184: Live, Laugh, Live Show..

Summary

Two Hot Takes - Episode 184: Live, Laugh, Live Show

Host: Morgan Absher
Release Date: September 26, 2024
Description: Join Morgan Absher and her co-hosts as they dive into Reddit, listener write-ins, and various internet stories to deliver their unfiltered opinions on the most intriguing dating, relationship, life, and AITA (Am I the Asshole) narratives.

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Episode Overview

In Episode 184 of Two Hot Takes, Morgan Absher and her vibrant team host a live show filled with engaging stories, spontaneous audience interactions, and their signature blend of humor and candid advice. This episode, titled "Live, Laugh, Live Show," captures the essence of their live performances, featuring real-time reactions, guest appearances, and a mix of deeply emotional and lighthearted topics.

Promotional Segment: Peloton Partnership [00:00 - 03:40]

The episode kicks off with a sponsorship segment for Peloton. Morgan highlights Peloton's diverse training programs, including Pilates, running, strength training, and boot camps, emphasizing the platform's motivational instructors and community-driven leaderboards.
Morgan: "Find your push, find your power with Peloton at 1peloton.com."

Live Show Announcements [03:40 - 07:01]

Morgan informs listeners about their upcoming live tour, particularly an imminent show in San Diego. She encourages audience participation by inviting attendees to share personal stories via a Google form, offering a chance to join the show on stage. The live shows are described as dynamic experiences with real-time audience reactions, including cheers and boos, adding to the show's authentic atmosphere.

First Major Story: Reporting a Husband's Kink [07:01 - 13:05]

Story Title: Am I the Asshole for Reporting My Husband's Kink to the Police?

Summary:
Morgan presents a harrowing listener story where a woman feels compelled to report her husband's disturbing kink of pretending to be dead during intimate moments. This behavior escalates to the point where Morgan fears for her safety, leading her to involve the police in hopes of securing mental health support for her husband.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Lauren: "Is it something that I can be upset about? Sneaking around at night isn't cool in my opinion."
• Justin: "This is one of the scariest shit ever."
• Chris Clemens: "Do you imagine being, like, how bad it was that you're questioning if you're wrong?"

Notable Quotes:

• Morgan [04:03]: "His kink is essentially to have me pretend to be dead and lifeless."
• Justin [06:08]: "This is the scariest shit ever."
• Morgan [07:07]: "I didn't feel bad and now I kind of do because that's his hobby and I get..."

The story unfolds with intense emotions as Morgan and her co-hosts debate the appropriate actions, offering support and practical advice for listeners who might find themselves in similar situations.

Emotional Update: Finding the Teddy Bear [13:05 - 29:03]

Summary:
After an initial distressing story about marital conflict over a sentimental teddy bear, Morgan shares a heartfelt update. The listener successfully retrieves the cherished teddy bear after an emotional search, restoring peace and alleviating fears about her husband's intentions.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Lauren: "Oh, God. He threw it away because he was disgusted."
• Justin: "I would leave right now. Believe me."

Notable Quotes:

• Morgan [26:06]: "I found it. I'm so relieved and beyond happy."
• Chris Clemens [28:25]: "I would have put a Lego in every orifice of your fucking body, bitch."

The resolution brings a sense of relief and triumph, emphasizing the importance of community support and persistence.

Second Major Story: Girlfriend Discussing Ex-Wife's Tightness [29:03 - 39:50]

Story Title: Am I the Asshole for Telling My Girlfriend that My Ex Wife was tighter?

Summary:
A man grapples with his girlfriend's obsession over his ex-wife, who continually makes derogatory remarks about her ex's physical attributes, specifically her tightness. This behavior culminates in a public setting, causing embarrassment and tension, leading him to question whether confronting her makes him the asshole.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Lauren: "This feels like a crime against females."
• Morgan: "She is giving pick me. Like, oh my God, she must have a huge one."

Notable Quotes:

• Morgan [31:47]: "She admitted to enjoying having sex with your dad more than you."
• Justin [38:22]: "It's so scary."

The co-hosts debate the boundaries of respectful conversation and the impact of such remarks on relationships and co-parenting dynamics.

Third Major Story: Withholding Information About Cheating [79:06 - 84:20]

Story Title: Am I the Asshole for never telling my high school best friend that her boyfriend tried to cheat on her with me?

Summary:
A listener recounts an uncomfortable incident from high school where his best friend's boyfriend attempted to cheat on her with him. Choosing to remain silent for fear of destroying the friendship and causing further harm, he later learns of his friend's breakup due to the boyfriend's multiple infidelities. He now questions the morality of his silence and contemplates whether to disclose the past event.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Jerry: "What's the benefit of telling? She may already know."
• Justin: "It's self-serving at this point."

Notable Quotes:

• Lauren [81:15]: "That's so ridiculous."
• Morgan [83:03]: "If he decides to pop back up, maybe if it's the right situation."

The conversation delves into the complexities of timing, potential harm versus benefit, and the ethical considerations of sharing painful truths.

Fourth Major Story: Paternity Revelation [124:27 - 127:00]

Story Title: My husband found out his dad is not his dad.

Summary:
In an intriguing narrative, Morgan touches briefly on a deeply personal story submitted by a listener where a man discovers his biological father is not who he thought. This revelation unfolds without confrontation, as the parents remain silent about their arrangement as sperm donors. The story remains confidential, with further details available via email for those seeking more information.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Chris Clemens: "What a pair of blue balls."
• Morgan: "It's turning into like Maury or Jimmy."

The co-hosts express curiosity and sympathy, acknowledging the emotional turmoil such revelations can cause within a family dynamic.

Fifth Major Story: Announcing Pregnancy at a Live Show [75:07 - 91:51]

Story Title: Am I the asshole for announcing my pregnancy at a THT live show?

Summary:
A listener shares her experience of announcing her pregnancy during a live show, feeling conflicted about informing her two best friends who have been pivotal in her life. She worries that revealing her pregnancy marks the end of their carefree traditions and desires validation on whether her method of sharing the news was insensitive.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Jerry: "Just own it."
• Lauren: "It's a big deal, but he probably never cares."

Notable Quotes:

• Morgan [85:46]: "It felt more like a gift to get out of cleaning."
• Justin [88:24]: "I can't imagine seeing them walk off and not fucking going to see what is going on."

The co-hosts explore the balance between personal joy and the impact of significant life changes on long-standing friendships, ultimately supporting the listener's decision.

Sixth Major Story: Roommate Filming Porn in Shared Spaces [59:35 - 124:27]

Story Title: Am I the asshole for kicking my roommate out because she filmed porn in my bed?

Summary:
Morgan presents a contentious issue where a long-term roommate begins filming explicit content in shared spaces, including her bed, office, and common areas. Despite setting clear boundaries and requesting respect for personal space, the roommate persists, eventually neglecting rent payments and violating privacy by publicizing the address for her OnlyFans business. Morgan ultimately decides to evict her, seeking justice and reclaiming her sanctuary.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Lauren: "She took advantage of you."
• Chris Clemens: "She knows my strong opinion on Internet safety and privacy."

Notable Quotes:

• Morgan [61:57]: "You're not the asshole."
• Justin [64:12]: "If she decides to pop back up, maybe if it's the right situation."

The episode emphasizes the importance of setting and enforcing boundaries in shared living environments, highlighting the consequences of disrespect and exploitation.

Confessions and Audience Interaction [39:50 - 127:00]

Throughout the episode, Morgan and her co-hosts engage with audience confessions, offering advice, humor, and sometimes light-hearted mockery. These interactions showcase the show's interactive and community-driven nature, fostering a sense of connection among listeners.

Notable Interactions:

• Sid from "Well Said" Podcast: Provides comedic relief and insightful commentary.
• Jerry (Morgan's Father): Offers fatherly advice with a humorous twist, becoming a recurring character that adds depth and entertainment to the discussions.

Example Quote:

• Chris Clemens [112:55]: "Y'all are dirty birds here in Chicago."

Conclusion and Final Thoughts [127:00 - End]

As the episode winds down, Morgan wraps up with heartfelt thanks to her audience, highlighting the importance of live shows in creating an engaging and supportive community. She reiterates the opportunity for listeners to participate via Patreon for exclusive content and encourages attendance at upcoming live events.

Final Promotional Segment: Peloton [130:00 - 127:00] The episode concludes with a final Peloton sponsorship message, reiterating the benefits and community aspects of the platform.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Morgan [04:03]: "His kink is essentially to have me pretend to be dead and lifeless."
• Justin [06:08]: "This is the scariest shit ever."
• Chris Clemens [28:25]: "I would have put a Lego in every orifice of your fucking body, bitch."
• Lauren [31:15]: "I hate that you guys."
• Justin [38:22]: "It's so scary."
• Morgan [61:57]: "You're not the asshole."
• Chris Clemens [112:55]: "Y'all are dirty birds here in Chicago."

Key Takeaways:

• Boundary Setting: The importance of establishing and maintaining personal boundaries in relationships and shared living situations.
• Community Support: The role of supportive communities and co-hosts in navigating personal crises and ethical dilemmas.
• Emotional Resilience: Navigating complex emotions and making difficult decisions with the support of trusted confidants.
• Transparency and Honesty: Balancing honesty with sensitivity, especially in long-standing friendships and family dynamics.

Conclusion

Episode 184 of Two Hot Takes delivers a compelling mix of intense personal stories, heartfelt updates, and engaging live interactions. Morgan Absher and her co-hosts adeptly navigate through a spectrum of emotions, offering listeners both humor and genuine support. This episode stands out for its authentic portrayal of real-life conflicts and the unwavering commitment of the Two Hot Takes team to provide insightful commentary on the human experience.

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Stay Connected:

• Instagram: @TwoHotTakes
• Patreon: Exclusive Stories
• YouTube: Two Hot Takes Channel
• Morgan's Instagram: @morgsyabsher

For more detailed stories and to participate in future live shows, visit the provided links and join the Two Hot Takes community today!

Transcript

[Morgan]

One of this week's partners is Peloton. I'm sure you're familiar with Peloton and their amazing bike and workout classes, but did you know Peloton has a variety of training programs. Pilates, 5K, 10K, half and full marathon programs, strength training, boot camps. There are so many ways to challenge yourself no matter what mood you're in. Even for me, sometimes I'm not in a workout mood. But that is quickly changed by going on finding a good class on Peloton and and being motivated by those instructors. Yeah, you've seen a video or two. Peloton's instructors are in a league of their own. They've got a whole lineup of dancers, college athletes, world record breakers that bring the motivation and fun. They are always fun. And you don't have to do it alone either. Peloton promotes a healthy rivalry and you see it all come to life on that leadership board. My brother and his wife have a Peloton bike and being able to challenge each other and others has been so much fun for them. So find your push, find your power with Peloton at 1peloton.com. Hi friends. I know, I know, I said no new episode this week. Well, no new episode in the traditional sense. If you want more traditional episodes recorded in studio, amazing quality audio, head over to Patreon. There is over five and a half hours of full length bonus content this month with some of the best stories I think we've had recently. I'm still sitting here scarred from the ones I read with Lauren, Justin and Carrie. Yeah, basically three full bonus episodes this month if you go to Patreon. But let's get back to today. We're on tour next week. Literally in less than five days, I'll be in San Diego with you guys, partying it up, hearing your takes, hearing all your confessions, all the things you want to share. Which if you're coming to a live show, please please fill out the form that's linked in the episode, show notes and YouTube description. I ask a few questions like, what's a big regret? What's a secret you want to share? Share as much or as little as you want. But if you do share, there's a chance you can come on stage and give your take with us for a story. I'm pulling people from the form to bring on stage to give your takes. So instead of yelling in your car or at your screen or at the gym or cleaning your house, you can come on stage and actually be a part of the show. So fill out the Google form and enjoy this episode of content from some of our live shows. We've got Chris Clemens joining for a few stories. We've got some confessions that I never thought would see the light of day. And we've just got our usual chaos with some crowd noise, which is my favorite part of these live shows. Being able to hear your reactions instantly. Getting the boos that they're an asshole. Getting the cheers that they are not the asshole. Live shows are a totally different experience. We've only got 11 shows on this upcoming tour and it might be one of the last tours for quite some time because I got to start wedding planning. So if you can be sure to come join us. The link to buy your tickets is also in the description. Hope to see you there and enjoy the episode. Let's dive in. This first story is coming from our New York live show at Gramercy Theater. It features Chris Clemens as our guest co host. So this first one Lauren actually found and I have no idea what we're getting into.

[Lauren]

I don't even know which one it is.

[Chris Clemens]

And that makes two of us.

[Morgan]

It is titled Am I the Asshole for Reporting My Husband's Kink to the Police?

[Lauren]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Chris Clemens]

I'd like.

[Lauren]

Why'd you put my name behind this one?

[Chris Clemens]

I'm clicking. Read more.

[Morgan]

I made an alt because I'm honestly concerned and I don't want him to know about this. So my husband has been getting very strange creepy in the bedroom. I told him it makes me very uncomfortable, but I went along with it for a short period of time because he said it's the the only thing that can get him off now. This is.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, every day I'm embarrassed to be a man.

[Lauren]

I love how everyone's saying leave him and we don't know what it is yet.

[Morgan]

She told the cops it's gotta be bad, but I just couldn't continue with it anymore and it's making me fear for my life. His kink is essentially to have me pretend to be dead and lifeless.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm out. No, I'm out. Like, honestly, the only thing worse than necrophilia is having an alive person pretend like that's insane.

[Lauren]

Is it?

[Chris Clemens]

He was like, hey baby, my kink is play dead. No, they were just dead. I think. Like, I don't. And he was like, there's another action. He drugged them. You're so right.

[Morgan]

Too much serial killer. Ah, scary. Full body chills. I just couldn't. Oh, wrong line. He didn't start this until recently and it makes Me worry about his mental state. He's also been getting a lot more angry and aggressive with me lately. I reported him to the police so he could get mental health help and so they could talk to him. He told me because I reported him, I'm going to regret it.

[Lauren]

Oh, God.

[Justin]

Oh, okay.

[Lauren]

Oh, no.

[Morgan]

I don't even feel safe being in the same house as him anymore because ever since I reported him, he has been giving me this chilling stare and I'm considering calling the police again to get him out.

[Chris Clemens]

I have never wanted an update for a story so badly. Just to know that they're alive. Yeah, like, it's like, not even funny.

[Morgan]

There are a lot of other concerning things he's been doing lately, but I don't want to make this post too long, so that's the overall point here. Am I the asshole for reporting his kink?

[Justin]

No, I. Honestly. This is a situation where you leave in the middle of the night. We know. Goodbyes, change your name, turn the fingertips. This is the scariest shit ever.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

And do you know how? Oh, sorry.

[Morgan]

No, you. I didn't know there was more. You got it, babe.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I just think, like, can you imagine being, like, how bad it was that you're questioning if you're wrong? That's, like the part that's tripping me out.

[Morgan]

Yeah. I'm sitting here like, I'm. One, I'm panicked because of the story, and two, I didn't find this one, so I'm like, is there an update? Lauren? Lauren, what did you do to us?

[Lauren]

I don't know. I'm sorry. I didn't even think you'd read this one.

[Chris Clemens]

Surprise.

[Morgan]

Carrie.

[Lauren]

Looks like sending it to you for shits and gigs.

[Morgan]

Oh, Carrie, our amazing assistant that keeps this whole tour running. Put it in here. Oh, and thank God she did, because it is juicy, but. What? Check the backyard. Oh. Oh. Top comment. Being an asshole is irrelevant. Here. Leave now.

[Justin]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Collect your documents, ID, birth certificate, passport, etc. And any money that you have and go to a safe location. If you have a friend that lives at an address unknown to your husband, go there. Otherwise, a hotel on a credit card he doesn't have access to. If he has access to all of your finances, go to a women's shelter. Block him on all platforms. If you have location services shared, end it. Get a cheap new phone and throw away the old one far away from where you're staying. Do not respond to him, no matter what. From experience, police cannot help you much in these situations, but still report anything he does, so that you can build a case to use later if needed. I am very, very sorry this is happening. I'm on Opie's account. There is one comment. No update. Opie says, thank you guys so much for the support. It really means a lot to me. I'll just say I would leave right now. Believe me. I just have a few problems. I don't really have anywhere in my town that I can go because most of my family and friends live out of town or out of state.

[Justin]

Time to go there.

[Lauren]

Go there.

[Justin]

We're going out of state?

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, like, let's. We're going on a road trip, girl.

[Morgan]

Also, our neighbors live miles out and we live in a really rural area.

[Lauren]

Oh, God.

[Morgan]

I am kind of ashamed to say the least. But I am also financially dependent upon him, so a hotel isn't an option right now. I don't have any money of my own unless he gives me an allowance.

[Chris Clemens]

What? That is the first red flag.

[Morgan]

That's the way he wanted it since we first got married. No, I do have a degree, but I haven't used it. I have to plan out some sort of exit, like some suggested. Thank you again. God bless you all.

[Justin]

This is literally a script to just the worst horror film I've ever seen.

[Morgan]

Okay, well, thank you. Someone asked how long ago it was, and I just looked at the account. This was all posted four months ago and we don't have an update. Don't worry. I'm literally gonna get on the chat right now and send a message. Thank God I'm connected to the wifi. I know. Like, I. No, I will literally send her a fucking visa.

[Chris Clemens]

No, literally, I'm like, gofundme.

[Justin]

We all march at dawn. He can't take us all on.

[Morgan]

What? What should we say? Hi, there. Checking in to see if you're okay, alive. Happy to mail you some sort of. What do you call. What do you know?

[Lauren]

But what do you call Visa gift card or something?

[Morgan]

Like the. Yeah, okay.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

I mean, fuck, I'll pick her up. I'll, like, go fly and get her and, like, we'll. This is like an actual emergency. It feels.

[Morgan]

No, this is diagnosed.

[Lauren]

I feel like.

[Morgan]

Is this somehow.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm like, uh, no, that never should be said. Jesus Christ.

[Morgan]

No, I wouldn't. With your ass is to the rescue.

[Chris Clemens]

I've. I can't believe I'm saying this. I wish we were in LA to have some sage. Some bitch would have it. This is crazy, honestly.

[Morgan]

Chris in a cape, though, just. It's. I can Envision it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Clemens]

It's like blowing. Picture it.

[Justin]

I mean, I can honestly see you in that situation. I'm not. Not to make light of it, but if you were there picking her up and she's coming out, oh, I forgot something in your house, you'd be like.

[Morgan]

Get in the fuck out of here.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm like, I don't care what it is. If it's like, if it's an original Picasso, I'll find another one. Like, get the fuck out of here, bitch. That is like, that is just.

[Justin]

It's so scary.

[Morgan]

Okay, well, message has been sent. Everyone in this room, put a little prayer. Good juju, good vibes. Whatever you believe in. Up. Let's hope we hear back.

[Lauren]

I feel bad for picking this up, but then again, so many of you guys have told me that you listen to all those murder podcasts, so I'm like, this can't be that bad, right?

[Morgan]

Let's just all pray. Let's just pray about it. Amen.

[Chris Clemens]

Like, yeah, I've never been so willing to join a prayer circle. I'm like, let's fucking go, God.

[Morgan]

Let's do it.

[Lauren]

No, like, everyone hold hands.

[Morgan]

The minute we get a response, I will like be like, hey, Grand Mercy Theater. Can I get the email list so we can let everyone know she's okay?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

But. Okay, moving along.

[Chris Clemens]

Thank you.

[Morgan]

Thank you.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah. I'm like, wow, that's a fucking crazy start.

[Morgan]

Okay, I'm gonna give you guys a choice on this next one, okay? Cause then one other story tonight does also involve a kink. Do we wanna stay on the kink train or do we want just like a. Just a mix up? I don't even know if it's lighter, but just mix it up a little bit. Mix it up. Let's hear it for Kink. Let's hear it for Mix it Up.

[Lauren]

That was too even.

[Morgan]

That was really good.

[Lauren]

We gotta do that again. One more time.

[Morgan]

You.

[Lauren]

You got.

[Morgan]

You gotta learn. Okay, ready guys?

[Lauren]

Kink. Mix It Up.

[Morgan]

King.

[Lauren]

You guys are good, but I think Kink won.

[Morgan]

Yeah, I think the kink have it.

[Justin]

Slim margin. I almost.

[Chris Clemens]

We learned nothing.

[Justin]

I almost said we should pass her on the mic. And I was gonna say show and tell our kinks, but I meant tell. But imagine what would happen.

[Chris Clemens]

Let's leave it to our imaginations.

[Morgan]

Yeah. This next story is also from New York. Apologies. This was the very last story of the very last show. So my voice is basically gone. Gone. But it is a really, really good story, so enjoy it. So I'm going to give you a choice on this last one. Okay? Today I fucked up by not telling my doctor how many Tic Tacs I eat per day. Or I destroyed my ex boyfriend's Lego set and gave him one week to move out after he threw away my teddy bear.

[Chris Clemens]

No, that's a YouTube video. I'd watch.

[Morgan]

The second one. Second one.

[Chris Clemens]

First. First one exact. Right. No.

[Morgan]

Shh.

[Chris Clemens]

You're wrong. It's the first. It's the second one.

[Morgan]

Here we go, baby. I'm sorry. Grammar C. I'm gonna try to read fast, but. Okay, we all know the title. I'm not going to read it again. I just need to vent. I, 24, female, have been living with my 25 male, now ex boyfriend for about eight months. I have a teddy bear that my grandmother gave to me when I was younger. It has no monetary value, but the sentimental value is more important. When I was 8, she gave it to me while she was struggling with cancer. Oh, God. It was stage four and spread quickly and there was nothing they could do. She gave me a teddy bear and told me to take care of it. And I could talk to the teddy bear whenever I missed her. She got one of those talking mics in it and it would say, quote, I hope you're feeling loved today because I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the fish in the sea and you and you mean the world to me.

[Lauren]

I hate that you guys.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm Flexapro, so I'm crying all the time.

[Morgan]

This is. I hate that you guys picked this one. Now I forgot how fucked it was. Okay, where are we? She would say that all the time to me when I would spend the night. He knows how much it means to me, I told him. He's seen me hugging the bear and sitting outside to talk to my grandma when I was sad or just needed to vent without judgment or even a response. Two days ago he decided that it was raggedy and quote, not appealing to look at this one. Sucks. I can admit. Bear Bear has been through it. I carried it around with me everywhere for two years. He would go in my book bag when I went to school, went to dance class with me. He even went out of town when I had cheer meets when I got into high school. My cousin pulled out one of his eyes when I was 10 and he's missing an arm when my brother got mad at me and cut it off. But it was sewn back on and then ripped off. Off again. You guys get it? But he was mine. Oh, did I mention this is coming from the 2out take subreddit like this is one of us. Oh my God. I found a button that was exactly like his from some bear at Goodwill and was going to sew it in as his eye. I went to my room. We have separate bedrooms. I can decorate my space how I want and have my workspace and the same for him, but we always sleep together. I just never had my own room and have always been living alone for two years. So I just want to keep that for a while. I went in there to do it and he wasn't on my bed. I went scouring for him for hours and he watched me. I started to cry because that was the last thing she gave me and she made it special for me. He finally told me after watching me struggle for hours. He threw it away because it was disgusting and he hated coming in my room and seeing it warm up my.

[Chris Clemens]

Cell in that maximum security prison. Fight me bitch.

[Morgan]

I got so mad and I felt so betrayed. He likes to spend time on Legos and building them. He built the Eiffel Tower, the Harry Potter Tower, a cherry blossom tree and dozens of others. I went to his room and I destroyed them all. I threw the pieces around the room and out the window and into the garbage. He came in screaming at me and saying how dare I touch his things.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm so pissed. Don't fuck with grandmas. Don't you fucking dare. I'll put a Lego in every orifice of your fucking body, bitch. Sorry.

[Morgan]

He bought them with his own money and he spent hours on them.

[Justin]

Oh.

[Morgan]

I told him to get the fuck out and spend hours rebuilding in someplace else because I'm done with him.

[Lauren]

That is pretty good.

[Morgan]

He started telling me I was overreacting and whatever else. I forgot a lot of the argument because I was pissed. I told him he had one week to get his things out and move out but he wasn't staying here while it happened. He started telling me that I couldn't do that and he would paid and he paid bills. I told him I really don't give a shit and to get out or I'd call the police. We have mutual friends and he has told them a completely different story because two of them have texted me asking how could you do that to him?

[Chris Clemens]

To quote Wendy Williams, death to all of them.

[Morgan]

And I really don't care to clear it up in the moment. I didn't feel bad and now I kind of do because that's his hobby and I get. I Was so hurt and betrayed by what he did. He's even called me a few times saying he'll get me another bear.

[Justin]

No.

[Chris Clemens]

Go fuck yourself.

[Lauren]

Literally.

[Morgan]

And we can work on things. And don't throw away three years over a mistake steak.

[Lauren]

Oh my God.

[Chris Clemens]

Don't throw away my Nana's 98 year old Teddy bear.

[Lauren]

Oh my God.

[Morgan]

She.

[Lauren]

He's lucky that he had Legos for her to destroy because I would be burning his house down.

[Chris Clemens]

I would have taken fucking scissors to his dick. I mean, it would have been game. I'm not kidding. You don't play when it comes to my grandma.

[Lauren]

Yeah, no mic drop.

[Morgan]

No, no, I'm. I love my grandma. Like my grandma's literally my favorite fucking person. And I've been working. I can't even think about her being gone.

[Chris Clemens]

Girl, we can't go down this.

[Morgan]

But my grandma and me are working on like a recipe book together. And if someone took that recipe book and like threw it in the trash because they were annoyed by it, I honestly, I would stab them with a pair of scissors. Rusty scissors. Get tetanus, bitch.

[Justin]

If that shit fucking happened, I would stab him before you. I listen, I'm calling the police. I'll have my hands out. I'm ready. 25 to life. Let's go. I don't give a fuck.

[Morgan]

You and Chris together in the cell, do life.

[Chris Clemens]

You fuck with my grandma, my family, me, you're done.

[Morgan]

You guys, the top, the top comment on the post. I'd leave him. My husband folds my baby blanket and puts it under my pillow when he makes the bed. I'm a middle aged woman with children. To be loved is to be seen. Like your partner should fully embrace you and all of you. This is a fucking teddy bear. This is. This is bear bear. This is not a couch and a beetle guy going under it. This is not a poop knife. Homeboy is not a coconut.

[Chris Clemens]

Give me a break.

[Morgan]

This is bare bear.

[Lauren]

Oh my God. The voice recording too. Like that's what would have really me up. Like you threw away that, that voice. I just.

[Morgan]

Oh, you guys.

[Chris Clemens]

There'S an update.

[Morgan]

Is there an update? We have an update. Oh great.

[Jerry]

Yes.

[Lauren]

Be careful.

[Justin]

He's dead.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah, okay. I will just say like, he's dead.

[Morgan]

Oh, this has been a really emotional wild ride for me because Lauren actually found this one and I didn't know any of this that was gonna happen. I'm like sitting here, I'm like, what the fuck is this story?

[Chris Clemens]

This was a dark one to give.

[Morgan]

Them to choose I'm sorry, but, like, thank God you guys stole. Like, not stole. Chose this one. Now stole. And I'm looking at the clock. I'm so sorry, venue. I know. I'm over time.

[Chris Clemens]

I'll pay. I really will. Sorry. This is like therapy.

[Morgan]

Okay. Okay. Update. I want to say thank you to all the people who told me not to give up on finding my bear because I went out to that dumpster for three hours with my sister, my best friend, and even a neighbor came down to help when I told them what happened, and I fucking found it. I'm so relieved and beyond a happy. Also, I love all the men calling me crazy. And he dodged a bullet and I committed a crime. And he should call the police and.

[Lauren]

Take me to court a crime, tell.

[Chris Clemens]

Them they should finish middle school.

[Morgan]

As if he didn't throw away my property because he didn't like my property and my personal space. He is lucky that's all I did and I didn't sue. Sue him for it. Oh, this fuck.

[Lauren]

Does this make you emotional because of what just happened the other day with just you guys? Justin was in the dumpster.

[Morgan]

I didn't that digging through the dumpster.

[Lauren]

I come outside of a venue and.

[Morgan]

Okay, well, we need to give them a little more context.

[Lauren]

I will. I wanted to, like, kind of put it out there and then have you finish.

[Morgan]

Okay. So, Lauren, this was not. I didn't even cross my mind, and now I'm gonna cry more.

[Lauren]

Sorry. Okay, never mind. Let's rewind. We're gonna take it back.

[Morgan]

So I have a pony.

[Lauren]

Okay, Sorry. Let me do it. Okay, I'll. I. Do you want me to handle it or.

[Chris Clemens]

You got a really sentimental gift and we couldn't find it. Yeah, so pretty much we dumpster dove. Justin did way more than I did. I went through one thing while going. Justin was, like, in the trenches.

[Lauren]

Literally ended up finding the dumpster. Yeah.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

You guys, I have a video of it. I'll post it on my story afterwards. It's truly beautiful.

[Morgan]

I don't know if I've ever cried this much at a show. I'm so sorry. But, yeah, my pony. My pony is not doing very well. So to, like, get this gift from someone. It was my pony carved in bronze. I lost it. It was beautiful. And I set it down on a chair. I walked away for two seconds. I came back to grab it, and it was gone. And we started going through dumpsters. But luckily I sent an email to the guy, and I go, please let me know if it gets found. And luckily he texted me yesterday and he goes, morgan, your pin was found. We have it. But it was very emotional because my pony is in the emergency vet hospital right now. But he's doing better. But not where I wanted this story to go. But it's okay. Sorry.

[Lauren]

But the beautiful part is that Bear. Bear was found and the horsey pin was found.

[Morgan]

Opie ends it anyways, I found him. He's drying. I'm going to sew the button in over the weekend. My dad and brother will be here when my ex comes to get his shit. And that's it.

[Chris Clemens]

I'm so fucking mad. I'm really ready to commit crime.

[Justin]

Like, I'm glad you found it, but I'm still. That he's just out, you know, building his Legos and doing that.

[Chris Clemens]

So I hope he literally either steps on all the Legos or never finds the one to finish Hogwarts. I hope he rots in Azkaban in his turn.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Hogwarts.

[Morgan]

I hope when he goes to hell, because he will.

[Chris Clemens]

I'll greet him. That's the worst part.

[Morgan]

No, you fucking won't. Because you are one of the most magical kind.

[Lauren]

He's incredible.

[Chris Clemens]

Backfired.

[Morgan]

Truly. Chris Clemens is as amazing as he seems online. He is a beautiful soul. But when that fucker goes to hell, every single minute of hell, he will be walking over exposed Legos on the ground. Because if you've ever done that, you know it hurts. But on that note, that's all I got for you guys.

[Chris Clemens]

This really. This ended in a compromising way. Like, I think I committed, like five crimes just verbally. I'm like, well, that was all alleged.

[Morgan]

Allegedly. Apparently. Apparently. Allegedly.

[Chris Clemens]

Allegedly. Load a gun and shoot him.

[Morgan]

I feel like after that last story and my personal connection to it, I need another shot. One of this week's partners is Peloton. I'm sure you're familiar with Peloton and their amazing bike and workout classes, but did you know Peloton has a variety of training programs. Pilates, 5K, 10K, half and full marathon programs, strength training, boot camps. There are so many ways to challenge yourself no matter what mood you're in. Even for me, sometimes I'm not in a workout mood. But that is quickly changed by going on finding a good class on Peloton and being motivated by those instructors. Yeah, you've seen a video or two. Peloton's instructors are in a league of their own. They've got a whole lineup of dancers, college athletes, world record breakers that bring the motivation and fun. They are always fun. And you don't have to do it alone either. Peloton promotes a healthy rivalry and you see it all come to life on that leadership board. My brother and his wife have a peloton bike and being able to challenge each other and others has been so much fun for them. So find your push, find your power with [e-mail] this next story is from our Minneapolis live show at Varsity Theater. It is coming from Aitah. It is titled Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend that my ex wife was tighter?

[Lauren]

Oh wow, my heart's pounding. I'm upset.

[Morgan]

You're already heated over here. I, male 39, hate it when people make fun of others. I mean, I know that people can gossip and talk amongst friends about other people and I'm guilty of that too. But I got very upset when my girlfriend, female32 started talking about my ex wife, female42 I understand that disliking an ex isn't abnormal or anything, but my girlfriend is obsessed with my ex wife and always tries to make bad remarks about her when it is just to me. I don't care. Because again, people can gossip and talk shit about others in the privacy of their own homes. But this time it was at a restaurant with some of her girlfriends and their spouses. Somehow the discussion became about my ex wife's vagina. Yeah, don't ask me how, but they were discussing childbirth and body changes, age, et cetera, and my ex got dragged.

[Lauren]

Wow.

[Morgan]

My girlfriend was a bit drunk and she was talking loudly. I hated it and I asked her to stop talking. When I get upset she doubles down because she starts thinking why do you care? Why don't you want me to talk shit about your ex? She has actually told me this before. Now she was talking about how my ex wife must have a huge one. We have two children together, female four and male too. The girls started laughing and saying ew. I yelled to stop but they ignored me. Then my girlfriend told me, why are you so agitated? Did we hit a nerve? I said, actually no. My ex was the tightest woman I've ever had. I don't know how she managed it, but she is very, very tight. They became silent and my girlfriend started crying. Then the women started yelling at me and their spouses were somewhere between amused and scared. Then one of the spouses said, yeah, I don't think childbirth really affects this. I haven't noticed the difference with the women I've dated. I felt gratitude, but I was still being Yelled at. And my girlfriend has not called or answered me since Saturday. I am so tired.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God. Do you want to take this first?

[Justin]

Yeah, I mean, I mean, I'm a little embarrassed in the sense that there's some people here that I would never have these conversations with.

[Lauren]

And I know we have a lot of family here.

[Justin]

Get the disclaimer before the show. So I guess here it is.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God. You didn't warn them?

[Justin]

I tried.

[Morgan]

I don't know.

[Justin]

How do you warn someone? Oh, by the way, we're going to talk about.

[Lauren]

We don't. We don't know what's going to come up here. Yeah, I don't know what you're going to read to us.

[Morgan]

I should have worn them and I definitely didn't. I'm so sorry, Mom.

[Justin]

But anyway, I think the second you have a sentence like when I start getting upset, she doubles down. I don't think, you know, this is much bigger than this conversation. It's much bigger than this topic coming up in front of everyone. It's just, it could have been about anything, any sensitive topic. And it's when you start doubling down when your partner seems upset because you're trying to keep pushing that narrative. There's a bigger issue here. So, you know, the fact that she's not responding might be a good thing.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

I personally can't believe that the title of this went from me feeling sick to my stomach to being like. Like, because here's the thing. Like, this is the mother of his children. Children. And his children you would hope he really loves. And to say that because she gave birth to his children, that she's gross now, that is so messed up that there's just, there's no excuse. Yeah, sure, you can be jealous of an ex, but that you're taking it too far. And I, obviously it was maybe like a little. It kind of like, maybe it was a little mean for him to say that, but like, at that moment he was backed against a corner. And I just think that, like, she needed that wake up call. And so I actually am not mad at him for saying that to her.

[Morgan]

I am not mad at all. I actually love this. And I know, like, you're supposed to defend your current partner and have their side, but when they're relentlessly trolling someone that has nothing to do with them anymore, like, him defending his ex wife honestly gives green flags. Like, I actually really appreciate that. And people would be like, why he is unwilling to let his ex partner, mother of his children be dragged through the Mud for no reason. And it's like, yeah, they're together now, but you could not be. And what if you have a kid with him and this is the next lady talking about you?

[Lauren]

Like, yeah, it's.

[Morgan]

It makes me feel. God, the bar is in hell. But a little hopeful. Like, I'm like, yeah, defend her and her tight vagina.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that there's a lot of, like, little petty things that you could, like, you know, like chirp to, like, your ex or to your current partner about their ex and it not be that serious. But, like, this just feels. This feels like a crime against females. You know what I mean?

[Morgan]

I was gonna say she's giving pick me. Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, it just.

[Morgan]

She is giving pick me. Like, oh, my God, she must have a huge one. Unlike me. I'm so tight. Like, she's giving pick me.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's. It's pretty crazy.

[Justin]

Well, and it seems like it's been building up, and this is the final just outlet where he's just had enough. And it's just like, all right, you're gonna do this in front of everyone out tonight. Well, here's what I have to say. So. I like it too.

[Morgan]

I know. And the chorus of ew, like, how fucking old are you? There's pelvic floor therapy, bitches. I know. I met my little ob GYN nurse here tonight.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

The one comment he does include in this, that does freak me out too, is my girlfriend is obsessed with my ex wife. Why, like, that is. That's so weird. And the fact that they have to, like, co parent. You don't want someone like that around your kids. Yeah, they're gonna pick up on her hostility and all the shit she's talking.

[Justin]

Yeah, you don't want them to have a good relationship with her. I mean, just for the good of the whole situation. But if you're that threatened, then, you know, let's get rid of you.

[Morgan]

Let's get rid of you one way or another. Top comment on this one. This whole situation sucks. If you're co parenting with your ex, your girlfriend should know that part of dating you means having a cordial or at least neutral relationship with her, at least in front of you. She has way crossed the line. This is not somebody you can have around your kids. She's ghosting you.

[Lauren]

Cool.

[Morgan]

Saves you the trouble.

[Justin]

True.

[Morgan]

I like it. There is another comment, one that OP responds to. This is such a lack of respect for your ex wife, but also for your feelings that I hope that you have already Broken up with your girlfriend. Being drunk is not an excuse to discuss other people's genitalia in public. What else is she okay to discuss aloud when you're not around? She won't change because she is jealous and insecure of your ex. Op responds. While writing this post, I literally thought, what am I doing? Yeah, Yeah. I realized I am done. I am tired. I'm packing her shit in a box and leaving it in the hallway.

[Justin]

Hey, happy ending.

[Morgan]

That is a happy.

[Lauren]

What does that mean?

[Justin]

Jerry shows himself.

[Morgan]

My dad must be out in the wild by you guys, huh?

[Lauren]

Oh, man. Jerry.

[Morgan]

Oh, man.

[Lauren]

Also, where's Carrie?

[Morgan]

Can I have a lovely assistant, Vanna White? Come on out. Carrie. Carrie. Carrie, Carrie, Carrie. Thanks, Carrie. Yeah, baby.

[Lauren]

Oh, okay.

[Morgan]

Carrie's got those drinks.

[Lauren]

Usually I kind of lost track of time because we start a little bit later. And so I did.

[Morgan]

But let's get it straight. We had to make sure everyone was in the door.

[Lauren]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Morgan]

That's why.

[Lauren]

It's because of you guys, not us.

[Morgan]

I don't want the bad. The bad vibe.

[Lauren]

But I didn't have a drink in hand, and I'm like, this is so weird. Usually I'm. You know, when I'm coming out here, I'm spilling all over myself. And now I'm just, like, twiddling my thumb.

[Morgan]

So Lauren got smoked by a door.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God. Yeah, tell them. Smoked. Oh, yeah, tell them.

[Morgan]

The Tempe show had double swing doors and they were holding it for me and Justin and not me. They didn't know Lauren was a part of the crew somehow, even though she was at soundcheck. And that door just bam. Champagne glass shattered. Shattered champagne all over Lauren.

[Justin]

And then, well, she had these really light pants on.

[Lauren]

It looks like I pissed myself.

[Justin]

So we're standing side stage and the intro video is playing. And it ends. And I'm like, lauren, you gotta go. And she's like looking down. She's like, what do I do? What do I say? And then she just got out there and we did it.

[Lauren]

But, yeah.

[Morgan]

The show must go on.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Are we ready for our first guest of the night? Okay. Please welcome my lovely sister in law, Amy to the stage. You have some presents. Justin also has presents while Amy gets settled. Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

Well, Amy, not for you, Amy.

[Morgan]

Amy's like, it's for me. This next story is also from Minnesota, but it has a special guest, Sid from well Said podcast. You've seen Sid in the past. She used to go by Straight Candid. She is an amazing co. Host. So be sure to go check out her podcast. This next One is titled Boyfriend. 25, male, and his sister in law, 28 female, snuck out to the beach at 3am oh hell no.

[Sid]

Hard no already no. No.

[Morgan]

Okay, so last night happened. We've been together for a year. We were visiting his parents house who lived by the beach and his brother was also there with his wife. We stayed there last night and at around 3am I was half asleep. 3am and I noticed that he was leaving the room. I thought he's probably going to the bathroom or something. I heard some noises from downstairs and I wasn't paying attention until I saw from the window that he was going out to the beach with his brother's wife. They came back about an hour later. I still haven't confronted him and I was wondering what this could mean. What was it that they needed to do? I don't know, what? Sex. Just like so nonchalant down here. I wondered what they needed to do. Sex. Sorry. I could not keep it together. Oh my God, where was I? What was it that they needed to do? I don't know what to think. Is it something that I can be upset about? Sneaking around at night isn't cool in my opinion. What is going on here?

[Sid]

Your chill is insane. It's insane. If I saw you at that window running around the sand. Are you joking? John Cena your ass. You kidding me? Are you joking me? I'm sorry, I.

[Morgan]

Maybe I.

[Sid]

Maybe I just don't have any chill. And I definitely had a tequila soda, so I mean I don't have any chill now for sure.

[Justin]

I can't imagine seeing them walk off and not fucking going to see what is going on. Like obviously, obviously. I'd probably play the card that's not run out and be like hey guys, what are we doing? You know, you go like a minute later you trail like the guys in the movies following, like that kind of thing. You stay just out of sight. I'm going. There's no way I'm laying there just being like, oh, they're probably just chatting. No way.

[Sid]

There's some people in relationships though that like actually they're like, oh no, I'd rather not know. I'm like, I'm gonna know. I'm gonna find your ass. Wherever you are. You have a piece, one kernel of sand. A kernel, Colonel Torn one kernel, whatever I'm calling it a kernel of sand in your ass cheek. I know exactly what happened out there.

[Morgan]

Great, thank you. Because I honestly, I thought it was colonel too the more you said it, the better it sounded.

[Sid]

Colonel sounds pretty good.

[Justin]

Because of Colonel Sanders or what?

[Lauren]

Sid, I'm literally picturing you like that Jennifer Lawrence scene. And no hard feelings.

[Morgan]

I'm just like. And she just punches the shit out.

[Lauren]

Of the people who try to steal her clothes.

[Morgan]

She looks so hot in that movie. Oh, my God, I love Jennifer Lawrence. The amount of times I've seen Hunger Games is disturbing. Okay, sorry.

[Sid]

No, I mean, what. I mean, what are you doing? What are you wondering for?

[Morgan]

I just.

[Sid]

I can't live in the unknown. My anxiety is like, up here. I wish it wasn't there, but it is. I'm not living in the unknown. What if. No, I'm gonna find out.

[Morgan]

I'm gonna find you.

[Sid]

I don't care who I need to ask. And also, I'd already been out there crawling, army crawling in the sand underneath. What is he gonna say? What were you guys doing?

[Justin]

I mean, here's the thing. I think we all know what's happening. And also, when you're sneaking out at 3am, this is not the first time. There's no way that's the first time. Like, hey, texting in the middle of the night. You want to go to the beach? Nah, this shit's been going on.

[Morgan]

How many of you would have followed him?

[Justin]

Everyone. Who wouldn't?

[Morgan]

Yeah, I mean, I am a very curious person. I would have. I would have loved to have a chance at like, stealth mode. Because, like, I don't, I don't usually I don't get that anymore.

[Sid]

So there's something about somebody doing something wrong.

[Morgan]

I don't get that anymore.

[Sid]

The narc in me is like, yes, I caught you. I got you. You know what I'm saying? I'm like. Even when you pull up at like, I don't know, a four way stop and someone goes, and you're like, oh, no, no, no, I'm pulling out first. I caught you doing something wrong. The narc in me takes over.

[Lauren]

Don't you hate, though, the idea of like catching in real life that image though? No. Well, no, no, no. Not saying you never catch them at all. Like, obviously, ideally you catch them but like, verbally, Like, I just like feel like that would be ingrained in my head and I would be like, but it doesn't matter.

[Morgan]

You're gonna break up after that anyways.

[Lauren]

True.

[Morgan]

You're done.

[Lauren]

True, true.

[Morgan]

So we do have some comments.

[Sid]

Nail in the coffin.

[Morgan]

Someone goes, I'm very surprised you didn't follow them. It could have been a range of Interpretations from a crazy idea to them wanting to fuck on the beach. Op responds and says, I wanted to follow them, but they had locked the front door behind them and I didn't have a key.

[Justin]

What do you mean?

[Lauren]

How do you lock from. Wait, hold on.

[Morgan]

So we get some more.

[Justin]

You lock it from the outside, we.

[Morgan]

Get some more details, people, don't worry. Someone goes, this is new one to me. This is new one to me. This is new one. Do tell. How do you get locked in a house? Op responds, the lock has keyholes on both sides.

[Lauren]

It's a fire hazard.

[Morgan]

I imagine my in laws lock the doors at night and keep the key somewhere inside. And my boyfriend had a spare key, so he opened it, got out and locked it again.

[Sid]

Window.

[Justin]

You gotta change that.

[Lauren]

I was about to say, I'm like, smash the window, girl.

[Sid]

No, open the window. I'd be out the window.

[Morgan]

I don't know. There's no.

[Lauren]

You could open it. No.

[Morgan]

Patio door, sliding glass door. Come on, this is a beach house.

[Sid]

Listen, when detective work comes to detective work. I'm sorry, you can't pretend like you haven't dug so hard on Instagram or Facebook. I don't care. This is in person. This is your big break. You gotta get out there, you gotta find out what's going on. Get out that window. I'm saying.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Top comment on the original post. And you asked him about it and he said.

[Lauren]

Whoa, that was a lot of dots.

[Justin]

That was crazy.

[Morgan]

Look at how many dots there are.

[Lauren]

But your mouth, I've never seen it move before.

[Morgan]

I know. I love a machine gun. I practiced. I didn't. We have an update.

[Sid]

Oh.

[Morgan]

Hey. Again. As much as I wanted to tell you all that it was over nothing. That they just wanted to get some air or smoke some weed or something. Not the case.

[Sid]

Really. Really?

[Morgan]

They were indeed fucking.

[Sid]

Case closed. Judge Judy hit her little. It's done. It's done.

[Morgan]

I asked my boyfriend about it. Didn't mention that I saw him go out with her. Just that I saw him leave the bed and come back later. He told me that he just went to pee and then saw his dad in the kitchen and couldn't sleep and they had a chat for a while. Liar. I asked his sister in law immediately after that, said that I saw her from the window for a second. Was I just imagining it since I was half asleep? Or did she go out alone that time of night? She said that she enjoys midnight breaths and alone walks on the beach. Liar. Again.

[Sid]

3Am not midnight, honey.

[Lauren]

See, we got Our detective work down.

[Morgan]

I told his brother that I saw them leave. He told me that they enjoy long walks on the beach. He couldn't be bothered to go with them. I thought, liar.

[Lauren]

He's in on it.

[Justin]

He's into it then.

[Sid]

No, he's ignoring it. He's probably ignoring it.

[Morgan]

So apparently they gave each other the heads up. Since my boyfriend came to me and told me everything an hour later. Him and his brother like sharing their girlfriend. Yeah.

[Lauren]

So only one person was betrayed. Like you would think they would have, like a partner to be like, this sucks that we're going through this together. But no. No.

[Morgan]

He's been fucking his sister in law for years now. Years. That night was just another moment. He told me that he wanted to tell me when the time is right or when he thought I'm prepared so that I can join in and sleep. So I can join in and sleep with his brother.

[Sid]

Oh my God.

[Morgan]

So that they no longer have to sneak around. He wasn't even admitting that it was cheating. Saying that it doesn't count since it's his sister in law.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it doesn't count because she's my second cousin.

[Morgan]

I don't even know what to say to that. He called me traditional for thinking it was cheating. Yeah, I consider having sex with anyone else cheating. Call me traditional. So I broke up with him and left him to deal with his weird shit with his brother. And I'm actually happier now.

[Justin]

Let's go.

[Sid]

You want a polyamorous relationship, you kind of have to involve the other person involved. Yeah, I'm sorry, but. And also a side note, if you couldn't tell by my narc detective work, I would not be in a polyamorous relationship. Just FYI. I don't know if you couldn't tell that.

[Morgan]

Yeah, I mean, to each their own, but damn. At least inform the parties, as Justin would say. Yeah, baby.

[Justin]

Don't even have to say it.

[Morgan]

Goes unspoken between us.

[Sid]

Were they just gonna. They just have been having family Christmases and here's my gift. You guys, I know you're doing good over there. Just like. I mean, the acting is just insane. Like the show they've been putting on for so long. God, that's a kink, Jerry.

[Morgan]

Well, what's crazy too is they could end up in a situation where Juan gets pregnant. They gotta do paternity tests to determine is that my son or my nephew.

[Lauren]

Exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, it's so interesting. Like, I just. I don't really understand this type of kink to be Honest, like sharing. Well, like as you're wanting your brother and then the sister in law, like, I don't know. I don't know why, Like, I don't know. I don't get it. But yeah, I guess to each their own. If they're all happy, as long as they're not lying to other people anymore, then go at it, kids.

[Morgan]

He will. He will definitely find his person that is okay with this? Oh, yeah, absolutely. There is a left shoe to everyone's crooked right, you know, like, he will find his person. I think if he went into it a little sooner, like maybe fourth date, fifth date, he might have better luck.

[Justin]

Hey, by the way, this is what we do.

[Sid]

Welcome to the family.

[Lauren]

Yeah, exactly what I was thinking.

[Morgan]

Yeah, welcome to the family.

[Lauren]

We have some family traditions over here.

[Sid]

No, if your brother in law, like, is just starting to like, work your shoulder. You got a tight shoulder, honey, you got to. I'm like, get the hell away from me. What?

[Morgan]

No.

[Sid]

Yeah, I'm sorry. No.

[Morgan]

I'm so glad you don't have any siblings now.

[Lauren]

That's the first time you've ever said that to him.

[Morgan]

Oh, man. It's a good thing you're an only child.

[Justin]

Yeah, it's the first time you've said that.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Oh, man. Sid, thank you for coming up.

[Sid]

Thanks for having me. See you all soon.

[Morgan]

Be sure. Oh, oh. Take some. Take some presents with you. Pass them out as you make your way back. One of this week's partners is Peloton. I'm sure you're familiar with Peloton and their amazing bike and workout classes, but did you know Peloton has a variety of training programs. Pilates, 5K, 10K, half and full marathon programs, strength training, boot camps. There are so many ways to challenge yourself no matter what mood you're in. Even for me, sometimes I'm not in a workout mood. But that is quickly changed by going on finding a good class on Peloton and being motivated by those instructors. Yeah, you've seen a video or two. Peloton's instructors are in a league of their own. They've got a whole lineup of dancers, college athletes, world record breakers that bring the motivation and fun. They are always fun. And you don't have to do it alone either. Peloton promotes a healthy rivalry and you see it all come to life on that leadership board. My brother and his wife have a Peloton bike and being able to challenge each other and others has been so much fun for them. So find your push, find your power. With [e-mail]. Okay, these are some am I the asshole stories from our Nashville show. Again, this is why you want to go to the Google form and fill it out. We love including listeners. We love being able to ask questions. The audience loves asking questions. I mean, people shout them out. So submit the form so we can call more people on stage and include you in the chaos. Speaking of porn.

[Lauren]

Oh, what?

[Morgan]

Jerry? That sounded like my dad.

[Lauren]

Yeah, Jerry is just a plant in the audience.

[Morgan]

Yeah, trying to find his way up on the street stage somehow. So we do have an am I the asshole from someone in the room. Aubrey? Aubrey, where are you? Hello, Aubrey. Would you like to come on stage while we read this? Okay, get your ass up here. See, this is why you do the homework. Okay, so I'm going to get started while Aubrey makes way up here. Well, maybe not, because I don't want the mic to yell at us again just in case.

[Justin]

I'm kind of scared.

[Morgan]

No, I don't know the words. You got it, girl.

[Lauren]

You got it.

[Morgan]

Well.

[Sid]

Great segue into that.

[Morgan]

Welcome. Okay, here we go. Am I the asshole for kicking my roommate of 14 years out of my house because she filmed porn in my bed?

[Lauren]

Wow, that was a good segue.

[Morgan]

Unplanned too.

[Lauren]

It's perfect.

[Morgan]

Meant to be background. I, female 32, have lived with my roommate, female, 32, since college. We met as freshmen and have lived together ever since. In 2020, I purchased a house and invited her to be a tenant. This is where the issues began. While borrowing her computer to check my IG account, I noticed her secret IG account was open. The account was full of her boudoir photo shoots and hinting at other content. I started going down the rabbit hole on her link tree. The link brings me to her Reddit page and only fans. While looking through some of the content, I noticed she filmed herself riding a dildo in my bed, in my office, on my couch and my kitchen table.

[Lauren]

Wow, what would you guys do if I just projectiled right now?

[Morgan]

I confronted her about her account, which she denied. Filming in common areas. So I set boundaries. No filming in my room, common areas, and no men in the house. To create this content, she can rent a hotel if needed. The boundaries were ignored and she continued to use common areas. At least my bedroom was no longer used.

[Justin]

That you know of.

[Morgan]

In the meantime, she even stopped paying rent. This occurred for over a year. The final straw was listing my house in an LLC for her only fans business and listing an Amazon wish list for her clients, but made our address public.

[Lauren]

Nope. Did you. Was your. Was it. Am I the asshole? No.

[Morgan]

Quit reading my screen.

[Justin]

Look at you.

[Lauren]

No, I can't. I was just trying to go back to the first sentence I like. Did you ask the question? Because I want to answer it. No, you are not the asshole.

[Justin]

Do we need to switch seats, Lauren?

[Lauren]

No.

[Morgan]

She knows my strong opinion on Internet safety and privacy. So In June of 2023, I gave her six months to move out. Way too.

[Justin]

You're very nice.

[Morgan]

Way too nice. During this time, she continued to not pay rent and took eight months to move out. She stayed until February of 2024. Was I being a petty asshole asking her to move about? No.

[Justin]

Wait, so when. When she denied you. When she denied filming in all those locations, what was the reason? Like, oh, it was a green screen. Or like. Like, how do you not. It's literally right there.

[Morgan]

Oh, it was more or less. I was like, hey, by the way, I saw that you filmed in my bed. And she goes.

[Sid]

She goes, aubrey Lynn, you watched my video videos?

[Morgan]

I was like, oh, throwing that middle name out there, you know?

[Justin]

So it got flipped on you.

[Morgan]

It did, yeah.

[Lauren]

That's so ridiculous.

[Morgan]

I'm all for, like, you want to go on only fans. You want to get your coin, do it. But you can't take advantage of people. And then their bed or, like, the dildo machine or whatever it was in their bed. Like, beds are like, those people. Safe spaces. Yeah, safe room. Yeah, safe room. And I do a travel job, so I'm never home.

[Sid]

So she took reign of the entire.

[Morgan]

House and then didn't pay rent for one year, eight months. I would take her to court. I would literally. I would be so petty at this point. I would take her to court. Yeah, because you have a mortgage. Like, you have shit. You have bills. You want to take care of yourself. Take her to small claims court.

[Lauren]

Also, is she not making money?

[Sid]

She made a couple thousand on Onlyfans.

[Morgan]

Only a couple thousand?

[Sid]

Couple thousand every month on Onlyfans.

[Justin]

She probably understated it, too, just so she would not keep paying rent. I mean, who knows how much?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

She took advantage of you.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Yeah, that's how I feel.

[Lauren]

And then she gaslit you to try to make you feel bad about her taking.

[Morgan]

Oh, and she doesn't see anything wrong with it either. What's her name?

[Sid]

Let's talk about it now.

[Morgan]

What's her name? Where's she at? I heard someone over here. What town do you live in? It's on the Internet. You should be able to see it.

[Justin]

Oh, no.

[Morgan]

We don't want to give her any more money.

[Lauren]

Yeah, she becomes, like, so rich that she pays you back.

[Morgan]

Wouldn't that be nice? Thank you so much for sharing. Hey, thanks, guys. Appreciate it. What's that?

[Lauren]

Bad boy?

[Morgan]

Let's get into these Reddit stories. How we doing? We're hanging in there. Okay. Okay. How are you guys doing?

[Lauren]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Okay. Does anyone want to take a shot with us? Okay.

[Lauren]

Where did that come from?

[Morgan]

Well, it just felt right.

[Justin]

We usually save that for the late show, but this is really fun with you guys.

[Morgan]

This feels good. So, for this first Reddit story. And don't look at my screen, you weirdo. Am I the asshole for considering leaving my wife after her affair with my dad came to light, knowing that it might destroy my family's dynamic?

[Justin]

That might destroy the.

[Morgan]

So here's the situation. I, 26, male, recently found out that my wife, 32, female, of two years, has been having an affair with my dad. 48, male, for about six months. This revelation came from. From my wife, who confessed out of guilt. My father also apologized for the affair. To complicate matters further, I discovered that my mom, 49, female, was aware of the affair and was oddly okay with it.

[Lauren]

Are they broken up? I mean, it's horrible regardless that she's.

[Morgan]

Okay with it, but you know as much as I know.

[Lauren]

Okay.

[Morgan]

My wife has been incredibly apologetic since the confession and wants to continue our marriage, promising it was a mistake and that she wants to fix things.

[Lauren]

No.

[Morgan]

However, during our discussions, she admitted to enjoy enjoying the sexual relationship with my dad.

[Lauren]

There's just things you can't come back from.

[Morgan]

Oh, no, no, no. It goes on. Sorry. She admitted to enjoying the sexual relationship with my dad more than with me.

[Justin]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Yep, there it is.

[Justin]

Why are we even writing this? Why are we even here?

[Lauren]

But let's make it work.

[Morgan]

And mentioned that part of her love for me stems from the similarities she sees between me and my dad.

[Justin]

Where's that person that says kill him? Yeah.

[Morgan]

This has left me feeling inadequate and betrayed on multiple levels. I'm contemplating leaving my wife, but I'm aware this decision could completely dismantle the already strained relationships within my family. Got a ship has sailed on that one. I'm conflicted because, despite the hurt, part of me still cares for her. But I also feel like staying could mean disrespecting myself. Absolutely.

[Lauren]

You have to leave. There's no other option.

[Morgan]

The whole situation is a mess, and I'm not sure if walking away makes Me, the asshole here. Am I the asshole?

[Lauren]

What type of gaslighting has he gone through to even question this? Am I the asshole if I leave my wife who is fucking my dad, and she likes him more than me, and my mom knew and she was okay with it like what, six months?

[Morgan]

Six months. It wasn't a one and done. And then she felt guilty. And then not only that, but she doubles down and says, I actually enjoy having sex with your dad more than you. That was something you did not need to share. No, keep it to yourself.

[Lauren]

And did I hear you right when she said, and I like you because you resemble your dad?

[Justin]

Yeah, I like two things pop into my head hearing this. I want to know how and like, how, like how this started. How does that. How does the first time happen?

[Morgan]

The weird. It's weird that the mom knew. The amount of that is so true.

[Justin]

But then I also want to know how the dad apologized. What does that apology even look like? Like, hey, sorry, I've been.

[Morgan]

Sorry.

[Justin]

Sleeping with your wife.

[Lauren]

It's just sex, dude.

[Justin]

You know, I'm just. I'm so shocked that we're even writing this and that we're conflicted and that we're debating not hurting this dynamic further. Like, it's done. We're done.

[Morgan]

You have to be done. You have to be done. But what's so interesting, now that I'm like, okay, the mom was okay with it, it's got me thinking, like, it. Is it better because. Or maybe, I don't know, because, like, if the mom's okay with it, maybe the sex with the mom isn't good. Or it's just like, oh, it's one less thing off my plate. You fuck them for me, you know?

[Lauren]

Okay, so they are still together.

[Morgan]

They're still together. Yeah. As far as we know, it could be a kink.

[Lauren]

Missing pieces for this story.

[Morgan]

Like, I need. It could be a kink.

[Justin]

Well, so then you're like, hey, good to meet you. By the way. I'm in a poly relationship with my wife, dad, mom, and my mom's on the side, cool with it.

[Lauren]

I just don't understand how not one but both parents could be so okay with absolutely ripping the heart out of their child.

[Morgan]

Yeah, real shitty. Well, there's no comments from op. Account has been suspended now top comment on the post. What the fuck, dude? Have some self respect and cut ties with all of them.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Love when the top comment just so.

[Justin]

Succinct with a bow on top.

[Morgan]

What?

[Justin]

Just wrapped up in a neat little bow.

[Morgan]

I know. Yeah. There's no other really good ones. Someone does say, burn all the bridges and then set the river on fire.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Next comment. Then nuke it from orbit and move to another galaxy. Yeah. Yeah. That was not a good one.

[Justin]

I would not leave that peacefully. I wouldn't just be like, all right, see ya. I'd be like, I'm doing some shit, and then I'm gonna leave.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Justin]

I don't know what, but give me some time and I'll think.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Kill off.

[Justin]

There we go.

[Morgan]

That sounded like my dad, but yet I feel like I just saw him this way. But a lot of you have gotten a chance to meet my dad tonight. I love it. I think we'll invite him up for this next one.

[Lauren]

What's that?

[Morgan]

What are you like, okay, what is.

[Lauren]

The cup you're drinking? An alcoholic at a concert. At a concert.

[Morgan]

I love that he comes every.

[Lauren]

What. What is the drink?

[Morgan]

Margarita. I can tell. It's the second one.

[Lauren]

Wilden. He doesn't drink that often, so. It is. No, we're getting a wild side.

[Morgan]

He's. He's let loose in Nashville. He's been really fun. Dad, will you pass our shots to us?

[Lauren]

None for you, Jerry.

[Morgan]

Yes.

[Lauren]

None for you, Glen Coco.

[Morgan]

He really let loose. He had a cabernet at the stage last night on off Broadway.

[Justin]

Yeah. Jerry was dancing. Jerry got into it.

[Morgan]

He was really letting loose.

[Lauren]

As in wine. As in the disgusting wine.

[Morgan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gabby, you'll get there. I, like, want to buy you a glass of wine now so I can just be like, what do you think of this Cabernet? No.

[Jerry]

Well, you are in Nashville, Tennessee. Here, the word is white lightning.

[Morgan]

Moonshine. Moonshine, baby.

[Jerry]

We'll give you a little white lightning.

[Morgan]

I like that.

[Lauren]

I don't know what language he's speaking.

[Jerry]

Like.

[Chris Clemens]

Yeah.

[Justin]

Why are you saying it like that?

[Jerry]

Just a teaspoon of white lightning. That's all you need.

[Morgan]

Have you had a little moonshine already?

[Jerry]

Oh, I've done moonshine.

[Justin]

No, but, like, tonight.

[Morgan]

Tonight?

[Jerry]

No, not tonight.

[Morgan]

Just the margaritas back in my Kentucky days. Okay, I do want to just call you out for something.

[Jerry]

I'm sorry.

[Morgan]

You. You told one of my friends that I met during the meet and greet that you would get in trouble for taking pictures with people outside. No, no, no, no, no.

[Jerry]

When I say, would you like me to take, like, a picture? And I go. Lauren loves to read me on that one.

[Lauren]

Me. Yeah.

[Jerry]

Because you would say, jerry, what was out there? You want to take a picture? Want a picture?

[Morgan]

With me. No, I would never get mad at you for that. I only get mad when I'm about to go on and then you're up on stage stealing the mic.

[Justin]

It did happen.

[Morgan]

I'm like, what are you doing? Like, this is. Remember, remember.

[Jerry]

Have you seen improvement?

[Morgan]

You've gone definitely improved. Yeah, you're doing great tonight. You're doing great.

[Jerry]

We reserved all our hugs for outside. Did we all get hugs? We all get love. We all get a story or two. There you go.

[Morgan]

Okay, well, we'll see if they like you as much after your take on this next one. Oh, God.

[Jerry]

I've been booed, by the way. I've been booed before.

[Lauren]

I also feel like I need to clarify real quick. I've never gotten mad at you for taking pictures of other people, ever. I think what he's referring to is that my boyfriend was at one of the crowds and he said, jerry. And he goes, you want a picture with me?

[Justin]

Yep.

[Lauren]

I think he got those crop confused.

[Jerry]

He said, no, I've been there.

[Lauren]

No, he's like, jerry, it's me.

[Morgan]

It's me, Brian. Yeah, I'm in here. I think that's. What is that? Is that hot chick too?

[Lauren]

It's me, Jessica.

[Morgan]

We literally. We were doing soundcheck tonight. We're like, boys are cheats and liars.

[Lauren]

They're such a big disgrace. Does anyone know Hot checks? Okay. Okay.

[Morgan]

Thank God.

[Justin]

I recorded your mic check. I was over there in the corner and I recorded it.

[Lauren]

Oh, can we just.

[Justin]

We had Morgan singing. We had all sorts of things.

[Morgan]

I tried singing the national anthem. It was a time.

[Lauren]

Lovely.

[Morgan]

Let's get into this next.

[Lauren]

Let's do it.

[Morgan]

It is titled, Am I the asshole for choosing my wife and young son. Son, Son. Lauren found this one, by the way. I haven't read it yet. Let me start over. Am I the asshole for choosing my wife and young son over my grown daughter?

[Jerry]

Let's hear more.

[Morgan]

I, male, 50, have a daughter, Chris, female, 27, from my previous marriage. I am now married to my wife, female 45, and have a son, 5. Chris and I used to be very close, but as she has gotten older, I feel like we drifted apart. Chris recently got married. She and her now husband decided to do a child free wedding. Chris told me she wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I of course, agreed. Then about a month later, probably around eight months before the wedding, she told me and my wife that the wedding was going to be child free. No exceptions. I tried reasoning with Chris because finding childcare can Be difficult. And she said she gave me enough time to find someone to watch my son for one day and that I am her dad and that one day is really important to her. Well, we couldn't find childcare. My wife was going to stay with our son while I went to the wedding, but I didn't feel comfortable with leaving my wife and son for the whole day.

[Justin]

What?

[Morgan]

So. So I decided to not go to the wedding. My ex wife ended up texting me, calling me a huge asshole because. Yeah, because Chris was heartbroken on her wedding day. I explained to my ex wife that I didn't feel comfortable leaving my wife and son alone all day and that maybe Chris shouldn't have done a child free wedding. Chris and I haven't talked since, which was two weeks ago, and now she ignores my calls and texts. I feel. I feel like maybe I was the asshole. Maybe. Am I question mark? This dude's stupid.

[Lauren]

Thank you.

[Justin]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Okay, celeb guest up here. You go first.

[Jerry]

I mean, this is a no brainer.

[Morgan]

Okay, good.

[Jerry]

Okay, so let's imagine super bowl shows up. He gets two tickets for the super bowl for him and his wife. Is he gonna pass them up because he's worried about his child?

[Lauren]

Oh my God. That was such a good.

[Morgan]

That was really good. One of this week's partners is Peloton. I'm sure you're familiar with Peloton and their amazing bike and workout classes, but did you know Peloton has a variety of training programs. Pilates, 5K, 10K, half and full marathon programs, strength training, boot camps. There are so many ways to challenge yourself no matter what mood you're in. Even for me, sometimes I'm not in a workout mood. But that is quickly changed by going on finding a good class on Peloton and being motivated by those instructors. Yeah, you've seen a video or two. Peloton's instructors are in a league of their own. They've got a whole lineup of dancers, college athletes, world record breakers that bring the motivation and fun. They are always fun. And you don't have to do it alone either. Peloton promotes a healthy rivalry and you see it all come to life on that leadership board. My brother and his wife have a Peloton bike and being able to challenge each other and others has been so much fun for them. So find your push, find your power with [e-mail]. Okay, these next couple are am I the asshole? Stories from our Irvine show from people in the room. And while we might pick on our family a little. We still love you all and appreciate everyone sharing so, so, so much. Also, with a Google form, if you don't want to be called on, you can remain anonymous the entire time so you can share. No pressure to be exposed. And there's a question for everyone. One of my favorites I'm asking this tour is what is the biggest red flag you missed? I'm blown away already by the responses, but enjoy these stories. Okay, so this one, I feel like your your dad advice will really come through and shine on this one. Am I the asshole for never. For never telling my high school best friend that her boyfriend at the time tried to cheat on her with me?

[Lauren]

This is someone here that wrote this in.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Haley.

[Lauren]

Oh man.

[Morgan]

Haley, where are you? When we were in our early 20s, I had moved from my hometown and went back for a visit, staying with my friend and her boyfriend. On the day I was leaving and packing my things, it was just me and him in the house. As she was in class, he called my name. So I walked in his room thinking nothing of it. To find him standing there with his dick out.

[Lauren]

That's like not just trying to hook up with someone. That's absolutely disturbing. Yeah, right?

[Morgan]

Yeah. The Naked man only works on how I met your mother, not in real life. And if it has worked for you, I will invite you up here to share. Anyone? No. I was shocked and immediately left the room and waited for my ride in the living room. I remember him coming in to apologize before I left and I don't even remember what my response was. I just remember feeling super awkward and uncomfortable. They had been together for at least four years at this point. Wow. In my immaturity, I thought it would be better to never speak of it again to save the friendship, because I didn't know if she would break up with him, if she would believe me or what her reaction would be. Years later, after they broke up, I was passing through the town she's currently in and we met for lunch. She opened up to me that they had broken up sometime before because of many reasons and included that he admitted to cheating on her with multiple people during their time together. That was at least five years after the incident in and I thought about coming clean at the time, but I felt like it had been so long and he was now completely out of the picture that bringing it up could do more harm than good. We see each other once every five or so years at this point, but will likely be lifelong friends. Would you, at this point, see any benefit to bringing this up in the future.

[Jerry]

Time has passed.

[Morgan]

The time has passed.

[Jerry]

Time has passed. I mean, what's the benefit of telling of saying the truth? She may already know and she say, look, I'm just. She's trying to respect our friendship. And at this point, if you said any. If she was going to say anything, it probably would have been at the time he did it. So she would know what a dickhead he is. Yeah, but at this point in time, I don't think there's anything healthy that's going to come from it.

[Morgan]

Yeah, no, I agree.

[Justin]

Self serving at this point, right?

[Morgan]

I think so.

[Justin]

The weight off of you. But really on her end, it's going to have zero effect. Back at the time it might have had, you know, a worthwhile effect and then it justifies it. But there's no need.

[Morgan]

I would agree if you're. If he's for sure gone, done. Out of the picture. No, don't tell her. If he decides to pop back up, maybe, maybe if it's the right situation. But you really gotta feel that one out.

[Justin]

He tries it again.

[Morgan]

Can you imagine? What a weirdo.

[Jerry]

Then she could say, why did you shrink? Age. Age has not served you well.

[Justin]

Is this from personal experience?

[Jerry]

I'm 66. Every night I cry.

[Lauren]

Oh, no.

[Morgan]

This took a turn I wasn't expecting. Okay. Yeah.

[Lauren]

Why did you want Jerry up for this one specifically?

[Morgan]

I feel like he just gives really good dad advice.

[Lauren]

And.

[Morgan]

And mostly for this next one. Okay, this two sides that we have from a friend we met during our meet and greet. Phoebe, which. Where are you?

[Lauren]

Hi.

[Morgan]

Okay. I'm so sorry. Did you know she wrote in. You did? Okay, so you know this is coming. Okay. So how do you guys feel about Valentine's Day?

[Lauren]

I like it.

[Morgan]

I have a heart over here. Lauren loves it. A lot of you were very quiet.

[Lauren]

I love. The girl in pink was just like y.

[Morgan]

Okay, so this one is a Valentine's day dilemma. My 21 female fiance, 27 male, bought me a vacuum for Valentine's Day. I know.

[Lauren]

I think that's kind of awesome. Oh, it's you guys.

[Morgan]

Duh.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just like blacked out and forgot that this is your story. No, that's. I think that's awesome. What kind of vacuum was it? I love vacuums.

[Morgan]

Leave it to Lauren to find the upside.

[Lauren]

I just. I just bought a vacuum recently, a handbag. And my roommate was like, why did you buy a hand vac? And I was like, what do you mean? Like why? Why did I Not buy this earlier. Like, they're amazing. It's incredible.

[Jerry]

I know one thing. He'll never do this again.

[Morgan]

First and last, your Hot Takes live show. My fiance Nick and I love listening to your show together and would love to hear your take on the situation we had this year on Valentine's Day. Nick has been telling me for about two weeks that he'd gotten me a really great Valentine's Day present and couldn't wait to give it to me. I was really excited and, of course, looking forward to it. But when Valentine's Day came, the package hadn't arrived yet, so he decided to just show me what he'd gotten me. Instead, this man shows me a picture of a Roomba.

[Lauren]

That's fantastic. Brian, my boyfriend, take notes. I would love a Roomba.

[Justin]

Take notes.

[Morgan]

And tells me that I won't have to worry about asking him to vacuum the carpet anymore.

[Lauren]

Win. Win.

[Morgan]

Did you just say win, win?

[Lauren]

I don't like necessarily egging Brian to clean. This would be fantastic.

[Morgan]

Just vacuum the fucking floor, bitch. It's not that hard. For context, I do most of the housework except for vacuuming. Because of my bad back. I always have to remind him to do it. Needless to say, I was pretty upset about getting a vacuum on what's meant to be a romantic day. It felt more like a gift to get out of cleaning, in my opinion. My fiance understood my feelings, but insisted that he meant well and hadn't even thought about how giving me a vacuum for Valentine's Day could be offensive. Looking back now, I do find it funny, and honestly, I'm glad to have the vacuum. But what do you guys think?

[Jerry]

Am I up first?

[Lauren]

Aw.

[Justin]

There'S not many times in life where you get booed by this many people. So just take it in. Just own it.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God. Justin got booed and he's not over it. First of all, it was endearing, though. It was an endearing boo for sure.

[Jerry]

Okay, first of all, do I have to keep on the rails, or can I just be.

[Morgan]

You can pop off a little.

[Jerry]

Okay, well, when somebody gets something to please themselves, I call that masturbation, so.

[Morgan]

Yeah, you really did.

[Jerry]

And the neck.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Jerry]

And the next time you do something like that, you're going to be finding yourself with that in hand. I will say that.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God.

[Jerry]

But on the other side, as you were starting the story, I was actually feeling that because that you love her, that you were trying to make life easy and that she likes a clean house and your intention was to keep to help her out with that. I didn't really know it was to help you out with it, so I'm glad you got it. I think it's great for you to have in your home, but I really think it's time for you to go out and come up with an additional gift. And otherwise in hand, buddy.

[Lauren]

Did you get a cute card, though? Or, like, any type of little cut cuteness? Just no flowers.

[Jerry]

All you got was a flowers.

[Morgan]

We got flowers.

[Lauren]

We got flowers.

[Morgan]

Flowers is good.

[Jerry]

Yeah. And you got. And you got a picture, and it said, with love, Right? With a big kiss, you won't buy an appliance for next Valentine Day.

[Morgan]

He. He's not. He's. No. He's immediate. No.

[Jerry]

Okay.

[Justin]

Hey, to be fair to my guy down here, you would have really liked that.

[Morgan]

Okay. Not from you. I've been asking my mom for a vacuum, and it's kind of like an inside joke thing. My mom is like, what do you want for your house? What do you want for your house? You know, you're moving in, finally getting your own Place at 30. What do you want? I'm like, a vacuum. Vacuums are expensive.

[Lauren]

That's what I'm saying. Roombas are like, I would be really happy about that.

[Morgan]

Yeah, it is great. I'm gonna. Roomba's on my list, too. But I was just telling her. I was like, I want the vacuum. She's like, I'm not getting you a vacuum. She just, like, didn't want to because she was like, that's not something you get. I don't know. It's weird. It's not fun enough. That's what she literally said. She's like, I want to get you something. Like, fun for you. And fun for her is like, jewelry, because she's a jewelry gal. But all I wanted was a vacuum. But if you would have gotten me a vacuum on Valentine's Day, I would have been a little sad. It's like, you can. You gotta give me. But do you. Do you guys.

[Lauren]

Do you guys go big, though, for Valentine's Day? I mean, like. Because, like, me and Brian, we just. I mean, he got me a nicer present than I got him, but, like, it was. They were both, like, pretty modest presents.

[Morgan]

So I think it depends on what it is. Like, we. We're at this point, we're five years in, so you really talk about what we're gonna do for the holidays or birthdays or Valentine's Day. Like, my birthday. He's like, what do you want? I don't know what to give you. I'm like, honestly, I want to go on Facebook Marketplace together, pick out some shit I don't need and drive all over town and get it together. Like, that's. That's my idea of, like, go. You get together. It doesn't have to be expensive. It just has to, like, have thought, which I get. Nick's gift was very thoughtful. Like, you're back. You can't vacuum because of your back. I'm gonna get you a vacuum. Get the Roomba. But then you still. Roomba's. She's like.

[Lauren]

It was his job, though.

[Morgan]

It was his job. But a Roomba is a fake vacuum. Like, they. They don't get everything. So it's like the Roomba does the. Like, the small little maintenance, but you gotta go do the deep clean still. So you're not off the hook. Not off the hook. You have stairs. Okay, so you need to vacuum the stairs. Yeah.

[Lauren]

There you go.

[Morgan]

Thank you guys for sharing. It was very brave, especially sitting here in the front row and everyone.

[Jerry]

Everybody loves a vacuum. Don't get your son. I actually came home the other day and I said, morgan, look what I bought myself. And what did she say?

[Morgan]

A vacuum.

[Jerry]

And what else did you say?

[Morgan]

It's a Dyson.

[Jerry]

No, you said something else. I got. I wanted to give you a vacuum.

[Morgan]

Oh, I had already bought you a vacuum, so now we have an extra.

[Jerry]

Anyways, my.

[Morgan]

My. Off. You're off the hook.

[Jerry]

I'm done.

[Morgan]

You did a great job, though.

[Jerry]

Thank you. And just, you know, I stayed. I didn't go too far off the rail.

[Morgan]

No, not.

[Lauren]

Not at all. Actually, like, turn it up a little bit because it entertains me. Honestly.

[Morgan]

Honestly. The masturbation line was great. We might need that on a T shirt. Next. One of this week's partners is Peloton. I'm sure you're familiar with Peloton and their amazing bike and workout classes. But did you know Peloton has a variety of training programs. Pilates, 5K, 10K, half and full marathon programs, strength training, boot camps. There are so many ways to challenge yourself no matter what mood you're in. Even for me, sometimes I'm not in a workout mood. But that is quickly changed by going on finding a good class on Peloton and being motivated by those instructors. Yeah, you've seen a video or two. Peloton's instructors are in a league of their own. They've got a whole lineup of dancers, college athletes, world record breakers that bring the motivation and fun they are always fun. And you don't have to do it alone either. Peloton promotes a healthy rivalry and you see it all come to life on that leadership board. My brother and his wife have a Peloton bike and being able to challenge each other and others has been so much fun for them. So find your push, find your power with Peloton at 1peloton.com okay, this next one is a Reddit story also coming from Irvine and it is juicy. So this is coming from the Best of redditor updates 17 hours old oh, a spring chicken. Spring chicken. My husband wants everyone to know I'm not pure. It's exactly what the title says. I've been with my fiance for six years and engaged for the past eight months. I've been doing most of the wedding planning, but my fiance, let's call him Ryan, will give his input here and there. So about a month ago Ryan out of nowhere said he was talking to some of his co workers and thinks that I shouldn't wear a white dress. This was totally weird to me. Ryan is a very artistic guy, so I figured this was more about how the photos would turn out or something along those lines. But I'm set on wearing white. I told him this and I could see that he was annoyed, but he let it go. Two weeks ago I finally picked and paid for my dress and this caused a huge argument. Ryan again came to me very annoyed. He asked to see the dress I picked but I said no because I wanted it to be a surprise for our wedding day. He asked me to at least tell him what color it was and when I said white he threw a fit. I yeah, yeah, I like this.

[Lauren]

Get low.

[Morgan]

I honestly do not see why this was a big deal. Almost everyone wears white on their wedding day. When I asked him what color he thought I'd be wearing, he told me I should wear red. Again, this was super weird to me. I asked him why I would wear red to our wedding and he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure.

[Lauren]

Oh my God. Run.

[Morgan]

Run.

[Lauren]

Interesting how that's actually like not factual. There's zero stats around that, but go off.

[Morgan]

For some background. Ryan and I started dating when I was 21 and he had just turned 20. He was a virgin when we met and I only had one other person who was my ex boyfriend of four years throughout high school. This caused a lot of problems the first year of our relationship and we almost did not continue dating because of how insecure he felt after that first year. It was never a Problem again. Until now. I guess he went to his mom about all of this thinking she would convince me.

[Lauren]

Oh my God, please. His mom.

[Justin]

It all makes sense.

[Morgan]

But. But she's on my side. A very rare mother in law. Very refreshing.

[Lauren]

Wow, what a wild way to like, try to publicly shame the person that you love.

[Morgan]

Sorry.

[Lauren]

You don't deserve white. You actually have to do red because you're tainted. What the fuck? When you say it like that, that, like hurt. I. Like, I'm offended. Like, yeah, my feelings got hurt.

[Morgan]

So two nights ago, Ryan, his mom and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress. His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either, so maybe he should wear red too.

[Lauren]

I was gonna say that.

[Morgan]

I was like, okay, mom, next wedding.

[Lauren]

All red, buddy. All red.

[Morgan]

And. And he bursted out crying.

[Justin]

Perfect. Just like we mentioned before, you resort to crying, right?

[Morgan]

Ew, what a baby. Ryan is still stating that me wearing white would be deceiving all of our guests and that it is different for guys.

[Justin]

I think on this one, we need a year. Is this one from. From the 1400s to the 1500s.

[Morgan]

The original post is from 2022. It's very modern. And I scrolled up and I lost my spot. I'm so sorry, guys.

[Justin]

We're recording Morgan's debut single soon.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's been a long time coming.

[Morgan]

I found it. This all has honestly made me question even marrying. I don't know if it's just because everything is so fresh, but I'm really disgusted by him. He's not even religious, so I know. What?

[Lauren]

Oh my God. I just nodded.

[Morgan]

Wow.

[Lauren]

You're just violent for no reason. Like you just woke up and you're like, okay, easy. A.

[Morgan]

Like justified violence.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

So I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him. I just needed to rant to anyone about how psycho this is. What do I do?

[Lauren]

There's no future.

[Morgan]

There's no future. This is done. Someone that's gonna belittle you on what's supposed to be the most magical special day of your life that you're spending thousands of dollars for? Likely for what? You want to look more superior than me? You're not a virgin either.

[Justin]

Isn't it scary to think that it was a problem the first year and then it seemingly went away, but it was still there the entire time and we just do not communicate?

[Lauren]

Yeah, I have something to say, but I'm going to wait cuz I feel really bad. I interrupted Alandra. So. Wait, you didn't interrupt me? In a different story, I did. That doesn't work like that. Take the mic.

[Morgan]

No, no, no, no.

[Lauren]

Love you. Passing the mic to Lauren. No. Go, Lauren. No, no. I really. I want to be the last to say something. It's like, I'm in. I feel like I got cold. Called, and I wasn't. I wasn't prepared to answer, so I'm gonna let you kick it off.

[Morgan]

You got it, Lauren. I'm sorry. I keep taking your mic.

[Lauren]

Okay, well, what I'm thinking. I don't know how many people here are familiar with every single episode, but what this reminds me of so much is the episode where the girl got pulled into a room. Yes.

[Morgan]

The hyman.

[Lauren]

Thank you. Yes. And the. The guy said, I cannot marry you unless my dad and my uncle check your hymen. Yeah, we were. Check your hymen to make sure that you have not had sex with anyone before me. And she. She laughed. She's like, you're kidding, right? No. He said, my mom did it. It's a part of our tradition. The all the males in our family have to spread your legs and make sure that you have not had sex with anybody else. That's what this is giving me. I did, too, until this story.

[Morgan]

It does give that vibe, because it's the same level. Well, no, the hymen's obviously way worse. Way worse.

[Lauren]

Assault. Like, it's, like, awful.

[Morgan]

Yeah, it's literally assault, but at the same time, it's like you want to humiliate your partner. For what? Like, for what?

[Lauren]

What?

[Morgan]

You also should be wearing red then. This is not the easy a movie. This isn't Scarlet Letter. Do you want her up there with her dress saying, I him before this?

[Lauren]

Like, what do you. What? Come on.

[Morgan]

I'm not a virgin. I'll be wearing white. I'm not doing no cream, yellow, or whatever the is. Like, come on.

[Justin]

Even if theoretically, I know it would never happen, even if she did wear a freaking red dress, he still wouldn't be over it.

[Lauren]

No.

[Justin]

Forever.

[Lauren]

He probably. Totally.

[Morgan]

He's clearly so insecure. And I don't know how. You've been with him for five years, and it was only noticeable in the.

[Justin]

First because he maybe hit it. But that's what's scary about people, dude.

[Lauren]

Justin, you make a good point. Because, honestly, he probably would look back at wedding pictures and be like you described. Destroyed all of our wedding photos because you had to wear red. Yeah.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Truly. Goodbye.

[Morgan]

So the Top comment on the original post. Look, if he's this insecure after six years together, things are not going to improve. Yeah, six years. Six years. If you don't. I'm, like, really trying to, like, be the devil's advocate kit for him right now. And I'm like. I'm like. But I'm. I'm trying. I'm trying, right? I'm an empathetic person. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes. No, there's no way. I can't. Even if I put myself in hell, I can't justify this. Hey, I can't.

[Lauren]

I like that.

[Morgan]

I know they're not married, but divorced. Is he going to mention your impurity in his wedding speech? Is he going to try to leverage this in your marriage to get what he wants?

[Lauren]

Yep.

[Morgan]

Is he going to demand paternity tests for your children? I'd seriously consider what you are signing up for. Dude sounds messed up. As he does need therapy, that's for sure. And it's not in a negative way, like therapy. We love therapy in this house. We all support therapy. I need it, you need it. We all need it. Love therapy. So, are we ready for the update? Yeah. Oh, that's my dad back there.

[Lauren]

Jerry, what are you doing back there? I don't even.

[Morgan]

I can't even.

[Lauren]

Wait. How can you see that? Letters?

[Morgan]

So he is chanting D, T. Dump the dude. The dude. He's really trying to make this.

[Lauren]

It's a movement.

[Morgan]

It's like Gretchen and fetch.

[Lauren]

Not gonna make fetch happen.

[Morgan]

Stop trying to make fetch happen. But he's. He's not far off. It is a good chant.

[Lauren]

I like it.

[Morgan]

If he had a mic, I think it would have gone further. So, okay, you guys, the original post was November 9, 2022. Okay? The update, March 7, 2024. Last week.

[Lauren]

Baby, we got love.

[Morgan]

This is my update. A little over one year later on the whole situation. I will start by saying I did not get married. Ryan made that decision quite easy for me. I remember reading a comment that said I had to already have been done with the relationship for me to move on so fast. That statement was very true. We didn't read that comment. Sorry. As much as I want to be the bigger person and not slander Ryan, he deserves it. Throw him under the bus. I won't get into all of our issues, but there are some big ones that I would like to address. The absolute dealbreaker for me had nothing to do with the red dress, but instead was all of the little lies that built up throughout our entire relationship. I'm ready. Ryan is very smart. I can't take that away from him. We actually met because even though I'm a year older than him, he graduated a year before me. We had mutual classes. For someone so smart, he always got caught in dumb lies. As far as I know, he never cheated on me. That was something that I know a lot of people assumed, but even now I don't believe it. There was never any big lie that caused massive drama, but rather a mountain of little lies that just always made me question why. He would lie to people about having allergies. He would lie about stopping for food before coming home. He would lie about losing weight. Parentheses he is a healthy weight with a very normal build. He would just lie about so many things that did not matter. My issue with this is I had absolutely no trust in the man over literally anything. I never held him back from doing things. He never asked permission to do things. So him going out of his way to lie about meaningless things really made me start to resent him. I do not think he ever talked to his co workers about the dress. I think that was another lie. After telling him I did not want to be together anymore, I asked him about everything that happened surrounding the wedding. I got no real answers out of him and until this day, I have no real closure. My best assumption is that he got sucked into misogynistic forums surrounding purity and made up a story to bring it up to me. But what about him? Yeah, sorry. My truth of thought our breakup was pretty nasty since he talked about me a lot online. For the most part, I did have support. No one ever reached out to me or threatened me. But it's still annoying having my feed filled with rumors I cheated and broke up our engagement over nothing. There was a lot of name calling as well. Apparently I'm ran through. I'm fat. I let myself go. I look miserable without him. He's probably ugly. Yes, he probably is. Eventually he stopped on his own as I never acknowledged any of it. Even with the online harassment, he never really fought to save our engagement. I was actually hurt by how he seemed equally as ready to part ways. We have no contact with each other at all, but I do know the last month he actually got engaged again.

[Lauren]

Wear red.

[Morgan]

All I know about the girl is that she is 23 to the guy, not the girl. I'll scroll up after I read the update. Otherwise I'm gonna lose my spot on this iPad.

[Lauren]

Feels like a year younger than her, I think.

[Morgan]

Yeah, all I know about the girl is that she is 23, a hard, poor Catholic, and actually looks very sweet. For her sake, I hope they work out. I hear my dad back there.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Is that Jerry? For sure? That was Jerry, my dad.

[Morgan]

For those that didn't clearly hear it, I unfortunately did. I think he should run with the bulls in Italy.

[Lauren]

Okay.

[Morgan]

I do not still talk to Ryan's mom. I'm sorry to disappoint. She was very kind to me through everything, but for me to continue talking to her would be a bit weird. I still got a happy birthday text and a merry Christmas. That's very sweet because that was a mother in law with a W. I did have a date two weeks after I called off my engagement. Okay, okay, okay. That didn't go anywhere and it was never meant to be for me. The date was to just see if I felt any guilt for moving on, which I had none.

[Lauren]

Perfect. Perfect.

[Morgan]

I had a huge career shift two months ago, and I'm now living in Philadelphia, far away from all the drama. I'm happy with where I'm at and he seems happy with his life. I don't think I'll ever have have to interact with him again. I'm sorry for waiting so long to update. There was just never really a right moment. There are also probably many grammatical errors for whatever. If anyone is interested, I do have pictures of the dress.

[Lauren]

Do you have it?

[Morgan]

No, she didn't share. Didn't share. I'm gonna go. I'll check the username, though, just to be sure. Just to be sure. Wow. Good for her.

[Justin]

We love a happy ending.

[Morgan]

I love ending the show on a happy ending. It doesn't always go like that. Oh, I don't see a picture of the dress, but yeah. I can't believe he's engaged already.

[Lauren]

I can. I can too. I can.

[Morgan]

Really?

[Lauren]

The freak. Of course.

[Morgan]

Do. She must be a virgin. She's. Well, yeah. She's Catholic. Girl. That doesn't. It does maybe add up. What do we. This. Literally someone yelling they're Catholic just puts my head in the Mormon soaking phase where people are like, soaking. Soaking isn't sex. If you're not moving the bed, it doesn't count.

[Lauren]

What's so crazy is that I learned about that, like, later in life. I didn't know that was how long ago?

[Morgan]

A month ago.

[Lauren]

Wait, I learned about that a minute ago when you said it.

[Morgan]

You learned about it how long?

[Lauren]

I'm today. Years old learning that I'm right now. You've never heard of the Bachelor? Never. He was yeah, so one of, like, our friends actually hooked up with him and he literally asked. He. The tea. Yeah.

[Morgan]

You.

[Lauren]

You guys all know who she is? I'm not gonna say her name on here, but, like, I know who it is. I'm not gonna say her name, but like, yeah, this guy that was like, he won the Bachelor this one season. And then anyway, that didn't work out, clearly, and he wanted to, like, soak. Was that the name? Is that what it's called?

[Morgan]

So he asked.

[Lauren]

Yeah, with my. With our friend. I don't. Do they do it? Do you know? No, because I was like, I've never heard of that before. And she's like, yeah, sometimes people go underneath the bed and take the bed and rock it back and forth because. Which is so crazy to me.

[Morgan]

Like, I was like, I didn't know.

[Lauren]

That was a thing, but apparently it is, so.

[Morgan]

Yeah, you know that.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. I don't think it's. I don't think it's his thing.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

So apparently, like, was he a virgin?

[Morgan]

Was he saving it?

[Lauren]

I don't know. Like, I guess in his terms, but apparently it's like the idea of sex is just like, if you're making the motion yourself, but if you just, like, are there, apparently it doesn't mean anything. And so. Yeah, that's why they're like. They'll have a third party that will shake the bed underneath, which is so wild to me.

[Morgan]

Like, I don't get it.

[Lauren]

I don't get it either.

[Morgan]

I'm sorry. Just the tip, it still fucking counts, unfortunately.

[Justin]

And not to mention, you have people in there moving the bed.

[Morgan]

Yeah, yeah, that makes it more of an orgy porno.

[Lauren]

Like what? Yeah, like an orgy.

[Morgan]

If other people are involved, that becomes orgy level, which I think in the eyes of God is worse. Let us know. Okay, now this is where the audio is going to change just a touch. The next couple of stories only have audio recorded from the room, so it might be a little louder, a little less clear. So if that might bother you, this is where we end the episode. Thank you for being here. Hope to see you at a live show. Otherwise, enjoy some of these confessions and am I the asshole from Charlotte? Okay, moving on to a couple confessions before we really dive into this. I might, low key, be in love with my best friend, who is long distance. Okay, so the next one, though, is another. These are two separate people. You guys. I've. Female, 25, been in love with my best friend, female 26, for years through several different relationships for both of us. She's the love of my life, my soulmate, and I will take her. However, I can have her in my life even if I'll never be able to kiss her. She's currently engaged and trying for a baby with her fiance. That is a tough position to be in.

[Lauren]

Wow.

[Morgan]

Last confession for us. I had this roommate in college and everything was going great living together until she decided to get a puppy. She did not train this puppy and would be out partying instead of taking care of her puppy. And I would come home to poop and pee all over the floor. And this caused a lot of arguments between us. I came home one day after work and immediately stepped in dog poop and she laughed. And that's. And that's when I decided I had enough of this. And this is where I got my petty revenge. We shared a bathroom, and every day I would take an object of hers that was in her shower and pee in it. I I is this. They did not give me permission. When asked if I could share their names, they said, lord, no. They go on to say I would rotate daily peeing in her face wash, body wash, shampoo and conditioner for months until we moved out. Damn. What?

[Lauren]

I've been looking at all of you.

[Morgan]

You guys, this is someone here right now. This is someone in this room. Okay, this is the bomb. As I teased. This one is titled am I the asshole for announcing my pregnancy at a tht live show. Everyone start looking at who you're at a table with and have they drink alcohol tonight. I literally see people asking, is the fucking pregnant? I lose the sun. I 26 female. I'm feeling like I may be the asshole for this one. My boyfriend, 30, male, and I found out we are expecting. I'm only 12 weeks along, but we found out early. I feel like a normal person would run to their best friends, right? I didn't. I'll admit I was a bit scared at first, and now we've come around and we're extremely excited. Here's the problem. I have two best friends. I've lived with both of these people over the last three years and they have gotten me through some really crazy times. I can't help but feel like an asshole for not telling them how our late wine and trashy TV nights will be coming to an end for at least the next eight months. I'm not gonna cry. I'm so excited for them to become an aunt and uncle and I'm not just going to disappear on them. Logan and Kelsey do you think you can forgive me for breaking the news to you in this way?

[Lauren]

Where are they?

[Morgan]

So Justin, do you want to run a mic over there? Do you want to come up? Come on up.

[Lauren]

Come on up.

[Morgan]

I love this. You can come up though. You've been, I mean, you've been emailing me for weeks. You can, you absolutely can. You're good. It's intimidating up here. It's scary. But congratulations. Thank you for making us a part of sharing your special news. I literally saw people. It wasn't you, it was you guys. I literally saw people being like, are you pregnant? I love it. And last but not least, because Chicago was incredible. We have a confession that blew everyone away, especially Chris Clemens. So enjoy. Okay, this next part is the confessions. Yeah. Everyone put their seatbelts on. Don't worry, we will not be sharing any names. I actually deleted them out of the column to make sure I didn't have any slip ups. You're gonna see why. Oh God. This first one, I basically turkey basted my child and now I have a beautiful life married to the father. Basically I was in love with this guy I knew before we even met on our first date. Call me naive, but it felt like fate. About three to four months in, he wouldn't commit. But I didn't want to stop seeing him. One night we were hammered. After we did the deed, he put the condom into the box and threw it away.

[Chris Clemens]

You're in this room, we're in the same room.

[Lauren]

Like I know.

[Morgan]

After he left, I went to the bathroom. I saw it in the box and gave it to my intrusive thoughts. I took the used condom and squeezed all I could up to my tongue. It was like a gogurt. That's my line. Was insane. Insane. I have no idea idea it would work.

[Lauren]

I didn't thought it might work otherwise. I don't know why you're doing that. Just for shits and gays.

[Morgan]

Do it for the hot. I didn't even know where in my cycle I was. I was just like haha. Can you imagine? I was so drunk when I did this that I forgot I had even had this mental break moment. Well imagine because I missed my next period. At first he was an obviously shock and fear was apparent. We agreed to get to know each other and just take things slow. Eventually he was spending the night more than not. He moved in. By the time I was five months pregnant, he was telling me he loves me before I ever voiced it. We fell more and more in love. We had our child and have been together since we've had more kids, have pets, do homes or. No, have a home, do vacations.

[Lauren]

We do homes.

[Morgan]

We have fallen so deeply in love and are each other's best friends. I have not told a single soul about this because I know it would crush everything. He's the best father, partner, friend, but he would never trust me again. So here goes my one person I'm telling one.

[Lauren]

She knew it was on here though, right?

[Morgan]

I mean, it was pretty clear on the form what, what was happening.

[Lauren]

She missed the instructions. She thought she just talking to you.

[Justin]

I. I used to have this fear when I was in my, you know, my New York phase. You know, I've talked about it on the show a few times.

[Morgan]

I think a lot of people have this too.

[Justin]

Well, I often would find something to put it in and leave with it because I was too nervous. And I'm not going to be the guy that flushes because I don't want.

[Lauren]

To fuck all the up.

[Morgan]

I dated a guy that flushed and every single time I like you live too close to the beach. That is going into the ocean for sure.

[Justin]

For sure.

[Chris Clemens]

Is that why the ocean's so salty?

[Lauren]

Yes, Chris, sure. That is okay.

[Morgan]

All that calm.

[Chris Clemens]

That's why Drake pours hot sauce into his.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Clemens]

No, I. Oh my God. That chicken would have come out extra spicy.

[Morgan]

Wow. It was the same thing, though.

[Lauren]

I had a friend who like everyone thought he was like perfect. Like, just literally. They would call him like Kendall and he. I think I talked about this on the podcast. But like, he till this day will leave with his condoms.

[Morgan]

He'll never ever let them stay in.

[Lauren]

The girl's garbage can.

[Morgan]

And honestly, I guess, I guess Shelley is not dead.

[Chris Clemens]

Make a mess and take it with you.

[Lauren]

I thought he was so crazy for that. Now I'm like, never mind.

[Morgan]

Never mind indeed. Up next. I know how do you follow that? My husband found out his dad is not his dad. He wanted to keep it a secret, but I told my sister in law who was at the show and she then told her husband. She of course told brother in law and he found out his dad also isn't his dad. No one has confronted the parents about this. Found out they're sperm donor babies. Can't talk about this live, but email me if you want the full story. Everyone in Chicago is connected and we don't want anything getting back to the in laws.

[Chris Clemens]

What a pair of blue balls.

[Morgan]

What? Yeah, find out after the break. It's turning into like Maury or Jimmy.

[Lauren]

Springer Iron you really like?

[Morgan]

It's. It's too hot. Takes has now become paternity test village. Something's happening here. This is wild.

[Chris Clemens]

Y'all are dirty birds here in Chicago.

[Morgan]

No. Thank you guys so, so much for joining me on this episode. I know it's not traditional, I know it's a little different than what we usually do, and audio quality might not be up to my usual par, but thank you so much for being here. And again, if you want more traditional episodes, more crazy Reddit stories, come over to Patreon. We basically have three full bonus episodes this month because I did an extra bonus episode for the unhinged tier. And coming in October, we are going to have more live show content. There's so, so many more amazing stories that we read. Every story on this last tour was just insane, made even more insane by you guys all reacting. So again, hope to see you out on tour and thanks for joining me this week. Until next time, bye. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. The holiday season is here. That means that it is time to start doing your holiday shopping. This holiday season, shop in store or online and get great savings on holiday favorites like Royal Dance, Danish Butter Cookies, a signature Select Light Up Retro Ceramic Tree, Sylvania Mini Lights, Village candles and multiple scents, Pokemon, Scarlet and Violet card sets and more. Offer ends December 3rd. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details. How do you feel when you switch to Geico and save on your car insurance? It's like going to work on one Thursday morning and thinking to yourself, just one more day until Friday. But then somebody in the elevator says, happy Friday. Then you check your phone quickly and discover today is actually Friday.

[Chris Clemens]

So yes, Happy Friday, random stranger in the elevator. Happy Friday indeed.

[Morgan]

Yep, switching and saving with Geico feels just like that. Get more with Geico.