Is My Buff Body Scaring Away Men?

Summary

U Up? — "Is My Buff Body Scaring Away Men?"

Podcast by: Betches Media
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: February 7, 2025

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Episode Overview

This lighthearted and insightful episode revolves around the anxieties, realities, and perceptions of personal fitness and body image in dating—especially when someone's enthusiasm for strength or working out is unusually high. The hosts respond to listener stories about dating with unusual last name coincidences and an in-depth letter from a woman who loves CrossFit, worries her muscularity is scaring men away, and craves advice on balancing personal pride with societal expectations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Milestones & Aging (01:44–12:09)

• Jordana and Jared open by discussing upcoming Valentine's Day and milestone birthdays, especially Jared turning 40.

  • Jared: "[Being] 40 is got to be the female 30." (02:59)
  • The difference in societal perception and celebration of turning 30 for single women versus 40 for men.
  • Light, relatable banter about aging anxieties, family comments, and humorous takes on what it means to hit certain ages.

• Discussion of aging as a privilege, reframing anxiety about aging by imagining how good your body would feel if you were 80 and woke up in it now (10:11–11:04).

2. Quirky Listener Letter: “Is it Icky or Picky to Refuse Dates with Guys With My Last Name?” (16:12–23:29)

• A listener writes in about being uncomfortable dating men with her own uncommon last name.
  • Jared: “No, it’s picky either way.” (18:04)
  • They unpack when dating quirks cross the line from relatable joke to “psychologically off.”
  • Jared: “Creeped out is such a weird way to just use to describe this.” (17:41)
  • Jordana: “If Eleanor Roosevelt could marry someone with the same last name, you can too.” (20:10)
  • Both agree: these hangups are normal but arbitrary—if you’re really into someone, a name shouldn’t hold you back.

3. Main Segment: “Is My Buff Body Scaring Away Men?” (24:24–36:25)

Email from a CrossFit Enthusiast

• 34-year-old listener, after a divorce and nearly getting married again, feels her strength and commitment to CrossFit may intimidate potential partners.
  • “My family thinks… it’s a deal breaker for a lot of guys I meet. My view is that if they’re scared of my strength, I don’t want them, but I still want to find someone. How do I keep it from scaring away possible partners?” (29:27–29:42)

Hosts’ Analysis

• Jared doubts the premise: He’s skeptical that men explicitly say, “I’m intimidated by your strength.”
  • “I can’t understand how that comes out.” (30:02)
• Jordana reframes: Maybe men don’t say it outright, but it seeps into the conversation—comments like “Wow, I could never lift that much”—and is then interpreted as intimidation.
• Both caution against taking family opinions too seriously.
  • Jared: “My family says things to me all the time... who could date you? You’re a slob. There’s a lot of people who want to date this pig.” (31:14)

Key Advice

• Don’t diminish your favorite traits: Jordana notes, “If she’s so passionate about these activities, she should try to meet people who also love these activities. They’ll be the ones who respect her most.” (33:10)
• Embrace your identity, don’t sand off the edges: Jared emphasizes, “Changing is not going to help you because then you’re not yourself.” (33:04)
• Every pot has a lid: There are men who will value her strength—and likely only be attracted to her because of it.

Memorable Quotes

• Jared: “I think you got to keep doing you, boo.” (33:04)
• Jordana: “If you meet someone through the stuff you love, they’re more likely to respect what you’ve done in that space.” (33:43)
• Light ribbing about Vancouverites being unhappy despite breathtaking beauty, tying local culture to self-image in a tongue-in-cheek way.

4. On “Over-Anticipating Criticism” (34:28–35:35)

• The hosts dissect millennial tendencies to preempt or “get ahead of the joke,” addressing the noise of how others might talk about us, especially regarding fitness identities.
  • Jared: “We always try to get ahead of what the joke is about us—we’re a little sensitive.” (35:04)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 02:59 | “40 is got to be the female 30 for men.” | Jared | | 10:11 | “Imagine you’re 80 and you woke up in your body at 40… how amazing would you feel?” | Jordana | | 17:41 | “Creeped out is such a weird way to just use to describe this.” | Jared | | 18:04 | “No, it’s picky either way.” | Jared | | 20:10 | “If Eleanor Roosevelt could marry this person with the same last name as her, you can too.” | Jordana | | 31:14 | “My family says things to me all the time… who could date you? You’re a slob. There’s a lot of people who want to date this pig.” | Jared | | 33:04 | “Changing is not going to help you because then you’re not yourself… keep doing you, boo.” | Jared | | 33:43 | “If you meet someone through the stuff you love, they’re more likely to 1 respect everything you’ve done in that space.” | Jordana | | 35:04 | “We always try to get ahead of what the joke is about us—we’re a little sensitive.” | Jared |

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:44–12:09]: Discussion on aging, birthdays, reframing fears of getting older
• [16:12–23:29]: Listener question – Is it “icky or picky” to avoid dating men with your last name?
• [24:24–36:25]: Main letter – Is my CrossFit body scaring men away?; Body image, family pressure, and dating advice

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Takeaways

• Authenticity trumps appeasement. Don’t alter who you are to fit other people’s (even family’s) assumptions about what’s desirable. Passion and confidence are attractive to the right partners.

• Meet people in your space. If fitness is core to your identity, date in that world. Your community is more likely to admire your achievements.

• Don’t overthink or preshrink yourself. Worrying about how to “not scare off” men for being authentically yourself misses the point of partnership—go where you’re celebrated, not merely tolerated.

• Don’t let jokes or passing remarks become deep insecurities. Hangups around names, or muscle, or niche interests can be normalized through shared community or personal comfort.

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This summary captures the lively tone, friendly self-deprecation, and practical, empathetic advice that make “U Up?” a staple for anyone navigating modern dating with humor and heart.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Says things to me all the time of like, who could date you? You're a slob. And I'm like, there's a lot of people who want to date this. This pig.

[A]

Hello and welcome back to the U up Podcast Friday Feels episode. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. So good to be back here with you, Jordan. We love a Friday feels. We love bringing people into the weekend, so to speak.

[A]

Indeed.

[B]

Getting you ready.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Part of your car ride. Maybe you're going somewhere, you're flying somewhere. We're in your ears. We're there to take your brain off of whatever troubles you're going through and give you maybe a laugh or a perspective that you enjoy.

[A]

Yeah. One week until Valentine's Day.

[B]

Oh my God. Why'd you bring us back to reality?

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

What are you going to do?

[A]

February is a reality month.

[B]

It is all reality. Valentine's day, I'm turning 40.

[A]

Big month.

[B]

It's coming.

[A]

How are you feeling?

[B]

I'm feeling okay. We taped this a little bit before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I don't know, like, it's still very January to me.

[A]

Yeah. But still like, oh, that's a next month problem.

[B]

We'll deal with February when it comes. But we're like two days away.

[A]

Nothing to deal with. Age is just a number, Jared.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

40 is just 40. I.

[A]

We gotta throw you a U up birthday party.

[B]

I'm ready. Yeah, I mean 40. Every time I say it, it feels like I'm talking like 40s.

[A]

40 is different than being in your 40s. I think you're freshly new. You're new here.

[B]

I'm a couple weeks away from being in my 40s. I'm turning 40 is different than I'm. I'm 40.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's gross.

[A]

Now you're a young, a young man. Do you feel like the again? I, I, we've talked about this before. I do feel like 40 is the, is the female 30?

[B]

Yeah. I think for men it's got to be the female 30.

[A]

Right? Because when you're 30, as a woman, I think you're like, I gotta get my together.

[B]

Right. I do have an element of like. Yeah, I think 40. I. If I remember all the, you know, I guess I won't get like the big blowout birthday bash that all these single 30 year olds got. Everybody knowing I don't want it. Not a big birthday.

[A]

I didn't think so.

[B]

No one gets a bigger birthday party than a single 30 year old woman.

[A]

Or unmarried 30 year old woman. That was, I had a, I had a, I did a big 30th for that.

[B]

What'd you do for your 30th?

[A]

I did a wine tour. I did like a wine tour. Birthday.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Big.

[B]

Of Long island or like Napa of Long Island?

[A]

I mean, it was 30. It was.

[B]

That's real. That's, that's a wake up call. Not even a Napa.

[A]

I know. Maybe for 40. Yeah, maybe for 40. I've got a little bit.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not. We got to get there. Like, I really.

[A]

You won't know until you're there.

[B]

Right. I keep having this image of myself alone on an international flight.

[A]

Like, is it giving you anxiety?

[B]

I don't know. I just keep seeing it and I don't know what that means to me.

[A]

Imagine if you were an economy on the, on your.

[B]

That would be like a moment where I like, need to, like, switch my career, like change something.

[A]

Reevaluate everything.

[B]

Everything needs to change.

[A]

All right. At least you're, you're doing it right.

[B]

In a live flat seat. I wouldn't be going at all. I, I.

[A]

You're gonna tell the pilot it's your birthday.

[B]

I'm, I, Someone's gonna tell that pilot. Jared Seller. I just want to let Everyone know.

[A]

I feel like this. Yeah. Seriously. I feel like this is all the workings for a, like, movie.

[B]

There's something movie about it. Like I was in a Barry's Boot Camp class and they were like, hey, so and so's doing her 150th class. And I was like, that's horrific. Like, I don't want that.

[A]

How many have you taken?

[B]

It's happened to me. I had. When I. When I first went back to Barry's. It had been years since I've been there. And it happened to be on my 200th class.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

So they're like, Jared's having his 200th class. Give it up. And then everyone in the room, like, looks at you and you kind of feel them being like, you took 200.

[A]

That's a nightmare.

[B]

That's a body of 200 berries. Like, you know, like, that's kind of.

[A]

How we want our money back.

[B]

Right, everyone? Whoa. What am I doing here? That fat for the 200. You know, so it's like a little bit of that. Like with the birthday. Like, hey, like, I would feel like up in the air. You know, like if. If. If I was late to New Zealand. Yeah. The movie. If. If they were like, we just want to wish.

[A]

Oh Yeah.

[B]

A happy 40th birthday to our diamond medallion member.

[A]

Platinum. I've sent you that scene.

[B]

Yeah. And it would be that scene. Because then there people like, you know. I guess people would clap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If I'm having this night and the.

[A]

Pilot comes and sits next to you.

[B]

Sits next. Just want to thank you. And where's your family? Where's your wife? I don't have those, sir.

[A]

Yeah. Because you spend like 700 minutes. 000 minutes a year on flights.

[B]

Yeah. So I have. That. That would be like the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

[A]

As if someone acknowledged your presence.

[B]

Yeah. I want to just like clink a glass to myself. You did it right. 40 years on this survive. And then someone's like, no, it's actually 41 years. Because when you're married, you're zero years old. It's like get the.

[A]

You're on your 41st year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And during your 41st year. Yeah. I agree. It's like 40 years have been completed.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which is like, weird.

[B]

I don't even. Whatever.

[A]

Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[B]

Whoever does that to people needs to, like, look in the mirror. And no one likes to be around you. Just. That's my. My message to you. Well, it's actually, your 40th. If you finish the 40th year, you're zero years old. I'm getting a headache trying to figure this out.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What are we talking about today? Oh, so this is all to say, if you're in New Zealand or Australia, I'll be there for my birthday, come.

[A]

To the show, in a great mood.

[B]

Not feeling a meltdown at all. So what's going on with you, Jordana? Enough about me and old, old me.

[A]

No, what's up with me? I got a new coffee machine. Life's good. I've been taking. It requires a lot of maintenance, so I feel like I'm ready for, you know, a dog or something.

[B]

What may. So you bought a coffee machine that made. You have to do more work.

[A]

You have to maintain, like, every. It's so annoying because, like, there's no amount of money that you can spend on anything where you just don't have to, like, take care of it.

[B]

Yeah. I don't like that.

[A]

It's almost like the more expensive something is, the more you have to take care of it.

[B]

Yeah. This is my issue in life.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like, I'm. I'm like. I'm like, get it? And then I get it. They're like, read. Do you want to read the directions? I'm like, no.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I wanted to just be. I wanted to take care of itself. Where's that option?

[B]

I think that's called going to a coffee house and ordering from the coffee people.

[A]

Should have just done that. Yeah.

[B]

What did you get?

[A]

I got a Jura. It's like a. Aileen had it. She said it was good.

[B]

And what's the maintenance?

[A]

You gotta, like, clean the filter when it gets dirty. You've gotta clean the milk system, the milk refill, the beans.

[B]

You're having milk.

[A]

Empty the drip tray. Yeah, of course I'm having milk. Milk my coffee.

[B]

Yeah. I don't.

[A]

I make lattes.

[B]

You're making lattes?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Regular milk or, like, regular milk? Good for you.

[A]

Whole milk.

[B]

I guess that's how it goes in your mansion.

[A]

I get confused with the milks. Are you spoiled? I feel like everyone tells you all the different milks you're supposed to drink.

[B]

Like, I don't.

[A]

Milk is bad for you.

[B]

Yeah, I, I, it's me.

[A]

Oh, you're one of those. Yeah.

[B]

For me, I'd rather have a heart attack from sweet and low than get fat from milk.

[A]

Oh, you put sweet and low in it.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I do know.

[A]

I do. No sweetener, just so.

[B]

Just milk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that's probably a healthier way to go.

[A]

Is it? I don't know. I don't care.

[B]

I'm just.

[A]

We've made it this far, right? Almost 40, 35.

[B]

If I can just get off this planet quickly.

[A]

Yeah. You're here for a good time, not a long time.

[B]

No, no. I don't want to, like, get so old that, like, people have to.

[A]

Last one here. No, no, you don't be the last one at the party.

[B]

No, I want to press old but not a burden.

[A]

Okay. Are you one of those people, like, my dad would always say this, like, just. If I get to that point, just push me off a cliff. Yeah. I'm like, all right, relax. Like, I'll just poison you. That's way more convenient.

[B]

That's less blood on my hands. My grandmother used to say that if I. My grandmother would always be like, if I can't drive, just kill me. Yeah, just take a gun and shoot me in the fucking face. Say that.

[A]

But it's also, like, that sounds difficult, too. Like, I don't want to take care of you. I don't want to murder you. Well, they all, you know, was there a third option where, like, I just don't have to see you?

[B]

Yeah, I think it's. I think it's called getting rich enough to hire.

[A]

Hire someone to take care, Take care of this.

[B]

Yeah, old sucks. Like, right? Aging really sucks. Like, we talk about, you know, I'm turning 40. Like, who gives a. Like, I'm fine. Feeling like you're trapped and can't do the things you want to do that your mind can do and you can't do. Like, I. I.

[A]

Right. Well, that's a good point in that, you know, I always like to do this when I get anxious about my age. And I've talked about this on oversharing a little bit, where it's like, you have to, like, imagine you're, like, 80 and then you woke up in your body at 40, 35. Whatever you are today, how, like, amazing you feel.

[B]

I know, right? I have that feeling when I, like, take two days off from drinking. I'm like, what? This is what a human body feels like.

[A]

Like, whoa, I can do anything.

[B]

I could really go crazy. Yeah, it's. It's difficult to kind of, like, come to be at peace with your vessel.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So to speak. That's what it all is. Like, you have to just go, I gotta be thankful. Like, my dad lost hearing in one of his ears just randomly, and now he might get the cochlear.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Like, it like, attaches to your head. Like, you have like, a little, like.

[A]

He just randomly lost hearing. Like, one day it was like a.

[B]

Virus that just like, suddenly he just like, gone in one ear. That's annoying. So now it's like, hard to talk to him on the phone.

[A]

Can he just put it to his other ear?

[B]

I guess. But like, imagine, like, it's like having a clog. Like, it's like.

[A]

No, it's tough because on the one hand you're like, well, I've got one left.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Still working.

[B]

But also like, I remember what it was like to live a more comfortable life. So, yeah, it's. See here. And then like, you kind of go, what can I do? You know? Like, must be all the. Well, it serves him right. His whole life. If you couldn't. If he couldn't hear you go, what? What? What? Like, and you'd be like. Like. He played this joke about going deaf and then it happened.

[A]

Wow. He manifested it. Words are like spells.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

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[B]

Oh, you're not one.

[A]

You can say that for another week. You're not one of them. Soon you're gonna be saying one of us, right? About two years ago I met a guy while working. We exchanged business cards at that time. I immediately noticed that we had the same last name and he happened to have the same full name as my uncle. I immediately made the comment about our shared names and I didn't think much more of it. We talked about where we were from and figured we weren't related. A week later he texted me reminding me who he was and how we met and asked if I was single and would be interested in getting a drink.

[B]

What a great guy.

[A]

I politely declined and actually lied to him telling him I was seeing someone. Having the same last name made it just too weird for me.

[B]

Sorry sir, you have an undesirable name.

[A]

That's so weird.

[B]

It it. Well this is to. Well this is an icky or picky. They're asking whether they're being.

[A]

Oh yeah, I should have mentioned this.

[B]

Is an icky or picky or if they're being picky.

[A]

But and she writes. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I was chatting with a guy online. We were having a good conversation and planning a date. I'll call him Brian.

[B]

Hi Brian.

[A]

At this point I have his first name and cell number and he has mine. I asked for his email to send him something and he responded to it which automatically generated an email signature with his first and last name. That's when I realized we also have the same last name.

[B]

If your last name's Smith. Yeah. I mean you gotta expect this.

[A]

Relax. Yeah, I texted him once I realized he said he had noticed as well. Once again, I'm a little creeped out by it. He didn't seem phased. Creeped out is such a weird way to. Where to just use to describe this.

[B]

Like this guy with his name. Relax.

[A]

We are certain that we aren't related. But if I'm looking for a long term relationship, I just can't imagine introducing him to my family or friends and giving them his last name. Am I being too picky here? What are your thoughts? Signed. It's not even a common name. I need to know the last name in order to determine if it's.

[B]

I don't. No, no, no, it's picky.

[A]

No, it's picky either way. But I want, But I'm.

[B]

How weird it is. Yeah, Yeah. I am curious, but it's very picky. Here's I, I will say this to the. You hear this from a lot of women and it's a joke. I get the joke. But there's a fine line between fun joke and oh, this person's like annoying kind of annoying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I dated Jason. You know, I dated a Jason. When I hear that joke of like, you know, men with a J name again, I'm personalizing. I, I, but I don't see that and go like, I go, I get it. Like you had a bad experience with, you know, Johnny.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And you're like, I'll never date it. You don't date a Johnny. Like when I hear someone say that, I get the joke. But if they go, there's like an inch forward into that joke even more. My first thought is this person is psychologically like off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Grow up. Yeah. Like they've, they've, they're going through something.

[A]

Creeped out.

[B]

Like, right. Creeped out. Like this person had any control over their name. All they're doing. What would make this creepy?

[A]

Yeah. You know what creepy means?

[B]

I don't know. Creepy made me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't like the way that felt to hear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, oh, you with your name.

[A]

Gross. Yeah. Like it's just as much your fault. You're creepy. Right?

[B]

Yeah. This is just like one of the like. But it's funny because like these things start as like jokey jokes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They become memes, they become a socially acceptable thing to say. Which it is. I hear this all the Time. Especially from women where it's like, don't you know? I've seen these memes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The minute I see someone agree with it, like, just. And I don't know, it's more a feeling than, like, what they say a little. Anytime I can't date someone that relates to an ex who I had a bad experience with, I'm like, well, then maybe you're.

[A]

That's on you.

[B]

You need to go seek out therapy and figure this out. Or figure out what happened with this ex.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Before you can move on in the world. Like, I don't agree with you. I laugh with you because I'll make conversation comfortable.

[A]

If Eleanor Roosevelt could marry this person with the same last name as her, you can too. Did you know that?

[B]

I didn't know that.

[A]

They're both Roosevelt.

[B]

Really?

[A]

They're actually like third cousins or something.

[B]

So maybe that's not common name.

[A]

No, I think they're related. They're like, distantly related.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But, like, they had the same last name. She married him, kept the last name.

[B]

Someone being my mom's name, being my dad's name.

[A]

Like, well, those are first names.

[B]

Right. I'm just saying, like, all those things.

[A]

Like, I wouldn't care.

[B]

It wouldn't even, like, move the dial for me if I met.

[A]

Like, I have a lot of those instances. I'm. My high school. My. Sorry. My college boyfriend had the same last name as my mom's maiden name, which is my middle name. So that was my middle. His last name was my middle name.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Technically.

[B]

And it's like. It's like sometimes I have a joke. I would say. I. I say that my dad and I have the same body, and I'm like. I was like. I was like, it's uncomfortable to say that you. You have, like, the same body as your family, but most people do. And I would say. I would say, oh, we're like Russian dolls. Like, that was like, the joke. And then I go. And then I had an add on where I'm like, I could fit inside of you. And then, like, the crowd. There were certain people in the crowd, like, ew. I'm like, no, I just said Russian doll. Russian doll literally goes inside of it. I. The idea that you. I didn't make this sexual. You made it sexual. You turned me being inside of you into my finger up. My dad's somehow.

[A]

Yeah, that's on you. You're weird, right? Yeah.

[B]

This isn't the world's problem. So this is all to say that when I put my finger on my dad's ass. It was a little weird I.

[A]

But yeah, I've I've done that wasn't weird. It's my mom's dream that I married him.

[B]

Really?

[A]

So I would have her last name twice.

[B]

That's a funny why? Was he a good guy? No, she just liked the last.

[A]

Yeah, she just wanted to get rid of my dad's last name and have hers a double.

[B]

Totally healthy and reasonable.

[A]

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[B]

Let's do an email.

[A]

All right, let's do it.

[B]

Uupetches.com I'll read it. J and J. I'd feather your nuts, Jared, but I'm scared my feathering game may be too strong for you.

[A]

Okay, that's creepy.

[B]

Well, not to me. A little turned on, tell you the truth. Long story short, I do cross.

[A]

Are you still turned on?

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

With that coupled with that, CrossFit.

[B]

CrossFit got such a reputation so quickly. Like, that was like, the first.

[A]

People are still doing CrossFit. I feel like it was very big in a certain time period, right?

[B]

It was like early 2010s, right?

[A]

It was a CrossFit guy.

[B]

CrossFit guy.

[A]

And the joke was like, that everyone who did CrossFit would tell you they did CrossFit right away.

[B]

And I, I understood that. And it was a funny joke because they did do that.

[A]

Like vegans, they would say that about. It was the same joke they used for, like, a bunch of different things that were popular.

[B]

Right. If someone does CrossFit, just ask them. They'll tell you, like, that type of thing. I. Well, they, it's still a thing. They have, like, the CrossFit games. Like, I just think now the joke has been heard, so they're a little quieter about it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like this. It's over.

[A]

Correction.

[B]

Right. I, I listen, whatever workout have you done?

[A]

CrossFit?

[B]

I've never done it.

[A]

I did one class once.

[B]

It was a fun.

[A]

It was a long time ago, but yeah, it was fine. It was like two. It was not my, it was not my, my favorite, my favorite kind of workout.

[B]

Okay. Well, I think, you know, it's. It is pretty understandable that a generation brought up on youth sports and intramurals and being in these, like, pretend competition things, right. Would then grow up to do pretend competition things as their workout.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So she writes. Long story short, I do CrossFit.

[A]

We made it a long story, right?

[B]

A lot of people make it their whole personality. And while I do spend a lot of time at the gym, I'm wanting to find someone who pulls me away from it a couple times a week. A mediocre at it. But it's the form of exercise that I've stuck with the longest. Like, look at how beaten down she is.

[A]

Right? No judgment.

[B]

Yeah. You're Cool.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

I've been on the apps for three years after a failed marriage, an almost marriage, a ton of therapy, and a career change. I'm 34.

[A]

That's a lot to have gotten done by. 34.

[B]

Right? I was gonna say, are you 80? I'm 34 and want to find a partner to start a family with. Well, I do CrossFit. I also hike, go on long road trips, and love to explore the local restaurant scene in Vancouver. British columb you. I've been to Vancouver many times. Vancouver with you.

[A]

We did a show there.

[B]

Well, it's funny. I. That's the most miserable people I've ever been around.

[A]

Vancouver people.

[B]

It's strange, but her. Her. The. The tune of her email fits the Vancouver vibe, which is like, they have everything. She's like, I go to the. I go on road trips. I, I, I hike. I ski.

[A]

I mean, you can do a lot there.

[B]

Everything there. And everyone.

[A]

I went to a Whistler right after our show.

[B]

Yeah, everyone there is miserable. They're. They're highly taxed, and they don't think they're getting out.

[A]

You thought that this joke was that everyone in Canada was, like, happy?

[B]

Not Vancouverans. They. They are a sad bunch. They. All they do is complain about Vancouver.

[A]

Really?

[B]

They're highly taxed, and they don't. I. I thought about this a lot.

[A]

I always thought everyone in Canada was, like, loving it there.

[B]

They seem to be angrier these days. Okay. I mean, I'm gonna be back from Montreal by the time this comes out.

[A]

Let us know what the temperature is over there.

[B]

I'll let you know what happens. But I just know Vancouver, it was like. It was this element of, like, you're amongst all this amazing stuff, but you don't even have the ability to use it all because it's, like, unaffordable.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, it was like, we're working a lot. We're getting taxed like crazy. We're around these mountains and all this beauty, but, like, no one has a boat, you know? Like, I remember I went to this lake that was near the city. A friend of mine brought me to this lake that was, like, the most beautiful place I've ever seen. And they had these donuts that, like, Adele loved. And we were walking around, and I'm like, do you know anyone who lives, like, does anyone have a house here? And they were like, I've never met someone who has a house here. Like, I've never.

[A]

So expensive.

[B]

So expensive. So it's like this weird thing of, like, if you're young and living there. It almost like. I think all the goods of Vancouver feel out of reach. And it's like. But it's all there in front of you.

[A]

You right? And it's like, hyper can look, but you can't touch.

[B]

I play three different coed sports, and I'm involved in coaching youth sports. Very sporty, big calendar to keep. Here's the kicker. Guys say that they're intimidated by how strong I am. I'm 54 and weigh 200 pounds. I hit my protein goals daily and can outlift a lot of guys. I love being strong, and I don't want to change that, but my family thinks that it's a deal breaker for a lot of guys I meet. My view is that if they're scared of my strength, I don't want them. But at the same time, I want to find someone. What do I do? Please help. After all kinds of body issues, surgically repaired injuries, after an NCAA soccer career and years of relationship trauma, my strength is one of my favorite parts of myself. But how do I keep it from scaring away possible partners? Thank you. All the love for what you do every week. I can't get enough of your voice. Assigned a CrossFit batch.

[A]

Good email.

[B]

Can I. I don't mean it's a good email. I appreciate their feelings. Can I doubt the premise?

[A]

You can. Can you doubt that people. That men are intimidated by her strength?

[B]

That men say they're intimidated by how strong I am? Like, I.

[A]

You don't. You're saying you don't believe that.

[B]

Well, she goes from saying, I don't believe that.

[A]

You don't believe that. They're saying that.

[B]

It's a weird thing to say to someone. I. I just. I can't understand how that comes out.

[A]

I see how that would happen. Like, you go on a date or something, or someone talks about their. About their. Their CrossFit experience, and they say, you know, I can lift this amount. You might be like, all right, that's like, a lot. That is a lot. I'm a little.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I. Wow. Or like, wow. Like, I could. And maybe they wouldn't say that exactly. They could say, like, wow, I could never. I could never. I couldn't even lift that. Or I could never lift that. I could see. Like, maybe. Maybe they're not saying to her, I'm intimidated by your strength. And maybe they're like, like, oh, wow. Like, that's impressive. Like, I could never do that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

In the same way, like, I would be intimidated playing basketball with an Olympic basketball player.

[B]

Sure. I don't doubt that there are people that are intimidated by a strong woman. No, that's not what I'm saying. I But like to say to someone's.

[A]

Face, I wonder if there's. I wonder if they're saying it like that or if it's coming out. In other words.

[B]

Well, they write later on. But my family thinks it's a deal breaker for a lot of guys I meet, so those are two very different things.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Your family saying something. Listen, my family says things to me all the time of, like, who could date you? You're a slob. And I'm like, there's a lot of people who want to date this pig. Okay. I can find a date for this piglet in the sty. But I, I don't take that response seriously from them. Like, I, I actually, her family's opinions are stupid, in my opinion.

[A]

Well, it seems like you guys are. You're. You're. You're not complaining to your parents that you probably, like, you're single. Right?

[B]

Fine.

[A]

But.

[B]

But if you complain about your single and then their response is, well, maybe it's that you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Your biceps are too big. Like, that's. I think that's actually crazy, like, to me, like, listen, go on, download the app field and you will find a. But for every c. There are people looking for very specific things.

[A]

But she also probably does want to be, like, fetishized.

[B]

Sure. I mean, I'd like to be fetishized. I, like, I would love for a woman to be like, oh, my God, your eyebrows just make me come right away, you know? Like, I do understand how I agree with you.

[A]

I think the family's perspective is not helping things and is not. What is she supposed to do with that? Even if that were true. Oh, okay. I'll just live a life that I, I'll mold to make sure that it's. It's welcoming to a man. Like, that's a crazy. That's a crazy way to live your life.

[B]

She says that's her favorite thing about her.

[A]

Yeah. And she loves it. Yeah. No, and I think, I think it's great. And I think, sure. Will there be some guys who are like, I'm not really into that. That scene, that look, whatever it is, that as they would say for any kind of person, there's going to be people who are not buying what you're selling, who aren't into the lifting thing, but there's going to be a lot.

[B]

Of people who are right for every guy that doesn't like it. There's a guy that likes. So changing is not going to help you because then you're not yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like to me, I think you got to keep doing you boo. Like, it's like, yeah, I keep doing you.

[A]

And if she's so passionate about this and she's passionate about these activities, I would try to meet people who also love these activities because they're going to be the ones who respect what you do the most most.

[B]

That's a good point because she even writes in her emails. She's like, I'd like to find someone that gets me away from CrossFit. I don't think that if you met someone at CrossFit that means more cross.

[A]

Right. We're only going to be together doing CrossFit.

[B]

Right. Maybe you two can convince each other to stay home a little bit more.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Rather than go and, you know, lift the heavy bag.

[A]

Yeah. But they're also going to value the same things as you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Being physically fit, being outside. Like you're just like more. If you meet someone through doing stuff that you love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you're more. They're more likely to 1 respect everything you've done in that space. So she's. She's saying this like there's a huge prop point of pride for her. Who's going to appreciate it more than someone who's also doing it.

[B]

I'm with you. And again, I know this is tough and it's so funny to come back to this because Vancouver, the most miserable people I've ever met. Not bad people. Good people. Fun. They're. But they all had this like negative bend. Okay. Her email has that a mediocre at it but it's a form of exercise that have stuck with the longest. That's how you explain something you do many times a week.

[A]

Right. Well, she's trying not to brag.

[B]

I will be a bragger. Get into it. You like it. It's the best workout for me. That's what makes me feel good, makes me feel strong. Which is my favorite thing about myself. Like words of my spells. If we go back to that, like, yeah, I think she's needs a little bit of like I think avoiding and this goes back to like meeting people at things you love to do. Like let's not avoid who we are. And I. I think this is like she's 34. It's like a millennial thing. Like we're a little bit more. We talked about this on benefits episode. This idea. I think a Lot of millennials are just like, we're aware of the noise of how people would talk about us.

[A]

We kind of like, trying to get ahead of it. Right.

[B]

We always try to get ahead of, like, what the. The joke is about us. We're a little sensitive.

[A]

Right. We want to make. Someone makes it at our expense.

[B]

She did that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, or actually we did that. We made fun of CrossFit. We, we went through the history of CrossFit. Now so many losers did it. And then she talked about how I'm not. I'm not one of those.

[A]

That's why I appreciated that about this.

[B]

This, you know, But I think, like.

[A]

I get why she does it.

[B]

Right. You can speak that way, but also act. You could speak with some passion for it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I think that will rub off to, like, find more people at CrossFit that are like. And again, if a guy's on a date with you, I think your strength is why he's a part of the reason he's there. Like, your look, your, your physicality is part of that equation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why he's on the date.

[A]

She's already been engaged twice, so clearly there's people who are interested.

[B]

Right. I'd love for her to feather my nuts as hard as possible. Well, maybe next time I'm in the cool, great restaurants in Vancouver.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that's one of the most beautiful, wonderful places I've ever been. And I couldn't believe that, like, you.

[A]

Hate it, but you love it. Love, hate.

[B]

I loved it. And then I would say how great it was and people were like, really here? Like, what? I'm looking at a snow capped mountain.

[A]

It's because they know the ins and outs of it.

[B]

Right? Well, that was the thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's just a surprising part, but.

[A]

All right, well, we did it.

[B]

Well, I guess everyone's gonna be fine.

[A]

Yes. We'll be back next week.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Kate McAuliffe is our senior producer. Our editor is Emily Freed. Candace Maniga is our senior social producer. Our associate producer is Will Maxwell. Additional production help from Shannon Jimenez Sason. Be sure to follow us at you up podcast and send us your emails to UUP betches.com trip planner by Expedia.

[B]

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