449: Trainwreck: Poop Cruise

Summary

True Crime Obsessed – Episode 449: Trainwreck: Poop Cruise (Aug 26, 2025)

Overview

In this spirited and irreverent episode, hosts Patrick Hinds and Gillian Pensavalle break down the Netflix documentary "Trainwreck: Poop Cruise." With their trademark blend of humor, sass, and heart, they tackle the infamous 2013 Carnival "Triumph" cruise disaster—better known as the “Poop Cruise”—where a fire at sea left 4,500 people stranded without power, toilets, or hope of rescue, resulting in chaos, makeshift tent cities, overflowing human waste, and a media frenzy. The episode deftly combines hilarious hot takes with sobering critiques of cruise industry failures and the terrifying realities of maritime law.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Do People Even Go on Cruises? (00:04–01:25)

• Gillian jokes about rooting for the ship, not the passengers:
  “Did anyone else, like, kind of start rooting for the ship at any point? Because these people are awful.” (A, 00:04)
• Both hosts are deeply cruise-skeptical: everything about cruises sounds nightmarish—crowds, lack of autonomy, chaos.

Meet the Main Characters: Passengers & Crew (04:39–06:11; 09:00–10:34)

• Devin: All about his fiancée’s father; oblivious, anxious, and oddly focused on not pooping in a bag.
• Larry & Rebecca: A likable father-daughter duo, on the cruise for post-divorce bonding.
• The "White Lotus" Bachelorettes (Kaylin, Ashley, Jamie): More interested in wild partying than safety, skipping briefings, and quickly intoxicated.
  “We put our luggage down and we went straight up to the bar. …I remember being like, we’re not going to need this information. What are the chances?” (Ashley, 09:36)
• Jen, Cruise Director: Upbeat “vacation Barbie” tasked with managing fun and disaster.
• Hannah, Bartender: Russian, there for the “fun”—and gives frank insight into staff escapades.

The Cruise Begins: High Spirits, Safety Briefings Ignored (10:34–11:54)

• Most passengers are there to party. Hosts highlight hubris: ignoring safety drills, mocking the “muster station” info.

Day at Sea, Catastrophe Strikes (15:25–23:34)

• After a wild stop in Cozumel, calamity erupts:
  “Day four begins with the last thing you want to hear after you’ve been drinking in the sun for three days: 5:28am, incessant beeping …Alpha team, alpha team, alpha team…” (A, 16:31)
• Fire in the engine room knocks out power, propulsion, and all amenities.
• Jen, cruise director:
  “Everything is completely under control. You have nothing to worry about. No need to go to your emergency station…” (Jen’s announcement, ~23:16)
• Within minutes, the truth is apparent—no power, no water, no working toilets, no air conditioning, no cell service.

The Collapse of Order: Poop Bags, Tent Cities, and Lasagna Toilets (25:37–56:42)

• Toilets stop working: Passengers told to urinate in showers and defecate in red “biohazard” bags, then leave them in hallways.

  “If you do need to do a number two, we ask that you please do it in the red bag and drop it off in the bin.” (Jen, 26:25)

• Revulsion and panic. People start taking Imodium to try to avoid the inevitable.
• Makeshift “tent cities” emerge on deck as heat and stench make cabins uninhabitable.
  “It was everyone for themselves. …stealing shit and ‘running back to their camps.’ I can’t breathe, this is incredibly scary.” (A, 42:14)
• Food runs out; people wait hours for meager, soggy sandwiches. Hoarding and Lord of the Flies dynamics take over.
• Lasagna toilets:
  “People were covering the poop with the toilet paper and then again pooping on top of it...It was like a lasagna.” (Chef, 53:50)
• Open bar decision: Inexplicably, Carnival opens the bar. Boozed-up passengers escalate the chaos; fights, public sex, and further filth ensue.

Media Frenzy & Maritime Law (34:29–63:11)

• CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin notes initial media skepticism—until the “poop cruise” visuals hit the wire.
• CNN (and the world) obsessed as news leaked out; Carnival’s PR tried to minimize the story.
• Enter Frank Spagnoletti, the cigar-chomping maritime lawyer, who exposes Carnival’s record of repeated generator fires and lack of meaningful safety plans.

  “There were nine incidents of faulty fuel lines while these vessels were at sea that were potentially causing fires on board...that’s called Russian roulette with people’s lives.” (Frank, 61:08)

• Maritime law segment: Cruise contracts strip passengers of basic rights; no guaranteed safety, food quality, or sanitation.
  "Carnival's attorneys say...the ticket contract makes absolutely no guarantee for safe passage, a seaworthy vessel, adequate and wholesome food, and sanitary and safe living conditions." (A, 62:38)
• Realities of jurisdiction: cruise ships fly the flag of countries with the weakest regulations, making legal recourse and investigations nearly impossible—especially for assault victims.

The End: What (Little) Was Done and Aftermath (63:15–66:44)

• Ship finally makes port in Mobile, Alabama after EIGHT days at sea (intended as a 3-day cruise).
• Reunion scenes with families, intense gratitude for the crew—but little corporate accountability.
• Carnival settles nearly all lawsuits; offers meager refund, $500, and a “free” future cruise.
  “After this incident, Carnival spent $115 million cleaning, repairing, and refitting the Triumph. Today she still sails under her new name, the Carnival Sunrise. According to TikTok, it still reeks.” (A, 64:15)
• Maritime law and exploitation remain unaddressed; hosts urge listeners to be “careful” and cautious around cruises.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Did anyone else, like, kind of start rooting for the ship at any point? Because these people are awful.” (A, 00:04)
• “We left our dignity in Cozumel.” (Ashley, 16:14)
• “If you do need to do a number two, what we’re going to do is deliver some red bags to all of the bathrooms on board…” (Jen, 26:25)
• “It was a layer after layer after layer. It was like a lasagna.” (Ship’s chef, 54:06)
• “Carnival’s attorneys say…the ticket contract makes absolutely no guarantee for safe passage, a seaworthy vessel, adequate and wholesome food, and sanitary and safe living conditions.” (A, 62:38)
• “After this incident, Carnival spent $115 million…Today she still sails under her new name, the Carnival Sunrise. According to TikTok, it still reeks.” (A, 64:15)
• “Just be careful. We love you.” (A, 67:11)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:04 – Opening banter; cruise skepticism
• 04:39–06:11; 09:00–10:34 – Introductions to the main passengers/crew
• 15:25–23:34 – The fire breaks out, cruise chaos begins
• 25:37–31:42 – Poop bags, panic, and why lifeboats weren't deployed
• 42:06–46:46 – Tent cities, survival mode, the descent into mayhem
• 53:40–56:42 – ‘Lasagna’ toilets, open bar disaster, scenes from the ‘tent cities’
• 34:29–35:32; 50:04–51:56 – Media coverage ramps up; CNN goes all-in
• 61:08 – Frank the maritime lawyer’s eye-opening stats on safety failures
• 62:38 – Shocking small print in cruise contracts; zero guarantee of anything
• 63:15–64:15 – Status of the ship post-disaster; Carnival’s upgrades and rebrand
• 65:00–66:44 – Maritime law and the bleak lack of regulation or passenger rights

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Tone, Highlights, and Listener Takeaways

• The hosts’ style is breezy, quick-witted, and unfiltered, veering from gross-out humor to genuine outrage at corporate negligence.
• The real villains: Carnival Corporation’s chronic under-preparedness and callous disregard for passenger safety.
• Despite the humor, the episode hammers home the dangers and lack of oversight for the cruise industry, especially around passenger safety and recourse.
• Listeners are left laughing—but also with a newfound wariness toward cruise vacations.

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Where Are They Now? (63:24–64:33)

• Ashley (Bride): Got married; used red poop bags in wedding gifts
• Devin: Still vacations with his father-in-law
• Larry & Rebecca: Still cruising—but never with Carnival
• The Ship: Triumph is now Carnival Sunrise (“still reeks,” according to TikTok)

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Final Thoughts

Trainwreck: Poop Cruise exposes not just the stomach-turning details of an infamous mishap at sea, but the larger, persistent issues of industry negligence and legal gray zones that haunt cruise culture to this day. With laughter, empathy, and side-eye, the hosts deliver both a wild ride and a timely warning: enjoy your vacation—but know what you’re signing up for.

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Key takeaway: If you cruise, “just be careful. We love you.” (A, 67:11)

Transcript

[A]

All right, question for the room.

[B]

Yeah, it's just you and me here.

[A]

The royal room. Whatever.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Did anyone else, like, kind of start rooting for the ship at any point? Because these people are awful.

[B]

I mean, look, fam, we're recording two cruise episodes today.

[A]

We're on the high seas all day.

[B]

Episode one of Amy Bradley. Just don't ever go on a cruise. Don't ever go on one.

[A]

Who are you talking to?

[B]

I know, I know, I know.

[A]

Everything about a cruise sounds like a nightmare. But at one point I was like, everyone's terrible.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Just follow directions for five seconds at the same time.

[B]

These people have a little bit of a leg to stand on.

[A]

Of course, Zillion dollar company is not. Is very ill prepared. But like, at one point I'm like, ladies, please.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Julia Madhavali.

[A]

Hi. Patrick Hines.

[B]

Do you want to go on a party barge cruise?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, I've. I've felt. And I know I'm not alone here. I felt very validated.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. I'm actually rethinking party barges and everything. Told you at all, girl. Tell them to join the Disney.

[A]

Please join the Discord. We have so much fun in there. I'm actually to reference things I learned about cruises. Like, I just asked. I was like, question for the Discord.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Can you help me out here? Because I don't really know what I'm talking about. And like, who's been on a cruise? I have questions for you.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

So, like, that. I tell everyone, like, what we're recording on the days, and also we're just hanging out there. All these different channels. There's like an AMA channel for when we do AMAs. You just like, throw your questions in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we're also like, like sharing photos and just having a grand old time.

[B]

Well, and also check out our YouTube fam. We're at almost 50,000 subscribers.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Our astro world.

[A]

Didn't we just start, like, yesterday?

[B]

We just started. Our astroworld video has 40,000 views. Y' all are showing up. Our YouTube is so fun. It's getting better and better and better. It's true. Crime obsessed podcast on the YouTube. Just go subscribe because I asked you to.

[A]

That's so. Wow.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Blown away, girl.

[B]

What are we talking about today?

[A]

Trainwreck Poop cruise on Netflix.

[B]

I want to tell you, I'm very grateful for the train wreck series. I've watched Almost all of them. I love them. I was thinking today, like, it's such a good idea of, like, none of these would warrant their own standalone, but make them part of a series at.

[A]

All for, like, an hour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The categories under this doc are riveting.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Documentary.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Media circuit. Yes. Netflix. You know what you're doing?

[B]

More than 4,000 people are stuck on a cruise ship that is dead in the water. That's when all of us were like, what the.

[A]

When power goes, that's it. Everything's out.

[B]

It was immediately crisis mode.

[A]

The toilets weren't working. Well, we can do a number one in the shower.

[B]

And then, I'm telling you, it got bad fast.

[A]

I would never expect having to poop in a red bag. Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

[B]

Suddenly, everyone's out for themselves.

[A]

You could hear the panic. We were starting to smell urine. Oh, my God. It was terrifying. We had camera people cruise on boats.

[B]

A helicopter up in the air. Bikes broke out.

[A]

Oh, the ship is on fire.

[B]

What the is happening on this cruise ship poop cruise. I remember this like it was yesterday.

[A]

Like, I don't. I don't like that I can't leave, you know, I have, however, been served. I've talked about this. Serve videos of peer runners. Like, people who for some reason, are.

[B]

Late to the cruise and only because we're friends. I get them too. They throw themselves on the ground. They're wailing and weeping.

[A]

Well, they get hammered at the port, and they're not there an hour before like they should be. And they're like, some of them are running with their pina colada. I know.

[B]

They like. They have the senior frogs hats on.

[A]

And some people are furious. Like, sweetheart, this did not just happen to you.

[B]

Can I take one second and tell you about my senior frogs experience?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It feels apropos. We were in Mexico with Steve's family, and I was like, there was a senior frogs. I really.

[A]

Is it senor frogs?

[B]

Yeah, you're right. Senor frogs.

[A]

I was like, senor frogs.

[B]

Not senor frogs. It's senor frogs.

[A]

I thought you were saying senior, like, the last year and. Or a senior citizen.

[B]

Senor frogs.

[A]

Senor frogs. Okay.

[B]

We had the most amazing time. The. The staff. I didn't know this. They make balloon animals for you. They came over and they. We ordered guacamole. They had Daisy get up and make it tableside. Dais made the guacamole.

[A]

So it's like a kids restaurant now because it used to be like, a college joint.

[B]

They. They do, like, Family stuff. Maybe because it was, like, in, like, Puerto Vallarta or whatever, which. I can't say. Puerto Vallarta.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They put signs over our heads and then made us all take pictures. It was the funnest day on the entire trip. Chuck e. Cheese now 1 million percent.

[A]

Wow. I love guac. I just love it.

[B]

I love guac, too. Especially when made by Daisy Judith Tiffany.

[A]

I was gonna say my dad makes the best guac in the world. I can't say otherwise, but I love a, like, tableside guac. Okay.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

I. All right, Devin. Devin's in cabin 7202.

[B]

Devin is the cutest boy. He's got great hair, glasses. That face is really working for me.

[A]

Devin is obsessed with his fiance's father. It's a lot. One could say too much. It's all we hear about.

[B]

Well, because he gets the dream phone call. The first time that I heard about going on a cruise was a simple phone call from my fiance saying, hey, my family's going on a cruise. Let's do it together. Everything's taken care of. And it was an easy yes. He's excited but scared.

[A]

Well, it's all expenses paid. So he goes, it's an easy yes. Like, his fiance calls. We never get her name. We don't know anything about her. All about Devin and his relationship with her father.

[B]

And they're still married. I learned later, but I was like, she's nowhere to be seen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, where is.

[A]

She's very happy to talk about this.

[B]

Yeah. And so we learned about the itinerary for this cruise. Two days at sea, a stop in Cozumel, Mexico. One day back to Galveston. It's going to be great. I was like, that's a really fast cruise.

[A]

It's.

[B]

The family was not investing a lot of time in Devon.

[A]

You know what I mean? I mean, it's. If it's. It's their first time visit. Here's the people I like. Larry and Rebecca. They're a father daughter duo.

[B]

They're the only ones you like.

[A]

You don't like sane people here.

[B]

You don't like the White Lotus girls.

[A]

No, they're not. They don't even like each other.

[B]

And the. And the. And the bridezilla didn't even get her own room. We'll get to it.

[A]

No, so. But I'm the one. Whatever. We'll get there. So they're the only sane people here. Larry recently divorced Becca's mother, and it was, like, a really difficult time. So this is about their father Daughter. Quality time. They're both very excited. It was very sweet to hear.

[B]

Did you write down their cabin number?

[A]

No, I stopped doing that.

[B]

Eight two one five.

[A]

Okay, great. Like Netflix. Like, why?

[B]

Well, it only becomes important when we get to the White Lotus ladies because we find out they're on a bachelorette cruise and the actual bachelorette had to share a room.

[A]

Yeah, like, please. We see a lot of passenger videos in the stock before, during and after the literal shitstorm.

[B]

I gotta tell you, like, we are in that age of documentaries now where everyone's recording everything on their phones and we get a lot of. I love it. I'm kind of into it. Yeah. Especially Devin. Devin's a big phone nerd.

[A]

Oh, my God. So this is the Carnival Triumph. It is enormous. We hear this is like a building. You walk in, there's a massive grand lobby, this big spiral staircase, a huge chandelier.

[B]

Ship of Dreams. I'm singing Titanic.

[A]

All I heard was they called it the ship of Dreams. And it was. It really was.

[B]

I know, but it really. It's funny because we live in New York City, so if you're ever driving down the west side highway, sometimes you go past the ship terminal, like the cruise terminal, and you see how big they are. Like. Yeah, they are bigger than most skyscrapers in New York City.

[A]

And that's what they say. It's like a building on its side.

[B]

That's true. How do they stay afloat? Is it. Is it the underwater ferries that hold.

[A]

Them up at the propellers? I have no idea.

[B]

Propellers.

[A]

Asking me about a ship, they do.

[B]

Like Styrofoam tape to the bottom. That's how. That's true.

[A]

Travel down the road.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

So, look, the whole deal is that inside function, you can test over 160 biomarkers, you can look at your levels, and then you can actually do stuff about it if you need to. So this week we're talking about copper, ferritin and iron. So most people think that if you have low iron, you'll take a supplement and it's no big deal.

[A]

Yeah, but having low iron might not be the issue. And supplementation could actually backfire.

[B]

Yes. Iron plays several essential roles, fam. It's part of hemoglobin, which carries oxygen to the blood. We're talking science, people. And it supports both energy production and immune function. For me, the energy part is the biggest thing.

[A]

But here's the thing. In order to be absorbed, transported, and stored properly, iron relies on ferritin and copper. Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you what ferritin is, because I bet you don't know. Ferritin is your iron storage protein. Think of it like a bank, fam.

[A]

Yeah. So low ferritin means the body's reserves are running low and high. Ferritin can reflect iron overload or other stress in the body, since ferritin also rises during illness or inflammation.

[B]

Stick with us, fam. Copper, on the other hand, is essential for mobilizing iron from storage. So without enough copper, iron can get stuck in your tissues, unable to be used, fam. I use this. And you should, too. It is an amazing thing to get to check all of this out in your function DAP160 biomarker.

[A]

Every time it shocks me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My God. So learn more and join using our link visit www.functionhealth.com TCO I know all.

[B]

About my iron levels. Do you?

[A]

Oh, wow. Kaylin, Ashley and Jamie are the bachelorette party. They are not friends anymore.

[B]

You can tell we're at the White Lotus Ladies now. Kaylin is not the one getting married. She is staying in cabin seven.

[A]

98 would be me. She gets her own room.

[B]

Gets her own room. Ashley, who is getting married, got a room with jamie in room 2330.

[A]

Well, it's funny. They make a point to say, we all decided. In other words, like, this is no one's fault. We made this choice as a group to come on this cruise.

[B]

You're right. They. They aren't sitting particularly close to each other.

[A]

Netflix definitely does them dirty with the edits. We'll get to it. I have a couple of notes on that.

[B]

I could not stop thinking about the ladies from the White Lotus.

[A]

Yeah, all they want to do is party and party hard. They just want to get hammered. We put our luggage down and we went straight up to the bar. We were supposed to go to some kind of safety briefing, but I remember being like, we're not going to need this information. Like, what are the chances? We need to remember a muster station. Right? We wanted to get the party started. They skipped the safety briefing, which was.

[B]

Like, okay, tell me. I know that you're not a plane person and maybe this is different for you, but, like, when I'm on a Plane. And they start to do the safety briefing on the airplane. As soon as. That's right. When my headphones go into.

[A]

My eyes go close, it actually makes me incredibly anxious to listen to that. So that's different. But I'm on a plane. Yeah. Like, I feel like if you're on a ship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which they all call a boat, by the way.

[B]

It's a party bar. It really is a. It's a large party bar.

[A]

It is my nightmare.

[B]

But my thing is, like, they don't go to the. They're like, we don't need to know where our muster station is.

[A]

What is a muster station?

[B]

I'm kind of with you, Kayla, whatever the hell your name is. Like, I kind of would be the same. I would be like, we're not going to need to know.

[A]

A muster station is. I googled the official term as meeting points for passengers during an emergency. I just like to know where to go.

[B]

Let me. Well, I totally get that Steve would go. But let me ask you this. On a. On a cruise like this, what percentage of people go to the safety briefing?

[A]

Oh, probably not that many.

[B]

Percent, 10%.

[A]

I don't know. Like, not.

[B]

Who's, like, leading the safety briefing. He's like, thank you for the eight of you who showed up. Here's a drink ticket.

[A]

Like, have it in a pamphlet in the room. At least I'm sure they.

[B]

Hundred percent. Yeah.

[A]

So day one, they, like, honk the big horn. It's the start of something amazing. Everyone thinks also, everything about this is my nightmare. They just keep talking about. About how enormous the ship is, but it looks like everybody is on top of each other.

[B]

Yeah. When they're like, oh, here we are.

[A]

At the pool deck. It is packed. 700 million people is standing on top of each other within an inch of their lives. I was like, this. A regular cruise is my poo cruise.

[B]

Can I go on a record and say I'm going to go on a gay cruise at some point?

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

I just decided I'm going to do it. But you know what? In honor of this episode, I will go to the safety briefing. I'll get social media out of it, but I will go.

[A]

Well, the safety meeting was bullshit.

[B]

I know.

[A]

As we learned.

[B]

So you think I'm going to remember my way to my muster station and an emerg. Mustard station. Now, I love a mustard. Like if there was a mustard station with Grey Poupon, some yellow. Not yellow, but I really like the CD mustard. Give me a mustard station.

[A]

Well, maybe they do at the buffet, a full on condiment station. Hook me up.

[B]

Devin is so excited to sit. He wants to grab a drink and sit. I get it. Devin, I hear you. Grab it again.

[A]

That's what we're all here for, right?

[B]

Like 100%.

[A]

Whatever. Jen, the cruise director.

[B]

Jen was the voice of the triumph.

[A]

Jen. Jen. She's vacation Barbie. I loved my job. I absolutely loved every aspect of it. I genuinely really like the passengers. I've always said this. People are just there to have a really nice holiday and you're there just to facilitate that and help them out to do it.

[B]

I definitely missed an opportunity to be a cruise director. We are going to meet a son of a bitch of a cruise director in the Amy Bradley documentary. One of the worst people I think we've ever covered. But I think I would have been really fun. I think I would have been out there leading the electric slide at ymca.

[A]

Her whole job is to make sure everyone has a good time. So like that includes also though, navigating all the behind the scenes drama so that the guests never have to hear about it. Like solving problems before they really become problems. So that everyone can just like do the Macarena.

[B]

See, that's the part I wouldn't have been great at. You know what I mean?

[A]

As you were saying it, I was like, well, it's not just the fun.

[B]

Part, but see, I never knew that until just now. I'm like, I've got to like run the emergency. Like, aren't there security people?

[A]

She has to run the emergency. But she says the ship is very much two worlds. So she has to know what's going on behind the scenes so that she can.

[B]

It was very gilded age. There's the above the stairs and the down the stairs.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? I totally. They're speaking my language with this.

[A]

Right.

[B]

By the way, I also. There was a time when I was younger, I definitely wanted to be like, I wanted to work on a cruise ship, like be a bartender, work in the kitchen. They're like, you got to work 70 hours a week. I'm like, that's right up my alley. I would have, I, I would have loved to have like seen the world that way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I, like In my early 20s.

[A]

I got to tell you, I talked to a lot of people on the Hamilcast who have like, their first gigs were cruises.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And some people are like, not for me. Some people absolutely loved it. They had a great experience. They saw the world, they went everywhere.

[B]

They were like as well.

[A]

Yeah. For Them. But sometimes people did not have good experiences and they weren't treated well and they weren't paid well.

[B]

And it depends on the company. I've had a lot of friends who work for cruise line, like, actors who work for cruise lines. And it totally depends on the company.

[A]

But some people really do see it as, like, yeah, it's great. Like, for two years, you just get to kind of do, you know, correct.

[B]

Me if I'm wrong, but, like, the singers are, like, treated better than the dancers. Like, there's like, a hierarchy.

[A]

It really depends. I've learned it depends on the cruise line.

[B]

Yeah. But they also do have their own, like, staff bars and stuff.

[A]

It depends on the cruise line, and I think it depends on where you're going as well and how long you're there and what the situation is. So Hannah, the bartender.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Is here to get laid. God bless her, who's from the Soviet Union, and she wants everyone to know.

[B]

I think it's amazing that she is pointing out, like, I just spent a couple days at Disney World. There is nothing to me more American in the entire world than, like, a theme park, except for maybe a cruise ship. Like, as a. As a resident of the Soviet Union. She's like, they wanted me to come and be all hee Haw, and I was happy to do it. It was so American. What the hell is this?

[A]

Yeah. And she says, like, you know, and we. Hubby, the chef, he's like, I wasn't used to working this hard. Like, it was really tough. Like, and it is. It's a lot. It's a super demanding gig. Everyone is saying the same thing, though. They worked hard and they played hard. It was a tough gig, but they all had a great time. And the sex.

[B]

Hannah is here to give us 10 minutes of, oh, damn.

[A]

There's so much fun on the cruise ship when you are a crew. There is lots of sex on the cruise ship. Like, damn, so much sex. You don't want to know. Like, everything is hard and fun.

[B]

Everything is hard and fun.

[A]

Hannah is having a grand old time. Good for her.

[B]

You go get yours, Hannah. I'm obsessed.

[A]

Day three, they get to Cozumel, Mexico. Everyone's ready to party. It was perfect. It was amazing. Everyone is happy. Everyone is drinking a lot. Everyone is eating a lot of Mexican food. We hear we stuffed our faces. To which I say, oh, no.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Jamie, one of the White Lotus ladies, drank so much that she doesn't remember getting back to the ship.

[A]

The bachelorettes are blackout John, she's like.

[B]

I could have walked. I could have been carried. I have no idea. Jamie.

[A]

Today the bride is not amused. So either I know she was very annoyed at the time and we're not hearing the full story, or she's getting herself ready to talk about what we all came to discuss. Because to quote Margot Robbie and I, Tonya, I mean, that's what you all came here, folks. The fucking incident.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Either she's like, oh, God. Because right after we got blackout drunk, this horrible thing happened, or she's annoyed at the fact that she had to carry her friend at noon from Cosmo back in the. To the ship.

[B]

Ashley says, we left our dignity in Cozumel.

[A]

Well, you guys, because like everyone pours themselves back on the ship from a full day in Mexico. Like sun, booze, food.

[B]

And this is like when it's a two or three day cruise. I guess that's the point. Like you just go and get as drunk as you can for one day.

[A]

So day four begins with the last thing you want to hear after you've been drinking in the sun for three days. 5:28am Incessant beeping at 5:28am followed by Alpha team, Alpha team, Alpha team. And it made me think of the Milli Vanilli behind the music. This is a. But when they talk about how they got caught on stage. Girl, you know it's. Girl, you know it's. Girl, you know it's 80,000 people. Girl, you know it's. Girl, you know it's. That is like such a. What do they call it? Like a vocal stim that Ashley and I have been doing for years.

[B]

This made me think of Tina Fey's book because she was on a cruise and. Cause her husband also does not fly because he doesn't fly. And they were desperate to go on a cruise, like on some kind of vacation. And so they. In her book, it is terrible. She's like, we woke up to the loudspeaker going, bravo, bravo, bravo. And her friend was like, like later was like, how many times did they say it? She said three times. She's like, that means this, the ship is sinking. Like that. Like, like, this is bad.

[A]

But it didn't.

[B]

It didn't. But it was. And it was like they like it. Like, they didn't know how bad it was until later. But like when she was telling her friend after the fact, her friend who works on cruise ships, they were like, you said ocean. Yeah. Like, really bad.

[A]

Oh my God. But the girls are like, someone needs to turn that off right now. They are way too hungover for this shit. 5:28am Hannah was not in her own cabin.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Hannah. I'm. I was in this guy's cabin who works in the engineering room, and I see him jumping off bed, putting on his overall. I was like, okay, something is going on.

[B]

Hannah's like, shit's going down.

[A]

And now suddenly there is smoke coming up out of the sink drain in the kitchen.

[B]

That is insane.

[A]

It's like, it's bad immediately, right? So Jen, the cruise director, goes up to the main part of the ship.

[B]

And you don't want to say the.

[A]

Bridge chaos down here. Tom, is it the bridge?

[B]

I thought you were just expl. She calls it the bridge. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, whatever. But she's like, yeah, it's not good. People were on phones and radios and the walkie talkies. Like, alarms are going off. Like, it's bad instantly.

[B]

And I was like, when you're like, the person whose job is adjacent to all the really important people on the ship and you see that going down and you're like, I'm now in charge of these 2500 people.

[A]

It's 4500.

[B]

Oh, my God, it's 4500. You know what they all have to do? Poop. Yeah, they all got to poop.

[A]

Like, it's true. Everybody poops. There was a bull about it. They're like, this is our Titanic. This is it. We're going down. Jamie, the Bachelorette, who didn't think they needed to know. The information goes, where is our muster station? And that's when Netflix does one of those dirty edits because all of the ladies look, like, confused. But, you know, they took this from another point in the interview and they just did it to do them a little dirty because they all. They make them look kind of ditzy in this moment. Like, where's our muster station?

[B]

But, like, nobody went to the security briefing. I'll just never believe that 4,000 people were like, sign me up for the security brief.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It never happens.

[A]

Stephen is the guest services manager. He's listening to the ship's radio and he's like, no amount of training can prepare you for what's to happen. And then he drops this bomb. Maybe I shouldn't even say this, but I actually can't swim.

[B]

I don't know how to swim now.

[A]

At first I was like, oh, good. Like, sarcasm. But then I thought, well, it shouldn't matter. Like, safety precautions should be in place so that no one is actually Swimming in the open water.

[B]

Like flight attendants don't know how to fly planes. You know what I mean?

[A]

It shouldn't matter.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Not matter.

[B]

Right? Yeah.

[A]

So we get to the lido deck, I guess where maybe some of them do.

[B]

I'm not speaking for a flight attendant.

[A]

Like, fine. But like, whatever. The point is that this. I looked it up. It's a $40 billion company carnival. They should have been prepared.

[B]

Oh, well, when we learn like the shenanigans that's been going on for years and years, it's insane.

[A]

So the lido deck is where all the fun is supposed to happen. The first thing I remember seeing, it's like etched in my brain is seeing the big red thin. There were flames just shooting out of it. And that's really when I woke up and was like, oh, oh, oh shit. The ship is on fire. It's on fire.

[B]

I mean, Ashley. The bride goes up and like, and we see video. And I remember seeing this video, like later in real time, that big red tail of the carnival cruise ship is on fire.

[A]

That'll sober you up real quick.

[B]

Real quick.

[A]

Travel down, girl.

[B]

Goodles is back. Let me tell you, Mac and cheese is one of our top picks for comfort food. Daisy has it every single Monday night. It is her favorite food. And Goodles is now how we do it.

[A]

I love Goodles. I. I really do. So they have like the cups. The Goodles cups are a game changer. Like sometimes I'm just like, oh, I'm really hungry. Oh, good old, like, oh, perfect.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They're on the microwave.

[B]

And let me tell you, every serving of good old Mac and cheese has 14 grams of protein, 7 grams of fiber with prebiotics and 21 vitamins and minerals from real plant sources. We used to make that like box Mac and cheese you would just buy at the store. Not anymore. We are giving our kid the good stuff.

[A]

And they have cute names. So the cups are Cheddimac and Shella Good. Are you serious?

[B]

Look, it's a low glycemic index food, which means it provides steady energy instead of a carb crystal crash. And like Daisy can eat the whole box.

[A]

Yeah, it's kosher. It's clean. Label purity award certified. They have a ton of flavors. They have vegan options, they have gluten free options.

[B]

And like you don't have to have a kid, but if you do, you know how big a deal Mac and cheese is. Goodles is this stuff.

[A]

I am here to tell all you child free people, look, Mac and cheese Is life.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Is life for me. I love it.

[B]

So fam, trust us. You need some good old Mac and cheese in your life.

[A]

Pick up Goodles on your, your next shopping trip. It's available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.

[B]

And don't forget the new single serve cups. GP was just talking about my fave. I could eat 10. I mean, I know, but I could eat 10.

[A]

But, but, but 11. So no one really knows what's happening. Not even cruise director Jen.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So whatever is happening is not good though because it's a fire and people are trapped on a ship.

[B]

Yeah. And she's told that there was a fire in one of the six diesel generators and she's like, great, we got five more. We're going to be fine.

[A]

Well, isn't it. I don't, I'm really asking, like, yeah. Is it not a miracle that the ship didn't explode like that? There's a fire in the generator room.

[B]

I know. I mean, am I not smoke on airplanes? You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, I don't know. I can't believe I know that that didn't happen. But maybe I just, I mean I've never been in a.

[B]

Can you imagine a catastrophe like that? Like, like a ship like with 4,000 people on it going down.

[A]

I mean it must have, they must not be able to like there must be those kind of safety precautions. But when I heard like, oh, oh, there's been a fire in one of the six diesel generators, but it's out now. And I'm like, that sounds like that could get really become an explosion.

[B]

Right. I agree. I know, I absolutely agree.

[A]

But maybe, I don't know anything. But it's 6:14am, cruise director Jen's first announcement to the guests, which we hear, by the way.

[B]

We hear like the actual announcement she made.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know if she recreated it.

[A]

I don't know. They play it for the people and it brings them right back. But Jen is like, everything is completely under control. You have nothing to worry about. No need to go to your emergency station. Like, everyone go back to your amazing vacation. Nothing to see here.

[B]

6:30Am, I've been up for two hours. I've already been to the gym. I'm having my fifth cup of coffee. This sounds great, Jen. Let's meet for a mimosa.

[A]

Crisis averted. Let's party. Minutes later, the power goes out. It's like darkness. What the hell's going on? Then we audibly heard the AC cut out. When power goes, that's it, everything's out. You know, from the little things like making a cup of tea or a coffee or slice of toast, to the whole propulsion of the ship, all the electricity. And there is no cell service.

[B]

Cute. Devin had just ordered his creme caramel and I was like, girl, no, this is not gonna go good for you.

[A]

Jen and her British self. You couldn't even make tea and toast. Jen, come on, not now. Like, not now.

[B]

I know. Not now, Jen. We need you, Jennifer. We need you right now, Jen.

[A]

Then she goes, technically we're all just floating dead in the water, Jennifer. All right, but now I'm a passenger. Let's just say I'm a passenger, which I never would be, but if I was. Now I don't trust anything I'm being told because Jen just said everything was fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And two seconds later everything is shut off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So now I'm like, fuck everything. Like now. Like, what is the truth now? I don't believe a word anybody says.

[B]

Well, and beyond that, Ashley, the bridezilla who had to share a room, she is trying to call her fiance. They all quickly realize cellular service is out too. Everything's gone. Yeah.

[A]

So Jen, the cruise director is like, well, to be fair, like, this happens from time to time. The power will go out, everything gets overheated. Like, yeah, just to cool off. There was just a fire, normal fire.

[B]

In the engine room in the middle of the Ocean on our $14 billion cruise ship.

[A]

We'll be good in like an hour. She says, okay, you know what?

[B]

Tea and toast in one hour on me, says Jen.

[A]

I don't believe a word you say.

[B]

I know.

[A]

7:57Am it's been two and a half hours. This all started at 5:30.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Somebody realizes that the toilets aren't working.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Because the toilets need electricity, so they weren't going to flush. And I'm like, how is not the first thing you thought about?

[B]

I know. It would have been the first thing I thought about again.

[A]

Good reminder to let you know that there are 4,500 people on the ship.

[B]

Guests and crew, who all have bellies full of Mexican food from the day before.

[A]

Been, quote, stuffing their faces and booze.

[B]

Does booze make you poop?

[A]

I'm just saying there's like a lot happening, like internally. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the plan is, I guess, to either pee overboard or in the shower.

[B]

But the women can't because we get animation of women sitting on the railings and falling off to their death.

[A]

Like, Jen, what are we doing here?

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

But over the speaker, Jen tells everyone, like, everyone's in kindergarten. So, folks, you do need to do a number one. Everybody, you can do it in the shower. And if you do need to do a number two, what we're going to do is we're going to deliver some red bags to all of the bathrooms on board. And if you do need to do a number two, two, we ask that you please do it in the red bag and drop it off in the bin. Go quote number two in the red plastic bags provided, and then leave your bag in the hallway and it will be picked up and disposed of properly.

[B]

Can you imagine?

[A]

My first thought was, what about if you're on your period? Which would be a nightmare on vacation anyway. I literally plan around it.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

What's the plan for that?

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

What's the plan for that? Vomit. What's the plan?

[B]

But also, pooping in a bat. Like, look, here's my question. This is the first time I have this note. Shouldn't there be enough lifeboats on this boat for everybody?

[A]

I can't believe.

[B]

Why are we not getting into lifeboats?

[A]

I don't understand. I don't understand the lack of. I don't understand how, like, we will. I don't understand.

[B]

Right. But, like, at no point does anybody even suggest we don't hear that.

[A]

I think maybe we hear one time once.

[B]

One time. When the. When the. When the fucking straight guys are throwing their poop bags into them.

[A]

Like, what then? What's the point?

[B]

I know. Why have lifeboats? Isn't this exactly what they're like?

[A]

Everyone is horrified about the red bags. Everyone is like a cartoon horrified. As soon as I saw the red bags, I was like, oh, no. Oh, no, no.

[B]

I was like, red bag. No way. Not happening.

[A]

I immediately started taking Imodium. Everyone's popping Imodium and hoping for the best. I understand. And Jen's like, I.

[B]

That will be a chapter title in my next book.

[A]

Jen's like, I don't like to use the word hero, but it was a genius plan.

[B]

Now the thing it is, I think it's less about the indignity of pooping into a bag and more like, what's going to become of that bag?

[A]

But my thing is this. Is the bag situation ideal? Of course not. Is it the worst option in the world? Of course not.

[B]

Yeah, everyone, what is the worst option?

[A]

Like, I don't know. It's all horrible to me. Being on a cruise, walking onto a cruise.

[B]

Why do they also have more than 4,000 of these red bags?

[A]

I don't know what they're for, but they have them. And it's like, well, we're fudgeing here now.

[B]

I.

[A]

And so everyone's acting like, well, I'm like, okay, so I know. I know sucks, but this is what we're doing. And we're like, this is one of.

[B]

Those moments that teaches you who you are. You are a very pragmatic person. You would hate it, but you would do it.

[A]

I would be like, this is the worst thing ever. But like, I'm thinking. I'm like, okay, I guess you just line the toilet. But, like, it's. It sucks. Well, it's humiliating. I understand. No one wants to do it.

[B]

And it makes me have a conversation with God, our body. We shouldn't have to do that.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I. Nobody should have any shame in pooping. Everybody poops. But, like, at the same time, we shouldn't have to.

[A]

But they're talking about it like, Jen is making them do it in front of everybody on the fucking Lito deck and it's being live broadcast to the rest of the world. Like, I know it's a shitty. Literally shitty situation, but, like, what else is there? I know the way they are actively refusing to do. I'm like, everyone here who refused is part of the problem.

[B]

100%.

[A]

I don't understand.

[B]

And there's only so much emotion, and eventually your body's going to revolt, right?

[A]

Like, it's not good. No, Like, I just don't understand.

[B]

It really just is a question. A question of, like, it's not sanitary. You can't wash your hands. Like, it's. It's pretty gross.

[A]

But to act like it under no circum. Like, like, above it. It's like, you're. We're all. This is an even playing field now. Everyone. Everyone is true. Like, you can't, like, pull that.

[B]

Pooping in a bag is the great equalizer.

[A]

It doesn't matter if you're in the presidential suite or not. Like, it doesn't matter if you have the best room. Everyone is equal now.

[B]

Jen does call herself a genius in this moment.

[A]

Yeah. She's like, I don't like to use the word here.

[B]

Devin. Of all of our people here, Devin is the most committed to not having to use a red bag. Very committed.

[A]

I think it's weird.

[B]

I know he doesn't want to.

[A]

It's like, devin, that's not the flex you think it is, bro.

[B]

He also makes it sound because his whole thing is, I don't want to have to do this in front of my father in law. No.

[A]

You know that I'm telling you to this obsession with it. You know that.

[B]

I know.

[A]

His daughter's also going to be your wife who you have to acknowledge and care for as well.

[B]

Uh huh. Uh huh.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

Like, Devin is really, really opposed to pooping. He really doesn't want to do it.

[A]

Devin. It's like Devin's focusing on the wrong kind of.

[B]

And he wants to document his journey. We get the most footage from him.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

I know. How's that creme caramel sitting though? Devin?

[A]

I'm really curious.

[B]

Not great.

[A]

So it's 10:31am Five hours into this.

[B]

At that point in time, we needed to let Carnival head office know what was happening on board. Fortunately, we had a satellite phone that worked. And it became my responsibility to keep that communication going with Shoreside.

[A]

They finally call corporate to let them.

[B]

Know, Shawn, who came? You can't swim.

[A]

Like, why did they wait so long?

[B]

I know if I'm Sean, I'm a little nervous at this point. I am a little nervous that I might need to know how to swim at some point, you know?

[A]

So we meet Buck Banks. Buck Banks is his real name and he is in fact not a super rich oil tycoon trying to bulldoze the new theater that the Muppets are trying to build in the town. Buck Banks.

[B]

Yep, that's exactly right.

[A]

Buck Banks is the guy that like Willem Dafoe plays in the Muppet Movie as the one human as the main guy who's trying to bulldoze the community theater for the money they have to raise for the surgery or whatever.

[B]

Because he's going to build his bank. Bucks Bank.

[A]

He's not trying to destroy the Muppets. He's just the Carnival PR representative who at this point might be.

[B]

We don't know. I mean, he's. He's saying all the things you say. He's like, we're immediately in crisis mode. Like you. He says, you have to remember a cruise ship is the biggest machine on the planet. I never thought about it like that.

[A]

Well, he says, like, because he's the PR guy, right? He's like, well, technically we only have to give the press what we absolutely have to, which is the propellers aren't working. Like everything. It's totally fine. Nothing to see here. Nothing. The toilets.

[B]

And they're in the unique situation of like, nobody on the boat can communicate with the outside world. So they're not in fear of anybody calling the New York Times. Right so far.

[A]

Travel down, girl.

[B]

Quince is back. Summer is winding down, girl. It's time to refresh that wardrobe.

[A]

Yeah. Here's something that I love. I use it all year round. And I went out last night. The compliments were flowing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

My nylon cross body bag.

[B]

Somebody came to one of my shows with a sign that said thanks. It's from Quince. I posted it in the group.

[A]

That was me last night. Seriously, move over. Thanks. It has pockets.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Just hold it up.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Baldwin.

[B]

Please, please.

[A]

Former CNN anchor She's like, I don't think so. Okay. I'm thinking we're fucking cnn.

[B]

We've got the State of the Union, Iraq, Pyongyang, Vatican.

[A]

The pope resigning is a story. Okay, so there's easily eye rolls over a Cruz story.

[B]

At first I don't think so.

[A]

We're way too serious. And totally above all of this. Hey, cnn, why don't you fact check a presidential debate before you start lecturing me about how you're above this? Because Here are some CNN.com headlines from the week before the poop cruise that they're above.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why secretary is still the top job for women.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Four rules for teaching your son to keep house. Why husbands who share household chores miss out on sex. Which US City has the best airport? Happy bowl Sunday. Survival of the cutest. Now that I'm not mad about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think the point has been made. You're not above anything. Yeah. Don't try to sit here and be like, we're not talking about poop. You can't wait to talk about poop.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You will eventually make yourselves a 24 hour poop cruise channel. But I resented the like, we're above this. Could you fact check a presidential debate? It would really mean a lot to me.

[B]

But while we're on the subject, having been to most of them this year, I'm going with Charlotte. Great airport. Really easy cruise right through tsa. It's a. It's a really nice airport. Charlotte, you nailed it. Yeah.

[A]

It's not too big.

[B]

No. And you know where else actually? Orlando. Great Fudgeing Airport.

[A]

Well, they have to be. And an incredibly busy airport.

[B]

You know, the worst airport in the country. I'm sorry, this is. Has. No, it's not a reflection on the people.

[A]

Denver.

[B]

No, Denver's okay. It's really, really big.

[A]

What's the One that they're a ton of lines.

[B]

Oh, it's Atlanta. Oh, you and I were in line in Denver.

[A]

It was pretty bad and like notoriously bad.

[B]

It. But Atlanta in my, in my estimation is the worst airport. It is the busiest airport. It is the busiest airport on the planet. It is awful. I've only ever had terrible experiences at the Atlantic. It's really bad. But Orlando and Charlotte, you're nailing it. Also, Logan sucks. But Boston, I love you.

[A]

Okay, well, point is, yeah, CNN is not above anything.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

But we meet Mary, who's Rebecca's mom. The father daughter duo.

[B]

This poor woman, like she's learning from her friend. Hey, Mary, did you hear about this poop cruise that's like adrift at sea, no energy, no electricity and no Internet. And like she's like, my fucking kid is on that show.

[A]

I know. Can you imagine? It's horrible. So 12:09pm, high noon, the bachelorette ladies have to pee. Now this is where I was like, oh, I know everyone thought we were going to have fun today, but I'm going to bring the room down because they all go together because it's dark inside the ship and they're scared and they want a buddy system. Very smart. Right. But this is when I'm like, oh, where the locks not working on the rooms either because it's all electric. Like that's really unsafe and scary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think there was probably. I'm guessing and maybe I'm wrong. I hope I am. A lot of assaults and a lot of sexual assaults that we're not hearing about. I will get into how terrifying maritime law is at the end of this.

[B]

Yeah, but like, oh, and we learn all about it. Namey Bradley.

[A]

Right. But like, I just want to say that made me go like, oh, no. Yeah, it's dark. Yeah, rooms are just a fucking free for all. Like that really, really scared me.

[B]

Yeah, that's really terrible. And the other thing that happens here that made me go, wait, what? In order to have any light to go find a bathroom.

[A]

And then one of the other guests on the boat was like, this is what you need to do. So we had taken the beacon out of the life jacket. He told us to pour like soda on it so it gets wet and starts to light up. And so the whole time you have like this discotheque going on while you're.

[B]

Doing it, they're taking the beacons off the life jackets and pouring water on them to make them flash. And I was like, you guys, you might need that. It makes Sense like you need light. Absolutely. That's the most important thing right now. But then I was like, if this ship goes down, you need those beacons.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's all. How did it get to this point?

[A]

It's a $40 billion corporation and there's no plan in place.

[B]

It feels like it's just like, I really don't understand how we're not all on the lifeboats. I really don't understand how we're not sending an. And we'll get to it eventually. But why we're not sending an empty fudgeing cruise ship out there to get all these people off. I understand that it would be inconven and it would take a long time.

[A]

Cost money and cost money.

[B]

But go fudgeing. Do it.

[A]

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. So now the fire destroyed all of the power cables, so there's no chance that the power is coming back on. Like zero.

[B]

And it took them like hours and hours to figure it out because they had to wait for the engine room to cool before anybody could even go in there.

[A]

So the new plan is that they're going to get, quote, tugged back to Mexico.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The closest port.

[B]

And like this is supposed to happen by tomorrow. It's like late in the day now. They're going to be back in Mexico by tomorrow. And Devin, by the way, is like, I can make it. I don't have to poop in a bag. I can do this.

[A]

Cool. Do you want a fudgeing metal, Devin?

[B]

Like, I know, I know.

[A]

What do you want exactly?

[B]

He wants to not poop in front of his father in law.

[A]

Then don't.

[B]

Then problem solved. Yeah, I'm with you. Am I like, no, I know, I understand.

[A]

And we'll get to it. Actually, like now I get that this becomes actually like, oh, humans are terrifying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I understand that the way it.

[B]

Becomes Lord of the Flies. Like the way that humans will always organize themselves into like the survival of the strongest.

[A]

Yeah. And that people just like kind of like lose any sense of decency. Like, I understand that when you're in a situation that it feels insane, maybe you just become a little insane. But Devin, like, we're not on the ship anymore, girl. You're here talking about it.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

So it's nightfall. We realized we cannot sleep in these rooms because it was just so hot. We completely left our floor, brought our mattresses up and we left laid in the hallway. There's people laying beside you that you've never met or probably would never talk to on the boat. Anywhere but the rooms.

[B]

Ashley really wants to go to sleep, wake up, see the Mexican shoreline and run to the beach to get a margarita.

[A]

Like, everyone just hopes that, like, this was a really bad little bit. And by the time we wake up, because that's what they're being told. By the time they wake up, they'll be back in Mexico at the port and like, everything is going to be fine again.

[B]

Ashley wakes up the next morning. She goes, oh my God, where the hell is Mexico?

[A]

So it's 8:03am Day five. This was a four day cruise. We're now on day five.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The tugboat is going to be here at noon to quote, tug them to Mexico. And again, where are the lifeboats? Yeah, what else are they for?

[B]

Right. I. Right. And Devin is saying that like, by day five, everything had completely changed. She said all you could smell was sickness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I mean, think about this. People have been pooping and peeing in the showers and just leaving it there.

[A]

There are children.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

People are hammered. So throwing up. People are also, like, getting sick from being in the sun.

[B]

Like we, Steve and were on a plane maybe a month ago and you know that thing where like, they don't turn on the air conditioning until you're like, in the air. We got delayed on the tarmac and we were on the tarmac for probably 35 minutes and it was getting hotter and hotter and I knew I wasn't going to die. I. And I made up my mind that I was not going to complain. But I'm looking around and I'm seeing these babies. I'm seeing these like literal infants. And this.

[A]

They don't know. They're just uncomfortable. They can't communicate. They have no idea.

[B]

And. And it was dangerously hot. It was getting to the point where I'm like, they're going to have to deplane us in a minute if they don't f this.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And we eventually we got off the ground and it was okay. But I'm looking at these like. And that was only 40 minutes. Like, I can't. This is day five of like babies and children living in this. That is really scary.

[A]

So the food situation, everyone starts complaining about, I'm like, this is an emergency.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Like, people were waiting in line for three hours for what ended up being like a soggy onion and lettuce sandwich. And I'm like, I understand you're upset, but what do you expect?

[B]

But what people, Devin is telling us and other people are saying people are hoarding. So they're waiting in line for two hours to get to the front. They like, 15 sandwiches.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there's not enough for everybody.

[A]

Because, like, people are in, quote, survival mode, and it was everyone for themselves. So they'd be like, stealing shit and, quote, running back to their camps. And I'm like, oh, I'm. I can't breathe. Like, this is incredibly scary.

[B]

And, like, they are making 10 cities out there on the. On the. The thing about this is that this doesn't start until somebody starts it. You know what I mean? This kind of hoarding, this kind of, like, encamping, this kind of becoming your own little societies only happens when one.

[A]

Person does it first and someone says, I think it's the father from the father daughter duo.

[B]

There were people taking sheets and putting them over chairs and making tent cities. And so there was a rush to get a deck chair, and people were tugging and fighting. This is my area. These are my people, and don't come messing with us. You saw that a lot.

[A]

This is my area and my people, and do not mess with us. And I'm like.

[B]

It becomes like a apocalyptic movie.

[A]

And I'm like, this is terrifying. Again, I'm going to ask how many assaults are we not talking?

[B]

I know. And it's at this point that you deploy the fucking lifeboats. You know what I mean? And I wonder, like, why nobody is talking about it. Why is nobody. Maybe they're electric. And you. You have to. Maybe that. Maybe that's what it is.

[A]

Tell us.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Tell us what the reasoning is.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Because another ship comes by and everyone thinks they're about to be saved. But no, it's another carnival ship. It's a carnival legend. Everyone at that ship is looking at this ship ship like it's a sideshow. And they're taking pictures and their vacation has not stopped. And the people on the Triumph are still mad about it. What are you. But what are they supposed to do?

[B]

I know. I know. Maybe not do the ymca. I mean, I think that, like, watching them doing the YMCA and, like, guzzling their margaritas while they've been eating tomato and onion sandwiches, they paid. I know. I know.

[A]

I don't know what to tell. Like, I understand. I would be miserable. I would be hysterical. I'm not saying I wouldn't. I know that I'm, like, above anything. I'm also saying now that we're. This is what is. Is always confusing to me sometimes because maybe they're told. Tell us the story as if you're still on the ship.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

Because I'm not. Feel. I'm not hearing any like, well, looking back or we know I don't hear any of that, so that's on me. That's my.

[B]

No, no, no, no. It's okay. But also Jen explains to us because, like, you're looking at this cruise ship right next to them. I'm like, let me go down to the first deck, jump into the water and swim to that cruise ship. And she's like, no. Jen is like, you can't do like, I think it would have been worth trying to figure something out. Like, she's saying it was more food.

[A]

Supplies because logistically and safety wise, you can't just walk four and a half thousand people from one ship to the other. Like, it's a huge procedure. It's lowering boats, having a small percentage of people jump on board, bring it across, tie it up, transfer passengers, and then repeat again, not an option. They're there to bring some supplies.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But even that is a mess because the tugboats are like crashing into each other. And I'm like, you're a 40 billion. How are you so ill equipped?

[B]

And there's no like, PA System to explain to the people on the ship the scoop cruise that like this, this ship is not here to save you, they're just here to bring you food.

[A]

Yes. And they're. I think they're maybe not telling them that because I think it's getting to the point where people would have jumped overboard. We don't want to revolt.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do not want a mutiny.

[B]

Oh my God. I didn't even think of that.

[A]

Just think about the absolute anger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That people would rightfully be feeling.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're missing. What if there's child care? They have to get back to their job. They have to get back to. Because now we're only overtime.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So now there are people. I, I understand how. And you, I think very quickly feel crazy and feel like. Because right now everything you've been told has been a lie or it hasn't happened or the plan has changed and you haven't eaten and you feel. And it's disgusting and you're sick and you're desperate and, and, and yeah, yeah, yeah. Think of the anger. That is valid. But now we have like tent cities and we're stealing supplies and it's us versus you. And it's like, holy.

[B]

It's funny because on a, on micro, micro, micro level, I had an experience last week where I was at the end of a 10 day swing of my tour. I had been away from home for way too long. I was dying to get back. I was on the airplane and it wasn't taking off, and it wasn't taking off and it wasn't taking off. And then finally they're like, we have to deplane. See, now I was for sure, I was shocked to see this. I was for sure the most angry. I didn't say anything. I kept it all to myself. Nobody took it out on the messenger on the way as we're all deplaning. Nobody yelled, yelled at anybody. I was so amazed by the humanity.

[A]

That you didn't end up on TikTok like after.

[B]

And I know that, like, I, I just was. I'd been gone for so long and I just wanted to get home. But, like, it's the kind of thing where we're gonna hear eventually, like, all of these people are like so grateful for the crew and how hard the crew worked for them. And, you know, I'm very glad to see, like, even in this, as it's devolving into Lord of the Flies here, there still is humanity left in some regard.

[A]

Yeah. Cause I. You just have to get through it.

[B]

You have to get through it.

[A]

You wanna make it home, right?

[B]

And doing anything counterproductive just makes it worse, right?

[A]

So poop in the bag.

[B]

So poop in the bag. Devon, we got to zoom out and see a big picture, which a lot of these people do when they realize they can steal WI FI from this other boat.

[A]

That's how close the ship is, right? So they're all.

[B]

You see them? I remember this honestly from 911, like, people like standing next to the Starbucks, all like, you know, trying to get the WI FI from the Starbucks, you know, horrible. But like, hold. But we see the images of these people, like holding their phones up, trying to connect.

[A]

And they do, and they do travel down, girl.

[B]

Home Chef is back. Look, it's still summer. I don't care what anybody says. But instead of relaxing, are you stuck in that, like meal prepping, meal planning, whole situation?

[A]

Because not with Home Chef figuring out what's for dinner. Who knew you have to do that every day?

[B]

Every single day.

[A]

Not anymore.

[B]

Yeah. Fam. Users of leading meal kits have ranked Home Chef number one in quality, convenience, value, taste and recipe ease.

[A]

Here's what I love, okay? The options for days. If you love the classic meal kits with the prep portion ingredients, they got them.

[B]

They got them.

[A]

If you want the quick 30 minute recipes, they got them. Oven ready options, microwave meals, a dedicated Family menu.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Everything you need. It's hassle free, it's delicious.

[B]

I love. Can I also just say like as an often gluten free person, like Home Chef totally caters. Home chef has over 30 options a week and serves a variety of dietary needs.

[A]

Yeah. Whatever you need or want, they have it.

[B]

They've got you cover essentially. Yeah.

[A]

And it's economical because Home Chef customers save an average of 86 bucks per month on groceries.

[B]

And let me talk about this. When meal planning ends up on the back burner, check out Home Chef's new five ingredient meals that simplify prep with super easy recipe steps using just five pre portioned ingredients. So we laid out our three recipes the other night and Steve was like, you will pick the one with the five ingredients. I was like, absolutely, obviously.

[A]

So for a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to Home Chef.com TCO that's Home.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Come on, Rules, rules, rules.

[A]

I know. So this is exactly what makes CNN want to cover it, right? For the money and the ratings. Because now, and now it's like. Because if someone was pitching this movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You'd be like, this is ridiculous.

[B]

Yeah. Well, because CNN heard it was just like the motor wasn't working and now they're seeing all these new details started.

[A]

Coming in about the description of what is happening on this cruise. At this point, our new boss, Jeff Zucker made a decision to go all in on this story.

[B]

Our new boss, Jeff Zucker needed to like make a splash in the ratings and he took a chance. And we're going to become the 24, 7 poop cruise network. And this is where I remember it all, Brooke.

[A]

Where. Fucking cnn. Baldwin.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Is leading the channel charge.

[B]

She is.

[A]

So the world is starting to learn how horrifying this all is. Right. Like you have. And again, people should have been home two days ago.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's scary.

[B]

Yeah. And also it's just like once again Carnival Cruise Lines was benefiting from the fact that nobody could connect to Internet. And so suddenly everybody's connecting. And now the story is nobody can believe it.

[A]

Enter Frank Spagnaletti, maritime lawyer and real piece of work. He has a cigar for the doc. Oh my God. And all the footage from 2013. The guy loves cigars.

[B]

He loves a cigar.

[A]

Now he. I Mean maritime law. We will get into it at the the end.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It should terrify you. But he may or may not see dollar signs. Probably does. Of course, Carnival has had a lot of previous issues with fires in recent years and they're all very similar. Like either the same location or near Cozumel or like a fire would break out in the generator room and the ship lost power, which is exactly what happened. Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is why I don't understand why this $40 billion company isn't either fixing the issues or being prepared for when they inevitably happen again.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And that doesn't make sense.

[B]

It's just because people will never come first to cor. You know what I mean?

[A]

It's wild.

[B]

Yeah. And you would think that, like, even this PR catastrophe, including the making of this documentary, dealing with all of that is probably less expensive than like taking all of the ships out and retrofitting. You know what I mean? It's just fudgeing money.

[A]

It's 12:17pm on day five. The closed caption says disorienting MUSIC PLAYS the plan has changed yet again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And this would make anybody crazy. Like the fact that there is no plan.

[B]

Right. Because what's happened is like they've been without power. So this, this, the boat's just been adrift. Told us that since we lost power, the ship had drifted over 100 nautical miles. Now we were nowhere near Mexico. So the new plan now is to take everybody to Mobile, Alabama. This is going to add on a couple of days at least.

[A]

They're essentially like floating in the Gulf of Mexico.

[B]

They're just floating in the Gulfing. I was very glad to know it wasn't just open ocean, but like they.

[A]

Didn'T have an anchor.

[B]

I. Oh God. I know. I mean, how do you. Can you anchor a boat that weighs a billion pounds? I don't know.

[A]

I. I don't know. But. Okay, so what if you can't?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then figure it out.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It just feels like this is everyone's first day, but I mean, a cruise.

[B]

Ship with 4,000 people should be too big to fail. There should be no way that a cruise ship like that should ever be able to completely lose power. That's insane.

[A]

Or at least in closed door meetings have those whisper conversations where it's like, so the next time there's a fire and the power goes out, like, this is what we should do. We won't put it in writing, but like, everyone should kind of know at least that. Couldn't agree more.

[B]

Skills.

[A]

Skeptical. Negative, Cynical. Is what I meant in the most cynical way, like fake it. Well.

[B]

And this new plan of going to Mobile, Alabama is going to add several days. This was supposed to be a three day cruise. We're now on day six. They're going to add at least three more days.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And people at this point are becoming despondent.

[A]

Right. And Devin, the fiance is, with the help of the housekeeping staff, finds a bathroom because he, quote, can't hold it anymore.

[B]

Well, he is hearing rumors that there are at least a couple of working bathrooms. Explain to me how that is.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

How does that work?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

But Devin and he takes us on the journey with him. We see his camera phone video as he's like in search of a working restaurant.

[A]

I just don't know if there's no power and we're not going to get it. If I would be wasting my precious phone battery.

[B]

I know.

[A]

On documenting this.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I don't understand. What, is he going to put it in a fudgeing slideshow for his fiance's father that he wants to impress?

[B]

Are we going to talk about this chef?

[A]

We unfortunately have room.

[B]

Can you do it, please?

[A]

The chef says, because it has really just evolved into. It's like a hellscape.

[B]

It's a hellscape. I mean, it really is a hellscape.

[A]

That people are using the toilets. Maybe the bags have run out or they're just never going to use it anyway, but they are using the toilets.

[B]

It was the most nastiest thing I have ever seen in my life. People were covering the poop with the toilet paper and then again pooping on top of it. So it was a layer after layer after layer. It was like a lasagna.

[A]

He said they looked like lasagna. So then someone decides to do an open bar, which is a choice. They just start feeding people booze now.

[B]

Remember, they've just told the passengers who are living in this apocalyptic hellscape that they've got another three days of this. And so they decide to open the bar and everyone is fucking thrilled.

[A]

Booze is going to make you.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Create everything that can possibly come out of your body. Come out of your body. I mean, we're on day six of this thing. We're talking about lasagna toilets. And you're just going to start feeding people more booze.

[B]

And it's free booze. They're not charging anybody. Obviously, it's open bar. People are double fisting Hannah, who's just there to get Laid. She says it was the craziest, busiest drunk because she's the bartender. Drunkest she's ever seen. People are double fisting drinks, taking them back to the room. Men are now shitting into the red bags, throwing them into the lifeboats.

[A]

Yeah. Or it's the wind is throwing them back into their faces. I mean, Jen, the cruise director was totally against this idea, but it happened anyway.

[B]

Yeah, they quickly closed the bars also.

[A]

Like, okay, so that's going to make. Have to get everything out of their body. Whatever's in it, vomit, you name it. Second, everything is dirty because they can't clean any of the glassware. There's no ice, so it's just like warm tequila or warm whatever. There's no ice for anything now.

[B]

This is where it gets really bad. I forgot I didn't consider the no ice.

[A]

Emotions are high. Everyone is unhinged.

[B]

Well, that's the thing. My, my concern was like, now you've got angry people who are now drunk.

[A]

Like, are you kidding me?

[B]

I know. I cannot believe this. This didn't turn into season two, episode two of the Mob Wives.

[A]

Like it's this close.

[B]

The melee on Staten Island.

[A]

And I'm sitting there, I'm like, did a single person follow any directions? And I'm like, well, to myself. I literally said, well, that ship has literally sailed.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

The group next to us in tent city, it was a newlywed husband and wife and they were having sex right in front of me on the, on the chair.

[B]

I don't know if they couldn't handle their liquor, but bites broke out.

[A]

It was getting very scary. People are having sex out in the.

[B]

Open, like in front. They're like fucking on the deck chairs.

[A]

And this again, I know we're supposed to be having fun, but that is scary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like people have lost it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What are they doing in the dark hallway?

[B]

I know when someone.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Oh, totally. No, that's a really. I totally get that fear.

[A]

The doors aren't locking. This is like, this is. The walls are closing in on me just sitting here.

[B]

Nobody is talking about like, is there a security presence on the ship? How are they patrolling?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Are they like, ye, yeah, you're right. Like, what kind of crimes are being committed that were having to be dealt with in real time?

[A]

It is so scary to me. Like, I know that's supposed to be like, oh, people are having sex. Haha. And I was like, oh no, that's a new level. Oh, we've really lost it now.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's terrifying. There are children on this boat. There are.

[B]

Rebecca's the one who describes the sex to us. She's 12.

[A]

It's ridiculous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So 3:01pm, the tugboats are here. But more bad news.

[B]

I know we thought the tugboats were going to be a good thing, but they're not.

[A]

Again, everyone is new here, and by everyone, I mean everyone in, like, Carnival Corporate. Yeah, everyone's just, like, trying it. Let's try this. Not like, here's the plan we have in place.

[B]

Meanwhile, one of the tugboats is driving in reverse. Like, it really is fucking upside down town out there.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It's wild. But they hook up the tugboats to the cruise ship and they start to pull away, but because they're being pulled by boats, the boat is now leaning. And that's the moment everything spilled.

[A]

Imagine everything that goes in a toilet, right? Piss, shit, all of it. It's just, you know, it's everywhere. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Watch out, watch out. I'm telling you, it got bad fast. Everything overflowed into the floor and just kept overflowing. The poop and the pee is now all over the. And we see so much footage of this.

[A]

I'm gonna do you one more. It's just like the general excrement.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Is now leaking.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

All over the ship because it's tilted.

[B]

Because it's tilting, because of the tugboats.

[A]

So. And it's one of which is going in reverse because everything is over flowing and God, again, God knows where people are like, oh, that toilet's full. I'll just use this corner. Do you know what I mean? Think about. It's not just the toilets.

[B]

I know the sinks.

[A]

It's everything.

[B]

And I bet a lot of those people who had been like, not. They were not going to use the red bags as soon as they got a couple of drinks and then be like, you know what? A red bag's not so bad.

[A]

It could have made it. I mean, I think it always would have gotten to this point, but at least maybe like a half a day wouldn't have been that terrible.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Maybe it just would have delayed the inevitable.

[B]

I just. My thing is, like, how is it possible that it could have gotten this bad?

[A]

Wait, Carnival never made a good decision.

[B]

Not one.

[A]

So I'm. I know I'm going really hard for the red bags. It's a joke. But, like, Carnival made bad decision after, bad decision after. Or they just ignored it, or they never had plans in place or, or, or, yeah. But no one was like, I'm here. Or like, here's our plan. Or here's what we've learned.

[B]

President of Carnival Cruise being woken up in the middle of the night being like, sir or ma', am, what are.

[A]

We going to do in like Tahiti somewhere on his perpetual vacation, 100% not get back giving a fuck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's just so disgusting. It's also unsafe for so many reasons. It's toxic. Like someone. I can't believe. I mean, maybe we're just not hearing about it. Like, is this the thing that's going to make someone snap? Is this the thing that's going to make the violence ensue? Are you kidding me? It's literally raining shit.

[B]

It would be interesting to hear, like, to get like the stories that were not reported in this document.

[A]

Like, I can't believe no one jumped out of sheer desperation.

[B]

100%. Like, and we don't know that they didn't.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You know, right.

[A]

Again, a $40 billion corporation.

[B]

I mean, at this point, everyone is saying they are just checked out. People are like waking up just to go back to sleep, just doing anything they can do to make this nightmare be over.

[A]

Like really, truly sinking into an actual depression, not diagnosing people. But wouldn't you. Yeah, wouldn't you be despondent and sick?

[B]

We're on day eight. Day eight. And so this is the day that the ship is arriving in Mobile, Alabama. Mary Rebecca's mother drove all night to get there. The helicopters are meeting them in the middle, middle of the ocean to follow them in. They're like, CNN is getting this fudgeing story, right?

[A]

And when they have day eight on the screen, Mike turned to me and just went a three hour tour. Like, it should have been a couple days.

[B]

Three day tour. I know, day eight a day.

[A]

But everyone to camera now is talking about, like coming home and thanking the crew and never taking a bathroom for granted again.

[B]

I mean, cruise ship from hell is trending on Twitter.

[A]

I don't know how this was handled so poorly.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I really, I really don't. Like, I'm glad. Sad that people feel gratitude. Yeah, I guess, like, right, because this.

[B]

Is the part where like, everyone, even the PR guys, like, we expected this to be bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad girl. But like a lot of the stories that were being reported were like, people talk about how grateful they were for the crew. Like, imagine you're on the crew. Imagine like you're like a bartender and they're like, this isn't my fucking job. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[A]

So Frank, the maritime lawyer is back again real quick and just says in.

[B]

Two years, there were nine incidents of faulty fuel lines while these vessels were at sea that were potentially causing fires on board. I mean, it's unbelievable. In my plain language, that's called Russian roulette with people's lives.

[A]

They were playing Russian roulette with people's lives. They knew.

[B]

Well, and I think that that's the kind of thing that, like, must have been an internal document because if anybody knew that if you, if anybody, if it was ever reported anywhere that there was a fucking fire on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, nobody would go.

[A]

Like, we don't even know what caused the fire, honestly.

[B]

Right, yeah.

[A]

Why was it impossible to get any real help? Yeah, because they didn't get any help. They just ended up going to the port. They didn't get real help.

[B]

My thing is, like beyond any of it, how is there not a. How is there not a worst case scenario plan in place?

[A]

This is what I mean.

[B]

No matter what causes it, what do we do if one of our cruise ship loses all power?

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Like a catastrophic plan.

[A]

I totally, I completely agree. I don't understand how $1 billion corporation doesn't have.

[B]

They should have been helicoptering people out all day.

[A]

I want an. I want ten enormous Leslie Knope style binders of like catastrophe number one. All the options, like in. Why not?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Because you get to be the hero, right? You get to be like, oh, my God, we almost had to do this, but look what we did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Won't you come join us on a Carnival cruise?

[B]

Because look, we don't get. I'm sure the carnival people would have wanted nothing to do with this, but we get nothing from the Carnival leadership about how worried they were, how much they care. There's no compassion. There's no empathy. There's nothing from the company. What?

[A]

Zero. So then we get. We start getting our on screen texts as we're wrapping up with all the passengers and crew safely back on land. Frank, the maritime lawyer set about taking Carnival Cruise Line to court.

[B]

Yeah. However, this is wild.

[A]

The ticket.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the ticket is a contract?

[B]

Yes. These passengers have no right to sue because Carnival's attorneys say when you buy your ticket, the ticket contract makes absolutely no guarantee for safe passage, a seaworthy vessel, adequate and wholesome food, and sanitary and safe living conditions.

[A]

Absolutely no guarantee for safe passage, a seaworthy vessel, adequate and wholesome food and sanitary and safe conditions. It's like when Fox News told us that we can't believe a word that Tucker Carlson says. That lawsuit. Yeah, well, he's an asshole.

[B]

So the thing about it is that fine print right there tells you that they know about catastrophe and know it could be catastrophic.

[A]

Anderson Cooper goes, well, they don't say that on the commercial.

[B]

Right, exactly.

[A]

So all of Frank's cases were settled.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now we get like a. Where are they now of the people on the ship? Ashley.

[B]

Ashley was the bride. The bride to be.

[A]

She got married.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The gift bags were the red poop bags.

[B]

Actually, no, I'm kind of into it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I think it's kind of funny.

[A]

Look, it's her wedding. I'm glad she had a good time. I guess the bridesmaid's gift was wrapped in a red biohazard bag. Devin and his precious father in law.

[B]

They vacation every year together on Triland. I wonder if the wife is invited or if it's just the two of them.

[A]

Certainly hope so. Maybe not.

[B]

Maybe she's better off. Maybe not.

[A]

Larry and Rebecca, the father daughter duo, they enjoy cruises together. Not on Carnival. They loved this lasagna bit.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It's so gross because the cook is here. Abby never looked at lasagna the same way again. And there's a picture of him like.

[B]

Like making a grimacing face at a plate of lasagna.

[A]

Unable to eat lasagna.

[B]

Unable to eat it. I'm also now unable to eat it somewhere.

[A]

Garfield is like, pass it over.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

After this incident, Carnival spent $115 million cleaning, repairing and refitting the Triumph. Today she still sails under her new name, the Carnival Sunrise. According to to Tik Tok, it still reeks.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

When you ask the crew, they act like they don't know what you're talking about.

[B]

Somebody in the Facebook group posted a picture of it recently. They're like, look, it's right here.

[A]

Apparently it stinks.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

So Carnival insists, just like wrapping up Carnival insists that the fire, like, was just an accident. Like that's never happened before. We know that that's not true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Passengers were given a full refund, transportation expenses and $500 and offered yet another Carnival cruise.

[B]

Can you imagine?

[A]

So they like change their terms and conditions, removing ca about wholesome food and sanitary and safe living conditions and safe passage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A couple of things, please. Maritime law is as fascinating as it is scary to me. So cruise ships, I learned, follow the laws of the country of the flag that the ship flies. Oh. But the company gets to choose where it registers the ships, and they choose this based on the laws they want to follow. So, like, you will, I don't think, ever really see, like, an American.

[B]

American flag.

[A]

So, like, it's based on how they can benefit.

[B]

Right, of course.

[A]

So the point is, like, when things like sexual assaults occur on these ships, they've technically happened over international waters, which makes it very, very, very, very, very hard for the survivor to take any recourse at all. And this happens all the time. So much so that it was a plot point in succession for the entire series.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Like, they're like, if by succession, people, they would talk about the like, oh, are we going to talk about cruises? Like, I hear it in Shiv's voice, Rupert Murray. Like, he's supposed to be this evil, enormous zillionaire. So they had cruise lines, and so the whole thing was like, oh, what are we gonna do about cruises? Cruises. They have to go to, like, have, like, a Senate hearing about it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And so Tom explains it to Greg, like, in the show. He goes. For a number of years, there was an unofficial company policy on the cruise lines that if there was a serious criminal incident, we would, if possible, sail not home, but to a, like, friendly port with friendly authorities, and we can minimize the incident to avoid negative PR That. No, like, that's throughout. From season one to the end, cruises was a huge thing. That's how big this controversy is and, like, how scary it really is. So, like, if you're a cruise person, do your thing. But just, like, be careful.

[B]

Yeah. And, like, stay tuned for Amy Bradley, where we get, like, a. A. A cruise advocacy expert who. Who tells us all of this, you.

[A]

Know, and they call it like that. They use a term, nrpi, no real person involved, which is a term that's been used by cops and corporations for years and years and years and years. But, like, say it when, like, a bad criminal kills another bad criminal, where it's like, oh, no real person involved. But, like, in succession. Like, who do you think they meant that?

[B]

Right. Of course.

[A]

You know what I mean? But it's that prevalent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That it was on HBO for, like, four years.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the more that we've learned about cruising, the more terrifying it absolutely sounds.

[A]

Just be careful. Like, have fun. Do your thing. Go on your vacation. Blow off your steam. Like, please. But, like, we love you, so be careful. Just be careful.

[B]

Yeah. That's it. That's all we ask.

[A]

That's all.

[B]

Oh, my God, girl, we did poop. Cruise.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Poop cruise.

[A]

I don't have to go. I thought maybe I'd have to go. Oh, you didn't.

[B]

You know. You're good.

[A]

I don't have to pee.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

I have no.

[B]

I know.

[A]

My mouth is dry. My body is dried up.

[B]

What are we doing next?

[A]

Girl, we are doing. This is that thing we do when we do a two parter sometimes.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So this is. Look into my eyes. It's from the true crime story series. It's four episodes. We're gonna do it in two episodes. This is about the creepy principal who was hypnotizing students and then three of them died. It's on Amazon Prime, Sundance, AMC plus Apple tv. This is not the movie about psychics. This is a four part documentary about the principal hypnotizing kids.

[B]

Fam. Stay tuned for the trailer for that. Join the discord. Join the Facebook group. Check us out on YouTube. Be one of our first 50,000 subscribers.

[A]

Can you believe?

[B]

I mean, it's wild. I love it so much. I love it. We just launched YouTube and it's popping off. I'm so excited.

[A]

That's so crazy.

[B]

I know. That's a fan. We love guys.

[A]

You.

[B]

We'll see you in a little bit.

[A]

We love you. Stay safe out there. We really mean it.

[B]

All right. Bye.

[A]

Bye. Three students died within three months of each other.

[B]

There would be none of this if there wasn't.

[A]

The deaths.

[B]

His intentions were always good. Dr. Kenny told me there's this thing called hypnosis. It has the potential to help me with tests.

[A]

A lot of our kids needed extra help. Is that the way to help them? This should have never happened. Even is ruined my life.

[B]

This man just wanted to help.