That's Not Funny.. Ft. Hannah Berner

Summary

Two Hot Takes – "That's Not Funny..." ft. Hannah Berner

December 4, 2025
Host: Morgan Absher | Guest: Hannah Berner

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant and honest episode, host Morgan Absher is joined by comedian and podcast host Hannah Berner. Together, they sift through wild Reddit stories, listener write-ins, and relationship topics. With their trademark humor and empathy, they share hot takes on everything from “parrot love triangles” to the misery of problematic in-laws and partners under pressure. The episode's main theme revolves around boundaries, self-worth, and recognizing when a relationship or dynamic isn’t serving you—even when the truth is messy or “not funny.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Joy in the Little Things & Christmas Spirit

[03:18 – 08:45]

• Morgan and Hannah banter about getting joy from everyday moments (perfect iced coffee, funny texts).
• They discuss being more excited about “fandoms” and dive into TV/book recommendations.
• Lighthearted riffing on morning routines, TV obsessions, and how embracing simple pleasures can be transformative.

“As I get older, I realize it's the little things. I get so jealous of people who can get so much joy from little things.” – Hannah [05:13]

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2. Reddit Story: The Parrot Next Door

[10:10 – 19:38]
Story: A resident accidentally gets into a “long-distance relationship” with their neighbor’s lonely parrot after mimicking its squawks through the wall.

• Discussion of boundaries and unintended connections with pets.
• The power of accidental “pet romance” and how neighbors can affect each other’s lives.
• Touches on handling neighbor disputes, pet loneliness, and animal intelligence.

“It is hard with animals... but having a parrot as a pet—you're gonna have so many weird problems.” – Hannah [14:27]

• Light debate about who should take responsibility for problematic pets and suggestions for using pet technology (Furbo, pet psychic).
• Morgan tells stories about peculiar animal behavior and pet psychics.

"Polly wants a nude, not a cracker." – Morgan, joking about sexting parrots [12:44]

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3. AITA: Wife Introduces Husband by First Name at Bar

[20:10 – 25:45] Story: Man feels neglected when his wife, in the presence of her dad, introduces him by name and not as “husband” while chatting with an attractive stranger at a bar.

• Both agree the wife was low-key “flirting” and seeking attention, but the husband’s acute observation is also unusual.
• Nuanced take on intent, boundaries, jealousy, and the meaning behind introductions.

“Mama was flirting... She did it with her dad there and her husband there as well. But I think she just wanted to, like, feel like she had some attention for a while.” – Hannah [21:54]

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4. When In-Laws Are Toxic (And Racist): The Push Toward Divorce

[27:19 – 41:03] Story: Woman realizes her husband’s matriarchal, xenophobic family may be a root cause of her marital unhappiness, especially as her husband refuses to defend her or set boundaries.

• Hannah jokes about “strategically marrying an orphan” to avoid in-law drama, but the tone turns somber as the “passive-aggressive jokes” and gaslighting are revealed to be genuinely oppressive and racist.
• Both agree the situation is irredeemable when a spouse consistently refuses to support their partner.

“This sounds racist. This sounds like there's radicalization happening. This sounds oppressive. And the fact that he's a hundred percent supporting and gaslighting her and supporting the family... I'm divorcing.” – Hannah [32:54]

• Morgan and Hannah riff on “boy moms,” inappropriate familial enmeshment, and the impossibility of being happy in a family that refuses inclusion.
• Discussion on the wisdom (or folly) of long-distance pandemic marriages and red flags for toxic family cultures.

“You're not in the grave yet. There's still time.” – Morgan on divorcing at 30 [37:05]

• OP’s follow-up appears later with a detailed, cathartic update (see below).

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5. UPDATE: Leaving a Controlling, Enmeshed Marriage

[42:10 – 49:23]

A month later, OP returns to share she’s left her husband after boundary violations, emotional manipulation, his refusal to defend her, and his growing attempts at control.

• Emotional realization: "My care had become another tool for control."
• The mother-in-law remains over-involved; husband attempts last-ditch emotional appeals and guilt.
• OP’s clarity: “Love isn’t enough when the relationship requires you to shrink just to keep the peace.”

"I'm so happy for her... She clocked him, man." – Hannah [49:23]

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6. AITA: Not Attracted to My Husband After Childbirth

[58:06 – 87:09]

Story: A new mother feels alienated and “turned off” from her husband after childbirth. Her spouse caves to family pressure to find a better-paying job, leaving her alone, unsupported, and overwhelmed with their newborn.

• Hannah takes an unusually optimistic view, noting the husband’s early support suggests potential for change.
• But the panel dives deep into “the mental load,” emotional labor, and “default parent” exhaustion.
• Lays out the critical difference between ‘value’ in relationships—beyond money, it’s about presence, communication, and making life easier, not harder.

“You don't have to make a lot of money... Value is effort, communication, being seen, being present, making your partner’s life better, not harder.” – Hannah [73:04]

• Morgan and Hannah discuss the logistics of household management, the necessity of explicit delegation, and how new parenthood stress tests marriages.
• Advice: Clarify roles, communicate needs, and recognize that attraction ebbs with resentment and exhaustion.

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7. r/RelationshipAdvice: Are We Dating the Same Guy?

[89:12 – 100:41]

Story: A woman discovers her boyfriend is featured on a “Are We Dating the Same Guy?”-type page; after anonymous sleuthing and confrontation, he’s defensive and evasive.

• Discussion about women’s “witchy” intuition and inevitability of cheating coming to light.
• Both agree: The relationship is over and the boyfriend’s behavior is “sinister,” especially after new revelations:
  • He was hosting other women in their apartment
  • Gaslighting and blaming OP for his cheating
  • Invading privacy by going through her phone and saved passwords

“I hate this man. I've had a day. I can't with this man. Slamming doors, sir. Grow up. Grow up.” – Hannah [92:19]

• The episode offers a strong “closure comes from you” message: Leave, don’t wait for confession or apology.

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8. My Girlfriend Only Befriends "Less Attractive" Women

[103:01 – 113:52]

Story: A man’s girlfriend openly admits she exclusively befriends women she considers “less attractive” to look better by comparison (with explicit and cruel reasoning).

• The hosts are appalled; label this deeply insecure, “low vibrational,” and emotionally stunted behavior.
• Discussion on how confidence, not comparison, is the true mark of “high value,” and friendship should be about more than optics.
• Emphasis on cutting out “energy vampires” and actively choosing healthy, affirming relationships.

“You hate yourself and you have to hang out with people you deem unlovable for you to be loved.” – Hannah [107:40]

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• “Polly wants a nude, not a cracker.” – Morgan on the parrot story [12:44]
• “I married a man whose parents are dead and I did it strategically so I didn’t have to deal with this.” – Hannah, joking about in-law avoidance [31:48]
• “You want a kind, empathetic man... someone who makes your life easier, not harder.” – Hannah [67:55]
• “Closure is when they don’t affect you anymore. ... That’s my closure, where it’s like, I’m not rooting against them, I’m not rooting for them. I actually just feel nothing for them.” – Hannah [94:40]
• “You need friends who call you out.” – Hannah [112:16]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:18 – 08:45: Light talk—joy in the mundane, Christmas spirit, TV/books
• 10:10 – 19:38: Parrot affection saga—pet boundaries, neighbor drama
• 20:10 – 25:45: Husband not introduced at bar—jealousy, signals, relationship etiquette
• 27:19 – 41:03: Toxic/racist in-laws—signs, self-preservation, Reddit advice
• 42:10 – 49:23: Divorce update—emotional manipulation, breaking free
• 58:06 – 87:09: Postpartum marriage struggle—mental load, value in relationships, communication
• 89:12 – 100:41: “Are We Dating the Same Guy?”—infidelity, closure
• 103:01 – 113:52: Befriending “less attractive” women—self-esteem, what real value means

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Tone & Delivery

Morgan and Hannah maintain a candid, comedic, and deeply empathetic tone throughout. They’re unafraid to call out toxic patterns, push for self-worth, and celebrate when someone escapes a controlling or unhealthy relationship. The humor is sharp but never at the expense of real pain; the overall atmosphere is supportive, honest, and ultimately empowering.

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Takeaway Lessons

• Recognize when a relationship—romantic, familial, or platonic—is making you shrink, not thrive.
• Communication and presence are the real “value” in a partner, not just their ability to earn or provide.
• It’s never too late to leave a situation where you’re not respected or recognized.
• Choose friendships and relationships with people who lift you up—not who use you as a comparison.

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Episode End

The episode ends with laughs, talk of energy vampires vs. “high vibrational” women, Hannah plugging her comedy tour and special, and Morgan teasing more content for listeners. As always, their blend of humor, hot takes, and heartfelt advice leaves listeners with more than a few things to ponder in their own relationships.

Transcript

[A]

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Before we get into this week's episode, I just want to say thank you to all of you. Wrapped dropped yesterday and it has been the most amazing year for two hot takes. Not only did we have some amazing accomplishments that you all have been sharing with me on Wrapped, we also passed 100 million streams on Spotify. And I really don't even have the word still. Even after sitting with this for about a month now, I don't have the words to say thank you to all of you. You really have changed my life, my family's life, some of my friends lives forever for the better. And it. It really is just so special to have you all with us week after week listening to this show. A show that started almost five years ago in my bedroom just reading Reddit stories because of COVID and I couldn't get a job and I was depressed. So thank you for being here. I Can't say it enough, truly. Thank you from all of us here at tht.

[B]

We're ready.

[A]

Ooh, it's time.

[B]

That was my Mariah Carey.

[A]

Okay, Mariah. Okay. I love that.

You'Re such a beautiful singer.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Did you whip that out when you were at Carnegie Hall?

[B]

Y' all are so lucky. I can't sing because I would be singing nonstop. I would walk in, I'd give a little solo opera. I would be hitting jazz notes.

[A]

You as an opera singer?

[B]

Oh, I'd like to be put away.

[A]

I'd have to be put away if you're Italian. Here's the thing. There's, like, a singing coach where they were like, everyone can sing. You just haven't had the right tools, the right training.

[B]

I don't believe.

[A]

I honestly, I feel like, out of anyone I know, I feel like you'd pull, like, singing out of the bag. You would just be like, new party trick. You wouldn't stop.

[B]

My mom is a jazz singer, and it just missed me.

[A]

No, it's in your jeans.

[B]

It's in my jeans.

[A]

You just don't know how to harness it yet.

[B]

So my theory is that I can accidentally hit a note. Like, I thought I could accidentally hit the wicked note. I literally went on the Kelly Clarkson show, looked at Kelly Clarkson, who, by the way, I was gonna say hall of famer, whatever. Number one ever singer. And I was like, I think I could accidentally hit the wicked note, like, by mistake. How? Even you didn't. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Is that even a broken clock is right Twice. Twice a day. I love that one. And she kind of laughed, and I was like, yeah, but if you. If I did it, like, all day.

[A]

Did you try it on the show?

[B]

I've tried it before. Honestly, I'm a little. You know, I have a little sniffle, so I don't think I. I'm just like, I'm sick. Mean girls. I'm sick. So I can't hit it today. Normally, I would. Thank you for having me.

[A]

Welcome back, Hannah Burner, you guys. On another episode of two hot Takes. Here we go.

[B]

I'm so happy to be back. Also, look at you already.

[A]

Christmas, decor, festive.

[B]

You miss Thanksgiving immediately.

[A]

Don't care. Don't care.

[B]

Thanksgiving.

[A]

Don't care about it. Thanksgiving in Canada is, like, the end of October or something like that. Oh. So November 1st hits. And I'm not Canadian. But like I was saying, I was.

[B]

Like, why are we talking about.

[A]

But I'm raising that mentality.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I I posted on my story, and all my listeners that responded were like, girl, you're fine. It's November 1st until, like, March 31st. It's. It's cool. And I'm like, march, I can get behind that.

[B]

Let's go. I mean, honestly, the Christmas spirit is with us today.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And it's all socially constructed anyway, so we can do it.

[A]

It's like the most capitalist.

[B]

Am I the me coming in and hurting someone's Christmas spirit? Oh, my God, you're so cute.

[A]

The garland over the fireplace.

[B]

Not to get so deep a minute into the pod, but let's go. As I get older, I realize it's the little things.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I get so jealous of people who can get so much joy from little things.

[A]

What's the littlest thing? You get joy from.

[B]

The right shade of iced coffee in the morning when you just. You're like, they did it. They did it. It's going to hit.

[A]

I know this one. It's like a little pumpkin cold foam just.

[B]

Or just like a funny text from a friend.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That gives you a little. You know when the air just comes out of your nose a little and you go.

Those are some little thing. But I'm. I'm not. I want to be more like, fandom of things and, like, get excited of things. So I'm working on that.

[A]

I'm trying to think what I can introduce you to. I've been on, like, a big space kick. I'm probably the wrong person to talk about this with right now.

[B]

I feel like you like random things.

[A]

I've just been, like, finally getting a chance to see TV again. I started a book. I started Fourth Wind. Really, really good.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

Fourth wing. Fourth wing.

[B]

Fourth wing. Sorry, guys.

[A]

I'm just. I'm just getting.

[B]

I just read captions on Instagram, but I will. I need to get back onto my book. My book. Worm swag.

[A]

Instagram is the only thing I'm reading, and I read a book.

[B]

No, but I also read the closed captions on all my TV shows, so I. I've read a lot.

[A]

What's your. What. What good TV shows do you have to share with the people?

[B]

Well, I'm. I recently started watching Nashville for the first time.

[A]

Hayden Panettiere.

[B]

Hayden Panettiere.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Who, by the way, is cunning and incredible and such a good little villain who you kind of root for.

[A]

Did you ever see Heroes with her? It's kind of a vintage show. No, but it's Heroes.

[B]

Shout out to Hayden. I want. I Want her back. I know I want her back.

[A]

I love her. I used to get told I looked like her way back in the day.

[B]

I was gonna say way back. Am I also way back? This is a hot take and a little niche, but I would argue that she was kind of Sabrina Carpenter back in the day on Nashville with her because she's so tiny. I know she can with her big blonde hair.

[A]

And she can sing too.

[B]

She can sing. I've downloaded on my. My Spotify. So, yeah, watching Nashville, if you or.

[A]

Anyone wants a space show. I started for all mankind on Apple. Blown away.

[B]

Hit rate is high.

[A]

Shrinking.

[B]

Did you see morning shows come out Pluribus?

[A]

I've heard nothing but great things.

[B]

I don't know what a Pluribus is, but I watched. I watched the first two episodes. It's an AI Kind of apocalyptic thing. Oh, and I love me some apocalyptic stuff.

[A]

That's like, the only thing I dream about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, Justin Bieber pops in every once in a while.

[B]

Well, he's definitely connected to the earth's forces. Yeah, He's. He's running something.

[A]

I. I could see that. Yeah.

[B]

It does seem like Justin Bieber's in charge based on what I've seen over the last. You would know couple years.

[A]

Yeah. You've collabed a little. You've. You've collaborated here and there. So you would know Haley. You would know. She follows me on TikTok and I'm like, please, come on the p. Haley.

[B]

Loves a funny girl.

[A]

I love that. I love that. Well, let's give you a chance to be a funny girl today. I've got some. I'll try my best Chaotic stories.

[B]

Oh, great.

[A]

I just went all across the board for you.

[B]

Well, I was so excited to come here because my favorite thing is having strong opinions on things I don't know that much about.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I love to lean in.

[A]

I got you.

[B]

And go with my gut and help people.

[A]

I got you. I got you. Today. Let's dive in.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

This episode of two hot takes is presented by Di Serono. This holiday season, I'll be raising a glass with Di Serono, the world's favorite Italian liqueur and mine. One of my go to holiday drinks has disarono in it. D serono7 splash of crayon. And it's so, so good. Everyone loves it. It's light, it's refreshing, and it just has this smooth almond with a hint of vanilla flavor. It tastes so good. You could just drink it on the rocks. If you want. It's sweet, but not overly sweet, just super sophisticated and good. And to mark 500 years as an icon of the Italian Dolce Vita di Serono has released five limited edition bottles. Visit D serono.com to learn more. 1525 the Legend of D? Serono begins. Okay, do you want a funny at the beginning to like prepare for the trauma?

[B]

Let's butter me up with something silly.

[A]

Who had traumatized me and then trauma dump at you. Okay, so this one is coming from Today I Fucked up titled Today I Fucked up by mocking my neighbor's parrot for the last couple of weeks.

So I live in an apartment where the walls are thin enough that I can hear my neighbor's TV phone calls and unfortunately their parrot. This parrot, very beautiful animal, but makes me want to rip my hair out and do things I'm not proud to admit. Let's just say he has become my morning alarm clock for the last few months.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

About two weeks ago, I started mocking his sounds back. He'd squawk, I'd squawk, he'd whistle, I'd whistle back. We built up a little routine. Kind of like distant angry roommates communicating through bird calls.

Sometimes I would even initiate it. Like when I was cooking. I would randomly have a tourette like outburst and start squawking loudly. I know this is strange. Lol. Yesterday my neighbor knocked on my door and had a really odd look on her face. Apparently ever since I started doing my bird banter, her parrot has become obsessed with me. I guess I just wasn't in the mood for bird talk the last couple of days and I went silent. She said that he paces and screeches when I stopped responding. She even showed me a video. It was such an awkward experience. She said he used to have a parrot friend a few years ago that died and she thinks it wants some sort of bird companion. Anyways, she asked me to make a couple of bird sounds as she put a treat in its cage to see if it would eat. I reluctantly agreed and felt humiliated of course. But I went through with it and sure enough, the little fucker started eating and playing. Long story short, I became the object of a parrot's affection and my neighbor asked if I could talk to him for a few minutes a day. Even gave preferred times if I'm home. I've unintentionally entered a long distance relationship with a bird.

[B]

This is tlc. I'm dating a parrot. Oh my God. It literally is. It's kind of like when you meow Back to your cat. And you wonder, like, what am I saying in that language? Because I'm just meowing. Yeah. Who knows what he was. He or she was saying in the parrot language?

[A]

Oh, my God. You're probably being like, I want.

[B]

What if the parrot's, like, dirty things? Yeah. What if they were sexting?

[A]

Polly wants a nude, not a cracker. Polly wants a nude.

[B]

Also, I love that this parrot is going starving for attention.

[A]

It's doing a hunger strike.

[B]

A hunger strike for a man or a woman? We don't know.

[A]

We don't know.

[B]

We don't know. But I haven't seen this kind of love story in a while, and I'm kind of rooting for them.

[A]

I feel like this other neighbor. The neighbor needs to get another bird.

[B]

Yeah, the neighbor needs to get another bird, but then get a buddy. But I feel like if I'm already annoyed with the parrot next door, I don't want two parrots.

[A]

No.

[B]

Unless it means they'll just, like, snuggle and nap.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It is hard with animals. I've heard a ton of horror stories with neighbors where, like, we actually have. I guess these people go to work, and they don't realize that during the day, their dog just cries the whole day.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And, like, I hear it and I feel.

[A]

Have you left a note yet?

[B]

No.

[A]

I see that a lot on Reddit.

[B]

A lot of note.

[A]

Like, I had to leave my neighbor a note. Their dog just barks incessantly the whole.

[B]

Day, like, your dog is sobbing. Yeah. Get a fur bow.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Oh, love a fur bow.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's like this little machine that you can talk to your animals through it, and maybe that's what she should get for the.

[A]

For the bird.

[B]

For the bird get a little fur bow to talk to it. And then it gives treats and it's. But it also, like, records what your animal's doing and stuff. It's kind of like Toy Story, but for pets, so you know what they're doing when you're gone.

[A]

Sounds adorable. And the fact that kind of addiction.

[B]

Yeah. Like you with your horses.

[A]

I wonder if they would make it for a horse.

[B]

I feel like there should. I want a furball for my boyfriend. Like, I'm married.

[A]

Married.

[B]

But, yeah, this is definitely a tough situation. I feel like also having a parrot as a pet.

This. This is. You're gonna have so many weird problems.

[A]

You are. And they live so long. Like, oh, yeah, my neighbors across the street from me, they have had their parrot for, like, 60. I think they said like 60 some odd years.

[B]

I feel like getting a parrot has to be like a family thing. Like, it's like something your family does. I don't. Or do you just one day wake up and say, let's try a parrot?

[A]

Oh, I feel like definitely people inherit them for sure.

[B]

Or it's like a. I don't know.

[A]

But they're turtles.

[B]

They're like dinosaurs.

[A]

They live forever. They are turtles, too.

[B]

What would you do if you were the neighbor?

[A]

I'd ask to babysit here and there. I don't want to be talking through the walls anymore. It feels so impersonal after we have such a deep connection. So I'd be like, can you just bring them over? Let's.

[B]

You know, also imagine a date comes over and you're like, cooking, and then you just go, baka. Sorry, I'm just talking to my friend. Like, what?

[A]

They would think you have some issues for sure.

[B]

I do think that there needs to be some training involved where maybe, like, we learn how to soften the conversation. Like maybe a more of a quieter thing, because how are the other neighbors feeling? The other neighbors? Probably like, I have a human yelling. I have a parrot yelling. Everyone's yelling.

[A]

They're losing it.

[B]

They're losing it.

[A]

I would lose it.

[B]

I would lose it.

[A]

I would not survive. I. Actually, there's this famous thing in Burbank. It's like the Burbank parrots.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And there's a lot of rumors. Like, it's unclear how they ended up being here. Some people speculate it was a pet store release.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But there's like a flock of at least 150 parrots, and they roam Burbank squawking. And sometimes they're like a gang. They are literally a parrot. They run the streets, and if you get woken up by those. So, like, I immediately knew. I'm like, just put me out of my misery. It's brutal. They squawk and then they fight. They fight over the trees. Nope.

[B]

Also, this is the thing with parrots. They're geniuses.

[A]

So smart.

[B]

I don't trust animals that are smarter than me. And it freaks me out, for sure. I just don't like when someone gets a pet. It means it's your pet. It shouldn't be other people's responsibility.

[A]

No, I mean, giving someone time. Like, here's ideal times. If you could just talk to them for a few minutes a day. I mean, but it's better than the parrot starving itself.

[B]

Well, why doesn't the owner talk to the parrot more. I know. I guess they have something special.

[A]

Special in that voice. Have you seen that. That cat video where it's like this person being like, if you want to talk to your cat, here's a noise you make, and it's like. And the cat just runs.

[B]

Yeah. It goes.

[A]

Everyone's cats at home are gonna be like, she's talking shit to me. I heard that.

[B]

Are you listening to Hannah on a podcast again? Oh, yeah. I pause every single video being like, this is how with your cat. And there was apparently an app to say that it could, like, translate what your cat. But these guys are conning me. They're conning me.

[A]

You're gullible. Like me.

[B]

I'm gullible? Yes. I paid for pet psychics. I'm gullible.

[A]

I really.

[B]

Okay, that's what they should get. A pet. A pet psychic.

[A]

I've had one talk with my horse, and it's the coolest thing.

[B]

It's so cool.

[A]

She said, cuz he came from Texas and when he came to California, he wants barbecue. He misses the crickets. He goes, it's really loud here. It's like it. She's like, there's so many noises. He says he feels like he's at Disneyland.

[B]

How does horse know what a Disneyland is?

[A]

That's what I wanted to know. That was my first question.

[B]

I did get a pet psychic once who said my cat was really sarcastic and she thought the other cat was fat, which is so funny that my cat is body shaming the other cat.

[A]

And then cats are really judgy.

[B]

Love how judgy she is. And then she said that one of my cat's stomach was hurting him. And then a week later he had, like, kind of a stomach problem. So I was like, well, she's legit. She's legit. She's legit.

[A]

I'll take her number.

[B]

This was during COVID I think I found her on Facebook. Who knows where she is now?

[A]

Oh, my God. Shout out to her if anyone's got any good pet communicators. Put them in the comments.

[B]

Yeah. I wonder how parrots communicate. Are they just like, hi, what's up, psychic?

[A]

I don't know. I need a pet psychic, like, to phone in.

[B]

Yeah, that'll be the next episode.

[A]

Top comment on this one, bruh. This is like a buddy movie where you forced yourself to be your enemy's best friend. Yeah, I feel sorry for you, but also good for you. Kind of sucks when you want to be a dick, but make friends instead.

[B]

Yeah, it's funny. He started by being annoying and then like needing it. Needing it. It's almost like, what is that stalking movie on Netflix? That baby Reindeer?

[A]

Oh my God. I never watched it. It seemed too scary for me.

[B]

It's really fucking amazing. But it's. It's kind of like how the parrot's being annoying and then he realizes, wait, do I love the parrot?

[A]

Dude, there's some crazy stuff on Netflix right now. I just watched the Perfect Neighbor.

[B]

Oh my God. That was the most upsetting thing I've ever seen.

[A]

Heartbreaking.

[B]

I just, I don't love. There's so many documentaries. They should give like a warning for how disturbing and how horrible it's going to be.

[A]

Yeah, we need a scale.

[B]

I need a scale because some documentaries are just about sushi and then others are about like families falling apart and I just like need to know what I'm in for and like what level of, of murder. Yeah. Is it? Yeah, I just need a little warnings. But I'm a huge documentary person. Yeah, I've watched all of them. But that one particularly, it was really sad. Took me like three days to recover.

[A]

I just watched it last night. I'm like, I'm still just reeling.

[B]

Even with the Christmas spirit today, it.

[A]

Still doesn't do it up enough. I'm like, I gotta go home.

[B]

It's. If you haven't watched it, what's fascinating is it's all police footage. The entire thing.

[A]

All of it. All body cam footage, all doorbell, camera. I'm not like the fact that they had enough body cam footage because this lady called the cops so much is insane. Insane. Okay, this next one, it's a little goofy, but not. I don't think it's, you know, that crazy. Okay, it's coming from Am I overreacting? Only two hours old, titled Am I overreacting? Wife introduced me by my first name instead of husband when meeting a new man at the bar.

[B]

Wife.

He'S like, should we divorce?

[A]

Affairs immediate. Do I have something to worry about? My wife, her dad and myself were at the bar, sitting at a table, having a few drinks with some people we met there. Later that night, an older but good looking man walks up and sits at the table and introduces himself. My wife introduces herself, then her dad as her dad and then introduces me by my name, but never mentions I'm her husband. I didn't think of it to be a big deal at first, but then she continues talking to him and only him for the next 15 minutes without ever mentioning me. She has never Once not introduced me as her husband to anyone. Except for this one time. I saw this as disrespectful, and I let her know and it caused a big fight. I feel if you fail to mention your partner to the opposite sex, you are leaving the door open to feel you are available. Am I overreacting?

[B]

Look, Mama was flirting. Mama, A hot man sat down and she said, this is for me. I need. I need these 15 minutes for me. It's crazy. She did it with her dad there and her husband there as well. But I think she just wanted to, like, feel like she had some attention for a while.

[A]

Make him a little jealous.

[B]

Yeah. I don't. Maybe. But I also. I don't know a lot of men that I hate to stereotype, but it's quite the observation. I feel like my husband would never even realize that.

[A]

He is astute.

[B]

Astute.

[A]

He's taking notes of observations.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you right now, I would be personally a little peeved.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, if I'm sitting there and, like, some hot girl walks up and, like, very clearly sits down next to my husband to talk to him, I'd be like, hi.

[B]

And then he goes, yeah, hi. And that's old Hanny over there.

[A]

That's the old nag. The ball in chain. Ha ha.

[B]

No, but it is so weird. She's like, dad. And there's Rick.

[A]

Who's Rick?

[B]

Don't even know this guy.

[A]

Who. Who is Rick?

[B]

Like, ma', am, these are so interesting because there's definitely levels to it. And also the fact that you ever have a moment where, like, maybe someone is a little jealous and they. They say something to you and you go, oh, my God. What? Like, that's not a thing. And they go, oh, yeah. And then you move on. But the fact that it became a huge fight means, like, there's some stuff.

[A]

There's some stuff brewing.

[B]

The hood of the car.

[A]

Oh, they need a mechanic.

So we don't really have any comments from Op. There's literally one comment, and it's not in response to anything.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And all he said was, dog, Dog. So I don't know. Maybe it's an accident. I don't know. It's a little confusing there. Op who's the dog? Your dog? Are you in the dog house?

[B]

Was she talking to a dog?

[A]

Was it a dog? Are we getting. Are we getting punked? Was it a dog?

[B]

No.

[A]

I'm confused now.

[B]

At first, I really thought it was petty, and then when you explained the details, I was like, I Mean, he's absolutely right. I just not most husbands would like know.

[A]

Look into it like that.

[B]

Look into it like that.

[A]

I know. I'm trying to think of like, I don't think Justin would care. Justin is like the type when we go out to bars, like guys buy him drinks. Not me. Like it is, it is so nice. Like he's gotta do the legwork. He's gotta kinda flirt a little bit and he gets the drinks and I just reap the rewards. Cause I get one.

[B]

Yeah. I could see my husband like if a woman comes up just quickly being like, oh yeah, this is Hannah. And that's just what. But if it's to like they sit down and he's like talking to her intensely and introduces me like that. I think that's. That is kind of weird also. What are you doing at a bar with your dad and your husband and a random man? Like what kind of weird sitcom situation is this?

[A]

My life, literally, I'm like, this was my life. Like me, Justin, my dad, kind of third wheeling, hanging out with us all the time. And then we got to like really watch him because he's one of those people, he gets a little wild in public.

[B]

Your dad? Yeah. Wait, I'm obsessed. Oh wait, I met him briefly. I could. Yeah, he.

[A]

He's kind of a liability sometimes.

[B]

I love that. But that keeps you on your toes.

[A]

It does. It does.

[B]

Probably bonds you and your husband a little.

[A]

Yeah. It's like babysitting a toddler. It's a little chaotic.

[B]

But also I think it's weird for someone to approach a man to approach a woman sitting with two men.

[A]

It is interesting. I wouldn't have. I don't know. He really. He saw what he liked and he was gonna get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wanna know how it ended. Like how'd they end up?

[B]

Maybe they're in a throuple now.

A sister wife situation.

[A]

I could see that. I mean post is still really new. So we don't have a lot of comments. Really top comments right now. Are people asking info. Who was the guy? Why did he come over? Did you and your father in law just twiddle your thumbs and stay silent? Next comment. Right. So many missing pieces. Hard to judge without knowing what actually went down. So maybe we'll get an update. But moving along, moving along to this next one. This episode is brought to you by Skims. I need to be comfortable when I sleep. That is a non negotiable. And so many other sleep sets bunch up, give you wedgies in the middle of the night and just get too hot and aren't comfortable. That is not a problem with Skims. Unlike other sleep sets, the Skims Sleep and Sleep Soft Lounge sets are as cute as they are comfortable. Your old pajamas just can't compete, especially around the holidays when all you want to do is live in them. There's so many adorable prints and colors to choose from, they even make the perfect gift. Maybe get the whole family a set. Take a cute holiday photo if you've ever seen the movie for Christmases. That is my life around the holidays so I will be living in my skim sleep set this year. I got the little red one with the cute reindeers. It's so comfy and no one can say I didn't dress up. It is cute. So shop our favorite [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now [e-mail].

Okay, this is coming from I love when you judge it.

[B]

Right before I know I'm like is.

[A]

This going to be good enough for Hannah? This is coming from our very own Hot Takes subreddit. It is titled I realized my female 30, husband's male 30 family doesn't like me and I think it's pushing me towards divorce. Has anyone been through this?

I, female 30s, am married to a male 30s who unfortunately comes from a family that doesn't like me or at least doesn't seem to want me around. And I'm starting to think this has been a huge factor and me considering divorce. I'd love to hear from others who have gone through something similar. Here are some examples that have really affected me. Inappropriate boundaries My mother in law once asked my husband if we use protection. He shared parts of our sex life as she kept asking. He told me later since I wasn't around then I was mortified. When I told him I felt violated. He said it's normal for him to talk about this with her, that I'm too closed off, that with family and friends they're just like that. Passive aggressive jokes. She said foreigners like me always take things and that an example was me because I stole her son. My husband laughed when he told me again. She said it when I wasn't around. Dismissive comments about my interests. She mocked my love of books. You guessed it. When I wasn't there calling it an obsession, even though my husband knows that's a sensitive subject for me. Instead of backing me up, he accused me of being resentful. Weird emotional competition. Before our wedding, she told me flat out she'll always love him more than I ever could.

[B]

Oh geez.

[A]

And said it seriously, not as a joke. No one at the table said anything, not even my husband. Constant emotional dumping. She regularly calls, crying and venting even when he's overwhelmed with grief, like after his father's death. She never seeks therapy and expects him to be her emotional support system. Unhealthy family dynamics. His extended family uses his car without asking, damages it and then laughs it off. They reject my cooking. Whenever I cook at mother in law's house, suddenly more people show up every time. But no one eats what I cook. He says they're just picky. But even the vegetarian aunt refused to try the salad I made for her. The Culture Very recently I've noticed no man in his family. Mother in law's brothers and nephews is still married. It's a very matriarchal family where the women form a tight circle and I'm left out. I often sit alone during gatherings while they whisper in the kitchen. Some of them don't even refer to me by my name, resentment or subtle digs. I get the feeling his mom resents me not just for taking her son, but for being different. They've started to make very xenophobic comments lately and I'm an immigrant so it's hard to not take it personal. Lately all of the extended family are shifting towards radical right discourses against people like me, and yet my husband defends them constantly. He says there's no bad intention and that his mom is just being herself and that I'm too sensitive. He minimizes my feelings and seems more concerned about their well being and not upsetting them than how I feel. I'm starting to feel invisible, like I'm walking into a family where I'll never be truly welcomed. And even though I love my husband, I'm wondering if this is sustainable. Christmas is coming and I honestly don't want to spend another one there. I'm thinking about telling him about divorce before those dates. Has anyone else ever felt pushed out by their partner's family to this extent? Did it affect your marriage long term? Would appreciate your honest thoughts.

[B]

Wow, wow wow. Let me begin this just by saying I'm not a great person to give advice on this because I married a man whose parents are dead and I did it strategically so I didn't have to deal with this.

[A]

A lot of people break up over in laws. I mean, people, you know, you joke.

[B]

But like, hey, I have a joke in my new standup routine. Come see me on tour. But I said my favorite thing about him is that his parents are dead. And the audience always do.

[A]

They gasp.

[B]

A lot of them gasp. And then some of them start laughing. And I'm like, this is so funny. Cause majority of you are like, that's not funny. But then a small percentage are like, what's it like to live my dream? And I always say, people say, you don't marry the man. You marry the man's family. But I say, not if you time it right.

No, but this is the thing. I thought she was gonna be like, the mom is annoying me. Or like, I. I feel like we had a tiff or something. Yeah, this sounds racist. Yeah, this sounds like there's radicalization happening. This sounds oppressive. And the fact that he's a hundred percent supporting and gaslighting her and supporting the family. I told myself, hannah, when you come on this podcast last time, you told everyone to get a divorce. Let's. Let's think it before.

[A]

Reel it in a little.

[B]

Let's reel it in.

[A]

But I don't think you need to.

[B]

I. I'm. I'm divorcing.

[A]

I think you divorce and then you hit everyone else with his car. That's already fucked up. Fuck it. Take them all out.

[B]

I mean, because also the. This. She's also, also at the stage where it's like, when your friend says, should I break up with him? Like, she's going on Reddit asking if she should using the D word. In the beginning, I was like, whoa, that's where we're starting. We're not starting with therapy or anything. I think she's realizing that him, at his core, is not good and how this woman is going to do everything in her power to make her life miserable.

[A]

I mean, this family.

I don't. I honestly, like, I don't know how you would ever come back from this. Even if they woke up one day and magically started including you. How do you get past all this hurt?

[B]

Yeah. And thinking in the back of your head all the things they've done and said. I also think there is a world where you do an ultimatum with your man and you say, like, it's them or me. But at this point, um, I feel like he's the problem too.

[A]

Oh, he's horrible. Like, horrible.

[B]

I think he's. He is like them.

[A]

I know I. I think he's bought into the family. I think there's, like, definitely some, as Opie put it, inappropriate boundaries and a lack of boundaries. And then there's not one mention here where he's ever gone to bat for her. It's always like, oh, you're overreacting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're too sensitive. Well, at least.

[B]

Sorry. My mom is, like, fucking out of her mind and has some insane political beliefs, and I can't control her, but I can try to control us and navigate our relationship to protect you from her. But also, that's what.

[A]

That's like. That's what you bare minimum need from a partner.

[B]

Bare minimum.

[A]

Me and you, babe.

[B]

I'm going to say it because we're all thinking that you'll never love my son more than I love him. We get it. You want to fuck your son. Like, I'm sick of these boy moms being so weird. Like, your job is to raise your son to. To be his own man, not for you to want him to suck your teeth still.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Was that too graphic?

[A]

No, I. I think the listeners will appreciate it.

[B]

I think it was important.

[A]

It is important. I mean, cut the umbilical cord, buddy. Like, I don't understand. And I think you see it on, like, TikTok, where, like, I saw this one video of this mom, like, making lasagna with her, like, three year old. And she's like, he'll always know my lasagna's better than your daughters.

[B]

And it's like, where's the made up competition?

[A]

You can't have him. There's no competition, you psychopath.

[B]

This is not a.

[A]

It's disgusting. This is so gross.

[B]

I just. I also wonder, like, how did he even fall into this relationship? Or was he. Did he hide her from her? Did he hide his beliefs before he met her? But it seems like the wool is finally being. Whatever that quote is.

[A]

It's off.

[B]

It's off.

[A]

Yeah. What is that? The eyes.

[B]

The wool being pulled off the eyes. I'm so. I mess up every single, like, idiom, but I just say a word and I'm like, you guys know what I was talking about.

[A]

What is that one?

To pull the wool over someone's eyes.

[B]

Over someone's eyes?

[A]

Yeah. The wool has been pulled off the eyes.

[B]

I've made that up.

[A]

It means to deceive or trick them. Them to hide the truth or to gain an advantage.

[B]

So he pulled the wool over her eyes in the beginning.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, that came out of the vault. That was a good one.

[B]

Thanks. But I also feel like I can't. We cannot judge any of these people when it comes to love because it's like, so easy to see what you want to see because you want to make love work. And this guy probably has so many other qualities that she was like, I want that in a husband. But then this woman is. Maybe we should be grateful that she's showing her true colors and you're not learning this, like 10 years later once you have a family with him.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you're female, 30, female 30s, whatever. It actually is like a literal child. You're not in the grave yet. There's still time.

[B]

You're a child bride.

[A]

I think so, yeah. As a 31 year old, as a New Yorker that just got married. Yeah. Like, I honestly, I could have waited. If I would have had one more year, I would have been so happy. Like, it takes three years to plan a wedding in my world. I don't know how I did it in two. But, like, getting married as a 32 year old sounds ideal.

[B]

Yeah, sounds legit. She could have met this guy at 25. His brain wasn't fully formed. Now it is. Let's get out of there. That your brain's changed, babe. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So someone does ask. I don't even know how you get to the point of marrying someone like this. And Op responds, we were long distance during the pandemic. We visited each other, but wouldn't often see extended family. Then we got married to be together.

[B]

Okay, she fucked up, girl. This on you. This is on you.

[A]

Hannah's giving you tough love.

[B]

This is on you. Tough love time. Long distance is not real. And I don't mean it's not real like it's not a real relationship. But as in, you can't decide to marry someone based off a long distance relationship.

[A]

No, it's very honeymoon phase. As someone that did it for three.

[B]

Years, so honeymoon phase.

[A]

It's honeymoon phase.

[B]

Whenever you see each other, you want to hook up. Even you miss them, you're yearning for them. You're making up in your head what they're like day to day. You don't know.

[A]

They're a totally different person.

[B]

I've had so many relations. I mean, not so many, but I've definitely had the long distance where I'm obsessed. And then I finally am with them for like a year. And you're like, who is this guy?

[A]

This is not what I was expecting.

[B]

Because I'm creative. So I like to fill in the blanks with, well, we all do that.

[A]

That's like. You can't imagine the potential cereal addiction.

[B]

Why do you have 40 bowls of cereal next to your bed?

[A]

Oh, my God. What type of mold and research were they trying to conduct?

[B]

There's something going on, but these are things you cannot know.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You could have never known until you were there. But yeah, she didn't know who this man was and now she does.

[A]

Yeah. Apparently before marriage, his parents were very loving to her. The only incidents I had were with his dad, and my husband would defend me, hence me thinking it would be like that with everyone else. The only incident with my mother in law before marriage was her comment about loving him more than me, which was at the wedding. So, yeah, I'm like. Given that, I'm like, I guess OP also adds here, after my father in law's death, the situations I've mentioned have dramatically increased.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think maybe like, mom is now using son as like this emotional partner, this emotional surrogate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that, I mean, that's so tough losing your husband. And I can't even imagine.

[B]

Yeah. And the guy losing his dad, he's definitely going through a trauma, but sometimes traumatizing times reveal, like, if you guys really want to make it work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I feel like traumatizing times. Not to bring up documentaries, but I watched a lot of missing children's cases and so dark.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you. Were you trying to, like, hurt yourself that day? Like, just stab yourself in the heart? Like those cases are. As someone that covers them on a true crime podcast, they're brutal.

[B]

Brutal. But sometimes the couple becomes closer, but then sometimes it immediately disintegrates the marriage because they. They can't handle that stress. And sometimes they're like, you're the only person that can get me through it. So it's just so interesting. How does certain relationships thrive during trauma? And certain ones, they're like, this isn't. You're not right for that.

[A]

It pulls them apart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, it is really interesting. Especially like with a sick kid or like.

[B]

Yeah. Yes. True.

[A]

Like that also. Yeah.

[B]

Because sometimes you're like, this person now just reminds me of the sadness and I want to, like, leave this life kind of thing. Or be like, you're the only one who understands the trauma I've gone through. Not that one's better or worse. It's different coping. But anyway, yeah. Divorce him.

[A]

Divorce. Especially divorce. Because he's refusing any type of therapy. Both individuals or couple, like, does not want to work on things. There's a couple other Comments from op.

[B]

Just, like, I also wonder if. If she's an immigrant and maybe she, like, needed a green card.

[A]

I. No mention. I mean, maybe because that. That one line that she gives, like, we got married to be together.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Like, maybe, honestly, maybe that's why it.

[B]

Was a little more r. I honestly.

[A]

Like, immigration right now in this country is so hard. Like, daca. I know, like, a lot of people that are DACA recipients and, like, her whole family got their green cards and she is, like, still a DACA recipient. And, like, yeah, constantly, like, can't leave the country, like, constantly kind of at risk. And this in between. Limbo.

[B]

Yeah. Because I also don't want to put her in, like, a vulnerable place, divorcing this man. But you're also in this, like, emotionally difficult place.

[A]

That's, like, another really big thing to consider. Really big.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, we do get an update. We get an update from.

[B]

I love when you do this. I love when you do this. You little sneaky.

[A]

The update came a month and a half later. It is quite long. Okay, so I think we're getting a lot of tea. I haven't read it. I don't know what we're getting into.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

When I last posted, my husband was about to leave for his country for six months. His mother's house, specifically, to heal. I thought distance might help us deal with this better and that I would wait to see him in person to address our divorce. But what happened before and after his trip made everything painfully clear. One afternoon before he left, my parents asked if we wanted to go out for lunch. He had just taken a shower, and when I asked if he wanted us to join them, he got angry. See, I knew this would happen. He insisted that if he showered, then he wouldn't get out of the house. He has many rules like that.

He said it was very rude of me to ask because it meant I wanted to go. And then he had to go. It escalated into an argument about how I was cold and selfish. I tried not to fuel any argument, and that was also a problem. He called me totally apathetic and said I didn't care anymore. He's crashing out.

[B]

He's crashing out.

[A]

He's creating issues now. He then made a comment that scared me. Something about not seeing the point of living anymore. It wasn't direct, but it left me shaken and upset because I've suggested therapy many times and he refused it. The next morning, he ignored my texts and the door when I knocked on the bathroom. When I opened it, he laughed and Said, you probably thought something happened after what I said yesterday. And he laughed. That's when something in me broke my worry. My care had become another tool for control. Did he love me? Or was he mistaking love with control?

[B]

She's smart. Her therapist is good.

[A]

She's awesome on it.

[B]

She's clocking him, man.

[A]

We had another talk about his family before his flight. I told him I felt uncomfortable when they crossed lines and that I needed him to stand up for me. His answer was, quote, of course I'll back you up. We'll just discuss it privately after it happens. That's when I confirmed one last time he wasn't planning to defend me at all, just to avoid upsetting them. When he left, he refused to let me drive him to the airport because it would make things harder. I stayed home, realizing the real goodbye had already happened days before. After arriving, he said his mom saw him at the airport looking tired and joked, from your wife. He told me that story like it was funny. It wasn't, but it summed up our marriage. During his first week in his country, we barely spoke. Then, out of nowhere, his mother, who hadn't texted me in years, unless it was something about her son, messaged me. She wrote that she hoped I was doing well and that they were trying to move forward despite how bad things were, and that she enjoyed having me there with her son. It caught me off guard. I knew she meant it to sound kind, but it felt performative, like she was trying to keep me emotionally connected to him through her. Or like a message saying, we're already going through a lot, so you better not make it worse. Oh. I didn't reply. It was the first time I realized how blurred the boundaries in that family really were. That night, he complained about me being cold and rude. I said I asked to speak to him that week, but he said he was busy so we could speak the next day. Since it was the weekend, he said no, it had to be now. I asked for him to respect me wanting to speak the next day. Then he flooded me with texts and calls saying, I respect your boundaries, followed by, I need you now. Pick up. I'd never do this to you. I won't sleep. The next day, when I asked for a divorce, it was a tough call. He was refusing, saying that he would change. I asked him to respect my decision, and the call ended abruptly. Then he sent me a long emotional letter full of guilt and self pity, saying I'd treated him like trash, that I'd controlled everything and that I hadn't given him a chance to even change. He then went to his country to change and be better. And I disposed of him the next day. He said he understood and respected my decision, but that he wanted therapy to change, to rebuild things. He said that he would set boundaries with his family, be positive, support me. I wanted to believe him for two days I actually did. Then he told me his brother in law said, oh, so now we don't have to hate her anymore after hearing we might try again. And of course he justified it as just a joke, despite me telling him that it was not a funny thing to say. And that again, he justified it. The following day he started blaming my parents now saying that for our marriage to work, I should stop working and seeing them that much stop going to their city. We don't really go that often unless I have to go to work. And that we should balance family events evenly between his and mine. His family lives on another continent. When I mentioned then we should start making friends in the city we live in, he said it wasn't necessary because we had each other. That's when I realized he didn't want balance, he wanted control. And with these rules, I would be even more isolated. So I asked for space. Not to play games, but to stop the cycle of we divorce, we reconcile, we fight again. We were supposed to text every morning just to let each other know we were well. One day he stopped texting, so I gave him space too. Yesterday was our anniversary. He said nothing. No good morning, no message. I didn't reach out either. I wanted to respect the silence we both seemed to need. And to be fair, I didn't see anything to celebrate then. Today he sent a long message full of guilt, apologies and emotional weight. And immediately after, he blocked me. And somehow the silence feels like closure already. Because I finally understand that love isn't enough when the relationship requires you to shrink just to keep the peace. It was not just his family. I've discovered through therapy, chats with friends and self reflecting that there were a lot of other things going on here. By the way, someone told me after I broke the news that they always felt something weird going on. A day before our wedding, this friend saw my mother in law crying and she asked if all was well. My mother in law said it's just that my son is in love. And when this friend looked where mother in law was looking, she was watching us kiss. I felt very disgusted about this. I also discovered it was his mom that picked out my engagement ring. But oh anyways, I may not recover My books and things since he blocked me. But luckily I have a list of all of them, and hopefully, little by little, I can recover them. It's better than what would have happened if I went there in December. I'll go with one of my best friends on the trip I had planned. I'm very excited for that. It's not the amicable ending I wanted, but I for sure have peace and time to know myself again. Thank you for your kind advice and words, everyone.

[B]

I'm happy for her.

[A]

Same.

[B]

I'm so happy for her.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Like, so good on you for getting out and realizing all of his tactics and manipulation.

[B]

Well, it's the classic what he's doing to you. He accuses you of saying, you're trying to control me, and it's like you're just saying what you're doing. He's a character, that one.

[A]

He is crazy.

[B]

He must have been hot.

[A]

He's crazy.

[B]

He must have been hot.

[A]

Tall.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But people just flip a switch, though, sometimes. Have you ever dated someone, like, once? They feel like you get a little bit more locked in, then they, like, are totally different person.

[B]

I do feel like sometimes they, you know, people will be, like, mean to the people they, like, love the most. So it's like they get comfortable with you, and then they're, like, letting out all their worst sides to you, and you're kind of like, oh, you weren't like this before. But it's like, this is how you show your love.

[A]

Where'd this come from? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So it's like them behind closed doors when they're alone with you is actually not as fun as when they're, like, in person with their friends, showing off.

[A]

Like, putting on that show.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Everything's so perfect. I'm so funny. I'm so nice.

[B]

But they started the show with you, and then I guess the show's over and you're stuck with them.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I, like, recently, I don't know why I'm, like, having this epiphany, but I thought, like, I'd never really dealt with, like, insane love bombing. But, like, now that I'm like, in hindsight, I'm like, oh, no. Like, people definitely can flip a switch and change. Like, one of my exes, I think it was, like, a month into, like, talking, he called me drunk one night, and he's like, I'm so obsessed. Like, I think I love you. And I'm like, whoa, okay. And he's like, yeah. Like, I Asked my dad if he would still love me if I converted to Judaism. And, you know, I'm. I. I'd do anything for you. And I'm like.

The fuck? And I'm like, now, in hindsight, I'm like, oh, no, that was definitely some weird love bombing by religiousness. And I'm like, I'm not even that religious, but okay.

[B]

Yeah, I'm like.

[A]

But he was, like, super Catholic. I don't know. He was super Catholic, so in his.

[B]

World, that was his love. That was love. Yeah. It's crazy. I also think with technology, it's so easy for people to effortlessly spend time on you and give attention to you and say really loving things to you, whether it's FaceTime, text and. But really, it's low effort on their part, but it feels like they're obsessed with you and really, like, they could be doing that with a lot of people, which is, like, scary to think, but that's our technology nowadays.

[A]

Terrifying. Well, and I think that's probably how they became so close.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it was, like, pandemic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everyone was home. Everyone is, like, vulnerable. Vulnerable in a state of, like, chaos.

[B]

Lonely.

[A]

And they were constantly, like, long distance and, like, able to reach out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

And also, there is something to be said that now that I'm older, I think when you're younger, you're like, I'm gonna find my soulmate. There are so many people that you're compatible with in different ways. And some people are so great for dating for three months. Some people are so great to live with but not to marry. Some people are great to date but not to live with. Like, these are all just different compatibilities. And I don't doubt that these two are compatible in some capacity. But then once they got into the marriage situation, because marriage, as someone who's been married just a couple years longer than you, what is a couple?

[A]

Well, I got, like, a month.

[B]

I'm only three years in.

[A]

Qualified. You're very qualified.

[B]

I'm a literal baby. But marriage is a lot of just really dumb logistic decision making. And even that fight over the shower is such a marriage fight where if you don't like each other, you can make anything personal and turn anything to a fight. So it's two people. Like, I don't care how hot your sex is or how funny the other one is or how romantic you are. Are you guys making the same decisions about, like, where. What movie you're gonna watch that night? Because that's what you deal with day to day.

[A]

Yeah, I know the day to day stuff. And, like, are you showing up in your best way? Like, I also know, like, I can sometimes be a hangry person. Like, I'm truly that Snickers commercial. Like, hey, eat a Snickers. Like you're somebody else right now.

[B]

Like, I shut down.

[A]

I'm. I shut down. I'm crabby, I'm short. Like, I get it. And, like, I can tell too, when I just, like, need some alone time. Like, I'm very introverted. I need to recharge because, like, Justin will leave a light on. And I'm just like, can't you walk out of a room and just hit the switch? I'm just like, just the little things. But it's like, you then got to look at the big picture. Like, is he a good partner? Hands down. Like, the other morning I had like a recording session early. I needed coffee, and he wakes up earlier than me. He goes and works out. And I woke up and he had sent me a text where he's like, your coffee's in the fridge and I put gas into your car, so you're all set. And I'm like, leave every light on. It's fine.

[B]

I just saw a meme being like, men used to go hunting and bring home, like. Like a dead animal. That's his version. Him bringing coffee, a nice latte in the fridge.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

It's men nowadays, which will take.

[A]

That's the man I want. I'm like, I don't need a deer in my garage.

[B]

It's.

[A]

I'm good.

[B]

It's true. And also just remembering, like, you are gonna disagree about logistical things and stuff like that, but it's about choosing your battles. Like, is that what you want to snap it in for as a light or is it. But are you gonna hold it in and snap at something else? That's stupid. Because I'm a. I get hangry too. And my husband knows, like, I'll say something kind of snippy and he'll be like, you hungry? And I'm like, yeah. And then it becomes like a joke where, like, if we weren't compatible, he could be like, don't say that to me. And next thing you know, it's a huge fight. So it's literally. It's not always you. It's who you're with. Yeah. You're like, you're allowed not to be perfect, but you need someone who. Who, like, sees the light in all of it and doesn't take everything personally. Like an attack that is like the.

[A]

Best way to put it because, like, I've really come to the conclusion, like, as women, we're so. Our hormones are crazy. Like, I feel like we're just bombs. We're just little bombs waiting to go off. We just need the right thing. And so when stuff sets us off, you need someone who's like the bomb squad. They can properly diffuse you. They can also.

[B]

We're observant. Like, there's so many things going on that men are not aware of. And I'm like, I'm stressed about all these things. Yeah. We have so, so many different things. And I feel like men are very to stereotype, are very good at being present in the moment. Yeah. Where my husband is very good at being like, we're not catastrophizing about that right now.

[A]

We're just here right now.

[B]

We're here right now. And finding someone who balances. Yeah.

[A]

I'm the catastrophizer. I. So yes, yes, we are in the same boat. This episode is brought to you by 20th Century Studios. Upcoming comedy Ella McKay. A new comedy from academy award winning writer director James L. Brooks. Emma Mackey plays Ella McKay, an idealistic young woman who juggles her family and work life in a story about the people you love and how to survive them. Featuring an all star cast including Jamie Lee Curtis, Jack Lowden, Kumail Nanjani, Ayo Adebury, Julie Kavner and Albert Brooks and Woody Harrelson. So go check out Ella McKay. In theaters December 12th. Get tickets now. We cover a lot of hot takes on this show, but here's something that's just a smart take. Staying in control of your body after unprotected sex. Enter plan B. Emergency contraception. It's safe, effective backup birth control. You take after unprotected sex to help prevent pregnancy before it starts. You have up to 72 hours after unprotected sex to take it. Sooner you take it better. It works and anyone can buy it. It's legal and available in all 50 US states at all major retailers. Follow plan B on insta at plan B. One step. Use as directed. Are you doing okay? Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything?

[B]

Oh, no, I'm good.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm great.

[A]

I'm like, I might have to pee after this one. But we'll see if you have to pee.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It's like a car ride.

[A]

Yeah. You good? Do we need to stop?

[B]

We've gone. We have like five more miles.

[A]

Do we need the next rest area?

[B]

Do you need chipotle?

[A]

Oh, chicken nuggets. Chipotle chicken tacos have been like my like spectrum food that I like only eat.

[B]

The season on the chicken is great.

[A]

The seasoning, it used to mess me up, but I feel like it's changed lately. It was so good.

[B]

Yep, they're, they're really nailing it.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

And I don't want a carnita. Throwing a carnita.

[A]

Okay, this next one is coming from Aitah. Six days old, titled Am I the Asshole for not finding my husband Attractive after childbirth?

[B]

Oh, oh, interesting.

[A]

I know a little wrench in that one. Hormonal maybe throw away since my husband is chronically on Reddit. This one is long so tldr at the bottom. Our little one is six weeks old, unplanned pregnancy. But throughout the whole thing my husband was supportive. We went into this knowing I didn't have any close living family to help us out and his are busy with their own lives and his.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

We have no help is what she said she's like.

[B]

And they hate me too.

[A]

With that being said, his family is very opinionated. They keep pushing for him to get a better paying job. We aren't rich, but live comfortably enough to enjoy things like going out to eat, buying on Amazon and other more detailed stuff while saving for a down payment for a house, which we have. We're just adding to it at this point. I was very adamant that I wanted him home using family medical Leave act for at least a month. He got 12 weeks approved through his job. If he left his job, he would lose those benefits. Fast forward to little one being born. Husband was great the first week, changing diapers, interacting with him and being supportive while I breastfed two weeks and he enters a depression. Oh, his family visited and the same conversation came up, quote, you need to make more money or you're going to make your kids struggle. Oh, it irked me. I kept saying, he's doing everything I and little one need right now. But it wasn't enough. He spent the next week finding a new job which has required training for eight weeks before maybe even having a position. He started that at two and a half weeks old and it's been hell ever since. He's gone from 6am to 4:30pm Monday through Friday without the promise of this new job. Once he gets home, he's doing homework and playing on his phone while I'm taking care of a newborn, doing overnight wake ups, healing, cleaning the house, cooking dinner and going to Appointments. We've gotten into arguments. I've cried, begging for help. He has tried harder but doesn't understand unless I point to something and say, do it now. Including picking up his own son. Even then he throws the I'm busy right now excuse. He could hear the baby crying while I'm in the bathroom and doesn't even get up. Or he's on his phone over the weekend while I do everything I do during the weekday. The tipping point was over the weekend. I left the baby with him for an hour to do something for me. When I called, all you could hear is the baby screaming in the background. He has no connection to his son, and I fear he never will now that I just say fuck it and do it myself. I've tried helping him figure out the dad role, but a lot of times he gets frustrated, which leads to him asking if our newborn is normal. It kills me or he'll tell me I'm micromanaging. I can't even look at my husband anymore and see the man I love. All I see is another person to clean after and take care of. Kissing him is a chore, and I know he feels it. We've had basic conversations of me voicing that I'm doing it all. He usually counters with, if you need help, just ask. From which I've told him I do, but I get blown off half the time. And I'm not going to keep asking. I've told him I'm spread thin, exhausted and emotional. But I always feel like the asshole when I think about why it's hard right now. Am I the asshole for not being attracted to him when I know he's doing this to better our lives in the long run?

[B]

Not to throw you guys off, but I'm gonna be positive on this one. I know. Keeping everyone on their toes. I. Well, first of all, the fact that he. For that week was good means that he has potential.

[A]

Potential is there.

[B]

Potential is there. And it sounds like I got a little confused because I thought he had gotten like 12 weeks. And then I guess his family told him to get this different job. So he's kind of obsessed right now with getting his family's approval, which is ultimately to bring in more money for the family. But he's missing. He's missing the mark. I feel like she isn't. It's not over between them. Cause I think if he can get in the right mindset again, which is you're helping the family by being present right now and worry about the money later, like, money comes and goes, I need you here. She will then be attracted to him again. I also think she's going through so much right now herself that she's going through a very particular time. And he's not helping. But people say a lot of marriages can end when you start just seeing him as, like, another child who you have to take care of. That's not sexy.

[A]

No.

[B]

But I feel like. I feel like they're in a really rough patch, but I feel like he can get out of it. But I do. Whenever someone says to you. Because I feel like I've said it to people, like, oh, yeah, just let me know if you need help. Means you don't want. You don't want to help them. If you want to help them, you do it. You know, it's like you just ask me.

[A]

I know that. I hate that. Where it's just like, you could have asked. It's like, you saw me struggling. Like, you saw me struggling, and you could have just as easily picked up the baby. I shouldn't have to then do the mental load as well, being like, hey, can you get the baby? And then can you change their diaper or see if they need to be fed? Like, baby's crying, get your ass up.

[B]

It's hard because he probably feels also like he's missed out and he doesn't know the right things to do and he, like, freezes. Maybe not. I'm not defending. What am I doing? Defending. I like the guys. No, I want to believe that he can, like, change perspective.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Like, because it's really hard here. I. I don't understand why he let his family pressure him or bully him. I don't understand why this wasn't a more mutual decision between the two of them. Like, why did your family come in and then all of a sudden you're quitting your job? Your job that you had 12 weeks.

[B]

To be with your baby and your.

[A]

Family and, like, fmla, like, maybe some of that time was like, did you literally quit that job before you even exhausted all of that paid leave?

[B]

And then this training that is unpaid.

[A]

She said it's so confusing, some kind of training with what he maybe has a position. Like, he has to do required training for eight weeks before maybe even having a position. So you just gambled. What if you do all this training and then you don't even get the job?

[B]

The decision making was messed up on this one.

[A]

What are we doing? For sure, you just had a baby. The baby is six weeks old. Old now. So, like, couldn't you have just gone out of the trenches. Like, the postpartum, like, anxiety depression phase that, like, mom could be at risk for. And, like, couldn't we at least get past that? And then, like, hey, you want to make more money? You want a different job, do it. But let me get out of the trenches. I don't need to be in there fighting by myself, Buddy.

[B]

Yeah. I also. I've heard that. That a lot of men don't feel as connected to the baby in the beginning because, you know, they weren't carrying it. So, like, I do think what he's going through is normal, but, like, this is a critical time for him to not keep getting farther and farther away.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

From the family. Yeah.

[A]

And then maybe even making his own depression worse because he feels even more disconnected. He feels more inept or has guilt or whatever it is.

[B]

Like, the good news is he's not in, like, some job that he's been in for 10 years and doesn't want to lose. Like, he's in a. A place that he's moving and grooving. They need money, though, so it sucks that he left that job that was gonna give him leave. I know. Well.

[A]

And it's like, do you need more money? Yeah. I think for a lot of people, like, they're like, yeah, obviously, Morgan. Like, more money is always nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But at the same time, like, you have a savings where you have enough in your savings for a down payment on the house.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And then some.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Take advantage of, like, this nice job that you've had. You know what you're expecting. You've got all this leave, enjoy your newborn. Enjoy, like, bonding with the baby, which is a lot harder for guys, typically, especially when mom is breastfeeding, because baby doesn't really want dad. Baby wants boobs.

[B]

Baby's like, you don't give me anything.

[A]

You got nothing for me. And at that point, all they do is eat, sleep, and shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, that's baby mode right now. But you can be helping mom. You can be cooking. You can be cleaning. Like, she's still healing. So it's just, like. It's frustrating that it's like, you could have had your cake and eaten it, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By just waiting a couple more weeks and then go job hunt.

[B]

And it's not like the family is so crazy telling them to get a better job, but it's more. They don't know what's actually going on in your family, what you need. Yeah. So it's like, you're right. It was a Discussion they needed to have.

[A]

And so crazy.

[B]

I also. She clearly didn't marry for money. Like, that was never the issue. Like, if she wanted a guy who had more money, she would have.

[A]

Good point.

[B]

She would have married a guy with more money. So she's like, can you just fucking, like, wake up when the baby's crying? That's all she wants.

[A]

I'm just trying to take a shit. The baby's crying. Please get the baby.

[B]

But it's so true. And I feel like so many women who've had so many different guys, they've dated and they're now, like, in their 30s that I talk to. They're always just like, I want a kind of good man. Someone a kind, empathetic man who.

[A]

Dating is so hard right now. Like, talking to all my friends that are still actively dating, like, so hard. I have a friend, like, that just moved from LA to New York. And like, a part of that was because dating is so bad here. But I'm also like, I don't know. I don't know over there. Girl, you should have put you in Chicago somewhere. In the middle.

[B]

The middle. I wonder. I wonder if it's. Cause our algorithms are so different and we're consuming so much content on our phones that when we hang out with, like, a guy who hasn't been looking at the same stuff, you're just like.

[A]

Hey, what are we doing here?

[B]

What do we talk about?

[A]

What are we talking about?

[B]

What do you like to do?

[A]

My name's Morgan.

[B]

Hi. What's your favorite color?

[A]

I like black.

[B]

Literally, That's a first date.

[A]

What do you do? I wouldn't. Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin nowadays.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I just. I can't. Like, the thought of dating again. Like, there's no. I can't. My brain. I'm like, I'm dying before I have to date again. Yeah, there's. There's no way.

[B]

Oh, a hundred percent. I also feel like it's like you either meet someone through friends or like, you just message a thousand people a day forever. That's. That's depressing. That was depressing A little. Well, it's just like, either, like, you go full technology and you're like, do a numbers game game, or you go, like, I'm gonna matchmaker. I'm gonna walk through a library and see if a handsome man asks me if I'm lost.

[A]

The.

[B]

The.

[A]

The fact that some people actually do still have meet cutes is like.

[B]

Yeah, like meeting their husband on a plane. How I'm like, are they making that up for a TikTok video?

[A]

How? I literally just saw a video. Of course it was tick tock of this girl that was like, my mom's best friend asked me to pick her up from the airport. I did. She texted me, get out of the car. I met your husband. And sure enough, standing next to her is this hot guy that she sat next to on the plane. And we're now all going out to dinner together.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I'm like, how does this happen to people?

[B]

I'm hoping it's a reverse effect where, like, everyone is so sick of all the online stuff that people start talking to each other. However, like, apparently a lot of Gen Z's, this is a probably made up stat. But, like, some of the guys have never been rejected to their face before. Like, guys aren't asking girls to their face face to like, which is like a very critical.

[A]

You need social skills. You need that socialization milestone.

[B]

Get rejected to your face.

[A]

Rejection therapy is like a real thing. You need to do it.

[B]

You need to do it, girl and guy.

[A]

Everyone, everyone needs to do rejection therapy to your face. Ask the questions. I hate making phone calls. I hate asking, like, questions. Hate it. But you never know. There was, like, something the other day. I, like, bought something off Facebook marketplace, and I was like, would you take. Take like 500 for that instead of a thousand? She goes, sure. And I'm like, say less. I'll be there.

[B]

Just ask instead of just getting in your own head about everything.

[A]

A lot of times they'll say no. I made an offer at a thrift store and I thought it was a reasonable offer, but she said no. And then you just walk away. It's fine.

[B]

Nothing personal.

[A]

You're not gonna die. Sometimes I think I will, but you're not gonna die. It's okay.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

I could see you being a dating coach.

[B]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[A]

I could, like, really see you being a dating coach.

[B]

I love coaching in general. Like, I love being a hype woman for people. Like, I have, like, kind of an agent brain where I'll see someone. I'll be like, you gotta do this and you gotta. I believe in you. You gotta trust this. You gotta go. But I feel like dating is very, like just being your authentic self and the right people will find you. That's very hopeful is my what I put out there for people.

[A]

I appreciate that. Back to this gal.

[B]

Yeah, back to the baby.

[A]

Back to the baby.

[B]

You left the baby crying.

[A]

Are you the. For not being attracted to him?

[B]

No, I don't think so. I think it's. It's valid you're not attracted to him right now, but know that it's not like, it's not necessarily permanent. I think in marriages there can be ups and downs where, like, you know when you're in a fight and you're like, obviously, I don't want to have sex with him right now. He's pissing me off. Like, I think it's one of those.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where she's turned off by him. But I don't think you're not attracted to him. I still have hope for you.

[A]

I think there's hope. I think you're just really, really going through it right now. You're. You're deeply unhappy, super unsatisfied, and you don't have a partner right now. Like, that's kind of where you're at.

[B]

He's making your life worse.

[A]

He's making your life a lot worse, a lot harder. So, no, I feel like I. I would be shocked if you were attracted to him, to be honest.

[B]

I do think, especially with women nowadays, we feel similar to men where your partner needs to bring value and not to, like Andrew Tate. It. No, I'm not saying you have to be. I'm just saying if you're not bringing anything to the relationship, why are you here? And if you're hurting the relationship, why are you here?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So when I say value, I don't mean the red pill value, but rather don't make my life harder.

[A]

And I don't think, like, people realize that. Like, I think because of what's online for men and the content and all the toxicity geared towards men, it's like, not, like high value. It's like, you don't have to make a lot of money.

[B]

No.

[A]

Like, it's not that alpha male stuff where it's like, you have to make over 125k a year. You're.

[B]

When I say high value is like, do you make me feel seen?

[A]

Value is effort.

[B]

Understood.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Communication protected.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it could be in various forms.

[A]

It does not have to be, like, financially.

[B]

And you can be imperfect, you can be poor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can have your own issues that you're struggling with.

[A]

You can have crazy in laws.

[B]

You can have crazy in laws.

[A]

It's how you show up.

[B]

It's how you show up. And you're ultimately on the same team together. This guy, he's left the team. He's on the bench right now, and you need him on the court.

[A]

Benched himself he benched himself.

[B]

Like let his mom bench him. Not to use use sports analogies on this.

[A]

No bench.

[B]

We're Stephen A. Smithing this get in.

[A]

The game penalty box. I mean, yeah, dude, you got to.

[B]

Shoot some threes cuz she's out here just running around full court defense.

[A]

I know, dude, you're reminding me of like Steph Curry and all the drama that's been on Tik Tok about, oh, his wife. Him and his wife. Scary. Top comment on this one, not the asshole. You don't have a partner. You just have an employer to bang and clean up after. If that's harsh, don't get angry with me. He's the one treating you that way. Someone goes, yeah, she's basically doing shift work with a newborn and managing an emotionally checked out roommate. There's nothing sexy about having a parent. Your partner.

[B]

No. And also, yeah, he is tired. Like 6am to 4:30. He's definitely tired when he gets home. But it's like, okay, we need to fix this because it's not working.

[A]

No. I'm gonna see if there's any comments from OP at this point. We do have a few comments because it's six days old now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So someone has like a really long comment to op. Why is he doing this new job right now? I can understand slightly from his perspective about being tired, coming home and just wanting to be on his phone. But he has a child. He should be taken care of before other things. I think he is the asshole for not helping. But I do see what has happened. Family pressured him. Maybe he felt like he wasn't doing enough, tries to do more in the wrong way, making more money rather than helping you. Is now tired because of his hours, became stuck in a habit of not helping. I think men forget what actually makes us love them. It's not the fact that they're making money. It's that they're being a part of the family and your life, period. Hannah, period.

[B]

Hannah said, that's what we said.

[A]

We didn't even need the comment.

[B]

I am the comment.

[A]

Hannah is comment. Hannah is stop comment.

[B]

I will comment.

[A]

And OP responds, I think that is perfectly put. It's not all about money. And it could have waited. He didn't jump into it without consulting me. But at that point he was severely depressed, thinking he wasn't doing enough. And I told him to do what he needed. I warned him it would be hard, but in my head I didn't see he'd be so focused on the new job that he would Forget about us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I saw my husband who used to come home from work and help me.

[B]

I feel like he didn't know what he needed or what he wanted, and he thought this job was gonna bring him something. And she thought, well, I want my husband to be happy. But she didn't realize that he's now just, like, put his depression and energy into something else.

[A]

Yeah. Well. And I don't think it would have mattered if she would have been like, not right now. Like, if she would have said no, that could have caused even more depression, more resentment, and then it could have been her fault. So it's like it was kind of a catch 22 in sense where it's. No. No one's winning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they're both really losing.

[B]

Yeah. It also. We're two people who haven't had kids yet. Yeah. That would know of. No, I'm just kidding.

[A]

Unless someone stole an egg. That'd be crazy.

[B]

So we don't know about this, like, time. But I. I hear so many, like, celebs or, like, moms talk about, like, oh, back when I did have my kid, it was the hardest time. So traumatizing. And a lot of women do it just kind of in silence. Like, you don't even know how difficult it is. So she probably feels really alone. But I just want to say, I don't think you're alone. I feel like a lot of women are going through this.

[A]

So many. I mean, I've heard of women, their husband is showing up and they're like, I'm not a tr. I. He did this to me. I hate him right now. Like, there's so many women that, like, oh, my God, he sneezed and woke the baby up. I hate his guts. Like, when you're in that new baby postpartum stage, even when you're in pregnancy, I mean, this whole. This being pregnant, having kids. It's a feet.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's Olympic medal worthy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think you get a. You get a pass. Yeah, you get a pretty big pass.

[B]

I always try to think, too. Like, sometimes with the household, it doesn't naturally flow and you, like, have to have some systems in place, like a job, for example. Like, my husband and I are both messy, so, like, we've been trying to get more systems in place where it's like, okay, you. You are the dishwasher person. Like, I will handle the laundry.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because it's like, at least try to put something down because it's not working in our, like, willy nilly. Figure it out.

[A]

That's me.

[B]

So, yeah, maybe there's a method of like, you do the diapers after 5pm, you're on diaper patrol. I'm telling you, this is it. Because you can't randomly Smart. Just like, maybe there's a simpler system so that. But when he doesn't do it, it's very clear to be like, that's so smart, your diaper guy.

[A]

That's really smart. Delegate. Like, here's the clear task. After 5pm, we're 50, 50 on the job. It's not me 100%.

[B]

And even saying 50 50, I don't think is clear enough.

[A]

No, no, no. I like your task. Like you're on diaper duty. You're on bottle washing duty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here's your task.

[B]

Come home, you do all the dishes.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And then tonight it's you. And actually my I, I do have family that has newborns and they have their own systems that work for them. Like, she'll be like, he does, you know, Tuesdays and Wednesdays because he is later on work those days, so he stays up those nights.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

I hate to say turn it into like a military operation, but that might be what this guy needs.

[A]

You might need that in the early days. Like, hey, I said you're in the trenches.

[B]

Yeah. Bring out the military trenches. Let's bring him. Let's do some push ups. Let's go, let's go. Yeah.

[A]

Mic drop.

[B]

Don't grow bus so close to the sun right now. Bradley.

[A]

Mic drop.

[B]

Is that makeup names for all the guys? That's Bradley.

[A]

It helps. It helps set the scene.

[B]

Giving Bradley. Yeah, Brad.

[A]

I think that is the way to handle it. I feel like this is, it's hard because it's like if it's his dream.

[B]

Job, wait a couple, Wait till you're done with the fml.

Wait till the FML to be over.

[A]

I do see like, like the draw though. It's like he's got his family medical leave. Job is still there. So if he does hate this one and it doesn't work out, there's the safety net.

[B]

Yeah. And he doesn't want to. He likes being able to do the training so that he can work. But actually, I've heard this before where men will get family medical leave and at first they're helpful, but then they kind of take it to like do some other stuff, like start some new hobbies and like they have all this free time. Time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, this is a thing that I've heard. I'm not gonna name names, but Some men have done. Some men have done to my friend. But then they worked it out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Because basically guys are like, what do you need me here? I guess I'll like, I'll take a class and learn something during this leave. Yeah.

[A]

Just be still.

[B]

Just be, just be still. Just be there.

[A]

Be present you.

[B]

Sometimes I think men are very like, like again, mass stereotyping. But they're like how can I solve this problem right now? Which she is telling you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What she needs you to do. But sometimes it's just like that you're there just in case. Yeah. That you're ready and you're, you're here for the family.

[A]

Yeah. People have backup pictures. You know, Dodgers just won World Series. Like there's backups for a reason.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's this new commercial. I forget what insurance thing is for but it's like, like the professional backups come in like this dude can't order at a drive thru window and the professional backup comes in and like orders everything really well. Like, like the parents are trying to give like a talk to a kid and they're botching it and this backup comes in and it's like when two people fall in love and it's like the backup explains it. It's like we just like just be a backup. There's nothing wrong with it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Cuz you won't be the one breastfeeding but that doesn't mean you don't have a critical role.

[A]

Emotional support. Hold my hand, tell me I look good. There's another.

[B]

Or start selling pics on OnlyFans.

[A]

Sell some dirty socks, Sell some foot pics, Sell something.

[B]

If, if. But it's. Yeah. I also, you know what, I also think a little meeting with the whole family could be good.

[A]

I think that would be good. So we do get a couple more comments that do provide some insight.

So there is a comment here. I know why he decided to do what he did. Both of his parents died while he was relatively young and he had to work for what he has. The family in his ear are his uncle and brother.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

With that being said, I make double what he makes. This has never caused fights, but when he looks at our income, he sees his. He thinks he's doing it all with his own money and that has caused arguments when I have to remind him he's not. He has done therapy before and I'm sure if I ask he will again. I think the issue now is that he is so blinded by money and making more money more than ever before in Fear that he can't provide for a baby, that he's missing out on everything else, when we will never have an issue providing together.

[B]

This is a plot twist. She's like, mama's got you. Okay.

[A]

Said breadwinner, sugar, mama got you, so.

[B]

Stop stressing about your pennies.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And if you want to provide for this family, do it emotionally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is like a. Just a real miscommunication of what we were talking about earlier. What is value?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

What is value?

[A]

What is value?

[B]

And clearly she's like, I got you on the money front.

[A]

I just, like, I think that's something guys need to get more comfortable with as we, like, progress forward. It's okay if you have. Have an imbalance in breadwinner or, like, if your wife is making more than you and you're in that traditional relationship. Because I think this isn't so much an issue for gay couples or other couples. Like, it's. It's those straight couples.

[B]

But even. Even in a gay couple, if one of them starts doing really well, it could be great for the other one to be like, oh, maybe I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll be more at home for this. And it kind of can flip back and forth.

[A]

Yeah. I just think, like, people that are in the LGBTQ+ community have, like, those conversations easier.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

There's not so much insecurity as where you see in, like.

[B]

Well, yeah, they don't feel like the one that should be this.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because they're not heteronormal.

[A]

That toxic masculinity of it, where it's like, I need to make more money than my wife. Yeah, no, you're fine.

[B]

But also, like, you got. She married you. She's good. I literally just saw a TikTok this morning of a guy being like, what would you do if your wife made over $300,000 a year? And it just shows the guy, like, throwing in laundry, like, burping the baby.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I love it. And he's cleaning, and he's, like, loving it and, like, partying at home, which, by the way, it's very difficult to keep a home. I wouldn't know, because I'm horrible at it. So I don't know. I was there talking my. My grandma, who's got married when she was 18, and I'm like, what would you do during the day?

[A]

Clean.

[B]

And she's like, you wake up, you're doing laundry, you're cleaning, you're cooking. You have three kids.

[A]

I'm not meant for that.

[B]

Holy shit, Nana.

[A]

Yeah. Your grandma's so cute. She's the cutest little.

[B]

You guys. Nana still got it on Instagram if you want to follow her. She's very active.

[A]

O, my God. Like, she just went. I think I saw you guys go to, like, some premiere and her fit. I'm like, damn, she's. Nana's probably gorgeous.

[B]

Nana is a fashion icon at 84.

[A]

I mean, unreal, unreal. But, yeah, different times. I mean, I don't know how to keep a home either. I, I, I will definitely need a lot of help when I have a kid because you don't see my floor very often. Like, my editor Jenna, sitting here with us now. And I cleaned my house when we had people over for Halloween to pass out candy. And I don't know if it was Jenna or someone else, but they walked in, they're like, this is the first time I've seen your four. Wow, this looks great here. And I'm like, you're creative.

[B]

You're an expressive creator.

[A]

Oh, I just, it's hard. And it's already piled back up. I'm like, what the fuck? It was clean for a day.

[B]

Also, it is hard to tell a man. Like, look, I make more than you deal with it. I think it's more of changing the perspective of, like, long term. I'd love your career to flourish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Now is not the training time for you to build on that. Because also, there are a ton of people who don't find what they love or, like, find the right work situation until later in life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, he can find a job that he ends up, like, really ascending and, and finding a community for himself and making more money in. That could happen when he turns 40. Like, yeah, there's. This isn't set in stone.

[A]

It's not. And the last comment I'll read, his employer of his old job is aware of all of this, so not at risk. Apparently they've been family friends since childhood. This was an opportunity he has been waiting on for a while. He just jumped into it very quickly instead of waiting for the next run of trainings in early 2026. So there is, like, such a perfect world here where he talks to whoever is doing the training and says, hey, I bit off a little bit more than I can chew right now with a new baby at home. Yep, I'd love to do the trainings in 2026. I will not let you down. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He kind of has an idea what trainings look like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he can present for baby.

[B]

And you know what? This is why I believe in this.

[A]

Couple, because I think they're gonna be okay.

[B]

His heart's in the right place.

[A]

It is.

[B]

He's just, he's fucking up. And that's okay. You're allowed to make mistakes. But his heart is there. His mom's not trying to like get her deported or whatever. The other mom was trying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this is good.

[A]

This is really good.

[B]

This is logistical problems which we all deal with.

[A]

Yeah, I just kind of need to communicate, get on the same page again.

[B]

Yeah, I think. But I love that she's speaking up for what she needs because there's a lot of people that could be like, he's going through it. I don't want to make it worse for him. I'll take on all the load. Instead she's like, something's wrong. I'm unattracted to him. How do we fix this?

[A]

She's on it and she went to.

[B]

Reddit and then she's here and she's here and we're. We, we solve that crime.

[A]

And thank God she's here cuz otherwise you out of a job. Yep, be out of a job. Thank God this next one's here too. Because this one, this is also keeping me employed. Okay, this episode is brought to you by State Farm. We need people to support us. If your friends aren't keeping you on track and sharing their hot takes, are they even your friends, good friends show up and speak up. They tell you what you need to hear, even if you don't want to hear. And like those friends, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage you need. With so many coverage options, it's nice knowing you have support in finding what fits for you. Go online@state farm.com or use the award winning app to get help from one of their local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Hi, it's Eva Longoria and let's be real. After 40 we should ask for more from our skincare. I swear by Revitalift triple power moisturizer by l' Oreal Paris. With vitamin C pro, retinol and hyaluronic acid. It reduces my wrinkles, firms and brightens. And it's not a procedure, it's just a hard working moisturizer. Revitalift triple power moisturizer by l' Oreal Paris. Grab it today and fragrance free or with SPF 30. Available at your local Walmart. So this is coming from r relationshipadvice titled I 28 female commented on a post of my boyfriend, 29, male, on a are we dating the same guy? Paige? And he found out what are my next steps? Wait.

Have you seen these pages?

[B]

So she commented, like she said, is anyone dating this guy? No, she. Someone else said, are you dating this guy?

[A]

And it's her boyfriend and it's her.

[B]

Boyfriend and he knows that she knows. Okay.

[A]

I 28, female, recently found a post of my boyfriend, 29, male, on a local are we dating the same guy page. We've been together for five years. There were several comments on there of girls stating that they texted him and went out with him. And I couldn't tell if this had happened recently or if it could have been from a long time ago. So I commented on it anonymously, asking if anyone has talked or hooked up with him recently. And a girl responded saying that she did and asked if I did as well and if I had any tea on him. I probably should have said I was his girlfriend, but I was so embarrassed I couldn't and worried I wouldn't get any information. So I just said he told me not to talk or sleep with anyone else and he wouldn't either, but that we never hooked up. Hmm. She responded back, claiming he said the exact same thing to her. I then asked when they last hooked up and she never responded back. My boyfriend then comes home and is furious, slamming doors, giving me dirty looks, but won't say anything to me. I know he knows that I was the one who anonymously posted because I had suspicions that he had been cheating on me and have recently been asking him and he denied doing so. I then go back to the post and all of her responses are deleted. So I know she told him and I'm sure he told her to delete them, but he's pissed at me for it anyways. What are my next steps?

Do I confront him about it or just wait and see if he says anything? Also, we rent an apartment together and are on the same lease, so that makes things even more complicated.

[B]

Well, you guys know what I'm gonna say? No, I'm gonna say, I think this is when you just blame your friend and you go, so my friend saw a photo of you.

[A]

What's up?

[B]

My friend saw a photo of you and this girl was saying, you got you hooked up. My thing is like, yeah, it's awkward, but it's like, like, let's get to the the crux of it.

[A]

Yeah, what's the real issue?

[B]

And don't let the fight become where are you being Nosy. Be like, that was my friend.

[A]

She sent me a screenshot.

[B]

She sent it to me.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

Sorry. My friend knows who you are and saw you.

[A]

She saw you. She's single, she's dating.

[B]

Sorry. She's looking out for me.

[A]

This is what girls do.

[B]

It's not my fault. She likes to comment on pages.

[A]

Hashtag community.

[B]

If you see something, say something.

[A]

In the wise words of tsa. Come on.

[B]

Which you know is a very well run organization that never has delays. So.

[A]

Hey, they've been unpaid.

[B]

True. Paid tsa. They bet on paid tsa. I hate this man. I've had a day. I can't with this man. Slamming doors, sir. Grow up. Grow up. And you don't even have the balls to tell me why you're mad. Grow up. I'm fighting him.

[A]

You slam the door in my house.

[B]

Not in my house.

[A]

Not in my house.

[B]

No. I'll get a parrot to yell at you.

[A]

Oh, I would borrow a parrot for revenge. That's actually a great idea.

[B]

I also think there's the girls who, like, you have a sense your boyfriend's cheating, which a lot of girls are witches. So, like, that is totally valid. Yeah, but this is another level. This is literally, like. This is more than, like, where there's smoke, there's fire. Like, there's people talking about it. Yeah. I think she knows he's cheating.

[A]

I think she does. I mean, it was in her gut. She went on that page for a reason. That's the thing. Like, I think if you're gonna cheat, don't, like, just break up. Because women are witches. They will find out, like, oh, it's just a matter of time. It's not. If it's when they find out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, your fair partner is gonna become jealous. They'll tell them eventually.

[B]

Like. Yeah. And five years is a long time. The. There's no way.

[A]

The post.

[B]

The post was definitely within that time. Five years.

[A]

Oh, my God. So top comment. You break up with him.

[B]

Duh.

[A]

How much time is left on your lease? Op responds. Oh, I am. I'm just wondering if I should even say anything about it or just let it be a little over five months. That is a long time on the lease. Next one down. Leave him. Why do you need a confession from him? You already know what's going on. I guess I want some kind of closure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Although I don't think him admitting to it will give me that anyways. Plus, he'll probably lie, so it's just my own delusions wanting him to realize he's wrong. It's definitely over between us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How do you feel about closure? Do you find it overrated or underrated?

[B]

Oh, my God. Good question. I. Well, I feel like closure can just be within you. That's what closure is. Like, I've definitely have situations where maybe things weren't said, but it's like I found the closure, and I feel like also closure is where they don't affect you anymore. Yeah. That's my closure, where it's like, I'm not rooting against them, I'm not rooting for them. Like, I actually just feel nothing for them. That's my closure.

[A]

That's where I get with people. I'm just like. I'm just neutral. Like, you're oatmeal to me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Take it or leave it.

[B]

Yeah. Like, if someone talks shit about them to me, I'm kind of like, I actually don't care to. To pile on this.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

I don't want to be involved at this point.

[A]

I genuinely like. And with the way people twist things, it's like, I'm not even. I'm not even saying a word. Like, it's just like, it's not worth it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To even have the ability to have something twisted. That's not even true.

[B]

Yeah. And you don't need a guy to tell you he cheated for you to feel over him like, you're over him, babe. But I do think I don't mind, like, a conversation at least being like, hey, I don't. I just don't feel, like, safe in this relationship. I don't feel good about myself. There's something wrong. You don't even have to be accusatory and just be like, I don't. I'm not happy.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

And if he wants to confess, cool. And if not, it's like, sorry, It's. I love that. And also it's like, so loving yourself. Like, you're choosing to love yourself. He's not loving you the way you want to be loved. So you're basically just saying, hey, your love kind of isn't doing it for me, and I think I deserve better. They always say, like, the person you're with is a reflection of how much you love yourself. And she's loving herself.

[A]

Oh, okay, Guru.

[B]

Okay, Mo Robins.

[A]

Wow.

You are a healed, very put together woman over there. Okay.

[B]

This is me and my dating coach era.

[A]

I am telling you now.

[B]

I'm like, fully. I'm like, okay, we have to start this Date dating.

[A]

I've literally wanted to do like a THT speed dating round. Oh my God. And then we could collaborate on it in New York.

[B]

The city that needs some love and so many singles.

[A]

And then literally we'll just pop table to table and like, like be awkward and weird with them.

[B]

Make out.

[A]

You won't do it. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss Kiss.

[B]

Start a grind line.

[A]

I see this. In our future. I see this. We. We could easily get someone to sponsor this hinge Tinder. You want to have a fun event? Let's go. Well, we do get an update.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. This is coming 10 days later and they say this. First off, I want to thank everyone for all of your helpful advice on my original post. He did admit that the girl sent him a screenshot of the post and he was just upset because he didn't like a bunch of random people knowing his business.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

But I also found out that he brought that same girl to our apartment when I was out of town a week prior and they had sex in our bed.

Never apologized for it, but simply stated that if I came home when I said I was, I went to my mom's because we were in a fight and hadn't spoken in days and I decided to stay two days longer, then it wouldn't have happened.

[B]

Oh, he's a monster. Oh, he's a monster. Evil man.

[A]

Sorry I slept with someone else in our bed. It's because actually, you didn't come home.

[B]

He is sinister.

[A]

We are absolutely over. And although he had begged for me to forgive him for a couple of days, he finally got mad enough at me because I wouldn't have sex with him had he left me alone. Ew.

[B]

Okay, this is horrible. Please tell me he's letting her stay in the apartment.

[A]

It's too expensive for me to break the lease, but we live in a two bedroom apartment so I am able to have my own space.

[B]

Yeah, but I don't want him fucking knocking on your door with a half chub.

[A]

Or so I thought. I woke up yesterday at three in the morning wondering where my dog was as he sleeps with me. I get up and I can't find him, but my ex's door is shut, so I open it because I can hear my dog sniffing under the door to get out. There he is sitting on the bed with my phone in his hand going through it. After we had established that we were not together, I take it and look at the screen time information and he spent over 30 minutes in my saved passwords. So now I am actually Concerned and very weirded out and may just ask my mom for a loan to break the lease because he literally creeped in my room when I was sleeping and took my phone to go through it. Anyways, thank you to everyone for the comments and concerns and advice. Although I feel like I wasted many years with him, it was a growing experience and I will absolutely do better in the future. Edit. I did also get STD tested as well. Just waiting to hear the results back from it.

[B]

Oh, ma'. Am. Also saved passwords. Is he in your Chase account, babe?

[A]

I'm like, what is he doing? He's like, he's just diabolical. Yeah, like you were cheating and you think you're gonna go through her shit.

[B]

But that is very what cheaters do. I feel like. Like they're paranoid you're cheating because they're so paranoid about getting caught. But I don't. The safe password makes me very, very weirded out.

[A]

Yeah. What is he.

[B]

Yeah, like, is he trying to get into her bank accounts? Is he trying to get into, like, her emails? It's just like, private stuff. So change your passwords.

[A]

Change.

[B]

Which is so annoying. I'm so sorry. The admin of that is going to ruin your life.

[A]

I'm like, locked out of my personal TikTok right now. And it's like the worst thing, like having a forgotten password, having to go through Apple id.

[B]

I used to have my. My university password and then obviously university email expired, couldn't get it. It's nightmare.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Ruined my life for like a decade.

[A]

I literally just called my old school like a couple weeks ago being like, did you guys finally shut down my email? Type B girls and they go, you've been an alumni for 10 years. We don't keep them forever. And I'm like, well, now I can't get into anything.

[B]

I can't get into anything. I had to, like, go to the Apple store. Anyway, I digress.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. This guy's insane. I don't. I don't like that he was trying to hook up with her after. I don't like that the dog was. Leave my dog alone. Leave my dog alone.

[A]

Why'd you take the dog? Why'd you take the dog?

[B]

We need.

[A]

No, he's legally blonding her.

[B]

No, it's not okay.

[A]

He's trying to steal the dog.

[B]

Not okay, but I hate that. Yeah. I don't know what she's gonna do, but as least she knows. And. And she is 100. Right? She learned a lot.

[A]

I know.

[B]

She grew. She Learned. She's more interesting. She's probably funnier from dealing with all this.

[A]

I know. And did she mention Abe? No. And she's only 28.

[B]

A baby.

[A]

28.

[B]

Literal baby.

[A]

Crime of your life.

[B]

Prime time. Now you're getting out and you see things clearly now that the rain is gone I see clearly now.

Yeah. Is he back to singing? Yeah.

[A]

I think we're gonna find you lessons. I think you can really sing. I think you can. Oh, God. I think this is in your future.

[B]

Future.

[A]

That's going to be you. That was good with your opera, Mom.

[B]

That was me.

[A]

You can do duets. Little traveling duo.

[B]

I don't podcast anymore. I just go on and do operatic solos.

[A]

Did you whip out any singing during your Carnegie hall show?

[B]

No.

[A]

I mean, you're at.

[B]

I wasn't going to disrespect Carnegie Hall.

[A]

Carnegie Hall.

[B]

I wasn't going to flame the place.

[A]

See, I would have just like a couple little. Little bars just to say you did it. I sang in. In Carnegie Hall.

[B]

I can't even. I can't play the piano. Music was not my. I didn't have the bug or the talent. Oh, man. It's okay. I'm a yapper.

[A]

It'll come.

[B]

I sing through. Through my words on podcast.

[A]

How poetic is that?

Okay, moving on to this next one.

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[B]

Score.

[A]

Holiday gifts. Everyone wants for way less at your.

[B]

Nordstrom Rain Rack store.

[A]

Save on Ugg, Nike, Rag and Bone, Vince Frame, Kurt Geiger, London, and more. Cause there's always something new. I'm giving all the gifts this year with that extra 5% off when I use my Nordstrom credit card. Santa who join the Nordy Club at Nordstrom Rack to unlock our best deals. It's easy. Big gifts, big perks. That's why you rack. I think I'm gonna give you a choice.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you like a choice or do you hate a choice?

[B]

I don't mind a choice.

[A]

Okay, you have three choices.

[B]

Which door?

[A]

Choice number one. Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day? Option two. My girlfriend told me she befriends less attractive girls on purpose. Or.

Option three, how can my husband, 61 male, and I, 60 female, help our son, 32 male, move past his high school girlfriend? Oh, my God.

They're all. They're all winners.

[B]

Those are all really good.

Let's do the second one because I feel like we haven't done one about.

[A]

From a boy looks. Oh. And. And from potentially a boy's perspective. Yeah, too. Okay. Okay. So again, this one is titled My Girlfriend told Me she befriends Less Attractive Girls on purpose. There is a trigger warning here for ed/self image.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. My girlfriend was telling me about how her friend is trying to find a boyfriend, so she's using dating apps. She said she's not having any love. I told her that sucks. She said her friend might have to lose some weight to find a guy. I was like, yeah, maybe. Then out of nowhere, she started talking about how she loves having overweight friends, how she looks better by comparison. I was like, what the are you talking about? She was like, we're more comfortable with each other. So she can say this. We've been together a month.

She went on to say that her overweight friends make her look like a model and that she will never get friends that are on the same level as her because she loves when guys come up to her at the club and ignore her friends. She said it makes her feel powerful and desired. She said it makes her feel like a high value woman. Oh. I was just like, all right, that's cool. I guess.

I don't know. I feel like she's showing her true color, but I feel like a lot of girls do this, so I can't fault her. Weird. Do a lot of girls do this?

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

I don't think a lot of girls do this.

[B]

Well, I know girls who like having uglier boyfriends. They like being. They like being the reward, you know? No, literally.

[A]

Literally.

[B]

They. I actually know a lot of girls like this, who they want to be. The one that's always, like, wanted more and the hotter one. Oh, my gosh. And they'll joke like, oh, it's because I'm insecure. I want an ugly guy that fawns over me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But then I say, I'm insecure. I want a hot guy, so people think I'm cooler because I'm with a hot guy. So it's like two different ways of going about it, you know?

[A]

This is so, like, I'm, like, doing the mental gymnastics trying to figure this out.

[B]

Like, but I'M also the same with friends. Like, I like my friends being. Well, I actually don't think about attractiveness a lot with my friends. I think it. I like being with, like, strong, powerful, confident women, and if they happen to be gorgeous, it's like, oh, my God, look at my gorgeous friends. But I also equally love my friends who are, like, extremely funny or, like, extremely smart. Yeah. But I just. I like being with people who I feel like challenge me and people who love themselves, basically.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like you like knowing your friends and the type of person you are. I feel like you just gravitate towards good people. And I feel like the people in your life also happen to be, like, insanely driven or, like, super talented and like, this and that.

[B]

We definitely, like, motivate each other. Yeah, I like being around those kind of people.

[A]

That's what you want from your friends. You want friends that lift you up and motivate you and challenge you. But, like, aren't also your biggest haters. Like, if someone told me, yeah, Morgan, I became friends with you because you were bigger than me, I'd be like, that's the sole reason you became my friend. What about, like, I'm nice.

I'd be a good emergency contact.

I also sometimes like to get fast food.

[B]

Also saying you hang out with girls who are bigger than you, so guys come up to you at the club. It's basically you're saying you hate yourself and you want a guy to choose you because of your weight clocked.

[A]

You clocked her.

[B]

You hate. Like, you have to hang out with people who you deem unlovable for you to be loved.

[A]

So you're insecure and.

[B]

But it's funny. She's, like, owning it. Like, like, for her, opening her crazy up this early in a relationship is funny.

[A]

It's giving, pick me, pick me.

[B]

I, yeah, choose me. I guess she's kind of like, think she's smart with it? Like, she, like, figures a system or something. Or she, like, wants to be like, the queen bee.

[A]

She does. She does think she's smart with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because otherwise you wouldn't admit it.

[B]

Yeah, she thinks it's like a strategy that just, like, happens to work.

[A]

She thinks it's a win, but that's diabolical. Also, like.

I'm just like, I'm so perplexed by this because, like, I don't know, like, don't you want someone to, like, pick you for you? Not because, like, I decided.

[B]

Not because you look good against some made up thing that you've Put in your head. But also, you can't have good friends in your life if you're picking them based on their weight. Like, if you're solely picking people based on attractiveness. And that's what you pick people because you actually get along with them, because.

[A]

You like them, because you love them, you want to be around them. They're a good time. Like, yeah, I'm just. I'm so absolutely flabbergasted by this. And I've had another story recently. It might have been on Patreon. I'm not. I don't remember what episode, but it was someone who was basically like, I called out my friend or my sister because she picked only ugly bridesmaids. She didn't even pick the girls that are actually her best friends. The people she asked to be her bridesmaids are people she's, like, loosely friends with, but, like, she considers them ugly.

[B]

Oh, Jesus.

[A]

And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're that insecure bitch. You're gonna be an all white. Everyone's gonna be looking at you. You're the bride. Come on.

[B]

It's an insecurity thing. I also do know that some girls who are, like, incredibly beautiful may have trouble not. Not to be like, oh, their life is so hard. But some people might judge them immediately and think they think they're better than them. Or people might not want to be friends with them because they don't feel good about themselves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But maybe I'm talking about, like, like, beyond gorgeous women that are. It's freaky looking at them. Maybe that you're like, your eyes are so blue, I can't look into them. But this. This girl's definitely mentally dealing with some things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And kudos to him for seeing a red flag, because that is a red flag.

[A]

It is. And, like, I think too, just kind of his responses, where he's just like. I was like, what the fuck? Like, it does seem like this could be something a guy would just brush off. Like, for sure.

[B]

Especially if she's, like, super hot. She looks the way he wants her to look.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm like.

[B]

And maybe she's being, like, jokey with it where it's kind of like locker room talk.

[A]

But, yeah, it's just not hitting.

[B]

It's. It's sickly. And also, she doesn't care about her friends. And that's, like, sad.

[A]

It's very sad.

[B]

Like, it's. You're using people. It's just lonely, lonely, super lonely, lonely, super lonely.

[A]

Top comment. Man of few words. Or woman, Someone of few words, very shallow.

Which it is. I mean, next one down says, very true. Also, if the guys are only approaching her with the intention of just sleeping with her, I don't personally know how she could feel of high value.

[B]

Also, I, I wonder what happens when a, a guy comes up to the group and hits it off with one of her friends who she deems ugly. She must fucking spiral, lose her mind to be like, wait, the world isn't so black and white that I'm hot and everyone else is ugly in my friend group.

[A]

She's ugly. She. She's ugly.

[B]

She's ugly on the inside.

[A]

She's ugly on the inside. And that's where it counts.

[B]

But I'd love to know what trauma happened at a young age or who hurt her to make her think that that was the only way she was high value.

[A]

I know. I want him to break up with her. Also, the fact she's telling this them this after just like a month of being together. Yeah, that's something you take to your grave. Like, if you're that delusional and like that big of a. Like, that's something you take to your grave.

[B]

But you have to say, this is full time hot people problems. This is a hot person who has, is surrounding herself with people who never told her that's crazy.

[A]

She needs to get clocked.

[B]

She needs to get clocked. She needs someone to read her to filth. But because she just surrounds herself with people that she sounds like, she bosses around and runs chanel.

[A]

Chanel number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

[B]

Like, literally.

[A]

No. I feel like I.

[B]

You need friends who call you out.

[A]

You do. And like, just this is so unmatched. But I really hope op breaks up with her and says also it's, it's because you're so ugly. Like, it's because you're just not kind. Like you admitting that is actually crazy and you really need to work on yourself. Like, I hope on the way out he really like slams the door into her.

[B]

And I don't know a lot about the whole high value stuff. It's not in my algorithm.

[A]

Wait, what is that?

[B]

But I know about high vibration. And what she's doing is low vibrations. It's very low vibrational to just talk about people's weight.

[A]

I love vibration. I want to get into this.

[B]

They say like high vibrational people. Like you feel them. Like there's, there's depth, just good energy. Good energy. And like she's low vibrational.

[A]

I like that. Apparently a high value woman is a popular self concept in self improvement and relationship discussion. A woman who possesses a strong sense of self worth.

[B]

She doesn't.

[A]

Confidence, independence.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

And emotional intelligence.

[B]

No. Oh, she did that to herself.

[A]

None. The focus is typically on intrinsic personal qualities rather than external factors.

[B]

It's funny because I do feel like there's also the side of, like, you could be insecure and only want to hang out with hot girls to feel like you're hot. Like, it's like wanting to hang out with the cool crew to be like, I'm cool. See, I'm with the cool girls. So it's just so interesting how people express their insecurities. But, yeah, she. She doesn't know what high value means.

[A]

She's like, the opposite of high value. She's pond scum. Pond scum.

[B]

But that is actually. I like that. Let's be high value women, which is women who are confident in themselves and emotionally intelligent.

[A]

There's a yes. Yeah. Like, you shouldn't be friends with people you don't even like. You shouldn't be friends with haters. Like, if you feel like your friend doesn't like you, drop them. They're not worth it. You are wasting time and energy on that friend that doesn't even like you or value you. Where you could be making new friends that appreciate you and love you. And, like, it's the same thing. You can't have two doors open at once. Like, all your energy is going into this.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Where can you give any other time? You only got 24 hours. Hours a day.

[B]

Yeah. And not to be. I've been in LA for three days talking about vibrations. But people can lower your vibration.

[A]

I fully believe that. I mean, there's some people that, like, I've had in a room. I've been in a room with them for like an hour and a half or two hours or three or whatever. A night, a dinner. And I like. I call them energy vampires, where you just leave their presence and all you want to do is just, like, go in a dark room and not talk. Like, you are so drained.

[B]

You.

[A]

Yeah, so drained. And it's like the people that, like, are combative with you and you're like, oh, I think. I think you look really nice. I love that dress. This dress. I hate this dress. This dress makes me look fat. Fine. Fuck. Sorry I said something like. It's just exhausting and life is too short to be drained all the time.

[B]

So divorce him.

[A]

I'm just kidding.

Give him the D. Give him the.

[B]

D. There's two types Of D's. And you go two different ways.

[A]

Well, the opposite of an energy vampire is Hannah Burner.

[B]

Oh, my God. I feel the same way about you.

[A]

A gem. Every time I see you, I just. I feel a little lighter.

[B]

This is our coffee. Catch up. It is. Come to town, do some hot takes.

[A]

So good.

[B]

Feel reconnected.

[A]

I don't know how you're doing it. You must have, like, a solar battery hooked up to you or something.

[B]

A lot of napping.

[A]

Hannah's on tour right now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You need. Need to catch a show.

[B]

Come, you guys. I'm gonna be in la, actually. I want you to come. The Wiltern. Oh, in January. Let's go.

[A]

I'm there.

[B]

I'm gonna.

[A]

I'm there.

[B]

I'll hook it up. I know someone coming to San Francisco, coming to Chicago. I'm coming everywhere. Check out my website.

[A]

Yeah, and you're filming a special at one of them.

[B]

Yes, in Toronto.

[A]

So, I mean, like, if you guys want to be on the special, go get your tickets.

[B]

It's happening. Annabear.com shows. Thank you for supporting me.

[A]

No, of course all of Hannah's links will be in the description. But catch a show. I mean, your first special on Netflix was amazing. It was like, how long was it in the top 10? I feel like I just saw it on my little list. Of course I watched.

[B]

It's crazy to see it in the top 10. Like, that was wild because I'm like, are the people seeing this?

Like, it's just my mom watching this a lot.

[A]

Did they hack into my account to put it there to make me feel? Is that what they did? Like, trying to make me feel special? No. It's amazing. So check her out. She's also got a podcast, two podcasts.

[B]

Giggly Squad and Burner Phone.

[A]

Burner Phone? Yeah. With hubby.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Not someone that's divorce worthy. He actually, you know, picks up his fair share. So check it all out.

[B]

Working on it.

[A]

Hey, you know, you're busy. Busy girl. Like, you know, it's all good.

[B]

It's all good. Yeah.

[A]

But that's all I got. And until next time, guys. Bye. If you loved this episode and want even more content, head over to Patreon. There are now three bonus episodes each and every month. And right now, you can try your first month for 50% off with code HOLIDAY50. Come in. You get all the content, even if you stay for just a month. So can make it a challenge for yourself, see how much you could binge. And if you know you're gonna love it. You can even buy an annual membership for 25% off. If we're doing girl math, that's basically three whole months out of your year free. I mean, last month was super fun. We had a wedding theme. We had an episode with Michaela. That was two hours. We had an episode with Lauren. That was two hours. We're just having so much fun over there. So come on over and join us. You gotta survive the holidays somehow. See you soon, guys. Bye.

[B]

And Doug, here we have the Limu.

[A]

Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[B]

Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Uh, limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[A]

Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty Savings Ferry. Unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates.

[B]

Excludes Massachusetts.

[A]

Experience the sequel everyone's been waiting for. Follow Drayton and Dallas as they navigate the challenges of college life while trying to stay true to both themselves and each other. Other Sideline 2 intercepted, starring Noah Beck and Sienna Agudong, is streaming now for free only on tub.