276: Unhealthy Relationships?! Ft. Atsuko Okatsuka

Summary

Two Hot Takes Podcast

Episode: Unhealthy Relationships?! Ft. Atsuko Okatsuka

Host: Morgan Absher
Guest: Atsuko Okatsuka
Release Date: July 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian Atsuko Okatsuka joining host Morgan Absher for a deep-dive into the ins and outs of healthy—and unhealthy—relationships. The duo gives their signature hot takes on listener-submitted Reddit stories, touching on themes of boundary-setting, communication, emotional vulnerability, and self-worth in romantic and personal relationships. Atsuko’s warmth, humor, and unique perspective add depth (and plenty of laughs) to the conversation as they tackle infidelity, awkward family boundaries, sabotaged dog training, and more.

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Guest Introduction & Warm-Up (00:00 – 07:32)

• Morgan fangirls over Atsuko’s creative, colorful style and stand-up persona—calling Atsuko the “coolest person on earth right now.”
• Atsuko shares her philosophy on bringing her own “flare” and identity to every standup space, even old theaters:

  "A lot of theaters, you know, they have their own aesthetic, but it was like built by a man, like, a long time ago. They weren't thinking of me. So I just want...the audience to kind of be like, oh, who is Atsuko?" (01:30)

• Lively banter about ghosts in theaters, See’s Candy, and being a proud “grandma’s girl.”
• First hints at relationship themes as Morgan praises Atsuko’s “healthy” relationship with her husband and their collaborative dynamic:

  “I also love how healthy a relationship you seem to have with your husband.” (04:00) "I've always wanted siblings, and I feel like I also have a sister in him sometimes. You know what I mean?" (04:54)

• Atsuko’s “lore” is unpacked: former cheerleader, lover of choreographed dances and line-dancing, opera singer, and more—setting the stage for a playful exploration of personal stories and boundaries.

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Story #1: The Fridge Affair – Emotional & Financial Infidelity? (07:32 – 20:04)

[Story: My Husband Bought Another Woman a Refrigerator]

• Redditor’s Issue: Her husband buys a female coworker a fridge, sets up a payment plan, and deletes their messages. Wife discovers this after other secretive behaviors.
• Highlights:
  • Red flags abound: secret airport pickups, deleted messages, notifications turned off.
  • Morgan and Atsuko immediately call out the sketchiness:

    “Is his kink just like wanting to role play being a Sears?” – Atsuko (11:54) “If they're friends, why the secrets?” – Morgan (14:53)

  • Good-humored side tangent about outdated Sears stores in Burbank (12:12–14:06).
  • Major Insight: The “fridge” itself isn’t the main issue; it’s the deception and boundary violations.

    “The fridge is just like...he's just getting...the girl he's cheating with a fridge.” – Atsuko (15:08)

[Update From Poster] (16:57)

• Husband claims "white knight complex," insists nothing romantic, but continues to dismiss wife’s feelings and suggests both need therapy.

  “There’s some gaslighting happening where he’s like, and you need therapy...Excuse me.” – Atsuko (18:28)

• Consensus: Major trust breach, classic gaslighting; advice to value her gut and stand firm on boundaries.

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Story #2: Toilet Seat Drama – Social Hygiene & Shame (20:19 – 29:18)

[Story: Am I the asshole for sitting on public toilet seats and not telling my boyfriend?]

• Redditor’s Issue: BF is horrified she sits on public toilets; says it’s “gross.”
• Highlights:
  • Atsuko responds with compassion and hilarious bathroom anecdotes (22:03–23:20).

    “In my 20s I, you know, hooked up with someone in a nightclub bathroom, and we rolled around on the dirty ground...for a whole year after that, I never got sick.” (23:05)

  • Morgan and Atsuko unpack the “hover vs. sit” debate; Morgan shares health info:

    "It hurts your pelvic floor. It can weaken your pelvic floor muscles. So no more super grip." – Morgan (25:15)

  • Advice: Hygiene is important but so is not shaming; communication and mutual respect matter more than minor habits.

    “Don’t go from the porta potty to sex.” – Atsuko (26:50)

  • Community Hot Take:

    “Hovering ladies are the ones who make the toilets dirty and disgusting for the rest of us.” – Reddit comment (27:48)

  • Wraps with laughs about birds “pooping all in one” and the hardships of bathroom logistics.

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Story #3: The Coloring Book Showdown – Collectibles, Boundaries & Respect (30:13 – 41:27)

[Story: Am I the asshole for taking a coloring book back from my niece after she got attached to it?]

• Redditor’s Issue: Her husband gives away a prized Hello Kitty coloring book to his 6-year-old niece; she retrieves it, niece melts down, tension ensues.
• Highlights:
  • Both host and guest side strongly with the OP; clear boundary violation by husband.

    “If anyone is into collectibles...your belongings and the things that mean something to you is a big deal.” – Atsuko (34:03)

  • Atsuko gets personal about the significance of Japanese memorabilia and the pain of losing cultural ties:

    “...Slowly, bits of my Japanese identity got taken.” (35:07)

  • They call out the husband’s "blatant disregard":

    “It doesn’t matter what that item is. It’s important to me, so...by not caring about it, you’re not respecting or caring about me.” – Morgan (36:20)

  • Conversation extends to the value of delayed gratification for kids, boundary-setting, and the need to teach children to self-soothe and be bored.
  • Notable humor:

    “She might grow up to be Marjorie Taylor Greene, I don’t know.” – Atsuko (38:24)

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Story #4: Cloak-and-Dagger – Husband Stealing Clothes (45:00 – 59:12)

[Story: My husband is stealing my clothes, and I don’t know why.]

• Redditor’s Issue: Favorite clothes keep disappearing. Finds them stashed in husband's car. He denies, says she asked for donations, but she never did.
• Highlights:
  • Atsuko goes immediately to worst-case scenario:

    “He's practicing on shirts...Next step is like mutilating squirrels.” (47:01, 48:58)

  • Both speculate if he’s wearing them or sabotaging her self-esteem.

    “He's taking what makes you feel good about yourself. If it makes you happy, he can't stand it.” – Reddit comment, read by Morgan (51:45)

[Update] (52:22)

• Surprise twist! Husband was secretly stashing her favorite clothes for a surprise photo shoot to boost her confidence.

  “It's not fair how much acts of kindness just borderlines a fine line before you’re looking like a mass shooter.” – Atsuko (55:07)

• Both express skepticism about the explanation, want "proof of life" (the actual photos).
• Skeptical memes from listeners: "I'm still not convinced...was this a cover up?" (56:24–58:13)

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Story #5: Dog Training in the Crossfire – Respect, Rules & Red Flags (61:37 – 67:40)

[Story: My girlfriend is ruining years of my dog’s training and thinks I’m being a dictator.]

• Redditor’s Issue: Girlfriend keeps undermining his rigorous dog training, ignoring house rules.
• Highlights:
  • Atsuko draws from (frustrating) experience with a foster dog and reflects on the importance of respecting someone’s hard work.

    “If someone did the hard work of figuring it out...I would want that to be kept.” (64:24)

  • Discussion on how a partner’s refusal to respect pet rules signals deeper disrespect; red flag for future parenting issues.

    “Ultimately, the thing behind her attitude is, I don’t care about your feelings and your hard work.” – Atsuko (65:36)

  • Consensus: OP needs someone who respects boundaries, especially if living together.

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Story #6: Undermined at Dinner – Partners as Haters (67:40 – 75:27)

[Story: My boyfriend blames me for a business deal gone wrong because he was rude to me.]

• Redditor’s Issue: Boyfriend humiliates her (and himself) in front of a business associate by being dismissive and rude; then blames her for the fallout.
• Highlights:
  • Morgan and Atsuko dissect why people date “their biggest hater.”

    “Sometimes we date, you know, what we know… Sometimes what we know is, like, our upbringing.” – Atsuko (69:44)

  • Advice: If someone is consistently dismissive, it’s not your job to fix them.

    “You just brought messiness to a business meeting...He’s the one that kind of made it weird.” – Atsuko (69:13)

  • Notable quote:

    “You’re showing up for him… What is he doing for you?” – Morgan (71:39)

[Update] (73:34)

• Poster dumps boyfriend after he admits he was pushing her down so she’d be more dependent—as modeled by his father. Threatens her upon break-up.

  “None of us believe him. No. Icky, icky, icky, icky.” – Atsuko (75:21)

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Uplifting Finale: “My Husband Made Me Cry Tonight” (76:02 – 81:47)

• Listener writes a vulnerable post celebrating her supportive husband after she burns dinner and he responds with patience and love.

  “He told me, we can scrape the burned part off. No harm, no foul. And he was so excited to eat the dinner...” (76:53)

• Morgan and Atsuko reflect on the joy of true partnership, especially for those with difficult upbringings:

  “The bar is low, or, you know what I mean?…Who did this to you?” – Atsuko (79:10)

• Atsuko shares a story about the impact of representation for Asian Americans in comedy.
• Morgan praises Atsuko’s trailblazing achievements as an Asian woman in stand-up:

  "You're like one of only two female Asian comedians really, to make it big." (79:55)

• Atsuko’s gratitude and self-deprecating humor shine:

  “It's not fair how much acts of kindness is just…a fine line before you’re looking like a mass shooter.” (55:07)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Communication:

  "I would have had no issues with this friendship if there had been a level of transparency. I explained that the optics are saying something different than what he is saying." – Redditor in “Fridge” story update (17:14)

• On Boundaries:

  “It doesn’t matter what that item is. It’s important to me, so...by not caring about it, you’re not respecting or caring about me.” – Morgan (36:20)

• On Institutional and Family Trauma:

  "Slowly, bits of my Japanese identity got taken." – Atsuko (35:07)

• On Red Flags:

  “Next step is like mutilating squirrels.” – Atsuko, about the shirt-stealing husband (48:58)

• On the Power of Representation:

  “Representation should not hit that hard. It does, though, but not that hard...” – Atsuko (78:43)

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Key Takeaways & Themes

• Healthy boundaries are crucial in all relationships—in romance, friendship, and family.
• Honesty and respect are the foundation of trust; secrets and gaslighting are unacceptable.
• It’s okay to value your needs and collectibles—even if others don’t understand the sentimental or cultural attachment.
• Don’t ignore early warning signs: Disrespectful or dismissive behavior only gets magnified over time.
• Self-worth should not depend on others’ approval—find partners and friends who see and celebrate the real you.
• Don’t let shame fester: Talk about what makes you weird or “gross”—you’re never as alone as you think.
• Personal growth and humor go hand-in-hand: Atsuko’s life stories show how vulnerability + playfulness = resilience.

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Find the Hosts & Guest

• Morgan Absher (Host): Instagram | Two Hot Takes YouTube
• Atsuko Okatsuka (Guest): AtsukoComedy.com | Socials: @atsukocomedy
• Listen & Support: Two Hot Takes Patreon

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Summary Timestamp Index

• [00:00] – Banter, Atsuko intro, “lore” & energy
• [07:32] – Fridge infidelity & emotional/financial boundaries
• [20:19] – Toilet seat debate & hygiene shaming
• [30:13] – Coloring book drama & collectibles boundaries
• [45:00] – The case of the missing shirts; relationship trust
• [61:37] – Dog training, partner disrespect, therapy
• [67:40] – Boyfriend sabotages business dinner, emotional abuse
• [76:02] – Feel-good finale: gentle partners, healing old wounds
• [81:23] – Atsuko’s plugs; episode wind-down

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A must-listen for hilarious, candid, and insightful takes on the wild things people do for—and to—their loved ones.

Transcript

[A]

I don't think I've ever watched someone's stuff and, like, been more excited to meet them and just be like, can we be friends? Genuinely? I think you might be the coolest person on earth right now.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Right now, you know, because, like, some people could, you know, surpass be born soon.

[B]

Today. Right now.

[A]

Right now. They could surpass.

[B]

You seem like a baby born every, you know, something seconds, and then everything happens every few seconds. Right?

[A]

Yeah. No, it's a scary thought.

[B]

Yeah. Right now somewhere. And also meow. But that's the good news. Kittens are being born too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I'm. I'm so excited. I don't think I've laughed so hard as when I watched your father special.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.

[A]

And like the big sun and your colorful outfit, I. And your mannerisms. I'm just like, I. I was dying.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I'm so excited.

[B]

Color.

[A]

Welcome back to another episode of two Hot Takes, you guys. I'm your host, Morgan, and today I've got Otsuko in the house.

[B]

Wow. Proud. No, I'm not gonna. I won't start it with proud Disney adult. But I mean, cuz we were talking about it. But maybe.

[A]

How do you want to brand yourself?

[B]

Oh, colorful, fun, sun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Almost like Teletubby vibe, but not really.

[B]

Just like a little bit.

[A]

Well, just like. And then I saw your other one and you had like some other like rolling looking sunset thing.

[B]

Yeah. More colors.

[A]

You bring the props to your show.

[B]

Oh, gosh. I just want. Yeah. You know, I just want you to be brought into my world when you meet me in a standup special. Because a lot of theaters, you know, they have their own aesthetic, but it was like built by a man, like a long time ago. They weren't thinking of me. You know what I mean? So I just want, you know, the audience to kind of be like, oh, who is Atsuko? You know, and so even if I'm in a space that is already decorated, I want to put my flare on it.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever met a ghost at any of the theaters?

[B]

No. I'm really afraid of meeting ghosts and I often wonder if that's why they leave me alone or I've never met one. Have you had a ghost encounter?

[A]

Not at a theater, but yeah, you have? I stayed the night in a paranormal house. Don't recommend it.

[B]

Oh, so this is you seeking it? You know, you went towards it.

[A]

I didn't. I was trying to avoid it. Oh, but it Just found me. And so now when I go to the theaters, because some of them are so old.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I. I ask just so I can, you know, be on alert and know who to look out for.

[B]

So this paranormal house you stayed at, did you know it was before? Oh, I see. Yeah, that's a. That's a. That's an issue.

[A]

I didn't sign up for it.

[B]

That's a problem.

[A]

They found me. But let's get into you, because I have a feeling you are gonna become a lot of my audience's new favorite. You just have such lore to you, like when people meet you. How do you even know what lore to start with?

[B]

Oh, gosh, yeah. I mean, that's why I start light with, like. You're like, is that a lounge fly backpack? I'm like, yes, yes. I'm unwell and I go to Disneyland and I think about it a lot.

[A]

And you came in here, like, buttering me up with See's candy, like, genuinely the sweetest guest I've ever had.

[B]

You know, what I was gonna say is, actually, I was gon. I said, I even told my husband was home and my assistant was home and my other friend was there before I came here, I was like, I'm gonna bring the See's candy to Morgan, but I'm also hungry, so I'm gonna be like, do you think we can open it now?

[A]

Can you open right now?

[B]

Well, 100%. I ate a protein bar in the car, but, yeah, if you're down to open it.

[A]

Oh, I need to share. I can't take this whole thing off

[B]

because you also just opened up about how, you know, See's candy was your grandma's favorite.

[A]

Well, I wanted to connect with you.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm a grandma's girl.

[A]

Not make you feel guilty. You don't eat it.

[B]

And I'm a grandma's girl.

[A]

I know.

[B]

So when you ask about Lore, it just, you know, whatever happens naturally like that. Like now, you know, you know about me being a grandma's girl. Wow. I snuck it in.

[A]

You did? I love on your set how open and vulnerable you are too. And like, you've gone through some crazy stuff and you just tell it in such a light hearted way while also, like, really connecting with people. But your. Your shows too. I've been watching a bunch of your standup clips. You're just. You're so smart, you're so witty. I love all your bits. I also love how healthy of a relationship you seem to have with your husband.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. It is. We work together, and so it's important for us to, like, you know, communicate and have, like, husband and wife time, but also, you know, work time. And when are we being that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Coworker time. You know, when people are like, this is my work husband. I'm like, he really is. And so, yeah, it's a balance that we're still learning, but, yeah, it's cool. I've always wanted siblings, and I feel like I also have a sister in him sometimes. You know what I mean?

[A]

I am so glad you said sister

[B]

and not brother, because we match a lot of times. Sometimes we wear. I wear his clothes now. He dresses more like me, too. More brighter colors. Okay. I teach him choreographed dances.

[A]

I. I was, like, really impressed with your moves, too.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

I'm like, you can actually. You were a cheerleader for three years.

[B]

The lore. Yes.

[A]

This is what I'm saying. You guys, like, you're gonna hear all about this lore today, and you're gonna be like, what hasn't she done?

[B]

Depending on where you meet me, I guess that's where, you know, I would start. But, yeah, I was a cheerleader, too, so I loved choreographed dances with other people. I don't love going to a dance club and, like, doing your own thing in a corner.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

We should all be doing the same, telling the same story.

[A]

So you want flash mobs?

[B]

I like flash mobs. I love, like. Like, a line dance situation, you know?

[A]

You know, like, I've always wanted to learn.

[B]

Yeah. When everyone's doing the same choreo. So it's just like we're the same heartbeat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Did you ever learn how to square dance?

[B]

No. Is that different than line dancing? It's like, whatever that is.

[A]

I'm not sure. In Minnesota, growing up, in gym class, they made us square dance.

[B]

Okay. In. In gym class, we learned one. One kind of square dance.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It wasn't to country music, though. Maybe that's the difference. So it was. Why did we do it to. Geez. Oh, Everybody. I think it's. Everybody likes kung fu fighting. I think we did it to that. How about you? It was all country songs.

[A]

It was square dance and then, like, the electric slide and one of my. One of my friends, Parents Garage. That was the rave back then.

[B]

Right slide to the left. Slide to the right.

[A]

Cupid shuffle.

[B]

Yeah. Down, down, get around, get around. Down, down. There's nothing more powerful than a bunch of strangers in a room doing the same choreo. I want to feel like you can move Mountains when everyone's going to the left at the same time. Nobody bumping into each other.

[A]

Bring it back. Bring it back. I mean, you've got so much good energy. You've got tandem bike energy. You've got marinating tummy rub energy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Um, you used to sing opera in your little cantata. Cantata. You do toe grips with your husband?

[B]

Yes. Yeah. Unhinged.

[A]

You are unhinged. But at the core of it, I think you can tell a healthy relationship versus an unhealthy relationship. And the stories I have for you today, you're gonna let me know what you think of em.

[B]

Oh, yay. Let's do it.

[A]

Okay. Let's dive in. Okay, Sam. Okay, so this first one we have here is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It's titled My Husband bought Another woman a Refrigerator.

[B]

Okay. Is this woman his mom? We're gonna see his co worker, you know.

[A]

Hi, Morgan and otsuko, longtime listener, first time poster to Reddit. I am a 33 female, married to a 35 male. We met in 2021 and have been married since 2023. I'm writing to see how I should react to the situation, and I always enjoy the dialogue your podcast produces. My husband became friends with a female coworker over a year ago, and they would send tiktoks and messages. This woman, let's call her Kate, lives in California as the company they work for is remote and they have offices in multiple locations. I have no issues with my husband being friends with anyone, male or female, as long as there are clear boundaries, good communication and expectations, as that is what I do for him as well. Well, he has friends that live in California, and he scheduled a visit and unbeknownst to me, had planned to have Kate pick him up from the airport to meet. My gut told me something was off, and I'm not proud of this, but I checked his phone, and that is where I discovered this plan.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I talked to him and explained that his hiding this meetup made it look sketchy as hell and that I would not be comfortable with this. This was over a year ago.

[B]

Is this. When I do this?

[A]

I'd say,

[B]

oh, for the people just listening, it's a red flag being waved. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

This was over a year ago, and in the time between then and now, there has been more issues with this friendship to the point where I have set a firm boundary that since this friendship crossed a line, it needs to discontinue. He was upset, but understanding. Flash forward to this Morning. I just graduated from college with my bachelor's in speech language pathology and I wanted to see if anyone sent him some good photos. And I saw a text from an unsaved number.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

With the notifications turned off.

[B]

Oh, weird. Oh, no. Yeah. Another. Another wave.

[A]

That text said, quote, why are you Sorry Again, not proud. But I looked. Guess who it was. Yep. Kate. But there were three messages with zero context as to why he was sorry. So I looked at his recently deleted messages. Tell me why. This girl was talking about loving her brand new refrigerator. Oh, and having sent the last month and upcoming month to him, he is not only friends with her, but he purchased her a brand new fridge and has been having her pay him back. I'm so lost on how to bring this up or how to even go about a conversation. I feel like this is emotional and financial infidelity. Please help.

[B]

Whoa. Emotional and financial infidelity? Yeah. I've never heard financial infidelity before.

[A]

It usually comes up in the context of like paying for onlyfans girls or like if a guy's being like a pay pig to someone else or like a sugar daddy.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, but it's not like physical. No necessarily.

[A]

Maybe buying someone a fridge, I mean,

[B]

but then she's paying him back slowly. There's also a payment plan that he set up.

[A]

That's kind of the context I think she's getting. Yeah.

[B]

Is his kink just like wanting to role play being a Sears? Like he's just trying to be Macy's and you know, come buy a refrigerator from me. There's a payment plan. You know what I mean? I don't know.

[A]

He's getting off on the interest.

[B]

Sorry to refer to as almost non existent store as of today. I think.

[A]

I know it's pretty defunct. There's one here in Burbank.

[B]

There is. Okay.

[A]

Just like one last Sears left.

[B]

I named it because that's where me and my husband went to buy a refrigerator. Like a mini one like a couple years ago. And we accidentally didn't pay for it and left.

[A]

But you took the fridge.

[B]

We took the. No. And then we realized when we got home that we. We didn't pay for it. But here's the thing. Nobody if. Have you been to the one in Burbank, this Sears you speak of, like

[A]

probably six months ago.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There's not many people in there.

[B]

That's what I'm saying when I say nobody works at Sears.

[A]

I didn't see anyone.

[B]

Nobody is working there. So he might like this man, her husband might I was just, you know, he. Maybe he has a thing where he's like, you know, role playing. Like, you know, being at a store that's almost gonna be bankrupt soon. But anyway. Yeah. No one. No one worked there. We looked for people, a cashier. Nobody was there.

[A]

So you tried to pay.

[B]

So then we put the fridge in the car first, and then we're like, we'll come back. But then we forgot to come back and pay. Anyway, that's what happened. You gotta have someone working there, sweetie.

[A]

That's why they went bankrupt.

[B]

Yes. Because people kept being like, oh, wait, I didn't pay. You know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we were literally like, anybody. That was us. Anybody here. You know, like a scene in the Walking Dead. Hello? Anybody in this building? You know, and then a zombie comes out. It was like that. I don't know where you're at. You know, a catchy or zombie.

[A]

It was insane going in there.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It felt like just a ghost town.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm surprised they're still offering warranties and stuff, because, like, what if you close tomorrow?

[B]

Warranties on, like, goods that you buy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, sweetie, I don't know if we got a warranty on this refrigerator. No, we almost got it for free, but we were honest. We went back.

[A]

So you did go back and pay.

[B]

You're welcome, Mr. Sears Burbank. But this man. Yeah, it's interesting because it's not financial infidelity in that he's getting the money back into their bank account. Their joint bank account. Presumably. Him and his wife.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You know, and so that's weird. Maybe he's just trying to be on this girl's good side.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because they're cheating or something? I think that's what's happening.

[A]

I mean, he's deleting messages that, like. Deleting messages. You've set a clear boundary. He already lied to you that she was picking him up from the airport.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like they had a secret rendezvous.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If they're friends, why the secrets? So I'm just like, oh, I don't want to assume the worst, but, yeah, there's a lot going on here that you don't know about. And he's not being very honest.

[B]

Right. The secrets, the deleted messages. And so the fridge is not the suspicious part. The fridge is just like. He's just getting his. You know, his. The girl he's cheating with a fridge. And so she's like, I got a girl. Like, I'll pay you back. But I think. I think there's other worse things Happening. And I'm so sorry to hear that. And I hope, I hope that fridge breaks down. If I know Sears, she has eight months not to. I don't want to get in trouble from.

[A]

From Sears.

[B]

Yes. But we had a fridge from there.

[A]

Like I said in the story, you're speaking from experience.

[B]

Yes. It was a mini fridge. It was cute. But like a lot of things, cute ain't enough. That's the message for this guy.

[A]

Cute ain't enough.

[B]

It's not enough.

[A]

Top comment also kind of jumps to cheating. He is cheating. Your move.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Next comment down 100%. That trip to California was for her, not friends.

[B]

Yes, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Your gut instinct is correct. And that's the good thing, is that you are asking questions. And you, you got this girl because you are smart to even be questioning this. Yeah.

[A]

I know someone says, quote, you can have a long distance girlfriend or you can have a wife in your bed, but I refuse to share this relationship any longer. Choose basically being like, here's what you should say to him.

[B]

Oh, yeah, great. Yeah.

[A]

Everyone's given scripts. I love that. I'm very curious. We don't. I just refreshed. Oh, we do have an update. What? We have an update from her.

[B]

We do.

[A]

We have an update. After our conversation, I can confirm he does have a white knight complex.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So he and I are going to do couples counseling for him. He never understood my hang up on the issue because the friendship was always platonic.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

He had a moment of getting defensive and saying, so I'm not allowed to have female friends. To which I calmly explained that I would have had no issues with this friendship if there had been a level of transparency. I explained that the optics are saying something different than what he is saying. He said the fridge was not a big deal because it was a zero cost situation since she is paying him back and it was purchased with zero percent interest. I asked if she were to stop paying him, would he just be out of the money or do they have some type of contractual agreement? He said it would be a loss, but there's no risk because she wouldn't do that.

[B]

Hmm.

[A]

His big issue with this was he saw a friend that needed help and helped. So he's frustrated by me being upset. I pointed out that I plainly explained my discomfort with his friendship and I'm frustrated by the fact that my comfort is coming second to Kate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I said, at this point, his choice is that he keeps talking to Kate or he can talk to me, but he Cannot do both because I refuse to continue to be hurt by the situation. He signed us up for couples counseling and also suggested that we both need individual counseling for me to address my anxiety, for him addressing his white knight complex.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. There's some gaslighting happening where he's like, and you need therapy. He's like, I'll get therapy. You get therapy. Hey, I fucked up. You fucked up. Excuse me.

[A]

Not just on me.

[B]

He got. Yeah, he's still trying to, like, be the savior, right? Like, okay, see, I got us into couples therapy. I'm getting to therapy. You're getting into therapy. You're like, hold on. Looks like you're still, like, running the itinerary around here. If I may.

[A]

You know, he's a cruise ship director for sure. I mean, that's what he should do.

[B]

Apply for the. What? I don't know what job he has, but sounds like this kind of stuff can be fixed. If, you know, be a cruise ship director, consider volunteering at the local boys and girls club. You have a white night complex. Go pick up trash by the beach. Hello.

[A]

These are great solutions for him traveling

[B]

to California to buy a fridge that you're going to get money back from. That's okay. It's like, you did nothing. No.

[A]

And he also.

[B]

I'm just realizing, just cheat.

[A]

He put it on his credit card. He said, 0% interest. But did you apply for a best buy credit card to buy some other woman a fridge? Like, did you potentially hurt our credit score, your credit score, our spending power in order to buy someone else a fridge?

[B]

Yeah, it's very. It's very confusing. Yeah, it's still bad sitch. This is like. Yeah, actually, it got even weirder.

[A]

I don't like this at all. I also really don't like this next one. Okay, this next story is coming from Am I the asshole? It's titled, am I the asshole for sitting on public toilet seats and not telling my boyfriend.

[B]

Mm. Interesting.

[A]

When I, 27, female, need to pee in public, for example, at a restaurant or a gas station, if the toilet seat is clean, I will sit down on the toilet seat to pee.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If it has a little bit of pee on it, I will wipe it with a tissue before I sit down. My boyfriend of three years recently learned this when I made a passing comment about sitting in a porta potty, and he is absolutely horrified. He is really grossed out that I have sex with him after sitting on a public toilet seat. And he likens it to him Wiping his dick on the lid of a toilet seat or that he is putting his mouth on people's poop particles when he goes down on me.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I asked a couple of friends, and so far, the consensus is that I'm definitely the gross one and I should always hover to pee. I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I the asshole for sitting on public toilets?

[B]

I appreciate the honesty. I never want to shame anyone for being honest. You know, I'm a messy girl myself. Okay. I didn't know I hadn't been doing the laundry, for example, for the past seven years and that it had been my husband.

[A]

How did you get away with that? Like, can you please teach me?

[B]

I don't know if I got away with it because we had a big conversation afterwards and I did get caught.

[A]

Did he call. Did he call you up for some, like, weaponized incompetence?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It was a look. It was a devastating day for me, too. Trust. Cause I thought I had been helping out this whole time. Really, I thought I had been doing it, too.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He. And I found out because, literally, I really thought I had been doing it, too. But it was more like when you've seen. You know, when you've seen someone do something, so you think, oh, that was me too. Okay. I also did that, only to realize, like, I asked him, I went to the washing machine, I looked at the buttons, and I realized, huh, Like, I think I've. I've never touched these buns before. And that's how. And. But so I said, ryan, Ryan. And I was like, hey. I was like, for a load like this, for, like, underwears, what would you say I should, like, put the settings on? And he was like. And he. He started explaining because he's a. He's a nice guy. So he was like, oh, yeah. So I would. And then he goes, wait, wait. Have you not been doing. I saw him doing the math. Have you not been doing the laundry this whole time? And it hit me, too. I was like, oh, my God, it has been you this whole time. Anyway, so I'm a messy girl.

[A]

That's how I found out my core. I'm the same.

[B]

And I've, you know, done, like, gross things before, too. In my 20s, I, you know, hooked up with someone in a nightclub bathroom, and we rolled around on the ground. On the dirty ground, you know, on the ground, making out, Going down on each other, too.

[A]

See, I'm like, this is the lore.

[B]

Yeah. What? What? But I will say for like, a whole year after that, I never got sick. And so I will say that, you know, this girl. So this. This is a twisted, twisted way. If. If I wanted to see things from her side.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Her immunity might be very strong. She may not have STDs or whatever. You know, I mean, I don't think that's how you get it is from toilet seat STDs.

[A]

Common myth.

[B]

Okay, common myth, but poop. Yes. But she might be strong. And so at least he's not getting. At least he's not getting STDs from her. Maybe she's showering before sex, too. Like, she's not going straight from the porta potty to is she getting horny right after and being like, hey, babe, let's have sex? You know, I have questions. This fee, this. Whatever you call it, Reddit story has opened up more questions than answers.

[A]

What would you ask her if you could.

[B]

Are you having sex immediately with your boyfriend after these toilets? You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then, yeah, think about him, you know, then let's think about him a little bit. You know, have some compassion, empathy, wash your butt. But if you're just, this is how you want to live, and then you're showering before you have sex with him, I mean, I think he might be okay.

[A]

See, I don't know if I've done this in a while, but I think back in the early days of two hot takes, we did a poll.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we asked people like, are you a sitter or are you a hoverer? Oh, yeah, I'm a sitter.

[B]

I'm a sitter, too. I put toilet paper down at least. Yeah.

[A]

You have, like, the little liners you can put down. But it's actually really bad for you to hover.

[B]

Oh, it is?

[A]

Yeah. It hurts your pelvic floor. It can weaken your pelvic floor muscles. So no more super grip. Oh, yeah, that's a problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And allegedly coming from an Ohio State medical center.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hovering over the toilet seat can lead to UTIs. Wow, you give yourself a UTI from hovering, huh?

[B]

Interesting. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how long you're hovering for. Usually I'll hover just to, like, urinate. So that's pretty fast. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But when you hover, you also push to avoid the dribble.

[B]

Oh, is that right? Oh, I guess that's true. Yeah. I haven't hovered in a while. You know, there's. In Asia, there's a lot of restrooms, too, that, like, you do squat for on the. Like, to the Ground.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that hovering? Yeah.

[A]

I feel like when you're doing that low squat, it's more so like your body mechanics. Like, I feel like when I did different than sitting. Yeah. You're kind of like.

[B]

Like standing. Yeah.

[A]

Sitting upon your own legs in a squat position.

[B]

That's true. So that's still a seat.

[A]

You're somewhat relaxed.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. Okay.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yes, thank you. Hovering is bad for you. So you do want to at least sit?

[A]

Mm.

[B]

If you can, girl, try. Try the toilet paper on the. On the toilet seat.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Also, if he's weird about this and he's gonna be like, I'm essentially eating people's poop particles. Take a shower. Just take a shower.

[B]

Yeah. I would say, like, yeah, shower before you, you know, have sex.

[A]

You'll be less spontaneous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But as you said, you know, clean your ass. You'll be good.

[B]

Yeah. Don't go from the porta potty to sex.

[A]

Some people have sex in those things too, though.

[B]

Yeah. And, you know, I. There are people where it's like, hey, you know, I can't help you. I can't, you know, you're going to live. What am I going to. Who am I, your mom? I've tried. Okay, this is. This is where. Where the advice stops. You shower after you use the porta potty and then have sex. Okay. If you have sex in a porta potty. Oh, sweetie. There's nothing more to say. You live. Okay. Life is hard.

[A]

Very.

[B]

We have. I don't know, the earth is how many more years we have.

[A]

I don't know. Some people think it's flat too, so.

[B]

And I can't help them either.

[A]

No, maybe.

[B]

So. Keep at a girl and stay safe. That's all I can say. Don't fall in

[A]

the top comment on this one. Not the asshole. Hovering ladies are the ones who make the toilets dirty and disgusting for the rest of us.

[B]

Wow. Interesting.

[A]

Yeah, that is true.

[B]

Yeah. Cause like, when you sit, I guess it is just your skin touching.

[A]

I hate going into a public toilet, though, and feeling that it's hot.

[B]

Everything's so hard. Why does going to the restroom a part of having to be a human? I know.

[A]

You know, I just. I think about that all the time.

[B]

Like, why I want to be. Like, that part's gone, but I get to still eat. Somehow that still works.

[A]

We do have it better than some animals, though, because, like, birds, it's just like an all in one.

[B]

Oh, what do you Mean, all in one. Oh, like they. Oh, they urinate and number two at the same time. Is that what it is? Oh, wow.

[A]

I know.

[B]

A bird pooped on me a couple days ago. Okay. So that was two in one.

[A]

It's good luck.

[B]

They say that, but I didn't feel that while it was happening to me. And I had to run to the hotel and then shower again before I went back out. Yeah, no, while I was, like, getting it out and it was, like, on my neck and back, I was like, yeah, I don't feel like the good luck part yet.

[A]

It'll come. It'll come.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, it'll come. Oh, man. Well, I hope we get an update from this one. Just like, how they solved this issue. I mean, worst case, but you're just not going to have sex, and then that's a lot less work for you.

[B]

Yeah, totally. Yes. But thank you for your honesty.

[A]

I appreciate that.

[B]

We need more of that in this world.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Billie. I hate feeling like I'm doing yoga in the shower just to shave and get all my nooks and crannies. That is where Billi comes in. It is going to be a razor that changes your life. Billi is designed for how women actually shave. Legs, pits, toes, happy trail wherever prickles decide to show up. It has five sharp blades and a pivoting head so you can actually get everywhere without doing shower gymnastics. We don't need any accidents just trying to shave. And it even comes with a magnetic holder so your razor stays dry on the wall instead of sitting in a shower puddle. Been guilty of that before. Grab a Billy razor in your favorite color in store [e-mail]. okay, this next story is coming from. Am I the asshole again? Again? Wow, we love this sub.

[B]

Yeah. Am I the asshole? Is it also, like, something to do with the restroom? She's like, it's not a pun. It was all pun. Am I the asshole? I sit on my butt.

[A]

A very normal, natural thing. It's titled Am I the Asshole? For taking a coloring book back from my niece after she got attached to it.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

I, 27, female, live with my husband, 31, male. We've been married for about a year and a half. Overall, things are good, but we're still figuring out boundaries, especially around our stuff. I collect hello Kitty and Sanrio items. Nothing extreme, but I have a small display shelf in the living room and a few related things on the bookshelf. Most of it is stuff that I've picked up over the years I fell in love with hello Kitty as a kid when I lived in Japan and after my family moved to the us I stopped seeing it around, so collecting it now feels a little nostalgic. Last year I went back to Japan to visit my grandparents and I found these really nice Sanrio coloring books. They're not like cheap kids ones at the store. The paper is thicker, the art is really detailed, and I bought them more as a nostalgic collectible than something for random kids to use. This past weekend, we babysat his niece, six female, while his sister was out of town. I was working from my home office, so he handled most of the childcare during the daytime.

[B]

Uh oh.

[A]

Yesterday on my lunch break, I saw her looking at my shelf. She asked if she could touch some of the figures. I said yes, as long as she was very careful and put them back. I assumed she meant the ones she could already reach, just the figures she was asking about at that exact moment. Later, I came out to grab a snack and saw her coloring at the table.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

At first I thought it was a normal coloring book, but then I realized it was one of the ones I brought back from Japan from my hello Kitty shelf. I didn't want to upset her, but I thought I set pretty clear guidelines and six seems old enough to understand that to me. I could be wrong. So I just said, quote, maybe we find another book for you to color in. She was really into it and my husband laughed and said we should just let her keep it since she already started coloring in it. I quietly told him I'd rather not and that we could easily buy her a different book. He brushed it off and said I was overthinking it. I don't want to argue in front of her, so I dropped it. That night after she went to sleep, I saw he had packed the coloring book into her backpack. Oh, that bothered me because it felt like he had decided to give it away something of mine without even asking. So I took it out and shoved it under a couch cushion. Lol. I know it seems dramatic, but I don't know. I just knew if I put it back on the shelf, it would wind up back in her bag. The next morning she had a meltdown looking for it. Crying, screaming meltdown. We explained when her mother came that she had lost a coloring book we gave her. After they left, I put it back on the shelf. He said that he was really disappointed in me, said I was being petty and childish and should have just let her keep it. I told him it wasn't about the price. It was about the fact that it was something I brought back from Japan and it was a part of my collection, and he gave it away without even asking. Now things are tense, and I'm wondering if I overreacted by taking it back. Am I the asshole?

[B]

Wow, this is 100%. I'm on her side.

[A]

Same.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, boundaries were set. They were broken. Like, if anyone is into collectibles or there's like, nostalgia, you know? You know, your belongings and the things that mean something to you is a big deal. I don't know if the husband. If the husband collects, like, Pokemon cards or, like, baseball cards, same thing. He would be upset.

[A]

It really is the same thing. Do you collect anything?

[B]

I don't, but I get nostalgia, especially since, you know, I lived in Japan and I also was born in Taiwan, but, you know, I moved to the US without wanting to move here, and then I got stuck here. So I never got to say goodbye to my friends there or my dad and my stuff, my school. So I know what it's like to, you know, every time I'm in Japan, I. You know, for me, that connection is big because it's like, now I don't even have a Japanese passport because when I became an American citizen, I had to give up, give that up, because Japan doesn't allow dual citizenship. So it's like, slowly, bits of my Japanese identity got taken.

[A]

Yeah. Really stripped from you. Yeah.

[B]

And my Japanese language is not as good, too. So it's like when I'm there, the things I get from there, the things I'm able to salvage. My dad has found some, like, childhood photos of mine that I really cherish those things. You know, it's not just a silly, silly Pokemon card or whatever. But I think that's similar with people and collectibles, right?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Something that, I don't know, they're drawn to for a reason.

[A]

I mean, they can bring you so much happiness. Like, I don't know, some people, they get a good collectible, a good Lego set, and, like, their depression is cured. Like, genuinely, it can really make life meaningful and worth living. And so something like this, when you have a deep personal connection, I mean, similar to what you're saying, it's like you get these little bits, and it's like you're getting a part of yourself or a part of your culture back. And I would be really, really upset with my husband if one. He didn't ask me, or if he just, like, looked at something that was so special to Me as just like, it's a coloring book. It's like it, it doesn't matter what that item is. It's important to me. So therefore, by not caring about it, you're not respecting or caring about me.

[B]

Yeah. No.

[A]

And like, I would take it personal.

[B]

Yeah. And it's like the six year old, they grow up and they get over things. I mean, you know, I'm a little. A lot of people probably won't agree with me, but I'm actually, I'm always on the adult side when there's a kid in the story. Is that. That's so fucked up to say.

[A]

But like, why?

[B]

I feel a lot for adults. I feel a lot for adults, senior citizens, kids. It's, you know, I'm child free. And my husband also got a vasectomy recently. We just knew from the beginning. I just knew. I just never wanted kids. And that's fine. Kids are great for other people. I like other people's kids. I like the idea of kids. But, you know, I just feel like adults have had to endure more. And so if they're like, you know, that's. I was talking about being a Disney adult, you know, and people are like, ugh, so lame. It's like, of course I'm an adult at Disneyland. I couldn't come as a kid. I couldn't afford it. I didn't have a job. Okay, of course I'm an adult at Disney. I finally have. My brain is finally fully formed where I can remember the memories that I just made that I paid for. You know what I mean? In a way, like, going to Disneyland as an adult makes more sense. And so that's sort of my unhinged take with. It's like, you know, this is very pessimistic.

[A]

Last thing I'm ready.

[B]

A kid at six. He's like, you know, trying to make her feel good and she might hate him when she's 18. I mean, and he's gonna be like, great. I broke up with my wife over this coloring book. Yeah, you know, that's your life partner. This girl might hate you tomorrow.

[A]

She's six.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

She's not gonna remember this coloring book.

[B]

She literally might hate hello Kitty in two days.

[A]

I know she's not gonna respect the quality of this paper.

[B]

She might grow up to be Marjorie Taylor Greene. I don't know.

[A]

You really don't know?

[B]

These are literally things I think when I meet an adult, When I meet an adult, I'm like, well, you didn't turn out to be Marjorie Taylor Greene. So yeah, like I want you to have this coloring book. Is that messed up?

[A]

No, I mean, she's six. Very unlikely. This is, this isn't going to be her villain origin story.

[B]

You never know, man.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You know, but yeah, it could be. It could be.

[A]

It could be. But unlikely. And again, it's not hers. It's not her shit.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's not a souvenir. If she wants a little coloring book, go to number four. But you're right.

[B]

This isn't going to be her villain story. You're right though. No. Because this is not a hardship that she went through.

[A]

No. And the, the screaming, the meltdown. I think this is a good lesson that she might need to learn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is actually a great opportunity that she provided for her.

[B]

Listen, when someone goes, oh, only touch these things. Listen.

[A]

Yeah, keep your grammy paws off. Top comment. You should be really disappointed in him. He gave away something that was important to you without a single thought. Thought someone else says, I would be locking up my collection after that. That's the type of blatant disregard that leads me to believe he would get rid of her stuff. He knew she didn't want him to give it away and tried to do it anyways. What will he do after this now that she had the gall to take it back?

[B]

Yeah. Wow.

[A]

That's kind of a dark thought though. Like he's going to start retaliating and just like burning the coloring books.

[B]

Oh, you never know. Some. That. Yeah. Dark, dark.

[A]

What would you do if your husband gave something of yours away? I mean, you're, you're a fashionista. Like, what if you just started giving your clothes away? Like something that you cherish.

[B]

Right. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that would be. I would be like confused. Like, you know, there's you're out to get me. You're mad.

[A]

I'm like, you hate me.

[B]

Yeah. What happened? You turned. You changed as a person overnight. What happened is someone else under there. I would try to peel his skin off. Be like, oh, see, I knew it. You know, Scooby Doo style.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Yeah. Another man, different man.

[A]

Who replaced you?

[B]

My former manager. I knew it. You know, whatever it is, OP does

[A]

say that this is a very special collector's edition. It was an $80 coloring book. So it's like, I'm not giving $80 coloring book to a six year old.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

There's no way six year old is

[B]

happy playing with their imagination.

[A]

They should be.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Kids need to learn how to be bored again.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I remember growing up and sitting at a table without a tablet and just being bored and like, being okay with being bored.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Going on car rides, looking out the window. Like, teach kids to be bored again. And they need to learn how to self soothe a little better. Yeah. I'm not a parent. That's me talking out of my ass. Hot take for the day.

[B]

Oh, I think this. Yes, I totally agree.

[A]

But the tablets have gotten out of control.

[B]

The kids need to. You know, I used to just hang out with adults. Cause I was bored. You know, I learned how a divorce works at three.

[A]

What?

[B]

Just watch, you know, listening to other people. My parents had already divorced. Yeah, but like, you know, just being around like another couple that was divorcing. I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't know those terms.

[A]

No, not at three.

[B]

But I did because I didn't have a tablet, but I turned out okay.

[A]

Yeah, you grew up quick though.

[B]

You're like, yes, you're okay. Yes, you did.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, you're. Yes.

[B]

Meanwhile, cut to. I'm just at California Disneyland park every

[A]

week eating those beignets.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What's your go to snack there?

[B]

So my husband has celiac, so we do eat specific, like. But they do have a gluten free cookie that's. God, I know. Too much. Jack. Jack's Jack. Jack from the Incredibles. He has a cookie collection there. One of them is gluten free. Anyway, we eat that.

[A]

That sounds good. So no beignets for you?

[B]

No, no, no, but that's fine. Oh, and the turkey leg.

[A]

Turkey legs, Turkey leg. Corn on the cob. Gluten free.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, the chicken teriyaki, they have a gluten free too. Dole whip as well. Yeah. Also gluten free. Thank you. Gluten safe. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. You're still having a good time.

[B]

See how I lit up? It's because I was negotiating other people's divorces at three, but you know, I can appreciate the finer things in life.

[A]

Hey, it gave you maybe a little bit too quick of a childhood, but it led to you being able to.

[B]

To being stunted.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

You are just like the joys in life.

[A]

You're just an old soul. And like, I was trying to think of ways to like, explain you, and I feel like maybe this isn't how you feel, but you feel to me like you've just lived like 10 different lives already in like such a short time based on everything that you've gone through and all of Your experiences and stuff.

[B]

Right, right. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So I'm like, I don't know. Life, you know, just.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It's not easy for everybody. And so people come out with these stories and then come out the other end, and I feel like you've come out the other end and, like, it's really just enabled you to be this amazing comedian because of it.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

Thank you. So good. I'm like, everyone needs to go watch.

[B]

But children are suspectful of me and. Suspectful? Is that a word?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Children don't trust me.

[A]

Really? They're a little apprehensive, I think, because

[B]

they know I'm trying to give their coloring book back to the adult.

[A]

Or maybe they just, like, can sense that you, like, you clock them. You know what I mean?

[B]

I clock them Also, I think some of them think I am a baby, too. Like, some babies are like, what? Because of my haircut? They're like, is she our leader? You know, they look at me like that. When at the airport. They're like, hold on. Wait. Why does she get to walk around without her parents? They look at me like that.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Are you kind of a baby whisperer?

[B]

A little bit. I'm not trying to be, but they think I'm a Teletubby. For real? Yeah, for sure. Like, you're like. They're like. They, you know, they're like, what is this? Is that Dora the Explorer? Because I wear a backpack, too. They're like, what? What is happening?

[A]

They're drawn to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're a baby. Baby magnet.

[B]

Yes. And I'm like, be careful. I will give your coloring book back to the rightful owner.

[A]

Speaking of stealing things.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This story's confusing me.

[B]

Ooh. Okay.

[A]

This is coming from our Too Hot Takes subreddit. It's titled, my husband is stealing my clothes, and I don't know why.

[B]

Oh, okay. All right. I have some ideas.

[A]

I, 28, female, have been married to my husband, 26, male, for almost four years now. I have a metabolic disorder that I was born with that causes me to have severe depression. Even though I try to be very health conscious, it is very hard for me to care about my life at times and in turn causes me to not care about my appearance. So when I like clothing, it's a really big deal for me. I recently got a shirt that I really love. It's kind of an oversized, which is how I like it, and it is in that style that I like. I showed it to my husband, and he Claimed to like it, too. It's a very casual shirt, but I really like it and I wear it often. About a month ago, I went to put it on, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I knew I had just done laundry, so it couldn't have gone far. I tore the house apart looking for that shirt. Nothing. The following morning, I was driving with my husband, and I saw the shirt I was looking for in the back of his car.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

When I asked him why it was in there, he said he didn't know and was confused, but I just let it go. A couple of weeks ago, I had gotten another shirt that I fell in love with. This one, also casual and oversized. But I loved it so much, I bought another one in a different color. I again showed them to my husband, and he claimed he liked them. Same thing happened. I went to go put one on and realized that both of them were missing.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I again tore the house apart looking for them, but nothing. I had remembered the other one being in my husband's car. So when he got off of work, I went to see if they were in there.

[B]

What?

[A]

And I found them in the trunk.

[B]

So they're all in the trunk. He's just collecting them in the trunk like little victims. He's just kidnapping shirts, but hers, along

[A]

with several other clothing items I had that went missing.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I got back inside and asked him why he had a bag of my clothes in his car. He denied knowing what I was even talking about. So I showed him the footage of our ring camera with him holding the bag of clothes and walking to his car. He then said, quote, oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure you told me you wanted to donate that stuff. Which I then proceeded to tell him I've never asked him to donate any of my stuff. If I have clothes to donate, I always sort and take them myself. He then just said, quote, yeah, I don't know then. Oh, every time I bring it up, he just says he just thought he was supposed to take them to the donation center, which I'm 100% certain I never asked him to do, Especially because he was taking all of my favorite things. How do I proceed with this if he won't even tell me the real reason he's taking my clothes?

[B]

That's really wild.

[A]

I'm scared. I'm actually kind of scared.

[B]

Yeah, it's like kind of serial killer activity, because, you know, it's like he's practicing on shirts, you know, what could be humans. I mean, he's putting them in bags and lying you know, and it's in the trunk in.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

That's where you put victims.

[A]

You are. You're so right.

[B]

I mean, next step is, you know, take them. You know, and he is taking them, I guess. And then being like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's wild. And, you know, but. And it's weirder because it's stuff he knows she likes because she's showing them. Being like, I love these.

[A]

I know. Which is so sad.

[B]

Unless he doesn't like them and he's trying to get rid of them so that, what, she has to wear different kinds of clothes or what? You know, that's my guess. None of it's good.

[A]

None of it's good. My first thought was he's taking them to wear them himself.

[B]

That was my first thought, too. And I was gonna be like, you know, maybe. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

But then why are they in the trunk in a bag? You know, you hear the stories about people coming home and finding their husband in their underwear and stuff like that. So it's like, if he was gonna take them and wear them, you think they'd be in the house where he could actually get them on?

[B]

Yeah. I think he's literally trying to get rid of them. I feel like you need to start. If you have two cars. If you have a car each. I would start doing it with his clothes, too. But you gotta.

[A]

You gotta retaliate.

[B]

Yes. You gotta beat him, though. You have to. It has to be, like, a lot at a time. He's. He's got three shirts so far in this story. Take his whole closet, put it in your trunk.

[A]

I like this.

[B]

And then don't get rid of them yet, but, like, have him, you know, question where they went.

[A]

You know, I donated them. I thought you wanted them donated.

[B]

Yes. When he says, no, no, no, I like these clothes. Donate them anyway.

[A]

Yeah, I liked my clothes, too.

[B]

That's my thought. And then probably break up with them still, too. That's my thought.

[A]

Well, they're married, too.

[B]

It's like, ugh, I'm gonna eat one of these chocolates. This is stressing me out. I don't say, this man just lives in this world. We breathe the same air.

[A]

It's scary, isn't it?

[B]

He's 28.

[A]

26.

[B]

26.

[A]

Kind of a diabolical age for a dude.

[B]

He needs to go back in the womb, cook a little more. Diabolical.

[A]

Diabolical.

[B]

What does that word mean? I actually don't know.

[A]

I'm Gonna give us the formal definition.

[B]

Ooh, fun. Thank you.

[A]

Diabolical refers to something highly devious, extremely cruel, or characteristic of the devil.

[B]

26. Is that. Yeah, because that's still very young. So his metabolism is going. He's got a lot of energy. 26 year olds heal fast. He's already thinking this way. Next step is like mutilating squirrels. You know what I mean? I don't know the solution, but my thing is do his clothes too. First step at least. Sorry, I'm trying not to chew in the mic.

[A]

No, everyone's gonna appreciate that. Asuko, you just like, you're just taking it to the level that, like, I usually would. And I'm just. I'm so happy you're here that I'm just like, not alone in this. The top comment he's taking what makes you feel good about yourself if it makes you happy. He can't stand it.

[B]

That's a good point. He can't stand it. Yeah.

[A]

That's like.

[B]

That's not a good husband though. Or person.

[A]

No, that's not someone I would trust to be my person. Like, you tell him you like a shirt. I like this shirt. It makes me feel good. And his next step is to take it. Not once, not twice, more than three times. Because he's got the three shirts and a bag of other stuff you've been missing. Like he is. He's insane.

[B]

Jail. Yeah. Prison jail now.

[A]

Yeah. So we do get an update.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay. I hope it's good.

[A]

I am pleased to say this was not the update I was expecting to make.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I gathered the footage again and I showed my husband the video recording of him carrying my clothes in the bag to his car. He looked at the footage and said, okay, I'll just tell you. I don't want you to think I'm a horrible husband. Oh. It turns out that he was taking my clothes to surprise me with a photo shoot wearing all of my favorite clothing items.

[B]

What?

[A]

So then I would feel good and comfortable in the photo shoot

[B]

where.

[A]

Okay, he said, quote, I know you are battling a lot mentally, and I wanted you to have these photos to look at when you are feeling down about yourself and to remember how beautiful you are. That made me tear up. I then asked why he gaslit me when I saw the clothes in his car and why he didn't just tell me. He said he really wanted it to be a surprise because he knows it's hard for me mentally most days to get out of the house. He said he was Just bad at hiding the clothes and didn't know where else to put them but in his car.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

He also apologized multiple times for gaslighting me and said he should have handled that part in a different way, but couldn't think of anything else in the moment when he was put on the spot. I told him I forgave him, but if this ever happens again, I won't be so forgiving next time. And he completely understood and said there will be no next time. I then asked him why he took the clothes ahead of time and not just take them right before the photo shoot. He said his memory is so bad, which is true. He has the memory of a goldfish.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And a lot of my clothes look so similar, so he wasn't sure he would remember which ones were my favorite. So he took them periodically when I would tell him how much I like them so he wouldn't forget and then proceeded to hug him and tell him that that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. And I apologized for thinking he was being cruel to me on purpose. I honestly should have known it would be something like this because he has always been such a good man. But I started to question because of my relationships in my past. But he clearly is not like all the boys in my past. I'm so thankful to have a good man. The photo shoot appointment is tomorrow and I'm actually really excited. I've never had a professional photo shoot before. Thank you to everyone who commented with their support. I know that every comment comes from a place of love and concern, and it was healing to read how much people care. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Take some cute photos of yourself. We all deserve to be reminded of our beauty.

[B]

Wow. That's. It's not fair how much acts of kindness is just. Just borderlines. Just a fine line before you're looking like a mass shooter. It's just fucked up. It's so messed up. Like, you know what I mean? Like, when a stranger hugs you, it's like, oh, it's like an act of kindness or like he's about to, you know, stab you.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's messed up.

[A]

I see.

[B]

I got tricked. I got tricked. I was. Two seconds ago, I was telling her, you know, steal his clothes, burn it down, get rid of them, break up with him.

[A]

I mean, I don't know if I'm

[B]

convinced that there's a photo shoot happening tomorrow. Uh, I want to see these photos.

[A]

I would like to see photos.

[B]

Op.

[A]

This is on our own. Subreddit. Like, this is likely one of our listeners.

[B]

Yeah. So we would love an update. I'm glad you feel beautiful.

[A]

I want you to feel beautiful as you should.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

As you absolutely should. But, yeah, I'm going to need documentation that this photo shoot was booked before you confronted him.

[B]

Yeah. Because. Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea.

[A]

Was this a cover up?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was this a cover up?

[B]

Yeah, because you got us. Because. Because if this is for a photo shoot, his tactic is a little wild. He's acting like a dog covering. Like stealing a piece of bone from the dinner table.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and hiding it in a hole in the backyard one at a time, you know, you're acting like a squirrel before hibernation. He has a brain of a goldfish. Suddenly, I don't know.

[A]

I'm not convinced, but what does that say about me? Am I just being pessimistic? Am I.

[B]

No, it's the way of the world.

[A]

Am I something broken within me? Do I have trust issues? I just find this.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

I find something still a little off here. I'm gonna need another update Op.

[B]

Nothing's broken with you. Ted Bundy used to lure his victims into his car by being. Pretending he was on crutches and that he needed. He had, like, a broken arm and he needed help putting something in his car and out of the goodness of people, you know, and that's how he would take advantage of them. So, no, you're not broken.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you. I needed that confirmation. Top comment. They quote op, I'm so thankful to have a good man. And they share the meme of Pete Davidson kind of like, oh, I don't even know. Tearing up, Tearing up. Like, I can't tell what that emotion is supposed to convey, though.

[B]

I'm not really sure either.

[A]

Like, is that.

[B]

Oh, maybe that's like Pete Davidson saying that, like, I'm so thankful to have a good man. I don't know. Like, he. Like, she's literally. I have no idea.

[A]

I know. Is it like. Like, girl, we don't believe that, or like, is that like, oh, that's so sweet. Like, I'm choking up. That's a very difficult face to interpret.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. In this case, and this is one of the few cases where I would say, girl, use your words. Use your words. Because, you know, right now, I can't use more abstractness. I'm confused. Same people are sharing Shaken that she's still with him and now she's just doing a photo shoot.

[A]

I need Pictures you can send. I won't share them. Send them to me.

[B]

Just want proof of life.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's all.

[A]

Proof of life. A lot of people share memes like the Britney Spears meme. That one's a little more easy to understand.

[B]

Yeah, totally. Right? Yeah.

[A]

Someone says, my. And my husband's reaction when we read this, like, I don't want to be mean, but, girl, come on. Someone says, oh, honey. So I think. I think I'm not in the solo boat of still skeptical.

[B]

Yeah, I think, you know, the lesson is that, you know, boys weren't always taught to communicate, and we need to make sure they learn from an early age.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. How you doing? How are you hanging over there?

[B]

Good.

[A]

Doing okay?

[B]

Yeah, I'm just being whipped around by these men. Wow.

[A]

Well, do you have a dog? Do you have any pets?

[B]

I don't. We tried fostering for a month. Yeah, we had a dog for a month.

[A]

How'd it go?

[B]

Oh, we were not prepared. We were confused. We didn't do research. We didn't, you know, read anything. We just thought. We thought, like, having a dog was like a vibe. Like, you just kind of. You feed it, give it water, it'll poop. We didn't know. We were surprised. We didn't know. Didn't. We were like, why did it poo again? You know, we were. It poos every day.

[A]

Like, multiple.

[B]

Do they multiple?

[A]

Multiple, like, twice a day.

[B]

More and more than its body size. I don't know if it was. Something was wrong with this dog.

[A]

What were you feeding it?

[B]

Do all dogs poo more than its body size? Because we would wake up and the bath.

[A]

What kind of dog was this?

[B]

It was like a pit bull lab mix.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Bigger dog. But we would wake up to the backyard just filled with poop, and we were like, did you have friends over? We were so confused.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And it was getting bigger and bigger by the minute.

[A]

The dog or the.

[B]

The dog and the poop. Oh, my God. All of our stuff was wet all the time. We were just. Everything was like, day one on Earth. We. We were not ready. We were so confused. We were like, I thought a dog's supposed to help you. What? You know? Yeah. We were getting weaker, and the dog was getting stronger.

[A]

Yeah. And when they learn that they're smarter than you, that's when things get really scary.

[B]

Oh, my God. At one point, we. We just be hiding in a corner like, the dogs outsmarted us. This is the dog's house now. And so, yeah, We. We're not. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So you do have a little experience on. On a dog that, you know, kind of takes over.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Also, no one told me I'd be thinking about the dog all the time too. Like when I'd be out at a bar, I said, oh, I didn't know this was. No one told me it's too easy to adopt or foster.

[A]

This next one coming from relationship advice. It's titled My Girlfriend, 25, Female, is Ruining years of my dog's training and thinks I, 27, male, am being a dictator. I have a five year old German shepherd named Max. I got him as a pup and spent literally hundreds of hours and a lot of money on professional training because I wanted a dog that actually listens. He used to be perfect. He'll stay. No begging at the table, the whole deal. We've been living together for about seven months now and things are starting to fall apart because she refuses to follow the rules I set for him. It started small, like her letting him on the couch when I'm not in the room. I told her multiple times that Max has his own bed for a reason and it is better for his joints and my sanity because of the fur. She just rolls her eyes and says that he looks sad. Now he won't even go on his bed when I tell him to because he just looks at her for permission to stay on the sofa. Then there is the food. I have a very strict no scraps rule. She thinks it's cute to give him bits of her pizza crust or bacon under the table. Oh, now Max has started whining and pawing at people while they eat, which is something he never did before. Yesterday was the breaking point. I caught her feeding him directly from her plate and when I told her to stop, she got defensive and called me a dog dictator. She says I am sucking the joy out of his life and that he is just a dog, not a soldier. I tried explaining that consistency is the only way training works and that she is basically undoing three years of hard work. But she didn't care. She just walked away. Now the dog is confused and honestly starting to ignore my commands. If she's around, how do I make her understand that this is about respect for my effort and the dog's safety without turning it into a massive fight every single night?

[B]

Dang, that's a. Yeah, that's a hard one because yeah, I get needing to train a dog. Since we didn't know how to train a dog. It was messy. We couldn't do It. We couldn't figure it out. So, like, if someone did the hard work of figuring it out. Yeah. I would want that to be kept

[A]

too, you know, what did this dog do to your house and stuff?

[B]

We would, like, I would start running and she would chase me and then jump up and, like, bite me playfully. And I thought that was cute. And so I would put it on Instagram and people would be like, you know, you're supposed to stop her from doing that. You know, I'm like, oh, I. I didn't know. Right. But it's messy. You know, it's. She would, like, run around the house. My husband, you know, my husband has adhd and, like, I think I do too. I haven't, like, gone to, like, get diagnosed. My fans have diagnosed me. But, you know, it. It's hard for us to, like, get. Stay organized and already on top of things. So. Yeah. Just seeing that the dog was just being a dog because of the way we are. Yeah. I get if you were able to discipline and it's. I know it's expensive to get a trainer and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I would want someone to respect that, too. For sure.

[A]

I'd be pissed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd be upset. Like, it's. It's. It's gonna be even more difficult, too, down the road because, like, this is the dog. What happens if we progress further? And I don't know, what if they want kids and they have a kid and she's like, I don't care. I'm a gentle parent and that kid can climb all over everyone in a store or whatever.

[B]

Ultimately, the thing behind her attitude is I don't care about, like, your feelings and your hard work and what matters to you. Right. That's what she's saying. I don't care what matters to you. It's not about the dog necessarily. I mean, it is right now, but below the surface. Right. That's what's happening. She's going, I don't respect you.

[A]

You can't be with someone who doesn't respect you.

[B]

Yeah. So. Yeah. Because then she's. It sounds like they live together, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Seven months. She's really, you know, done some serious damage in that time. Top comment. Your girlfriend is being disrespectful. Imagine what it would be like to have kids with her. Do yourself a favor and find someone who respects you and your dog. Op. The. The person who wrote the post comments back. The kid thing is actually a scary thought. If we can't even agree on a dog, parenting would Be a disaster. Right? We do have a bunch of dog trainers that chime in. In the chat.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[A]

Yeah. They say it might be worth setting an ultimatum and strict corrective action in front of your dog where the dog can see the rules are being set. For example, the next time she feeds your dog scraps from the plate, you intervene. If you have other issues in your relationship worth amend. I don't know, maybe just call it quits.

[B]

Right. Yeah, that's. That's all about that. That's kind of what I. I would say too.

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

Because. I don't know, I mean, pizza crust is, like, bad for the dog too. No, that's.

[A]

It can hurt their stomachs.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah, I think I.

[A]

Then they're really going to be pooping big poops.

[B]

I heard German shepherds have, like, very sensitive stomachs too. Or like, they get, like. I don't know.

[A]

My German shepherd was, like, really prone to allergies from.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah. And like, he had sensitive skin.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

He was kind of a high maintenance boy.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you. I mean, but I'm pretty sure they do have, like, stomach issues. And either way, you don't want to mess with that. That's. That's so. Yeah. No, that's not right.

[A]

Okay, this next one for us is coming from my friend, directcat, a pillar 77. Oh, my Reddit bestie who finds all the best stories. It's titled, my Boyfriend Blames me for a Business Deal Gone wrong Because He Was Rude to me. My boyfriend Derek, owns a bunch of businesses. A few days ago, he wanted me to meet with a representative of a restaurant chain in order to acquire one of the stores. Derek invited Alex, the representative, to have dinner with us at a fancy restaurant. Things were going well, and when Derek left for the bathroom, Alex and I began to talk. Alex told me his family was originally from Russia, and I told him that my father trained in the Russian army. When Derek came, I was talking to Alex about a good borscht recipe. Derek, for some reason, thought I was annoying Alex and told me, quote, alex came here to talk about business, not some dumb Russian soup. And then said, sorry about that, Alex. She talks a lot about useless antidotes. Oh, yeah, I got red in the face. And Alex said, well, Derek, I care about dumb Russian soup because I'm Russian. Things were awkward, and long story short, Derek didn't get approved for the franchise, and now he's blaming me for it. I feel guilty and I don't know what to do.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I don't know. I feel like you just brought messiness to a business meeting. He's the one that kind of made it weird and messy and personal and attacky.

[A]

Attacky, indeed.

[B]

For no reason.

[A]

All he had to do is be like, oh, you're into the soup. Sometimes I get confused about why people will date or be friends with their biggest hater.

[B]

Mm, that is hard. Sometimes we date, you know, what we know. Right. And sometimes what we know is, like, our upbringing, whether it's like, our parents or whoever we wanted to please. And so we just do that again. Right.

[A]

Oh, I was a fixer for a long time. I tried to fix them. And I think, you know, my mom had a really rough track record of that. Yeah. Yeah. Like, still, like, she has not found the love that she deserves for how amazing she is. And so growing up, it was like, I didn't have a lot of great relationship examples.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I fell into that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But, like, you get to a point where you're like, I'm really tired of my partner making me feel like shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And hating on me and being attacky. Like.

[B]

Yeah. And this is my fault again, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, totally. And so, I mean, she doesn't have to feel guilty. I would say that's something she could get rid of. You know that feeling and know that. Yeah. Know that. That was definitely not her fault.

[A]

No. What would your advice be for her going forward?

[B]

Oh, gosh. And so, like, he's the one that owns all these businesses. I mean. Yeah. If he continues like this, if this is, like, something that's behavior that's common for him. Yeah. I would, you know, think about you and whatever that means. If it's like, leaving, then, you know, you just put yourself number one. It feels like you even going. Her going to the meeting with him. Right. It's like she's so on his. A supportive figure to him. Yeah, absolutely. Who's the supportive figure for her? So, you know, she should be that for her if. Just think of you right now. Yeah.

[A]

It's a really good point. You're showing up for him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Helping him schmooze and try to lock up this deal. What is he doing for you?

[B]

Totally. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Top comment. Nah, this is all on him for assuming that the conversation wasn't going well and that it was your fault. If he was smart, he should have just joined the convo and found a more natural and less douchey way to move it back to business. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

OP responds. He has a Habit of thinking that whenever I'm talking to someone, they're annoyed by me.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's not good. Yeah. So this is a common thing, so. No, she needs to think of you. You think of you, girl. And maybe leave if you need to.

[A]

Have you ever been with someone or, like, been friends with someone that you just can tell that they think you're stupid?

[B]

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Those are bullies, actually.

[A]

That feeling. Or like, they're constantly just trying to. Like, you'll say something and it feels like you're talking in a different language where they're like, what do you mean? And you have to like, overly explain yourself. Or like, they just don't give you the benefit of the doubt. Life is too short to deal with that shit.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%.

[A]

Hell no.

[B]

My mom has schizophrenia. It's already solving a puzzle every single day. When she calls me at three in the morning, four in the morning, when I have 50 missed calls, I don't have time for someone being like, why are you smiling like that? Why'd you say that? What question does that mean? No, I don't. Yeah, Truly don't have time.

[A]

It makes me nauseous. Like, let me live my life.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

Just let me live.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why are you.

[B]

Also, you don't like me, so you know that I'm like, just. You actually kind of hate me.

[A]

You hate me.

[B]

Yeah. So. Okay. We don't need to. Let's not hang out. Mm.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Let's not be with each other.

[A]

We do get an update.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. From her.

[A]

From her.

[B]

Oh, let me guess. He was trying to set up a nice photo shoot because he's actually truly madly in love with her. And this was not a restaurant guy. It was actually a photographer they were meeting. What was it?

[A]

After what happened, I started to reflect on our relationship as a whole.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I noticed the trend that whenever I talk to someone, Derek would always be hovering over me. Not just business partners, but his family too. And during events, also him insulting me for what I would say was a trend that I didn't really notice until now. I told Derek about this in a last attempt to salvage our relationship because he still had some redeeming qualities. I told Derek I was thinking of breaking up with him because he didn't respect me. Derek claimed that I wouldn't break up with him because I needed his money. And I pointed out that I come from an upper middle class family and that I'm studying to become an rn, so I don't need Anything from him but his respect. That's all I want. Derek then broke down and told me that he grew up seeing his father putting his mother down all the time. Derek said if I don't have any of my own opinions and I rely on him for everything, then I won't leave. Apparently, that's what his father taught him. I don't know. I broke up with Derek. Yay.

[B]

You go, girl.

[A]

And I blocked him, and I changed my phone number after he threatened to ruin my life and tell the university awful things about me.

[B]

Oh, good. Good for you, girl. Yes. No one's going to believe him. That guy they met with didn't believe him. That's why he didn't work with him.

[A]

He saw his true confidence.

[B]

None of us believe him. No.

[A]

No. Icky, icky, icky, icky.

[B]

Yes. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

I don't like it.

[B]

So glad it wasn't a photo shoot, though. I would have literally lost my mind. Like, I don't know anything anymore.

[A]

He was secretly writing me poetry. He actually loves me.

[B]

What? Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, thank goodness.

[A]

I'm gonna give you a choice on our last one here.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

You can either choose a feel good, happy story titled My Husband Made me cry tonight, or is it unreasonable to treat masturbation as cheating?

[B]

Oh, gosh. Let's try feel good. Yeah. Everything's been so insane. I know where it's like he. He was. He wasn't. They're all Riddler. They're all dating the Riddler. So maybe this. This one.

[A]

This will be nice. Okay, this is coming from true off my chest. It's titled My Husband Made Me Cry Tonight. I was cooking our dinner, which I do every night because I love cooking. And I accidentally burned the pork burgers. I didn't mean to, but I got distracted trying to make the sides. I felt so defeated trying to open windows to get the smoke out. And my husband walked in the kitchen and just stared at me. I just looked at him like I don't know what to do. He walked over, kissed me on the forehead, and told me he appreciates me cooking dinner for him every night.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

He told me, we can scrape the burned part off. No harm, no foul. And he was so excited to eat the dinner that I made, I burst into tears.

[B]

What?

[A]

He's the most loving, caring, and kind human I know. And the little things like tonight just make me so happy to have him. I grew up with a mom that blew up about everything. And my husband heals that part of me that feels like I can't do anything. Right. He's truly my favorite person. That's all. Nothing major, but I wanted to get it out there.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. That's very sweet. And I was gonna. I was curious what happened to her that made her, like, burst into tears like that, right? Like, this reminds me of, like, when I was in. So when I was in Montreal, I performed in Montreal as part of my tour, and I got a video of my fan filming, like, his partner who's crying. This Asian. This Asian guy, he's crying. Oh, he's crying. He's like. And his partner's like, why are you crying? And he's like, why are you crying? He's like, oh. He goes, is it because I got you tickets to go see your favorite? And he's like. And he goes, she's Asian and he's crying, Right? Yeah, it was so sweet. And they were. And I was talking about it at my show. I said, it's very sweet. But also, I was like, what is wrong with Montreal that this boy is crying? He's like, she's Asian. Like, rep representation should not hit that hard. It does, though, but not that hard. One. One bitch is. One Asian person is coming. He's like. But I was like, something. I was like, white people of Montreal, I'm gonna need you to walk a little softer tonight. Whatever. You did this to.

[A]

This.

[B]

To this poor Asian kid, and he's just. Just one Asian girl is coming, and you're just like, oh, I can't believe it. You know, I mean. And yes, representation does hit hard, but, you know, for her to burst into tears after she cooks every night and just, like, just barely a little something gets burnt for her to react that way. My next question was gonna be like, okay, who the fuck fucked you up?

[A]

Because I know the bar is low,

[B]

or, you know what I mean?

[A]

The bar is in hell.

[B]

Who did this to you? Yeah, right? And, yeah, the mom being, like, forcing her to be a perfectionist. I totally. Yeah. So it's great she has a partner that, like, offsets that sees her. Yeah.

[A]

I like finding someone that, like, finally sees you. Oh, such a good feeling. I remember when I first started dating my husband, I, like, was telling a friend something. I was like, damn, is this what it feels when someone actually likes you? I'm like, the effort they put in, the amount they care about you. Mm. Just, like, really hits different. But that's really. That's really, really cute that that person surprised their partner with the tickets.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Cause, like, you. You're like one of only two female Asian comedians really, to like make it big. Right. I saw some stat on something we

[B]

have like, oh, the second Asian American female stand ups to have a HBO special.

[A]

Yes. Which is a huge deal.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The first one was Margaret Cho and it was 27 years between. Yeah.

[A]

Absolutely insane.

[B]

Yeah. But there's a lot, you know, there's, there's more of us now, but before, you know, like, Margaret Cho was the first one for. And the only one for so long, you know, meeting her, you know, I like super freaked out too. And I was like, wait, it shouldn't be this way. You know what I mean? Like, it's good. It's like, of course, because it does matter to feel seen. But it's like, man, I'm freaking out too much. Like, you know, there should be more of us.

[A]

Yeah. It shouldn't be this.

[B]

It shouldn't hit that hard.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, I feel like you're breaking a lot of glass ceilings.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Your work is absolutely incredible.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

Really appreciate you coming on.

[B]

Thank you for having me. And I ate one of the chocolates.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

But you can have the rest back.

[A]

I'm really excited for the caramel. I'm like, I'm just.

[B]

And that one I saved for you because I just ate the almonds.

[A]

I'm going to attack it right after this. Where can people find you? Where can they watch? I mean, you've got your HBO Special, you've got your Hulu Special, you're on tour.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

The Big bowl tour.

[B]

Yeah. So people can find me on otsuko comedy.com or Atsuko Comedy on all my socials. Yeah. And find me in your city.

[A]

All of Atsuko's links will be in the description. So super easy to find. I know. I'm going to find a show that I can make because I'm. I just need to see you live. Thank you guys for being here. Another episode until next time.

[B]

Bye. Bye. Sam.