How To Date Someone Outside Your Faith

Summary

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U Up? Podcast: "How To Date Someone Outside Your Faith"

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: October 15, 2025
Podcast by: Betches Media

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the challenges and nuances of dating someone outside your faith, based on a listener email from a Catholic woman dating a Christian man. Jordana and Jared unpack generational expectations, family pressures, and the realities of navigating relationships where religious backgrounds differ. They also answer related listener questions, riff on dating app “icks,” and play their signature red flag/deal breaker game—all delivered in their signature mix of empathy, humor, and candid advice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. [30:48] Listener Email: Catholic Guilt Meets Modern Dating

• Question: A woman wonders how to manage her conservative parents’ expectations when dating outside her Catholic faith.
• Jordana breaks down the listener’s situation: strong family ties to Catholicism, personal openness, but anxiety over disappointing parents.
• Jared notes the difference between personal values and family-generated “head trash”: “If you simplify things, things are easier. The most simple form of this: 'Hey, I'm single and I'd like to meet a guy.' The parents are adding detours that aren’t necessary.” (32:26)
• Both hosts stress: Figure out if your faith truly matters to you in dating, or if you’re projecting family anxieties.
• Guidance for approaching parents:
  • Get clear about what actually upsets them—is it fear of abandoning tradition, raising non-Catholic kids, etc.?
  • Recognize parents’ fears as often being hypothetical, and that people’s attitudes often soften when they meet the real partner.
  • Jordana: “Ultimately, you know, they're on the board, you’re the CEO; you're making the executive decision.” (37:14)
• Takeaway: Separate your values from your parents’ wishes. Have an honest talk with yourself about what matters, then bring that clarity into conversations with your parents.

2. [38:01] Icky or Picky: The Twin with Matching Outfits Dilemma

• Listener is weirded out by a Bumble match whose profile features multiple photos with his twin—sometimes in identical outfits.
• Both hosts think one photo with a twin is fine, but dressing alike crosses into “creepy, juvenile” territory.
• Jared: “Twins dressing alike is two toddlers holding their binky... That doesn’t ring: ‘Oh, we could date and get it on.’” (39:04)
• Jordana adds: Multiple photos with the twin signals they may be enmeshed, and “you're dating both of them.”

3. [51:08] Leaving the Door Open: Is It Real or Just Nice?

• Listener asks if a guy saying he wants to “keep the door open” after slowing things down is genuine or a soft rejection.
• Jared reviews the “breakup” text, pointing out its excessive length and the cringe-worthy line: “I’ll be rooting for you.”
• Jared (52:54): “I saw that ‘I'll be rooting for you’ in a breakup text—makes my penis run inside me like a turtle, scared.”
• Both hosts agree: Telling someone you’ll ‘be the first to know’ or ‘rooting for you’ is well-meaning but unnecessary and ultimately not comforting.
• Takeaway: “Leaving the door open” is almost never meaningful. If someone wants to try again, they'll reach out, and then it’s up to you if you still want them.

4. [62:11] Red Flag or Dealbreaker: Sober Dating, Vape Breaks, & Snoring

• A sober listener dates a guy whose response to her sobriety is, “I love drinking, have no intention of stopping,” who later vapes during sex.
  • Both hosts call it a dealbreaker more for his immature, dismissive response than his love of drinking.
  • Jared: “People need to match your energy. If they're not, they don’t care enough about you.” (64:09)
• Another listener asks if snoring or using a CPAP machine is a dealbreaker:
  • Jordana: Irritating, yes. Dealbreaker, no—if you really like someone, you figure it out.
  • Jared reflects: If someone blames breakup on snoring or a CPAP, it's not the real reason—they just weren't that in.
• Takeaway: Small quirks only become issues if the relationship is missing real compatibility.

5. [75:20] Love Bombing vs. Fast Forward Dating

• Woman (27) writes about a 37-year-old she’s dating who quickly calls her “the one,” mentions marriage, and calls her his girlfriend after 3 dates.
• Jordana points out he’s described this pattern in all his past relationships—which is a red flag.
• Warning signs:
  • Partners not listening to your pace or boundaries
  • Repeated declarations of love early on, especially if it's a pattern
• Advice: Check in with your own gut—do you feel swept up, uncomfortable, or pressured? Jordana: “Interview yourself. Do I like him? Do I want to meet his parents? If it feels too early, say so—see how he reacts.” (78:26)
• If he can’t meet you where you are, reconsider moving forward.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parental expectations:
  “Parents are like the paper tigers of your life—if you put your hand through, there’s nothing there.” — Jared (34:28)
• On twin matching outfits:
  “If you’re both just the Doublemint Twins, I think you’re two stupid people.” — Jared (39:24)
• On breakup euphemisms:
  “No one wants to be well-wished by the person that wants nothing to do with them anymore.” — Jordana (56:41)
• On dating and shame:
  “I think people have shame when there’s something for them to lose. This person didn’t feel they had anything to lose with you.” — Jared (64:45)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [30:48] Listener email: Dating outside your faith—managing family expectations
• [38:01] Icky or Picky: Twin on Bumble, matching outfits
• [51:08] “Leaving the door open” breakup text
• [62:11] Red Flag/Dealbreaker: Drinking, vaping, and snoring date stories
• [75:20] Love bombing and relationship pace concerns

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Episode Tone & Style

As always, Jordana and Jared use their trademark banter: sharp, self-deprecating, quick with relatable personal story, and always cycling back to "What does this mean for dating today?" The vibe is supportive but honest—mixing laugh-out-loud sarcasm with genuinely thoughtful advice.

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Final Takeaways

• Figure out what’s important to you versus what’s been passed down by family or culture.
• When dating outside your faith (or with any potentially “big” difference), align on your personal values, then communicate clearly—with both your family and your partner.
• Red flags are less about the detail and more about how the other person responds to your boundaries.
• “Leaving the door open” is code for “probably not.”
• Don’t let minor quirks or one-off “icks” override genuine compatibility and connection—unless the underlying issue is a lack of respect or emotional reciprocity.

For more, follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram and subscribe for bonus episodes.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

And I hate when people aren't. Again, another one where you're like, be a little bit more aware.

[A]

It's tough with the. With the umbrella. I hate umbrellas, but I have to have one because of my hair.

[B]

Umbrella is a tough game. It's a tough one. I. This is the beauty of Delray.

[A]

You never. I can't see you using an umbrella. I feel like you would think it was emasculating.

[B]

I agree. That's exactly why I look at this. This looks like a man.

[A]

What if it's a heavy downpour?

[B]

I don't care.

[A]

Never. Do you own an umbrella?

[B]

No. Wow, an umbrella.

[A]

Do you have rain boots? Do you have a rain jacket?

[B]

I do now because of Florida.

[A]

Florida, yeah, but can't wait for the hurricanes in Delray beach when you don't own an umbrella.

[B]

No. If it's a hurricane, the umbrella will fly away. Mary Popp. Look at these.

[A]

Hello and welcome back to the U Up podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on?

[A]

I'm a little frazzled.

[B]

You've Had a morning.

[A]

I've had a morning.

[B]

You've. I have had a morning. I like.

[A]

I have had it like that. Yes. I.

[B]

So what happened? So we. We started a half hour. I got a text from you.

[A]

We're supposed to start at 9.

[B]

The text from you, no exclamation points, no punctuation. Was lost My phone. We're starting.

[A]

I said had a phone issue.

[B]

Had a phone.

[A]

Which is what I said to make it sound more legitimate than it was.

[B]

Let's hear the actual story and. And then I will say whether I would have been okay with it or not okay with it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

In any way. Would I ever be.

[A]

I couldn't give the whole explanation because it was too long.

[B]

So is there more pressure on you that I come up here? Like, is it. Feel like you have a guest here? Because I come from Florida to do the show. Did you feel like. No, because I feel like Jared's here all the way from the South. I don't feel like Florida.

[A]

I don't. I feel like we're pretty good with each other's, like, late. Occasional lateness, rescheduling. We're, like, pretty. I think that's like a mutual.

[B]

I think it's one of the best parts of our relationship.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I think that there's no irritation there. There's no. I have never felt any productions like we do. Right.

[A]

Actually. But actually.

[B]

Actually can't speak for the people who work with us.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But between you and I, I don't think in the history of this show we've ever had, like, I cannot do Tuesday.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I would assume that's how a lot of, like, you know, we're like the Beatles. You know, we're like a music group.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I would assume that that's where a lot of friction comes up with, like, music groups.

[A]

I'm sure scheduling, that kind of thing. Whose time is more important? But. Yeah, I think we're.

[B]

Your time is more important.

[A]

No, it's not. No, it's not.

[B]

I defer to the. More to the CEO.

[A]

No. But. Okay, so my. This was like the one morning. We're starting at 9. We usually don't start this early.

[B]

This is abnormally early for us.

[A]

Yes. So I had to take a 7:42 train to get in.

[B]

That is a.

[A]

That's at night.

[B]

That's a different group.

[A]

Yes. Usually I take like the 8 13.

[B]

Totally different group.

[A]

Different after 8 is different, in my opinion, than anything in the Sevens.

[B]

Could not agree more. That is a different human being. 7am train. That is like people. I don't, I want them. I want to copy their homework.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, I don't want to, I don't want to, like, hang with them necessarily all the time. I don't want to hang with them at 2am but I do want to know what the homework is from them. You know, like that.

[A]

Yeah, I would agree. I'm not usually on that train, but we had a nine, so that was my plan to take the, the 7:42 last night. So it's 4:00am okay. The dog has, like, jumped into bed and, like, begun, and he's, like, moving around a lot more than he usually is. He usually sleeps on the floor. Sometimes he comes into the bed, chills a little, and then goes back on the floor. It's fine. I kind of like it. We do like, a little bit of a spooning situation.

[B]

You and Ron?

[A]

Me and Ron, yes.

[B]

I think when you spoon with a dog, you have to call him Ronnie. Sorry, there's confusion.

[A]

That's fair. Fair.

[B]

Me and Ronnie gets in the bed.

[A]

Me and Ronnie.

[B]

To feel him against my body. Mike isn't so on board. He gets used to it.

[A]

I'm the big spoon in the Ronnie. In the Ronnie.

[B]

Ronnie's really living the life.

[A]

He is living the life. And then he'll, like, sometimes kick me off the pillow, so I'm sleeping. But he, like, owns us, runs the show. But he's being a little weird. And it's 4am all of a sudden I, I, there's a smell. So I'm, like, a little, a little awakened by his, like, movement around. All of a sudden, there's a smell. I'm like, I don't really immediately know what it is. I'm like, is the, Is like there are fire? Is there, like a carbon monoxide situation? Like, what's going on?

[B]

It's 4am that's the odorless killer.

[A]

But then he starts crying.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And then I'm like, is he warning us that the house is burning down? Like, what's going on? So I get up, and he's taken, like, four massive shits in the house. So he has diarrhea.

[B]

Is it diarrhea or is it four separate shits?

[A]

It's like four separate shits of diarrhea.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That are, like, all over, like, the, like, rug and the floor. And this is like 4am this is.

[B]

Such a great move by Ronnie crying after, After.

[A]

I'm like, I would have taken you out if you had made like, if you had mentioned that you right make.

[B]

Your mistake and then.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Try to garner, you know, empathy from your owner.

[A]

Exactly. No warning.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And he hasn't had an accident in like a very. In a very long time. So. But I clearly is that he has like, he got a. He got a vaccine a couple days ago. So I'm assuming he's gotten some weird reaction to this. Ron's not doing well. I take him out. He goes to the bathroom again outside. And when we come, I come back, I'm like, my. I'm like, I'm not doing this alone. What?

[B]

He's taking a fifth outside?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I don't care where it is. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, clearly he's heading. He's having a. He's not feeling great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then I notice that he is stepped. It's. He has stepped in his own and then has now been. And has been up in the bed and down on. So he's just been dragging at this point. I'm like, Mike, he's like, what's going on? What's going on? And I'm like, the. I think you need to go into the bathroom. Like, the dog, like the dog is not well. So I have him clean it up while I like take the dog out. We're kind of like tag teaming, teaming that. Finally whatever he's. Then he starts like being like annoying. He's like jumping on everyone and like biting.

[B]

And I'm like, what's morning time?

[A]

Right? So he's like, he's like up and like around. So now it's like 4:30. Finally everything is cleaned up. We go back to bed and then wake up the next morning at like 7 to make the 7:42 train. And then we're like about to leave. And it's a two fold thing. We have. We're supposed to leave in like one minute for the train. The train's like five minutes from my house. And Mike's like, we gotta go. Where, where are you? I'm like, okay, first of all, I see Ron in a different bathroom that we hadn't seen yet. A sixth. No, a sixth and seventh. A sixth and seven bird. There was a hallway. Hallway poop. Which I, I saw. And then I was like, get it? And then I realized there was another one in a different bathroom.

[B]

The house wasn't as big as it was.

[A]

It would all be contained, you would think, right? So scrambling for that final. He like, he does like a quick cleanup of this thing. And I'm. And he's like, all right, let's go. I'm Like, I don't know where my phone is because I've been like walking around trying to like, handle this situation.

[B]

You're out of sorts.

[A]

I'm out of sorts. And then he's like in the car honking at me. Like, where, like where? I'm like, I don't have the phone, Rocco. I'm not leaving without the phone. And so, like, we're not making this train. So when I say phone issue, it was that I couldn't find my phone. But also, you know, I had a. I think there was. I think there was a few confounding circumstances with the dogs.

[B]

Listen, that's no way to wake up. Yeah.

[A]

And then it's raining too. So then he goes outside and I let. We let him out like for this in seven when we're like, before we leave for the day. And then he sees like this muddy patch and he starts fucking digging this dog. And he runs into the house. I'm like, this is not what is going on. I was like, you were going to be rehomed. Like, what are you doing?

[B]

So what do you do with him? How do you, you know, how do you, you know, part of it is like, I'll do. I'll.

[A]

I'll finish the. You can't really punish.

[B]

Right. You're leaving.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

This is how. This. I try to do like a off.

[A]

Wipe down of the paws, but I'm also like, I don't even know where you've been walking around when you had the. On your paws before. Right.

[B]

So you're gonna find this from three months.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's possible.

[B]

Right? That I.

[A]

That and then I'll be like the smelly dog woman that. That written into our show. And you'll have to play that back.

[B]

For me to let you know that you smell like.

[A]

Yes. So I made the train after that, which is why I'm late. And here I am.

[B]

Did Mike go to the first train? Was he like, I'm out?

[A]

No, because he usually takes the second train. He was just taking the first train with me, so he didn't really care that much. But like, he was in the car waiting for me.

[B]

Mike might be sainted from some of the stories we hear.

[A]

Perhaps he's, you know, he's good. He's good at, like.

[B]

Yeah. Last night he wakes up, he helps with the, you know, the dog.

[A]

Yeah, he's good.

[B]

Good for Mike not to. Not that he prays on Mike during your time of need.

[A]

Right. And then. Oh, well, then this was the part Where I think like, he wanted to be mad at me, but he wasn't mad at me is like he kept calling the phone and then it winds up. The phone is like in my bra drawer. So I just like took my bra out and then like left it in the drawer. And that's why I couldn't find it, because it wasn't.

[B]

You're like, I took a break from tick tock to find a bra.

[A]

I was hoping it maybe like fell through the cracks of something where it'd be more, you know, there'd be more reasonable. But no, it was just in the drawer where I clearly just put it in the drawer, close the drawer and.

[B]

Well, we're happy you made it. This is quite a morning.

[A]

As am I. It was not one of my smoother mornings.

[B]

Well, then you text me, you're late. And I was like. And then I basically like, I'm like in bed just laying by the glass. I figured I would.

[A]

I wanted to make sure that everyone got it early enough where if they wanted to to take a leisurely morning, they could.

[B]

I made it leisurely. How about everyone in production? Will V. They were like, we were.

[A]

Already on the way. You're already on the way. Okay. Sorry, man.

[B]

Well, happy.

[A]

Not. He's like, I'm not quite as flexible with the times as, as everyone, but.

[B]

Well, we're here now. How was your morning?

[A]

You had, you had a more pleasant morning?

[B]

I had a great morning. I had. I, I slept in. I went to. I'm. I'm a big fan of Bagel Pub. I, you know, they're across the street. Will has yet to try it. He got there when there was a huge line.

[A]

I saw one the other day by Penn Station.

[B]

They, they've become quite. They're like the McDonald's of bagel places here now. They're really growing.

[A]

And you like that?

[B]

I do. I think they do a good job. I think they've kept the bodega bagel place feel. So shout out to them and they have a good iced coffee that's light. I don't like a strong iced coffee. I like a light ice, like a weak ice coffee. Yeah, I'm. Well, I was, I got to New York yesterday. I really had kind of the perfect everything the opposite of you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

3 o' clock flight got off on time. No storms. Sometimes you take that 3 o' clock flight out of Florida. You're dealing with like storms that are.

[A]

Rolling in and you missed the rate the storms here.

[B]

I missed the storms here. Got here, went to Don Angie's last night. Ever been?

[A]

I have. They have like that, like. What is it? Like a eggplant something?

[B]

Lasagna.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Well, that's why I'd never been.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they have the circular lasagna. You can look it up. It is the famous Instagram post.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That everyone does. And they have a chrysanthemum salad. That's the fame. There's the. There's the lasagna.

[A]

It's good. I like lasagna.

[B]

It's.

[A]

You're a lasagna fan.

[B]

I'm not a lasagna guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I always moved to do that. I was never going to, like, wait in line or get a reservation. Nimesh Patel, friend of ours, friend of the show, friend of mine. He got a hookup with someone there to get like a. A reservation, like, easy table without, you know, waiting. You know, Lifestyles of the Stars. Right. He's a big tick tocker, so he gets a preferential treatment. So we went with a couple of his friends. And I gotta say, that lasagna was unbelievable.

[A]

It's great. I haven't been there in like five years, but. Or whenever. Whenever. Oh. I was there shortly after it opened because I had a friend who was like, into the reservations and we went there and I remember it being very good. And then I was like, this is great. But I don't. I'm not really like a reservation woman.

[B]

Right. You have to be a reserv. You have to be a reservation hound. And reservation woman is a. Is a personality type in this city.

[A]

Great. To have a friend who's a reservation woman.

[B]

You need one reservation woman in the crew. Yeah.

[A]

Because they don't want to go alone.

[B]

No. They.

[A]

So you get to freeload off of their diligent reservation.

[B]

They get a. They get a little turned on by.

[A]

Their own being that I got the reservation.

[B]

You. When you meet a woman who gets reservations, you can see her getting wet in her eyes.

[A]

You can see there's a guy, too.

[B]

There's a guy version of this I've never dealt with. I don't meet these men, but I.

[A]

We talked about them on the show where the guy who, like, is very into making reservations. And then he'll take a date there and he'll be like, I'll think it's kind of impressive.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which it can be depending on the guy. But that really doesn't, like, make or break it to me.

[B]

I. Would those two be compatible?

[A]

I think they would be. No, I think they need to be the star reservation maker in their own.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I think they would not get along.

[B]

They would butt heads.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it would be. It would almost be too much.

[A]

Cuz like, you need to date someone who's just happy to be there.

[B]

Right. That is impressed by you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That you get to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, do a little dance and everyone goes, ooh, and are you forgetting the reservation? So I would say, Don Angie, it's a. For me. If I'm to like, is it worth it? It's a yes. The lasagna is like. The lasagna like, was like. I'm not a lasagna guy.

[A]

I am very.

[B]

If you are, you gotta go. If you're not. The menu, way wider than I assumed it would be. The menu had this dish. It had a calamari, barbecue calamari that I was like.

[A]

Sound that appealing?

[B]

It was so. It was like barbecued instead of fried.

[A]

Okay. And then like barbecue sauce.

[B]

No, I thought that too.

[A]

That's what makes me like. I don't know if I need that.

[B]

Well, sometimes I see a menu item when I dance around a menu, I see. If I see something, I go, what's this doing here? I got to ask. I got to ask the waiter, like, what's the deal here? And the guy was like, it comes over fried rice, which is like, I'm maybe you with lasagna. Me with fried rice. I love a fried rice.

[A]

Big fried rice.

[B]

I am.

[A]

Do you like cheese?

[B]

Do I like cheese? Yes, I like cheese. I'm not like a cheese head. Talk. Yeah. Not a cheese head. I'm not like a. Talk about I gotta have cheese on everything. Cheese makes the day better, you know, Like, I think there's. That cheese is a personality for some people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's not me. I can go cheeseless like, like when I make. When I get my bagel order. When I get my egg and I. That's the one. The concession I make health wise.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Where I get a turkey bacon and egg white on an everything bagel, whole wheat. To me, taking the cheese out is like, I've taken out 7, 000 calories.

[A]

I get that.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's where I'll make.

[A]

That's where you'll decide how. How much you value cheese.

[B]

That's. Yeah, that's me going, we're having a healthy day. I'll get rid of one thing, you know? So I did want to talk to you about something dating related.

[A]

At some point, we've had to. We've got to get to dating.

[B]

We should talk about dating.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Why not? Listen, it's good to be back in New York. I went out afterwards, after the dinner. I. I did a little dance around the West Village. Saw my old haunts. Went to Wilfiannel. Oh, Went to the Spaniard. There was a woman at Wilfie Annelle sitting with another woman. She had, like, two women at Willie. Now, it was a Tuesday night. The. The city was alive.

[A]

Yeah, it was n. It's nice out.

[B]

It was beautiful out.

[A]

A beautiful fall here.

[B]

It's like one of those. Like. What do you leave when you leave New York? You go, this is what you're leaving, right.

[A]

Until today.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Until today? When you're about to get poked in the eyeball with someone's umbrella as you're.

[B]

Walking while you're trying to get to the sugar and milk counter.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I know. I. Because Tuesday night, it was out of a movie, a romcom. Like, these two women sitting at the bar, Nimash and I strike up a conversation. He's a.

[A]

He's a. Oh, never mind.

[B]

So he's. He's winging, so to speak. She had. I. I don't know how you would fix this or if this is something women experience. The, like, judgmental face. Right?

[A]

Is it like this? Yeah, like you're watching on YouTube.

[B]

Like, I was like, she knew of me.

[A]

It's like, you came. Take me through the conversation.

[B]

So I go, she. So I go, yeah. So I moved to Delray Beach.

[A]

You just start speaking to. As if you're mid conversation.

[B]

I came back from the bathroom. I had walked in on a woman in the bathroom by accident, which was like, oh, wow. Horrific.

[A]

Was it a unisex bathroom?

[B]

Yes. Okay. You always make me into this monster.

[A]

I'm just clarifying for anyone who might.

[B]

Be thinking that Wolfie Annell has barn doors for their bathrooms, which is always dangerous. So you have to, like, slide them.

[A]

Oh, that's a lot.

[B]

I slid the door, and you gotta.

[A]

Stick the thing in.

[B]

Close it all. There's mistakes to be made. Like, I don't blame her. But I slid the door, and she was, like, full taking a. Just like she was Ronnie for the fifth time. And, like, she looked up, she shook.

[A]

Was it on the floor?

[B]

Then she'd be Ronnie. So then I, like, go, oh, I'm sorry. And then I put it back shut, and then the other door was locked, so I had to just wait there in line. And I was just hoping. I was like, please let this one come out before the one I walked. And they didn't. The one I walked in on walks out, and we had that, like, stare down as she walked past me, and I was like, sorry. And then I go in the bathroom, I come out, and Nimash is like, hey, these two, you know, already talking to these women.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And she goes, you moved. And I go, yeah.

[A]

That is the first thing you said. Okay.

[B]

Right. I go, yeah, I moved to Delray Beach. And, like, so that's the first thing I was like.

[A]

And then she gave you the judgmental face.

[B]

It was like, judgmental, like. But also, like, Right, Yeah. And then. Do you. So do you like it there? No, I hate it. I live every day as hell. I move there because I think there's this thing with New York, and I've talked about this insecurity before I left of, like, you didn't hack it. You know, you either stay here forever or you gave up.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, I. And maybe because of what I do as a comedian, it's like. Because then I get the question, so is there, like, comedy there? And you're like, I can't be like, yeah, I went for the better comedy. Like, I'm like, no, it's like a lifestyle move. I like, Right. You know, separating work from personal. Like, and now I have to go into my whole life honestly.

[A]

That's the issue with, like, living anywhere on or, like, doing anything unconventional. It's not even the thing, like, knowing you care. You don't care about the thing. Most people don't care about the thing. It's more that you just have to, like, explain the thing over and over again. Like, when I moved into my house and I. That hadn't painted yet, and the room that I was recording in was red. Like, blood red, McDonald's red. It wasn't like, I didn't really care that much, but I didn't want to have to, like, talk about it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Every single time.

[B]

And every time you talk about. You felt like you were, like, being defensive, right? And you're not. You're just like, this is the explanation. And. And here's the problem. The variable isn't your explanation. The variable is how they take it, right? So I used to have. I mean, this is the reason for the reveal. Like, the reveal when you tell someone, I feel like we're like, I am dating you and I'm enjoying our time together. You're now gonna get a different reaction every time. You know, like, they're either gonna give you something that makes you feel good, they're gonna. And you're gonna feel it right away. And I had this with doing comedy. You're doing what? Yeah, I'm. I'm doing. I'm gonna be a comedian.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they would go, it's like.

[A]

It'd be just so much easier if you're just like, I'm a lawyer. Go away.

[B]

It would just end everything. Well, that was like, the thing with my mom. Like, my mom didn't know how to explain what I did for the longest time. And I always took. I always had empathy for that.

[A]

Because now she has to do a whole explanation.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When you're a mom, you can go, my kid's a lawyer. And then everyone goes, good.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

You know, my kids a. You know, a dancing clown who yells on the Internet. They go, what? What did you do wrong as a mom? I could understand that insecurity. So. So last night, this girl, she just had judgy face. I don't know. I was like. And then by the end of it, you know, you go, well, Jared, like the, you know, Nemesis, like, do you want to go? You. Are you staying here to, like. I was like, no. I'm exhausted from, like, explaining my life. I have to go.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like. And, like, it's, like, nice to meet you guys. And they were very nice. But there is this thing of, like, Jared, you go out and, like, hook up every night. It's like, no. Some people are just like, I. I can't do this.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, Like, I gotta move on. Yeah. You know, fighting this battle is not the one I want to fight. Like, you know? No, no, not. No, it's nice that you left. Like, I don't want to do that.

[A]

Right. You know, you don't want to get into it.

[B]

I go to the Spaniard, my old aunt, alone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Hung out at the bar, said hi to the bartenders there, and then was ready.

[A]

Had a great night. Are you still at the Moxie?

[B]

I'm at the Moxie.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

Shout out. Moxie. Great hotel. I mean, especially for, like, if you're just staying somewhere to, like, get in.

[A]

Like, I don't know if I'd stay there as, like, a resort in, like.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Caribbean.

[B]

This is not a Caribbean.

[A]

If you're in and. Oh, no, it's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's the perfect hotel for someone like you in a city where it's like, you're in the room to sleep.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you're out doing all day, and it's clean and it's Nice. And there's like that you need that you need and nothing you don't.

[B]

Everything you need and nothing you don't. Nothing you don't. So this is all to say, I'm going to be on the road. Jaredfreed.com jaredfreed.com this comes out on the 15th. I'm in Richmond, Virginia this weekend, which is like my last club date until I think I go to San Diego and Orlando in December. But this also is a kind of like a workout for dc DC I am coming not this weekend, but next weekend. It's. It's here. So I want to. Of course I want the rich people to come. No two weeks is Halloween for the first time.

[A]

Is it not this weekend, but the.

[B]

Next Friday the 13th on the sixth.

[A]

Time in 600 years.

[B]

So it's, it's. So it's. This is Richmond's this weekend and then DC on next Friday and then the weekend after Halloween. So if you're in D.C. i was talking with Nemesh last night. He was like, this is my favorite theater that I'm doing. I'm doing the Warner Theater. He's like, it's an unbelievable like.

[A]

And you're doing the same.

[B]

I'm doing that theater. Nemes sold it out.

[A]

So, you know, guys, come on.

[B]

A little embarrassed right now. I'm sitting here with.

[A]

They're not gonna tickets, not gonna let you into Don Angie. No reservation.

[B]

Saying. Getting me a reservation. Anything going on with you? I was listening over, sharing. It had been a minute. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Thank you. It made me. It made me feel good on a. You had some great emails. Dr. Naomi texted me the other day.

[A]

Oh, yeah, she said she mentioned that on the show that she texted you.

[B]

No, no, no. She texted me about the Golden Bachelor.

[A]

Yeah. So, yeah, she's a big fan of the show and obviously she's. And she told me she's buying some tickets to. We had this. We had a whole. You'll see that. You'll hear this on next week's episode. We had all discussions about.

[B]

I did text her. I was like, how many do you need?

[A]

And she's like, no, no, no.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can recognize this Abraham text anywhere.

[A]

Love your work.

[B]

You're amazing.

[A]

Yeah. So, yeah, no, they're gonna. I think they're gonna have a great time.

[B]

I can't wait. Dallas, I. I'll say this. Last time I was there, Dallas was my one. Probably one of my best shows I've ever had.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

When they were in the crowd like they saw me. Sometimes people see a winner. Some people see people see a dud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, these things happen. Like real comedians go up and bomb and, and have off nights and have, you know, and, and perform for people that are not their audience. That is me. She saw a hot one.

[A]

Listen. For someone in my family to purchase tickets when they could get them for free, I know the show had to be great.

[B]

You're right. You're right.

[A]

If it wasn't, if it was fine, there would no way we should be going. If it wasn't free.

[B]

Shoot. No, she. Yeah, no, no, she'd go, Jared's coming back. We gotta do that again.

[A]

Yeah. Make up a plan or whatever. Or like, we'll go if it's free.

[B]

Like you were talking about the Jewish.

[A]

Meet me at the flag or something like that. Great. All let's get into it.

[B]

We are sponsored by Hungry Root. We're big fans of Hungry Root here on the show. Don't you think, Jordan?

[A]

I love Hungry Root.

[B]

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[A]

I love Hungry Root. It makes eating healthy so much easier. They give you like all the ingredients for a recipe and the recipes all take like 15 minutes tops and they're healthy. If you're a busy person, you've got a lot going on. It's just so much easier to make a meal when it's like, here's the pre measured ingredients that you're all going to need. You have to put it together and you have a delicious, healthy meal. It's so easy.

[B]

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[A]

Whether you're cooking for one, a couple, or a family, the weekly grocery shop can be exhausting. Instacart gets it done without you having to move, which honestly should be the tagline for meal prepping to restocking pantry staples. Instacart helps you get all the essentials you need no matter where you are. I've used Instacart. I have to say it is such a lifesaver. My weekends are so busy and I actually want to spend them doing things I actually like. Like hanging out with my friends and family or watching movies or honestly just sitting on the couch. Literally anything besides having to like go to the grocery store, get all the groceries and come back. It's such a pain. So I'm so excited that I have Instacart because it just makes the whole thing so much easier and it gives me more time to do the things that I actually want to do. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop your favorite stores and get fresh groceries or household essentials delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Or if you're out and about, you can have them ready for pickup. Instacart helps to deliver, so you can handle everything else. Just order online or via the easy to use app. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app and use code UAP Pod20 to get $20 off your first order of 80 or more. That's code UUP P O D20 to get $20 off your 1st order of 80 or more. Offer valid for a limited time, excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply. All right hi JJ, longtime listener, benefits subscriber and saw your 2019 U Up show in LA and Jared multiple times in LA, IR and Brea. Yeah, I think I've heard that use pronounced that.

[B]

Yes, I would have said Bria. Bria. I saw the whole thing off.

[A]

I recently started dating again after me 29 female my boyfriend broke up with me. I told my mom that I started seeing a new guy. 32 male from hinge. Have gone on six dates and really enjoy spending time with him. She asked if he was Catholic. Quick backstory. I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic school from kindergarten through senior year of high school and actively participate in my local Beverly Hills church. I told her no but that he grew up Christian. She said that my dad would be upset because he wants me to end up with someone who is Catholic but that they ultimately want me to be happy. I don't care as much to be with someone who is also Catholic. So how do I manage my parents expectations? My mom asked if I asked people at my church if they have any sons available to date. But like also who would I ask? I don't really want to go around to all of the 70 year old women that I volunteer with. And it's not the 1980s, which is when my parents met at church and started dating. How do I manage my parents expectations about dating someone who isn't the same religion while still pursuing modern dating on my own terms, Sincerely, none of my parents business. Good pun.

[B]

Great pun. So you date someone outside of your own or you are married to someone outside of your own faith. Do you have thoughts on this? Yeah, I mean we could open this up to like other things.

[A]

Anything. Yeah, I think before, like, I think, I think when she's evaluating like how important this is to her. How important. I think there's two different things. How important it is to her parents and how important it is to her. It does sound like she's pretty active in church. So I could see how it would be a plus to her to date someone else who shares that. That I don't want to call hobby that passion.

[B]

Right.

[A]

For religion or feels involved in that way. I think there's a couple questions for the parents. She's asking more about the parents than herself. She seems fine with it herself.

[B]

I think it's like confusing for her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, because she seems fine and then these parents are just hurling rockets at her from like another angle and she's.

[A]

Like getting in her head.

[B]

Yeah, she's putting, they're putting in head. They used to call the I when I worked selling life insurance. They call it head trash. Like just noise. Just noise that gets in your way from the. Because if you simplify things that, I mean, what a dumb podcast thing. If you simplify things, things are easier. But like, like, let's find the most simple form of this, of this email. Hey, I'm single and I'd like to meet a guy. You know, like that's like the most simple form of this email. If we were. And I like to go to church and that's very important to me right now. We're building a little, like there's a straight line here that they're, that the parents are like adding detours on. That is not. And as the only thing that I read here that's important is they only care that you're happy.

[A]

Well, that's ultimately what they care about.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But they only. Like she said my dad would. He clearly doesn't only care if she's happy. Because you said he would be upset, right?

[B]

Well, I think everyone's upset about hypotheticals and then they meet the real people, right? And you go, oh, my God, what.

[A]

A no, it makes sense.

[B]

Makes my daughter feel great. Like, well, all of that stuff, like, all of our stuff. Like, I need someone who, who doesn't, you know, clap when the plane lands. And I need someone who, you know, has green tax. And then you meet the person and it goes backwards. It goes. Great person. I can deal with that. I can deal with that. Like, I, I, I, I. I'm not trying to poo poo religion, because that's important to me too. So, like, I understand. And I understand parents who get in your head. Get in your head. Because I deal with this. And I've kind of come to terms with, like, living in Delray and being closer to my parents now. It is so funny how they're like, they're like the, the nothing. Like, like, finding someone is the boss of the level. They're like the, the, the nothing henchmen of the boss. Like, my parents are easy to just be, like, stupid, you know, like, to go to roll over, right? Their opinions are like just such paper tigers.

[A]

You can, you can mold them, right?

[B]

Because, like, my parents will be like, like, if I go on a date with a girl, let's see her picture. Like, they really want to. Like, my dad's like, creepy dad who wants to see a picture? And I'm like, I don't have one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he's like, well, what does she look like? I don't know. Do you have yours?

[A]

Do you have your sketch artist pen? Right, I'll start.

[B]

Right, I'll start drawing you a picture.

[A]

But it's like long beard.

[B]

So just start describing an old pirate Y patch, eye patch, tri corner hats.

[A]

There she is.

[B]

That's pretty close shoulder. Yeah, because. Well, that's so funny because it's like to. They're to be with, like, I, you know, like all of these opinions. I know. Don't. But I'm also 40 and this person's 29, so I understand. Like, like, it's, it, it's almost like virtual AI. Like, it's like just like if you put your hand through it, it's not even there, you know? Like, and I know that's easier said than done, but I'm like, learning that with my parents, like, all their opinions are nice. They don't really matter.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The ultimate thing.

[A]

They're not the end all be all right. The.

[B]

The end game. If I found a woman who wasn't Jewish and, you know, and, like, surprise them in some way, and then I was like. And then they met them, they would go, well, now we know them and we love them.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know? Yeah.

[A]

They would get over it. It's more like what they. Their ideal in their head. What they think is not necessarily what plays out. I think the other part of it, which I would ask her dad if that's who it would be upsetting to and herself, is like, what is the part that's upsetting about it? Is it the idea? Is it, like, you want to raise your kids Catholic? You want someone who's also really passionate. If you want someone who's also really passionate about Catholicism, then, yeah, probably be. You probably should try to date more people in your religion. If you're like, I don't need them to be passionate about it, but I just need them to respect that I do it and maybe, like, be curious. That's something that you should suss out on the date. I think it is important to figure out what it means to you. Like, for me, I didn't really care about dating someone Jewish. I wanted to raise my kids Jewish. So that was something that, like, that was the thing that I was more sussing out when dating.

[B]

Right. There's. It's like. It's like here the label of the fear isn't always the same thing that's underneath the fear. Right, Is what you're saying. Like, yeah, because that is true. Like, maybe they say, we're afraid you're.

[A]

Just gonna ditch all your Catholic upbringing.

[B]

Right. And you go, well, that's not gonna happen. Then they go, oh. And you kind of realize the parents are human too, right? Like, oh. They're like, oh, I didn't even see it that way. They. They might. There might be a way. You know, again, the communication can suss all this out. But I. I think that's a good way to go to the parents. Like, just go to them.

[A]

Yeah. Like, what's your. What's your fear here?

[B]

What is the fear? And. And like, when they say, like, I can even see the mom, like, why don't you just introduce yourself to one of the people at the church? And you're like, I don't know how to talk to the people the church. You know?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I. I see that Fight. Because I get that fight. And if you calm it down and like break it down, it's like original. Like, what is the fear here? Like, let's say I do date someone who's not. And again, here's what matters to me. Here's what matters to my parents. They intermingle at certain points.

[A]

Listen to some, you know, I'll take in the feedback. But ultimately you, you know, they're on the board, you're the CEO, you're making the executive decision.

[B]

Right. So I do think it's important to just like, you know, and, and they might point out a reason that you haven't even thought of that you're like, yeah, that actually is important to me. I think being open, like I'm not dating who you tell me to do is not a really great way to go into a conversation with your parents.

[A]

Well, that's what I'm saying. It's like learning what they're, what the actual issue is. It's not that they just don't like any, I assume it's not that they just hate all non Catholics.

[B]

Right. And it's. Oh, it's being open to their issue might actually make some sense to you.

[A]

Yeah. Or it might not. Or it might just be like something you don't fully connect with and they more connect with.

[B]

Let's do another email.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

I like this one. A short, icky or picky?

[A]

Love a short one.

[B]

We love a short, icky or picky. Basically you're dating someone and you get the ick and we're telling you whether it's a valid ick or if you're just being a little picky. J and J. Hope this is a good one. Icky or picky. He's a twin and posts multiple pictures on his bumble profile with his twins, often wearing the same or similar outfits.

[A]

The same outfit. Similar outfits. Fine.

[B]

You're, I assume similar is fine.

[A]

Are they identical? Because if they're identical, they probably just have a similar taste and they wind up wearing the similar thing.

[B]

Okay. I guess my thought on similar is that it's the same. Like I, I guess you're like, well, she says that.

[A]

She says the same or similar. If it's the same, it's weird.

[B]

It's weird. It's juvenile. It's like also a little creepy. It's creepy.

[A]

Also.

[B]

This is like a dating app. Is like, you're like, do I want to them? And you're doing like a very toddlerish thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like you know, it's like, if you. It's like, to me, twins dressing alike is like two toddlers holding, you know, their binky. Like, it's like, very kid.

[A]

It's cutesy.

[B]

Cutesy. Yeah. That doesn't ring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, we could date and get, get, get it on.

[A]

What if it was a. Are you feeling the same way if it was a woman with her twin sister?

[B]

Like, all things, it depends how hot she is, but.

[A]

And again, I'm assuming that they're identical. Otherwise, how would you even know that they're a twin?

[B]

Right. So that's a good point. And if I saw twin sisters dressed alike on the profile, I would think they're two stupid people. And I.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

I don't. Right. It's fair. Fair and unfair, I guess, because, like, I would need it to be, like, really loudly a joke.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, unless it was, like, with a sign that says how many months old they are. Like, this was like a fake.

[A]

Making fun of themselves.

[B]

You got to make fun of yourself. If you're just like the doubleman twins and you're like, doing.

[A]

You're like a gimmick. Well.

[B]

And then you have to assume that, like, you're not just dating this person, you're dating the twins, you're dating them as a set.

[A]

Well, that's why I think if you have a twin, an identical twin, again, that's the only way you'd probably know that you'd be a twin. One picture. Fine. That's a fun fact. One picture with the twin.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Dressed independently.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you're in separate outfits, I think is great. It's fine. It lets someone know without telling them, you're a twin, you're a twin. They can ask about it. But I think multiple pictures is like, the twin is too enmeshed in your life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your date. I agree. You're dating both of them. And the wearing the same outfit, I agree. Is, like, creepy. Weird.

[B]

It's creepy. It's weird. And it's like. And I would assume, based on the emails we've gotten from women and based on what I've heard from you over the years is like, are you taking this seriously? If a guy did that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

With his twin, I don't know, is that. Would you feel that way? Like a guy and his twin are in the same clothing?

[A]

I think it'd be more like, oh, he thinks it's, like, cooler than it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know what I mean? He's, like, leaning too hard. He's like, a little Too enthusiastic about. Right. This part of his life. Are you an independent person?

[B]

Right. Like, twins didn't. Isn't like a discovery. Like, we all know twins exist.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, when I see twins that are older dressed alike, I'm creeped out.

[A]

That's. Yeah. You have until nine maybe. That's still a little old. Six.

[B]

I, Yeah. I think once, once you hit the numbers of grades, once you're in first grade.

[A]

Okay. That's like six.

[B]

It's time to, like, like, if I was a parent of twins and it was first grade and your wife brings.

[A]

Them out for the. Because you obviously aren't dressing them.

[B]

No, I'm not doing.

[A]

Your wife brings them out and he.

[B]

Brings out the two kids dress.

[A]

And she's like. And they're dressed the same. And it's first grade.

[B]

You're saying, no, this one.

[A]

Go change.

[B]

One's gotta change.

[A]

Looks better on this one.

[B]

Yeah, I, I, yeah. I can't have two baby hueys.

[A]

Yeah. All right. I think six. So that's the, the J and J etiquette rules.

[B]

Yeah. Because you do you see those things where it's like the old, old people dressed like they're twins? Like, old twins.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's weird.

[B]

And then they dress alike and you're like. It just feels like the music in a horror movie is playing.

[A]

Like, it would be like any. Like, if a couple dressed this. Like, like, sometimes that happens.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But like, if you're. Anything you're doing where it's clear it's on purpose.

[B]

I saw a couple the other day, matching glasses. Glasses. Would you ever wear the same.

[A]

I own this. I actually do own the same glasses as Mike, but I don't really wear them that often.

[B]

What. How did that happen?

[A]

He bought the. He. He will very much insist that he bought the glasses first, which he did. And then it was Warby Parker, which has, like, sure.

[B]

You know, five flavors.

[A]

Yeah. There's not that many.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're, well, they're great. Great company. Well priced, sure cheap.

[B]

We'd love them as a sponsor.

[A]

Yes. Think about it. And we went to the glasses store and I was like, trying them on. I'm like, I like this. I didn't realize he already had them. And I was like, I, like, I feel like these look pretty good on me. And he's like, I own those already. Like, but, like, I bought. But I was like, I don't really care. I'm not wearing them that often. Like we have.

[B]

So that's how it happens.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Basically, the two people Go. We both look good in these. And it is what it is. What it is. Yeah. Because I saw these two people at a bar and they were like, in their 50s. Two people, chunky, chunky glasses.

[A]

Oh, okay. Those are like. It's like statement glasses.

[B]

They were statements. And they're both just sitting at the bar and them. I was like, I mean, I can't. I wouldn't know who I was.

[A]

Is that the only. Is that the only thing they have, that they're wearing the same.

[B]

But that's the problem now. Everything, like, if you go black T shirt, she goes black turtleneck. You're like, you're basically just alike.

[A]

Well, with a twin, again, I do think if it's your identical twin, you have the same. A similar taste. You have the same, like, DNA, Right?

[B]

So that's why the similar thing, like, if they're both fine polos. That's not.

[A]

Whatever. If it's the exact same outfit. Get out of here. This episode is sponsored by Built. Nobody likes paying rent every month. I mean, honestly, have you ever met anyone who's like, oh, yes, I love sending away a bunch of my money? If you dread the first of the month every month, at least Built makes it worth it. Built is revolutionizing how millions think about paying rent by rewarding their members with points and exclusive benefits around their neighborhood every single month. By paying rent through Built, you earn flexible points that can be redeemed toward hundreds of hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next Lyft ride, and more. But it doesn't stop there. Built is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite local restaurants and earn additional points, get VIP treatment at certain fitness studios, and enjoy exclusive experiences just for Built members every month. Build is turning a monthly expense into an opportunity to earn rewards and discover the best that your neighborhood has to offer. Your rent is finally working for you. Earn points on rent around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to join built.comUUP that's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.comUUP make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. You know those moments when your hands are full or your eyes need a break, but you still want to escape into a great story? That's why I'm such a fan of Audible. I listen all the time, whether I'm on a walk, commuting to the office, doing chores, or even just relaxing before bed. Audible's app makes it super easy to jump right into thousands of audiobooks anytime, anywhere. I've mentioned before that one of my favorite movies is Pride and Prejudice, and I'm excited that Audible is releasing a brand new audiobook version of the Jane Austen novel on September 9th. Narrated by Marissa Abela, Harris Dickinson, Glenn Close and other stars you know and love, Audible gives me the best of both worlds. I can enjoy a story I love while actually getting stuff done. They have thousands of titles, everything from romance to thrillers to memoirs, comedy and even self improvement. So whatever mood you're in, there's always something fresh and exciting waiting for you. And the app is super user friendly. You can download audiobooks to listen offline, adjust the narration speed, and pick up right where you left off across all your devices. If you've never tried Audible before, I can't recommend it enough. It's the easiest way to bring incredible stories into your everyday life. Trust me, once you start listening, you'll wonder how you ever went without it. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com UUP let's do another email hi Jared and Joanna, Longtime listener and fan. I've put all of my friends onto the podcast. I'm reaching out to ask for your thoughts on a recent dating experience that left me confused. Okay, we're here to unconfuse you. Yes, I recently met a guy at a singles mixer. We hit it off and exchanged numbers. We texted here and there. Though I found his texting sparse. He did say he enjoyed meeting me and wanted to see me again. We planned a date the following week which went great and ended with a mini makeout session. What is a mini makeout session? Like under a minute?

[B]

Yeah I think it's like outside goodbye kiss like a goodbye kiss that goes a little bit longer Right.

[A]

A full makeout session is like probably.

[B]

A few more minutes and and also I would assume it's like on a couch.

[A]

Oh you think maybe I thought you said goodbye kiss is a mini makeout sesh.

[B]

I I, I guess all I don't know if all but goodbye kisses I would never would call it a mini makeout session. I wouldn't make the decision Would you.

[A]

Call it a goodbye kiss?

[B]

We made out okay like a full term like I went to dinner with a girl afterwards we're saying our goodbyes 2 minute make out with some heavy breathing and size that like let each other we would want to if I think mini is like stances were different under one minute it okay I'll take it yeah, sure.

[A]

I like it. Okay. We had.

[B]

Do you think it's. Well, that's. I guess the difference is, is this a makeout that's just happening or is it a makeout? Because I've had the makeout that's just happening and then I've had the makeout where it's like, oh, if things were different, we'd. Right now. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like there is that. Cuz I. That's kind of what I just described.

[A]

Or if, like, if.

[B]

If the stars align, if society's rules weren't involved, we just go home and rip each other's clothes off and we'd. And we wouldn't worry about what that.

[A]

Means for everything else.

[B]

You know, like there's. That's a makeout.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then the mini makeout, I think is just two people going, I had a good time. I'll. I'll kiss.

[A]

That's fair, right? Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. It's kind of like, short. It's to, like, show we're like, into each other, but it's not, like, so steamy.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. All right. We've defined the mini man.

[A]

We did it. We had three more dates. All dates went well, but I struggled to gauge his interest because he doesn't converse much or show curiosity over text. Text. He apologized and tried to text more citing. He was so busy and offered a phone date, which he missed because he had to give his drunk friends a ride home. Ever heard of Uber? That's me. Sorry. That's a bad excuse.

[B]

Drunk Freds need a ride home. Well, it's. It's a bad excuse. Dressed in morality.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because it's. It's like. Well, I had to be the hero, but it's like. Didn't want my friends dying. But I guess.

[A]

Weird. There's a. There's a solution for that these days where it's just. It's the kind of thing where you.

[B]

I would think my friends are poor.

[A]

It'd be nice to do if you had no plans. Yeah, but like, if you. If you had a phone date that you cared about. I'm calling an Uber for these.

[B]

I'm with you. This is not a good enough excuse to just miss a phone date. I agree, but he's trying to get out of it. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We talked through it and he apologized afterwards. Our rapport was good, but texting remains sparse.

[B]

This woman's vocabulary is wonderful. Yeah, she's a thesaurus.

[A]

Let us follow up with your words. Follow up with your SAT verbal score. Though often enthusiastic.

[B]

Definitely an 800.

[A]

That's the. That's a perfect score.

[B]

She's giving 800 in the scene.

[A]

It's yes, it's. It's giving highest high verbal though often enthusiastic with some details. After our fourth date, we discussed feelings. Ready for the feelings talk. This is over and agreed we enjoyed each other.

[B]

Here's the thing about discussing your feelings.

[A]

And saying and ending saying with we enjoy each other.

[B]

We enjoy each other is just two people like punting. It's like.

[A]

Well, it sounds like one person but.

[B]

I mean she's asking right? She at no point says I really like you. It kind of feels like she's like I to me. This email just is like he's got a lot to. To work with here.

[A]

He's just not that into you. Right. I asked for more intentional communication between dates. Dates. Nothing all day. Just some flirty texts. He did so for a few days. Then texted that he was he has too much going on to give me the energy I deserve and needs to take a step back. I wasn't surprised, but he asked if I'd leave the door open to reconnect later. I agreed because I It felt thoughtful and genuine. After reflecting, I'm wondering is leaving the door open a nicer way of letting someone down or genuine? Either way, I plan to assume he won't circle back. But he pleasant but be pleasantly so surprised if he does. Curious for your take. Screenshots attached for context. Thanks. A romantically confused batch. All right, you want to be him?

[B]

I'll be him. Ready?

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I'm really sorry your days.

[A]

What happened? Such.

[B]

I mean, what. Yeah, what was the day? Yeah, I'm really sorry your day has been such a mess. Queasy face, I guess.

[A]

I don't know which one that is.

[B]

The whole situation sounds super stressful. Especially when other people drop the ball and leave you scrambling. I know that has to be draining. I mean they are a match word wise.

[A]

Yeah, I mean he. They sound like the you've got mail emails.

[B]

Yeah. These are really in depth. I've been thinking a bit though. Oh, this sounds like the worst day ever. Get ready for it to get worse.

[A]

That has. That is separated by actual paragraphs.

[B]

Yeah, it is not good with an indent.

[A]

Yeah. Double spaced.

[B]

This does feel very. And in conclusion, I don't want to to you. In summary, I've been thinking a bit though. I mean next paragraph is where she gets dumped.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

I've Been thinking a bit though. And honestly, with everything I have going on right now, I don't feel like I can give you the time and energy you deserve. You've been nothing but great to talk to, slash be with, and I don't want to half ass things with you. So I think I probably need to take a step back from dating for now. I don't know how you feel, but I definitely love to keep the door open because I do think you're really special. Maybe down the line, when things calm down a bit on my end, the timing will be better. I know that's not what you want to hear. Sl. Not ideal. I want you to know I'll be rooting for you regardless of what you decide, especially through this cluster weak frowny face.

[A]

Hayden. I'll be rooting for you.

[B]

I could clean this text up, no problem.

[A]

Rooting for you.

[B]

Yeah, that t. I saw that. That I'll be rooting for you in a breakup text. Makes my penis run inside of me like a turtle. Scared.

[A]

Literally the worst thing you could possibly hear. I don't want you rooting for me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I want.

[B]

I want you rooting against me because you feel like you've lost out on someone that was going to be so great. It'll make you kick yourself.

[A]

You're wild with jealousy.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, this is.

[A]

Rooting for you is like pity.

[B]

It is so interesting how much he thinks he nailed this breakup to have text and how badly he did. This would be a great.

[A]

That were decent.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about. Like, there are parts of this. Like, there's like three deletes away from this being perfect and great.

[A]

That sometimes happens where it's like you keep going because you're nervous you didn't say enough and then you ruin it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He. He could have stopped a paragraph ago.

[A]

How would you. How would you have edited this?

[B]

Jesus Christ. Stays first.

[A]

First text. Stay is fine. He's a. He's. He's.

[B]

He's addressing. What's she just wrote. Yeah, I've been thinking this through. Here's where he makes the I. I have paragraph.

[A]

Also pretty good.

[B]

It's pretty good. But I would also take out. I don't feel like I have. I can give you the time and energy you deserve. Just right. I don't feel like I can give you time and energy.

[A]

I agree. Don't tell me what I deserve.

[B]

Exactly me statements.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Stay in. Stay in Island. You've been nothing but great to talk to Slash. Be with and I don't want a half ass thing take out with you. So I think probably need to step back from dating for now. That's good. I don't know how you feel, but I'd definitely love to keep the door open. I would say he doesn't need all of this. I mean, if he wants to. Here's the thing about dating.

[A]

If he wants to keep the door open, he could just keep.

[B]

He could just do it. He doesn't have to say it.

[A]

He's not to get. No, it's not like she's like signing a contract to leave it open.

[B]

Well, that's the thing. And what you're doing is saying you're giving someone false hope where it really doesn't need to be given.

[A]

I might be back. We'll see.

[B]

See, right. And it's like, no, if you want to come back, then you come back with, you know, the fear that this person's moved on without, you know, like, Right.

[A]

Not like an agreement that they'll wait for you.

[B]

Right. And, and, and he's like, I'm not asking for it, but I'm letting you know it could happen. You know, like. And I think.

[A]

Do you think he's doing that because he actually wants to be able to come back or do you think he's doing that to sort of soften the blow of.

[B]

I think it's both. I think it's. I don't think he wants to come back. I think he wants to let this person know I really do like you. It's just not working for me right now. And I know that I'm not going to be a great scheduler. I think it's also to say I would still like date you. I just, I think maybe he might be thinking in my head I might be. But he's also. I might be ready at a certain point. But also I'm not looking to do it now. And you're not important to enough to me to like make that happen. So you know the idea. Will he come back? I don't think so. Does he want to?

[A]

He.

[B]

I think he sees a world where he could. And I, I. And I do think it's also to soften the blow to like let her know, like, listen, you're not just someone I'm ghosting.

[A]

Right. I mean it does seem it thought out. It's not like absolutely, you know, so.

[B]

He'S not like a total piece of.

[A]

Right. He just, and he just went, he went too far.

[B]

He's the type of person overcorrected dude, you know what he is? He's just like her. I think people who are, you know, human thesauruses who are a little bit smart take a lot of pleasure in how smart they are. So I think he's, like, showing her his emotion. I think he's, like, in love with his own words.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, I, you know, I'm rooting for you.

[A]

Never, never write, I'm rooting for you.

[B]

Right? This guy seems like he went to the school at Michigan. He's a piece of.

[A]

You deserve more. Get rid of these from all your breakup texts. You deserve more. I'll be rooting for you. Whoever is going to be with you is very lucky.

[B]

Just get rid of them.

[A]

Won't be hard to find someone else. Like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Get rid of all that.

[B]

No one wants to be well wished by the person that wants nothing to do with them anymore.

[A]

Right? Because you. As you've said, no one wants better for you than the person who doesn't want to be with you anymore.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We are going to sing your praises more than the person who does not want to enjoy your company.

[B]

Right. You.

[A]

You.

[B]

The. The dumper is your biggest fan, which is annoying. Do you want to read the rest of hers?

[A]

All right. Hey, thanks for the honesty. It does suck to hear, but it's not surprising from how busy you've communicated, you've been. I'm open to leaving a door open if that's something you want. I've honestly been anxious seeing you because you've always seemed a little half in and half available. And I definitely would want to feel like we're both excited and ready for seeing where things can go. But you also seem like a great person, so no hard feelings and let me know if things change for you.

[B]

Here's the thing. I've been this guy. I've sent this text or a version of this text. I've gotten this text back, the same text. I feel for everyone involved because I do think he's, like, a fine guy who's just like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who might be dating other people or might be looking for. Just still looking. And he sees that this person wants more. Is. Wants more, and he doesn't want that. And he's like, okay, the. You know, I'm not gonna.

[A]

And I agree. I think there's. There's. And this sounds like, stupid to say, it's, like, kind of a low bar, but I agree. I appreciate that he didn't make her break up with herself, right?

[B]

Absolutely. And, you know, with dating, I think the. This is the exact moment where things feel more personal than they are when we're like, it's not that personal. This does feel personal. She, he. We could put this in a way where like he's like, yeah, he wants to date someone but this didn't really get him excited enough. And you know you didn't. And it makes it this like she wasn't enough thing. But it's not right. It's not, it's. It's. This is like, like such a timing thing and such a. Just these, these two things didn't align. They were off by very little. But like. And I feel for her cuz she's like I, this is something I could really put work into. She sees, she sees a like a fruitful future from this. And he's like not as forward thinking.

[A]

Which is why it's annoying that he's saying the door open thing right?

[B]

Because. And that's him being nice and it's.

[A]

Him saying if I change my mind.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just want to like, like know if I can reach out.

[B]

Which is why it'll never happen.

[A]

It's like just reach out if you change your mind and I'll see if I'm right.

[B]

And that's, that's the true test of like taking a risk is right. You know, when you come back to someone that you've ended things with and no one's talked to each other, then you're right.

[A]

Then you're being vulnerable, then you're putting yourself out there, then you're get. You're opening yourself to being rejected more. Right.

[B]

And he's kind of softening that.

[A]

Right. I said I was going to come back. Right. Well, he has one more.

[B]

He writes I completely agree. After you've said something multiple times. It really stuck with me. And that's not the energy I want to give your way. That's not fair to you or me. Mostly you. I'm not really keen on giving half ass energy. I really do apologize. It's taking me this long to realize all this. You'll definitely be the first to know. If anything changes for me, you'll be.

[A]

The first to again like, like just.

[B]

Got that one sentence.

[A]

Cut that end. You'll be the first to know.

[B]

I ain't going to anyone else, you or my. I'm ready for you to suck my dick.

[A]

You are my number two backup.

[B]

Yeah. And so when everything else fails on the end.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When all else fails in dating, you're gonna be the first one to know.

[A]

Fall is layering season. But it all starts with a good foundation. Honestly, one of the biggest pain points with bras and underwear is wearing stuff that looks good but doesn't feel good. It's really hard to find a company that will give you both, which is why I love that we're working with skims. They have mastered the art of the perfect bra, perfect underwear. It's just really hard for women to find stuff that looks good on you and also like is really comfortable. I think that's just a universal struggle by many women. Recently I got the fits everybody full brief which is like their regular underwear which I am wearing all the time now. It's my favorite pair. I get annoyed when I wear it because then I have to wait until I wash all my underwear to wear it again. I also have the Bralette. It's a game changer. It lifts, it looks great. Super flattering, super cute, just the right amount of support and also incredibly comfortable. I haven't always loved bras, who has? But with skims they are changing me into a bra lover. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, make sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows before enemies to lovers There Was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy Pride and Prejudice is globally recognized as one of the greatest romance novels ever written, and with Audible you can now fall in love with the Jane Austen classic all over again. The Audible original Pride and Prejudice stars a full cast including Marisa Abella as Elizabeth Bennett and Harris Dickinson as Mr. Darcy, plus Marianne, John Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill Nighy and Glenn Close as Lady Catherine deborgh, all bringing brilliant performance to transport you to the Regency era. Marisa Abella brings you inside the stubborn and complicated mind of Elizabeth Bennet as she navigates family expectations, societal pressures and her own misconceptions when she meets the enigmatic Mr. Darcy. The new adaptation is vibrant and modern with an original new score by a Grammy nominated composer. Whether you're new to the story of Pride and Prejudice or want to revisit a cherished favorite, you're in for a new and delightful listening experience. Listen to the new Pride and [e-mail] janeaustin let's play some games. All right, let's do it.

[B]

Red flag. A deal breaker. This is the game that's sweeping the country. You have a a. You have an issue. You're dating someone. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You see it, you keep it going. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it right there. J and J love the podcast. I've got a double red flagger. Deal breaker. All on the same date. I went on a few dates with this guy. I'm sober, and when I told him, he acted super weird about it. Later, out of nowhere, he mentioned he loves drinking, has no interest in stopping. Major red flag for me. Okay. And after the deal breaker, he literally vaped during sex. Well, I guess it wasn't a deal breaker then. You're him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's like.

[A]

It's always funny when they're like, he said this horrific thing. Now we're sleep. Well, we're sleeping together. He did this other.

[B]

So I'm riding him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, what do you want us to say? Like, mid move, he pulls out his vape, takes a puff, and keeps going. I was stunned. I didn't even know whether to laugh, cry, or run. That was the final straw. Total ick. I think she just likes telling the story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz, like, what are we supposed to say?

[A]

She kind of looks like crazy here. That she's even. But like, here's the thing. I'm trying to think if you soberly went on a date with someone, telling them about you're being sober, and then they said, I love drinking. I have no interest in stopping. It's.

[B]

To me, this is the whole point of the reveal.

[A]

Right. Would you be offended by that? Or would you be like, okay, good to know.

[B]

I would more be like, I guess this person isn't really mature enough to handle. Handle this.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like, oh, yeah, no, I've actually stopped drinking. I took a couple months off and now I'm kind of just like, letting it go. I never really had a problem, but I was probably drinking too much. And now I'm just like, really enjoying not drinking anymore. And they were like, well, I'm drinking a lot. I could never give it up. I'd be like, well, okay, that was like a less reasonable explanation than I gave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People need less thoughtful. Right. I think people need to match your energy, you know, with where whenever you're vulnerable with someone, are they matching the importance you gave it with their response?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And if they're not, then they don't care enough you to. About you to match you.

[A]

And here's the thing. You could love drinking and have no interest in stopping and communicate that in a different way.

[B]

Absolutely. Well, that's the type of person who doesn't care what the other person thinks of them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So when they go on to, you know, when they get in the. You know, in. In when you're them and they're like, yeah, no shame. Not that surprised.

[A]

No shame.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And no shame with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think people have shame when there's something for them to lose.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And this person didn't feel they had anything to lose with you.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it'd be a deal breaker for me, I think. Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it would be a deal breaker as far as, like.

[A]

Like, the way they responded to.

[B]

I need you to, like, talk to me like a human.

[A]

And again, I. I don't think there's anything wrong with loving drinking and not wanting to stop.

[B]

I love a drink myself.

[A]

Right. But I think saying there's a way to say that of, like, oh, I actually feel like I've. You know, here's my relationship with alcohol. I feel like it actually helps me in these scenarios. I don't like it in those scenarios. Blah, blah, blah.

[B]

Tell me you're sober. Ready? Here's. Here's how I would respond. That would be both fun and letting them know I like it.

[A]

Right. And this is assuming you love drinking and you have no intention of doing.

[B]

In love with drinking. I'll never stop for the rest of my life.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I will die with a drink of my hand.

[A]

Yeah. I've actually taken kind of a break from drinking. I've been sober now for about a year, and it's going pretty well for me.

[B]

That's amazing. That must be difficult.

[A]

Yeah, it's. At first it was, and now I'm kind of, like, used to it. I know how to, like, you know, change up my order. I get something I like.

[B]

Do you ever get, like, a mocktail?

[A]

Sometimes? You know, it has to be like, I don't want to always think it's worth it. It really depends on, like, where I am. If I kind of, like, feel like.

[B]

I want to hold something, I get that. I mean, I am a. I'm like. I'm a drinker, you know, I'm definitely not gonna stop drinking probably forever. And when I have a drink, that first sip is pretty good. But, like, the fifth sip, when I feel my body get warm, it's somewhat sexual to me. Like, it feels like I am making sweet love to myself and my emotions, and sometimes it just feels like my whole body is melting. And then on the second drink, I. I start to, like, get in touch with my thoughts. And it's really a spiritual moment for me that I will never give up for the rest of my life. But I Appreciate that you don't drink.

[A]

All right, now what's a more thoughtful way?

[B]

Oh, okay. I thought that was the thought.

[A]

Oh, that's the thoughtful.

[B]

No, here's the thoughtful way.

[A]

Ready?

[B]

You're not drinking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, that's great. I. I'm a drinker, admittedly, but I, I just like to do it. I. I've never really felt that it's gone past the point of, you know, being too much for me and. But, you know, it's only a few times a week, every night.

[A]

Only five or six martinis.

[B]

Yeah, five or six martinis before bed, dad.

[A]

That's what you do. Yeah. All right. Yeah, no, I think that was good. And so thank you. I would say deal breaker the way he responded. Let's do another one.

[B]

Let's do another.

[A]

Yo, what up? From the Bay Area, California.

[B]

What up, bro?

[A]

What up, bro?

[B]

What a start to this email.

[A]

I wanted to get your guys opinion on this topic of snoring and how it affects relationships. I would say this opener doesn't fully match the the rest of the email.

[B]

No. What up, bro?

[A]

For context, I've always been a chronic snorer. Something I first noticed in college when my roommates complained. In 2023, I dated a girl for four months and on our first trip to Yosemite. How many trips to Yosemite did you take?

[B]

It's a hot spot.

[A]

My snoring scared her so much that she ended things really questionable. It sent me into a bit of an existential spiral, worrying no one would want to be with me because of it. It. Since 2022, I've been working.

[B]

Why are you single? Oh, this.

[A]

Oh man, I sound like a can't shake this habit dying animal when I go to sleep. Since 2022, I've been working on my health, going from 275 to 220 pounds.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

That's a lot. What is that? 55 pounds?

[B]

That's a lot of weight.

[A]

Through CrossFit, frequent gym sessions, and tracking my calories since February, I've been dating a woman who, while bothered by my snoring, was more concerned about my health. Health? A recent check confirmed that I have sleep apnea and I've been using a CPAP for a month. It's an adjustment, but far better than snoring. And I feel more energetic and less drowsy, especially on my commute.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

I wanted to get both of your opinions on snoring. Is it a deal breaker for you and someone when dating someone or would you Be able to see past it if you truly like or love the person you're with. Would you be able to sleep next to someone who uses a CPAP machine? My partner has never mentioned anything about it, but I sometimes wonder if the physicality of wearing a mask to sleep makes me seem less attractive to her. Her. So J and J, do you see snoring as a deal breaker or something you could look past? Anyway, always been a fan of the podcast since 2018. It's always been a fun time and I always look forward to new episodes. Best Jay.

[B]

This is one of those things that I get why it's an insecurity for this person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's like, well, I can understand that.

[A]

Cuz a girl told him that she was breaking up with him because of.

[B]

The snoring and that kind of. That kind of.

[A]

I don't know if that's true.

[B]

Him. It's not true. But like if, if put.

[A]

Not that it wasn't true that she said that, but I don't think that's the only reason you would break up with right.

[B]

When that's what. That's the problem with asking for why is this ending?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because this is ending. Because I don't see a future with you that is beneficial for me. Like, that's the answer to every breakup. So when you start being like, I need specifics to go under that. That's when people say things to get the away from you so that you'll.

[A]

Shut the up that you can't change.

[B]

Right. So, so when they say, well, you're snoring, it's a forced answer. And some people get to that forced answer quicker and they're just trying to hurt you because they're hurt. But it's never honest.

[A]

I agree. I don't think if you really like someone, I don't think that that wouldn't be a reason that I would break up with someone.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I mean, figure it out. It would be like annoying. Sure. Not like a plus. But you'd figure it out.

[B]

Right. And. And again, if you slept with someone who kind of half liked you and you put on your Darth Vader mask, they're like, well, I'm not going back to Darth Vader's place anymore. You know, like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's just finding out quicker. So like, it's not the reason they're not fucking you again. It's because I remember I hooked up with this one girl. This is an embarrassing story for me. Let me. Let me just say that I. This girl Was cute. We went on a date date. We go back to my place, we hook up. I like. I like performed horrifically.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like less than a pump, chump.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just quick, quick.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We all have those nights. I hope. I hope we all have those nights.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I have them. We all. I think most people have them.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I was embarrassed, okay. Because I'm like, this never happens. Never had. Yeah. I gotta do the whole speech. I have to say this never happens. Even though it does.

[A]

I would just say you're so hot. This never happens.

[B]

Usually it's just you. Yeah, it happened.

[A]

I think it's flattering, personally. I would take it personally in like a flattering way.

[B]

I. I wish that was just the case for I could feel that it was like I. So that happens.

[A]

My friends and I would joke about that. That.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Like, did you come yet?

[B]

Guess it was you just by looking at me, right? Just walking in the date.

[A]

I'm saying there's a way. There's a way to like that it feels flattering. I know it's not.

[B]

It's hard to do that when you're so inside your own head. I know it's not.

[A]

But it's like a right.

[B]

I'm now going to lie to you to cover up the lot, you know, like so this goes badly and this person was like looking for casual and which is like great. But then I'm like trying to like work out a casual meeting again. But I'm also the guy who splooged his pants in half a second.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So now I don't really fit her Catch.

[A]

That's how you're in her phone, right?

[B]

I'm sploogypants ducks McSplooge.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And. And I'm telling this story because it's like. And then she ended up ending it.

[A]

It.

[B]

She was like, I'm. I'm out. And you know, when I think of like, why can't we just be casual? It's like, well, you don't have the thing that she. She's looking for Johnny Fuckstein to come, you know, put her. Put his through you. And I can't do that. Based on.

[A]

That's her hinge profile.

[B]

Right. Based on the past performance, it indicates that future results will vary worry. So when it comes. Why am I bringing this up? When you're have the CPAP mask and someone's looking for like a random, they might go, well, I don't know. I don't really get off to this. Like he's putting on the mask. It's not like a fun.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So you're gonna lose out on a certain brand of person but it will never be the brand that like really wants to would actually really like you.

[A]

Yeah right.

[B]

I don't think if this girl was looking for something serious that me like, like, you know, having a. A you know, our first time hooking up be bad.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That it would be like I can't work with this.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

If I was on a. If I was on a. If you were on a. Let's say you slept with a woman first time at her apartment and you finish everything it's been. It takes. It's, it's, it's hours. Hours. Hours later.

[B]

You finish hours later after I get.

[A]

Done and then she puts on the mask to go to sleep there. Wouldn't be cool. It wouldn't. But wouldn't sway you.

[B]

I'm the man who just for hours. Do I care Again, we're all narcissists.

[A]

I don't think it would bother me either. Again, it was like if it's after and you're like. And you're like into the person the.

[B]

Only time this would come up is in when they're like doing the math on like is this something I need based on what I'm looking for?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And if I'm looking for. So this CPAP machine might like like be put in the math equation but it's never the reason.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

So did I just tell that story for no reason? I thought it made sense.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, let's do one more.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Recently started listening to you up and I'm hooked. I've been long time fan of Jared from the Bachelor podcast RIP and was missing the sound of his voice. Look at that.

[A]

Look at that. Someone missed you.

[B]

Missed me. I felt missed. So I decided to give you up a try and couldn't be happier. Anywho do I'm pretty new to online dating and tend to be a people pleaser. Laying trying to be laid back and liked by everyone. I know I'm working on it. I matched with this guy. We messaged non stop paragraphs on paragraphs. It felt amazing. We quickly switched text and set our first date. There are a few red flags I'm noticing, but I'm not sure if I'm just being picky for context. I'm 27. I just got out of a five year relationship. He's 37, hasn't had much luck in dating. Most relationships last six months before he or the Girl ends it because they rush marriage slash kids.

[A]

Kids.

[B]

We've been talking for two months and have gone on five dates. He's invited me to dinner with his parents because he's told them about me and wants us to meet. We keeps texting me things like, you could be the one. I haven't fallen hard like this for someone. I'd marry you in a heartbeat. Let's move in together. Sometimes joking and sometimes serious and repeats it often. He also started calling me his girlfriend after our third date. And I keep saying, oh, I'm not your girlfriend yet. Red flag or deal breaker. His behavior feels like classic love bombing. Intense declarations of love and commitment far too early in the relationship. Am I overthinking this or is he potentially a love bomber? Intense early, and then backs off when it becomes real. Sincerely, a love bomb. People pleasing.

[A]

Right?

[B]

What do you think?

[A]

I think he's sort of essentially already told you that he's a love bomber by telling you about his past relationships.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He's already said, yeah, my last relationships end really quickly because we're both really into it. And then one of us backs out. So he sort of like told you that this isn't. This doesn't really mean that much.

[B]

This is his move.

[A]

Yes. That's kind of like, to me, he's already. It's almost like not love bombing because he's telling you he does this with everyone.

[B]

Right. But he. I think he's also like displacing the blame by being like, oh, these relationships either end because they ended or I ended because.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Marriage, kids. It's like, no, you're involved in every one of these stories.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I. And also, she's so caught up and I appreciate her email. And she's like, new to this podcast and she's new to dating. Five year relationship. Back in the dating podcast, she's using like, this is the problem with these phrases, like the love bombing thing. She's like, it's is the ghost of love bombing haunting this house?

[A]

And it's like, can I put the label on it? Right.

[B]

And the label is kind of like taking her own emotion out of the equation. She has told him, hey, we're not boyfriend girlfriend yet. And he's not listening to what she said and then continuing to do that. I think that's a huge issue. Issue.

[A]

Right. They're on a different page.

[B]

Right. Hey, I don't feel that way for you. And you're saying things that I would say to someone when I'm really in love. And it's too soon for me if he can't stop doing that. He's not really negotiating with you.

[A]

Yes. And it sounds like he wants, like, he wants to, like, be in a relationship intent. Like, if they. Of that, like, first few months of like, the intensity, and then he kind of comes back to. To life and like, realizes that he doesn't really mean anything he's saying.

[B]

That seems to be what he patterns his pattern. But I. I think he likes to.

[A]

Go, like, hard and fast.

[B]

Right. And. But I think she needs to do what we kind of said to the first person where it's like, let's simplify.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do I feel? I like him. I'd like to keep going on dates. I don't really think meeting his parents is something I'm ready to do yet. You know, like, answer these questions for yourself and then go to him with the answer. Answers. Hey, I just did this worksheet. Like, I would make a worksheet. Do I like him? Yes. Do I love him? Not yet or I don't know. Do I want to meet his parents? It feels too early for me. Like, I would. Let's have this interview with yourself. I think that might be a good strategy. It's one I should do.

[A]

Yeah. I would be a little wary, I think, just because he's 10 years older than her. She said he hasn't really dated anyone before. Fully. I think that's what she said. Right. Hasn't had much luck in dating.

[B]

I hate that too, because he's telling his own story. Like it's always everyone else's fault. No luck.

[A]

Yeah. That's why I'm like. And he keeps doing. He's clearly like, he has. It's not like he's like, I used to do this in past relationships. I'm trying not to do that anymore. It sounds like he's just repeating everything that he's done.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I think that would be. I don't know, it's a deal breaker, but it would be definitely something I would need to, like, address. Like you're saying. And I think the way to do it. It is sort of the way that you're doing it. And depending on his response to that, that's going to tell you how much he's like, actually learning and growing from whatever weird style of dating that he's had for the past however many years.

[B]

How would you feel? We're dating. And I say, hey, you've said a lot of, like, really serious things to me. I'm not there yet. And Then you keep saying it to me.

[A]

Right. It would be. Then it would be entirely for me that I'm saying it, not for you. Because they've already informed me.

[B]

Feel uncomfortable, right?

[A]

Yes. And you don't. Or you don't even care how I feel? I told you how I feel. And you just keep saying it because you feel like saying it.

[B]

So based on that, she should hear this conversation we're having now and like, okay, if he won't stop that, then you're not really dating. It's not about you caring about you.

[A]

Right. It's about someone who likes the feeling of, like, oh, we're so intensely into each other, but it's like, more for him.

[B]

Yeah. So this is like a bright red flag that I would like. You're one conversation away from a deal break breaker.

[A]

I agree totally. Depending on how he responds to that.

[B]

We solve dating again.

[A]

We did it. We'll be back on Friday.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

And Doug, Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[A]

But now we want you to feel it.

[B]

Cue the emu music.

[A]

Limu, save yourself money today. You should increase your wealth. Customize and save. We save.

[B]

That may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings vary underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts Betches.