187: They Can't Be Serious.. Ft. Ian Hecox

Summary

Podcast Summary: Two Hot Takes – Episode 187: They Can't Be Serious.. Ft. Ian Hecox

Introduction

In Episode 187 of Two Hot Takes, host Morgan Absher is joined by special guest Ian Hecox from the popular YouTube channel Smosh. Together, they delve into a series of gripping and controversial stories sourced from Reddit’s AITA (Am I The Asshole) subreddit and Relationship Advice forums. The episode, released on October 17, 2024, tackles themes of trust, betrayal, and interpersonal conflicts, providing listeners with insightful commentary and diverse perspectives on each scenario.

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1. Husband's Inappropriate Behavior at a Work Party

Story Overview: The episode kicks off with a disturbing account from [06:03] where a Reddit user questions whether she is wrong for feeling hurt and violated after her husband, a senior partner at a banking firm, attended a coworker’s game night. The event, organized by Valerie—a woman the user has never liked—became notorious for inappropriate activities, including men stealing their wives’ panties for a guessing game.

Notable Quotes:

• OP: "They stole a pair of their wives' panties and everyone had to guess which panty belonged to who." [06:03]
• Ian: "Having it in a hotel room is giving some serious freak out." [07:03]
• Morgan: "This feels like a major betrayal." [08:23]

Host Commentary: Morgan and Ian express their disbelief and condemnation of such behavior, labeling the workplace as a "toxic frat house" [10:03]. They discuss the potential misogyny underlying Valerie’s exemption from the game and highlight the severe breach of professional conduct. The hosts emphasize the importance of addressing such toxic environments through proper HR channels and advocate for stronger leadership to dismantle the "boys club" mentality prevalent in some corporate settings.

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2. Ex-Boyfriend and Best Friend Insisting on OP’s Presence at Their Wedding

Story Overview: At [14:50], Morgan introduces a heartbreaking story from the Relationship Advice subreddit. The user’s ex-boyfriend, Josh, left her for her best friend, Anna. Months after their breakup, Anna and Josh invite the user to be part of their wedding party, leading to relentless pressure and harassment despite the user having blocked them initially.

Notable Quotes:

• OP: "They made me think everything was okay when it really wasn’t." [15:38]
• Ian: "20 to 30 calls a day? That’s psycho." [18:09]
• Morgan: "They want her to come there so they can be absolved of their betrayal." [19:27]

Host Commentary: Morgan and Ian discuss the manipulative tactics used by Anna and Josh to force the user into their wedding, interpreting it as an attempt to mitigate their guilt and control the narrative. They explore the psychological impact of such relentless pursuit and advise the OP to maintain firm boundaries by blocking new contact attempts. The hosts also ponder the reasons behind the wedding invitation, suggesting that Anna and Josh might be seeking social validation or attempting to erase the betrayal by involving the OP in their significant life event.

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3. Leaving Husband at the Hospital During Delivery

Story Overview: A particularly emotional story is shared at [35:25] where a Reddit user recounts leaving her husband, Jake, at the hospital because he refused to be present during her childbirth. Jake's sudden withdrawal, citing discomfort with blood and medical procedures, left her to endure a traumatic delivery alone.

Notable Quotes:

• OP: "He left, leaving me alone and feeling utterly abandoned." [38:10]
• Morgan: "He abandoned me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life." [39:00]
• Ian: "He’s a coward." [43:18]

Host Commentary: Morgan and Ian express deep sympathy for the OP, condemning Jake’s actions as cowardly and utterly selfish. They discuss the potential underlying issues that might have led Jake to abandon his wife during such a critical moment, including the possibility of mental health struggles or infidelity. The hosts stress the importance of trust and support in a marriage, highlighting that Jake’s behavior has irreparably damaged the foundation of their relationship. They advise the OP to consider professional counseling, both individually and as a couple, to navigate the complex emotions stemming from this incident.

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4. Not Revealing Multilingual Abilities to Husband’s Family

Story Overview: At [57:25], Morgan presents a story from AITA where a Canadian woman moves to Germany with her husband, only to face criticism from his family for various superficial reasons. The turning point occurs when she reveals she speaks German, leading to an explosive confrontation.

Notable Quotes:

• OP: "I have always known what they have said about me, but calling me names was the last straw." [67:32]
• Ian: "They are pure petty." [74:34]
• Morgan: "They are just not your friends." [75:02]

Host Commentary: Morgan and Ian analyze the complexities of blending into a new cultural environment and the underlying tensions that can arise within in-law relationships. They discuss the OP’s decision to keep her German skills hidden, interpreting it as a protective measure against subtle abuses. The hosts condemn the family’s derogatory remarks, labeling their behavior as pure pettiness and lack of genuine friendship. They emphasize the importance of mutual respect and open communication in intercultural marriages, advising the OP to seek support outside the toxic family dynamic to preserve her mental well-being.

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5. Body Shaming During a Gaming Session

Story Overview: Morgan introduces a lighter yet still serious topic at [76:54], where a Reddit user feels shamed by her fiancé’s girlfriend for how she positions her breasts during a Dungeons & Dragons game. The criticism resulted in a heated confrontation and the user being ostracized from her friend group.

Notable Quotes:

• OP: "She accused me of trying to put myself on display." [77:03]
• Ian: "No. No, no, no." [80:05]
• Morgan: "This is another example of women making the other woman the problem." [80:20]

Host Commentary: Morgan and Ian discuss the insensitivity and blatant body shaming faced by the OP, highlighting the futility and destructiveness of such behavior within friend groups. They advocate for solidarity among women and criticize the fiancé’s girlfriend for allowing such negativity to permeate the gaming environment. The hosts suggest that the OP’s actions were entirely justified and condemn the labeling of her behavior as attention-seeking. They encourage listeners to stand up against body shaming and support friends who face similar challenges.

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6. Friend Group’s Lack of Support for Wedding Plans

Story Overview: At [90:22], Morgan shares a story from AITA about a woman whose friends continually cancel her bachelorette party and express reluctance to attend her wedding, citing trivial excuses like childcare and fatigue. The situation escalates when her friends propose an underwhelming group gift, leading to feelings of being used and unappreciated.

Notable Quotes:

• OP: "They threw me parties when others got engaged, but not me." [93:46]
• Ian: "No, no, no. They just don't like you." [97:52]
• Morgan: "Find a new friend group. They are cheap." [104:53]

Host Commentary: Morgan and Ian explore the dynamics of outdated and one-sided friendships, emphasizing that true friendship requires mutual effort and respect. They address the OP’s feelings of inadequacy and betrayal, asserting that her friends’ behavior is indicative of deeper issues, such as envy or resentment. The hosts advise the OP to seek out new friendships that value her for who she is rather than for past favors or gifts. They highlight the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive and genuine people, especially during significant life events like weddings.

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Conclusion

Throughout the episode, Morgan and Ian provide candid and compassionate insights into each story, offering practical advice and emotional support to those navigating complex social and personal issues. Their discussions emphasize themes of boundaries, self-respect, and the necessity of healthy relationships, both romantic and platonic. By dissecting real-life scenarios from Reddit, Two Hot Takes delivers relatable and thought-provoking content that resonates with listeners seeking guidance and validation in their own lives.

Notable Takeaways:

• Trust and Support: Essential elements in both romantic and familial relationships.
• Boundaries: Crucial for maintaining personal well-being amidst external pressures.
• Self-Advocacy: Standing up against toxic behavior is necessary for mental health.
• Healthy Friendships: Mutual respect and effort are foundational for lasting friendships.

Connect with Morgan and Two Hot Takes:

• Instagram: @TwoHotTakes
• Patreon: Exclusive Stories
• YouTube: Two Hot Takes Channel

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This summary provides a comprehensive overview of Episode 187, capturing the essence of each discussion while highlighting key moments and insights shared by the hosts.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

From Smosh.

[A]

The brain. The everything behind Smosh.

[B]

I don't know about brain, but sure, yeah. A guy from Smosh.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you started it in 2005.

[B]

Yeah, the YouTube channel was started in 2005. The website was started by Anthony in 2002.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. So predated YouTube, but yeah, we were.

[A]

Isn't that insane? Truly, like when you think about it, you're like, what the hell? Like, yeah, that's insane.

[B]

Actually, yeah, we've, we're about to celebrate 19 years. Probably by the time that this comes out, maybe we've had already celebrated 19 years.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

But I mean, yeah, I was, I was at a chicken joint the other day and a full grown ass man came up to me and was like, you were my childhood. And I was like, dude, you are a full grown adult.

[A]

And then you think to yourself, you're like, am I getting old?

[B]

I mean, I, yeah, I don't really, I don't really think about it. I don't really think about myself getting old, but I do. But I do, like, think about the time span from when we first started making YouTube videos. And that's crazy. Like, I don't even know what Reddit was in 2005. Like, I don't even think it probably. It probably did exist, but there were so many other websites. I feel like Reddit's kind of like the last website that exists.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everything else is just social media.

[A]

It's the final frontier, truly. It's the wild West.

[B]

Yeah. Thank God we still have it.

[A]

Reddit, I love you. I have had some really good experiences with Reddit lately, and there's been a couple stories on Patreon that these people have truly been saved thanks to Reddit and being able to write in and get neutral, unbiased advice. I hope we can provide some of that today.

[B]

Oh, well, you know, you should have had a different host on if, you know, you wanted unbiased, good, unbiased advice. I come with a lot of bias.

[A]

I'm biased on a daily basis.

[B]

Yeah, it just.

[A]

It's hard to escape. You know, you try. You live, you learn, you try to grow. But, yeah, these stories, they can pinch a nerve.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I am afflicted with straight white guy, and therefore I tend to play devil's advocate.

[A]

Oh, my God, everyone's just screaming already.

[B]

Yeah. So I just want to put that out there right now. I might say something out of pocket and then walk it back, but I'll try not to play too much devil's advocate because I know that's very annoying.

[A]

Well, some of these might need it, though. Today's theme I have is they can't be serious. Like, these people are off their rocker. Someone might not be op. Could be people involved, but, like, they're serious. They're. They're actually serious. No. No. Okay, so there's some.

[B]

There's some crazy ones, some deeply unserious people.

[A]

People are troubled. You know, we see it on a daily basis. People are genuinely troubled. And that's today.

[B]

And we're here to fix them, everyone.

[A]

Okay, let's dive in.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

How bad do I want to start?

[B]

Yeah, do you want to start heavy? Just going hard or ease in?

[A]

I kind of want to be weird. This one, I'm really curious what you think.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Okay. It's coming from r. Amirong. It's 10 days old, titled Am I Wrong for Feeling Hurt and Violated Over My Husband's Work Party. My husband is a senior partner at a banking firm. And the partners like to get together every once in a while and socialize, which shouldn't be an issue, but in the past there has been some pretty serious bad behavior makes as fun drunken antics. He told me he was going to be attending a game night thrown by his coworker Valerie at a hotel because she didn't want them in her house due to past behavior. Oh, I felt a bit apprehensive as I have never liked Valerie. She is a total pick me. But I told him to go and have fun. Well, the next day I got a message from one of his other coworkers, wives Lisa, asking if I knew about the game they had played. Apparently.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

All of the men stole a pair of their wives panties and everyone had to guess which panty belonged to who. To me this felt hugely violating. It also felt weird as Valerie is the only woman and has a male partner, so therefore she was exempt. I asked my husband about it and he said it wasn't a big deal. He admitted he did take a pair of my underwear, but swore he didn't know I would be upset. I was furious and couldn't look at him the rest of the day. I feel this is a major betrayal. He feels it is something we should be able to laugh at. So am I wrong?

[B]

Yikes. Okay, so that's a weird thing to do with your coworkers.

[A]

Where is hr?

[B]

Yeah, straight up.

[A]

What?

[B]

Also to have it in like a hotel room, it's giving diddy freak off.

[A]

You know, it's really weird. It's like. And also how bad has their behavior been where you do need to resort to a hotel because you don't want them in your house? That's concerning too.

[B]

It's all levels of sketchy. I don't, I don't understand.

[A]

It's giving toxic frat house workplace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like very boys club. Just very, very toxic.

[B]

Yeah. And I can imagine for somebody like Valerie working in a very male dominated workplace, like she might feel like she has to go along with these sort of things to blend in and not be passed up for promotions or anything like that. I mean that happens a lot in professional workplaces, like especially certain cultures where it's like you are expected to go out and drink with your boss and if you don't drink with your boss, you're gonna get passed up for a promotion.

[A]

Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like oh God, corporate America and like places like that that have those underline rules and like clubs. It's like that is so scary. And it's like, how do you get above it? How do you get past it?

[B]

I mean, the only way is to become the boss and change it from the top down. Like, that's. That's really the only. That's really the only way. Because if you, like, if you're in, like. Let's just say I'm trying to empathize with Valerie here for a second. Like, if you're in her position and all the. All the dudes are like, we're going to, like, party, and then she's just saying no every single time. Like, that does start to other her and preclude her from things. So I think, like, you know, something like that is definitely HR worthy. Like, bringing your wife's panties and, like, showing them off to your coworkers is a certain level of gross. I would not do that at my workplace in a million years.

[A]

No. And I have so many questions and, like, this is not the point of this story, but I'm like, did he grab clean underwear or were they dirty from a laundry pile? Were they smelling them?

[B]

That's what I was gonna say to try to identify.

[A]

I'm like.

[B]

I didn't wanna say it, but I'm like, are they, like, passing it around?

[A]

And, like, you know they are. You know, they're like, feeling them and stretching them out and touching them.

[B]

And I hope Valerie made her husband wear a pair of her panties. And then that would have. I feel like that would have.

[A]

Yeah, that would have leveled the playing field.

[B]

I feel like it. Yeah, sure.

[A]

I was gonna. Devil's advocate. Hop on your little devil's advocate train over there and say, I do appreciate that they didn't make Valerie participate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That would have been small glimmer.

[B]

That would have been super disgusting.

[A]

But the fact they did this is so weird. Like, you're degrading your wives. You're just. It's such a weird boundary with coworkers, your partner. I mean, everything. I'm just like, ew.

[B]

Ew. It's icky. It's icky.

[A]

It's beyond.

[B]

Yeah. It's giving frat. Which, I mean, makes sense. They're all partners at a law firm.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Banking firm. So.

[B]

Banking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, finance.

[A]

Bros. Yeah.

[B]

Even worse.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Top comment. That's just weird. Next comment. And a tad creepy. Next. A tad. I don't know. I feel like this is enough to fit into the very creepy category. Next question. The question is, did they sniff them?

[B]

We were all wondering. We're all wondering.

[A]

I don't like it at all. Curious. If there's any comments from OP So apparently someone was asking, what's up with Valerie? Like, does she not invite you guys? What's going on there? No, she doesn't want the wives, and no one can make her do anything. She is very aggressive, but she likes to throw parties and likes the praise of everyone enjoying them. She knows there would be a very different vibe if the wives were there.

[B]

I mean, I kind of roll my eyes to that. Like, why. Why is. Of all the people, the woman getting the shit for this.

[A]

I know.

[B]

So, like, that with that, I'm kind of like, okay. I don't know. It's kind of. It's kind of giving a little bit of misogyny of being like, oh, it's actually the woman's fault in all of this, that these guys are doing these gross things.

[A]

No, absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. It just kind of like, you know, we've seen this before.

[A]

There is a comment from OP HR doesn't have policies about what they do on their own time. Everyone knows they get wild outside of work. She got a black eye while trying to get him off of her when he got drunk in the office, wrapped his arms around her, and told her at seven months pregnant, he was her daughter's father.

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm curious who this is in relation to. I'm like, Valerie got. Valerie was a. Valerie got a black eye.

[B]

That's what it sounds like.

[A]

That is terrible.

[B]

Also, like, if you have a party with your coworkers and something bad happens, that's still considered, like, sexual harassment. That's still a fireable offense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, just because it happens off of the outside of the workplace doesn't mean you're precluded from the rules.

[A]

I'm blown away. So, yes, Valerie was the one that got the black eye, and she did. She got extra vacation time because they didn't want her to call the police. They aren't even allowed to have Christmas parties anymore because the office behavior was so bad. She didn't come up with the game, and she isn't responsible for what they all chose to do. It kind of feels gross to blame the woman. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Previous times at her house, they broke her sliding glass door and her kids swing set. They were going into bedrooms.

[B]

These people need to. How old are these people?

[A]

This is weird. Opie says, I wouldn't be surprised if she was fucking her bestie or some of them are fucking their secretaries. Your husband works there. Like, are you roping him into that?

[B]

I feel like that sounds like an extremely toxic Work environment, and they just kept getting worse. They just can't. They can't have holiday parties anymore because people. People are too crazy. It's just like, guys, I think the problem is some of your employees, and they need to be moved on.

[A]

You need a clean house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also, I would be like, I know you trust your partner. You love your partner and whatever, but I would look at my partner very differently if they were engaging in this type of behavior.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, you brought my underwear to go have a boy. No. No.

[B]

Yeah. And I mean, like, you know, it's good to trust your partner and everything, but my trust would definitely be questioned if I was that wife. Like, in terms of, like, what these people are getting away with. And if he's a party to all of that, I'd be like, why are you going along with this stuff? Like, why do you have to go to these weird hotel parties?

[A]

Just don't go.

[B]

Just maybe don't go because it sounds like some bad shit is happening.

[A]

So you have other plans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is one of those things where the whole organization, like, it comes to light. They have, like, one whistleblower, and it comes to light, and the whole thing just goes.

[B]

It's gonna end in an arrest for sure.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Moving along.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

This next one is coming from r. Relationship advice. Thirteen hours old, titled, My 25 Female Ex Boyfriend, 27 Male, left me for my best friend, 25 female, and now they want me to be a part of their wedding party. Any advice?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I say do it for the bit.

[A]

Go. Just for your speech that you can give.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I'm so glad I could bring them together.

[B]

The power you can wield, the.

[A]

The fact they were able to meet through me. Well, I was dating Josh. So glad. So glad. Three years ago, Josh, my boyfriend of about 1.5 years, broke up with me because he had feelings for Anna, my best friend.

[B]

They were dating for one year.

[A]

A year and a half.

[B]

A year and a half. Okay.

[A]

We hung out a lot. And they said that they eventually developed feelings for one another. They admitted that Josh had been cheating on me. They made a fool out of me. They made me think that everything was okay when it was really not. If they admitted it at the time, I would have tried to be understanding and tried to support them, but they chose to lie. So I cut them both off. I focused on school and found a job with a good income. Josh and Anna tried to reach out to me at first, telling me that they still wanted to be friends, but I blocked them. Now I'm living in the next town over to our hometown. I got a wonderful job opportunity, so I moved. But I liked that I was still close enough to visit my parents and other relatives. About a month ago, I heard about their wedding from a common friend. It didn't really bother me anymore, so I just went on with my life. A week ago, I received a message from Anna telling me that she and Josh were getting married and that they would like for me to be a part of their wedding day. I replied, quote, congratulations, no thank you. I had no feelings for Josh anymore and I'm even seeing someone else. But I don't want to celebrate the wedding of two people who betrayed me. They were insistent. Josh also messaged me via a different number. Some of my friends also tried to convince me to come to the wedding. I firmly said no. Even my mom called me asking if I was going. And when I said no, she sounded disappointed but didn't push it. This is all just quite weird to me. Why would you want your ex girlfriend slash ex best friend, the girl you cheated on, to be a part of your wedding party? The day before yesterday, Anna's parents called me telling me that they missed me and really hope I could go to the wedding. I firmly said that I would not be going. Her mom berated me saying that I should let bygones be bygones and that I should be happy for her daughter. I asked her if I cheated with Anna's boyfriend and then invited her to the wedding, would she convince Anna to go? She had no answer to this and I hung up. This is getting quite out of hand because I'm now receiving more than 20 to 30 calls and texts a day from their friends and family about this wedding. Any advice on how to handle this? Also, any insights on why they want me to go to their wedding? I don't think it's normal that they are this insistent.

[B]

That's wild. 20 to 30 calls a day. Oh, that's psycho.

[A]

I would be losing my mind. Hearing my phone ring is like instant anxiety provoking. 20 to 30. I'd have to shut it off.

[B]

Why is that such a big deal for them? Like move on? She obviously did. I think there's obviously like a large amount of guilt that they have and they probably had it from the get go, but they just didn't care because they obviously were very into each other. But why do they care so much about having her there?

[A]

I. My hunch is it's about the social stigma. Like everyone knew who they Were like, they were best friends for however many years, like from the time they were little.

[B]

Yeah. They want her to go there so they can be absolved of their.

[A]

That's what I think.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

She's here. She's okay with it.

[B]

She's cool with it.

[A]

She's supporting us on our day. She realizes we love each other. Obviously, you know, we didn't meet in a traditional way, but she's okay with it 100%.

[B]

They're doing it for themselves.

[A]

Yeah. And it's like everyone's trying to, like, get her there, so it looks fine. It looks all dandy because you know how much people love to gossip and talk.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Unless she's there, they're going to talk mad shit. And. As they should. As they should. They deserve to be talked about. Yeah.

[B]

It's not a good origin story for your. For your love story, you know?

[A]

No.

[B]

Starting off with a good old cheating scandal. Yeah. No, she absolutely should not go. And. Yeah, that's. That's totally why they want her to go there, because as long as she's there, then. Then, yeah, she's cool. They're absolved of their, you know, betrayal.

[A]

I know. And their guilt. And also this relationship has been moving so fast.

[B]

I mean, I. They. They probably love each other.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And they probably, like, really hit it off. Clearly, you know, they're meant for each other, but they were not. They were not truthful about the feelings that they had. And. Yeah, they. They cheated before he broke up with her, Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They were sleeping together. Yeah. That's fucked up.

[A]

I know. And they were together a year and a half, so it's like. That's a decent amount of time.

[B]

It's a decent amount of time. It's. It's enough time for it to be, like, really messed up to cheat on somebody. Obviously, anytime is. Is a bad amount of time to cheat on somebody, but it's a tough one. Yeah, that's. That's rough. But it sounds like she's moved on. Her life is. Sounds like her life is great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's just kind of like block those people's numbers and just move on.

[A]

I know. That would be my advice, too. Like, you really just gotta block them all, really. Go low contact with anyone that's going to keep pressuring you. And I'm sure they still have mutual friends. And, like, obviously you're not saying you guys can't go. Like, you're kind of being a saint in all of this, by the sounds of it. Just trying to like, move on, live your life. You haven't really talked bad about these two. Even so, I just try to brush it all under the rug and keep doing you, dude.

[B]

That would drive me crazy.

[A]

The injustice of it all. Top comment. Tell everyone involved to get fucked.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

It's one way to do it. Someone has another piece of advice. Opie should post on social media publicly. Something along the lines of quote, I will not be attending my ex best friend's and ex boyfriend's wedding. The reason for this is ex boyfriend was actively cheating on me with ex best friend while we are were dating. That is how their loving relationship started. I wish the happy couple all the best, but do not wish to be a part of this as I've moved on happily with my life and I see no good reason for me to be there as I no longer have any relationship with either of them. I hope one day they can move on with their lives and stop harassing me. Let people have fun with that. Go full petty.

[B]

Yes. I mean, it would be kind of funny for her to attend the wedding in a white dress, show up just hammered, make a total scene the entire time. You know, maybe throw some glasses. Just like really like, make a huge scene so everybody at the wedding is like, who is that woman? Like, for the people that don't know.

[A]

Yeah, the heart is that move.

[B]

And then everyone will then know about the situation. But, you know, that's obviously a waste of her time.

[A]

It definitely is. But how satisfying would it be?

[B]

It would be very satisfying.

[A]

Especially even this speech, like that comment instead of posting it doing an actual speech.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm so glad I could bring them close together. I'm so happy I'm the reason they met. Unfortunate we were still together. Josh. But, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How you find them is how you lose them. Anna, Good luck.

[B]

I mean, it would be sick. That'd be like. That'd be a good scene in a movie, but in real life, I don't think I could do it.

[A]

I think I would throw up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, my anxiety. I get so nervous before, like recording episodes or doing live shows. Like, I would literally. I'd throw up.

[B]

Yeah, it'd be out both ends for me. I wouldn't. I wouldn't make it. I wouldn't make it to the stage.

[A]

You'd have to wear a diaper. Yeah, you just have to wear a diaper to prepare.

[B]

Why does that guy stink so bad at this wedding?

[A]

We. Sorry, we do have an edit from op.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hi. Thank you all so much for the advice. I Didn't think this would get so much attention. I just want to clarify a few things that I read about in the comments, though I'm very sorry that I have not yet read all of them. First of all, my mom is not going to the wedding, but I think she wants to go. That's why she was asking me if I was going. I'm going to talk to her after work. Anna messaged me with a different number. I don't know how she got my number. Also, my hometown is a small town, and most of our friends did know that I was cheated on. That's why this seems so weird to me. I did block the people who were very insistent, including the new numbers of Anna, Josh, and Anna's mom. Also, I keep blocking the people that text me about the wedding, but new numbers just keep popping up, which makes it more weird that people are actually making an effort to get new numbers just so I would attend an ex's wedding. That's crazy.

[B]

It's like, sounds like some Scientology shit. Like, I've never heard. I've never heard, like, a group of people be so determined.

[A]

Like, are they all going to Walmart and getting burner phones?

[B]

Yeah, Right.

[A]

What are they doing?

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I'm gonna talk to a close friend who still lives in my hometown. She hates Anna for what she did to me, and she may know what's going on. That's all for now. Thank you so much for all the advice in the comments and messages.

[B]

I do understand why the mom was, like, weirdly insistent, because sometimes parents can be really weird about your exes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they'd be like, oh, but, like, I love him. Like, he was so great, and, like, blah, blah, blah. It's like, you have to, like, let it go, you know?

[A]

It's so, so strange.

[B]

Like, have you ever had that happen? Like, have, like, your parents ever been, like, weird about, like, an ex?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you ever talk to him?

[A]

Oh, he was so sweet. It's so swee. Lo and behold, he was actually a terrorist. I'm like, you don't even know. Like, I didn't tell you anything because I didn't want you to hate him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Parents only hear the good shit because obviously, like, you don't want to tell them the bad stuff.

[A]

Well, and friends, too. Like, I have an ex friend who. Things just, like, really fell apart. Like, I. I was living in Minnesota still. She had moved to Dallas, and I went to visit her, and there was just, like, all this drama that went down and, like, she essentially, like, left me at her house while she was, like, partying with, like, some people. Took one of my other friend's phones and hid it at the guy's house so she couldn't contact me. Wouldn't let me take her car to Walmart to go buy a book because her house didn't have wifi. So I sat there and I'm like, this is terrible. Like, I tried to meet up. She wouldn't let me. Like, it was nuts.

[B]

That's crazy. So you just, like, raw dogged living in a house?

[A]

Yeah, it was like I couldn't do anything. It was before TikTok. This was 2015. TikTok didn't exist. You can only refresh Instagram so many times. I was going crazy wild. So I started looking up flights to leave early, and I was like, you know, if she comes back and apologizes, we'll see how it goes. She walked in the door, didn't talk to me. So I was like, this is weird. I'm done. Lo and behold, she never apologized up until probably 45 days ago.

[B]

What?

[A]

Almost 10 years. But she's been messaging my mom on Facebook.

[B]

What?

[A]

Because, like, she got engaged and my mom, like, sent her, like, a congrats or commented congrats. Because, like, my mom's a typical, like, yeah, Facebook mom.

[B]

Is this, like, a sobriety thing?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

Because sometimes, like, people going through, like, a sobriety journey will, like, reach out to people that they, like, hurt.

[A]

I could see it. But she never truly apologized to me. She was just like, yeah, I was just. I was really young and dumb. And where's the apology?

[B]

Yes, that. And, like, why did she wait 10 years? What's the reason?

[A]

I don't know. She ended up seeing my brother at a wedding of, like, a mutual. A year before the apology. But, like, that was a year. And so I'm like, this is strange. But my mom had been like, oh, you should really. You should talk to her. You know, you guys could be great friends again. And I'm like, why? No.

[B]

Yeah. No.

[A]

Don't you remember what she did to me? And she goes, no. She was so nice. I'm like, I'm like, what? Okay, let me refresh your memory. And she was like, oh. Oh, my God. Yeah. No. And I'm like, thank you. I'm like, thank you. But sometimes, like, I mean, everyone wants to see their kid have good people and have friends, but it's like, you don't need friends like this, right? But I Also, like, if they've been friends since kindergarten and the mom had, like, watched her grow up, that also is kind of a loss. Like, I've known little Anna since she was 5. Like, I know it's your ex, but that's tough to get over. Too crazy. Yeah. No other comments from op. No update yet. I'm going to refresh just to see. Yeah, it's 14 hours old now, so.

[B]

Oh, wow. Fresh.

[A]

I'm really unresolved with this one. I, like, I need more.

[B]

Do you ever do, like, update episodes where you, like, revisit?

[A]

I try to give an update story. At least one an episode. We've been doing a lot of updates on Patreon, and then I'm putting together, like, an updates episode of, like, stories we've had that have since had updates. Yeah, I've got some minions working on it with me, so.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

That's in the works. But, yeah, I mean, I love updates. They're just so satisfying.

[B]

It's my favorite. It's my favorite thing. Like, on our Reddit show, whenever Shane says update, it's like. It's just that, like, oh, it's that hit of serotonin.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

Like, yeah.

[A]

What's the best update you've had? What story really sticks with you?

[B]

Oh, man, I honestly, I can't think of one off the dome.

[A]

Did you ever hear the slug story?

[B]

The slug story?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

You guys haven't done slug story yet.

[B]

I mean, we might have, and I just wasn't on that episode. I don't wind up. I know, like, I own the channel and everything, but I don't wind up seeing all the episodes.

[A]

That's a lot of content. You put out a lot of stuff.

[B]

Yeah, but I do actually wind up listening to our Reddit stories, like, when I'm working out or whatever, because it's just. It's just good background.

[A]

It's so good. Yeah, there's a story. I think I read it on the episode with Drew off Wallow. It's like, unhitched 2.0 if you haven't heard it. But this person found out their partner was putting slugs in their shakes and.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And replacing their heart medication with salt pills. And they found out from someone coming into their work, like, one of their partner's friends coming into their work being like, hey, you know how you're helping your partner out in the garden putting fruit out for. For slugs, and you think it's cute? Yeah. Well, he's been poisoning you with them. And that's actually why you have a heart condition. Yeah. And then they had like, some rare African snail. She thinks he put that in her shake too. Yep. Uh huh. Traumatizing, right?

[B]

That's. You know, I have heard other. I have heard other Reddit stories where it's like, oh, yeah, my partner's poisoning me. Like, it's. We, we've done a few other stories that were like that, where it's like, oh, yeah, my. Oh, there was like, one where it was like their partner was saying that they, they thought she was getting fat, so he was putting like sawdust in her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In her food or something like that.

[A]

Oh, and the brother saw him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the brother was like, you need to tell her or I will.

[B]

Yeah. Where it's just like. Yeah. How often do you think this is happening? Where it's like, It's a lot of stuff where it's like, guys. Where it's like, it's like, no, no, I'll take care of this. You're putting on some pounds. I'll take care of this. But I'm not gonna tell you about it. But I got it under control.

[A]

So I read that story with two guys and they told me, allegedly, okay, don't come for me if this is not true. But they said that a lot of the anti tamper stickers in the UK were put on, like, food deliveries because of people tampering with the food deliveries. And one of the bigger ones was shakes. And there were people posting videos of themselves coming into people's shakes.

[B]

Oh, I don't know about that. I'm going to choose not to believe that just for my own. Just for my own sanity. But also, like, I don't order milkshakes, so I guess I'm probably okay.

[A]

I love a good milkshake, especially if you get a side of fries and you dip.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, like, it's good, but I feel like, yeah, I never. I guess I'm safe. Cause, yeah, I never get shakes. I feel like it also wouldn't transport well for food delivery.

[A]

It does melt very quickly.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Also, I feel like it's just like, in terms of, like, nutrients for myself. I think it's like one of the worst things I could put into my body as someone. But they are great.

[A]

They are great. As someone that has problems with dairy.

[B]

Oh, it's.

[A]

It's not my friend, but, you know, every once in a while you just want to.

[B]

You have to live a little bit. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. I get it, man. Yeah. Fries and a shake. Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever dipped a Wendy's chicken nugget into the frosting?

[B]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[A]

Yeah. That's a good one, too.

[B]

The. There's two different flavors of Frosty, right?

[A]

Chocolate or vanilla? Yeah, I think they do a special pumpkin one too. Maybe. Maybe.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For the fall season.

[A]

Yeah. Pumpkin spice latte season's here.

[B]

It could be good, but. Yeah, the nugget into the Frosty. Yeah, That's a combo.

[A]

It's a hack.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Moving along, one of this week's partners is Game Time. It can be a lot shopping for tickets. You have to sift through so many options and seeds, and some of the upper level is priced more than lower level. Well, with Game Time, they've got a new feature called Game Time picks, which makes getting tickets for your favorite live events even easier. Game Time Picks filters out all of the fluff to show you only the most incredible deals on great seeds so you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. Game Time is actually sending us to a Minnesota Vikings game here in la, and we actually got our tickets for less in the 200 level than one of our friends did, and he's up in the 500 level. How does that make sense? Well, Game Time. Game Time also lets you see the view from your seat before you buy, so you know exactly where you're going to get. No obstructed views and you know exactly what you pay. You can do the all in pricing so it shows you the total upfront. There's no hidden fees at checkout. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, Create an account and use code THT for 20. $20 off your first purchase terms apply. Again. Create an account and redeem code THT for $20 off. Download game Time today. What time is it? Game Time. This next one. I am enraged. Just based on the title.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

I'm really scared. I haven't read this one, so I'm sorry if it sucks. But the title alone, I was like, what?

[B]

So you just saw the title and you're like, this one's going in.

[A]

I knew it.

[B]

No proofreading.

[A]

Nope. I'm scared.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I'm scared.

[B]

We're going in.

[A]

Coming from Aitah, four days old, titled Am I the asshole for leaving my husband at the hospital after he refused to be in the delivery room with me?

[B]

Huh? I'm sure he has a perfectly reasonable, you know, reason for that.

[A]

Yeah, wonderful.

[B]

But let's let's, let's hear her out.

[A]

This happened two months ago, but it's still causing major friction in my family, so I need some outside opinions. I, 29, female, and my husband Jake, 32, male, have been together for six years, married for three. We were both ecstatic when we found out we were expecting our first child. Pregnancy was really tough for me though. I had severe morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was generally miserable. But Jake was supportive and sweet the whole way through, which made it bearable. As we got closer to my due date, we discussed birth plans. I was adamant that I wanted Jake in the delivery room. I needed his support and he had always agreed. However, a few weeks before my due date, Jake started acting strange. He was distant, distracted, and wouldn't engage in any baby related activities or discussions. I thought he was just anxious about becoming a dad, so I didn't press him too much. The day I went into labor, Jake drove me to the hospital, but seemed off. He was quiet and kept checking his phone. When we got there, he pulled the nurse aside and spoke to her privately. She came back and told me Jake wouldn't be in the delivery room because he was, quote, uncomfortable with blood and medical procedures. I was stunned. He had never mentioned this before. I begged him to stay, told him I needed him, but he just kept saying, quote, I can't do this. I was heartbroken and furious, but I didn't have too much time to dwell on it. As my contractions were getting closer and stronger, Jake said he would be in the waiting room and kissed me on the forehead before leaving. I was left alone, crying and feeling utterly abandoned. Labor was long, painful and traumatic. I was alone the entire time, except for the medical staff. When our son was finally born, I was exhausted emotionally and physically. The nurse handed me my son and all I felt was a deep sadness that Jake wasn't there to share in this moment. After I was taken to a recovery room, I asked the nurse to go get Jake. She came back and she said he had left the hospital hours ago.

[B]

Bro. No.

[A]

I couldn't believe it.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

I called him repeatedly, but he didn't answer. What?

[B]

That is wild. I had like a shred. I had like a shred of understanding. Like, look, if you're very squeamish and like, childbirth is too icky for you, like, I hear that. Like, I'll hold some space for that. But also, childbirth is an incredibly scary, exhausting experience, and that's when your wife needs you the most. Maybe just like, suck it Up a little bit and be there, but not just that he was gone.

[A]

What if something would have gone wrong?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What if, like, literally, she needed someone to come in and be, like, a proxy medical decision maker?

[B]

Yeah. Lots of stuff can happen.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Delivery room.

[A]

We're not done.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sweating.

[B]

Sucks.

[A]

Finally, I sent him a text saying I was done and he could find his own way home. I didn't see him until the next day. He showed up at the hospital with flowers and an apology, saying he had panicked and needed some air. He claimed he had gone home to shower and change and had fallen asleep, which I didn't buy for a second. I told him I didn't believe him. I was overwhelmed with anger and hurt, and I told him he had let me down in the worst way possible. He kept apologizing, saying he knew he'd messed up and he would do anything to make it right. I didn't want him near me or our son at that moment, so I asked him to leave. He tried to protest, but I told him I needed time to process everything. He left, and I spent the rest of my hospital stay alone with my baby, trying to grapple with the enormity of what had happened. Since then, Jake has been trying to make amends. He's been taking parenting classes, attending therapy, and is constantly trying to be present and supportive. But I can't shake the feeling of betrayal. He abandoned me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. Every time I look at him, I remember being alone in that delivery room, terrified and in pain, wondering why the person who promised to be by my side wasn't there. My family is split. Some think that I'm being too hard on Jake, that he made a mistake and is clearly remorseful. They say he's a good father and partner otherwise, and I should focus on moving forward for the sake of our child. Others think that what he did was unforgivable and I should leave him. They believe I'll never truly trust him again, and that's no foundation for a marriage. I'm torn. I still do love him, and I know he loves me and our son. But a part of me wonders if I'll ever get over this. Was it just a moment of weakness on his part or a sign of something deeper that I can't overlook? So am I the asshole for leaving him at the hospital and now considering leaving him for good?

[B]

I mean, not the asshole, clearly, but it sounds perfectly salvageable to me. Obviously. What he did was wrong and destroyed her trust in him completely. I think that they either need to develop a really strong communication style or they need to go to couples therapy. I think this is something that they really need to lay everything out. It sounds like he obviously knows he fucked up and it's nice to see that he's taking actual steps and he's actually putting in the action to show that he cares and that he wants to make things better. And he sounds like somebody unlike a lot of these other stories where the guys are like, oh, I don't wanna go to therapy. It sounds like he absolutely would. Yeah, this totally sounds like something that they could work through together, but they have to be on the same page.

[A]

Yeah. Well, there's no mention of her going to therapy either. Like where it's like, you gotta go to therapy. Like, it's gotta be. You both have individual. Because you're dealing with huge feelings. And then the couples comes into it too. Yeah, like, I, I don't think I would be able to get over this. And I have someone, like, my partner is deathly afraid of needles. Medical procedures. He passed out getting Botox. So like when we talk about if we have kids and like, you're going to be in there, like 100%, that's non negotiable for me. But I'm like, we're just going to have to keep you up by my head because otherwise, like, you're going to go down and like, we can't have the nurses worrying about you. Like, I'm the center of attention here.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

So like, I can't believe he did this to her. And I think it's more so the way he did it too, where he pulled the nurse aside and made the nurse be the bearer of bad news. Like, no, you're gonna do this to me.

[B]

He's a coward.

[A]

Yeah, clearly. Like you say to my face and then where did he go? Where did he go? Yeah, this is fishy. And I know I'm a little scarred. I've read a lot of stories on here, a lot of stories where I've been like, there's no way he's cheating. Like, he loves her. And then bam, another family. So in my head, when we're getting all these red flags and he's like, he just kept saying, I can't do this. And a couple weeks before the baby was born, he started to like, not want to talk about any baby related discussions. You got another person on the side and you're like, what, what? What's going on here? Where'd you go? Right, Where'd you go?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I guess cheating's always the possibility. Like people be cheating. Yeah. I mean, what he did was incredibly cowardly. It's. Yeah, it's just sad. It's sad.

[A]

It's really sad. We don't have an official update from what I'm seeing. However, we have a lot of comments from op. Oh, a lot.

[B]

Is she running defense?

[A]

Let's see, let's see what the top comment is first before we really get into this. Top comment. The thing is, where did he disappear to? He totally left the hospital. I don't know if I'd be able to trust him. And what if a serious issue arises in the future? Hopefully not, because will he abandon you then and just apologize again? OP replies like apologies would make it all go away. Apologies that seemed very half hearted too. What if you would have died in labor is the main thing I keep thinking about in this situation. You could have ended up in a coma. It could have been an emergency C section and he would have been gone for all of that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that was my fear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, who's making any decisions?

[B]

Yes. And he's unreachable, which is crazy. Like, you fell asleep, sir.

[A]

Like, there's no way. How could you even sleep at a time where, you know, your partner is in the hospital giving birth to your child and then, okay, you fall asleep but you don't answer her phone calls. Yeah, where are you? Who are you with?

[B]

Yeah, no, I mean, it calls a lot to question about what happens in any other kind of emergency situation. Are you going to be able to step up and provide or, you know, protect your family? Like, let's say a flood happens. Are you just going to be like, okay, bye. Like, you know, like. Yeah, I mean, this is going to take, I feel like years of therapy for them to work through.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, there is a comment. Someone goes, not the asshole. Only you know the details of what your marriage is truly like. But in your shoes, I'd have given the nurse a note to give him in the hospital that he was to be completely moved out before baby and I came home. What he did is unforgivable and it lets you know that in the future, when your health and safety are on the line, he won't be there. OP responds exactly how I feel. Something fishy is going on and I know it.

[B]

I mean, I wouldn't jump to cheating. I think that's. I'm not getting cheating vibes, but I guess it's always possible. It does kind of remind me of. There's a pretty good movie called Force Majeure. It's like a Swedish movie.

[A]

Ooh, look at you, all cultured.

[B]

You know, I get out there sometimes, but it's about this family that goes to, I think it's like the Swiss Alps for, like a skiing trip and there's an avalanche that happens and the dad runs away from the family and nothing happens. The avalanche is fine.

[A]

Oh, my God. I saw, I think I saw the trailer for this.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, it's by the same director that did Triangle of Sadness, but okay. And it's all. The whole movie is just the fallout of that because he just sprinted away from, from his family and, and it's just the fallout from all of that. That's what this kind of like, reminds me of where it's like when it comes to, like, are you going to be there to like, you know, be there for your wife and kids?

[A]

Literally, like, are you going to be there when the time, like, really matters? And it's like, this was your time and it's exciting. This is your first baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, okay, I get you don't want to be in the room, but to leave the hospital. Nope. No excuse.

[B]

Wild.

[A]

Don't care what it was unless someone else is dying and you gotta go help, you're not leaving. Insane. So there's a lot of people calling our writer here dramatic, saying that she's overreacting because it was my first child. That's what she says. I called to talk to his mom and all she said is I was overreacting because it was my first child.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

What?

[B]

Come on.

[A]

My own mom keeps saying I'm being dramatic.

[B]

Oh, I, I, I, like, I don't agree with, with these parents. I, and sorry to play devil's advocate. I see. Because they're not even thinking about her feelings. They're thinking about the family. We have to keep the family together. What about the kid? Like, you like. And oftentimes, like, these families will disregard, you know, especially the wives feelings for the sake of the child.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, they're like, the child is most important. Fuck your feelings.

[A]

The child stay together for the baby.

[B]

Exactly, baby, exactly. They're like, make up. Do whatever it takes. Make up for the sake of the kid. Which, like, I get it, like, the kid is priority, but also you have to create a healthy environment for the child. And if your husband is being an unreliable weirdo, like, that's not the best.

[A]

Way to put it. Unreliable weirdo.

[B]

Yeah, that's not a good environment for the kid, so. Yeah, but again, this is. This is where parents don't have all the context and they're just. They're not thinking about, you know, everything.

[A]

I know. Well, it's like, what about her feelings? Yeah, a lot of comments. Again, someone does go, excellent point with the phone checking and then the disappearing act. He might be cheating. So I'm not alone in that. Okay. Feel good about that. Or someone had his ear about this pregnancy, fatherhood. Or Op had been bending it for weeks leading up to when she went into labor. She said he started acting weird weeks before. OP responds, yes, like he was absent minded. I'll repeat myself, like thrice. Sometimes to get his attention, he changed his password and started staring into his phone a lot. My mama said it was the pregnancy hormones and I should let it go, but I guess I was right. Anyways. Write about what?

[B]

Write about what?

[A]

Write about what? What do we have going on here?

[B]

Yeah, changing a password. It's a little sus.

[A]

I don't like that. I don't like that at all. So someone goes, right now he's taking parenting classes in therapy when he knew damn well long before labor and delivery that he couldn't handle it. OP goes, doing everything to make me not leave. Once I'm strong enough, I'm moving states. Whoa, we're having rapid development over here.

[B]

Okay, so she suspects her husband is cheating.

[A]

Now I'm thinking so. Okay, this comment is very sus. Very sus. So someone goes, that's the thing. He just didn't even wait outside. He left and didn't even engage until the next day. What was he doing? Someone goes, call me old and cynical, but it sounds like he was cheating. OP responds, I'm old and cynical too then. Because that's the only explanation. It took me giving birth to realize this man absolutely hates me.

[B]

Oh, this is escalating.

[A]

And then OP goes, he probably had to choose between me and somebody and chose her. Nothing else seems like an answer enough to me. When he felt guilty, that's when he decided to come back. She's going down a rabbit hole because there's no mention of proof yet. There's no mention of like, I found the messages. She messaged me.

[B]

Yeah, we're just like witnessing somebody, just like unwinding.

[A]

Op does say, I'm leaving once I'm strong enough. He already left on his own. I'll be here until my parents come get me. He left. There's no more context. What?

[B]

I'm so Confused. This is all over the place. Like, he was going to parenting stuff and going to therapy or whatever. But he left.

[A]

He left.

[B]

Okay. So she was like, get out of here. And he said okay, literally.

[A]

Or there's no clarification. It's literally just like he left. There's other comments, like, he hates me. That's the only conclusion. Because even if his side chicken, she could wait for one day. I don't think I'll be around to find out. Sadly, he hates me. And why I didn't realize it until now is what's driving me insane. Even an affair can wait for 24 hours.

[B]

This person just sounds very hurt.

[A]

She's really spiraling here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Really spiraling. Because there's no mention of finding anything.

[B]

No. That sounds like she's made up her mind.

[A]

I think so. But, like, there's no mention of a conversation with him. There's no confrontation. Like, there's just comment after comment, like, guess the mistress couldn't wait 24 hours for me to deliver his first child. Wow. Wow. No official update yet, but I mean, commenting as recent as, you know, four days ago, so, wow. Okay.

[B]

Sad.

[A]

Very sad. And also another one where I'm like, I selfishly need an update for my. For my own selfish needs. Please update me.

[B]

I feel like whatever update we're going to get is just gonna make us more sad. I feel like I know this. I don't see how this could have a happy ending. It seems like she made up her mind, and I don't think any evidence is gonna change her mind at this point. Like, it seems like she's pretty set.

[A]

I know. And I. It's hard because I'm. I feel like when you are in a tough spot, Reddit, if there's any inkling of cheating, Reddit can be a tough place to post.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, look at me. Look how scarred I am. Look at the audience.

[B]

Everyone's like, the moment. Like, a guy checks his phone like, that motherfucker is cheating.

[A]

Cheating. Cheating. Disappeared. Cheating. Like, yeah, he. Realistically, he could have been having a mental breakdown.

[B]

Sure. Because I watched one of your episodes from, I think a couple months ago about the guy that they had a kid, and then all of a sudden he started messing everything up and was like, dropping things and forgetting things. It's so weird that like. Like having a kid is this kind of weird inflection point where like, some people, like, step up and other people just go to crazy town.

[A]

Yeah. It can be a really big make it or break it moment, which is what's so crazy to me. It's like kids are already so stressful, and then the people that will, like, try to have a kid to save their relationship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, whoa, that's going to do the exact opposite. Like what?

[B]

Yeah, but Tale's oldest time.

[A]

Well, we will keep our eyes peeled for an update on this one, but moving along. Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Another one of this week's partners is Talkspace. I myself have benefited a lot from therapy in the past, but one of my biggest barriers to staying regular with therapy was accessibility and affordability. And I'm sure a lot of you out there think that therapy is out of your budget or price range and it's just not obtainable. Well, that's where Talkspace comes in. Talkspace is affordable and it's in network with most major insurance providers. Most of their insured members have a zero dollar copay and you can meet online from anywhere. I've taken online therapy sessions in the past in a park, in my car, in the comfort of my bed. And you can even text your therapist at any time. Talkspace is the leading virtual therapy provider and makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get 80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com THT and enter promo code SPACE80 to match with a licensed therapist. Today, go to talkspace.com THD and enter promo code SPACE80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's talkspace.comthD promo code space80. I've never done no headphones, but I think it's. It might help me today.

[B]

You think so?

[A]

I think so. I don't know. It was like I was like, I feel like I'm. I was trying too hard to talk with the headphones on. So here we are, guys. Whoa, no headphones.

[B]

New era.

[A]

I might. I might be in a new era.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Okay, this is big.

[A]

Take a deep breath. I'm a little stressed about it, but here we go. Okay, so this next one is 28 days old coming from Am I the asshole? Titled Am I the asshole for not telling my husband's family that I speak their language.

[B]

Oh, I love this. Oh, this dude. That is so good.

[A]

My husband Peter, 29, male, and I, 27, female, have been married for about three years. We have one child together, and I was pregnant with our second child. I'm Western Canadian while he is from Germany. We lived in Canada for a Long time. But because of inflation, moving back to Germany seemed like a better option for us. We bought a nice house in Hanover where Peter is from. The day after our flights to Germany, we all visited Peter's family. This was the second time I have seen them. The first was on our wedding. They greeted us and brought us inside of the house fussing over my son. We had dinner and soon we left the house wanting to settle into our new home. We visited Peter's family often for the next few months. But I had started to realize that they would sometimes speak about me in German. They would make rude comments on my hair and makeup, question my fashion choices and overall were just very unkind to me. They also said mean things about my pregnant belly which I was already insecure about. I ended up talking to my husband about this. I told him that I didn't like the way that they were treating me. I said that I hated how my every choice was being judged. He told me that he would talk to his family the next time that we went to his parents house. There were no more mean comments for about three months. It was like nothing ever happened. I gave birth to a perfect baby girl and we named her Lilith. Peter's family was very upset when they heard the name. If you don't know, Lilith means ghost or of the night. We didn't pick this name because of its meaning, but because it is a name that every girl in my family has had for many years. My middle name is Lilith, along with my moms, my grandmas and even my great grandmas. For a while I didn't visit my in laws. I didn't want to hear them talk about how I shouldn't have named my daughter Lilith. But yesterday when we saw them again, it was my mother in law's birthday. As soon as we showed up, things started to go badly. Everyone wanted to hold Lilith which made my mother in law upset because people weren't paying attention to her and it made me overwhelmed. I didn't want people holding her. I was going through a pretty bad postpartum depression and it was still pretty early to even see people. I let people look at her but declined when anyone asked to hold her. During dinner I heard my sister in law talking to my mother in law in German. I heard her complaining about how she couldn't hold my baby. My sister in law even had the audacity to call me and I quote, a fat, ugly, hokey addiction.

[B]

Whoa. What whoa.

[A]

I turned to my sister in law and mother in law and told them off in German. I basically said that I have always known what they have said about me, but calling me names was the last straw. I also mentioned how I have known German for almost my whole life. The table instantly blew up. People were yelling at me because apparently this was my fault. I left with Peter, and we haven't talked to them since. So am I the asshole?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

No, that is.

[B]

That is awesome.

[A]

I love this.

[B]

Yeah. Not the asshole. That's incredible. You know, she was just like. She just had that, like. What's the saying? Like, the ace in the sleeve or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. What is that saying?

[B]

Whatever it is.

[A]

In the sleeve.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ace in the pocket.

[B]

Ace in the pocket. Whatever it is. Some card term.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She was just holding onto that shit for years, just waiting for the moment.

[A]

I love this.

[B]

And, like, of course they exploded because they were. I mean, they were caught.

[A]

Embarrassed completely.

[B]

Ooh. Wow.

[A]

Also, the husband could have easily told them when he confronted them about them talking shit about her, because he obviously did, because things were quiet for a couple months. So something got said. He could have, at that time, said, hey, you know she speaks German, right? She can hear you talking shit. Stop. But he didn't. I find that really interesting.

[B]

Yeah. I like it.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

I wonder, like, how close they even are with the family. Like, yeah, strange, fat, ugly, hokey addict.

[A]

What does that even mean? What's a hokey?

[B]

I think, like, cheesy.

[A]

What?

[B]

Like, oh, that's hokey.

[A]

Okay. And like a fat, ugly. Damn. Damn.

[B]

But to call somebody fat and an addict, I feel like those, like. I feel like those kind of, like, conflict.

[A]

I'm, like, very confused.

[B]

They just, like, put a whole bunch of really insulting words together. I know you looking up hokey, so.

[A]

I wonder if it might be a typo. Oh, because. Or did I read it wrong? Because it wouldn't be the first time I did that because I looked up hokey, and hokey's not coming up. But honky is. Nope. Op did type hokey.

[B]

I've heard the word. I've heard the word hokey being used.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if they met honky. Honky is a racial slur for a white person used to refer to white people. I've never heard honky.

[B]

You've never heard honky before? Oh, people call me honky all the time.

[A]

Where. Where are you from?

[B]

Like, no, but yeah, honky's like. Yeah. I mean, it's. It's a very old term. Like, I don't think people use it anymore.

[A]

What does it mean?

[B]

I mean, it's it's just a. It's just a derogatory term for a white person, but it doesn't really hold any power.

[A]

No, I've never heard it.

[B]

Cause it's like, it's not. Yeah, it's like somebody calling you a cracker.

[A]

Oh, that's. That's okay. That's crazy. Like, crazy in the sense that, like, okay, why would they even choose?

[B]

But I don't think. I don't think a German would, like, even know the term for, like. I don't. I don't think honky is a word that Germans would even have in their vocabulary.

[A]

I could see, like, Yankee. Oh, like, oh, that Yankee. Yeah.

[B]

But she's from Canada. Oh, so.

[A]

You're so on it today, Ian.

[B]

God, keep it in here.

[A]

Hokey, hokey, hokey addict. Crazy, crazy thing to say about someone because they didn't let you hold their baby.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well. And there was also that little thing she threw in there that was kind of telling where she was like this. The stepmom or the mother in law was upset that the attention wasn't on her.

[A]

So telling.

[B]

And it's like, okay, like, sounds like not a fun family to be around.

[A]

Just sounds miserable.

[B]

But what an epic bomb to just drop in the middle of, like, a family gathering.

[A]

I know. I really do like it. I do think no matter when you told them, it was going to be awkward when they found out you could speak the same language.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's like, at that point, what is a good time? And I would say they must not be that close. At least, like, the husband with his family. Because if you started dating someone, I feel like I would say, like, oh, she speaks German. I'm German. Like, it's really great. Or the fact that they only met one other time, which was their wedding. Like, there was no other visits. And I get that could be, you know, a financial decision on both parties, but it still is, like, not even a Zoom or FaceTime or, like, keeping up or. It just feels like they're definitely not the closest.

[B]

Have you ever fantasized about learning Vietnamese so you could just drop that bomb in, like, a nail salon?

[A]

I have. I have. There's a lot of languages I want to learn. Mostly French, because I was very curious what they were saying about me when I was there. Even though, like, I had the best experience.

[B]

Oh, all bad things, really? In Paris?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's so nice, though.

[B]

No, they fucking hate everybody.

[A]

I. My agent just went there because she was like. She went to the Olympics. And she was like, they were so nice.

[B]

No, they. They. Yeah. I think Parisians are famous for, like, hating everyone, especially Americans. Why would they. They don't want you there.

[A]

Well, we're annoying.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Absolutely.

[A]

We're really annoying.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, we have it coming, for sure.

[A]

Have you, like, traveled and do you just kind of, like, see other Americans and you slowly just start to, like, walk away from them?

[B]

It's embarrassing.

[A]

It really is. I tell people I'm from Canada.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's. That's a good move. Like, it's. It's really embarrassing. Especially in, like, other countries where people are more quiet and Americans stand out like a sore thumb because we are so fucking loud.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Or if you go to, like, Japan and you're on a subway, nobody talks. There's, like, no. Like, nobody talks. Everybody stays quiet.

[A]

Yeah. And then New York, though, too. Like, did you take the subway at all when we were just there?

[B]

A little bit? Yeah.

[A]

No one was talking. So, like, I'm trying to talk to my fiance, and, like, everyone, like, kind of looks at you. Like, why are you talking? Why are you talking?

[B]

Yeah. Because everyone's just kind of, like, minding their own business, but it's like. Yeah, it's. It's. It's. It's. I don't know if it's taboo or whatever, but in Japan, yeah, nobody talks on the subway. It's very quiet. And so, like, when we were there, like, it's. It's weird, and I feel bad. Like, talking on this kind of makes you feel like.

[A]

Like, well, more out of place, but, like, also scared. Like, why is no one talking? Like, talk?

[B]

It's not a thing.

[A]

Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. Assholes are never wrong. They remain assholes by refusing to ever take ownership of their own words or actions. So they never have to change. They can be as judgmental and insulting as they want because they're right, and anyone who challenges them must be at fault. So of course it's your fault that they were insulting you. You couldn't possibly have been in the wrong. Sorry. You married into a family of assholes.

[B]

I thought Germans were supposed to be, like, blunt and honest, like, to your face.

[A]

I feel like there's a lot of people that embrace that being a part of their culture. And I would agree. I've heard it through the grapevine that Germans, New Yorkers love to say, they'll say it to your face. Yeah, no, we're not mean. We're just straightforward.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So there's A couple people that are definitely like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just goofy. Also, your son, your brother. Her husband is there. Don't you think he can understand you at the very least and know you're talking shit about his wife?

[B]

Truly?

[A]

Yeah. And what do you think you're doing?

[B]

Yeah. Has he stood up for her at all in these family gatherings?

[A]

That is a good question. There are some comments from op. A lot of people are asking, can you even speak German? And there's a comment in German. Das var aggressive und ich bin duffer. Her not going to go any further. You guys know I'm butchering that, but I think there's some proof there.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

My husband does know that I speak German. I asked my husband not to tell them, though. I never wanted it to go this far. I was going to surprise his mother on her birthday by speaking it to her in her language. I did show her on her birthday, but it was in the wrong way. And I doubt that speaking in German would change their views on me. The majority of them know Russian, and I tried to impress them with my Russian, but they acted like it was common knowledge to speak it.

[B]

Oh, so they're east. Is Hanover in East Germany or Eastern. Eastern area of Germany?

[A]

I would say no. It's kind of. If you're looking at a map, Berlin is on your right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you have Amsterdam on your left. It's halfway between them. It's kind of like north center of Germany.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

Closer to Denmark than, like, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Hungary, Austria. Okay, interesting. But it is interesting that you didn't want your husband to tell them.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's just doing a lot of legwork for no reason. Like, that's just, like, a weird thing to be like, hey, don't tell them that I know German. Like, that's kind of weird.

[A]

Well, Opie does admit I kept it from them so I could hear what they were saying about me.

[B]

Yeah. Which is just like, their family. I don't know. Like, do you need to, like, act like you're, like, a spy in your family? I do.

[A]

Yeah. And I guess it's like, well, what's the.

[B]

What's the point?

[A]

What's the point? I wouldn't want to give someone the opportunity to talk shit about me to my face, basically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I would rather they know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It is interesting.

[B]

I guess they would just switch to Russian, though.

[A]

But she knows Russian, too.

[B]

She knows Russian, too.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Well, we got a polyglot over here, like a badass.

[A]

They all speak multiple languages. The Family. They speak German, English, and his siblings and mother all speak Russian. His dad is from Russia.

[B]

Okay, gotcha.

[A]

So they know a couple. But like op, being from Canada, like, I'm very impressed with all the languages.

[B]

She probably knows. She probably knows French too, being from Canada.

[A]

Oh yeah? Yeah. One of my exes was Canadian and he went to like a French immersion school.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

They started him young over there. Which we should do here. Yeah. Interesting. No other comments besides like, they mostly just commented on my appearance. One that I remember was when I was pregnant. My mother in law said how my maternity dress made me simply look fat.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Others were comments on my hair. I have pretty thick curly hair, so it's often a mess. That one really hurt because I had spent a long time working to get it to flatten. My husband has had contact, mostly angry calls, but I have not had direct contact with anyone yet.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

My husband had only heard a few of the things and when he did, he would tell my in laws that it was rude. He didn't do much, but it still helped. So he was sticking up for her when he had the opportunity.

[B]

Yeah. This family just sounds nasty.

[A]

I've heard them curse out Americans and call Canada the 51st American state. I could be wrong, but seems like they mostly don't like me. So maybe a little prejudiced against us North American people.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Teach.

[B]

We earned it. Teach their own Canada is America's hat. So.

[A]

Yeah. So cute up there. I really wish Canada would have gotten Minnesota. That would have been really nice.

[B]

Yeah. Basically for the healthcare.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God. And just that poutine and those ketchup chips and all the good stuff they got up there.

[B]

Do you guys. Do y'all got Timmy's over there?

[A]

Tim Hortons? Yeah, we had one in my college. Dinky town it's called. It's like my little college town.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But it went out of business. What didn't last?

[B]

The poutine. Didn't get people to come through that door. No. Damn.

[A]

They didn't realize what they had. Just a gift. Gift?

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

No update. Another one. What are you doing to us? It's like a month old.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I want to know how the next family gathering goes, please.

[B]

Probably not great. I can't imagine that's going to put them on a good foot.

[A]

Do you think she's going to even get invited?

[B]

I don't know. Like, you still invite family. You still invite family members that you don't like to your family gatherings, Right? Like, we all Got that one crazy relative that we don't really like to have around, but they got to come.

[A]

We're trying to plan Christmas right now. We're already going through that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are they coming to your place?

[A]

We're trying to decide because we did have to move hosting because it used to be hosted at their house and things would always go bad. So then we moved to my grandma's because her place felt very neutral, but that still went bad. So now we're kind of out of hosting options, so I think we might just host it in my barn.

[B]

Hosted in a hotel.

[A]

You know, have everyone bring panties.

[B]

Like those? Yeah, exactly. Have them bring panties. You know, it'll be a fun game.

[A]

Oh, my God. That'd be the last thing I'd want to do is identify people by their underwear.

[B]

Relatives. Yeah.

[A]

No, that would be bad.

[B]

That would be bad.

[A]

No.

[B]

At least you probably know who Granny's was.

[A]

Except I could see my grandma just rocking a thong.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She gets crazy like that.

[A]

I could see her being a little freaky.

[B]

That's awesome. Yeah, I love that.

[A]

I'm sorry, Grandma.

[B]

She watches every single one of these.

[A]

She's been on an episode of my dad's show.

[B]

Has she?

[A]

Yeah, She's a great podcaster.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Great podcaster. I gotta get her on my show. I think everyone would really like her.

[B]

I think that'd be great. Like, getting. Getting, you know, some advice from the. Is that the Silent Generation?

[A]

Yeah, she's, like, 80. She's something.

[B]

Sure. You could pull up some. Some, you know, like, am I the asshole for storming Normandy Beach? I don't know.

[A]

You know, she did some stuff. She's. She was a wild one. She was very rebellious, and she's had, like, a couple husbands. She's on her third right now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And this third one was actually her high school sweetheart that she didn't wait for. She ended up marrying my grandpa because she didn't wait for him while he was in the Navy. And then he came back and she was married, and then they reconnected, like, 10 years ago.

[B]

Whoa. Yeah, that's sweet.

[A]

She's so cool. She's so cool.

[B]

Are they in love?

[A]

Definitely.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah, they. Oh, they're cute. They're really cute. Another one of this week's partners is Stitch Fix. I don't really enjoy shopping anymore. Even when I can figure out my size, it's sold out, and I don't like going to stores where the dressing room is in a common area. And I'm Just feeling uncomfortable as I'm trying clothes on. And I'm also struggling to pair pieces together and make my wardrobe go further. Well, if that sounds like you, that is where Stitch Fix can come in. You're actually going to get a stylist who understands you, your style, your size and your budget. The most important part. And they do all the shopping for you. So no more browsing online for hours. Let Stitch Fix handle it all. Stitch Fix has honestly been so easy to use. I've loved the fact that I can upload pictures that I find on social media and then have my stylist find pieces and send them directly to me. So no more stores, no crowds, and no stress. Just personalized looks. You're going to love. Stitch Fix makes it all so easy. So try it for yourself. Personal styling for everyone. Get started today@stitch fix.com THT that's stitchfix.com THT okay, this next one, we have ourselves a catan game coming up soon.

[B]

We do.

[A]

This one involves gaming.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

It is two days old. Coming from Am I the Asshole? Titled Am I the asshole for always putting my boobs on the table?

[B]

Hell no.

[A]

So basically, my group of friends, about eight total, get together every week for dd. Dungeons and Dragons, I assume. Okay, there are only two women in our group, including myself. It's always at friend A's house because he's the DM and has a fancy table and his whole setup is there. A has a fiance who recently moved in with him. She's cool and I don't really have anything against her. She just has her own group of friends and doesn't really have the same interests as us or click, for a lack of a better word, with her husband's friends, us. She recently has been trying to get more into A's interests, so she has been there for our games. She doesn't play with us, just kind of watches and plays on her phone, which is fine. Of course, A has a table he has set up specifically for the game, one with a recessed middle so we don't have to put away our stuff. At the end, he just puts a leaf over the top to protect it. Because of that, in order to move around your character, you have to lean forward or stand to be able to reach it. Okay, now I have big boobs. I'm not a particularly big woman. I'm like in my 20s. 5, 4,155ish pounds with age, cup breasts. And yes, before you ask, I've already started the process of getting a reduction And I cannot wait to have this weight off of me. The problem is that when I lean forward to move my character, my breasts squish up against the side of the table. And after a while it gets uncomfortable and painful. So I've taken to lifting up a little and settling with my breasts sitting on the edge of the table. It doesn't push them up or call attention to them. To be honest, I don't even think it's noticeable with the height of the chairs. I can still sit normally with them there and lean forward without hurting my boobs.

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

I've been doing this for months and no one has said anything. But last week, A's fiance snapped out of nowhere and accused me of trying to, quote, put myself on display and to put my boobs away because no one cares. I was shocked and didn't know what she was talking about at first. Neither did anyone else until she pointed at my boobs and called attention to what I was doing. She got really upset and caused a scene and we ended the night early. She's still mad at me and doesn't want me to come over to their house anymore. I apologized and said I would try not to do it anymore and even told her how I'm going to get it reduced next year. She called me a quote, show off slut and is asking A to stop being friends with me. I'm at a loss. I do this all the time and I've even caught myself doing it at home with my own table without even thinking about it. Am I the asshole?

[B]

No, no. God, this is like. It's another example of like, women, you know, making the other woman the problem. Damn big titty problems. Am I right?

[A]

It sucks. But like, I like, I can't even imagine an H cup. So I just looked up how much an H cup would weigh.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like I've never heard of an H cup.

[A]

That's. Yeah. So based on a 32, some like.

[B]

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H. That's crazy.

[A]

I know. Well, and sometimes they go double. Like there's D but then there's double D, there's E and then double E. I get really confused. Bra sizing.

[B]

And this person says she's 5 4.

[A]

Yeah, 5 5.

[B]

It's like, that's like half.

[A]

Just all boob.

[B]

Yeah, she just. She's half boob.

[A]

So an H cup means that the breasts likely weigh 2,800 grams.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. For those people that go by pounds, that's about six pounds. I don't Know if that's six pounds.

[B]

A boo per or for both?

[A]

There's not a lot of clarification on this.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

One could assume both based on them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Saying breasts.

[B]

Gosh.

[A]

But that's like. I mean, that's a lot.

[B]

Sure. Yeah.

[A]

And then it, like, it pulls on your skin.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I'm surprised they don't make boob like, harnesses that you can just add on to your outfit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Our bras really suck.

[B]

So I've heard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I've worn a few bras in my time.

[A]

Have you?

[B]

Yeah, we did. We used to do a lot of, like, playing women videos.

[A]

Do you, like, weigh them down with melons to really get the full effect, or did you just stuff toilet paper?

[B]

Well, we had various things that we would stuff with. We did. Yeah. You know, sometimes we would do socks. Sometimes we would do, like, like a silicone kind of, like, pouch.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But never anything. Yeah, but never. Never anything that probably approximated the weight of a real bra. I would think. I do. I do a occasionally run with this vest that has these, like, two, like, water things on the front.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I'm like. Oh, I kind of. I kind of get it now because, like, there's. Yeah. There's, like, water weighs a bit, you know, And. Yeah. I'm like, oh, now I. I kind of. I kind of understand it, but I only have to deal with that for.

[A]

Like, an hour, minimal time. Yeah. I literally. Sometimes I will wear at least two. I have to wear two. But sometimes I'll wear three sports bras when I go riding.

[B]

What? Yeah, Just to really just, like, suck it in. Yeah.

[A]

Because otherwise they bounce so much and they pull on your skin. It's just the boobs. They're overrated. But this person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If no one's noticing, like, I could. I could see if it was like, hey, guys, I gotta get the girls up. And, like, you're making a big scene to, like, pick them up and drop them on the table. I could see, like, that being a little, like, uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, like, if no one's even noticing.

[B]

I'm sure you think people. I'm sure everybody's. No, I'm sure everybody's noticed. You can't not notice that. But, like, nobody's made, like, a deal out of it. Like, it seems like everybody's been respectful and has not talked about it. I guarantee you. The fiance. Is that what she was? Girlfriend, fiance.

[A]

Yeah. It was kind of confusing.

[B]

I'm sure, like, she has probably complained about it a lot of times. To the. The dm, and he's probably waived it off as not a big deal because it's not. It's just like, that's. That's her body. Like, what do you want her to do about it? Like, And. And obviously, that's just. That's just insecurity, you know? And maybe she has trust issues with her partner.

[A]

I could see it based on this reaction.

[B]

And. Well, I mean. And. Okay, I'd say this is probably highly likely, but he's probably said something about it to her.

[A]

You think?

[B]

I think, you know, maybe he's Maybe he's been like. I mean, what the. You know, he's probably said something, and that's probably why she's freaking out, because.

[A]

Or she's brought it up, and she was annoyed with how he didn't care about it, and now she's just like, well, he's not gonna say anything. I am.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like, I could see that, too.

[B]

I think both. I think both are likely. I think, yeah, she's. She probably feels a bit insecure by that, but at the end of the day, it's like, that's just. That's just how her body's built.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You can't shame her for, you know, doing something to make herself more comfortable.

[A]

Literally. It's just so she's comfortable and not in pain and, like, it is very body shaming. And, like, when you have someone who's already insecure about it trying to make the moves to get a reduction.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Rubbing that in, pointing it out, shaming her for it. Like, that is so brutal, Especially coming from another woman. Like, yeah, come on.

[B]

And to do it in front of everyone.

[A]

Pull her aside at least.

[B]

Yeah, pull her aside. Hey, it makes me want to voice your concerns. And then she. And then they can have a conversation about it, and she could say, okay, like, you know, if you want, I can try to, like, wear, like, a sweater or do something to, like, make you feel better or, like, how can I. How can we make this. Yeah, how can we make you not feel uncomfortable by this? Not that she needs to make any concessions for this woman.

[A]

No. Maybe you should leave. I know it's your house, but maybe you should leave for game night if you're so uncomfortable.

[B]

For real.

[A]

Have some fun with your friends.

[B]

For real. But something does tell me that he's probably made a comment about her big old swing and titties.

[A]

Oh, man. Top comment. They quote what Opie said. That a said about putting myself on display and to put my boobs away. Because no one cares. Wrong. She cares. Yeah, she cares very much. She's been stewing over this for a long time. What you're doing is not sexual or seductive. And your friend group knows that. It's not wrong either. As a fellow HH cup girl, I feel your pain. I feel it deeply, usually in my back and my shoulders too. She wants you out and wants to be queen bee. Sadly, it's not what you're doing, it's you. If it wasn't the boobs, she'd have found something else wrong. Drinking your coke? Too sexy? Laughing too loud? Breathing? Where is A in this? Does he know his fiance is calling you names? Not the asshole.

[B]

By the way, HH girlies rise up.

[A]

Glad to hear you guys out there.

[B]

Yeah, and it's just like, it's just another one of those, like cases of like, you know, DD being sometimes not an easy place for like, women to find a place. And I think it's obviously like, it's expanded more and more now and it's become more normalized. But yeah, I mean, I think it probably started as a very male dominated place and for her to be like the only woman there and then have this other woman come in and say like, you need to like basically get the fuck out. Yeah, like, it just, it just sucks.

[A]

It's really disheartening. And I hope A is like actually stepping up and like supporting his friend. I get that's your partner and you're in like a rock and a hard place, but it's just gross. She's body shaming. And being one of two women in this friend group playing every week like, you're very serious. You're committed to this game, this activity between you guys. So you value this person, this friendship. Say something. Nip it in the butt. Like, this is unacceptable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No comments from op, no update. Sad.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

But moving along. Yeah, now I'm like, I'm so curious. I might have to try this when.

[B]

We play for catan.

[A]

Yeah, okay. Catan.

[B]

Yeah, we have a game of catan. Catan. I don't know which one it is.

[A]

Catan.

[B]

Catan. We have a game of catan coming up. I'm going to destroy you. It's going to be an embarrassment.

[A]

No, your. I'm gonna distract you. You know, you'll try to go for the longest.

[B]

I'm gonna put my titties on the table. How about that?

[A]

Bet you won't do it.

[B]

We'll see.

[A]

You gotta have actual melons though. No socks this time. You're not cheating the system.

[B]

I got little A's. I put my little. Put my little A's on the table.

[A]

Okay, moving along, another one of this week's partners is zocdoc. Adulting is hard, and one thing about being an adult that should not be as hard as it is is finding a good doctor. ZocDoc is going to be the place to find them. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking in network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, and much more. I actually just got an email from a listener who was encouraged to get a colonoscopy because of what we talk about on the show. And it turns out they actually found colon cancer. 30 something years old and not a lot of symptoms. But she knew to trust her gut and found a doctor that believed her. So no more putting your health off. It is time to make sure you are all squared away and have a good provider to address any issues you're having. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.comtht to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com THT Zocdoc.com THT okay, I think this will be our last one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Our very last one. I'm going to give you a choice because I'm tired of making decisions today.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Option number one, my 32 female boyfriend, 36 male, deleted my dead brother from my Instagram friends and he doesn't seem to understand or care that I'm upset.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or option number two, am I the asshole for implying my friends are being cheap over my wedding?

[B]

Ooh, I love wedding drama.

[A]

Do you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. You going for that one?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like the dead person sounds like a bit of a downer.

[A]

It is a bit sad.

[B]

Yeah. Usually death not a fun topic. No, sometimes it can be.

[A]

No, death really freaks me out. I think about dying daily.

[B]

Oh, don't do that.

[A]

And I literally just had a dream the other night that I died and I was at my own funeral, so that was really weird.

[B]

I feel like that would be fun.

[A]

Though, being at your own funeral.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I want a party. I definitely want a party. I don't want it sad. I want, like, really crazy.

[B]

But you can't even be there for it. Which is the worst part.

[A]

I know. I think everyone should have their funeral before they die.

[B]

I'm down for that.

[A]

And then once you're dead, like, it's not a big deal. Like that should be a new thing.

[B]

They're like, oh, he's dead.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because then everyone gets to talk about how great you are and you see the love. You feel the love. Because yeah, let's get it going.

[B]

Let's start. Let's make that a new trend.

[A]

I think we really could get some people behind it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. So anyways, that one will go to Patreon for all of you that are screaming and you want to hear it. Let's get to this wedding one. All right, so this is coming from Aitah, again titled am the asshole for implying my friends are being cheap over my wedding throw away because I know my friends use Reddit. I 38 female and marrying my fiance, 38 male, next year. I'm the last of my friends to get married and honestly, I've made my peace with being single and getting a dog before I met my fiance. I am part of a friend group of six girlfriends who have all known each other since college. We've been through everything together. Breakups, holidays, weddings, babies, promotions. When I told them I got engaged, they seemed happy and sent me congratulations messages. But when everyone else got engaged, they threw them parties or went out to dinner to celebrate. They didn't. In my case, I gave them nearly a year's notice on my bachelorette party, which I'm keeping low key as I don't want a big thing. We're going for dinner and drinks at one of my favorite restaurants in our city. However slowly. All of my friends have been dropping out saying they can't get a babysitter or they have to work late or they're on a work trip. I've obviously invited them all to the wedding as well, which again, is a small affair, and one has already messaged the group chat saying she's not sure she can get a babysitter for that day. M My wedding is months away and I'm finding it really hard to believe that she knows that far in advance she can't come. Two others have also said they're not going to stay for the reception as they will, quote, be tired by then.

[B]

Oh girl, they are not your friends.

[A]

Here's where I may be the asshole. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I sent the link to the registry. My fiance and I already have a house together, so we're asking for mostly small things. Nothing goes beyond $50, and we're delighted with anything that anyone chooses to buy us. They sent a message into the group chat saying that they were going to band together to get me an air fryer as a group gift. It costs $40, so I was a bit surprised. They seemed they were going to chip in about $8 each. Over the years, I must have spent thousands of dollars on their weddings, two of which were overseas. I've attended dinners and brunches to celebrate their job promotions and bought gifts for their babies, all while feeling terrible about myself watching friends celebrate the happiness I never thought I would even get. I sent a message just asking for clarification if it was all of them buying it together, and one replied asking if I was calling them cheap. And then there has been dead silence since. That really wasn't my intention, but it really feels like because I'm last, they're just over having to do these events, and it's really feeding into my insecurity at getting married so late. But they do have legitimate reasons for these things. They all have lives and kids and maybe not as much money as when we were a bit younger. And maybe I'm just letting my insecurities get in the way. So, Reddit, am I the asshole?

[B]

Um, so I think, hell no, I think not the asshole. But I. I wonder if there's a little bit of an unreliable narrator here.

[A]

Are you getting that vibe?

[B]

I'm getting the vibe that these people are not her friend. Like, I get the feeling like she is not as close to them as she thinks she is. I also think that's reinforced by the fact that she has a throwaway Reddit account, because I think that if they were to find out about this post, they would have a lot to say that she's not telling us. Ah, that's my conspiratorial. I'm really torn because you can't say, I don't know if I'm going to get like a babysitter for that day two months in advance or we're going to be too tired for that reception. No, they don't want to be there.

[A]

They genuinely hate you. Yes, that's what's really, really odd to me. And I, I understand the feeling of, like, feeling as if you're the least favorite friend. Like, you might have a couple different friend circles and typically, I don't know, unless you're like the popular person. Like, I myself have felt like that at times where it's like, am I Just the one that gets the pity invite or, you know, whatever. Like, and maybe she hasn't noticed that maybe this is really opening her eyes to, like, you're the least favorite friend. You're kind of always there by association. Or you are kind of the pity invite, which is shit. No one should have that for a friend group.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I wonder if that is the case and this experience is bringing light to that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because otherwise this is really weird.

[B]

Yeah, it's just like, it's not adding up. Like, I think it's very clear that these people don't want to be there for her wedding, which makes me wonder what kind of friend is she to them? Like these things that she's saying, like, I've spent thousands of dollars on their weddings and she feels like she's owed something for that. It seems like that kind of transactional excuse. But I think chiefly they're not her friend.

[A]

No. Point blank, not your friends. I would say they are cheap to me hearing like, I've spent thousands on their weddings. And then her saying like, and they're not willing to even come to my bachelorette dinner. That's in the city we all live in. I think it's just kind of highlighting like the disparity. And I don't think she feels entitled to their money or like their financial support, but it's to kind of shedding light. Like there's eight of them and they're splitting a 40 air fryer.

[B]

No, it's. That's like petty.

[A]

Keep it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're. You're not embarrassed you're getting your friend an eight dollar wedding gift. Yeah, I would rather someone not get me anything than give me $8.

[B]

Well, it's not giving $8. It's everyone coming together and saying, we're gonna buy you this one forty dollar thing. It's like, what?

[A]

Like, keep it.

[B]

That takes a lot of organizing to give a $40 gift to somebody like that. That seems intentional.

[A]

I'm embarrassed for them. That's embarrassing. Can you imagine venmoing someone $8 because you're splitting a $40 gift?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I get. There's people out there. There's times in your life that might be all you have.

[B]

Yeah, I, I think that's. I think it's.

[A]

But these people. I'm not getting that vibe.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

I'm not getting that vibe.

[B]

Purely petty.

[A]

You've had weddings abroad. You travel, you have kids. Kids are fucking expensive. I think you can skip coffee a couple times that month to give your friend A little more than $8.

[B]

Yeah. It's definitely not the dollar amount. I don't think. I don't think the dollar amount is, like, what's making them all band together. It's just that they simply don't want to be there. And they're like, okay, I guess we'll all just like, this will be a gift from us. But, yeah, I mean, I'd hate to, like, validate her insecurities here, but, yeah, I don't think they like her.

[A]

No.

[B]

And this kind of happened to a friend of mine. Like, she. She was friends with, like, a group of women, and then, like, the pandemic happened, and all of a sudden this woman was like, actually, we all don't like you, and just, like, cut her out. Like, she kind of noticed, like, she wasn't being invited to some things.

[A]

Wow. And then, like, that's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. So it's just like, I think these kind of things just happen. You know, maybe OP did something that rubbed one of the other friends the wrong way. That person then kind of poisoned the well. Like, you know, those. Those kind of things happen where it's just like, we're also adults. We can. We can choose who we want to spend our time with. And if we see that somebody's a little toxic in the friend group, it's like, we don't have to keep that friendship going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think I. I do fault the group for being so petty and weird about this and making dumbass excuses that are not valid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't fault them for not wanting to, like, go to a wedding to somebody that they clearly don't like.

[A]

That's the thing. I don't fault them for that. But then don't drag her along and think that she's there. Like, you guys are friends. Like, there's. As sad as your story about your friend is, like, that sucks that it's heart wrenching. I just. I feel the knife in the back, the heart, wherever. But, like, at least those people communicated and there wasn't this false pretense that, like, oh, we're friends. You support me. I'm there for you. Like, like, that's crazy.

[B]

Oh, we're just going to be too tired for the reception. Bullshit. We all want to go to the reception. That's the fun part.

[A]

That's the fun part.

[B]

That's when you get drunk.

[A]

Who doesn't want a night off from their kids? Like, you can't find a babysitter in two months. In two months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Go on. Care.com. people get background checks on there. What?

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

What? You don't have another N like a family member that can be a little nanny for a night?

[B]

Like, what, two months is enough notice to arrange something. They just don't want to be there.

[A]

Top comment. Not the asshole. These people aren't your friends. Find a new friend group. Oh, and they are cheap. Next comment. I would also message the group saying, quote, I wasn't calling you cheap. I was asking because I didn't understand. However, your jump to this made me look at what I've spent at each of your weddings and baby showers over the past years while I was happy to do so because I consider us all friends, I can see. I thought we were better friends than we are. It makes me feel used, to be honest. Since our lives are going in different directions and I'm looking for friends who value me as a person and not for the gifts I buy them. I will be stepping back. Thank you all for the memories and I wish you all well in the future. It's a very mature response to send these people.

[B]

That was a suggestion.

[A]

Or that's what she actually, that's a suggestion.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But also, do they even deserve your time anymore? That's where I get. I've gotten to a point in my old age where sometimes less feels way more. And like, you've realized these type of people pull their wedding invites, say, don't need you there. Yeah, bye.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like, I've definitely had some instances with some friends where I'm like, oh, I'm not really getting the same sort of, like, effort that I'm putting in. And with those people, I just pull back. Like, I don't need to make a scene out of it. I'm just like, okay, I won't invite you to things. And then typically, I don't usually hear that much from them anyway.

[A]

So it's just kind of like, mutual.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, clearly you don't care about this as much as I thought you did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's really no hard feelings. It's just, like, great. Like, we just. We just don't enjoy that time together and we can do other things.

[A]

We don't need to be friends. Yeah.

[B]

Lots of other people out there that will value your time.

[A]

I know. And I think friendship effort, like, should be mutual. It's not a great feeling if you're the only one putting effort, the only one reaching out, like, it should be mutual. Everyone, of course, is going to have seasons in their life where they might not have the ability to reach out more, like, that's me the past three years. But it should feel good. Friendships shouldn't bring you down and make you feel miserable, and that's not right.

[B]

It should be respectful, you know, like, yeah, we all have things that are going on, and people have kids and all that stuff. But as long as there's a feeling of, like, a mutual respect and a respect for your time, like, I think that's. I think that's key. And if you don't feel that, then, like, hey, it's fine. There's. There's other people out there that will respect your time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And will enjoy spending time with you.

[A]

Absolutely. Lots of comments from people with strong feelings on this one. Someone does say that. OP seems to be what I call the leftover friend. Basically, that one awkward person that has been in your group forever but isn't really anybody's friend, aside from maybe the one girl who brought her into the group in the first place. Weddings, baby showers, and birthdays are the perfect time for everyone else to be like Jerry Seinfeld with hands up. I don't want to be around her. I'm 40 years old. Can I just not go to her party? Someone else does mention the Sex and the City episode where Carrie has her expensive shoes stolen.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And she goes to her friend who is making a big deal and kind of shaming her for her shoes, because Carrie is like, well, I. You made me take my shoes off at your house. They're $400 Manolos. Like, you should pay me back for them. And she gets shoe shamed. And she's like, I have kids now, Carrie. I have kids. I can't afford your shoes. And so people are making references to that episode. I can see it. I actually just saw the TikTok clip of it the other day, which is really weird. Wild, but we have an update.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

We have one.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Aren't you really gl that you picked this story because the other one doesn't have an update?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

Look at that. You just. Perfect Update. Hi, everyone. I didn't think I would have an update to give, but I wanted to repay everyone's kindness. Some people had said some really lovely and helpful things. First off, I wanted to clarify a few questions that were asked. I didn't really care at all what they bought as a gift. I didn't care if they got us a gift at all. It was never about the air fryer. I really wasn't calling them cheap. I Was just clarifying if it was coming from all of them. I also didn't ask if they were getting us a gift. They brought this up themselves. I couldn't put my finger on why. It made me feel a bit awkward, though. I think the word I was searching for was disrespect. Someone said an 8 gift is worse than no gift, and I think that's at the heart of it. The money issue came up as well. As far as I know, all of my friends are fairly solvent. They all work in the finance field, mostly as accountants. Three are very senior in their firm, and all of their husbands have good jobs too. But we never discuss money, and I know kids and the cost of living is high at the moment, so I'd never want to assume anyone's financial status. But everyone does seem okay. The other issue was a lot of people asked how often we see each other, and the answer is quite regularly. We made a pact years ago to meet up at least once a month, no matter how crazy life gets, and we've mostly been able to stick to that. That's really weird.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, I. I don't even see people that I consider good friends once a month.

[A]

No. The six of us usually meet for Sunday brunch. Apart from that, I live in the same neighborhood as two of them, so we do dinner occasionally and parties for their kids, et cetera, are a must. The last question was, is my wedding child free? And is it in our city? I love kids and my friend's kids are surrogate nieces and nephews. They are all invited.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

The friend who said she couldn't find childcare said that she didn't want to bring her kid because she said weddings are easier without them. But she could bring her kid, so she's got no excuse for missing anything. What? They. No, they genuinely hate you.

[B]

They don't. Yeah.

[A]

They don't like you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That's crazy. I was like. I was like, oh, here we go. It's a child free wedding. I guess I could sort of, kind of understand. And then. No.

[A]

No. Lastly, some suggested they don't like my fiance. They've never given me that impression. Everyone seems to get on well enough.

[B]

Oh, I didn't think about that.

[A]

They've known him for two years and he occasionally goes golfing with some of their husbands.

[B]

Maybe they hate his guts.

[A]

Honestly. Yeah. Likely I didn't think about that because you're doing brunch, you're doing all these dinners, you're doing all these activities with Them. Yeah, but this is a wedding for both of you, so maybe they genuinely don't like him. Now on to the actual update.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Reading the comments was like having a cold water thrown on me. I've never considered myself the outsider friend, but a lot of people suggested that I was, and it really threw me, and I got really overwhelmed. I didn't send any messages to the group chat, even though lots of commenters gave me really good suggestions about what to write. And I withdrew into myself until my fiance prized it out of me. What was wrong? I showed him this post, and he got super quiet and really, really angry. I've never seen him this angry over anything, ever. He asked if I had spoken to them about this, and I said no. Oh, God. He started to call them individually and read them the riot act. He called them $8 assholes and said he would be sending them an itemized list of the thousands of dollars I'd spent on them over the years.

[B]

Stop. Stop. Oh, my God.

[A]

This man went nuclear.

[B]

I mean, like, calling them $8 assholes is petty, but. Wow. Okay, okay. I like. I like the cut of this man's jib.

[A]

Oh, wow. Itemized list.

[B]

That's also ridiculous.

[A]

That's.

[B]

But to confront them is wild. Okay, all right, Sorry. Keep going.

[A]

He called bullshit on the one who said she couldn't find a babysitter, and she indeed said she was, quote, sick of having to go to the same boring wedding over and over, and yours won't be any different. They're fighting. He lost it at her. I hate the idea of him fighting any battles for me. So I asked him to stop after the third person he called. Dude, let him go. There's only three left. Let him eat.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Let him cook.

[B]

He. I mean, like, this is. I feel like this bodes well for their marriage. He is a fucking ride or die.

[A]

Yeah, he's got her back.

[B]

He's fighting for her. I love that.

[A]

I sent a message into the group chat asking if we could all speak as a group, and the three he called sent voice messages saying that my fiance was a psycho and that they wouldn't speak to me anymore. Well, fair. I just felt really tired and defeated, so I sent a message saying that if they didn't want to be friends anymore, that was fine and to consider their invitations withdrawn to the bachelorette and wedding. No one else has replied, so I guess we're done. I suppose I'm better off, but I don't really feel that way. I just feel numb and sad. They've been Such a big part of my life for so long and I feel really at a loss. And I'm so sad that I won't see their kids anymore. Some of them refer to me as Auntie, and it's making me cry that I won't get to see them grow up. My fiance has apologized for rushing in and for not asking me how I wanted to handle it. And I've accepted. We're good and I'm looking forward to our life together. I mostly wanted to say thank you to the kind redditors that showed me the light about this and offered congratulations on our wedding and even offered to buy us a gift. I've never watched Sex and the City, but I'll watch the episode some people mentioned. It seems like I'll relate. I'll delete this post soon. I just want to put this behind me now.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Oh, that's really. That's a doozy.

[B]

Yeah, I just. I feel so bad. It's just like so many, so many years that you like invested in this friend group.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I mean, sometimes. Sometimes friendships have an expiration date and it sounds like. It sounds like they. They outlived that friendship. I mean, like, what a. Yeah. What a bizarre response to just say, like, I've been to enough boring weddings. Yours will be no different. It's just like, come on, I hope.

[A]

You don't have another wedding.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Like, I hope you don't want people to support you the next time you get married.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's your sour attitude. You sound like a great time to be married to.

[B]

Yeah. Not. Gosh, these stories are not looking great for the finance sector. It's not looking good for them out there.

[A]

No finance people. Are you okay? Send us a letter. God. Check in. I'm sad about this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I. I could see getting a little scared if one of my friends partners called, enraged at me and like, I would be like, damn, I don't want to go to your wedding. Like, he's kind of an asshole. But if I really loved this person and valued their friendship, I could also see this being a wake up call. Like, I myself had something with a friend recently where I didn't realize it, but like, I was really letting everything I was going through in my life. I was getting to be a little bit of a glass half empty person versus glass half full.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so, you know, anytime we were together, we would still have full fun, but I would like vent. It would turn into like vent sessions and I was just like being really negative.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it wasn't the whole time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But if it's still every time you're seeing your friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That can be a lot on them. And I didn't even realize it.

[B]

Did your friend point this out?

[A]

Yeah. So we had like a big heart to heart and just like, she was like, I love you. You know, we've been friends for years and years now, but, like, it's just like, it's getting to be a lot. And like, I know I vent to you. I know I can be negative too. But when it gets to be every time, I also know it's just not you. Like, this isn't you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so it was a wake up call for me to be like, okay, I gotta, like, not be as negative. Like, I do have so much to be positive about and so much to be thankful for. And like, the problems I do have are like, yeah, they're problems, but, like, they're a good problem to have. Ha ha. So that was like a wake up call. I needed. These people could have taken that $8 asshole comment and woken up and been like, damn, he's right. I do need to shape up. I gotta be there for my friend. This is who little Charlie calls auntie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the difference between, like, your friend and these people is your friend went straight to you about this issue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And these people probably talk so much shit about this person.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And have never said a single thing to her because she's completely oblivious to this. And you're like, do you really think this came out of nowhere? Like, well, something tells me that they've never had this kind of like, heart to heart that your friend gave you.

[A]

Yeah. But I'm also sitting here wondering because it's often said, like, if you are the later friend, they've already had this point of like, you go to their baby showers, you go to their weddings, you celebrate them, them, them. But if you're the single friend, when do you ever get your celebration? When do you ever get your flowers? So it's a big conversation that, like, a lot of people are having, especially on TikTok where they are now getting late, like, married later.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there was this one series of this girl who had a similar issue where she wanted the bachelorette trip that they had all gotten. So she wanted to go to Cabo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And because all of them are now long since married, some have kids, none of them would go to Cabo for her. And it's like, just because you're the later, friend. You don't deserve what they did.

[B]

Is it because, like, they think they're too old to party?

[A]

I don't know if it's that or just, like, they're using their kids as an excuse. They don't want to. Like, I look at myself now and, like, I have a friend that, like, asked to go to the club recently, and I was like, I don't think I can go to the club anymore. Like, give me a month's notice and I'll start mentally preparing.

[B]

But, like, sure.

[A]

I don't. Like, this is a cold call on a Friday night. Like, I can't go to the club.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I don't know if, like, people get into the headspace of, like, I just genuinely don't want to do it anymore. But, like, if she's shown up for you and you genuinely are good friends, I don't know, like, there's gotta be a little give and take there. And, like, if it's not Cabo, then, like, hey, let's do something still really fun. That's easier and. But it just feels fun.

[B]

She's not asking for much.

[A]

She is asking for dinner at a local spot that they all love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If people are not gonna show up for you at that genuinely, you don't need friends like these. They're basically enemies.

[B]

Yeah. It's not Cabo. It's not a destination.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

It's the most minimal effort, you know?

[A]

It's so minimal.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

Really disappointing. I would love to hear any horror stories you guys have if, like, you've been the friend that's been the later one to get married or you've ever felt like the least favorite friend. Please comment on the YouTube your stories, because, like, I just want more tea about this. And I really feel like this is a big conversation people are really starting to have where, like, I still want to be celebrated even though I'm, like, the last one to get married.

[B]

Absolutely. Like, yeah.

[A]

And we need to start celebrating single people's accomplishments more. I got a dog. Let's throw a party.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Promotion. Let's throw a party.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like, what are some other ones we could have? Let's. Let's talk about that, too.

[B]

Breast reduction party.

[A]

Yeah, Party. Bye. Bye, tatas. Throw a funeral for those bad boys. Rip titties.

[B]

Goodbye. Hh. Or single age. Was single.

[A]

Single age. Yeah, the age. See, those are the confusing sizes. Age, age, age.

[B]

Yeah. Just keep it to one letter.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Just move up the letters. But what do I know?

[A]

We could probably get to Z at that point. Then, yeah, there was an episode on botched.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think she actually just passed away. She. She kept getting enlargement, breast enlargement, surgeries. And she got to a point where she essentially. You know those sit and bounce balls? She had two sit and bounce on her chest. That's how big they were. And her skin popped.

[B]

Oh, no. Well, yeah, I'm assuming, like, she had to, like, gradually increase.

[A]

You can only stretch so much. You could literally. It was so crazy. On the botched episode, they held a flashlight to her boob, and you could see translucent. You could see all the arteries, veins, everything.

[B]

I mean, that's kind of cool.

[A]

It was nuts. Do you want to see a picture?

[B]

I mean, you've piqued my interest.

[A]

Oh, my God. I wonder if Google even shows it.

[B]

Found it. That was quick. That was a quick Google.

[A]

Look at that. Look at that. It's like holographic.

[B]

Wow. They're not as big as I thought they would be. Truly.

[A]

Well, that's. That's not the person. Oh, that's. I'm trying to find the botched.

[B]

Okay. I was like. I was like, it's not that big.

[A]

No. Okay. And I might have been exaggerating with the sit and bounce, but they were.

[B]

I've seen, like, they were really big.

[A]

Oh, maybe a volleyball or they. Bigger than a volleyball.

[B]

Basketballs, probably. Yeah. I mean, those are pretty large.

[A]

I mean, botched is crazy.

[B]

Have you seen that one woman that would crush, like, beer cans with her with their titties?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. This. This is the sit and bounce lady. This is. Oh, my God. This sounds terrible.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Those are big.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, that's. That's kind of what I was. What I was imagining.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So they held a flashlight to her and.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Hey, live your life.

[A]

You know, I just can't imagine those are your.

[B]

If those are your dream. If your dream is to just. Just have gigantic titties. Like, hey, I was trying to think, like, what's. What's like a. I was trying to think of, like, a. Just. There's.

[A]

What's.

[B]

What word do you use?

[A]

Boobs.

[B]

Boobs.

[A]

I have a. I sound like a child. I have a hard time saying breasts. Like, it just. Like, I feel like it gives me, like, a speech impediment.

[B]

It's too clinical.

[A]

Oh, my God. But, yeah, to each their own. I mean, there's some weird dreams out there. Some people do plastic surgery to look like cats and implant metal whiskers on themselves.

[B]

Sure, yeah.

[A]

Teach their own.

[B]

Yeah. Live your life. As long as it's safe.

[A]

Yeah. What's the weirdest dream you've had?

[B]

The weirdest dream.

[A]

Yeah. Like, for me, I wanted to be a twin, but obviously, like, that can't happen.

[B]

Like, like a dream that I had or, like. Or, like, something that I wanted to be.

[A]

Yeah. Or like, what's something really weird that you want to do?

[B]

I think for. Well, for a short time when I was, like, 18, I wanted snake bites. It's like the two piercings on the lip.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cause I was going through my, like, hardcore phase.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thankfully, I never did that.

[A]

I wanted a Monroe.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[A]

For a while. But then I was like, that's kind of an anchor. And it just freaked me out.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I would be too afraid of it. Getting caught on things. The Monroe, like, that doesn't really stick out. Cause it's just, like, a little stud. Right.

[A]

I think it looks cute when people have dimples and they put it in a dimple. Have you seen that?

[B]

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

[A]

But, no, I've never wanted to be a cat. I'm gonna have to think about that, though. I don't have any weird dreams nowadays. Maybe I need one. Maybe I'm missing out.

[B]

I feel like you kind of already, like, achieved your dream. I did. Of sorts. I did.

[A]

You know, it fell into my lap. It's kind of weird.

[B]

I mean, you got a horse.

[A]

Yeah, I do have a horse.

[B]

I don't know if you talk about that.

[A]

I do. Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I do have a horse in my backyard. You get to meet them Friday.

[B]

I'm stoked.

[A]

I know. I've got some carrots for you to give them. They're gonna love you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But, Ian, where can everyone find you? How can they engage with your content?

[B]

The, you know, we smosh, smosh, smosh, pizza, smosh games. You find me on Instagram. Ian He Cox. I don't really post that much on there, though.

[A]

I'm really bad.

[B]

I'm really bad with social media.

[A]

You'll get better.

[B]

No, I won't. I don't want to be better.

[A]

I don't either. I don't think I've posted anything in, like, three months. And there's so many pictures where I'm like, so, you guys. You'll see a dump soon. But no, it's. It's very nice. Just kind of staying out of the weeds.

[B]

Yeah, it's. I finally took Twitter off my homepage on my phone. I feel very.

[A]

Yeah, it's gone downhill over There.

[B]

Oh, it's so bad.

[A]

It's not bad.

[B]

Twitter, man.

[A]

It's not bad.

[B]

I was addicted pretty bad. And I. I haven't actually, like, been using it, but I was just like lurking on it for a long time and it just like. I think I. I think my mental health has already improved.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Taking that off my own page.

[A]

No, mine would probably improve too if I took Zillow off my homepage.

[B]

Ooh, that is a drug.

[A]

It's own. You just want we can't have too. And you see them all and you're.

[B]

Like, oh, like, what if I just. What if I just bump up the. The price range by a million just to see what's out there?

[A]

You'll get your feelings hurt real fast.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Then you see what some people are selling and you're like, these people are. They're on drugs.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So maybe it's a good one. But be sure to check out Ian's content. I'll have everything linked in the description. You can't miss it. Other than that, we're probably just finishing up our tour last couple of shows. We're having lots of tour content on Patreon as well as additional bonus episodes every month for the Unhinged tier. So check that out. But other than that, until next time, bye.

[B]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Planning to entertain in your home this holiday season. Make sure you stock up on all your household cleaning essentials before guests arrive. Now through December 3rd. Save when you shop in store or online on items like Swiffer pet, Swiffer Wetjet, Mr. Clean Brooms, Clorox Bathroom Cleaner, Lysol All Purpose Cleaner, Signature Select Glass Cleaner and Signature Select Drain Clog remover. Offer ends December 3rd. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details. How do you feel when you switch to Geico and save on your car insurance? It's like going to work on one Thursday morning and thinking to yourself, just one more day until Friday. But then somebody in the elevator says, happy Friday. Then you check your phone quickly and discover today is actually Friday. So, yes, Happy Friday. Random stranger in the elevator. Happy Friday indeed. Yep, switching and saving with Geico feels just like that. Get more with Geico.