241: Impractical Reactions? Ft. Sal Vulcano

Summary

Two Hot Takes — Ep. 241: "Impractical Reactions?" Ft. Sal Vulcano

Release Date: November 6, 2025
Host: Morgan Absher
Guest: Sal Vulcano (Impractical Jokers)
Episode Theme: Morgan and Sal tackle a lineup of wild, awkward, and highly impractical relationship, workplace, and life dilemmas found across Reddit and listener submissions. Through equal parts empathy and hilarious incredulity, they break down why people react in such impractical (and often absurd) ways — including some jaw-dropping stories.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, freshly-wed host Morgan Absher is joined by comedian and Impractical Jokers star Sal Vulcano. After a jubilant, animal-filled wedding recap and some light chatter, Morgan throws Sal into a gauntlet of Reddit and listener stories covering everything from prank lawsuits and scent-obsessed coworkers to relationship boundary violations, frat party chaos, and hilariously disastrous tattoos. Together, they dissect what makes these reactions "impractical," sharing comic relief, empathy, and plenty of memorable moments.

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Highlights and Key Discussion Points

Honeymoon Recap & Wedding Shenanigans

[01:03–05:11]

• Morgan shares details from her recent wedding, featuring guests riding camels and donkeys, a magician, and tarot reader.
• Sal jokes about the sheer randomness, especially the camel:
  • “Camel, a donkey, and a magician. Three things. Never guessed you'd say that.” — Sal (02:09)
• Discussion about Magic Castle, dress code mishaps, and a promise to take Sal there in the future.

---

Story 1: "I Fucked Up by Microwaving My Socks at Work"

[06:14–11:18]

• Reddit user microwaves wet socks at work; synthetic fabric melts, triggers fire alarm, evacuating the building.
• Aftermath: HR emails everyone, user gets dubbed “Hot Socks.”
• Sal:
  • "I heard a core memory. I heard life. I heard a story that is only laughs now that it's passed." (07:42)
• Both reflect on workplace mishaps, with Sal recalling slicing his finger at a deli and the perils of meat slicers.

---

Story 2: "Am I the Asshole for Taking My Brother-in-Law to Small Claims Court Over a Prank?"

[11:18–18:23]

• At a family BBQ, brother-in-law superglues OP's belly button; ER needed, $2,253 bill. OP sues; family sides with prankster.
• Sal shifts opinion mid-story:
  • “When you first just said the top line, am I the asshole…? I was like, yes, you are. Then the more I listened — let’s be reasonable.” (13:19)
• They agree: pranks that send people to the ER (and cost thousands) are over the line.
• Sal on family’s lack of empathy: “Where's everybody else’s empathy for you?” (17:34)

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Story 3: "Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Stop Washing My Hands Because My Coworker Is Sensitive to Smells?"

[18:25–29:19]

• Office “scent-free zone” due to one hypersensitive coworker; drama peaks when she smells soap on OP’s hands and demands hand-washing stop.
• Sal shares he’s “hypersensitive” to strong colognes but recognizes the coworker’s behavior is over-the-top and invasive.
  • “The woman's crazy for walking around smelling people and then making a huge to-do when she located [the ‘culprit’]. It’s not about her.” (22:57)
• They joke about armpits, gross-out triggers, and hand-washing stats.
• Notable quote:
  • “On average... touching doorknobs, you’re touching 10 dicks a day.” — Morgan (28:16)
  • Sal, incredulous: “How do you estimate that?” (29:36)

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Tangent: Airplane/Bathroom Etiquette

[29:19–36:05]

• Extended riff on plane lavatory nightmares, the “Mile High Club,” public hygiene, and why Sal refuses to poop on flights.
• Morgan’s husband Justin shares his newfound “freedom” of using airplane toilets, describing it as a “Disney ride.” Morgan and Sal probe his prior reluctance.
• Quote:
  • “I will never, ever, in my life [poop on a plane].” — Sal (34:21)

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Story 4: "Today I Fucked Up by Mooing on the Toilet… and It Worked"

[37:57–39:49]

• After abdominal surgery, Redditor finds advice online that “mooing” relaxes the pelvic floor — tries it, it works. Her husband walks in.
• Sal and the crew “test” low moos and are delighted by the sheer weirdness.
• Morgan: “Now, every last person is going to moo next time they go.” (41:01)

---

Story 5: "My Fiancé Edits Me Out of Our Vacation Photos"

[41:18–48:19]

• Listener writes in: after a trip, she discovers her fiancé edits her out of photos when she “looks bad.”
• Sal is LIVID:
  • “I would file for divorce. There's no coming back. What a weird… there's a lot to unpack there.” (42:38)
  • “That is problematic behavior… that could be a serial killer, that guy.” (43:28)
• Top Redditor theory: fiancé is trying to look single online.
• Discussion of control, red flags, and “illusion” excuses.

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Story 6: "My Boyfriend Cheated in Front of Me but Says He Was Just Joking"

[49:25–62:43]

• College party. OP watches boyfriend respond to dare: he gives his male friend oral sex, laughs it off as a “silly party” thing.
• Sal is in disbelief:
  • “I have so many questions that are not going to be able to be answered… even the response back. Let’s play this conversation out.” (51:14)
  • Morgan and Sal speculate this is a failed attempt at testing boundaries or revealing bisexuality — not a “joke.”
• OP eventually posts an update: she dumped the boyfriend, is getting STI tested, and feels validated by commenters.
• Sal’s advice:
  • “Two months in — abort.” (53:28)

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Story 7: Libido and Relationship Intimacy

[63:08–69:16]

• Morgan and Justin discuss mismatched libidos, “roommate mode,” and efforts to reconnect, including use of libido supplements and “razzle dazzle” foreplay.
• Comments highlight:
  • Lowering stress, focusing on pleasure-centric erotica, foreplay, and open communication.

---

Story 8: "Grandma’s Disastrous Tattoo"

[77:27–84:23]

• Submission: Grandmother wants paw print memorial tattoo for her dog; tattoo artist botches design horribly (misspelling, major design flaws).
• Sal’s review of the finished tat:
  • “You would name every single breed of dog before you said golden retriever… There’s nothing on here that looks like [one]… It’s very Wabi Sabi. It’s imperfect.” (79:10–80:30)
• Discussion on potential for lawsuits, tattoo nightmares, and the importance of picking the right artist.

---

Story 9: "Walked in on My Mom Eating My Dad’s Ass…"

[85:57–91:55]

• A listener details walking in on her parents during an explicit sex act and feeling (justifiably) scarred for life.
• Sal is simultaneously aghast and amused:
  • “That takes balls to type this… I would almost start to make myself believe it was an illusion.” (88:53)
  • “That is tough, man. That is tough.” (91:55)
  • He advocates soul-searching and says:
    • “Good for them… who am I to judge…? So be it.” (91:55)
• Morgan points out: at least the parents are still having fun — not a “dead bedroom.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On impractical reactions and pranks:
  • “Pranks shouldn’t involve the ER.” — Morgan, quoting Reddit comment (18:02)
• On unbearable workplace ‘scent enforcers’:
  • “This feels like a bit of a Karen situation.” — Morgan (23:52)
  • "I'm smelling something too, and it's crazy… Maybe it’s you." — Sal (24:04)
• On social media facades:
  • “That's a person… that could be a serial killer, that guy.” — Sal (re: photo-editing fiancé) (43:28)
• On witnessing regrettable things:
  • “It would never occur to me to see that — or, any of these experiences — then run and be like…” — Sal on parental trauma stories (92:43)
• On airplane bathrooms:
  • “I will never, ever, ever, in my life [poop on a plane].” — Sal (34:22)
• On the gift of closure:
  • “If you’re watching and you’re a fan of the show — do us a favor, please. We need closure on these things. Always send an update.” — Sal (61:08)
• On family mishaps:
  • "Good for them... who am I to judge?" — Sal, reconciling with parents' intimacy (91:55)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Wedding Recap: 01:03–05:11
• Hot Socks Story: 06:14–11:18
• Prank Lawsuit (Super Glue): 11:18–18:23
• Scent-Obsessed Workplace: 18:25–29:19
• Airplane Poop Tangent: 29:19–36:05
• Mooing on the Toilet: 37:57–39:49
• Partner Editing Out Vacation Photos: 41:18–48:19
• Cheating “Joke” at Frat Party: 49:25–62:43
• Libido/Intimacy Advice: 63:08–69:16
• Grandma’s Bad Tattoo: 77:27–84:23
• Walking in on Parents’ Sex Life: 85:57–91:55

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Tone and Energy

The chemistry is equal parts empathy and comic incredulity. Morgan plays earnest, sometimes exasperated host, while Sal bounces from genuine compassion to “I-can’t-believe-this-is-real” hilarity. Both are quick to point out red flags, defend victims, and tease out the often-surreal reasoning behind these “impractical reactions.” Their exchanges are sprinkled with laughter, wild tangents, gentle roasts, and the kind of hot takes only comedians and Reddit connoisseurs can cook up.

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Final Thoughts

This episode runs the gamut of absurd human behavior — from disastrous office mishaps and family pranks gone wrong to boundary-violating partners and totally unhinged party “jokes.” Whether unpacking why people go to court over super glue, how to handle a hand-washing tyrant, or what to do when you walk in on your parents… Morgan and Sal remind us: sometimes the most impractical reactions are also the most human. And sometimes, it’s just best to laugh, learn, and thank your lucky stars it’s not your story.

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Listen to the full episode for all the wild details, or check the Two Hot Takes subreddit for updates to these stories!

Transcript

[Morgan]

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[Sal Volcano]

This is exciting.

[Morgan]

I'm excited.

[Sal Volcano]

Pleasure to meet you.

[Morgan]

I'm so excited to have you. Thank you. I've been panicking over what stories I'm going to read for you for probably 20 hours now.

[Sal Volcano]

Really?

[Morgan]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Let them rip.

[Morgan]

I was literally on a, like, a red eye from London for our honeymoon, and I was like, oh, my God, Sal's coming on. What the am I going to read? And I hope I deliver today. Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm excited because I don't know what I'm going to get into right now. I know the air of excitement right now for me.

[Morgan]

Hi, guys.

[Sal Volcano]

Congratulations, by the way.

[Morgan]

Thank you. I know. It's. I love, love. It's quite surreal. I'm like, I want to do it again. It was so much fun.

[Sal Volcano]

What does it feel to you? What does it feel like to be married?

[Morgan]

It's good. It's really good. Really?

[Sal Volcano]

Throwing around my husband this, my husband.

[Morgan]

That, yet I use it for the first time today. And I was like, oh, God, that sounds weird.

[Sal Volcano]

It sounds. It's going to.

[Morgan]

That goes away.

[Sal Volcano]

Right away.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

It's fun, though, right?

[Morgan]

It is really fun. Like, all of our friends are texting us after the wedding. They're like, I don't know how you guys are doing, but we're depressed. It's over because it was so fun.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Morgan]

So they're like, we need to do an anniversary party every year. Like, you need to keep throwing these parties. And I'm like, okay.

[Sal Volcano]

Did you have a banger wedding?

[Morgan]

It was like, I mean, we had a camel, we had a donkey, we had a magician.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, you did have the camel.

[Morgan]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay, Good, good.

[Morgan]

Yeah, we got it all.

[Sal Volcano]

Camel, a donkey and a magician.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Three things. Never guessed you said that.

[Morgan]

You would have said tarot reader, hat bar.

[Sal Volcano]

The magician would have blew me away. But somehow in the third position there, I wasn't that impress with it because you. You started with camel and it's hard. Did you have camel rides? Donkey rides.

[Morgan]

Donkey was passing out beer.

[Sal Volcano]

You have a nativity scene.

[Morgan]

What was going on, lover boy? You know, that would have been a really good idea. People probably would have really loved a baby camel.

[Sal Volcano]

You got a camel gun?

[Morgan]

Yeah, I got a camel girl.

[Sal Volcano]

How do you do that?

[Morgan]

She's got two of them.

[Sal Volcano]

Did you just Google camel girl?

[Morgan]

My mom's friends got two camels.

[Sal Volcano]

Your mom's friends?

[Morgan]

Yeah, had.

[Sal Volcano]

Your mom's friend is the one who has.

[Morgan]

Yeah, she owns two camels.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, how does that happen? Don't camels need to be somewhere where camels be?

[Morgan]

I don't know. It's in Minnesota. They survive there, I guess.

[Sal Volcano]

Minnesota Min. Minnesotian camels.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow.

[Morgan]

They do okay.

[Sal Volcano]

All right.

[Morgan]

They do okay.

[Sal Volcano]

Was the magician good?

[Morgan]

Oh, my God. His name's Chris. He is amazing. I still am sitting here. Like, I don't understand some of his tricks.

[Sal Volcano]

Just kind of walking around during the reception, just blowing people's balls off. Yeah.

[Morgan]

Yes, exactly.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

I feel like you would really. You'd really fall for it.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, I love magic.

[Morgan]

I. You seem like that vibe.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, it's fun. Why not? I love it.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. I have magician friends and I. And I. Sometimes they'll tell me little tricks and stuff.

[Morgan]

The Carbonaro kids.

[Sal Volcano]

I have more than. Yeah. More than enough. Oh, yeah, I know him. Yeah.

[Morgan]

I feel like he's actually magic.

[Sal Volcano]

Have you gone to the Magic Castle? Yeah. Okay.

[Morgan]

It's like, one of my favorite places.

[Sal Volcano]

I was invited and I went. And they turned me away at the door because they didn't like my pants. And my three friends who I went with went in and I walked in a. In a. In a. In a stiff leather upper, by the way. I walked to Ross for Less about eight miles away to try to get pants to get back in time to see the show.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God.

[Sal Volcano]

And I went there. I was like, literally had blisters. I get there. And I. And I took a pair of slacks from Ross for Less. They weren't hemmed. They were like proper slacks that weren't hemmed. So they were like a foot too long. They still cuff them inward.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

And I Walked back to the magic castle. By the time I got up there, they were all done again. I had new slacks on and I got up and my. I'm not even joking. Was like clockwork. My friends were walking out that the whole night was done. I missed the whole entire thing.

[Morgan]

I've got a pass if you want to go.

[Sal Volcano]

Do. Oh, you even have a pass?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, you can have it. You have a pass.

[Morgan]

Well, like, we have like a friend who's, she's got tickets and she's just like, here's a pass for you.

[Sal Volcano]

Yes, I do want to go.

[Morgan]

Okay, next.

[Sal Volcano]

But I don't want to take a pass that you have. I got to get out of jail free card that. What's that?

[Morgan]

I get to bring five people.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Yeah, it's me plus five.

[Sal Volcano]

Really?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

I. I do want to go again. I really do. I want to see.

[Morgan]

I got you.

[Sal Volcano]

I. I love immersion. I love to be immersed.

[Morgan]

Put me. Okay, we're immersing you today. Here we go. Terrible at introducing my guests. Per usual. You guys, welcome back to another episode, two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. I've got Sal Volcano over here. Not to be confused with Tonka Johari. I know that's a common misconception. This is not Tonka. This is Sal.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm not Tonka. I'm not Jakrispy. I'm not Kranjistic basketball. I'm not Prince Herb. These are all names I've gotten from that show.

[Morgan]

It's not raining today, so that's. That's positive. So let's get into these stories, shall we? Yes, let's dive in. This episode of two Hot Takes is presented by Ollie. Women always come first with Ollie. That's why they made their love in Libido, a supplement that helps take the pressure off so you can enjoy yourself and sex again. Be a little self serving and get loving libido at a retailer near you or. [e-mail] so you can get yours. That's o l l y dot com.

[Sal Volcano]

The way you have prepped me for this. I am so intrigued right now.

[Morgan]

Okay, Our first one. I'm easing you into it, okay? I can't just fuck you up at the beginning. So this first one is coming from R todayifucked up. It is nine days old, titled Today I fucked up by microwaving my socks at work.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

So I biked to work this morning. It poured on me halfway there and my shoes and socks were absolutely soaked by the time I got to the Office. My feet were pruned like raisins. I thought, quote, okay, I'll just dry them out real quick. In the break room microwave. I'd seen people do gloves in there before. No big deal. I take off my socks, toss them in for two minutes, go back to my desk. About 45 seconds in, I smell something awful like burnt hair mixed with wet dog. Then the fire alarm goes off. Turns out the synthetic material in my socks basically melted and filled the entire office with smoke. Everyone evacuated. Building management shows up, asks where the fire is, and all my co workers are standing around shivering in the parking lot while I admit to it was my socks.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow.

[Morgan]

Now the microwave is trashed. HR sent an email reminding everyone not to cook clothing. And I have achieved permanent nickname status. Hot Socks. Today I fucked up.

[Sal Volcano]

Did you though? I mean, this. What I heard right there is a core memory. I heard life. I heard a story that is only laughs. Now that is passed.

[Morgan]

Hot Socks is a pretty cute nickname.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. You got a nickname?

[Morgan]

Hot Socks.

[Sal Volcano]

This is like. I don't know if you sometimes like, you know, as a comic, I mean, that's. That's amazing. We look for things to happen like that.

[Morgan]

What's your. What's your biggest work up?

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, my God. I'd have to think back across my whole life here. My biggest work. I'm trying to think.

[Morgan]

I know it doesn't have to be impractical jokers.

[Sal Volcano]

I wasn't even. Oh, I wasn't.

[Morgan]

You were going way back.

[Sal Volcano]

I was just going to my jobs.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

I don't even consider. Yeah, yeah. Oh, because. Because. Because on the show, it's like, that's what you do. That's what I said. Yeah. I was trying to think if I might have messed up in any, like, real way.

[Morgan]

What jobs have you had before?

[Sal Volcano]

I've only had like four jobs in my life.

[Morgan]

What are they?

[Sal Volcano]

My first job, I worked at a deli.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

For four years through high school.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

I delivered pizza for four years through college. And then after college, I began working at Prudential Securities.

[Morgan]

Oh, my gosh. My aunt worked there.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, really?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. So I worked at like the home offices in New York and I. From different departments. And then I wanted to focus on comedy and stuff. So I left and started bartending. My plan B was to own own a business. If I didn't like, breakthrough in comedy. So I was. As I was bartending, I was learning that business as well as I could and toward like the 9th or 10th year of being a bartender. I bought a Bar. Oh. With some friends.

[Morgan]

Very cool.

[Sal Volcano]

I started a business and in that exact. I mean, I bought this bar. I put in like half my life savings into it. Two months later, I got the television show.

[Morgan]

That's crazy.

[Sal Volcano]

Which is wild because I needed to. You know, when you start a business, you need to dedicate all of your time.

[Morgan]

Yeah. You're kind of all in.

[Sal Volcano]

And now I. I basically won the lottery after all these failures and I got this show and you need to put all your energy into that. So for the first two seasons of that show, I had the bar and the show and I would do the, the, the, the show all day and I would go and be at the bar until 4 in the morning. New York is 4 o'. Clock.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God.

[Sal Volcano]

So I'd be there, you know, three or four nights a week till 4 o' clock and then filming at 9 o'. Clock. Eight, nine o'. Clock.

[Morgan]

That's a grind.

[Sal Volcano]

It was, it was, it wasn't good. And after two years and the show still being on, I took a leap of faith and I. I relinquished my shares in the bar.

[Morgan]

Wow.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

I always got so scared watching people with the little meat slicer thing. Like every time I watch someone slice a meat for a sandwich, I still.

[Sal Volcano]

Have a scar from slicing my tip of my finger. I'll never forget the lady wanted a half a pound of pepperoni.

[Morgan]

No, see, that counts.

[Sal Volcano]

That's sliced it off it like you look at it and it was like sliced off. It was so painful. I went to the hospital and they put it in iodine. It was. It stung so badly and I still.

[Morgan]

To this day, you can feel the dent.

[Sal Volcano]

You also see the scar on it because like, like my fingertip doesn't have the fingerprints on it. Right here.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Well, that's a good way to not get identified.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. So I guess I fucked up there. I sliced my finger in the slicer.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

No, but there's definitely. I definitely have stories because I didn't always, like, I definitely messed up somewhere in some way, shape or form. But I, I don't know. I. Yeah, I would, I would have been hesitant putting clothes in the, in the microwave.

[Morgan]

I know.

[Sal Volcano]

Microwave, because sometimes they have those like little like. Yeah, those fibers in there.

[Morgan]

I mean, you'd be. Plates sometimes spark.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. It's insane that it was raining and it got evacuated and everyone had to go outside. And HR Sending that thing that say, don't cook clothing is really a nice, passive aggressive little dig from hr.

[Morgan]

I love it.

[Sal Volcano]

But that's that is mortifying.

[Morgan]

Yeah. How do you come back from that?

[Sal Volcano]

You feel like. I imagine this woman felt like an idiot. Was it a woman? I thought you said she.

[Morgan]

You know, no mention.

[Sal Volcano]

I don't know why I was picturing it being a woman.

[Morgan]

See, I was picturing it being a guy because I don't think a woman would be.

[Sal Volcano]

You're right. That's definitely got guy written. I don't know why I thought it was a woman.

[Morgan]

This next one has guy written all over it too. Okay, this is coming from Aitah. 7 months old titled am I the asshole for taking my brother in law to small claims court for a prank? I recently took my brother in law to small claims court over a prank he pulled on me and now my wife and her family are furious. I need to know if I'm wrong here. A few months ago, we were at a family barbecue, I had a few too many beers and I fell asleep in a hammock with my shirt off. My brother in law, who was completely sober, thought it would be hilarious to fill my belly button with super glue.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh God.

[Morgan]

At some point I must have touched it because when I woke up, I had glue partially dried in my belly button and on my finger. We tried to remove it, but it was stuck. The glue had adhered to my skin and when we attempted to peel it off, it caused some tearing around the edges. Unfortunately, my job's insurance has a thousand dollar ER copay, but I had no choice. I had to go to the er. They used a solvent and an ointment to remove the glue and after everything, I was left with a medical bill of $2253.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow.

[Morgan]

I asked my brother in law to cover the cost since he caused the situation.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

He refused. After trying to resolve it privately, I took him to small claims court and I won. However, he still hasn't paid. This has caused a major rift in my family.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow.

[Morgan]

My wife is upset and her family thinks I overreacted. So am I the asshole for taking him to court over this?

[Sal Volcano]

His wife. His wife is upset at who?

[Morgan]

Him.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow. So he's. He's the villain in this.

[Morgan]

He's the villain.

[Sal Volcano]

I was gonna say, like, why would court even be necessary? I just feel like if you had to go and you couldn't, you didn't have the means and you had to go get that bill, then your. Then the brother in law should be like, oh, I. I done fucked up. You don't have the means. And this is all because of me. And I thought that they would pay the. When you first just said the top line, am I the asshole bringing my brother over a prank? I was like, yes, you are. Then the more I listened. Let's be reasonable. I mean like it's like, you know, like they, this was their actions that caused it. You endured embarrassment, pain, a scar and a bill that you couldn't afford. And then you appeal to them and there was nothing you could do to strike it. Maybe a 50, 50 split, I don't know. Yeah, no, but also that's, that's moronic though. Like what did they think? What did they think the net net was going to be putting super glue in someone's belly button?

[Morgan]

Super glue?

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, like that they're going to get. That's not going to be an easy one. So like that's also like that was. It's not like, you know, they put like tickled in their nose with a feather when they were sleeping. So the person like slapped their face. Yeah, you like that was going to adhere to their skin from the get. And everyone is mad at. No one in that family on the other side sees any reason. Like there's not a, it's not a distribution of fault if, if anything everyone is just mad at this person.

[Morgan]

Yeah, we do get a little bit more info on that. The reason my wife was upset is because her brother was going through a divorce and between jobs, everyone knew he did it. He even admitted it. He blames his adhd. I don't want to garnish his pay. The reason I didn't try more to clean the glue off of me was because I have scars in my navel from gallbladder surgery about three years ago. My mother in law has offered to pay the bill, but she is on a fixed income and I would feel like an ass for taking her money. Of course I'm the villain and only my sister in law is on speaking terms with me. My wife is only barely on my side. It was her that took me to the er. Not thinking it would cost that much. I figure blood is thicker than water. I didn't expect this thread to blow up.

[Sal Volcano]

Whoa. Yeah, I mean I would have also like did the ER have some magic solvent? I would have just went on Google first and been like, you know, crazy glue skin. What do I do?

[Morgan]

I'm not gonna Google that.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm like wondering like this has gotta be some like home remedies and stuff.

[Morgan]

I mean there's like 3M adhesive remover, 90 bucks from Uline.

[Sal Volcano]

I would have tried Everything I could before going to the er. But the bottom line is it's not that person's fault that they had to go. No, it's not. And I honestly think that and to blame ADHD is a bonkers. I don't even know what that means. Why would ADHD make you put like, you know, crazy glue in your brother in law's belly button while he sleeps? I mean, you like, I've heard of procrastination. You know that's not one of the hallmark symptoms of adhd.

[Morgan]

No, no. And I have it. I'm like extreme to the umpteenth.

[Sal Volcano]

I've never even thought of that.

[Morgan]

Because we have brains.

[Sal Volcano]

That's the person's moronic. I mean, I mean, look, you can't start editorializing here. Let's just talk about the facts. He did this to me. This was moronic to do. This person wasn't thinking it. Calls me this. You can't start like being like, well, he was in the middle of a divorce, he's got this. He's got what? How does that excuse the behavior? I wonder why he got divorced. You know, like, I mean this person, I just feel like they make poor choices. Right.

[Morgan]

I know.

[Sal Volcano]

I, I, I feel like I feel bad for this person because I feel like they're being Villa, if I was the brother in law, I'd be like, look, it's going to take some time, but I will pay this all off eventually. Hey, like, I mean we're adults here. Come on, start working towards it. What is the payment plan? Yeah, that is reasonable enough for you to do the right thing. And let's just start from there. We don't need to like cause a rift in the family here. No, this is bonkers.

[Morgan]

I know.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. Well, that's crazy. So I feel for this person now. Do they ever report back resolution?

[Morgan]

So we don't.

[Sal Volcano]

You can't garnish the wages because at the end of the day you gotta be the bigger person. That's tough. You also have to front money you don't have.

[Morgan]

Exactly.

[Sal Volcano]

So like where's everybody else's empathy for you or sympathy for you?

[Morgan]

Yeah. You know, no update on this one. I don't see any comments from op.

[Sal Volcano]

This is going to bother me personally cuz I'm going to now be thinking about this like what came of this? Cuz I almost want to be like a, like, like I almost want to be the representative of this person.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

I want to have like a, you know, an intervention with the family.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And I Want to just speak my mind because this person's getting the short end of the stick.

[Morgan]

I know. They really are. The top comment does agree with you. Not the asshole. I can't believe your wife isn't with you on this. Yeah, pranks shouldn't involve the er. Next comment. And thousands of dollars.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, I think that's pretty straightforward. I don't know who would think otherwise, except the people in that family.

[Morgan]

It's weird. Yeah, it's super weird. But moving along to this next one.

[Sal Volcano]

Yes.

[Morgan]

Okay, this is coming.

[Sal Volcano]

How am I doing?

[Morgan]

You're doing great. You're doing great. I think you're. You're nailing it. Very empathetic. Takes coming at it from all angles.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, I love it on the amp.

[Morgan]

This episode is brought to you by Skims. Unlike other sleep sets, the Skims sleep and soft lounge sets are as cute as they are comfortable. Your old pajamas just can't compete. That big T shirt you've been wearing around for years cannot compete. Especially around the holidays when you're maybe with family and friends but you still want to be comfy. Skims has you covered. And if you're looking for a gift for someone, there's so many adorable prints and colors to choose from. I got the red set. It's got a cute little reindeer pattern on it and it is comfy. I'm actually going to gift everyone in my family a set and then get a really cute picture after there's something for the whole family on Skims. My robe from last year I still wear constantly. It's my go to when I'm lounging around the house and want a blanket but want to wear it. And Justin's robe has become a staple for him too. So shop our favorite [e-mail] after you place your order. Be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims holiday shop is now [e-mail]. okay, so this one is coming from R AIT. It's five days old, titled Am I the asshole for refusing to stop washing my hands just because my coworker is sensitive to smells? I have this coworker who always says she's sensitive to smells. No one's allowed to wear deodorant, let alone perfume in the office because she throws a mini tantrum if she smells anything except clean, undiluted oxygen. Usually she just complains to the boss. And then everyone gets a generic company wide email saying we're a scent free zone and blah, blah, blah, eye roll. Everyone back to work now. She's been extra annoying these last few weeks. She keeps saying she smells perfume. No one will admit to wearing any. We get emails about office smells almost daily now and nothing changes. So she's decided to take the law into her own hands, so to speak. Like two to three times a week, she starts walking up and down the aisles.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh my God.

[Morgan]

Sticks her head into each person's desk.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, get out of here.

[Morgan]

Takes a big whiff and moves on to the next desk. All to try and find the culprit. On Friday, she did this again. I just come back from the bathroom. When she got to my desk, she did her smell test on me and immediately lost it. Apparently the perfume that she's been smelling the last few weeks was coming off of me. After she made a scene in front of everyone, we determined what she was smelling was hand soap that I used in the bathroom. She wasted enough time of my day. By that point. I professionally told her to off. And I'm not going to stop washing my hands because she's a hypochondriac. The way I phrased it was like, quote, hand washing with soap is a non negotiable hygiene practice and I will not stop doing it. You can't reasonably expect me to avoid that. This was Friday and now I'm dreading going back tomorrow. Our boss was off Friday as well, so I expect I'm going to get pulled into a meeting. Am I the asshole or are these just the Sunday scaries?

[Sal Volcano]

Okay, so. So let me say this. I am hypersensitive to smells.

[Morgan]

Are you?

[Sal Volcano]

Yes. And cologne and perfume give me a, like a, like a migraine headache. Make me nauseous when they're really strong. You ever like walk into an elevator and like, like someone in here today? Yeah, you know, like it's when it's just too much or if, like if I have a flight and the person next to me is really like loaded up or if I get in an Uber. I've gotten, I've gotten in Ubers and like, I'm so sorry, I have to cancel this Uber because I can't. Because by the time it's not worth giving myself a migraine. I don't know if I'm allergic or something.

[Morgan]

No, A lot of people are sensitive. Like, especially like smoke smell. Like that's a really hard one.

[Sal Volcano]

I wasn't always my whole life. Well, Smoke or like, body odor.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Is another whole nother thing. But perfumes, like, can, you know, But I, I wasn't always like that. But like, I am now, so I understand the plight of the other woman.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

But she's completely overextending herself. It's wild on sniffing people. And again, I don't really understand how people just can't come to a very logical, simple conclusion before, like they get to this state at all. The woman's crazy for walking around smelling people and then making a huge to do when she located. It's not about her.

[Morgan]

No, she's.

[Sal Volcano]

She's not. Everyone in the office doesn't have to bend to her. They shouldn't have to do anything they don't want to. If they still want to wear the perfume, that's their prerogative. If she's kind about it and they want to oblige her because she presents it in a way that is amenable and it's like, motivates them to be like, on her side and like, you know what? I can take this for the team, for you. Like, but that's not the way she's approaching this. But I would even just have been like, oh, my God, you know, I think you might have the scent of the hand soap in the bathroom on there. Obviously you have to wash your hands. Would you be okay if I bought the soap of your choice that's unscented and I'll put that in the bathroom and like, whatever you like.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And this way we both, you know, it's a win, win. You know, like there's ways around these things.

[Morgan]

Yeah, well. And clearly the office is trying to accommodate her. I mean, they send out emails, we're a scent free zone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like the office is kind of catering to this person.

[Sal Volcano]

So I feel like an HR overreach. Yeah, this feels like a bit of a Karen situation.

[Morgan]

It's starting to feel a bit like harassment. Especially her going desk to desk. Like, if my.

[Sal Volcano]

I would be like. I would be like, hey, listen, man, you gotta stop. I'm smelling something too, and it's crazy. I'm smelling some crazy.

[Morgan]

It's you. Maybe it's you. Can you imagine? I'm just envisioning her and I know she's probably not doing this, but I'm just envisioning her like, going up to these people and like lifting their arm and like smelling their armpits to be.

[Sal Volcano]

Like, you're wearing crazy. That, that's crazy. You'd rather it's not like a peanut allergy.

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

Where there's peanuts in the air and, like, someone could die.

[Morgan]

You'd rather smell people's body odor than deodorant, Right?

[Sal Volcano]

That's crazy.

[Morgan]

No, no. There's something about, like, deodorant lately, and maybe it's because we were traveling, but, like, not enough people are using deodorant.

[Sal Volcano]

I know.

[Morgan]

What is up with that?

[Sal Volcano]

I'm always shocked when I smell someone that doesn't smell good because I'm like, you. You have to know.

[Morgan]

I don't know how. Because when I start to smell like.

[Sal Volcano]

I can tell you immediately know.

[Morgan]

I'm like, I need to go home.

[Sal Volcano]

And you get it.

[Morgan]

Gross.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. Right? I mean, maybe someone, like, can't do anything about it. They're out and about and they've already gone. Whatever. They jog. Whatever the hell they did.

[Morgan]

But, like.

[Sal Volcano]

But sometimes it's just a person who wasn't working out that smells horribly, and you just, like, you can't even speak to them.

[Morgan]

I don't think some people believe in deodorant.

[Sal Volcano]

I know, but they gotta do something. Something that. That is. That's, that's, that's terrible. I mean, that's. Yeah, I know, because it's. I feel like I'm imprisoned. Like, if you get into a taxi or something again, it smells. And like, I have. I have hung my head out the window like a dog. No, I just the whole entire ride like this, and I can't. I don't. I don't try to try and insult anybody, but I. I've gotten to the point I have a weak constitution. So I.

[Morgan]

What do you mean by that?

[Sal Volcano]

Like, I, I. My stomach is like, I will throw up. I get. I. If I'm grossed out, oh, my God. I will at least dry heave. And. And it only takes a few dry heaves for before a full vom. I think, you know? So, like, I don't want. Yeah.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God. You' With a metaphobia is, like, biggest fear.

[Sal Volcano]

What a metaphobia means.

[Morgan]

Isn't that the one where they're scared of puking?

[Sal Volcano]

Puking.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm not scared of puking.

[Morgan]

No, clearly.

[Sal Volcano]

No. But, yeah, like someone who is scared of puking. Yeah. No, but like, my friends sometimes try to gross me out just because they get me going. Yeah. So, like, I. It's like, I don't even want to be mean, but I almost can't hide my disgust. No, I've done like this and, like. Right. And leaned out the window like this Is like, once I'm in like. And I can't do anything about it.

[Morgan]

Once you feel trapped, I have to.

[Sal Volcano]

Take into my own hands and do whatever I can. So I really do understand this. This woman, but it's like she's being unreasonable.

[Morgan]

You have to draw the line at some point.

[Sal Volcano]

Being unreasonable.

[Morgan]

Top comment, not the asshole. If there's an issue with the scent of the soap, whoever stalks it will have to get unscented soap.

[Sal Volcano]

There it is.

[Morgan]

Although at this time, I'd say your workplace is justified in requiring medical documentation. Otherwise, it's time for you and your coworkers to file a complaint of harassment and her creating a hostile workplace. Yeah, next one down. If she actually had a problem with the soap, wouldn't she have smelled it herself when she washed her own hands after using the restroom?

[Sal Volcano]

The plot thickens. Yeah, she used. She's using the same soap. Or does this person not wash her hands?

[Morgan]

Nope. Nope. That's what the next comment thinks. Bold of you to assume she washes her hands.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

That's disgusting.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, that is.

[Morgan]

That's another epidemic. People do not wash their hands.

[Sal Volcano]

I'd walk around smelling hands for the ones that don't smell like the soap, and I'd HR them.

[Morgan]

That's a thought.

[Sal Volcano]

You know, Ugh.

[Morgan]

Watching people walk out of the bathroom.

[Sal Volcano]

I see it all the time. No, I'm in airports all the time. So I'm in there, and I gotta tell you, a surprisingly high number percentage of people do not wash their hands. Well, I think it's like, that's why when I walked up and shook your.

[Morgan]

Hand, I was shocked.

[Sal Volcano]

I had just washed my hands, by the way.

[Morgan]

Same. I just. Yeah, same.

[Sal Volcano]

I came where I came from. Every time I'm done with something, I wash my hands, you know, and I have the. The stuff. The back.

[Morgan]

I got a big guy over there just ready.

[Sal Volcano]

So I was fine to. To. But I will wash my hands against.

[Morgan]

Well, I know you're like a. Like you're kind of a germaphobe.

[Sal Volcano]

It's not. When I'm meeting someone like you, one on one, we're about to sit down, have a conversation, but people approach me all day long and. And put out their hand, and If I shake 20, 30 hands a day.

[Morgan]

I. I'll get sick, honestly. So here's a stat that might not make you want to shake any more hands. If you shake someone's hand or, like, just, like, touching doorknobs or whatever throughout your day, you're, like, on average, touching 10 dicks a day. Yes, because people don't wash their hands.

[Sal Volcano]

If I touch one person's hand, it's 10 dicks.

[Morgan]

Or just, like, going about your day. Like, if you touch a doorknob. Like, someone could have touched a doorknob.

[Sal Volcano]

Definitely. I could see ten dicks. Yeah, but one person's hand. One dick. How about I wash my hands before I use the bathroom and then again right after? Because I don't want to touch. I don't want my dick to touch 10 dicks.

[Morgan]

That's the thing.

[Sal Volcano]

But. No, but people wash after. I'm like, hello.

[Morgan]

Some people don't.

[Sal Volcano]

You gotta wash before and after.

[Morgan]

I literally have a family member, and he is like, no, I don't wash my hand after. I just touched myself. Like, that's fine.

[Sal Volcano]

And I'm like, yeah, but you gotta touch somebody else after that.

[Morgan]

Yeah. No, they don't get it.

[Sal Volcano]

I love by the Way, that song.

[Morgan]

They don't get it.

[Sal Volcano]

How do you. What's the scientific estimation for 10 dicks on the doorknob? I'm so funny. To me. That's so funny. 10 is such a specific.

[Morgan]

I think it was 10.

[Sal Volcano]

It's so funny. And I want to know the formula. I want to know the formula that someone used to get that.

[Morgan]

On average, there's a bunch of different things coming up that says it's actually more. It's actually. You come into contact with 15 penises.

[Sal Volcano]

How do you estimate that? But I will tell you this, too. Once I wash my hands, I take the paper towels and I open the door. That's what I do with that paper towel. And then I throw it away.

[Morgan]

Especially on planes, of course.

[Sal Volcano]

And I also make sure everyone sees me coming out doing that.

[Morgan]

No, Sam.

[Sal Volcano]

I have a club and I open it. I, like, open it all the way.

[Morgan]

And then you, like. Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And then I just, like, throw it in there and I hold it open my foot.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And because I want someone to extend the same courtesy, like, I want, you know? Yeah, I'm with you. I'm glad about that.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

How you do that?

[Morgan]

I. I was a flight attendant for a while, and, like, the amount.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow. I could never, ever. I hate flying. No.

[Morgan]

I'm terrified of flying. And people are like, morgan, how you were. How were you a flight attendant? I'm like, I don't know. I think it was like, it's kind of like car anxiety. I have really bad car anxiety, but if I'm driving, I'm fine. It was kind of like that. Like, I know I'm not flying the plane, but you're just kind of like in more control. But the amount of people that walk into those bathrooms on planes without shoes on it is atrocious. And you guys know that's not water on the floor, right? That's piss.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, that is piss. That is piss on the floor. I don't even. When I go, I don't. First of all, I won't go unless it's an emergency situation.

[Morgan]

Really.

[Sal Volcano]

And if I go to like a, a regular bathroom, like in a public wherever, a public space, you know, at the urinal. I don't know if you know this, but you look down, there's a puddle in front of every urinal. That's one. That's, that's, that's a, that's wrong with you guys. That's a concoction. That's a cacophony. That's, that's just. Everyone's piss in a puddle. And I go, I put my legs apart further than shoulder width my feet. So I am not in. I don't touch any of the piss if I can help it.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

My shoes have never, ever, ever been on in my home in my life.

[Morgan]

Yeah. No, that's good.

[Sal Volcano]

And there's just piss everywhere. And I, I've seen this happen. I, I've seen this. I've seen people go in there and I almost convulse.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Who raised them? What are their concerns? How are they, how are they walking into a piss riddled bathroom in their socks?

[Morgan]

This was.

[Sal Volcano]

And then those socks go in the shoe. And then those shoe, those inside of those shoes always have. Everyone's pissing them. And then you go home, you change socks, you put them back in. Those people's piss are with you for life.

[Morgan]

I'll never forget this girl. She had Uggs on. Like the Uggs you slip your feet into. She took her Uggs off, walked into the bathroom and then came back to her seat and put her feet back in her Uggs.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, my God. It's. It's sickening.

[Morgan]

It's disgusting.

[Sal Volcano]

As a flight attendant, I have two questions.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

And this is one. I always wonder because I don't think it's real. I think it's fake. And I don't really believe that anyone's ever done it. Do you feel like someone has actually been in the Mile High Club?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

How is it?

[Morgan]

They try it, but.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay, so a couple things. What is your responsibility if you think that's happening? And have you ever experienced anything like that?

[Morgan]

I didn't. I Think you're like, you're supposed to knock on the door and get them out. Also, like, a flight attendant can open that locked bathroom door.

[Sal Volcano]

You don't want to open an accident.

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

But like, how do they try? Like, one person goes in and it's maybe like a late night flight.

[Morgan]

This is the only way I. Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And then another person goes up. I'll be in in like 30, like one minute. I'll go in and then everyone's kind of. It's dark, everyone's sleeping. Then they both go in. But then it's so small in there. And then you both got to come out. And also if anybody recognizes you have to sit the rest of the plane ride either being scolded or reprimanded or called out or people knowing you did that. I just can't see who would ever pull that off. And so they wouldn't get in any type of bigger trouble than just, excuse me, you have to get out.

[Morgan]

I feel like you could get banned from the airline.

[Sal Volcano]

Right.

[Morgan]

I never encountered it. And honestly, have you ever.

[Sal Volcano]

Do you know a flight attendant that's encountered it?

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

And it's just what I feel.

[Morgan]

I feel like it's fake. We didn't talk about it in training, but I feel like there's like those airlines now that are coming out with like, like the crazy ones where it's like 20,000 a ticket and you get your own bed.

[Sal Volcano]

And like if I'm flying to Dubai and I have a shower and I think then it's like assumed. It's like a hotel room.

[Morgan]

Yeah. You know, so I think people are doing in those.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, I think that's a little different. Even though it's still weird.

[Morgan]

But try it though. People. People like use autopilot and have sex driving their car. People are getting weird.

[Sal Volcano]

I didn't know that either. I never thought of that.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And then what about like when just somebody blows up that bathroom and you're. That's where you sit.

[Morgan]

Yeah. No, that's.

[Sal Volcano]

You dealt with that. That has to be like every other flight.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Because I was on the jump seat. We have spray a lot of times it wouldn't help. So you try to like.

[Sal Volcano]

Does everybody. Do you just like, look. Does everyone just look the other way? Do you like, is it like you don't even want to be. It's kind of a thing you just make believe. Nobody makes. Everybody just makes. Believes that like. Like that they don't. They don't acknowledge.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Like everyone poops. So it's just kind of one of those things that you just gotta kind of get through.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

That's something I think about all the time. If I like.

[Morgan]

Have you never pooped on a plane?

[Sal Volcano]

No. No. I'm not in my life ever. And nor will I.

[Morgan]

What?

[Sal Volcano]

Nor will I. I will never, ever in my life.

[Morgan]

What if you have a really long flight?

[Sal Volcano]

It's gonna be whatever I need to do to not go to that. To that restroom ever. I won't do it. I won't be. I wouldn't think I'll be able to do it. I mean, I understand if an emergency situation. Luckily, I've never been in a thing where it's like it's either in my seat right now or in there. I suppose in that scenario. But I would also try some. I don't know what I would do. I'd maybe say a rosary or something. I'm not even. I'm not particularly religious, but I. I don't know what I would do. But I. I can't even imagine sitting, hovering. I can't imagine, like, people outside knowing that's what's going on in there. I don't want to be the person that walks out after that. I just. I. I wouldn't put my body, my. My skin anywhere near that area. It's just not going to happen.

[Morgan]

My husband over there now. So fucking weird to say he. I don't know if he's going to be mad at me for sharing this, but he just pooped.

[Sal Volcano]

He's right there. You can clear it with him first, but you're choosing not to. I'll just call that out.

[Morgan]

He just pooped for the first time on a plan ago.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay. Okay. Was it horrifying or was it not bad? Great.

[Justin]

I'm a few times in now.

[Sal Volcano]

No way. You open. Open the floodgates for you.

[Morgan]

He likes it.

[Sal Volcano]

No way. It was great because of the relief, because prior to that, you would suffer.

[Justin]

Well, there's a little turbulence, so I felt like I was on a Disney ride. At one point my stomach kind of went up and felt like I was floating.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God.

[Justin]

Like, this is incredible.

[Sal Volcano]

Also, the actual biological physical sensation was heightened.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And now you're chasing that pie. Now you're chasing it.

[Justin]

It feels different at 30, 000 fields.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. Like you're leaving for the airport. You're like, I'll wait till I get there. Wow. But okay, so if it was only recently, why did you abstain forever?

[Morgan]

Why did you abstain? Yeah, that's a good question.

[Sal Volcano]

Like, so. Because because, like, what are your reasons why you never did it? And now what? What? Now that you've seen the light, now you, like, you. You've done it multiple times already now. So, like, what were the reasons you didn't do it?

[Justin]

I don't really know. Maybe some of the same concerns you have.

[Sal Volcano]

So when you were walking in for this first one, did you feel like, you know, I have no choice. I'm gonna do this for the first time. I don't know what to expect right now, but I feel vulnerable or I feel weird and, you know, like, here we go.

[Justin]

Well, to alleviate some of the concern, I did it on a plane where there were two dedicated bathrooms right across the. The aisle from each other. Or there's a plane with two aisles. Big plane.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Because he didn't want someone to be waiting for him outside that door.

[Sal Volcano]

Right.

[Justin]

Knowing that Starbucks bathroom, the single bathroom thing.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Justin]

Never.

[Sal Volcano]

Right.

[Justin]

Especially when there's a line.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Justin]

Imagine.

[Sal Volcano]

Sure.

[Justin]

No chance, yo.

[Sal Volcano]

You don't know what you're opening that door back up to, though. Three or four people could have congregated there.

[Justin]

Well, and your clock starts to tick faster when you're inside a bathroom or, you know, people are waiting outside.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Justin]

It starts to speed up, up. Oh, God. I've been in here for five minutes, right? I've been here for ten minutes.

[Sal Volcano]

Ten is an attorney. If someone's waiting, it's an attorney.

[Morgan]

He sits on the toilet way too long. I'm gonna be honest.

[Sal Volcano]

At home. I do, too, though. That's where I get my reading done. Sometimes I sit on the toilet. Don't go.

[Morgan]

You're gonna get hernias.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but. But like. But 10 minutes. I mean, everyone knows what you did.

[Justin]

Yeah, well, you probably didn't end up doing it because you're too in your.

[Sal Volcano]

Head about everyone waiting. Yeah, but now you. You feel completely liberated now you have no bones about it. You got to go. You're going right in.

[Justin]

I probably. 50.

[Sal Volcano]

50. Okay. Okay. I don't think anyone could be really fully comfortable.

[Morgan]

I have a trick for you in this next story, okay. They're introducing us to something that might help you poop on a plane. Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, it's not gonna happen, but all right.

[Morgan]

Okay, so this one is coming from today I fucked up 11 days old, titled Today I Fucked up by Mooing on the toilet and Discovering it actually works.

[Sal Volcano]

Mooing.

[Morgan]

Mooing. I know you know a thing about a cow because you have inseminated one.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, I delivered a Baby.

[Morgan]

Oh, you delivered. Yeah, yeah. You. You were fully up there?

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, yeah. Up to my show, up to my shoulder. I was in it.

[Morgan]

Yeah. So you know about a moo? Yeah, I, 36, female, had a hysterectomy last week. And surgically is basically just finding out how many ways your body can betray you. Sneezing feels like being stabbed. Coughing is a crime against humanity. And pooping. Lol. Good luck. So I'm up late Googling tips because I'm desperate and I find this random comment where someone goes, quote, just moo like a cow. It relaxes your pelvic floor. I rolled my eyes so hard. You wanna moo, don't you?

[Sal Volcano]

I was lightly mooing.

[Morgan]

Let's hear it. Moo. Did you feel anything?

[Justin]

Moo.

[Sal Volcano]

I suppose.

[Morgan]

Okay. The next morning, I'm on the toilet, sweating, bargaining with the universe.

[Sal Volcano]

Just clipped the moo and thought for the socials. Just three seconds. Moo. That's it. Two hot takes.

[Morgan]

And I thought, fine, let's moo. And I did, like a legit deep from the chest.

[Sal Volcano]

Moo.

[Morgan]

And it worked immediately. Like, my body just went, ah, yes, cow mode engaged. Anyways, here's where I really fucked up. My husband was literally walking past the bathroom as I was mid moo. He opened the door. We don't usually lock it, and just caught me. We made eye contact. I froze. He froze. And then I absolutely lost it laughing. Except laughing after abdominal surgery.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, God.

[Morgan]

Feels like being ripped open from the inside. So now I'm sitting there on the toilet, crying, clutching my stomach, half laughing, half mooing, half. While my poor husband is sitting there like, what the actual hell did I just walk into? He didn't know whether to comfort me, call 91 1- or just back out slowly and pretend that none of it happened. So, yeah, today I fucked up by mooing on the toilet and learning it actually works, but also permanently scarring my marriage in the process.

[Sal Volcano]

That's. That's so funny. I've never heard. I've never heard that before at all.

[Morgan]

You're gonna try it the next time, though.

[Sal Volcano]

I. I don't. Well, I don't know if I'd feel like what she. Because it's not gonna be necessarily alleviating anything. So I don't know if I have a. You know what I mean? Like a point of reference to understand that it's. It's working.

[Morgan]

You'd have to be, like, really backed up. And that's like your last resort. And then if it works, then, you know, that is.

[Sal Volcano]

Who even discovered that?

[Morgan]

I don't know.

[Sal Volcano]

That's funny.

[Morgan]

But I like it. Top comment Girl, I'm dying. I couldn't help myself. I tried a deep moo and I could feel my pelvic floor relax. And my man one room over yelled, why are you mooing?

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, that's. I mean, I can't imagine not one of your listeners. Every last person is going to move next time they go now.

[Morgan]

Oh, 100%. Yeah, 100%. Okay, are you ready to get into the tea of two hot takes?

[Sal Volcano]

Let's do it.

[Morgan]

I've been like a little light on you, hot goss. Yeah, a little bit. This next one is coming from our very own subreddit. So because of the show now we, we have a place where we kind of take a listener right in.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, okay.

[Morgan]

So this is from one of us. It is a day old titled My fiance edits me out of our vacation photos. I, 29 female, have been with my fiance, 31 male, for four years. We love traveling, taking photos, making memories. Recently we went on a week long trip to the mountains with some friends. When we got back, I started going through our photos. I noticed something weird in a bunch of the group shots. I wasn't there, but I know I was. I asked him about it. He admitted that when he saw a picture where he didn't like how I looked, bad hair, tired face, etc, he used his phone's editor to crop me out or replace me with a view of the background. He said he did it so the trip looked cleaner, so the pics would look nice on social media without me standing there off balance, et cetera.

[Sal Volcano]

What? The pics would look cleaner and she wouldn't be standing there off balance. Sorry to interrupt. Continue.

[Morgan]

I told him that hurt me that I want authentic memories even if I'm not glam in all of them. He said I'm too sensitive and that photos are just illusions anyways. Now I don't know if I trust memories with him. Is it weird to feel like I'm erased?

[Sal Volcano]

I would file for divorce. There's no coming back. What a weird. Like it sounds like this person has issues. Yeah. Does he do that with him with his own photos?

[Morgan]

No, he just picks the one where he looks the best.

[Sal Volcano]

So he's worried of people judging his wife? Who's gonna do that? Or he's worried of people judging him for his wife removing her from photos because he wants to post them on social media and thinks she doesn't look acceptable enough in the photo. For the. For the viewing public.

[Morgan]

That's what it's.

[Sal Volcano]

That is. There's a lot going on to unpack there. I mean, there's a lot to unpack there.

[Morgan]

Top comment has some thoughts.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Top comment says he's single online. Like, basically, he's trying to look single online.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, if he does, he puts. Does he do it with every photo he posts? It sounds like he didn't do it every photo, but it doesn't matter. Like, that is problematic behavior. That is very weird. That's a person. That is that. I'm telling you, that's a person. That. That. I mean, that could be a serial killer, that guy. It's. That's insane. That is so highly insulting.

[Morgan]

Well, and what he said, too. It's like, I edit you out when you look like shit, when your hair is bad. Your face, not your choice.

[Sal Volcano]

You could say to me, hey, hon, I want to post this. Cool. And let her decide. Like, yeah, I don't care. Oh, actually, I don't like that. Don't post that one. Yeah, you need to post the one where I don't look good. So you need to edit me out and put more mountain in the background. That's insulting and weird.

[Morgan]

Well, and is he doing it to anyone else in the photos, or is it only.

[Sal Volcano]

Right.

[Morgan]

His partner?

[Sal Volcano]

It sounds like it's only her, which is like, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. To, like, take it upon himself to deem when his wife looks presentable or not enough. For whom.

[Morgan]

Why do you care?

[Sal Volcano]

And he didn't tell her. Also, I know that's weird that he's been doing it for how long? And then she had to approach him about it. And then the reason he gives also his paper is. Is absurd.

[Morgan]

I want it to look nice.

[Sal Volcano]

Meaning that it doesn't look nice if I'm in it. And you don't like the way that I look. If I look. Did they say if I look. What'd she say if I look?

[Morgan]

Like, just bad. Like, bad hair, tired face. Yeah, he did it. So the trip looked cleaner.

[Sal Volcano]

That's so stupid. What does that mean? How does the trip look cleaner if one person removed her because they look tired? That's so. I'm. I'm getting angry. I'm getting angry right now.

[Morgan]

I just don't understand.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm like, what is wrong with you?

[Morgan]

Well, and there's no way everyone looks good.

[Sal Volcano]

How well does she know this? They're married for four years.

[Morgan]

Fiance been together for four years.

[Sal Volcano]

You're with someone for four years and.

[Morgan]

They'Re about to get married.

[Sal Volcano]

They're photoshopping you out of photos when they think you look tired because they don't want that to be seen by other people. And they're not telling you that. That is a fiat. Still time. There's still time to get out of that. I would get out of that. I know I can't make an excuse for this person.

[Morgan]

No, I mean, he's 31. He's old enough to.

[Sal Volcano]

31. Believe me. I try to play devil's advocate here. I got nothing for this guy. I got nothing.

[Morgan]

No, I don't.

[Sal Volcano]

Except that is very strange behavior.

[Morgan]

Well, to me, I'm like, he's trying to hide something. Like, there's people that do that. They, like, want to look better on social media. But. But then he's like, like, what did he say? Like, social media is fake or something along those lines.

[Sal Volcano]

Pictures are an illusion or something like that.

[Morgan]

Photos are just an illusion.

[Sal Volcano]

This person's full of shit.

[Morgan]

Well, why not keep me in it then?

[Sal Volcano]

Can't be tr. Yeah, like, right.

[Morgan]

Why not post only the solo.

[Sal Volcano]

But what does that even mean it's an illusion? What are you talk. What are you talking. That's coming just. I mean, what the are you talking about?

[Morgan]

I don't know.

[Sal Volcano]

That's weird. Look, if she. If he. If he doesn't put her up at all, it's. It's simple. He's cheating on her. He doesn't. He wants people to know he's. That's easy. But it doesn't sound like it's all the time because she's. She noticed that she was missing in some. Right?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

So this is like maybe someone who. I don't know to be. If you're that ashamed of your wife, that's. That's crazy.

[Morgan]

No. And what happens? I guess you go through life like, what. Like, what happens if they're together and they decide they want kids and she gains a little weight and like, oh.

[Sal Volcano]

Are you photoshopping yourself out of photos where everyone else looks good? And. And. And when you look tired, it's like, also, that's still weird behavior. Like, it's like, I can't. This is. And the females writing in on this. Is there a follow up here? You're gonna. You know what you're gonna do? You're gonna leave me with a nervous tick. I'm gonna leave here and I'm not. I'm never gonna forget these situations. I need closure on these things.

[Morgan]

I don't have any comments yet. No update. It's only a day closure.

[Sal Volcano]

And they don't say anything. We just know she's 29F.

[Morgan]

Nothing yet. Yeah. I'll let you know though, if I get an update. I'll send it your way.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, but this was sent to you.

[Morgan]

It's on our.

[Sal Volcano]

And so this is something coming from a listener or a viewer.

[Morgan]

Very likely.

[Sal Volcano]

And so they're going to see this. Okay. So there's possible possibility for closure here, please. Oh, so if you're looking 29F, look at me. This is not normal behavior. You have to take this up with them and you have to get to the bottom of this. And you should. You should not stand for this. No, it's very, very weir. Now I'm private, so I don't post my family online. But that's not what this is. No, it's not what this is.

[Morgan]

No. He's posting all of his friends. He's posting stuff from his personal life. Yeah, but editing out the one person who seemingly should matter most.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

I mean, there's another comment here. There's no innocent explanation for editing your fiance out of photos. That's not about aesthetic. It's about hiding the relationship. Huge red flag.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

And then there's another one that says it would be a pity if they got married and she has a zit and was edited out of all the wedding photos after she's 30 or 40 and gets wrinkles. Is she banned from photos? Looks like the fiance needs an inflatable doll, not a human.

[Sal Volcano]

I agree. There's gonna be wedding photos of just him.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

If he doesn't like the way she looks in a certain photo, it is giving.

[Morgan]

A little self centered.

[Sal Volcano]

I feel like all of. With all of these things, like we're not giving. I'm not giving any hot takes.

[Morgan]

You're just.

[Sal Volcano]

I feel like by definition isn't a hot take like something that goes a little bit against the grain? I feel like I'm being the voice of reason. I feel like I'm giving an ice cold or a lukewarm take.

[Morgan]

You know, maybe this next one will throw a wrench in your.

[Sal Volcano]

Because I want to like none. I don't think in any of these I've been like, I'm on the side of the.

[Morgan]

I mean, try to. You said you can't devil's advocate this one. Maybe the next one I've got. You can devil's advocate. You know, maybe. Maybe it is just a joke. You ready for this next one?

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Okay. This one is a little inappropriate. It's got a Not Safe for Work badge on it.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

Again, coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit five days old, titled My Boyfriend Cheated in front of Me but Claims He Was Just Joking.

[Sal Volcano]

Jesus Christ. This. This podcast is making me feel better about myself.

[Morgan]

That's the goal. That's the goal here.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm like, I'm a great person.

[Morgan]

Me, female, 21, and my boyfriend. I'll call him Ryan. Male, 21, Brad.

[Sal Volcano]

Why call him Ryan? That's so funny. She doesn't give her name.

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

Me F21. My boyfriend, Ryan.

[Morgan]

Ryan.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

We were at a college party together two nights ago.

[Sal Volcano]

Just for context, how old is Ryan?

[Morgan]

21. Okay, just for context. Me and Ryan have been dating for two months and there were around 100 people at the party. I was having fun drinking and hanging out with my friends, but overdid it a little and felt dizzy. I asked Ryan to sit down with me on the couch while I drank some water. He said, sure. While we were sitting, Ryan's best friend, I'll call him Jake, came over and was talking to Ryan. I don't know how we got to the topic, but Jake dared Ryan to suck his dick. They both were laughing and looked at me for a reaction. I still didn't feel good and I thought they were just goofing around, so I just sat there listening.

[Sal Volcano]

It's not. I could have never imagined you were about to say that. Go ahead.

[Morgan]

Ryan then said, quote. Okay, then I'll do it. Jake unzipped his pants and Ryan started sucking his dick.

[Sal Volcano]

I think. Are we being trolled in the subreddit? Like, let's see you read this one.

[Morgan]

I will investigate. No, I'm gonna look at these accounts.

[Sal Volcano]

There isn't enough. I'm almost to explode on camera. I'm going to need so many details. I have so many questions that are not going to be able to be answered. I've seen a pattern and I'm going to leave here now, and I'm feeling better about myself, but I'm going to leave here. I'm going to leave here, like, also, like, with something boiling under my blood because I, I, I, I, I don't understand these people.

[Morgan]

It only lasted for a few seconds. They both laughed and high fived and then Jake, they. And then Jake zipped his pants up and walked away. I was so stunned and disoriented in the moment, I didn't say or do anything. Soon afterwards, we went home and I immediately went to bed. Yesterday, I woke up and remembered what happened and asked Ryan why he would do that. He said it was just guys being guys and doing silly party dares.

[Sal Volcano]

It's just. It's so irrational. Even that response back. These are the conversation. Let's play this conversation out. Ask me. I'm. I'm ryan. You're. You're 21. Okay. It's the next day.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Approach me about it.

[Morgan]

Why did you suck your friend's dick?

[Sal Volcano]

What do you mean?

[Morgan]

I saw you. You sucked his dick.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, but that's just guys doing guys being guys doing fun party thing.

[Morgan]

It sounds like you're gay.

[Sal Volcano]

Who speaks like that? Who would be like, it's just guys being guys doing fun party. Is always a fun party.

[Morgan]

Things doing silly party dares.

[Sal Volcano]

Silly party dares. Who speaks like that? What do you. What do you mean it's a silly party dare?

[Morgan]

Sal. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get through this story, and then I'm gonna ruin your life.

[Sal Volcano]

I suck my friend's dick because it was a silly party dare. It's guys being guys. You never heard of silly party dares?

[Morgan]

So Opie goes on to say I mentioned that it felt like cheating in a way, and he said I was overreacting because it was just a joke. He seemed annoyed and shut down the conversation.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, my God. My God. Now he's taking this. Go ahead.

[Morgan]

I'm home now, and I don't know how to feel. I'm not even mad. I'm just so confused about what to make of this. I haven't told my friends about this yet because I feel kind of embarrassed. Any advice would be helpful because I'm just not sure what to do.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay, first of all, this is two months in. Abort.

[Morgan]

You're out of this relationship.

[Sal Volcano]

You're out of this one. If this is real. The only thing that I could surmise that is that her boyfriend is maybe bisexual and is trying to look for an in way to let her know that maybe his best friend is more than his best friend.

[Morgan]

Yeah, that's what I'm getting.

[Sal Volcano]

And this is like, all right, let's. When we're all feeling loosey goosey, let's. But. But wait a minute. There was a hundred people there.

[Morgan]

Sounds like a frat party. Like, I was picturing frat party in college. Like at some of the ones I went to.

[Sal Volcano]

I'd like to know what the other 97 people, how they reacted. Like, that's still not normal behavior. Even at a frat party. You're not like, best friend, blow me. Silly party games.

[Morgan]

I mean, there were definitely like, hookup rooms in college at the parties, like.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, but that's a. That's an offshoot.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

These people are in the lobby here. They're in the main room.

[Morgan]

I was envisioning offshoot. Cause she felt kind of dizzy. So I was envisioning she like, kind of was like, can we just like, go get some air? Can we just.

[Sal Volcano]

So the three of them went to an offshoot room. Yeah, it's just the three of them.

[Morgan]

That's what I'm envisioning.

[Sal Volcano]

So how is it. How is that a silly party? Silly party trick.

[Morgan]

Dare.

[Sal Volcano]

How is it a silly party dare now when you're one on one with somebody? I don't know, it's not like the room's watching. And I'm like, I'm gonna. For the sake of this, I'm gonna be this outrageous. Because I'm gonna make this whole entire place go nuts. And it's crazy. No, you're in a. You're in a room, an offshoot room.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And you're like, watch this silly party dare while you're half in the bag. By the way, this is gonna be a silly part. Who's it silly? Who's silly? Who's daring?

[Morgan]

I'm gonna be honest. Like, I don't understand it, but, like, I know people are messed up. So this is pulling from the vault of this show that is my brain. This is a story, not this. There was a story I read a couple years ago now, and it was coming from the Ask me Anything subreddit. And it was a post that was verified by the moderators of the sub. And it was a post that was titled, I've had a sexual relationship with my mom, Ask me anything. And the kid now got.

[Sal Volcano]

But how do they verify? Verify what? How could they verify that's true?

[Morgan]

So the person was a part of a study by this psychologist. The moderators of Reddit got in touch with a psychologist and verified the story. Isn't there hipaa, though, if, like, the patient signs off on it? Okay, so I think, like, they connected with the mods. Like, either way, it was verified. It's still up. Like, Reddit has, like, strict guidelines about fake stuff, typically. And they verified this. And this. This person basically tells a story of, like, when I was 16 or 17, I broke both arms. I was super frustrated and mean to my parents, so my mom started jacking me off. And there's stories like that that, like, are real legal, probably. Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, My God.

[Morgan]

So it's like, there's stories like that.

[Sal Volcano]

Wait, I'm sorry, but he broke both arms and was mean to his mom.

[Morgan]

He was mean. He was just, like, very sexually frustrated.

[Sal Volcano]

Why did she start doing. Doing that to her son?

[Morgan]

I know. I'll send you the link if you want to read it.

[Sal Volcano]

I don't know. I don't know if I want to. It. It seems like a leap, though. Like, what about making him some food? Putting his feet up? I mean, lending him an ear? Like, I wouldn't.

[Morgan]

Wouldn't be my first time being real mean to me.

[Sal Volcano]

I know. You don't have both arms. Let me just. Let me just do this.

[Morgan]

Her husband. Dad was aware of it.

[Sal Volcano]

No.

[Morgan]

And it progressed. It got further than just hand jobs. It was really bad.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, well, then they're okay. So they're not a. Well, family?

[Morgan]

Unfortunately, no.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay. So that. The explanation there is that they're all unwell.

[Morgan]

So, like, I mean, I. I find this, like, I know, you know, Reddit can obviously have fake stories, but, like, I genuinely. After seeing all I've seen over the past couple years.

[Sal Volcano]

Nothing surprises you?

[Morgan]

No. I could see this happening.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. Because it's. But it's not just like a. They've done it before.

[Morgan]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

You're not two best friends that are alone in an offshoot room and you're like, here's a silly little dare. No, let me suck you off. And then, by the way, the friend to be like, yeah, do it.

[Morgan]

High five.

[Sal Volcano]

It's like, no, you do this.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

This is like how you are. This is how you were introducing it to her.

[Morgan]

And it feels like they were trying to test boundaries and be like, if she would have been into it, I feel like they would have been like, threesome. You want to go to Paris? Like, what are we talking about here?

[Sal Volcano]

Right. Right.

[Morgan]

Like, I feel like it was definitely.

[Sal Volcano]

Was that an Eiffel Tower joke?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow. I can't believe I got that. Oh, my God. That was a joke about the thing they call an Eiffel Tower. Yeah. So, like, on Bold Ends, you high five that thing. I only vaguely knew what that. I only kind of. You know, I've heard that before, and I can't believe I made the connection, but that was a real. Was that an easy connection to make? Was that, like, an obvious joke?

[Morgan]

I don't.

[Sal Volcano]

Is that something you said before, want to go to. Is that something that they say, want to go to Paris?

[Morgan]

I feel like. I feel like this is kind of like a younger.

[Sal Volcano]

I Feel like a hip that I got.

[Morgan]

Are you with it?

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, like, but. But I can't. But it. But it. It. I took a minute.

[Morgan]

I'm like, no, you got it. I saw the wheels turning.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

So I feel like this is just testing of boundaries. They want to be a throuple or something.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. Yeah. The way he reacted to being confronted with it is. Is weird.

[Morgan]

Which makes me think he's like, dealing with some feelings.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so. And is the question is. Is. Did she. Is she the. No. This doesn't ask me anything. No. What is this one?

[Morgan]

It was just like, any advice would be helpful. I'm not sure what to do. I'm. I haven't talked to my friends because I feel kind of embarrassed.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay. Someone in the comments mentioned what we just mentioned, that they were testing boundaries and the person is probably, you know, bisexual and wants to see if she's cool with that.

[Morgan]

Top comment. Not a silly dare and your boyfriend is not straight. Lol.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay. And did she write back?

[Morgan]

Let's see if we have any comments from OP OP original poster.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

That's what we call them on this side of things.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, he was trying to see if she was down with OPP we do have some comments. You know. You know that song by naughty by nature? O.P.P.

[Morgan]

No, that one.

[Sal Volcano]

You down with O.P.P. yeah, you know me.

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

You know the song, the group Naughty By Nature. Hip hop group from the 90s. Okay. They had a hip hop Hooray ho. Ghetto bastard. There's a big. That was. That was their first big hit.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

And you down with opp you know me stands for other people's property or other people's penis or pussy is what it was. It was. It was dirty, but that was a.

[Morgan]

Clean version of it.

[Sal Volcano]

And are you down? And so OP. And so I just made a little. I made a fun little, like, reference.

[Morgan]

Yeah, that was good. Now that I understand, I was throwing.

[Sal Volcano]

One back at you at the end of the Paris one. Yeah.

[Morgan]

So OP Goes, we have talked about sexuality before. I'm bi. And he was very clear that he was straight and not interested in men. I guess that makes this feel confusing. I'm reading all the comments as they come in. I feel a little better hearing others say that this was cheating. And I'm not overreacting. He really made me feel like I was being ridiculous.

[Sal Volcano]

What I have to say to her is at two months in, and my advice would be taking from the three of them. Bye, bye, bye. I would end it. Yeah.

[Morgan]

This is confirmed. That there was a frat party. Ryan and Jake are in the same fraternity. We all do marching band and they're in the music frat. I didn't know music frats were a thing.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, well, they're marching to their own drumsticks.

[Morgan]

We get an update.

[Sal Volcano]

You have one?

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, finally. If you're watching and you're a fan of the show, do us a favor, please. We need closure on these things. So always send an update. Even if it's not what we want to hear or it's not the. Like the last update. Continually update. Yeah, because it's only fair, you know, we're putting this out there. We're all listening, we're all consuming this, and we'd like a beginning and middle and end to these things.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

I mean, I don't know if I'm speaking out of turn.

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

But I'm just trying to. For your own.

[Morgan]

People love an update. I actually do. Just did a whole episode that basically all had updates. So next time you're on, I will make sure that every single story has an update. Just to, you know, I'm not trying.

[Sal Volcano]

To give you extra work, but.

[Morgan]

No, it's. It's easy. It's easy. So, update. I broke up with Ryan. He was really annoyed at me and doubled down that he is just a funny guy who goofs around with his friends like that. I didn't want to argue too much, just insisted that we're done dating. Thanks to everyone who left helpful comments. I was so shocked and in my head about the situation. I guess I wasn't thinking big picture. I don't want to even try working things out with a cheater. Also, I have an appointment this week to get STI tested. I'm strict about using protection and this story is the only evidence I have of cheating. But I want to be really safe just in case. Thank you to everyone who posted a funny comment. I'll admit some of you made me laugh. Some of my friends are on their way over for a boxed girls wine night. After I debrief them on the breakup, I'll have to show them this post and some of the comments. It's better to laugh than cry. Lol.

[Sal Volcano]

She was well adjusted. STI is. What is that?

[Morgan]

A sexually transmitted infection.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, okay.

[Morgan]

Std. Sti.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, std. I know.

[Morgan]

Yeah, they.

[Sal Volcano]

And I knew what she was getting at, but I. I never heard sti.

[Morgan]

They've updated the term.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, yeah. Because disease is. Yeah, disease is a little bit. Yeah. Like I make an sti. Yeah. That should be what it is.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Yeah, come in.

[Sal Volcano]

I agree with that.

[Morgan]

James, come on with the times.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Okay, before you see more Tonka Johari, I mean, Sal, we're giving you guys a little bonus story, so an extra story thanks to Ollie Wellness. We've been talking about women's health and wellness a little bit more. And something I want to touch a little bit more on is libido, which is why I've got Justin here, my hubby. Hubby. I don't know. We haven't tried that yet. Yeah, we haven't tried that yet. But I feel like something that you can get a little lost in the sauce on is, like, you can slip into roommate mode or you're just not lining up when, like, I want it, you're falling asleep. And when you're ready, I'm not in the mood. I'm just not feeling it as much. So that is where Ollie's love and libido comes in. It's formulated with traditional ingredients like ashwagandha to help boost desire, enhance arousal, and even support satisfaction. So we're gonna get into this story and see how intimacy can be a little touch and go sometimes, but a little effort can go a long way. And I'm really gonna need your inputs and hacks to you guys. I saw them for the period towel time convo, and it was so good. You guys had such good tips and recommendations, so gonna need a lot of input on this one too. Okay, so this is coming from relationship advice. Eight months old, titled, I, 28 Female, Want so Badly for my libido to increase for my boyfriend, 29 male. What can I do? Okay, what it says in the title. I would love to have such a high libido because I enjoy having sex so much when we have it, but the thought of having it when we're not in the physical act, I just cannot be bothered. I am super attracted to him, and I love him more than anything. So the relationship is not to blame. It's literally just me. What can I do to increase? Please supplements. Reading spicy books? If so, what ones? I'm open to anything. I want to have sex with him all the time. Please help. You're, like, sitting there. You're just smiling at me. What are your thoughts?

[Justin]

I don't know.

[Sal Volcano]

I can.

[Justin]

I just feel like I can relate to both sides.

[Morgan]

Oh, my gosh.

[Justin]

Yeah, it would certainly be frustrating that when you want to, you just can't mentally get there or it just feels like, oh, it sounds really great, but, man, I do have to do so much to get there. And it's a lot of work.

[Morgan]

You gotta check in.

[Justin]

I'm tired, I'm hungry. I have to do this. It's like you can almost work against yourself in that way.

[Morgan]

Yeah, well, and I think like, for me, we just ran into this the other night and I told you you needed to amp up the razzle dazzle. I don't know where this came from, you guys. I was like, you know, the little razzle dazzle, Justin, a little this, all that. Because you almost need like a little bit of initiation sometimes from your partner to like, get you in the mood. Like, I feel like you need to just like get a little butt squeeze or a little come up behind and feel me up. And I like, I need that to almost be like, oh, okay, get out of your head. Get into the mood. Get. Get in that mindset. And like, obviously that's not gonna work every time, but I think sometimes you can just like get so like, comfortable with like, just kind of this like, norm roommate mode is easy to fall into. Especially us. Like, we got so busy with wedding planning and then getting back and cleaning and getting life together. It's like, it can be easy to slip into that and just like, not even tune into yourself, your body, your desires and like what you want. It's like this person wants it. She's just like. But like my libido, which is where something like Ollie love and libido could come in. I've been trying it here and there for the past week just to see what the deal is. And I don't know if Ollie's gonna like me using this word, but, like, at least for me, like, I've felt like a bit hornier and they're ali. I'm so sorry, Ollie. What? Hornier? Is that a wor. Here? Yeah, I. Okay, I will say, you guys, I tried to find a synonym and the other synonym synonyms that come up are aroused and Randy. So I think Randy, my choice was better.

[Justin]

What are you doing, Randy?

[Morgan]

What are you doing, Randy? But I just think it's something that is worth a shot. No one wants to feel disconnected from their partner. And like, intimacy can be a big part of people's relationships. We do have some really good comments on this one as well. And I know you guys are gonna show up and add more. This person goes, I used to struggle with pretty much non existent libido. And here's what works for me. Less stress. Generally speaking, women need to be relaxed to want sex, while men can Relax through sex. Lessening my workload helped. Preach. Right, like, literally right there. I'm like, when I get out of my own head and I stop, like the mental checklist of, like, stress and anxiety and things I have to do.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Then I'm like, okay. No, I'm like, tuned back in. Female pleasure Centric erotica is their next recommendation. Sensual exercise, dancing, or anything that can help you feel more focused on your sexuality and make you horny. There's that word again. Next one goes. Have you tried getting yourself in the mood? Obviously we love intimacy. I think we all do. Everyone loves a good cuddle, a good shag, a good this, a good that. Whatever you're into, but wanting it and experiencing it don't always go hand in hand. Ollie gets that. Whether it's love and libido so you can get yours or period hero for PMS support. I'm in desperate need of that right now. Ollie is wellness that shows up for women. You can find Ollie supplements at retailers nationwide [e-mail] o l l y dot com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Can't wait to see your comments. And let's get back to Sal. Thanks, Ollie. Okay, moving on to this next one. You've got some really, really good tattoos.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, I have some bad tattoos.

[Morgan]

You've got really good tattoos.

[Sal Volcano]

I mean, bad tattoos.

[Morgan]

You've got Jaden Smith on your leg. Yeah, my thigh, yeah. Two. Do you have two Jaden tattoos? Two. How do you. Do you still like. Do you want a cover up? Do you still like it?

[Sal Volcano]

It wasn't the spirit of how I receive them.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

The joke was that it's funny because they're permanent and I. I commit to jokes.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

It wasn't my joke, but I understand it was funny. And so I choose at least thus far to keep them.

[Morgan]

Do you have, like. I've always wondered this when watching the show. Do you guys have, like, ground rules for your punishments or is it truly just a free for all?

[Sal Volcano]

It's a little of both. I think it's truly a free for all.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

I think that we, we are good at understanding what the line is.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

You know, we go right to it.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And if we don't know, we have techniques. So, for example, we wanted to put leeches on. On Murray.

[Morgan]

Oh, my God.

[Sal Volcano]

And. And we didn't know if his take on it. And what we don't want to do is move forward with an idea and find a location and put and write for it and get there. And God forbid, you know, he's like, no, because not every punishment is a surprise.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

But a lot are. And so we have to. We have to, you know, take a liberty thinking, like, you know, well, they're going to go through with it.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Or they can go through it. There's been times I, I. One or two times I physically was unable to do it, even though I really would have wanted to do it.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

And then that is problematic because you can't lose a. That's Budget. That budget is out the window.

[Morgan]

Yeah. You've got the whole thing.

[Sal Volcano]

Someone else has to take that punishment. You know what I mean? And we don't want that to happen because that's not really fair. So what we'll do is we'll go to. We'll go to James and I'll say to him, hey, we have an idea. We want to put leeches on cue, and I'll get his temperature for what it is for Q. And so if he's like, oh, that's hysterical. Do it. I'm like, you just made your own bed.

[Morgan]

You put yourself in that.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. But if he's like, oh, that's. I would. I would talk to him about that because that's, like, that's a tough one. And he might not like that. And then, you know, like, all right, we probably can't do it to him.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. So there's, like, little ways to do it if we don't know what the line is. But we know each other so well, and we're doing the show so long that I think we. We. We. We have a. We're a good judge of if, like, what we can do, what we can't do.

[Morgan]

Do you feel that anyone gets one. The worst punishments?

[Sal Volcano]

We all feel. We. We. I will say everyone has bad punishments.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

We all feel like, you know, we'll compete. Well, I'll. I'll argue. I know what's not. Like, I was electrocuted a lot of times, or shocked, I should say, with, like, large animal collars all over my body. And I learned after this because they did it in one bit. And then the next season, they did it again. And then we had a live show where they did it to me for a little bit, too. And I only recently learned that I might have taken a couple of. Couple of decades off life by doing that.

[Morgan]

Yeah. What if you had a heart condition?

[Sal Volcano]

The jury is still out as to how damaging this was to me. But, like, we all. You know. But I will say that historically, cumulatively, I think probably James Murray has gotten it the worst.

[Morgan]

Yeah, it's. That was my pick. The nipple piercing was.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, that's nothing.

[Morgan]

That was pretty bad.

[Sal Volcano]

Come on. I mean. I mean, on a. On a scale, like, that's a one to me.

[Morgan]

Oh. See, I'm like, that one was. That one was bad. Watching him skydive, cry, dive, that was like. You could just feel his anxiety. Like, you felt so bad.

[Sal Volcano]

I did feel bad on that.

[Morgan]

But then again, you got put in a room with a tiger, and you're, like, really scared of cats.

[Sal Volcano]

I mean, I just had nothing to do with cats. That was like. That was. I didn't think that would make the movie because I. I just didn't think it was funny. It was sheer terror. And I. I couldn't even speak.

[Morgan]

The bear cage was kind of another one.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Justin]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

They really like to fuck with you with animals.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. The bear cage I get. I'm behind a steel cage. They were right here in front of my face. Grizzlies. And they could reach in a little bit, but I. I do feel like I was tucked away enough that they wouldn't. They did get into a fight right in front of me, the two bears. And that. That's. That's unbelievable. But the tiger was on one little chain that was tied to the shower pole. Pole.

[Morgan]

And, like, there wasn't a hand. Was there a handler?

[Sal Volcano]

There was a handler in that room. I didn't know that. I didn't know it at the time.

[Morgan]

Yeah, but also, what are they going to be able to do?

[Sal Volcano]

What are they going to do? Tiger not knocking her, but it was like an older lady, and she was, like, fragile. She was like, you know, she wasn't like a brick house. She was, like, a little bit frail. You know what I'm saying?

[Morgan]

Well, like, look what happened to that one guy in Vegas.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, Roy. Yeah. I mean, he has a name. Morgan. He's not that one guy. The man who was, you know, he. The man is a headliner in Vegas for, like, decades. No, yeah, I know. Roy.

[Morgan]

I mean, Roy, you could have been.

[Sal Volcano]

Raised tigers in the thing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if the thing lunges me, it's gonna rip out the tile and get me. And I don't know what the handle's gonna do.

[Morgan]

Nothing.

[Sal Volcano]

I just said my first thing I asked was. And I think it stayed in the movie was like, do. How do we get insurance for this? I was dead serious. And then I almost couldn't even move. I started to think they sense my fear. So even me not speaking, just what, what, whatever pheromones are coming off of me right now, if that's the right word. This thing senses the fear. I, I didn't understand how you gotta understand? My mind is blown in that scenario. They shoved me into a roadside motel room. I was talking to them and I shoved me in there and closed the door. And then there was no knob to get out. And I didn't know. And I just heard a growl. And I literally, I just glued myself to the corner. And this thing, just nonchalant. A white 600 pound tiger just nonchalantly walks out. And I just was like the level of irresponsibility here, like I, I, I don't care what someone told you. There is a percentage that I will die from a tiger right now. Like there is. You cannot tell me.

[Morgan]

No. That it was risky.

[Sal Volcano]

You can't tell me 100% foolproof that I, that something might not go wrong.

[Morgan]

It's always.

[Sal Volcano]

And I'm like, how in the world take this liberty with me.

[Morgan]

Yeah. The chance is never zero.

[Sal Volcano]

And I was actually as angry as I was terrified in that moment. But like, like I couldn't move or speak. I was, I, I, it was, it was a feeling I've only had two or three times in my entire life. Of that one time I thought I was gonna drown. And one time I misplaced my daughter. So those were like the three most fearful moments I've had in my life.

[Morgan]

Did you like just place her in a shopping cart and like we got her.

[Sal Volcano]

She's fine.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

She, no, it was, I was, I just told us on a pod. But like she just, we were just loading up the car on vacation. She was standing right next to us. We had extended family all over the place. And I put, and then I looked down, she wasn't there. And called her name, didn't hear. Ran to the street, ran both ways, ran back into the yard, looked in the pool. All the time I have heart beating out of my chest.

[Morgan]

Oh God.

[Sal Volcano]

Now everyone's, everyone's screaming her name. And as a parent, what you feel in that moment, it blows away the tiger.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

I, I, I was about to have a full blown heart attack. I was about to, I mean I'm break down the most vulnerable I've ever felt in my life. Life. I don't wish it on anyone.

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

And everyone's screaming her name and everyone's dispersed and this all unfolded within 30 seconds. You know, like not seeing her screaming her name, looking both ways, going down, running down the block, running down the other block, looking in driveways, knowing that a car pass. Did someone take her? Is she in someone's yard? Where she. Did she go in the back? Is she in the pool? Did she go into the pool? God forbid. She's young. And then my wife found her sitting in the SUV that we rented, and so she just got in, and she heard everyone screaming and didn't say anything. So she was sitting in there. The second I found out that she was in there, my body collapsed. I took a knee on the ground. I had shooting stomach pains, and I just started his crying because. Yeah, well, it's something else. It's a real. It's a crazy, visceral. It's. It's. It's. It's something that you, like, you just can't even explain. Completely biological that's happening. And. Oh, my God. And I'm like, I don't. I don't wish. Not on my worst enemy.

[Morgan]

Really scary. But back. Back to the tattoo.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

This is coming from r Tattoo advice, and it's titled Advice on my grandma's tattoo. Second pick is the layout inspo. Hashtag bad tattoo. What do we do?

[Sal Volcano]

I'm sorry, I don't understand what. Second pick is the layout inspo meaning.

[Morgan]

So they included pictures for this one.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, go.

[Morgan]

So I'm going to show you the picture of what the inspiration was supposed to be for the tattoo. Okay. It is a, like, paw print.

[Sal Volcano]

Love could have saved you. You would have lived forever, Charlie. Love. Okay. And what is that? Like a framed kind of piece of picture or whatever?

[Morgan]

It looks like a frame. So you see, like, this cute little golden retrievers picture in the paw print. A quote. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever. Charlie's collar with his little dog tag on it.

[Sal Volcano]

I can't wait for this.

[Morgan]

And then we get a picture of grandma's tattoo.

[Sal Volcano]

I can't wait for this.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

Grandma too, huh?

[Morgan]

Grandma really loved, loved Charlie. So this is the tattoo.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, gosh. Can I take this?

[Morgan]

Yeah. Tell everyone what you're seeing.

[Sal Volcano]

Wait. Oh, my. Oh. Oh, my God.

[Morgan]

What does it say?

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, no, it's. It's. It's not good. It's not good artistically at all.

[Morgan]

Does that look like a golden retriever?

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, I was. I thought it was a different type of dog. It was a golden retriever.

[Morgan]

Golden retriever.

[Sal Volcano]

This. You would name every single breed of dog before you said golden retriever.

[Morgan]

For this dog, it looks Like a Maltese.

[Sal Volcano]

It looks like a Maltese. Yeah, it does. It looks identical to a Maltese. There's nothing on here.

[Morgan]

Here.

[Sal Volcano]

Not one thing on here that looks like. Not one trait. Nothing at all. Nothing. Everything else is bad, too. The lettering is bad. It's really bad. But the kicker here. And by the way, even the letters are crooked. And I don't mean, like, crooked going the wrong way. Like. Like, they're missed. The spacing is off on the letters. And, like, one letter will be this way and one letter is a little this way. It's very Wabi Sabi. Yeah, it says. Yeah, it's like, it's imperfect. Yeah, it's perfect and it's imperfection. So I'm Robby Sabi. Would be a good thing if love could have saved you, you would. You would have lived forever. So the person. The person wrote you would twice in a row. And then there's a massive space in between. Would have. And then no space in between lives. And then there's a heart. It looks like that looks like a period after lived, even though the word forever comes after it. And then there's also one, two, three different fonts. And then there's another heart I have to love that actually just looks like a birthmark or like a pine cone. And the shading is horrific as well.

[Morgan]

It's really bad.

[Sal Volcano]

And I wonder, do people. Can people get lawsuits?

[Morgan]

I always wonder that.

[Sal Volcano]

Also, you would. The first you. First of all, it says if love could have saved you, you would. You would. So the word you is three times out of four words. So. But the first you and the second you preceding it immediately are different fonts.

[Morgan]

It's pretty bad.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, but so also, like, where is the head of the tattoo artist? If you wrote, you would. Like, you're not go. It's not like you're jotting it quickly down.

[Morgan]

No, don't they, like, map it out on, like, a piece of paper and then, like, stick it to you and then that ink transfers.

[Sal Volcano]

But this is screaming. Like, you know when you're trying to make a sign in school and you don't leave enough space, and at the end, it's like the one word has, like, seven letters in this one. This screams that it's giving freehand. Yeah, it's giving. It's. Oh, it's freehand. Without a doubt. But, like, how do you not realize that you've. It's not even just you. It's not like you would. Would. Would. It's you. Would you. Would you start by the way you Start on the second you, you're already, now you're adding a second you right where it shouldn't be.

[Morgan]

Huh.

[Sal Volcano]

You don't notice about the second. Would even. You would you have.

[Morgan]

They must have been on drugs.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Like something.

[Sal Volcano]

I, I do wonder if. Because I, because I follow an Instagram page with bad tattoos.

[Morgan]

Oh, the COVID ups are crazy.

[Sal Volcano]

And I do wonder if people can get. Have a lawsuit, but I guess, whatever. How much are you going to sue for? Because it's like, it's not just the price of the tattoo though. You're, you're, you're permanently.

[Morgan]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Embarrassed or what have you.

[Morgan]

Apparently you can sue a tattoo artist for certain types of harm, such as infection from unsanitary practices, an allergic reaction, or if the final tattoo is demonstrably different from what was agreed upon.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, there, you got it right there.

[Morgan]

So I'd say, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

So yeah, I mean. Or stupidity. Stupidity should be in there.

[Morgan]

It should be.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, that's demonstratedly different. It's not, it's, it's extra words.

[Morgan]

It's not even the same dog.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Morgan]

But it's like you think Granny sue.

[Sal Volcano]

This person for, though.

[Morgan]

I don't know.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm, I can't, I can't. That person, I don't think they have much to give.

[Morgan]

I don't, I don't think so. And it's like, I think grandma like, oh, this is really dark. But like, Granny. Does granny want to go through a cover up or just like deal with this for the rest of her days, you know? I don't know.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, man.

[Morgan]

Pretty bad.

[Sal Volcano]

That's bad.

[Morgan]

Pretty bad.

[Sal Volcano]

The person wants to know what they should do.

[Morgan]

Yeah. And so like, that's their grandma.

[Sal Volcano]

Or this is the grandma writing.

[Morgan]

This is their grandma. So they're like, maybe the grandma's not online.

[Sal Volcano]

Is the, Is the inference that the grandmother hasn't noticed?

[Morgan]

No, I think grandma's noticed and is upset.

[Sal Volcano]

Okay.

[Morgan]

And just basically people are just like, yeah, it's understandable why she would be very upset. And the next comment, yeah, that's a tattoo. But if she's not agreeing with it and if you or she can't pay to cover it, keep it to yourself for the most part and tell her to find a different artist.

[Sal Volcano]

By the way, it's on the grandmother's entire arm from her shoulder to her elbow.

[Morgan]

It is a massive tattoo. Yeah, massive.

[Sal Volcano]

Which is, which is wild in the first place, to get a tattoo that big and then just. Would she throw it just a she just hit throw a rock. And whoever it hit, she's like, tattoo me probably. This person cannot have worked at an establishment. This screams out of my basement. Ah, that sucks. As a tattoo artist, I wonder if they have. Like, they wake up in the middle of night in a cold sweat, like. Because that's a mental error.

[Morgan]

Do you think the bad ones care or do you think, like, they're so. Like, I did good work today. I'm so.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah, I'm saying, even like a tattoo artist worth their salt. I wonder if that's like a common theme. Like they, they wake up like, oh, my God, like I accidentally doubled up a word or something like that. I probably would have that.

[Morgan]

I mean, I would. I had like server nightmares. Like, where you're like, even still, you're like, oh, my God, I forgot the water for that table. Like, in your dreams, you're just like.

[Sal Volcano]

Ugh, I used to bartend. I've had dreams where I work a full, full nothing. You know when you're like a dream, you're like, I was at your house, but it wasn't your house. And then, you know, you know, Matthew McConaughey was there.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

And then, you know, we rode a bicycle. Like, I had dreams where I clock in for a bartending shift and I work an eight hour shift and then wake up up. It feels like I worked an eight hour shift and I'm like, literally like, like, like filling up the ice, wiping down the thing. Like I felt it in real time.

[Morgan]

Do you ever wonder if you're living in another reality?

[Sal Volcano]

All the time.

[Morgan]

There's people that get sucked into their dreams for months. Like, that's a real thing where they go to sleep for one night. They feel like in their dream, they live for like two months in their dreams and they have a boyfriend, a different apartment. They've got, like, sometimes kids in those other like, like dream worlds. Like, they get locked in.

[Sal Volcano]

I've never heard that. That's fascinating.

[Morgan]

Yeah, I had to look up. It's a big thing.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, my gosh.

[Morgan]

I know. Okay, I'm giving you a choice on this last one I have for you. Option number one. Am I the asshole for making a joke after my fiance got a speeding ticket? Or option two, which I have read at one of our live shows. Walked in on my mom eating my dad's ass and I want to die.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, my God. I don't know if I'm equipped for the second one. I gotta go. Second one. I mean, give the people what they want.

[Morgan]

Okay, so this Is kind of.

[Sal Volcano]

If I would've chose the first one, you would've just heard the yelling.

[Morgan]

Come on. Screaming in your ear. Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, God.

[Morgan]

I'll still read the first one for you guys. On a different episode. You'll still get it.

[Sal Volcano]

God, it's almost like I'm punishing myself here.

[Morgan]

You are.

[Sal Volcano]

This is crazy talk. This is crazy. Oh, God. All right. I'm bracing for this. I thought we wouldn't. I mean, I thought we heard it all.

[Morgan]

No.

[Sal Volcano]

Let's go.

[Morgan]

This is coming from R. True. Off my chest again. Titled, Walked in on my mom. 56 female, eating my dad's 58 male ass.

[Sal Volcano]

Such a funny way to type in. It's like a police. It's like a police report. You sound like an officer.

[Morgan]

I know, and I want to die.

[Sal Volcano]

It's so funny too, that like, I don't even. I don't know if they're the parents. Ages are necessarily relevant there, but it makes it worse. Yeah, it does. You're right.

[Morgan]

It makes it worse.

[Sal Volcano]

It is. Yeah.

[Morgan]

I'm still shaken up about it.

[Sal Volcano]

And I was 56F and.

[Morgan]

And 58 male.

[Sal Volcano]

56F 58M. All right.

[Morgan]

I'm still shaken up about it and I haven't been home since it happened last night. When I was scrolling on my phone, I noticed my battery was low. And remember that I lent my charger to my mom earlier that day? So I went to my parents bedroom and I didn't hear anything strange before entering.

[Sal Volcano]

How are you? How are you eating your. Your spouse's ass when other family is home? But that's got. That's. That's like, you gotta wait till they go to work. You gotta wait till they go on. Maybe on. Maybe on a walkabout I would wait until my daughter's like, you know what? I wanna find myself in Amsterdam. I'll be back in six months.

[Morgan]

Months.

[Sal Volcano]

Then I eat the ass. You can't be eating ass when someone's downstairs. You're playing with fire. This is insane. They deserve what they got.

[Morgan]

But nothing could have prepared me for what the sight I saw was. I don't want to get into detail because I'm still pretty scarred, but basically my mom was eating my dad's ass. I was so traumatized that I closed their door immediately.

[Sal Volcano]

I'm traumatized.

[Morgan]

And ran back to my room. I don't know what to make of that imagery. At times I felt like I was gonna have a full blown panic attack. But I eventually calmed down after a little while and luckily enough I found my old charger in my drawer.

[Sal Volcano]

So the story has a happy ending. I love that she let us know she found the charger at the end of it. Oh, my God.

[Morgan]

I've been at my friend's house since she's gone. It could have been worse.

[Sal Volcano]

So it could have been worse. She could have seen it and then not found the other char.

[Morgan]

Not been able to go on TikTok. I've been in my friend's house since this morning and I have no idea how I'm going to come home. My parents called me a few times, but I don't think I can call them back for the time being.

[Sal Volcano]

Even in anonymity, it takes balls to type this into this because you're putting it out. You're. You're legitimizing it. You're typing it. And now we've taken it and now we're talking about it, and it just makes it more real. I would almost start to, like, make myself believe it was an illusion. You know what I mean?

[Morgan]

It was a bad dream. I had a gummy. Yeah, like it didn't happen. What? Yeah, no, no.

[Sal Volcano]

Now. So, okay, this is something I need to know. Was this like a. And the parents didn't know, or did the parents know that she saw it?

[Morgan]

We don't have any mention of that detail.

[Sal Volcano]

God damn it.

[Morgan]

Top comment. That's why we got a knock on doors before entering, comrades. Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

Comrade Russian replied.

[Morgan]

Yeah, that's just. That's their vibe.

[Sal Volcano]

That's tough, man. You take that to the grave.

[Morgan]

Apparently, like, I'm trying to find the original sub because this was pulled from a screenshot I have, and this does happen quite often to people.

[Sal Volcano]

You can't find your charger and you see ass eating in your face.

[Morgan]

A lot of people walk in and see people eating each other's asses. This one is five months old.

[Sal Volcano]

I could. I mean, it's. The specificity is like I walked on them having sex.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

But it's like.

[Morgan]

No, it's eating ass.

[Sal Volcano]

By the way, this wasn't a problem even over 10 years ago, maybe even 5. This is a new trend I'm hearing now that's like ass eating. I mean, if you got F58 and M&M and F56 and M58s doing it. But honestly, this was never what it was. I don't even think good for that. I don't even think it occurred to anybody prior to 2016.

[Morgan]

Ass eating. Yeah, I. I had a college roommate that broke up with a Guy because he asked her to give him a rim job. And that was back in, like, 2013.

[Sal Volcano]

This is what I'm saying. It was unheard of.

[Morgan]

Yeah. I mean, he was really putting himself.

[Sal Volcano]

Out there back then. If you would have waited about three, four years, it would have been a discussion.

[Morgan]

It would have been fine. Yeah, would have been fine.

[Sal Volcano]

I don't know what to do. Because that person now till the day she leaves, even when she doesn't want to, not that she ever wants to, but, like, that's going to be an intrusive thought that can pop into her head at any given moment in time.

[Morgan]

Every time you look at your parents.

[Sal Volcano]

It'S going to be quite some time in the immediate that she can look her parents even in the eyes and not think of that.

[Morgan]

Imagine if mom tries to give her or him, like, a little kiss. Love you, babe.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Love you, sweetie.

[Sal Volcano]

Oh, Lord.

[Morgan]

Don't come near me with that mouth, Mom.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah. What I would have to do, do what I would have to do. First of all, thank God my parents divorced when I was four. What I would have to do is I would have to soul search. I had to sit down and say, you know what? I'd have to make it so that I could say, good for them. You know what I mean? Good for them. You know, who am I to judge? I mean, like, come on here. We're all. We're all got our things.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Everyone's got their kinks.

[Sal Volcano]

They're their own people. And this is going on everywhere right now, and so be it.

[Morgan]

Yeah.

[Sal Volcano]

So be good for them. I don't know how I get there mentally. Also. In order to get there mentally, you got to think about it. So you're gonna really be banging that around in your head in order to get there. And if you don't get there, then you're just really digging a hole deeper. But that's tough, man. That is tough.

[Morgan]

The way you come to terms, you ended with the.

[Sal Volcano]

That was the closer.

[Morgan]

You ended the closer. It was good.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

Yeah. If you want to feel a little bit better, you go on the subreddit, Dead bedrooms, which is all these people that have no intimacy anymore, haven't had sex in, like, five years. They're still together. And then you look at it and you're like, well, at least my parents are still having fun.

[Sal Volcano]

This is the thing. Dead bedrooms. I know I'm not on Reddit, so I don't really know that one's.

[Morgan]

Yeah. Whole world out there is a rabbit hole.

[Sal Volcano]

So what is her what has come of this? She just. You just let us know.

[Morgan]

That's it.

[Sal Volcano]

She just, she had to let us know that. That.

[Morgan]

That's it. That's all I got.

[Sal Volcano]

Wow.

[Morgan]

It was just a true off my chest. Just had to get. Had to share with someone because if I have to live with it, other people need.

[Sal Volcano]

I guess I get that because it would never occur to me to see that or any of these experience. You said then run and like be like.

[Morgan]

I mean you're not going to tell your real life friends. They'll judge you forever. You tell the Internet where it's, you know, anonymous.

[Sal Volcano]

Right. I. The one thing I would love to know if, if, if the parents knew that this person saw.

[Morgan]

Saw. But I'm hoping it was quick. And she was, you know, mom's head was, you know, buried deep and dad maybe was down and doggy.

[Sal Volcano]

Well, we don't know what the angle is. I mean if I'm just going over it in my head, there could have been various different ways it could have happened, but let's hope the dad wasn't on all fours facing the door.

[Morgan]

Fingers crossed, right? Fingers crossed. Sal, thank you so, so much for coming on. You are on tour right now.

[Sal Volcano]

Yes, I am on tour. You can get tickets at my website, Sal. Volcano Comedy.com.

[Morgan]

It'S the Everything's Fine tour.

[Sal Volcano]

Everything's Fine tour. So if you saw my special Terrify, which is streaming on HBO Max, this is 100 new material. I got like 30 or 40 cities up now, but I'm touring all the way through 2027. I've been touring this for. Since 2024.

[Morgan]

Whoa.

[Sal Volcano]

So yeah. So if you don't see your city. I'm getting to every single city. Just check back eventually. But I have, I have some bigger shows coming up. Up. November 14th, I'm at the Chicago Theater. And November 15th in Appleton, Wisconsin.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

December 27th at the Beacon Theater in New York City. So notable ones, the Ryman theater in Nashville, April 12th. And I'm in Austin February 1st, Atlantic City, February 28th and so on and so forth.

[Morgan]

Any Minnesota stops?

[Sal Volcano]

Minnesota, I was there. I was there recently already. I am going to Rochester, Minnesota.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

And there might be. There might be another map, but I was in Minnesota. But I'm also, I have a new talk show coming out called Minouche. Oh yeah. And that'll be out on YouTube, on my channel and on where you get podcasts late fall, early winter. This is a fun one. It's short for minutia. It's a really like absurd tongue in cheek interview show. It's like really really big guests, really really small talk.

[Morgan]

Okay.

[Sal Volcano]

And it goes in and out of conversation and sketch comedy I love that. I'm working on. I'm shooting in 10 episode season so I'm shooting shooting the first season now.

[Morgan]

That's amazing.

[Sal Volcano]

And yeah, what else? And Joker season 12 is airing on TBS.

[Morgan]

I love it.

[Sal Volcano]

Yeah.

[Morgan]

All of Sal's links will be in the description. Check everything out. Go get a ticket to one of his shows. Funny guy.

[Sal Volcano]

Thank you. This is so much fun.

[Morgan]

Okay. I'm so glad you did.

[Sal Volcano]

I would love to come back.

[Morgan]

I'll have you back and I will only give you updates that's on you.

[Sal Volcano]

I don't want to put that on. No, it's easy but I won't, you know get mad if you did that.

[Morgan]

Okay. I would do that for you. Until next time guys. Guys. Bye.