This week on Two Parents & A Podcast, we’re back with Dr. Ari Brown - board-certified pediatrician and author of the bestselling 411 series - for The 411 on TODDLER DISCIPLINE. And just like last time, she comes in with the calm, practical answers we all need when our toddlers are… doing the most.

We start with the big foundational question: what “discipline” actually means (spoiler: it’s teaching NOT punishment) and when it realistically begins. Dr. Ari breaks down the cues that your toddler is ready to be “taught”, why pushback is developmentally normal, and how consistency matters way more than finding the “perfect” consequence.

Then we get into the “IS IT NORMAL?!” greatest hits: biting, hitting, head-banging, and public tantrums - what’s actually going on in their brains, what to do in the moment, and the #1 thing parents should avoid (even though it’s everyone’s instinct). We also talk self-regulation, why toddlers borrow our nervous systems, and the biggest mistake parents make when they start trying to “discipline” for the first time: expecting instant results.

We also dig into the classic strategies people always debate - time-outs, spanking, and the “if you don’t do X, we’re taking away Y” approach - and Dr. Ari explains what works, what doesn’t, and why consequences need to be logical to actually teach anything.

PLUS: how behavior can shift with a new sibling (who do you think wrote this question in?!??!), how to avoid the good cop/bad cop dynamic, and rapid-fire audience Qs on meal refusal, toddler resistance (“no” to everything), teaching safety without fear, and why kids go through parent-preference phases.

Timestamps:

00:00:00 Welcome back to Two Parents & A Podcast! (The 411 with Dr. Ari Brown: Toddler Discipline)

00:01:45 Doctor & author weighs in on “does audiobook listening ‘count’ as reading?!”

00:04:00 When should discipline start?! (& what does ‘discipline’ really mean?!)

00:06:47 Signs your toddler is ready for boundaries

00:12:00 IS IT NORMAL?! Biting

00:15:58 IS IT NORMAL?! Hitting

00:21:41 IS IT NORMAL?! Head-banging / hitting themselves

00:23:24 IS IT NORMAL?! Tantrums in public

00:26:28 The #1 thing NOT to do during a tantrum

00:29:30 How toddlers learn self-regulation (and the parent’s role)

00:33:21 The #1 mistake parents make when starting to discipline their kids

00:35:11 DOES IT WORK?! Time-outs

00:39:16 DOES IT WORK?! Spanking

00:46:43 DOES IT WORK?! “If you don’t do X, we’re taking away Y”

00:49:00 New sibling = new behavior? What to expect + how to prepare

00:57:15 Overwhelmed? Dr. Brown’s 5 starter tools for discipline

00:58:24 Good cop vs. bad cop

01:02:38 Audience Q: Meal refusal - how to respond without creating picky habits

01:04:03 Audience Q: Toddler says “no” to everything (shoes, car seat, etc.)

01:06:58 Audience Q: Teaching “danger” without traumatizing them

01:08:15 Audience Q: Parent preference phases (why they pick favorites)

01:09:35 “Terrible twos” rebrand: the Terrific Twos

01:11:26 Thanks for listening!

Thank you to our sponsors this week:

*Cozy Earth: Go to https://www.cozyearth.com/TWOPARENTS for up to 20% off!

*Edmunds: Checking your car’s value is an easy win to cross off your to do list. Go to https://www.edmunds.com/appraisal/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=Two_Parents_Podcast&utm_adgroup=&utm_account=edmunds_marketing&utm_content=Two_Parents_Podcast_q4

*SKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at https://www.skims.com/twoparents #skimspartner

*Ollie: Treat your Palentine with Ollie! Go to https://www.ollie.com/twoparents and use code TWOPARENTS to get 60% off your first box!

*GOODLES: Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The 411 on Toddler Discipline: Biting, Boundaries & What Actually Works (w/ Dr. Ari Brown)