214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married

Summary

Two Hot Takes - Episode 214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married

Release Date: May 1, 2025
Host: Morgan Absher
Guests: Matt and Amy from the podcast Midwest Married

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Introduction

In Episode 214 of Two Hot Takes, host Morgan Absher, accompanied by her co-hosts Matt and Amy from Midwest Married, delves into a series of heated family and relationship conflicts sourced from Reddit's AITA, listener write-ins, and other internet platforms. The episode, aptly titled "The Families are Fighting!", unpacks complex dynamics within families and partnerships, offering candid opinions and insights on each situation.

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1. Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Become a Stay-at-Home Mom? (AITA)

Summary:
A woman shares her dilemma on Reddit after paying for the down payment on a house under the agreement that her husband, who earns $50,000 monthly, would cover monthly expenses and childcare. Post-maternity leave, she intended to focus on her consulting business while their financial responsibilities were managed by a full-time nanny. However, her husband has since refused to assist with childcare, leaving her exhausted and feeling deceived. Additionally, her mother-in-law has pressured her to become a stay-at-home mom, threatening financial instability if she refuses.

Key Discussion Points:

• Bait and Switch Concerns:
  Matt (05:29): "This absolutely was a bait and switch. She was bamboozled."

• Financial Abuse Indicators:
  Amy (07:40): "His pride is getting in the way... Taking care of a kid, it's woman's work."

• Control and Ego Issues:
  Morgan (09:17): "It's about control. He seems to prioritize his business over the family's well-being."

• Impact of Privilege:
  Amy (18:52): "These problems seemed very privileged... but he's not being a partner."

Conclusion:
The hosts unanimously agree that the woman is not the asshole. They highlight the husband's controlling behavior and financial manipulation, emphasizing the importance of mutual support in a partnership.

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2. Am I the Asshole for Feeling Upset About My Boyfriend's Comments on My Shirt? (AITA)

Summary:
A 27-year-old woman recounts feeling hurt when her boyfriend repeatedly makes negative comments about her clothing, particularly a new shirt she bought after gaining weight due to medication. Despite expressing her insecurities, he dismisses her feelings and belittles her, even involving their young child in the criticism.

Key Discussion Points:

• Gaslighting and Emotional Abuse:
  Elmo (24:42): "She's being gaslit... You are being gaslit."

• Impact on Children:
  Matt (25:19): "It teaches boys to treat women poorly."

• Support and Validation:
  Amy (30:00): "Don't normalize this behavior. You deserve better."

Conclusion:
The consensus among the hosts is clear: the boyfriend's behavior is emotionally abusive. The woman is not the asshole for feeling upset and seeking support, with the hosts urging her to prioritize her well-being and that of her children.

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3. Am I the Asshole for Returning a Gift My Mother-in-Law Bought for My Child? (AITA)

Summary:
A mother expresses discomfort over her mother-in-law purchasing fake pregnancy bellies for her six-year-old daughter. Concerned that these realistic props encourage inappropriate play and possibly stem from excessive exposure to YouTube content, she requests the return of the gifts. Her mother-in-law responds negatively, viewing the request as harsh.

Key Discussion Points:

• Age-Appropriate Play:
  Elmo (38:28): "She's thinking about nurturing, which is wholesome."

• Parental Boundaries:
  Amy (51:09): "It's your prerogative to ask for the return."

• Psychological Perspective:
  Matt (49:06): "There's a line between learning through play and whatever your mother-in-law is doing."

Conclusion:
The hosts agree that while imaginative play is normal, the type of gift in question crosses boundaries of appropriateness for the child's age. The mother is not the asshole for requesting the return of the gift to maintain healthy developmental boundaries.

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4. Am I the Asshole for Discouraging My Wife from Getting a Boudoir Photo Shoot? (AITA)

Summary:
A husband voices his concern over his wife's interest in a boudoir photo shoot, fearing it will exacerbate her pre-existing self-esteem issues and trigger a relapse into disordered eating. Despite recognizing the potential benefits of such a shoot for empowerment, he discourages her, leading to tension and emotional distance between them.

Key Discussion Points:

• Dismissal of Women's Empowerment:
  Elmo (56:07): "It's about her and her self-esteem."

• Impact of Negative Comments:
  Matt (59:17): "You just kept getting... You imply she's got a problem."

• Support vs. Control:
  Amy (62:48): "Celebrate her. You're being a bully."

Conclusion:
The hosts condemn the husband's approach, labeling his actions as emotionally abusive and unsupportive. They assert that he is the asshole for discouraging his wife from pursuing something that could potentially boost her confidence and self-esteem.

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5. Am I the Asshole for Walking Out After My Wife's Ovarian Cancer Diagnosis? (AITA)

Summary:
Upon learning of his wife’s ovarian cancer diagnosis, a husband feels overwhelmed and walks out of the hospital, returning to a hotel instead of supporting her. His anguish is compounded by resentment over his past insistence on having children, which now seems unattainable due to her illness.

Key Discussion Points:

• Abandonment During Crisis:
  Elmo (74:23): "You absolutely are the asshole for abandoning your wife."

• Misplaced Resentment:
  Matt (78:39): "You got to deal with something completely different than what he explained."

• Emotional Priority:
  Amy (84:04): "You need to put any selfish emotions aside to care for your partner."

Conclusion:
The hosts unanimously agree that the husband’s actions were selfish and neglectful during a critical moment. He is unequivocally the asshole for abandoning his wife when she needed him the most.

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6. Am I the Asshole for Requesting My Husband Stop Helping with Dinner? (AITA)

Summary:
A husband who works from home manages dinner duties but feels overwhelmed by his wife’s constant requests for help during meal preparations. Seeking a mental break, he asks her to reduce her dependence on him for cooking, leading to conflicts about household responsibilities.

Key Discussion Points:

• Equitable Division of Labor:
  Matt (86:30): "I hate cooking. This would be exhausting."

• Weaponized Competence:
  Morgan (88:33): "This could be him dodging mental labor by pretending incompetence."

• Supportive Communication:
  Elmo (91:44): "Teaching her to cook better or offering support instead of criticism."

Conclusion:
The hosts conclude that the husband is not the asshole. They acknowledge his need for a mental break and encourage open communication and equitable sharing of household responsibilities to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

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7. Am I the Asshole for Being in the Delivery Room While My Sister Gave Birth? (Relationship Advice)

Summary:
A 27-year-old man faces criticism from his girlfriend for his presence in the delivery room during his sister’s childbirth. His girlfriend perceives his support as inappropriate and incestuous, leading to arguments and tension in their relationship.

Key Discussion Points:

• Supportive Role of Siblings:
  Amy (94:31): "Giving birth is not sexual. It's about support and nurturing."

• Cultural Misunderstandings:
  Matt (96:02): "Birth is a miracle, not a sexual event."

• Healthy Family Dynamics:
  Elmo (99:39): "Your sister needed you, and you were there for her."

Conclusion:
The hosts agree that the man's actions were purely supportive and appropriate. They label his girlfriend’s concerns as unfounded, emphasizing the importance of family support during significant life events. He is not the asshole for being present during his sister’s childbirth.

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8. Am I the Asshole for Considering Changing My Baby's Name After Discovering My Husband's Affair? (Relationship Advice)

Summary:
A 26-year-old woman contemplates changing her baby’s name after discovering her husband's affair with another man who shares the same name she intended for her child. Struggling with feelings of betrayal and the desire to maintain her original choice, she seeks advice on whether to proceed with the name or opt for a different one to avoid emotional triggers.

Key Discussion Points:

• Personal Empowerment and Healing:
  Elmo (105:43): "She's going to pick a new name and leave him."

• Emotional Associations with Names:
  Matt (106:02): "A name can be a constant reminder. Choose a new one to avoid resentment."

• Support and Validation:
  Amy (106:41): "Celebrate her choice to prioritize her well-being over the affiliation."

Conclusion:
The hosts strongly support the woman’s consideration to change her baby’s name, recognizing the emotional complexities involved. They agree that personal healing and emotional well-being should take precedence, advising her to choose a name that fosters positive associations. She is not the asshole for contemplating a name change in light of her husband’s betrayal.

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Final Thoughts

Throughout the episode, Matt and Amy from Midwest Married provide insightful and often critical perspectives on each situation, advocating for emotional well-being, equitable relationships, and healthy family dynamics. Their candid discussions encourage listeners to reflect on their own relationships and boundaries, emphasizing the importance of support, respect, and mutual understanding.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt (05:29): "This absolutely was a bait and switch. She was bamboozled."
• Amy (07:40): "His pride is getting in the way... Taking care of a kid, it's woman's work."
• Elmo (24:42): "She's being gaslit... You are being gaslit."
• Amy (30:00): "Don't normalize this behavior. You deserve better."
• Elmo (38:28): "She's thinking about nurturing, which is wholesome."
• Amy (51:09): "It's your prerogative to ask for the return."
• Matt (56:07): "You are the asshole."
• Elmo (74:23): "You absolutely are the asshole for abandoning your wife."
• Amy (84:04): "You need to put any selfish emotions aside to care for your partner."
• Matt (93:23): "Not the asshole."
• Matt (106:02): "So, you're the asshole for... What?"

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Connect with the Hosts

• Morgan Absher's Instagram: @morgsyabsher
• Midwest Married Podcast: Available on YouTube and major podcast platforms.
• Follow Two Hot Takes on Instagram: @TwoHotTakes
• Patreon: Listen to exclusive stories
• YouTube Channel: Two Hot Takes YouTube

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Thank you for tuning into Two Hot Takes! Join Morgan and her co-hosts Matt and Amy next time as they unravel more juicy stories and provide their unfiltered opinions.

Transcript

[Morgan]

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[Matt]

This episode is presented by Colgate Optic White. Our wedding is coming up and something I'm really being conscious of is my teeth. I want them to be white and beautiful and I want to look back at all my photos and ah. And that is where Colgate Optic White comes in. Whether you're a bride or a guest, you can get a smile. Glow up with Colgate's Optic White overnight whitening pen. The pen gives you visibly whiter teeth in just one week, and it fits right in your usual nighttime routine. It's you just apply the whitening serum after brushing and let it work its magic while you sleep. Talk about easy. Get 15% off all Colgate Optic white products at shop.colgate.com with code 2 hot takes. Always use as directed. Thanks, Colgate. Okay, you got your cup. We're ready now.

[Amy]

Non branded over here.

[Matt]

Non branded. No free promo, right? No free feet pics. We know the drill.

[Amy]

But if you want feet pics, reach out. I got you.

[Matt]

What's your going rate?

[Amy]

I don't know. What's a good rate? I'll sell my feet for. I don't know much.

[Matt]

I have like friends that will like exchange a foot pick or two and get like a free dinner or a shopping spree in hundreds of dollars. So they're going rate as Amy's in.

[Elmo]

I think that's wild.

[Amy]

When she's sleeping, I'll take her feet pictures.

[Matt]

You have nice feet.

[Amy]

You already said that you'd do it. Oh, just hit us up.

[Matt]

It's better than selling your underwear.

[Elmo]

I.

[Matt]

Yes, people sell their underwear for a lot too.

[Elmo]

I wouldn't do that.

[Matt]

You know what they also saw? Weird. You know the little flippity flops you get when you go get a pedicure and you accidentally wear sneakers? The little, like, flat ones, basically.

[Elmo]

That cheap?

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. People pay money for those too.

[Elmo]

Well, they can have. I'll wear those all day long.

[Matt]

You can sell those.

[Elmo]

Have all the flippity flops you want.

[Matt]

Yeah, the underwear would be a tough gig. A lot of people apparently want you to go work out in them. Wear them for a week.

[Elmo]

No, thank you.

[Amy]

I'm in.

[Matt]

Pee in them.

[Amy]

Boxers, Boxer pants.

[Elmo]

No, thank you.

[Matt]

Welcome back to Taste. I'm your host, Morgan. And today I have somewhat familiar faces for you all. Unless you're new here. Welcome. But I am joined by. By my sister in law, Amy and hello brother Matt. They have their own podcast, their very own show as well, called Midwest Married. So if you can't get enough, you want more stories, relationship advice. You don't have to be from the Midwest to listen. You can live anywhere. But you guys have your own show. It's pretty fun too.

[Elmo]

It's a lot of fun. Yeah, We've been doing it almost a year now, I think. And so, yeah, we talk about all sorts of different things. Kids, relationships, friendships.

[Amy]

46 weeks traveling.

[Elmo]

46 weeks. Yeah, 46 episodes. Yeah. So, yeah, come join us. Check us out.

[Matt]

I'll be sure to link it. But today I'm getting into all sorts of. Just relationship dilemmas and marital woes. Just all sorts of quality marital chaos. I need a title. I've been trying to think and rack my brain for a title. I didn't even put anything on the folder. I just had it labeled Matt and Amy on my folder because I've been waiting for you guys for a lot of these stories.

[Elmo]

I love it.

[Amy]

Marital mishaps. Marital misfits.

[Matt]

I don't know. We'll get to the end and you guys will give me a title.

[Elmo]

We'll figure it out.

[Matt]

But buckle up for some of these. They're. They're gonna be good.

[Elmo]

All right.

[Matt]

Okay, let's div up first. This is coming from Aitah. 24 days old, titled Am I the asshole? Husband and mother in law are bullying me into being a stay at home mom. But I paid for our house. My husband is rich. Like, makes $50,000 a month rich.

[Amy]

Nice.

[Matt]

We agreed on three things before our baby was born. One, if I covered the 20% down payment on our house he, he'd cover the monthly expenses, including childcare. Two, if I leave my high paying job after my maternity leave was up, my husband would support me focusing on building my consulting business, which would give me more flexibility with our baby. And three, we'd get a full time nanny so we could both work. And while I'd work from home to get to see the baby and outside nanny hours, we'd split childcare 50. 50. The issue came up when now my husband refuses to lift a finger because he's the provider. He won't do any overnights even though the baby takes bottles. I am exhausted and burnt out and feel like I got bait and switched. I tried to talk to him and he blew up at me, calling me a princess and lazy. I guess he ran to his mom because I got a message the next morning saying I'm putting the family in financial crisis. If I won't be a stay at home mom for at least the next couple of months, am I the asshole for telling them no, I will not be forced into being a stay at home mom?

[Elmo]

This just doesn't make sense. Like, he's making. Okay, he's making $50,000 a month and because she is having a nanny and focusing on building a consulting business and taking care of the baby and doing all the nights, she's the one that is. Did it say forcing them into financial ruin?

[Matt]

Financial crisis crisis. You're putting the family in financial crisis.

[Elmo]

That does not add up. There is no way that that adds up. No, this was a bait and switch.

[Matt]

This absolutely was a bait and switch. She was bamboozled.

[Elmo]

Yes.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Amy]

No, I think that his pride is getting in the way, which is bullshit. He has an ego that he feels like he needs to be the breadwinner and the provider and he doesn't want to step up and take on the role of things that I think he believes are of lesser value.

[Matt]

They're beneath him.

[Amy]

They're beneath him. Taking care of a kid, it's woman's work.

[Matt]

I mean, do you guys feel like this could be about control too? Like I, I can't even put my mind in this headspace where it's like it feels beneath you to do something in regards to your own child. But I feel like sometimes, you see, in relationships it's a control thing. I don't want her working. I want her at home. I want her where I know she's going to be like, I don't know, like, have you guys ever encountered that, like with friends or people, you know, where there's like a control aspect or like I'm trying to rationalize this and I just, I don't understand because $50,000 a month is what some people make in a year. So it's. The math isn't mathing for me. I'm like, what other explanation is there?

[Elmo]

Yeah, I'm trying to think of an explanation for this as well. Because they had that agreement from the get go and it seemed like he was on board. What changed? Why the change? Right. And speaking to your point about like being at a control thing, I've known relationships where if the partner is not working or not working as much and the other partner is making a lot more that they withhold things and they, you know, use that financial control and financial abuse in order to keep that person in the relationship. I haven't necessarily seen that with. Right. I haven't necessarily seen that with like, I guess I don't have that many stay at home mom friends because I guess, I mean it takes a lot of two parent incomes to afford anything these days.

[Amy]

So this lady was working beforehand though, right? And she had a lot of money. She paid 20% down on the house.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Amy]

So she's not, you know, she has an income. It sounds like she makes baller money as well.

[Matt]

Honestly, very career driven. Like wanting to start her own consulting business. You don't do that unless you're kind of career driven or have a certain skill set. Like that's not an easy thing to do.

[Amy]

Here's what fucked me up a little bit though, in this. The mother in law came back one. Okay, mama's boy. Why you'd involve your mother in this marital problem.

[Elmo]

Don't do it. Don't do it.

[Matt]

Rookie move.

[Amy]

Seriously. But the mother in law said something along the lines of like, if you don't stay home for the next couple of months. Well, what's two months? I don't understand. What am I missing here?

[Matt]

What's the difference?

[Elmo]

And also I found that two months.

[Amy]

Is it a year. Stay at home mom.

[Matt]

They want it to start as two months and then once they have her roped in, and then it's like, oh, you're a terrible mom. You're gonna leave your baby and go back to work. Because how many like there's certain generations that do believe that where they will. Mom. Shame and a mom working. I can't, I just, I can't believe your generation is doing that. Leaving your baby. I could never leave my baby out.

[Elmo]

You're gonna let someone else raise your child?

[Matt]

How many people have probably heard that.

[Amy]

It'S because they're so out of touch with reality on what it takes to actually run a household and the financial tax that it takes on a household to. To be able to do the things and afford all the things and pay.

[Elmo]

For a house when you don't make $50,000 a month. Yeah.

[Matt]

That's insane.

[Elmo]

Here's the. Here's also the thing that I was thinking about. The only reason that they were like, you should stay home. It's because of. And not have this nanny, basically, is because of financial reasons. It wasn't any, like, in the. It's in the best interest of the child or it's in the best interest of you. You know, you're working too hard, you're doing the nights, you need more rest or blah, blah. It was not like in anyone's personal best interest. It was, oh, it's about the money. Like, that was the only reason that they gave for her to stay home. Right?

[Matt]

Yeah. But the thing is, it's. They're all. They're already paying for a nanny.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Like it. No. A hundred percent. All the reasons have been about the money. No mention of.

[Elmo]

I was gonna say, did they.

[Matt]

No Shame. Stay home for the baby. It's all been about the money. But the thing is, they're already paying for a nanny. She's just planning on working from home to be there a little bit more for the baby. But it's like, yes, you're already paying for a nanny right now.

[Elmo]

Right.

[Matt]

If you can't afford a nanny, why do you have one right now?

[Elmo]

Right.

[Matt]

So wouldn't you be able to afford a nanny more so when she goes back to work?

[Elmo]

Right.

[Matt]

Again, to me, it's really screaming financial abuse, especially because it's like, oh, yeah, put all your money down. You put 20% down on the house and then stay home and stop.

[Elmo]

Drain your savings account. Is that what it.

[Matt]

That's what it's giving for me. The more I think about it, and it's like, there's no mention of prenup, but, like, probably wouldn't be mentioned in this post because she's not thinking divorce. But it's like, is there a prenup? And what state are they in? Because even though she's the one that bought the house, if they're in a community property state, he's entitled to half the house regardless of who did the down payment. It's slimy for me.

[Elmo]

Yeah. Bait and Switch.

[Matt]

It's giving Nickelodeon slime covered in it. Top comment on this one.

[Amy]

Do they still do that?

[Matt]

Yeah. Someone like, I think Katy Perry almost lost an eye. Or almost like she got really sprayed in the face.

[Elmo]

I bet she did. No, just kidding. Just kidding.

[Matt]

But didn't you see the video?

[Amy]

No.

[Matt]

I'll show you the gif.

[Amy]

We're good. I believe you. She went to space apparently.

[Elmo]

Oh wow.

[Matt]

She. She like really? And it was high velocity.

[Elmo]

That's very high velocity.

[Matt]

She. I think she did say she almost like lost an eye from the slime.

[Elmo]

I hope that was non toxic.

[Matt]

Top comment on this one. If he makes 50k a month and you working puts the family in financial crisis, there's a giant line of is it mom or husband lying? Maybe he's lost money gambling or doesn't make that much money. Or maybe he lied to mom and she's lying to you.

[Elmo]

Something's not adding up.

[Matt]

But Opie does reply. Opie says our expenses are quite high to be fair. House payments are about 14k, full time nanny, house cleaners once a week and various expenses like a million baby showers and weddings and birthdays and. And we try to be generous. We also had to furnish the house, which my husband mostly paid for. I know I come off super privileged and we are super privileged, which is why I'm not sure if I'm being super entitled, but I pay hundreds of thousands for our house that I worked hard and saved for. I wanted a life of balance between work and family and thought I paid my fair share for it. This probably comes off super tone deaf like oh poor you and your expensive house with your childcare and house cleaning. But I'd trade it for a smaller house. We balance our chores together and freedom to work on my career and family.

[Elmo]

Exactly.

[Matt]

I feel like she can do that now, right? If she's not with a weird, controlling partner.

[Elmo]

I want to know what else their relationship is like. Like how is everything before baby? What else has changed since baby came along? Like is feeling neglected or you know, that he wants her to be home so she pays him more attention. Like there's just something more. There's more of a reason that he's not saying.

[Matt]

I think so too. So someone does reply to that comment though and they go, it doesn't really matter how much money or materialistic stuff you have. Your husband is not a safe, trustful partner. He is a man that has shown you he is not a safe partner. The money and stuff only matters if you are willing to stay with him because money and materialistic mean more to you than a safe partner. And involved Father OP responds I think I really needed to hear this validation. Thank you. I told mother in law the insults he has said worse than I listed here and she told me effectively I needed to do better and that he's just stressed and I need to take more off his plate that I have it so easy and he works so hard to provide for us so why am I making his life harder? Of course he'll get angry with me if I take, take, take and he has the burden of the family on his shoulders and I am still here asking for more.

[Elmo]

That mother in law will never be on your side ever. It doesn't matter what you do. She will never ever be on Op's side.

[Amy]

She's in love with her son.

[Matt]

I didn't say it.

[Amy]

Simple as that.

[Matt]

So we do have a little bit of an edit from op. I hope this is clear. We do have a nanny. I've mentioned this in several comments. However I am covering all of the hours outside of the nanny plus emotional and mental load of parenting. Given the sleepless nights I have to use the nanny time to recuperate when I hope to use it to start my business. As we talked about, while my job paid well, it would not cover enough of our monthly expenses and it was very demanding. Meaning we'd have to hire much more childcare or husband would have to do much more childcare if I were to go back. He believes that puts his business which pays our monthlies in jeopardy. That's why it would create a financial crisis both if I started a business and if I went back to work. Because his business pays the monthlies, his ability to work at his best must be prioritized and protected. But my career is optional. This is upsetting to me because in my view I paid up front but still am stuck with 100% of the off hours, childcare and not allowed to ask for help.

[Amy]

Peyton Switch, right? We've called it that from the start.

[Matt]

Why did he even want a kid?

[Elmo]

I know, that crossed my mind too. It was like it doesn't seem like he wants a family, it seems like he just wants his career.

[Matt]

Also here's the thing. You don't need a $14,000 a month house. $14,000 a month in a mortgage?

[Amy]

About a 1.4 million dollar mortgage and.

[Matt]

If not more it could be 2.

[Amy]

Yeah, roughly. The house was probably 20% down about 1.6 and change.

[Matt]

I mean I don't know what interest rate they got but I mean that is a lot of money and it's like you're putting us in financial crisis. I think we need to evaluate our monthly expenses then. I don't need this big house. I don't need it.

[Elmo]

Our friends will understand if we're not quite so generous at the baby showers and the weddings and the etc.

[Matt]

What are you giving them? Three grand.

[Elmo]

Like what does that mean? How generous are you?

[Matt]

Like that's insane to me.

[Amy]

A lot of these problems like as you were reading them seemed very privileged. Not taking away from OP's situation. But they seemed.

[Elmo]

They're not living in an 850 square foot house with two kids and two dogs making it work.

[Matt]

No.

[Amy]

Right.

[Matt]

It definitely is a very privileged problem to have.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But it's still like even with the privilege, he's not being a partner. Like when is he parenting? He's not.

[Elmo]

Right.

[Matt]

If it's the kid is with the nanny or the kid is with me and he has no time with the kid. He's a sperm donor. He's not a dad.

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He's not a parent. He's not a partner. He's a sperm donor.

[Amy]

Maybe he watched a lot of social media, saw that the trad wife, you know, trend was coming around and maybe he's just old school like that. Very traditional.

[Matt]

I think she should get divorced and then have 50, 50 custody. Then he'll have to step up.

[Elmo]

Absolutely. Then he would really learn what it would take and she'd have a lot more time to do her business. Then he actually what would happen is he'd really have to pay for a nanny.

[Matt]

Yeah. I think OP should sell the house, get her hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars back, split custody. Start your business. Win. Win all around.

[Amy]

I'm very surprised in you right now.

[Matt]

Give them the D divorce. Bringing it back.

[Amy]

I could have swore this was going to like. You definitely need some therapy. That's like your go to.

[Matt]

Sometimes therapy is overrated when you're talking to a brick wall.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Matt]

You can, you can convince yourself all day she knows what she wants. Is couples therapy going to help this guy? I don't know. Have you watched the show Couples Therapy?

[Elmo]

No.

[Amy]

Nope.

[Matt]

Amazing, amazing show. And there's one couple on there that actually reminds me of this guy and the therapist kind of clocks it and calls him out on it and he is obstinate and just does not change and is not a good partner. And his wife sticks with him and it's why they cycle through therapists.

[Amy]

Huh.

[Matt]

It's a really good show.

[Elmo]

Well, probably boils down to if his firm held belief is that he is the most important person in the family and it's not his role or his job to do any sort of nurturing, then that is just yet not on par with what she wants specifically, it seems.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

So, yeah, if she doesn't want to be a trad wife, then you shouldn't force anyone to be a trad wife. Right. Being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs I think that you can sign yourself up for.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think so.

[Elmo]

I've got a lot of respect for stay at home moms. If that's what you want to do. Fabulous. Right. But also like a stay at home mom that doesn't want to be a stay at home mom is not going to be a great stay at home mom.

[Matt]

Right.

[Elmo]

Because it's not what you want for yourself.

[Matt]

No. You can develop a lot of resentment. I mean, there's so many feelings that can come with that.

[Elmo]

So yeah, she needs to be able to follow her passions and do consulting business and maybe, maybe if he's not gonna change his underlying core beliefs.

[Matt]

Yeah, give him the D. Yeah, we'll see. You guys know where I fall. There's so, so, so many more comments from OP If I read them all, we would literally be here until tomorrow. So the link will be in the description of the video. But yeah, OP does have one last final edit.

[Elmo]

Good.

[Matt]

Thanks for all the comments. I've replied to many. I'm going to try some of the suggestions offered to get to a better agreement. I will post an update with how it goes.

[Elmo]

All right.

[Matt]

However, here we are 24 days later. We have no official update yet.

[Elmo]

They're still working on it. They're still coming up with that new agreement.

[Matt]

Still working on it.

[Amy]

It's only been three weeks.

[Elmo]

Going through the lawyers, going through the.

[Matt]

Lawyers, so we'll have to keep our eyes peeled. But moving along, chill story number two. This is coming from our very own Too hot takes subreddit 18 days old, titled my boyfriend/baby daddy, 32 male, tells me 27 female. I'm too sensitive about his humor. Okay, so boyfriend baby daddy and I have been together for around six years now and we have two young boys. He constantly makes jokes about slash towards me around our kids and I hate it when I have voiced my feelings about this. He's just brushed it off as me being too sensitive. As an example, yesterday I came out of our room wearing this outfit in the photos. I just bought the shirt because I recently gained around 20 pounds due to a new medication. All of my Other clothes have been making me feel like a stuffed sausage. So I was feeling pretty good in my new shirt. When I walked into the living room, he turned to me and said, that shirt is a little small. I replied, it's just the style. It's supposed to be a little short. It's cropped. He gave me a smarmy smile and said, eh, it's still a little small. I then tried to explain that I had just bought the shirt and it was in a larger size. But he cut me off and told me to go deal with my insecurities and then turned to our three year old and said, women, right? Am I really being too sensitive? 3 year old, or does this seem as disrespectful as it feels to me?

[Elmo]

She's being gaslit. Also, look at this cute little shirt. Look at this cute little human being.

[Matt]

You look absolutely amazing.

[Elmo]

So cute. Love the shirt.

[Matt]

You look so good. Also blown the fuck away. Look at this other picture.

[Amy]

I'm like, you're gonna show this on the, on the video?

[Matt]

Yes, yes. You'll see it on the video, ma'am. I wish I looked this good. Like, he is trying to tear you down.

[Elmo]

It is not in your head. You are being gaslit. This is not. I wouldn't even call it really cropped though, even either.

[Matt]

It's great. It's a really cute shirt. Great outfit. It's essentially like a mint green shirt. Honestly, not even that cropped. It still goes like below your belly button, has some flowers, cute little flared leggings. Just vibe. Absolute vibe.

[Amy]

Did op call it humor in the beginning?

[Matt]

Huh?

[Elmo]

I found nothing funny there, my dear.

[Amy]

It's called insulting insults. It's not humor. It's not jokes. The only thing that, like when he went to the three year old women, right, like, that's just rude. Unacceptable to be teaching your 3 year old that this is how you should be treating women. That's. That's not how you do it. That's absolutely uncalled for. Huge red flag. Huge red flag.

[Matt]

It's terrible.

[Elmo]

Yeah. I cannot believe that the entire thing, it's criticisms. It's not supportive. It's not funny in the least. Even if he thinks it's funny and she's not being too sensitive. That's just hurtful. And so, yeah, you have a right to feel hurt by your partner calling you, you know, calling you out like that.

[Matt]

I mean, I don't understand how this was ever supposed to be funny.

[Elmo]

No.

[Matt]

Your shirt's a little small. Is there a joke there? Is There a joke? Because I don't. I don't hear one. You trying to be comedian because you're not funny. Someone give him the hook. Pull him off. Terrible. And I just. I think, as you said, like, you should not be setting this example for your children. You want your sons to grow up and treat their partners this way because they're learning this is acceptable behavior. You deserve so much better. It's not acceptable. It's. It's insane behavior. And the fact that he's trying to brush off poking fun at you, making you insecure. I. I don't know how he's trying to brush that off as humor, especially when, like, this is your partner. You gained some weight because of a new medication. You've likely confided in him, saying, I don't feel good in my own skin. This medication is making me gain weight. My. My other clothes are making me feel like I'm a stuffed sausage. Like, you're probably relaying this information to him, and he comes at you with looks a little small. You.

[Elmo]

Drop them. Drop them.

[Amy]

I'm going to play devil's advocate. We're just don't move on quite yet. Can I just. As a stupid man over here, I just. I got to just, like, throw myself into the fire here just for a moment.

[Matt]

I don't know.

[Elmo]

I don't know how you're going.

[Matt]

Hi.

[Amy]

Okay, let's just play some hypotheticals here, right? Maybe they're not communicating. I have some questions. Would it have been possible for him to, like, maybe rephrase, like, rather than being so sarcastic, like, hey, babe, I think your shirt might be just a little small for, like, what we're doing, but it's not. I.

[Elmo]

And she replied. She said, it's just. She was like, hey, I like this style. She said, he gave me a swarmy smile and said, still a little small.

[Amy]

I agree. She looks great.

[Matt]

I know. I mean, also the word swarmy. Smarmy. I love that word, smarmy. I like ingratiating and wheedling in a way that is perceived as insincere or excessive. Can't you just picture it when someone's, like, poking fun at you and still, like, smirking at you?

[Elmo]

Kind of like smirking.

[Amy]

I agree.

[Elmo]

Insincere.

[Amy]

I stand by my original comments, but I just wanted to see.

[Matt]

No.

[Elmo]

Not only does she have great style, she also has a great vocabulary. So I'm on her side.

[Matt]

Yeah. And I think, you know, there are times when you try something on and you go out and ask for your partner's. Opinion. Right. Hey, what do you think of this dress? Should I wear this tonight? Do you like this one? Or do you like this one better? But it was so unsolicited. And it wasn't anything but negativity. It was. It was negging. It was trying to tear her down. And whether it's from his own insecurity and he's trying to tear her down so she doesn't leave him, I don't know what.

[Amy]

But I don't even think that's the most concerning thing. I just think the way that you are raising your boys to then go out and treat women in the future is appalling.

[Elmo]

Yes.

[Amy]

And as a mother, I would try to remove them from that situation if it's occurring.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Frequently.

[Matt]

It's. It's. No, this is not. This person does not deserve you.

[Elmo]

No.

[Matt]

Top comment. You're not being oversensitive. And fuck anyone that says otherwise. Your boys are watching and learning. Don't normalize this behavior. You deserve better. They deserve better.

[Elmo]

Yes.

[Matt]

Next comment down. I literally saw Red reading this post. What a vile man and a poor excuse for a father. Not only is he cruel to OP but he's teaching his sons to be cruel, too. I don't know how she can stand being in the same room as him, to be honest. OP Deserves better. So much better than this. I hope she takes these comments to heart. Someone goes, father? Nah, he just provided Spermatoza. Spermatozoa.

[Elmo]

Spermatozoa.

[Matt]

Thank you.

[Elmo]

You're welcome. Biology degree for the wind.

[Matt]

Yeah. Somewhere buried deep down in there. That's a new one for me. Big word for El. What? You don't hear that, Elmo? Just trying to see if there's any other comments. People were saying, like, oh, you can see your gut.

[Elmo]

What?

[Matt]

Opie responds, you can't even see my gut. The shirt is barely cropped. It's not cropped, right? It's honestly not cropped. No.

[Amy]

I also think the Internet is the worst place because you're gonna have the people that are just assholes and just trying to be dicks.

[Matt]

Yeah. I'm gonna say this is not looking good at all based on the comments. There is a comment here from OP I think someone was asking, why are you still with him? Like, why haven't you tried to leave?

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And OP Goes, mostly because he and his mother have me pretty much trapped until my parents move closer. I tried to leave a year or so ago, and they threatened to take my kids from me. I have nowhere else to go in the State I live in, besides our house or my mother in law's, my parents live across the country, so that makes things difficult. They're moving closer to help soon though.

[Elmo]

See, that makes it really, really hard. And if you don't have the financial means to move out and get your own place and to go through that legal process to fight for your kids, then you may feel stuck in a situation like this.

[Amy]

What are like the legal ramifications as a mother if you were just to hop on a plane with your kids and go to visit your parents and then just never go home?

[Elmo]

I think that's like kidnapping.

[Matt]

Yeah. Is it dicey? I'm not about to pretend I'm a lawyer, but I'm not either. But you could post on legal advice and mention what state you're in and get legal advice. But like not legal advice because it's Reddit. But yeah, I don't think it would look good. Especially if you do try to get custody, right?

[Elmo]

Yeah, I don't think that's allowed.

[Amy]

Are there. I mean, maybe find a place such as safe haven or there are shelter options.

[Matt]

I'm sure that sucks.

[Amy]

That's a bad. It's a bad spot.

[Matt]

I know. And it just can get dangerous when people do try to leave bad partners. I mean, yes, it can go very south and it does not always end well. But luckily OP does have like a little update here in the comments. I've made an appointment with a new therapist and I wrote in on my intake paper that I'm leaving my boyfriend and I would like help in working through that. I also spoke with my parents about fast tracking their movement. So they're planning on moving closer in the next few months.

[Amy]

Oh, he's a. I forgot, he's a boyfriend.

[Elmo]

No, that's great that her parents are moving closer.

[Matt]

I know.

[Elmo]

You know, sometimes we need those. That support system, you know, it really does take a village.

[Matt]

How do you move and do this on your own with an abusive partner when you have two littles and you have no money and maybe there's some financial abuse here. We don't know the context, but OP does say I plan on moving in with them while I get a degree and I'll go from there.

[Elmo]

Good for you.

[Matt]

Thank you tht sub for making me realize that I'm not some crazy sensitive person who needs to get a thicker skin.

[Elmo]

I forgot this was your subreddit.

[Matt]

Oh, this is my family. Yay.

[Elmo]

You guys all helped her know her worth and her value so that she can leave a bad situation. And go find someone who's gonna be like, girlfriend, that shirt looks amazing on you. Love it.

[Matt]

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moving on.

[Elmo]

All right, let's do it.

[Matt]

Okay, this next one is a doozy.

[Amy]

I'm ready.

[Matt]

This episode is brought to you by Skims. Finding underwear and bras that fit right and make you feel good used to be really difficult. Painful. Underwire, low cut underwear. It was a struggle before finding Skims. Skims has become my go to staple everyday wear undergarments. I'm obsessed with everything from the Fits Everybody collection, from the thongs to the scoop bralette. I can't get enough. The fabric is so stretchy. And even as someone with bigger boobs, it's so supportive, which I love and need. I also love my balconet bra. These are the bras you don't race home to take off shop Skims Best intimates, including the Fits Everybody collection and [e-mail] and skim stores. Don't forget to select podcast and choose two hot takes in the survey afterwards. Thanks, guys. Okay, you ready for story number three? Because I don't know if I am. Ooh, I've saved this one for you guys. I saw it like the day it was posted a little bit ago.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Matt]

And I was just like, there's no one I can have respond to this except you guys.

[Amy]

Oh, no, no.

[Elmo]

I'm worried.

[Matt]

Okay, so this one is two months old coming from Am I the asshole?

[Amy]

Okay.

[Matt]

It is titled am I the asshole for making my mother in law return a gift she bought for my six year old on Amazon. To preface, my six, almost seven year old daughter has always had a fascination with babies and pregnancy. When she was as young as two, she used to shove stuffed animals up her shirt and pretend it was a pregnant belly. She's always pretending her Barbies or other dolls are pregnant. And she always loved playing with baby dolls. My mother, my mother in law, who I get along with for the most part, has always spoiled my daughter rotten. I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her grandparents, but it gives me pause that it seems they let her do whatever she wants when she's over there visiting them. My daughter recently mentioned she was excited to see her grandmother sometime soon because she's expecting a package mother in law ordered for her off of Amazon. I asked my daughter what she bought her and my daughter informed me she purchased two fake pregnancy bellies for her to wear. I don't anticipate that they'd ever let her wear these outside of the house. And this is something that would exclusively be for pretend dress up play at home. But I got pretty upset as I don't believe this is an appropriate gift for a six year old at all. I discussed my concerns with my husband who promptly reached out to his mother to tell her she needed to return the bellies. Now Mil is upset because she was just trying to do something nice and thinks we're being harsh. My daughter is also upset as this is a gift she was looking forward to receiving. I understand that my daughter has a fascination with pregnancy, which for the record, I've always thought was strange and have not encouraged. But I don't think her grandparents should necessarily be promoting this interest. I have always been vocal about not wanting my daughter to watch YouTube and I don't allow her to watch it at home much outside of a few things I've personally watched and decided are age appropriate. I believe her grandmother allows her unlimited access to YouTube and my daughter will watch videos where the main character is pregnant, which is what I think stemmed her fascination with pregnancy in the first place. I've addressed my concerns with them about my daughter having unfettered access to YouTube, but I don't believe my concerns were taken seriously. And I'm under the impression they've been dishonest about letting her watch whatever she wants. I'm uncomfortable with them encouraging my 6 year old to pretend she's pregnant, but mother in law acts like it's no big deal and that I'm a jerk for perceiving it as weird. So am I the asshole?

[Amy]

Yep. I'm gonna just say it. Yeah, I think you are.

[Elmo]

What?

[Amy]

Yep.

[Elmo]

I don't think she's the asshole, but I think that she's fishing for validation that her opinion that her daughter being fascinated with pregnancy and babies is kind of weird and not something to be kind of even tolerated or certainly not encouraged. When I think that that's the non issue. Whether you think that it's a really cute thing, which I kind of think it's pretty cute that she is so like, oh, you know, pregnancy and babies, you know, it's all about like families and creating a family. And like at that stage it's not about the process of becoming pregnant. That's like, it's. That's developmentally, that's not what this kiddo is thinking about.

[Amy]

She's thinking about imaginative play.

[Elmo]

It's. She's thinking about oh my baby brother. Oh my friend's little baby brother. I like rocking the baby, you know, it's nurturing and like, I think that it's probably founded in that and very wholesome and not really founded in something that is creepy or weird.

[Matt]

Regardless, I am baffled right now.

[Elmo]

Regardless why.

[Matt]

Regardless, I'll get there.

[Elmo]

Mom doesn't think that it's appropriate. And perhaps doing like a realistic baby belly might be taking a little bit too far. I think, you know, pillows underneath the shirt or whatever, stuffed animals are. Even shoving a baby doll up underneath your shirt and being like, mom, I'm pregnant.

[Matt]

That's play.

[Elmo]

That's play. It's imaginative. It's normal. I think that that's. That's fine. So. But I could absolutely see how a little six year old who enjoys that kind of play would be super pumped to be like, I get a realistic belly to cool. I could see how she would be into that.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

But if the mom is uncomfortable with the gift, then. And she has voiced that to the mother in law.

[Matt]

And that's the bottom line.

[Elmo]

The bottom line is that you, as a mother in law, it's your job to be like, okay, this is your child. Oh, I'm sorry. I was trying to do a nice thing because I thought, you know, this was her interest. If you're uncomfortable with it, I'll return it. So I don't think she's the.

[Matt]

I don't think you're the asshole.

[Elmo]

But. But I also just in my personal, like, I wouldn't freak out about her daughter being so. I think that she's probably going to be a great nurturer someday. All right, Matt, you think she's the asshole?

[Matt]

Do you still think she's the asshole? Or now you kind of reeling because you're like, oh, the boundaries. Just respect the boundaries.

[Amy]

All right, well, like from the boundary standpoint, fine. You're not the asshole. You're a mother.

[Matt]

You can determine what.

[Amy]

Determine whatever you want. That's about your choice. I think you're ridiculous.

[Matt]

See, I find it just weird why I find it because Weird I have a daughter to get a realistic belly for your kid.

[Amy]

Like, honestly, what if she wants to.

[Matt]

Wear it out to the grocery store? And then you got to deal with that. You got to deal with that.

[Amy]

I assume that it's not this huge belly. I'm sure it's one that they actually make for like play.

[Elmo]

And you could also make the rule, okay, this is only for playing at home. You don't have to.

[Amy]

This, you know, kid wearing.

[Matt]

Here are the bellies sold on Amazon.

[Amy]

For toddler put Toddler.

[Matt]

They don't make toddler.

[Amy]

I bet they do. I bet they do. Okay, can. Can I. Can I get on there?

[Matt]

And this is. This is pregnant bump belly for kids. Amazon. They don't make them for kids.

[Amy]

I'm gonna find out.

[Matt]

Because they're not supposed to look at.

[Amy]

The end of the day. Okay. Our daughter has played with dolls since the age of two, and they've had babies. And she's pretended. I don't know if she's ever really.

[Elmo]

She's watched me go through pregnancy.

[Amy]

Yeah. And especially during that time, I think she was very curious about pregnancy.

[Elmo]

Absolutely.

[Amy]

It's not this ridiculous thing that shouldn't be. Because I think OP said, I think her fascination with pregnancy is odd or not.

[Elmo]

She alluded to that. Said it in so many words.

[Matt]

I've always thought it was strange, and I haven't encouraged it.

[Amy]

Right.

[Matt]

And I don't think you need to discourage it.

[Amy]

No.

[Matt]

But I just think I. I think buying a realistic bump for a child, that's just kind of weird. I'm totally down. Imaginative play. And I recognize kids are going to be curious, but I'm thinking of a bump.

[Amy]

Like, you know, in high school, you had to wear one for sex ed. You'd throw, like, the. The things over your shoulder and there'd be, like, a belly here.

[Matt]

I never had to wear that.

[Amy]

They exist. So you.

[Matt]

Proctor had a really. We talked about something else with sex ed. And your high school had a really interesting sex ed class.

[Amy]

I'm just saying they exist. So I'm just thinking it's not super, like, realistic. I think it's very much innocent. And if. Hey, now you don't have to take your shirt off or lift your shirt up to stuff stuffed animals up your shirt to pretend you're pregnant. This just made it so much easier to play mommy and baby.

[Matt]

I'm so curious with this one. I'm gonna have to do a poll for all the parents out there. Like, would you. Would you be okay if our mom bought a realistic belly for Eloise and she wanted to wear it around all the time?

[Elmo]

Sure.

[Amy]

If Eloise was into, like, playing with dolls like that still. We're at the age. I think she still does, but not to the extent. But I think being imaginative and thinking for little girls, it's different.

[Elmo]

Like, at 6, they don't have that full understanding of how it happens. They're not. At least my kids are not even really asking, how does it happen? They just know that it happens. And in their little brains, in their developmental milestones era, they're like, oh, you have a family and mommies have babies and once you have the baby, you know, you get to cuddle the baby. You know, they're not thinking of how the baby really gets there. And maybe they could abstractly be like, well, how does the baby get there? And you can be like, well, mommies and daddies really love each other and they decide to have a baby and then mommies carry the baby in their tummy and you know, you can be very broad like that. And, and that's the level of understanding. My guess is like I'm guessing that this mom is not explaining the birds and the bees to her six year old. This is her aversion to pregnant. Her pretending she's pregnant. Right. She's definitely not exposing her child to inappropriate content.

[Matt]

Yeah, well. And I mean there's so many ways you can explain everything to your kid. There's a song I saw where it's like some kids have mommies and daddies and some kids have mommies and mommies. And it was in the sound of the Addams Family, I think.

[Elmo]

Oh yeah.

[Matt]

So there's so many different ways you can explain it. You know, fascination aside, I'm not a psychologist. A kid psychologist I'd love.

[Elmo]

Yeah, let's hear them weigh in on this.

[Matt]

We're gonna see in the comments from OP if it was truly like a pillow looking pretend pregnancy or a hyper realistic one. Maybe it changes it for some people. But I would love for a psychologist to chime in like, hey, is this normal? Regardless of like pregnant, it's cool to pretend or not.

[Elmo]

Right?

[Matt]

I think bottom line, like no, you're not the asshole. Op, like how you want to raise your kids is your prerogative. If you want to set that boundary and say I don't want my daughter to play with that, I think that's within your right as a parent. I don't think you're the for asking your mother in law to return it.

[Amy]

Yeah, I don't think you're the for asking her to return it. Those are your boundaries. They're your boundaries. I just think that it's weird that you. Yeah, yeah.

[Elmo]

You think it's weird. She thinks it's weird. Yeah.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Overall vote on this one. Let's see, what do you think overall vote is not?

[Amy]

I would guess that people are saying not the asshole because you're the mom and that's the whole deal.

[Matt]

But yeah, overall vote, not the asshole. Top comment. Your mother in law is weird for ordering pregnancy bellies for your elementary schooler to wear. That's going a Bit too far. However, I was that kid who had a phase where I was obsessed with pregnancy and childbirth and breastfeeding. My brother was born when I was five. Just old enough for my mind to be blown by the process of making a small human see I'm a perfectly well adjusted adult today. Although I honestly do wonder if I should have gone into midwifery as a career. Lol.

[Elmo]

She probably would have been fabulous at it, right? Like and some kids are just like very much like into that nurturing. Like I have my niece who 100% is not like I love her, she is so wonderful. She has so many like other strengths and interests and whatever. But when I had the, when the kids were younger, she lives right down the road and I asked Caitlyn, Caitlin, will you please come over and help me watch the kids? I will pay you. I will pay you like whatever you want. Because I was basically losing my mind with, you know, baby and toddler. I'm like, please just play with them and entertain them while I clean the house. And she was like, no thanks, I'm good, not interested. I don't want to hang out with kids whatsoever. If Eloise had that same question, she's like, I would do it for free.

[Matt]

My gosh.

[Elmo]

Yeah, she loves it. She loves babies.

[Matt]

And every kid is taking care of little kids. Yeah, right.

[Elmo]

So to each their own.

[Matt]

This person does go on to say there is a way to engage your child's curiosity in a healthy way. Treat it like any other topic of science or biology. Get her some age appropriate books about it. Make sure she knows how pregnancy happens and that it's only a thing grown ups do. It's fine to let her indulge her curiosity in learning about it. And pretend play is totally normal part of learning for a kid her age. But she can stick to putting a pillow up her shirt, not an actual pregnancy belly. There's a line between learning through play and whatever your mother in law is doing.

[Amy]

And I just gonna ask because dumb guy over here, what is the difference between sticking a pillow up there versus a pillow that has two straps on it that you know, goes onto a belly?

[Matt]

I think it would depend if it's truly a pillow looking thing because that to me doesn't. It's a pillow with straps like overalls. Basically I'm envisioning a hyper realistic belly.

[Elmo]

And like a silicone.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

With a belly button.

[Matt]

Yeah, everything belt. That's what I'm envisioning. The thing, I don't know, I don't know if a Psycholog psychologist would chime in and say, yeah, like you could be conditioning her in a way or I don't know, like inappropriately. I don't know, I don't, I don't know. I, I just would, I would love from a psychology standpoint to be like, what is the line of like healthy or like. No, that's going too far. And you're removing the innocence of play.

[Amy]

Sure.

[Matt]

And imagination. And now you're doing something else.

[Amy]

I guess I was not thinking realistic at all.

[Matt]

I'm envisioning hyper realistic. You were thinking, I'll send you the.

[Amy]

Photo so people know what I'm talking about.

[Elmo]

You're thinking basically a pillow with overall straps is what you were thinking. It was.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I'm envisioning the one that like when you wear it, it's a full silicone sleeve and if you put it on with clothes like you genuinely could look pregnant to some people. Like the hyper realistic ones they put in movies. That's what I was envisioning.

[Elmo]

For me that's taking it a bit too far. But overall, like, I agree with her comment.

[Amy]

No, they made them so real age for what?

[Elmo]

I think the key to her comment though is age appropriate. You can describe it and talk about it in an age appropriate way. And as long as you're doing that, I think you've got your bases covered. But yeah, if you feel uncomfortable with the toy, it's your prerogative to ask the mother in law to return it. Or if it's going to your house, you can just take, kindly take it and it can disappear.

[Amy]

If it looked like that, I'd have a problem with it.

[Elmo]

Okay.

[Amy]

Yeah, I didn't know they made them like that.

[Matt]

Yeah, no, they make them like hyper realistic. Whether it's for movies or you know, people to use in costumes, props maybe. Maybe you have a surrogate and you still want to experience what it might be like to have a belly. Like I think they make them for a variety of reasons, but that's what I was envisioning. I'm like, why are you giving a kid a hyper realistic belly? Like, what if she brought that home and then wanted to wear it out? And it's like one of those things that you have to then fight your six year old over. Like, no, you can't wear your pregnant belly to school. Like, yeah, that would be a nightmare.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And then she, you let her wear to the grocery store to appease her because you can't stop her screaming. And then you go to the grocery store and people think your 6 year old is pregnant.

[Elmo]

That's permissive. Nope.

[Matt]

It could be a nightmare. It would be nightmare. We only have a couple comments from OP Someone asked, is this a special sized pregnancy belly that is meant to fit a 6 year old child? Does such a thing exist? And OP goes, I wondered the same. I assumed she found a small one meant for an adult that will probably be oversized for a six year old. I am hoping they don't manufacture child sized fake bellies. I won't be finding out since we instructed her to send them back.

[Elmo]

Well, we couldn't find them so no.

[Matt]

They don't exist per my Google search.

[Elmo]

Yep.

[Matt]

But moving along.

[Amy]

All right, moving along.

[Matt]

There will be a poll for this one. I'm so curious if you guys would have a problem with your in laws buying your kids a fake belly, but I think Matt did come. You've changed your tune. Change your tune a little bit. If it's hyper realistic. No.

[Amy]

Yeah. You have to understand like what I was envisioning and maybe I think you really should like put it in there so people understand what I was saying.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

It needs to be like, no, absolutely not. We can have three options as long as it's Matt's version. A pillow with overall straps. Yes. If it's realistic, it's fine. Kids are just pretending.

[Matt]

Or we'll put all the options up.

[Elmo]

There you go.

[Matt]

We shall.

[Amy]

It just like blasted my brain, but I'm aging myself here. But 10 things I hate about you.

[Matt]

Yeah. Keith Ledger.

[Elmo]

Love that movie.

[Matt]

Julia Stiles.

[Amy]

Yep.

[Matt]

Great.

[Amy]

Do you remember the pregnancy suit?

[Elmo]

Oh yes I did. Yeah. But that one had boobs in.

[Amy]

That did have boobs. Big, floppy.

[Elmo]

That would be weird.

[Matt]

Whoa, buddy.

[Elmo]

Do you remember that scene? Yes. Before she could go out, he made her wear the pregnancy suit to remind her to not get pregnant.

[Matt]

She had to wear that out on dates?

[Elmo]

No, no, no. Like just around the house.

[Amy]

Before she went out on a date, she had to wear the pregnancy suit.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Elmo]

What is this, the 90s?

[Matt]

That's crazy. The boobs aren't floppy. They're pretty perky.

[Amy]

Oh.

[Elmo]

I mean they're out there. They're out there.

[Amy]

You're right.

[Matt]

I don't know. Yeah, they look good. They look good. They're pretty positioned.

[Amy]

We've given you a lot to work with here. A lot to edit. Good luck.

[Matt]

Poor Morgan, keeping it all in. Guys, get this episode 10 Things I.

[Elmo]

Hate about you when she's hanging out with family. Here's what you get.

[Matt]

I need to watch that movie. So good.

[Elmo]

You should watch that. I know.

[Matt]

Just so good. So talented. Gone before his time.

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Sad.

[Matt]

Very, very sad. Moving along to story number four.

[Morgan]

Okay, this episode is brought to you by Selectquote. Life insurance can have a huge impact on our family's future with Selectquote. Getting covered with the right policy for you is simple and affordable. Selectquote's licensed insurance agents will tailor your experience to find a life insurance policy for your needs in as little as 15 minutes. And selectquote partners with carriers that provide policies for many conditions. Select quote they shop, you save. Go to selectquote.com Spotify pod today to get started.

[Matt]

Every idea starts with a problem. Warby Parker's was simple. Glasses are too expensive. So they set out to change that. By designing glasses in house and selling directly to customers, they're able to offer prescription eyewear that's expertly crafted and unexpectedly affordable. Warby Parker glasses are made from premium materials like impact resistant polycarbonate and custom acetate. And they start at just $95, including prescription lenses. Get glasses made from the good stuff. Stop by a Warby Parker store near you. Trigger warning on this next one, you guys. It does contain pretty serious talks of eating disorders and weight shaming issues, so please skip if you can't handle that today. Thank you. This is a little vintage. This is five years old now.

[Amy]

Boom.

[Matt]

It is coming from. Am I the asshole entitled. Am I the asshole for discouraging my wife from getting a sexy photo shoot?

[Elmo]

Maybe.

[Amy]

Why would you do that?

[Elmo]

Why would you discourage her?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

Or why would you have the photo shoot?

[Amy]

Why would you discourage her? It's probably only going to benefit you.

[Elmo]

And her and her self esteem.

[Amy]

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. I'm pro. Bordeur.

[Elmo]

Boudoir.

[Amy]

Boudoir.

[Elmo]

There you go. Boudoir.

[Amy]

Boudoir.

[Elmo]

Now you're French.

[Amy]

La flumme.

[Matt]

There you go. My 29 male wife, 29 female, follows a local photographer on Facebook. This photographer specializes in taking boudoir photos. Tasteful pictures of women not wearing much, but some lingerie or a single article of clothing, such as just a T shirt. My wife had previously mentioned that she might be interested in something like this. When I asked why, she said, quote, I thought you would like the pictures. Anyways, the photographer is doing a session of boudoir photo shoots in a few months and my wife excitedly asked me if I cared if she signed up. The fee is $250, which includes hair, makeup and printed photos along with the photo shoot.

[Amy]

I feel like that's Cheap.

[Matt]

That's a really good deal.

[Elmo]

That's a good deal. Go do it. Sign up now.

[Matt]

This is where I'm going to sound like a jerk. My wife has had major self esteem issues and disordered eating habits stemming from her self esteem issues. I'm afraid if she spends all this money to get pictures done, she's going to be really upset when they don't look like some of the other girls. Photos this photographer has on her Facebook page and it's going to bring up all those self esteem issues again. My wife had our son a few years ago, so her stomach isn't as toned as it used to be. She's still hanging on to a bit of extra weight from having our baby. I wouldn't call her fat or anything, but she's definitely going to be disappointed if she spends all this money on what she thinks is going to be amazing pictures. I told her that the pictures on the photographer's Facebook page were probably of women who hadn't had kids yet. She got upset and told me that was mean. I told her maybe if she considered toning up a bit, she would enjoy the photo shoot more.

[Elmo]

Guy, you're messing up.

[Matt]

Wow. Then would be more happy with the end results. She's been distant since I said that.

[Elmo]

No shit, Sherlock.

[Matt]

I'm not trying to be a dick, but we have a joint banking account. That money is my money too, and I don't want her to spend it on something she's not going to like. That could potentially cause her to spiral back into disordered eating. Am I the asshole for discouraging my wife from paying for these?

[Elmo]

Yes. Yes, you are.

[Amy]

1000%.

[Elmo]

You are the asshole.

[Matt]

The thing that's going to send her back into disordered eating is you, you pig.

[Elmo]

Yeah, maybe all the comments that you made for like, up until this point.

[Matt]

You should consider toning up and then you'll like the pictures. You just implied she's got a problem. You might as well have called her disgusting.

[Amy]

Well, he did.

[Matt]

Ugly.

[Amy]

He did.

[Matt]

He did. That's what he said he did. Between the lines.

[Elmo]

Exactly what she heard. Oh, tone up a bit before you're. Before you're valuable enough like to take these photos before you're worthy enough for.

[Amy]

These photos to make it.

[Matt]

Huh?

[Amy]

Like maybe you would feel better if you had toned up. No, you're being. You're. Dude, you're up. You done fucked up.

[Matt]

You just kept getting.

[Amy]

It's about him. It's not about her at all at this point. And let's get real My friend, I was a broke college kid and I spent loads more money than $250 on more stupider things than, like, jeans from the buckle photos.

[Matt]

Yeah, one pair of jeans right there.

[Elmo]

Or consider that she has probably spent hours and hours researching this one photographer's website. Right. She has seen probably many, many different kinds of women in many, many different body shapes. And she's recognized that these women who have different body shapes in these boudoir photos are magic and they're beautiful. And that probably surprises her because the real people taking these boudoir photos and she probably has recognized herself in some of these other people, which has given her the courage to book this session or to think about booking this session because she thinks that it's probably going to be empowering for her because that's. We have a local boudoir photographer, a couple of them, and like, I have joined their Facebook pages and followed them because they're very much about women empowerment and self esteem and beauty and finding the beauty in just in each other. And they're a big proponent of, you know, finding the beauty in each person.

[Matt]

Yeah, I honestly feel like that is kind of the goal of these shoots, to make people feel as comfortable and sexy in their skin as they can. Like, they know how to position, they know how to pose arched back on a bench with. With, I don't know, whatever they wear. Like, they make these photos so good that even if you don't feel 100 secure in your own skin, which newsflash, no one does. No one feels a hundred percent. At least no one I know. If you're out there, please correct me. I'd love to hear how and share your tips, but a lot of people don't feel confident or, I don't know, like, perfectly comfortable every and every day. And, oh, I'm just so flabbergasted and frustrated. So it's like this photo could have been that for her, this could have been a way for her to like, have that hot, sexy moment after having a kid and you just told her she's not good enough for it.

[Amy]

It's also a way for her to go out and get the photos and obviously he's going to see them and to then solidify like, you are attractive. You are worthy of doing this. You are sexy. You're hot, you're. Damn, this is amazing.

[Elmo]

Celebrate her.

[Amy]

Celebrate her. You know, I've seen a lot of Buddha, Buddha boudoir.

[Matt]

I can't. I'm struggling with it too.

[Amy]

I've seen a lot of photos of there are women who are not skinny minis. You know, they are normalized, save lives.

[Matt]

I've been saying in the past couple episodes keeps coming up.

[Amy]

Yeah, exactly. And they are very tasteful and good looking and attractive.

[Matt]

I need to look up some of these photos.

[Elmo]

I just think this guy missed his opportunity. Can you just imagine if she came to him and I'm guessing she was a little bit vulnerable and being like, oh, my gosh, I'm thinking about doing this. What do you think? Can you imagine if he would have taken a pause and been like, oh, my goodness, I would love for you to do this. I can't wait to see your pictures. You are going to look so beautiful. I want you to go and spoil yourself. And actually, you know, why don't you take a little extra money and on that day, maybe you get a pedicure beforehand, you know, like, can you imagine that situation if that had gone down? How different your relationship would have been with her following that?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

You missed a real good opportunity.

[Matt]

You blew it.

[Elmo]

You blew it.

[Amy]

I'm gonna throw this out there.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Amy]

As you started to read the story, I was like, ooh. Because we had that little combo right in the beginning.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I was about to change my tune when he said that it was a local photographer and maybe it was. I thought that the story was going to go like, local people are going to see you in this intimate situation. And I'm very, like, well connected.

[Matt]

And I wish it would have gone.

[Elmo]

More uncomfortable with that.

[Amy]

And I'm comfortable with that.

[Matt]

Not that at all.

[Amy]

Then I would have been like, all right. Because, you know, I have seen pictures from the local.

[Matt]

The group. Yeah.

[Amy]

Places around here that I know people, and it feels like you're a nice person. I. When I see those people, I would never bring it up. I would never say anything. No.

[Matt]

But it does feel so. It feels intimate. Yeah, it feels like something like where you're like, Right. But yeah, it's an intimate thing because a lot of people give these photo books to, like, their husband on their wedding day. Like, some people do this as a very intimate personal gift. So, yeah, I'm like. Like, I'm on Facebook or not Facebook, Google, looking at these pictures, and a lot of them are super intimate. People do them, like, as couples, like when the wife or whoever is pregnant. Also, there's a lot of guys on here doing these shoots, and I love that. I think if you're getting married, you're a guy, do a shoot and give it to your partner. Like, these are really Hot. These are really hot. This one I'm obsessed with. I want to recreate this one. There's like a person here. Where'd it go? There's a person here standing like totally lit from the front. Like sun blasting through a window. Veil on and you see like ass.

[Elmo]

That's beautiful.

[Matt]

Looks great.

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Not everybody.

[Elmo]

Cathedral veil.

[Matt]

Nice as me, right? Yeah. But it was not that.

[Amy]

Right? It wasn't. Somebody might see you out and be.

[Matt]

Like, I would have preferred that were the problem.

[Amy]

Nice photo aim.

[Elmo]

You also don't have to share your photos online. You know, you could just have it. You can very private with the photographer and be like, okay, my photos are only mine. This is.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elmo]

A close studio. Right. So it can be just for you. I've known women who do these boudoir sessions literally just for themselves. Not for their partner, but for themselves to feel good, to feel empowered, to feel beautiful, and to remind themselves that they are worthy.

[Matt]

Yeah. So I think that's probably what her thing was too. Top comment on this one. They quote, op, my wife has had major self esteem issues and disordered eating habits stemming from her self esteem issues. And they go, kudos to her for breaking out of that shell and building the confidence to go through the photo shoot. And then they quote op, I told her maybe if she considered toning up a bit, she would enjoy the photo shoot more then would be more happy with the end results. She's been distant since I said that. They go, you don't say you're the asshole.

[Elmo]

Yep.

[Matt]

Someone replies because the person put, you're the asshole. Massive like sized font. I've actually, I don't know if I've ever seen it that big on Reddit. And they go, I completely agree. With a gigantic font, you're the asshole. Next person max that sucker out, the bigger the better. She wants to get them done. She has self esteem issues. It's OP's job to gush over them and tell her how much he loves them and how good she looks. Unless he's just so shallow of a human. That would involve lying through his teeth.

[Amy]

You're really picking some stories tonight. With a lot of shitty men.

[Elmo]

That's what the stories were.

[Matt]

Someone commented here, you're the asshole. You are personally going to give her an eating disorder again with your attitude.

[Elmo]

Right.

[Matt]

Embrace it and tell her how sexy she will look and mean it. The photographers who specialize in boudoir photo shoots know how to make a woman look amazing and how to pose them in the most flattering way. Plus, my understanding of these shoots is that the woman with six packs abs don't do them because it's not the the point. For that next one, you're the. Your wife wants to take these pics for her. She knows what her body looks like. She lives in it.

[Elmo]

Yes.

[Matt]

Yeah, we do have an edit from OP.

[Elmo]

Okay, edit.

[Matt]

She's currently probably around 51ft tall. 107 pounds.

[Elmo]

Are you kidding me?

[Matt]

So not overweight.

[Elmo]

Also, it doesn't matter. Like we didn't even need to know those stats, but are you kidding me? Something's wrong with him.

[Matt]

So not overweight. But I think it would be worth it for her to start eating better and working out more before getting these pictures taken.

[Amy]

This dude is so he doesn't get it.

[Matt]

Edit number two. Wow. Okay. I didn't expect to get this much hate.

[Elmo]

Oh, he's still just not open to any sort of feedback. Why post on Reddit?

[Matt]

First of all, it's our money, all caps. I wouldn't spend $250 on something without consulting her. And if she had any doubts, I'd listen to her. Second, I was never harsh or mean. We pride ourselves in having a very honest relationship. What I said was honest. She's got some extra meat on her from having a baby. I never said I thought she was unattractive because of it. I would hate for her to be so excited about these photos only to hate them. Third, yes, I know her height and weight. I go to many of her appointments with her. The stats I gave were from her most recent checkup in August 4th. We've been together 10 years. Prior to getting pregnant, she was around 95 pounds and was healthy, not starving herself. This was her post eating disorder weight? I believe so I'm not being a bully by telling her maybe she wants to wait until she loses some of that weight.

[Amy]

12 pounds is the difference here. This dude sucks.

[Matt]

Also, 107 pounds is like I'm not a dietitian. I don't know, whatever. But I'm like that is.

[Elmo]

I'm dumbfounded right now.

[Matt]

I'm.

[Elmo]

I'm dumbfounded at how many times he doubled down and tripled down and quadrupled down and still doesn't get it and has zero room for any sort of introspection.

[Matt]

Yeah, edit number three. Okay, so I guess majority wins and I'm the asshole. For the record, I never told her she has to lose weight. I told her the photos might look more what she wants to if she does. Oh, tomato, tomato. Also, I used to be very Muscular six packs abs when we first started dating. I'm admittedly slightly softer now than I was back then. Still muscular invisible abs. Just not as cut as I was in my early 20s. If someone took professional photos of me baring it all, I would probably be unsatisfied with them and start being harder on myself. That's just the way I feel.

[Amy]

This is about this whole thing is about him.

[Elmo]

Sounds like he has some self esteem issues that he needs to work on.

[Matt]

I was just trying to save her from embarrassment and self consciousness after seeing the photos because she isn't a skinny toned 21 year old anymore. That's all.

[Elmo]

He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it.

[Matt]

He. He really doesn't get it because he gives another update after this.

[Elmo]

Oh God.

[Amy]

Dear Lord.

[Matt]

Scared update. I thought about what you guys all said and realized I needed to talk to my wife and explain myself.

[Elmo]

No, probably not.

[Amy]

Don't.

[Elmo]

Don't do it.

[Amy]

Don't do it.

[Elmo]

Don't do it. At least not unless you have a licensed counselor sitting between you.

[Matt]

I'm so scared I don't even want to read the rest of this.

[Amy]

Go on, go on.

[Matt]

I sat her down and said she should get the pictures taken. She said no, that's okay. You're right, it was a bad idea. I told her I think she's perfect and I just want her to see herself that way too and was afraid she was going to be over critical of herself when she saw the pictures. She agreed that she probably would be and right now she's not as confident because her words, not mine. She isn't as thin as she used to be. She said she wants to lose some weight before she gets the pictures taken and she will hold off scheduling until she gets into a gym routine. I told her I will support her no matter what she decides to do. And yes, I told her I'm an to think before I speak week. I'm hoping I didn't trigger her old bad eating habits but I guess that's a post for a different sub.

[Elmo]

Yeah, probably did you probably did you pro. I mean the damage was done. I don't think that there was anything saving it. You missed your opportunity. It could have been really really great for her and I feel really sad for her.

[Matt]

I do too. Same, just absolute. We never got an update. He has a lot of other comments here just basically being like she's not underweight. She was healthy at 95 pounds though. Maybe according to BMI she's underweight but she was eating healthy and working out. Her doctor was never concerned. But I don't know. This one is like absolutely a trip atrocious to me. And I think if there's anyone out there that's making these comments to you, you need to run, run. Like, if he wouldn't have said anything, she would have gotten that shoot done and probably felt great. And now she's back on this. I need to lose weight like and.

[Elmo]

Celebrated her post baby body, which babies change your body. That's just how it is. Like her body is not going to be the same.

[Matt]

No. No matter what.

[Elmo]

No matter what she gave. She did this miraculous thing and gave birth to this beautiful baby.

[Matt]

Yeah, craziness, craziness. But moving, moving along.

[Elmo]

Here we go.

[Matt]

So this one is coming from Am I the? It is titled Am I the For Walking out of the Hospital After Hearing My wife's diagnosis.

[Elmo]

Ooh.

[Matt]

I, 33, got a call from the ER on Friday saying that my wife, 32, drove herself there because of searing pelvic pain. I'm on a business trip until Saturday, but I drive back in time to be there Saturday morning before she woke up. A while after she wakes up, the doctor comes in. My wife says to stay with her, so I say okay. He takes a deep breath and said that from the transvaginal ultrasound and CT scan results, she has ovarian cancer. My wife starts sobbing, but at first I stay still because I don't even know what to make of it. My wife asks what that means for her, and he says that she'll likely at least need a full hysterectomy and they'd have to remove the fallopian tubes as well as the ovaries. That news jolted me from my chair because the doctor was effectively telling me that she wouldn't be able to have kids after this, and after years of work, I thought we'd finally have a family. I'm overwhelmed with emotions of anger. Not just anger at the disease, but pent up anger from the fact that I had begged her to have kids since we were 26, but she refused for her career. And now, instead of becoming a real family, I didn't even know if she would remain the woman that I married, whether the last picture of us together would be the last time I'd remember her looking beautiful, young and carefree because the wife that was in front of me was already a different person. My wife started to grab my hand and say, we'll fight this and we'll adopt, but I shook my head and turned to walk out the door. I still had my suitcase in the car. So I drove to a hotel because I didn't know if my wife was going to end up being discharged or what. At the hotel, I was at least able to get out of a reactive mode, but I was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over. I was finally able to get a grasp on all of my emotions and feel more like my normal self in that I knew exactly what I felt about every aspect and how I would react to it from here on out. I get a call from my mother in law saying that if I was at a hotel or wherever else, I should just stay there. Am I the asshole for walking out? I admit it was done on impulse, but this diagnosis just sliced my life and my wife's life wide open. I wasn't going to expel the cancer if I stayed that night, but I did at least make myself aware of my situation. And I feel I have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids, the only kind I ever wanted, is rapidly fading away.

[Elmo]

Yes, you absolutely are the asshole for abandoning your wife in the moment that she found out that she has a cancer that could kill her. And I don't know if the medical team was not forthright and did not educate you on the severity of ovarian cancer, but you first and foremost, beyond any sort of, honestly, beyond any sort of grieving for any future family that you could have had, like, you're allowed to have those feelings, but have those feelings later. Your, your priority should have been your wife and your wife receiving the news that her life, her living, her being with you and married in order to, you know, let's not even talk about a family was in jeopardy at that moment. And you abandoned her.

[Matt]

Literally raced out, smacked her hand away and went to a hotel.

[Elmo]

And like in some of the wording, like I almost got the feeling like he's blaming her for having cancer.

[Matt]

I know.

[Elmo]

And it's about him and his view for his life and his. And okay, you know, I understand that you can have some of those feelings and grieve the loss of a future that you may have had later.

[Matt]

Yeah, this is not the time.

[Elmo]

Not the time, not the time. You need to put any sort of self, selfish, self serving emotions on the back burner so that you can care for your partner.

[Matt]

Her.

[Elmo]

I can't believe he abandoned her. Yes, you're absolutely the.

[Amy]

Should I play devil's advocate? No, I'm kidding. No, absolutely not. This guy sucks. This guy sucks. It's super disappointing. There's. There's no devil. Devil's advocate. I agree with 100, everything he said. People make choices within their relationships. Whether you thought you wanted kids at 21 or 26 or 30, and you're just. God, we're just gonna work for this one more milestone until we're 32, and then we'll try to have kids. Or you were a team. You were a partnership, and those are the choices you made together. And here you are. And, yeah, you left her to deal with some really heavy shit on her own, and you suck.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think that's like, what's crazy, too. It's like. He's like, well, I begged her. And it's like. Like, yeah, you did. But you still then chose to stay and, like, sign on and wait. If you wanted kids at 26, you had the option to divorce her and find someone who did want to have kids young and immediately and not focus on a career like, that was a possibility for you, sir.

[Elmo]

That is true.

[Matt]

And something I was curious about is, can you potentially freeze eggs? Could they pursue other options to still have. Genetically, they're two of them, kids. Biologically biological kids. Right.

[Elmo]

And it might not be possible, given ovarian cancer, because of the hormones that they need to give you in order to, like, stimulate your ovaries to produce eggs and follicles. And so that might not have been an option either. You know, like, sometimes with, for example, testicular cancer. Cancer. What if you. Dude got testicular cancer, Are you gonna, you know, feel the same way about yourself? Right? Like, put the shoe on the other foot. What would you want your wife to do? I know in that situation, however, a lot of times they preserve sperm in order to, you know, have fertility later.

[Matt]

On, after chemo treatments, I started holding Amy's hand because she's slamming down the table. I'm like, stop.

[Elmo]

Oh, sorry. I thought you were just, like, you're going on a tangent. No, Like, I know.

[Matt]

No, I would literally. I'm sorry. I distracted her. I was holding it just for sound quality, friends. But, yeah, completely agree. It's like, you are not guaranteed anything in this life except death and taxes. That's it. I had a. I had a teacher always say that. And so it's like, you could be faced with that. I had a friend from high school. He got testicular cancer right after we graduated. It seemed like he was, like, 20, 21, and he was able to freeze stuff. You can potentially freeze your eggs with ovarian cancer. But, yes, it's crucial to discuss this with both your oncologist and a reproductive endocrinologist. Because of the hormones.

[Elmo]

Like, I think it depends.

[Matt]

Is totally depends. Case by case. How serious is your cancer? Is it an immediate? We got to get this out now. And the hormones are a serious business. I've got friends going through the egg retrieval process right now, and it's a big deal. It can take a lot of time. So when you have a cancer where time is of the age, the essence, you might not have that luxury. But he didn't stay to hear any of that.

[Elmo]

No.

[Matt]

He doesn't know what's going on. And he abandoned someone he supposedly took vows to stand next to, to love, to have.

[Elmo]

To hold sickness and cherish.

[Matt]

And I think, honestly, with people, like, if you can't sign up for that, why are you getting married? Like, do you love this person? Like, what are you doing? Put your own shit aside. I get you're scared. Your feelings, you can have them later. But right now you need to buck up and be there. And what you did was shitty.

[Amy]

Super selfish.

[Matt]

Shitty.

[Amy]

Unbelievable.

[Matt]

Overall vote.

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Top comment as of this point, because the very top has since been deleted. You're the asshole. All your wife seems to be is an incubator. You have no regards for her feelings and abandon her at the worst moment. You're the asshole. You're the asshole. You're the asshole. The top comment was removed by the moderator. For whatever reason, it did have 53k upvotes at the time. I feel like it based on the comment after had something to do with like, you should go back, grovel, apologize. You're the asshole. Something along those lines. Right, because the next comment down says he should not go back. Cancer patients have a better success rate and recovery if they are surrounded by positive influences around them. My mother had that operation and it took years to heal internally. This high stress situation revealed his true character and I honestly see no coming back from this. What's there to excuse? Sorry that you ruined my hopes of a real child because you got cancer. I feel less attracted to you because your oven is being ripped out and we can't get a bun in anymore. Not the positive influence Op's wife needs. And I doubt he has anything more to offer her than seeing her as a baby maker.

[Elmo]

It's the way it feels.

[Amy]

Yeah, I agree with that comment. And if he does go back, or did, hopefully he had a completely different story about what he thought he heard and what was transpiring and how he had to go and deal with something completely different than what he explained in this story.

[Matt]

Really trying to look on the bright side here, buddy.

[Amy]

I just.

[Elmo]

I don't think there's any going back.

[Amy]

Brutal. Brutal.

[Matt]

All right. I kind of want to hit him with a baby snowmobile.

[Elmo]

We got one in the back.

[Matt]

I know. Just want to, like, put his face under the tracks. I'm just kidding. Violence is never the answer. This next one involves a little domestic labor.

[Elmo]

Our favorite.

[Matt]

It's coming from Am I the Asshole? And it's titled Am I the Asshole for requesting that my wife stop asking me to help with dinner. Hello Reddit, it's me, a throwaway, so she has a harder time finding this post. I am 35, male. My wife Glenda is 34 female. We do not have any children. I work from home, so I'm usually on dinner duty. It just makes logical sense because I can defrost and prep while she comes home. And we can eat early so we can sleep early. The job I had in college meant I was cooking twice a day, so I'm a pretty good short order cook. My dinners are not usually elaborate, but they feed us healthily. My wife has never been big on chefing, so that task leans on me, which is fine. She's good at other things. Here's the conflict. When she does cook, she constantly asks me questions. She'll shout from the other room that she needs my help, and it's questions about how much salt to use or whether X or Y is done yet. So I'm just never off duty for cooking. I can never take a mental break. Her argument is one cooking makes her anxious and also two that I'm just better at cooking. So I really do know better and I find it hard to argue with those points. But I just want a mental break some nights. This empathetic and direct discussion happened last night and she is mad. I don't want her to be mad, but I also don't want to be dinner guy until we die. Am I the asshole?

[Elmo]

Why don't you take this one first?

[Amy]

No, you're not an asshole. I can understand not wanting to be the dinner guy all the time.

[Matt]

I hate cooking. This would be exhausting.

[Amy]

We not in the same context, but yesterday actually had a similar situation and I get anxious when I have to order somebody else's subway for them. Oh, and I have to decide on what veggies they want. Oh, and what sauce they want.

[Matt]

They didn't specify?

[Amy]

No, they don't specify.

[Elmo]

So we've just been married for 10 years and together for 20 years and he knows what kind of veggies I like, and if he gets it wrong, that's fine too. I had to make sure subs.

[Amy]

And they have, you know, hot honey subs.

[Elmo]

I had to make sure the two hooligan kids were not. Not, like, creating a mess in the gas station.

[Amy]

And you're not the only. You're not the only one, though. I had to recently go and get a Subway for our general contractor that's working with us.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Amy]

And he's like, yeah, just give me a spicy Italian. Like, cool, spicy Italian. Thinking, no, it's not.

[Matt]

Yeah, it is stressful getting people stuff because you don't know if you're gonna get a picky eater. And then they're like, I don't want it. I'm not eating it. Whatever. Yeah, this would drive me a little bonkers.

[Amy]

And I just think that when he is describing chefing, like, cooking things, it's not baking. So he needs to ensure to his wife that it's okay. Whatever. However much like, put a dash of salt in. Put a tablespoon of salt in. We'll. We'll just roll with it. It's not bacon. You're not going to it up kefir. Cooking a meal. You're fine. If you're baking a meal and you throw in a pound of baking soda, you're done. Okay. It's two totally different things. Cook away, throw some things in it, and you can play with it because you're gonna cook it again.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Amy]

You'll be fine.

[Matt]

I agree.

[Amy]

So give the guy a break. Don't ask him how much salt to put in.

[Elmo]

I have two thoughts.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Elmo]

First thought is, is it the scenario. I need a little more information. Is it the scenario where she just really has never learned how to cook and she's trying her best, but perhaps he's being hypercritical of the result of her cooking? Is that the situation? And has he ever. It sounds like he has, but has he ever really taken the time. Okay, let me teach you how to make this meal. Let me teach you how to make this meal. Let me teach you how to make this meal. Okay, you're set for three meals. You got this. You can take it, and you can run.

[Matt]

All right, here's the thing.

[Elmo]

Or, wait, I'm not done. Or is this a case of weaponizing competence.

[Matt]

Thank you.

[Elmo]

Where she just doesn't want to cook? And if she, like, intentionally sabotages it and makes her cooking just miserable every time, that he is just going to want to be like, just let me do it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

Which is the case. That's what I want to know.

[Matt]

That's what I want to know. I'm like, okay, it's. It can be like, if they have a closed off kitchen and the rest of the house is kind of far, does she want company in there while she's cooking? And then she's trying to get them to come into there. Like, what is this really about? Because if it's not company, or like she doesn't like, you know, being bored in there by herself, like, it is weaponizing competence. Because. And this might be my hot take of the day. I don't know if roles were reversed and you had a woman writing in a Reddit saying, I cook about every meal and my husband has to cook one meal, but every time he cooks that one meal, he brings me in to ask for help. And all this stuff, people would be being like, not the asshole, weaponized, incompetent. I feel like they would be very quick to say that. But there's some comments on a lot of this post being like, have you taught her how to cook? Have you?

[Elmo]

Which is not really his responsibility. He could also be like, hey, honey, I'm gonna eat whatever you make. Here's a you not even. Here's a YouTube video. Go, just give it a try.

[Matt]

Yeah. I mean, people are being like, this is how it usually feels to be a woman. Congrats, bud. But that still doesn't make it necessarily like, yeah, okay, that's kind of misogynistic. Commenter. But it also, it's like it. This is their relationship dynamic. This is how it's established. He cooks, she gets one meal. All you have to be is like, hey, babe, it doesn't have to be perfect. Just cook. It's no different than like you sending your partner to the grocery store. And you have to make them a list, and you have to make them a list with pictures, and you still make them a list. And they call you and say, hey, what chips do we get? I don't know, probably the ones we've bought for the past four years. Same chips, Baked lays. That's what they are. Why are you calling and asking me? You know, it's weaponized incompetence. If you want to talk to me on the phone while you're grocery shopping, just say so.

[Elmo]

Right.

[Matt]

If you want me in the kitchen when you're cooking, just tell me. I'll bring a glass of wine. It's cool. But don't pretend like you're bad. And then I have to do the mental labor of basically cooking. I don't think it's fair. I don't think you're the asshole.

[Elmo]

Yeah, I don't think he's the asshole.

[Amy]

I said that, right? He's not the asshole.

[Elmo]

That's what you said.

[Amy]

I actually, prior to starting this house project, I used to cook much more than what Amy ever did.

[Matt]

Yeah, you're a good chef.

[Amy]

So I.

[Matt]

She's offended.

[Amy]

Did you say that was a lie?

[Elmo]

Yes. Since babies came along. No. You would cook for like when we have people over to our house before we had babies. And since babies came along, mama is the number one person who is cooking all of the meals. And it's rare for you.

[Amy]

I do a lot of the chefing.

[Matt]

He's out there on the Blackstone every time I come to town making that chicken stir fry. I know your guests. This episode theme has turned into family. The family is fighting. That's the vibe of this whole episode. Oh, my family is fighting. Top comment on this one. Not the. A 34 year old woman can learn how to cook. If she wants to know how much salt to use, she should add the amount she feels is appropriate. And if it comes out bad, she'll have an idea of what a way to adjust it for the next time. Most cooking is learned through trial and error.

[Elmo]

Yep.

[Matt]

Mm. Overall vote, what do you think?

[Elmo]

Not the asshole.

[Amy]

Not the asshole.

[Matt]

It was actually asshole.

[Elmo]

What?

[Matt]

I'm just kidding. Okay. Overall vote is not the asshole.

[Amy]

Holy cow, people.

[Matt]

Not the asshole.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Moving on to our very last story.

[Elmo]

All right, here we go.

[Matt]

I'm going to give you a vote. You can either vote or we can let the coin decide. Choice number one. Am I the asshole for being in the delivery room while my sister gave birth? Or option two, I don't know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husband's affair.

[Amy]

Oh, I kind of feel tricky. We should do both. But those are.

[Matt]

People are screaming.

[Amy]

Very.

[Matt]

I hear them.

[Amy]

Very interesting. Very interesting topics. Okay, the first one I would say probably not because that's just messed up. Why do you want to see your sister's vagina? You don't.

[Elmo]

But perhaps you want to support your sister doing a very.

[Matt]

Here we go. Family's fighting. Here we go.

[Elmo]

Find a friend moment.

[Matt]

So this is coming from R slash Dusty Thunder. It's only one day old. All right, titled again, Hot on it. Am I the for being in the delivery room while my sister gave birth? I don't think I am, but my girlfriend thinks otherwise for some context. I am 27, male. My girlfriend is 26 and my sister is 30. About two days ago, my sister called me and told me her water broke, so I left work and took her to the hospital. I told my girlfriend and she met us there. My sister asked me to be in there with her because her husband is deployed and she didn't want to be in there alone. I obliged and was in there the whole time with her, and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. My girlfriend thinks it was weird and incestuous that I was with her while she was in such a vulnerable state. I didn't think it was. And we've been arguing about it for the past two days and I'm getting tired of it. I think she wanted my sister to ask her instead of me, but we haven't been dating long enough for my sister to feel comfortable while she was in that state. I keep asking her what the real reason she was upset about and she won't tell me. The situation sucks because my sister loves her and wants her to be included in everything. So I don't know where this all came from. I told her that she needs therapy and very soon. She has an only child, so I don't think she understands the bond of siblings. Am I the asshole?

[Amy]

I gotta backtrack on what I had previously said. I guess if you, you know, don't go below the curtain, it could be a very supportive thing in a very supportive role, regardless of what family member you are to that person. So in that aspect, you know, husband's deployed. It's not.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's really.

[Amy]

Giving birth truly is not a sexual thing at all. It's not incest. Incestuous.

[Matt]

Elmo.

[Amy]

Yeah, It's a big word. So. Yeah. No, I think he might be in the clear in that aspect. If sister didn't have, you know, other people to support her or felt that this person was the best person through that ordeal. Because giving birth is no joke. I've been there for two of them and scary.

[Matt]

Yeah, you had. You. The second one was a little dicey there. Amy.

[Elmo]

Sure was. But we all made it, so that was. That was good. I agree with you. I. I understand how at first glance and at first feeling like your knee jerk reaction might be like, oh, that's. That's different. That's odd. That's intimate.

[Matt]

I mean, maybe. Heard the title. I was like, right in with your sister.

[Elmo]

Right.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Elmo]

But like a brother supporting a sister.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

While she is giving birth.

[Matt]

But then you get the context.

[Elmo]

Then you get the context.

[Matt]

Has been deployed. That's a huge deal.

[Elmo]

She needs somebody with her, someone that she knows and trusts. And actually, I think the. The reason that the friend gives to argue that he shouldn't be there, her being vulnerable, is the entire reason that he should be there. She. He clearly is such a trusted, respected person that she is open to being vulnerable around him and trusts him to take care of her and to advocate for her during this scary, beautiful time of her life. So really, what I would say is it doesn't matter what she thinks. The friend thinks. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. If you are okay with it and you were your sister's support person and she's. That's what she wanted.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

That's the most important thing.

[Matt]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, some people nowadays will have their dad in the delivery room with them. I mean, I think you can keep it. You know, you stay up by the head, you hold my hand, you encourage me through breathing. It's not. You're not seeing anything. And as you said, Matt, like, birth is not sexual. It's not. It's a miracle of laugh. The miracle. Miracle. But it's just like this beautiful, amazing thing. I just. Southern accent comes out of me sometimes. I just kind of like the miracle. Miracle. And diabetes, y'all. Diabetes.

[Amy]

When I go down south, y'all, y'all come.

[Matt]

It's a good one. Top comment on this one. You are not the. Your sister needed you, and you were there for her. Giving birth is not sexual. Next comment down. As a mama three, if my only options for support during labor were my brother or his girlfriend, I'd choose my brother.

[Elmo]

Yes.

[Matt]

I'd like to repeat that. Giving birth is not sexual. And my husband agrees. Next comment down. What perv even thinks birth is sexual? Girlfriend is gross.

[Amy]

But no, I. Again, if you look at my initial reaction to this, I think that you're like, oh, whoa, you're gonna have your sibling in the room. I get where people come from on that.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I don't know.

[Matt]

I mean, your new girlfriend. What makes you think you'd ever be invited into the room?

[Amy]

Well, that's also true.

[Matt]

It's weird.

[Elmo]

That's weird.

[Matt]

That's weird.

[Elmo]

That's a weird thought to think it should be you.

[Matt]

You're thinking too highly of yourself in that regard. I do want to say. I was gonna say, like, obviously, like, birth is not sexual at all, but there's a rumor I see on TikTok all the time that, like, King Louis actually kind of, like, had the shift of women going from like leaning on a chair or more like on their hands and knees to a supine laying in bed, feet and stirrups position because he liked watching his wives and mistresses like give birth. And that popped into my head so I had to google it. I was like, do women lie on their backs during birth because of King Louis? Like, just what's the reason? Just to make sure.

[Elmo]

Because there are other probably more effective methods.

[Matt]

So he did have a preference for observing deliveries while women were lying on their backs, and it did influence the shift to supine position for childbirth, but it's not the sole reason. Other factors like medicalization, the use of interventions, and the desire for better fetal monitoring also played a role, but he kind of did so influenced it. Not great.

[Elmo]

That's an interesting piece of history that I did not know.

[Amy]

I didn't learn that I was on.

[Matt]

TikTok for a while. My algorithm is weird, clearly. But last but not least, all right, here we go. Coming from r relationship advice 5 hours old old.

[Morgan]

I love it.

[Elmo]

Brand new, Hot off the press.

[Matt]

I, 26 female, don't know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husband's 29 male affair. I'm not exactly sure if this falls in line with relationship advice or not, but I don't know of very many subreddits, so apologies if this is out of left field. I'm expecting my second baby this summer and I had a name I absolutely loved picked out. It's been a name I've had on my mind before, even having my first child who is three now. We even had a perfect middle name to go with it. My toddler even calls the baby the name while talking to my belly. Now I've recently found explicit messages between my husband and a co worker of his and this has made my life completely implode. For starters, I don't know if I will even be staying with my husband, despite them both claiming it was never physical and that he has no love for her. The issue is that her name happens to be the same name I've been wanting to name my daughter.

[Elmo]

No.

[Matt]

I've had no other name in my mind because to me I found the name perfect. So do I have this name stolen from me like so much in my life right now for my possible only daughter, or do I keep it? I tell myself to be strong and that this was her name before their affair even started and to not let it be taken away. But on the other hand, will I regret it and only be triggered of the whole thing from now on.

[Amy]

Gosh, I. Go ahead.

[Elmo]

I honestly think that only she can answer that question for herself because I think that she needs to make that decision of like, exactly what she said. Nope, this is her name. It's not gonna. I'm not going to associate it with him and, and this act and this affair. And it's going to be an empowering thing because it was my name to begin with.

[Matt]

What are the chances?

[Elmo]

That is a possibility. Now, if it's me, I would not be able to do that.

[Matt]

I wouldn't be able to either.

[Elmo]

And knowing myself, I would be thinking about that at least surrounding her birth, at least surrounding her infancy for I don't know how long. So I think you gotta know yourself and see what kind of person are you? Because I've got some friends who are some badass and who are like, nope, that is my name. And they, they would, they would do.

[Matt]

It out of spite.

[Elmo]

Sarah would be like, nope, no matter what happened, that's my name. And she should change her name, honestly, is what. How like, it would. It would be in her brain, right? So that's her brain. So she could, she could do that. I could not get past that. So for me, I would need to go back to the books and I need to soul search and find something that maybe within this situation is even more beautiful, more perfect.

[Matt]

I'd be the same way. I wouldn't be able to do it because I think no matter how you end up, like, whether you get past this emotional affair and stay with your husband, it's a reminder if you divorce, it's a reminder of what you lost. And you could resent it. Like, it's just find a new name. There's so many beautiful names out there. Don't do this to yourself.

[Elmo]

But here's also the beauty of the whole thing, is that if you do choose to go with this name or any other name, and maybe, well, the.

[Matt]

Kid picked the name.

[Elmo]

Well, yeah, no, you pick the name. You go with the name.

[Matt]

But three or six months down the road, Bad joke.

[Elmo]

Okay. I missed it over my head. Okay, well, anyway, three or six months, however long down the road you say I made a bad call.

[Matt]

Know you can change it.

[Elmo]

You can absolutely change it.

[Matt]

Does that nightmare paper.

[Elmo]

Everybody know Jen Hamilton? I follow her on TikTok Nurse. The nurse. She has a. I know. I love her too. I think everyone loves her, right?

[Matt]

She's so cute.

[Elmo]

There's not a person on this planet who probably doesn't. Anyway, so she changed her baby's name.

[Matt]

Did she? Yes.

[Elmo]

Like, I don't remember.

[Matt]

Forgive me for, like, Jenner changed her baby's name.

[Elmo]

Oh, really? I didn't know.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

I don't remember at, like, what point, but, like, maybe before the year mark, they, like, had a beautiful name picked out for this kid, and it just did not end up matching this kid's personality.

[Matt]

I feel like I saw a video on this. Yeah.

[Elmo]

And so they changed it. So that's a possibility. So it's not set in stone. So if you pick the wrong thing, it's okay.

[Matt]

Adults changing the name all the time.

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Amy]

How does that work on a, like, birth certificate?

[Elmo]

You just go to the courts and change the name.

[Amy]

Really?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

File name change.

[Matt]

It's a lot of paperwork.

[Elmo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Something I have to do.

[Elmo]

Yeah. So that's.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

Okay, your turn.

[Amy]

Yeah, I think a name. Just say one. Say a name.

[Elmo]

Clyde.

[Amy]

Got it. Okay. I immediately can think of four or five Clydes that I know.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Amy]

It just brings me. Right.

[Elmo]

You know that many Clydes.

[Amy]

Yeah, I work with one.

[Elmo]

Okay.

[Matt]

Do you know any Clauds?

[Amy]

Claude was just in town last weekend.

[Matt]

I love the name Claude. I also love the name Francis, and I'm so sad. It's on my baby name list, and Lauren just named her Fish Francis, and now I can't use it. I'm like, what would I tell my kid? Oh, yeah, Francis, we named you after Auntie Lolo's fish.

[Elmo]

So Eloise, one of my besties, Matt and I had picked out the name for Eloise, and we love her name and. But we hadn't told anybody. Right. Like, we kept it a secret until a baby's born.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

And meanwhile, while I'm pregnant, one of my very good friends comes and is like, meet our puppy, Eloise. And she's like, one of my best friends. And I was like, I love that name.

[Matt]

And so, so good. And you still went with Eloise.

[Morgan]

And we.

[Matt]

We.

[Elmo]

So then I turned to Matt after that. I was like, can we still name our kid Eloise?

[Matt]

I mean, the fish will be dead by the time.

[Elmo]

Yes.

[Matt]

Yeah. Fish, they don't live that long, I don't think.

[Elmo]

But they call the dog Ellie, so it all works out.

[Matt]

There you go.

[Amy]

But, yeah, so for me, yeah, a name, like, just rolls around all the other people of that name that I know. And if you're not in good standing in that name. Yeah. No, I could not name my child after. You're a fair lover person.

[Matt]

I mean, I love, love, love the name Elizabeth. And in high School. I had a friend named Elizabeth. We called her Betsy. Her name. She went by Betsy but then. And Elizabeth was also my high school bully, so ruined it. I love that name. But I would never be able to name my kid that because it would. Would. It honestly would remind me of.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Being traumatized. So I would not be able to do that. I think there's so many other beautiful names. And while you might not have considered anything else now you gotta. You gotta.

[Elmo]

I think the majority of people would be like, you gotta get back to the drawing board.

[Matt]

Yeah. And the top comment does say that. Top comment is. I'd change it. If it's already on your mind, it will always be on your mind. Next comment down. Yep. She is already asking this question on Reddit. Just change it. One less to hunt your brain with. Okay, yeah, Cloud Builder 44. One less to haunt your brain with is probably what you meant. But you said hunt +f that b. You don't want her saying you named your baby after her if she ends up with your husband.

[Elmo]

Oh, I mean, that's a good.

[Amy]

Also true.

[Elmo]

That's a good point.

[Amy]

That could happen.

[Elmo]

Now she could claim that even if.

[Matt]

She'S completely wrong, a delusional one would.

[Elmo]

Yeah, she'd spread that rumor around like.

[Matt]

She was so obsessed with me. He loved me. And she. He didn't love her. And she's so obsessed, she even named her baby after me.

[Elmo]

Okay, listen, guys, even if you're a badass and you could still, like, get over it, you probably should just. Just go back to the drawing board, pick a new name. Yeah.

[Matt]

Comment goes on to say, thank God you found out before the baby was born. Now take your time and find the actual perfect name. Best of luck to you and congrats on your baby.

[Amy]

What made you think of Claude?

[Matt]

I love the name Claude. Also on my baby list.

[Amy]

I know one Claude. He's not like, he's really just an acquaintance to me.

[Matt]

I love the name Claude.

[Amy]

Yeah, he did come in town last weekend. I only know one, but very random.

[Elmo]

Random.

[Matt]

There are a couple comments from OP.

[Elmo]

What do they plan on doing?

[Matt]

A lot of people are like, there's a comment here that says, one, it was physical. Two, leave the husband. Three, change the name. Four, live your best life. Next comment down. Five, when your kids ask for a rodent, use the name then. Next comment down. Or a snake.

[Elmo]

Wow.

[Matt]

Next comment. I'd name the snake after my ex husband. Next comment. Don't insult the snake. But we do have some comments from OP when we talked about the fact that a fair partner has the name we were planning on using for our daughter. He said he never associated them together. That when he hears the name, it wasn't something that made him think of a particular person in a given moment, that it was more of coincidental and only happened because she made him feel wanted when he felt so distant from me. Bruh. That's what OP said. Bruh.

[Elmo]

Bruh.

[Matt]

Unfortunately, we bought a house together, so we're staying there but in separate rooms. I've gathered support as well through my family and therapy. It's only been a few days, but try not to drown. So support is a big thing for me right now. He's definitely cutting her out of the picture asap. While quitting his job is almost impossible to say the least. Not working in the same department is already something being looked into. I told him if and big if I even am going to stay, there's no way in hell I can if they're still working together.

[Elmo]

I think that's reasonable.

[Matt]

Yeah, I told him I don't care if he says it wasn't physical, that I want him to get tested, I'll likely get it done myself.

[Elmo]

Yes, you should.

[Matt]

I've started looking at alternatives and seeing how my toddler reacts. Nothing has felt quite the same. I've almost felt like I've been mourning the name. But no, I need to get over the grief before I can truly decide. I appreciate your comment.

[Elmo]

That's fair.

[Matt]

My toddler already has my last name. I never changed mine in the first place. Always knew I'd keep mine regardless of who I ended up with.

[Elmo]

Yeah, I think she's made her decision.

[Matt]

I think so too.

[Elmo]

I think she's gonna leave him, she's gonna pick a new name, they're gonna go live happily ever after and he is going to not I do his bed. He's now got a lie on it.

[Matt]

I do think this is so badass of her. There's a comment here that goes we had the name picked long before meeting or even knowing a fair partner and she is most definitely a horrible person that knew he was married with a second baby on the way. I confronted her in person the morning after finding out just to get some questions answered and for her to see the person she helped in hurting. She said it was never physical, only started a little while ago and that I was on random occasions that they just text again. Can't take his or her word for it, but that's what info I was given. There's almost things in Motion to get him out of the same work environment. Good. Good news all around. Badass is with it. If. If I stay big, if get tested, I have my last name. I loved my last name too much to ever let a guy think he could change that. That's one comment. So I think she's gonna be okay and will come up with a new name.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Elmo]

Situation sucks. I feel bad for her. She doesn't deserve it. She's worth more than that. And her not like him. Not getting enough attention is never an excuse. No, it's not valid.

[Matt]

No. So we had a roller coaster of.

[Elmo]

Our roller roller coaster. Yeah.

[Matt]

That was a lot.

[Elmo]

Thanks for having us.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Thanks for being here.

[Amy]

Well, actually, you're here.

[Elmo]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Amy]

Thanks for coming to our house, coming.

[Elmo]

On over, having supper.

[Matt]

You know, this was great, hanging out. Where can everyone find you? How can they listen to your podcast.

[Amy]

Midwest Married podcast on YouTube specifically? Please, like, follow, subscribe.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Amy]

You can find us everywhere else where you listen to your podcasts and Instagram.

[Matt]

West Mary, Midwest Married. It'll be linked in the description. You guys, don't worry. You'll find them. But thank you guys so much for coming on. I think what title comes to mind for you? When we think about all the stories we now encountered today, Men suck.

[Amy]

God, we suck.

[Matt]

But we had. We had the Woman who Couldn't Cook.

[Amy]

Yeah. Yeah, that was like a. Like a freebie. All the other ones, though, you really did us dirty.

[Matt]

Does it. Does it affect. Do you take it personal when people say all men suck?

[Amy]

No.

[Matt]

Okay. Would you be offended if the title was putting the Y in X Y?

[Amy]

No.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Amy]

That wouldn't bother me. I'm not easily offended.

[Elmo]

I feel like.

[Amy]

Which is why I can just, like, run my mouth on here thinking that I won't offend anybody. But.

[Matt]

Yeah, we'll see. We'll see.

[Amy]

So if I did offend you on this episode, I apologize.

[Matt]

I'm so sorry. And go over to Midwest Married and tell him what you think.

[Amy]

And this is what it comes down to, is my intent versus the impact. All right? My intent was good. Maybe the impact ended bad, but I intended it to all be good.

[Elmo]

And here's what I love about Matt.

[Matt]

Matt.

[Elmo]

You know, you're open to hearing other points of view, and then you're also open to reconsidering and changing your stance.

[Matt]

You're fluid.

[Elmo]

That's one of the things that I love about you. Yeah.

[Matt]

You're very fluid.

[Amy]

So wonderful. Well, everybody, two hot takes. Thank you for listening. Like, follow subscribe we gotta go eat a pizza now. All right. We love you.

[Elmo]

Bye.

[Matt]

Until next time. Bye.

[Amy]

Sa.