228: Something's Amiss.. Ft. Kamie Crawford

Summary

Episode 228: Something's Amiss.. Ft. Kamie Crawford

Release Date: August 7, 2025

Guest: Kamie Crawford

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Guest Introduction and Background

Timestamp: 01:31 - 05:24

Morgan Absher warmly welcomes Kamie Crawford to the show, expressing her excitement and admiration for Kamie's journey. Kamie shares her impressive background, detailing her unexpected entry into the pageant world by winning Miss Maryland Teen USA and subsequently Miss Teen USA at the age of 16. She recounts her year in New York, attending events and working with charitable organizations, which she credits for preparing her for life’s challenges.

Notable Quote:

• Kamie Crawford at [04:50]: “And I did that for six years.”

Kamie also discusses her transition into television hosting, including her role on MTV’s Catfish. She highlights the pivotal moment when guest co-hosting opportunities led her to secure a full-time position, illustrating her resilience and adaptability in the media landscape.

---

Diving into AITA Stories: "I'm Not Pretty Enough"

Timestamp: 14:13 - 23:05

The episode shifts focus to a poignant AITA (Am I the Asshole) post titled “My boyfriend, 36, male, wants to end a one-year relationship because I'm not pretty enough.” The story revolves around a 35-year-old woman whose boyfriend decides to break up with her solely based on her appearance, despite a year of a seemingly strong relationship.

Key Points Discussed:

• The emotional turmoil experienced by the OP (Original Poster) due to her boyfriend's superficial reasoning for the breakup.
• The impact of societal beauty standards and the boyfriend's obsession with external validation from strangers.

Notable Quotes:

• Kamie Crawford at [16:22]: “Fuck him. Who the fuck does he think he is?”
• Morgan Absher at [19:23]: “Do yourself a favor. Cut ties.”

The co-hosts vehemently condemn the boyfriend's behavior, emphasizing the importance of self-worth and rejecting relationships that are contingent solely on physical appearance. They advocate for the OP to prioritize her emotional well-being and move forward without guilt or self-doubt.

---

Exploring Boundaries in Relationships: "Baby Talk Around Family"

Timestamp: 24:02 - 34:04

The discussion transitions to another AITA post titled “Am I the asshole for asking my girlfriend to stop using baby talk around my family?” Here, a 26-year-old woman requests her 28-year-old boyfriend to curb his girlfriend’s use of exaggerated baby talk in front of family and friends, causing tension in their relationship.

Key Points Discussed:

• The balance between accepting a partner’s quirks and maintaining comfort in social settings.
• The importance of addressing behavior that causes embarrassment or discomfort in front of loved ones.

Notable Quotes:

• Kamie Crawford at [25:26]: “Not the asshole. Yup. Breakup worthy level of incompatibility.”
• Morgan Absher at [32:13]: “You're not wrong, sir. You're not wrong.”

The hosts explore the necessity of setting boundaries in relationships, especially regarding behavior that affects social interactions. They stress that while personal quirks are natural, mutual respect and consideration in various settings are crucial for a healthy partnership.

---

Challenging Moments: "Driving Out of Control"

Timestamp: 35:33 - 46:49

Another compelling AITA story is introduced: “My boyfriend, 35 male, humiliated me, 31 female, camping with friends. I don't know if I should stay.” The OP describes a distressing incident during a camping trip where her boyfriend exhibited aggressive behavior, including wielding an axe and verbally berating her.

Key Points Discussed:

• Recognition of patterns indicative of abusive behavior, such as stonewalling, criticism, and contempt.
• The importance of identifying toxic behaviors and understanding their long-term implications on emotional well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• Kamie Crawford at [40:51]: “I think you're a hater. And you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who's in competition with you. You will lose every single time because they will make sure of it.”
• Morgan Absher at [43:08]: “He might be a cancer. Now, upon further review.”

The hosts delve deep into the psychological aspects of abusive relationships, referencing John Gottman’s "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" to highlight destructive communication patterns. They encourage listeners to seek professional help and prioritize their safety and happiness over enduring toxic relationships.

---

Navigating Complex Situations: "Girlfriend’s Sister with Feelings"

Timestamp: 54:52 - 84:38

The final primary story discussed is “My boyfriend's sister told me she has feelings for me and I have no idea what to do.” A 34-year-old woman grapples with her 26-year-old boyfriend’s sister expressing romantic feelings towards her during a family gathering.

Key Points Discussed:

• The intricacies of addressing unwanted romantic advances within a partner’s family.
• The importance of clear communication and setting firm boundaries to maintain relationship integrity and familial harmony.

Notable Quotes:

• Morgan Absher at [80:15]: “You think you're a hater. And you don't want. Let me tell you something from experience, honey. You don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who's in competition with you."
• Kamie Crawford at [83:52]: “We're not alone in our mess.”

The discussion underscores the necessity for the OP to communicate transparently with her boyfriend about the sister’s behavior to prevent future complications. The hosts advise taking decisive action to safeguard her emotional health and the stability of her relationship.

Episode Conclusion: As the episode wraps up, Morgan and Kamie reflect on the intensity and emotional weight of the stories discussed. They reaffirm their commitment to providing honest, supportive advice to listeners navigating complex relationship dynamics.

Final Thoughts: Kamie Crawford at [83:30]: “Something is amiss here.” Morgan Absher at [84:07]: “You crushed it.”

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Highlights:

• Authentic Conversations: Kamie brings her wealth of experience in media and relationships, offering insightful perspectives on each story.
• Empowering Advice: The hosts consistently encourage listeners to prioritize their self-worth and make informed decisions in relationships.
• Engaging Dynamics: The chemistry between Morgan and Kamie makes for a compelling and relatable listening experience.

Follow and Connect:

• Morgan’s Instagram: @morgsyabsher
• Exclusive BONUS Stories: Patreon
• YouTube Channel: Two Hot Takes
• Merchandise: Two Hot Takes Shop

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This episode of Two Hot Takes delves into the murky waters of relationship conflicts, providing listeners with both relatable stories and practical advice. Kamie Crawford’s presence adds depth and authenticity, making this a must-listen for anyone navigating the complexities of love and interpersonal dynamics.

Transcript

[Kami Crawford]

This episode is brought to you by Disney's Freakier Friday. The frequel has arrived. Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan are back in Disney's Freakier Friday. And this time the whole family is switching. A new generation joins the chaos, making this swap wilder, weirder and more heartwarming than ever. It's the perfect summer event for the whole family. Disney's Freakier Friday now playing only in theaters. Get tickets now. This episode is brought to you Hellofresh by Spring is here and wow, has it been busy. I've been doing lots of yard work, wedding planning, starting a new podcast and I don't really have a lot of time for meal planning, grocery shopping and then also cooking. Which is why I love HelloFresh. They take so many steps of having a good, delicious meal out of the equation for me. Hellofresh makes mealtimes easy. They deliver fresh produce, seasonal snacks and treats, and delicious recipes straight to my door and and they even have ready made meals. These are chef crafted dishes that are ready to eat in three minutes and you're not sacrificing on taste, health or quality. Now this is right up my alley. Feel great with meals that fit your spring schedule and make the season even more delicious? Go to hellofresh.com hot takes10fm now to get 10 free meals with a free item for life. One per box with active subscription free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by planning. Okay, we're rolling on everything.

[Unknown Host]

Yay.

[Kami Crawford]

And I think we're good.

[Unknown Host]

Yay.

[Kami Crawford]

Are you ready?

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm so excited to have you.

[Unknown Host]

I'm so excited to be here. This is like surreal. I feel like I just popped like so real. Yes. I feel like I just popped through like your TikTok video and now I'm, I'm here.

[Kami Crawford]

I feel like I'm fangirling right now. I am so excited. For those listening watching, we've got Kami Crawford in today.

[Unknown Host]

Woo.

[Kami Crawford]

I met you two years ago and I immediately was just like such good energy, aura, like everything. So just watching your journey over the past couple of years from hosting MTV's Catfish and a couple other shows to now you're in your own podcast era. It's just been really fun to watch.

[Unknown Host]

Thank you. Likewise. I love watch every time your videos pop up, I have to watch. I have to watch because I have to see what crazy stories are gonna come up.

[Kami Crawford]

I've got a theme for you today and I think you're gonna be really good at it with just how much experience you have finding things that are amiss. So in a lot of these stories today, something's amiss, something is off, something's a little fishy here.

[Unknown Host]

Something usually is.

[Kami Crawford]

So in my experience. Exactly. I feel like you know how to sniff it out based on all your, you know, your background, your experience, which, for my listeners that aren't familiar, what's some of the lore? Because I. I actually just saw you stitch a video, and someone was like, what? What's Cami's lore? And you're like, I feel like I'm qualified to address this.

[Unknown Host]

I feel like I'm the best person to answer that question.

[Kami Crawford]

And you were like, Miss Miss Teen usa. Like, usa. And, like, just, like, you have such crazy lore. So for anyone that's unfamiliar, what's the lore?

[Unknown Host]

The lore is deep, girl. The lore is deep. So I grew up in Potomac, Maryland.

[Kami Crawford]

Okay.

[Unknown Host]

I used to have to explain where that was, but now we have a real housewife, so everyone knows where it is, but it's outside of D.C. and I won the Miss Marilyn Teen USA pageant when I was 16, and then it was my first pageant ever. I'm not a pageant girl. I didn't know anything about pageantry, but I quickly became one and someone who knew a lot about it.

[Kami Crawford]

That is actually wild, though, to just, like, first pageant, you're just like, I'm a winner.

[Unknown Host]

It was crazy.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm a star.

[Unknown Host]

There were, like, 63 contestants, I think, at Miss Maryland Teen USA.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And I come in and I'm like, hey. Hi, everyone.

[Kami Crawford]

It's my first time here.

[Unknown Host]

It's my first time. Just so happy to be here. I thought I'd make new friends because that's what my best friend had competed before me. And she told me about it, and she was like, it'll be fun. You'll meet new people. And I was like, cool. And then I realized, like, oh, no. This is, like, a thing that people do. Like, this is. Everyone in my top five had been competing since, like, childhood, or, like, at least for the past five years.

[Kami Crawford]

That's wild. Yeah. Like, toddler and tiara start up, and then here you are coming in, and.

[Unknown Host]

They'Re like, who's this bitch? Anyway, so I won that. And then I had, like, six months, I think, to prepare for Miss Teen usa, because then you go on to nationals. I ended up winning that. And then I moved to New York at 17 and, like, was going to events and galas and signing autographs and kissing babies and working with charitable alliances with Miss USA and Miss Universe. For a year.

[Kami Crawford]

That's so insane.

[Unknown Host]

It was wild. It was crazy. It prepared me for life.

[Kami Crawford]

I mean, you just like, were like, oh, I'll give it a shot. And then like, winner, winner. Like, that is an insane come up.

[Unknown Host]

Well, my mom's an Aries, so winning, losing was never an option.

[Kami Crawford]

Okay.

[Unknown Host]

Like, my mom, it doesn't even matter if we're playing tic tac toe. Like, she is going to win. We are going to win, like, no matter what.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, my gosh.

[Unknown Host]

And it just, like, so happened that I think I was really able to connect with the judges, just like being freshly into it and not having that, like, experience. Because sometimes if you do anything for long enough, you could become like, robotic with it.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And so I, I just, I guess I had something different, more authentic.

[Kami Crawford]

A little, little fresh take on everything.

[Unknown Host]

Fresh take.

[Kami Crawford]

I love that.

[Unknown Host]

So, yeah, so then after that, I, you know, I. This, there's. There's a lot of lore because I thought I was going to become a dermatologist. And then I went to school, like, started in the pre med program at the University of Alabama. And then I was like, oh, I'm not gonna be a doctor because this is too. This. It just was not my testimony. I wasn't meant to do that.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

But I tried and I was like, actually, I think I wanna switch to communications. Switched to communications, moved back to New York and started working at a TV host. From age 19, I'd been working, working, working, trying my best. Doing red carpets, doing local news, like, spots, you know, best gifts to get your mom for Mother's Day, fresh outfits for fall, like all these different things and it wasn't working. And then I was like 25, having my quarter century life crisis. I was like, I'm quitting everything. I'm gonna get a nine to five. Like, this is. I'm never gonna be a TV host. Like, who am I kidding? And then I was like, or I could move to LA and try that out for a year and if I hate it and if I fail, I'll just come back to New York or I'll just move in with my parents.

[Kami Crawford]

It's easy to move home.

[Unknown Host]

What am I gon. So I moved to la. I feel like that soft white underbelly. So we moved to la. My father got a job at the Palm restaurant. If, you know, you know, I moved to LA and like, immediately when I moved here, everything started happening for me. I, you know, ended up booking a few guest spots on E's Daily Pop, which was like, My dream, I wanted to be on Yves more than anything. And then simultaneously, as I was moving, literally the day of my move, I got a email from the producers at Catfish being like, would you like to come on and guest co host two episodes with us? And they were like, we'll fly you out Thursday, we'll film Thursday, Friday, Saturday, you'll go back home Sunday. And then Monday was my move to la. So I was like, oh, everything's aligning. I'm supposed to be in la. Like, this just makes sense. Their offices are in la. I'm supposed to be in la. I'm gonna go do this Catfish thing. It's gonna work out. I'm gonn get booked. It was like a lot of delusion, but it worked.

[Kami Crawford]

It worked. Sometimes you need that delusion because otherwise you'll, you'll get in your own way and it's just like, be a little delusional. Yes, you have to, you have to, you have to believe in yourself. It's like, you gotta manifest it. And sometimes manifesting, it's like, I'm gonna put myself in that city and we're gonna see what happens.

[Unknown Host]

We're gonna see what happens. And that's what I did. I. I normally, I feel like I normally wouldn't have done that, but I was 25 and I was like, whatever, like, let me just try it and see what happens. And it, and it worked out. And then I guest co hosted two episodes of Catfish. They were like, do you want to do two more? I said, yes. I came back to two more. Then they were like, do you want to do two more? I was like, yep, did two more. And then they offered me the full time position. That's amazing. And I did that for six years.

[Kami Crawford]

Which is a long time.

[Unknown Host]

Long time.

[Kami Crawford]

That's. Yeah, that's a long time to host something.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm like, year four of the podcast, I'm like, can I do this for 10 years?

[Unknown Host]

It's.

[Kami Crawford]

It's crazy to think about, you guys are probably gonna want me to do this till I'm dead. But I'm like, I think about that and I'm like, I can't be 60 still reading Reddit stories, can I?

[Unknown Host]

Why not? Somebody has to read them.

[Kami Crawford]

Someone's got to read them. We'll see.

[Unknown Host]

Hello.

[Kami Crawford]

Someone's got to read them. What's the craziest thing? Like, given all of your hosting and, you know, Catfish and all of that, like, what's the craziest thing you've ever seen?

[Unknown Host]

I get some crazy Things, especially on the podcast. So I have a relationship advice podcast called Relationship, and this week actually hasn't even aired yet, but we did an episode, I did, like a solo, and I was taking in listener questions and I was like, tell me a secret. Like, I call my listeners my besties. I was like, besties, tell me a secret, Gary. And the secret was, and maybe this isn't that crazy, but it, like, really threw me for a loop. The girl was like, I'm in love with my father in law. And, like, I want to act on it.

[Kami Crawford]

No, no.

[Unknown Host]

I'm like you. If you're married to his son, presumably you have father in law at home. You don't have to go to his dad. You have him. He's a piece of him and his son.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown Host]

Just be with his son as you are already.

[Kami Crawford]

As you are.

[Unknown Host]

Be with your husband.

[Kami Crawford]

Why complicate this? Just wait 15 years and then you got him.

[Unknown Host]

You got him. I'm sure he'll go gray, Maybe he'll lose some hair, whatever. Like, it'll be a mirror image. I couldn't believe it.

[Kami Crawford]

No. I feel like we've had stuff like that on Reddit too. And I'm just like, what? Why? Why?

[Unknown Host]

Let's not even take our minds there.

[Kami Crawford]

No.

[Unknown Host]

The second it starts to go there, just shut it off.

[Kami Crawford]

This woman found out that her husband had been sleeping with her mom for like 10 years and that some of her siblings were actually her husband's kids. I know, I know. Today I think we. I think we got. We might have a couple that, like, maybe compare. I don't know. We'll see. We'll see what you think by the time we get done.

[Unknown Host]

I'm glad you gave me that. This.

[Kami Crawford]

I know you're going to need it.

[Unknown Host]

I normally bring my own, but I'm glad to have this. What?

[Kami Crawford]

I know, I know.

[Unknown Host]

That's sick. I know. I try not to judge. I try to be those. We listen and we can judge. What?

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. Why would you sleep with your wife's mom? It's just like it.

[Unknown Host]

And as the mom. What are you doing?

[Kami Crawford]

I know. People make their. Their life so hard sometimes. Like, you didn't have. You didn't need that mess. You didn't need that mess.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, I mean, that. That's wild.

[Kami Crawford]

I mean, we had a.

[Unknown Host]

We had a catfish episode. I've talked about this so many times, but whenever people are like, what's the craziest episode you've ever had? We had an episode where this guy, he was 16 at the time, he was on Xbox, and he met a girl on Xbox that he thought was 18.

[Kami Crawford]

Okay.

[Unknown Host]

And so, like, they're having this romantic relationship. She basically, like, turns his life upside down because he can't date anyone. Like, he's not even going to school. He's like, retreating from all of his friends and family because he's talking to this girl, and she's basically telling him that, like, these people don't love you. I'm the only one who loves you. Blah, blah, blah.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown Host]

Of course, come to find out, it wasn't the girl, but it was her mom.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, no.

[Unknown Host]

Who was 40 something at the time. Oh, my. On Xbox, talking to teenage boys.

[Kami Crawford]

Jail, Jail, jail, jail.

[Unknown Host]

That was my immediate reaction.

[Kami Crawford]

Jail.

[Unknown Host]

I said it. It didn't make the edit, but I was like, you should be in prison.

[Kami Crawford]

Like, literally.

[Unknown Host]

But apparently there wasn't anything criminal about it because they're just talking. Well, he was the age of consent in his state was 16. So it ended up being that, like, it was okay by the law. Quote quotes, heavy quotes. Anyway, she was using her daughter's nude pictures that her daughter was sending to her boyfriend. Oh, my God. And sending them to these guys that she was talking to, which couldn't they.

[Kami Crawford]

Get her on, like, revenge porn type stuff.

[Unknown Host]

Like, what? The daughter. And we talked to the daughter, and she was like, through, like, extensive therapy, I've been able to forgive my mom, but, like, it's still inexcusable what she did. I'm like, the mothers, like, what is going on? Mothers are not mothering like they used to mother.

[Kami Crawford]

That's insane.

[Unknown Host]

Something's. Something's afoot.

[Kami Crawford]

Okay. I feel like we're. We're thoroughly prepared for these stories we're about to get into. Oh, yes. Okay, let's dive in. I am so excited to get into today's stories with Cami. But before we do, this episode of two hot takes is presented by State Farm. Having the right people in your corner can make all. All the difference. I'm going on my bachelorette trip next week, and if I didn't have Lauren and Alejandra as my maid of honors, I don't know if this trip would have been possible. From planning activities, making sure we have the right snacks, all the good dinner reservations, they've made sure my bachelorette trip is covered. And like them, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage you need. With so many different coverage options out there, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits you and your needs. So go online@state farm.com or use the award winning app to get help from one of their local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Okay, this first one I have for you coming from R. Relationship advice. Five hours old at the time I found it.

[Unknown Host]

Okay.

[Kami Crawford]

Fresh.

[Unknown Host]

Oh God.

[Kami Crawford]

It's titled. My boyfriend, 36, male, wants to end a one year relationship because I'm not pretty enough.

[Unknown Host]

Bye sir. What? What does that mean?

[Kami Crawford]

Me, 35 female, and my now ex, 36 male. I guess have the most incredible relationship when it comes to communication. Day to day living, future plans, security, fun, sex, everything. The only thing he doesn't like about me is how I look. He's in the public eye and says that it's not even about our family and friends and what they think or say because they love me and know what a gem of a person I am. It's the looks from strangers that say really? That's the girl he's with or that's his girlfriend that really get to him. Now, after almost a year of building a life together, making future plans, having me put all my guards down, he decided I'm not his ideal type and therefore he needs to be true to himself and break up with me. I can't breathe, I can't eat. My whole world literally spins through the day and all I do is cry because I don't understand how he can't see everything else that we have. The stuff people look for all their lives only to have it all destroyed by one encounter with someone who doesn't even live here. I don't know how to move on. My entire life had become about him. I want to scream and tell him I'm real. I'm here, she's not. Don't leave me. Don't give up on us. But I think he's already made up his mind and I just don't know what to do. Tldr too long. Didn't read. We've been together for about a year now and we're in a situationship for four years. Before that, it was his move to make it official. Start calling me girlfriend. It was also his initiative that made him move in with me. Now after having met someone attractive that he likes, he says he's been suppressing his feelings all along and now wants to end things unless I can reach his standards of beauty. What do I do, Morgan?

[Unknown Host]

Can I curse? You can curse all you want, Miss Girl. Fuck him. Who the fuck does he think he is? Who is he? God?

[Kami Crawford]

A public figure.

[Unknown Host]

He's no one he's nothing. Actually. He's a loser. So you need to classify him as that. Forget that he ever existed. You can't breathe. You can't sleep. You can't eat. I'm gonna need you to make yourself a plate, take a big gasp of air and move right along.

[Kami Crawford]

Not worth it.

[Unknown Host]

He's not worth it. What?

[Kami Crawford]

A situationship for four years. Someone who cares about you is not gonna put you through a situationship. And unclear guidelines and expectations. And this in between cat and mouse game for four years.

[Unknown Host]

He. The writing was already on the wall. He had already decided where he was going to place her. And even by asking her to be his girlfriend. I feel like it was just kind of like trying to appease whatever conversations you had been having for four years. About being in a situationship.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

I don't think that the talking stage. Situationship. Whatever. I personally. Hot take. I think that this should only last three to four months.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm with you. Tops. Six months.

[Unknown Host]

Top six months.

[Kami Crawford]

You know if you like someone enough to date them exclusively after six months.

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

And if you don't, you just want to have your cake and eat it too and just say that move about your. Your own way. Get out of here.

[Unknown Host]

You gotta. You gotta cut this one off.

[Kami Crawford]

The minute I heard. It was also his initiative that made him move in with me. So he needed a place to live.

[Unknown Host]

He needed a place to live.

[Kami Crawford]

He couldn't afford a place of his own.

[Unknown Host]

A warm bed and a hot meal.

[Kami Crawford]

He needed a roommate.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

He was just taking advantage of you.

[Unknown Host]

And he's still trying to become a public figure. He's nothing. He's a loser. You need to reclassify him in your brain as a loser. Just keep reminding yourself that he's a loser. And he lost you. So he's an even bigger loser. Bye.

[Kami Crawford]

Top comment on this one. So he strung you along for four years before finally calling you his girlfriend. And now he's met someone hotter. He's breaking up with you. Ew. Babe. No. The only ugly thing here is his personality. Tell him to get the fuck out and block his number and all of his socials so he doesn't come crawling back when that hot girl rejects him.

[Unknown Host]

I wrote that. That was my comment.

[Kami Crawford]

That's you. That's you.

[Unknown Host]

I wrote it just now using AI.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

That's crazy.

[Kami Crawford]

No. Good riddance.

[Unknown Host]

No. You're so lucky that this happened because now the world is your oyster. You can go be with someone who actually values you and you don't have to Be thinking about every single time that they're out of your sight. Like, who are they looking at? Or when they're in your sight? Like, do they have a wandering eye? No, no, no, no.

[Kami Crawford]

I cannot imagine my fiance telling me, well, I'm with you because you're so perfect in every other regard. But, like, you're just not up to my beauty standard.

[Unknown Host]

And what is the standard? What is the standard? Because, like, theoretically, there could always be someone out there who's more beautiful or more this or more that. But, like, this is a choice. Like, when people decide to be together, that's a choice. And if he can't choose to be with you and also keep his mouth shut about these whatever things that he's thinking about you in his head, he never really loved you fully. Not the way that you deserve to be loved.

[Kami Crawford]

Mm. Mm. Fuck it. No. We do have some comments from op. Like, OP is kind of. It's eight hours old now after a refresh.

[Unknown Host]

Don't tell me she's defending him in the comments.

[Kami Crawford]

I don't think so. I think just, like, kind of like saying, like, I really do need to learn to hate him. I think, like, still kind of grappling with this. Like, I'm too sad to be angry. Getting angry requires me to see him for who he is. And I'm afraid that once that glass shatters, that's it for me. Which, no, I feel like you gotta move through those stages of grief. It's like sadness, anger, whatever else is next. Like, get angry. Fuck him.

[Unknown Host]

You'll get there.

[Kami Crawford]

You'll get there.

[Unknown Host]

You'll get there. But I think the idea that she might have, quote, unquote, wasted five years of her life. I like to see every relationship, opportunity, missed opportunity, whatever it is, as a learning lesson. Like, I don't think of anything as a waste of time. The only waste of time that you do is if you continue on with someone who's told you exactly how it is that they feel about you. Yeah, but I don't think that you wasted the last five years of your life if you continue to spend more time thinking about this than you will. But I think it's a learning lesson, like, never put yourself in a position with anyone to have anybody making you feel like less than who you are.

[Kami Crawford]

No, no, no. And like, OP is, like, trying to justify it too. Like, based on looks a little bit, from what I'm seeing. Like, I do work on myself. I work out and I eat well. I'm 158cm tall and weigh 58kg.

[Unknown Host]

It doesn't matter.

[Kami Crawford]

It doesn't matter. But like, for those of you that are not on the metric system, it's like 5, 2, 127 pounds. And like this waste of space is making you feel bad. Like the body shaming and like, the comment goes on to say, I have no physical deformities, but I suppose he still doesn't get that look at my partner kind of pride when with me. You should not feel that way about yourself.

[Unknown Host]

First of all, I need you to congratulate yourself on your, I'm going to assume, 185 pound weight loss because you just lost 185 pounds of pure bullshit loser. You need to give yourself a round of applause. It does not matter how you look, what deformities you have. Someone who loves you is going to love you despite any flaws. They're not even gonna see those. They're not gonna see them as flaws. They're gonna see it as like your unique sense of being, sense of self.

[Kami Crawford]

Here's you and I love you.

[Unknown Host]

You're just you. And they're going to eat that shit up. Like, ew. I don't even want to spend any more time talking about this loser because he's so lame.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. I will say we do get more hopeful as the comments progress. Okay, great. Last comment from OP is 2 hours ago. In response to this, Tell him quote, oh, thank God you said something. I've been really struggling to get past your mediocre looks and I just can't manage to do it.

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

Glad we're on the same page.

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

It was fun while it lasted. Good luck to you. Fuck this guy. Or rather, don't fuck this guy anymore.

[Unknown Host]

How could you fuck this guy in the first place? How do you let somebody like this get on top of you? No, I'm not judging.

[Kami Crawford]

No, I'm not judging.

[Unknown Host]

I'm not judging.

[Kami Crawford]

No.

[Unknown Host]

Never let somebody like that get on top of you again.

[Kami Crawford]

You're calling me ugly, but yet you want to sleep with me. What?

[Unknown Host]

Get off.

[Kami Crawford]

How's that gonna do it? I'm gonna be drier than the Sahara. Like what?

[Unknown Host]

Get off. I want you to frog kick him off of your body. I like that right now.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah, OP does respond. This is golden laugh emoji. So I feel like we're moving, we're moving forward.

[Unknown Host]

You got to laugh about it.

[Kami Crawford]

You got to laugh.

[Unknown Host]

You got to laugh to keep from crying.

[Kami Crawford]

Exactly. Okay, this next one, quirky. We're going to lighten it A little bit. We're going to lighten the mood a little bit. This is coming from R slash A I T, A H titled Am I the asshole for asking my girlfriend to stop using baby talk around my family?

[Unknown Host]

I have questions, comments and concerns.

[Kami Crawford]

Same. So this might sound small, but it's been bugging me and caused a pretty big argument. My girlfriend, 26, female, and I, 28, male, have been dating for about a year. She's funny, smart, and overall awesome. But lately she's been doing this thing where she talks in an exaggerated baby voice like I wove you and calling dinner nummies. Kind of stuff like that. I. I didn't mind it in private at first, even though it's not my thing, but she started doing it around my friends and family. Last weekend, we had dinner with my parents and she used that voice the whole time. My dad asked if she was okay, and my mom just looked confused the entire evening. Afterwards, I told her gently that I felt a little embarrassed and asked if she could tone it down around others. She got really upset, said I was being mean and not accepting her quirks. And now she's barely talking to me. I didn't insult her or raise my voice. I just asked if she could keep it private between us. But now I'm wondering if I'm the asshole for not just letting her be herself, even if it's cringey to me. Am I the asshole?

[Unknown Host]

No. But it reminds me of Amaya Papaya on Love island, usa.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, my gosh. I love her.

[Unknown Host]

I love her. I'm like, why won't everyone just let her be herself?

[Kami Crawford]

Let the girl shine. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Let her just, you know, she's just excited for the opportunity.

[Kami Crawford]

No, what was the other one?

[Unknown Host]

She said gratuity. Gratuity. She just has a lot of gratuly for being around your family.

[Kami Crawford]

I just love her.

[Unknown Host]

Be nice to her. But. Okay. Time and place. Yes, Time and place.

[Kami Crawford]

We're all adults here. I thought, like, time and place. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

You know, like, there's a lot of things that I. This is crazy because in every relationship I've ever been in, I've never used, like, pet names. I've never been. I've just never, never been like that until I met my boyfriend. Ooh. And now, like, I don't even call him by his name. When I say his name. It doesn't even, like, roll off the tongue because I call him baby all the time. I call him. My new thing is calling him my angel. So every time he calls, that's so cute. Every time he calls me, I'm like, my angel.

[Kami Crawford]

How are you, my angel? So precious.

[Unknown Host]

So precious. Because he's just like. He's 6 4, and he's like, a big guy, and he's just like, he's the best. And he's so, like, manly. So I just love to like, make him my little, tiny, little.

[Kami Crawford]

Just my little cutie. How long have you guys been together?

[Unknown Host]

Almost three years.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

[Unknown Host]

Fun. A proposal is coming.

[Kami Crawford]

You feel it?

[Unknown Host]

It's coming.

[Kami Crawford]

You're manifesting.

[Unknown Host]

No, it's happening.

[Kami Crawford]

That was, like, me happening. No, that was me.

[Unknown Host]

I feel like I'm in the, like, engagement purgatory stage, where it's like, the pre. Like, you know it's happening, but you don't know when it's happening. And you don't have control over it.

[Kami Crawford]

Nope.

[Unknown Host]

And everything in me is like, I need to have control.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. That's me. I'm like, I hate surprises.

[Unknown Host]

I hate surprises.

[Kami Crawford]

Very, like, type A. I. I totally thought I was type B.

[Unknown Host]

No, no, no.

[Kami Crawford]

So that was a really hard thing for me. And, like, of course I have a podcast. And so, like, at the time, I think I was talking about it, we had been together, like, three years, and I was just like. I'd get all these engagement stories, and I'm just like, I'm ready. And people would be like, God, she's desperate for the ring.

[Unknown Host]

And I'm like, everybody.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. No. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Hello.

[Kami Crawford]

Come on.

[Unknown Host]

What do you think I'm here for?

[Kami Crawford]

Of course I, like, fucking forgot to wear any of my stuff today. I'm, like, sitting here. I'm like, I feel so naked.

[Unknown Host]

No. At least you crossed the finish line, girl. I'm over here. Like, hello. Every. Like, my ring stack is almost complete.

[Kami Crawford]

It's almost. Yep, it's. Look at that finger.

[Unknown Host]

And I keep it empty just in case. And the nails are neutral.

[Kami Crawford]

Angel, get it together.

[Unknown Host]

Angel decides to rip out to me. No, it's 1,000% happening. It's just a matter of when.

[Kami Crawford]

It's when, not if.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, But I love treating him like he's just like, I could just put him in my pocket.

[Kami Crawford]

That's so cute.

[Unknown Host]

And I get it, but in private, I'm not going to do that in front of my family.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Let alone his family. And be like, my angel. Do you want to.

[Kami Crawford]

No.

[Unknown Host]

Like, do you want some nummies? It's so cringe.

[Kami Crawford]

Chugga, chug, chug, chugga, chug. Like, no.

[Unknown Host]

Maybe she's hinting that like, she's ready for a baby.

[Kami Crawford]

That's what I was wondering. But then she used the word quirk and I'm like, maybe this is a kink.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, my God.

[Kami Crawford]

And maybe she's like, kind of getting off on, like, subjecting everyone to this little.

[Unknown Host]

I'm not one for kink shaming. However, comma, time and place, you have.

[Kami Crawford]

To like, people that want to be involved need to be involved. They got to consent to being involved. You can't just go to a family dinner with your in laws and start like, nummies, nummies, like talking to your father in law. Hey, Bill, do you want a nummy?

[Unknown Host]

No. That's so sick. Honestly, if I was his mom, I'd be like, you need to leave. You can't stay.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm like, surprised. Like, well, the dad even asking, like, are you okay?

[Unknown Host]

He probably thought that she was, like, having a stroke.

[Kami Crawford]

Like, everyone's clearly uncomfortable here.

[Unknown Host]

Yes. And I couldn't send my joke about strokes. My grandma had a stroke. Love her. She's great. I worked on the neuro unit. She's fine. But like, I know someone's gonna be like, strokes are not funny.

[Kami Crawford]

Well, the people that have to ask sometimes cope with that dark humor too.

[Unknown Host]

So somebody had to ask if the girl was health wise, stable, because that's very strange behavior.

[Kami Crawford]

There could be a tumor on her. Something that's making her act this way. You never know.

[Unknown Host]

I would probably have called 911 and then the ambulance. Yeah. In that order. And maybe pest control because. What is wrong with you?

[Kami Crawford]

I know.

[Unknown Host]

Why are you acting this way in front of company? That's not. No, I would. He had every right to say something to her.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And it sounds like he did it in a gentle way. I get when you're in a relationship and you finally feel comfortable. Like I said, I never used pet names before, but finally I'm in a place where, like, I feel like I can, like, let that guard down of mine. I never even used to believe in, like, PDA like that. And now I'm like, I'm outside. So, like, I understand. Like, oh, from her perspective, she's probably like, I should just like, just hide it all back in. No, but there is a limit, I think, on where you can.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Be free.

[Kami Crawford]

Well, and it's like, I think this person's being really supportive. He's not even saying, like, don't do this ever again. I'm not into it. Like, he's just like, hey, like, around, you know, external people, family and friends. Like, can we just scale it back a bit? Which is so fair. And I think at the root of this, like, the bottom line, it's like, you should be able to express how you're feeling to your partner. If you're uncomfortable, if you're sad, if you're upset, whatever. Like, and right now he's not even able to communicate with her.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

And he's kind of being shut down and then, like, made to feel like he's wrong.

[Unknown Host]

You're not wrong, sir. You're not wrong. And it's very rare that I tell a man that he's not wrong. But he's not wrong. He's very much correct in this situation. She's not wrong, but she's not right.

[Kami Crawford]

Mm. Mm.

[Unknown Host]

In the head. If she's doing this in front of.

[Kami Crawford]

Other people, I literally, I would not be able to. I don't know how she's keeping a straight face.

[Unknown Host]

Nammies.

[Kami Crawford]

Nummies. No, no. Top comment on this one. This would be the hardest no for me. Not the asshole. Yup. Breakup worthy level of incompatibility.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, I don't agree with that. Don't leave her. But she does need to learn how to, like, she needs to learn how to take constructive criticism. And I don't even think that he's like, critiquing her. He's just saying, like, hey, in front of my family, maybe we don't ask me if I have to go potty.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, that's totally. Oh, my God. I can hear it too.

[Unknown Host]

Potty. Does your tummy. Does your dumb tum hurt?

[Kami Crawford]

Well, and I just like went back and looked at ages 28, him, 26, her. So it's like they're at like these very, like, mature ages. So I'm just like, this is behavior.

[Unknown Host]

I would expect from like a 14 year old, like a couple like in.

[Kami Crawford]

8Th grade or something, like a high school relationship. I'm like, this is very. This is very surprising that, like, I'm like, is this. Is he getting punked? Like, did.

[Unknown Host]

And also I want to know from him. Like, did you. Did you, like, does this behavior exceed just like normal conversation? Like, is this like bedroom banter? Like, is this a foreplay thing? Like that you guys do? Because if you've been like, loving this shit and then all of a sudden we're at dinner and now you don't want your tum tum rubbed?

[Kami Crawford]

No.

[Unknown Host]

Now you don't want nummies. Like, does she talk to you like this? I know, just like normally and like, it just like Accidentally, it's slipping out. Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

Like, this is the warmup for when you go upstairs.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, but, like, your parents don't need to be involved.

[Kami Crawford]

No, this is what I'm saying. Like, if this is a kink, like, you can't. You can't involve other people like this outside of the bedroom. No. Oh, my gosh. There is a comment here that's kind of like, starting to get into the kink stuff, and they're like, not the asshole. You might also be a furry, but I don't want you wearing the mask to meet my parents.

[Unknown Host]

Correct.

[Kami Crawford]

There are levels to intimacy.

[Unknown Host]

Correct. Just because we do bdsm, like, at home doesn't mean I want you showing up in chaps at Thanksgiving dinner.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. Time and place, as you said.

[Unknown Host]

Time, place.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. You're on it from the jump.

[Unknown Host]

Let's leave that leather mask in the closet. Back at home.

[Kami Crawford]

Back at home.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kami Crawford]

This episode is brought to you by Skims. It can be so challenging to find undergarments that fit you right and also make you feel good. Like, there's nothing worse than a bra that has underwire that just pokes you, or you're constantly pulling it up to adjust it so it fits, right? That is not the case with skims. Skims has been the solution for all my undergarment problems. The Skims Fits Everybody lace Tanga is a fan favorite for a reason. It's made with the same buttery, soft, soft, stretchy fabric from the original Fits Everybody line, now with a delicate lace trim that adds just the right touch of sexy. I'm actually wearing a Fits Everybody bra today. This is the comfiest bra I have, and with this lace Tanga, you can wear it comfy, cozy, going out looking sexy under a little tank top that shows the lace Skims has been pretty life changing for me in terms of undergarments, and I'm getting close to the wedding, and I know I need some good shapewear. So shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order. Be sure to let them know I sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. Thank you. I don't know about this next one. I don't think there's any laughing here.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, God. Okay, let me settle in. Okay.

[Kami Crawford]

This is also coming from relationship advice. 13 hours old. Titled boyfriend, 35 male, humiliated me, 31 female, camping with friends. I don't know if I should stay.

[Unknown Host]

Okay.

[Kami Crawford]

My boyfriend, 35, male, and I, 31, female, have been together for three years, living together for one. We've been friends since high school, so there's a long history between us. Over the weekend, we went camping with friends, and two things happened that really shook me. First, we were setting up a bug net together. He had been drinking and then suddenly started taking it down. I assumed he was adjusting it, so I helped remove a part that was stuck. I saw him putting it in the bag, so I asked him what he was doing. Then he snapped, quote, you took it down, so we're not using it. I was confused and said, wait, I thought you were taking it down. I was just helping. He got snippy, handed it to me, and said, whatever. So I quietly put it back up. Later, I was starting a fire to cook and casually asked a friend to grab me a stick to move some logs. I. Out of nowhere, my boyfriend jumps in and says, quote, I'm no idiot, but here. And then starts aggressively messing with the fire using an axe.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, we have weaponry. What?

[Kami Crawford]

He turned to me and said, quote, this is the hot part of the fire. This is the cooler part. You fucking got that? I was stunned. Quote, you fucking got that? I just stood there silently. When my friend returned with the stick, my boyfriend started loudly saying that I talk to him like he's an idiot. At that point, I told my friend exactly what he said to me. With him standing right there, he tried to defend himself. I told him to shut up, and he stormed off to take a nap in the car. Later, he came back to camp and ignored me, completely talked to everyone else, not a word to me until we got home the next day. We drove separately. Then he said, quote, sorry, I lost my temper. I took a shower, and when I got out of the shower, he said, we need to talk, and then proceeded to say how I am so mean to him. It led to an argument. He said he was drunk and anxious all day and regretted saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth. I brought up how this is a pattern. He lashes out, minimizes it, or tries to gaslight me into thinking I behaved the way he did and not him, and then apologizes vaguely. He said he would stop drinking again and wants to fix things, but I don't know if I can believe that anymore. He said that all before. I feel humiliated, confused, emotionally exhausted. I'm trying to do better at not just cutting everyone out of my life when things go go wrong. Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Did it get better or did you leave?

[Unknown Host]

This is A layered situation.

[Kami Crawford]

Got a lot going on here.

[Unknown Host]

Immediately when you said what he said to her by the fire, and when you said that he embarrassed her in front of friends. This tells me that this is not the first time this has happened. No, it just hasn't happened in front of other people yet. So that's a red flag. Obviously, you don't want anyone who's gonna be talking to you like that in front of people alone, whatever. But, like, at the very least, let's have this conversation in private. Let's not wield an ax drunkenly.

[Kami Crawford]

That, like, the minute you're gonna start using a weapon to, like, make this weird point and almost like it felt threatening in a way.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. It's giving Chucky doll.

[Kami Crawford]

It's just not right. It's like, use your words, like, calmly. And I get. Alcohol's involved. But, like, this was over, quite literally, nothing. Nothing.

[Unknown Host]

But it also tells me that his tension has likely been building up, that maybe this is not. And if he's saying, like, you always talk to me like I'm stupid, maybe it's not the first time that you've corrected him or he's felt slighted or corrected or undermined or emasculated in front of people. And as someone with a very prominent Virgo placement, I totally get it, because sometimes we're like. And I don't know if this person's a Virgo. I just imagine them being a Virgo in my mind and him potentially being an Aries completely. Just my own hunch.

[Kami Crawford]

You see it? You're like, I have a hunch.

[Unknown Host]

Just my own hunch. But I think, too, as women, and if you're a strong woman who, you know is used to doing everything on your own, sometimes we have a tendency to say things in a tone that we don't actually mean to be undermining. But I know for myself, like, I can correct with a little bit of a sharpness that's not totally necessary for the situation. But I'm also an eldest daughter, and I'm an older sister.

[Kami Crawford]

Is that what that is? I'm like, I get it. I'm a little sharp sometimes in how I say things. I'm like, I need to be more patient.

[Unknown Host]

But it's hard. It is. Especially when you're like, oh, I can do it myself. But this situation doesn't seem like that kind of a situation.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. I was gonna say, like, it. It feels like he's truly kind of like, have you heard of Darvo?

[Unknown Host]

Yes and no.

[Kami Crawford]

So Darvo is Like, this. Like, this tactic that people that are air quotes, like, abusers will use. And it's like. It's like, deflect attack, reverse victim. Like, they kind of, like, change the narrative. And that's what it feels like for me that he's doing, like, because he went from, like, he was the one being snippy. He's the one wielding this ax, to then be like, well, you were really mean to me on this camping trip, even though we had all these issues. And then he, like, stonewalled her, which is a very clear sign of, like, not good communication. It's an. It's like, another tactic that people will use. And it's like you're on a group camping trip, and you didn't talk to your partner the whole next day until you guys got home.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

How uncomfortable is that for everyone else that's on this camping trip?

[Unknown Host]

Very.

[Kami Crawford]

Like, you just. He seems like he's playing the victim to me, and I'm like, maybe there's some history there, but it's just feeling like he's really. Something's amiss with him.

[Unknown Host]

He might be a cancer. Now, upon further review.

[Kami Crawford]

Okay, okay.

[Unknown Host]

Upon further review, he might be a kisser. No, I agree with that. And to go out of your way to not talk to your partner in front of people back to astrology. Everything goes back to astrology for me. Everybody just get used to it. I'm a Scorpio, and I can poke fun at myself all day. I can joke. I can take a joke. I love banter. But being embarrassed is literally a surefire way to get me to never speak to you again.

[Kami Crawford]

I hate. What is that? Like, what? Like, do you feel like you're just like. Would you say you're a Scorpio? I'm like, I have a cancer friend. And, like, she's kind of that same way, too, where she's like. And it's like, something that I would like just even, like, a simple comment, like, she finds embarrassing. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, I'm not trying to embarrass you. Like, I love you. Like, what?

[Unknown Host]

Cancers and Pisces are more sensitive. I think Scorpios, we are sensitive, but we have that exterior hardness that gives us a little bit of a punchier edge. Where Mars ruled signs, which is the planet of aggression. So we can dish it out and we can take it, but to an extent, don't cross the line.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah, I'm Pisces. I don't dish, and I don't take it. See, that's exactly.

[Unknown Host]

You're like, I know my mom. I don't want no smoke.

[Kami Crawford]

No smoke.

[Unknown Host]

It's definitely more of a sensitive. A sensitive thing. But, like, I think. Yeah, for water signs and just people in general, like, nobody likes to feel embarrassed. Nobody likes to feel like you're taking the piss, as the Brits would say. I wish we could say that more.

[Kami Crawford]

We can.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. It's the same if we say it. Taking the piss. Nobody wants to.

[Kami Crawford]

We'll get it there. We'll get it there. We'll start here today. We'll get it there.

[Unknown Host]

To hear it like that. But, yeah, if you're, like, trying to do the most on purpose.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Like, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to cry? Do you want everyone to, like, join in on this? Like, do you want everyone to kind of ostracize me?

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, for sure.

[Unknown Host]

What is your goal as a man? To, like, what. What do you want this situation to. To end up being like.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah, that's a great question. And I would have loved to have asked him that. Like, what did you. When you said, like, you fucking got that?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

What. Where was this, like, supposed to go from there?

[Unknown Host]

I don't believe in domestic violence at all, but I might have punched him in the face.

[Kami Crawford]

I mean, you just got that little fire poker stick. Just a little to the knees, a little something. I know, because.

[Unknown Host]

Who are you talking to?

[Kami Crawford]

I know. And this is something that's come up a lot in stories lately. It's like, you don't need to be the person to humble your friends or your partner. Like, the world will humble them one way or another. Like, it doesn't need to be you. And if you have a problem not humbling them and you don't like being around them when they're like that, then ask yourself, is this the right friendship or relationship? Or X, Y, Z? Because if you're miserable around someone who is braggy or you notice them lying, let them.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

Like, and move about your day. Like, don't interact with that person if that is straining for you to be around.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. I also wonder who else was on this trip and, like, around that situation. Cause not to say that, like, we should rush to get into everybody's relationship business just because we're friends. But, like, I do wonder if there were other guys on the trip who. And, like, nobody wants to get into a fight with a drunken man wielding an axe in the forest.

[Kami Crawford]

No. This is how my other podcast starts, the true crime one. See? Yeah, this is like, how that one starts.

[Unknown Host]

Exactly. Nobody wants to do that. But, like, I do want for more men to stand up in situations like this.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And just be like, yo, bro, come on. Like, she's just trying to help. Or like, you know, like, try to diffuse the situation, get the ax out of his hand, you know, make sure he puts that down first. But, like, maybe we say something that lets him know that, like, other people are watching this. Like, you're not getting away with it. Or the next day, when he's talking to everybody and not his girlfriend, bring her in a conversation. Or like, you know, let him know that, like, you're not fudgeing with that. I think that that's important 100%. I would, as a woman, like, I feel like I, I would do the same.

[Kami Crawford]

I would.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

And I, I hope that, like, guys out there listening, like, take that as a note. Like, don't encourage bad behavior from your buddies. Like, it literally. The change can start with just a simple, like, deflecting and ignoring it and like, doing the opposite of what they're doing.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

And like, it's almost like it feels like gentle parenting. In a way.

[Unknown Host]

It is.

[Kami Crawford]

But it's like, this is what needs to be done.

[Unknown Host]

Especially if he's wielding an axe. You might want to gentle parent that person.

[Kami Crawford]

Okay, buddy, like, give me that little.

[Unknown Host]

Toast axe with our friend. Oh, let's put that down, shall we? Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

Literally. So, top comment on this one. Yes, I have been with someone like this. It never, ever gets better, and it always gets much worse after you leave. You will only wonder why it took you so long. I wish you much strength. And all the comments are just like, yep, same here.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

You ask if it gets better. The truth is not without serious accountability and professional help on his part, along with a genuine desire to change. Even then you'd need to see consistent long term changes before feeling safe again.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. And the alcohol thing, I wonder, like, yes, we've all been a little too, too tipsy for, for human interaction, for sure. But I do wonder, like, is this a problem that he has?

[Kami Crawford]

Because it's seeming like it.

[Unknown Host]

I'm not trying to shame people who have addictions, but there is a part of addiction that is this, like, the, you know, embarrassing your partner the next day, like, trying to make them feel like they're like, I'm actually the victim here. Like, don't you see? Like, you drove me to do this, you drove me to drink, you made me blah. That's a part of the manipulation that comes with that So I wonder if this is, like, a problem that he has that, like, maybe you guys have talked about this before. But if that's the case, sister, I hate to tell you, I would. I would get out now. I would get out sooner rather than later, because it actually doesn't get better unless that person is trying to get help.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. And honestly, you guys just might be water and oil, like, friends since high school, dating the past couple of years. Like, it might be one of those things that, like, is just not. It's not right. Yeah, but because of the history, because of that long intertwined friendship and relationship, it's like more of that, like, sunken cost fallacy that's getting you when, like, hey, like, maybe you can break up, move past this and, like, go back to being friends someday. And maybe that's a better relationship for you guys because this isn't working. So there is a comment that OP Responds to, and it's this. He has contempt for you. Girl, I wish I left when I first realized that. And OP Goes, thank you for putting a term to what his behavior was. Contempt. And I think it's interesting. There's this relationship expert named John Gottman. And John and his wife have, like, this amazing relationship counseling practice, but he can look at a couple and within like, 30 minutes, predict with 95% accuracy whether they'll stay together long term. And he's like, that accurate. Like, he would look at these couples, analyze them, and he's like, divorce together, divorce, 95% accurate. And so he's got these traits that he observed in a lot of the people that didn't work out. And he calls them the four horsemen of the apocalypse. One is stonewalling, which we saw him do. The others are criticism, contempt, and defensiveness.

[Unknown Host]

So everything that.

[Kami Crawford]

Literally everything. I'm like, it's. All the boxes are getting ticked.

[Unknown Host]

I do have to say, and, you know, maybe this is projection. I had a past relationship where this kind of behavior was coming out more and more towards the end. And I kept being like, why are you being so mean? Like, why are you being so nasty? Why are you being so mean? And I did understand that the role that I was supposed to be playing as, you know, a girlfriend turned more into, like, mothering.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And it wasn't intentional. It was really out of, like, survival. Like, if I don't do these things, they're never gonna get done. If I don't say these things, nothing ever is going to change, nothing is gonna progress, blah, blah. And then towards the end, it was like, these Kinds of outbursts. And, like, it was. It was a lot. And it got worse and worse. And, like, they got meaner and meaner and in public and all of these things. And I came to realize that a lot of times when someone, especially men, start getting really nasty like that, it's because they have an out somewhere else. There's something else going on brewing on the sideline that you don't know about. There's someone that they think is better, nicer, kinder, sweeter, because she may not get all of the bullshit that you get.

[Kami Crawford]

You.

[Unknown Host]

She doesn't have to pick up his fucking dirty draws. She doesn't have to clean after him. She doesn't have to remind him to go brush his teeth or go to the fucking dentist or whatever. Like, she doesn't have to deal with all of that. She gets the fun stuff.

[Kami Crawford]

It's the good cop versus the bad cop.

[Unknown Host]

Exactly.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

So when you have that happening sometimes, like, when I've just found it to be true, like, all girlfriends that I've had and people that I know, they always say, like, the. The thing that tipped me off that they were cheating or that they were looking elsewhere was when they got really mean. And sometimes I'm not saying that that's the situation, but being that they've been together for so long and, like, you know, I don't know if you've had infidelity in the past, but, like, sometimes that's, like, a very good key indicator that someone is cheating on you.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. No, it definitely shoe fits. Mm. That's so wild.

[Unknown Host]

They get real nasty real quick.

[Kami Crawford]

For what? Like, just break up?

[Unknown Host]

Just go.

[Kami Crawford]

Just dump me.

[Unknown Host]

Just go. Why are we doing this?

[Kami Crawford]

Why?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, because there's time invested, and it's probably the better situation. Like, on paper, it's like, yeah, this is who I should be with, but this over here is more fun. And she treats me like a man.

[Kami Crawford]

And she.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, because when you're with her, you act like one, not a little boy. There's a difference.

[Kami Crawford]

You came. You came on the right show today with these hot takes.

[Unknown Host]

I did.

[Kami Crawford]

I like it. We don't have an update from OP yet. Oh, post is only 15 hours old right now after a refresh, but we'll keep our eyes peeled. Maybe we'll get an update on this one down the line of, like, this is what I did. Thank you for the support. My fingers are crossed.

[Unknown Host]

I hope he's in therapy. I think that would help him.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah, I think it's time.

[Unknown Host]

I'm not saying that all hope is lost here, but he's got some shit to work through.

[Kami Crawford]

Something's gotta give right now for sure. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. When I started this podcast, I had no idea how I was gonna get merch in all of your hands. Shopify. They made it so easy to get a store set up and let you guys shop. Having a good partner is the key to success and if you're running an e commerce business, Shopify makes a business partner. They have the tools to start and grow your business from designing a website to marketing and beyond. Turn your big business idea into Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com THT this episode is brought to you by Hint. Do you guys ever miss the sound of the ice cream truck and just going out and getting yourself a sweet treat? Well, get ready for your new summer obsession. Hint Water. It's all about their limited edition Summer Classics Variety pack. It's water with fruit essences and delicious flav like Orange Vanilla Swirl and Cherry Berry Burst. It's gonna be even better than those popsicles you got as a kid. My favorite flavor has been the Orange Vanilla Swirl. It reminds me of that like Push Pop I got when I was young. And the citrus Raspberry twist is also insane. It's so refreshing and it's got this vibrant blend of orange, lime and raspberry. It's my new summer drink and my favorite part about all of this. You know how it beats out the childhood treats. Hint doesn't have any of the sugar, calories or sweeteners. So if you want to feel good and actually enjoy drinking water this summer, check out Hint Summer Classics now while they last. This next one I'm very confused by.

[Unknown Host]

Oh gosh.

[Kami Crawford]

So this next one is coming from R. Am I overreacting? 2 days old titled am I Overreacting? My boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday.

[Unknown Host]

What? I need to see the dress.

[Kami Crawford]

I, 23, female, have been dating my boyfriend, 26 male, for the past three years. About two months ago, while we were out shopping, I saw this really gorgeous, amazing dress that was just perfect for me and in my favorite color. He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive, $200 so we didn't end up getting it. For weeks after this, I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful it was and one day I could save to buy it. Since we've been budgeting a lot lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talk about how great he thought it would look on me. So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families to celebrate. Except when his mother arrived to our house, she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one. But it turns out that wasn't the case. In my surprise, I said, oh my God, there's no way that's the same dress I was looking at and dying for for months. And she replied saying, quote, oh, really? Zayn? My boyfriend gave it to me as a gift last month. I was shocked and confused. Even more so when my boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me. And it was a gift card for Sephora for $50. For the rest of the night, I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. I felt hurt and was lost in my own head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and I didn't want to ruin the mood. So I started to try to put on a good face. But I can't shake the feeling of being hurt. A part of me feels like I'm overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? I just need to know if I need to calm down and not actually be upset about this. Um, I'm so stressed. I hate this one.

[Unknown Host]

And she hasn't asked about it yet.

[Kami Crawford]

Not as of this. This writing.

[Unknown Host]

I just need to know. When we were shopping for the dress and you said that I would look good in the dress, you were imagining your mother the entire time. Jail. And I need to kneel. I need to know what the dress looks like. I know. What kind of dress is this? Is this like, is the dress blue or is the dress white like thing? Or is this like a sexy little number?

[Kami Crawford]

Uh huh. We talking bandage mini dress?

[Unknown Host]

Like, what are we talking about?

[Kami Crawford]

Flowy. A line? What are we working with?

[Unknown Host]

Is there like, I would hope that the dress is modest in nature because why, when you saw this dress that you know that I wanted, did you think about your mom?

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. Also like, you knew how much I wanted this. I've been talking about it for two months. Yes, two months.

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

And a month ago you went out and bought it for your mom. You told me we didn't have it in our budget. Right, but you bought it for your mom.

[Unknown Host]

Initially I was like, oh, maybe it was Christmas. I'm like, coming up with scenarios to.

[Kami Crawford]

Make him make it a little better.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, but like, maybe it's Christmas and maybe like all the gifts are under the tree and maybe you accidentally put my name on or your mom's name on my gift and then we accidentally had like a gift swap, but that's not giving. Gift swap. But then I wonder, is he just like a really bad gift giver and he forgot that he needed to get something for the mom and then was like, oh, my girlfriend thought this dress was really nice. Maybe it would be a nice gift for my mom. And then also, like, got you a shitty gift, which is a Sephora gift card. Which, like, everybody loves Sephora. But like, you're my boyfriend.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

I don't want you getting me a Sephora gift card unless it comes with a Cartier bracelet. It should come with like an additional present.

[Kami Crawford]

Or just like, there was thought behind it. Like, I'd been talking about some snail mucin mask and you went out of your way to find. Find that snail muin.

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

Not just, I'm going to walk in and buy her a gift card. No, you don't know me. No, you didn't put effort. Like, that's what that says.

[Unknown Host]

It's giving like white elephant present.

[Kami Crawford]

So we do have a little context from op. Quite a few comments.

[Unknown Host]

Okay.

[Kami Crawford]

OP said it's weird because it wasn't for her birthday or any special occasion for her. He just gave it to her randomly. Randomly. Just a here, mom, thinking of you gift.

[Unknown Host]

I'm gonna hold her hand when I say this. Your boyfriend wants to fuck his mother.

[Kami Crawford]

What is even more odd about this? Says Op, the shopping area we saw the dress in is a good distance from our home. And the dress is not his mother's taste at all. So this means sometime after the fact of us being there, he drove all the way back there and for some reason bought the specific dress I wanted and gave it to his mother for no reason. Wasn't her birthday, wasn't a special occasion, according to her. He just randomly said, I have something for you, mom. And he brought the dress over to.

[Unknown Host]

Her house because he's in love with her.

[Kami Crawford]

This is absurd.

[Unknown Host]

That's very, very strange behavior. And I don't know why OP hasn't said something to him about it already.

[Kami Crawford]

I know there is like one comment here that like Op says, I can't even bring myself to talk to him yet. Looking for the words to say and how to say them.

[Unknown Host]

How do you say, do you have sexual feelings? For your mom without saying, do you have sexual feelings for your mom? Very difficult.

[Kami Crawford]

I know it's hard to beat around that bush. It's really hard. Cut to the chase.

[Unknown Host]

I would, I just genuinely, I don't. Honestly, I don't think I would have a conversation. I think I would just break up with him.

[Kami Crawford]

I know, because in my head, I don't know if there is a reason that would justify it. Because it's kind of hard. Because it's like, he could be like, oh, she broke up with me because I bought a dress for my mom. Which is like, oh, that's a nice thing to do. Right? Like, he cares about his mom. He bought her a dress. Like, that's so nice. But you bought your mom a dress that I was like, pining over. I was like, begging to get. And that kind of shows like you had some cruel intention behind your action.

[Unknown Host]

It's also like a dress. It's not like, oh, I really liked this robe. And he got the same robe for his mom, but then also for my birthday, he also got me the same robe. Like, we're not talking about a robe.

[Kami Crawford]

No, we're talking about a little.

[Unknown Host]

Probably a little black dress.

[Kami Crawford]

That's what I'm envisioning. I'm envisioning, like, it's very, like, younger. It's like geared younger. And not to say, like, if you're 45 and you, you know, you can't wear the bandage dress, you probably can. You can rock it. But like, it was very clearly her style. She wanted it. I'm. I'm just so confused why it had to be that dress. Also, what are your thoughts on people gifting their partners and like a mom or a parent, the same gift? It gives me the ick.

[Unknown Host]

I guess it depends on what the gift is. Like again, a roll swimsuit, like a bikini, who gifts them? Why would you be gifting your mother a bikini?

[Kami Crawford]

I know, I've seen that come up lately.

[Unknown Host]

I wouldn't even gift my mom a bikini.

[Kami Crawford]

I love her, but like, I literally. I know.

[Unknown Host]

I wouldn't even think like, oh, yeah, mom, Mother's Day bikini.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah. I had a story on Patreon and it's a little bit different, but this girl was writing in. She's like, my mother in law keeps copying me. I got this bikini. My boyfriend loved it, so his mom went out and bought the same bikini.

[Unknown Host]

We need to talk about the boy moms. Seriously, we need to talk about them.

[Kami Crawford]

It's pretty bad.

[Unknown Host]

Not mothers with sons, not mothers with boys. We need to talk about the boy mom specifically because something is going on.

[Kami Crawford]

Have you seen the Tiktoks where the mom is like, I don't know, it's like a video of her making pancakes with her son and she's like, I loved him first. You'll never love me. Love him as much as me. Like, it's like POV to his future wife.

[Unknown Host]

And it's just like, babe, ew, Listen, keep him. Ew. Keep him in utero if you want. I don't want that kind of a man. I'm sorry. And this is. I talked about this on my podcast recently because, like, I don't really have any friends who have good relationships with their mother in laws. And I think it's because, like, isn't.

[Kami Crawford]

That just so interesting?

[Unknown Host]

It's a boy mom problem.

[Kami Crawford]

And is that a generational thing? Like, do you feel like that's kind of a millennial thing because of the generation that, like, is that a thing?

[Unknown Host]

I think it might be. I think it like the Gen X versus millennial thing. Yeah, I think it could be. Because I don't like, all of my girlfriends who are. Are millennials. They're like, when my son gets older, we'll never have this issue. I can't wait to be best friends. So I'm like, what happened to Gen X? It's really the Gen X boy moms.

[Kami Crawford]

It's so interesting.

[Unknown Host]

And maybe the boomer boy moms too.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm just baffled by it.

[Unknown Host]

Something's up.

[Kami Crawford]

I need a psychologist to just like, chime in and be like, this is why. This is what it was.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

You know, these moms at this time weren't getting satisfied from their partners, so they turned their child into a surrogate partner.

[Unknown Host]

I think that's a part of it. I think it's like, it's like the.

[Kami Crawford]

Enmeshment of it all.

[Unknown Host]

Women weren't able to like, open up their own bank account. Boink account. Their own boink account.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. Until like, what was it, the sev.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, the seventies. Like mid seventies.

[Kami Crawford]

Something crazy.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. And then like, with the boomers, like, their husbands were going off to war and like, they had to rely on this. There has to be. While they're figuring out the psychology behind why we're all fucked up because of COVID I also want them to work on this one.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. You can just see it too. Like, even a dad, like you say, going off to war, and it's like, you're the man of the house now, buddy. Like, it's like, you can just see it and just like.

[Unknown Host]

Yep, it's there. There's something there. There's something there that ends with us. It ends with us. The boy mom problem.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. I know you guys don't. Don't contribute to that. Like, yeah, do you see any of Madison Humphrey's tiktoks?

[Unknown Host]

They're so good. The one at the wedding. The wedding where it, like, the bride and groom. The bride's giving her vows, and she was like, I love you through all your flaws. And the boy mom, she's in the front. She's like, my son doesn't have any flaws.

[Kami Crawford]

You're not gonna talk about my son that way. Why is that what came to mind for me, too?

[Unknown Host]

Meanwhile, sister, you are the flaw. You are the flaw that your son has.

[Kami Crawford]

And these are real videos of people. Like, she parodies real videos of people.

[Unknown Host]

It's scary. It's scary.

[Kami Crawford]

It's so crazy. Top comment on this one. Sounds like he did it on purpose. He probably knows you have good taste and used that to get a present for his mom. Was it for anything or just a gift? Out of nowhere, he had to have know that you'd see her wearing it. What was he thinking? Sounds like he wasn't, to be honest. Sound like he's a mama's boy and didn't put any effort into your gift. I'd be livid.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

Don't put up with this bullshit, girl. You deserve better. If you want to talk it out with him, do that and see what he says. But I don't know. It doesn't seem worth it to me. But if you do mention how it was obvious that you wanted that dress and how hurtful it was that he gifted it to his mom and not you when he knew you loved that dress.

[Unknown Host]

I also think something nefarious might be involved. Like, I feel like the mom might have known that she wanted this dress because. What is this family function while you're showing up with this dress? Because in my mind, it's still a lacy little black dress with, like, rhinestones or a bandage.

[Kami Crawford]

I don't know.

[Unknown Host]

Like, what? Why are you showing up with this dress? Or is it like a Lily Pulitzer, like, sundress? Like a date? Like a. You know, like, I need to see the dress. Op. If you're listening to this post, the dress in the chat.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. I need a link. I need to see it. Nothing in the comments describing it, really, except that it's not the mother in law style.

[Unknown Host]

Hmm.

[Kami Crawford]

So I need a link. Yeah, send me the link. Yeah, we do get an update. This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by State Farm. Whether you're debating scrolling on your phone for hours or rewatching your comfort comedy movie for the tenth time, or both, choices are important when it comes to choosing coverage. A State Farm agent can help you find options that are right for you. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there. We get an update on this one.

[Unknown Host]

I'm scared.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm scared. I haven't really gotten into it, so I'm like. I'm just like, I don't know what we're gonna be getting into. Update. I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything. And his response too long. Didn't read. He thought I had to be humbled a bit because I got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress.

[Unknown Host]

Well, excuse the fuck out of me.

[Kami Crawford]

I literally just got, like, the chills on my scalp. Like, I just.

[Unknown Host]

My eye just started twitching.

[Kami Crawford]

Like, my head was, like, tingling. I don't know what that was, but, like, you need to. This is what I was saying. What is up with people, like, humbling their friends and their partners?

[Unknown Host]

Like, it's weird. Just say you hate me. Just say you hate me. You want me dead. Because that would be so much easier than doing all these. You don't have to do all that.

[Kami Crawford]

No. And you literally. You just had this psychologist on your podcast, and I was, like, listening to some clips of your show with her, and then I like, fell down her rabbit hole, and she literally, like, breaks down, like, how it's so much easier to be a hater and, like, the psychology of being a hater and, like, the reasons behind it. And I'm like. You're literally. You hate your girlfriend.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Was it Dr. Molly?

[Kami Crawford]

I think so.

[Unknown Host]

Blonde?

[Kami Crawford]

No. Black woman.

[Unknown Host]

Dr. Raquel.

[Kami Crawford]

Amazing. Like, her stuff is so, so good.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm like, I need to get her on now. I'm like, your episode with her, I'm just like. I'm just like. I was eating it up.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, but this is. It is a part of, honestly, like, narcissistic relationship and, like, abuse to try to humble your partner constantly.

[Kami Crawford]

What are we doing here?

[Unknown Host]

You are trying to minimize this person and make them feel like shit so that you can feel what better about yourself. I had to be humbled because I got excited about a dress in a store while we were shopping.

[Kami Crawford]

As trivial as getting excited about a dress?

[Unknown Host]

God forbid. God forbid. So what, when the football game comes on, you don't get Excited about that?

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, thank you. That's a great, great example from people.

[Unknown Host]

You'Ll never meet and a game you'll never play. But God forbid I get something in my line of sight that's tangible, that I could purchase and have in my life, and now it's trivial. But you get excited about Sunday night Football and what, as boys being boys.

[Kami Crawford]

And I'm the problem. What? And I, like, wanted to make sure I'm, like, trivial. Like, that is such a. Like, it feels like a cruel word to use. Like, oh, it was so trivial. Trivial. You guys of little value or importance had no doubt.

[Unknown Host]

So then why did you get it for your mother?

[Kami Crawford]

Thank you.

[Unknown Host]

Why'd you get it for your mother?

[Kami Crawford]

Thank you.

[Unknown Host]

You didn't think it was trivial when you were getting a gift for your mother. Unless you think your mother is of little use and importance, which is another story for another day. So maybe the boy mom isn't there. Well, actually, no. Actually, I go back to my issue, my original problem, which is boy moms. Because why'd you raise your son to be like that?

[Kami Crawford]

Well, that and also, if we look at this, okay, he thought it was trivial. He wanted to humble you. So you're gonna gift it to your mom and make your mom be this wearer of bad news? Like, what is this saying? Like, you're gonna also inject your mom into our relationship and use your mom to humble me?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, because she's the most important woman in your life. Which, like, cool. Sure, I guess. No, but, like, what are we even talking about? She needs to. I hope.

[Kami Crawford]

Did.

[Unknown Host]

Is that the rest of it? Did she say she broke up with him?

[Kami Crawford]

We have some more.

[Unknown Host]

It better end with a breakup.

[Kami Crawford]

He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift. I was so upset and hurt that I just called my mom to come and get me and will be staying with her for a few days while I figure out the next steps. But I am not going back to him. I like that. Yes. The best I've heard. Day update.

[Unknown Host]

He's a sociopath. I'm not a professional. He's a sociopath. He's a.

[Kami Crawford]

Let me say that right now, not a professional, but in my professional opinion, sociopath.

[Unknown Host]

You thought it would be funny to get my reaction. So you're, like, over here getting a hard on while your mom walks through the door with the dress that I wanted to see my reaction as to how upset it would make me.

[Kami Crawford]

He probably said to the mom, too, you should wear that to the birthday dinner. Really? Just knife twist. Like, wear that. Here's this dress, Mom. Wear it to the birthday dinner. He wanted to try, like, terrorize her and just shit in her Cheerios.

[Unknown Host]

He's a.

[Kami Crawford]

On her birthday. On her birthday is when he wanted to send this message and humble her.

[Unknown Host]

You know what you need to do? You need to humble him. Who is his. For his. His favorite sports team. Find his favorite sports team.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, slide in those dinosaurs. That'd be some revenge.

[Unknown Host]

That's what I would do.

[Kami Crawford]

And people check their DMs.

[Unknown Host]

They do. And let me tell you something. Getting an athlete is the easiest thing in the world. Get in those DMs.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, my gosh.

[Unknown Host]

Send. Put some feelers out there.

[Kami Crawford]

Some petty revenge. Okay.

[Unknown Host]

Find out who's famous.

[Kami Crawford]

I like. I like where you're going.

[Unknown Host]

Favorite vlogger, whatever it is.

[Kami Crawford]

Anyone who's fa. Who is his fave financial advisor. I don't care who it is.

[Unknown Host]

Dip in those DMS and see what comes out.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, I like this. I like this.

[Unknown Host]

That's what I would do.

[Kami Crawford]

We do have, like, a little second update. It feels like kind of like a little closer. First of all, I want to say thank you and express my gratitude to all the people who have shown support. The kind words mean so much to me right now, and I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone. Just know I'm reading them and thank you. Me and Zayn are over for good. He keeps calling me, but I won't answer. And there's nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had and had kept hidden so well until now.

[Unknown Host]

I also wanna say she mentioned that they were budgeting together. Yeah, but now that you've gotten rid of his ass, you don't have to budget. Go get yourself the dress.

[Kami Crawford]

Go get the dress.

[Unknown Host]

Go get the dress.

[Kami Crawford]

Honestly, get a hotter dress.

[Unknown Host]

Get a hotter dress.

[Kami Crawford]

Get some, like, plunge.

[Unknown Host]

Dip in those DMs. Wear the dress on the date. Take a picture holding hands with the fabric of the dress in the picture. Ooh. Post it on your story. Cause no face, no trace. We don't need the person in the picture. Follow them. Make sure they follow you back. Put the whole story together. Call me. I'll help you.

[Kami Crawford]

I think you could. We could. We could make a show over this.

[Unknown Host]

That's where the Scorpio comes in. It's like, how do we get revenge.

[Kami Crawford]

Petty revenge in person. This is a new. This could be a show.

[Unknown Host]

Do we seek revenge?

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, my gosh. People are just losing it.

[Unknown Host]

The point is lost.

[Kami Crawford]

I know.

[Unknown Host]

The plot is lost. I just can't imagine this theme of humbling your person. It has to stop. I see it so, so much. Like, it happens so often.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. And it's like I haven't had, like, a way to pinpoint it until recently because it's like you just don't like them or whatever. But it's like it's. No, it is like you are trying to humble them and it's like, why?

[Unknown Host]

Like, you want them to feel honestly how you feel, which is low.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. And I think that's that hater energy. Like, she was talking about that. And it's just like the psychology behind being a hater is like. It's so fascinating to me. It's like you, you're truly. You're miserable.

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Kami Crawford]

Like, you are miserable. Whatever it is like insecurity or like if you get down to the root on that little feeling wheel of what it is, it's nothing good. It's nothing positive.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. You're a hater. And you don't want. Let me tell you something from experience, honey. You don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who's in competition with you. No, you will lose every single time because they will make sure of it. Because. Because they're in competition with you. They're already ten steps ahead.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Because they've been trying to. This whole time you've been chilling. So you're not. You're not even on that wave. Do yourself a favor.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah?

[Unknown Host]

Cut ties.

[Kami Crawford]

Goodbye.

[Unknown Host]

Goodbye.

[Kami Crawford]

Goodbye.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, I know it's bad.

[Kami Crawford]

How you hanging?

[Unknown Host]

You know, nothing I haven't seen before.

[Kami Crawford]

Just another day. Not your first rodeo.

[Unknown Host]

I'm not a professional. But I am a professional. This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. Summer's almost out and fall's calling. Luckily, Nordstrom has everything you need for.

[Kami Crawford]

The season ahead, all under $100.

[Unknown Host]

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[Kami Crawford]

Returns and in store order pickup. Shop today in stores [e-mail]. i'm going to give you a choice on this last one. Okay? Option number one. AM I. The asshole for checking my husband's dash cam footage on his car without his consent. Or option two. My boyfriend's sister told me she has feelings for me and I have no idea what to do.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Kami Crawford]

I know. I couldn't pick, so I'm. I'm putting the burden on you.

[Unknown Host]

Might have to be the sister.

[Kami Crawford]

The sister. Okay, here we go. So this is a mess and I haven't told anyone about it yet. I've been dating my boyfriend. We've been together for almost three years, and I have a pretty chill relationship with his family. His younger sister, she's 29, I'm 34, female, has always been super friendly, and honestly, I thought we just got along really well. But last weekend she came over to hang out while my boyfriend was working late and I don't know, something felt off. She kept touching my arm, complimenting me more than usual. And then after a couple of drinks, she just came out and said it. That she's had feelings for me for a while and thinks we'd be perfect together in another life or something. I just froze. I kind of laughed it off because I didn't know what else to do and changed the topic. But now I feel weird around her and I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend. I don't wanna make things awkward with his family or start drama, but I also feel like I'm keeping a secret that could blow up later. She hasn't texted me since, but I can't stop thinking about it. What do I even say? Do I bring it up with him or just let it go and hope it never happens again?

[Unknown Host]

Messy.

[Kami Crawford]

So messy.

[Unknown Host]

Messy. I think you don't wanna blow up Thanksgiving. I don't know why everything comes back to Thanksgiving. You don't want to blow up the holidays. Yeah, but you do need to say something to her because laughing it off, obviously, is not getting the point across. Because she's probably thinking, if she's low key, delusional enough to think that there's like a world where you two would be together, sliver. Then she's delusional enough to be like, well, she didn't say no. So, like, maybe there's a chance and you don't want for her to then try to take an extra step and cross boundaries later on. Because this is already a huge. It's.

[Kami Crawford]

What the fuck?

[Unknown Host]

This is already. This is already bad. So I think you need to have a conversation with her. Send a text. I don't know what you need to do, but you need to let her know that there are clear boundaries that will not be crossed. And you can't laugh it off. No, this is a situation where you have to be stern. You have to be very clear and be like, hey, I love you as my future sister in law. That's where it ends. I love your brother. That is my person. I don't know if, like you were just drunk when you said that to me. Like, I'm not gonna hold it against you and I'm not gonna share this with him, but I do need you to know that like zero chance in fucking hell.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Love you to death.

[Kami Crawford]

See, I'm like, I would wanna tell him just in case, like, something gets twisted.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kami Crawford]

That's the hard part.

[Unknown Host]

It is hard. How long have they been together?

[Kami Crawford]

They have been together for almost three years. So it's like they. Their relationship should be pretty solid.

[Unknown Host]

It should be solid. I mean, he might know his sister. This might not be her first offense.

[Kami Crawford]

We have had stories like that in the past.

[Unknown Host]

This might not be her first offense.

[Kami Crawford]

So, yeah, top comment. You should tell him ASAP and stop hanging around her. I saw a post today where a woman said she ruined her marriage because she was dating her husband and his brother tried to sleep with her and she rejected him but never told her husband about it. Years later, the brother told the husband in a fight to ask her about what happened and now he doesn't know what to believe. OP responds, I'll tell him this weekend.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, maybe tell him. Maybe tell him. Maybe tell him.

[Kami Crawford]

So we find out what. What? She tells him, we get an update. Update. I talked to my boyfriend about it. I was super nervous, but I just couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. I told him what his sister said and how weird I've been feeling since. His reaction, honestly, kind of surprising. He stayed calm and said something like, quote, yeah, she might be just messing around or testing you. He didn't seem shocked at all. More like he was trying to figure out if this was serious or just her being her. Then he went and talked to her calmly. And later the three of us sat down together. My heart was pounding the entire time and da, da, da. They both just laughed a lot. Apparently she was just testing me, like as some kind of weird joke or whatever. I wasn't exactly amused. I got kind of mad. Told them both that that was really not cool. I mean, who does that? She apologized and to be fair, said some really sweet things about me. Said she thinks I'm great for her brother and that she respects our relationship and that. No, she absolutely doesn't have feelings for me. She said she has a boyfriend and she's not even into women like that.

[Unknown Host]

She's lying.

[Kami Crawford]

I told them both straight up, she's lying not to ever pull something like that again. Like, ever. So, yeah, weird week. Still processing. Thanks for all the advice. Seriously.

[Unknown Host]

The sister is lying. The sister is lying. Who does that? Nobody does that.

[Kami Crawford]

She was shooting her shot.

[Unknown Host]

She was shooting her shot. She was trying to see how far she could go.

[Kami Crawford]

Oh, I. Oh, I have a boyfriend. Where is he?

[Unknown Host]

Where is he?

[Kami Crawford]

Where's my girlfriend? I've never seen him.

[Unknown Host]

I've been here for three years. He's never come around once.

[Kami Crawford]

I'm not even into women like that.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, no, it's okay. It's okay. Not trying to push anybody out the closet, but you have feelings for that girl and it's. It's. I'm not gonna say that it's natural, but it is. But we have to have boundaries.

[Kami Crawford]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And it's not funny, actually.

[Kami Crawford]

No, no. This is super weird. And boyfriend better get more on your side and draw a boundary with her. And these funny jokes are not happening again because otherwise, how do you move forward with him?

[Unknown Host]

No, the. The families. I'm sorry, is it a family of comedians? What the fuck is so funny?

[Kami Crawford]

I know. I don't know what. It's goofy. Something is amiss here.

[Unknown Host]

Wow. Wow.

[Kami Crawford]

That's all I got for ya.

[Unknown Host]

That was a lot.

[Kami Crawford]

I know, I know. You're just gonna, like, go home. You're just gonna be like, what just happened?

[Unknown Host]

You know, the world is a scary place, but this makes it better. It does make it better. We're not alone.

[Kami Crawford]

We're not alone in our mess.

[Unknown Host]

We're never alone enough. There's always Reddit.

[Kami Crawford]

No. Oh, my gosh. I'm like. There's so much. I'm like. I could, like, interject little personal things here and there, but I'm like, I can't spill too much tea today.

[Unknown Host]

I loved this.

[Kami Crawford]

Okay, good.

[Unknown Host]

I loved it.

[Kami Crawford]

You crushed it.

[Unknown Host]

Thank you.

[Kami Crawford]

You're welcome back anytime.

[Unknown Host]

But I'll be back, girl.

[Kami Crawford]

Where can people find your podcast? How can they follow you? Where are you at?

[Unknown Host]

Relationshit goes up every single Friday, and then YouTube goes up on Mondays. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts and then on Instagram, TikTok Everywhere. I'm AmyCrawford K, a M I E in Relationshit with a capital I love it. Not relationship, podcast. Relationship, shit.

[Kami Crawford]

Getting into the shit. Of it all.

[Unknown Host]

To be clear.

[Kami Crawford]

I love it. I love it. Thank you so much for coming on, Kami. All of Kami's links will be in the description. Go check out her show follow. But other than that. Until next time, guys. Bye bye.