U Up? — "Is My Buff Body Scaring Away Men?"

Podcast by: Betches Media
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: February 7, 2025

Episode Overview

This lighthearted and insightful episode revolves around the anxieties, realities, and perceptions of personal fitness and body image in dating—especially when someone's enthusiasm for strength or working out is unusually high. The hosts respond to listener stories about dating with unusual last name coincidences and an in-depth letter from a woman who loves CrossFit, worries her muscularity is scaring men away, and craves advice on balancing personal pride with societal expectations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Milestones & Aging (01:44–12:09)

• Jordana and Jared open by discussing upcoming Valentine's Day and milestone birthdays, especially Jared turning 40.

  • Jared: "[Being] 40 is got to be the female 30." (02:59)
  • The difference in societal perception and celebration of turning 30 for single women versus 40 for men.
  • Light, relatable banter about aging anxieties, family comments, and humorous takes on what it means to hit certain ages.

• Discussion of aging as a privilege, reframing anxiety about aging by imagining how good your body would feel if you were 80 and woke up in it now (10:11–11:04).

2. Quirky Listener Letter: “Is it Icky or Picky to Refuse Dates with Guys With My Last Name?” (16:12–23:29)

• A listener writes in about being uncomfortable dating men with her own uncommon last name.
  • Jared: “No, it’s picky either way.” (18:04)
  • They unpack when dating quirks cross the line from relatable joke to “psychologically off.”
  • Jared: “Creeped out is such a weird way to just use to describe this.” (17:41)
  • Jordana: “If Eleanor Roosevelt could marry someone with the same last name, you can too.” (20:10)
  • Both agree: these hangups are normal but arbitrary—if you’re really into someone, a name shouldn’t hold you back.

3. Main Segment: “Is My Buff Body Scaring Away Men?” (24:24–36:25)

Email from a CrossFit Enthusiast

• 34-year-old listener, after a divorce and nearly getting married again, feels her strength and commitment to CrossFit may intimidate potential partners.
  • “My family thinks… it’s a deal breaker for a lot of guys I meet. My view is that if they’re scared of my strength, I don’t want them, but I still want to find someone. How do I keep it from scaring away possible partners?” (29:27–29:42)

Hosts’ Analysis

• Jared doubts the premise: He’s skeptical that men explicitly say, “I’m intimidated by your strength.”
  • “I can’t understand how that comes out.” (30:02)
• Jordana reframes: Maybe men don’t say it outright, but it seeps into the conversation—comments like “Wow, I could never lift that much”—and is then interpreted as intimidation.
• Both caution against taking family opinions too seriously.
  • Jared: “My family says things to me all the time... who could date you? You’re a slob. There’s a lot of people who want to date this pig.” (31:14)

Key Advice

• Don’t diminish your favorite traits: Jordana notes, “If she’s so passionate about these activities, she should try to meet people who also love these activities. They’ll be the ones who respect her most.” (33:10)
• Embrace your identity, don’t sand off the edges: Jared emphasizes, “Changing is not going to help you because then you’re not yourself.” (33:04)
• Every pot has a lid: There are men who will value her strength—and likely only be attracted to her because of it.

Memorable Quotes

• Jared: “I think you got to keep doing you, boo.” (33:04)
• Jordana: “If you meet someone through the stuff you love, they’re more likely to respect what you’ve done in that space.” (33:43)
• Light ribbing about Vancouverites being unhappy despite breathtaking beauty, tying local culture to self-image in a tongue-in-cheek way.

4. On “Over-Anticipating Criticism” (34:28–35:35)

• The hosts dissect millennial tendencies to preempt or “get ahead of the joke,” addressing the noise of how others might talk about us, especially regarding fitness identities.
  • Jared: “We always try to get ahead of what the joke is about us—we’re a little sensitive.” (35:04)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 02:59 | “40 is got to be the female 30 for men.” | Jared | | 10:11 | “Imagine you’re 80 and you woke up in your body at 40… how amazing would you feel?” | Jordana | | 17:41 | “Creeped out is such a weird way to just use to describe this.” | Jared | | 18:04 | “No, it’s picky either way.” | Jared | | 20:10 | “If Eleanor Roosevelt could marry this person with the same last name as her, you can too.” | Jordana | | 31:14 | “My family says things to me all the time… who could date you? You’re a slob. There’s a lot of people who want to date this pig.” | Jared | | 33:04 | “Changing is not going to help you because then you’re not yourself… keep doing you, boo.” | Jared | | 33:43 | “If you meet someone through the stuff you love, they’re more likely to 1 respect everything you’ve done in that space.” | Jordana | | 35:04 | “We always try to get ahead of what the joke is about us—we’re a little sensitive.” | Jared |

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:44–12:09]: Discussion on aging, birthdays, reframing fears of getting older
• [16:12–23:29]: Listener question – Is it “icky or picky” to avoid dating men with your last name?
• [24:24–36:25]: Main letter – Is my CrossFit body scaring men away?; Body image, family pressure, and dating advice

Takeaways

• Authenticity trumps appeasement. Don’t alter who you are to fit other people’s (even family’s) assumptions about what’s desirable. Passion and confidence are attractive to the right partners.

• Meet people in your space. If fitness is core to your identity, date in that world. Your community is more likely to admire your achievements.

• Don’t overthink or preshrink yourself. Worrying about how to “not scare off” men for being authentically yourself misses the point of partnership—go where you’re celebrated, not merely tolerated.

• Don’t let jokes or passing remarks become deep insecurities. Hangups around names, or muscle, or niche interests can be normalized through shared community or personal comfort.

This summary captures the lively tone, friendly self-deprecation, and practical, empathetic advice that make “U Up?” a staple for anyone navigating modern dating with humor and heart.