The deepest wound in complex trauma is not emotional intensity. It is the learned loss of connection to yourself.

In this episode, Jennifer Wallace and Elisabeth Kristof open the next chapter of the CPT series by starting where the roots go deepest: self-abandonment. This is the pattern they chose to name first—and intentionally so—because when the nervous system learns that staying connected to the self is unsafe, nearly every other complex trauma response grows from that adaptation.

Self-abandonment is not a personality flaw or a lack of self-awareness. It is a body-based survival strategy. From a neurosomatic perspective, it is a state-dependent loss of interoceptive access—a patterned inhibition of internal signals that the nervous system learned in order to stay attached, stay safe, and maintain stability in the relational environment. And like every other output explored in this series, it made complete sense at the time it formed.

The conversation moves through the neuroscience of dissociation and how it is inseparable from self-abandonment, the brain regions involved, and what their altered activity actually looks like in everyday life. It explores the fawn response—including its lesser-discussed dimension of sexual fawning—and the specific pathways through which emotional neglect and parentification set the stage for chronic self-erasure. Jennifer and Elisabeth also trace how masking—whether in the context of neurodivergence, complex trauma, or systemic oppression—is another expression of the same root pattern: authenticity does not feel safe, so the self gets hidden.

But this episode does not stop at the wound. Both hosts share what the growth edge of this pattern has actually looked like for them—what building interoceptive capacity from the ground up felt like in practice—and how self-attunement, the skill of staying present with internal experience without becoming overwhelmed by it, gradually became accessible rather than threatening.

This is not a quick-fix episode. It is an honest, grounded map of one of the most pervasive and least visible patterns in complex trauma—and a clear-eyed account of what actually changes it.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

Why self abandonment is a survival adaptation rooted in the nervous system, not a character flaw
How interoceptive access becomes inhibited under chronic relational threat, and what that feels like day to day
The neuroscience of dissociation: which brain regions are involved and how their altered activity drives functional disconnection
Why emotional neglect, even without overt harm, sets the stage for chronic self erasure
How parentification creates a nervous system template of self abandonment that persists long into adulthood
What fawn response is, how it operates neurologically, and why sexual fawning is a real and undernamed expression of it
How masking across contexts including neurodivergence, complex trauma, and racial and systemic oppression overlaps with and compounds self abandonment
What self attunement actually is as a nervous system skill and how it is different from insight or emotional processing alone
Why healing is capacity-based rather than cathartic, and what that means for pacing
How both hosts have rebuilt interoceptive access over time and what that process has opened up for them

Chapters

0:00 - The Deepest Wound in Complex Trauma Is Not Emotional Intensity 0:38 - Welcome: Who This Episode Is For 1:27 - Introducing the CPT Series and Why We Start With Self Abandonment 2:53 - Defining Self Abandonment as a Nervous System Output 4:21 - Pete Walker, Fawn Responses, and How the Child Learns to Attune Outward 4:47 - The Neuro Somatic View: Interoceptive Access Under Chronic Threat 6:08 - Embodiment as the Opposite of Self Abandonment 6:35 - Collective and Intergenerational Dimensions of Self Abandonment 7:55 - What Self Abandonment Looks Like in Real Life: A Case Study 9:21 - Dissociation: What It Actually Is and Why It Is Inseparable From Self Abandonment 10:42 - Brain Science: The Insula, Hippocampus, Amygdala, and Thalamus 14:35 - The Fawn Response and Sexual Fawning 18:17 - Self Attunement: The Opposite of Self Abandonment 21:06 - Rebuilding Interoception: Starting Small 27:19 - Emotional Neglect as the Root of Self Abandonment 29:13 - Parentification and the Template of Self Erasure 31:21 - Masking: Neurodivergence, Systemic Oppression, and Complex Trauma 36:19 - What Growth Has Actually Looked Like for Jennifer and Elisabeth 40:20 - Stress Bucket Dysmorphia and Learning Your Real Capacity

Resources and Links

NSI Foundations Bundle for coaches and practitioners: neurosomaticintelligence.com/foundations
Two week Rewire Trial of guided neuro somatic training: rewiretrial.com
Learn more about Jennifer's work at her YouTube channel: Sacred Synapse https://www.youtube.com/@sacredsynapse-23

Trauma Rewired podcast is intended to educate and inform but does not constitute medical, psychological or other professional advice or services. Always consult a qualified medical professional about your specific circumstances before making any decisions based on what you hear.

We share our experiences, explore trauma, physical reactions, mental health and disease. If you become distressed by our content, please stop listening and seek professional support when needed. Do not continue to listen if the conversations are having a negative impact on your health and well-being.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, or in mental health crisis and you are in the United States you can 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If someone's life is in danger, immediately call 911.

We do our best to stay current in research, but older episodes are always available. We don't warrant or guarantee that this podcast contains complete, accurate or up-to-date information. It's very important to talk to a medical professional about your individual needs, as we aren't responsible for any actions you take based on the information you hear in this podcast.

We invite guests onto the podcast. Please note that we don't verify the accuracy of their statements. Our organization does not endorse third-party content and the views of our guests do not necessarily represent the views of our organization.

We talk about general neuro-science and nervous system health, but you are unique. These are conversations for a wide audience. They are general recommendations and you are always advised to seek personal care for your unique outputs, trauma and needs.

We are not doctors or licensed medical professionals. We are certified neuro-somatic practitioners and nervous system health/embodiment coaches. We are not your doctor or medical professional and do not know you and your unique nervous system. This podcast is not a replacement for working with a professional.

The BrainBased.com site and Rewiretrail.com is a membership site for general nervous system health, somatic processing and stress processing. It is not a substitute for medical care or the appropriate solution for anyone in mental health crisis.

Any examples mentioned in this podcast are for illustration purposes only. If they are based on real events, names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

We've done our best to ensure our podcast respects the intellectual property rights of others, however if you have an issue with our content, please let us know by emailing us at traumarewired@gmail.com

All rights in our content are reserved

Why You Leave Yourself: The Complex Trauma Pattern of Self Abandonment