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- [00:01]
Morgan
Hi, friends, just popping in. Want to let you know we are doing a spring cleaning sale for all of our merch, including this amazing sweatshirt with the tour logo that we did. It doesn't have any dates or cities on the back, so anyone can get it, but everything is on sale. Some of this stuff is up to 40% off, and what better time to get it when it's a deal. So head on over. Link will be in the description. Otherwise, it's shop2hot takes.com.
- [00:26]
Rachel Lindsay
Bye.
- [00:26]
Morgan
Enjoy the episode. Okay, here we go.
- [00:30]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay, let's go.
- [00:31]
Morgan
I'm so excited to have you.
- [00:33]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm happy to be here.
- [00:34]
Morgan
I'm a little nervous. I know, I know.
- [00:37]
Rachel Lindsay
To be honest. Like, what did I get myself into? Because you're so lovely. And I was like, I want a podcast with you. I want to do your thing. I'm, like, so excited to be a part of it. I was telling people that I was doing two hot takes and they were like, oh, my gosh, you're about to have so much fun. And I'm like, okay, good. I'm more nervous at what I'm going to say.
- [00:54]
Morgan
Like, you feel like your takes might be a little too hot.
- [00:56]
Rachel Lindsay
Maybe.
- [00:57]
Morgan
Maybe I could see that. Because the theme I have for you today is, like, getting into the tea. Like, give me that piping hot tea.
- [01:05]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay.
- [01:05]
Morgan
But I think you are well qualified and I'm so excited to have you. Which let me introduce my guest formally for you guys. Hi. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan, and today I have the amazing, wonderful, beautiful, so fucking smart. I'm like, I'm blown away by you. I really am. But this is Rachel, Lindsay. Hi, guys.
- [01:27]
Rachel Lindsay
Happy to be here. Hope to live up to that intro.
- [01:30]
Morgan
No, I. Well, we met in south, like, for south by a couple weeks ago, and I had known of you because of the Bachelor and Bachelorette. I mean, first black woman to be the Bachelorette is iconic. And so I knew of you, but I didn't really know your background and how accomplished you were and are. But I was like, wait, she's a lawyer and now she's podcasting and she was the Bachelorette? What hasn't this woman done?
- [02:00]
Rachel Lindsay
I feel like I've lived multiple lives, which I feel like should be the goal for everyone.
- [02:05]
Morgan
I fully agree.
- [02:06]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. Being able to pivot is something maybe we weren't necessarily taught by the generation before us, but it's like, gives me life to be able to do that, to say I was able to overcome Fear and just go after what I wanted.
- [02:20]
Morgan
I love a pivot.
- [02:21]
Rachel Lindsay
I know, right?
- [02:22]
Morgan
I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of. A pivot. And it's like, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and stick with something and do this and. Oh, it's. Don't rock the boat. It's like, no, rock the boat. I know. Like, do what makes you happy.
- [02:37]
Rachel Lindsay
And you always have the fear in you. Right. Like, I still get scared to do certain things, or I doubt myself. But then I think about, where would I be if I hadn't? And then I'm not afraid of the failure, because then there's a story to be told. I look at everything like, that's a story I get to tell. That's a life experience I get to share with someone I love that.
- [02:55]
Morgan
What's something you're doing right now that you're. You're a little scared of before you started?
- [02:59]
Rachel Lindsay
Well, right now, being single. The podcast, but just being single. Like, you know, I was married, divorced. It's all public. It's all out there. So I'm not, like, telling anybody else's business.
- [03:11]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [03:12]
Rachel Lindsay
But just getting over saying, okay, this is not working. It's not good for both of us. You know, the fear of saying, but I have to hold onto this because I don't know what's on the other side of it. It's terrifying. But. But it's the best decision I made. And I am equally scared as I am excited. And so, yeah, just being single, being out here. I remember I had anxiety the first time I was at a big event by myself. Not by myself, but not married. When I say by myself, I meant without my ring, because there's a comfort in having a ring on your finger. And I went to the bathroom and kind of had not a full panic attack, but just really was scared because I thought people can talk to me and try to date me, and I haven't had that in seven years.
- [04:02]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [04:02]
Rachel Lindsay
And it was really an overwhelming feeling for me, and I just had to kind of, like, regroup, get with my friends, get my bearings together and just say, like, okay, yeah, just navigating single life out here. I've never been on a dating app.
- [04:15]
Morgan
Really?
- [04:16]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. Never done it. I've always met people through friends or the Bachelor, and so now it's just. I don't know. I feel more myself than ever, and I know exactly what it is that I want, but finding that is a whole nother journey. Maybe I'll be one of like the Reddit pages you look at. I'll create my own horror stories. It's probably already out there.
- [04:41]
Morgan
I mean, you'd fit in with relationship advice. Or am I the asshole? Yeah, you'd. You'll find your niche if you need it. You're not.
- [04:48]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm not the asshole.
- [04:49]
Morgan
No, you. You're good. But it is really, like, refreshing to hear too, that, like, I think getting over that sunken cost fallacy and hearing firsthand, like, it's so relatable, so many people are in it and we might have a story or two where they're battling with that today and trying to move on and, you know, be better in the future. But I'm excited to get into these.
- [05:12]
Rachel Lindsay
I am too.
- [05:13]
Morgan
Okay, let's dive in.
- [05:14]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay.
- [05:46]
Morgan
Okay. This first one, it's coming from our very own two hot takes subreddit titled My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex foreclosure. Now he's sure that he wants me. I don't know if I can forgive him. So here's the situation. My boyfriend, 26, male, cheated on me, 23, female, with his ex while we were in a long distance relationship for four months. His ex was someone he was in a very serious four year relationship with, but they broke up two years ago. When I confronted him, he told me he met her because he never got closure and wanted to resolve past issues. According to him, he did it for us so that he could fully commit to me without regrets or doubts about what his life would have been like with her. But while having this deep closure conversation, she kissed him and they ended up sleeping together. He says he felt horrible afterwards, like he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror because everything he stood for was shattered in that moment. Now he swears he's 100% sure he wants me and wants to love me more than anything. He's blocked her and says she's dead to him. And here's the thing. A part of me believes him. I don't think he would ever do it again. But I trusted him with everything and he still did this, knowing full well what it would do to me. That boundary has been crossed. And no matter how much he regrets it, it can't be undone. The worst part is that I can't stop picturing it. The images just appear in my head and it physically hurts. I want to trust him again. I want to believe that we can heal from this. But my friends keep telling me that if I stay, I'll lose all my self respect. And the truth is I've struggled with low self esteem and low self love in the past. Ironically, my boyfriend has always encouraged me to love myself, to put myself first, to prioritize my friends and family. He's been the one pushing me to grow and I feel like if I leave, I'm not only going to lose him, but I'll have to figure out how to rebuild myself alone. What would you do if you were me?
- [08:00]
Rachel Lindsay
First off, I want to say I'm so sorry that happened to you. Have you been cheated on before?
- [08:04]
Morgan
Oh, yeah.
- [08:04]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, I've been cheated on before, more than once. And it's tough because regardless of what went down, how it went down, somehow you always not blame yourself. Maybe some people do, but you think about what you maybe did wrong, how you could have contributed to it. Like, what did you do that made him want to seek something else out? And. And the last part of what she said really stuck with me because I feel like that's kind of how she's thinking and it's not. Has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. And there was something that she said about she'll have to do this alone. That really stuck with me. You're 23 years old and oh gosh, I'm getting to that point in life where I feel like I'm like, I'm like the old bird. I'm like, oh, no, I'm 39 and I'm just thinking at 23. And I'm trying not. I don't want to say cliche things like, oh, you have so much life to live and oh. But one of the first things we were talking about at the top of this podcast was fear. And I remember somebody saying to me when I knew I wasn't in a good place in my relationship and it wasn't cheating, but I'm going to go somewhere with this. And they said to me, do you wanna wake up at 45 and feel this exact same way? And I don't know why that's not. It's like not even that profound.
- [09:28]
Morgan
No, but it is hit me.
- [09:30]
Rachel Lindsay
Because what I Knew was at 45, I would be in this exact same place. My gut did. And I say gut to say to this young woman, we as women are given that woman's intuition. That is a real thing, that spirit, that voice that speaks within us. And for you to have to write all of this, you know, you know what you should do, you know how you feel, you know the person that you are, whatever you struggle with, we all struggle with insecurity you know what to do, and you're looking for somebody to tell you what to do, but you know what you should do. And it's the fear that's holding you back from, you know, stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing something because you. You're. You're comfortable in the relationship, but you're also not comfortable in the relationship.
- [10:14]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [10:15]
Rachel Lindsay
Cause he stepped out on you. I just keep going back to. She's so young.
- [10:19]
Morgan
I know.
- [10:20]
Rachel Lindsay
There's so much place I can.
- [10:21]
Morgan
Like, I can remember being that age. Like, I'm 31 now. And it's like I remember when I was in college dating who I thought I would marry, and all of a sudden I'm getting broken up with and he's got another girlfriend in Canada that he's had the whole time. And, like, I remember just being like, that's my person. What? What the fuck? Like, my mom. My mom was giving me terrible advice. My mom was like, why don't you get on a plane to go to Canada and see if you can fix it? And I'm like, why? Why do I have to fix it? Like, yeah, he fucked up. But I do remember just feeling like, well, fuck, like it's over. Like the world is ending. Like, it feels so big, so heavy, and there's. You don't really see a way forward. But the thing is, like, I also think at. At 23, I didn't really know who I was. She's saying, like, he's pushing me to. To be strong, and he's pushing me to prioritize friends and all this stuff. Like, I don't want to build myself alone. But you really don't need him. Like, you can do it alone. And not necessarily alone either, because you have friends, you have family. You're gonna have all these other experiences that will build you over time. But, like, I feel like I finally. Even now at 31, I'm like, okay, I mostly feel like I know who I am, but there's still parts where I'm like, oh, I'm a little too big of a people pleaser. Like, I gotta work on that. Like, we never truly stop working on ourselves and growing.
- [11:40]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [11:41]
Morgan
And if you do stop, then, like, in my opinion, that's kind of a problem.
- [11:44]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. Yeah.
- [11:44]
Morgan
So don't be. Don't be scared of that for sure.
- [11:47]
Rachel Lindsay
And to say that you're alone and you don't want to do it without him, then. Now your happiness is dependent on him. And. And you want to get to a place where you. You mentioned it. You have family, you have friends. Community is so key in moments like this. And not necessarily that you listen to all this advice and you do what they tell you, but just to use them as a support system. And you talked about it being heavy. It is so heavy right now. But you just have to take it day by day. You don't have to figure it out. I think we're both people, you and me, Morgan, that are like, we want to figure everything out and want to be 10 steps ahead. And I think that that's innately within us as well as women. But some. I was reading this book called Lighter Young Pueblo, which really helped me through the divorce. And it wasn't even about just relationships. It's just about mindset. And one of the things is, and I would say this to myself as a mantra every day, don't look at the past because it'll hold you back, because in this situation, you're going to romanticize what he was prior to you finding out this information. Then Young Pueblo says, and I'm paraphrasing, but don't look at the future because it'll give you anxiety. You're trying to figure it all out. The if, ands, what's, what if I do this? If you. You have no idea. You don't know. You can't even predict his. This boyfriend's, you know, actions. You don't know what he's going to do, if he may do it again or not. And he says, Young Pueblo says, every day, stay present and take things day by day, one day at a time. Every day you get stronger and you figure it out, and that's really all you can do. And you will be shocked if you keep that mindset of how you'll feel different in a week and then a month and then years and then on, on and on. I'm not saying once a cheater, always a cheater. I do not believe that. I am not saying that people don't change, but in this situation, there is some kind of hold with the ex that she has on him. And I don't remember in what context, but you said he told, you know, the one who wrote in, who wrote the post that he was doing this for them. Was the conversation the closure or was the sex the closure? Because I didn't quite get that.
- [13:58]
Morgan
Yeah, I'd love to know which part he found closure. Yeah, like you had to fuck someone one last time to, like, okay, yeah, I do like my girlfriend. Yeah, it's interesting. And, like, I get having a conversation but the minute she leaned in and kissed you, like, you should have got up and left. It didn't need to turn into sex then. Yeah, that's. I'm not. I'm not about it, I think. Yeah. Gotta move on.
- [14:23]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. We won't tell you what to do, but it shouldn't be this hard. No, it shouldn't be this hard. You will have hard days, but this, it shouldn't. This is not how you. You don't want this to be the foundation of your relationship.
- [14:34]
Morgan
No. No. Top comment on this one. Give him closure from your potential relationship.
- [14:41]
Rachel Lindsay
Bye. At 23, I definitely would have been vindictive. Yeah, at 23, I definitely been like, oh, just let's see how you take it. Or just. Or just lie and say you did. How about that? If you know you're going to end it.
- [14:56]
Morgan
Mm.
- [14:56]
Rachel Lindsay
I would be curious if she said, you know what? I thought about what you said and it really made me think about my ex and if I need to finish some things out and see what's there and so guarantee you it won't be the same reaction.
- [15:12]
Morgan
No, we have no comments on this one, no updates. So we'll have to see if they hear this and let us know what happened.
- [15:23]
Rachel Lindsay
You deserve better. He doesn't deserve you.
- [15:28]
Morgan
Okay, this next one also coming from our very own too hot takes. Subreddit 5 days old titled AM I wrong for finding the comments some people have made about my engagement ring insulting? So I just recently got engaged on Valentine's Day this year. I was so happy about it and absolutely loved the ring my fiance had custom made for me. For a little backstory, I was born in October and I've always loved opals. In my opinion, I think they are more beautiful than diamonds because each one is very unique, especially if they aren't lab grown. My fiance knows this and hand picked the most beautiful opal stone for my ring, then had someone custom make this setting and banned for it based on what he thought suited me. Since getting my ring, I've made posts about it on social media after showing it to some of my work colleagues, friends and family members. Some have made comments that just don't sit right with me. They would say, quote, I wasn't sure about it, but seeing it in person makes it look a lot better or something similar. Now I know some people might not like how untraditional my ring is, but. But I know that even if I didn't personally like someone's engagement ring, I wouldn't tell them that. I'd just Say it fits their personality or something like that. Am I wrong for feeling upset?
- [16:52]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay, wrong isn't the word that I would use. Yeah, you are kind of wrong for feeling upset. First off, when she said the ring is something that, you know, people shouldn't say, come up to you and say, oh, you know, I didn't really like your ring. It's almost like, forgive me, an ugly baby, you know, you never to say, oh, my gosh. Like, you know the thing on social media where they're showing the older generation parent, like, you never say those things. You say, oh, my gosh, so cute, or what a doll or an angel, like, or, you know, those type of things. That's what you should do with the ring.
- [17:27]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [17:28]
Rachel Lindsay
But I think wrong is. I struggle with the word wrong for her because I get you being offended because you just laid out this beautif of what your ring meant to you and why it was so special. And all that energy is in this ring and it means so much to you. It's subjective, it's personal. But then someone else looks at it and you want them to have that same joy, and they don't. It's kind of like, who cares? And I don't mean to be harsh.
- [17:55]
Morgan
That, but who cares? Who cares? You love it. Yeah, you love it.
- [17:59]
Rachel Lindsay
Are you wearing the ring so you can get compliments from everyone else, or are you wearing the ring because the, the love of your life put something beautiful together based on who you are and your experience, and that is a symbol of love.
- [18:12]
Morgan
Yeah, that's what it's about. And that's coming from such, like, a secure place. Like, that's such a, like, I know what I want, I'm happy. I don't care what anyone else thinks. And I, I, I love that. And I, I myself, I'm like, okay, I need to embrace that more in, like, some areas of my life. And I, I do agree because I'm like, you see cars, I think cars are another one of those things that, like, you can really be like, that's your personality. Clearly it's not mine, but, like, good for you. Like, would I drive an orange Kia Soul? No. But am I happy that someone else can afford that and, like, good for them? But it's not my first choice on a car. So I think an engagement ring is something like that. Like, I've had people like, I went, very classic. I did just.
- [18:56]
Rachel Lindsay
Your ring is beautiful, by the way. This is not an ugly baby comment.
- [19:00]
Morgan
But I went like, very safe. I went like, it's an oval stone, hidden halo underneath. It's kind of the ring everyone's doing right now. And I've even had people still say, like, oh, that's kind of basic. And I'm like, okay, fuck you as you should. Like, as you like. It's my ring. Like, I don't care if you like it or not. But in the moment, I was kind of like, oh, because you are so excited. So I'm like, you're not wrong for feeling like that, but, like, move past it as you're saying, like, them. I.
- [19:35]
Rachel Lindsay
And it is a them. I honestly think it's deeper than that. If somebody sits there and shits on your ring. Yeah, there's a bit of hater. Oh, that's going on.
- [19:46]
Morgan
They're.
- [19:46]
Rachel Lindsay
Jealousy.
- [19:47]
Morgan
There's something.
- [19:48]
Rachel Lindsay
So I say, match the energy. You know, if you can handle this two ways. You can just know that you love your ring and who cares? Or you can say, well, where's the ring on your finger? Or shit on the ring on their finger.
- [20:01]
Morgan
Wait, let me see your ring.
- [20:02]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, that's right. Oh, that's. You know, it's.
- [20:06]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [20:07]
Rachel Lindsay
I think it's a character flaw for somebody to criticize someone's ring, because at the end of the day, I might not know this beautiful story behind it, but I know that the person you love gave you something special. And everyone knows that when the girl gets the ring on the finger, she's equally excited to tell you she's engaged as she is to say, and check out the ring, because it's. It symbolizes something meaningful.
- [20:30]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [20:31]
Rachel Lindsay
So what kind of person do you have to be to say it to their face?
- [20:35]
Morgan
Just bitter. Bitter, miserable. Yeah. Okay, you want to see it? You're nervous.
- [20:42]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm about to be that person.
- [20:44]
Morgan
I honestly. I don't think I knew what an opal was until this.
- [20:48]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm familiar with opal because I'm familiar with opal. Sorry, I'm having to try to gather my thoughts. It looks like an insect. I'm trying to gather my.
- [20:58]
Morgan
Like a locust.
- [20:59]
Rachel Lindsay
Have you ever seen the beautiful locust? Like, where all the colors come together? Or cicada. Cicada. Cicada from Texas. And you see when it's. When you see the dead cicada, when it's that time of season and you look at their underbelly, it's all these beautiful colors that actually come together so you can see the beauty. I think I'm getting that right. Yeah, that's what that opal looks like.
- [21:19]
Morgan
Do you see the I do see the shape now. It's almost. I was envisioning, too, like, this June bug or like, a scarab, which, like, some cultures, they're very meaningful, those little scarabs and whatever.
- [21:32]
Rachel Lindsay
But, yeah, our differences are what make us, like, things exciting and interesting. Everybody was walking around doing the same thing. This isn't Stepford Wives. You know what I mean?
- [21:43]
Morgan
That. Yes.
- [21:44]
Rachel Lindsay
I love that you have something. You know what that is? That's a conversation piece. Because people are gonna look at that and they're not gonna assume it's an engagement ring and they're gonna ask you about it, and then what do you get to do? You get to tell a beautiful story.
- [21:56]
Morgan
I love that. Yeah, I love that.
- [21:58]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm not normally this positive, but I am on this one. You go, girl.
- [22:04]
Morgan
I like it. I'm in the boat of, like, to each their own. And I think hearing Stepford Wives, that's, like, the best way to put it. Like, if everyone had this round, oval engagement ring, like, I got, like, where's the uniqueness? Where's the beauty? If it's all the same and just. It's the same.
- [22:21]
Rachel Lindsay
Exactly.
- [22:21]
Morgan
It becomes oatmeal. If you're. If everyone has the same. It's just like, it's oatmeal. It's like, it's meh. It's meh.
- [22:27]
Rachel Lindsay
I hate oatmeal, too.
- [22:28]
Morgan
I know.
- [22:29]
Rachel Lindsay
I never wanted an engagement ring, so that's probably why I'm so opinionated on this, too.
- [22:33]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [22:34]
Rachel Lindsay
But of course, I went on the Bachelor and Inside Scoop. When you're around, like, week five.
- [22:39]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [22:40]
Rachel Lindsay
They're like, so what do you want your engagement ring to look like?
- [22:43]
Morgan
Oh, wow.
- [22:44]
Rachel Lindsay
And you haven't thought about it. You're like, I'm trying to navigate all these men. I'm trying to figure out who I have feelings for. What's the next date? I'm exhausted.
- [22:51]
Morgan
How many weeks are there for me?
- [22:53]
Rachel Lindsay
They've shortened it. Now it is short. Like, six, seven weeks, if that. I was 10 weeks when I did it. Still not a long time. But that three weeks is a huge difference. That's when things start to get really serious.
- [23:04]
Morgan
That's a lot.
- [23:05]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, but they ask you, and you're like, I have no idea. Because again, I'm the girl who never knew what she wanted a ring to look like. I always wanted a stack of bands so yellow, pink.
- [23:17]
Morgan
I love that.
- [23:18]
Rachel Lindsay
Just like. But all pa. They are like a solid gold. That's how I wanted the change up to be. And so I said that, and they laughed at me. They were like, this is the Bachelor. You got to pick a stone.
- [23:27]
Morgan
It's. Yeah, that signature ring that everyone had. Yeah.
- [23:32]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. So I picked the pear shaped diamond.
- [23:37]
Morgan
Okay.
- [23:37]
Rachel Lindsay
And they told me to get a halo around it because it'll make it look even bigger. So there is no mean. There was no meaning behind my ring other than the person I loved gave it to me.
- [23:49]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [23:49]
Rachel Lindsay
So that's something. So that's why I'm kind of like, girl, you have a beautiful story to tell you.
- [23:54]
Morgan
What?
- [23:55]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, that is. That is something that some people didn't get because the decision was kind of made for them. And that does happen. I feel like not everybody gets the option to choose their ring. And that man listened to what you wanted and built something beautiful on it. Does he have a brother, a cousin, or a friend?
- [24:16]
Morgan
Send him Rachel's way. Oh, my gosh. No, I agree. And I'm really excited for you. Congratulations on your engagement. And this is all good because there's so many people that write into Reddit and are like, my fiance got me a ring, and I hate it. What do I do? And it's like, those people feel like they can't even have conversations with someone they're supposed to marry and explain, hey, I just want to get something a little more me. Yeah, you. You have a partner that fully curated a ring for you and is everything you wanted and more. So let the. Let the comments roll off your back.
- [24:56]
Rachel Lindsay
Also, what you said is so important. Men who are listening and in a serious relationship, please consult with the best friend, a sibling.
- [25:03]
Morgan
Find her or interest the woman yourself.
- [25:05]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [25:06]
Morgan
Herself. Yeah.
- [25:07]
Rachel Lindsay
Don't go rogue.
- [25:08]
Morgan
Don't go rogue. Oh, there's so many rings out there. And, like, don't go rogue. Get what she's gonna love or what they're gonna love, because it's. It's a big thing. And, like, for a lot of people, it's the only ring they'll have.
- [25:23]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [25:24]
Morgan
Okay, moving on to this next one. This is coming from Am I the asshole? It is 14 days old, titled Am I the Asshole? For refusing to help my best friend with her wedding because she didn't make me a bridesmaid.
- [25:38]
Rachel Lindsay
I mean, you're a friend, right? So maybe asshole's too strong of a word. But I think if you're a friend, you're a friend at the end of the day. Okay, you're not a friend because of what they give you or can do for you or a title or anything like that. So if My friend didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. First off, have you been a bridesmaid? You might want to be saying thank you. She might be a bigger, better friend to you than you realize. There's money that has to come out of your pocket. There are other things you have to plan, you know, You. In what capacity would be my question? Is she helping? Asking you to help?
- [26:13]
Morgan
We got the info. Are you ready?
- [26:15]
Rachel Lindsay
There's more. There's more. Okay, okay. Let me shut up.
- [26:19]
Morgan
My best friend, 24, female. We'll call her. May and I, 24, female, have been close since middle school. We talked about being in each other's weddings. So when she got engaged last year, I assumed I would be a bridesmaid. She recently asked me to help with the wedding planning, but when she showed me the list for her bridal party, I wasn't on the list. I asked why and she got awkward and said that she had to make some choices. The party included her sister, her fiance's sister, and a few newer friends she's known for only a couple of years. She wanted a small party. I didn't make it a big deal though. I congratulated her and figured I'd still be a guest. But then she started asking me for a lot of help. Things like dress shopping, DIY decorations, venue hunting, making party favors, etc. Etc. I finally told her, quote, hey, I love you, but I feel weird doing all of this when I'm not even a bridesmaid. She got angry and said she thought I'd still want to be involved because we're best friends. I told her I'd still be at the wedding, but I wasn't going to do all this extra work when she didn't even consider me close enough to be at her bridal party. Now she and some of our mutual friends are giving me the cold shoulder, saying I'm being petty and making the wedding about me. But I'm not going to be doing bridesmaid level work if I'm not one. Am I the asshole? No, I don't think so at all. No. She's gonna enlist her as a wedding planner for free. When you're a bridesmaid, some of those things like planning the bachelorette and doing DIY decorations, like that comes with the territory. Like that's. But also even like, for a bride to expect that of a bridesmaid. May, I'm like, I think that's kind of rude too.
- [28:16]
Rachel Lindsay
Are you having bridesmaids?
- [28:18]
Morgan
I am, but very untraditional. Like they're not standing up there with us. I'm not making them do shit like they can pick their own dress. I just set a color and I'm so chill.
- [28:29]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. Like you are talking before.
- [28:32]
Morgan
I just want to get married. I'm like, whatever else happens at this point, it is what it is. I thought I wanted a fucking Ferris wheel. I wanted, like, crazy.
- [28:39]
Rachel Lindsay
I love this for you.
- [28:40]
Morgan
Well, until I found out the price of the Ferris wheel. And then I was like, I don't want a Ferris wheel. Fuck that. The weddings are a lot, but I feel like she was definitely being taken advantage of.
- [28:52]
Rachel Lindsay
She is.
- [28:53]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [28:54]
Rachel Lindsay
I didn't have bridesmaids.
- [28:56]
Morgan
Okay.
- [28:56]
Rachel Lindsay
Because I could not narrow it down. So if I can play devil's advocate for a second, I wonder if. So it sounds like their group of friends who they all grew up with, who were close.
- [29:08]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [29:08]
Rachel Lindsay
They also don't sound like they're in the wedding. It sounds like the newer friends are. So if I play devil's advocate, maybe this bride wanted bridesmaids. She obviously is going to choose her sister and future sister in law. And she probably thought, I can't narrow it down with my old school friends, so maybe I'll just pick some newer friends or co workers just to even it out. That could be her logic. She probably should have relayed that information.
- [29:32]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [29:33]
Rachel Lindsay
Doesn't sound like she did.
- [29:34]
Morgan
No.
- [29:35]
Rachel Lindsay
That's the only logical thing I can think of. I mean, other than she doesn't really like you the same. But it sounds like from this, from her writing in that there are other friends that are close that aren't in the wedding either. Sounds like she doesn't know the newer girls.
- [29:50]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [29:51]
Rachel Lindsay
So if that is the case, and if those friends. I'm speculating a lot here. Are helping out too, then I'm not as sensitive to it. Like, I kind of might make a snarky comment.
- [30:04]
Morgan
Okay.
- [30:05]
Rachel Lindsay
But I would probably be like, okay, what do you need? You know, Like, I'm more than happy to help, maybe, because again, I don't find as much joy in being a bridesmaid. So I'd be like, thank God.
- [30:15]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [30:16]
Rachel Lindsay
If I felt it was too much, I would say, hey, I'll help you with this, this, and this. But I don't have time for this. I would push back a little bit, but it sounds like the writer really wanted to be a bridesmaid and that's really the issue. She's not wrong for that.
- [30:31]
Morgan
Yeah, she's not at all.
- [30:33]
Rachel Lindsay
If this is something you talked about and you Always dreamed of. And it was something special between the two of you. And she calls you her best friend. Of course you're questioning why.
- [30:42]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [30:42]
Rachel Lindsay
But it's giving White Lotus friends.
- [30:45]
Morgan
Ooh, Okay. I haven't watched yet. I know.
- [30:46]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay.
- [30:47]
Morgan
I talked about this in Austin.
- [30:48]
Rachel Lindsay
We talked about it. There is a interesting narrative with the. There's this group of women. There are three women.
- [30:53]
Morgan
Is that the political dinner?
- [30:55]
Rachel Lindsay
Yes.
- [30:55]
Morgan
Okay. I saw the TikTok clip, and I'm like, how relatable is that?
- [30:59]
Rachel Lindsay
Yes. And there's more to it. The dynamic of the friendship group. And certain relationships are stronger than others. And there's certain group chats going on, and it's all under the guise of, like. But we're just worried. We're just concerned. And it highlights female friendships.
- [31:14]
Morgan
So.
- [31:15]
Rachel Lindsay
Well, that I said this earlier today, that. That that narrative is going to be something that lives on in TV history, because I don't think I've seen it outside of reality tv. It just really brings to life. I need to watch women. Lady friendships.
- [31:30]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [31:31]
Rachel Lindsay
And that's what I feel like this is giving a little bit of.
- [31:33]
Morgan
Yeah, I am so with you. The point you said, too, where you're like, her calling her her best friend. Like, I think that's what's the most confusing part about this for me. Even when confronted and like, hey, I love you, but, like, I don't feel like I, you know, I. I'm not comfortable doing all of this because I'm not a bridesmaid. And for her to reply back then and say, oh, well, I thought you would because you're my best friend. Yeah, that's confusing because there's clearly no misunderstanding of, like, that's my best friend, but I'm not hers. She's saying, you're my best friend.
- [32:09]
Rachel Lindsay
Right.
- [32:10]
Morgan
But why are you not a part of the wedding? Even, like, in some way? Like, hey, can you be my attendant? Or, hey, can you do this? And it's so odd to me because how many people would you have asked at the time?
- [32:24]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, we were double digits. There would have been over what? Remember, I've lived so many lives.
- [32:29]
Morgan
Oh, that's true.
- [32:30]
Rachel Lindsay
So, And I was.
- [32:31]
Morgan
Were we talking 20?
- [32:32]
Rachel Lindsay
I was. No, no, no. Like, probably, like, it was like, around 13 or 14. And he didn't have. He didn't even have half that. He wouldn't have had half of it.
- [32:39]
Morgan
Okay.
- [32:40]
Rachel Lindsay
And so for me, it's like, what? Let's not do it.
- [32:42]
Morgan
Yeah. It's just too much. Okay. And I think, like, if you do have that still ask the people you want, but then just don't have them up there with you. And that's what kind of. We're doing. Like, his. My fiance's cousin who's like a sister to him, is, like, gonna be in a dress like that matches my bridesmaids. So she's a bridesmaid. But, like, we're not having them stand up there, so it doesn't matter if we're mismatched or uneven. But I just, like, it's just sad, and I feel sad for her.
- [33:12]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [33:13]
Morgan
And I don't think. Not the asshole for backing out. We do have a couple comments, and they might provide a little bit more context, so we'll see if it. If it changes anything for us. But I'm. I'm in the boat of not the asshole.
- [33:27]
Rachel Lindsay
Not an asshole. No.
- [33:29]
Morgan
And it's weird that everyone else is, like, now, like, cold shouldering her and, like, other people are getting involved, and it's like, why are you fighting the fight for her? Why don't you just do what I was doing?
- [33:37]
Rachel Lindsay
You know why? Because I was gonna say before you got into the comments that to me, vulnerability is key here. And it's probably coming off of, like, I don't want to help you. And that's how it's probably being relayed to the friend group.
- [33:49]
Morgan
It's like this.
- [33:50]
Rachel Lindsay
Our friend's getting married. She's so stressed out. We're supposed to be here to help her.
- [33:54]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [33:54]
Rachel Lindsay
And I think if the approach was, I need to be vulnerable with you. This really hurts my feelings. And this is why. Which is hard when your emotions are involved, to see it that clearly. But that's what it is. At the end of the day, your feelings are hurt. And I think if you express that, then it'll come off in a different way for sure.
- [34:12]
Morgan
And I will say, too, we've kind of hinted at it, like, it's kind of a gift sometimes to not be a bridesmaid. Like, to be able to just relax, not wake up early to get your hair and makeup done. Not.
- [34:26]
Rachel Lindsay
Yes.
- [34:26]
Morgan
Oh, my God. It's just. You get to be Zen.
- [34:29]
Rachel Lindsay
Exactly.
- [34:29]
Morgan
Have fun. No pressure. And you can still help the bride as if you want and, you know, be as involved. But, like, it's so nice.
- [34:38]
Rachel Lindsay
Especially if it's a destination wedding. Sorry, I just came from a destination wedding where I was not a bridesmaid and I was watching the bridesmaids, like, have to leave the beach early and go get their makeup done, make sure everything. And I was like, see all this this evening they were getting ready like 11 in the morning. See, wedding was. Until it was so beautiful I could enjoy a full day that they couldn't.
- [35:01]
Morgan
Yeah. I was a bridesmaid and my friend got married in Chicago, so I was coming from la. Two hour time difference. We had a rehearsal dinner, bar crawl like that night. So we didn't go to bed till like two or three.
- [35:15]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, wow.
- [35:15]
Morgan
And then she wanted us in her hotel room at like 7 in the morning. And I was tired of at a time change. I didn't get my hair or makeup done until 10. So why did I have to be there three hours early? For emotional support and to sip on mimosa.
- [35:29]
Rachel Lindsay
That's what it is.
- [35:30]
Morgan
No emotional support.
- [35:32]
Rachel Lindsay
Exactly.
- [35:32]
Morgan
No. I love you.
- [35:34]
Rachel Lindsay
That's a part of your duties.
- [35:34]
Morgan
I love you, but let's let Morgan sleep a little bit more and then I'll be more fun overall.
- [35:41]
Rachel Lindsay
But. Oh, being a bridesmaid is a job. You just.
- [35:44]
Morgan
It is a tough set.
- [35:45]
Rachel Lindsay
It. It's a job.
- [35:45]
Morgan
It's a tough gig. It's a really tough gig. So some comments here. Not the asshole. Your gut is right here. Op. These are all of the hallmark tasks of a best friend and bridesmaid. If she's asking for all of this help from you and you alone, I would argue that you should be maid of honor info. Are her bridesmaids also helping with any of this? I assumed that she was asking you alone. But for clarification, are you the only one of her friends helping with these tasks? OP responds and goes, yeah, that's exactly how I felt. From what I know, her bridesmaids are involved in some things, okay. But she's been relying on me way more than any of them.
- [36:29]
Rachel Lindsay
It's cause it's her best friend. She doesn't know these new girls the same way. Of course she has. She doesn't know them. They're almost props. They're just there. They're almost there at this place. Filler. You know, I'd be curious if the groomsman has like six or seven people. And so she's like, well, I have to. I can only have six or seven. Who can I add to fill in? That's what it feels like. She doesn't trust them the same way she trusts the best friend. I know she's not considering the friend's feelings in all of this.
- [36:56]
Morgan
I'm so like mind fucked. I'm like, yeah, okay, it's nice not being a bridesmaid, but like, still, then don't Ask me for shit. And like you're saying I'm your best friend, but like you're not including me.
- [37:07]
Rachel Lindsay
I know, like what? We have a bridezilla.
- [37:10]
Morgan
We do have a bridezilla. Oh my gosh. I'm trying to see if there's anything else. Any tea? We need to know with this one. Most of her bridesmaids do live nearby, so it's not like I was the only local option.
- [37:25]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay.
- [37:25]
Morgan
She just seemed to expect me to be her go to person before the wedding stuff. We were pretty close. We didn't hang out constantly, but we talked regularly and made time for each other. That's why this whole situation felt weird. She called me her best friend, but didn't include me yet expected me to do all this extra work.
- [37:45]
Rachel Lindsay
I wonder what their relationship was like prior to the wedding. Did they have a relationship where the bride, always dependent, depended on this friend to do stuff for her, so she's only just mirroring what their friendship has always been without their titles. What is the movie with Kate Hudson?
- [38:08]
Morgan
And why did I just see a TikTok for it?
- [38:10]
Rachel Lindsay
And Anne Hathaway.
- [38:11]
Morgan
Bride Wars.
- [38:12]
Rachel Lindsay
Bride Wars. I love that movie so much.
- [38:14]
Morgan
So good.
- [38:15]
Rachel Lindsay
But Kate Hudson sounds like the bride and Anne Hathaway sounds like. I mean, granted, not the same story. They're having weddings on different days, but she was always dependent. Actually, no.
- [38:25]
Morgan
Are you thinking there's something borrowed?
- [38:27]
Rachel Lindsay
Well, I was gonna say that too, but something borrowed with Kate Hudson and Jennifer. I can't think of her last name.
- [38:32]
Morgan
Oh my gosh, her last name.
- [38:33]
Rachel Lindsay
But yes, she always depended on Jennifer. Yeah, Kate Hudson always plays the same roles, doesn't she?
- [38:39]
Morgan
Kate Hudson, man, she. She likes those bridal drama. Difficult friend. Yeah, but the.
- [38:45]
Rachel Lindsay
She took advantage of the friendship they had for sure for different reasons. But I wonder, I would say, you know, to OP if she's listening. Do you. Maybe it's a time to examine the nature of your friendship.
- [38:59]
Morgan
Yeah, 100%.
- [39:00]
Rachel Lindsay
And the bride, not to excuse you, are not the asshole. She's not being fair and considerate of you. But I wonder if this has always been your dynamic.
- [39:10]
Morgan
Yeah, I think you are spot on with that. It's giving someone who's just kind of the taker in the friendship. And that only goes so far. I know that only goes so far. Like that's not sustainable. And the person who's always giving will finally have a straw that breaks the camel's back and whatever. But like if you're out there and you're kind of questioning like, God, Damn. Like, am I the taker? Like, I think we all should, like, even just on a regular basis, be like, am I being a good friend? Like, am I reaching out to my friend? Am I, you know, getting drinks? And it's not always on my terms. And that's something that, like, I've had to consider. Like, I had a friend move to Orange county, so now she's like two hours away with traffic. And I see her when we record and it's like, I want to see her more, but, like, I'm just so busy and she's so busy and we're so far apart. But, like, I can't always spend time with her in the context of recording. So how do I make sure? Like, I'm still being a good friend and I feel like this person has just really lost sight of. It's a two way street. And I'm not always just gonna be a taker.
- [40:10]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. I would hate for this friendship to end because of the wedding.
- [40:15]
Morgan
I think it will.
- [40:16]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, no.
- [40:17]
Morgan
I think it will.
- [40:18]
Rachel Lindsay
Keep us posted.
- [40:19]
Morgan
I think it will.
- [40:20]
Rachel Lindsay
I would hate that you have all these years and maybe it was boiling to this point, right?
- [40:24]
Morgan
I think so.
- [40:25]
Rachel Lindsay
Gosh, I would hate for you. This is the most beautiful day of your friend and you can't fully enjoy it. Possibly. Hopefully they meant it before because of maybe something that's deeply rooted in your friendship from before or this. I just hate that.
- [40:40]
Morgan
I think this is done.
- [40:41]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, no, this is done. Well, hopefully. But she might lose her whole friend group.
- [40:47]
Morgan
Luckily. It does sound like this is just like a childhood friend and like there's other people in her life.
- [40:52]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm.
- [40:53]
Morgan
I'm thinking, so what about the friend.
- [40:54]
Rachel Lindsay
Group that stopped talking to her? She might lose everybody.
- [40:57]
Morgan
Good riddance for those weirdos.
- [40:58]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, I can't wait for you to watch White Lotus.
- [41:00]
Morgan
Good riddance.
- [41:01]
Rachel Lindsay
I can't.
- [41:02]
Morgan
We do have a bit more context that there's only four bridesmaids total. Her sister, sister in law, two newer friends, which also four is pretty small. And two of them are, like, kind of obligatory. That's a big word for Elmo. But like, sister, like, that's a shoe in sister in law. That's like a courtesy invite for a lot of people. Like, you got to include siblings. So two like those two could be her day to day, most recent, most relevant friends.
- [41:33]
Rachel Lindsay
Placeholders. Yeah, that's who I think they are. Sounds like she has a circle of friends that she's more connected with.
- [41:42]
Morgan
But someone did ask, did you even get an invite to the wedding yet. And OP did, so she at least is invited to the wedding.
- [41:49]
Rachel Lindsay
I didn't even know that that was an option that she might not be invited to the wedding. Can you imagine?
- [41:54]
Morgan
Yeah. Ye. I wouldn't be surprised. Like, some people are just unhinged bridezillas entitled.
- [42:00]
Rachel Lindsay
Then they're the asshole.
- [42:02]
Morgan
Oh, 100%. I still think the bride's an asshole. You can't expect someone to do all of this work otherwise, like, you better be paying her as a, as a planner.
- [42:12]
Rachel Lindsay
Sure sounds like she's probably always been one.
- [42:17]
Morgan
But moving along, I do hope we. We get an update eventually for this one.
- [42:21]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm locked in. How do you do this? You get so. I'm so locked into some of these stories. I'm like, I need to know. It's like a TV show. What's happening next week? Who's going to give us updates?
- [42:31]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [42:31]
Rachel Lindsay
And some of this just disappears into the abyss. I don't know how you.
- [42:34]
Morgan
They never come back.
- [42:34]
Rachel Lindsay
I don't know how you do it.
- [42:35]
Morgan
I send them messages sometimes. Like, I get really invested and attached and I send messages like, yeah, I, I, I feel, I get scared for them. I'm like, if they really needed it, they could send me a pin and I'd come with a U haul. Get some of them out. Like, I do get.
- [42:51]
Rachel Lindsay
You need to start another, like, a subreddit called the Abyss and bring back the stories of, like, what's the update?
- [42:59]
Morgan
So I have an update episode on my radar. I'm gonna call it the Abyss.
- [43:03]
Rachel Lindsay
Do it.
- [43:03]
Morgan
There we go. There we go. But moving on to this next one.
- [43:09]
Rachel Lindsay
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- [43:40]
Morgan
These chairs are like, they're so comfy, but yet so uncomfortable at the same time. I'm like, I never know how to, like, position myself. But okay, this next one, it's coming from Aitah, which is just another version of Am I the Asshole? Okay, it's six days old, titled Am I the Asshole? For leaving my boyfriend's promotion party after his speech. Throw away. For obvious reasons, I 29 female. Had been with my boyfriend, 32, male, for almost three years. He recently got a big promotion at work and honestly, I was really proud of him. I helped him prep for it, supported him during all the stressful weeks, picked up extra stuff at home so he could really focus. Anyways, he threw a party to celebrate. Fancy rooftop thing catered. Food, drinks, a lot of co workers and friends, even some family. All good. At one point, he got up to give a little speech and started thanking people.
- [44:39]
Rachel Lindsay
I knew it.
- [44:40]
Morgan
His boss, co workers, his parents. And then he goes, quote, and of course, thanks to my girlfriend for putting up with me basically being a ghost the last few months. You deserve a medal or something. People LAUGH I kind of smiled, but it felt off. Then he followed up with quote. She's not climbing the corporate ladder or anything, but she keeps the house running and makes sure I don't starve. More laughs. I just stood there feeling like I'd been slapped in front of everyone. No mention of how I supported him emotionally, nothing about how I helped him throughout burnout or took on extra stuff to make his life easier. Just some weak joke at my expense. I didn't say anything. I just left quietly. Texted him that I was going home. He didn't even notice I was gone until like two hours later when he got home, he was pissed. Said that I embarrassed him and that it was just a joke. Said I was too sensitive and ruined his night. Some of his friends agree with him, but mine say I had every right to feel hurt. So was I the asshole for walking out?
- [45:54]
Rachel Lindsay
You are not the asshole for walking out. But I would have been an asshole and said, well, I had to leave to make sure that you didn't starve and I had dinner ready for you on the table. That's what I would have said.
- [46:06]
Morgan
I love your responses. Just like a little petty sass. A little sass. I love that.
- [46:12]
Rachel Lindsay
I absolutely would have said that. Let me just tell you straight up, your guy is not funny. But he thinks he is.
- [46:18]
Morgan
Oh, we all know one of us.
- [46:19]
Rachel Lindsay
It's the worst, right? He really thought he was funny and he used and he tried to be funny at your expense. It's hard for me to believe that's a one off. This is who he is. The problem is he did it in front of a bigger. A bigger circle, you know, in front of people you don't know. I have a feeling he does this at small dinners in front of your family and friends, but this time he did it in a bigger way. Your boyfriend is an asshole.
- [46:43]
Morgan
For sure.
- [46:44]
Rachel Lindsay
You know when they say there's truth in every joke? I don't know if I always believe that, but in this instance, I do. I do think that he was also saying kind of what he wants you to be in his life. You're not climbing the corporate ladder. He's okay with that? Because you didn't say you cook or you make sure I don't take care of him. You mother him, basically. He's one of those. He's one of those who wants a.
- [47:07]
Morgan
Mother rather than a woman.
- [47:09]
Rachel Lindsay
That's what he wants. Which is sadly becoming a growing epidemic. It really, really is. It shouldn't say growing epidemic, just an epidemic. It really is becoming one. It's here. It's amongst us. No, I'm back out here.
- [47:23]
Morgan
There's some blurry lines on these Reddit stories with. With moms.
- [47:27]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. Oh, that's a whole nother thing.
- [47:30]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [47:30]
Rachel Lindsay
But I'm sure this isn't the first time, and I think that maybe she's having some harsh, you know, sometimes. This was, like, the writing on the wall. She couldn't run away from. Like, she couldn't help but see because it was so public. And it wasn't him laughing. It was everybody laughing at her. It's like a scene out of a movie.
- [47:47]
Morgan
It really is, where she's just kind.
- [47:49]
Rachel Lindsay
Of zones out and everybody's turning and laughing and pointing at her, which is not really what happened, but that's how it felt.
- [47:54]
Morgan
It feels. Yeah. And it's like he's thanking her, but also in a way that feels so condescending. So, like, hey, remember your place? I'm the breadwinner.
- [48:06]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [48:07]
Morgan
Thanks for keeping food on the table. Like, it's very. There's a word that I'm like. I'm really. It's backhanded, but it's, like, patronizing.
- [48:17]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. Oh, no. Patronizing. Yeah, totally.
- [48:19]
Morgan
It's just, like, so.
- [48:20]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [48:21]
Morgan
Pointed.
- [48:22]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [48:23]
Morgan
And it's like, all you had to do is say thank you.
- [48:25]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [48:25]
Morgan
You didn't need all this extra stuff. And, like, well, she's not climbing the corporate ladder. Well, why does that matter?
- [48:31]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [48:32]
Morgan
And is that disappointing to you? Because the way you're implying, you kind of are insinuating that I'm lacking in some way. I'm just keeping food on the table. This is someone that doesn't view you as an equal, for sure. And there's. There's no mention of kids. There's no mention of, you know, op working. But, like, maybe she's not climbing the Corporate ladder. But maybe she sells a job and maybe not. Yeah, maybe she is staying at home and is a homemaker. And I would say, like, if he's giving these red flags now, I think it's only going to be worse when or if you have a kid. This is someone who doesn't look at stay at home moms as like a job when, like, being a stay at home mom is a full time job. You never are off the clock. You're a cookie maid, nanny. Like, all these roles built into one and this is someone that's not gonna. He doesn't respect you now and he sure wouldn't respect you if that is a role you took on.
- [49:28]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, yeah. So well said. Like, maybe she can't climb the corporate ladder because you keep pulling her off of it to get in the kitchen. I. I think, I also think, and again, I'm not faulting her by any means, he is totally the asshole. But I wonder how much of this have you relayed to him? You said you talked to your friends. You're obviously talking to Reddit, but what have you told him? And I'm not saying this would change him. I'm not saying he'll be better. It doesn't sound like it, but he may. And I'm wondering if you've conveyed how you feel or how that made you feel. Or maybe he's continued this pattern or maybe even what it is you're looking for out of a partner. Do you watch Bravo?
- [50:10]
Morgan
A little. Okay, not much.
- [50:12]
Rachel Lindsay
I think this is all fresh on my mind because I was podcasting earlier. But the Paige and Craig breakup between Summer House and Southern Charm is a big deal.
- [50:21]
Morgan
A lot of people are talking about.
- [50:21]
Rachel Lindsay
It, and we thought it was starting off, it was gonna be so amicable, so much respect, and it has turned into a disaster. And they seem to be at each other's throats and everybody else is offering their opinions, including myself. But one of the things I'm noticing as we're watching it, we know in real time they broke up, but we're.
- [50:37]
Morgan
Watching kind of the breakup on the season, the problems. Okay.
- [50:42]
Rachel Lindsay
And one of the things I watch Paige constantly do is tell her girlfriends how Craig makes her feel or what the problem is. One point, he's in the house and she's whispering, but she doesn't relay it to him. And I don't think he would change. He is who he is, but he's not even privy to how you're feeling, at least for what we're watching.
- [51:01]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [51:02]
Rachel Lindsay
And I think we do that.
- [51:03]
Morgan
We do that. That's a really good point.
- [51:05]
Rachel Lindsay
We run to our girls. We run to our moms or somebody else we trust, and we try to kind of get advice or feel things out or maybe work it out through them and then never say anything. So we can go and just, like, not ruffle any feathers. Because as women, we protect. We fix. I'm not saying it's submissive, but, you know, like, we play our part a little bit.
- [51:23]
Morgan
Yeah, yeah. And it's like. What is that word? It's like. I think there is something ingrained in us where we do try to fix people a little more. Like, as women versus a traditional guy. Like, we give a lot more grace. And it is interesting because I've said a lot of times on the show, like, people aren't psychic. You can't expect someone to know you're upset or how you're feeling unless you. Unless you communicate, unless you talk about it. And I think women do go to their friends. We. We do vent. We have those close, close female relationships. So a lot of times we're telling our friends, but we're not necessarily going back to our partner and then being like, hey, you know what? I didn't like this. And so I think a lot of times that's why you'll see guys who kind of get shocked by a breakup, whereas the woman, it's like, no, this was a long time coming. I've been emotionally checking out for so long, and they're already done with the relationship by the time the breakup actually comes. But the guy's like, what? What did I do? Like, So I think a lot of that is, as you said, it's like. It's. They're not talking. They're going to their friends instead. And I would be interesting if that's happening here.
- [52:33]
Rachel Lindsay
Is there follow up?
- [52:34]
Morgan
We only have one comment from Op. Ugh. One comment. And it's someone that said, no. In fact, you were amazing in being able to smile through his dismissive speech.
- [52:47]
Rachel Lindsay
Dismissive. That's the word.
- [52:48]
Morgan
Yeah. I guess he thinks you're like the pit crew as he is the dazzling race car driver. I'm not sure what you could do to get him to recognize your contribution. Not the asshole. And the only comment we have is this. Yeah. It was honestly really hard to keep it together in that moment. I didn't want to say anything and ruin the night, but it hurt way more than he realizes. Thanks for understanding, because I don't.
- [53:12]
Rachel Lindsay
I don't think they're coming again. I'M not faulting her.
- [53:15]
Morgan
No, it's hard. It's really hard to just like, hey, I didn't like that my feelings were hurt. Cause like, you don't want to seem silly. You don't want to seem like you're childish for getting your feelings hurt over something so small or, I don't know, goofy.
- [53:32]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [53:33]
Morgan
But like, you can communicate that.
- [53:35]
Rachel Lindsay
You can.
- [53:35]
Morgan
And then their response is also very. It's very telling. It's very telling.
- [53:40]
Rachel Lindsay
It's everything. I, I do a lot of therapy and my therapist, I feel like I grew up kind of like, don't cry. It's a sign of weakness. Be strong. And so I was very much just like, would brush my feelings under the rug until I started therapy 10 years ago. I realized I had a lot of work to do. But even most recently my therapist was talking about weakness and vulnerability. And like when you are open with someone and you share how you feel, it's not a sign of weakness. There's more power in being vulnerable because then their response to you will tell you everything that you need to know. And it might not be what you want to hear. And sometimes we aren't because we're afraid of. Back to one of the other ops where we were saying, like, you know the answer, you know what you should do. Sometimes we don't want to hear that. But being vulnerable with someone really is powerful and it's still something that I work on and that's what I would encourage, you know, this op. Because I fear that this guy is only going to recognize her worth when she leaves or if she left.
- [54:51]
Morgan
Uh huh. I completely agree.
- [54:53]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. I'd be curious to know how long they've been together.
- [54:55]
Morgan
I know. I want so many more details. I want way more tea.
- [55:00]
Rachel Lindsay
Also stop doing so much for him. Okay. You are doing. She's doing way too much. When she was going down the laundry list of all the things she helped, I mean, did he get the promotion or did you get the promotion? It's hard to decipher.
- [55:13]
Morgan
Yeah, I definitely think it's. He's too comfortable. He doesn't value her. And it's just one of those things where it'll be interesting to see how it plays out. But I mean, definitely worth a shot. Telling him how you feel and yeah. Hopefully shifting his mindset. Hopefully getting an apology when she's not emotional.
- [55:31]
Rachel Lindsay
Like. Right. Take a beat.
- [55:33]
Morgan
Yeah, it's hard.
- [55:34]
Rachel Lindsay
It's so hard.
- [55:36]
Morgan
Oh my gosh. And it's like, it's so easy to snap, especially when you're overwhelmed or feeling bad. Like, I. I'm, like, feeling really guilty about it now because I'm like, we rented, like, a digger from Home Depot this weekend, and we're doing, like, dirt work at our house, and I'm trying to, like, back up, like, our, like, truck in this trailer. And I'm like, it's not working. I'm turning the wheel. It's not going the direction. And, like, my fiancee's like, it's not working. I'm like, you're not helping me. And I felt so bad in the moment. But he said something years ago when I was like, oh, I just, like, I don't like fighting with you. And it was something he said that really shifted my brain. And it's like, it's okay to fight. Like, it's actually probably good to fight, because if you never fight, you're not growing. You're not realizing how to communicate with each other when you have problems. Like, fighting isn't necessarily bad.
- [56:23]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [56:23]
Morgan
And so hopefully, this is how you fight. It's Hackley. Don't fight mean. Like, be understanding. Try to see the other person's side.
- [56:31]
Rachel Lindsay
Wait, two things. Yeah. Is he an earth sign?
- [56:34]
Morgan
My boyfriend. Fiance. God, I still do that. He is August 20th. So he's a Leo, but he's not a.
- [56:42]
Rachel Lindsay
He's a Leo. Virgo. He's cussed.
- [56:45]
Morgan
He's.
- [56:45]
Rachel Lindsay
Well.
- [56:45]
Morgan
And he was born early, so he's not really. He doesn't really give Leo.
- [56:48]
Rachel Lindsay
He's Virgo. I said I called it Earth sign.
- [56:50]
Morgan
Okay.
- [56:51]
Rachel Lindsay
There's something solid and steady about what you just said. Love that for you. Second thing. You really are. Do it yourself, Brandon. A digger. I would be Googling somebody to come. I love that. I wish I had more of that in me.
- [57:07]
Morgan
Well, I do have regrets. Like, DIY on the dirt. Sure. But then we're putting in a fence, and you gotta dig down, like, two feet and, like, level the fence so your fence posts aren't up and down.
- [57:19]
Rachel Lindsay
And I've done a fence.
- [57:19]
Morgan
We're hitting roots. We're, like, getting stuck in all of these, like, things. And I'm like, I did not call before I dug. So now I'm, like, nervous I'm gonna hit a thing. But, yeah. Texas, you've put up a fence.
- [57:30]
Rachel Lindsay
My dad grew up on a farm in south Texas. And so when back in the summers, we'd spend our summers in South Texas, and I was the one. I have two sisters. I was the sister that wanted to, like, help out so I would help him like, build fences and stuff like that.
- [57:45]
Morgan
Yeah, dude, I'm over it.
- [57:46]
Rachel Lindsay
I am too. Now.
- [57:48]
Morgan
I'm over it. We got an auger. I was like, oh, we're going to get our own auger. And nope. I'm like, I should have hired this out. What was I thinking? I'm like, two days. I respect it. I think I'm impressed.
- [58:00]
Rachel Lindsay
I really am impressed.
- [58:01]
Morgan
Thank you. I have only got five fence posts in after two days, so I'm feeling like I don't have a lot to show for all my hard work. But it'll come together and my horses will thank me eventually. But, yeah, I'm. I'm gonna need an update on this one. Op, if you're out there, I wanna. I wanna see how he does. Also, is it normal to throw a party for yourself after promotion?
- [58:27]
Rachel Lindsay
Did he throw it or did they throw it for him?
- [58:29]
Morgan
He threw it. I don't.
- [58:31]
Rachel Lindsay
It depends.
- [58:32]
Morgan
I mean, everyone should celebrate their success.
- [58:35]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. I mean, usually people throw it for you, but if it's something he's been working towards, if it's a huge promotion.
- [58:41]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [58:42]
Rachel Lindsay
I mean, it does fall in line with this guy's mentality, like, who he seems to be. But I'm not mad at it.
- [58:48]
Morgan
Okay.
- [58:48]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm also always looking for a reason to party.
- [58:50]
Morgan
So you're down.
- [58:51]
Rachel Lindsay
Sure. Let's celebrate this.
- [58:52]
Morgan
You're down. Let's go. Okay. Moving along. Okay, as we know, you're a dog Mom.
- [58:59]
Rachel Lindsay
Yes.
- [59:00]
Morgan
Would you ever eat out of your dog's bowl?
- [59:02]
Rachel Lindsay
Eat what?
- [59:03]
Morgan
Food.
- [59:04]
Rachel Lindsay
Like their food or my food?
- [59:05]
Morgan
Your food out of their bowl. Would you ever share a dish?
- [59:08]
Rachel Lindsay
Is it clean?
- [59:09]
Morgan
It could have been in the dishwasher, yeah.
- [59:11]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, yeah. Well, if it's clean, why not?
- [59:13]
Morgan
Okay. This next one's gonna be good for them. This is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is five days old, titled Am I the Asshole? Wife put my food in the dog bowl. I get home from work and my wife has made dinner. We usually split this responsibility. Though I enjoy making food, she told me in advance that it was stew. I get home after telling her I was happy that she had handled the food. As I arrive, usually around 4:50 to 5pm she tells me that the stew she made tasted okay and shows me my portion. It was in our dog's bowl. I didn't even notice at first, but when I did, I asked, is that the dog's bowl? She said yes, and that it had been in the dishwasher. I was taken aback and stood in the kitchen for a bit she then offered her own bowl of stew to eat, but she had already eaten from it. I feel as though it wouldn't have been hard to quickly wash a bowl that we had as opposed to giving me the one that our dog eats from. He eats his own feces and is a dog. She was upset when I told her I wasn't going to eat it. She locked herself in the bedroom for hours after. As well as if I was the monster for saying I didn't want to eat out of the dog's bowl after she came out and argued that the dishwasher cleans things at 160 degrees Fahrenheit and it would be okay. I not only disagree with that rationale, but have been germ averse since I was young and she knows that. Who wants to come home to food in their dog's bowl anyways? We have so many others that we only use once. I was so confused and then more so when she acted like I was the bad guy. I'm only making this post because she said that opinions would likely be split if I did. Who would think that was okay? How am I the asshole for not wanting to eat from a dog's bowl?
- [61:14]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay, he's not the asshole.
- [61:16]
Morgan
Not the asshole.
- [61:17]
Rachel Lindsay
She's fucking with you. Like, it's hard to not ignore this or to ignore the symbolism here. It's like being in the doghouse. Something was done, right? Something was done the night, the day, the week before. I don't know. I'm not saying that you were right or wrong, but something was done. Your wife was pissed off about it and she said, okay, I'm gonna put you're in the doghouse. I'm gonna make you eat out the dog bowl. That's how I see it. Something she's upset about. She did this purposely. He already said there are other bowls, but she's making you eat out of the dog bowl. She's telling you you're a dog for something that you did. My first thought was like, oh my gosh, she hates you. And I'm like, no, she's fucking with you. Like, she's. You did something where she deems you a dog.
- [62:09]
Morgan
What do you think about the fact that she went and locked herself in a room for a couple hours?
- [62:14]
Rachel Lindsay
I feel like she's like, you don't get it. Like she's mad about something else. This is one of those. The issue isn't the issue. Yeah, that's how I'm interpreting it. So she's kind of like, mad, not because he won't eat out of it. Because you don't get that I'm making you eat out the dog bowl for a reason. Something you did. That's the only logical thing I can think of. Because why else would she do that if there are other reasons bowls. She's trying to make a point.
- [62:38]
Morgan
It's clearly a point. I thought, like, initially, I'm like, is this a prank? Like, is she secretly recording? Like, what. What's going on here? Because it is so weird. And it's like, oh, well, it came out of the dishwasher. Did you run the load with only the dog bowl in it? Like, are there not other bowls in there? Like, why are you giving me this bowl? Like, what about a mixing bowl? What about any other thing that could hold this stew? Why am I getting the dog's bowl? And I think you're hitting it on the head. It's pointed. There's some hidden message here about why you're eating out of the dog bowl.
- [63:14]
Rachel Lindsay
Now, what would be rich is if he was eating out of the dog bowl and the dog was eating out of the human bowl. I mean, it's like, you're not even worthy. But, you know, I use my dog's name, Copperis. You know, I. Yeah, she's clearly. And he doesn't get it. And I'm not saying she's right. We just mentioned earlier, it's. It's okay to fight. It's about how you fight. This isn't the way. No, this isn't productive. It brings up other things. He's focusing as. As here. He's focusing on the what rather than the why, and the why is something deeper, which she's not communicating with him or being vulnerable enough to let him know what the issue is. She's more so. And she's shaming you even more now. You've gone to Reddit and you've put it out there that you ate, that she tried to feed you out of a dog bowl. Like, that is inhumane. In some ways, I would have a problem with it.
- [64:14]
Morgan
Like, I don't know why. And I think it's just, like, obviously a mental thing, but I wouldn't want to eat out of a dog bowl now.
- [64:20]
Rachel Lindsay
I wouldn't want to. But if there was nothing else left and I had to, like, yeah.
- [64:26]
Morgan
Yes.
- [64:27]
Rachel Lindsay
I wouldn't want to.
- [64:28]
Morgan
To be clear.
- [64:29]
Rachel Lindsay
Because I know what I said earlier to be clear. I would not want to.
- [64:32]
Morgan
No, I wouldn't either. I'm like, there's little scratches in there and, like, what if there's some bacteria still left in the scratch?
- [64:38]
Rachel Lindsay
This probably is.
- [64:39]
Morgan
I'm like, even a cutting board sometimes. Cutting boards are, like, the grossest thing in your kitchen from all.
- [64:45]
Rachel Lindsay
That's true.
- [64:46]
Morgan
I just.
- [64:47]
Rachel Lindsay
That's true.
- [64:47]
Morgan
I got food poisoning. And ever since then, I'm real scared of everything in the kitchen.
- [64:51]
Rachel Lindsay
Was it from the cutting board?
- [64:52]
Morgan
I think it was from an unwashed carrot. Yeah.
- [64:56]
Rachel Lindsay
I didn't even know you could get it from carrots.
- [64:58]
Morgan
Yeah, I thought I bought this, like, fancy bag of, like, heirloom mixed colored carrots. And it was in, like, a bag and they were. I don't know. I thought they were washed. Like, they looked so good. I thought they were washed.
- [65:07]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [65:08]
Morgan
So me and my fiance ate. We ate the same exact thing. That's the only thing I ate that was different. One unwashed carrot. I know it's scary out here. It is.
- [65:20]
Rachel Lindsay
Can you grow your own food?
- [65:21]
Morgan
No.
- [65:22]
Rachel Lindsay
That's next for you.
- [65:23]
Morgan
Okay. I am gonna do a raised garden.
- [65:25]
Rachel Lindsay
But I'm actually shocked you don't. You are very. You are queen. Do it yourself. And again, I wish. I need more of that. That's why I'm like you.
- [65:33]
Morgan
Come over. We'll let you take care of the ponies a little. Have some wine. Should be good.
- [65:38]
Rachel Lindsay
Teach me a thing or do.
- [65:39]
Morgan
Where do you think the opinions on this one are gonna fall?
- [65:43]
Rachel Lindsay
The woman's the asshole.
- [65:44]
Morgan
We have a lot. A lot of. You're the assholes.
- [65:50]
Rachel Lindsay
The woman, him.
- [65:52]
Morgan
How so? Someone goes, dude, I just realized she wasn't mad because you didn't want to eat out of the dog's human bowl. She was mad because you were refusing the meal she made entirely. You refused one dish because you refused to accept that it was properly sanitized. And then you refused the other. Her dish because you won't swap germs with your wife. You're the asshole.
- [66:14]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay, guys, it was stew. I just want to start there. Yeah, it was Stu. Like, who? I'm not a big stew eater. It's. But the guy's acting like she made, I don't know, like a T bone steak with all, like. It was just like five course meal or something like that. It's Stu. She's not. He's not an asshole. That's not what makes him an asshole. Or I would say, I don't agree with that one.
- [66:43]
Morgan
Top comment, though, which maybe is the voice of reason. No assholes here. Controversial take, apparently. But the fact she offered to switch shows she wasn't sending you a message. Or intentionally treating you disgustingly. She just didn't get it. Now she knows. Do I find it odd that she served your food in the dog bowl? Yes. Do I find it odd you didn't switch when she offered? Yes. Will I call either of you an asshole for it? Nope. Just talk it through and move on.
- [67:12]
Rachel Lindsay
I think that she offered to switch because she knew he wouldn't.
- [67:17]
Morgan
Oh, my jaw just dropped, you guys. So I'm looking at the comments here.
- [67:23]
Rachel Lindsay
Opie.
- [67:24]
Morgan
Op's wife comments on the post.
- [67:27]
Rachel Lindsay
That a girl. What is she? That a girl. That's the energy I like. What is she saying?
- [67:33]
Morgan
Oh my gosh. Op's wife here to clarify something hotly debated in the comments. This is a human bowl, hastily bought because when we moved, I realized we'd left our pet dishes. Last weekend we were able to bring over a lot more of our stuff, including the original dog bowl, the classic shiny silver kind. And I thought, great, now we have two extra human bowls. I feel like a lot of our dishes are still missing after the move, so I was happy to have these. The dog ate and drank out of it for maybe two weeks, which I get is gross. I washed them both by hand before putting them in the dishwasher. In my mind, this made them clean. After making the stew, we had one clean bowl in the cabinet and one that had just finished in the dishwasher. The dog bowl. I gave my husband the dog bowl because after dishing out the stew, that bowl had received the largest portion and he expressed that he was hungry. After he questioned me about the dog bowl, I realized that, yes, he may object to eating out of it. So I offered him the bowl that was in the cabinet. I had eaten one bite. I know he struggles with eating after people, but he has regularly drank or eaten after me, so I thought it would be fine. On our first date seven years ago, he offered me a sip of his beer because it was unique. Before the move, we lived near a craft brewery and would often swap sips of different beers there. For these reasons, I thought he was okay with eating and drinking after me. She is doing like, there's still more, but like, the thoughtfulness here.
- [69:10]
Rachel Lindsay
I don't believe her.
- [69:11]
Morgan
You don't believe her?
- [69:12]
Rachel Lindsay
Don't believe her at all.
- [69:13]
Morgan
Oh, now I'm like, he's being dramatic.
- [69:15]
Rachel Lindsay
I think she's manipulative.
- [69:18]
Morgan
Oh, see, when I first read this, I'm like, oh, that's silver. That classic stainless steel silver dog bowl. Like, I wouldn't want to eat out of that.
- [69:26]
Rachel Lindsay
But like it was a human bowl.
- [69:28]
Morgan
But it was a human bulb.
- [69:29]
Rachel Lindsay
It takes the type of person to read all the comments and then decide how she's gonna respond. Respond.
- [69:36]
Morgan
Okay, let's see what else?
- [69:37]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh my gosh, she's manipulative.
- [69:39]
Morgan
We work roughly the same amount of hours, but I get off work about two hours earlier than him and had spent those two hours making this stew. So it was ready the moment he got home. I was hurt he refused to eat it even after I offered to eat from the dog bowl. I didn't feel like he approached the conversation very kindly and felt like my efforts were ignored. To address one commenter, no, this is not a fetish thing. Lol. I genuinely felt like the bowl was clean and was not trying to insult my husband. Unrelated. But I am flabbergasted by my husband's claim in the comments that he does dishes 65% of the time.
- [70:18]
Rachel Lindsay
65 is a really specific number. I definitely didn't catch that percentage.
- [70:21]
Morgan
He. It was in a comment throughout the post to someone. But OP has since deleted his account. So I can't go look and see if there's any comments from OP because OP felt a little embarrassed. I think after. After wifey came in.
- [70:35]
Rachel Lindsay
Of course. Let me tell you who's running things over there. The wife that she is manipulative. Again, it is a character trait for the actions that she took and to make sure that she wasn't looked at in a bad light.
- [70:51]
Morgan
Okay.
- [70:51]
Rachel Lindsay
You can't convince me that it's hard. I know it was a human bowl, but if the dog has been eating out of this bowl for two weeks, then you clearly associate that bowl with that dog. Yeah, she knew. It is hard for me to fathom that she didn't consider. Let's just say her word. What she's saying is true, that she didn't think, huh, he might feel a certain way about eating out that bowl. It just escaped your mind. Yeah, I think it was purposeful for whatever her reason may be that's so interesting. Maybe because she, as she pointed out, I can't believe he said he does dishes 65% of the time. She clearly doesn't think he does dishes that much. So maybe. Maybe there's some resentment in other areas. I think. Oh, they're trying to get back at him in certain ways now. He put all this information out here, made her look bad or tried to make her look bad. I mean, this is the. Am I the asshole subreddit.
- [71:45]
Morgan
Yeah. Someone's gotta look bad. Yeah. Most times.
- [71:48]
Rachel Lindsay
And so she's pissed. So I just think that she knew what she was doing.
- [71:53]
Morgan
Yeah, she did post a link for the bull.
- [71:57]
Rachel Lindsay
See, she's doing too much.
- [71:58]
Morgan
It's like one of those bowls that you would get in college. Like, just a plastic bowl. It literally cost, it looks like A$50 cents. And it being plastic, I'm back on the boat on, like, the boat of, like, it's gross. Even though it is a human bowl because it's like a plastic cutting board. Like, you cut and you create these scratches and these knife marks and whatever. And bacteria can live in there. Like, yeah, this is a dog. Dog's mouths are really dirty. That's why, like, if you get a dog bite, the risk of infection, like, it is so great.
- [72:33]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. It happens every you pretty much always. Yeah.
- [72:36]
Morgan
And I don't know why people say, like, there's that thing where it's like, dog's mouths are cleaner than ours. Like, there's some bacteria in there, guys.
- [72:43]
Rachel Lindsay
So those are people who aren't around a lot of humans, I don't know, like, they aren't around people or they're.
- [72:49]
Morgan
Trying to justify making out with their dog. Like, 100%. I just, like, it grosses me out when people let their dogs just lick them in the mouth. Like, like, so I'm back on. Like, it is gross. I wouldn't want to eat out of that bowl. But then again, I'm like, but she did offer to switch, so maybe she's being a little manipulative. Maybe she's gaslighting. But I feel like he should have taken her bowl. Like, if you're worried about, like, stew and backwash into the stew, why are you sharing beers?
- [73:17]
Rachel Lindsay
But, like, you're married. Y'all don't make out. You don't use tongue. That's the thing. You don't get freaky in the bedroom. Like, what? Stop acting like you guys aren't intimate with one another. So I, I, I find it hard to believe you are gross out from eating after her. If you could have used another fork.
- [73:35]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [73:36]
Rachel Lindsay
Or spoon or whatever. However you stew or drinking, like, what? This is your wife.
- [73:41]
Morgan
I know there's something, something fishy's going on here.
- [73:44]
Rachel Lindsay
There's something weird. I don't want to say weird because I like weird. There's something strange going on with this couple.
- [73:51]
Morgan
I'm. Well, now they're fighting in the comments. And it's like, he doesn't do the dishes 65% of the time. It's like, take a step back.
- [73:58]
Rachel Lindsay
They're bored.
- [73:59]
Morgan
They gotta be something. But people are really upset for her. People are like, now coming to her defense. There is so many comments under, under her response. People are like, you seem like a nice person and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I'll leave it at that.
- [74:15]
Rachel Lindsay
And guess what? That is exactly what she wanted.
- [74:18]
Morgan
She wanted to be.
- [74:19]
Rachel Lindsay
She wanted people to praise her, to uplift her. It sounds like the comments weren't going that way, which is why she stepped in.
- [74:26]
Morgan
You might have a good read on this. I'm very torn. But we did have a story years ago now, and it was this mom writing in, being like, am I the asshole for getting my kids Nintendo's? And she wrote this sob story about how she got these kids Nintendo's and they didn't care and she called them spoiled brats and stormed out and left crying. Meanwhile, her daughter found the post wrote in and the daughter was like, she left us when we were little. She's super manipulative, she's a liar, narcissist, blah, blah, like all this, like, truth. And it was like, so she wrote the story, making herself look like the victim when. So maybe, maybe this is that.
- [75:11]
Rachel Lindsay
Maybe this is her.
- [75:14]
Morgan
She's back.
- [75:15]
Rachel Lindsay
Full circle moment.
- [75:16]
Morgan
She's back. This is gonna be one we're gonna have to put to the people. All right, I need. I'm. I'm in the boat of not the asshole for not wanting to eat out of the dog bowl.
- [75:27]
Rachel Lindsay
That. He's not the asshole.
- [75:28]
Morgan
He's not the asshole.
- [75:30]
Rachel Lindsay
No, I agree. He's not the asshole.
- [75:32]
Morgan
I don't know where I fall on her, though.
- [75:34]
Rachel Lindsay
She is, she is.
- [75:38]
Morgan
So I don't know. How am I gonna phrase this poll, you guys? Like, do you think she's doing it intentionally? Do you? I guess. Do you believe her comment?
- [75:47]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, do you believe her?
- [75:47]
Morgan
Do you believe her comment? Or like, did he kind of come with more truth in this? It's interesting.
- [75:54]
Rachel Lindsay
Odd Couple.
- [75:55]
Morgan
You want to talk about odd? We're going to talk about odd this next one.
- [76:00]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay, I'm ready for this. I'm ready.
- [76:01]
Morgan
This next one is odd.
- [76:04]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay.
- [76:06]
Morgan
Oh my gosh. I don't know what is wrong with people. I think a lot of people lately have like bonked their heads.
- [76:13]
Rachel Lindsay
I think we'll never be the same after 2020. So maybe that's. Maybe that's it. We'll never be the same.
- [76:20]
Morgan
Uh huh. And this is, this is one that's feeling like we will never be the same. So this is coming from. Am I the Asshole. Okay, it's two days old. Titled Fresh, very fresh. I had to, like, make sure I give you the good stuff. Titled am I the asshole for refusing to let my neighbor use my vintage bathtub for his therapy sessions?
- [76:43]
Rachel Lindsay
I need so much background on this.
- [76:47]
Morgan
I, 28, female, live in an old Victorian house that I inherited from my grandfather. One of the features of the house is the original clawfoot bathtub from the 1920s.
- [76:58]
Rachel Lindsay
Beautiful.
- [76:58]
Morgan
In the upstairs bathroom. I was originally going to look at having it removed, but kept putting it off and eventually I fell in love with it, so I kept it. Enter my next door neighbor, Dennis. About 50, male, Dennis is eccentric. He's into all these weird health trends like grounding his feet in buckets of dirt for electrical balance. Lately he's gotten into hydrotherapy, which apparently requires him to soak in cold water for extended periods to reset his nervous system. Two weeks ago, Dennis came over and completely out of the blue, asked if he could use my bathtub for his hydrotherapy sessions. I thought he was joking, but no. He earnestly explained that my bathtub was, quote, the perfect energy conduit because it was pre industrial revolution and untainted by modern manufacturing processes. Question mark, question mark, question mark. I told him no, obviously I don't want a rando, wrinkly old dude filling it with ice water and doing whatever nonsense he's into. Dennis did not take this well. He said I was being selfish with community resources and that because I inherited the house rather than buying it, I had a duty to share since I didn't work for it. He started bringing it up every time he saw me, passive aggressively saying things like, must be nice to hoard that all to yourself. Then somehow this got out to the neighborhood Facebook group who loves drama and now half the street thinks I'm the villain for gatekeeping my own bathtub. The cherry on top is Dennis conveniently claims that his shower stopped working too, so he doesn't have a place to even clean himself. Not like this was a favorite pastime of his to begin with. Respectfully, I was trying to just avoid Dennis as much as I could and ignore the few comments from my neighbors. Until I ran into one of my neighbors while I was going for a walk Saturday evening. I don't really know her, but we chatted briefly and somehow the issue came up. I was expecting some sympathy for the absurdity of this all, but this woman proceeds to tear into me like literal verbal assault and by the end of it asking me why I was being so stupid and selfish that I have multiple bathrooms in the house and couldn't even spare it to help this old man's health. This morning I found a literal gift wrapped bar of soap in my mailbox. There was no note or anything, but I assume this was her and an insanely passive aggressive, petty way of telling me to shove it. I do not want this man soaking in my tub. I do not care about his nervous system reset. But now I feel like I'm losing my mind because everyone around me is acting like I'm some sort of selfish monster. I get that some of the people in my neighborhood aren't keen on me living here, but I live by myself and work and go to school all day. And I'm genuinely starting to worry that I'm gonna come home someday to find Dennis reclining in my tub. Am I the asshole?
- [80:23]
Rachel Lindsay
No, you are absolutely not the. I don't know where she lives. The Twilight Zone. I've never heard of anything like this. Dennis the Menace. Okay?
- [80:32]
Morgan
Dennis, literally Dennis the Menace.
- [80:35]
Rachel Lindsay
He's a freak. He's a freak.
- [80:37]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [80:38]
Rachel Lindsay
And I think he want. He gets. He wants to get off. And I'm sorry, there's just no other way of putting it by being in that tub. No. Whoever diagnosed him with whatever or whatever therapy was told that he should have to heal him. Or maybe it's self diagnosed. I'm not sure. The fact that that kind of tub is the only tub that can heal him is insane. It's. The man wants to be naked in your house because he's going to get off on it. He is a freak. And the fact that.
- [81:08]
Morgan
Why does no one else see that?
- [81:09]
Rachel Lindsay
That it's. It's beyond. And does no one else have a bathtub?
- [81:13]
Morgan
Offer him your bathtub.
- [81:15]
Rachel Lindsay
Exactly. Like if he need. If this man is so desperately needs it, use someone else in the neighborhoods. Get a hotel, Get a tub. How about you renovate your own house and get a tub? I would suggest that op gets a security system, ring cameras, locks, asap.
- [81:35]
Morgan
A gun, asap.
- [81:37]
Rachel Lindsay
Because he doesn't sound stable and he sounds fixated and obsessed on getting in your tub. And it's just like I'm hearing harassment. I feel like a restraining order is about to be in place. There's just a lot of things that are wrong here. Honestly, that don't make a lot of sense to me either. But you know, for the sake of what you're writing, you know, I'll believe you. But just this is, as you said, you preface this. It's odd.
- [82:07]
Morgan
It's odd.
- [82:09]
Rachel Lindsay
Odd. Like, first off, also, why does Dennis know you have this tub? Like, I get how close were you and Dennis to say, hey, by the way, I have this beautiful Victorian tub? I mean, maybe she was like, I'm thinking of getting rid of it, maybe. Are you interested in it? I don't know. But I know all my neighbors. But my neighbors don't know that I have. You know, if I would have. If I have a Victorian tub, they would not know.
- [82:34]
Morgan
They wouldn't know. I wonder if maybe he was friends with the uncle. Like, maybe and maybe knew that way. But no, not the asshole. The fact that the neighborhood is getting involved. The fact that Dennis posted this on the Facebook page. Like, my neighborhood has a Facebook page, too, and there is a lot of drama on there. But to post such a weird personal problem you have with someone on a group neighborhood Facebook page. He does sound unhinged.
- [83:01]
Rachel Lindsay
Yes.
- [83:02]
Morgan
He sounds like he's seriously bored, if not deeply troubled. And no, I would not want someone coming in my home, learning the ins and outs, getting naked. I'm like, what's he gonna do in there?
- [83:15]
Rachel Lindsay
Exactly.
- [83:16]
Morgan
I could see it being a fetish. Like, there's been weirder things. I'm just perplexed by this. And honestly, I was like, okay, let me see. Let me see what I have on Facebook. Marketplace. This is, like, the only reason I have Facebook these days is, like, to see Marketplace. Dennis could go on Facebook and get a claw foot tub for as little as free. Why doesn't he put it in his backyard?
- [83:41]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, that's a great point.
- [83:42]
Morgan
There you go. Like, these are free. People are giving these things away. Cause they're heavy and they want them removed from their home. And I know, like, people are gonna be like, okay, well, Dennis shouldn't have to buy something. Whatever. I don't care what Dennis has to do. He can go to a gym. He can go to a health spa that has cold plunges and saunas. Saunas. He can do anything else, but he's not entitled to this person's bathtub.
- [84:05]
Rachel Lindsay
No, not in her private space, not in her area, not in her sanctuary, which is what a home is to so many of us. So, yeah, she needs to go file a police report. I would.
- [84:18]
Morgan
Harassment.
- [84:19]
Rachel Lindsay
At least everything that she's describing sounds not normal. And I would at least go on record. Cause, like, if you've ever been stalked or anything like that, if you at least go make a police report, it's easier to get them to respond. If you already have something like this.
- [84:32]
Morgan
On record, that paper Trail.
- [84:34]
Rachel Lindsay
It's equally odd as it is serious to me because it doesn't unhinged, to use your word. That's a little scary to me. The obsessive nature he has over getting in this tub. You know? You know what? You just found a free tub. You should op. Should find out where it is. And as a gift, get him the tub. Give him the free tub.
- [84:56]
Morgan
Literally. Yeah, literally.
- [84:58]
Rachel Lindsay
But in the backyard.
- [84:59]
Morgan
I agree. I would be scared. I think, as you said, like, cameras immediately. The fact you had someone put something in your mailbox and you don't know who it was is scary because then I would start to be like, what else are they gonna do to, like, torment me and try to make me let Dennis in my tub? Like, yeah, it's a hand wrapped bar of soap, but they still snuck over there. Put it in your mailbox. They're trying to send you a message.
- [85:22]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah.
- [85:22]
Morgan
What's next?
- [85:23]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, and this is an older man and a young woman. You just, you like. You would think that the neighborhood would want to look out for her or just it's. Again, this is like a scene. This is the beginning of a scary movie. This is a script for some horror film.
- [85:43]
Morgan
It is really sad.
- [85:44]
Rachel Lindsay
The Victorian house. The Victorian tub. I don't remember what it was actually called, but like, Dennis and the Victorian tub sounds like a Nancy Drew case. But like, this is. There's something there. It's just so.
- [85:56]
Morgan
Yeah, especially with his comments. He's like, you inherited it. It's a community resource.
- [86:00]
Rachel Lindsay
Community. I mean, unless. Unless something was going down before she moved in and it was a community tub at the. At the time.
- [86:08]
Morgan
Maybe it was a swinger house.
- [86:10]
Rachel Lindsay
Yes. A bathhouse.
- [86:12]
Morgan
You never know.
- [86:12]
Rachel Lindsay
Maybe there's some history tied. Dennis clearly has some sort of connection with this tub, and we don't know what it is. There might be a whole history.
- [86:23]
Morgan
Maybe he was born in that tub. Yeah, there was a water birth. Water birth went down. He's trying to get back to his roots. Well, guess what? We have an update.
- [86:32]
Rachel Lindsay
No.
- [86:33]
Morgan
Can we find out?
- [86:34]
Rachel Lindsay
Does this happen? Wait, which one?
- [86:36]
Morgan
On the top.
- [86:36]
Rachel Lindsay
We got an update. I felt like it was like a live up. Wait, did it just happen?
- [86:40]
Morgan
It was posted a day ago.
- [86:41]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
- [86:45]
Morgan
We gotta bring you back more. This is good energy update. I want to say thank you all for your support. I was overwhelmed with a thousand Reddit notifications this morning and literally cried from relief scrolling through all of your comments before I got out of bed, which I will just say top comment on it. We all know. Like not the asshole. Yeah, the top comment on the post is it's a common thing to say for these subs, but you got to go right ahead and thank everyone for judging you for their unspoken offer to let dirty ass Dennis use their bathroom for his needs. Obviously they care so greatly about this, they're fine with letting him do whatever he likes in their homes. Not the Community resource Laughing my ass off. Some people have an overwhelming amount of audacity.
- [87:31]
Rachel Lindsay
That part yeah.
- [87:33]
Morgan
Okay, now back to the update. Actually, some helpful details to clarify the neighborhood situation. It's a very small, older community that is fairly isolated from the surrounding area. Everyone has all lived here forever and everyone is very toxic and set in their ways. They are very politically hostile to outsiders and though I am not a strong politics person, it became very clear when I moved in that I was not one of them. This, combined with the jealousy of my inheriting the house at a relatively young age has painted me as an outsider in their minds. This is the first actual issue I've had, but there have been mild microaggressions towards me in the past. Nothing serious, just a little to irk me that I have largely ignored. To the people saying I use M Dash is too much. Deal with it. Also, comments about the age of the tub sound accurate. I'm not a history buff, but that makes sense. And the people who was offended by me calling Dennis old, I'm sorry. He's probably late 50s and while that is not super old, it is old enough compared to me to make me feel weird about inviting him into my home as practically a stranger. Yeah, as for moving forward, I don't have the mental and physical capacity to care for a dog in my life right now, especially a big one, and I don't feel comfortable inviting a housemate into my home to live with me. That said, the cameras really seem like a great idea that I should have considered when I moved in. I just didn't see the need for them before. I don't have loads of money to spend on a full security system but will at least be purchasing a camera for my front door. I am worried about confronting Dennis or escalating things in the Facebook group because I do not want things to get worse or encourage someone to do something stupid. For the time being I will be actively avoiding him and my neighbors and seeing if anything else happens. I haven't dealt with the police in my town, but have heard that they are not super helpful so I hesitate to bring this to their attention I feel like telling them that someone asked to use my bathtub and someone else gave me a bar of soap is not going to be grounds for them to take me seriously. Something that has really worried me in the comments on the original post about Dennis's possible predatory behavior. While it was clear that he has been gently harassing me about it, I never even considered the fact that being naked in my home or sharing the intimacy of my bathtub may be some sort of weird fetish or kink.
- [89:59]
Rachel Lindsay
Yep. Freak.
- [90:01]
Morgan
This may be overreacting, but now that I think about it, all the signs check out the constant pressure and like, seriously, why wouldn't he just buy his own bathtub? I feel naive and a major ick, and I'm genuinely scared about what he might do if he actually has ill intentions. Any further input is welcome.
- [90:20]
Rachel Lindsay
Go to the cops. Like, after hearing all that, the last part of what she said. Go make a police report. I don't care what the reputation is about the police. At least go do it. Try it on record. Make a diary, a log of what is happening day by day. When you have a little bit of money, invest in a security system, whether it's ring, you can put up some of those cameras by yourself. There's another good one too. I can't think of it. We do the ad on our podcast all the time.
- [90:46]
Morgan
I just got a Cove system. It's a cove.
- [90:49]
Rachel Lindsay
It's not Cove.
- [90:49]
Morgan
Simply safe.
- [90:50]
Rachel Lindsay
Simply safe.
- [90:51]
Morgan
Simplisafe.
- [90:52]
Rachel Lindsay
Because you can do in, inside, or outside. Yeah, I would do all those things, but I would make a log for sure. And then I would look at Airbnb options. Now, she might be in an hoa, and they might not be able to, but I would look at options as to renting out and see if you can find someplace else cheaper, because clearly the neighborhood's trying to push you out.
- [91:11]
Morgan
Yeah. And it's like, should you be forced to leave your home? No, but, like, honestly, you said you're kind of tight for money, that even buying cameras is, like, not that feasible. What if you have such a nice big house that you could rent it out for thousands of dollars every weekend and then get yourself something, you know, until. Until maybe the neighborhood changes over a little bit. Because it will, and that's an amazing asset to have. But. But you can't force Dennis to leave. Like, you can't force anyone else in this neighborhood to like you. So definitely something to consider. I. I just got a Cove system, and I really like this system. I think I paid like, 180. And it came with like a panel, window sensors, door sensors. And then I bought cameras from Yuffie because they're solar powered, so they never go out.
- [91:59]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, that's good.
- [92:00]
Morgan
No lines to cut. Like I'm obsessed. So if anyone wants to chat home security, I am hooked up.
- [92:08]
Rachel Lindsay
Well, yeah.
- [92:09]
Morgan
Don't even come to my house.
- [92:11]
Rachel Lindsay
Let them know. I cannot believe that's happened to you three times. Everybody should have a security system. I'm so paranoid.
- [92:16]
Morgan
I'm so paranoid.
- [92:17]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, dogs. Police will tell you dogs are the best thing. I have an alarm system. Cameras as well, but. Yeah, and strapped up, but that is wild. I also say, just a side note, the diary, logging it as necessary for the script. For the script. The future horror movie that you're gonna write. Not because you'll live it in real life, just because we're gonna build on it.
- [92:45]
Morgan
Build that case, baby. Build that case. Okay, one last one for you today.
- [92:50]
Rachel Lindsay
Okay.
- [92:51]
Morgan
You know a thing or two about accepting roses and handing out roses?
- [92:55]
Rachel Lindsay
I do.
- [92:56]
Morgan
So ending on this one coming from a I T A H 2 days old titled AM I the asshole for not accepting a dozen roses from my husband? After my surgery, I had to have a lumpectomy on one of my breasts due to cancer. My husband took me to the hospital for the procedure and left to go run errands. I had never had this procedure done before and finding out I had cancer was a scary thing. He said he would be right back while they were prepping me for surgery. Once I was ready and waiting to go into surgery, the nurse asked if I wanted my husband to come sit with me until it was time to go in. I said yes, but she came back and said that she couldn't find him. I sat in the room by myself for an hour and he still didn't show. I went into surgery without any reassurance from him. No kiss on the cheek with and I love you or everything will be okay. It was such a lonely feeling and I was wishing that I had brought my mom with me instead. The procedure was done within an hour and I was in the recovery room. Once my anesthesia wore off, I was awake and realized my husband still had not returned. At this point, I was really getting worried. The nurse said he wasn't answering his phone and she seemed irritated that he wasn't there. The nurse went on to give me post surgery directions, which I was only half listening to because I was still kind of out of it. Plus, with my increasing worry of where the hell my husband was, the nurse Comes in after half an hour and says, sweetie, we are still trying to call him, but if he doesn't get here soon, you won't be able to leave. There's a big storm coming in, and this wing will be on lockdown until the storm passes. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I just wanted to go home. 10 more minutes go by, and he waltzes in with a dozen roses like he was the most thoughtful husband ever. When I asked him where he was, he told me he was at the bar because he was hungry for one of those delicious burgers. I told him that I had been waiting alone throughout this whole ordeal and that he should have been there for me. He said he was sorry and held out the roses. I told him he could take the roses and shove it and that I was never having him come with me during a medical procedure ever again because he sucked. I was getting part of my breasts removed while he had a tasty burger and a beer. What the hell? Tears streamed down my face the entire ride home. Was I the asshole for not accepting the roses?
- [95:37]
Rachel Lindsay
No, you shouldn't have accepted the roses. I wouldn't have accepted his ride home. I would have Ubered. I would have locked the doors. I would have been like, you go back to that bar or wherever you were. Cause I don't even know if I believe that. First off, I hope you're doing okay if you're listening. Second, I can't even imagine what it is to be diagnosed, and then to also, you know, like, you feel very vulnerable, you feel very scared, very alone already as you're going through this journey, but to know you at least have a partner, you're like, okay, well, at least I have a supportive partner.
- [96:13]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [96:14]
Rachel Lindsay
And the fact that this man acted as if he took his wife to the dentist, you know, and just went to go allegedly catch a game or whatever he was doing at the bar to get a beer and a drink. Obviously. I just. I. I'm so outraged for her.
- [96:33]
Morgan
I'm mind blown at the audacity.
- [96:36]
Rachel Lindsay
The audacity. That's the word again. The audacity that you would be. I. I just. You should be. First off, you should be. I am your partner in life. I am going through something major. You have no idea what could happen when I. I mean, this might be the last time you see me. The surgery could go wrong. They might find something. You just never know.
- [96:55]
Morgan
You never know.
- [96:57]
Rachel Lindsay
And the fact that you weren't here when I left, you weren't here when I got Here. It just. It all. It would make me feel like you were waiting for me to go away.
- [97:06]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [97:06]
Rachel Lindsay
And if you can't support me through this, if, God forbid, it gets worse, how do I know that you're gonna be by my side and support me through that? Oh, my gosh. I love men, but they are also trash. I'm not gonna generalize, but I am.
- [97:23]
Morgan
I just, like, I'm so blown. It's like, there's so many things too, where it's like, okay, you were hungry. Cool. It took you over an hour. Like, there was so much time before surgery prep and like, actually going under the knife and like, okay. But he wasn't even answering his phone. Why aren't you answering your phone?
- [97:42]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, I didn't even catch that.
- [97:44]
Morgan
So much. So, like, what if something did go wrong and the nurse was calling you to be like, hey, she had a bad reaction to anesthesia and didn't make it right. Oh, yeah. God, I guess that burger was more important than my wife.
- [97:56]
Rachel Lindsay
It's such a bad lie.
- [97:57]
Morgan
What?
- [97:58]
Rachel Lindsay
It's not true. It's such a bad lie. He was clearly doing. I would be like, let me smell your breath. What was on the burger?
- [98:05]
Morgan
It is so bad.
- [98:05]
Rachel Lindsay
Let me smell your breath.
- [98:07]
Morgan
Bad. Is this divorce worthy for you?
- [98:11]
Rachel Lindsay
It's the beginning of the end for me for sure.
- [98:13]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [98:14]
Rachel Lindsay
I just. It's so layered. There's trust issues with it. You're inconsiderate, self serving. I just. This is somebody going to. Well, it's surgery, period. If I have my wisdom teeth out, you better be right there by my side. You better be damn near fighting to get into the emergency room with me, asking for updates. What's going on? Let alone surgery. What was it? Was this yet a lumpectomy?
- [98:40]
Morgan
Breast cancer?
- [98:42]
Rachel Lindsay
I just can't get over the way he's acting. It's as if. And this is gonna sound very harsh, but the way he's acting. He's acting as if she's already gone. He's acting as if it's. The diagnosis is a death sentence.
- [98:54]
Morgan
Oh, my God, you're so right.
- [98:55]
Rachel Lindsay
And that's what I wouldn't be able to get over as soon as I. I would use that man to as best as I could. Cause he doesn't seem to be that useful. To help me get back on my feet and to get back where I needed to be, to get back on my bearings. And I would leave him. I would leave him. I would slowly be. I'd be vindictive. I'd slowly Be basically what happened to me. Be preparing how I was going to make my departure. Because that is a man you can't trust. So you use him for what you can and you bounce as soon as you get on your feet and find that man who treats you right. Yeah.
- [99:28]
Morgan
Get through the cancer and, like, who knows if he's even gonna stay with her through that. Like, if you look at stats, the stats don't lie. If you look at heterosexual relationships and women get sick, men are more likely to leave than if the man got sick and the woman stayed to care for that. Like, it's just the stats. So hopefully she has a supportive partner through this. But no, not the asshole. I wouldn't take the roses. He needs to go back to the gutter he crawled out of, like pond scum energy here. Insane. The fact that he wasn't there to hold her hand. And when she woke up, which, okay, now it's a two hour window after that surgery, my fiance's gonna come with me when I get my chin lipo and he's gonna hold my hand every step of the fricking way. Like, this is something that's just. Like, this is breast cancer. This is such a big deal.
- [100:21]
Rachel Lindsay
I don't even know how you look at yourself. You're right. It's such a big deal. It's so.
- [100:24]
Morgan
It's so scary.
- [100:25]
Rachel Lindsay
And I don't know how you look at yourself in the mirror and know that you weren't there. Like, what if the situation was reversed?
- [100:33]
Morgan
He's gotta be doing something so shady.
- [100:35]
Rachel Lindsay
Oh, yeah.
- [100:36]
Morgan
I don't think he got a burger and a beer.
- [100:38]
Rachel Lindsay
No. And why would you go to a bar to get a burger? You know, many fast food places are around here. And instead you went to go get a drink and. Let's just give him the slight benefit of the doubt, all right? Sometimes people don't know how to handle their emotions. So maybe we're so stressed that you went to go grab yourself a beer and maybe you were emotional when you were there and you got a burger and you lost track of time and you realized you lost track of time and you knew you weren't there. So you grab some roses and you're like, I'm so sorry. I don't know quite how to process this as well. I am just as scared as you, but I didn't know how to tell you because I don't want to scare you too.
- [101:17]
Morgan
Yeah, that would bring me back 100%. And I think a lot of times, like, I think that is A message to people. Never be scared to be vulnerable with your person. With, they're married, you are in it. Whether it's boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband. Like, be vulnerable. Sometimes it is so much better to just fall on your sword and say that, I handled this poorly. I don't know how to handle this. I'm scared. I'm so sorry. Like, that is human. We're all human. We're all gonna fuck up, but own it then. Yeah, don't be like, oh, I was hungry. I had a burger and a beer. That's not. That's not what I want to hear. Like, be vulnerable. Talk, communicate.
- [101:56]
Rachel Lindsay
Why do we do that? Oh, my God. Why do we avoid. Why do we run away from things? You know? Like, why. Why is that easier? And I mean, it's tell as old as time, but why is that easier than just having the conversation?
- [102:11]
Morgan
It's. It's some weird twisted way of, like, self preservation. It's. It's scarier to be vulnerable than to just, like, be in trouble or have someone mad at you. Like, it's. I don't know, some psychological stuff we're gonna have to unpack. In therapy, I would have.
- [102:28]
Rachel Lindsay
For every rose, I'd have a list of things that you will be doing to make it up for me. I like that.
- [102:33]
Morgan
Yeah, that's a good little comeback.
- [102:35]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, every petal.
- [102:38]
Morgan
Clean the house, take care of the kids.
- [102:40]
Rachel Lindsay
That's right. That's right.
- [102:42]
Morgan
I like that. Where do you think the comments went on this one?
- [102:45]
Rachel Lindsay
They can only go one way. Like, please, I don't wanna leave on an angry note.
- [102:51]
Morgan
Top comment. Not the asshole. Not being there for you is already bad, but not even bothering to answer his phone while he knows you're going into surgery is beyond disrespectful. Next comment down. Not the asshole. He was having a burger throughout the whole time. Really? That's the most awful lie I've ever heard. His story doesn't add up.
- [103:13]
Rachel Lindsay
No, it doesn't.
- [103:15]
Morgan
Wow. Ooh. Apparently there's a comment from OP that suggested he might have been using some coke as opposed to an affair. So just as bad.
- [103:28]
Rachel Lindsay
I don't know if I believe, like, that's what. I wouldn't even put that in there. So he was doing cocaine for two hours and he couldn't. Wouldn't he be wired? I don't know. Like, wouldn't he be all up and ready to. I don't know.
- [103:44]
Morgan
There's a lot going on.
- [103:45]
Rachel Lindsay
He didn't pass out off the coke.
- [103:48]
Morgan
It's still a Long time to be gone.
- [103:50]
Rachel Lindsay
Exactly.
- [103:51]
Morgan
Maybe he needed to let the buzz fade a little bit.
- [103:55]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah. I mean, I. I don't know. I mean, it's not like being drunk where he had to sober up. I don't. I don't know. This op. I'm concerned.
- [104:04]
Morgan
I don't like it. I don't like it at all. But I did like having you on today. I did, too.
- [104:11]
Rachel Lindsay
I enjoyed myself so much.
- [104:12]
Morgan
Rachel, this was so good. You have so many amazing things going on right now. You have two podcasts.
- [104:17]
Rachel Lindsay
Yes.
- [104:18]
Morgan
Where can people find you? How can they listen to the shows that you have?
- [104:22]
Rachel Lindsay
Thank you so much for asking. So I have two podcasts, Higher Learning, which we talk about everything from current affairs, politics, sports, entertainment, and how it is intersected with culture. A lot of fun, Gets a little crazy, but it's definitely like you're listening to your brother and sister. Yeah.
- [104:38]
Morgan
This is with you and Van, right?
- [104:39]
Rachel Lindsay
Yeah, this is me and Van.
- [104:40]
Morgan
This show sounds amazing.
- [104:42]
Rachel Lindsay
It's unhinged.
- [104:43]
Morgan
I've heard a little bit about it.
- [104:44]
Rachel Lindsay
It's unhinged, but it's so much fun. It's like a family reunion. You're just. You know that talk you have where you go back and forth at the dinner table, like, and everybody gathers for the holidays. It's like that. But we debate everything that's relevant and current in the world, and that drops. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday.
- [105:01]
Morgan
And then twice a week.
- [105:02]
Rachel Lindsay
Twice a week, girl. And then for all my Bravo lovers, we do morally corrupt. Beautifully named after Beverly Hills Season 1 episode and the dinner table. All great things happen on a boat or around a dinner table on Housewives shows. And we just started. Now we do it twice a week as well. So new episodes drop every Tuesdays, Tuesday and Friday.
- [105:26]
Morgan
When you're sleeping, when are you doing anything?
- [105:29]
Rachel Lindsay
I'm wired up. But the Tuesday show is all news. Bravo news. And then the Friday show, we recap what's going on on Bravo with. With all the shows. So we do about three to four shows. So it's. It's a fun time. I love what I do. I'm grateful to do it, and I'm grateful to be here.
- [105:45]
Morgan
Oh.
- [105:46]
Rachel Lindsay
Talking with you. This is so fun.
- [105:48]
Morgan
My pleasure. Pleasure is all mine.
- [105:49]
Rachel Lindsay
It was really great.
- [105:52]
Morgan
Hey, it's just a difference of opinions.
- [105:54]
Rachel Lindsay
There we go.
- [105:55]
Morgan
It's not. Not what we're saying. It's not fact. It's not end all be all. It's just an opinion.
- [106:00]
Rachel Lindsay
Opinion.
- [106:00]
Morgan
Just an opinion. Just a hot take. Just a mildly lukewarm mildly Tempest take. It's fine. But thank you so much. And that's all I got for you guys. We have merch on sale. There's more on Patreon this month, but other than that, until next time, bye.
- [106:29]
Rachel Lindsay
It.