Podcast
Two Dicks in a Bar
Hosted by Jesse Walcutt, Ed, Mike, & Nate · EN
Two dicks in a bar talking with their friends and random people that join
22episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Divorce 101, Dick-Sized Pool Cues, and Hating Dave Matthews
Yesterday01:21:28Tap to summarizeJesse gives an unsolicited, fully detailed tutorial on how divorce actually works, lawyer fees and all. Somehow that turns into a heated debate about cue stick diameter that is absolutely a dick joke. Also: a unanimous, aggressive hatred of Dave Matthews despite everyone admitting he has a great voice, and a birthday girl turning 34 while the table argues over who’s old enough to be “on the back half
Transcribe →Passing Semis on a 150cc, Clit Pumping, and Property Tax
Yesterday01:29:24Tap to summarizeA guy upgraded to a bigger bike this year because last time his fat ass couldn’t make it up the mountain. Also on the agenda: the full LGBTQ+ taxonomy from twink to zaddy explained by people who are figuring it out in real time, Messi’s birthday goals, and a Florida ballot amendment that will either save homeowners money or defund every fire department in Polk County.
Transcribe →The Mouse We Released on the Competitor’s Patio
2w ago01:06:16Tap to summarizeJesse once caught a white mouse in the bar and, rather than kill it, let it go underneath the wooden deck at the place across the street. He stands by this. Also: rank choice voting, the Heavy Metal magazine Trump-wall cartoon from the 90s, a nephew’s gas station hallucination situation, and Gen Z apparently being the first generation to score lower than the one before it.
Transcribe →Head Wound, Horse Jerky, and the Guy Who Beat a Calculator
3w ago01:31:59Tap to summarizeJesse got free drinks by papering a city meeting, Nate does mental math like a demon, and somehow the show ends up deep in Revelation debating whether Trump is the Antichrist. Also: AI art ownership, dung beetles, and the NBA Finals happening somewhere without them.
Transcribe →The Answers Keep Changing and That’s the Problem!
4w ago01:36:53Tap to summarizeA Canadian shows up with opinions and the moon landing goes several rounds. Claude gets fact-checked in real time and doesn’t exactly nail it. Also: cooperation vs. scarcity mindset, the section 8 Land Rover loophole, why insurance companies ruined healthcare pricing, and Tito’s running bulk vodka through one pot still and calling it artisanal. Ends with Sinatra.
Transcribe →Everything will be OK as soon as you are OK with everything.
May 2101:33:16Tap to summarizeIf you had a week to live, would you stop sweating the small stuff? One answer is yes. The other would be MORE upset about traffic. That tracks. Also: ears cleaned for science, a guy in a mascot costume jumps into a monkey enclosure and gets arrested before the monkeys can handle it properly, AI dating negotiations, and Stranger Things, Wheel of Time, and Game of Thrones all convicted for crimes against their source material.
Transcribe →Nobody Wants My Meat
May 701:08:25Tap to summarizeThe 2nd annual charity golf tournament raised money for the American Cancer Society, Anthony showed up with 10 pounds of venison nobody would take, and somehow the conversation ended up at the Artemis 2 crew answering questions from children — all of which were about food or bodily waste. In between: how much of your charity dollar actually reaches the cause, why Mike and Jesse changed a flat tire for four kids who didn’t know there was a spare in the trunk, and whether Shania Twain is famous because of talent or a lucky break. Anthony says luck. Jesse disagrees. Nobody wins.
Transcribe →“ She Nods Slowly”
Apr 3001:16:40Tap to summarizeSolo episode energy with Angel filling in for Mike, and somehow it works. The conversation hits the bar’s origin story, AI etiquette, a feminist chatbot breakup, and whether the Great Salt Lake needs a billion dollars or just a rain dance. The back half gets surprisingly substantive: corporate greed as a design feature, why the immigration system backlog is a feature not a bug, ESOP as an exit strategy, and the argument that Trump tribalized America more than anyone since the Civil War. Also: somebody put new stickers in the urinal and Jesse’s excited about it.
Transcribe →The Trees You’ll Never See the Shade Of
Apr 2301:29:57Tap to summarizeJosh is 41, the Earth is older, and the immigration appointment system is broken on purpose. Episode 213 gets into it: redistricting and the fair districts amendment, why 8 million protesters still wasn’t enough, corporate short-sightedness versus the guy who plants trees for future generations, and what a humanitarian party platform might actually look like. Meanwhile: Nicole wins again at Hard Rock Bet, someone stole the urinal mat, sex bingo is next Saturday at 8, and the honey bears are apparently flying off the shelf for reasons everyone understands.
Transcribe →No Snow, No Kings, and No Idea What We’re Watching
Apr 1601:17:30Tap to summarizeJesse’s back from Breckenridge with a report: worst snow in 50 years, one open quarter of one mountain, and a lot of beginners getting in the way. Meanwhile, the crew catches up on the No Kings protest math, debates whether online slots are actually rigged (Nicole wins $700 on her first spin and hasn’t stopped), and goes deep on the mom-and-pop economy, what killed it, and what’s left. Also: Pee Wee Herman’s adult HBO special, Phil Hartman dying before your coworkers were born, Howard the Duck in the MCU, and a piracy website that’s been up for a decade and nobody cares.
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