Yes, of course it's dangerous.

[Kalila]

Why?

[Jaime]

I mean, we are pretty here.

[Esther]

Guys, it's okay. I'm an egg with legs, but, like, it's okay.

[Ian]

I'm a thumb. What? What's so dangerous about her?

[Game Host]

Her?

[Ian]

You want her. You want to protect her and make sure no one hurts her.

[Esther]

Or you want to. You're. You feel like maybe she hurts guys.

[Jaime]

She attracts a lot of attention just by sitting there. You know what I mean? Or am I stupid?

[Esther]

No, I know what you mean, but I don't know why. What the point is, but I know what you mean.

[Ian]

Well, when she said, are you dating anyone? You said, no, and you went, she's dangerous. What does that mean?

[Jaime]

A lot of guys try to get at her.

[Esther]

What is your ethnicity?

[Karina]

I'm Mexican.

[Esther]

100?

[Kalila]

Yes.

[Ian]

Are you, like, so jealous right now?

[Esther]

Yeah, because you'll age well, too, unlike me.

[Karina]

But you look really young, too.

[Kalila]

Thank you.

[Esther]

I believe it coming from you because you're so beautiful.

[Ian]

That's so funny. Kalila was like, you are so young looking. Well, if she says, shut up, you slouched.

[Esther]

If she's standing while she says it, I'll listen. She so good now.

[Game Host]

All right, you guys, we have a game here for you.

[Kalila]

Let's do this.

[Game Host]

Called luck.

[Ian]

Me?

[Kalila]

Well, we should Also, preface this by saying Esther was not feeling well, so we have excused her to go see a doctor.

[Jaime]

Specialist.

[Kalila]

A specialist.

[Game Host]

So we'll go around. There's three rounds. So there's 12 feathers. You can pick one at random. It's got a number on it. And I'll let you guys know what challenge that is. Is.

[Kalila]

Okay, I have 14.

[Game Host]

Number 14 is a dare, and it is to show everybody your screen time report.

[Kalila]

Okay, how do I do that?

[Jaime]

Go to settings.

[Kalila]

Okay, Go to settings.

[Jaime]

Stretch up screen time.

[Kalila]

Screen time.

[Ian]

That sounded weird. You're like, search up screen time.

[Kalila]

My daily. My daily average is five hours and 38 minutes. Minutes.

[Game Host]

Okay.

[Ian]

Whoa.

[Kalila]

That sounds horrible. That's not.

[Karina]

That's not a lot.

[Kalila]

I mean, I do work from home recently.

[Ian]

I think mine's been, like, eight hours.

[Kalila]

Oh, my God.

[Ian]

I've got a problem.

[Kalila]

What do they say is, like, the threshold of, like, good or bad? What's bad? What's good?

[Jaime]

24 hours.

[Game Host]

Well, how many hours are you awake a day? That's what I always think about.

[Kalila]

I'm up at around 7, and I go down at about 10:30.

[Game Host]

I'm not good at math. Is that like.

[Kalila]

Like, it's 15 hours, basically.

[Game Host]

All right, so, yeah, like a third. A third. That's not bad at all.

[Kalila]

Oh, I don't like that.

[Game Host]

Okay, cool.

[Ian]

10.

[Game Host]

Okay, we have a truth for you, and this one should be interesting. Who's your favorite guest from your show in the past year?

[Ian]

On my podcast.

[Jaime]

Huh?

[Ian]

Trying to think. Oh, dude, we had Guar on the podcast. We had Michael Bishop, who's Blowar, the lead singer in Guard. You guys know. Guarantee you guys don't know Guar. Do you know Guar?

[Jaime]

That's pretty cool.

[Ian]

You don't know Guar? You don't know.

[Kalila]

I don't know them, but I've heard metal pioneers. Look at them.

[Ian]

They wear those outfits. They're like aliens from another planet that were sent to Earth to destroy humanity. I'm seeing them live on Friday, and at every show, they bring someone on stage and they eat them with this, like, monster they made, and they kill them and spray blood everywhere, and I'm the guy they're gonna kill. So we got it cleared with them. They're bringing me on stage. It's at the Palladium in New York, and they're gonna kill me. And I'm so, so excited. And I grew up listening to them, and so having them on the podcast was like, a very cool, surreal moment. Also, Craig Ferguson came on the pod, and he was my favorite late night host besides Conan. And then I'd always wanted to do stand up on his show. And he went off the air and I think 2014, and then him and his management hit us up to do our podcast. And I was like, this is pretty crazy that one of my favorite late night show hosts is now coming to my show in my suit to do my shit. It was like a very surreal, like, cool moment that kind of put things in perspective. So that was, like, really neat. And he's sober and he's so interesting and quick and smart and funny. It was like a very nice, wonderful moment for me. So I would say either Blothar the alien sent to destroy us or Craig Ferguson.

[Kalila]

All right, H.

[Jaime]

Number one, you're going.

[Game Host]

To have to act out a movie scene, and we have a little bit of dialogue here for you.

[Ian]

Oh, my God. Can I tell you, I did Byron Allen's Comics Unleashed yesterday. Do you know that show? Do you guys know Comics Unleash?

[Game Host]

Yeah.

[Ian]

So he, like, sets you up with the. The premise to, like, the joke you're supposed to do as if it's, like, organic. And I swear to God, he set this guy up. And the guy.

[Game Host]

These are for Jaime.

[Ian]

Oh, my God, this is amazing.

[Game Host]

You see, you want. You want that one?

[Kalila]

You ready, Jaime?

[Jaime]

And hold on, Wait, what do I do?

[Game Host]

You have to act it out. This is like an audition, so you got to give it your all.

[Kalila]

Okay. And action.

[Jaime]

I don't. I don't know how to read. Oh, that's kidding. And this is linger. Lingerie.

[Kalila]

Yeah, whatever.

[Ian]

Words you don't know, put.

[Kalila]

Yeah, just point it to him and Ian will finish the sentence for you. And action.

[Jaime]

So I put out an ad looking for a white guy my age to come over, and me and that guy looked a lot like me. Then I put on some lingerie, hair and perfume and made myself look like one of these girls. And I thought I look pretty hot. And this guy came over and he railed the out of me. And then I got addicted to that. Some nights, three or four guys will come over and rail the shit out of me. Some I even had to pay. And at the same time, I'll hire, like, an Asian girl that would just sit there and watch the whole thing. I'll look in her eyes while some guy was me, and I think, am I her and am I me? Where's that from?

[Kalila]

If you don't remember, it's a show that recently came out that, like, this year.

[Ian]

That was from your diary. That's why? It's handwritten.

[Kalila]

Wait, that is white lotus, right?

[Ian]

Yeah, White lotus. Sam Rockwell.

[Kalila]

Yeah, Sam Rockwell.

[Ian]

Incredible.

[Kalila]

That was such an awesome scene too.

[Ian]

Oh, my God. And Walter Goggins is like.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Which I must say was pretty interesting to get that scene sent to me with people going, this reminds me of you.

[Kalila]

I love how you read the first sentence and you were like, I know what. This is great. Great job. You got the job.

[Ian]

That was great. Fantastic. Okay, amazing.

[Kalila]

Your turn, Karina.

[Karina]

Okay, three.

[Game Host]

Number three. This is the uncrustable challenge. We have an uncrustable here. It's to see whoever can eat an Uncrustable in 30 seconds. Yeah. You guys want to do a race?

[Kalila]

Have egg or dairy? Because it sounds so good right now.

[Game Host]

Fact check that real quick.

[Ian]

So you mean it's peanut butter jelly time. Peanut butter jelly time.

[Kalila]

Because I really do love uncrustables.

[Ian]

They're great. I'm so hungry. I didn't eat today. That's great. Now keep it. Come on.

[Game Host]

We'll put 30 seconds on the clock. Whoever wants to participate, feel free. You have to fully swallow the entire uncrustable.

[Ian]

Wait, hold on. We have to eat this in 30 seconds?

[Game Host]

Yes. Whoever gets the fastest score will. Will start. You guys, you have to open your mouth to show that you've, you know, cheating. Right. Can't hide it under the tongue or anything. Here we go. We have 30 seconds on the clock. Is everybody ready?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Game Host]

Three, two, one, go. Everyone's making good pace. Ian's going at it. Think I might pull it off here. Oh, Ian's catching up. Yeah. No.

[Kalila]

Water.

[Game Host]

Water.

[Ian]

No.

[Game Host]

Mm. Five seconds left. Can we swallow in time and time? Anybody? Let's see who got furthest. Open your mouth. Bully. Ian. Ian's the winner. Oh, and Kila.

[Ian]

Okay, we'll check the tape.

[Kalila]

I think it was Ian.

[Esther]

I swallowed a little tube.

[Game Host]

Yeah, I think he just beat about.

[Ian]

I almost stroked really good time you got. I lost the scratch off, but I won the race of who's the fattest?

[Game Host]

The uncrustable.

[Karina]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Wow.

[Game Host]

Good job, Ian.

[Ian]

Thank you. That felt really nice.

[Game Host]

Is anyone still eating? Ha. You still eating over there? Damn.

[Jaime]

I can't eat it.

[Game Host]

My jaw's broken. Yeah.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah.

[Kalila]

I was going to say it sucks. Yeah. No, it's not. You don't have to. Eating slow is the way to go. The way we did it. Cuz I'm such a fast eater. You're probably a fast eater. Is not good for you at all.

[Game Host]

Kilo, you're up My turn.

[Kalila]

All right. Okay. I'm still hanging on to the fact that Esther said I look ugly when I'm sat down.

[Ian]

Don't listen to her. It's pregnancy talking.

[Kalila]

I know. What she means, though, is because people think I am ugly, and then they meet me in person and they're like, ugly. You're so tall.

[Ian]

Beast. Ugly person I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Kalila]

But I think I understand.

[Ian]

I have a heart on right now.

[Kalila]

Oh, thank you.

[Ian]

I took a blue chew this morning.

[Kalila]

He has a heart on for everyone.

[Ian]

I have a. I have a hard on in my heart for you guys.

[Kalila]

This one one's a 15.

[Game Host]

We have another movie for you.

[Esther]

Okay.

[Game Host]

You have to give it your all.

[Kalila]

I'll give it my all. If I didn't have Bell's palsy, I feel like I would have beat you in that. The side of my mouth was not working. I could only chew on the right.

[Ian]

Do you still Bell swollen?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

I can't tell at all.

[Kalila]

Yeah. On this side, it's. It's funny.

[Ian]

Come back.

[Kalila]

No, it just has lingered and it's pissing me the off. But it's okay. I have a baby. I should be grateful. Gratitude.

[Ian]

We just all kill ourselves at the end of the episode.

[Kalila]

This is so mean. I hated this movie, by the way.

[Ian]

Is this a movie thing again?

[Kalila]

I'm gonna say this to you.

[Ian]

Okay?

[Kalila]

Okay. Because I feel like you're the only one who can absorb this darkness.

[Ian]

Wonderful. Thank you.

[Kalila]

Every day.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I wake up and I hope you're dead. Dead. Like, if I could guarantee Henry would be okay, I'd hope you'd get an illness, then get hit by a car and die.

[Jaime]

Oh, my God, The Lion King.

[Kalila]

Lion King, Correct.

[Ian]

That's so funny. That's.

[Kalila]

I know. It's marriage story day.

[Ian]

When I look in the mirror, I don't know. Marriage story. What is that?

[Kalila]

It's Adam Driver's Scarlett Johansson. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

That's brutal.

[Kalila]

I know.

[Ian]

I was like, look, I'm sorry I ate the sandwich before you. I'm sorry.

[Kalila]

I mean, did he really say that to her? I'm sorry. But like, that kind of like. Have you ever talked to a partner like that? Have you?

[Karina]

No.

[Kalila]

Where you're like, I hope you die.

[Ian]

Never. I've been talked to like that, and it's terrible.

[Kalila]

Oh, hell, no.

[Karina]

I haven't been talked to.

[Kalila]

Like, that's, like, too far gone. Right? Like, I could never come back from that. Seriously. That's what he says to the mother of his child. That's not realistic. I know. Marriage story is supposed to be, like, a realistic take on, like, divorce.

[Ian]

There's a lot of scumbags out there.

[Kalila]

Yeah, that's like, imagine.

[Ian]

That's how they talk.

[Kalila]

Really?

[Ian]

I could never talk to someone like this.

[Kalila]

I could never either.

[Ian]

That is like, an intimate person in my life. I could say this to a stranger. I could say this, like, right before, like, a fight.

[Kalila]

I couldn't.

[Ian]

Like, a person in my life, I could never say this to them.

[Jaime]

Can I see it?

[Kalila]

Say it, say it, read it. Time it. How would you say it?

[Ian]

Yeah, how would you read it in action?

[Jaime]

Every day I wake up and I hope you're dead. Like, dead dead. If I could guarantee Henry will be okay, I hope you get an illness and then you get hit by a car and die.

[Karina]

I can't take him serious now.

[Ian]

You read it and then I'll read it.

[Esther]

Okay.

[Karina]

Every day I wake up, I hope you're dead. Dead. Like, if I could guarantee Henry would be okay, I'd hope you'd get in an illness. I can even read. And then get hit by a car and die.

[Kalila]

That was a good one. Good Daggers.

[Ian]

Oh, my God. Don't say it to me. Right?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I don't wish. Don't put death on me. Say it to Megan.

[Ian]

I'll say it straight to camera. All you listeners at home who say.

[Kalila]

Bad things about me. What's that dedicated to? All the trolls who say bad things about me.

[Ian]

This is all the trolls out there that say bad things about Kalila and me, too. Cause it hurts. But also, if anyone out there thinks Kalila's ugly, you can straight up go fuck yourself. And if you have the audacity to say something online about my sweet baby girl Kalila, and you wanna know how I feel about it, well, only thing I could say is that every day I wake up and hope you're dead. Dead. Like, if I could guarantee Henry would be okay, I hope you get an illness and then get hit by a car and die.

[Esther]

Wow.

[Kalila]

Winner, winner, winner.

[Jaime]

That's good.

[Karina]

That was great.

[Kalila]

Thank you. You're turning it again.

[Ian]

Oh, sorry.

[Kalila]

I blacked out. Hard to be Adam driver, huh?

[Ian]

Yeah, 16.

[Game Host]

Unfortunately, this is another, like, challenge with food or drink, but it's shotgun.

[Ian]

Put a banana down your pants. Who thought of these?

[Game Host]

It's a shotgun and liquid death.

[Ian]

Okay. Are you capable? Is this like, shotgunning a soda?

[Game Host]

Pretty much.

[Ian]

It's gonna kill me.

[Game Host]

Might get diabetes.

[Ian]

Let me take my nice shirt off, because I'm gonna spill it.

[Jaime]

It Night shirt.

[Esther]

What?

[Karina]

Oh.

[Kalila]

Oh. Shots. Fire.

[Ian]

Nice shirt.

[Jaime]

Oh.

[Esther]

Oh.

[Karina]

You heard.

[Kalila]

Night.

[Ian]

Oh, you heard. Night.

[Jaime]

Think I have a shirt for night.

[Ian]

Oh, okay. I was going to say. Well, I can fix your jaw for you. I haven't shotgun something in, like, years.

[Jaime]

Decade.

[Game Host]

Me neither. Do you need a key? I think that's.

[Ian]

I don't have a key. I guess I could use this.

[Kalila]

Oh.

[Jaime]

Here.

[Ian]

Oh, there's a key.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Dude, Jaime, you're a genius. College tequila. Three tequila floor.

[Karina]

Oh, wow.

[Game Host]

Wow.

[Karina]

You didn't spill it on.

[Esther]

Wow.

[Kalila]

You. You really were an alcoholic.

[Ian]

Yeah, there's a lot more in there.

[Kalila]

I'm a fake. That's enough. That's enough. That's enough.

[Ian]

This is terrible.

[Kalila]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please don't finish it. It's gonna make you sick. You just had an uncrustable.

[Ian]

Yeah, you're right.

[Kalila]

Yeah, you're welcome.

[Ian]

You're gonna be such a good mom.

[Kalila]

Thank you. I gotta protect my babies. Don't finish that now.

[Ian]

I'm all sticky.

[Kalila]

Please don't touch me. I hate sticky stuff.

[Ian]

Don't flatter yourself. Can I throw this out?

[Kalila]

Yeah. Here go your go, Jaime.

[Jaime]

Number eight.

[Game Host]

Number eight. Critique each person in the room using one word.

[Jaime]

Negative or.

[Game Host]

Yeah, one word. It's a critique so it doesn't have to be terrible.

[Jaime]

But that's rude.

[Kalila]

Like, for me, you could be crooked or it could be, like, pale. You know what I mean? I'm pale. Okay, you can start with Karina. Bitchy.

[Jaime]

Bitchy. No, no.

[Ian]

Anyone wants that? What'd I do?

[Jaime]

Nothing.

[Kalila]

I just was, like, very motherly. Like, don't drink the cola. And then you're chasing the uncrustable. And whipped cream. The stuff with a whipped cream.

[Ian]

Should I not have done that?

[Kalila]

No, Mommy said no.

[Ian]

Baby's gonna come.

[Kalila]

Okay, go ahead, Jaime. He has to critique everyone in the room using one word. Word. Go ahead.

[Jaime]

One critique. Naggy.

[Kalila]

Okay, that's it. Let's move on.

[Ian]

I can't say that. Oh. Oh, Naggy.

[Kalila]

Yes.

[Jaime]

I don't know because I don't know them like that.

[Kalila]

Okay, then go straight to me then.

[Jaime]

I don't want to be, like, needy.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Okay, not loud enough.

[Kalila]

Oh, quiet.

[Jaime]

Quiet, quiet.

[Kalila]

Okay, T.

[Jaime]

Nose.

[Ian]

Holy.

[Kalila]

Holy.

[Ian]

Why did you go with everyone? Inner spirit and then me. You're like, no, freak. All of a sudden, you figure out one word. Holy. Oh, my God.

[Kalila]

Your turn.

[Karina]

Okay, 11.

[Ian]

11.

[Game Host]

Can you take a full shot of the whipped cream?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Oh, dude. Do you guys have tortillas? We could do that thing. You put whipped Cream in your mouth. Try to make the other person laugh. Or like, hit him with the tortilla and try to not have it.

[Kalila]

We play that at my baby shower.

[Ian]

I want to play that so bad. The tortilla thing?

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

That seems so fun.

[Game Host]

I'll have it ready for you next time you come on.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah. We could hit with a banana.

[Karina]

Just like a full.

[Kalila]

Just a full shot or just. Oh, whoa.

[Ian]

What a dare. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do.

[Kalila]

Oh, oh. I have number four.

[Ian]

We gave Jaime there. Do a whip it and drive a car.

[Kalila]

Do a whip it and whip it and whip my car.

[Ian]

Yeah, yeah, whip it good.

[Game Host]

It's a nice one. Call a loved one and tell them you're grateful for them.

[Kalila]

Oh, that's so sweet.

[Ian]

Oh, that's nice.

[Jaime]

I'm gonna call Bobby.

[Kalila]

He's not gonna pick up. It's one o'. Clock. Cuz he's asleep still. Let's just do my mom. She's gonna be like.

[Game Host]

Okay.

[Kalila]

Okay. Hello, I'm on the podcast. I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm grateful for you and I love you.

[Karina]

Why?

[Esther]

Why.

[Karina]

Why are you telling me?

[Kalila]

It's just. It's just to tell you I love you and I'm grateful for you. Okay. Thank you so much, darling. Okay. I was just saying, like. Like, am I going to die? No, no, no.

[Esther]

I see.

[Kalila]

I kicked off her anxiety. It's okay. My. You're fine. Nothing's wrong. It was just a dare. It was just a dare. Love you.

[Ian]

It was a dare. I don't mean it.

[Karina]

Okay, love you.

[Jaime]

Love you.

[Esther]

Bye.

[Kalila]

Bye. Okay, bye. She set off. She's like, what's happening, Pickle?

[Game Host]

All righty. Do an impression of someone in the room.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh.

[Ian]

Oh, I can't do one of Esther.

[Kalila]

You can do one of Esther.

[Ian]

Is it hot? She's like in a hospital right now. I have a wine. Tiny baby. It's like under death bed.

[Game Host]

All right, Jaime, number seven, draw a portrait of someone here in 30 seconds. We have a whiteboard for you.

[Jaime]

Oh, okay.

[Ian]

What? I'm covering my face.

[Jaime]

No, let me see your face.

[Ian]

Come on.

[Karina]

He said, let me see your nose.

[Ian]

I know, right? I don't think the whiteboard's big enough.

[Jaime]

How much? How much? How much time do I have?

[Game Host]

About 25 seconds.

[Ian]

About an uncrustable length of time. So he's drawing Kalila.

[Karina]

The hair.

[Kalila]

Forget the nose.

[Ian]

And the way he's looking up on the striped shirt.

[Kalila]

My church shoes and her church shoes.

[Game Host]

Make sure you show the camera.

[Kalila]

I. Please God, I don't. I can't even tell you who that is. Who is that? Is that a self portrait?

[Jaime]

No.

[Ian]

Oh, no, the hair clips.

[Karina]

You mother, she has longer hair.

[Jaime]

Oh, it's because I couldn't draw long hair.

[Kalila]

Where's my jawline?

[Ian]

Why are eyes crooked?

[Esther]

Crooked?

[Kalila]

Because the eyes are crooked that he got right. That's actually accurate. You know what? I would say very. You know what do you call those artists who.

[Ian]

Caricature.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian]

Like on the boardwalk and stuff.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Ian]

No, that looked like more of the COVID of that book. Like more scary stories to tell in the dark.

[Kalila]

Thanks, Jaime. Really sweet. I appreciate it.

[Ian]

See what you got, Karina.

[Game Host]

Number nine. Okay, this one's turkey time. Everyone else does their best turkey impression, and you're gonna pick the winner.

[Kalila]

Okay? Thank you. Thank God. Finally, one I can play with. So I want to preface mine by saying that Filipino animals make different sounds.

[Ian]

Oh, here we go. But you don't know what an American turkey sounds like.

[Kalila]

I do, but I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go with a Filipino iteration of what a turkey sounds.

[Ian]

But I thought you. You didn't celebrate Thanksgiving in the Philippines.

[Kalila]

We don't. But we have turkeys, don't we?

[Game Host]

They speak Filipino, the turkeys. So different. Yeah.

[Kalila]

Also, you think that the only lands that can have turkeys are lands that celebrate Thanksgiving.

[Ian]

Shut up.

[Kalila]

I know. It's gobble, gobble, gobble. In the Philippines, we say, oh, look.

[Ian]

Olok, olok, olok, olok.

[Kalila]

It's olok, olok, olok, olok. I think pretty accurate.

[Ian]

That sounds like a turkey mocking someone.

[Kalila]

Go ahead. Find me a turkey that says, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

[Ian]

Wait, hold on.

[Esther]

Oh, that's great.

[Kalila]

Oh, he's really putting movement into it.

[Jaime]

Like a gobble, gobble. Do they?

[Ian]

What? Do it again.

[Jaime]

Impeachment.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Listen to these two turkeys.

[Kalila]

I think Ian wins that.

[Esther]

That's close.

[Game Host]

But you are the judge. You pick.

[Karina]

Yeah, you're welcome.

[Game Host]

We have a final bonus round for Jaime.

[Jaime]

Number 13.

[Game Host]

Number 13.

[Jaime]

Damn.

[Ian]

Bad luck. 13, right.

[Game Host]

This one, eat a serrano pepper.

[Kalila]

Well, you're going to have CH with six Rs.

[Ian]

We already did the turkey competition in action.

[Esther]

Touch it with your hand.

[Kalila]

Just do it. Don't touch your eyes either. This one, use the fork.

[Ian]

I don't want you to get hurt.

[Game Host]

That's a fresh serrano.

[Kalila]

The serrano you can handle.

[Karina]

Fine.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Karina]

Eat it to, like, where the fork goes.

[Kalila]

Look. Who is a sweet mommy on that One saying, no, don't eat the cow.

[Ian]

I'm a sweet mom.

[Esther]

Daddy.

[Ian]

What's like a combo of a mom and a dad?

[Kalila]

A dummy.

[Ian]

A dummy. I'm a good dummy.

[Kalila]

A dummy.

[Ian]

Now, what is this? Ice cream.

[Game Host]

Just in case.

[Ian]

Do I have to eat the pepper to get the ice cream? Because I'll do it.

[Game Host]

Yeah, no, you gotta go big bite.

[Karina]

You gotta go all the way to the fork.

[Kalila]

At least like a third of it.

[Jaime]

Oh.

[Kalila]

If you don't get a lot of seeds, it won't be that spicy because the heat is in the seeds.

[Jaime]

It's not spicy. No, you're lying.

[Game Host]

Get in there.

[Kalila]

Just snort all the seeds, dude.

[Jaime]

Spicy. Noah, you're lying.

[Ian]

Really, get in there. It's not spicy.

[Kalila]

See? See, the water makes it worse for me.

[Ian]

Is it spicy? Yeah, it's bad.

[Jaime]

Yeah, I don't eat spicy, so there's.

[Kalila]

Ice cream there if you need. Eat ice cream if you need.

[Ian]

Is it bad, right? Is it bad?

[Jaime]

For me?

[Ian]

It is like, are you in pain?

[Jaime]

That's why I'm an opener.

[Ian]

Are you in pain?

[Kalila]

Oh, poor Jaime.

[Jaime]

Can you take me back now?

[Kalila]

Oh, can you take him back? Take him back, whoever you are. We don't even know her name.

[Ian]

It's so spicy. It's making him want to raise a family. He's like, I'll get off the road. I'm ready to be spicy.

[Kalila]

Yeah, he's like, podcasting.

[Ian]

All right, I'll take a little tiny bite. I really hate spice. I'm gonna take, like, a little girl baby bite.

[Kalila]

You need a seed in there, though. Yeah, that should do it. Wait, I think it's.

[Karina]

I think it kicks in, doesn't it?

[Kalila]

Everyone, another spoon for the ice cream, please. Oh, there we go. Okay, everyone. Okay.

[Karina]

We haven't even had breakfast.

[Kalila]

Oh, y' all got blood tonight. Okay, well, while everyone's shoving their mouths with. I was gonna say sour cream with whipped cream. We're thankful for you. We love you. Happy Thanksgiving. However you celebrate it, even if it's in a non traditional way, there's a kick in it. I hope you're surrounded with friends and loved ones and stay cozy and warm. Don't eat peppers. Don't be like these ding dong. We love you and we'll see you next week.