Podcast
Two Dicks in a Bar
Hosted by Jesse Walcutt, Ed, Mike, & Nate · EN
Two dicks in a bar talking with their friends and random people that join
27episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Chester A. Arthur Ruins the Vibe
1w ago01:32:06Tap to summarizeSomeone rattles off a random dead president's name and it's correct, and nobody can let it go. Also: running with the bulls in Pamplona, a boat-terminology argument settled by asking an AI, and a full-throated defense of "six seven."
Transcribe →The Purple Seltzer Has No Flavor and Neither Does This Government
2w ago01:00:39Tap to summarizeA rant about a watermelon vodka switch and a mystery seltzer that’s just labeled “purple” somehow spirals into Fed policy, Trump’s Epstein birthday card, and a UN vote where America got left standing alone with Iran and North Korea. Also: karaoke, a snowball joke nobody fully commits to, and a passionate defense of pizza crust quality.
Transcribe →Mitch, Please — Diamonds, Dead Talk Shows, and a Fake Bar Deal
3w ago01:00:55Tap to summarizeThe crew invents “Mitch, please” as the new “buffering” and immediately loves it too much. Also: a genuinely heated argument about diamond hardness versus brittleness, a rundown of every dead daytime talk show host from the 80s, and Jesse’s dad’s rich friend wanting to open a bar in Homestead with zero actual plan.
Transcribe →Fuck, Marry, Kill: Golden Girls Edition
4w ago01:09:13Tap to summarizeThe crew drafts Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia in the filthiest game of the night, and somehow Sicilian folklore comes up. Also: the actual government conspiracy behind processed American cheese, a scientifically detailed (and wrong) theory on duck penis mechanics, and why nobody can agree on what a “gorilla fart” shot is called.
Transcribe →Is Mitch McConnell Dead, and Other Olive Oil Conspiracies
Jul 901:16:26Tap to summarizeThe bar decides Mitch McConnell has probably been dead in a hospital bed for three weeks and nobody’s telling us, then pivots straight into “Big Olive” running the oil industry like the mob. Also: a senator picks a Twitter fight with Mbappé and loses, and someone tries to explain the difference between bourbon and whiskey to a room that stopped caring immediately.
Transcribe →Divorce 101, Dick-Sized Pool Cues, and Hating Dave Matthews
Jun 2501:21:28Tap to summarizeJesse gives an unsolicited, fully detailed tutorial on how divorce actually works, lawyer fees and all. Somehow that turns into a heated debate about cue stick diameter that is absolutely a dick joke. Also: a unanimous, aggressive hatred of Dave Matthews despite everyone admitting he has a great voice, and a birthday girl turning 34 while the table argues over who’s old enough to be “on the back half
Transcribe →Passing Semis on a 150cc, Clit Pumping, and Property Tax
Jun 2501:29:24Tap to summarizeA guy upgraded to a bigger bike this year because last time his fat ass couldn’t make it up the mountain. Also on the agenda: the full LGBTQ+ taxonomy from twink to zaddy explained by people who are figuring it out in real time, Messi’s birthday goals, and a Florida ballot amendment that will either save homeowners money or defund every fire department in Polk County.
Transcribe →The Mouse We Released on the Competitor’s Patio
Jun 1101:06:16Tap to summarizeJesse once caught a white mouse in the bar and, rather than kill it, let it go underneath the wooden deck at the place across the street. He stands by this. Also: rank choice voting, the Heavy Metal magazine Trump-wall cartoon from the 90s, a nephew’s gas station hallucination situation, and Gen Z apparently being the first generation to score lower than the one before it.
Transcribe →Head Wound, Horse Jerky, and the Guy Who Beat a Calculator
Jun 401:31:59Tap to summarizeJesse got free drinks by papering a city meeting, Nate does mental math like a demon, and somehow the show ends up deep in Revelation debating whether Trump is the Antichrist. Also: AI art ownership, dung beetles, and the NBA Finals happening somewhere without them.
Transcribe →The Answers Keep Changing and That’s the Problem!
May 2801:36:53Tap to summarizeA Canadian shows up with opinions and the moon landing goes several rounds. Claude gets fact-checked in real time and doesn’t exactly nail it. Also: cooperation vs. scarcity mindset, the section 8 Land Rover loophole, why insurance companies ruined healthcare pricing, and Tito’s running bulk vodka through one pot still and calling it artisanal. Ends with Sinatra.
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