272: Squirm Happens Ft. Sarah Sherman

Summary

Two Hot Takes Ep. 272: “Squirm Happens” Ft. Sarah Sherman – Detailed Summary

Date: June 11, 2026
Host: Morgan Absher
Guest: Sarah Sherman ("Sarah Squirm" from SNL, comedian, HBO special)
Theme: This episode centers around “squirmy” internet stories sourced from Reddit (AITA, Relationship Advice, personal write-ins). Morgan curates a series of cringeworthy, uncomfortable, or ethically messy tales for Sarah Sherman, queen of all things squirmy, to dissect with her signature wit, candor, and offbeat perspective.

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Main Episode Theme

Overview:
The episode’s aim is to dive into stories that make listeners and guests “squirm”—morally, emotionally, or viscerally. With Sarah Sherman’s background in outrageous, boundary-pushing comedy, the duo explores everything from neighbor drama to bizarre relationship kinks, blending laughter, genuine empathy, and provocative “hot takes.”

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Sarah’s Relationship with Reddit and Being “Sarah Squirm”

[01:29–06:00]

• Sarah talks about her history on Reddit – mostly for niche product reviews and class action lawsuits.
• Morgan reveals Sarah actually has a positive presence on Reddit, citing fans who enjoy her SNL sketches (e.g., “Male and Testing Service,” “Chucky Eyes,” “Glamgina,” “Drunk Raccoon”).
• Sarah recounts a “humiliating viral thread” about her disastrous opening act for musician Oneohtrix Point Never:

  “They were there for an electronic music show. I kind of uncooled the vibe.” (04:10)

• Discussion of Sarah’s “squirm” brand, embracing discomfort, and how it feeds into her comedy and new HBO special.

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2. Doormat Drama: “Am I the Asshole for Not Removing My Horror-Themed Doormat?”

[06:14–15:21]

• Story: Couple with a scary Art the Clown doormat. New neighbors’ (ostensibly) frightened child keeps flipping or tossing the mat; drama escalates, parents swear, doormat ends up outside the stairwell.
• Discussion:
  • Sarah and Morgan discuss the power of scary imagery on kids (09:00).
  • Sarah shares a Goosebumps book cover that traumatized her as a child—insightful personal anecdote:

    “I was so scared… I made my mom take out the trash because I was so scared of its presence.” (11:47)

  • Both conclude: OP isn’t “the asshole”—it’s their space. Sarah adds, putting art outside means it’s subject to interaction:

    “If you’re gonna put art outside your door, just know he’s gonna get flipped or thrown.” (10:00)

  • Host and guest highlight the fine line between neighborly compromise and standing up for your personal tastes and boundaries.
  • Sarah offers meta-commentary on how Reddit often veers into subtle misogyny when blaming women in neighbor disputes:

    “Reddit… largely is women-hating. Everyone’s finding a reason to hate a woman in this scenario.” (15:04)

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3. Relationship Tangled Webs & Deceptions

A. “Am I the Jerk for Ghosting After Woman Lied About Her Husband Being Dead?” [15:22–24:27]

• Story: Open marriage gone awry. Narrator’s lover claimed her husband was dead—turns out he’s alive. Should OP confront her or tell the husband?
• Sarah’s reaction:

  “That’s jail. That is jail. May God rest everyone’s soul.” (16:59)

  • She's adamant that lying about family deaths is terrible karma.
  • Sarah wavers between “not my business” and feeling he should warn the husband to prevent future harm:

    “Now she’s going to do it to someone else and you’ve just created like a problem.” (19:22)

• Update: OP runs into the not-so-dead husband, reveals all, learns this is not the first cheating episode, and possibly not even the first instance of paternity issues.
• Morgan and Sarah reflect on cheating in the digital age, trust, and the logistical impossibility of open relationships for anyone without abundant free time:

  “Who has time? … I work, I have one relationship, friends, a family. That’s enough. Jesus Christ, these people.” (18:49)

  • Both agree: honesty is better than ghosting, and both marvel at how technology (location tracking, etc.) makes cheating harder these days.

B. “Fiancé Wants an Open Relationship, But Can’t Handle Her Higher Body Count” [25:33–32:15]

• Story: Woman reluctantly agrees to open relationship after fiancé’s meltdown. She “succeeds” more (42 new partners vs. his 2); he demands a moratorium until he “catches up.” Jealousy, controlling rules ensue.
• Sarah’s take:

  “This guy’s a fucking loser. Nobody wants to have sex with him because he sucks.” (28:39)

  • Points out classic pitfalls with open relationships, double standards, and men being threatened by women’s sexual agency.
  • Morgan breaks down how these arrangements often see men initiating, women “winning,” then men’s confidence collapses:

    “Typically it’s coming from a guy… and then [the] woman has an easier time, and they get upset.” (29:28)

• Update: OP dumps boyfriend after he becomes emotionally abusive, blocks her, and scares her during their breakup. Sarah predicts, “We’re gonna see this guy on the front page of the news for something crazy.” (32:16)

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4. Bizarre Finds: “I Accidentally Bought Human Ashes at Goodwill”

[32:26–40:26]

• Story: Reseller finds a box with unknown powder at Goodwill; turns out to be cremains and a memorial plate. Sells the box, keeps the ashes in Tupperware. Daughter of deceased reaches out. What to do?
• Sarah’s ethical verdict:

  “If he doesn’t give the ashes to the daughter, he’s going to hell.” (34:53)

  • Wonders why it’s even a question—return them!
• **Discussion on the logistics and prevalence of cremains turning up at thrift stores, cost of urns, the weirdness of touching/seeing cremated remains.
• Memorable quote:

  “Op, you’re going to the fiery furnace of hell with those where the ashes were.” (38:29)

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5. Messy & Kinky Relationship Advice

A. The Feeder Boyfriend
[40:17–53:19]

• Story: Woman’s chef boyfriend insists on feeding her every meal, escalating to feeding her in his lap. Suspects a fetish (“feederism”).
• Sarah’s reaction:

  “We have got a pervert, ladies and gentlemen.” (41:15)

  • Breaks down the dynamics: likely a control/fat fetish, especially as partner gains weight, boyfriend insists, gets awkward, and eventually becomes hostile when questioned.
  • Both agree: nothing wrong with kinks, but lack of consent and honesty is a dealbreaker.
• OP’s Update: She confronts him, he denies it angrily, calls her “a sick bitch,” and blocks her.
• Memorable moment:

  “Consent. All good. Sounds like it’s like a control thing.” (52:58)

B. Secret Tickle Fetish
[56:10–61:29]

• Story: Woman has kept her tickle/BDSM kink from boyfriend, seeks Reddit advice to confess.
• Sarah’s encouragement:

  “Don’t be ashamed, girl. Get your tickling bag.” (57:55)

  • Suggests the shame is unnecessary; partners will likely be more accepting than feared.
  • Tangent into “Tickled” documentary, competitive endurance tickling, and other fetishes.
• Update: Woman confides in boyfriend; he’s amused/accepting, open to exploring it further.

  “Life is short. Get tickled.” (59:21)

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6. Classic Awkwardness: Crushing on Friend’s Mom

[65:10–70:56]

• Story: 20s guy confesses feelings to friend’s mom via Instagram; she politely declines, calls him a “great kid.”
• Sarah’s reaction:

  “Milfhunter.com, bro, you’re good. Just get you a milf. You’re good.” (67:29)

  • Discusses how common this is, the awkwardness, and credits the mom for handling it “tactfully.”
• Light banter on hot parents, uncles, and how rejection by an older woman is a unique flavor of mortification.

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7. Funny, Memorable Asides & Notable Quotes

On scandalous open relationships:

“Guys, everyone’s just fucking and sucking all over town.” — Sarah Sherman (26:38)

On boundaries in relationships:

“I work, I have one relationship. I have friends and a family. That’s enough. Jesus Christ, these people.” — Sarah Sherman (18:49)

On returning found ashes:

“If he doesn’t give the ashes to the daughter, he’s going to hell.” — Sarah Sherman (34:53)

On out-of-control kinks:

“He’s gonna eat a woman.” — Sarah Sherman, about the controlling feeder boyfriend (51:05) “All these men are going to be on the news, I swear.” — Sarah Sherman (51:51)

On not feeling shame about kinks:

“Don’t be ashamed, girl. Get your tickling bag.” — Sarah Sherman (57:55) “Life is short. Get tickled.” — Sarah Sherman (59:21)

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

| Topic / Story | Start | End | |--------------------------------------------------------|-----------|-----------| | Opening, Sarah on Reddit, SNL, “Squirm” Persona | 01:29 | 06:00 | | AITA: Scary Doormat vs. Neighbor’s Kid | 06:14 | 15:21 | | AITA: Woman Lies Husband is Dead (Cheating) | 15:22 | 24:27 | | AITA: Fiancé’s Jealous Tantrum over Open Relationship | 25:33 | 32:15 | | Goodwill Box of Ashes: What Would You Do? | 32:26 | 40:26 | | Relationship: The Feeder Boyfriend | 40:17 | 53:19 | | “Secret Tickle Fetish” Confession & Update | 56:10 | 61:29 | | Today I F’d Up: Asked Out Friend’s Mom | 65:24 | 70:56 |

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Language, Tone, and Vibe

The episode is candid, irreverent, and sometimes delightfully crude. Both Sarah and Morgan lean into the “squirm” factor with self-deprecating humor, compassion for those sharing their stories, and sharp-witted meta-commentary about human behavior, relationships, and the weirder corners of the internet.

Sarah’s persona is unfiltered, clever, and deeply empathetic—even when she’s being caustic. She deftly mixes streetwise cynicism (“everyone’s just fucking and sucking all over town”) with open-mindedness and a surprising amount of wisdom about relationships, boundaries, and personal agency.

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Final Thoughts

A classic “Two Hot Takes” episode that’s both hilarious and thought-provoking, with Sarah Sherman elevating the discussion of cringe-worthy topics and bizarre life predicaments. The show strikes a perfect balance of hot takes, real talk, and good-natured mockery of internet drama and human absurdity.

For More:

• Watch Sarah’s new HBO special and recent SNL sketches (especially those featuring “Squirm” energy)
• Follow Morgan on IG @morgsyabsher
• Tune in for bonus stories and full-length videos on their Patreon and YouTube channels

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[END OF SUMMARY]

Transcript

[Sarah Sherman]

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[Guest Comedian]

Here we go.

[Sarah Sherman]

We're rolling. This is the first time you've gotten into Reddit.

[Guest Comedian]

I have been on Reddit for things. Oh, I have been on Reddit for things.

[Sarah Sherman]

For. For things.

[Guest Comedian]

It's like, it's like nowhere else will tell you, like, is this water actually better than the other waters? You know what I mean?

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

When everybody, you're like, well, why am I paying an extra dol for this water? Or I'm like, is this vitamin not. Is this a made up vitamin?

[Sarah Sherman]

I feel like they all are. Yeah. Well, and then I learned I'm like, a multivitamin doesn't work cause you're supposed to take them cause you're peeing it out or something. Well, there's something weird where it's like you have to take iron first, but if you take calcium before iron, then your body won't absorb the iron.

[Guest Comedian]

Is that even true?

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm not a scientist.

[Guest Comedian]

Right. Oh, shoot.

[Sarah Sherman]

Don't have that in the cards.

[Guest Comedian]

I'll go on Reddit for, like, I like all the, like, oh, you know, do sugar free gummy bears make you, like, shit your pants kind of thing?

[Sarah Sherman]

They do.

[Guest Comedian]

They do.

[Sarah Sherman]

They absolutely do.

[Guest Comedian]

And sugar free lifesavers, apparently.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. I haven't gone down that rabbit hole.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, I've been down that rabbit hole.

[Sarah Sherman]

There you go.

[Guest Comedian]

So I guess it's more like product reviews, like, class action lawsuit. Like, what are we, like, banding together against?

[Sarah Sherman]

Well, you have some fans on Reddit.

[Guest Comedian]

I do.

[Sarah Sherman]

You do? You have, I would assume.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, no, I don't want to.

[Sarah Sherman]

No, I don't.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't want to infuriate a Reddit army, but I have a vision in my head of what. Who's on Reddit. And in my mind, they don't like me.

[Sarah Sherman]

Well, they. They do. They actually. You've turned a lot of people back onto watching snl.

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. Look at this. Look at this cute little picture they shared of you. Oh, that's me on the subway. And they just talk about some of your amazing skits. Male and testing service meatballs. Chucky eyes.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

Eyes came up a lot.

[Guest Comedian]

Thank you.

[Sarah Sherman]

Glamgina.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes.

[Sarah Sherman]

They love your drunk raccoon. No, Olivia Rose.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

You're just a versatile little queen, they say.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, I. The one thing I've seen about myself on Reddit against my will was my co worker James Austin Johnson shared on Twitter a Reddit thread. I opened for my friend 10 tricks point never, who's an electronic musician who does all the. Like, he did the Marty supreme soundtrack and whatever.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

And he's like my favorite musician ever, and I'm like, his biggest fan, and he asked me to open for him, and I'm like, so in my head, I'm like, he's my boy. He's a freak. All of his fans are freaks. And so I did this, like, crazy, sad opening for him, and I think I just didn't, like, prepare his audience for what I was doing. They didn't know that there was gonna be a comedian. All of a sudden. They were there for an electronic music show. They were there, you know, they wanted to. They thought they were gonna have a cool night. And I kind of uncooled the vibe. No. So James showed me this Reddit thread that was like, did anyone just see Sarah squirm open for 100 tricks point ever at the Paramount Theater? That was, like, the most humiliating. Like, I was humiliated for. And it was viral. There was a lot of people talking.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh.

[Guest Comedian]

And then. And then James shared it, being like, lol. Isn't this funny? And I was like, is it?

[Sarah Sherman]

I don't know. I don't know about that. I love how you kind of like to make people squirm.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes.

[Sarah Sherman]

Because it's. It's Sarah Squirm Sherman. Yeah. It's like. It's in the name.

[Guest Comedian]

It's in the name.

[Sarah Sherman]

Have you legally changed yet?

[Guest Comedian]

I should really.

[Sarah Sherman]

What is your middle name?

[Guest Comedian]

Sarah Nicole. Sarah Nicole.

[Sarah Sherman]

Sarah.

[Guest Comedian]

Jewish girl from Long Island. Sarah Nicole.

[Sarah Sherman]

You could put Squirm in there somewhere.

[Guest Comedian]

I could.

[Sarah Sherman]

But you really, you know, you embrace that in all of your standup and your new special that came out with hbo.

[Guest Comedian]

Yep.

[Sarah Sherman]

Which. It's very squirmy.

[Guest Comedian]

It's very squirmy.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's very squirmy.

[Guest Comedian]

I wonder what Reddit would think about that.

[Sarah Sherman]

That's a deep dive for another day.

[Guest Comedian]

That's a deep dive for another day.

[Sarah Sherman]

But I've picked stories for you today that are just kind of like, you hear them and you just. All you can do is just kind of scroll.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, great. Great, great.

[Sarah Sherman]

Thank you. They're just kind of uncomfortable. A little out there.

[Guest Comedian]

Cool.

[Sarah Sherman]

And I think being the queen of Squirm, you're gonna have good takes on it.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, great. Okay. Awesome.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay, let's dive in.

[Guest Comedian]

Foreign.

[Sarah Sherman]

This episode of two Hot Takes is presented by Credit Karma. You're on your phone constantly. Shouldn't those bills count towards your credit? With Credit Spark by Intuit Credit Karma, they do build credit history using payments like phone bills or utilities. No debt, totally free, and missed payments aren't recorded. Not all lenders use transunion credit reports or scores impacted by Credit Spark. But if you're at or below 660 and looking to build credit history, download Credit Karma today and get the credit you deserve. Okay, up first for us here. This is coming from Amathe Asshole. It is titled, am I the Asshole for not removing my doormat because It Scares my neighbor's kid? My wife And I, both 32, have been living at our apartment for four years and are both huge horror fans. We have had an Art the Clown doormat from Spirit Halloween for two years now. It's not a Halloween decoration, it's just what we like. Last month around the beginning of April, we had some neighbors moving across from us. They have two kids. One is a baby and one is maybe three or four years old. The first time we met them was a couple of days after they moved in. We were all bringing in groceries and I introduced myself, shook hands, we all of that. The dad says, quote, still Halloween, huh? And I just laughed it off. Since then, we've come home four times to them flipping our doormat. And we know it's them because we have a ring camera. We were fine letting them do it and just flipping it back until a couple of days ago when we caught them doing it in person. We asked what the issue was, and apparently their son is super afraid of it. Yeah. Even though the kid was right there and was acting completely fine. Not crying, not anything. The only one that seemed agitated at all was the mom, who swore at us, rolled her eyes, and was just generally unpleasant. Haven't interacted with her much since. My wife waited until they were inside and then flipped it back over. I stayed out with the dad and talked it over, and he seemed fine. He said he understood it was our space and he would talk it over with his wife and that his son was old enough to understand that it couldn't hurt him. This morning, we walked out, and I saw our doormat wasn't even flipped over. It was thrown outside the stairwell. Oh. We live on the fourth floor, so it was a very deliberate thing. My wife wants to report it to management, but I'm just tired about this. I kind of want to throw it away, but I also want to keep it. I don't know. I'm just confused, y'.

[Guest Comedian]

All, this is interesting. I actually might have a hot take.

[Sarah Sherman]

Let's go.

[Guest Comedian]

Images are really powerful. Art the Clown is a very powerful symbol in the culture. I can imagine as a child, even though this person is claiming that it's more like the wife being a bitch about it. I can't imagine as a child seeing such a powerful image and being scared. And if, like, my cool, like, fucking badass dad flipped it over for me, I would be, like. I would feel, like, protected. It's just a very powerful image.

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm kind of with you. I mean, it's like a public space. Cause it's a hallway.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

But, like, everyone does their own cute little mats.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

But I guess, like, have you. I didn't know who Art the Clown was.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, that's an amazing doormat.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's really cool.

[Guest Comedian]

If you saw that as a kid, you would pass away. That's the scariest thing.

[Sarah Sherman]

Well.

[Guest Comedian]

And I love Art the Clown. Let me be frank.

[Sarah Sherman]

I've never, never met the guy. He.

[Guest Comedian]

You would want to be meeting him.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And there's an interesting optical illusion. So I think you can. Whatever you want outside of your apartment, just know that someone might be flipping it.

[Sarah Sherman]

I Mean, I think the flip is fine. It's the throw. It's the throw that thin went a little.

[Guest Comedian]

I do live for a little neighbor drama.

[Sarah Sherman]

Were you. Are you in New York?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Do you have neighbor drama?

[Guest Comedian]

No, I actually have neighbor, like complete camaraderie and like familia pizza.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm obsessed with all my neighbors, my downstairs neighbors. I made my best friend move downstairs for me.

[Sarah Sherman]

You struggle.

[Guest Comedian]

I know. And I love, like, I have like an 80 year old neighbor that I'm always like checking in on being like, do you need help with groceries? And she's like, I'm fine. Like, stop.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, I know, you're cute.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm a little bit cute. One time I was late for a work meeting and I was like, oh, sorry I'm late. I was helping my 80 year old neighbor up the stairs with groceries and everyone was like, nice fucking lie. And I wasn't lying.

[Sarah Sherman]

You're like, no, that's genuine, you assholes.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, but I like, as someone who loves Art the clown, I just think if you're gonna put art outside your door, just know he's gonna get flipped or thrown and that's okay. But like, that's just. It's just gonna get flipped and thrown.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. Is op the asshole, though. I'd probably lean towards. No, it's your doormat. It's outside your door. You're entitled to your little space there.

[Guest Comedian]

When I was a kid, I read. I was addicted to Goosebumps. And they would scare me, the books, but I was addicted. And there was one that scared me so bad. It was the mask where, like, the kid would put on a Halloween mask and become transformed. Like, literally, like the Somebody Stop Me Jim Carrey style, the mask kind of. And it scared me so much that even the COVID of it, I couldn't look at it. So I made my mom put it in a drawer in the house. And then I got so scared of the drawer in the house that I wouldn't even go in the room where the drawer was, which severely limited my options in my home.

[Sarah Sherman]

You just didn't wanna get rid of the book.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, so then ultimately I did make my mom throw it out. And then I knew that the book was in the trash and then I made my mom take the trash out because I was so scared of its presence.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And it was because of the image, the COVID Do you guys do like little, like, pictures?

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, we sure do.

[Guest Comedian]

This image scared me so much.

[Sarah Sherman]

Which goosebumps was it?

[Guest Comedian]

It was the mask. Goosebumps. The Mask. So it's like I can imagine. You know what I'm saying?

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

So, like, if this kid was as triggered by the Art the Clown doormat as I was by the book cover of the mask, maybe OP Is doing an act of, like, community violence.

[Sarah Sherman]

That could be a hot take for the day.

[Guest Comedian]

And I. I got in a big fight with my boyfriend. Spoiler alert. Because I went to Disneyland. Disney World.

[Sarah Sherman]

Which. Which state were you in? Disneyland.

[Guest Comedian]

I just moved to la.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

I was like, I want to go to Epcot. Small World. It's a small world. And I had the. I went to Disneyland. I had the worst time of my life.

[Sarah Sherman]

What?

[Guest Comedian]

Because I was, like, tired, and I was like, why do we have to stand outside?

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, girl.

[Guest Comedian]

I know. And I didn't know I didn't have money for, like, a fast pass or something, but I wore my backpack that had this, like, flower on the back of it that looks like, like, a giant vagina with, like, teeth. And my boyfriend was like, you literally can't wear that to Disneyland. That's, like, rude. That's, like, rude to the children who are seeing it.

[Sarah Sherman]

Exposing them to something indecent.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. And so I kind of. I learned the error of my ways. I did feel kind of bad for exposing the children at Disneyland.

[Sarah Sherman]

How vagina, like, was it? Like, I'm envisioning a Venus flytrap flower.

[Guest Comedian]

It was a little more vaginal, but it was, like, violent. It was, like, violent and dripping with blood. And so I kind of. But I owned. I owned that. I was like, you know what? My bad. So I kind of feel like OP is a little bit in my bad territory.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay. I mean, kid is three to four.

[Guest Comedian]

Like, that is scary.

[Sarah Sherman]

That is. Yeah. If the kid truly is indeed scared. I would say, like, maybe take a pause from the mat if it's the mom. And it's like, some, like, religious thing where it's like, oh, my God, that's demonic.

[Guest Comedian]

Right. Then it's like, you have to put the mat there.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Living hell.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. You got to hold your ground.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

Did you ever see the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Book? Of course.

[Guest Comedian]

The Edward Gorey drawings?

[Sarah Sherman]

Those were the ones that got me.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

And, like, the girl that had, like, the ribbon around her throat, and she undid it and her head fell off.

[Guest Comedian]

We did a SNL sketch where we do that, and everyone knew the reference because it was such a shocking childhood

[Sarah Sherman]

trauma memory that everyone's. Girl.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Awesome.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. No. Okay, I need to go back and watch that one. Top comment. On it. Report it. So there's a trail of them destroying your property. They will continue to escalate. 17,000 upvotes on that. A lot of not the asshole. So overall, vote on the post, not the asshole. I've got five bucks that says the kid doesn't care. Mom just likes a certain aesthetic. In her place, I'd be halloweening my door up and reporting her butt.

[Guest Comedian]

I think that Reddit. I'm just gonna say this largely is women hating. And I just feel like everyone's finding a reason to, like, hate a woman

[Sarah Sherman]

in this scenario, making it a bigger deal.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, that's something.

[Sarah Sherman]

Like, lately I would say that sometimes the small stuff gets made to be a lot bigger.

[Guest Comedian]

Sure.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay, this next one here, this is coming from Am I the Jerk? It's titled Am I the For Ending Things and Ghosting after finding out she lied about her husband being dead.

[Guest Comedian]

More than one ghost here I see.

[Sarah Sherman]

I, 32, male, am married with two kids, and my wife and I have an open relationship with her full knowledge. Already a problem with her full knowledge and agreement. I started seeing another woman who also said she had two kids around the same age as mine. She told me her husband had passed away, and she even showed me pictures of him. Over time, things got pretty serious, and we blended parts of our lives in a way that honestly felt really natural. The only thing that ever seemed off was that we never went to her house, only mine, or out in public. Looking back, yeah, obvious red flag. A few days ago, I randomly saw her out shopping, and she was with the same man she told me was dead. I didn't approach her, I didn't cause a scene, nothing. I just left and haven't spoken to her since. I've basically cut her off completely. My wife thinks I should tell the husband what's going on, but I really don't want to get dragged into her life or whatever mess she's created. I feel like I've already been lied to enough and I just want to move on. Am I overreacting for ending things and ghosting her instead of confronting her or telling her husband, oh, this person should be in jail.

[Guest Comedian]

That's jail. That is jail.

[Sarah Sherman]

That he's dead.

[Guest Comedian]

God. May God rest everyone's soul. Like, you know when people are like, you know, oh, like, lying about calling off sick from work by being like, there was like, something bad in the family. That's bad karma. That's really bad karma.

[Sarah Sherman]

I know. Or like, my grandma died and it's like, ooh, don't put that on the universe.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, say that, don't say that, don't do that.

[Sarah Sherman]

Bad juju.

[Guest Comedian]

This per the ghosting. I don't think this person should ghost. I think the person should call them and be like, you're crazy. You are crazy.

[Sarah Sherman]

Uh huh.

[Guest Comedian]

You're crazy.

[Sarah Sherman]

Would you find a way to tell the husband?

[Guest Comedian]

None my business. I. I just call that person and be like, you're fucking crazy. You're a crazy person. Oh my God.

[Sarah Sherman]

Like I actually just confront. Yeah, that's it. See, I'm like, I'd kind of want the husband to know.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. I mean he should.

[Sarah Sherman]

Because like, if you have an open marriage, you don't lie and say your husband's dead.

[Guest Comedian]

Right. She doesn't have an open marriage. I don't think she's a little bit of a fool. Oh, you know. Oh, we've never been to her house. That's weird, right?

[Sarah Sherman]

I know. Well then I'm like, are you only at your house when your wife is gone? Open relationships really like the concept.

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm like, I don't know how people make it work.

[Guest Comedian]

They don't.

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm way too jealous. Yeah, it's not working here, at least for her. But I'm like, did you bring her over when your wife was there and like all your kids are playing while you go upstairs?

[Guest Comedian]

Also, again, my question, do you have jobs? How do you have this all this time to just be open all over the place? Who has time?

[Sarah Sherman]

I feel like we're just working too much.

[Guest Comedian]

I know.

[Sarah Sherman]

I think that's our problem.

[Guest Comedian]

I know.

[Sarah Sherman]

I think we work too much. To where? Like we can't even have a hobby of like an open relationship or a hobby.

[Guest Comedian]

Maybe that's their hobby.

[Sarah Sherman]

I think so.

[Guest Comedian]

I work, I have one relationship. I have friends and a family. That's enough. Jesus Christ. These people.

[Sarah Sherman]

Top comment. Not the asshole for ghosting in this situation. I can understand being a bit lost for words in the moment. If you do see them together out and about again, please go in for the cuddle to say hi and then introduce yourself to the husband.

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Sarah Sherman]

And when he replies, I'm her husband, you, you say, I heard you were dead, and then walk away.

[Guest Comedian]

I do think you are the asshole for not saying something because now she's going to do it to someone else and you've just created like a problem.

[Sarah Sherman]

So are you team tell husband now?

[Guest Comedian]

I mean, I was just. Yeah, I guess.

[Sarah Sherman]

Would you write a letter or would you knock on the door like a little girl scout?

[Guest Comedian]

Knock on the Door like a girl scout.

[Sarah Sherman]

Hi.

[Guest Comedian]

Hi. So your wife's like a crazy bitch.

[Sarah Sherman]

By the way, she tells everyone you're dead.

[Guest Comedian]

That's terrible.

[Sarah Sherman]

So we do get an update from this person. They update us. Okay. Update on confronting the dead husband. Well, I didn't think at all that it would be this soon. A lot of people told me I should tell the husband, and honestly, I didn't think I would. I just wanted to disappear from the situation and moved on. But life handled it for me. This morning, I saw him alone at a coffee shop before work. I walked up to him and said, hey, how'd you do it? He looked at me confused and said, do what? I said come back from the dead. At that point, he just stared at me, completely lost. So I sat down and explained everything. I told him what she had told me, and she said that he had passed away, showed me a picture, and that we had been seeing each other for months. Turns out this wasn't even close to the first time that she's cheated. He told me there had been affairs in the past, and apparently one of the kids might not even biologically be his.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, no.

[Sarah Sherman]

Because of it. He said she promised she was done with all that, but I guess this time she escalated into literally pretending he died.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

The guy was obviously upset, but weirdly enough, wasn't angry at me. He actually apologized to me for what she did.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

Which made me feel awful because he's clearly been dealing with this for years.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

I told him he didn't owe me an apology at all. We exchanged contact info because I saved all the messages where she talked about him being dead, and he may need them later if he goes through with filing for divorce. Honestly, the whole thing feels insane and sad now.

[Guest Comedian]

If my boyfriend cheated, there would be, like, an electric fence around our apartment. He would have. He would be chipped. I would have his location. I mean, first of all, I have his location, and everyone I know is location on my phone. If you don't accept my location request, that's your sus. Why can't I know where you are at all times? So it's like, I don't understand the, like, serial cheating. Like, how does it even happen? I know where everyone in my life is at all times.

[Sarah Sherman]

I know. I. I don't know. Like, I've been cheated on in the past, but I think at knock on wood, at this point in my life, I feel like it would be really hard for my partner to pull it over on me now.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

Like, we do have find My friends like stuff like that. I'm like, we also don't have any time. I'm like, how do you find the time?

[Guest Comedian]

But can you imagine seeing yourself getting gotten so many times?

[Sarah Sherman]

I would be like a once, depending on the circumstances. If it was like a one night stand, I'd be like, okay, let's, you know, try to work through things.

[Guest Comedian]

Totally.

[Sarah Sherman]

But if it was like, no, a six month long relationship and one of the kids might be someone, he might have like, fathered a kid, I'd be like, yeah, no, we're done.

[Guest Comedian]

And like, also, how do you not know where they are?

[Sarah Sherman]

How often are you looking at your boyfriend's location?

[Guest Comedian]

Every sec. I'm always like, where is everyone?

[Sarah Sherman]

So you don't have tick tock. You just go on. Find my friends.

[Guest Comedian]

And like all my best friends. Like, my. One of my best friend lives down the street, my other best friend lives downstairs. Like, I need to know where everyone is so I can be like, let's get a coffee maybe. That's great.

[Sarah Sherman]

Well, no, but you like, that's community. That's nice.

[Guest Comedian]

That's community.

[Sarah Sherman]

I wish I could walk to my friends houses. Like, I miss that.

[Guest Comedian]

That's New York for you. I know.

[Sarah Sherman]

I need like a friend to move into my neighborhood so I can like, just walk my horse to their house. Yeah, I have horses.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, you're not kidding.

[Sarah Sherman]

No. Yeah, they're like in the backyard right now eating their hay.

[Guest Comedian]

Where is your. Where do you live?

[Sarah Sherman]

Right down the street.

[Guest Comedian]

How big are they? They're big. They're horses.

[Sarah Sherman]

One's really big and then one is a pony that I've had since I was like 7. So he's like, he just turned like 31 in April. April 19th.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, my God. He's a Virgo. No, no, no, he's a. I'm not sure. He's an Aries. That's an Aries.

[Sarah Sherman]

Maybe.

[Guest Comedian]

Yep. Wait, what is. What are their names?

[Sarah Sherman]

Konya and Smartie. Aw.

[Guest Comedian]

Do you hang out with them like they're like a dog?

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, I'm teaching them tricks. Yeah, Aries, you're good.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, you have a very stubborn horse.

[Sarah Sherman]

He is stubborn and he's like, very smart. Like, we call him Houdini because he's always escaping out of the fence.

[Guest Comedian]

Whoa.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, he like, knows how to undo the latch and then he locked the gate. Like, he's very smart.

[Guest Comedian]

There's a horse on the drive over here. There are like horses around, huh?

[Sarah Sherman]

They just walk the neighborhood.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Isn't that crazy?

[Guest Comedian]

Okay,

[Sarah Sherman]

that's all we have for updates on this one. Nothing else.

[Guest Comedian]

But, yeah, you got to just tell everyone in that. In that situation, it's just like you tell everyone everything. The ghosting is like no ghost. Everybody be talking. Everybody say what you got to say.

[Sarah Sherman]

Have you ever been ghosted?

[Guest Comedian]

No. I'm quite persistent.

[Sarah Sherman]

I love that. You're not gonna ghost me. I'll show up on your doorstep immediately.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We didn't call this podcast one. Hot take for a reason. Sometimes you just need a second opinion, someone to help you figure out if yes, you might actually be wrong. And honestly, insurance isn't that different. You want someone in your corner helping you make the right call. That's where State Farm comes in. With over 19,000 local agents. They're there to help you choose the coverage that fits your life. They've got your back, so you don't have to do it alone. Visit state farm.com to learn more. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. We've got one more open relationship. One for you. Jeez, these people, they're just popping up right now.

[Guest Comedian]

It's too messy.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's the season of open relationships. You know, deer season comes around every year. I guess open season for open relationships is now.

[Guest Comedian]

Just get it together, y'. All.

[Sarah Sherman]

This one is coming from my good friend directcat, a pillar 77. I have friends on Reddit now.

[Guest Comedian]

Good.

[Sarah Sherman]

We like chat.

[Guest Comedian]

Good.

[Sarah Sherman]

It is titled Fiance. 27, male. Wanted to try an open relationship. Not my first choice, but I agreed. Now he's throwing a tantrum that my body count is 20 times his nose. Is it time to just cut my losses and move on? I'm 25. I've been with my fiance for four years. I love him and used to respect him, but his recent fixation on this dumb subject has really hurt my respect. He proposed a year and a half ago. I said yes. About a year ago, he found out that his friend had slept with 100 women prior to getting engaged. And somehow this affected his psyche and he proposed an open relationship.

[Guest Comedian]

Guys, everyone's just fucking and sucking all over town.

[Sarah Sherman]

At first I was disgusted by the thought, but I agreed after he threw a major meltdown. So I started going out with friends. The first few guys. I was so nervous because I'd been with two guys, including my fiance, prior. But after I got over the nerves, I realized when there's no pressure to start a relationship, I'm really good at picking dudes up and sending vibes that I'm down to fuck. I've actually met several of them off Reddit as well. I've been with 42 guys in the past year.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

I never thought it would happen, but I've enjoyed myself immensely.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, good. Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

But honestly, I'm ready to stop. But as it turns out, my fiance is not good at it and he's had two really bad hookups from dating apps. When we were having the where are we? Discussion, he had two and she had 40. He had another meltdown when he found out how many guys I've been with. He kept repeating, you've slept with 20 times the number I have 20 times. I said, maybe we should just stop. He said no, that he wasn't ready now, but he wants to impose a rule that I have to have a break until he gets to 10.

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Sarah Sherman]

And then I can go out and meet someone new every five new girls that he sleeps with.

[Guest Comedian]

No. No.

[Sarah Sherman]

To me, this is goddamn ridiculous. Part of the fun was the independence and not checking in. Now he literally wants me to keep a log. And then when he hits an achievement, then I can do my own thing. How shitty is that? In all honesty, I don't want a relationship where we compare numbers, let alone fuck other people. I want a normal life with kids and a house and a dog. What are we supposed to say? Quote, I watch the kids until you fuck five women, then it's my night. Is it time to just say enough is enough and move on? Is there any hope here?

[Guest Comedian]

This guy's a fucking loser. Nobody wants to have sex with him because he sucks. Obviously. This guy sucks. Get out of there. This guy stinks.

[Sarah Sherman]

I mean, it's either an open relationship or it's not, right?

[Guest Comedian]

And then the thing with these open relationships, like when the rules happen, and now their rules had numbers, like a num. Numerical coefficient, like, get out now. This guy's a no. Nobody wants to fuck him. Take the hint. I.

[Sarah Sherman]

This is kind of what happens with these open relationships though. Like, typically, yes, guys will do this, right? I have seen one though, where someone just wrote in a Reddit and he's like, my wife told me. And he literally, this is the quote, she wants to be a slut and like, was asking for an open relationship and wanted to sew her wild oats. Whatever. But typically it's coming from a guy.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

And then relationship is open, woman has an easier time. And then they get upset, they have no confidence.

[Guest Comedian]

It's like not anyone's responsibility that he like, has no self worth. This guy's a loser.

[Sarah Sherman]

And that's what I think he needs to work on is like, you need to be more confident in yourself. Like, why are you comparing yourself to your friend that slept with a hundred women?

[Guest Comedian]

And by the way, he's lying. You think it's like everybody's lying.

[Sarah Sherman]

So Opie does have a little bit of an edit. Rip my inbox with people calling me a whore guys. Wow. Glad my best karma has to do with me sleeping around. I have 1400 unread messages whoa. And 17 chat requests. I'm almost certainly not going to bang anyone from this thread, so we do get an update, I guess. I made the front page of Reddit yesterday. Whatever. I've read the responses well into the morning while my now ex fiance absolutely blew up my shit. Alternating between calling me a whore and a see you next Tuesday, asking me why I disgraced myself and him like that. He also peppered the barrage with things like what's going to happen to us after this? I finally fell asleep at like 3am and should have worked. But after finally admitting that I needed to break things off with him, I called in sick to work, went to fiance's house, asked to come in, told him we had to talk. He said we did, but as a testament to his fucking out of control ego, he prefaced his part of the conversation with quote I want you to know in advance I may not be ready to accept your apology. Fuck him. I planned on being nice, but that was too much. I just told him it's over between us. His look of surprise was a combination of pathetic and amusing because even after calling me all sorts of gendered slurs for the better part of a few hours, he still wasn't expecting me to break up with him. He begged me to know why. I think I told him he had to know why and I tried to leave. I had no desire to talk to him, so I tried to leave and he kept blocking me. I finally told him that if he didn't fucking let me go, I was going to call the police. He finally relented, but as I was trying to drive away, he came out and started punching the driver's side window. It was terrifying, but it didn't break. Between leaving his place and getting to mine, he texted me and called a dozen times. I just blocked him. Deleted the whole conversation without reading it. Fuck him too, because I had the ring in my pocket and planned on giving it back to him, but now I'm too scared to see him and give it back. So I'm Selling the motherfucker or getting it melted down. So that's that. I don't know. This might get removed in a few days, but it's all good. I don't know whether I'm coming or going at this point. It's been a crazy couple of days.

[Guest Comedian]

We're gonna see this guy on the front page of the news for something crazy.

[Sarah Sherman]

You called it. I absolutely called it.

[Guest Comedian]

Moving along, psycho.

[Sarah Sherman]

Moving along to this next one. Are you a thrifter? Of course. Do you like thrifting?

[Guest Comedian]

Everything I'm wearing.

[Sarah Sherman]

You're good. Okay, so this is coming from R Reselling. It's a subreddit for professional resellers and those that aspire to be. This one is titled I bought a box at Goodwill for $5, and I need some advice on a situation that has developed. I do my usual Goodwill rounds on Saturday mornings looking for stuff to flip, and I found this nice looking wooden box with brass hardware for $5. I thought it was a jewelry box or maybe a cigar humidor, so I figured I could flip it for 40, $60 easy. I got home and opened it up and it was heavy and full of a grayish powder in a sealed bag. There was also a small metal plate on the inside lid that I didn't notice in the store. Yeah, like it has a name and two dates on it.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

So, yeah, I bought a person. Yeah, I listed it anyways and dumped the bag into a Tupperware container and listed the box on ebay and it sold within a day. About a week later, I get a message on ebay from someone asking if the box had anything inside of it. When I bought it, I said no because I panicked and I'm a bad person. They sent a second message that was very long and very emotional, explaining that their mother passed last year and somehow her ashes ended up at Goodwill after a family dispute and they've been searching for them for months. They described the box in perfect detail, including a small scratch on the bottom left corner. So now I have a dead woman's ashes in a glass Tupperware container in my garage.

[Guest Comedian]

And.

[Sarah Sherman]

And her grieving daughter is messaging me on ebay and I already told her the box was empty and I sold the box to someone in Ohio. I looked into whether Goodwill is liable for selling human remains, and the answer appears to be complicated. And also nobody has tested this in court, which is not comforting. My questions are, one, do I come clean to the daughter? Two, how do I explain that her mother is in a Tupperware container now, three, is there a way to get the box back from Ohio without explaining why? Four, can Goodwill ban you? Because I still need to go there on Saturdays.

[Guest Comedian]

If he doesn't give the ashes to the daughter, he's going to hell.

[Sarah Sherman]

But what do you do?

[Guest Comedian]

You'd be like, I have your mom in a jar.

[Sarah Sherman]

You have to give them back.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

I wouldn't be able to sleep with myself if I didn't find a way to get these ashes back.

[Guest Comedian]

No. Like, how is this even a question?

[Sarah Sherman]

I feel like there's people out there that would have flushed them, to be honest.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Or throw them away.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

I think this happens pretty commonly at Goodwill.

[Guest Comedian]

Really?

[Sarah Sherman]

I think it's, like, a thing that they get ashes quite a bit.

[Guest Comedian]

Right. Lord, he's got a. It is interesting that he kept them.

[Sarah Sherman]

Well, he felt guilt. He had to have felt some guilt.

[Guest Comedian]

How does he not have more guilt now? Everyone's probably telling him to return them. Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

Let's see what the comments say. Top comment. Just tell them you lied at first because you felt guilty for accidentally coming home with the remains and that the box sold. Get them the ashes. They don't care about the box. You could be the real key in their grieving process. Good luck. Someone says, yes, this, they want the ashes, not the box. Right. I will say urns are pretty pricey, though.

[Guest Comedian]

How much is an urn if it's,

[Sarah Sherman]

like, a stone one? Like, I paid 600 for one.

[Guest Comedian]

Whoa.

[Sarah Sherman]

700.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

So there.

[Guest Comedian]

Can you open it?

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. I looked in the ashes. I, like, wanted to see if you could see any teeth, because I had previously heard that sometimes it doesn't. There were some shards, like bone. It's hard to tell. Hard to tell.

[Guest Comedian]

But this is like a box.

[Sarah Sherman]

It was like, a wooden box, and then just. It comes in just, like, a bag. Like, they're just in a bag, and they're, like, gray. It looks like fireplace soot.

[Guest Comedian]

But an urn. They're just loose in there.

[Sarah Sherman]

No, still in a bag, typically. Unless you pour the bag into the urn.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

But, like, we just shoved the bag

[Guest Comedian]

into the urn, and it's like a plastic bag.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. This is, like. I mean, I think you can kind of get a bunch of different options. Ooh, the wood is a bargain. 79.

[Guest Comedian]

I didn't know that that was an urn.

[Sarah Sherman]

Earn. Oh, four.

[Guest Comedian]

400. Who's buying, like, a wooden box on ebay? This sold immediately.

[Sarah Sherman]

I don't know. Maybe.

[Guest Comedian]

Right. I wonder if this person. If, like, the person on who's buying

[Sarah Sherman]

it on ebay knew, like, yeah, I would think not. But maybe they labeled it as an earn because how did then the other person find the listing? So it must have been labeled, like, with an urn. Description had like, I don't know, dates or whatever. Brass plate.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

I've literally, I've looked on ebay and offer up in Craigslist for lost items of mine. So, like, it can be done. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

What were you. What. What was missing? Ugh.

[Sarah Sherman]

Cartier ring just slipped off my finger. I was hand sanitizing outside of a Lululemon and Studio City and bam. Popped off. Didn't feel it.

[Guest Comedian]

You know, the thrifting hack on ebay, you just. You type in designer names wrong and it's people, like, not really knowing what they have, like, listing items wrong. And then you get like, you know, cheap commes des garcons because I didn't know what they had.

[Sarah Sherman]

That's smart. That is really smart. That's. Yeah. Okay, now I know what to do. I'm on the hunt for some things.

[Guest Comedian]

Your Cartier ring, that's for sure. I know it's clean, it's sanitized.

[Sarah Sherman]

We've replaced her. Oh, she's fine now. She's good. But yeah, definitely got to give this back. We don't have an update, so we have no idea what op does.

[Guest Comedian]

Op. You're going to the fiery furnace of hell with those where the ashes were. You're going to into the crematorium if you don't return that. That's crazy.

[Sarah Sherman]

You have to give them back. Have to. And also this episode is brought to you by. Sonic. Summer is heating up, so it's a good thing. Sonic Refreshers now come frozen, blended, icy cold with real fruit and green tea. Sonic Frozen refreshers are the perfect way to cool it down when it gets hot. And they come in four delicious flavors. Strawberry, passion fruit, watermelon, peach, mango, peach, and berry. Citrus. And they're the perfect way to reward yourself. Whether that's finding the last parking spot in the shade or getting a compliment on your form from a workout instructor. Maybe it's remembering to put on sunscreen before you leave the house. Whatever it is this summer for all of life's little achievements, sip to that with new frozen Sonic Refreshers. Live free. Eat Sonic. Try the new frozen Sonic Refreshers today. Order in the Sonic app for pickup or delivery, or visit your nearest Sonic. This episode is brought to you by Billie. I don't know about you guys, but I get a little lazy in the winter, I'm in hibernation mode and I grow out my leg hair a little bit, but it's getting warmer. And now I'm excited for that first shave of the season. And if you are, then you gotta get the Billy razor in your life. It's designed for how women actually shave. Legs, pits, toes, happy trail wherever prickles decide to show up. It has five sharp blades and a pivoting head so you can actually get everywhere without doing shower gymnastics. And it comes with a magnetic holder so your razor stays dry on the wall. Instead of sitting in a shower puddle, grab a Billy razor in your favorite color in store or@my Billy.com. like, can I get banned from Goodwill? No, no.

[Guest Comedian]

You can get banned from all of your group chats if you're the guy. I wouldn't be texting you back if you're the guy who didn't return the mom's body.

[Sarah Sherman]

No, I'd be done with you. Okay, this next one. This is coming from R Relationship Advice. It's titled My Boyfriend Loves to feed Me Meals Every day. Hmm. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had. He's so sweet and attentive. He always puts me first. And it's honestly a fresh of air compared to my past relationships. He's a chef. Whenever we went out to eat, he would always feed me a bite of his food. I never minded and thought it was cute. When we started hanging out with others at their houses, he would always offer to cook and then he would feed me my meal. I told him, it's fine, I can feed myself, but he would always insist. He said he loves feeding beautiful women his food.

[Guest Comedian]

Right? We have got a pervert, ladies and gentlemen.

[Sarah Sherman]

Now it's kind of escalating. He wants to feed me on his lap. Yeah, I told him that I'm not interested in sitting on his lap and getting fed. I'd rather just watch the show and eat my chips myself instead of a whole meal he made. When I say no, he gets a bit awkward and I start to feel bad. But it's so weird how he loves to feed me all my meals. Why? I know there's way weirder things out there and the intention is sweet, but I'm starting to think it might be a kink or something.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes, it's a kink. You have a feeder boyfriend?

[Sarah Sherman]

I don't discuss the intimates of my relationships with my friends. So I'm on here. Is this weird or sweet? By the way this is a daily occurrence whenever we're together.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, first of all, why don't you got friends you could talk to?

[Sarah Sherman]

Some people just, like, don't want to embarrass themselves or, like, say something bad about their partner. And then, like, they stay with them and it's like, well, I'm staying with the food guy.

[Guest Comedian]

If your boyfriend's got a feeder fetish, if you're not into it, get out of there. That's what he likes. He's like, shoveling it into her mouth by hand. I wouldn't mind that.

[Sarah Sherman]

You wouldn't.

[Guest Comedian]

Hungry. I'm a hungry girl.

[Sarah Sherman]

The Top Chef. I mean, it's got to be good. It's got to be good food sitting in his lap.

[Guest Comedian]

Have fun.

[Sarah Sherman]

It would. Only the, the novelty would wear off, though. Yes, it would wear off very quickly.

[Guest Comedian]

And him getting, like, irritated by not being able to feed. Sounds bizarre. It can't be every day.

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm like, not kink shaming at all because there's a right shoe for every left. Like someone's got a feeder fetish and they'll find their feedy whatever. But, like, it would not do it for me to know someone's getting off on feeding me. And that's how I know. I'm just. I wouldn't. That's not my person.

[Guest Comedian]

Right, right. It sounds like she's not into it. Sounds like she does not have the right chew for his left shoe fetish.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, yeah. No top comment. I'm not even a little bit involved in the fetish kink community. And this is screaming fetish to me. Yeah. Someone goes, yep, the guy's a feeder. Someone says, I suggest you look into feederism. It's a fetish. Also, be careful with your waistline because if he gets off on feeding you, there's a chance he'll get off on fattening you up as well.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes, that's part of it. Yes.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's like Hansel and Gretel.

[Guest Comedian]

I know. I know all about this. Do you think I maybe need a feeder and I want to be the mouth. I'm hungry all the time.

[Sarah Sherman]

Are you really?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Do you have, like, there's someone that literally just posted recently and they're like, I'm hungry all the time. Like, I think I have a parasite.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, maybe.

[Sarah Sherman]

Honestly, maybe haven't gotten tracked.

[Guest Comedian]

No, there's like other problems that come first, I guess. Just like the never ending list of problems.

[Sarah Sherman]

I mean, all you have to do is mail in poop.

[Guest Comedian]

That's true.

[Sarah Sherman]

You're familiar with the process.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm very much familiar with this. I've sat on a train with a box of my own poop in my lap and it was warm. I had to bring my poop to my doctor. And it was not Malin. It was. I was the delivery person on the train.

[Sarah Sherman]

Do you have tummy problems?

[Guest Comedian]

Of course.

[Sarah Sherman]

Every hot girl does. Catches up with us. The train, that was a new experience.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. It was warm in my lap. It was warm. That was.

[Sarah Sherman]

But it would fresh sample.

[Guest Comedian]

It was fresh. It was. It wasn't even that fresh. Yeah, but I guess it's really hot when it comes out of you.

[Sarah Sherman]

I did not ever come into contact with mine. When I took samples, I had like a little like scoop.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Sarah Sherman]

And you just scoop and you do it.

[Guest Comedian]

Then you did it there.

[Sarah Sherman]

No, I did have to have it in my house. And I like triple bagged it and just kept it by the door ready to go.

[Guest Comedian]

I remember the scoop. Of course I remember the scoop.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Sounds like he's trying to fatten this girl up.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And she's sitting in his lap, so he wants to feel the weight.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. OP does share. I'm naturally pretty thin. Since quarantine, I have gained 15 pounds. But I just assumed it was quarantine. Weight feederism. Let me look it up.

[Guest Comedian]

Sorry, girl. You got got. You got fed.

[Sarah Sherman]

You got fed.

[Guest Comedian]

You got full.

[Sarah Sherman]

We do get an update. I've never given a guest this many updates before.

[Guest Comedian]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. Taylor Tomlinson, like actually like, cried over the lack of updates I had for her.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm so sorry, Taylor. I've bested you.

[Sarah Sherman]

I learned from my ways. So update. Thanks for everyone that replied. I read every single one. I didn't even think my question would get more than a few replies. Someone commented that I research feederism, and I did. And wow. So many things became clear. And now in hindsight, I'm shocked I didn't see it earlier. In my defense, I'm not a kinky person. I didn't even know this was a kink. For starters, I'm naturally pretty thin. It's a big insecurity of mine.

[Guest Comedian]

She keeps repeating it.

[Sarah Sherman]

I know.

[Guest Comedian]

We gotta rub it in.

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm five seven. When we first got together, I was 110. Now 125.

[Guest Comedian]

No, she's thin.

[Sarah Sherman]

When he first met my parents, he later remarked that my mom being so thin after having five kids is crazy.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh.

[Sarah Sherman]

Looking back, he seemed disappointed. He also tells me all the time that I have the perfect frame to be thick. He noticed my weight gain before I did and during sex he would always caress my waist, hips and stomach area and tell me I'm looking more voluptuous. It didn't click. It really didn't click for you. He also told me that he can't wait for me to get pregnant because he knows I'll be even more beautiful and he'll feed me so much I'll never snap back. He always said it in a joking tone and a laugh, so I thought it was a dumb joke. I decided that before I say anything to him, let me look up his exes and see if any of them have gained a lot of weight. Oh, he's new to the area and has only been with one girl before and her Instagram page is private and her profile photo is a group picture so I couldn't tell which one she is. Then I looked up her name on LinkedIn and she has a profile. She co owns a business with her sister whose Instagram isn't private. So I searched up and my suspicions were confirmed. She used to be average weight and now she looks heavier. I was still in denial and thought maybe that she was responsible for her weight gain and not him. I just couldn't believe this fetish was a thing. I invited him over last night to watch a movie. I was scared to see him because I know if I didn't say anything, I probably never would have the courage because I'm not very confrontational. He came over and watched a movie and ordered food. Our food came. He heated it up in the microwave and plated it for us like he always does. He kept the two plates next to him and when I tried to grab one, he held them above his head.

[Guest Comedian]

He's wooing his vod.

[Sarah Sherman]

And shook his head with a grin like it's cute. I rolled my eyes and he grabbed a fork and took pieces of chicken and then held it in front of my mouth. I refused to open my mouth so he pressed it against my lips.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh no.

[Sarah Sherman]

And I pulled back and stood up to grab the plate that he was holding over his head.

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Sarah Sherman]

He gave me a weird look and I wanted to say sorry so bad. Why am I like this? But I didn't. I just grabbed another fork, walked over to my couch with my plate and started eating, hoping he could take the hint without me having to say anything. He came to sit next to me and started eating too and we just watched the movie for a few minutes in peace. He then took a piece of chicken off my plate and tried to feed it to me again.

[Guest Comedian]

This is a no means no situation.

[Sarah Sherman]

This time I said no. And he asked what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong and that I'm an adult and I'm perfectly capable of eating my own orange chicken by myself. He said he knows I'm an adult and he wants me to concentrate on the movie instead of worrying about feeding myself. He then tried to keep pressing it against my mouth and I just wouldn't open it.

[Guest Comedian]

Dude, relax.

[Sarah Sherman]

Just.

[Guest Comedian]

This is like a Law and Order episode.

[Sarah Sherman]

Are you kidding me? I would go crazy. Just. Can you imagine? Choo choo, tunnels closed, getting orange chicken

[Guest Comedian]

all over your lips.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh my God. At this point, I was fed up and I snapped at him. That is weird to constantly want to feed me and I don't want him to anymore. I did say it in a harsh tone, but I was upset. He tensed up and didn't say anything and scooted to the other side of the couch.

[Guest Comedian]

Scoot, dude.

[Sarah Sherman]

Then he just stared me down.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no.

[Sarah Sherman]

As I ate. Literally. He wasn't even watching the movie. Even when I would look at him, thinking he would look away, he would just stare at my mouth as I chewed. I was disgusted. After I finished my food, he picked up his uneaten plate and he told me that I could have it. I told him that I'm good, dude.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm good.

[Sarah Sherman]

And he said he'd rather it not go to waste and if I'm too tired to feed myself, he'll do it.

[Guest Comedian]

Bro, Relax.

[Sarah Sherman]

I was fed up again and told him that I think we should break up because we're obviously not on the same page. He asked if all of this was because he wants to feed me, and I said yes, it is. He said that he's a chef and he loves food and he also loves women, and there's nothing better than combining the two, right?

[Guest Comedian]

He's gonna eat a woman.

[Sarah Sherman]

That was like my first thought. I felt like an object. He said that this can't be the real reason why I'm ending things and I must be seeing someone else, right? That he treats me like a queen and most other boyfriends wouldn't have ever cooked me a meal, let alone have fed it to me, right?

[Guest Comedian]

They wouldn't have.

[Sarah Sherman]

I asked him to leave and he wouldn't until I gave him the real reason as to why I broke up with him. I said, because you have a feeding kink. And he started cackling, saying that I'm a sick bitch.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, Jesus.

[Sarah Sherman]

And that a guy Showing me he loves me. Someone as sad and disgusting as me must truly be some sort of kink because no one in their right mind would ever do it.

[Guest Comedian]

All these men are going to be on the news, I swear.

[Sarah Sherman]

Then he left and blocked me everywhere. I loved him before, but that conversation turned me off so much. I'm honestly not sad that we're over. No, I'm actually kind of relieved. I just don't understand why he truly has this kink. Why he wouldn't tell me and ask me to indulge in it. Why would he deny it and block me? It is because of my dismissing behavior when he tried feeding me. Question mark.

[Guest Comedian]

This guy. There's gonna be a doc. He's about to catch a documentary.

[Sarah Sherman]

The feeder swindler.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Yes.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's coming.

[Guest Comedian]

Coming in. Denial. How could you be in denial about being a feeder? You're pressing the chicken to her lips.

[Sarah Sherman]

I love cooking and I love women.

[Guest Comedian]

Girl, you didn't even cook the food. You microwaved it.

[Sarah Sherman]

You doordashed that. Like, what?

[Guest Comedian]

Bizarre.

[Sarah Sherman]

I would not be able to handle this watching having someone just stare at my mouth as I chew.

[Guest Comedian]

If you're a feeder, no problem. Hey, what's up? I'm a feeder. Can I put this orange chicken in your mouth? Awesome.

[Sarah Sherman]

Next combo. Consent.

[Guest Comedian]

All good. It sounds like it's like a control thing.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. I wonder if that's where it comes from.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. I will make her weigh 138 pounds.

[Sarah Sherman]

Psychologically, I'd love for a psychologist to chime in and just like, give us the top fetishes and be like, this is where it comes from.

[Guest Comedian]

Right? And it's all good. You can have that fetish. Just don't lie and be sus.

[Sarah Sherman]

No, I do have another fetish one. But what is, like, what's a kink that you think you would be okay with or a fetish that, like, isn't that out there?

[Guest Comedian]

One time I was in, when I was in Chicago doing standup, I had like a picture in the Chicago Tribune where my armpit hair was out. And my friend was a dominatrix at the time. And their client was like, had a body hair fetish. So he was like, yo, I saw your friend in the newspaper. Like, would she let me lick her armpit hair and jerk off? And I was like, at the time, yeah, that sounds cool. Coming into it didn't end up happening, but I was open minded. I was gonna get paid 1,000 bucks for a guy to lick my armpit hair and jerk off. I didn't have to do anything.

[Sarah Sherman]

$1,000.

[Guest Comedian]

At the time, I needed it and it didn't happen. And I was, no.

[Sarah Sherman]

That's like, I know.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, I know.

[Sarah Sherman]

How do people find these opportunities? I have a friend that she would sell feet pics, but he didn't even wanna see the feet. He just wanted to see the dirty socks.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh. And I'm like, how much did she get for that?

[Sarah Sherman]

She made a lot of money.

[Guest Comedian]

I know a guy once asked me for feet pics, and he. His big. So he showed me, like, examples of what he wanted. Like, it had to be like toes curling and all this, like, kind of stuff. Yeah, that was. And I was like, totally down. It was like 300 bucks or something. And then he said, but your face has to be in it. Like, it had to be like me going like, whatever with my face in the background. I was like, bro, if you want my face in it, that's like, that's like 2000.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's double.

[Guest Comedian]

And he wouldn't. He wouldn't pay up. I was doing a lot of volunteering for Bernie Sanders campaign at the time, and he wanted me to wear a Bernie T shirt, underwear, no socks, curling my toes with my face in the background.

[Sarah Sherman]

So specific.

[Guest Comedian]

I. So. So he wanted like universal healthcare toes. He wanted it all.

[Sarah Sherman]

Why does this feel like a blackmail?

[Guest Comedian]

Well, I was like, I'm cool. Like, if you. I'm like, what if it was just my feet?

[Sarah Sherman]

No face.

[Guest Comedian]

And he was like, no, your face has to be in it.

[Sarah Sherman]

No.

[Guest Comedian]

And this is when I was like, you know, I hadn't gotten on SNL at the time. I was kind of hoping my could, you know.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And I was like, I kind of just didn't want those pictures out there. But I was. I said 2000. He said, no.

[Sarah Sherman]

What was the original rate?

[Guest Comedian]

It was like 300 bucks.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, yeah. No. And I'm like, you're really begging for specifics.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

No. That is so, so funny. So this post is actually coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. Oh, we've got our own page now.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, whoa.

[Sarah Sherman]

And it's titled, I, 25 Female, have a Secret kink that I haven't told my partner. Oh, 27 male, about.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm trying to exposure therapy myself into being able to share this with him. And I feel like this is a pretty accepting and sex positive community overall. So here we go. I'm a mid-20s woman who has been with her boyfriend for a few years. Ever since I became a sentient being, I'VE always had a thing for tickling. Like, I've always wanted boys to tickle me.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

And as I got older, it's been really intertwined with some BDSM stuff. And ultimately I want to be tied down and tickled until I literally can't think. It's definitely a power dynamic thing and a I need to turn my brain off thing. And it feels good to me physically and mentally. It could absolutely go a sexual route. But honestly, even just the tickling by itself would do it for me. When I was in college, I met up with a couple of guys in the city I was in who were also into it.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, that's cool.

[Sarah Sherman]

Literal ecstasy. Oh, I just floated for days afterwards. I've been with my boyfriend for a few years, and although I have a feeling he knows at least a little bit that I enjoy it, I haven't confessed it to him. He will tickle me a lot and has even made comments about how he can tell I like it. He just doesn't really know the extent of it. Anyways, that's my weird story to share. I'm happy to answer any questions or yield any judgment. I know it's atypical and it's deaf. A shameful thing for me.

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Sarah Sherman]

Hence why I haven't shared it with my very sweet and loving boyfriend after all this time. Thanks for reading.

[Guest Comedian]

Don't be ashamed, girl. Get. Get your bag. Get your tickling bag.

[Sarah Sherman]

This one sounds great.

[Guest Comedian]

There's a documentary about this. You're good. People know about it.

[Sarah Sherman]

The tickling. There's a dock.

[Guest Comedian]

There's like. There's a doc. There's a doc. You're good.

[Sarah Sherman]

What? Have you watched it?

[Guest Comedian]

I know, but it was like a thing.

[Sarah Sherman]

I feel like this out of all the ones to have. Great.

[Guest Comedian]

No one's getting hurt, no one's getting fat, no one's getting chicken on their lips.

[Sarah Sherman]

A little tickle. She goo.

[Guest Comedian]

She's gotta tell them. It's funny. Like, so many people are coming to Reddit to ask questions that they already know the answers to.

[Sarah Sherman]

I know, but that's like. That's the crazy thing about shame, right? Where you just like her anxiety or whatever. Like, is that barrier in our head where it's just like. It's so irrational, but yet just pesters you, Right?

[Guest Comedian]

It's all good.

[Sarah Sherman]

This is what I want to know.

[Guest Comedian]

What happened with those two guys and from college?

[Sarah Sherman]

What does a tickling orgy look like?

[Guest Comedian]

I know.

[Sarah Sherman]

Or was it even an orgy? Or was it just like a tickle down. Which is.

[Guest Comedian]

Right. So it's a. So it's like a tickle orgy.

[Sarah Sherman]

Without. I mean, with or without sex?

[Guest Comedian]

I'm. Now I'm curious. I find tickling to be absolute torture, which I see as part of the BDSM part of it. She's depriving. Maybe she's, like, getting off on, like, depriving herself of joy.

[Sarah Sherman]

Don't do that.

[Guest Comedian]

I know.

[Sarah Sherman]

Do not.

[Guest Comedian]

Girl, get yourself tickle on.

[Sarah Sherman]

Life is short. Get tickled.

[Guest Comedian]

Good for her. Do we have an update?

[Sarah Sherman]

We do have a little bit of an update, but I did look up that tickled documentary.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's from 2016, and it's about competitive endurance tickling.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes. Yes.

[Sarah Sherman]

There's tickling competitions.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. This is like a whole thing. She is. Like, there's a whole world out there for her.

[Sarah Sherman]

This is an activity in which young athletic men are restrained and tickled by each other. This is crazy.

[Guest Comedian]

I know. The world is so big and complicated.

[Sarah Sherman]

Like, there's so many things I don't understand. Like this.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

The slap competition.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Is that a fetish?

[Sarah Sherman]

It must be. It must be people's.

[Guest Comedian]

Don't touch my face. Do whatever you want to me. Don't touch my face.

[Sarah Sherman]

Have you seen them?

[Guest Comedian]

Their faces swell. Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Like, they get rocked. Yeah. I don't. That's gotta be. That's gotta be in line with this.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

So, yeah, we do get a little bit of an update. Okay. After the top comment says, that's low key. One of the least embarrassing kinks. I would think your boyfriend would be happy for you to open up to him. Only fun to be had. And so update says, I told him he was mostly confused about why it was such a big deal to me, and he said he finds tickling me mostly amusing, but that he is open to making it sexual as well. Okay. I'm seeing him tomorrow, so hopefully I get wrecked.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay. I can't imagine getting wrecked by a tickle. She's like a Teletubby or something. She's like a Care Bear.

[Sarah Sherman]

But I'm not holding any expectations of him because I know it is new to him. He also said to me that 90% of the male population would shrug their shoulders at this and be perfectly okay with it.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Which basically aligned with the comments. So. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Yay.

[Sarah Sherman]

Thank you all very much for your kind words and encouragement. I have felt extremely weighed down by this secret and confession, and it finally hit a breaking point. All the affirming comments really gave me the courage I needed to move Forward with this.

[Guest Comedian]

She should be on Reddit finding her people.

[Sarah Sherman]

The ticklers.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

That could be a new sub.

[Guest Comedian]

Totally.

[Sarah Sherman]

But she's got her little tickle boy now.

[Guest Comedian]

Right. But I kind of want her to get down. I kind of want her to go to, like, festivals and, like, conventions. There's gotta be parties. I wonder if they trim their nails. Like, how in there do they get.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, you have to trim your nails. Don't you think?

[Guest Comedian]

I'm also like. I'm like, is there a difference between a sexual tickle and, like, a schoolyard tickle?

[Sarah Sherman]

Have you ever had anyone sit on you and tickle you?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Like, as a torture, As a court. Yes. Yes. Like, that must be different.

[Sarah Sherman]

Or it's not.

[Guest Comedian]

Wow. I'm going to be exploring this.

[Sarah Sherman]

There is a video on TikTok about tickling at a Ren Faire.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay. Right there. Seems like a lot of overlapping of interests here.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. Which out of all the places to see tickling, I'm like. But I'm like, I wonder if it is the same thing. Ren Fair tickling, It's.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's a whole thing. Tickle fun.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

Are they really. Are we tickling each other at Ren Fairs?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. They doing everything at a Ren Faire.

[Sarah Sherman]

Have you been to one recently?

[Guest Comedian]

No, it's never come up.

[Sarah Sherman]

I feel like you would thrive there.

[Guest Comedian]

I know. Again, like, the same thing with Disneyland. It's like, I don't want to be outside, like, walking around. You're not Jewish for, like, any of these things.

[Sarah Sherman]

Not outdoorsy.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't want to, like, go outside. I don't want to do. I don't have time again. I don't have time for this crap.

[Sarah Sherman]

You've never been camping, have you?

[Guest Comedian]

I slept outside one time and it was the worst day of my life. I like, it wasn't camping. It was like, I had to. I was doing comedy at a music festival in the. In Kentucky, and we were all sleeping in tents and I never slept in a tent before. I couldn't find one fun thing about that. It was cold.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

You're on the ground.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, you didn't even get a cot or, like, a little roll.

[Guest Comedian]

I had, like, a little, like, egg crate. Yeah. No, I didn't see. I. There was a spider. Oh, I just, like, no sleeping lied there.

[Sarah Sherman]

I'm more of a glamper.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Sarah Sherman]

But I do love a nice hotel, of course. Love power, love electricity.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, my God. I love a sink. I love soap.

[Sarah Sherman]

I love toilet.

[Guest Comedian]

I love toilet.

[Sarah Sherman]

I know you this episode is brought to you by State Farm. We didn't call this podcast one hot take for a reason. Sometimes you just need a second opinion. Someone help you figure out if yes, you might actually be wrong. And hey, insurance isn't that different. You want someone in your corner helping you make the right call. That's where State Farm comes in. With over 19,000 local agents, they're there to help you choose the coverage that fits your life. They've got your back, so you don't have to do it alone. Visit state farm.com to learn more. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This episode is brought to you by Credit Karma. When it comes to your money, Credit Karma keeps you ahead of the game. You can count on Credit Karma to keep up with your financial needs. As they evolve, they'll help you monitor your progress and give personalized recommendations so you can make strides towards your goals and find your way to money. Make sure you're on the right track no matter where you are on your financial journey. Intuit Credit Karma. Karma you can count on.

[Guest Comedian]

Can't tell by my hair, but I do like to shower.

[Sarah Sherman]

Why don't pick on yourself, right?

[Guest Comedian]

I'm. I put the glam in Glamping.

[Sarah Sherman]

I mean. Yeah. Yeah, man. Okay, I got one last one for us here. Okay, this is coming from Today I Fucked Up. It is titled Today I Fucked up by Asking my Friend's mom out.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh.

[Sarah Sherman]

My friend's mum has been single for the last few years. She is currently in her mid-40s. I am in my early 20s and I have always found her to be really attractive. She carries herself with confidence and has a pretty wicked sense of humor. For most people who do not know her, she can seem pretty cold, detached and aloof. But once you get to know her, she's one of the nicest and most caring people out there. I have been strongly infatuated with her for the last two years. Recently I ran into her in a shopping mall and we had a great conversation. She got us both a coffee and we had a good time yapping away at the cafe. Ever since she appeared in my dream twice, I have never felt like this towards any other woman before. Not in the last 22 years of my life. Yesterday I decided to make a move. I slid in her Instagram DM and told her that her dinner outfit was amazing and looked really good on her. Then I asked her for dinner just to catch up further. She replied initially saying sure and she would bring her son along too. I did not know how to Reply to that. I wanted to make it clear that this was a date and it would be the two of us. I gave it a few hours. Then I got a bottle of red wine, chugged two glasses down to calm my nerves and boost my confidence. Then I texted her telling her I would love to go on a date with her. Right after I sent that, it was radio silence from her till an hour ago, she dropped me a text, gently declining my offer and telling me I am a great kid and all the best with girls my age. I am absolutely crushed.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

I don't know how my friend will see me from now onward. I have no idea if she told my friend today, I fucked up.

[Guest Comedian]

Milfhunter.com. bro, you're good. Just get you a milf. All you need is a milf. You're good.

[Sarah Sherman]

There's.

[Guest Comedian]

Hey, I bet a lot of moms deal with this.

[Sarah Sherman]

My mom was harassed.

[Guest Comedian]

Harassed by your friends?

[Sarah Sherman]

My brother's friends. So. My brother's eight years older than me, so, like, my mom had him when she was, like, 19.

[Guest Comedian]

Sure.

[Sarah Sherman]

So she was always the hot mom.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

And those. They're freaky.

[Guest Comedian]

They're. They are freaky. Moms are off limits. Come on.

[Sarah Sherman]

He's got some chops, though. Because I would be squirming like that conversation, like, you couldn't pay me.

[Guest Comedian]

And good for her for responding tactfully.

[Sarah Sherman]

You're such a good kid. Really, like, hammering that home. Yes.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. Because some people have done this, you know? Some people do sleep with their kids.

[Guest Comedian]

Friends can't be doing that. I'm like, thinking of all my friends, dads, and I'm like, Well, I can see. Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?

[Sarah Sherman]

There's a couple.

[Guest Comedian]

There's a couple.

[Sarah Sherman]

My. My one friend has an uncle that, like, everyone goes feral over.

[Guest Comedian]

I was out. I was at a party brag the other night, and one of my friends that I was with there was like a young 25 year old and she was like, oh, we go out with your uncle.

[Sarah Sherman]

Your uncle.

[Guest Comedian]

No, like, she said it to my friend, like, oh, yeah, like, we part. Hey, I know we've never met, but I partied with your uncle. Uncle, stay inside.

[Sarah Sherman]

What?

[Guest Comedian]

Why are they outside? Uncle. If you're an uncle, stay in. Yeah, you can't be outside.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. No. Also, what a weird way to introduce yourself to someone. Yeah, I mean, I guess you find any bridge you can to cross with someone, but partying with my uncle would make me not want to be your friend.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, I'm Good. I'll see him on Thanksgiving. I don't want to be thinking about you. Yeah.

[Sarah Sherman]

Is the uncle famous?

[Guest Comedian]

No. That was my question, too.

[Sarah Sherman]

How'd they meet?

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know.

[Sarah Sherman]

Pilates, I hope that's it.

[Guest Comedian]

I mean, that would have been better, but no. Her uncle's outside.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. Married.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm being so discreet because I'm like,

[Sarah Sherman]

people start.

[Guest Comedian]

Not married.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay. Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm glad my uncles are locked up. They're locked up. They're not going out.

[Sarah Sherman]

Top comment on this one with 17,000 upvotes. Inviting her son was her way of turning you down nicely.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, she was being nice.

[Sarah Sherman]

Do you get weird inquisitions these days?

[Guest Comedian]

I could always get more. I try not to really look, but I'm sure there's some stuff in there.

[Sarah Sherman]

You. Well, you have an Instagram, too.

[Guest Comedian]

I have an Instagram, but you know how there's, like, a secret folder where they go.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

So I don't open the secret folder because that's Pandora's box of hell.

[Sarah Sherman]

The requests, like. Because there's. Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

So I see, like, messages from my friends. Okay, I. There's a separate folder. The requests where the creeps come out at night. I should look. I'd probably feel better about myself.

[Sarah Sherman]

You'd probably have so many more, like, hey, Sarah, I'm ready for your feet. I'll pay 2k.

[Guest Comedian]

I know. Honestly now, putting this out there. If you want a picture of my feet with my face in it and I'm wearing a Bernie shirt, 15K, I'll do it. No problem.

[Sarah Sherman]

That seems like a. That seems reasonable for nowadays.

[Guest Comedian]

Right? It seems reasonable.

[Sarah Sherman]

Okay. You guys know where to find her, right?

[Guest Comedian]

Heard it here first.

[Sarah Sherman]

Thank you so, so much for coming on. Everyone go watch Sarah's special on hbo. What else are you working on?

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, SNL just finished, so.

[Sarah Sherman]

Oh, my God. Yes. Your butt.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, my butt.

[Sarah Sherman]

Your butt was.

[Guest Comedian]

My butt was out.

[Sarah Sherman]

It was so good.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, if you have a butt fetish, watch that on YouTube.

[Sarah Sherman]

Your auctioneer bit, too. Did you watch? See? How did you prepare for that?

[Guest Comedian]

I literally watched cattle auctions, and I, like, rehearsed it a lot.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And then. So I practiced it a lot. And then I showed it to Matt Damon, and he did it immediately without practicing.

[Sarah Sherman]

He's probably done it before, though.

[Guest Comedian]

Movie star.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, he's probably done it before at an auction. There's a school.

[Guest Comedian]

There is a school.

[Sarah Sherman]

There's, like.

[Guest Comedian]

It's.

[Sarah Sherman]

I see their videos on TikTok.

[Guest Comedian]

Me, too. I saw. I saw. I was, like, watching A bunch of auctioneer videos to practice. And I saw the school and I was like, oh, maybe I should hit up the school and, like, get a tutor for a day to practice. Yeah, and then I should have done that.

[Sarah Sherman]

Hey, that would have been coming back up again. You never know.

[Guest Comedian]

You never know if anyone wants to tutor me.

[Sarah Sherman]

Betty Butterbeer. Better. Better Beer.

[Guest Comedian]

That's a real.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, it's like they're.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, that's one of the auction.

[Sarah Sherman]

No, my dad used to be an auctioneer, though. It was like a side quest of his back.

[Guest Comedian]

What kind of auctioneer?

[Sarah Sherman]

He would buy companies and liquidate them.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, like a company auctioneer? Yeah, there's all kinds.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, there's so many. Yeah. Ooh, I actually have an auction I need to call into today. I'm trying to buy a piece of furniture.

[Guest Comedian]

What kind of auction? Oh, it's a furniture auction.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah, art furniture.

[Guest Comedian]

But there's no fast talkers. No, no, I know it's kind of vintage.

[Sarah Sherman]

It's a dying art. It really is. So.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, guys, let's keep it alive.

[Sarah Sherman]

Yeah. Where can everyone find you?

[Guest Comedian]

You can find me if you need to DM me. Request for feet pictures at Sarah Squirm on Instagram and if to see my butt on SNL, you can look at it on YouTube.

[Sarah Sherman]

All ofairs links will be in the description. Until next time, guys. Bye. This episode is brought to you by. Sonic Summer is heating up. So it's a good thing. Sonic Refreshers now come frozen, blended, icy cold with real fruit and green tea. Sonic Frozen Refreshers are the perfect way to cool it down when it gets hot. And they come in four delicious flavors. Strawberry, passion fruit, watermelon, peach, mango, peach and berry Citrus. And they're the perfect way to reward yourself. Whether that's finding the last parking spot in the shade or getting a compliment on your form from a workout instructor. Maybe it's remembering to put on sunscreen before you leave the house. Whatever it is this summer, for all of life's little achievements, sip to that with new frozen Sonic Refreshers. Live free. Eat Sonic. Try the new frozen Sonic Refreshers today. Order in the Sonic app for pickup or delivery, or visit your nearest Sonic.