How to Survive a Sports-Obsessed Partner

Summary

U Up? — “How to Survive a Sports-Obsessed Partner”

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: September 10, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode explores the challenges of dating (or being married to) someone who is obsessed with sports. Hosts Jordana and Jared take on listener dilemmas—particularly from women dealing with sports-obsessed partners—offering perspective, empathy, and practical advice on navigating the “sports take-over” in modern relationships. The episode combines personal anecdotes, humorous debate, and crowd-sourced dilemmas, addressing how to handle division of interests, emotional labor, and that ever-present background hum of football (or fantasy leagues).

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Dating Season” and Why Fall Kicks Things Off

• Fall is labeled as dating season, post-summer hook-ups and pre-cuffing.
• Both hosts joke about the seasonal approach to relationships.
  • Jared (01:08): “Summer’s fucking, fall’s for flirting, winter is for hugging—well, intimacy, right?”

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2. Gift-Giving Banter and Relationship Dynamics

• Jordana presents Jared a raunchy bottle opener as a “souvenir” (03:04).
• The hosts riff on gift-giving, the line between funny and inappropriate, and how these playful exchanges can reveal partner values.

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3. Football (and Sports) as Social Glue and Gendered Experience

• Both hosts endorse the idea that football Sundays are a built-in, risk-free reason to get out and socialize (09:25).
• Jordana: “Football reason brings people together… It’s a conversation starter—even if it’s the loser Jets!” (10:09)
• Sportswear and “gear” are talked up as icebreakers in romantic and platonic bar settings.

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4. Listener Dilemma: My Partner is Too into Sports

Email Segment Begins [24:01]

• A listener (27F) with a 30M boyfriend of three years writes in: life is starting to feel like “living in a sports bar.”
• She feels her interests (e.g., Love Island) are belittled while sports are positioned as sacrosanct, creating a dynamic of inequality.
• The couple’s problem is reframed as an intimacy and curiosity gap, more so than mere screen time preferences.

Key Host Commentary:

• Jared (25:12): “Curiosity is a very underrated value [in relationships]."
• Both hosts highlight that mutual interest and willingness to learn about each other's hobbies breed intimacy.

Debate: What’s the real issue here?

• Not just “sports on all the time” but a refusal to compromise or validate the partner’s hobbies (32:07).
  • “It’s more like… Is he so rigid in this hobby that he will not compromise?” – Jordana
• The crucial problem is when sports take priority in all situations or when partner’s emotional needs are dismissed.
  • Memorable line (32:56): “The only specific… was he’s mean about Love Island… That’s the biggest issue to me.” —Jared
• Possible solution: Increase togetherness (“gamble together” humorously suggested), or at least recognize each other's comfort media (Real Housewives for Jordana, football for Jared).

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5. Touchdown or Fumble: Is It a Relationship Killer?

Hosts’ Judgment: Touchdown (not Dealbreaker), with caveats

• Both hosts concur: the “sports obsession” is not a relationship killer if the partner is otherwise supportive, not rigid, and willing to compromise.
• Actionable advice: Ask for specific examples of how sports are impeding connection—or if it’s more about mutual respect for differing interests.
• Classic takeaway: Hostile or mocking remarks about a partner’s interests are a red flag.

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6. Relationship Games & Red Flags—Lightening Round

• Vanity License Plates:

  • Host consensus: Buying a custom plate with a nickname no one uses = “major ick" (46:56–47:36).
  • Jordana: “I would feel validated in the breakup if I saw a guy that I dated got one of these cheesy, weird vanity plates.”

• Oversharing about Exes on Dates:

  • Bringing up an ex is fine in moderation and context, but obsessively talking about past relationships—and comparing them—is a deal breaker (75:10).
  • Healthy conversation should focus on “you and the date,” not graphic detail about past lovers.

• Family Photos with Ex-Wives:

  • Posting family group shots with ex-wives (especially if the new partner is excluded) is a red flag that needs a conversation, but not an outright deal breaker (80:01–81:55).

• Showing Your Dating Profile After a Kiss:

  • Pulling up a Hinge profile for feedback post-hookup is branded “so awkward” and a red flag, not nec. a deal breaker, but “feels like market research, not romance” (86:48–94:20).

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7. Phones, Group Chats, and the Third Entity in a Relationship

(Email segment starts [58:07])

Listener Problem: Fiancé always plugged into several work/social group chats, making the listener feel ignored at home.

Host Analysis & Advice:

• Jared: “The phone is the third person in the relationship.” (61:34)
• They suggest clear communication, setting “phone-free” moments, and being honest about why this bothers you (“Is it the time spent, or feeling second place?”).
• Jordana: “Worth getting off your phone for”—Find someone who makes you want to disconnect.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jared (25:12): “Curiosity is a very underrated value [in relationships]. I think that’s the most fun—makes someone the most fun.”
• Jordana (32:07): “Is he so rigid in this… that he will not compromise? Because that gives addiction vibes.”
• Jared (36:16): “Nothing makes me feel like I’m being hugged more—other than a hug—than football being on.”
• Jordana (36:18): “That’s how I feel about Real Housewives.”
• Jordana (33:36): “It makes me feel disrespected when you mock what I like.”
• Jared (61:34): “The phone is the third person in the relationship.”
• Jared (94:20): “Showing a Hinge profile after a kiss? It’s market research, not romance.”

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [01:08] – “Seasonal Dating” and what fall means for relationships
• [09:25] – Using sports/social outings as dating icebreakers
• [20:20] – Touchdown or Fumble: Introducing the case of the sports-obsessed partner
• [24:01] – Reading and dissecting the main listener email: “I feel like I live in a sports bar”
• [32:07] – When is sports just a hobby vs. a relationship problem?
• [36:16] – “Football is comfort; Real Housewives is comfort”
• [46:56] – Icky or Picky: Vanity license plates
• [58:07] – Phone addiction, group chats, and feeling ignored by a partner’s digital life
• [75:10] – Red Flag/Deal Breaker: Ex talk on first dates
• [80:01] – Posting family photos with ex-wives & the “Great Eight” caption debate
• [86:48] – Guy whips out Hinge profile after a kiss: deal breaker?
• [94:20] – The Hinge profile recap & final “we solved dating again”

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Tone and Style

Conversational, witty, self-deprecating, sometimes irreverent. The hosts maintain a playful banter, often poking fun at themselves and each other while remaining empathetic to listeners’ dilemmas.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode is essential listening for anyone negotiating relationship “ick” with a partner's sports obsession—or anyone who’s ever felt dismissed in their own home. Jordana and Jared offer blend of laughter and pragmatic advice, focusing less on changing your partner and more on finding respectful compromise and curiosity. Whether it’s jealousy over a remote control, the battle of Love Island vs. Monday Night Football, or existential dread about being second to the group chat, this is RLT (Real Life Therapy) for the modern dater.

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For further questions or sharing your own dilemma, email the U Up? Podcast or check them out on Instagram.

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

Papa bagels are annoying and because everybody you know has invested in it, so they're all, like, talking it up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? But it's, like, stupid. There's nothing wrong with it.

[Jared Freid]

Cut your bagels.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I don't like a dipping. Yeah. I don't want to dip a bagel like, it's a chip.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello, and welcome back to the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Free Reed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? What's the haps?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm great. It's lovely. It's. It's about to be September. It is September. It is September. September 10th.

[Jared Freid]

We are in September. It is dating season.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

I think this is the. If you're listening to this podcast, it's time to tell a friend who's single about this show. Because this. This is really our season. This is when we're the most helpful. This is when your plans that you've been trying to make happen over the summer, which is full of excuses, are now coming into form. You're meeting that person that you met on the apps. You might have redownloaded the apps. I think September is a more likely time to download an app than it is, you know, January 1st, they say, is, like a big download day.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So is September Labor Day? That's like. I mean, I'm back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Oh, you're back.

[Jared Freid]

I'm back.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're back. Well, I think summer is for fudgeing, and so the fall is for dating.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I. Summer's fucking falls for flirting.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Winter is for, like, hugging.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Winter is for intimacy.

[Jared Freid]

Intimacy. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

So we're getting ready.

[Jared Freid]

We need a W word for that. We really should have prepared more. Winter is for withering together into one fat blob.

[Jordana Abraham]

Winter is for worrying that you'll always Be alone. So finding someone to keep you warm.

[Jared Freid]

This is the podcast for positivity.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

We're going to help you through your dating life. I. But, you know, I. I do love this season. I think New York, fall, there's nothing like it.

[Jordana Abraham]

The best time of the year here.

[Jared Freid]

The best time of the year here, but, like, just the best time in general. I think it's like you grow you as a child, you're like, oh, the fall school.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, pack my lunch. Lunchables. No, fall. When you appreciate fall, that's you becoming an adult.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

And that's dating season.

[Jordana Abraham]

And not to bring it back to summer, but I did. I did remember your. Your gift.

[Jared Freid]

Oh. From your big Portugal trip. Okay. What did you get?

[Jordana Abraham]

Since I've been back, I tried titties. I knew. I knew you would hope it was titties, so I went a different direction.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, no. It's a big. Oh, my God. This is perfect. I love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, for someone who's going to be spending the fall in Florida.

[Jared Freid]

That's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I knew you might need a bottle.

[Jared Freid]

Opener for the beach. Body bottle opener. This is perfect. Yes, we can. If you're watching on YouTube, you can.

[Jordana Abraham]

See the gift I got if I have titties.

[Jared Freid]

Looks just like me.

[Jordana Abraham]

It is. It does. Yes. This is your beach. You're covering the best part.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, sorry. His big old. It is. I mean, it is. They gratuitous, to be. To be honest. Like the titties. The penis is wild. I just had my finger on it. I thought it was.

[Jordana Abraham]

It got bigger.

[Jared Freid]

It got bigger. Wow. I mean, I gotta put this on my fridge, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

This isn't a studio thing. This is for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's for you. You. Yeah. I needed. I felt like you needed. You. You're go. You go to the beach. You said whenever you go home, you go in the ocean. I figured you might need a bottle opener. Bring the beach.

[Jared Freid]

We do believe in equal time here. So my fridge needed something to even out all the titties.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I literally, I went, I, I bought it in the souvenir shop and I said, I said to the woman at the register, I go, do you sell a lot of these? And she goes, yeah, that's what I told you.

[Jared Freid]

This is the thing that's so surprising. You're like, what is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who's buying psychotic weirdo would buy this?

[Jared Freid]

Honestly, the. It has nothing to do with Portugal other than they put, like, the name, like, name of the beach.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Which I appreciate. But I, I, Anyone could have just put a stamp. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Well, thanks.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was either that one. I was debating, because this is great. That one and two. Just two enormous breasts. No. No person. I felt like it had been done before. You have enough breasts.

[Jared Freid]

I love this. My parents will now be thinking that I'm gayer than I. They thought before, you know, my parents, their reaction. I bought this bike. I got a beach cruiser.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, I need to hear. I mean, we're gonna. You're. There should already be an episode out about the bike, right?

[Jared Freid]

I'm sure we'll talk about the bike. But my parents were. My mom was like, a pink bike. Like, I was like, I didn't realize how conservative my parents were. Like, they were like, the idea that I got a pink bike was like. And I'm single at 40 still. Like, Jared, what's going on? Like, do you have something?

[Jordana Abraham]

How will they explain this to the members of the club?

[Jared Freid]

Right. And how will they explain my new huge lifting abs, you know, bottle opener.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, you should give it to Liz when you flash her at the. At the club.

[Jared Freid]

What are you hiding, Jordana? Referencing last week when Liz said that my body was being hidden from. From the world. My mom. Not anymore.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now you have new inspiration.

[Jared Freid]

This is. Yeah, this is. I'm bringing this to the gym with me every week. Well, thank you. I'm so. Thank you for the gift. I'm so happy. What did Mike say when you got it? Was he.

[Jordana Abraham]

You helped me pick it out. I was. I was leaning towards the bibs. He's like, I think that's been. He said, I think that's been done. Let's go. Let's go a different direction.

[Jared Freid]

Another direction. I'm happy we're here. So welcome back. If you're watching on YouTube, we are in football garb. Abercrombie has suited us up with, like, old school vintage NFL gear. I'm wearing bear stuff. Jordan's wearing Giants. Even though I got into a lot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Of trouble this morning about the sweatshirt. So I. I get ready for work and I go into, you know, tell Mike he's got to drive me to the train and wake up, wake up. We gotta. He goes, what are you wearing? And I'm like, I. I was like, I'm doing, like, where Abercrombie is, like, is presenting this episode. And I, you know, they sent me all this stuff. So I picked your favorite team.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

To. To wear the sweatshirt. He goes, what are you talking about? I like the Jets.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. So you mentioned on a past episode that you were Mad at him for not knowing your favorite ice cream flavor?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. In my defense, that was like four years ago. I've grown a lot since then.

[Jared Freid]

Well, let say four years ago. Don't you think this is worse than the ice cream?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it definitely is. I felt bad. I felt I was. I was truly apologetic. He didn't really care. But I actually think maybe he likes it because now he can store this for anything he fucks up right here.

[Jared Freid]

That's the fun of marriage, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, we had to just stashing that. Stashing them on for later away something.

[Jared Freid]

That they genuinely forgot.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was more just like a. Like it was against. It was like a really like, get out of here. I was like, you're a Jets fan. The jets are for losers. Who, who, who's a Jets?

[Jared Freid]

Take that out and put that on a Jets fan board.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sorry.

[Jared Freid]

The jets are for losers. Jets are notoriously like a losing franchise.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I know nothing about football, but I do know that the jets, their nickname.

[Jared Freid]

Was Gangrene, like the infection you get.

[Jordana Abraham]

So I was like, you root for that team?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. That's pretty sad. But listen, you're birthed into a team. Like I get this on the road a lot. You're like. Like when I went to Buffalo. My big thing with Buffalo is that they're so self conscious and they hate themselves so much that they are annoying about it. Like, they're like, you don't like the Bills? And I'm like, well, I wasn't. Why would I like the Bills? Like why would I'm born. But then you'd be like, well, why do you like Chicago? My brother works for the team.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

This is when you're blood.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, you also. Yeah, it's blood. There's financial incentive for you.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Well, not for me, but for him. I'd like him to do well for your family. Yes. Surely freed I would have a much.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bigger loyalty if I was making any money off of this.

[Jared Freid]

Right. This is. It's all about the money dust.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, you think I'm gonna both. I mean, I'm gonna root for the losers. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

It is very you to go Giants over.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's very Monopoly Man.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

To do that. So I. But you know what? I like the Giants.

[Jared Freid]

No, the Giants have great gear. I've always been jealous of the Giants logo. Their old school stuff. Bears. I'm wearing it right now. This is very vintage looking. It's very comfortable. I would suggest that highly. Whatever team you're looking for, Abercrombie has great Stuff.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, this is so comfortable, too. It's like, so soft.

[Jared Freid]

It's very soft. And also, I'm wearing the jeans from Abercrombie. These are great jeans. Very comfortable and all is good. You guys should go check out what they've got at Abercrombie.

[Jordana Abraham]

And again, Sunday football bar. I think ultimate place to, like, go out, have a fun day, meet someone, meet some. Meet someone.

[Jared Freid]

It's a reason to be out, which is like, I would say half of the discomfort of trying to meet people in public. Why are you here? Yeah, well, the game is on. It's not like, why are you here? Well, I'm single and I have no one and I was hoping I'd run into someone who loved me. That's a little bit. And again, you, there are people that would poo poo me and say to us, like, oh, oh, you're being, you know, dramatic. It's not hard to leave. It is hard to leave the house. It's hard to go out on your own. You know, it's hard to get a group together.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Football reason brings people together. And you're, if you, I think if you're going to wear an Abrami sweatshirt there with a team name on it, that's a conversation starter.

[Jared Freid]

Just join a team.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a conversation starter. Even if it's the loser jets, you could still go and, and start a conversation about that.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Jets fans are horrific. I, I went to a Jets game. Well, I was jets fans. No, no one. But they're, they're horrible. They're, they're the horrible people. But I hope they listen to the show and enjoy. One time I went to a game with my brother and we went to the Patriots jets game and just people were just so horrific. But I think NFL, you know, live at a stadium is kind of tough to be a visiting fan in general.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, I went to have a. I, I, I have a red flag deal breaker for you. O.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's hear it.

[Jared Freid]

I went to Bagel Pub. Plug City. I'm a Bagel Pub fan. Okay. It's neither pub. We, it's not a pub.

[Jordana Abraham]

It is bagel. It's more bagel than pub.

[Jared Freid]

It's more b. Yes, it's more bagel than pub. There's one around the corner. I'm staying at a hotel. I'm staying at the Ace Hotel. Elevator right next to my door. What a win. Oh, you don't like it? V is again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah, I agree as a, here's as a woman, really you're like, I don't want to be near where someone could like, snatch me and take me out of the hotel.

[Jared Freid]

So that's your thought?

[Jordana Abraham]

Kinda.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

A little bit. It's like, it feels a little less safe, I think, to be interesting. Or like, if you're there on like a weekend night, people are allowed by the elevator.

[Jared Freid]

Elevator, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't want to hear I'm by.

[Jared Freid]

A back elevator, if that makes any difference. It's like an elevator that like, it's like, feels secret. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Fair. Fair. You're right. I. This is why we have this podcast. I didn't see it that way. So it's near the Ace Hotel. I go to Bagel Pub. I get my.

[Jordana Abraham]

But you like the. The room next to the.

[Jared Freid]

I do. I.

[Jordana Abraham]

So that you can get out and get anything.

[Jared Freid]

Get me out of here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Listen, I don't want the room that's the furthest away from the elevator. So I'm walking like 2,000 steps to get there.

[Jared Freid]

But yeah, we got a three bears situation.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I agree. I want a little. I want a little bit of a remote. It's like being by the. By the door of a restaurant. Is that the best table? That's like the worst table, is it not?

[Jared Freid]

I mean, my dad and I, I put this on Tick Tock. My dad and I played a game of whether my mom would want us to move from the table we got sat at or not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who won?

[Jared Freid]

He won. He said, she's going to want to move. And we. She got to the table, she was like, no, this isn't it. And we moved right away. And I put it on Tick Tock. The comments are horrific. People really don't like, Tick Tock is like, no. Yeah. I think Tick Tock's the home of losers. So, like, I think it's like, you know, there's a. What's that? Yeah, it's Jets. A lot of jets fans.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

In Tick Tock, there's like, victim. You know, victim always wins the argument. And in their eyes, someone being asked, hey, can we switch? A table is a victim. Even though they're at work and this is part of the job. Well, here's the thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

If she did, she asked them to switch the table. They said they couldn't. And then she like threw something.

[Jared Freid]

Someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, that I could understand the Tik Toggers being.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, no. It gets like.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can ask for anything you want. Those are the people that get things done. People who ask for.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And. And I was like saying I was like, it's very Jewish mother to show up. Be like, this table, ain't it? And then, like, the comments got weirdly anti Semitic and. Yeah, it's. It's a hell hole on there. Wow.

[Jordana Abraham]

Terrifying.

[Jared Freid]

Very terrifying. It made me, like, gross. Sick to my stomach. But I. So I go to bagel pub. There's a family next to me, very in shape family. This is going to be fam fit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Fam, as they say.

[Jared Freid]

They get bagels and eggs, bacon and egg on a bagel. The dad takes the egg and bacon out from the bagel, starts eating it on its own, and then goes, egg and bacon bite. And then takes the bagel and bites the top of it. So he's going back and forth from egg, bacon bite to top of the bagel.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bite is this.

[Jared Freid]

But he's skin of the bagel.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's still eating the carbs.

[Jared Freid]

He is. It was almost a. How a caveman would do a scooped bagel. Do you know what I mean? Like, he didn't want the innards.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would respect the scoops bagels more.

[Jared Freid]

I'm with you. Like, have the sandwich fake it, you know, put it in your hands. Part of the allure of a sandwich is holding in your hands and biting into it. That kind of gets you there. When you get it scooped, I get it. You're like, I want to take away as much carbs as possible.

[Jordana Abraham]

It tastes kind of the same. I think.

[Jared Freid]

Out of sight, out of mind type of thing. Like, scooped is annoying, but it's. It all makes sense to me. This was someone going from egg and bacon bite to top of bagel bite.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is someone's father.

[Jared Freid]

It was a dad. It's someone who votes in our elections. Yeah, Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't like that.

[Jared Freid]

Now you go on a date.

[Jordana Abraham]

You.

[Jared Freid]

You.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, no, we've slept together. Go to get bagels.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Slept together. Morning after, he's like, I just like to get my day started on the right foot. Chomp, chomp on both. Egging.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would be a little bit of an egg. I don't think I would dump them for it, but I would make fun of it. It's kind of like the same. If I got. If we went for second, third date, we got dinner. He orders a hamburger, he gets rid of the bun.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't like that. It makes me feel weird when people donate the bun.

[Jared Freid]

No, I'm with you. It's almost like, why did this not make the cut for, like a special night?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. You know, like, did I am I worthy or don't you?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Don't you want to impress me enough?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That you're not going to do something? And again, maybe this is like a double standard or not right. But like a little emasculating.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's a little masculine. Well, I, I, I think yeah, it is a masculine because I eat healthy in the morning and whenever I do my order, I can see how much the waitress doesn't want to me, like based on my order. Because it's like, can I have an egg white omelette, no cheese.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

With mushrooms, onions and peppers.

[Jordana Abraham]

If your date ordered that, it would be fine. I don't think it'll be as judgy for a woman.

[Jared Freid]

No, not as judgy for a woman, but I would judge it.

[Jordana Abraham]

You still would judge.

[Jared Freid]

Well, it's like, this is like a chill thing. Are you chill? Hey, we're going out for breakfast.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're saying you're not chill?

[Jared Freid]

I'm saying like if I went out for breakfast or so and I'm like all the bacon, egg and cheese on everything bagel. And they were like, they went into like a 30 minute spiel about what they're going to get and we just slept together and we got, we're a little hungover. We had a nice night out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. You have to put on your best version.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Be a pig with me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I couple of what we're doing here.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, this is, we're doing this. We. It's like the Curb episode where he's like, you tip in concert. I think you order in concert. Like, I think you are fatty.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. That's why I always say, what are you getting? That's why you ask someone what they're.

[Jared Freid]

What's your plan?

[Jordana Abraham]

What are you thinking?

[Jared Freid]

What are you thinking? I like that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

What's your plan? Right. I went for sandwiches in San Francisco at Molinari, the delicatessen, which I love. It's like my favorite place in the world. And I went with Rosebud Baker, who's another comedian.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's been on the show.

[Jared Freid]

She's been on the show? Yeah, yeah. She was doing shows in San Francisco the same weekend as me. And I was like, come meet me at Molinari. We're going to do a sandwich.

[Jordana Abraham]

We're going to be disgusting to.

[Jared Freid]

We're going to be discuss. And I go, what are you getting? What's your plan here? And she's like, I don't know. I was like, well, we're getting like a third sandwich, whether you're in or out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Like I was like to share or not to share. Right. It's either a friend witch or it's my witch.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And she was down. She was in. She didn't make it through.

[Jordana Abraham]

She'd half.

[Jared Freid]

No, she had a good. She tried. I think she tried was more important.

[Jordana Abraham]

She did what she could.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I think that's all I'm asking for out of a. Out of a fellow, you know. Glutton.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You don't need someone to finish it.

[Jared Freid]

No. Just like be in for the time. Like if you're like sitting there going, well, I don't want to waste. Get out of my face.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

We're wasting.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who's taking home the leftovers? Tossing it.

[Jared Freid]

Toss. Goodbye.

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

What are we talking about today?

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, well, last week we played cuff it or cut it off, sponsored by our friends at Abber Cromie. And if you're watching on video, we already talked about, we're wearing.

[Jared Freid]

Wearing it. It looks great. It feels great. This is fall wear as far as comfort is concerned.

[Jordana Abraham]

We're showing some team spirit this week. Abber Crom is an official fashion partner of the NFL. So to celebrate the official return of football season, we're switching it up with touchdown or fumble.

[Jared Freid]

Ooh. Now do you need me to mansplain touchdown or fumble?

[Jordana Abraham]

A touchdown. I know what that is.

[Jared Freid]

Score.

[Jordana Abraham]

You score, and it's the one you get by running to the end zone or passing to the end zone.

[Jared Freid]

That's what the Giants do, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Not the Jets.

[Jared Freid]

The jets fumble.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. And what is the fumble?

[Jared Freid]

Fumble is carrying the ball and then you drop it.

[Jordana Abraham]

If you drop the ball, does it go to the other team?

[Jared Freid]

No. Well, it kind of jumbles around. It might, but it's. It's. It's up for grabs, so to speak. So a fumble, you could recover your own fumble and get the ball back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

But it's just. It's bad to fumble the ball. You wouldn't do.

[Jordana Abraham]

You look like kind of a loser when you fumble.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, you look like a Jet.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I think. Are we losing a lot of loyal fans?

[Jared Freid]

We might have a lot of New York people, but I would imagine anyone who takes their team sue seriously, that is an ick for me. Game over.

[Jordana Abraham]

Mike's a Jets fan. I just learned.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, so. So years in the marriage.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I'm. I can say that because I'm. I'm married to a weird jet fighting person. All right, here's the play by play. We have a write in from someone having a relationship trouble, and we'll help them decide if it's worth going the distance or if it's time to cut their losses. Touchdown or fumble. Let's get into it.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do it.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Hey, J. And J. Huge fan. Can't wait to see Jared in Philadelphia.

[Jared Freid]

Love the Del.

[Jordana Abraham]

When is, when are you going to fil. You never even told everyone when you're going.

[Jared Freid]

I'm all over.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm all over. Jared free dot com.

[Jared Freid]

Jared free dot com. The other date, the, the one to zone in on is Winnipeg, which first time there, I've only heard bad things. Tough to get to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wow.

[Jared Freid]

I have a friend, he's like, I go for work. I wouldn't do that to someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it selling?

[Jared Freid]

I don't ask. Some of these towns, I don't ask, but I would love for them to come. I'm going to have fun.

[Jordana Abraham]

You want to hear someone rave about your city?

[Jared Freid]

Well, maybe I'll be, you know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, change his mind.

[Jared Freid]

I've never been so sold out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Show you would. You will, I'm sure, rave about the city.

[Jared Freid]

If it's a sold out show, I will be pleasantly surprised.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'll move there.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I'll move. So Winnipeg in Kansas City. Another town that I, I love going to Kansas City and doing shows. Richmond, D.C. milwaukee, Minneapolis, Durham, Chicago, Charlotte, Fort Lauderdale, Royal Oak, Columbus, Orlando, San Diego, Philly.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wow.

[Jared Freid]

Tampa, you're on the go. I'm, I'm out there. I'm doing it. So let's come to the shows. Jared free dot com. Did you get a report from your brother yet?

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freid]

Oh my God, this is crushing me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've had a. I went to sleep at like 8:30 last night.

[Jared Freid]

Look at you. Good for you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I went, had no time.

[Jared Freid]

How did it feel? Are you catching up or are you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I had a very good night's sleep. I'm still waking up early, but I. It's good because I feel better than.

[Jared Freid]

Everyone we taped yesterday. You get done with the taping here?

[Jordana Abraham]

I was like ready.

[Jared Freid]

I'm zonked. I. I left here, I went to bed.

[Jordana Abraham]

We bring everything here.

[Jared Freid]

What's that?

[Jordana Abraham]

You bring it all?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Oh, we leave it all on the table. We leave it all.

[Jordana Abraham]

You got nothing left. When we're done here, by the time.

[Jared Freid]

We'Re done, here I go.

[Jordana Abraham]

Jared goes on a date and they try to talk to me. So just listen to my podcast.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway, okay. So I'm this person, this person's excited to see you in Philadelphia.

[Jared Freid]

Can't wait.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's. I'm 27 and have been with my boyfriend 30 for three years.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

He is a huge sports fan. Football on Sundays, rugby on Saturdays.

[Jared Freid]

Enough already, dude. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

And highlights are commentary filling any gaps. I don't mind sports in moderation, but it's become an all consuming presence in our home. I feel like I'm living in a sports bar and it's starting to take a toll on me. I tried to share in his interest.

[Jared Freid]

Three years started that this is your life. All right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess three years is. Here's the. I kind of understand what she's saying because three years is when you're like, things that were cute become irritating.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And you probably thought, oh, this is like for funsies.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And now it's like, oh, this is the rest of my life.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Now you're like, oh, this is like what I'm fully signing up for.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And three years, people could change or they could stay very into the same things that they've always done. So.

[Jared Freid]

Well, that's probably what people feel. That's when you get to know your partner of like, are they a. A movable object?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, where are they coming.

[Jordana Abraham]

Towards me and where are they not moving at all?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like I. If you're. No. You know, curiosity is a very underrated value personality trait.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I think no one ever mentions curiosity when it comes to dating.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

And it's like, I think that's like the most fun makes someone the most fun. Like, I'm going to like research this. Like, the people that I love and hang out with the most are curious people. Like, I, I think badly of myself, I'd like to be more curious. Like, you're not going to museum or anything like that? No, no, no. Museum. You kidding me? But I like, I mean, just you hear about something, you don't know, like to go. Like when someone says that sucks, that's them being the opposite of curious.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, curious also leads to intimacy.

[Jared Freid]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm learning more about you. Tell me more about that.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And it is. I just find it so interesting how few people mention that in the dating world.

[Jordana Abraham]

You really don't. I totally agree. You really don't think about it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Because like I watch football on Sundays, rugby on Saturdays. That's it. Everything else is stupid. Like, I don't know if I want to date that person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, she's not saying that's what he's doing. Right? Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I'm just giving. Like, you do find these people out in the world. Like I.

[Jordana Abraham]

No dimensions. Right.

[Jared Freid]

I get put face to face with that dude a lot because a lot of what I am involved in Even with me being involved with. You know, to give myself some credit, I don't believe this, but I can feel from men, like, they don't know anything about what their wife is interested in. Like, they're like, what is it, bitches? It's like, your wife's, like, a huge fan of this whole platform, this media company. You have no. And you have no thought. And then when you meet a guy who.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now I feel even worse, but not knowing about the Jets. What do you call it?

[Jared Freid]

The losers.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're literally describing me. You're like, is there anything worse than this person who's just like, doesn't know anything about the thing that their partner is interested in?

[Jared Freid]

You're right. This is intervention for you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Please don't leave me.

[Jared Freid]

I see it from men. I think it's. I. I think it's a very male quality.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have a lot of. I ask a lot of questions about a lot of things. I don't ask that many questions about sports.

[Jared Freid]

I think women generally, and you specifically, are not. This. This. You're not what I'm describing.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wasn't talking about you.

[Jared Freid]

Not you, but people that do exactly what you're. All right, go on.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. I've tried to share in his interest, but when I binge watch a few episodes of Love island, which is honestly so addictive and entertaining, he makes fun of me and even criticizes me for wasting time. Yet his constant sports obsession never seems to be an issue. It's as if sports are untouchable and my interests are devalued in comparison. Over time, I've grown to resent sports so much that I've caught myself thinking that if we ever broke up, I wouldn't even date someone who. That cares about sports. Olympics, maybe, but in moderation. Only the pole vault and skate and figure skating.

[Jared Freid]

I will only do swimming events.

[Jordana Abraham]

I love him and the life we've built, but I'm honestly questioning if this is something I can live with long term or if it's time to walk away. Jared, I know you're a huge sports fan, so I'm curious. How do you handle having sports constantly on at home and how often is it actually on? Help me out, J and J, before I start dreaming in highlight reels. This is such a weird question to ask you. Like, how often do you have it on? Well, she's trying to compare or see what's normal.

[Jared Freid]

I guess I. I'm a bad. I'm not a bad comparison. I'm. I left. Here's what's her biggest problem is Philadelphia. Big homer town, Northeast. Everything kind of socially revolves around the sports teams. A lot of times, okay, like, the game's on. That's why people go out. I mean, we talked about this in the beginning. Like, it's a reason to go out. But like in Philadelphia, that's like, even at like a 10, right? I moved after high school. I'm from an area like that. I'm from outside of Boston, which is another very much like Philadelphia. Boston people are very insular, very. The game's on. What? You know, Red Sox have been winning seven in a row. Like, people just know that and then they go, where are we gonna go watch the Red Sox? Like, and I have friends that are in the Boston area. A lot of the social and conversational, you know, connections are via sports and the local team.

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel like male friendships are. Sports just is a big pillar of it. It's how it people. It's like a socially acceptable way for men to bond.

[Jared Freid]

I'll give you a very extreme example, but it's not that extreme because it happened in my life. The Little League World Series was on.

[Jordana Abraham]

The Little League World Series, Exactly.

[Jared Freid]

I knew you're gonna the Little League World Series.

[Jordana Abraham]

You sit around watching a bunch of boys.

[Jared Freid]

It is weird. It is.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's nothing I' joking, but I'm following your lead from, from last week.

[Jared Freid]

It is a weird. No, it's on ESPN and it's on like forever. Like, it doesn't. It's like on the oo. No, it's on like regular espn. I almost tweeted out, but I was like, I don't even want to get in this tweet Twitter world. I was going to tweet out, like, if you're watching like the finals of the World Little Series, you've gone too far. We should just check into your past. Yeah, but Braintree, Massachusetts was in the Little League World Series. Braintree is a town that my high school played against in sports.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And I got a text from my friends. Are we watching Braintree tonight? Like, are you watching Braintree? Are you. Is brain trees on? Like, that is a topic of conversation, like local team in the national spotlight. So, like, this is, as you're saying, like the thread between which men communicate.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

A lot of times is something as small as 10 year old boys playing baseball.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are we watching the 10 year old?

[Jared Freid]

So our sports on all the time? I have ESPN on at all hours.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I would say Mike has. If I'm not, like, if I don't Intervene or ask to change the channel. If that's like, that's a default in the background. Not even if he's not watching it. It's kind of like on, right? Golf or football.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or baseball or whatever. Whatever it is, it's just like. It's just like on as like, background.

[Jared Freid]

But I. I also moved from Boston, you know, I. I go to Penn State for college, and then I came right to New York. So, like, I don't have the local thing of, like, the game. Like, you know, the. The Phillies are on at 8. Like, that's not a part of my life anymore.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Where I could see in his life, like, there's always a game on. There's always a local team. There's like. I could understand why she's like, right. Kind of had it. I just think. I think more the problem is him making fun of her interests.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. That's part of it. And I think the. I think the other question to ask about the sports because for me, and I'm again, I'm into some. I'm married to someone who's very into sports, even though I didn't know what team he liked. But he watches all the. That's what's like. He watches all the games. So I don't like. He's not. And he's not like a yelling, cheering at the tv.

[Jared Freid]

No, Mike's not. That's not like what I would call, like, annoying sports fan.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, but he does, like, passively watch many, many sports. I would say the real, like, she's. She, to me, is asking the wrong questions when she's like, is it on all the time? Like, who cares if it's on in the background all the time? It's more like if you have an event to go to. Is he not going to watch the sports? Is he so rigid in this. In this hobby that he has that he will not compromise, will not deviate from it, cannot miss anything.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And how does that. How does it affect. How does it affect you? How does it affect. She's not really even saying how it. She's just saying it's on all the time. And I don't like it on all the time.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But is she asking for things that he's not doing because he's too into the sport? Is it like that? Because that gives me, like, addiction vibes. It's like when you won't give something up, right. In any circumstance for it or share your time because of it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like, to me, like, I. It's tough I. I agree with you. Because the only specific that, like, she gave, and that's what was the biggest issue to me was he's mean about Love Island.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And I don't know if she just brought that up to, like, show him I have stuff too, right? Like, the way she brought it up, she's like, you know, she goes, I've tried to share in his interest, but when I watch, binge watch a few episodes of Love island, which I honestly think is so addictive and entertaining, like, it doesn't matter what you think of it, you know, like, I think it matters. You like it, right? You know, like, yeah, I think it's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Annoying that he makes fun of that.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

He spends all his time doing this, which, again, I think they're both stupid. But. But, you know, that's like, it feels hypocritical, and that's a different conversation, and that's like, again, a vulnerable conversation you could have where it's like, when you make fun of me for watching something kind of mindless that I like, you do it all the time. It makes me feel, like, disrespected.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And this is back to what I was talking about with, like, people that, like, I meet, the husbands that are, like, you know, one of the best, you know, compliments I've gotten doing comedy was that when I watch the Bachelor, it makes couples watch it together.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It makes it more. Makes it less of a stigmatized thing for men to watch it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And. And when they say, well, now my boyfriend that used to make fun of the Bachelor, like, he's in on the world and wants to know about the gossip, and I love that. Like, that makes me feel really good. I. I don't know if you guys find something together that you can do. And I. I think you're right as far as, like, let's get a few examples of how football is, like, ruining this relationship. Not just that you don't like that. That's something he does all the time, because that is his interest. In the same way that, like, you're kind of talking in the way he's talking about Love Island.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And for. I mean, it is a For. For men. It is all. Does seem like for a lot more men, it is a larger part of their personality sometimes in place of a. Of an. Of other parts of your personality.

[Jared Freid]

I have a fantasy draft tonight, and it's with a bunch of guys that I only speak to about fantasy. We talk about nothing. I'm on this email, so is Mike.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's the guy he saw in his. In the restaurant. In the restaurant in Portugal. He's like, I think I met that guy a few years ago. He's in my fantasy, right?

[Jared Freid]

He does, like, and he deals with him.

[Jordana Abraham]

He literally went to go say hi to the guy, and the guy was like. Was like, who are you? Like, it took him, like, a second to, like, realize who he was.

[Jared Freid]

And honestly, football starts, like, this weekend. We're taping this before Labor Day weekend, right? College football starts this weekend, and then it goes until February.

[Jordana Abraham]

I know.

[Jared Freid]

And you go, so you're in. Like, let's. Like, it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And here's the. I mean, like, I. It's funny because I used to think of it as a bigger thing, I think, when I first started dating him, but it's really. It's really not. It's also kind of like, if that's what he does on Sundays and he doesn't. Again, he won't. For Mike. He won't, like, not. He won't not do something because it's on. Does he. Like, if there's nothing else going on, that's his favorite thing to do on a Sunday.

[Jared Freid]

I will tell you this to, like, defend this guy and just to give you. Inside of his brain. Nothing makes me feel like I'm being hugged more, other than a hug than football being on. Like, I feel comforting.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's how I feel about Real Housewives.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So maybe that's the conversation she needs to have with him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, it makes me feel the same way.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I think you need to, like, first of all, it's. You got an example. It annoys me when you talk on something that really makes me feel. Whether you think it's stupid or not, it genuinely makes me feel, like, comfy, cozy in a way I can't even understand because I grew up watching with my mom or, you know, I. I discuss it with my friends. This is what we connect on. Maybe that'll encourage him to be a little bit more vulnerable, to be like, yeah, when I. When. Sunday. And I can just, like, know that, like, the only thing I have to think about is, like, this team and the food that I eat with it and a couple of beers and the friends that I get to connect with through it. Maybe that'll help you, like, be brought to him more. Maybe. I hope I'm helping because I am not, like, a scream at the TV football guy. I watch every game.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It sounds like we're not getting to, like, the root of the real issue here. Again, I Don't think it's about the football. It's about something else that he's doing because of the football.

[Jared Freid]

Here's what I would also encourage you to do. This might be bad advice. Can I give bad advice?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's, I'll tell you if it's bad.

[Jared Freid]

Let's start gambling together on the games. Let's get a little money on these.

[Jordana Abraham]

That has actually helped me. Well, I don't write, I don't gamble on them. But I'll be like, what, okay, so like which team are you?

[Jared Freid]

Like, what do we, what are you. Yeah, what do we need?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And also like, where are you taking me to dinner if they win?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I'll make it, I'll, I'll make it. Very gambling addiction.

[Jared Freid]

I know, but I, I, I know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because then you, you do care more. And for the Super Bowl, I'll buy some boxes.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And now you're in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And now you want him to explain things to you. Now you want. I don't know. I bet on every game.

[Jordana Abraham]

Every game. Wow.

[Jared Freid]

I, yeah, I, I, I, I do things to excess. Gambling. For whatever reason, I keep it pretty civil. I, I don't think I've ever gotten.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not betting a crazy amount.

[Jared Freid]

No. Like 20 bucks on each of the games. Sometimes it goes up the most. I'll bet on the game is that's.

[Jordana Abraham]

All you need to just feel like you care. Like it, it gives you a little bit of investment in it.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, my dad was a big gambler and then he used to tell me he's like, the best time I have gambling is playing $5 blackjack at 6 in the morning.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Because you're not stressed out.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And it was like a fun thing. And this is like kind of like the purest form.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Who cares? But yeah, I definitely, like, I, I think if you have that together and now you're like on the same team, that might help it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I actually do think it's night again. The longer my relationship has gone, the more I'm like, I like that you have this hobby that's like yours and doesn' have to do with me. And I can do things that are, that are, are mine and don't have to do with you. And like, that gives us more to a larger life Right.

[Jared Freid]

Before we move on. I got a. Would you rather.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

You're dating someone who's obsessed with reality TV or they're obsessed with sports.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think sports.

[Jared Freid]

It's so funny you say that. I am on the Other side of this.

[Jordana Abraham]

You'd rather someone.

[Jared Freid]

I would rather someone obsessed with reality tv when you're dating someone who's obsessed with sports. But go ahead. I'm sorry to interrupt. Why? What's your reason?

[Jordana Abraham]

Because to me, reality TV is about, like, the interpersonal drama of it, and I'm kind of dramatic. So it feeds. I think I've talked about this before, where it feeds that kind of part of my brain that really likes to, like, start shit, but I can watch other people do it. But I don't want to date someone like that. There's only room for. For one of those people in this relationship.

[Jared Freid]

But that's kind of my point. And why I'd rather date someone who's obsessed with reality tv because that spurs conversation with your partner that gets you to know each other. I think when someone's obsessed with sports, your night and the fun of your night is dependent on this outside source. Like, if the team loses, we have to be miserable the whole night.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah. I don't like that.

[Jared Freid]

That's bad.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I guess that if you're obsessed, I. Assuming your mood, it will affect your mood.

[Jared Freid]

Right. If you're obsessed with the Eagles, the Patriots, the Giants, whatever, the Bears, and they lose, like, that's a stressful night. Like, that is like, no dinner, I'm going to bed. Like, I don't want to date that. I want to date someone who's like, can you believe that?

[Jordana Abraham]

Ramona.

[Jared Freid]

Ramona hates, you know, whatever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Other woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. No, I agree. I'd rather talk to my friends about that, though. Sure.

[Jared Freid]

But if he was into it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And he knew the players and knew the, you know, the cast, characters.

[Jordana Abraham]

I. I agree.

[Jared Freid]

There's an interesting conversation to have. And again, like, when I talk about reality tv, I always feel that I'm having a fun interjection because I'm different than most of the audience. So maybe I'll bring an opinion to the table that's a little different than maybe something someone's talking about.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. But obsessed. I don't know if I want to date a guy obsessed with reality.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Obsessed is a tough word to, like, suss out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Also, like, I. But obsessed also with the. With. With sports is not great either, because I do. I think it's a little. I mean, here's the thing. I think it's a little weird to be obsessed with anything.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I'm with you. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like Taylor Swift, sports, reality tv. Like, let's all just. Nothing is that great. Nothing is that terrible. Nothing Is that great? So I'm not really into, like, everything's medium.

[Jared Freid]

It's a great way to go through life.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not. I mean, I'm not. I'm not into, like, fan culture. Like, I don't think I would date anyone who was so upset. Like, yelling at the TV for anyone. Either of these things, right? You're. Unless you're. Again, unless you're on the team. If you are a professional athlete, you are allowed to be in a bad mood. If you've lost a dinner, I will.

[Jared Freid]

Tell you, the toughest call of my week is if the Bears lose and I have to talk to my brother afterwards. I'm like, I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

You just not pick up.

[Jared Freid]

I've not picked up. I'm like, I can't. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. And I'm like, it is, like, brutal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, when.

[Jared Freid]

Good thing he's married. Now she has to deal with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now he has someone. Exactly.

[Jared Freid]

Are we touchdown or fumble? I think this is a touchdown with this guy. But, like, you gotta audible how you're dealing with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

Stay in football terms.

[Jordana Abraham]

Touchdown. But let's have more intimate conversations, and let's evaluate how it's actually tangibly affecting your life. If you're coming to the conversation, come with actual reasons why this is harming you.

[Jared Freid]

So that's touchdown and fumble. Thanks for writing in. In dating, just like football, the wrong move could cost you the season. Whatever team you're rooting for, Abercrombie has you covered from Friday nights out to Sunday morning kickoffs. I think that this stuff that we're wearing is, like, very much for women. Like the boyfriend sweatshirt. Like, it's gotta look.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is great. And it's so nice to be able to wear, like, a nice, comfy sweatshirt to a bar.

[Jared Freid]

Totally have that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Be socially acceptable. And we get a lot of questions from YouTube watchers a lot of the times asking, what are we wearing? What jeans are those? What shirt is that? And we're not gatekeeping.

[Jared Freid]

No, this is Abercrombie. I'm head to toe. Yeah, we're head to the ankle, not my toe.

[Jordana Abraham]

Abercrombie drops new arrivals every week. Shop in the app, online or in stores. This episode is sponsored by Built. Nobody likes paying rent every month. I mean, honestly, have you ever met anyone who's like, ugh, yes, I love sending away a bunch of my money. If you dread the first of the month every month, at least Built makes it worth it. Built is revolutionizing how millions think about paying rent by rewarding their members with points and exclusive benefits around their neighborhood every single month. By paying rent through Built, you earn flexible points that can be redeemed toward hundreds of hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next Lyft ride, and more. But it doesn't stop there. Built is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite local restaurants and earn additional points, get VIP treatment at certain fitness studios, and enjoy exclusive experiences just for Built members every month. Build is turning a monthly expense into an opportunity to earn rewards and discover the best that your neighborhood has to offer. Your rent is finally working for you. Earn points on rent around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to join built.comUUP that's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.comUUP make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. This episode is sponsored by Instacart. We've all been there. You finally get to your vacation spot after a long travel day. You're tired. You're ready to wind down and realize you forgot something important, maybe a toothbrush, maybe a skincare product, or even a pair of shoes. Instead of wasting your precious vacation time running errands, you can have Instacart help deliver whatever you need right to you. And when the vacation's over and you're heading back to reality, set yourself up with a full fridge of groceries so you can ease back into your routine. From meal prepping to restocking pantry staples, Instacart helps you get all the essentials you need no matter where you are. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop your favorite stores and get fresh groceries or household essentials delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Or if you're out and about, you can have them ready for pickup. Instacart helps to deliver, so you can handle everything else. Just order online or via the easy to use app. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app and use code UAP Pod20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. That's code UUP P O D20 to get $20 off your 1st order of $80 or more. Offer valid for a limited time. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply.

[Jared Freid]

Let's play a gear pick. Are you ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

Is the game that's sweeping the country. You are dating someone, one thing happens. You're wondering if it's a valid ick or if you're being picky. Yes, feather. Feather. I got an icky or picky for you. My ex boyfriend is also my coworker. That's a story for another time. So I still see him at work every day. Our parking lot is so small, so we usually park near each other. And recently I noticed he got a new license plate. I noticed it because not only is it one of the state specialty plates, he also made it a custom vanity plate. Where a vanity plate may not be a ick on its own, his for sure increased my ick for him. He chose to make his plate not just his last name but a shortened version of his last name. Example, Thompson shortened to top. Just to note, no one in his life calls him by this nickname. He doesn't even have a long name that would need to be shortened. So icky or picky. They get a vanity plate of a nickname they may have given to themselves. Thanks for keeping me sane. Signed. He still owes me $85.

[Jordana Abraham]

Petty or prudent?

[Jared Freid]

What do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, this is kind of icky. I would feel validated in the breakup if I saw a guy that I dated got one of these like cheesy, weird vanity plates, right?

[Jared Freid]

Well, this is like kind of classic. We either get married or I start buying weird shit.

[Jordana Abraham]

It, you know, or you're really going down slowly down the hole, right? I'm trying to think if I went. If I was going on a date with a guy and then the date was great and then they pick you.

[Jared Freid]

Up and they're like in their car with the light. It just says on the license plate, griff.

[Jordana Abraham]

Griff.

[Jared Freid]

He's Griffin. Griff one. You're getting picked up in Griff two and you have to go, is there a Griff one? And he goes. I just thought it'd be cool if I had a second Griff. I'm Griff one. That's the douche's thing. Where's Griff?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it's funny you're looking at him, babe. I remember as like a kid being like 8 years old, my neighbors had like Mr. And Mrs. Vanity plates. And even at 8 years old, I still thought it made them losery.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it'll be a turn off. Yeah, I think, I think it's a kind of per. It's like a certain kind of guy, I think. Think who would do it?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, well, listen, I had, my family had a Vanity plate that was passed down.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Like it was the jag. Not the jag. It was.

[Jordana Abraham]

What did it say? Freed?

[Jared Freid]

No. Well, here's the difference. It was my uncle's plate that got passed to my grandfather that then ended up in my dad's possession. And then I think my dad may have given it to my uncle when they moved to Florida.

[Jordana Abraham]

The family plates.

[Jared Freid]

The family plates. And it was not the name or anything. It was one number, one letter.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's it.

[Jared Freid]

That's it.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's okay.

[Jared Freid]

It was. And yeah, so I think subtlety is, like, really more what it's about when you're Griff1. That, to me, is a little cheesy. But, like, my mom, she has a vanity. It's her initials.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've just been talking so much about vanity.

[Jared Freid]

I mean, I, I, you know, I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's her initials.

[Jared Freid]

It's her initials with a number even.

[Jordana Abraham]

That is better than, like, a shortened version, I think, of the last.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I. I don't know. I. I remember in my town, you kind of knew people by their license plate, too. Like, I knew, like, there was, like, a New England whale version that a neighbor had, and anytime I saw the whale version, I knew it was them. I don't know. These are all, like, weird memories. This is spurring.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're okay with it?

[Jared Freid]

I'm okay with a vanity plate if it's, like, near and dear and isn't flashy. I think you can be.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's worse for men, too.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like, if I had certain, like, train.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. There's a certain, like, peacocking thing I think to it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Why do you need this? Why do you need to be like, okay, let me give you some vanity plates that I would have.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Big papa, Red flag.

[Jared Freid]

No Wiz. Oh. Ha. For wizard of Haas, I would just.

[Jordana Abraham]

Assume those were random letters.

[Jared Freid]

W, I, Z, O, H, A.

[Jordana Abraham]

That could sound like an Ubers.

[Jared Freid]

It would be spaced out. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I would just feel like it doesn't really make any sense. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

But it makes sense to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. Jlf.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's fine. Again, that could be random. Could randomly have gotten.

[Jared Freid]

But I'm Jared Lewis Freed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

What if it was?

[Jordana Abraham]

I would ask questions. I'd be Lord.

[Jared Freid]

Lord.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a little long. Does that fit?

[Jared Freid]

B, O, R, D, O, A, R.

[Jordana Abraham]

D.

[Jared Freid]

Make it fit forward.

[Jordana Abraham]

Lord.

[Jared Freid]

I wear hats that I make online.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's different.

[Jared Freid]

It's also like beach by noon.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're making money off of those.

[Jared Freid]

Well.

[Jordana Abraham]

Listen, it's Quirky. It's quirky.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know what I would.

[Jordana Abraham]

What about. What about woman's.

[Jared Freid]

I know. What would the woman's be like? Van. Jokey J. Jokey J would be bad. Will just showed me Jokey J. That's. It was JJ and someone's like, what's that for? And I'm like, jokey J. What if she had a J.J. she.

[Jordana Abraham]

Has a license plate. It says double Ds.

[Jared Freid]

Does she have A's. Like, she goes against it. Like it's a joke. No, no. She's got big.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

I'm into it. I don't know. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're gonna date that person? No.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I don't know if I'm dating double Ds.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Or like it's a double standard. Admittedly, yes. If hers was, I don't know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm trying a shortened version of her last name. Berg. Goldman. Berg.

[Jared Freid]

Gold.

[Jordana Abraham]

Goldmanstein.

[Jared Freid]

The Gold Machine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. Yeah, I guess it's all it.

[Jordana Abraham]

She.

[Jared Freid]

It's. There's a thin line between subtlety and cheesiness.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

When it comes to a vanity plate, this guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think she's a psychiatrist, but she has MD plates.

[Jared Freid]

I'm okay with that because I do assume they do that to get preferential treatment by police.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Which they do.

[Jared Freid]

Which they do. So I. I assume that's what it's for.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. What if you're dating someone who has the. The. They give to the Police Foundation. So their wallet always has the card in it that says they're part of the Police foundation. So that when they get pulled over.

[Jordana Abraham]

It'S just in the wallet.

[Jared Freid]

They have to. That's the whole reason to give to the Police foundation, other than helping the police, is to have your license in the same wallet as the card that says you gave them money. So then you get pulled over and.

[Jordana Abraham]

They go, yeah, I've seen those. Yeah, it's in your wallet. It's private. I think it's fine.

[Jared Freid]

It's also a little bit, you know, it's thoughtful. You know, you're not. You're looking to not have to pay a ticket.

[Jordana Abraham]

I thought you were gonna say you're donating.

[Jared Freid]

No, no, no, no, you're not.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it would be a little bit. I just think anything that shows that you're, like, trying too hard at anything is like a little bit of a weird.

[Jared Freid]

So I'm looking at cars and.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you gonna get a Plate.

[Jared Freid]

I was thinking about it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, well, now you know my stance.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, now you're looking at J train, not J train. I would do something like my grand uncle did and be a little bit subtle.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, initials are fine.

[Jared Freid]

Right. It would be something classy. What if it was lol? Oh, there's the funny man.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't think that's taken?

[Jared Freid]

Maybe, but I'm just saying, if I had the chance at lol. Florida plate. Lol. That's Jared. That's the king of laughs.

[Jordana Abraham]

No numbers, just lol.

[Jared Freid]

Just lol. Lol. One lol.

[Jordana Abraham]

See, it's funny. If I went on a date with a guy with.

[Jared Freid]

He's a comedian.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I went on a date with a guy. Lol. Played comedian. I would.

[Jared Freid]

This is the clip.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would not be surprised if he wouldn't commit. What? The guy with the LOL plates is not looking to get engaged.

[Jared Freid]

Look at jk. Just kidding.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's not your initials.

[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I'm not. I generally. Here's the thing about I. I also. This is my own preference. I prefer not to draw attention to myself.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, that was always like growing up. Why would you put a bumper sticker on your car? Whoever doesn't like the thing you like is right. More drawn.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're just with your totally. I suck. Someone with a. I saw this scary looking van with a hawk talk to a bumper sticker. I mean, I was like, this looks like a kidnapper mobile.

[Jared Freid]

Right. How do you date that person?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't be.

[Jared Freid]

I wouldn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would you go on it? Would you? You would have.

[Jared Freid]

To the woman who has a tool bumper sticker. I'd be like, I'll get my dick sucked from her. But I mean, like, I. Exactly.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's what I'm saying. You can't be taken seriously.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, I want to date someone who.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wants to be taken.

[Jared Freid]

So this is my point. I'm looking to get a car. Car. And I looked at like old Wranglers, okay? And that's fun. Which is fun because why not keep the Jag? The Jag has gotta go.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I think the red Jaguar is not a permanent fixture. No. I gotta give it back to my parents. So I'm looking. I found this car that was like. I'm like looking for like a beachy car. Bronco wrangler.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, Wranglers are a little annoying, I think.

[Jared Freid]

I think so too. Because every top, you got to put the top on. Right? Every Wrangler I see has a top on, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

And there's always like an issue with the top.

[Jared Freid]

So I'm thinking maybe even a 1995 Jeep Cherokee.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh.

[Jared Freid]

Like a real, like, 90s looking car.

[Jordana Abraham]

What color?

[Jared Freid]

Whatever I can find.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Like, you know, these are like auctioned vehicles that, like, they're not expensive. They're like, pretty cheap. But like, they go. You. You have to, like, find them. So. But I'm like, wondering, you know, there's a lot of thought I have lately of like, what does a car say about me? I've never had, like, this thought.

[Jordana Abraham]

It does say a lot. Once you're looking at them, it. You realize it does say things about you.

[Jared Freid]

Like, who am I? You know, like, who or who am.

[Jordana Abraham]

I or who am I trying to show that I am?

[Jared Freid]

Right? This is, this is something that I've like, come to like.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like making a dating app profile, right?

[Jared Freid]

Who do I. Why do I need this to be so interesting? Why not just get, you know, a Hyundai?

[Jordana Abraham]

What am I trying to project?

[Jared Freid]

What am I. Yeah, I got to have a cool 90s car that the AC doesn't work.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you into cars?

[Jared Freid]

No, I have no interest.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it one of the rolling things?

[Jared Freid]

Is it a rolling window?

[Jordana Abraham]

But I'm like, that would be annoying if I was dating someone with a manual rolling window.

[Jared Freid]

It's a good way to be, like, not chill.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'd be like, just get enough already. Just, just get a normal car.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I would. You know what I mean? I'm not, I'm not for, like, the trade off of practicality. Listen, sorry, I only have a cassette player.

[Jared Freid]

No, no, that's kind of my point. I'm like, I kind of want this cool, fun car that's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Can you put a navigation system in a.

[Jared Freid]

You can put anything. Yeah, I think. I think you can. Like, really? Well, there's this other place. There's like Florida. There's like auto places. Like, they'll soup them up for you. I, Kaitlyn Bristow, former guest of the show, she has a car. It is like the coolest car you've ever seen.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's cool.

[Jared Freid]

She has like an old Bronco that's been like, redone. It probably is a $500,000 endeavor.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why don't you just ride your bike everywhere? You need a car.

[Jared Freid]

My beach cruiser. I don't know if I can take it down to Miami, but.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, you go really fast.

[Jared Freid]

Hey, this is me writing down. If you're watching on YouTube, this is a real hot way to Go on a date.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is very funny.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do another email.

[Jordana Abraham]

So vanity played icky or picky?

[Jared Freid]

I think it's an ick. I think valid if it's a shortened version of their last name. That's a loser.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Especially if no one calls them that.

[Jared Freid]

If yours was. Yeah. Right. Abe won.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

No, no. Freed. Like if mine just said freed. No, no one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Does anyone call you that? J Train at least that's like you have an alter ego.

[Jared Freid]

I gave myself.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I would assume you want a lot of attention, right?

[Jared Freid]

What do you maybe what are you missing in your life that you need this?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, listen, they call it a vanity plate for a reason.

[Jared Freid]

That's fair.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do another email.

[Jared Freid]

Let's do another one.

[Jordana Abraham]

J and J. Loyal listener for years and appreciate everything you do. I have an issue that I would love your advice on. My fiance, 33 male and I, 32 female. Have been together about two years. Quick proposal. Good job.

[Jared Freid]

There we go.

[Jordana Abraham]

The number one.

[Jared Freid]

You know.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know the number one thing we argue about consistently is his phone use. Specifically his four work group chats that seem to be constantly active. Which means he's constantly checking them and chiming in. There is some work talk, but they are mostly social jokes, memes, etc. He is good about not looking at them when we are out on a date or on vacation. But we are. When we are just chilling at home. It feels constant. Like he's obsessively checking all four chats to make sure he isn't missing anything. Does he not have a notifications on his phone? He'll see something in one.

[Jared Freid]

He probably has it on silent. But then because of the silent. I mean I. I'm guilty of this. So you check it.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, he'll see something in one chat, then quickly jump to the other to make a joke. Then check the other three chats again and we'll go back and forth. I mostly just did get any reactions. This guy really cares about what these people think. I.

[Jared Freid]

Well listen to say it's. It's work people to say it's not work related. Your hierarchy at the work is related to like this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Group chat.

[Jordana Abraham]

And clearly they're friends.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Otherwise they wouldn't be sending memes.

[Jared Freid]

Right. This is tougher than it sounds.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I mostly just find it annoying and I'm kind of turned off that he cares so much and won't be and won't just be present more when we're home.

[Jared Freid]

All annoying language to someone who likes being on their phone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, but sometimes I just want you.

[Jared Freid]

To be present more. It's just so vague.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, you can't really argue with that, right?

[Jared Freid]

There's nothing you can say.

[Jordana Abraham]

But sometimes I feel insecure that he's so interested in talking to the boys even though he hangs out with them all day at work, making me feel like the boring wife he has to come home to. The fights happen when I see him texting in the chats for a period of time and when I just start. When I start to get annoyed, I'll just ask, everything okay or chat going off? I'm saying it in the tone. I think she's saying it in everything. Everything okay.

[Jared Freid]

Is that what it's. Hold on. Ready? I'll be him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Everything okay over there? Shack. Chat going off. No finger. Another finger. Just.

[Jared Freid]

And yes, honey, that's how I would play it if I were in.

[Jordana Abraham]

That sounds like that would really. That would end the marriage, smooth things over. Okay, Everything okay? Or chat going off? Just to try to get looped into what's got his attention.

[Jared Freid]

He gets very penis meme. It's hilarious.

[Jordana Abraham]

Check it out. He gets very sensitive and defensive and accuses me of hating his friends and his group chats. It's frustrating because he doesn't seem to understand why this behavior is so annoying to me and thinks I am just being controlling or that I'm worried about the content of the chats. I think a big part of the issue is we have very different workplace dynamics and have trouble relating to each other. On this. I have a few friends my age at work, but mostly work with middle aged men while he works with a huge group of guys in their 20s and 30s. When I get home, I want nothing to do with work and can't imagine wanting to talk to my co workers all the time when I'm off the clock. So what do you think? Is his behavior annoying or do I just need to get over it? Let me know what you think and if you have any advice for how we can stop having the same stupid fight.

[Jared Freid]

I like this email. I think that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Very relatable.

[Jared Freid]

Very relatable. The phone is the third person in the relationship and force you both.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have your own phone too, right? Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Fair. So it is. I think they're having two different arguments. Like for him to say you don't like my friends.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Is such a weird to me. Not what she's talking about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, she's talking about the distraction.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not like the content. Because she's. I mean like she's not saying, like, she's not saying what, like, what are you talking about? Why are you talking about that?

[Jared Freid]

Right. I never trust an argument that takes something, takes my feelings and tries to make me morally beneath someone. Like, we're two people dating who supposedly love each other and are a partnership. And to, like, take my feedback of, like, hey, I feel like I'm second place to this group chat and turn it into, you don't want me to have any friends. You don't like my friends. That's kind of a not fair fight.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. So, like, I, I think there's bigger issues here. And the idea of, like, making it moral is to get you to back away. It's like taking a big stick that has a fire at the end and being like, and it's kind of being protecting his phone where I don't think he does trust her. I, I, I think he's doing something weird. Something's going on on this phone that I, I think he's keeping her away from the phone. The, the idea that, like, he can't trust her to see the jokes he's doing. Like, you know, it's like this thing where, like, people say to comedians, like, what's, there's a comedian, Jenny Zagrino, who's very funny. She has a great joke about, like, someone being like, you can't say anything anymore. And she says, well, just say what you want to say. Like, what is it the thing that you want to say? Like, like, go ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, and it's like, because it's true. It's like, you can say whatever you want. You just have to deal with people who don't like what you say. And if you feel con, if you're that passionate about this thing, then you shouldn't be embarrassed to say it out loud in front of a room of people.

[Jordana Abraham]

So you think he's saying some weird.

[Jared Freid]

I, I think you're getting a different version of your boyfriend at home or in your relationship than he's with these people.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I think it's totally normal to ask what someone's dogmat. If Mike's, like, looking at his phone for a while and he's like, smiling or laughing, I'll be like, what's going on in the group chat?

[Jared Freid]

I like funny things.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I'll be like, I'll be like, is something exciting happening within your friend group? Like, I want to be like, what's the joke?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. And so I think there's like, a lack of connection here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Like, bring her into it a little bit. Like, look at this, look at this thing. This guy said it's really funny.

[Jared Freid]

Show me the penis meme.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I can handle it. I want to see it too. You know, like, I mean, I don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Need to, like, I don't be scrolling back through your group chat, but, like, tell me what the joke is and.

[Jared Freid]

And if you're engaged to this person. 33. I, I, I, I don't know why I, like, I don't know what I'd be hiding from someone I'm engaged to in this manner.

[Jordana Abraham]

But is the issue more that he feels like she's nagging him because he's on his phone all the time?

[Jared Freid]

Well, that could be it is that, that could be part, you know, the issue is, like, he doesn't like losing this fight. He thinks that I should be able to use my phone however long I want and forever long I want and I need to dominate you. There's a difference between a discussion and someone trying to win the argument. And I think when someone's trying to beat you in an argument, there's no discussion, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

And that's a mature fight versus, like a, a fight to win.

[Jared Freid]

People do this with politics stuff. They find a way to, like, own you morally so that you'll shut the up. They won't look for the nugget.

[Jordana Abraham]

No one ever shuts the.

[Jared Freid]

Right. They don't look for the nugget of where you're coming from, right. To connect with you and go, oh, okay, you know, make you evil, right? Just make you evil, make you against, you know, whatever it is. So I don't know. I, I don't know. I think she's got to take a new strategy of talking to him about this. I don't know what you would do.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, here I've been on, I've been on both sides of this. I've been the one on my phone distracted when someone's trying to talk to me, right? And I've been the one being like, hey, like, I'm here, give me attention.

[Jared Freid]

So what do you, how has it been said to you and what made you annoyed?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's so, it's said usually in a playful way of like, what's, like again, like, what's, what's going on? Like, what's, right. So what's, like, what's funny? Or like, what's going on? And usually I'll explain it. Or I'll be like, I don't think you would enjoy this conversation. Or I don't think you would find it funny, but here's what's happening. Or if it's me. And I think it's. It's hard to not be, especially in a relationship, because I. Because most people do this too, are distracted on their phones at some point. There's usually not one person who's like, never, ever on their phone.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

So I do think. And my biggest flaw in this is that I'll be annoying because I have nothing going on on my phone. Where I'll say this to Mike. I'll be like, I'm trying to, like, have a conversation with you. And he'll be like, well, you were literally. You were like. You were literally just on your phone for a while.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And now you're not. Now you're, like, bored.

[Jared Freid]

And this is. Is the argument that we never got to watch our parents have. So, like. Yeah, again, the. The reason for this podcast is like, hey, brave new world. This is normal. Like, this. The. The. This debate of on the phone, off the phone, attention.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Not attention is normal. Something that's not gonna. I don't think they should not get married.

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freid]

And I think you gotta find a new way to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

This has to be figured out.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I think it's kind of like, again, prioritize when you actually need. Hey, I'm. I'm trying to tell you something. Can we have, like, a real conversation? Can you put your phone down?

[Jared Freid]

It's my fear of being single and getting into a relationship is like, have I become. You know, I do fear this.

[Jordana Abraham]

You already have a girlfriend.

[Jared Freid]

I have a girlfriend. I got to bring another woman into my life.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Like, stop you from spending time with your mistress.

[Jared Freid]

With my original girlfriend. You know, So I don't know that because I find you to find someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Worth getting off your phone for. That really is as the sometimes worth getting off your phone for. Sometimes.

[Jared Freid]

I'll always come back to you, baby.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, here's the thing. Sometimes you are in the midst of, like, a very exciting group chat.

[Jared Freid]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

I can relate to that, too. Like, we're talking about a topic. People are, like, saying funny things. It's. It's usually not every day that that happens, though, right?

[Jared Freid]

I wouldn't say, like, I have four of them. So he's really, like, making sure to keep the dopamine drip happening. Like, you know, this guy might be, like, addicted to this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, a sports guy, where I'm like, like, could you be in, like, one fantasy league? Could you do two? Like, do you need to be in Four.

[Jared Freid]

I'm in a group chat with, like, two high school friends of mine, and they're married with kids. And there's, like, moments where I'm like, what are the kids doing?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I got time for the dad shaming them.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, well, I'm like, I never mentioned that to them, but I'm like. I'm always like, this is all they have. I'm just like, it is funny to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Escape.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it is an escape. And I'm part of their escape, too. Like, I'm like. Like sending them, like, from the road, you know, which I'm sure. I hope they appreciate. And it's fun and gives them a diversion from.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well.

[Jared Freid]

But then I get pictures of their new cat, and I think it's funny, too. Like, I love hearing about that, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And it's funny. I mean, I guess you don't have to deal with the other side of this, but it is the kind of thing that I do think you get very wrapped up in. And, like, when I'm not on my phone, no one should be on their phone. You know what I mean? You become judgmental even though you do it too.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Do you think there's, like, a. An actionable thing people can do? Like, is there, like, a fun way? Like, is there a phone bucket? Like, do you guys, like, could that be a household thing? Or am I thinking too much in, like, kindergarten teacher mode? Like. Like, hey, the bucket. We both need to be in the bucket today.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that's fun. I mean, she says they have, like, when they're on a date night or when they're doing something, the phone is.

[Jared Freid]

Away, which I think is like, the most important part.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Especially in the beginning of a vacation. Get rid of the rules, slide a little bit. And I think it's kind of like, if I'm. Okay, be on your phone. If I'm. If I'm telling you, like, I'd like to. I have something to say. Like, I would. And I'm in front of you. Like, you should get off pretty quickly.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or if not. And I've done this too, just give me five minutes. I'm, like, finishing off this conversation.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Just like. Yeah, Well, a lot of this is about expectation.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like everything else in religion. It's compromise.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But also.

[Jordana Abraham]

You want me to get off now? I would like to get off in 10 minutes. I'm going to get off in five.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, also, set it up. Set yourself up for success. Group chats are done. Ten minutes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And I'm done for the night. I just got to. I just got to put in my last word and I'll come back to it tomorrow.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And then I would be like, you don't want to be the loser who's constantly talking in the group chat.

[Jared Freid]

Something I sometimes as a single guy, you know, I know those people. There's a couple group chats that I'm on that I'm like, you know, this person gets started. We are never ending.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, you also, you don't want to be the person who, like, doesn't say anything, just lurking. But you also don't want to be the number one participant every day.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You know, there are those people.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's like, people. Because you're judging. You're judging those dads, right?

[Jared Freid]

Well, yeah. Don't you guys have who's watching your child? Who's watching the family cat?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. You know, I love a good pair of underwear, but it is hard to find. If it's flattering, then usually pretty uncomfortable. It's like riding up, it's digging in. And if it's really comfortable, it usually makes you look like a grandma and you kind of feel a little self conscious about it. It's really hard to find the medium. And skims has mastered that art. They have some of the most comfortable underwear that I have ever, ever worn in my entire life.

[Jared Freid]

It is funny that whenever I hear women talk about the skims product line, they do kind of like glow a little bit about it.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's just really hard for women to find stuff that looks good on you and also, like, is really comfortable. I think that's just a universal struggle by many women.

[Jared Freid]

I just love when we have a sponsor that helps our audience. It's nice to know skims is like helping people feel better about themselves.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I am just. I'm a believer. I'm a convert. I'm a skims gal. Recently, I got the fits everybody full brief, which is like their regular underwear, which I am wearing all the time now. It's my favorite pair. I get annoyed when I wear it because then I have to wait until I wash all my underwear to wear it again. You just don't think about it, which is the number one thing for underwear for me. I also have the bralette. It's a game changer. It lifts, it looks great. Super flattering, super cute, Just the right amount of support. And also incredibly comfortable. I haven't always loved bras. Who has? But with skims, they're changing me into a bra lover. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, make sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. If you've shopped online, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify. You know that Purple Shop pay button you see at checkout? The one that makes buying so incredibly easy? That's Shopify. And there's a reason so many businesses sell with it. Because Shopify makes it incredibly easy to start and run your own business. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Shopify's got you from the get go with beautiful ready to go templates to match your brand style. Tackle all the important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more. Spread your brand's word with built in marketing and email tools to find and keep new customers. And did I mention that iconic Purple Shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world? It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. Your customers already love it. If you want to see less cards being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com betches go to shopify.com betches shopify.com betches.

[Jared Freid]

Let'S play some games.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

UUP betches.com we love your Red Flag or Deal Breakers. Again it is a game that is taking over our country. Red Flag or Deal breaker? You're dating someone, one thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it and you keep on going. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it right on, sight unseen. You ready? I'm ready J and J thanks for making my commute so much better Jared. I'll be seeing your show in Providence. Heading there this weekend I'll have already been come and gone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wow.

[Jared Freid]

I have a red flag deal breaker. I'm 27. A match with a 29 year old guy on hinge. Let's call him Jim. He told me he was looking for something serious and asked about past relationships. He mentioned that in June he got out of a less than year long relationship with a woman he lived with. She accused him of cheating and would go through his phone. He swears he wasn't and he said that's why he broke up with her. He brought her up a few more times, which made me ask if he was really over it, but he insisted he was. We texted for about two weeks before meeting on the date. He brought up living situations and mentioned that he had lived with two exes. Then circled back again to how his most recent ex would check his phone. The final straw was when he said, after my first date with her, I called my best friend and said I'd found the woman I'm going to marry. When I cut him off, he tried to cover with. I was going to say, this date is going to be even better than that. This guy's a real artist. We were supposed to get drinks after dinner, but I ended it early and told him it was because of the ex talk. He apologized and asked for another chance. I said maybe, but now I'm second guessing. So red flag or deal breaker? Someone repeatedly brings up their ex on a first date. What do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think, though it's the way she's phrasing it is not accurate to what's going on. Bringing up your ex on a first date I think is fine if it's done in a certain way. Bringing it up in this way is kind of annoying.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I'm so in love with her. I. Why would you hold a friend?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Why would you tell that story to someone? Why would you deliver a story to, like, the person that you were dating ever?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Really?

[Jared Freid]

It doesn't make sense.

[Jordana Abraham]

Unnecessary. One of those, like, things where it's like, we don't need to know every single thing you thought in a past relationship.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I'm with you bringing up your ex on a first date.

[Jordana Abraham]

Fine.

[Jared Freid]

That's fine.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was read. Yeah. What's. So, you know, what have you been up, like, you're talking about your year. I actually lived with an ex. We broke up. Nothing wrong with that.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And she thought I was cheating.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

She looked through my phone. It really, like, kind of bugged me. That's okay to tell. That's part of the story.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freid]

To then go into graphic detail.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

About how in love with her you were after the first date. While on the first date with someone else. With someone else is like. Because now it becomes this, like, you know, this competition that you didn't really ask for.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I just think it's like, not an appropriate way you should be, like, making the date mostly about you and the date.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. To again, tell. Talk about an ex. To the extent that it's brought you to where you are, especially in the first few dates.

[Jared Freid]

On the other side of this, if I was on a date with someone and I was like, so what was your past relationship like? And they were like, I'm not talking about exes. It's a first date. I would not want to go out with them again.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. I think too intense in either direction. Only talking about your ex or talking about your ex. Excessively big red flag. Refusing to say anything about an ex. Also a red flag.

[Jared Freid]

Right? So deal breaker. Let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right. Hey, J and Jay, love you both. My boyfriend and I were fans of the show before we even met. Our whole dating history has included sending each other plenty of red flag deal breaker texts. And she sends the emojis. I love that.

[Jared Freid]

Well, the emojis, I. I never even thought of this. Red flag. The red flag emoji.

[Jordana Abraham]

That makes sense.

[Jared Freid]

Broken heart, deal breaker emoji. Love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

And start doing that because we'll sometimes send each other ones. Red flag, deal breaker. We even bought the game from batches and play it with friends. Love it. I'm 42, he's 45 and we've been together for about a year and a half. We live in the greater Toronto area. Recently he went away.

[Jared Freid]

Toronto. They don't pronounce the second T. Toronto. Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's no second T. I think I'm right.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Toronto did the most misogynist.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you sure you didn't just speak to someone weird there? Maybe Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Is it Toronto or Toronto?

[Jordana Abraham]

Toronto. Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

Toronto. Etsy light tea. Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

How did I say it? Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

Toronto. Toronto. Yeah, the greater Toronto area. I'm gonna start doing all my tea silent.

[Jared Freid]

I'm in. Well, Nevada. Nevada. Nevada. Nevada is how you say it. Like Nevada's where they get very.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think Nevada is how I would say it.

[Jared Freid]

They get very anusy about how you say Nevada.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm gonna try the silent tea.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, give it a shot.

[Jordana Abraham]

Recently. Yeah, recently he went away for his son's swim meet with his whole family and I was visiting mine. Here's the red flag deal breaker dilemma. After days apart, post on Instagram and text you a picture of him, his kids, ex wife and all four grandparents with the caption the Great 8. No campsite pics, no fun updates, just his pre divorce family out for lunch together, rolling her eyes emoji. So red flagger, deal breaker. He recently posts family photos with his ex wife. Not a single one with you yet. Would love to hear your thoughts. Can't wait to see Jared in Toronto. Can't wait for you both to come. Thanks. All the best.

[Jared Freid]

So is her point that he posts. Is her point that he posted this picture without sending it her. Any updates from the trip or.

[Jordana Abraham]

It seems like that was a big part of it to me. That didn't even matter as much as, like, the weirdness of the picture that he. And he sent it to her, did he?

[Jared Freid]

No. I'm confused. Is actually. Well, she said post on IG and text you a picture of him.

[Jordana Abraham]

He texts her that he posted on. He did both. He posted on Instagram and he texted.

[Jared Freid]

Her the pic and then she got the caption, the Great aid. Or the Caption the Great 8 is on Instagram.

[Jordana Abraham]

When I first read this, I thought she got the caption, the Great Eight. Right now I'm thinking. Now as we're re reading it, I'm thinking maybe the grade 8 was just the Instagram caption.

[Jared Freid]

I think there's a difference between.

[Jordana Abraham]

Still a little weird.

[Jared Freid]

It's all weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I. I understand. You got kids that are getting older and you want to show.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have no problem posting.

[Jared Freid]

I mean, you know, divorced families, more than I would ever know.

[Jordana Abraham]

No issue posting the picture. I think that's nice. Nice even sending her the picture. I agree. If that's the only picture she's being sent and the caption of the Instagram photo is the Great Eight, and she's never been in a picture of his. And I would feel like, like left out.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I'd feel hidden. You're together. Yeah, A year and a half. Like, where do I. You know, there's not even a rhyme for us. We can't even be like the, The Marvelous Nine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did she get invited to the Sun Swim meet?

[Jared Freid]

Right. And she would ask her family.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's important.

[Jared Freid]

That's important. Like, were you, like, are you cool with the ex wife? Because if he's cool with his ex wife in this way to call it the Great Eight, Like, I would assume you're cool with the ex wife. Like, if his relationship is good with the ex wife, I would assume that his new girlfriend would be included similarly.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, we're trying to be this big, happy family, modern family where the exes get along and. But also that means new girlfriend, new boyfriend get brought into that. That same structure.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So that's important to me as well.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. I think it's, like, weird that you wouldn't think it was insensitive to write that caption with the. To the person that you're dating if they're not in it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. The grade A. Because then it's like. And then the.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then one. The person.

[Jared Freid]

The nonchalant nine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I would feel like not an important member of the right family.

[Jared Freid]

You're. You're By. You know, by. Based on the caption.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You're like, extended, you know, side character.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And they didn't just start dating. They're dating for a year and a half and they're in their 40s, so.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, it's a. It's a red flag. I would have a conversation about how it made me feel.

[Jared Freid]

Right. We need more information for it to be a completely.

[Jordana Abraham]

The only thing he sent to her.

[Jared Freid]

I'd be like, yeah, and I just need to know her relationship with the wife, the ex. Like, that's important to this too.

[Jordana Abraham]

But they have a great relationship. Does that help or hurt?

[Jared Freid]

It makes it even more weird that she wasn't included and there's no nickname for her involvement with this whole thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess she said she was visiting her family, so maybe she was invited.

[Jared Freid]

But that's like a convenient excuse.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, that's.

[Jordana Abraham]

What if she was there? She takes the picture.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And if she was there, would they have a different caption?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it's funny.

[Jared Freid]

She's included in the picture. Do they become the. The like. Yeah, there it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I guess it's funny because I think this would be really insulting if the ex wife posted it with that thing. But then I'm like, shouldn't it be more insulting if the boyfriend did it?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, the ex wife doing it is sort of like, all right, she's being like a.

[Jared Freid]

That'd be a little much.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Or like, that's a kind of like, she's trying to, like, be annoying passive aggressively.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But the. The boyfriend doing it. It's like you're supposed to. Who are you dating?

[Jared Freid]

Well, that you would think that from the same. From the other side. If the ex wife sent it in and was like. And he posted, like, the grade eight. Like, if the ex wife's boyfriend was like. And he. I would be like, he's trying to get back together with her.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I would think.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

So either way, I would need a conversation. I don't think I be a deal breaker immediately, but I would need to.

[Jared Freid]

It is a red flag.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where do I fit in?

[Jared Freid]

It is a Where do I fit in? Moment that goes one way or the other.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Or like, did you think you clearly didn't think of me at all.

[Jared Freid]

Right, let's do another last one. J and Jay. Been a loyal listener since getting out of a long term relationship a few years ago. Can't thank you enough for all your advice. I wanted to write in with a red flagger deal breaker from this past weekend. My friend and I were on vacation, grabbing drinks at a patio in Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, we are Toronto. We gotta go back to Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

We really got to make sure we're saying it right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Toronto?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. When?

[Jordana Abraham]

Please, if. If this isn't true.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, listen, I'm. Please, I'll. I'm willing to be corrected.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think I've been. Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Not Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

Toronto. Toronto.

[Jared Freid]

Toronto.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. I think I know you didn't say it like that.

[Jared Freid]

Grabbing drinks at a patio in Toronto. When we started chatting with this cute guy who was there with his dog a few drinks in, we mentioned we were going on a tiki boat tour and invited him along. Surprisingly, he said yes. The tour went really well.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's funny, I'm trying to think, is that like a red flag deal breaker? Like, is it weird that he said yes?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I got nothing to do. Like, you got like, nothing right? Go on a boat tour. I've. I've done weird things.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've done weird stuff like that too. I was once in D.C. visiting my brother, and I met this guy at like my friend's house who lived there, like, the night before we were supposed to go on a Segway tour.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then I like, made out with him. And then I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going on like a D.C. segway tour with my brother and my brother's girlfriend who's now his wife at the time. Like, you should come. And then the next morning he was like, what time's the tour? And he came.

[Jared Freid]

Did you think, this is my. This is my boyfriend? Like, what did you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

I was like, this is my boyfriend for the weekend, I guess.

[Jared Freid]

And what did your brother. Did your brother like him?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it was like kind of a. It was like a weird, funny day.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

But then I never saw him after that weekend.

[Jared Freid]

I. I had this happen. I got invited to, like, I was. I think I was in Atlantic City. I was doing shows there for like the week. This was years ago. And this girl was like, why don't you come hang out at the beach? My family, I'm there with my family. And I went and like, sat at the beach with this, like, family, with.

[Jordana Abraham]

Her and her family. The whole family had you, like, Hooked up before this?

[Jared Freid]

No. I was like, did you look like I was married to her? I think we might have made out. Maybe not. We were like, people were trying to fix us up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And, like, our first hang was, like, me with the mom and the dad and, like, the whole family.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I'm like, weird when that happens. Like, is it weird that you went. Is it weird that you got invited?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Is I. I think back on it, I'm like, what the was I doing? Like, why was I even.

[Jordana Abraham]

You were this guy that went on my family. I mean, the Segway tours.

[Jared Freid]

I feel embarrassed.

[Jordana Abraham]

The Segway tours. Even weirder now that I think about it.

[Jared Freid]

Right? You're, like, learning about the city.

[Jordana Abraham]

He didn't try to date me after that. Maybe he didn't like me on the Segway tour.

[Jared Freid]

She barely connected with the Washington Monument. I'm out. So anyway.

[Jordana Abraham]

Goes on the diggy boat tour.

[Jared Freid]

He goes on the tiki board. Afterwards, he suggested we grab another drink. My friend did her best wing woman work, and since she's engaged, she was focused on. I'm pointing out all the things this guy and I had in common. Everything felt like it was going smoothly at the end of the night. We were waiting for our Uber when my friend took a fake call to give us alone time. What'd the dog do?

[Jordana Abraham]

Who's taking care of your dog?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, where's the dog? We shared a sidewalk kiss. But then things got strange right after he pulled out his phone and showed me his hinge profile, asking for my feedback.

[Jordana Abraham]

Weird.

[Jared Freid]

That is weird. I was totally caught off guard. I couldn't tell if this was some play for compliments or if he genuinely wanted my thoughts. Either way, it felt really awkward to be put on the spot like that. I think I mumbled something about how all his photos made it seem like he only had his dog for company. Not seeing any pictures with friends. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him since. So, red flagger. Deal breaker. Who whips out his hinge profile after your first kiss and asks for feedback. We love your take on this whole encounter as it wasn't just the martinis that left me feeling dizzy. A romance turned market research batch. What do you think?

[Jordana Abraham]

I was going to let you lead this one since this is a really weird move, I think to do right after a makeout. I can understand doing this to show someone as a sign that you're not looking to date them, but it's weird to do it after the makeout.

[Jared Freid]

I would.

[Jordana Abraham]

What do you think is is going through his head here?

[Jared Freid]

I don't know if it was a play at showing her that, hey, I'm single. Like, I'm out there looking or like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm not in a relationship, I guess.

[Jared Freid]

Or because they met that day they meet with the dog, hey, I am single. Take a look. Or it was like, hey, I'm single. FYI, right? We can go back.

[Jordana Abraham]

It seemed like the latter, like what you're saying.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, but it seems so calculated. I, I know we get a lot of questions from women where, like, men are these calculated masterminds. And I really don't think most people think that far ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I think we'd be giving him a lot of credit if he's like, and I'll pull up my phone at the end to get her to me is like, kind of crazy, right? Like, I don't think that's the.

[Jordana Abraham]

You think it was just random?

[Jared Freid]

I think, I don't know, maybe he.

[Jordana Abraham]

Impulsively went to go check it and then realized he was with someone.

[Jared Freid]

Well, maybe he went to go check it. He, he pulled out his phone, saw her see it, it, and he's like, oh, I gotta like, do something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Show her my profile, right?

[Jared Freid]

Like, oh, I don't, I wanna, I don't want her thinking that I was like, well, here's the thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

He never contacted her. So I do think that, that maybe.

[Jared Freid]

It'S part of the story.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what makes me think it's the latter.

[Jared Freid]

It's tough. I, I, it's, why not do that.

[Jordana Abraham]

After you've slept with someone though, right?

[Jared Freid]

Like, well, it shows he doesn't know how to sleep with someone. Like, he chose them.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have to wait till the next morning in bed to show them your dating app profile and then never text.

[Jared Freid]

Them again to make sure, you know, yeah, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

This, we're not exclusive. I mean, that is a, that is a long, romantic day. You come on the te, you come.

[Jared Freid]

On, you had the date, you come.

[Jordana Abraham]

On the tiki tour, and then you don't even call me to me, I had the date.

[Jared Freid]

They, they, they went.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think if you go on a tiki tour, you, that buys you like three days of messaging. At least after the tiki tour, you would think, right?

[Jared Freid]

I would agree. A lot of hula, a lot of.

[Jordana Abraham]

Inside jokes around the day, A lot.

[Jared Freid]

Of my ties being, being sent back.

[Jordana Abraham]

This romantic day on the tiki tour. And then I never hear from you.

[Jared Freid]

Updates on the dog, how the dog did being at home alone. It is Weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you think he's not. Maybe he just like literally had nothing to do and so he went on the tiki tour, but he wasn't really interested in her romantically and then just made out with her because it was like, there.

[Jared Freid]

Someone has a story like this about me where like I did a lot and never followed up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And I know this. I'm not even like thinking of a.

[Jordana Abraham]

Specific story, like several. There's like many, many.

[Jared Freid]

This is like a very me move to have this like full day, grand day and then like nothing. What happened to that guy? So my mind.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because you have nothing else to do.

[Jared Freid]

Because I have nothing else to do.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is very on the segue to work.

[Jared Freid]

Right? This is very like male. As you get older, you're like, I don't have like this group that I have to like keep up with. Like, I don't know how old they are or whatever, but this sounds like a 40 year old guy whose friends are all married with kids. And you just like have the day. You're like, I guess I'll go on this TV tour, see if we could bang.

[Jordana Abraham]

And do you think he was interested? Would you go on the tiki tour if you weren't romantically interested or sexually. I'll say sexually interested.

[Jared Freid]

I'd have to be sexually interested to go on tiki tour.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And then the rest I would figure out along the way.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

The lessons are what we learned along the way. Yeah. No, I, I, I, I'm as flummoxed as the person and I'm as flummoxed as the women who have had this happen with me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I'm like, I don't know why I went, I don't know why I went on the Segway tour, went on the, went to the beach with her family or decided to see where life take.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess like anything could happen.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I think this like, kind of plays to the like male, the male clock not being the same as the female clock. Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

We are really not trying to get anywhere.

[Jordana Abraham]

I got nothing to do.

[Jared Freid]

I got nothing. And I don't gotta be nowhere. And I mean like, when you talk.

[Jordana Abraham]

About describing meaning to things, I guess.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, I, when you talk to like married men, the longing they have for me having nothing to do is really intense.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that's parents in general.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. Because I feel like I hear from men where they're like, I hear from women like, you're just like going to the hotel and you're just gonna like stay there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I'm like. Yeah. They're like. And you're like, dude, okay, chill.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I do think that's, like, maybe it's more. Maybe it's, like, more intense for men.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or maybe it's more socially acceptable for men to, like, say they love being away from their kids.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I hear it from women, too, I think, who are like, oh, my God, like, you could just do whatever you want.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, all the time and.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And this guy is like the version.

[Jordana Abraham]

Stay the night, go the extra whatever.

[Jared Freid]

Sure. I could go on a tiki boat tour.

[Jordana Abraham]

Nothing else to.

[Jared Freid]

He's got nothing else. Right, Right. It's not even like that.

[Jordana Abraham]

It does feel like you'd have to have some level of interest in someone to want to go on a teach. Or maybe, like, not for everyone.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, I go on a lot of. You know, I hang out with a lot of people that I'm like, not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Even a second date.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. It is weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Wouldn't you go. Wouldn't you probably with that girl you went to the beach with? Didn't you want to go on a date with her after that? You spent the whole day with her family.

[Jared Freid]

It never occurred to me. No, I. I'm sure I did, but it just never, like. Yeah, I don't know. It's weird. I think back on it and I'm like, what's wrong with you? You like, I think about that about myself.

[Jordana Abraham]

Listen, if you are the girl who Jared came to the beach with and met her whole. Met his whole family, met your whole family.

[Jared Freid]

Right in. Let us know what the family thinks.

[Jordana Abraham]

Please write in and let us know what you thought after that encounter. Did he ask you on a date?

[Jared Freid]

Listen, I've been in relationships where I've done been, like, at, like, a family event. And they're probably like, what, that guy? It didn't work out. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, a relationship is different. Like, you're kind of different.

[Jared Freid]

You gotta have a breakup. You have, you know, this one day of just on a Segway tour.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, maybe for me it was because I didn't live there too.

[Jared Freid]

That's part of it. Easy out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, great.

[Jared Freid]

That was the same with the beach.

[Jordana Abraham]

Day she lived there, you didn't.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Maybe that's a part of it. Part of why you went.

[Jared Freid]

Because you're like, it's easy. It's like, there's no pressure, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Interesting. Well, all right.

[Jared Freid]

We solved dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. And I guess the red flag or deal Breakers. He whips out his hinge profile after.

[Jared Freid]

After your.

[Jordana Abraham]

After your first kiss and ask for feedback. If you were on a. If you made out with a woman and then she showed you her hinge.

[Jared Freid]

Profile and asked, it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

[Jordana Abraham]

The feedback part is the deal breaker part, I think, because you're, like, trying to improve this to go on other dates with other people.

[Jared Freid]

I would take it as, like, a flirt and I'd be, like, considered a red flag of, like, they're trying to, like, get me to, like, get my together. Like, I'm out there. I'm a hot commodity.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'd get really.

[Jared Freid]

Which is annoying.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'd get really into it. I'd be like, so we're gonna delete this now, right? Because you found the one, right?

[Jared Freid]

You gotta go.

[Jordana Abraham]

You gotta almost, like, double down.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Yeah. You gotta like, we're married now. You just went on a segue, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Give me your phone.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Delete messaging, all your messaging, all your matches, saying you're no longer interested.

[Jared Freid]

Right? That's the. That's the way to go. All right. We solved dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We solve dating. We'll be back on Friday.

[Jared Freid]

Boom.

[Jordana Abraham]

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