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- [00:01]
Morgan
This episode is brought to you by Universal Pictures.
- [00:03]
Lauren
Okay.
- [00:04]
Morgan
Book to movie lovers. You're gonna wanna hear this. Reminders of him is the new film adaption of Colleen Hoover's highest rated novel. A story about second chances, love and forgiveness that moved millions. Starring Micah Monroe, Tyrique Withers, Rudy Ponkow, Lauren Graham, Bradley Whitford and country music star Lainey Wilson making her on screen debut. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll watch hope slowly find its way back. Reminders of him rated PG 13. Only in theaters March 13th. Hi friends. It's my birthday today, so I'm dropping this a little early. I just want to say thank you guys for being here. Two Hot Takes celebrated its five year birthday in February. We didn't really talk about it even, and I'm just so excited to be on this next trip around the sun with all of you. You ready for the little birthday treat I've got? I'm pulling a couple stories from the Patreon vault, give you guys a little sneak peek what we've been doing over there and if you want more, come on over. I just did a bonus episode with Lauren. Yes, Lauren is still around. Our schedules just have not been lining up. She's a busy working gal, but rest assured she will be back. And until then, enjoy these bonus stories. This episode is presented by Duluth Trading Company Number one in garden Dig into Spring gardening wearing Duluth Trading's five star garden wear. They're dirt and debris deflecting Moisture wicking and have 50 plus sun protection for those long days in the rays. Their heirloom garden overalls are made from stretchy, durable ripstop nylon and loaded with 12 pockets plus knee pad pockets for extra comfort. Short overalls, overall dress, overshirt and pants are all new to the collection too, so. So Whether you have one garden bed or 100 acres, there's gardenware for every green thumb. Shop@duluthtrading.com and in store today. Thanks Duluth Training Company. My hometown brand. Guys, I'm gonna shake us up a little bit.
- [02:40]
Lauren
Shake it up.
- [02:41]
Morgan
We're getting into some mother in law drama. Mother in law says I'm ruining the weird photos she tried to sneak of my new baby. Need to get some feedback on this because it's driving me crazy. My 37 female family has been staying with my husband's 36 male parents, 59 female and 59 male for a week and we'll be at their home for another week before we have to head home to get the kids ready to go. Back to school. My mother in law and I don't necessarily get along, but she's been trying to play nice since I gave birth to our fourth child, a boy, four months ago. However, I suppose the nice act has ended because she's been stirring the pot and pushing my buttons since we got to their house, rummaging through my clothes whining that I should bottle feed instead of nursing so she has a chance to feed quote her baby. Oh God, the works. No, I've been biting my tongue because my husband loves his family and this is some of the only time we get to see his siblings. But at the end of this week, mother in law storms downstairs while we're eating breakfast and the kids are in the yard playing claiming we needed to talk. I go through a mental checklist trying to figure out which one of her household rules I've broken or how I've managed to piss her off. This time when she slaps her phone down on the counter and begins scrolling through photos that are all of me and the baby photos she apparently took while I wasn't paying attention as most of them are blurry or from strange angles down low as though she angled her phone up while it was in her lap. One of them is taken through a crack in the door to hubby and I's bedroom.
- [04:29]
Lauren
Oh my God.
- [04:31]
Morgan
I ask mother in law what her problem is and why she's been taking photos of me and the baby like a lunatic instead of just asking for my help with taking photos I would approve of. I don't want my infant son's face plastered all over her social media. I cover it with emojis in my Facebook pictures. She complains that she doesn't want to put quote those stupid pictures all over his face and that I won't put him down long enough for her to get a photo of him by himself. He's been contact napping and I wear him for most of the day and she can't post the photos she took because I'm huge and ruining them by looking ridiculous.
- [05:12]
Lauren
What?
- [05:13]
Morgan
For context, I'm definitely on the heavier side. 5 3, 230 pounds. And because half of these photos are from a weird low angle, I have a prominent double chin and baby is usually pressed up against me either in my arms or his wrap. So the photos are pretty much just unflattering pictures of me with the baby's head and maybe an arm or a leg visible. What a nut. I tell her that I'm not going to entertain this behavior and since she Decided to approach the supposed problem like this. She can work with what she's already got, but she's definitely not getting a solo photo op with my baby. Now hubby is understanding and supports my decision, even getting in the way when he sees mother in law trying to sneakily take more photos or distracting her so I can leave the room. But some people think I'm blowing this out of proportion. Father in law says mother in law has a right to take photos of her grandchild and it's not her fault that I'm insecure about how fat I am. Hubby's twin sister is also being dismissive because, quote, she's always been catty about weight. Why are you acting so insulted? Like it's the first time? Even my sister, when I called and complained about this, acted like I was making mountains out of molehills. Quote, she was like this 60 pounds ago. Why is it suddenly a big deal again? No one will listen to me when I insist that I don't care about her comments on my weight. I care that she's sneaking around taking photos like a stalker because she doesn't respect me enough to ask my permission to take photos of my baby. She doesn't want to have to follow my rules about covering his face and can't wrench him out of my arms to get pictures of him. So she's just been acting like a creep. Instead, I'm nursing him in one of these photos. This is weird, right? Am I crazy?
- [07:17]
Jerry
I mean, can you imagine? It happens like the confrontation happens at the table. Slams phone out I can't post any of these because you ruin them all. You're essentially just showing that you've been taking all these secret pictures and then you have this encounter and then now still, because I probably would have left at that time.
- [07:39]
Morgan
I would have packed my shit and gone home.
- [07:41]
Jerry
Now we're playing this game. It's almost like a comedy how the mom is still trying to sneak these photos. The audacity after the confrontation. So now husband will distract so she can get out of the room or will like get in the way of so any the whole rest of the time you've been there after this insane interaction, you have to watch around you to see mother in law coming up like trying to sneak another photo. You can't even make this stuff up. You're like, I'm picturing you going outside and then you look up at the windows of the house and mother in law's like in one of them trying to, you know, that's what she's saying, I can't even.
- [08:22]
Morgan
It's just like, it's comical.
- [08:25]
Jerry
And to get the one leg and
- [08:27]
Morgan
the one arm and the breastfeeding, the breastfeeding picture. What a weirdo. She is a crazy, crazy woman. See, here's the thing. Knowing that she took a picture through the gap of the bedroom door, that's pretty messed up. I'd be fucking in there every chance I got.
- [08:46]
Jerry
It's just.
- [08:46]
Morgan
I feel like, you want to catch a picture, you're going to catch my fat ass. Fucking year, son. She called her fat. She literally called her fat.
- [08:58]
Lauren
Oh, my God, Morgan, after hours. This is hilarious.
- [09:01]
Morgan
I'm like, this one really set me off. I don't know. Like, I. I know why. Like, it's pretty outrageous.
- [09:07]
Jerry
It just kept getting worse.
- [09:08]
Morgan
It just kept getting worse and worse. And the fact that people are enabling her craziness and like this absurdity, this disrespect, this behavior. Like, these are the flying monkeys, quite literally.
- [09:24]
Jerry
And the father in law, too.
- [09:26]
Morgan
I mean, I would be really hurt. Like, you call your own sister and your own sister says she was like this £60 ago.
- [09:35]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [09:36]
Morgan
Oh, no wonder why you're questioning if you're overreacting, which I didn't mention. This is coming from the am I overreacting? Subreddit. No, you're not overreacting. This is terrible. And I get hubby's doing a decent job trying to be on your side and distracting and dodge, dip, dive, distract, whatever, you know. But if you want to be more on my side, we're leaving.
- [10:03]
Mikayla
Like, this is not.
- [10:03]
Jerry
Yeah, step up. The moment it happened.
- [10:05]
Morgan
This is not. Okay.
- [10:07]
Lauren
You know what I think she should do? She should say no phones while we're here. Phones in a bin. No phones. And you can have a camera that prints and you can put it in a photo album. And then you can show all of your friends in a photo album when they go to your house.
- [10:29]
Morgan
She's just gonna take a picture of that picture straight to Facebook. Straight to Facebook.
- [10:34]
Jerry
But I'm just picturing her trying to sneak one with a camera like that or one of the old disposable, and it flashes and it's like.
- [10:43]
Lauren
But it's just the door.
- [10:44]
Jerry
And you look. Yeah, it's a bright light, but you see her trying to like, sneak it around and just. You just see the flash. I mean, it's absolutely insane. Yes, all. All the stuff, all the comments and everything are terrible, but her sneaking around and trying to do this is weird. Terribly frightening at the Same time. It's kind of hilarious. I know that this is not South Park. We're not watching South Park. But you could see them turning the story into one of their little segments because it is just that ridiculous.
- [11:19]
Morgan
This is an SNL skit.
- [11:20]
Jerry
I don't think it's funny. Like it's. It's very hurtful. There's a lot of serious things happening. Yeah, but just her after it happened. Still trying to sneak around to do the photos. I mean that is just.
- [11:33]
Morgan
It's one of those things you can't help but laugh to keep from crying because of how ridiculous it is. It's crazy and does then feel like this is weird, right? Like am I crazy? No, you're not crazy. You're not overreacting. Your mother in law's a bitch. Disrespectful. Everyone else is enabling her and being cruel. Like it's really, really strange. Oh, should we get into the comments? I'm a little scared.
- [12:07]
Lauren
Why?
- [12:07]
Morgan
I don't know. Top comment, not overreacting. I'd report her pics on social media with your baby and say it's inappropriate child content or something because the pics look like they've been taken stealthily. It kind of works in your favor. Lol. I'm sorry people aren't respectful of your wishes, but it's great that your husband is and he seems to be trying to help also. Side note, you are allowed to be annoyed at somebody body shaming you and ask them to stop. I hate how older generations think they are allowed a pass for things like this. Racism, sexism, etc. OP responds. I didn't even think about reporting her photos. If they manage to pop up on her Facebook, I'll definitely do that to get them taken down. I've told her to mind her business about my body, especially in front of my children, but she's nosy and can't help but make comments. So long as they're just to me or to my husband in private, I can at least let them roll off. She's been somewhat better about keeping her mouth shut while the older kids are around. Damn, that's sad. And that's one of those things that like hearing comments like that when you're young can really mess with you.
- [13:14]
Jerry
Yeah, there's certain things that people have said, good, bad, or somewhere in between that have stuck with me forever.
- [13:24]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [13:24]
Jerry
And you just, you never ever forget it. I know the bad ones for sure stick out, you know, But I'm saying there's a range and you never know when that's happening in the moment. But it's interesting as you get older, when you look back and you're like, yeah, that. That's stuck with me the whole time.
- [13:45]
Morgan
I know. I feel like that's something that, like, being told I was fat, literally, like, I don't know, what was it, fourth grade, fifth grade playground by this kid named Tyler. Like, that created such an insecurity with me. And, like, looking back at that age, like, you're going through growth spurts. Like, everyone at that age is a little pudgy and growing and awkward. But that, like, probably really started my insecurities. And, like, I've had body issues and whatever since. And a lot of it's also from hearing my parents talk about weight and, oh, I'm so fat and, ugh, I'm fat and I'm just bleh. Like, that was very common in my house. Like, my dad still can talk like that. He's very sensitive about his weight and being fit, and that's why he tries all these diet trends and keto this and whatever weird thing he's on now. Like, it's just. It's something that's really affected me. So this would be a really hard boundary for me that if we're going to come and visit, you don't talk about weight. There's no body shaming. And if there is, we're leaving.
- [14:51]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [14:52]
Morgan
You won't have a relationship with your grandkids because, quite frankly, it's not healthy.
- [14:57]
Jerry
I wouldn't trust the kids around her as is.
- [14:59]
Morgan
I am.
- [15:00]
Jerry
Like, that's. That's also a really tough part about having these strained relationships is kids will expose every fault in a relationship, not just between the parents of the kid, but between all the relationships beyond.
- [15:17]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [15:18]
Jerry
Because if in this case, you can picture her not wanting her kids to be around his mom and he is gonna be caught in the middle of that. And that can be really, really tough on a relationship. But there's really no option in this case. It's. It's that bad.
- [15:38]
Morgan
It's also, like, not that tough on a relationship when one person is clearly in the wrong.
- [15:44]
Jerry
Right. But then it'll become not just a problem with her, it'll be. Become a problem with him, depending on where it falls. And then you really have a lot to assess.
- [15:55]
Morgan
Well, and someone does ask, like, what has your husband really been doing in all of this? Like, how has he engaged with her? What has he said? And so someone goes, what if your husband told her directly to cut the Crap. That would be the most logical and clear way to resolve the situation. Obviously she doesn't hear your words, which is bullshit. I don't know if I could stand another week of name calling, disrespect and fragrant flouting of reasonable rules or otherwise. You're the parent I have set or my husband and I have implemented the car train airport would already be looking delicious. OP does respond. Husband has told her to knock it off and she doesn't listen to him either. I feel lucky to be married to a man with a spine and not an eager to please mama's boy. But watching her bulldoze him when he tries to put his foot down irks me. Glad your mother in law's a delight. Makes up for the rest of us who have to deal with batshit crazy and beyond. I'm planning on skipping on the rest of this lovely vacation and taking the baby with me. But thank you for the advice and the well wishes. We already spend way more time with my family than his, but the ratio might be tipping even further in my folks favor now. Yeah, and someone else just goes, your husband needs to do more than say, knock it off. Yes, that's better than nothing. But he needs to have boundaries. If she says shit, he will leave with the family. Then do it every time. He needs to train her to be respectful or leave. Yeah, and that's like, that's kind of what I'm saying. Like go like you can't say knock it off and then not have a consequence for said boundary. Would you have a hard time with this one?
- [17:39]
Lauren
I don't, I don't know. Like I. Yeah, it's. It's all just making me think about so many. I'm just really like invested listening to you guys honestly and just thinking about the concept of all of it too because it is, it is interesting. You know, somebody mentioned like I'm tired of like older generation thinking they can get away with saying xyz and I just think it does tie into the fact that like this, like an older generation is used to growing up being able to show and share pictures, seeing their grandparents share pictures of them with all their family members. And so it is like in that aspect of like taking photos of the baby and then having to put like something over the baby's face to put it like to share it with people. That's probably like extremely foreign for the older generation and really irritating that there's no excuse for her going into body shaming. I'm just thinking about the, the bigger Picture of just like how that would be weird to be, I don't know, like 80 years old and then being used to like generation after generation sharing photos and getting so excited as much as you can and then being told that you have to put like an emoji over the face, like I'm not surprised there's some resistance with people in that aspect.
- [18:57]
Morgan
I think it's going to be really hard for our parents. Like our parents, like your guys's parents. Yeah, like I know my mom.
- [19:05]
Jerry
I think you just define it though.
- [19:06]
Morgan
Yeah. And I think it's defined but I know my mom is going to be like, why? Like she's just not going to get it if we are. Like we don't want to show our kids face on social media. Like she won't get it. And I think when they get to a point where you know, they're older and like can kind of understand, like do you want your picture posted to people? But like when they're so little and like if my baby pictures were out there being posted and like me in a bathtub, like some of these influencers share, I'd be pissed at my parents. Like there are kids that grow up in those households and are like that was terrible. Like the fact I didn't have a choice, like that sucks. So I don't know. And then it's like if it's a harmless family photo, like whatever.
- [19:53]
Jerry
Like I love the pictures of me when I was a little kid. You know, it's so cool to see. To see. And we kind of grew up when they were, they didn't have a place to be circulating. There wasn't social media, it did stay within family or you know, or even just in photo albums.
- [20:08]
Morgan
And then what you choose to share now is your choice.
- [20:11]
Lauren
Yeah, I'm not like on you know, too hot takes level. And so for me, like when I think about having a kid, like I don't, there's not a part of me that feels worried about posting my kids face. Like in terms of like posting photos. I wouldn't mind it but I know a lot of people do and, and for valid reasons. So it's just like a whole new topic that we're, we're entering with. You know, the different, it's, it's jarring to generations who don't understand it because that's what they thrived off of, you
- [20:42]
Morgan
know, such an exciting new thing for them, getting to share a photo online with your friends.
- [20:48]
Lauren
But I'm just saying like you know,
- [20:49]
Morgan
they grew up getting Invented.
- [20:50]
Lauren
They grew.
- [20:51]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [20:51]
Lauren
And they grew up off of like sharing photos as a part of like a love language, you know, like you see in movies all the time. It's like, like the guy brings over a girl and the mom is like, oh, let me show you baby photos. Like, it's just such a. It's such a love language of like showing.
- [21:09]
Morgan
So was that from Meet the Fockers?
- [21:11]
Lauren
I don't know what, which one I'm thinking of. I think I'm. I feel like I'm thinking of that like Ryan Reynolds movie.
- [21:17]
Morgan
When I said that I could see that one too. You literally sounded like Barbara Streisand though, and Meet the Fockers.
- [21:23]
Jerry
Oh, I mean, it takes it to the next level though, when mother in law thinks it's her baby.
- [21:30]
Lauren
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know. There's definitely. Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that aspect too. And like that just making those type of comments is so infuriating.
- [21:40]
Morgan
Like this baby. It's like, no, what the fuck?
- [21:45]
Lauren
Regardless of the generational differences, like this person's crossing boundaries no matter what. You know, it's just. That's. That's very clear.
- [21:53]
Jerry
We've been down that rabbit hole on this show before.
- [21:56]
Morgan
Someone does point that out. So weird. Her baby.
- [21:59]
Lauren
What?
- [22:00]
Morgan
Psychotic? To be honest, I wouldn't be able to deal with this. OP goes, she's baby crazy. And so far my children are her only grandkids. I'm glad I haven't lost it and that this is creepy behavior. If Hubs didn't like his siblings so much, we'd never set foot in this house. OP does have an edit. Thank you guys for proof that I'm not crazy. I honestly didn't even think about going home early. I was fully prepared to just grit my teeth for the rest of this visit because we only took one car on the drive up here. I'm packing my and my son's things and when husband gets back from fishing with his dad and his brother, I'm asking him if he can drive me and the baby back home. I'll be able to have peace of mind and have the house to myself for a few days so I can get things in order before the kids have to go back to school. Edit to Slash Update. Husband is back. They're home from fishing early because brother in law lost his pole and they forgot to bring any spares. He and I have been texting since he left early this morning and he's taking the baby and I home and we're planning on having a conversation about what time spent with his folks will look like going forward on the drive back. Thank you all for the advice, giving me the gumption to leave early and keeping me company with your comments while I packed my stuff. Update I wasn't going to update because I got home with the baby and settled in and thought nothing of it. Just communicated with my husband and my 14 year old through texts and phone calls while they were gone. But problems started to follow pretty soon after. After my husband returned to his parents house without the baby and I, his mother huffed and started grumbling about how dramatic I am, how possessive I am of her baby. Oh my God how I was ruining this trip for everyone. Sister in law began winding her up, talking about how I didn't want anyone else to build a relationship with the baby. Husband told both of them to mind their business and get a grip, mentioning to mother in law that he needed to have a serious talk with her. When once the kids left with brother in law for lunch, mother in law rolled her eyes and walked off. They have a talk and husband insists to mother in law and father in law that they can't expect me to roll over and let them stomp all over my limits just because they want access to our baby. That we are the final say in what happens with our children and if they can't get on board with that they can forget about seeing them, especially not unsupervised. He told mother in law that her sneaking around, acting like my word meant nothing was childish and proved she wasn't trustworthy and he told both of them to keep their opinions about my weight to themselves. This starts what husband told me later was practically a two to three hour argument that only stopped because brother in law came back with the kids and and husband refused to discuss this in front of them. Mother in law pulling out crocodile tears and asking why he won't defend her, insisting that I'm quote trying to ruin their relationship. Husband has never been close with his mother and that she just wants to show off her baby to her friends and the extended family. Husband responds that if she really wanted to take pictures of the baby, all she had to do was ask for help so he or I could cover the baby's face. Mother in law and father in law argue that they shouldn't have to ask permission, they're grown adults and can do as they please in their own home. Husband reminds them that it is our baby, not theirs and since they felt so strongly that is why I removed myself from the situation and if they wanted to See my baby. They could do it at our house where they'll have to follow our rules. This went back and forth with mother in law eventually shouting and stomping her feet until brother in law returned. For the rest of the day, mother in law was grumbling under her breath and practically ignoring our older children Even as my 5 year old was clamoring for her attention. Husband paid her no mind and spent the evening playing board games with the kids and brother in law while sister in law and his mother sulked in the kitchen. Fast forward to last night. Husband was having a couple of beers with his brother while mother in law and sister in law have wine in the kitchen. Father in law had gone to bed early and the kids were asleep. Husband hears mother in law and sister in law giggling to each other and while casually checking his phone, he sees that mother in law has posted all of the photos she took of me on her Facebook page, captioning them with quote, my name won't let me see my grandson, so you'll have to excuse her hogging the frame.
- [26:54]
Lauren
Wow.
- [26:55]
Morgan
I just like need a moment here. Yeah, what the fuck do you like, man? That makes you look crazy too. Like that makes you look like the only crazy one.
- [27:06]
Lauren
Yeah, like you think everyone's gonna come to your rescue. Like, oh no, it doesn't make her
- [27:10]
Jerry
look crazy, it shows who she is.
- [27:13]
Morgan
You took pictures through a door gap?
- [27:16]
Jerry
Did she post that? Oh my God, can you imagine? I mean, I guess I can on this one.
- [27:24]
Morgan
In the comments of her post, she was chatting with her sisters about me. Derogatory comments on my hair. As my icon and username reflects, I'm a natural redhead, shaming me for my selfishness and obviously comments on my body. Husband flips his shit, demanding that mother in law take the photos down or he'd take her phone from her and do it himself. Apparently there were more photos than even the ones we saw at first, and several of them My top is fully open, nursing bra unclipped. Mother in law is unaware husband is serious and tries teasing him that she thought he wasn't ashamed of being married to a fat woman.
- [28:08]
Mikayla
Wow.
- [28:08]
Lauren
What a actual fucking bitch.
- [28:11]
Morgan
Husband rushes into the kitchen and snatches mother in law's phone out of her hands. After a brief scuffle, deleting the photos from mother in law's Facebook and then taking some of them off her phone altogether before throwing her phone down on the counter and telling her that he was leaving. First thing in the morning, Mother in law scowls and starts shouting that it isn't fair he's taking my side. He responds that he loves me and that it isn't my side versus hers. It's our side versus hers. Nice. I'm pretty out of the loop about all of this at this point. I've been cleaning the house, looking after the baby and dealing with the cold. I was apparently incubating for the first week of our visit. So I get a call from Hubs while I'm doing laundry in the basement. He's in his car trying to keep himself calm, but says that he'll be home early with the kids in the morning and that he wanted to have a discussion with me about our plans moving forward. He tells me what happened, I calm him down and we both head to bed. Fast forward to this morning and I get up early with the baby to have breakfast and coffee waiting. Hubs arrives with 14, 10 and 5 year old at about 6am we have breakfast and then the kids peel off to do their own thing. Our daughters leave for their friends houses and the five year old goes into the basement den to watch cartoons on the big tv. Cubs and I talk and he says he's done with that annual visit to his parents place and that he's planning to have some one on one time with his brother a few times a year. Instead we go over a plan of action in terms of much stricter boundaries, deciding that the kids won't be going to the in laws house anymore. And while the in laws visit us at our house, if they act out, they'll be kicked out. Mother in law has been blowing up his phone since he left, but he's ignoring her for the time being and helping me with cleaning. He also sheepishly admitted that as disrespectful and frustrating as mother in law's creepy photos were, they'd given him a new appreciation for my round face. I picked a winner y'. All. Truly.
- [30:17]
Mikayla
Duh.
- [30:19]
Morgan
Such a happy ending.
- [30:20]
Jerry
That's what we're looking for.
- [30:21]
Morgan
Terrible.
- [30:23]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [30:23]
Morgan
Story.
- [30:24]
Lauren
I know. It just kept getting worse and worse. This girl's a psychopathic person.
- [30:30]
Jerry
See. But if you have someone that's truly a partner.
- [30:34]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [30:35]
Jerry
Then nothing can take you down.
- [30:37]
Lauren
I'm obsessed with the it's not your side versus hers, it's our side versus you.
- [30:43]
Morgan
That was good. That so is something we should all remember. Like I think that's a really good point. Like when you are together, especially when you have kids.
- [30:54]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [30:55]
Morgan
It's our side. It's not mine. It's not his. It's Our side, we are a family unit. We're making decisions as a family. Yeah, that mic drop, that was really good.
- [31:10]
Lauren
He seems like a great husband.
- [31:12]
Morgan
I cannot believe this woman.
- [31:15]
Lauren
I don't know if we out of her mind.
- [31:16]
Morgan
I don't know if we've seen this level of, like, open vitriol towards another person. Like, truly to go on your Facebook, she's hogging the frame. Oh, you enjoy being married to a fat woman, like, again and again and again, hammering that. Like, her being fat is such a negative bad thing. It's such a burn. She's using it against her in every possible way. And I just saw a clip of someone and they were like, the first insult to a woman is always calling her fat. You're fat or you're ugly. Like, that's the biggest insult. And it's interesting that people think that's what hurts women the most and that's what they jump to. It's an interesting tidbit, but wow.
- [32:06]
Jerry
I mean, I feel like no matter what, she saw her as getting in the way of her having this relationship with her baby.
- [32:17]
Morgan
I hate that she says that it
- [32:19]
Jerry
doesn't matter who that person is. It doesn't matter their weight, their appearance, anything about them.
- [32:27]
Morgan
It.
- [32:27]
Jerry
She would have found something to attack them with.
- [32:31]
Morgan
I think so.
- [32:32]
Jerry
So it's like if she was anyone, honestly, anybody else, she's this barrier in between that there's gonna be some sort of attack. No matter. I mean, it could be anything, but
- [32:45]
Morgan
I feel like she'd continue to find a reason.
- [32:47]
Jerry
I just feel like mother in law would do it to anyone in this sense. It's not simply because of her weight and her appearance. It's because she was this. She was the barrier. And so whoever it is, I feel like it'd be the same story, maybe different words and mean things said, but I don't. It's just crazy. I. I love where we ended up, but. Oh, it just gets you going.
- [33:18]
Morgan
I know. I'm pissed. I can't end on that note, but. Holy smokes.
- [33:27]
Lauren
Wow, wow, wow.
- [33:32]
Morgan
Do we end on that? I don't know. What do you guys think?
- [33:37]
Lauren
I don't know. Like, do you have like, maybe just like a little kicker?
- [33:40]
Morgan
A little kicker?
- [33:41]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [33:42]
Morgan
I don't know. Does this sound like a little kicker? This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We love a hot take. We do not love a complicated decision. That's why State Farm makes bundling easy. With a personal price plan, you can choose the coverage you need and get a price that works for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This is coming from relationships titled Girlfriend of two Years Replaced all of my old books with new copies. Angry doesn't begin to describe how I feel. Girlfriend is 28 female, op 28 male. Okay, I had a collection of 200 books and 80 comic books or so from when I was a child till maybe around the age of 14 or 15. I love reading, so I'd get tons of books and save my pocket money to buy books. At this point, most of those books would be a decade and a half to 20 plus years old. Some of them were falling apart, but they were my copies and for the most part kept in decent condition. For books that age, I had to go away for a month on back to back business trips. When I came home, my girlfriend told me that she had a surprise for me at my house. She showed me a brand new bookshelf with new copies of all of my old books and comic books. I asked her where the others were and she told me that she had donated some to a few libraries and the rest she threw them out. I feel like time stopped when she said that. I asked her why she'd do that and she said that most of them are old and beat up, so she replaced them with new copies that would last longer. I packed up the books and told her to take it back to her place and I'd refund her all of the money for the books and the shelf. We argued. I yelled quite a lot. She cried. I'm not proud of it, but that was my collection. Gifts from friends and family members and things that I'd saved up for. It doesn't matter that they're new copies. I loved my old ones. She comes from a very rich family in my country. Growing up, the second something got a scratch or a tear, her parents would replace it immediately. Her car was damaged by some idiot in a parking lot who really shouldn't have had his license and her parents bought her a new, very expensive car. Her old car was nowhere near the point of no return. Buying a new car was far more expensive than fixing the old one. It never bothered me before because how someone else chooses to spend their money isn't my concern. But now the replacing a thing as soon as it's got a tiny Dent mentality is affecting me. And what's worse is she literally doesn't seem to get why I'm mad. She is so used to just replacing things that she can't understand why I'm angry at the loss of my books. And I'm not sure whether it makes me angrier or feeling sorry for her.
- [36:52]
Mikayla
I'm so glad he addressed the. Them being rich, because I was like, that would have to be so expensive to do. Yeah. To replace every book on someone's shelf.
- [37:01]
Morgan
They're like $20 each, 200 books, 80 comic books.
- [37:05]
Mikayla
Oh, my God. I understand. It must have come from a place of wanting to do something really special for op, but to throw them all out or give them away, instead of even just thinking, okay, I'll put them in a box, and then if there are any that are meaningful, you can get those ones back. That's so stupid.
- [37:27]
Morgan
What if there were inscriptions in the COVID or the page or whatever to be from mom or grandma or people that were gone? I know that's a big thing to do for kids. Like, yeah, my grandma got us so many books, and there's all the writing in there. It's just like, come on. Yeah, it's really entitled. It's not. I don't even know how this would ever be seen as a nice gesture, because it's like you went in, took someone's property, a lifelong collection, and just threw it away. You also. You didn't donate all of it. You threw a lot of it away.
- [37:59]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [37:59]
Morgan
Like just trash. Yeah.
- [38:00]
Mikayla
And like, how much can it be falling apart? Like, I don't. I don't know. I mean, if someone did this to me, I probably wouldn't mind because I don't. I don't think I have any special books like that. But I'd be like, why? Didn't need to do that. Like, that was sort of unnecessary.
- [38:19]
Morgan
I'm very, very protective of my items. I kind of like, just from, like, growing up with kind of a scarcity mindset. I now resource guard. I'm like a little dog. Like, don't touch myself. I don't know. I get really weird with stuff sometimes. And so this would set me off even if I wasn't sentimental about a lot of the books. Just for the fact that you felt so willing to disrespect me and come in my space and take my things and throw my things away. It's. It's not nice. I just. Keep your money. Get. Get this shit away from me. Like, you just, like, really just Demonstrated a lot. And it's like, well, she had good intentions. I don't know. Road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say. I know.
- [39:05]
Mikayla
It's interesting. Cause it almost feels like if it were something else, it would be a grand gesture of like, oh, what a deeply thought out thing to do. But then it's like not because this isn't what that person wanted and they care about their belongings and these are things that they've collected and are proud of having been able to collect.
- [39:27]
Morgan
I know.
- [39:27]
Mikayla
So it's sort of like all of these things that you were proud to have been able to do. I can just replace like that.
- [39:34]
Morgan
It's almost like, is it condescending in a way or what is that like just like. I mean, kind of like, oh, like it's hard. Like I could. I could just replace them at the snap of my finger. Like it, I don't know, just leaves such a sour taste in your mouth. Like, am I just your little doll? And like my little set wasn't good enough for you?
- [39:54]
Lauren
I don't.
- [39:55]
Morgan
It's just, Yeah.
- [39:56]
Mikayla
I don't know.
- [39:57]
Morgan
Super weird.
- [39:57]
Mikayla
I don't know. Unless they were just like really, really, really torn apart. But still, it, like, still. That's up to me.
- [40:06]
Morgan
I know, I know.
- [40:08]
Mikayla
I just don't like that she didn't give him the option of keeping the old ones.
- [40:12]
Morgan
I have no words. We do have some comments from op. Someone goes, the only point I can bring to you is that in my experience, truly well off people can have a hard time understanding the non dollar value of items when money allows them to replace any item with the slightest wear. They have to be taught this deliberately when they are kids. So see her actions as a flaw in her upbringing and not her intent.
- [40:38]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [40:39]
Morgan
And OP goes, I do. I don't believe she did this out of some wicked intent. I know her better than that. Still, it's my book collection, so it's hard to go, oh, well, you didn't intend to hurt me, so it's all good.
- [40:51]
Mikayla
Yeah. And if that money is like nothing to her, then she can go back to all the places she donated, try to buy those back if she can. Maybe like, I don't know. I don't think that this is like a horrible person. I do think this was like, oh, so many of these books are messed up. And like he really cares about his book collection. I could get him like a brand new one of all of these and then he could have like, I see where this was attempting to go yeah, it's just the execution was just really. And that's like, I think part of the struggle of surprising people with gifts too and not having like any type of conversation about it leading up to it is you can miss the mark by so much because you were trying to keep it a surprise. And it's like if they had had one conversation where she asked, oh, like, by the way, if someone got you new versions of these, would you like that? Like, then she would know.
- [41:51]
Morgan
I know. Even like Sal. Like on Impractical Jokers, I was like, do you like some of the crazy punishments? Do you run it by people? And he goes, yeah, we'll kind of like pose a hypothetical to someone and be like, yeah, you know, what do you think if on an episode with Justin, what do you think if I put him in a dunk tank and like, then I read him stories and if his take was wrong, we dropped him in the dunk tank?
- [42:12]
Mikayla
Well, love would love that.
- [42:13]
Morgan
Then I'd be like, okay. I mean, Mikayla said she thinks Justin would love that. So, you know, we'll test the waters a little bit. Yeah, like, she could have done something like that. I just, like, again, it's like, why are you replacing these books? Newer doesn't equal better. But in her head she just doesn't get it because otherwise I'd be like, okay, it's different. If you were going to find like, he's got Moby Dick, but it's a reprint and then you're going to go like, buy a vintage first or second edition Moby Dick.
- [42:40]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [42:40]
Morgan
Then it's like, oh, that has better value. But there's like really no purpose here. There's no purpose. Just they're a little shinier.
- [42:49]
Mikayla
I mean, yeah, he did say they were falling apart, some of them, but how bad?
- [42:54]
Morgan
That's what I. We do need more context.
- [42:56]
Mikayla
To not get accepted at a donation center. They do have to be pretty.
- [43:00]
Morgan
Pretty bad.
- [43:01]
Mikayla
Yeah, because I'll. That's sometimes where I do my book shopping is at like the libraries. They'll have the friends of the library bookshop and they'll sell them for like a dollar each or something. And a lot of them are really like scratched up and like, they'd have to be like missing pages and stuff, I think.
- [43:16]
Morgan
Yeah. I just learned about book lice the other day.
- [43:19]
Mikayla
You told me about this.
- [43:22]
Morgan
That is there.
- [43:22]
Mikayla
Is there like a way that you could be making yourself more susceptible to getting book lice or is there nothing you can really do to prevent it?
- [43:31]
Morgan
I don't know, apparently you just have to put your books in the freezer when you get new books.
- [43:34]
Lauren
Oh, right.
- [43:35]
Mikayla
It's like, new books. Yeah.
- [43:36]
Morgan
Especially old ones.
- [43:37]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [43:37]
Morgan
Old, new books. Um, there's someone here that says, I would've had a breakdown. Books are, like, old photographs. I don't want to get my whole family together today and retake those photos. They are a snapshot of a certain time in my life. I remember when I bought them and how I felt reading them. Some have inscriptions that aren't even for me, but I love them. I can't give you any advice here except to say, will you ever look at her again and not feel anger? Oh, wow. And OP responds, I have no idea. This was Tuesday night, which the post is coming from a couple days later.
- [44:15]
Mikayla
Okay, wait, so this is, like, a week old?
- [44:18]
Morgan
No, this post is quite vintage. Oh, it's back from 2018.
- [44:23]
Mikayla
Oh, my God.
- [44:24]
Morgan
So if I look at a calendar and I go back in time And I say 2018. April 27th. April 27th was a Friday. Okay.
- [44:36]
Mikayla
So Tuesday to Friday.
- [44:37]
Morgan
Tuesday. So 1, 2, 3ish days.
- [44:40]
Mikayla
Okay. Yeah.
- [44:42]
Morgan
Gosh.
- [44:42]
Mikayla
Pretty high off the anger still.
- [44:44]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [44:44]
Mikayla
Yeah. This one's hard because I. Even though I did get all of my books at different times, and, like, they all mean a lot to me in the sense of, like, oh, I really love that book. Book. The, like, the physical version. I don't have any, like, special inscriptions or, like, specific vintages or, like, cop. So I probably. I wouldn't be, like, hurt about it happening to me, but I'm a different person, which is why I'm struggling to, like, fully see this as, like, evil or, like, really, like, awful to do. But I understand that, like, how Op feels about it. Cause it's, like, a different situation and different connections to those items.
- [45:27]
Morgan
Yeah. I also. I went through something really similar. So my dad let my aunt stay at our house when we were out of town, and when we came back, she had gotten rid of all of, like, my grandma's Mickey Mouse collection. And it was stuff that I wanted. It was sentimental. It was heirlooms. It was collectible. And so she literally just got rid of it. She was like, oh, I was doing you a favor. I was cleaning.
- [45:50]
Jerry
Yeah.
- [45:50]
Mikayla
No, that's awful.
- [45:51]
Morgan
What?
- [45:51]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [45:52]
Morgan
Someone let you stay at their house while they were out of town because you needed to be closer to, like, wherever, like a hospital or something for some reason.
- [45:59]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [45:59]
Morgan
And someone lets you stay at their house, and you go through all of their stuff and throw away and donate and do what? You have no right. And that's the thing. Like, it doesn't matter if it's a good intention. Like, you just don't have the right. And people are just kind of asking more questions, like, how is it that you lived together for two years and she didn't know how valuable your collection was? She has no respect for your things. That's just horrible that she didn't ask. Like, you should donate all of her clothes to Goodwill and then replace them with stuff from Target and tell her, surprise, I bought you all new clothes. Opie goes, so I recently moved into a new place. Before that, my collection was boxed up and never on display because the old place wasn't very big. So while she had heard about it a bit, it was never something she really got to see. And I guess it never sank in how much those books meant to me. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.
- [46:49]
Mikayla
So they've been boxed up until now.
- [46:52]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [46:52]
Morgan
And, like, Opie has another comment here. She doesn't see why it's a big deal. She genuinely doesn't understand what it's like to have a connection with anything she owns. I'm explaining. And she can hear the words but not understand the meaning behind them. At least that's what it feels like. Yeah. It's only been a couple of days, so I'm still very angry.
- [47:12]
Mikayla
I mean, that's a big part of the problem is that he is telling her that this was hurtful, and she's still not getting it. Like, it's one thing to do something that you thought would be nice, and then it. It accidentally actually hurt the person. But then, like, now this person's telling you, this really sucks. Like, I. I really cared about that collection. I don't. I'm sad that you did that. And then, like, they're still not, like, getting it. And, like, sincerely apologizing.
- [47:40]
Morgan
And, like, I just don't. Like, even if you're. If you're telling someone, these are important. I'm really hurt. And they're still not getting it.
- [47:48]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [47:49]
Morgan
I really don't think you're a match. Like, I think you have to look forward to the future. Like, if you guys want kids, how are you raising your kids? Is she ever going to be able to kind of grasp sentimental and, like, that whole thing? Or like, oh, your kid breaks a toy, you might not get a new toy. Yeah, you might lose that toy because you broke it and you didn't care for your toy. You have to take care of your toys.
- [48:10]
Mikayla
Well, and Kids, they care about their toys. Specific, like, oh, my gosh, if they broke a leg, they would want to patch up that toy's leg. And, like, because they have an emotional connection to those items.
- [48:22]
Morgan
I'm so sentimental, this stuff. And it gets worse because OP does have in a comment here, but throwing someone's things away without asking is never a favor.
- [48:31]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [48:31]
Morgan
He could have had money stashed between the pages of an original signed copy or grandma's picture stuffed in there. And OP goes, that brings up another reason I didn't mention in the post. Some of the folks who gifted me books are now dead. Two of my grandparents, a couple uncles, my godmother. Ugh. Some of them had a nice birthday note and Christmas notes written inside.
- [48:54]
Mikayla
That's so sad.
- [48:56]
Morgan
Ugh. And, like, everyone's like, can you track them down? Can you go to the library where she donated them?
- [49:00]
Mikayla
Can she track them down? Like, she should track them down.
- [49:04]
Morgan
She should be making this right. I know. He's just like, I don't know. Like, they typically, like, disperse them pretty quick. They were thrown out about three weeks ago, so the ones in the trash, for sure, gone. But they went to, like, a literacy program, and they're pretty efficient about sending stuff off and bad about keeping records, so we don't have an update. OP did tell her about, like, the writing and inscriptions in the books, and someone was like, did you tell her about that? If she doesn't understand why you're mad and you did tell her that, that might be a lost cause. Yeah. And OP goes, yeah, I did tell her. So, no, no, this is done.
- [49:43]
Mikayla
Yeah, that's over. I. I would lose my mind if someone.
- [49:48]
Lauren
That.
- [49:48]
Mikayla
That's, like. That's someone's most prized possession. If there's, like, any physical writing from someone that they love who's passed and that's gone now and you're not sorry and, like, still don't understand. There's. There's no coming back from that.
- [50:03]
Morgan
There's no coming back. Yeah, I see. Like, something like this would cause me such, like, trauma. And I have people, like, trauma. It's about books, but, like, it's just about having your whole sense of peace and security in your home, like, completely taken away from you. And it's like, I don't know if I could leave my house and trust my partner to be with my things.
- [50:23]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [50:24]
Morgan
Like, I just. I would have such. My sense of peace would be totally gone.
- [50:28]
Mikayla
Or to, like, trust your partner to understand you and, like, what you really need and what you really want in life. It's like, ooh, like, this is just a fundamental difference between us. Well, do we know if they broke up?
- [50:41]
Morgan
No. I just went to OP's account. It does still exist. This post is now eight years old.
- [50:48]
Lauren
Wow.
- [50:48]
Morgan
So it is. I'm like 2018. The math. Oh my God. We're getting up there, guys.
- [50:54]
Mikayla
Yeah, almost 2026.
- [50:56]
Morgan
So, yeah, I'm not seeing anything else. I basically read most of the comments. This sucks. I would like an update though. I'd just be curious if, like, any of the books ever got tracked down. God, it just. This makes me sad.
- [51:10]
Lauren
I know.
- [51:10]
Mikayla
I can't believe she's not like, oh my God, I can't believe I did that.
- [51:14]
Morgan
I'm so sorry. I know. That's just crazy shitty. Really, really shitty.
- [51:23]
Lauren
But.
- [51:23]
Morgan
Okay, moving on to this next one. This is coming from r marriage. It's two days old. Titled husband got another woman pregnant. I know I am a villain because I promised my husband three kids. But after the first, I just didn't have it in me. Traumatic birth and depression did a number on me. My son is three and we were in a kind of limbo because he was still bringing up a second child. As soon as we had my son, but his frequency started to die down. Last time he talked about it, it was one year ago. We had a fight. He started his affair afterwards. His affair partner is pregnant. He admitted to not using protection with her, but claims that she was on birth control. She is keeping the child. She contacted me and said she didn't know he was married when they started dating, but she couldn't let him go after she found out six months ago. She said she is very sorry. She wants my husband to be involved and wants me to decide what I want to do with my marriage. If I want to leave my husband, then she would want to have a relationship with him and will only be involved with my son's life as much as I am comfortable with.
- [52:37]
Lauren
What?
- [52:38]
Morgan
Why?
- [52:38]
Lauren
If she really didn't know that he was married, she wants to continue to have a relationship with it.
- [52:45]
Morgan
Like she found out he was married and like, still was. Like, I want him enough. It's fine. If I want to stay with my husband, then she will end things with my husband for good. But she doesn't want her child to not have a father. So she understands that her child will stay with me and she wants me to grant her the same courtesy of only being involved with her child as much as she feels comfortable with either. I lose my child half the time or I have to accept my husband's affair. Baby in my home. My husband doesn't show it in front of me, but he seems happy. He got his dream of two kids, and I am in a nightmare.
- [53:24]
Lauren
Oh, my God. That's so messed up. The.
- [53:33]
Morgan
This is hell. This is hell.
- [53:37]
Lauren
Sorry, can we go back again? When did he start having the affair?
- [53:41]
Morgan
So he started having his affair about a year ago after they got into an argument about another kid. So he started his affair.
- [53:49]
Lauren
How old was the first baby at the time? Did she mention that? About
- [53:55]
Morgan
two at the time.
- [53:56]
Lauren
Okay.
- [53:56]
Morgan
Baby would have been about two. So they got in this big fight. A year ago, he started his affair afterwards. Affair partner is pregnant. She contacted me, said that she didn't know he was married right away when they started dating, but she couldn't let him go after she did find out he was married about six months ago. Now she's pregnant.
- [54:18]
Lauren
Wow.
- [54:19]
Morgan
I. I'd be done, but.
- [54:22]
Lauren
Oh, that's what's so hard about choosing who you want to have a baby with. Because it's like, what she said then she is losing her son time. Yeah.
- [54:32]
Morgan
And that's a big thing. I've seen a lot lately in discourse with people not wanting to get divorced, even though they have, like, a bad relationship or just don't love their partner anymore and they don't want to miss out on 50% of their kid's life.
- [54:46]
Lauren
Right.
- [54:46]
Morgan
So they'd rather stick it out and be able to get all of those nights, all of that time, then split up. And I can totally get that. I totally get that, too.
- [54:57]
Lauren
And that's what's so.
- [54:58]
Morgan
It just sucks.
- [54:59]
Lauren
That's what's so awful. It's just. Oh, my gosh. Especially, like, if you didn't feel like you liked the way that your ex raised or handled problems, then, like, that would be really hard. Cause I know. I was actually just talking to someone today who her child's dad came into the picture a little bit later, and even that was, like, a hard adjustment because she was like, this is the way I do things, so get on my page. Get on board. And. And so I just can't imagine, like, just releasing control for, you know, people, especially people who have a hard time of releasing control in a situation when it comes to a child.
- [55:43]
Morgan
Yeah. Well, this is also so messy, too, right? Because, like, if you say you're done, she doesn't care about him having a wife. She doesn't care about being lied to. She wants him. She's going to stay with him and your kid is going to go spend half the time with her or you stay with your husband.
- [55:58]
Lauren
Can you get more custody though? Because of the affair? Like, I feel like she'd be able to fight for more custody with her child at least.
- [56:05]
Morgan
I've heard some weird stories.
- [56:08]
Lauren
I don't know if that's what she'd want. Like maybe she wants the child to have 50% dad.
- [56:12]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [56:13]
Morgan
And like, you know, in an ideal world, if kids can have both parents and good relationships, like that is kind of ideal for a lot of people. But I was just talking with someone the other day and they've got a friend who has like a 12 year old daughter and the mom is like really bad, toxic. Drops the little girl off and is like, I don't wanna parent this month. And like drops her off and then now is fighting for full custody because she wants the child support.
- [56:42]
Lauren
Oh wow.
- [56:43]
Morgan
And it's just this really messy situation and she was like, they're having a hard time because like in their state they typically side with the mom. So I think it just depends. I, I, I just, it's so complicated. The family court system is just so complicated.
- [56:58]
Lauren
Oh gosh.
- [56:59]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [56:59]
Lauren
I can't, that's why I'm saying, like, even just with a situation that isn't super messy, it's, it sounds really tough to me, the whole like figuring out those dynamics. But one like this, I just don't even know. I don't know how she's gonna proceed.
- [57:16]
Morgan
Well, and it's also up to the husband too, because like this other woman is still.
- [57:21]
Lauren
Well, yeah, that's what's like, what does the husband even, what does he want? Who does he even want to be with? Like what does he, yeah, how does anyone want to be with him is my question. I, yeah, that's, that's something that's so interesting. I, I mean personally, like, I feel she, she's gotta leave him. Like he's, he's clearly not a good guy. Like he's, he's not. And so I feel like she should. But I totally understand the desire to stay, to have 100% your child in your life.
- [57:56]
Morgan
Absolutely. Top comment on this one. Leave. He broke his marriage vows. And do not blame yourself because you didn't give him three kids. It had nothing to do with kids. He claimed he thought she was on birth control. So it was all purely sexual, not about children. And that is like kind of sad about this post, that first line. I know I am the villain because I promised my husband three Kids. But after the first, I just didn't have it in me. Like, you're not the villain.
- [58:25]
Lauren
That's so crazy that she even thinks that, because that's. Oh, my gosh. I had. Other people were just talking about this today, how they feel. Like, a lot of times guys, like, look at children as, like, a puppy or, like, a pet.
- [58:37]
Morgan
Oh, my God. Why has that been on my, like, radar, too?
- [58:39]
Lauren
Well, but it's just. It's just so they could never understand what it's like to go through that process. I can't even understand yet. I'm not there, so. But it's like, everyone experiences it so differently, and, like, for some people, it's like, it is. It can be really, really hard on people. So, yeah, to. To be in a relationship and say, let's try for kids and be on the same page and then continue to try for kids, like, that makes sense. But, like, if you're in a relationship and have a child and then it. I just feel like it's crazy to expect that, you know, like, to expect someone else to, like, sacrifice so much for you not knowing what it's gonna be like or.
- [59:23]
Morgan
And life happens too. Yeah. You could all of a sudden get sick, have cancer. Can't have anymore. Yeah. Is he gonna cheat then? Exactly. Like, he still cheated. Yeah. Like, I mean, you could have gone through your marriage without being able to have any kids. Like.
- [59:38]
Lauren
Right, Exactly.
- [59:39]
Morgan
It's like, that's. You can have these goals and things you want, but life doesn't always work out that way. So when it doesn't work out exactly how you want it, does that automatically mean you leave and ditch your partner and cheat and go and, like, breed other people? Like, what are we doing here?
- [59:55]
Lauren
No, you are saying this way better than I am. I'm having a hard time stringing together wor.
- [59:59]
Morgan
Like, my brain is a little cluster up there today.
- [60:02]
Lauren
But. No, that's exactly what I'm saying, is that I. Of course, when you're in a relationship with people and you make plans and things that you want.
- [60:11]
Morgan
Yeah, I get.
- [60:12]
Lauren
I get that that's a thing. But life happens, and it's not. It's not the same thing as if she always only wanted one, but was, like, being secretive and just lying to him that she wanted three, and then after one, she told him no. Like, it's like, no, she wanted three, but then she didn't. Then she changed her mind, and she's allowed to without getting cheated on and being put in the most hellish situation. You Absolute dickhead.
- [60:41]
Morgan
Ugh. I know.
- [60:42]
Lauren
What is wrong? Like, I just. I need there to be, like, more good men representing men right now because I've been hearing so many stories where men are really getting on my last nerve.
- [60:55]
Morgan
There's some good ones out there. I've been getting a lot of really, really cute TikToks, and I need.
- [61:00]
Lauren
I need some more of those because I've been the past, like, few days, I feel like I just keep hearing stories of, like, these, and I'm like, what, Are the guys okay out there? Am I just being fed all this, like, negative info right now?
- [61:14]
Morgan
There's some good ones. I'll. I'll send you some of the TikTok videos I've been liking about, like, people's partners. Just doing, like, these really nice gestures, like big, small, romantic things and just. I've seen some really good ones.
- [61:28]
Lauren
Okay, well, I'll help you.
- [61:30]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [61:30]
Lauren
Thank you. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to be mean or anything. I'm just getting frustrated.
- [61:36]
Morgan
I mean, there's some shitty ones out there for sure. And it's might be a group effort of everyone on the planet to like, hey, let's be better guys. Like, let's. I think that any.
- [61:51]
Lauren
Any of the guys listening to this, I feel are good guys, because if
- [61:57]
Morgan
they're listening to these stories, I agree.
- [61:59]
Lauren
And then they're hearing us say that this guy's a psychopath. They probably wouldn't want to continue to listen if they thought the guy was in the right. Yeah, exactly.
- [62:07]
Morgan
So we've got good guys here.
- [62:08]
Lauren
So to the guys that are listening right now.
- [62:11]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [62:12]
Lauren
Go out there and advocate for being a great guy because there's some guys who really need to learn from you.
- [62:18]
Morgan
Absolutely. There is another comment here that's interesting. So if you don't get divorced, she wants you to raise her baby. I highly doubt she would really end things with your husband if she just couldn't let him go six months ago. She's not going to let him go now, despite what she's claiming. I also doubt she would want to pay child support for her child. I also read that as like, you'd be helping raise my child because you and your husband would still be together and she would have custody as well.
- [62:46]
Lauren
Right, Exactly.
- [62:46]
Morgan
I didn't think it was like, oh, you're taking my kid 100.
- [62:49]
Lauren
No, I don't think so.
- [62:51]
Morgan
Like that. I don't. I don't think this comment makes that much sense because, like, that's not how I interpreted it either. But if anyone out there listening is like, no, like, she fully is, like, shipping her kid off with.
- [63:01]
Lauren
No, that's not.
- [63:02]
Morgan
No, that's super weird.
- [63:04]
Lauren
No, that's not the case. It's definitely just like, the 50.
- [63:07]
Morgan
50. Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's any comments from OP we do have a few.
- [63:13]
Lauren
Can you imagine if you want to be with him, you can have the child I'm growing right now. But if you don't, then, yeah, I'm gonna have. I don't. I don't think people make decisions like that, you know, that would be wild.
- [63:27]
Morgan
A lot of people are commenting on custody. A lot of people are like, why don't you go for 100? Like, why don't you get full custody? And Opie has a few comments in relation to that.
- [63:36]
Lauren
Wait, that would be amazing if she got 100 custody. And then he ended up being with that other girl, and the other girl didn't want to have another kid. And then he was with one child again.
- [63:46]
Morgan
So Opie says, for all his glaring faults, he is a good father and he dotes on our son. He will fight me to death for equal custody. Next comment is in response to someone being like, he won't get custody, like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I think they kind of mean, like, if you get divorced and it's because of infidelity, like, you could go for full. I think that's what they're maybe trying to imply. But OP Goes, how does he not get custody? And I don't wanna lose custody by committing parental alienation.
- [64:16]
Lauren
I didn't know that was a thing.
- [64:18]
Morgan
I guess that's what I'm saying about, like, family court systems. There's. It's very complex.
- [64:23]
Lauren
I mean, I. I definitely think that she could get much more custody than him because of what he did in court. Like, I don't. I don't think they'd be like 100% custody because of cheating, but I think given the situation, like, she could definitely get more custody than him for sure.
- [64:40]
Morgan
A lot of people are asking about his reactions, like, what is he up to now? He is remorseful for hurting me, not for his actions themselves. He said he didn't think it would all affect me. Okay. I don't think he should have find another way. But he was so resentful of me changing my mind that he didn't care. He is not begging to stay with me. He does want to stay, but he knows how difficult that is for me. So he has left the decision to me. He doesn't want to stay. Someone who wants to stay, I feel like, would be making more of an amends and, like, putting in more willingness to make this situation better or change or. I don't know.
- [65:28]
Mikayla
Like.
- [65:28]
Morgan
Well, I do want to stay, but it's really tough, so I'm leaving it up to you. That's a cop out because you don't want to end your marriage.
- [65:35]
Lauren
Well, that's interesting, because I also wonder if that has anything to do with custody, if he's the one who says, I'm out because I'm leaving you for somebody else, if that. Maybe he's talking to someone already, like a lawyer about custody rights and what could happen. Like, maybe that's why he doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger.
- [65:55]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [65:55]
Lauren
I don't know. That could be true. I don't know. But the other thing, too, is, like, he also probably doesn't want to continue to be in a relationship where he has to, like, make amends and has to.
- [66:07]
Morgan
He has to deal with the ramifications, and so there's gonna be a lot of trust to build back.
- [66:14]
Lauren
Exactly. So, yeah, I don't. I think she should definitely leave. There's. There's no reason to stay. Honestly, no.
- [66:22]
Morgan
And last comment I'll read is this. So someone says, I'm sorry this happened to you. In no way are you the villain here. Your husband made the decision astray. Now he's going to pay the price for his actions. And OP Goes, what price? He got everything he wanted. I and my son will pay the price. Someone responds, no, he will pay dearly in the divorce and in child support. OP Goes, I earn more than him. Next line down is the same person responding OP the one who said he'll pay dearly in the divorce. They go, I earn twice as much as my ex. I have my child two thirds of the time, and he pays me child support. I have a lawyer. He doesn't lawyer up and get ready. You need to learn your rights and don't mope so hard that you just give up.
- [67:11]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [67:12]
Morgan
Yeah. Mm.
- [67:15]
Lauren
I know. It's like. I don't know. She's just like, no, he. He loves our son.
- [67:20]
Morgan
He dotes on our son like, it doesn't matter. Let him be a good dad without you. Go find your person. Someone who loves you, wants to be with you, and isn't gonna cheat on you.
- [67:29]
Lauren
Yeah, no, I was referring to the fact that she was like, so he'll fight me on it. And it's just like, Let him.
- [67:34]
Morgan
I really.
- [67:35]
Lauren
I don't see this being able to be a 50, 50 case, given everything. I just. I don't know how it works, but I just.
- [67:44]
Morgan
I know. Maybe we have some lawyers.
- [67:46]
Lauren
I can think about it. He pulled the rug out from underneath her, like, to such a huge extent that it's like, how. How would they be in favor of him?
- [67:55]
Morgan
I don't know. Infidelity is a big thing in a lot of courts, but.
- [67:59]
Lauren
And it's not just infidelity. It's a whole nother life with somebody else.
- [68:03]
Mikayla
Family.
- [68:03]
Morgan
Yeah, it's. It's tough because you also then don't want to create this scenario where he's like, I'm tired of fighting. I've got this other kid. I'm gonna start over. And then the little boy that he, you know, the first little kid is, like, kind of left in the dust and then grows up with this, like, abandonment issues. Like, I. I want to be with my dad. I want my dad to love me, but my dad doesn't want to spend any time with me. Like, you just. It is such a slippery, slippery slope.
- [68:30]
Lauren
I mean, if the dad actually loves him the way that mom says, then, like, he's going to take whatever time he can get with him. And if he doesn't, then he's an absolute shit dad and a person who. The son doesn't need to have that asshole in his life anyway. Like, he can find other, like, male figures to look up to that aren't such pieces of shit. I don't know.
- [68:53]
Morgan
I just. I get that. I get, like.
- [68:56]
Lauren
I totally understand all of those thought process and that, the concerns and it's just. There's so much more involved than just a breakup. But I really think at the end of the day, like, she's got to fight for what's right and the rest will fall into place.
- [69:10]
Morgan
Yeah, absolutely. We don't have any Update yet. Only two days old. Oh. So I will subscribe to OP's profile and see if we get anything, but nothing yet.
- [69:24]
Lauren
Okay.
- [69:25]
Morgan
I would say this one is giving real. I always think when people post their issues in random little subs like R Marriage, which is a smaller sub in comparison to, like, relationship advice or true off my chest and things like that, it does feel real. OP did also post this in R1 and done, which is a subreddit for parents who have decided or had the decision made for them to only have one child. And so really just seeming like they just needed to get out there and, like, get some support. So it does seem. Does seem legit, but. Okay, keep our eyes peeled. But moving along, I want to know
- [70:13]
Lauren
updates on that one.
- [70:14]
Morgan
I do too.
- [70:15]
Lauren
I really, really do. So actually make sure to let me know if you do and you decide to do an update with somebody else and not me.
- [70:21]
Morgan
Yeah, I'll keep you post. I'll let you know.
- [70:24]
Lauren
Okay.
- [70:24]
Morgan
I'll let you know. Okay.
- [70:27]
Lauren
And we're back.
- [70:28]
Morgan
We're back. This episode is brought to you by Intuit TurboTax. Doing your taxes the old school stress spiral way endless paperwork, confusion, and unsure if you're even doing it right. Yeah, we're leaving that in the past with TurboTax. Get matched with a dedicated full service expert who can jump in and handle everything for you even as soon as today, it's the update. Tax filing needed. Way easier, way smoother. And your TurboTax expert will still get every dollar you deserve. Visit TurboTax.com today. This episode is brought to you by Credit Karma. When it comes to your money, Credit Karma keeps you ahead of the game. You can count on Credit Karma to keep up with your financial needs. As they evolve, they'll help you monitor your progress and give personalized recommendations so you can make strides towards your goals and find your way to money. Make sure you're on the right track no matter where you are on your financial journey. Intuit Credit Karma, Karma you can count on. I feel like this is gonna be an interesting palette cleanser. It's not necessarily a feel good, like, super happy palette cleanser.
- [71:38]
Lauren
Okay.
- [71:39]
Morgan
But it's just kind of a different perspective that I don't think we usually get on a lot of our posts about cheating. Okay, so let's get into it. All right. It's coming from true off my chest, and it's titled I'm going to have to break my husband's mistress's heart and I don't want to do it. My husband is having an affair. I found out eight months ago when a text from Henry said, I love you, heart, heart, heart. I managed to sync his texts up to our icloud and have been monitoring them ever since. Even worse, his mistress is also a victim in this. She has no idea that he's married. He told her that he's separated from me and we're going through the divorce process. To his credit, he doesn't badmouth me as the horrible ex wife that makes him miserable. He doesn't talk about me at all. I also think that's because the evil ex wife is a classic lie from a cheating husband. And she's smart enough to see through that. I know that usually the wife hates the mistress or at least resents her. But I can't hate her. I love her so much. She has no idea that my husband is a loser. And she's such a sweetheart who deserves the entire world. She sends pictures of the holiday cards that she makes for the people in the local nursing homes because the holidays can be such a lonely time for them. She texts him little love poems. When he says that he's stressed, she asks about his day. She's so smart too. Whenever she talks about something that she's interested in, it's like a YouTube deep dive, only in text instead. My husband loves the Deadliest Catch. She explained to him why the FV destination sank. It was fascinating. She's also said how happy she was that the tragedy was taken seriously enough to make stricter rules about safety regulations to keep fisherman. Save my loser. My loser of a husband doesn't deserve to even breathe in her direction. I know that I need to confront him and tell him that I want a divorce. I've been putting it off. He wouldn't be man enough to face her. So it would be up to me to break her heart for him by giving her the bad news. I don't want to be the one who makes her cry. I just hope that she knows that even though she lost a cheating boyfriend, she'll have a friend in me. Aw. I don't want her to feel embarrassed or ashamed for something that was done to her and not because of her. That's what I'm dreading the most about the upcoming shitstorm. Wow. Uh huh. That's so cute.
- [74:32]
Lauren
I love her.
- [74:34]
Morgan
I'm like, are you. I think you're in love with her. Like why? Are you. Are you by like, could this maybe work? Is she by.
- [74:41]
Lauren
You know what? It probably was just the fact that like she started realizing that her husband was not the one for her. She probably started falling out of love with him by the time that she found the affair. So she probably looked at it more like pragmatic and more objective than anything. Because otherwise, like, I don't know how somebody gets out of their own way enough to be able to be like, I love his mistress.
- [75:05]
Morgan
I know. I'm blown away by like this level of composure and like self awareness and insight. Like I would not be able to hold on to knowing about my husband's affair for eight months.
- [75:18]
Lauren
I know that is a long amount of time. That's kind of crazy actually.
- [75:22]
Morgan
Well, that's where I'm like, are you holding on as long as you are because you actually feel like you have a relationship with her, too, through these messages.
- [75:32]
Lauren
Wow.
- [75:32]
Morgan
Like, you say you love her. You talk about how smart she is, how she deserves so much more. Like, you're putting this off because you almost have this parasocial relationship with her, maybe, and she. She doesn't even know who you are.
- [75:46]
Lauren
When we look at that way, that feels kind of creepy.
- [75:51]
Morgan
I know. This is what I'm like. Wait, what?
- [75:54]
Lauren
I thought it was really cute, but then when I thought about the time.
- [75:57]
Morgan
Eight months.
- [75:58]
Lauren
That's a long time.
- [76:00]
Morgan
Also, you're letting them date. Like, now. They've been dating a year now. It's getting, like, longer and more serious, and her feelings are more intense where, like, hey, if you would have nipped it in the bud eight months ago,
- [76:12]
Lauren
then you wouldn't have hurt her.
- [76:15]
Morgan
Like, you would have hurt her less. You would have heard her less.
- [76:17]
Lauren
Like, you're worried about now. So it's just really interesting. And you'd think at some point before the eight months, maybe six months, maybe four months, maybe two months. I don't know. Like, why did it take eight months?
- [76:27]
Morgan
Eight months, huh? I know. Isn't that a doozy?
- [76:31]
Lauren
What? Do we have any updates or anything? Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I really thought you were gonna give me an update on this one.
- [76:40]
Morgan
Nope. The post has been deleted by the person who don't talk today. Top comment. Make sure you have proof that you two are still married and living together. She may go to denial first. Best of luck. Opd. Next comment. Exactly this. There's still a chance she may forgive him and stay with him, so it is worth being ready for that possibility as well. Next comment down. It isn't her job to prove anything to her. Nothing. But I'm Bozo's wife, and I just found out he has been seeing you. I'm not mad at you. I know he lied to you and said we weren't together anymore. Well, I'm about to file for divorce now, so if you still want him, he's all yours. But I thought you had a right to know what kind of man he is. I believe you deserve better. It's the other woman's job to decide what to do with that information. There is zero reason to put any effort into proving anything. OP has enough on her plate right now. Yeah, OP Go see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row before you tip your hand.
- [77:39]
Lauren
Yeah. Ooh.
- [77:43]
Morgan
One comment goes she sounds like a lovely person. That's sort of a catch 22 problem. People see the world through their own filters. She is a good person at heart and so thinks others are. Even your slimy, soon to be ex. I originally found this on an Instagram sub Reddit Instagram page. Oh my God. Spooky Stars YT. YouTube. I don't know what it stands for. YT, but that's the Instagram page. And on the comments on there, someone goes, cut the husband out of the equation and marry his mistress. There's another comment. Finally, a woman who blames the husband and not the other woman. Yeah, both women sound lovely and I hope they move on from this. What a badass. The op is amazing.
- [78:33]
Lauren
Well, that was my initial thought before you.
- [78:35]
Morgan
Don't let me. Don't let me influence it. Don't let me. Don't worry about sweetheart.
- [78:40]
Lauren
I mean, you don't worry about it. You brought up the eight months and now it's hard to not wonder.
- [78:45]
Morgan
But you know, maybe she was saving money. Maybe she's a stay at home mom and needed to pool some resources and you know, get her eggs in a basket. Maybe, you know, there's medical things and she needed his health insurance.
- [78:57]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [78:58]
Morgan
Because of work. We don't know.
- [78:59]
Lauren
That's true.
- [79:00]
Morgan
There's so many reasons. But it, it was just very impressive to me that she did wait eight months because I would go crazy.
- [79:08]
Lauren
I'm like, are you still romantic though?
- [79:10]
Morgan
And then like, you would have to be.
- [79:11]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [79:11]
Morgan
Otherwise he's gonna be like, what's up? Or he doesn't notice because he's getting it elsewhere. And then he's just like, oh well, we had a dead bedroom anyways. Yeah, I know. So.
- [79:22]
Lauren
Interesting.
- [79:23]
Morgan
Very interesting. Okay, up first, this is coming from true. Off my chest. 28 days old. Now I've been sitting on it for a while because it's just so good money. It's titled I'm watching my stepmom become the loser she always told me I'd become. And it's amazing. So I was a mistake. My mom and dad were dumb idiots. Mom mostly raised me because my dad tried blocking her. After a while he was in my life and paid child support. He got married and had two more kids the right way. And my stepmom, Hildy never let it go how much better she was than me. How she and her kids had clothes from nice stores and not Walmart and how they just didn't have time to include me in the Christmas card picture. Plus I wouldn't have had a nice enough outfit, so. Oh, well. One of their kids, my brother, came out as trans a bit ago, and Hildy seemed very supportive. Apparently not. She's been drinking a lot and gaining weight. She lost her job, and I found out because she called me ranting in the middle of the day and saying that she lost her daughter and, like, I should have transitioned instead of him. Question mark. It was so bizarre. And I told my dad that he needed to deal with it. He tried telling me that he wanted her to get therapy, but honestly, I don't care. I don't want her to ruin my brother's lives. Apparently, she picked one of them up from school and smelled like wine. She has been so horrible to me my entire life that I've known her most of it, and I don't care that she's unhappy. I have enjoyed watching her burn out. Yes, I feel bad for my brothers, but this woman treated a literal child like trash because she hated my mom. She came into my bridal shower wearing a white dress that she couldn't even zip up the whole way. When people mentioned it, I just shook my head and ignored it, like she would do when people would point out that my jeans were too short that one time. And in front of everyone, she said that she refused to spend their family's money on clothes for me since my dad paid child support. Whatever. I don't care. She deserves her life, and my dad deserves his marriage. And I'm clearly not a good person for laughing at all of this, so I guess I retroactively deserve my childhood. The only victims are my brothers.
- [81:58]
Jerry
The end.
- [81:59]
Morgan
The end.
- [82:00]
Jerry
I'm with you. I don't think you retroactively deserved your childhood, but, man, this is satisfying. I'm all for it.
- [82:08]
Morgan
I feel bad.
- [82:09]
Jerry
Like, I want a front row seat. Where's my ticket? I think it's just so different when you're awful to a child. It's unforgivable. So I'm with you. It's not an adult making a decision to be like that towards another adult. No, it's like that towards a child.
- [82:30]
Morgan
That's the thing.
- [82:31]
Jerry
Kids are defenseless. Kids are trying to learn how to, you know, survive, go about the world and who they're gonna become. And it's like you're so fragile and impressionable. So any of that stuff that sticks with you for a lifetime. I remember some stuff that. I mean, it's more often other kids in the bullying way. I remember everything that's been said to me growing up. And I remember all the insecurities I had. And sure, you, you know, you outgrow some of them, some you carry forward for sure. And I just can't imagine getting that from an adult. So yeah, I agree. She deserves every bit of it. And I'd be there eating my popcorn, watching it go down. I don't like, I don't have sympathy for that after the shit you did to me. No way.
- [83:21]
Morgan
I know.
- [83:22]
Jerry
But yes, for the brothers, of course I don't want them to be in that situation because if she fully crashes out, then that's going to affect them and it's only going to get taken out on them. And yes, we don't want that.
- [83:37]
Morgan
But I know because there's no mention even how old the brothers are. Yeah, no mention of age. And it's like if they're young, like that's even harder like to have your mom not support you as you are transitioning and doing all of that. I'm trying to look at OP's comments just to see if there's any more insight into this. No, we do have a few comments from Opinions. There's a whole nother post I discovered that came out a couple months before this one. We're gonna get into that now briefly. But someone says to op, your dad is a piece of shit for not standing up for you, not including you, not buying you a nice outfit for the pictures and allowing her bullshit white dress at your wedding, your dad and fuck her.
- [84:23]
Jerry
Yeah.
- [84:24]
Morgan
OP says no, my dad is a pillar of the community according to what Hildy told my mother in law. Pillar of the deadbeat community. Sure.
- [84:34]
Jerry
Yeah. Huh.
- [84:36]
Morgan
They're so insane. Like they really do deserve each other. He is such a piece of shit. Anyone that's willing to throw their kid under the bus for the sake of a new partner and a new family and a do over. Fuck you. Rot in hell. You're a piece of shit. I think is pathetic. And all of this has clearly impacted op. I mean the first line starts with so I was a mistake. My mom and dad were dumb idiots. They might have been dumb. They might have been being irresponsible. You might have been an oops baby, an unplanned baby, but you are not a mistake. Like I hate when people like associate themselves with that because I really relate to that. I was a total oops baby, very unplanned. But I remember just that pain of just the struggle with my bio dad and so hard. But like you are still not a mistake. I just like I Feel bad for OP but we do have a couple more comments. Opie says the worst part is that she hates my mom so much. And my mom isn't perfect by any measure because of the whole child support thing. When I found out that Hildy had apparently asked my mom not to go for a CS increase because they were going to have a baby and things were tight in retrospect, that was not my mom's problem. She only went for the increase when Hildy kicked me out of my room. She couldn't be a stay at home mom because of the child support. Apparently all she had to do was treat me like a family member and it would have been fine. She's been stepping on rakes for decades. I love that saying. She's been stepping on rakes. I've never heard stepping on rakes before. It's like you are creating your own issues and can't you just envision like the old cartoons of someone, they step their foot on a rake and it comes back and smacks them in the face.
- [86:24]
Jerry
I've done it. I don't have to envision the cartoon. It's happened to me with those rakes at the farm. Those are the kind that do it so sharp. Those old twisted metal ones.
- [86:35]
Morgan
Yeah, those old timey rakes.
- [86:36]
Jerry
I mean, I think someone that makes all these comments and treats someone this way has always been deeply unhappy and it's now just really coming to the
- [86:47]
Morgan
surface about like Hilde, the stepmom.
- [86:49]
Jerry
Yeah.
- [86:50]
Morgan
Being like unhappy.
- [86:51]
Jerry
Yeah. And I think the whole time with the comments she was making to OP and all of us, the way she treated her growing up and then even her dad, I just, I just can't see them being happy people and having a happy life together. I think it's all just pretend and it's, oh, we're keeping it all together and we're perfect. We buy the nice clothes and you have shit clothes. When you start comparing yourself and making yourself trying to seem like you're better, I think it's because you're so deeply unsatisfied with your life and you're so unhappy. Because if you are a truly happy, content person, you would not even think that way. I mean, I guess there are some assholes out there that probably do, but in this story, I really don't think there's ever been true happiness there. No, it's been faulted from the beginning.
- [87:44]
Morgan
Yeah. I mean, someone responds to that comment, the one that ends with she's been stepping on rakes for decades and they Go. How can she claim to not be trashy but does an incredibly trashy thing by asking to pay less child support? I feel like that is something someone from a low class upbringing would think was appropriate. Op responds she came from a pretty trashy family. To be honest, it was just projection.
- [88:07]
Jerry
There you go.
- [88:09]
Morgan
Someone goes, you are far better than that woman. It is okay to laugh. Things would not be better from holding back anyone treating a child like that because they think they are better than jealous of past partner or whatever deserves all bad things. Of course it sucks for your siblings. Still happy she is struggling. Just got to support your brother because that is the mom. Awful, awful person. Op Responds it's bad because I don't feel super responsible for my brothers. Obviously I'm there for them but at least they have my dad and he should be the one looking out for them. My mom was kind of a mess and I didn't have a dad looking out for me. He was too busy with other stuff. They know they can always call me and I'll be there. But I'm not going to pry. Yeah and I think that's totally fair. Especially like your dad dropped the ball on you. You were kind of not an outlier but you were like ostracized. You were pushed out. He didn't have your back. So yeah, your brothers are innocent and all this and you can say like I'm here for you if you need it but you don't have to bend over backwards or light yourself on fire to keep them warm like your dad. Those are his kids and he made it clear that he has priorities to those children and not you. So I get where op's at with this. It's really just a good off my chest getting this out there, venting and feeling a little better.
- [89:33]
Jerry
Yeah.
- [89:34]
Morgan
The other post on OP's account that I can see is a post about their wedding. It is four months old, titled Am I the asshole for not telling my dad that he wouldn't be walking me down the aisle and it's a pretty long post. Essentially 25ish years ago 2 dumb 20 year olds got drunk and made me. They had and still have nothing in common, don't particularly like one another but for some reason decided to keep me. I always lived with my mom full time. I love her, don't get me wrong but she's pretty messy. I have six other half siblings. Two of them have the same dad. We always had a clean place to live and never went hungry or anything. But I know there were times that she did so we wouldn't. Mom very clearly loves all of us individually and as her family, she's just pretty irresponsible. My dad, I'd say more has his shit together, but we're not close. He married Hildy, also mid-40s, when I was 6ish, and they had my half brothers, Jesse, 16, and Kyle, 14, a few years later. They both have really good jobs and a nice house and cars. I know my dad paid child support, but their lives were very different from mine. I'd come over every other weekend, but after a while they were too busy with the other two so I would just wait for my dad to text me when he was available. He did, don't get me wrong, but he works a lot, so I probably saw him once a month before I went to college and after we'd talk every now and then, but mainly just see each other on the holidays. One of those holidays, Hildy got kind of drunk and told me that after my mom had me, my dad basically blocked her and just paid child support until his parents, grandma and grandpa basically shamed him for being a deadbeat. And then he got some visitation. That hurt a lot to hear, but it made a lot of my childhood make sense. It all came up because she was resentful that he had to pay my mom child support until I was 21 and was saying she had wished I'd skipped college. It's also sad because I know she was busy with her kids, but I always thought she at least liked me. Like, I know she hates my mom because it was maybe petty, but when she had Jesse, they replaced my room at their house with the nursery and put my stuff in another one. So my mom filed and was awarded much more child support than she had been getting and that affected them. It's fine. There was free therapy at college and I'm actually doing great career and mental health wise now. In fact, my fiance and I make about as much as they do. Granted less property, so I'm in a really good place. OP goes on to like talk about their fiance, John, 25. They became friends freshman year. Didn't start dating until years ago. His family is amazing. All amazing things. Yeah, they've been good about setting up boundaries with mom. So they're getting married soon. It'll be in John's hometown. And this is where drama starts coming up, obviously, because bio dad, bio dad wants to know, am I walking you down the aisle? I just went through this. His family and to be honest, want a big wedding. But since we're just starting our careers out. His parents are paying for the whole thing. I'm paying for my dress, though. And my mom and my younger siblings travel. I kind of just assumed my dad would walk me down the aisle. But a few weeks ago at one of my showers, Hildy was talking with John's mom, who was saying how proud they must have been that I paid my own way through college. Hildy was like, oh, yeah, it looked really hard. We're glad that we started saving towards our son's college funds a long time ago. They have more than enough for undergrad and probably grad school. I overheard this and confirmed with John's mom what she said. It hurt so bad. College was a struggle. There were times all I had were multivitamins and PB and JS, and only because my mom would send me $20 here and there. Don't get me wrong, I'm also proud of myself and I know the boys are both their kids while I'm just my dad's, so of course they'll give them more. But it really solidified to me who and what I was to them. So I asked my brother Jake to walk me down the aisle. John and his family know about this and 100% support me. Hildy called me yesterday asking about the rehearsal dinner, where they'd need to be and when, and I told her they wouldn't need to be at the church or anything and could just go to the restaurant after. She was like, oh, well, how will your dad practice walking down the aisle? It was super awkward, and I let her know Jake would be, but I was excited to see them. A few hours later, my dad came to our condo and told me how disappointed he was. He said he's been dreaming of giving me away my whole life. I was in a pretty good headspace luckily, and I was just like, oh, I didn't know you'd want to and I didn't expect you to care. Trying to be nonchalant and avoid drama. He was aggressive, though, and wouldn't let it go, saying I was going to make him look like an idiot and if Hildy hadn't asked, he would have shown up thinking he'd walk me down the aisle. I asked him why he would assume that and he looked at me like I was stupid, but I wanted to hear him say it. And he finally said that any father would expect that. I was just like, sure, but any other father probably didn't ignore their daughter for the first few months of their life. Have as minimal custody as possible, or have college funds for some of their kids but not others. They probably did do things like take their daughters on vacations, attend a single father daughter event and help them out even though they were legally done. He got mad, but honestly couldn't even argue with me and just said he wasn't sure if he approved of this marriage anymore. I told him I wasn't worried about that. And the truth was that we just simply weren't important people to one another. He got really sad after that and left. And even though John agrees with my decision, he said I should have given my dad the heads up about what I wanted from him at the wedding. As much as I value his opinion, I also feel like he doesn't get it. His family loves him and would do anything for him and has. While my dad has only ever done the bare legal minimum when I needed him, I never assumed he would help me. And he shouldn't assume he can play a role in my wedding. And no, I'm not the asshole for having my brother walk me down the aisle. That's no debate. But was I wrong for not directly spelling out for my dad that he would be attending as a guest and only a guest?
- [95:48]
Jerry
No, I think you're meeting his communication style your whole life with the same energy.
- [95:54]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [95:55]
Jerry
And also, I can't believe that horrid woman's gonna be there. That's what I would have set in stone long ago. The last thing I'd want to see is her sitting there. And she'll probably wear white.
- [96:08]
Morgan
She did, she did wear white.
- [96:10]
Jerry
Oh, that was to the wedding.
- [96:11]
Morgan
It was, I think op. What did she say? Was it reception or rehearsal? We do get an update on this actually.
- [96:18]
Jerry
I thought that was like a bridal party or like a. I thought that was some something else. But yeah, I'm not surprised. And just with the comment about the college thing, you don't think she's gonna be doing all that shit that whole night to all your people?
- [96:35]
Morgan
She will. She absolutely will. Like, Hildi is a self centered. I mean to brag about your two kids and their college funds as like your stepdaughter's mother in law is like, aren't you so proud she paid for school on her own? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. We have so much fucking money. We, our two boys get to go to college and grad school. That's how much we have saved. And it's like, whoa, read the room, read the room. She can't because it's all about her. She's a self centered bitch.
- [97:12]
Jerry
Yeah. And then I think the way you played it with your dad is perfect. I honestly, I would have thought you had a script or notes written to do it that clear and that plain
- [97:23]
Morgan
and on the spot when it's so stressful.
- [97:26]
Jerry
Especially when he's kind of pushing it and getting really aggressive, as she says.
- [97:32]
Morgan
I know.
- [97:33]
Jerry
I think you did great.
- [97:34]
Morgan
I know.
- [97:35]
Jerry
And then it ended up getting through. Because when you make such a strong case and it's not like you were yelling, at least I didn't take it that way. And you just said, exactly why. Here's why. And there's no response. Great job. Great job. And then the statement, we're just not important to each other.
- [97:57]
Morgan
I know. It's like, that's tough. That's. But it's hopefully a wake up call for you.
- [98:02]
Jerry
But do you know why it's tough? Because he knows it's true.
- [98:04]
Morgan
Oh, absolutely.
- [98:05]
Jerry
100%. The whole time.
- [98:07]
Morgan
I think I still really feel bad for op like from the first post to this post, it's just like the pain she's gone through. And like, honestly, I feel like this is like another multiverse version of me in my life. Like, my bio dad threw a fit about child support. Like, my mom didn't get it. A lot of times I kept getting it throughout college. Cause he was so late on the payments from when I was under 18. And like, ugh, it was so crazy. Like, he would brag about, like not having any money and it was all like a front. Like, he would get paid in cash. He had a shit ton of money. He'd buy new trucks, he'd buy new this, buy new that, and then wouldn't be able to pay my mom child support. Like, and he'd brag about it to my face and it's like, okay, but I'm, I'm envious of, of p. Like, I think this was handled really, really well. Should you have told him before? Yeah, but like, Hildy kind of took that away from you based on like Hildy getting involved and asking.
- [99:06]
Jerry
Well, Hildy definitely was like, you need to go over there right now and you need to get this set. Like, she's puppeteering the whole thing.
- [99:13]
Morgan
I know, but I'm glad for OP that it came out before because it did not come out before at our wedding. Like, I wanted to talk about it with my bio dad at the rehearsal dinner. He didn't show up to the rehearsal dinner, so I didn't get that opportunity. And he RSVP'd yes to the rehearsal dinner. And then when I talked to him about it at the wedding, he was like, oh, I didn't know. I didn't know about it. And I'm like, you RSVP'd yes? And then my brother Matt, who's our officiant, like, my bio dad's standing there. Everyone's like, standing there. And Matt is like, who's walking down the aisle? And I look at my brother and I'm just like. So I had both my bio dad and my dad Jerry walk me down the aisle. And then they got halfway. And then my mom, we did a trade off. Everyone thought it was beautiful. Like, my. I had some friends that came up to my mom after and were like, I was crying. It was so impactful. But, like, it's not what I wanted. And that is an honor. And, like, if you don't deserve that honor, you shouldn't get that honor. So I'm glad OP stuck to their guns, didn't have him walk her down the aisle. And it still stayed that way. Looking at the update, everything went okay at the wedding. Dad ended up writing an email. OP's like, I'm not gonna post it. Cause it's super lame. And it was just some old song of poor him, his life is so hard. He wasn't ready to be a dad. He did the best he could. He always loved me. Blah, blah, blah. No action items, no probably false promises to change. Nothing new. No, he didn't offer any money for the wedding, but reiterated a lot that he's always dreamed of walking me down the aisle.
- [100:52]
Jerry
Hmm.
- [100:52]
Morgan
Yet you're not pitching in, but you have so much money in these college funds. But yeah, second update did not come after the wedding. So we went from wedding post update, which, like, wasn't really an update, just dad sent an email, but still sticking with brother and then the stepmom becoming a loser post. So no other posts yet. There are a lot of comments from op. Like, if you guys want to do a big deep dive on this account, you totally can. I mean, it's really interesting. It sounds like she's in a really good spot. Some of the comments are rude, but very active on Reddit. I mean, replying to a lot of other people's posts and accounts and things like that. Okay, yeah. But moving on. This episode is brought to you by Viori. It's the new year, and a lot of us are embracing a this is my year mentality. Whether that means entering your gym era Social Era Cozy Era Vuori can make sure you can handle all of it. Vuori has totally changed athleisure wear for me. I've been wearing Vuori for years now and every piece I have I get so much use out of. A big goal for me this year is getting back into fitness and going to classes and I know a new set from Vuori is going to empower me and make me actually want to go. I love that I can wear my leggings a little dressed up. I can pair them with a button up shirt and look cute as I run errands or take a work call. My Vuori pieces have really stood the test of time. They look great beyond the gym and I really feel like Vuori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners, they're offering 20% off your first purchase. Go to Vuori.com Hot Takes and discover the versatility of Vuori clothing. That's V U O R I.com/hot takes exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We love a hot take. We do not love a complicated decision. That's why State Farm makes bundling easy. With a personal price plan, you can choose the coverage you need and get a price that works for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state. This next one, it's kind of a doozy of a first story. A lot of reading for me. So this first one is coming from our very own Too Hot takes subreddit. It's 10 days old now and it's titled My fiance told me his ex was his emotional maid of Honor. My fiance, 31 male, and I, 29 female, are getting married next summer. I recently found out he's been keeping in touch with his ex. Not cheating as far as I know, but texting her, quote, for emotional support. When I said that made me uncomfortable. He said, quote, you have your girls to vent to. She's mine. Then he actually said, she's kind of like my emotional maid of honor. I asked him if he'd be okay with me talking to my ex the same way. He said, quote, that's different. Men don't give emotional support like that. I told him if he needs a therapist, he can pay for one, not text his ex about Our wedding stress. He said I was insecure. So now I'm the crazy jealous bride because I don't want his ex girlfriend being his emotional maid of honor. Should I be worried that I'm marrying a man who thinks boundaries are optional?
- [104:40]
Jerry
I'm just not understanding the emotional support. Is it like, yeah, you're making the right choice. You should marry her. You're doing great. You shouldn't have cold feet. What's the emotional support for?
- [104:51]
Lauren
Yep.
- [104:52]
Jerry
Because this is wedding related. We're not talking just general life.
- [104:55]
Morgan
Or is it everything? Is it him venting to everything?
- [105:01]
Jerry
There's a reason you even go down that path in the first place. There's a reason you open that door of communication. And I think when you start to vent about the person you're about to marry to your ex, that's very telling, you know, and that can very quickly get twisted into. You can be manipulated very easily in that way. Or you can, you know, maybe manipulation is too strong. But from the ex's perspective, if there was something there or could be still, that could easily be molded out of this situation.
- [105:41]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [105:42]
Jerry
And you could easily convince him that maybe this isn't the right step. Maybe we should give it one more shot. I mean, it opens the door to so much mess.
- [105:53]
Morgan
It does.
- [105:55]
Jerry
I just don't get what the thought is in his mind. Is it to keep the door open, to have a backup option? Cause I think we had that in the first round of wedding stories in a way.
- [106:07]
Morgan
Oh, my gosh.
- [106:07]
Jerry
Or what is the strategy here? And it's not. There isn't a comparison with the bridesmaids.
- [106:15]
Morgan
No.
- [106:15]
Jerry
And I think men can be very good emotional supporters. You just gotta find the right ones. Like, if you have the right friends, they will fulfill that role for you. Unless it's like every one of your friends is too, oh, we're too manly for that. We can't do that.
- [106:34]
Morgan
I know. I think guys need to start opening up more. I mean, we talk about this male loneliness epidemic, but it's a problem that is literally created by men not opening up. So if you want to work on addressing that problem, take steps to do so. Like, you can be your biggest advocate in progressing forward and finding emotional connection and doing that. Like, there are people out there that want to do that. And to be like you talking to your ex is so different. Men don't provide that. That's a cop out. What about me? Why aren't you talking to me? Why are you talking to me about your wedding stress?
- [107:13]
Jerry
Right.
- [107:13]
Morgan
Your emotional maid of honor. Like, what about me, your partner, someone you are supposed to be going through life with. Why do you need to reach out to your ex? Why is your ex a better emotional support for you than me? And that's where it's just like, I think he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. I do think he's kind of slimy. I do think something else is going on here, and I don't think it's worth hanging on to. Like, especially when you're telling him, hey, this makes me uncomfortable. And he's like, you're insecure. He's flipping it around on you. You're not being respected, you're not being heard. Your feelings aren't being validated or received. He's actually doing the opposite.
- [107:52]
Jerry
Yeah.
- [107:53]
Morgan
And if he wants to keep talking to his ex, let him. But don't waste your money on a wedding, because it likely will end up in divorce.
- [108:02]
Jerry
Yeah.
- [108:02]
Lauren
Well.
- [108:02]
Jerry
And I think it's not to say there aren't topics that you do talk about with your friends and that maybe you wouldn't necessarily bring to a partner, like you were bringing up, venting. I think a lot of people tend to try and talk about situations that involve their partner with other people around them to, you know, I think through a lot of these stories to see if they're crazy, to see if this is right or, you know, there's a variety of things. But even still, if there's something you will bring up to friends that's a lot different than an ex for the reasons I mentioned before, of course, of what that opens up. But I do think if you have the right friends, male or female, they can be equally emotionally supportive if they are actually a good friend. We, like, in my life, I've been the supporter for a lot of people who go through breakups or whatever may happen, especially in. Even in the studio and music, people come in and they open up and it. Sometimes there's, you know, tears and lots of emotions, and you do kind of play that role for that day as a emotional support. And obviously you hope to do that through song as well. But it's just interesting.
- [109:24]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [109:25]
Jerry
Because I think it. It very much is out there on the male and female side.
- [109:31]
Morgan
I agree. And I don't think it's necessarily weird to, like, have a female friend or a girlfriend or a woman that's your friend if you're a guy. Like, I don't think that's necessarily odd. I've got a lot of guy friends, but I didn't date Any of my guy friends. They weren't my ex. Like, we started our relationship as friends. There were lines that were never crossed. And I don't know, it just. It just feels odd to me. And the comments thought it was odd too. The top comment on this one says, emotional maid of honor is just backup girlfriend with extra steps. Next comment. Exactly. He basically rebranded emotional cheating into a wedding role. Dude's delusional if he think that's chill. Someone goes, yeah, emotional maid of honor is wild. That's not poetic, that's concerning. Man's trying to make cheating sound romantic.
- [110:26]
Jerry
Yeah. I think that much involvement, wedding or not, with an ex, is very interesting. I mean, we see different sides of that. Jerry always is so, you know, loud about the fact that you can be friends with exes and it doesn't mean anything. There's nothing emotional and, oh, we're all still very close. And my ex, you know, I married my ex to her new partner and like all this stuff, that kind of thing. Is that the way it was?
- [110:54]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [110:55]
Jerry
Yeah. So you got to read between the lines. It's all contextual. I know in this sense you have someone that's building up towards a wedding, but it feels like they're still not emotionally checked out of the last one. And I'd be very curious to see what those conversations are.
- [111:13]
Morgan
Absolutely. I mean, I'm really, really curious. We don't have any comments from OP Highlighting what the comments between the two of them are, so we don't have that insight. But I guess, like, some people can be friends with their exes. My dad's one example. But then he's also got exes that are heartbroken and hate his guts. Like, I think it just depends on where those people are. And again, like, can both of them be appropriate? Right. Like this? To me, I think the more I saw emotional cheating in the comments, it does feel like emotional cheating. He's running to this other person for this emotional support and it's like, like, why are you running to someone else when you have a person you're marrying?
- [111:56]
Jerry
Right? Yeah.
- [111:57]
Morgan
So then it's just like, no, this does feel like emotional cheating. And that's probably a good word for it. But moving on to this next one now let's get into these ones people. In this world, there's a lot of whack ass people. We're gonna get in a couple of them. This is coming from R Wedding shaming.
- [112:14]
Mikayla
Okay.
- [112:15]
Morgan
Titled step mother in law announced my brother in law's secret wedding during my cocktail hour. Okay. My now husband and I had an intimate 14 person wedding last year. Just immediate family and a few close friends. It was sweet, relaxed, and exactly what we wanted. During cocktail hour, my stepmother in law decided it was the perfect moment to share some big news. She told me and my mother in law that my brother in law and his long term fiance had secretly gotten married a few weeks earlier and didn't want anyone to know. Both of our jaws hit the floor. Then my father in law, her husband chimed in saying brother in law and fiance, quote, wanted to get married before us. Who announces the secret wedding of two guests at another wedding? I wasn't jealous, honestly. I was happy for them to finally tie the knot. The part that got me was that my stepmother in law completely stole the opportunity for my mother in law to hear that news from her own son. But here's the kicker. Brother in law and sister in law weren't actually married. They started wearing matching rings as a sign of commitment. And stepmother in law and father in law assumed that meant that they had secretly married. Wait, wait, so they.
- [113:48]
Mikayla
It wasn't even her own wedding. That she was announcing it was someone else's wedding. That she was blowing the wait. I also. Okay.
- [113:56]
Morgan
And they weren't even married. Also.
- [113:59]
Mikayla
I think this happened on Vanderpump Rules. Did you ever watch Vanderpump Rules?
- [114:03]
Morgan
No.
- [114:04]
Mikayla
Okay, if anyone has seen that show, please like back me up in the comments because there one of. I don't remember who I think it was.
- [114:12]
Morgan
I don't know, Jax, maybe Kristen.
- [114:15]
Mikayla
No, there were a couple. There was a girl who got married. Lala, I think Lala got married and it was like her reception. And then Sheena, like at the cocktail hour or reception, announced that she had gotten married to the cast. And she was like, well, everyone's here. Well, everyone's here. And if I'm getting these people wrong, I'm so sorry for like lying on your name.
- [114:32]
Morgan
But something like that exact thing happened
- [114:34]
Mikayla
on Vanderpump Rules, which is so crazy.
- [114:35]
Morgan
But that's the thing that's like, that's reality tv. That's drama. Yeah, People don't need drama at their intimate.
- [114:41]
Mikayla
No, literally 14 person wedding, which is like such a extra show of. We just really wanted this to be about us and the people we love and like really focus in on this and not have like any extra noise. It's like, here comes the extra noise from your own stepmother in law. Wait, that's so crazy. So. So they assumed.
- [115:03]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [115:04]
Mikayla
Because they were wearing matching rings, which is so funny. Because it's like, that would have been so obvious. They really thought they were doing such detective work by being like, huh, they're wearing matching rings. No one else has noticed this.
- [115:15]
Morgan
I bet they're got.
- [115:16]
Mikayla
They've got married.
- [115:17]
Morgan
A lot of people are like starting to get rings for both people right away after engagement. Like, I think it's kind of a trend right now where like, typically like CIS hat relationships where like the girl gets her engagement ring and then the boy, the boy doesn't get a ring until they get married. And so the girl has been like, that's not fair, he should get a ring too. And then they go out and now he has a little engagement ring.
- [115:41]
Mikayla
I like that actually, because it's like, why is only the woman going around looking claimed when the man gets to still be like, ooh, nothing on my finger.
- [115:49]
Lauren
Look at me.
- [115:50]
Morgan
No, I completely agree.
- [115:52]
Mikayla
Yeah. This is crazy. I mean, this must have been embarrassing. This must have been very embarrassing for the stepmother and father.
- [115:59]
Morgan
Yeah, I guess because. Oh yeah, because he chimed in and said that they wanted to get married before us. So you just implied that there was some weird jealousy, but they didn't even get married. And did they ever even say that, or are you assuming.
- [116:15]
Mikayla
It sounds like they're not even excited about it, but we're like trying to expose them in a way.
- [116:20]
Morgan
I wonder. I really like, I would love to know their intentions. They honestly, the two of them, step mother in law and dad, sound like deeply insecure. Very messy. Very messy. Especially because stepmom almost. It's almost like she wanted to one up his mom and be like, I know something about your son that you don't know and I'm gonna break it to you because otherwise, why tell these people? Why tell the bride on her wedding day? Why tell his mom? You wanted to like assert like some dominance over them or something?
- [116:53]
Mikayla
Yeah, I know something you don't know. Like we're the closer in laws. But then, but yeah. Then it's extra weird to be like, also assuming the reason they got secretly married is because they were trying to do it before all of you.
- [117:07]
Morgan
Where did you pull that from?
- [117:08]
Mikayla
Yeah, there's so many assumptions.
- [117:11]
Morgan
I know the leaves they're taking. I would go nuclear because now, now
- [117:17]
Mikayla
everybody's mad at you. Now that people getting married are mad at you. Now the people who didn't get married are mad at you. Now all the other in laws are mad because they would have wanted to hear that from their own children.
- [117:28]
Morgan
Yeah, yeah.
- [117:30]
Mikayla
It's just pissed off the whole 14 people.
- [117:33]
Morgan
Well, and it's like, how do you continue on from there? Like as the bride, do you go up to your bride, brother in law and like congratulate them? Do you like, do you then make your day about them or do you ignore it and then hope no one else hears? But like, mother, your mother in law is gonna be upset because her other son got married and didn't tell her. So she's gonna say something like, yeah,
- [117:56]
Mikayla
and now the day's yeah. Like if this had been true, it's like the day is ruined for her
- [118:02]
Morgan
and now it's kind of ruined either way.
- [118:04]
Mikayla
But if this had been true, that
- [118:07]
Morgan
probably would have been worse. I know, it's weird. Top comment. Announcing that at your wedding would normally be the height of rudeness, but an inaccurate announcement of them getting married. Question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, Wild.
- [118:23]
Mikayla
Yeah, because it's like you're not even spilling the tea. You're just like causing drama for no actual reason.
- [118:31]
Morgan
The fact that mother in law also said like they got married but they don't want anyone to know. Then why are you telling me? Why are you telling me?
- [118:40]
Mikayla
Who did they tell?
- [118:41]
Morgan
Did they tell everyone?
- [118:42]
Mikayla
Did they make an announcement? Or was it no one?
- [118:44]
Morgan
They didn't tell anyone anything because it wasn't real.
- [118:46]
Mikayla
No. Who'd the stepmother in law tell?
- [118:49]
Morgan
I don't know. As far as I can see from the comments, only the bride and mother in law.
- [118:55]
Mikayla
That's so annoying because it's like a wedding obviously is such a special day and if there's just like one thing that happens, it forever like taints a
- [119:05]
Morgan
part of that day.
- [119:06]
Mikayla
It's like you don't just think of your wedding now. You think of like my wedding. And when that thing happened, that kind of sucked, you know, like it can be such a perfect day and there's no reason to add something like that to it.
- [119:19]
Morgan
This is crazy. We do have some comments from OP and I don't got some of them. I can already tell we're going to be cringing. So someone goes, I love that it was just an assumption. So now, other than looking horrible for making that type of announcement at someone else's wedding, she doubled down with a complete falsehood. Hopefully stepmother in law is a low contact person or you eat a lot of popcorn when she's around. And OP responds, she's very low contact. At best, it's a couple of hours on Christmas Day. At worst, a couple of hours on Christmas day and an awkward lunch out of the Week before that, actually, I
- [119:58]
Mikayla
feel like adds context of like, oh, they're actually really not a part of these people's lives. And that's maybe why she's trying so
- [120:06]
Morgan
hard to like seem like she has
- [120:09]
Mikayla
this information that she doesn't because it would falsify a closeness.
- [120:14]
Morgan
Huh.
- [120:16]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [120:16]
Morgan
Oh, that's such a good point. That's such a thing too, with people who like, don't have secure attachments. They'll like, like try to make it seem like they're closer than they actually are.
- [120:26]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [120:27]
Morgan
Mm. Okay, we have this comment from someone. So someone comments on the post and says, wait, do we have the same mother in law? Mine used our wedding photos to announce her other son and daughter in law's pregnancy after she had already announced it at a private intimate dinner with less than 10 people for my husband's birthday day. And OP responded and goes, my mother in law posted our wedding photos to announce it on socials and spelled my name wrong.
- [120:59]
Mikayla
Oh,
- [121:02]
Morgan
are you kidding me? Her in laws suck.
- [121:07]
Mikayla
Yeah. It's like, okay, you really actually hardly know these people and it's crazy that they, they should feel lucky to even gotten the invite to the 14 person intimate wedding. Like, this was your one chance to just be normal and act well and you could have been a part of this beautiful moment and maybe invited to the future things, but you sort of just solidified that you're not going to be in the future.
- [121:31]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [121:31]
Morgan
There's comments from OP being like, mother in law was already kind of low contact. Like apparently when this is a quote, there's been a rule since before I was in the picture that you don't tell mother in law anything she doesn't need to know. She's notorious for manipulating and weaponizing it. That rule now applies to stepmother in law too. Luckily, we only talk to her once a year at Christmas.
- [121:56]
Mikayla
Wait, so both. Both of their in laws from completely different sides of the family are like this.
- [122:02]
Morgan
So I think it's OP Is writing in. It's her mother in law. So husband's bio mom and then husband's stepmom. Okay, stepmother in law.
- [122:11]
Mikayla
So his dad has a type.
- [122:13]
Morgan
Crazy, but something like that. I mean both, both of them are just a little unhinged. But this comment is kind of interesting. And someone was like, how did your brother in law and sister in law react?
- [122:28]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [122:28]
Morgan
And OP goes, they reacted somewhere between mortified and shocked. They're private people who didn't want the attention at all. Nor do I think they wanted to make a scene that's probably why it took so long to find out they weren't actually married. They didn't set the record straight until a few weeks later at a family gathering. That's crazy. Actually, I asked when is their official anniversary so I can put it on the calendar. Only then to be told stepmother in law was full of shit.
- [122:57]
Mikayla
Wait, that's weird.
- [122:58]
Morgan
That's not okay.
- [122:59]
Mikayla
Why wouldn't they just be like. But I'm just confused that they wouldn't just be like, oh, that's not true.
- [123:04]
Lauren
Why?
- [123:05]
Morgan
It feels like they were just.
- [123:06]
Mikayla
They were just like, so in shock. They were like silent the whole time, I guess.
- [123:09]
Morgan
I don't know. It feels weird that they wouldn't correct it in the moment and just be like. Be like even to the bride? Yeah. Like, even to the bride and groom.
- [123:19]
Mikayla
Yeah. Like, are you like, that's so shy. If they're not. I don't know.
- [123:24]
Morgan
That doesn't feel like op. Doesn't seem like they're interpreting any negative, like, intentions from that. Yeah.
- [123:32]
Mikayla
But just wouldn't you just so quickly correct that and be like, oh, no.
- [123:36]
Morgan
Like I would.
- [123:37]
Mikayla
This day isn't about us. We actually didn't even get married. These are just rings that we liked.
- [123:41]
Morgan
That easy.
- [123:42]
Mikayla
Shutting it down.
- [123:43]
Morgan
That's how easy it is.
- [123:44]
Mikayla
Yeah. Because now this is like, it kind of lets it balloon into a bigger thing.
- [123:50]
Morgan
Cause it looks real.
- [123:50]
Mikayla
Yeah.
- [123:51]
Morgan
Oh, they did get married. Stepmother in law was telling the truth.
- [123:53]
Mikayla
And then like, all of the, like, parents were upset about it and of like, not being told. And it's very confusing.
- [124:00]
Morgan
I do not like this confused by this family. This family's weird.
- [124:04]
Mikayla
I actually. And now I'm even more confused that they would do an intimate 14 person person wedding. Because it's like, I would want some normal people around the town. Literally give me some other people that aren't my family members because they do not know how to act normal.
- [124:20]
Morgan
Where my friends. I need my friends. I need some sanity.
- [124:24]
Mikayla
Seriously.
- [124:25]
Morgan
Yeah. 14 people is literally just like immediate family.
- [124:28]
Mikayla
Yeah. Unless with like, siblings and stuff.
- [124:30]
Morgan
Really. Unless you're like really, really small family. But I'm like, our bachelorette trip had more than 14 people. Like, we had 18 and we had people missing still.
- [124:41]
Mikayla
Yeah. And thank God for it.
- [124:43]
Morgan
Damn, that's so crazy. Wow. Well, good luck, Op. We don't have an official update or anything. But. Yeah. That's wild.
- [124:55]
Mikayla
Not finding out until three weeks later that that was actually not even true to begin with. It's like you're almost to the point where you're done talking about this with your partner, and then you get now that news, and it's like, sort of starts up the conversation again of, like, and it wasn't even true.
- [125:11]
Morgan
It's so weird. I'm actually. I don't know what I'm more mad about. I actually think I'm more mad at them not correcting it in the moment. Yeah. Because what you said was perfect. It was so, like, it was two, three sentences. Short, sweet, to the point, let's have a good time. Yeah.
- [125:25]
Mikayla
Like.
- [125:25]
Morgan
Like what?
- [125:26]
Mikayla
I know. And like, this is your family. It's like, I don't know.
- [125:30]
Morgan
I'm like, I'm really perplexed. Like, really, really perplexed.
- [125:34]
Mikayla
Is there anyone out there who would also, like, let us know if you out there would be like, yeah, I also wouldn't say anything because it just doesn't feel like that helped at all because it felt like this being a revelation is what caused the drama.
- [125:49]
Morgan
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Mikayla
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Morgan
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- [126:20]
Jerry
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- [126:49]
Morgan
Yeah, I think so. I'm, like, sitting here just, like, stewing. I'm, like, very, very confused. Okay, this next one is coming from R. Relationship Advice. It is titled, My 30 Female Husband, 33 Male, Accused Me of murder out of the blue. How do I salvage this?
- [127:12]
Lauren
Well, that is a big jump from the last story.
- [127:15]
Morgan
This is long and ridiculous. Sorry. My 30 female husband, Luke, 33 male, had a sister, Laura, 29, female. We were all close and saw each other two to three times a month along with their parents. Almost six months ago, Laura fell down the stairs at their family home and died. It was a freak accident. There's a window on the half landing, and she hit her head on the sill, I was the last person to see her. I was there for less than 10 minutes and she was in her pajamas making coffee. I didn't even stay for a drink and I struggle with how such a brief and meaningless interaction could have been her last. She deserved so much more. My husband and I have only been married for a year, but we've been together for four and have known each other for 20 plus. When Laura's parents found her, they called my husband straight away and we rushed over. We faced the whole thing as a family and the days after Luke started quizzing me exactly what we had talked about, what she was wearing, where we were standing, etc. It progressed to saying I was providing conflicting information on tiny details. He was deliberately misunderstanding and accusing me of withholding information because I couldn't tell him things like what pajamas she was wearing. This escalated quickly, but lasted for less than a week as I lost my cool and made it clear that I was done answering questions. He didn't bring it up again and I wrote it off as grief. His behavior was generally that of a normal, grieving person. Last Friday, he outright accused me of murdering her in front of his parents out of the blue. We were all stunned. There was an inquest which recently concluded and there was never any doubt the verdict would be accidental death. He said it was completely obvious and he couldn't believe that no one else could see it. He claims I went through his phone and found his messages with Laura. I have absolutely no idea what messages he's talking about. I've never looked at his phone and that I went over to confront her and things, quote, got out of hand and I pushed her downstairs. By the end, he was shouting about going to the police and getting the inquest overturned and how I wasn't going to get away with it. Let me be clear. Laura and I had a great relationship. We all did. I have no idea where this has come from, other than these messages I haven't seen. And even then, I don't think there's anything I could ever see on someone's phone that would drive me to murder. It's just ridiculous.
- [130:00]
Lauren
Well, he thinks it's an accidental murder,
- [130:05]
Morgan
like, heat of the moment.
- [130:06]
Lauren
Yeah. Like, he thinks that things got out of control, like they were fighting and like they pushed on accident, like, not like she meant to murder. I think that's what he's getting at. Like, I wonder what he said about her, because clearly he said some crazy stuff that would make him allude to that.
- [130:22]
Morgan
I want to know what's in those messages? Yeah, he's been with his parents since this happened and will not talk to me at all. And I've had some contact with his mom, but she's not being very communicative. The last I heard, she didn't know what messages he was referring to either. I'm still completely stunned, and I have no idea how to proceed. I made a commitment to be there for him always. And I understand that grief can manifest in strange ways, but a part of me feels like my love for him died the second he called me a murderer. And I don't know how we could possibly work through this. I also really don't want to be thought of in this way. And I have no idea if he has said anything to people we know. I obviously haven't. A brain tumor or psychotic break has crossed my mind, and I suggested it to his mother, and she just said that she'll talk to him. Other than the questions before, he hasn't been acting odd. Obviously, he's been grieving, but he seemed sane and sensible other than this. I feel like I'm going mad. Does anyone have any advice at all?
- [131:29]
Lauren
This is a little bit of a unique one. I feel like he said something so awful to Laura that. That that's what made sense to him. Especially since it was like a brief interaction. Like, she was like, oh, I just stopped by for coffee, or whatever she said. I feel like he said some nasty things in the messages. Maybe Laura did, too. I don't. Or unless there's something else, like a psychotic break going on. But if he's within his right mind, as right as you can be while you're going through grief, then I think that he feels like he said something really. I don't know.
- [132:04]
Morgan
There's something there. Yeah, there is something there. Or you don't. Don't jump to that conclusion.
- [132:10]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [132:11]
Morgan
And I'm like, what could it have been?
- [132:13]
Jerry
Well, and that's why it's in his mind. He's jumping there, because he's fabricating it from that worry of, oh, she saw this, and then that's the next logical thing, which. Those thoughts aren't paired well with what he's going through. I mean, you have these things definitely building upon one another into a vicious cycle. It's actually just kind of a nightmare from OP's perspective, because being accused of a serious crime that you, you know, obviously, as far as we're reading here, you know, given the context of everything, we're assuming, obviously that you didn't in that Sense. It's an absolute nightmare. And I almost go into self protect mode where I'm like, oh, hell no. I, I had nothing to do with this. I'm getting all my ducks in a row. I'm figuring out if like, I don't know, not if there's cameras, but I'm, I'm getting.
- [133:15]
Lauren
That's what I was thinking.
- [133:16]
Jerry
I'm getting all of my legal stuff together. Getting to a point of where he wants to go to the police. He's threatening this.
- [133:24]
Morgan
It sounds like UK inquest or something.
- [133:26]
Jerry
It could turn so serious so quickly.
- [133:29]
Morgan
He's gonna go report it.
- [133:30]
Jerry
I know, but imagine end up then, like, we are so deep into the true crime space right now.
- [133:37]
Morgan
Oh my God.
- [133:37]
Jerry
How many people are wrongly questioned and, and, and pressured to ultimately. Yeah, like, they get brainwashed into admitting two crimes they had nothing. Like, it goes down such a dark spiral.
- [133:51]
Morgan
Okay, you guys. So I actually had a case, it's known as the Staircase. Essentially this woman died and apparently it looked initially like she had fallen down the stairs and died by falling down the stairs. And then they start looking at like the husband and like all of the evidence for the case kind of like was suspicious and like she had been bleeding for hours and like, like was a. It was this whole thing. I'm gonna link the episode if you guys want to watch it. But essentially the husband gets convicted of her murder. And I think a big part of it was because he was also looking really suspicious because a friend of his had died years prior by also falling down the stairs. And so people were like, to have one, but two people die by falling down the stairs. And he had adopted her daughters. He had been seen leaving her house late that night, running away from her house. And so people were like, there's no way he didn't murder his wife. Like, this is weird. His defense team ends up finding evidence though, and they find owl feathers in the wounds on her head and pine needles. And so people conclude that as she was walking into the house from where they were drinking wine outside, that an owl had attacked her. And he sat outside for hours after looking at the stars, drinking the rest of the wine. And so he didn't discover her, so she bled out. And so which do you believe? Where does the evidence point? But he was convicted. There's a documentary about it now, I think literally called the Staircase. And it's the craziest case. Well, I don't want to give the spoilers, but I'll link the episode for those that want to know. Wow.
- [135:40]
Jerry
Makes you want to wear just a body cam 24 7, literally. Honestly, no. I've actually a constant alibi.
- [135:46]
Lauren
You guys keep on saying things like that. I've been thinking of, like, literally either, like, today or, like, the day before. But, like, they're not. Like, they don't fully make.
- [135:56]
Morgan
Loosely connected.
- [135:57]
Lauren
Yeah. But, like, I was literally just thinking that today, like, everyone records everything and everyone. It's, like, almost to the point where if somebody says something these days and they don't have evidence, then I don't believe it because everyone has evidence. Or, like, it's not that I, like, think they're a liar. I'm just kind of like, like, sure.
- [136:15]
Morgan
Yeah. And we've turned ourselves into, like, this surveillance. Surveillance, like, state with how much we record. And it's like, who can record quicker? How can you make the camera footage look and then you hear the other side and you're like, holy. That's crazy. I think about that, too, and, like, that's where I think. We're police officers. Like, if I was an officer, I'd want to wear my body cam on at all times, right? Like, I don't want someone to be like, oh, this shitty cop. Like, I would literally want to wear my body cam.
- [136:38]
Lauren
Sorry, I. I just. I totally. I just can't believe they act the way that they do sometimes with the body cam.
- [136:44]
Morgan
I know.
- [136:44]
Lauren
It's crazy.
- [136:45]
Mikayla
That's why we need.
- [136:45]
Morgan
We need more good cops. We need more good cops in the world. Some of them are goofy. Yeah, some people. Some people in life are goofy. And it's not. It's not any job specifically, maybe, but, like, I'm just like, oh, my God. People just get it together. Like, where are we at in the world? Why are we still doing what we're doing all over the world? Like. Like, why do we have a, like, genocide going on? I'm like, why? Why? Yeah, why?
- [137:08]
Lauren
We were talking about this with, like, Alejandro, too. I. There's not, like, there's not, like, one profession or one religion or one, like, country that is good or bad. Like, it is really. It's like an ev. People are people, and there's good people, and then there's bad people, or if you want to say people who do
- [137:26]
Morgan
bad things, whatever, but, like, getting fancy with that language.
- [137:30]
Lauren
But I just. I think that we all just get so, like, hung up on looking and thinking sides and thinking all these people are bad and pointing fingers. And that's why, like, creating in groups and out groups are so powerful for control, for sure. And that's why you see that in the history of a lot of people who have been dictators or want to be dictators. Where am I going with this? Let's move on.
- [137:51]
Morgan
Yeah. Okay, so top comment on this one. Fuck. No. You don't salvage this. You get a lawyer and get the fuck out. Best case scenario, he has just admitted to sending messages with his sister that he thinks would make you angry enough to kill her over them. I have some ideas about what those might be, and they're all bad. How did the parents react when he did this? Someone responds back to that, and it is his guilt, slash fear of discovery of whatever is in those messages that is causing him to make these accusations. Using anger as a defense mechanism. Someone responds back to the first comment, like, about the messages.
- [138:36]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [138:37]
Morgan
What do you think the messages entailed? Someone responds, incest. Question mark, question mark, question mark.
- [138:43]
Lauren
Oh, my God.
- [138:44]
Morgan
I don't know. I can't think of a single other thing. It could be the two of them insulting her wouldn't be enough. Honestly, them being incestuous kind of explains everything.
- [138:56]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [138:57]
Morgan
Or that would actually make.
- [139:00]
Lauren
So, yeah, no, mine didn't.
- [139:01]
Morgan
Mine didn't jump in.
- [139:02]
Lauren
I'm surprised we didn't, because we've had a lot of incest stories in the past, and, like, I. I didn't even consider that either.
- [139:09]
Morgan
I thought it would be like, him like, them just talking shit and Laura being like, you should divorce her. I hate her, actually.
- [139:14]
Lauren
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- [139:16]
Jerry
See, I kind of gaslit myself out of that, I guess, because I was like. For a second, I was like, they're sleeping together. And I was like, no, get that thought out of there. That's not it. But is he this afraid that the messages come out in some investigation about her death is because.
- [139:33]
Morgan
Ooh.
- [139:34]
Jerry
Otherwise, why mention it in the first place? Why even put that out there? Because if he is trying to convict her of murder to hide whatever's in those messages, why even make that such a focal point? Because the second we all heard that, yeah. We're like, oh, my God, the messages. That's the key to everything.
- [139:52]
Morgan
Messages would come out in court. Her defense team would subpoena those messages. They would come out in court.
- [139:59]
Jerry
Yes.
- [139:59]
Morgan
So it's like, yeah, that's a really good point. Because it's like, if you don't want those messages to come out, but you think your wife killed your sister over the messages, and you're gonna go accuse her and have the inquiry overturned. You just made a Surefire way to get the messages out.
- [140:15]
Jerry
You don't actually think she killed her,
- [140:17]
Lauren
but let's say that he is just in love with his sister. So he's not thinking smart about this. He's thinking emotionally passionate. Passionately.
- [140:26]
Morgan
Passionately.
- [140:27]
Lauren
Yeah. If he was in love with his sister, then knee jerk reaction. Like he's just going to be full of anger and hate that she's now gone and he thinks that, that his wife took her from him.
- [140:39]
Morgan
Yeah, okay. I'm just like, I'm sitting here, I'm just like, holy, I'm reeling. We do have a couple comments I see from OP in this thread. Opie has since deleted their account postal stance. But like there is an edit here that I wasn't gonna read. But like it's not really context, but it is. It has come to my attention that I accidentally used Laura's real name once in this post. Can I kindly ask that anyone who commented, who is his blank real name, delete their comment as I really don't want this to bleed into my real life for obvious reasons. But OP responds to the top comment that kind of asked like, how did his parents respond when he first laid out the accusation at his parents house, both his mother and I just kept asking him about the messages and all he would say was that I know exactly what messages he was talking about.
- [141:25]
Lauren
Oh my God.
- [141:27]
Morgan
She was as stunned as me. And his father just said he didn't understand what he was talking about. He's a man of few words, but there was plenty of head shaking. The whole thing was surreal. No one knew how to react. I honestly don't know what kind of lawyer I would even speak to about this. From what I'm aware, the coroner's decision can't be appealed and the police can't launch an investigation into an accidental death. I don't think I'm quite ready for divorce. We haven't spoken since his accusation and I walked out about five minutes after he threw it out. And I have no idea what his frame of mind is. And someone goes, you want to live with a person that thinks you're a murderer? There's not really coming back from that. Especially when he thinks he has this evidence, this isn't some kind of accident or grief. Even if tomorrow he says, quote, sorry, you're not a murderer, there's no going back. The trust is gone. You need to worry about yourself. Speak to a divorce lawyer. You don't need to sign yet, but you should start planning an exit strategy. OP responds, unfortunately, I think that's where I am. For the past week, I've been telling myself I'm going to get a call saying he's been detained for mental health reasons, but nothing is happening, and my patience is wearing thin with the silence. There would have to be an extremely good reason for me to stay after this, to the point that I'm even quietly hoping for a brain tumor over a mental break, because that comes with solid proof that these aren't his own thoughts and feelings. I am clutching at straws.
- [142:59]
Lauren
I have a really hot take.
- [143:03]
Morgan
Let's go.
- [143:04]
Lauren
And this is probably because I just finished a murder mystery series that I talked about on Father Knows and. And blamed Morgan for all of my stuff becoming more murder mystery because of starting clues. Wouldn't it be crazy if OP did find the messages? They were having an affair and OP did kill the sister, but she wrote this Reddit post and accidentally mentioned the sister's real name in the post.
- [143:38]
Morgan
Ooh.
- [143:39]
Lauren
And then said, I don't want this to get back to me for obvious reasons, as a cover up. And she actually did it.
- [143:45]
Morgan
Okay, so do you want to know what OP's username is? Because someone does respond to one more comment I'm going to read from op. Okay, but someone does respond, and the username before OP deleted their account, it was username, slash, throwaway, not a killer. If I was going to pick a throwaway name for a post like this, it wouldn't be that.
- [144:08]
Jerry
I mean, was it like, maybe butterflies
- [144:10]
Morgan
and ladybugs, like, just something so irrelevant, but, like, to be like, throw away, Not a killer, like, girl, that's. That's just. It feels aggressive when you're trying to prove your. Not that she has her innocence to prove, but I'm like, God damn. Like, okay, okay.
- [144:27]
Jerry
Is the sister's bedroom downstairs? Did she physically have to go downstairs to, like, go to bed at this time? I wasn't physically there a reason to
- [144:35]
Morgan
go downstairs, but I guess downstairs would make sense if there was a windowsill above. Like, I was trying to envision that.
- [144:41]
Jerry
Does it make sense to go downstairs? That's one thought. And B, regardless of who did this, who's innocent, whatever, whatever, it would haunt me forever if I was a person in this situation or honestly hearing it right now. What are the damn messages?
- [144:59]
Morgan
Yeah, I know OP does have a comment here. I'm absolutely desperate to see these messages because I'm right there with you on the sheer wackiness of what they have to contain. It hadn't occurred to me that they might still Exist. I've never known him to lie, but I do think mental health issue is a real possibility. His relationship with his sister didn't seem odd, and I've never been interested in his phone, but he's never been defensive about it either, either. So I think you're. You might be right. If it had such incriminating messages, I'd probably be worried about them before now. And someone goes, does he have an old iPad that was linked to his phone? Just thinking that if he did, you might be able to find out whether or not there are any messages. OP goes, you're a genius. It's not signed into his messages. I was so excited. OP goes, I have his icloud password. It has a backup from yesterday. I have no idea how to turn this into something I can actually use. It doesn't have a messages folder or any signs of how to use it for anything other than restoring a whole phone, which I don't want to do. Does anyone know how to actually get these messages from this? Sorry to throw a tech support request in. I can't believe I didn't think of this. Huge thanks to the person who suggested it. Someone goes, whatever you do, do it quickly and quietly. Be aware that his device will likely get a notification about a new device signing in using his credentials. Someone goes, you should be able to erase the contents of the iPad and then put it in his icloud password to restore it from backup yesterday. Then just click on the messages and it should have whatever was backed up. Opie goes, thank you. Whoa. Not seeing any responses. That's it.
- [146:27]
Lauren
Holy crap. Also, just to be clear, because this is somebody's real life, and I do
- [146:34]
Morgan
think that this is, like, honestly, I'm. All I'm getting is real from this. It feels too crazy.
- [146:38]
Lauren
No, I. And my point is, is like, I'm op. Like, if you are listening, I do not think that you murdered your husband's sister. This is just kind of crazy. Like, Morgan doesn't normally give me stories like this, and I literally just finished, like, a murder mystery series yesterday.
- [146:54]
Morgan
It's all, like, being, like, really, like, like, on the nose for you right now.
- [146:58]
Lauren
Yeah, well, and it's just one of those things where the entire time I was watching the series, I'm like, who did it? And then, like, part of me was like, is it the person who seems the least likely? Like, is it? You know what I mean? So that's, like, why I said that. I don't actually think that if you are listening, just.
- [147:13]
Jerry
I mean, you can't prove one way or the other, really.
- [147:15]
Morgan
No, that's true.
- [147:16]
Lauren
I don't know you, but your writing sounds like you're innocent.
- [147:19]
Morgan
I know. And, like, there's one last comment I thought was gonna be the last one I read, but, like, this is actually the last one because I'm not seeing. As I scroll, I'm not seeing other, like, comments from OP because username's deleted, but you still see deleted OP after it with some. Sometimes Reddit doesn't. And sometimes Reddit doesn't. It's so weird. But there's one other one that's just like, basically her saying, I'm really scared of the prospect of him telling other people about this. And I feel like as time passes, the chances increase for sure. I don't know whether I should get ahead of it or even how I'd approach that. He's intelligent, successful, and has plenty of friends. I've never known him to lie about anything, and I feel like this accusation could follow me around my entire life. I've asked his mother for an update, and she hasn't gotten back to me. She left my last message for two days, too, and was quite dismissive when I tried to broach the issue of a psychotic break. Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I genuinely think, based on that, his parents do believe him.
- [148:17]
Lauren
Damn.
- [148:18]
Morgan
Like, if the mom's cutting you off and there's no mention of mental health, there's no mention of anything. Like, I. Unless the family's, like, it might just spot. We don't want to embarrass him. Mental health is not talked about. We're gonna hide this then maybe. But also at the same time, like, this is her husband. They're married. Like, this is extremely odd, but my mom would be.
- [148:42]
Lauren
My mom would just not want to
- [148:45]
Morgan
get the word out.
- [148:46]
Lauren
No, not even that. Like, I just think my mom would respond the same way. Not because she thinks that that person's guilty or believes her son, but just because she's just trying to deal with what's right in front of her. Kid gloves, too.
- [148:58]
Morgan
And just like, I don't know how to handle this. I'm not gonna say anything.
- [149:01]
Lauren
So it's like, almost like the. The partner that's your son is spiraling over is like the last of your. Not the last child.
- [149:09]
Jerry
I mean, like, well, that's too.
- [149:12]
Morgan
Yeah. And then you have, like, your son accusing his wife of killing her. It's like, yeah.
- [149:16]
Lauren
Weird.
- [149:17]
Mikayla
What?
- [149:17]
Jerry
Yeah.
- [149:18]
Lauren
That's why it's probably the last of our worries to get Back to.
- [149:20]
Morgan
Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, that's so true. This is insane. Yeah. OP has since deleted the account. I mean, people are in the comments, like, please update us. We want to make sure you're safe. People are worried that he's going to turn around and kill her based on like all of his behavior. Like, people are very, very scared. But yeah, we don't have an update and I don't know. Obviously OBI can't undelete the account, so it would have to be coming from a new account. Just being like, I wrote this post, hopefully then someday we would happen to come across it.
- [149:52]
Lauren
And you just have to hope that that person's not right faking it.
- [149:57]
Jerry
Well, that's unsettling.
- [149:58]
Lauren
That is unsettling. I really wish we had a little feel.
- [150:00]
Jerry
Very unresolved.
- [150:02]
Morgan
I'm more so unresolved because it seems like she was able to get into icloud stuff. And then it's like after that we have no comments. Yeah. So I'm like, fuck. Like, what's in the box? Icloud.
- [150:15]
Jerry
Thank you.
- [150:17]
Morgan
Okay, so again, the title was my 30 female husband, 33 male. Accused me of murder out of the blue. How do I salvage this? And this was on August 2nd, bonus episode for the month. And basically this guy accused his wife of murdering his sister. Went kind of off the walls and was like, I know you did it. You saw our text messages. OP ended up getting into the icloud and that's where the updates ended for us. All we knew is she got into the icloud, but like, we didn't know what she found.
- [150:53]
Jerry
Yeah, it was maddening.
- [150:55]
Morgan
And then there's another update. None of the boru accounts like that. I had like the write ups on it. Had it. Someone on Patreon sent it to me. So here we go. Firstly, thank you to those who helped me get to my husband's icloud backups through an old iPad. I wasn't expecting much from Reddit, but I got valuable practical advice before my post was locked. And I appreciate it. There were no crazy or even suspicious messages. I've searched for over 100 terms and scrolled back over years. I saw a side of them both I wasn't expecting, but nothing that explains the claim I murdered Laura over their chats. Nothing to suggest he was cheating. Absolutely nothing to suggest incest. I repeat, no incest. No weird gaps where deleted conversations or a switch to another app would fit. Just siblings making plans, sending memes and gossiping. They said unexpectedly horrible stuff about A few people, but not me. It was sort of a relief, but it raised more questions than it answered. I sought legal advice, also from Reddit, after posting here. Turns out my options are divorce him or sit down. I contacted my community mental health team, who said they'd reach out, but made it clear it wasn't urgent. I then called his mom and said if I didn't hear from him by this weekend, I would get a solicitor and ask for a mental health assessment as a part of the divorce. In response, he made a ridiculous post to Facebook, which neither of us have used in years, and everything blew up. I'm going to try to keep this succinct. On Friday night, he made a long accusation on Facebook with new information. He said he'd been planning to leave me for months with his sister's support, and I found the messages and murdered her. The coroner has reopened the case and the police are preparing to arrest me, and he needs to make sure people know before the trial stops talking about it. It was well written and seemed vaguely plausible. He messaged people links so it got some attention. We live in our hometown and have a large circle of friends because we've lived here all our lives. People I haven't spoken to since school were reaching out to me, asking me what the fuck was going on. It was madness. In response, I posted the export of his entire conversation history with Laura also to Facebook. When I finally got back in, I linked the chat along with a post explaining my side and noting that I had changed my ex's icloud and Apple passwords and that if he wanted them back, he should comment on my post and update his own, admitting that he was lying. He eventually did. When I started getting messages about his post, I panicked, and changing his passwords seemed important to preserve everything because he'd know I had access. When I spoke to him the next morning, it's clear he's not having a mental episode at all, but is claiming one because he's been caught in a big lie. As soon as he was outed, he called me, clearly drunk, begging and promising to explain everything if I deleted my post. I hung up and told him to call back the next day. He did, after many missed calls and texts, and he tried to bargain and guilt trip me with his mental health again until it was clear the wrong people had seen his conversation. It's hard to describe, but it seemed fake. It was too well rehearsed. And then this morning, when it was clear he was getting nowhere, he blocked me, begging for mercy and reciting facts about mental disorders that doesn't align with someone in crisis with a sincere belief that someone murdered their sibling. The question of why he did all of this remains unanswered and he will not be getting his passwords until it is the legal advice. Subreddit said this stuff is technically illegal, but it's beneath a court to take action, so I'm going to count on that because I felt like I had no other choice at the time and now I don't see any other way to get answers from him. I'm desperate and it's all I've got. So there we are. The relationship I have believed was pure destiny since I was a teenager has boiled down to petty, convoluted and vindictive bullshit played out on social media for reasons still unknown. My hope for a brain tumor is fading and clearly tomorrow morning is going to be when I lawyer up and stop posting about this. I am mortified. I have no idea whether some people might believe him and I still don't know why this all happened in the first place. Sorry I don't have a happier update. And thanks once again to everyone who offered advice.
- [155:50]
Lauren
I just wish there was more of an update on that one because now it's almost makes it even more of a cliffhanger and more confusing now that she's starting to rule out it being like a mental break, I started thinking was was he there arguing with his sister about her and then she fell when they were arguing and then he started deciding that it was her fault because he was arguing about her. Like where did he get this from? If he's not having a mental break, then where did he get this from?
- [156:23]
Morgan
So, top comment on the update. I cannot think of a larger monster than a man willing to accuse someone of murdering his sister publicly. Might I add to feign justification in a divorce. I'm so sorry this happened to you and that you do not know this person. You have many blessings for me. Next comment down. The fact that he went nuclear with the Facebook allegation immediately after she mentioned divorce would support the theory that he wanted a divorce but without the fault being on him. Imagine being so callous and stupid to do something like that. Not only to accuse someone of murder, but to use your sister's death to your advantage. This is insane. Poor Op.
- [157:10]
Jerry
I just. I haven't even understood it since we first went through it. Yeah, it's not even like a what's in the box where you're just dying to know. It's just gotten so confusing that.
- [157:24]
Morgan
Yeah.
- [157:25]
Jerry
I don't even know what to think. I don't necessarily need another update. I mean, it'd be great, but it's just like if we keep going down this same path, it's just gonna get more confusing. It just. The motive, there is none. I don't even know how you have a trial on this. It'd be such a crazy mess. I know, but I just. Yeah, I can't think of. I can't wrap my head around any part of it. And it's scary because just simply getting. And this is what we talked about, just simply getting accused. I mean, think how many people wrongfully are out there serving sentences that. That didn't do anything.
- [158:06]
Morgan
I know.
- [158:07]
Jerry
And that what. I mean, honestly, what's scarier than that? Getting convicted of a murder that you had nothing to do with, and somehow you get framed.
- [158:18]
Morgan
I mean, I think it's just like. That's super scary. But it's also like having your partner, someone you're married to, are in love with, have been with for years. You think you know them, all of a sudden wakes up, accuses you of murder, doesn't talk to you, goes crazy on Facebook, like, is he maybe having an affair? And he saw this as an easy way out. Dude, you can't be that big of a coward.
- [158:43]
Jerry
That isn't the easy way out, though. It puts such a big spotlight on everything.
- [158:47]
Morgan
Yeah, I know.
- [158:48]
Lauren
That's why it doesn't make sense. Any way that we spin it, it just doesn't quite add up.
- [158:54]
Morgan
Okay, if you want more of that, I'll see you over on Patreon. Other than that, until next time.
- [159:00]
Mikayla
Bye.
- [159:26]
Morgan
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