Two Hot Takes – Episode 253: "Happy Updates Only.."

Host: Morgan Absher
Co-Host: Jenna
Release Date: January 29, 2026

Episode Overview

Morgan and Jenna take a break from the internet’s more anxiety-inducing drama for an episode dedicated to closure and positive(ish) resolutions. In a climate of existential dread, they turn to Reddit’s “happiest” story updates—providing closure, validation, and some laughs. All stories in this episode are either confirmed happy ends or, at minimum, happy for the main character’s growth and escape. As always, their signature hot takes, personal anecdotes, and audience call-outs add humor and heart.

Key Discussion Points & Story Summaries

1. Existential Dread & Need for Reprieve

• [02:00] Morgan candidly addresses the prevailing social and political tensions, sharing frustration and grief ("Fuck ICE," [01:05]). She urges listeners to stay informed, involved, and compassionate.
• Purpose of this episode: Provide an emotional break—the world is heavy, but a little lightness helps everyone’s mental health.

2. “My Boyfriend Wants to Move In—But I Want Him To Live Alone First”

Reddit: Relationship Advice. Sourced by Best of Redditor Updates / Directcaterpillar77

• Story:

  • OP’s boyfriend (24M) has never lived alone, never done chores, can’t cook (can’t “fry an egg,” [08:42]), and proposes to move straight from mom’s house into OP’s flat.
  • OP (23F) suggests he live alone first to develop life skills. Boyfriend offers to pay extra rent in exchange for OP doing “all the chores.”
  • Argument ensues; boyfriend and his friends call OP cruel.

• Hosts' Reactions:

  • Both are incredulous—Jenna calls it “embarrassing” ([13:16]); Morgan highlights that OP would be trading places with his mom, not getting a partner ([13:35]).
  • Notable Quote:
    “You’re just replacing his mom. And he gets to sleep with you. Like, ew.” – Morgan ([12:39])
  • Discussion detours into cooking shortcuts, fiber, and "bean lover" buttons—showcasing the show’s playful rapport ([14:27–16:35]).

• Community Perspective:

  • Reddit agrees: boyfriend should learn independence. Noted: “You don’t need to fix anything. Your boyfriend needs to learn to take care of himself, not just expect you to be mommy with benefits.” – Read by Morgan ([17:04])

• Update:

  • Max joins for update ([22:36])
  • Boyfriend refuses to learn; suggests hiring a maid for his share of chores instead. OP ends relationship.
  • Hosts: “Happy ending!” ([27:14])

3. “Am I The Asshole For Telling My Girlfriend What I’d Change About Her?”

Reddit: AITA – archived, 2022

• Story:

  • Guy is “inspired” by a TikTok trend where couples mention what they’d change about each other.
  • Girlfriend answers lovingly: “Maybe I’d make you less anxious so you wouldn’t suffer.”
  • He says he wishes she were thinner, less hairy, and had “better hair.”
  • She is devastated, and he posts, upset that she didn't just thank him for his honesty.

• Hosts' Take:

  • Outrage.
    “You used this as a way to body shame her. … How does, ‘I wish you were a little thinner,’ ever come across nicely?” – Morgan ([31:08])
  • “She said she wouldn’t change anything except to make you happier! You attacked her!” – Jenna ([29:54])

• Update:

  • He apologizes; girlfriend says his comments have permanently affected her self-image, and she ends things.
  • He posts: “I get it, I’m the asshole. My girlfriend of four years broke up with me and now I see why.” ([34:45])
  • Hosts: Surprised at his growth; reinforce that comments about appearance are always inappropriate.

4. “I Unwittingly Created a Family with My Next Door Neighbor”

Reddit: Relationships / BORU, 2022–2024

• Story:

  • OP (male, 31) helps single mom Cassie (32) and her son Kenny (13) with small acts (car repairs, gaming).
  • Their connection deepens naturally—he supports Kenny, is included in family dinners, teaches Kenny about cars; Kenny remarks OP is ‘like a dad’ ([41:40]).
  • Cassie, via subtle cues, suggests a dinner date—the feelings are mutual.

• Key Moments:

  • “He’s that guy who’s very good at something until he realizes he’s doing it, and then he panics and wonders if he’s good enough.” – Reddit commenter, read by Morgan ([45:47])
  • Cassie’s “mom move”: Suggests her son go to his grandparents so they can finally have a date ([48:54]).

• Update Series:

  • Date goes perfectly. Cassie confesses she’s in love thanks to his selflessness (he found Kenny a PS5 “from his mom” one Christmas).
  • They take things slow, but quickly become exclusive and blend lives.
  • Multiple sweet follow-ups:
    • Cassie surprises OP with roses at work ([56:03]); OP floats the idea of proposing.
    • Family is thrilled, proposal is imminent, and at last check-in, they’re house-hunting and deeply happy.

• Hosts:

  • “My headcanon is that they got so busy planning their happy lives that they forgot about Reddit.” ([63:06])

5. “Am I The Asshole for Telling my Girlfriend the Way She Talks About Her Car Is Embarrassing?”

Reddit: AITA – approx. 3 years ago

• Story:

  • OP’s girlfriend names her car “Angie,” refers to it as a person (car needs a drink = gas, car gets a bath = carwash, etc.).
  • OP, while drunk, calls her behavior “weird and embarrassing” in front of friends; she is hurt, goes silent, drops him off, and goes radio silent.

• Hosts:

  • Both think it’s endearing and OP is humorless:
    “You know who Angie is. Let her live. … As long as she’s not having sex with the car, who cares?” – Morgan ([68:27])
  • Discussion: Personal car-naming rituals and gendering vehicles.

• Update:

  • Girlfriend dumps him after finding his Reddit post.
  • “We really wouldn’t have been compatible.” ([78:27])
  • Takeaway: Sometimes a breakup is the happy ending.

6. “Prank Gone Wild: Girlfriend Threatens to Break Up Over Bigfoot Costume”

Reddit: Relationship Advice / Legal Advice – 7 years ago; multiple updates

• Story:

  • OP (24M) pulls elaborate ‘Bigfoot’ (Chewbacca costume) prank on girlfriend’s family camping trip.
  • Family terrified—uncle goes for a gun; prank exposed; everyone furious.
  • Girlfriend considers break-up; OP seeks apology advice.

• What Happens:

  • He apologizes in person at a family BBQ; apology is not accepted, OP flips out, is told to leave, destroys their fence, and is officially dumped.
  • Multiple disastrous follow-ups:
    • He obsesses, escalates to stalking behaviors (prowling outside her house in full costume with a stereo, trying to get in the house), receives warnings, faces possible restraining order, and finally legal charges for stalking and harassment.
    • Reddit and hosts are horrified at his lack of insight (“Delusion… you are a stalker.” – Morgan, [103:44])

• Takeaways/Quotes:

  • “How do I get my revenge as I’m getting charges pressed against me?” – Morgan, summarizing the absurdity ([111:02])
  • “Happy ending in my book because she got out. Charges filed; I hope we don’t get another update.” ([111:00])

7. Reddit Hall-of-Fame: ‘Today you, tomorrow, me.’

From an AskReddit thread, 15 years ago

• Story:

  • A user shares repeated breakdowns on the road; only people who stop to help each time are Mexican immigrant families, who go out of their way, refuse payment, even share food—despite being less privileged.
  • The driver tries to repay the kindness, but the family says:
    “Today you. Tomorrow, me.” ([118:41])
  • The story reminds Morgan (and listeners) of basic human decency—the pay-it-forward message resonates deeply and closes the episode on hope.

• Hosts’ Reaction:

  • Both are moved to tears (“I just cried like a little girl…” [119:00], “Here are the tears,” – Jenna [119:20])
  • Morgan closes with activism reminders—calls to action for social, immigrant, and environmental justice.

Notable Quotes & Moments

Morgan – [12:39]

“You’re just replacing his mom. And he gets to sleep with you. Like, ew.”

Jenna – [29:54]

“Yeah. Why would you write this in? Are you stupid?”

Morgan – [31:08]

“You used this as a way to body shame her…How does ‘I wish you were a little thinner’ ever come across nicely?”

Update from “Family Next Door” Story – [54:03]

“Believe me, I’m no queera boy, and I would love to take Cassie to pound town…but I want to respect her and not just seem like I’m in it for the sex. Taking it slow...”

Morgan – [68:27]

“As long as she’s not going underneath the car and, like, having sex with it, I think we’re fine. Because people do do that!”

Epic Reddit Comment – [74:22]

“I asked Sasha, since she’s my car and would have a better perspective on this. She said you’re the asshole.”

“Today you, tomorrow, me.” Story – [118:41]

“Today you, tomorrow, me.”

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Opening/Soapbox: [00:00–04:11]
• Boyfriend must live alone first story: [07:34–23:13] (Update: [22:36])
• TikTok honesty fails/AITA for honest comments: [28:02–36:14] (Update: [34:44])
• Created-a-family-next-door story: [39:47–63:06] (Multiple updates: [47:13], [54:03], [56:03], [60:01], [62:41])
• Girlfriend names her car “Angie” story: [65:05–78:27] (Update: [77:32])
• Bigfoot prank goes legal: [83:24–112:03] (Updates at [90:22], [93:34], [96:00], [103:29], [106:57])
• Reddit Hall of Fame/“Today you, tomorrow, me.”: [112:55–119:36]
• Closing activism and Patreon plug: [119:39–121:08]

Tone and Style

• Conversational, playful, and occasionally irreverent, but empathetic and sincere during serious segments.
• Morgan balances humor with earnest advocacy, ensuring listeners feel seen and encouraged to act.
• Jenna’s deadpan interjections and side commentary provide levity (“You need to get a sense of humor” [67:06]), but she anchors more emotional or exasperated moments as well.

Final Thoughts/Call to Action

• Listeners are encouraged to “go out and do something good,” whether as simple as buying a guy friend flowers or calling a representative about important social issues ([119:39] onward).
• The episode closes with Morgan and Jenna reflecting on the small ways kindness and advocacy can keep hope alive in difficult times.

For More

• Exclusive bonus stories: Two Hot Takes Patreon
• Morgan’s IG: @morgsyabsher
• Full episodes: YouTube

If you crave hot takes, wholesome closure, and a little hope, this episode delivers exactly as promised—closure, catharsis, and some real human connection, both for Reddit’s wildest relationship implosions and for listeners feeling the weight of the world.