271: Mind Your Business Ft. Hannah Berner

Summary

Two Hot Takes — Episode 271: "Mind Your Business" Ft. Hannah Berner

Host: Morgan Absher
Guest/Co-Host: Hannah Berner
Release Date: June 4, 2026

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Overview

In this lively, laughter-packed episode, Morgan Absher welcomes back comedian and podcaster Hannah Berner for classic "Two Hot Takes" chaos. The duo take on wild, juicy, and occasionally awkward stories from Reddit and listeners, dishing out their signature mix of empathy, humor, and honest debate. The theme? Whether, when—if ever—you should mind your business. Expect spirited opinions on everything from wardrobe malfunctions to Reddit relationship drama, all delivered with candid camaraderie, Girl Code energy, and a healthy dose of self-deprecating wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Hot Takes

1. Butthole Hole at Pilates ([06:01])

• Reddit AITA Story: A woman notices the person in front of her at hot Pilates (wearing skin-colored leggings) has a hole at the butthole seam, exposing crack—and wonders if she should have said something.
• Debate:
  • Both Morgan and Hannah admit they probably wouldn't have said anything, especially once the class started and it would have caused a scene.
  • Hannah: “Yoga Pilates, it’s a beautiful celebration of the body. ... I feel like it’s the kind of thing that could be normalized, like a nude beach.” ([11:36])
• Key Insights:
  • The situation is awkward for all; telling someone mid-class could ruin their workout, but not telling risks more embarrassment.
  • Discussion about leggings, granny panties, and vulnerabilities in female workout wear—plus a tangent on the perils of skin-tone athleisure.
• Memes & Laughs:
  • “Crack is back. The crack is not whack.” — Hannah ([17:51])
  • "Let her show some crack. That's literally butt cleavage." — Morgan ([17:57])

Notable Quotes

• “If it’s crack, that’s honestly, like, sexy. ... Good for her.” — Hannah ([17:47])
• “I want to see more crack this year.” — Morgan ([18:14])

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2. Smutty Audiobooks & Car Bluetooth Betrayal ([18:17])

• Today I F-ed Up: Woman accidentally blasts a sexually graphic audiobook ("ACOTAR") through her car speakers as older male coworkers get in. Mortifying.
• Takeaways:
  • Both agree: Embarrassing, but not the end of the world. The way you react is everything.
  • Hannah: “If that happened to me, I’d immediately be like, Great story for the pod. This is hilarious. Like, lean in.” ([20:16])
  • Conversation about learning to not be embarrassed—Hannah credits her comedic background and "exposure therapy."
• Morgan: “Did you teach yourself that to like not feel embarrassment?” ([23:35])
• Hannah’s Advice: Turn mortifying moments into funny stories; laugh it off for self-preservation.

Notable Quotes

• “It takes a lot for me to get embarrassed. That’s my superpower.” — Hannah ([23:24])
• “When you fall, don’t then be like ‘ow.’ Do a funny pose. Like, lean into it. Laugh at yourself. That’s the only way to survive in this tough planet.” — Hannah ([25:30])

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3. Am I the Asshole for Proving the Earth is Round? ([30:49])

• Reddit AITA Story: A grandparent does backyard science (double sunset, moon landing videos) to show grandkids the earth is round. Daughter-in-law is a flat-earther and leaves in tears, demanding an apology.
• Verdict: Not the asshole—science isn’t up for negotiation.
• Key Points:
  • Both hosts find the situation exasperating and a little hilarious.
  • Discussion on conspiracy theories and the danger of normalizing anti-science beliefs.
• Fun Tangents:
  • Morgan and Hannah share their own stances on conspiracy theories: JFK and Marilyn Monroe for Morgan; Hannah is pro-psychic energy, but not flat earth.
  • Ghost tours, psychics, and being a "woo woo" person.

Notable Quotes

• “No, it’s called science.” — Hannah ([33:30])
• “If she believes that, what else is she believing?” — Hannah ([37:22])

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4. My Husband Watched His Friend Masturbate (Reddit Relationships) ([42:20])

• Drama: Woman's husband confesses, years after the fact, that before their wedding (when both were virgins), he watched his friend Jay masturbate (with a toy) as a ‘lesson’ in sex.
• Discussion:
  • Morgan and Hannah break down the cultural/religious context, debate whether it’s “cheating,” and how much weight to give such a confession.
  • Hannah is fascinated by the story’s “Jay” and ultimate takeaway—the importance of sexual education.
  • Detailed (and highly entertaining) exploration of male sex toys and masturbation taboos.
  • Conversation about how awkward first sexual experiences tend to be.

Notable Quotes

• “No one ever lost their virginity and was like, ‘Wow, I’ve really been missing out. … It was horrible.’” — Hannah ([59:24])
• “Don’t settle. … And get out. Find a guy like Jay.” — Hannah ([61:44])

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5. Stalked by Husband’s Mistress ([63:07])

• Reddit Story: After discovering her husband’s long-standing affair (and secret love child), a woman finds herself repeatedly encountering the mistress at local salons, playgrounds, and ice cream shops.
• Advice:
  • Both agree: Confrontation may be necessary, but try to stay calm. If possible, communicate to coordinate times and avoid each other for the kids’ sake.
• Key Moments:
  • Morgan: “If anyone should be finding a new spot, it should be the person who dropped a grenade in someone’s life.” ([67:15])
  • The air tag and planted item theories from the subreddit come up.
• Update: Turns out, ex-husband had always been taking the kids to his mistress’s favorite places, so now this overlap is accidental… but deeply weird.

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6. Telling Your Niece the Truth about Hannah Montana ([75:22])

• AITA: Aunt tells her 8-year-old niece Hannah Montana and Miley are the same person; the niece cries, and the mother says childhood is ruined.
• Consensus: Not a big deal. It’s a lesson in acting, not a ruined childhood.
• Hannah (on spoiling childhood magic): Don’t be the one to kill Santa—but Hannah Montana is fair game.

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7. Wardrobe Policing: Dress It Down for Your Ex? ([89:12])

• Story: Woman’s ex-boyfriend asks her to “dress it down” at a group dinner because his new girlfriend is insecure around her.
• Hannah: Outraged on listener’s behalf—calls out the ex’s attempt at control and how weaponized "mind your business" can be.
• Takeaway: Never let an ex set your confidence level or clothes.

Notable Quotes

• “Telling a girl who’s not even your girlfriend how she can dress—mind your business. Get … literally” — Hannah ([92:16])
• “That would make my head big. I’d be like, clearly—I’m that girl. So take it as a compliment, you’re that girl.” — Hannah ([92:27])

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8. Giggly Squad, Special Releases, and Girl Support ([82:33] onward)

• Morgan and Hannah celebrate Hannah’s new comedy special ("None of My Business," out June 5 on Hulu).
• Inspirational talk about career resilience, reality TV backlash, surviving “bad edits,” and the long game of letting karma work.
• Affirmative girl support: not letting “your biggest hater live in your house,” and the importance of surrounding oneself with those who celebrate you.

Notable Quotes

• “You cannot have your biggest hater in your house.” — Hannah ([61:31])
• “Do not marry your biggest hater. Life is too short.” — Hannah ([62:47])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Topic | Timestamp | |---------|-------|-----------| | Chit-chat & Catching Up | Opening, Energy, Vibes | [01:27–04:51] | | AITA – Pilates Butthole Hole | Leggings Malfunction | [06:01–18:16] | | TIFU – Audiobook Accident | Car Bluetooth Smut | [18:17–29:26] | | AITA – Proving Earth is Round | Flat Earther Family Drama | [30:49–42:19] | | Husbands Watching Friends Masturbate | Pre-marital Sex Ed Gone Wild | [42:20–61:08] | | Relationship Advice: Stalking Mistress | Divorcing, Shared Spaces, Awkward Encounters | [63:07–74:22] | | Truth about Hannah Montana | Kids, Magic, and "Ruining" Childhood | [75:22–82:18] | | Hannah’s Standup Special, Giggly Squad | Career Highs and Resilience | [82:33–88:58] | | AITA – Dress Code for Your Ex | Confidence, Control, Girl Power | [89:12–99:05] |

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Memorable Moments & Running Jokes

• "Crack is back. The crack is not whack." ([17:53])
• “If you fall, do a funny pose. That’s the only way to survive in this tough planet.” ([25:30])
• “You cannot have your biggest hater in your house.” ([61:31])
• The ever-present “mind your business” refrain—used both sincerely and sarcastically.
• Spirited discussions about sex toys, accidental public smut, and the difference between embarrassment and owning your story.
• Frequent callbacks to girlhood TV, the nuances of female friendship, and the absolute necessity of female solidarity.

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Tone & Style

• Candid, irreverent, supportive, and hilarious.
• The hosts deftly mix thoughtfulness and straight-shooting, never shying away from tough topics but always anchoring it in “girl’s girl” energy.
• Frequent use of direct quotes, roleplay, and imagined dialogues ("What would you really do in that situation?").
• Emphasis on self-acceptance, setting boundaries, and—always—backing yourself and your friends.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a masterclass in both sides of “minding your business”—and knowing exactly when not to. With their unfiltered perspectives, Morgan and Hannah turn even the cringiest confessions into opportunities for empathy and laughter, making this jam-packed episode a must-hear for fans seeking a chaotic, feminist, giggle-fueled recap of the Internet’s wildest relationship drama. Don’t miss Hannah’s special on Hulu, and don’t let your ex—or anyone—tell you what to wear.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Wait, can I take my socks off?

[A]

Yeah. Are you gonna charge people for that?

[B]

I'm keeping them underneath. I'm keeping them under.

[A]

I would have to blur it. As you took the photo.

[B]

We'll say, like, if you pay another $5, the toe comes out.

[A]

Head over to Patreon to see Hannah's feet.

[B]

That was just. I was getting overheated. I know, but I needed. No, but I needed it.

[A]

Hard to temperature balance a little bit in here.

[B]

Yeah, we're good.

[A]

No, we're. We're beyond good. We're fucking set today. I don't know if I've ever had you on for an episode and been more, like, clocked in, ready to go energy.

[B]

Well, this is riding a bike for us. We're like.

[A]

I was thinking about that today as I was getting ready.

[B]

I'm a co host. You're a literal co host.

[A]

You're a co host.

[B]

I said, do you do the pod when I'm not here?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Have you any posted an episode without me?

[A]

No.

[B]

I don't think so either.

[A]

No. Number one co host. I was thinking about it, though, and, like, when you first came on, you hadn't even had a special yet.

[B]

You were so sad and lonely. I just didn't hope.

[A]

I didn't know who I was.

[B]

You were shivering. You hadn't eaten.

[A]

I was like a sad cat out in the rain. Like, where's my home?

[B]

Well, we both. We're like, launching our podcasts at a similar time and we've been podcasting for a minute.

[A]

We had, like, the same PR people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they connected it.

[B]

Yeah. Is that how it happened?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we just hit it off. I met your dad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Family. Very early on.

[A]

I know.

[B]

But I just have to say, I'm running around LA still lost and scared, actually. But I'm promoting my special, but it's been a long day and I'm. I'm like, thank God. I'm going to do Morgan's pod. It's gonna be so easy and fun. And she has champagne. I open the do and she has congratulations balloons. And I blank out. And I'm like, is it my birthday? Is it your birthday? Whose birthday is it? I forgot. And then I realized she's just the sweetest person in the world congratulating me for my special. And you just live life so well.

[A]

I'm just so excited for you and, like, I. I really, really appreciate your friendship and just. I can always text you and you're. Just. Might take you a little bit to respond, but you do get there. You do get there.

[B]

I feel like I'm pretty good. Except honestly. Oh, wait, we actually fucked up this time because we fully scheduled it. And then, you know the last text where you're like, and this is the time if I didn't respond, I mean, I didn't see it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So then you were like, where are you, babe?

[A]

You're busy right now. You've got your special coming out on

[B]

Hulu this time, but this is my priority. Going on hot takes is literally the part I will not miss. No, it's not. We don't look around when it comes to hot takes.

[A]

No. We mean business over here. Hence the blazer.

[B]

Yeah. She literally has a full amazing outfit on and she's confused about it. And I'm like, we're covered in blankets.

[A]

Yeah. No. And a new cheetah one. So we're really.

[B]

I'm burritoed.

[A]

You look really cute today.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

You look really cute.

[B]

Thanks. I have, like, a fading spray Tan. That's why. Oh, cheers. Cheers. To women in the arts. And assholes.

[A]

And minding your business.

[B]

And minding your business. And minding your business. Some of these I might just say, none of my business and move on. But that's. No, that's not allowed on this pod.

[A]

We'll see.

[B]

Everything is about to be my business. Even if I don't have a strong opinion, I will have a strong opinion.

[A]

You will make it your business.

[B]

I will make it my business.

[A]

I cannot wait to see how you do it. Let's dive in.

[B]

I love when we get heated and we disagree.

[A]

Should we try to make that a challenge today?

[B]

I feel like we will. Cause sometimes. Sometimes I'll just be like, you know what? I'm fighting the good fight on this one. I like when you think, I'm gonna take a take and then I take a different one. So us.

[A]

I'm gonna clock you today.

[B]

Oh, my God. I'm scared.

[A]

I feel it.

[B]

No, you and your blazer. You're gonna fire me today. This is my last time on this podcast, so let's enjoy it.

[A]

People are going to be like, I haven't seen boobs like that before. Yeah, no, they've never been out.

[B]

Oh, she's like, make sure you're on Spotify watching the video.

[A]

This episode of two Hot Takes is presented by Credit Karma. You're on your phone constantly. Shouldn't those bills count towards your credit? With Credit Spark by Intuit, Credit Karma this they do build credit history using payments like phone bills or utilities. No debt, totally free and missed payments aren't recorded. Not all lenders use transunion credit reports or scores impacted by Credit Spark. But if you're at or below 660 and looking to build credit history, download Credit Karma today and get the credit you deserve kicking it off with this one. Okay, this is coming from our very own 2hot take subreddit. So it's a listener out there titled, am I the asshole for not telling a girl at the gym about her butthole hole? I, 25, female, attend a pretty large 25 through 30 person Hot Pilates class a couple of times a week. This studio loves to squeeze in as many people as they can into the room. So I always choose a spot in the back corner. So only one person in front of me and one to my right, A woman around my age came and sat up in front of me. For context, she was a curvy girl. I noticed we had the same body type and was wearing leggings the same color as her skin. As we started the class and went into downward dog, I noticed she had a hole in her leggings right at her butthole. Mm. Like to the point I saw her butt crack and then hole when she stretched further. The class was starting to pick up and the music was extremely loud, so I didn't tell her. I just figured that I'd be the only person to witness this. This is where I feel bad. We started doing sideline work, which transitioned to her being in the front of the class as everyone turned to the right. Now every single person behind her could see her butthole whole. I never told her. After class, I told my mom this, saying that I didn't tell her because if it were me, ignorance is bliss. And I hope she'd notice when doing her laundry and think, oh, maybe it's small. No one could see. However, my mom thinks I should have told her so that she thinks maybe only I saw and she could fix, slash, throw them away for sure. So am I the asshole for not telling the girl in front of me at Pilates that she had a butthole hole?

[B]

Points for asking your mom before you wrote it into Reddit. Because that's something I would do. I'd be like, mom, horrible person. Okay, first off, this is why I wear granny panties. This is why I'm wearing full coverage. If anything happens, you're going to see some. Some old Hanes.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

That's the worst case scenario.

[A]

I literally love. I think it was like the Hailey Bieber thing you did, and you were wearing granny panties. Was Justin Bieber laughing at your granny panties?

[B]

He probably was.

[A]

I think that's what you captioned it.

[B]

I did go through a stage where there was no one to, like, tell me to not wear granny panties. So I did it up until I, like, had people involved.

[A]

Like, not even seamless. Like, you were just cheeked up.

[B]

Yeah, cheeked up. But also I could. I have a whole thing about it. But, like, if. If that's what's offensive to you, that I'm wearing underwear. That's. You can work on that. No guy's ever been like, oh, I liked your ass, until I saw that she was wearing underwear.

[A]

It's like, I wonder if a granny panty line does a little something extra for guys.

[B]

Actually, I think that there's somewhere online where they're looking for those lines. I mean, I think also, I was tennis player and I never wore thongs. I thought thongs were intrusive. I'm like, okay, that's. I can. Oh, there it Is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also it's hard to keep everything in. I don't want to like sneeze and lose something.

[A]

Why is it like this? A tiny little triangle. Why are they not making those bigger

[B]

yet literally so tiny? There's not even a range. It's just like you have to have a Kendall Jenner, like flat.

[A]

You just gotta be flat. No lips.

[B]

Marvel Stone machine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I think there's something with like UTIs and bacteria and rubbing. I don't know. I wear cotton. 100% Hanes. I wanna see the Hanes words. And then I feel comfortable. So that's how. I personally have never been in this situation. However, I've had my rips, I've had my period stains. I personally would not have told her because of all those little things going on, such as it being loud in the room. What are you gonna do? Like, cause a scene and be like, everyone stop. You turn the music off. Or what, are you trying to mouth it to her while we're doing Downward Dog? But it is one of those things where like, it's like, if you don't tell someone there's something in their teeth and then someone else does, you're kind of a bitch. I know.

[A]

See, if you noticed before class, then I would have been like, okay, tell her it's before class, she can go out, maybe have something. Maybe buy a pair of leggings like from the place. Cuz I'm thinking of Hot Platies in la.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they sell outfits. They sell shit. So like, she could have done something. Yes, but it's also, at this point she drove to this workout class. What's she gonna do? Especially if the class already started. Then she.

[B]

So you're ruining her workout by telling her.

[A]

Yeah, you could. You easily could.

[B]

I was also thinking like, does she not feel a little breeze, a little air? But this is hot yoga. There's no air. No, you're all suffocating.

[A]

It's so scary in there. Just muggy. But also, you know, crotch smelling.

[B]

Yoga Pilates. It's a beautiful celebration of the body. I feel like it's the kind of thing that could be normalized, like a nude beach.

[A]

I've always wanted to go.

[B]

And also when everyone's sitting pillais in front of you in their yoga pants, you basically see their butthole. Anyway, I mean, some of the black

[A]

leggings are just like sheer. They're sheer. Have you seen the girl? She does like the granny panty cat underwear test with leggings. No, she's got A pair of granny panty underwears with a big cat on the ass. And she'll squat and do the moves to see if you can see the cat and if you can see the kitty. They don't pass a woman in stem. I know.

[B]

What would you have done?

[A]

I probably would have not said anything, which probably is not the right answer. But, like, that's. In all honesty, because I don't think it would.

[B]

I think you're an asshole for not telling her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think you've found yourself in a conundrum.

[A]

You did.

[B]

And there's really no easy way. But you know what's also so embarrassing? When you put yourself out there to do something nice for someone and then you're. You look like an idiot. Like, someone, like, drop something and you're like, excuse me. And they, like, can't hear you, and you're like, excuse me. And next thing you know that, like, you cause a scene and you're like, I'm just trying to be a good Samaritan. That happens to me, actually, every time I try to do something nice.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I just feel like it's never a smooth interaction, but people are. Whenever someone does something for me, like, if I drop a glove or. And I'm like, you need to be protected at all costs. Like, you're going to go to heaven.

[A]

I know. I haven't had any odd interactions lately.

[B]

I feel like I. If I have. That must be so nice just to walk through the world.

[A]

I don't leave the house much.

[B]

Well, every time I do, something happens.

[A]

Well, you're in New York, too. Like, you're subwaying. You, like, just see more people naturally every day.

[B]

I do have to say, New York, it's so chaotic that, like, every block there's something crazy going on to the point that you get, like, numb to it. That's why also, if. If. Yeah.

[A]

Have you seen the guy that likes to lay in the rug in New York and have people step on him? It's like his fetish. Have you stepped on him? Have you been there?

[B]

I could have. I'd have to go through my Rolodex. But it's possible.

[A]

He lays in the street rolled up in a rug, hoping people step on him. And then he wriggles. He's doing something under there.

[B]

See, that's just a Tuesday. That's just a Tuesday in New York. Well, however you need to get by, New Yorkers are like, if that's his thing, we all have a thing. We all have a. I also sometimes, depending on the Thing. Some people will call me out on something, and sometimes I'm like, I'm embarrassed now. Like, you should just let me realize that on my own.

[A]

I think she'll go home and realize. And it's not every day that you wear the colored leggings that's the color of your skin. I actually hot take. I don't think those color palettes should exist in leggings.

[B]

No.

[A]

I have 100 multiple times. Thought people in the grocery store weren't wearing pants.

[B]

Yeah, just toddler. Just a big shirt with underwear.

[A]

I'm like, what? No pants at Pavilions. What are we doing? Are you okay?

[B]

Like, no security.

[A]

And then no, it's. It's the leggings. But it looked like she was Winnie the Pooing.

[B]

It also sucks.

[A]

She was top on, bottoms off.

[B]

I wish there were other things we could wear besides leggings, because I'm not always in the mood for a legging.

[A]

I like a skort. I've really been vibing with a skort.

[B]

I love skorts.

[A]

Yeah. Nice little breeze. But your legs don't chafe together.

[B]

It's like the spork of clothing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bring back sporks.

[A]

Where have they been?

[B]

I don't know. They. I think forks and knives just have really good marketing campaigns. And spork. They couldn't afford a PR person.

[A]

See, I wouldn't even need a knife if you gave me a spork. Just one and done.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like that would conserve something for the environment.

[A]

You would think.

[B]

You would think.

[A]

Top comment on this one. Laughing my ass off. I just read this post to my mom. We're sitting in the ER for her GI bleeding, making jokes about butts. And I saw this post. She got a good laugh out of it.

[B]

She's like, my mom's like, I like that laugh.

[A]

The next one. You let this poor woman go to the front, knowing she'd be giving everyone a saron glare. Women need to rely on each other to point this kind of stuff out. You should have told her right away.

[B]

I think it's a personality type also. Like, some people live for that stuff to be like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna say it.

[A]

I guess what you could have done is offered to switch with her and put her in the corner where you were. That would have been nice because then you would have blocked her from everyone else in the room.

[B]

I also in a lot of classes, I do. I love taking dark classes.

[A]

It needs to be dark.

[B]

When it's too bright, I get distracted I'm suddenly trying to prove myself to 18 strangers that I could hold a plank. Maybe that's good for the workout. But I love a dark workout where you can just bloat and grunt and fart and blame it on someone else.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I've never farted in a workout class.

[B]

It happens to the best of us. A hot yoga class. It should be illegal. It should be illegal. They're locked in. You're. You are actually.

[A]

You're hot boxing it. You're actually hoping you're hot boxing it.

[B]

But sometimes, you know, you go in a weird angle and you're like, oh, the release I've been waiting for.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

Especially it's impossible to hold it. I know when you're like, doing the, like, legs out.

[A]

Yeah. And apparently if you're on your left side, everything aligns more. So it's just kind of like an easy tunnel out.

[B]

Especially if it's, you know, after work, you've had a big lunch or after coffee.

[A]

You know, had big coffee. Oh, as long as you're not groundhogging. You know, that would be. That'd be bad. Someone else basically is just like, this is not. It's like basically a no win situation. Yeah. I think your ignorance being bliss and all that is probably more accurate.

[B]

Would you rather be your butt or your vag?

[A]

Oh, ass every day.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like ass is kind of like everyone's got one.

[A]

I mean, I like, I feel like even if I'm like, spreading, like, I don't know, maybe my butt's big, but, like, it takes a lot to see the actual.

[B]

I don't know how this was it actually. Your asshole.

[A]

It's probably just crack. Which, like, if it's crack.

[B]

If it's crack, that's honestly, like, sexy.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

Good for her.

[A]

I know. Crack is back.

[B]

The crack is not whack.

[A]

No. You're seeing a lot of crack on the carpet.

[B]

There's no way this is her actual butthole. Let her show some crack. That's literally butt cleavage.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Look at us, beavage.

[B]

I love how we just rebranded the whole segment. We were.

[A]

Show your crack, everyone. It's fine. Plumber's cracks actually hot. Yeah.

[B]

Men are allowed to do it. Why can't we in yoga class?

[A]

I want to see more crack this year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here we go. This next story is actually like a new nightmare for me. It's coming from today. I Fucked up. Titled Today I Fucked up by forgetting my car Auto connects to Spotify. I genuinely think the Most embarrassing moment of my life happened today. For context, I'm a 27 year old female software engineer and my co workers are men in their 40s and older. So today my team was going to lunch and I offered to drive. Two co workers got into my car and my phone automatically connects to Spotify, except it always takes about 10 to 15 seconds to fully connect. So I didn't realize or think of it in the moment. I had something in my trunk I needed to grab really quick. So I got out and in that time my phone connected and the last thing I was listening to was a smutty ass book. And yes, it was on one of those scenes. I got back into the car hearing the main character of the audiobook, talking about how there was not enough friction between her thighs to satisfy her carnal lust. I'm dead. Deceased because I'm dead. I of course, suddenly can't function property I can't function properly. And muted slash, unmuted it three times, completely fumbling from my radio.

[B]

She's a woman in stem, she's an engineer.

[A]

As I'm doing this, my co worker in the passenger seat goes, quote, oh, what are we listening to? Acotar. My coworker in the backseat. What's Acotar? Apparently you can die twice. That's fun. I then just say, it's a book series us girls love. And we left it at that. Honestly, great joke from my coworker. Maybe I'll be able to laugh at it in 10 years or so.

[B]

Oh my God. Oh, that car ride.

[A]

No, thank you.

[B]

That car ride. But this is one of those examples in life where like, you can't take life too seriously. And maybe it's cause we're podcasters. Like if that happened to me, I'd immediately be like, great story for the pod. This is hilarious. Like lean in. But if you get mad at yourself and ashamed, then you're just in a shame spiral. So I actually think the fact that the guy knew what ACOTAR was, that's actually.

[A]

He's got a wife that reads or something. Yes, he's tapped in.

[B]

Yes. And honestly, be like, sorry when my friend sent me this book, but honestly, I don't want any random older man I work with to even know that I've ever thought about sex.

[A]

No, I don't come.

[B]

Like, I've literally just a shell of a human around you. Leave me alone.

[A]

Don't look at me, I'm still a virgin. What do you mean?

[B]

Well, it's funny. At work there was a meme about this, how it's just like you with a bunch of people's dads, like, asking them about, like, the Google Doc that they don't know how to work.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[B]

You're like, steve, no. I know you have a family, but you have to respond to emails.

[A]

Yeah. That was literally like, everyone I worked with at the hospitals. I'd be like, can I put my Google presentation on the tv? And they're like, we don't know how to do that. Like, what's Google Docs?

[B]

That's funny, because I thought she was gonna be like. I was listening to, like, I don't know, like, some crazy, like, dirty song or something, but the fact that it

[A]

was actually my neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack, and I'd

[B]

be like, sorry, the radio's crazy.

[A]

I think I'd be okay with that. I'm gonna be honest. Audiobook. I would have to crawl under my car and hide. I. When I went to the mechanic the other day, I was listening to 4th Wing on my way there, and I literally had to, like, force quit it so it didn't accidentally reconnect. Like, I did not open Spotify. The whole time I was waiting, I was like, I'm going to make sure it doesn't come back.

[B]

This is why I take Ubers.

[A]

Yeah. Because then you don't have any control. You're like, safe, marked safe every chance. Honestly, I read all of the ACOTAR books last week, and number five was probably the most graphic descriptions. I was blushing, sitting alone in my own home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, oh, I don't think I'm supposed to hear this. This is like, too intimate.

[B]

The thing is, I've never listened to a smut book.

[A]

Never.

[B]

Well, I say it's like cigarettes. Like, I don't want to try it because if I like it, I'm going to have a problem.

[A]

You actually probably would get really into it.

[B]

I get really into stuff. I get really hyper fixated on stuff. And I'm like, I have a special tip to promote. I'm busy. I have emails to answer. I can't be in a K hole of acotar for three weeks after this. I have a family. I have a cat.

[A]

You do have a cat. Your cat's so cute.

[B]

Thank you, Butter. She's like, where is my mommy? I'm like, mommy's podcasting. Yeah.

[A]

No, but I think after this, when you need a little mental vacation, because again, I know how hard I work. I think you might work a little Harder than me and it's too much. So I think you need to go park yourself on a beach with a book and give it a go.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Self care.

[B]

But that is. It takes a lot for me to get embarrassed. I think that's why I've. That's like my superpower and that's why I can do standup comedy. Cause I'm like, don't have that fear. But that is a brutal one.

[A]

Did you teach yourself that to like not feel embarrassment? Was that something that you like, just had to get over?

[B]

I think because I come from like a goofy family. Like, my dad would always try to embarrass me, but he was funny.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So then I'd. I'd always like, he would never embarrass me because I'm like, my dad's actually being really funny and everyone thinks that was funny. I don't know. I guess it's like my family and also cuz embarrassing things happen to me nonstop. It's like my only survival. Like I'm a tripper. I trip all the time. I spill stuff all the time. I say the wrong thing all the time. Like if I got embarrassed, I couldn't be here right now. It was a fight or flight type thing, I think.

[A]

Yeah. No.

[B]

So you almost. It's like exposure therapy.

[A]

I'm gonna lean into that.

[B]

It's exposure therapy. And my dad would always joke to be like, how was all your awkward interactions today? Like, that's just also. Somehow I interact with a lot of people where it seems like it was their first day on earth. Like I have a lot of. Those are my favorite. They find me.

[A]

Those are my favorite people.

[B]

When I'm on tour, it's my opener will be like. And I've never seen someone have this many like insane interactions with people.

[A]

Why don't you just have like a little camera following you around? I'd love to see these. I know you tried the reality show Once upon a Time, but like, I think this sounds more fun. Like just you tripping, bumping, first time on earth interactions. Like, I would love to see those.

[B]

No, and, but, but I get through it because it's hilarious. Like, but if you take it serious, you start being like, this is a little bit sad.

[A]

Wait, I actually want to manifest this for you for this to happen. You know how you love doing the worm?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you see the video of the bridesmaid that did the worm and her dress ripped up her ass?

[B]

So I've done the worm before and my Dress has like basically gone over my head, but I'm wearing granny panties. So the crowd like goes nuts.

[A]

March. Safe.

[B]

But that was actually brilliant.

[A]

Did they get louder when that happened?

[B]

Yeah, but then you lean into it. It's like I always say, when you fall, don't then be like, ow. Like do a funny pose. Like, lean into it. Laugh at yourself. That's the only way to survive in this tough planet.

[A]

I like that. I would be getting all my co workers, like gift cards for audiobooks for Secret Santa.

[B]

By the way, speaking of cracks, I did Sports Illustrated, which is so random. So, so random.

[A]

So hot though.

[B]

But it was funny. It got like a lot of attention to the point that I. It was a little too much attention where I was like, oh, are people like, really? Like, oh, my God, Hannah. I can't believe Hannah. I'm like, okay, I'm not like that ugly.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

Well, people were just like. I think they were so surprised because I didn't tell anyone that I was doing no.

[A]

I was like, holy smokes.

[B]

They put me in a bikini where like, I had a V crack. Do you ever have that? The top. Like the top of your vagina was out. Like, I had a clean. It was low. And then there's a shot where I'm behind a door and it's. Cause I was like, I'm gonna stay behind the door for this one. Cause I don't know what's coming out right now.

[A]

Did you not get to pick your swimsuits?

[B]

We would like, they had a fitting and they would kind of decide which ones they liked the most. And it looked hot, but it was one of the teeny, tiny, teeny ones.

[A]

Like just a triangle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a landing strip patch.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I shaved, but I shaved for a bathing suit, not like to see inside the labia. So. But that was another thing of like, I think. Cause I don't get embarrassed a lot. I was able to do Sports Illustrated cause I was like, what are we scared of a little. A little vag crack?

[A]

Can you just like make a course? Like sprinkles? Like you sell sprinkles. Hannah's non embarrassment sprinkles. Like we can dust it on ourselves. Because I. This sounds incredible. This, that. What you're describing is how I feel on a beta blocker.

[B]

Yes, yes. I mean, but it's also like I feel the embarrassment, but I almost. It's kind of like how you could turn nerves into excitement. When I feel embarrassed, I turn into laughter. Like I've done. I remember giving A speech for my birthday once at a restaurant in front of like a whole restaurant. And it was a long table of like 18 people. And as I sat down from the speech, I missed the chair and like fell and the whole restauran restaurant saw me. And like, that's the kind of stuff that you're like, yeah, clearly haunts me. But like, I, I ended up laughing so hard at it. And like, people are commenting like, is your name Grace? Like stupid shit? And you just like have to lean in and be like, I'm a silly girl. I'm just a silly, silly, funny curl.

[A]

I'm gonna try it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's what I think OP should do too. I mean, the top comment, it will be something you laugh about one day

[B]

and just tell yourself, like, that was iconic. Like, who else would that happen to? Those iconic.

[A]

I mean, you're the young, like cute girl at work. You just got to embrace that role, which is being up to date with the trendy audiobooks and also like at parties.

[B]

That story is hilarious. Like that story is going to murder.

[A]

Huh? Huh?

[B]

Literally. You're gonna be so popular.

[A]

I know. OP does respond to the top comment. I laugh and then I cringe. It feels like a never ending cycle right now. Lol.

[B]

Yeah, it's normal. It's human.

[A]

OP does say my co workers are super chill. Luckily, I think overall everyone thought it was a funny moment. I'll update if I got called into hr.

[B]

I was about to say it was illegal probably, but you think like, imagine if a man did that. The girls would be like, that was on purpose.

[A]

Especially like the guy version of like it being porn. And you walk up to someone's cubicle and they're just watching porn.

[B]

Oh my God. I've heard those stories of men like going into the bathroom and their phone is connected to whatever and they're just playing porn.

[A]

No, dude, there's.

[B]

There's like technology gets ya bad.

[A]

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

[B]

This is why I don't have a 9 to 5. This is why we're sitting on these couches right now.

[A]

Thanks to all of you guys covered up. Thank you guys. Don't make me ever go back to an office. I'm so sorry if I annoy you, but just like, just put it on in the background and mute me. Just like, don't make me go back to an office.

[B]

Well, when I was in an office, I was in the bathroom the whole time, hiding. Yeah, I would go to the bathroom so often. But you know what I hate about corporate America? Is people are like counting how many times you go to the bathroom during the day. They're like, didn't you just go to the bathroom? I'm like, I'm an adult. I'm allowed to go to the bathroom when I want to and fall asleep now, like.

[A]

And it's gonna be like, oh, you go to HR because you got in trouble for going to the bathroom too much and your HR person's AI. Oh, scary world. You know what else is scary world? This next story.

[B]

Love a segue.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We didn't call this podcast one hot take for a reason. Sometimes you just need a second opinion. Someone to help you figure out if yes, you might actually be wrong. And honestly, insurance isn't that different. You want someone in your corner helping you make the right call. That's where State Farm comes in with over 19,000 local agents. They're there to help you choose the coverage that fits your life. They've got your back, so you don't have to do it alone. Visit state farm.com to learn more. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This person is definitely giving first day on planet Earth.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

It is titled Am I the asshole for making my daughter in law cry when proving the earth was round?

[B]

Yeah. You're like, sit with that for a second.

[A]

Yeah. This is stupid and I really don't feel like I'm in the wrong. I'm not going to hide that. I am not a huge fan of my daughter in law. She can be a moron and we have clashed over basic things. My two grandkids are at my place twice a week. I like NASA and I've been staying up to date with the Artemis 2 journey. My two grandkids are 5 and 7. They saw me watching and were confused. That's the best way to put it. They thought it was fake because their mom told them things in space were fake. I assumed she was talking about movies. Space movies, not overall. The fact people went to space being fake. I decided to show them the moon landing and some takeoffs. I asked them if they wanted to see a double sunset. This is when you lay down and watch the sun go down. The moment you don't see it, you stand up and get somewhere higher and you will see the sunset again because the earth is curved. My daughter in law showed up when we were waiting for the sun to go down. We did the little experiment and then saw the sunset twice. The boys had a great time. I made a comment that this is One way to show that the Earth is a big ball. My daughter in law had issues with that. She told me I'm not telling the truth and that the Earth isn't round. I was confused and she told me the Earth was flat. I started grilling her why she thought that and she couldn't give me a reason. I asked her to explain why the other planets were round or why we could see a double sunset. I asked her why boats disappear in the distance from the Bottoms Up. She got upset and said I was calling her stupid. I didn't say it out loud, but this is literally my definition of stupid. Thinking the Earth was flat, she left with the kids and I got a call from my son saying that his wife has been crying. The boys keep asking her space questions and not believing what she says because I showed them other videos. He told me I have to apologize and that I overstepped. I told him I won't apologize because the Earth is literally round. He said that he knows, but I need to apologize to keep the peace. Am I the asshole?

[B]

No, it's called science. And you're not the first person to say the. She's the one that's saying you're stupid for believing her, that the Earth is flat. Sorry. I had one glass of champagne. I'm like, that's survived.

[A]

I wonder what the stats are on people that think it's flat. Genuinely.

[B]

Well, people with conspiracy theories. Some of them are dumb because they are convinced that because they saw a YouTube video, they are the first people to realize this. And like, they. Without any research or science, they're able to come to these conclusions because they saw something on the Internet, which is. We all know the Internet is all real. Everything's real.

[A]

Everything.

[B]

Everything's a fact. I would say, like, yeah, if it's like you like to teach your kids a certain type of division and then the grandma comes in and she's teaching them a different division. It's confusing them in their math classes. I could understand being like, hey, you're overstepping a little. This is just science, babe.

[A]

It's just science and you think it's

[B]

common sense, but how do you know about the double.

[A]

I was like, this is not common knowledge.

[B]

Double sunset. I was like, okay, now I know.

[A]

I think I'm gonna try it today actually.

[B]

That sounds like a party.

[A]

Sounds beautiful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then that little green light when the sun hits the horizon at the right thing and you see the flash of green. Also crazy.

[B]

If the mom was some really intense scientist who's Been doing research and has some reasons behind her theories. Let's talk about it. But I don't think she's a scientist.

[A]

No.

[B]

So you shouldn't be telling your children about science without evidence. And if the evidence is a guy named Doug on YouTube. Not evidence.

[A]

I will admit, you know, I'm kind of into the conspiracy theories a little bit. Some days I do feel like I should be wearing a tin hat. Genuinely break out the aluminum foil and make me a cute little hat. Cause I'm right there with some of these people. But the flat, like, haven't you been on a plane where you kind of see it, like, when you're way up?

[B]

Well, also. Cause when you look. It does look flat when we're sitting in this room. So I understand how for sure. If you don't know things, you could just be like, well, why is everyone saying that? I do think, like, corruption is real. I think corruption is real. I don't know what corruption would be enabled by saying the earth is flat versus not.

[A]

I know. Because all the billionaires are trying to go to space right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where you clearly. You get up there and then you see the ball.

[B]

Yeah. So there was conspiracies that certain people never actually went to space. Like the celebrities and stuff, which look. That's fun to gossip about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Telling your children the earth is flat. They're gonna get bullied.

[A]

Yeah. 100%.

[B]

Or held back.

[A]

According to polling, millions of people globally hold flat earth beliefs.

[B]

That makes sense.

[A]

2 to 10% of adults in the

[B]

US where we are, is a society that totally tracks. Yeah, that tracks.

[A]

Oh, man. Top comment. And just quoting op. You need to apologize to keep the peace with my wife. Why should I do that, son? Because you are my dad and you should care about me. You should care about your own sons enough to not let their heads be filled with moronic lies. Not the asshole. I'm sorry. Your son is a horrible father. They're going for him. They're going for him.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Which, like, I mean, earth is flat. This could be. I don't want to open a can of worms, but, like, I just saw something the other day where people are refusing vitamin K for their babies. And, like, it's like, it's not.

[B]

Well, that's the question. It's like, if she believes that, what else is she believing? It's not just letting her have that. It's giving her, like, an opening to just be. Make sure the kids aren't homeschooled. That's all I have to say.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Just make sure public education, at least somewhere.

[A]

OP does say she is deep into conspiracy theories. Doesn't specify which ones, though. I wish we knew.

[B]

Also. That's such a boring one. Like, that's the one you fight for.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That's literally, like, it's been around forever.

[A]

What one would you fight for?

[B]

Oh, my God. Good question. I'm like, actually so not into conspiracy theories. Not that I don't support them. I'm kind of one of those people that I'm like, I'll believe in a psychic. I feel like that's a conspiracy theory. It could be a psychic.

[A]

I believe in psychics.

[B]

I believe in energies. I believe in karma. That's what I know. That I don't know things.

[A]

You're on the woo woo train.

[B]

I'm on the woo woo train a bit.

[A]

I'm on the woo woo train 100%.

[B]

Like, real, like, people. I don't believe in that stuff. I'll be the one to be like, well, you know, like, since the beginning of time, there's always been, like, witches and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just believe even, you know, the known is in Italy, they knew the future. There's been. It's been around the world.

[A]

Would you be down for a ghost tour?

[B]

Yes, but I've never done it, and I'm a little bit of a scaredy cat, but I mean, ghost.

[A]

No, me too. I'm a big believer.

[B]

Like, I don't do things. Like, I wouldn't go on a. What is it just like a scary Halloween? Like.

[A]

Oh, like a graveyard tour?

[B]

I would maybe. Would do, maybe, but like a scaredy. You run and you scream.

[A]

Oh, a haunted house.

[B]

Haunted house. That's not my. That's not.

[A]

No. I really hate the jump scare.

[B]

Give me a calm audiobook.

[A]

So one of my friends and, like, co hosts of my true crime podcast, Kailyn, she's got a spooky woo Woo podcast. Heart starts pounding. And we've been making plans to do a ghost tour. And now I'm kind of like, if you're down, we can make it a girls ghost tour and get all the girls together. And, like, there's this one place in Kentucky. It's like an abandoned TB hospital, and I guess it's like the most paranormal place in the United States.

[B]

But I wonder, like, how often do they do tours and the ghosts are like, oh, my God, we have to do another show. Like, we're tired. Like, do they show up every time?

[A]

I don't know every time. But I've looked at the reviews, and people are definitely freaked out.

[B]

I've been to New Orleans, and there's a lot of. Oh, my God. Stuff, Witchy stuff there. But I've. I've never delved into it. And I went to Salem. Oh, where. Yeah. And there was.

[A]

That's on my list.

[B]

Psychic stuff there.

[A]

What'd they say her name was?

[B]

Angel. We actually check it out on YouTube. We've recorded it. Hannah. Paige. Try witchcraft.

[A]

Didn't she. She actually came up with some crazy stuff.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But she was, like, harsh. Like, we left, and we were, like, silent. Like, she called.

[A]

Roasted you.

[B]

She roasted us. She was like, are you okay? So it wasn't. It was intense.

[A]

Damn. I don't want to pay someone to hurt my feelings.

[B]

Well, like, she told Paige, like, all her kids died of cholera, and we were like,

[A]

in her past life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Like, we left her. We're like,

[A]

thank God for antibiotics.

[B]

What's your conspiracy theory?

[A]

JFK for sure. That's one where I'm like, it definitely was not Lee Harvey Oswald.

[B]

I think Marilyn was possibly poisoned. Poison.

[A]

100.

[B]

Now we're, like, getting. Now suddenly everything's coming to me.

[A]

She literally got picked up, and her body didn't go straight to the morgue. Like, it's actually. It's so disturbing.

[B]

She.

[A]

Yeah. No. No. Poisoned.

[B]

What the helly?

[A]

Well, we do get some positive info that these kids are not homeschooled. Thank God. That's what OP said. No homeschooling. Thank God. Seems like the school was telling them one thing, and then she would tell them it's wrong.

[B]

I mean, that's the fight she wants to fight.

[A]

If that's the hill you're gonna stand

[B]

on, if that's the flat hill you're gonna.

[A]

I know. What would it look like, though? Like, if it's just flat forever, does it drop off at some point and it's actually a rectangle? Like, if you believe the Earth is flat, explain it. What does it look like?

[B]

Also, what's going on underneath?

[A]

Exactly. I would like to know. I kind of want to do a poll and see if there's anyone in our audience that thinks it's flat.

[B]

And, like, have them defend themselves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love a debate.

[A]

Healthy debate.

[B]

Try to open my mind.

[A]

I'd be down. Let me know if you think the earth is flat. Please comment and let us know.

[B]

But also, it's like, the more we talk about it, even it normalizes it. That's the thing. You gotta be like. And we're off. Once you say It a couple times, you're like, is there a thought? I'm like, maybe bitch was onto something.

[A]

Hmm. Okay, moving along to this next one. This is also coming from our Too Hot Takes subreddit.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Couple days old. Now titled, My husband confessed something, and I don't know how to feel.

[B]

I love the relationship ones.

[A]

Hey, everyone. Long time lurker, first time making an account. The situation is pretty strange, and I don't even really know how to talk about it, but if I don't tell someone, I might go crazy. Slightly not safe for work. All right. My 32 female husband, 37 male, recently told me that a few weeks before we got married, he asked his friend Jay, 37, male, about sex. We were both waiting for marriage, and Jay had experience. And somehow this ended up with my husband watching Jay masturbate.

[B]

Obsessed, obsessed with Jay.

[A]

We got married 11 years ago, and I just found out about this. My husband said it sounds worse than it is, but. Question mark, question mark. He assured me that he didn't touch Jay or anything, and I do believe him. I don't think he was keeping this as a secret from me either. The way he said it, it was just kind of a cringing at your past self sort of way. Like, quote, oh, I never told you about this embarrassing thing I did to impress you type of story. I didn't really react in the moment because it didn't quite register at first what he was saying. There's so many questions, and we just moved on. Obviously, it's strange, right? I can't stop thinking about it. We're still really close with Jay.

[B]

She's like, jay sleeps in our bedroom.

[A]

And I'm assuming his wife knows, as he's an open book about pretty much everything. To the point. I'm honestly a little surprised Jay never brought it up to me himself. I don't feel like my husband cheated on me, or at least I don't believe that was the intention. But at the same time, if Jay was a woman, maybe my perspective would be different. Then again, I don't know. Should I just let it go? It was one time over a decade ago, and I do remember telling him that he should ask Jay for tips. I'm not sure how detailed I want to get here, but Jay had a toy that he was using to show him how to do it, which, I mean, hey, our first time was great, so silver lining, I guess. Oh, so it was a fleshlight or, like, the torso?

[B]

What, you mean like a sex doll?

[A]

I'll show you.

[B]

Wait.

[A]

How do you know, I've seen pics. I love my husband, and Jay is a friend of mine that I love too. I don't imagine this is a common experience, but if anyone has had something similar. What did you do?

[B]

Some quick questions. Okay, so when she says a decade ago, this means she was like. She was like 21, hadn't been married.

[A]

Oh, God, you're asking me to do math.

[B]

Like, so it was right before they got married.

[A]

11 years ago. 32 now 21.

[B]

Okay, so she was 21. He was like, you know, 25 or whatever. And that's when Jay was also 25. Okay, look, I support all religions as long as it doesn't start wars. However, it is a unique thing to wait until marriage to have sex. So at that point, I don't really judge the stuff you're doing to prepare because you already were being, like, unique in your sexual. That's freaky.

[A]

I'm always so impressed that people can wait.

[B]

That's freaky shit.

[A]

Like the self control and the personal constitution. You have to wait and make that decision and commit to marriage with someone without test driving. Like, I'm genuinely so in awe of people that have that self control.

[B]

Well, also, the first night's gonna be horrible. You haven't learned about your body. You don't know what you want. He doesn't know what he wants. So it's just gonna take a really long time. My personal beliefs, I don't think you're farther away from God for having sex. I think that's a way to control women and tell them the only time you have sex is to have babies. Oh, we're saying crazy shit. But that's my tea.

[A]

I'm with you.

[B]

So he's in a unique place where he's getting married and has all this pressure on the wedding night to suddenly know how to please a woman, which is not possible if you've never done it before.

[A]

But also, how is. And this is maybe where that sex toy comes in, which. I'll show you pictures of the sex toys. I'm so sorry, I cannot put them on the video version because we will get removed. But how is watching your friend masturbate going to help you two have sex?

[B]

That was my second question.

[A]

Like, if it's a hand.

[B]

Seems like Jay just wanted to have a little fun. It's.

[A]

It's giving the first scene in heated. Rivalry.

[B]

Yes. Wait, this is like they literally watch

[A]

each other jack off in the shower.

[B]

Rivalry. I wonder. I mean, J, not Jay. The husband must to have jerked off sometimes. Or is it part of their religion not to jerk off?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

It has to come out some way or he's a loaded bullet walking around dangerous. I feel like he must have jerked off. There's no reason for you to have to watch another man jerk off.

[A]

So here's what I think happened. I think he watched his friend masturbate with one of these toys.

[B]

Fake women.

[A]

So depending on what you purchase, there are fleshlights, but they're torsos. They look like this.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. And it's jelly. Silicone.

[B]

Wait, I love how, like, this has never crossed my desk before.

[A]

What?

[B]

No. I've never seen this in my life ever. No.

[A]

You knew about a flashlight, though?

[B]

Yes. Cause it's a good, like, punchline in a bit. Fleshlight, that. What is that even called?

[A]

Realistic silicone. $.

[B]

But, you know, it's funny. I'm like, is it better or worse that they don't have a head? Because at first I was like, that's bad. They don't have a head. And then I'm like, no, it's weird for you to have, like, a fake woman.

[A]

But they make those versions too.

[B]

They do for that. If you're into, like, yeah. Oh, God.

[A]

I kind of like it better without the head.

[B]

And they wonder why there's a male loneliness epidemic. I know these men are not lonely. I see what they're hanging out with.

[A]

Don't do this. I mean, yeah, there's a bunch of different versions. I don't. So I think he was using that.

[B]

Okay. I think it's 100% unnecessary. Like, that is not like, you just took it from zero to a hundred. Like, you didn't have to come to completion. And in front of your man, why

[A]

couldn't you just, like, do a couple air humps and call the date?

[B]

You could be like, hey, you could go in this position, do this, make some rhythm, whatever. Actually ask a woman what she likes. You don't need Jay. Jay is having a little too much fun. Also, I hate to say it, sometimes when you're super religious, you are. You are trying to suppress some other things.

[A]

That's what I'm like. It's a little heated rivalry coded. But I'm like, maybe religion isn't a part of it. I'm gonna see if there's any comments from Opiques otherwise, like, yeah, okay. So we were both raised very Christian, so I think Jay wanted to show him somehow there was a toy involved.

[B]

But also, like, where do you put that? This is a big torso. Where do you put that?

[A]

In your room closet with a pillowcase over it. I know someone that has a foot. It's like a foot fleshlight.

[B]

There's a vagina on the foot.

[A]

Yeah. It's like a chopped. It would be cut at the ankle.

[B]

But then part of me is like, you know what? Let him have his little foot thing. Leave the girls alone. Have your little. I don't. Kink. Shame.

[A]

Yeah, no, you have fun with that foot.

[B]

You have fun with your foot, and

[A]

no one gets hurt. It's what its name is. Beth.

[B]

Well, it didn't need a name. That's unnecessary.

[A]

Apparently, this came up when they were reminiscing on earlier stuff in their relationship, like their first date.

[B]

It is crazy, because he could have gotten away with it. Like, it's been 10 years.

[A]

You.

[B]

You could have gone to the grave with that.

[A]

Never would have known. And he dropped it, which I do appreciate the honesty. I can see where you're coming from, but I don't think this would be an avenue he'd go down. We have had conversations about LGBT stuff before, and he's never expressed a desire to not be monogamous. So he's not bi or gay. According to op.

[B]

She goes. He does go on these weekend trips with Jay, and I don't hear from him for a while, but he claims that they're just golfing.

[A]

A lot of people questioned why he didn't just go on the Internet and look at porn. He did know that porn existed. He was against watching or viewing anything like that at the time.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

He thought the concept was very, very bad.

[B]

Yeah. So seeing a guy do it in person in front of you is way less graphic. I also have so many questions. Like, did Jay trick him into it? Like, was Jay like, hey, can I show you something real quick? And next thing you know, he was like, oh, my God, his dick's out. Which, you know, happens to the best of us.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Or was it like, also. It doesn't. You don't orgasm immediately. Like, that means he. There were, like, minutes involved.

[A]

Are they talking during it?

[B]

Is there eye contact? Are they holding hands?

[A]

Oh, not the eye contact.

[B]

Where is his eyes? I have so. I have so many questions. Was he like, yeah, it was cringe, but, like, we did it. Or was he like, I hate that it happened. Or was he like, silly old J, you know, Jay just. Jay being Jay. Also, I want Jay's perspective. I want Jay to come in so

[A]

we do get an update. Just found it. While looking for OP's comments. I'm really scared. Aw, okay, pretty not safe for work below. No crazy details. Sorry pervs. But yeah, I asked him to tell me what happened with Jay on that day, keeping it lighthearted. And he did. Originally Jay was going to show him a video but my husband was against it at the time. So Jay asked if he could show him a fleshlight to point to where the clitoris was and whatnot and he said yes. Jay got excited while talking about his own experiences, demonstrated how to put on a condom, and well, offered to show him how he does it. I had a few comments thinking that Jay took advantage of my husband, but he definitely doesn't agree or feel that way. My husband told me he said yes because he'd never seen someone do it before and as many of you have figured was about 10 years too late to the sexual exploration phase of life. He and his siblings were all homeschooled for some added contacts.

[B]

They don't. They are flat earthers as well as

[A]

was I though that manifested in me being a little too invested in the Vampire Diaries more than anything else. Lol. From Jay's point of view I think he just didn't give a fuck and was open to a fault, especially back then. Jay was raised similar to us, but Once he turned 18 he broke from the whole feeling shameful about normal human things. So he did a complete 180 and yeah, maybe a bit too far or out there for the average well adjusted person, but you know Alanis Morissette. We live, we learn. Obviously my husband went into more detail about what he was thinking and feeling, but to not make this post even more of a novel and confusing to people who don't know all three of our histories, I tried to keep it to the basics. Hearing him talk about it in depth definitely made me feel more relaxed. I asked him if he was bisexual and let him know that I'd be okay if he was, but he said he's not and it was more curiosity than anything else. Late bloomer plus repression plus Guilt Triple combo does crazy things to the mind. Said afterwards that Jay bursted out laughing at how awkward it was and then they left to go eat Taco Bell. So really not at all what I thought was going on in my head. If Jay is bisexual, I'm not sure. Probably won't ask him because if he wanted me to know he would have told me already. I mean, it would have been relevant if he was single or if I was worried about infidelity. But I'm not the gray area of watching him use a toy on himself. Being considered cheating makes sense, but it was so long ago. I feel like it's only as big as I make it out to be. With the conversation we had, I don't think it rocks the boat all that much. We deconstructed at different points of time, which, if you have any experience, you will know how huge and terrifying that is. We're pretty solid. My husband called Jay to make a point, which he didn't have to, but he's stubborn, and when he started talking to him about it, Jay told him that it was, quote, the second gayest thing I've ever done.

[B]

Obsessed with J. Obsessed with J.

[A]

And, quote, was like trying to teach poetry to a fish. Which resulted in my husband hanging up and sending him a huge block of text that consisted entirely of the middle finger emoji. So, yeah, so they got in a fight.

[B]

They're in a couple's quarrel, him and Jay.

[A]

I'll try to see if I can attach some fun.

[B]

Jay was your teacher. Have some respect.

[A]

He helped you learn how to fuck. Come on.

[B]

Sorry. Jay's an educator of the youth and

[A]

how to put on a condom.

[B]

Honestly, the way she told the story, I'm like, look, crazy things happen behind closed doors. Also, men be men, like gladiators. They all were, like, having sex with each other. There is, like, a testosterone where I could probably see him being like, watch this, bro.

[A]

I literally just learned this about Achilles, that Achilles had a boyfriend and they all were hooking up, and he dressed as a woman to, like, sneak into whatever camp or something. And they were like, like, you think Achilles was a big, buff guy?

[B]

No, like, they said they were like,

[A]

Achilles was a twink.

[B]

Wait, I'm obsessed.

[A]

That's what. And I'm like, where do I get this accurate history?

[B]

Gender and sexuality was. Wasn't as defined at a certain point.

[A]

Yeah, Everybody was just cultural.

[B]

It's just social construction.

[A]

How much more, like, relaxing and enjoyable does that sound?

[B]

I also do feel like men are guys when they're younger. Like, at camp, they. They're playing with their dicks. Like, they're showing each other their dicks.

[A]

I feel like I've seen a lot of, like, really gay stuff lately coming from straight guys, where, like, I saw this video of three baseballers on a pitching mound in, like, a triangle, humping each other on the pitching mound. Have you seen the gay baseball video? My. My editor, Jenna, she's gay, and so she's tapped in.

[B]

Yeah. She knows she has their and she also loves baseball. And she loves baseball. She loves gay things in baseball. So it was perfect.

[A]

Any thoughts?

[B]

I liked it. She goes, I was into it. I. But I'm not like, look, I do think a lot of men are gay, but I'm not saying that every man's gay. I do think men are also like, men masturbate before girls do. Like, men are talking about masturbating. They're doing all that stuff, and they're kind of like, bro, look what I could do. So I feel like maybe Jay, look at.

[A]

Not me.

[B]

Not me being a J defender, but Jay kind of just being like, look at this testosterone. Like, watch this. Like, look what I could do.

[A]

Honestly, I do see the mindset of like, buddy, it's your first time. You're gonna have sex on your wedding. I want it to actually be enjoyable for you. Like, let me help you. I actually do kind of see the teaching of person how to fish mentality here. Yeah, I kind of. I kind of appreciate it also when

[B]

you feel bad for your friend where you're like, this is so embarrassing. I'll embarrass myself to help you be less embarrassed.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's weird. I think now it's weird because you

[B]

tell your friend to watch porn when watching videos, but like, he put the foot down with the porn.

[A]

But also. And that's kind of like a hot topic nowadays where people are like, porn is not real. Porn is not healthy. So some people actually might prefer a hands on demo. You could have used a banana, though.

[B]

He's a small business. He can. He can start sex ed classes.

[A]

There's like a woman making like TikTok videos. And she's like, okay, I'm gonna be very discreet. But like, if you want to go down on a girl and have it be good, like, you lick that little ice cream cone for five minutes. And then after five minutes, then you put the fingers on the outside. Don't go in yet. Two, three fingers just on the outside. You gotta create some.

[B]

But she doesn't say any of the, like, word words.

[A]

Yeah, no. And I'm like, where was this? Yeah, but it's kind of the same concept. Yeah, but we're not in a room together.

[B]

I'm like, sorry, that Jay just wanted the world to be more educated. I want to know how their wedding night was.

[A]

She said it was great. She said it was amazing. So silver lining of it all, I don't.

[B]

No one ever lost their virginity and they were like, wow, I've really been

[A]

missing out mine Was horrible. It was on, like, the carpet of my friend's basement. No furniture. It was like a storage room. I got rug burns. There was a pillow kind of under me. No blankets. Just buck naked in this basement.

[B]

Buck naked. I've said that in forever.

[A]

If I could go back, get Buck.

[B]

Let's get Buck in here. We're so millennial. We're so millennial.

[A]

That was a bop. But I'm like, God, if I could take that back, I would. Getting caught in a car and having a car come up behind us and turn their brights on as we're having sex in the back seat, I'd take that one off. Mm. Mm.

[B]

See, as a New York City kid, we didn't have any car issues. No one had cars.

[A]

How was it for you? More enjoyable than that.

[B]

No, not good. Not good.

[A]

Subway station bathroom.

[B]

Some. Some CTE football player. Not good. But also, it's. Cause no one knows what they're doing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like. Yeah. Figure it out.

[A]

Was the mascot good? Bucky.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna lie to the. The crowd.

[A]

No.

[B]

But it wasn't.

[A]

It was, like, not traumatic.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, There you go. There you go. That's a win. Yeah. Well, that's a win.

[B]

That's a win.

[A]

I will say I did end up with the best sex I've had.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, some people are weird. They're like, you're not gonna end up with the best, but it'll be good. I was like, no, no. I actually ended up with the best.

[B]

Me too. And there's a lot of fallacies out there.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Someone even said they were like, people are talking horrible about marriage out there. Is anything okay. Is anyone in a good marriage? And I'm like, look, negative stuff gets more attention.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

There are people who have nice partners.

[A]

I feel like you have a really good relationship with your husband. Like, great marriage.

[B]

You're like. Cause I don't see you guys online.

[A]

Well, no. Like, you've done your burner phone podcast together. Like, you guys just seem very in tune with each other and so excited when the other person is winning.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[A]

Which is. Isn't the case for a lot of people.

[B]

Well, you cannot have your biggest hater in your house.

[A]

Mm, mm, mm, mm. No, babe, friend, husband. Don't settle. I think at the end of the day, if we're gonna get anything from this story. Don't settle.

[B]

Don't settle.

[A]

Don't settle.

[B]

And get out. Find a guy like, Jay this episode

[A]

is brought to you by State Farm. We didn't call this podcast one hot take for a reason. Sometimes you just need a second opinion. Someone help you figure out if yes, you might actually be wrong. And hey, insurance isn't that difficult. Different you want someone in your corner helping you make the right call. That's where State Farm comes in. With over 19,000 local agents, they're there to help you choose the coverage that fits your life. They've got your back, so you don't have to do it alone. Visit state farm.com to learn more. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This episode is brought to you by Credit Karma. When it comes to your money, Credit Karma keeps you ahead of the game. You can count on Credit Karma to keep up with your financial needs. As they evolve, they'll help you monitor your progress and give personalized recommendations so you can make strides towards your goals and find your way to money. Make sure you're on the right track no matter where you are on your financial journey. Intuit Credit Karma Karma you can count

[B]

on who will guide you to better things.

[A]

Exactly. And it's never too late to get divorced. Yep, like do not marry your biggest hater.

[B]

Life is too short to not get out. Whenever anyone gets divorced or goes through a breakup, I always say congratulations.

[A]

Like your balloon. Congratulations. This next person is in the midst of a divorce.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Here we go. This is coming from relationship advice. I, 32, female, think my husband's 40 male mistress is stalking me. We're currently separated after I found out he's been having an affair with the same person for years. I found out five years ago and we worked things out. He swore he had ended things with her and I believed him. We had our last child, four male, during that period. Since the year started, I had been getting messages on Facebook and Instagram from accounts with no followers telling me that my husband was having an affair.

[B]

Oh God.

[A]

The DMs had details about the trips he had taken with her, how they go on dates, how they have a child together, and all of his friends, mom and siblings knew her. I asked him often if he was still seeing her and he denied it. What pushed me over the edge was when I saw earrings and a scrunchie that weren't mine in my car after he had borrowed it for the day, I went through his phone and saw that he was still in touch with her. They even had sex tapes and he was constantly telling her how much better sex was with her, how he loved her and wanted to be with her. It's obvious he's gotten very strong feelings for her. He admitted to everything, including the child they have together. I left the house and went to my mom's to take a break. We've been officially separated for a month. The problem now is that his mistress keeps showing up to places I go to often. The playground. I take my kids to the bookshop where I buy their school supplies, where I take the girls to get their hair done. We went to get ice cream once, and I could have sworn I saw her. I know what she looks like from the pictures and videos that they have together. I feel like I'm going crazy. These are all public places, though, so there's nothing I can do about it. She just sits there and stares at us. It's making me feel very uneasy. What is the best way to address the situation? I can't ask for her to be kicked out of a public place. She's always with her daughter anyways, so it never looks weird that a woman is there with her child and are at the same place I go to with my kids. I'm not speaking to my husband unless it's about the kids, and I don't want to ask him yet.

[B]

Ask him what?

[A]

How to make your mistress stop showing up at my. My ice cream place.

[B]

I. I'm not a confrontational person, but I feel like that's when you can go up to her and be like, can I help you?

[A]

You wouldn't mind your business.

[B]

Like, is there something you need? Like, are you trying to be friends? Like, what's going on here? Cause she's making you feel uncomfortable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can go up to her and make. And call her out.

[A]

I. God, this is, like, my worst nightmare.

[B]

Well. Cause, you know, she's been obsessed with her for a long time because she's had what she wanted, which is the

[A]

marriage, the openness of it.

[B]

Yeah. So she's been just, like, looking at her 24 7, talking about her 24 7, like it's an obsession. So she's like. But I don't know why. Now she's putting herself out in the open also. Talk about how to ruin someone's day.

[A]

I can just, like, feel that. That, like, stomach drop, like, seeing someone you don't wanna see or just like, oh, God.

[B]

Especially when it sounds purposeful, like, no, I don't know where they live, But I'm assuming it's not the only, you know, street in the town.

[A]

I know. And it's like, one time. Okay. It's gonna Happen twice, three times.

[B]

I think she should confront her and be like, hey, I would appreciate you not being ever where I am.

[A]

You would have to. I mean, it's absolutely crazy. And you knew about me. I didn't know about you. So you get out of here. Like, you go mind your business, like you're getting what you wanted. I was blindsided by all of this. Get away from me. I feel like if anyone should be. If they are going to the same place, if anyone has to find a new spot, she'll be the person who really dropped a grenade in someone's life.

[B]

Well, it also sounds like the other girl has started disappearing. I think she's got to say something and be like, hey, I don't feel comfortable with you here, and I know who you are.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And I really don't want to be around you.

[A]

A lot of people in the comments are questioning if it's possible she planted an air tag in your car.

[B]

Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. I know.

[A]

Someone says she definitely planted the earrings and the scrunchie on purpose. Like, one of them wasn't enough to make sure you'd find them. And I didn't even. I totally forgot about the fact that she's been in Op's car.

[B]

Yeah. Which is. It feels violating. It also, like. It is weird, though. It's hard to be in a public place and be like, can you leave? But it's like, she has to confront her to make her know that, like, she does not feel comfortable with her around. Like, you've already violated my life, and I'd really appreciate you, like, giving me space and, like, go spend time with my ex. Leave me alone and have fun with that.

[A]

Take my husband. You got him. Yeah, he's nasty. I don't want him anymore.

[B]

And watch out for other scrunchies in his car. Cause the same way you get them as how you lose them. That's what they say in the streets.

[A]

Ah, yeah. No, it's definitely gonna be the case.

[B]

But this is, like. This is. I wonder what if it's, like, a small town. Cause the people must be whispering. This is, like, level 10 drama. Cause also the. In New York, if, like, I see someone, I'm like, I should not see anyone. I know. Whenever I walk out.

[A]

No.

[B]

Or then you are stalking me.

[A]

There's so many people there. We do get an update.

[B]

I love the updates. They're kicking my feet.

[A]

Thank you all for the advice. I confronted my husband about it. He said she's not showing up at the places I Go to. I'm the one going to places she frequents. My husband used to be the one who took the kids out on weekends since he's virtually never home on weekdays. I do school pickup and drop off and he does the fun stuff. All of the places he used to take the kids to, which I'm doing now since they're with me, were suggested by her. That's where she buys the books. The playground is where she used to take her nieces and nephews before their daughter was born. She recommended the salon to him since my daughters and her have the same hair texture. He says she used to go to the salon on Sundays after church, but only recently switched it to Saturdays. When I take the girls. The ice cream place is apparently her favorite. So, yeah, my dick of a husband had been taking our kids to his mistress's favorite spots. My kids already love going to all of those places. And finding a salon that caters to our daughter's hair needs close to us will be difficult. He didn't show any remorse. Telling me about it and reminding me that it's a public space and she hasn't committed any crime. I'm just going to have to find better alternatives.

[B]

I hope there's other ice cream spots for those poor kids. Like, I want ice cream, but it's also. It's like, okay, tell me. Tell me when she gets her hair. Did tell me her schedule so that I know not to stalk her. Thank you.

[A]

Like, make this easier for us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why are you not making it easier on me?

[B]

Also, the kids are related. That's awkward.

[A]

They're good. I mean, just send them all together. I'm sure there's discounts. Like, this is unfortunately her life now going forward. Which again, this is literally my worst nightmare.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, cheat on me. Sure. But if you have a kid with someone while you cheat on me.

[B]

Only men could have two families and get. And like, it works.

[A]

I know. I wonder if there's any women out there that actually do because they got like, eggs harvested. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, accidentally.

[A]

Well, that's happening now too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Yeah. It's just he's able to be like, working all day and he has two women taking care of his separate families.

[A]

It's not looking good.

[B]

Or.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Trying to think of solutions. Trying to be solution based.

[A]

I know. What could she do? It is giving small town 100%, saying, like, finding another solution close to home is gonna be really difficult.

[B]

I think maybe there's a mature route where you go up to her and you're like, hey, I feel super uncomfortable. The whole thing's been pretty gross and weird for me, and I feel violated by everything that's happened. I'm sorry. Gonna try to not run into you. What does your schedule look like so we can comfortably not run into each other?

[A]

I love that.

[B]

In a respectful, nice way.

[A]

As hard as it is to be the bigger person, I think it will make your life a lot better by doing that.

[B]

And I always feel like at least communicating honestly gets you in less trouble than trying to, like, hint and go around people. It could just be like, hey, when do you bring your kids around? Cause I really would like to not be around during that time.

[A]

I don't wanna see you. You don't wanna see me. So let's make this as easy as we can.

[B]

That's a problem. I think the woman does wanna see her. I think she wants to rub it in her face.

[A]

I. If you literally, like, if I was taking my kids out to ice cream and my ex showed up with his affair partner and their kid and we're playing happy, go lucky house in front of me, like, the kids are gonna run up and be like, daddy. Mm, mm, no. Mm, mm, mm.

[B]

The kids just make it so upsetting.

[A]

I know.

[B]

She also. Morgan's hilarious. She was like, we're doing only light, funny ones today.

[A]

I know. What did I do? We gotta get back on track. We gotta get back on track. I forgot I had these in the tabs.

[B]

I fully lied the gossip. I also. Who are these people who are like, let's write this one on Reddit. Reddit will figure this out for me.

[A]

I can see how. Because there's like, been times in my life where I'm like, it's too embarrassing to tell or ask a friend. I would way rather ask strangers.

[B]

And that's why the subreddit is so good. It's so good because it's people who are too ashamed to say things I know. Or their friends are just too in it to give them, like, genuine.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Unbiased opinions.

[A]

No. Okay, let's get it back on track with this next one. I'm hoping we get another update from OP I could see it happening. Real account, 2 years old, but we don't have anything right now. And OP does say the kids don't have any devices that would share location. So we're gonna see how this one goes. Husband did make a conscious decision to be with her and have a child with her. It wasn't an accident. They actually decided to have a child together and did it. So this was a very deliberate choice and he messed up. But I think op's gonna come out the other side.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Happy, healthy, healed.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And find someone that's way hotter. Anyways.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Back on track. This next story is actually brought to you by Disney and Hulu. Y2K called. We picked up because Disney Hulu Throwbacks is back for the sequel. We've got Hannah Montana, Camp Rock, High school musical, Lizzie McGuire, Aquamarine. All your faves. All your faves. Do you have a vintage fave?

[B]

Oh, my God. I loved. I loved Lizzie McGuire and all those weird basketball movies like Double Team, which is crazy name.

[A]

There were so many good Disney original movies.

[B]

Disney originals.

[A]

I love them. Princess Diaries.

[B]

Oh, you know, it was my number one. What's the cartoon? Kim Possible.

[A]

So good. So good. This next one has to do with our girl, Hannah Montana.

[B]

Oh, hell yeah.

[A]

Ms. Miley. It's coming from Amethea titled Am I the asshole for telling my niece the truth about Hannah Montana? I have an 8 year old niece. My sister, 28 females kid. I'm 16 female. She thinks the Muppets are real. I was babysitting her yesterday and she was watching Hannah Montana on Disney and she thought Hannah and Miley were different people. I explained that actually it's the same person. She just wears a blonde wig. My niece started crying and when my sister found out, she went mad. She says I ruined my niece's childhood by telling her this. And she says that any normal aunt wouldn't tell her the truth. I think she's wrong, but I wanted to ask the sub for your opinions. Should she have minded her business?

[B]

I think she should have minded her business. But I also think, like, it's not that dramatic.

[A]

Isn't the whole point of Hannah Montana that she is the same person but putting on a wig?

[B]

Well, I think it's. Hannah Montan is the same person putting a wig. But then Miley Cyrus is a whole different person. I think we're just. She has to take it as like you're not ruining her childhood. It's a learning moment, that there's something called actors. And maybe you want to be an actor one day and Miley Cyrus does acting in Hannah Montana. Like, there's layers to it. I do think sometimes it is hard as an aunt, as an experienced aunt.

[A]

Okay, flex on us.

[B]

You do want to, like, have fun and make sure you don't overstep on what the parents are protecting.

[A]

Oh, yeah, No, I Don't ever want to ruin anything.

[B]

The Santa Claus stuff is serious.

[A]

Our friend in the North Pole.

[B]

It's very, very serious.

[A]

Big deal. Big deal.

[B]

Very serious. And you do not want to be that person. But I feel like Hannah Montana, that's. Childhoods aren't getting ruined.

[A]

No.

[B]

We're learning about acting.

[A]

That's a good way to put it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because otherwise, like, what is she confused about?

[B]

I also was a little too old for Hannah Montana, where I kind of know what it's about, but that's not true.

[A]

I'm literally googling how old you are.

[B]

Wait, some people my age did watch Hannah Montana. I didn't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Cause you're a millennial.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My friend Lauren is in between you and me. And, like, Hannah Montana was her. Her shit.

[B]

So there's a girl who's a year younger than me who was, like, obsessed with Hannah Montana, and I was like, I've never. I've never watched it. I do think it was. It depends.

[A]

Yeah. What were you watching?

[B]

What was that? But like, like, Camp Rock. I was too young for. I was too old for.

[A]

And like, that's Lizzie McGuire. Makes sense.

[B]

Jonas Brothers. I was a little too old for.

[A]

Yeah, No, I. Same for that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just loved Miley.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Seems so cool.

[B]

And her voice now, like, I'll see videos of her singing, and I'm like, holy.

[A]

All of her rock covers Know that

[B]

you're wrong for me. Don't sing.

[A]

Here you go again. I've been telling you since the last episode we did. It's time to start singing. You have opera in your blood. It is time.

[B]

Don't lie. I cannot sing.

[A]

Yes, you can.

[B]

Wait, you can sing.

[A]

No, I can.

[B]

Yes, you can.

[A]

If I can sing, you can sing. There is no difference. Yin and yang.

[B]

Wait, is this from when I said that I think I could accidentally hit the Wicked note?

[A]

Yeah. And you gave us a little sample.

[B]

That was such a phase I was in. I was, like, obsessed with trying to hit the Wicked note.

[A]

If you were gonna sing karaoke right now, what would your song be?

[B]

Wait, this is so horrible. My song always used to be remixed to Ignition.

[A]

Are there actual lyrics?

[B]

It's the remix to Ignition. Hot and fresh out the kitchen Mama rolling. It was very easy to sing. Okay, now I do not represent or play that. I don't know what I do now.

[A]

What would you align with?

[B]

Maybe I would do a rap. Like Eminem or something.

[A]

Mom's spaghetti. Okay, I can see that.

[B]

I would do maybe a rap, but my mom sings Jazz. My mom is a musician. I'm a talker. I don't sing from my diaphragm. And they lost me on my diagram.

[A]

You can learn that. I honestly think you and Paige should put out a Christmas album.

[B]

If we. If we. If I could sing, like, I would be so annoying. Like, I would be non stop. Also, like, if I could do splits, like, if I could do the splits, I'd be in a split right now.

[A]

You absolutely can. You just have to train. You just have to train.

[B]

You haven't seen my hips.

[A]

Are you gonna show me after this girl?

[B]

I can barely touch my toes. It's genetic.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah, it's genetic.

[A]

You couldn't touch your toes right now?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'm like, trying.

[A]

Do you go to yoga?

[B]

I do yoga. I do pilates.

[A]

Just haven't.

[B]

I have a long torso. I feel like it. Like.

[A]

Yeah, there's something off anatomically, maybe just impossible.

[B]

If I could do splits, I would be doing, like, I would do non stop, like, mid conversation. Drop into a split.

[A]

Like, no, I have a friend that can 100. She does it. She does it literally. I have pictures of her at my wedding. Drop down in the split.

[B]

I would do is splits. And like, the universe couldn't handle.

[A]

She also can get her foot over her head. So we'd be out at the club and we'd be like standing around the booth, like up on elevated surfaces as girls do. And she would literally just constantly be sitting there with her, like, leg held up against her face with, like a cocktail in her hand.

[B]

If I could, I would too. I have respect for Whitney.

[A]

Whitney.

[B]

Shout out Whitney.

[A]

I know.

[B]

With that leg.

[A]

Oh, she worked that leg.

[B]

Wrap it around.

[A]

I would love. That's actually gonna be a goal for me for 2027. Not this year, too busy. But I'm gonna get my foot behind my head.

[B]

See, that's such a, like, former dancer thing to say. Did you dance?

[A]

No. I literally signed up for dance for a couple months, and then when it came to the recital, I didn't want to perform in front of people.

[B]

So I quit obsessed with you. Now you perform for a living.

[A]

And the song was that one Sierra song that everyone danced to.

[B]

Well, all the. The dance team of girls were like, one, two step. I love it.

[A]

That's the one I did.

[B]

15 year olds dancing that song. I was like, you go, girls. You go, girls. Oh, my God.

[A]

Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. So I looked it up as well, and the entire premise is like, that it's A superhero identity. Regular girl by day, rock star by night. So it would be like telling me that Superman and Clark Kent is really the same person, which the movie makes clear. I think your sister is nuts with the, you've ruined her life. Whatever. Not like you said someone else was fake. But that's all we got. Thank you, Disney.

[B]

Thank you, Disney.

[A]

Rewind your favorite throwbacks from Disney and Hulu. All of these and more now totally streaming 18 only offer valid for eligible subscribers only. Terms of lie. You know what else is on Hulu? Our girl.

[B]

My special. June 5th is out. None of my business.

[A]

My business.

[B]

Hot takes.

[A]

Are you so excited?

[B]

I'm so excited. It feels like you've been painting something for a long time and you finally can show. That was a bad metaphor. It's like a project they've been working on for so long to finally be like, there it is.

[A]

How many times have you watched it?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Like, going through the edits.

[B]

And the edits was really intense because taking a live show to then make it into, like something you watch is not that. It's like someone filming Broadway and then being like, okay, now make it into a film. So I was. And I'm really into editing. So I was like, in the editing room. Cause you could. Things could become unfunny with the wrong edits.

[A]

There is so much storytelling and editing that people don't realized.

[B]

And no one cares about it the way you care about it. So, like, it was like, edited the first round. And I'm like, we gotta go through this with a fine tooth comb.

[A]

And you filmed in Toronto, right? I filmed in Toronto, which, like, such a fun city.

[B]

So fun. It was freezing in February. But, like, so worth it because the comedy crowd in Toronto is incredible. And you do two shows and then you have to, like, edit it together.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're fit.

[B]

Oh, my God. I ripped my corset like three times during it. Worth it.

[A]

I saw you post on your story. You going and seeing your billboard.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And like, that fit full size, full screen. Crazy. Like what? 60 foot screen and three of you.

[B]

Well, I want to show that girls can be funny and sexy and depressed and bosses like, so many things. You don't have to be the ugly side friend to be funny.

[A]

I appreciate that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The Duff.

[B]

Yes. That was like, that was crazy marketing.

[A]

That was like, I can't believe we were stuck in the Duff phase for so long.

[B]

I remember seeing that and being like, I'm not watching this movie. This is insane. I can't be a part of this.

[A]

Which is a designated ugly funny friend.

[B]

I think it's fat.

[A]

Oh, God, that's even worse.

[B]

Or it might not be.

[A]

Wait, does it mean I don't want to know. It's just gonna hurt my feelings.

[B]

It's one of them. But it's basically being like, oh, you have. Everyone is.

[A]

No, it's so bad.

[B]

It's just calling someone ugly.

[A]

I like how we've become more girls girls these days.

[B]

Girls, Girls, yes. Yes.

[A]

Girls.

[B]

Girls, yes.

[A]

Just feels so happy and healthy. And our last one is kind of along that. That vibe.

[B]

Love.

[A]

And it actually reminds me of your. Your friend Sierra.

[B]

Oh, my God, what's happening?

[A]

What isn't happening right now over in that world?

[B]

It's insane.

[A]

I also love seeing all these videos being like, hannah was right. Hannah was right. Here we are. How many years later. Hannah was right. And I'm like, yes.

[B]

Oh, God. It is funny because it's like wwe where like, people thought a certain way and now they're, like, turning. So it is. Look, it is kind of funny.

[A]

It's insane because I remember when we first met, you were like, leaving that behind you and being. Doing the podcast, doing therapy, doing a lot of therapy. And you. We don't have to keep listening if you don't want it. But I remember you just being like, I got a bad edit. I'm just like, come here, come here.

[B]

But it is crazy how, like, things come to light and for anyone who feels like they feel misunderstood or things didn't go their way, keep focusing on you. Don't wish bad on other people. Don't try to get revenge. Focus on you and things. It might take a long time. You gotta be patient.

[A]

Hey, you did say you believe in karma.

[B]

Things will work itself out. And I have a couple more things that need to be worked out, but for now, I got some other stuff I'm working on. But for now, it's just do focus on what you can control. And reality TV is something that I couldn't control.

[A]

No, it just, like, really does speak to the. Stay in your lane, Keep doing you be a good person and like, everything good. If you are good, we'll come to you. Because you have just, I mean, your career, it's just. It's mind blowing. Like, it is so amazing to see how. And you work your ass off. Like, nothing comes easy. Like you grind. You are probably one of the hardest workers I know.

[B]

Thank you. But I also think, like, having ups and downs in your career, like, helps you Be humble. Helps you lose your ego and helps you get a little chip on your shoulder to be like. Like, I actually do want to, like, get this and accomplish this. Because if you're just at peace, you're not touring 70 cities. That's not a person.

[A]

I was gonna ask you how many you did, because literally you were doing double headers, a line everywhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In one year.

[B]

Yes. But you know what? Being on tour is fun because you, like, aren't really living life. You get to be in this like. Like, you almost aren't stressed. Cause you're just trying to make it to the next flight.

[A]

No.

[B]

And get on stage on time.

[A]

No shit gets canceled. And there's weather.

[B]

It's constant. Like, the cortisol is not good. But, like, you're not sitting alone with your own thoughts. Like, you're just always on the run. But then at some point you're like, I need to actually, like, see my friends, see my family, live my life

[A]

and 70 cities and a huge, successful podcast.

[B]

And it's a lot.

[A]

Married life and friends.

[B]

Like, I love work. You do too. Like, this is what brings us joy.

[A]

I do love it. Most days. Most days.

[B]

Most days. There's ups and downs. Like, the highs are really high. The lows are really low.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's like, it's what I enjoy right now. But I'm not gonna tour forever. Like, you can't be, like, you know, 75 with my cat.

[A]

Like, so tour essentially. Go to Hulu and watch your. Well, show Hulu.

[B]

Watch my special message me. Tell me your favorite jokes. I love to hear what people, like,

[A]

connected with the grinding one. You've teased. I'm already just like, well, it's so good.

[B]

Should I post the full one first of the grindy bit? Or do you feel like people already, like, kind of got the joke? I mean, there's a lot more to the joke. I feel like I should put the whole joke first. Cause I love that joke so much.

[A]

It is iconic. Oh, my God. Thank you. And just the way, like, your. Your body comedy, from what I've seen of this special, is like, up another level.

[B]

I do think, like, physically and mentally, I was more comfortable in my skin on stage. That's just from doing more comedy. So I was like a little bit of a Lucier goose.

[A]

Oh, my God, I'm so excited.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Literally, this episode comes out and your special drops, and I'm gonna be sitting there in just refreshing.

[B]

You're the best. And to have, like, such a badass like you supporting Me is really warms my heart. Really warms my heart.

[A]

Okay, this last one for us coming from Am I the Asshole? Titled Am I the asshole for not changing my outfit for a friend's birthday dinner because my ex said his new girlfriend would be uncomfortable. I, 24, female, and my ex Ryan, 26, male, broke up about eight months ago. It was mutual, no big blow up. We just ran our course. We have the same friend group, so we both made the effort to stay cool with each other. And honestly, it's been fine. After the breakup, I had a few rough months, nothing dramatic. I just kind of lost myself a little bit. The last three or four months, though, I've genuinely felt better. Eating properly, going to the gym consistently, therapy every two weeks. I'm not trying to make this about my appearance, but I feel more confident than I have in years and it shows. Our friend Danielle had a birthday dinner last weekend. Group reservation at a nice restaurant, about 12 people. I was excited. I bought a new dress for it. Nothing crazy, just a nice fitted dress, appropriate for a dinner out. Two days before the dinner, Ryan, my ex, texted me privately asking if I could, quote, dress it down a bit for the night. I asked what he meant.

[B]

I'll kill him.

[A]

He said his new girlfriend Jade would be there, and she had already seen a photo of me from another recent outing and was feeling anxious about meeting me, and he just wanted the night to go smoothly. I read that three times. I told him I bought the dress for Danielle's birthday dinner and I was wearing it. He said he wasn't trying to fight about it, he was just asking as a courtesy and that I was making it into something bigger than it was. I said asking me to change my outfit so your girlfriend feels better about herself is not a small ask. He left it at that. The dinner was fine. Jade was perfectly pleasant to my face. Nothing weird happened. Ryan was a bit off with me the whole night, but we managed. Now two of our friends think that I could have just worn something else and kept the peace. The others think that Ryan had absolutely no business sending that text. Am I the asshole?

[B]

But they didn't even know what she was gonna wear anyway. She could have been like, this is the looser dress.

[A]

Just tone it down.

[B]

This is crazy. This is triggering. I don't know. I'm about to freak out.

[A]

Dress it down.

[B]

There's so many different elements of it. First of all, there's no way the girlfriend wanted him to tell her that. No.

[A]

Why are you doing your girlfriend dirty like that?

[B]

Like she can say, like, hey, I'm insecure. Like, she's really pretty. Why? That's such a man thing to be. Like, wear a baggy outfit. Like, as if that's gonna make her less pretty.

[A]

Also, if I was going to a dinner that I knew my ex boyfriend was gonna be at, and my ex texted me saying, can you just look a little gross, uglier? Oh, that would go to my head.

[B]

Also, that's very controlling behavior. Telling a girl who's not even your girlfriend how she can dress, mind your business, get literally like, hey, you're too hot.

[A]

You're too hot.

[B]

I mean, I would be like, that would make my head big. I'd be like, okay, clearly, I'm that girl.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

I'm that girl. So take it as a compliment. You're that girl. But he's a damn mess.

[A]

I know. And Jade probably didn't even want that smoke and. Yeah.

[B]

And Jade did not want to be part of this. Leave Jade out of it. And great name. And who are these friends? Being like, you should have worn something. What? Like, is he picking out my wardrobe every morning?

[A]

It's weird. We've been broken up for eight months now.

[B]

Almost reminds me, once an ex told me I couldn't go to a comedy club that he goes to, and I was like, I'm a comedian. Like, you can't tell me funny.

[A]

I'm gonna be performing that.

[B]

Like, what? So it's like they're out of the relationship with you, but they're still trying to control you. And I'm like, bro, you don't have tabs on me anymore. I'm not accessible to you anymore. There's no way Jade wanted that anyway.

[A]

No. And Jade seems like she's actually, like, a cool girl. Like, she's already seen a photo of me from another outing and was feeling anxious about meeting me. Wanted it to go smoothly. Jade's not being like, oh, my God. Like, it doesn't sound like Jade is talking shit.

[B]

But I wonder if Jade knows if all the friends know that he did this. I wonder, because I would be pissed.

[A]

I would be like, why did you do that to me?

[B]

Also, there's no way Jade would have acted normal knowing that he texted her that.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I would have been even more anxious around that person. Oh. If my partner did that to me, it's like, you just made me look so insecure, so.

[B]

I'm also surprised she told him, though. Let's get some more. Let's get some more acting in our relationships. Never tell a man that you're insecure because his ex is pretty.

[A]

I literally only saw a picture of my husband's ex, like, a year ago. Like, I think we finally got married and I was like, what does your ex look like?

[B]

Yeah. Also part of me is like, I want his ex to be hot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm like, I want a man who has taste. Thank you. I want him to be like, yeah, this is the level of, you know, lady that I like to be around.

[A]

Like, he's out kicking his coverage.

[B]

If he's with a gross ex, I'd be like, oh, no, is that me? Like, what?

[A]

Yeah, no, I. I want you to, like, have hot exes.

[B]

I want a man who's a sommelier of sexy women. Yes. Yeah. The title of the episode, sommelier.

[A]

That's literally some male podcaster is going to hear that and be like, that's a rebrand. It's like a new, like, dating advice book. Sommelier of sexy women. Don't give them ideas. Hannah.

[B]

I do have a little thing, though. I don't like when a guy's, like, dated blondes before me. I don't.

[A]

What do you have against us?

[B]

Because then I'm like, do you even have.

[A]

Okay, we're done here.

[B]

No, but do you have a type? Like, I. Oh.

[A]

And then I want the girls before

[B]

me to look like me.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I want them to have similar hair, similar body type, to be like, okay, I'm clearly. This is what he's into. I know some guys are more random, but the men that I've like, if you put all my men in a lineup, you'd be like, yeah, it fits. All these guys are pretty similar. And I do think, you know, guys will have one offs, but, like, the long term relationships, even, like, if his celebrity crush, for example.

[A]

Yeah. That actually says a lot about a dude.

[B]

Says a lot. I actually got really nervous once asking a guy whose celebrity crush was okay. For example, like, when I was younger, this guy said his celebrity crush was J. Lo. I was happy with that because I was like, hi, I have a fat ass. She is a fat ass. We're brunettes. We are. I think she's a Leo. I'm like, this is great. Like, I feel like I could understand how he got there. But if it's like a shy blonde,

[A]

that's not me, that's.

[B]

Babe, you're barking up the wrong of the wrong tree. Let's not do this. Like, if your ex only dated brunettes, I mean, Your boyfriend or husband only dated brunettes? Would that make you feel a type of way at all?

[A]

No, it's. Honestly, I'm like, there's two types of

[B]

women in the world.

[A]

He dated his. Like, he was like, literally with his high school sweetheart until like junior year of college and then found out she was cheating on him with a guy, that he was making his music and literally, like, in the booth was rapping like, I'm fudgeing your girl and you don't even know it. And then he, like, accidentally found like an imessage popped up on her computer. Computer while she was on a run. That's how he found out.

[B]

So where can I watch that movie?

[A]

I know I saw a picture of her about a year ago. Maybe. Maybe a year and a half ago now. I don't even know. But no, it's fine. I'm like, fine. And then the girl he dated right before me, her name was Morgan. So he went from Morgan to Morgan.

[B]

That was a little bit funny saying during sex right.

[A]

Now I know which one. Which Morgan are you, Morgan?

[B]

One or two. And who's one or two?

[A]

Well, I'd be two. She came first. Which chicken or the egg? She was first.

[B]

I also like when I break up with a guy and then he ends up with a girl who also looks like me, Then I'm like, he's literally obsessed with me. Okay.

[A]

I have a girlfriend.

[B]

I'm like, move on, you creep.

[A]

That I have a girlfriend. That every single girl this guy has dated after her clones. Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He seeks out women that look like her.

[B]

I once there was a guy I dated who his mom came up to me thinking I was his new girlfriend because I look so similar to his current girlfriend.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I was like, nope. No. But look, he knows what he likes.

[A]

What do you think about the saying that guys will try to go after people that look like their moms? Mmm. That one I hate.

[B]

I could see a little bit of Oedipus complex thing happening potentially. I have a theory, though. My one weird theory of that is I think you go for people that smell like you. Like a pheromone thing. Like, I think my husband smells like my family.

[A]

There's studies on this.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I smell him like his. His, like just like his forehead. If I smell his forehead, I'm like, it reminds me of home.

[A]

That's beautiful.

[B]

Yeah. This got so, so sweet.

[A]

That's absolutely beautiful. No, you are actually. You're more attracted to people that are genetically similar to you.

[B]

Yeah. So I don't know if it exactly looks interesting and it's funny. Cause, like, I don't. I think I like guys who are, like, confident or outgoing like my dad, but, like, I. I end up. I love guys with blue eyes. There's no man with blue eyes in my family, so I. That's just a. That's just my kink.

[A]

I'm just.

[B]

You know, some people have torso dolls. I like blue eyes.

[A]

Well, you ended up with the right guy. You ended up with the right guy. I cannot wait to get him on the podcast. He's gonna be so fun.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I know. New York trip.

[B]

He actually has a special coming out soon, so.

[A]

Yeah, well, there we go. We gotta pay attention to yours right now, and we'll give him his time to shine eventually.

[B]

Rewrite, rewrite.

[A]

It's fine. Don't talk about him. Where can people find you? This has been absolutely. Oh, my God.

[B]

So much fun.

[A]

Incredible Sana burner everywhere.

[B]

My special's out on Hulu. I know.

[A]

We're gonna link it. It'll be in the description. So easy to find.

[B]

You're the best and. Yeah, and listen to giggly squad. I know.

[A]

Before we started, Hannah was like, I tried to get Paige.

[B]

We almost got Paige on One of these Times. Paige is coming to LA tonight.

[A]

What the fuck?

[B]

We'll get it. We'll get her.

[A]

We'll get it.

[B]

I'm chattier.

[A]

We'll get more champagne. We'll do it again. It's all good. But make sure you watch the special. I'm gonna be, like, sharing clips that Hannah post. Like, we. We are all gonna be like Kiki Hahas together.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I wish we could do, like, a. Are you gonna do a live watch party?

[B]

I don't know. I still have to figure out what I'm gonna do for the day. We'll chat. We'll figure it out.

[A]

We all need to, like, do maybe a book club after we watch this. You know, kind of like a recap of, like, how do we feel? Like, are we laughing? What was your favorite part? Oh, yeah. We need, like, a none of my business book club after. We're gonna.

[B]

We're gonna chat YouTube or something.

[A]

We're gonna chat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But thank you guys so much for being here. Another episode. Check out Hannah, especially the special. And until next time, guys, bye.