Is Publicly Exposing Cheaters Wrong?

Summary

U Up? – Episode Summary

"Is Publicly Exposing Cheaters Wrong?"

Release Date: January 7, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freed

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Overview

This episode of "U Up?" dives into some of the thorniest modern dating dilemmas: from whether it's okay to publicly expose a cheater, to analyzing cringey dating off-ramps, messy breakups, and the ethics of airing dirty laundry. Through listener emails and real-life scenarios, Jordana and Jared apply their signature blend of humor, cynicism, and hard-won wisdom to the hazy rules of romance.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Generational Shifts in "Legitimacy" and Comparison Culture (00:44–09:05)

• The show opens with a discussion about creator culture and the tension between legacy media (TV, book deals) versus being a digital influencer or "content creator."
• Jared feels actual performance work (standup) and traditional deals (like a Netflix premiere) still offer true legitimacy and self-worth.
• Jordana wonders if younger generations even care about old-school markers, noting, "There's, I think, we're sort of between two worlds in some senses." (07:07)
• Both lament how social media fosters endless comparison—"Comparison's the thief of joy." (08:18)
• Notable Quote:
  "Posting on TikTok especially, I've been saying this forever, is a penny in a wishing well... It is a lotto ticket. And if you're playing the lotto all day, you'd be like, hey, man, you should probably do something else." – Jared, (03:14)

2. Listener Email: The Frustration of Dating "Ghosters" and Dishonest Exits (18:17–28:33)

• A listener shares a TikTok about a guy who ghosted after a great first date, later texting: "I got overwhelmed by how well our date went and didn’t want to continue. I’m weird like that." (19:36)
• Jared finds both the guy's excuse and the viral callout disingenuous: "I hate everyone involved, if I'm to be honest." (19:58)
• Jordana calls the excuse "offensive," saying, "I'd rather hear nothing almost."
• Both agree: The guy's message is a self-serving way to keep his options open. Calling it a “soft ghost”—not a pure disappearance, but an annoying, ambiguous fizzle.
• They criticize content tropes that blame all men ("men aren’t lonely enough"), saying commentary is now often just "mimic material."
• Notable Quote:
  _"You and I...come together in the middle on this: 'This text is annoying.'" – Jared, (24:07)

3. Petty or Prudent: The Public Exposing of Cheaters (29:49–45:26)

• A woman catches her fiancé cheating (with a mutual friend) and screen-records his DMs with the mistress, then sends the recording to his friends and family as proof.
• Jordana thinks keeping the screen-record is prudent—use it if someone asks or challenges her—but proactively mass-sending it is petty, especially to his family:
  "To send it to my friends and family, not petty. To send it to his friends...I would just hope it got passed around..." (36:13)
• Jared notes taking this step can “become the only thing people remember you for,” even though the validation is understandable.
• Both agree gaslighting by the cheater justifies seeking validation, but there’s a fine line between self-advocacy and revenge.
• Notable Quotes:
  "The problem is, doing this—she can never not... This is top line of her résumé forever." – Jared (38:03)
  "If someone ever came to me and said they didn’t believe it... I would just have it as [proof]." – Jordana (36:01)

4. Red Flag or Deal Breaker? Complaining Travelers and Cultural Insensitivity (55:25–63:58)

• Listener shares texts from a boyfriend who goes on a trip, then sends a string of complaints about Vietnam, generalizing and griping, “Asian people in general are just very inconsiderate and me-first... The communism bugs me...” (56:47)
• Both think this is an instant deal breaker: narrow-mindedness, lack of self-awareness, and making blanket statements about entire groups is a huge turnoff.
• Jared: “Sometimes you meet people and they just assume that you and them agree on every single thing because you and them have met. And that’s annoying to me.” (59:30)
• The conversation extols the necessity of travel humility and openness.
• Notable Quote:
  "No sense of like how this is coming across... He’s just stating opinions as fact." – Jordana (60:10)

5. Chores, Money, and Relationship Equity (63:59–74:33)

• A listener complains her boyfriend, who earns five times her salary and pays more rent, refuses to do housework, seeing chores as “her job.”
• Jordana and Jared point out:
  • Couples must communicate openly about money, chores, and what “contribution” means.
  • Passive acceptance ("I just do it because he won't") breeds resentment. The real issue: one-sided decision-making and respect.
  • Jordana: “It's more about being able to have that conversation... Someone saying, because I don't care about this, I'm not gonna take any part in it is not a good answer.” (72:05)
  • Jared: “When you say, I will not make the bed and you don't care, it's basically you saying you don't care about me.” (73:41)
• They act out a dialog showing the dangers of miscommunication and unspoken resentment.

6. Deal Breaker: Relationship Ultimatums Tied to School/Life Decisions (74:33–86:14)

• Paralegal recounts a young coworker's boyfriend saying if she didn’t get into law school in NYC, they’d break up (as she’s hitting “send” on applications).
• Jordana distinguishes: it’s reasonable to discuss practical implications of distance, but "get in or we're over" is manipulative and bad timing.
• Jared: Expresses that ultimatums should only come after results, not preemptively, and real partnerships don’t make relationship status conditional on things outside a partner’s control.
• Both agree: if someone picks a faraway school/job over the relationship, it's often a sign the relationship wasn’t the top priority.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• "Posting on TikTok... is a penny in a wishing well. It is a lotto ticket."
  – Jared, 03:14

• "Comparison's the thief of joy... we've created a world of comparison where it's not easy."
  – Jared, 08:18

• "I'd rather hear nothing almost [than 'I got overwhelmed by how well our date went']."
  – Jordana, 24:07

• "To send it to my friends and family—not petty. To send it to his family—I would just hope it got passed around..."
  – Jordana, 36:13

• "The more you unpack it, the more... the amount she has to prove that she got cheated on... that sucks."
  – Jared, 40:34

• "Sometimes you meet people and they just assume that you and them agree on every single thing... that’s annoying to me."
  – Jared, 59:30

• "It's more about being able to have [the] conversation... [rather than] someone saying, because I don't care about this, I'm not gonna take any part in it."
  – Jordana, 72:05

• "When you say, I will not make the bed and you don't care, it's... you saying you don't care about me."
  – Jared, 73:41

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Memorable Moments & Advice

• Bridget Jones Thai Prison Analogy: Jordana references "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" to highlight how complaints exist on a spectrum—what's a huge violation for one person is trivial for another (16:22).
• On Public Exposing: Both emphasize the difference between self-validation and vindictiveness, and how these lines can blur in the digital age (38:03).
• Travel Humility: Jared shares a story about recognizing personal cultural ignorance abroad, distinguishing empathy from ethnocentrism (61:29).

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Important Timestamps

• [03:14] – Social media as a "lottery ticket" for fulfillment
• [18:28] – Breaking down the annoying "great date" ghosting text
• [29:47] – Listener dilemma: is exposing a cheater to everyone petty or prudent?
• [55:25] – Red flag or deal breaker: insensitive traveler
• [63:59] – Chores, money, and the division of labor in relationships
• [74:33] – Ultimatums and conditional relationships tied to major life decisions

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Tone & Language

• Candid, unfiltered, and self-aware
• Both hosts use sarcasm and humor to dissect serious topics, but stay empathetic to listener concerns
• Willingness to "act out" scenarios and be playfully self-deprecating

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Recap for Non-Listeners

This episode walks listeners through modern dating landmines—ghosting, cheater revenge, domestic inequality, relationship ultimatums—treating each scenario with a mix of humor, skepticism, and genuine advice. If you want a reality check on exposing cheating partners or want to hear what two well-versed daters think about division of chores, travel red flags, or the perils of "checking the box" dating, this episode delivers. The hosts' real-talk approach makes even tricky situations feel navigable, with the ultimate takeaway: Dating is messy, but clear communication and self-worth are nonnegotiable.

Transcript

[Jared Freed]

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[Jordana Abraham]

Hello and welcome back to the U UP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freed]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. We are virtual as we get ahead of the maternity leave that's coming. Also holidays. There's like a big mess of things and reasons that were virtual, which we were just talking how we kind of get like. I get like, zoned in in a different way for these virtual ones. I'm like, I, like, get into my, you know, my podcast pod and I'm like, ready to go, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Well, you're doing the thing where you. You press play. If you're watching on YouTube or Spotify video, you can see Jared's the. The.

[Jared Freed]

The titty cup in the cup.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have one as well.

[Jared Freed]

We both have our titty.

[Jordana Abraham]

Our best. Our best friend mugs.

[Jared Freed]

That's.

[Jordana Abraham]

BFF cups. If the BFF bracelets out.

[Jared Freed]

That's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

BFF cups. Titty cups in bff. Remember those? Oh, my God. Are those in and out things coming for the. For the new year that we make fun of every year in titty cups, not caring what anyone thinks.

[Jared Freed]

In dating with intention. Ow.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right out. It's like everything, right? It's like the thing that you like, just like everything that you should do that's healthier, that's in vers.

[Jared Freed]

You would think that, like, the tiktokers would become more aware and better at their job. I think they're getting worse. I think, like, the idiots are starting to do it. Like, you know, it's like, starting. I mean, they've been in for a while. It's like the mimics of the mimics are starting. I saw like, a food review yesterday, and it was a guy like, in his Hyundai being like, I don't know, this better be good. And it's like, dude, you're eating in your car right now. Like, this better be good. How about like, he was like, this better perspective, right? Like, it's like he's just Repeating words that he heard, like the biggest, like the biggest food reviewers say where it does matter, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I get, I mean, like, it's funny how being a creator is like, sort of like hitting that jackpot is like, sort of the dream job these days.

[Jared Freed]

It's weird. It's like you don't, you know, it's, it's. I've always.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because you can make so much money, even not having that many followers, I feel like you can make so much money if you play the game. So that's why you have the copies of the copies of, like, I'll just do what that person's doing.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, if you think we're gonna get to, like, some China talk later, as weird as that sounds. But, yeah, if you think about, like, if this is China, if Tik Tok was China's way of, like, distracting the country, like, they've done a great job. Because posting on Tik Tok especially, it's, I've been saying this forever is a penny and a wishing well. It, it is a lotto tick. And if you're playing the lotto all day, you'd be like, hey, man, you should probably do something else. This lotto thing might not work out for you. You know, like, it's, it's very similar to people making videos and making content. Like, and if you're calling it. I even hate the word content. It makes me feel so gross. Like, I, I always saw, like, what I did on.

[Jordana Abraham]

What do you call it?

[Jared Freed]

I don't know what I, I, I guess I would call it. I always thought posting on the Internet jokes, like, was like a commercial to come see my show. Like, I'm, I feel almost lucky.

[Jordana Abraham]

Think it's marketing, right?

[Jared Freed]

I feel like it's, I feel lucky that I have this tangible thing, it's called standup that I can like, all, you know, because mo every act.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that gives you legitimacy.

[Jared Freed]

Legitimacy. And also, like, I, I got to say, like, from, not from the outside, maybe legitimacy, but, like, from the inside selfworth. Like, I, I, I create. I, I do a thing. It's not up to anyone else but me. Like, you know, you see people going crazy from, like, I see these posts about people. It, the, the craziest posts are the people with no following that tell you how to get a following.

[Jordana Abraham]

And you're like, here's how you get 3, 500, right?

[Jared Freed]

And you're like, oh, man, we have lost our minds. And whenever an actor goes bad, like, if they get caught doing something or whatever, they Always go to stand up. Stand up is like where like the losers go. So, like, I'm like happy to be amongst my losers, you know, Like, I'm happy that that's what I love, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's a real, it's a real, it's funny. It's like the legacy. Right, Right. And the legacy things, I think are the things that people that still give you legitimacy. Like the new, the old media, the old, you know, like, or the right, you know, I mean, being a stand, being an actor, being a stand up.

[Jared Freed]

Owning a business, whatever it is, as, you know, we're trying to sell my special, which, you know, has gotten some, some traction lately, and something's coming and all that stuff. But like, you know, putting it on YouTube to me was a real, was not what I wanted and not what was gonna make me feel like I was. And honestly, for some people, YouTube was probably a better option and maybe it would be for me. Maybe I'm avoiding this thing that, like, maybe I'm avoiding the future. You know, maybe, you know, someone could have said that about stand up. I'm just like, I'm not starting a podcast and look how dumb they look now. I mean, I could be the same, but, like, right? To me, I, I, I have to make a business decision. And like, you know, like, but like you said, the legacy media, like having something premiere on Netflix or Hulu or wherever it goes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Is like the just, I, I think it pays off in other ways. Like, that's a business decision, you know, I don't know. I, it still means something to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, totally. No, I definitely it gives you like a feeling of, of like someone who's in a legitimate place has agreed that what you're doing is like, you have something. And I remember even when we were graduating college and we just started batches when we got our book deal from Simon and Schuster and we were like, simon and Schuster? Like, again, like books. What, I mean, you have a book.

[Jared Freed]

With coming out with Simon and Schuster. I tell that to certain people. It is as if I am.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Wait, wait, you. And you know, like, if you told that to your mom and her friends, they're like, why?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, yeah, no, it was like the coolest thing, you know, I'm saying that was like, I think if we didn't have that and it was like, oh, we could just keep posting these blog posts on a WordPress.com. like, it wouldn't feel like you were really doing anything that great. But I think when you get, I don't and again, I don't know if that's like our age and the generation below us doesn't give a about that. But like, there's, I think we're sort of between two worlds in some senses.

[Jared Freed]

And I think we are the analog to digital generation.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, we, yeah, someone who's like in a, in a business that's been around for like 80, 100 years telling you that they want to like, work with you, I think is sort of our mark of, of legitimacy.

[Jared Freed]

And you wonder if it's a waste of your time. Like, there, there is, I mean, but, but I also think, you know, this makes me sad for other generations to not have those things, you know, like, I'm sure becoming a quote unquote content creator. Like, what's the number that makes you happy? It's, you're Sisyphus. You're rolling a boulder up a mountain. You know, Like, I, I, I can understand why that would be depressing, you know, like, it's depressing for me, you know, like, if I, I have, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Guess the brand deals, I guess. But you don't even know brands that want to work with you.

[Jared Freed]

Sure. But like, then you get one and then there's another one and someone else has another one. It Comparison's the thief of joy. Like, there's so many, like, sayings, like, but like, we've created a world of comparison where it's like, not easy. It's easy, it's, it's very difficult to not, not compare. Like, I mean, we have a first email that actually, like, let's go into the first email right away because let's get, because I, I actually think it has something to do with what we're talking about. Like the idea of being compared and comparing. Let's go, let's just do it right now. Let's read the email and then I can get it. We can do some, we'll do it differently now that we're in the virtual land.

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freed]

Oh, is that what you're saying?

[Jordana Abraham]

Goodbye. Ciao, Bonjour, Bonjour, Bonjour. Ciao is telling Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Jared Freed]

I got it all switched up.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess ciao could be. Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

How do you spell chow?

[Jordana Abraham]

Bonjour. C, I, A, O.

[Jared Freed]

Is that how it's spelled? I always get it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think so.

[Jared Freed]

Ciao. V. Yes. Wow, good. You. You did go to an Ivy League school.

[Jordana Abraham]

I know. So, I mean, as soon as I said it, I was like, I really hope this is right, because I'm just gonna get.

[Jared Freed]

I would have said C. I, C. I would have said C, A, I, O.

[Jordana Abraham]

C, H, O, W. That's how we.

[Jared Freed]

Spelled in a Penn State.

[Jordana Abraham]

With your titty mug. Okay, French subscriber here spit up coffee.

[Jared Freed]

That. What a. What a animal I am. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, you're great. All right. Saw Jared in Montreal last February with my twin sister, and we absolutely loved the show. Got the twin community.

[Jared Freed]

Love the twins. And I love twins.

[Jordana Abraham]

Remember, I. I used to drive there.

[Jared Freed]

As everyone can see.

[Jordana Abraham]

I used to dry. I used to twin titties. That's funny. I used to. I used to drive there with my road trips with my friends in college because the drinking age was like 18. We do like, a summer.

[Jared Freed]

What a.

[Jordana Abraham]

We do like a summer road trip.

[Jared Freed]

What a wonderful town. I am. Like, I went in February and it was like the coldest I've ever been in my entire life. And I. I'm pretty okay with cold, but it is just such like a. You can't believe you're an hour away, like, by flight, you know, you just can't believe it feels, like, European.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

Totally European. Mateo Lane, who makes fun of people for thinking that Montreal's European. And it's very funny and. But it is. You do feel it. You're like. And let me just say, Joe Beef, one of the best restaurants in the con. In. In. In the north. In North America. Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I remember you went there.

[Jared Freed]

I gotta. I'm. I'm saying it now so I can go back and they'll give me maybe a freebie. Know that place is a. Or a reservation.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess I've got to go in the winter. I've only been in the summer.

[Jared Freed]

It's magical in the winter. I was that.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's been like a really long time. So I've got to go back Mont Blanc.

[Jared Freed]

Some skiing there that you could do.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Mike went there for bachelor party.

[Jared Freed]

That's a good bachelor party. I think that's a fun one. I once skiing bachelor party. We once did veil and it might have been the. My favorite bachelor party. I did.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why? Because there's.

[Jared Freed]

Because there was an event built in the day Drinking had activity to it. You could.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know, there was like, you didn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a fun, interactive trip. There's, like, interactive.

[Jared Freed]

You didn't have to, like, sit there and, like, talk with everyone. Like, you could be like, I'm going to go skiing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It feels less disgusting than most when you picture most.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not, it's not. What is it called? Temptations to, to reference.

[Jared Freed]

You have to sign up for our benefits.

[Jordana Abraham]

Benefits.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, if you sign up for benefits at couple's court, that Couple's court. I. People were discussing it afterwards. I think I saw some comments on it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, a lot of comments disagree with.

[Jared Freed]

The comments of people not being happy with that guy. I, I. Because he was actually charming.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, he was. He was. I mean, I thought he was a. He seemed like a nice school guy on the, on the show.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, the, the, the email didn't match him. And he wrote the email like he might be a master manipulator because.

[Jordana Abraham]

And they're listeners. He's probably listening right now because.

[Jared Freed]

Hi, again. The more I read the comments, the more I was like, wait a minute. They're kind of right. Like, this guy, like, this is like, crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is weird, right? It did get weirder the more I, like, thought about it after.

[Jared Freed]

Right. But on the conversation, it was so pleasant, so nice, and I liked them both. Right? I'm like, this marriage is gonna work. Who cares that he went to a swingers club.

[Jordana Abraham]

His bachelor party when you can't bring your phone, right?

[Jared Freed]

What? Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway. Yeah, if you want, if you want more context, you have to listen to benefits from the. What was it? The, Was it our December, early December 1st. December.

[Jared Freed]

Worth signing. Two couples courts and, and the couple from couples court showed up at Columbus. Hey, guys. They. The cop who didn't get the meat.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah, that guy. You know, compare. Compared to Temptations, he looks like a saint.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, got the wrong.

[Jordana Abraham]

Got the burgers from Whole Foods instead of the special spot. See, it is funny. It is funny. There's like this one scene in Bridget Jones Diary, too, which was, like, amazing.

[Jared Freed]

Bridget Jones's Diary, too, was amazing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Okay. It was actually an amazing sequel. Colin Firth, Renee Zellweger, they were likable people. And she, yeah, they break up. She winds up in, like, a Thai prison and she's. I mean, it is a good movie, despite what I just said.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

She winds up in a Thai prison and the. All the other female prisoners are, like, talking. They're like, you know, they're, they're commiserating over their, like, ex. Their bad ex boyfriends. And she's like, and. And one of them is like, my. Yeah, my boyfriend, he forced me to, you know, prostitute on the street. And then my other boyfriend, he was like, he did all these drugs and he, like, was really bad to me. He's like, bridget, what did your bad boyfriend do? And she's like, well, he wasn't that inclusive at the law dinner. And.

[Jared Freed]

We didn't talk about that. A lot of like, you know, it's like when the doctor's like, on a scale of 1 to 10, what is your. You know, what is this hurt? And you're like, it's a three. And someone else is like, it's a seven. You're like, it. That's why these conversations kind of matter, you know, like we're talking about burgers with one person, another person. They're like, well, the wedding didn't almost happen because he went to titty liquors. Temptations, you know, Temptations. Temptations is bad enough. I don't even have to make a fake name.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, you don't. Yeah, it's. It's good. It does itself no favors being temptations.

[Jared Freed]

Wouldn't even be believable if you wrote it. Like, you'd be like, it's not believable.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm trying to think of anything worse. Like, of a name, like Swingers, I guess.

[Jared Freed]

Is there a name of a hotel worse for your husband to go on his bachelor party? Swingers, maybe, but at least that includes other people.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hall pass.

[Jared Freed]

Right? All right, let's do the email. Sorry, sorry.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do we digress? All right, all right. Saw this tik tok and immediately thought of you up. Why are men like this? Is this a fake ex excuse? Is this the truth according to you? Just.

[Jared Freed]

Why?

[Jordana Abraham]

Thank you for everything you do. I listen to you in the car doing the dishes, doing my. During my daily walks. Thanks for the laughs. Signed, a French speaking vetch from Canada. Even if you don't know anything about Canada, we will never live down not.

[Jared Freed]

Knowing very little anything about the.

[Jordana Abraham]

The provinces. All right, so the Tick Tock is. I mean, the Tick Tock. We could look. We could look at the Tick Tock. We'll put the post in the video. But it's basically like two screenshots. It's not really like a, you know, talking video.

[Jared Freed]

It's. Yeah, it's her probably looking hot with music. I mean, this woman, whoever she is, looking hot music. And sometimes you just have to read a man's Text and go on about your day. And then.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And the caption before we get into the text is, men aren't. Aren't lonely enough at. At his big age of 33, went on a first date a month ago and expressed he wanted something serious. Then he ghosted me two weeks ago. Going to start telling people that I'm single because I'm too great. Single. NYC dating. Let's read the text.

[Jared Freed]

So I'll be him, you be her. I have to work late tonight. Can we reschedule for next week?

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure. Next week works.

[Jared Freed]

Hey, I'm sorry I ghosted you. I got, I got overwhelmed by how well our date went and didn't want to continue. I'm weird like that. I hope you accept my apology. You're great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you, as a man, what do you think of this text? Would you ever have sent a text like this? What is your initial, like, visceral feeling?

[Jared Freed]

Visceral. So there's like, I have many visceral feelings to this. I, I, I, I saw. I, I, I hate everyone involved, if I'm to be honest. Okay, his text is bad. I'm not sure if I know his text is bad because of being on this podcast or just because I know his text is bad. You know what I mean? Like, I, you're great.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think as a person who's self aware, saying, I got overwhelmed by how. Well, our date.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, it's all, I mean. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's a bad. Also, it's insane because it's coming after the ghosting, so it goes nowhere. There's no reason for the text. Like, the ghosting has happened. So now out of. He comes back from the dead to let you know you're great and the date was great. Right. And what's the reason for all of this? And so that's where it's annoying, because he's basically saying, I'm here if you want to, like, engage in this. Which is really annoying. I can understand from her perspective. Guy I went on a date with. Guy I've dealt with. Guy I know is like a real human who I've built a little bit of trust with, is now available and taking my texts. Apparently he's cool with me because that's what he's doing. He's basically going, I'm here. I'm cool. I got a little bit afraid of how much you wanted commitment, but if you're willing, the, the, the context of.

[Jordana Abraham]

What he's saying, what is he expecting here? He's expecting her to Be like, let's say. Okay, like, let's go out.

[Jared Freed]

Let's say on a spectrum.

[Jordana Abraham]

So great.

[Jared Freed]

Let's say on a spectrum, there's. I'm in AA and I am apologizing to all people I've wronged because that's kind of what this is like. This is like an aa. Like, I'm. See, I've seen the error of my ways.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is it to make himself feel better?

[Jared Freed]

I guess so. I mean, why do people do it with aa? Why do they apologize? Like, I, I, I don't, I, I, I'm sure there's a reason for it, but I, there's a version of this is. I don't like the way I've been acting. I need to go back to people I've ghosted that. That's the most empathetic I can be that no one wants to be right now.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure. Okay. That's fine. If that was the, if that was the case. Sorry I ghosted. But, like, why, why say it was because the date was too good.

[Jared Freed]

I can translate.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why not just give like a. I was in a weird, I was in a weird place.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I, I think. Sorry to interrupt because this is where I wrote down for this email. Is a lot of people, a lot of women's premise for dating. The, the premise stands on the, the premise of this post to me and why I get, like, annoyed at both sides of it. Like, his text is annoying, but the men aren't lonely and lonely enough. And her caption of went on a first date a month ago, expressed he wanted something serious. So he wrote a check on the date that he couldn't cash. He said I wanted serious, got done with the date, realized I don't want serious with this person, but they're hot and fun, but if I go on another date with them, I would kind of be lying. So the premise of getting mad at this guy for him wanting serious and then ghosting is that men don't deal with any emotional turmoil with dating at all.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I mean, that's not my problem with this.

[Jared Freed]

I know. I agree the problem. That's. But my, it's like the Tick Tock's issue doesn't match the issue that's with this text.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. She's. Yes. She's making the issue a different issue than it is. Like, Right. If I were her and I was making this text and there's, there's a lot to make fun of, I would make fun of the, the date was, I mean, I guess she sort of did that at the end where she's like, I'm just going to tell people I'm too great. That's why I'm single. That's the part where I'd be like, oh, come on. The date was too good. Like, off. Like, I'd rather hear nothing. Almost.

[Jared Freed]

You and I on the. The Venn diagram come together in the middle on this text is annoying.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, if, if, if, like, if Netflix said, like, you know, was supposed to look at your special and then two weeks later said, I'm sorry we never answered. Got back. Or two months later, I'm sorry we never got back to you, Jared. The special was too good. We just couldn't handle it.

[Jared Freed]

I was too blown away.

[Jordana Abraham]

I, I was too. I just came to. I wasn't ready. We weren't ready for that kind. We weren't ready. Like, you would be like, off, like, and that's.

[Jared Freed]

But that's why this text is like, I totally agree. Like, it. It's where this dating tik tok becomes fraudulent. Like, because she's now saying men aren't lonely enough. And, like, this goes back to our initial conversation about, like, becoming a content creator and what you inevitably do on the Internet is compare. And there's a lot of struggle comparison. And because the male struggle in dating is different and could be viewed as not as, like, horrific as a woman's struggle with dating, that he's not loneliness and lonely enough. And, you know, she's gone into kind of mad libs and mimic material. Like, she's just mimicking other people. Acceptable tropes that you're allowed to crush men on. You and I are crushing him for the reason he should be crushed. You're great. Sorry. I came to and realized how amazing you were. And he's kind of insinuating, I'll take a blow job. Just so you know, like, in my mind, like, he's like, he's basically saying, I said, I want a relationship. Obviously, I don't now. You know that based on my actions, but I'm still here and still think you're great. You know, like, that's annoying, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Because what are you supposed to do with that? Like, what is she supposed to do with that?

[Jared Freed]

I mean, she's doing exactly what she should do. Sometimes you gotta just read a man's text and go on about your day. Like, she is right. She. You know, the, the, the advice is correct. You know, But I, I saw this. I knew.

[Jordana Abraham]

I.

[Jared Freed]

Like, we've been doing this podcast long enough. I'm like, I Know everything. Like, I knew where we were gonna agree. I knew we'd look at this text and go, come on, dude. Like, it's like, yeah, that's it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, I would have respected it more if he said if after. Again, I don't. This is a, this is a soft ghost. I think if you're like, let's reschedule and then you never reschedule is to me a full a 10 out of 10 ghost is what she said. Okay. Like, I'm free this day and this day next week.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you there? And he doesn't answer to me. That's like a pure ghost. This is like a soft ghost of. He said he canceled the date. He said he was going to reschedule. He never rescheduled.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Not to blame the victim. I mean, if she. Her kind of just waiting to be like her kind, you know, this is kind of a very female. Sure. Next week works with no exclamation point. No. No follow up, no anything. Which I'm not saying. I'm not saying he deserves more than that. But like, if you want to avoid people coming back, like, you have to almost be so ready and willing and able that they're like, ugh, I don't, you know, they're, they're a little too much. You know, they, they want a plan. You know, like, well, you think she.

[Jordana Abraham]

Should have come back with like, okay, what about Tuesday?

[Jared Freed]

No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. Even hearing that, I'm like, like, which way?

[Jordana Abraham]

Which way do you think she should have come back? I think I would have said the same thing. That works. Sure. Like, I'm not like, no, you're thrilled, but I'm not mad. I'm not like, mad. And then it's up to him to be like, here's the days.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, would this day or this day work for you? And he doesn't.

[Jared Freed]

No, I'm, I'm, I guess. Right. I'm wr. Making the tik tok is like, right? I don't know. It make you make the tik tok. It's like, I don't know. I guess you can make the tik tok because his text is annoying. But, like, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It doesn't have his name.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Whatever. All right, let's do another email. U betches.com. listen, if you're listening right now, I have shows. I have shows. I got shows. I'm going to be in. Where? I'll tell you where. So I'm doing shows January 9th. I'm in Philadelphia. That is sold out. I am sorry. It's over. Baltimore, Maryland, then Tampa, Florida. Atlanta, Georgia. Charleston, South Carolina. I'm also gonna do like a day hang in Charleston at Uptown Social at Keith's bar.

[Jordana Abraham]

So such a fun.

[Jared Freed]

Such a fun bar. If you want to come hang, have brunch, I'll be there shaking hands, kissing babies. And then I'm going to be in Beech Mountain, North Carolina, which does sound fake, but I will be there. Boston, Massachusetts. We are in low ticket warning for both shows. Dallas, Houston, New York, Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle, Tempe. So jaredfree.com for tickets. Also, we are on YouTube and all that good stuff. So go, go, go get your tickets. All right. You ready for an email?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm ready. Petty or prudent? Let's do it.

[Jared Freed]

Petty or prudent? Okay, here's the game, you guys. And you do one thing. After the breakup, were you petty or did it need to be done? Was it prudent? Okay, J and J, your podcast has kept me entertained for years and now is helping me navigate the unfortunate dating world again. And, Jared, I'm coming to your show in January in Atlanta, and I can't wait. Well, thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Amazing.

[Jared Freed]

When's that show that was. It's the 23rd of January. No, no, it's coming up. We're in a couple weeks, so I'll see you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not too late for you.

[Jared Freed]

No, not too late. A few weeks ago, I caught my fiance cheating on me without one of our mutual friends. Well, I'll know where she is in the crowd. I'll look for the angriest woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't always catch them. If you listen to over sharing, you, the angriest woman sometimes slides.

[Jared Freed]

That's true. That's true. He denied it to me and refused to let me see his phone, but later admitted to my best friend that he had been cheating for two or the three years we had been together. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry to hear this. After hours of conflict, that's tough. He still wouldn't admit anything to me. So after he fell asleep, I hacked into his Instagram and waited until the next morning when him and the mistress began messaging about the situation being discovered. I watched from the kitchen on my own phone while he laid on the couch having this conversation in live time. Jordana, is this the dream of every woman who's been cheated on to watch the conversation just go on in front of you? Is this something that, like, you want?

[Jordana Abraham]

I.

[Jared Freed]

No one wants to be the dream. Well, no one wants to be cheated on. But is it the dream to get all the answers to your questions?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. It's still hurtful, but yes, it is.

[Jared Freed]

You don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

It takes away that feeling of like, am I crazy? Which I'm sure you feel a lot when you've been cheated on, especially with a mutual friend. With someone who won't admit it to you is like, you're like. It's sort of like the dream of like, validation. Because like, I think unless you see something like. And very few people get that I walked in on them in bed together. Or, you know, this is sort of like the digital version of I walked in on them in bed together. And I think there's a validation that comes from that. When there's so much secrecy around cheating and stuff like that, where it's like, you can never. It's probably hard to like fully go there with anyone because you're like, I'm not a hundred percent positive they're saying that it didn't happen. So it's sort of, I think, the. The dream for. For self validation at least, which I'm sure is like a big part of it.

[Jared Freed]

She wrote after about 30 minutes of letting the conversation play out, I Can you imagine? You're on the couch. Like, I'm just imagining him on the couch. She's in the kitchen. They're already in a fight, and he's like, what an idiot. Is dming even just like, if she.

[Jordana Abraham]

Appeared over his shoulder, like, why would he be doing that then?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, she's looking right at me. Yeah, I don't. She looks like. You'd think she'd take a shower this morning after finding out about the cheating. She didn't even brush her teeth. Yeah, she's really pissed off. She really thinks she caught us.

[Jordana Abraham]

She just keeps giving me the stink eye.

[Jared Freed]

Sitting there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, she like me looking at the George Clooney video, right? What?

[Jared Freed]

Excuse me. Yeah, she's got that robe on again. She never washes that robe. I told you all about it while we were hooking up the other night. My God.

[Jordana Abraham]

I love you.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. He tells her I of letting. After about 30 minutes of letting the conversation play out, I took a minute long screen record recording of them admitting to sleeping together, being, quote, unquote, in love and planning to be together. Well, at least a happy ending for someone, you know? So then. Then after kicking out him out of our house, I sent the screen recording to all his friends and family so they would know why we actually broke up since he still wouldn't admit it to me. So Is that petty or prudent? So, Jordana, you take a screen record of your husband's DMS with his mistress and you send it to all his friends and family after ending the relationship. Is it petty or prudent?

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's the thing. I would take the screen record. If I were her, I would. I would definitely have the screen record.

[Jared Freed]

Fair.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would have it in my back pocket. If anyone asked me about the breakup, I would. If I was asked about the breakup, I would send it. I wouldn't proactively send it.

[Jared Freed]

I think it's like having a license. Like, you get pulled over. Can we see your license?

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure.

[Jared Freed]

Here you go. There's the screen record. You would have it with you always, I guess. Right. You're never deleting that?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Yes. Oh, of course. No, I would never.

[Jared Freed]

Phone, screen recorder. My husband cheating on me, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I would say. I mean, I would send it to all of my friends.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

Immediately.

[Jared Freed]

His mom. Is it Eddie?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, to send it to his mom. Here's the thing. To send it to my friends and family. Not petty. Prudent to send it to his friends.

[Jared Freed]

Because it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Actually, here's what. Right. Here's what happens.

[Jared Freed]

It kind of, like, ties it up with a bow. Like, if. If you think about it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, a lot of this stuff is always he said, she said, and now you have, like, the raw proof of. Of what happened.

[Jared Freed]

Right. It's now he said, big titty. Amanda said.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And he's lying. So it really helps build your case. So I would definitely send it to, like, my friends and family.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think if his. I think if anyone had, like, if anyone ever came to me and said that they didn't, like, believe it or that, like, they were trying to defend him, I would send them that. I would just, like, have it as.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would send it to my friends and family and just hope it got passed around his friends and family.

[Jared Freed]

It's like, that's when you get into petty land.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, it's also like, I feel like they would have mutual friends, too. Right. I would imagine. I don't know. What about you?

[Jared Freed]

You're right. I think sending it to your family and friends. Hey, you're going to find out. I. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

It wouldn't even be like that. It would be like, oh, my God. Look what I. Like what? Like, I did this. Has been lying to, like, denying this, and I got it.

[Jared Freed]

I hate this. Calling it petty makes it sound like I don't agree with everything. She did. Like I, like I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

It is to send it to, like, his boss is petty, right? Well, presented to someone who has. Well, absolutely.

[Jared Freed]

His family is petty. I think it's petty to send it to his family. You have to trust that, hey, we broke up. And someone go. And his mom goes, why? And then he says. Whatever he says. I don't think his mom, like, if you're, if you're concerned, if you're concerned, like, when you send it to his family, your concern is that he is somehow going to be looked at as a good guy by his own family. The problem she has is that they're always going to look at him as a good guy. Moms will rationalize, like, she's never going to look like. Like he's never going to be like his. What she wants is his family to go. No one, I guess our son's going to hell, you know, like, I like. And that's never going to happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Or if it is going to happen, they don't need the text to see that. Like, if they're going to, like, be. You know what I mean? If they're the kind of people that are actually not going to defend him because he's their son, which is, I would say, not most people. They're not going to need the text.

[Jared Freed]

The problem is doing this. She can never not. This is top line of her resume forever. Like, I was thinking, like, what could she.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like that.

[Jared Freed]

What, that she sent out the screenshot. Like, him being a cheater almost less talked about than her being the woman who sent out the screenshot of the cheating husband and the mistress to him.

[Jordana Abraham]

And you're saying to his friends and.

[Jared Freed]

Family, to everyone, you wouldn't send it.

[Jordana Abraham]

To your own friends.

[Jared Freed]

No, of course I would. I, I'm, I'm saying, I'm saying I was trying to think, like, the win for her. Like, you know, like, how does she move the win for her, as much as she doesn't want to admit the.

[Jordana Abraham]

Win for her is that she is that, is that everyone believes. Exactly.

[Jared Freed]

Right. What she's gonna tell them. Again, this is like, this goes back to witches times. Like, this is Salem witch trials. Like, you know, women want to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

She has evidence.

[Jared Freed]

Right, right, right. And I mean, this story alone, and the fact that we're so on her side as far as, like, the screen recording all this and, like, how important it is to be believed, it just shows you kind of like the, the conversations we have, like, with such bad actors, they're like, well, maybe he was like this. And maybe, you know, it's like, no, he. This is cut and clean. She doesn't need all this proof.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

But we do kind of like. Or we're sitting here being like, you might.

[Jordana Abraham]

You need.

[Jared Freed]

You might need this proof because life will be annoying for us.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's denying it. Also, here's the thing. If he wasn't denied, if he, like, was telling her the truth when her. When her friend told her and she, like, discovered it, and he was like, yes, I did this. I'm sorry. Blah, blah, blah, I'm in love. Whatever it is, again, still. Still up. But I think that, like, there's another layer of it when someone is sort of making you feel crazy. And that's why I think it would be more deserved to send this out, at least to her friends. Because this person isn't. Isn't. Is like gaslighting.

[Jared Freed]

No, no.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're making you feel crazy.

[Jared Freed]

We're on the same page. I guess. What my.

[Jordana Abraham]

But if he was like, if he was. If he came, like, if he totally came clean and just apologize. Even if he left and was with this other person, I think still not really deserving of all these things. Because she doesn't need to prove anything. Everyone would already, like, they would have the same story, right? But because he's trying to give out a different story. That's. That's why I would do it.

[Jared Freed]

It shows how bad getting cheated on is. Like, I mean, this story because, like, some people might be listening, getting angry at this conversation. But the more you unpack it, because I actually wrote down, like, the more you unpack it, the more the amount she has to prove that she got cheated on and, like, has to answer to this and has to, like, be sure of herself and, like, you know, sure of her own reality. Like, that sucks. And when she does a thing to show everyone what the reality is. I wrote this down. It is the only thing people will remember her for that she sent out the video. Like, let's say she saves a baby from a burning home, and she's on the news and she's getting interviewed. And you're like, with Mike. And you're like, mike, Lori is on the news. She saved a baby from a burning building. Mike's gonna go, is that the woman who sent the screenshot of the guy messaging with his mistress?

[Jordana Abraham]

But would you see that as a horrible thing?

[Jared Freed]

No, I. I just think it sucks that she will only be known for this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, well, she's also making sure he's also only known for this. Is that the guy who cheated on. Right, right. I mean, I still think of that Barstool guy. Like that. Remember there was like that. Yeah. Where he had the podcast giving advice, and then he was like, his wife caught him cheating on the iPad. I think she posted something about that. I.

[Jared Freed]

It's.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's.

[Jared Freed]

It's. He gets so kfc. Who's.

[Jordana Abraham]

I remember.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, you know, it's funny what people remember. Like, some people. I remember I was talking with Juliet Littman about Tom Brady, and I'm talking about how heroic Tom Brady is, and she's like, he cheated on Bridget Moynihan while she was pregnant. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's. I was like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I.

[Jared Freed]

Like, in my mind, he's Tom Brady the hero, you know, to other people, he's Tom Brady the philanderer. You know? Like, I. And I'm like. I guess you see it like, KFC from Barstool. Like, I. I remember that story, too. It's something that is in the first paragraph of. You know, of the thing that you think of. Right. And I don't know if he was giving advice. I think he just had a podcast and he was like. And she was pregnant.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

That was a big part of it also, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, right.

[Jared Freed]

And. And that was in Page Six. You know, it's like, what you think of when you think of, like, you know, there might. You know, you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I might.

[Jared Freed]

I might. I. I think about this all the time. Like, if I went on a plane and I farted.

[Jordana Abraham]

Would that be all people said about you?

[Jared Freed]

Would the person next to me go, I met this comedian and he farted next to me. Like, I'd be Jared Freed, comedian, who farted next to me on the plane. Like, you can't really write your own headlines. Like, because I wrote down all these things about this woman that she could do, and I would still go. She's the screen grab person. Like, like, if she won.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, but I don't think there's. I respect. I wouldn't be like, that was so messed up. I guess I would maybe if he texted. Like, if she texted, like, his dying grandma or someone.

[Jared Freed]

Like, hey, Gam Gam, here's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's what you're.

[Jared Freed]

Here's a little goodbye present.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, she. You know what I mean? Like, if there's, like. I think there's lines.

[Jared Freed]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

And again, I would only. I would only text it to his mother if his mother texted me and was, like, trying to say what a great guy. Do it. Or or yeah, take him back. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I would just have it in my. I would have it in my pocket for his friends and family if anyone, like, was trying to come at me with anything.

[Jared Freed]

So let me ask you now, here's the question. Is she being petty or prudent by sending it to, as she wrote, all of his friends and family?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's petty.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

For hit to his to again, preempt. It's like if she's proactively when they're not on the discussion on the topic at all and she's just sending it mass group text. That's petty. To his friends, to her friends, not petty.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

But if she sent it again, if she sent it to them in a. In the midst of a discussion about what happened. Not printed.

[Jared Freed]

I'm with you. I totally agree with you. If, if these things were to be true. Right. I'm with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. It's like, yeah, I think it's like if you had a picture of someone like, who hit your car or like vandalized your car and someone was texting you, being like, that didn't happen, you'd be like, nope, here's the picture.

[Jared Freed]

Here are the receipts. No, but I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

People. It's. I think it's tough for people to keep a straight. You know, they'll say, well, this isn't a car, this is a human being. But it's like, yeah, but. No, it's.

[Jordana Abraham]

But the per. It's about the person who hit the car.

[Jared Freed]

So.

[Jordana Abraham]

This episode is brought to you by Abercrombie. This year, make Abercrombie denim the core of your capsule wardrobe. Because denim should feel like this. If you want a vintage lived in fit without spending your entire Saturday digging through thrift stores and trying on 37 pairs. Abercrombie's 90s inspired cuts are the answer. Their wide leg jean is the it pair of the season. Lightweight, effortless, and elevates any basic outfit. And all of Abercrombie's jeans come in both classic fit and curve. Love the viral fit designed to eliminate the dreaded waist gap. Growth is realizing you don't need to suffer for a good pair of jeans. I love Abercrombie denim. I have probably like four to six pairs of Abercrombie jeans. They're so comfortable. They always look so cute. And I just feel like I'm getting a really, really good quality denim outfit at a really, really good price. So you really can't go wrong. I'm currently in An Abercrombie sweatshirt. So huge fan of the brand. Love what they're doing in so many different areas. Shop Abercrombie denim in the app online and in stores. Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter?

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the best part, they accept Discover. Except Discover in a little place like this. I don't think so, Jennifer.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, yeah. Huh.

[Jordana Abraham]

Ah. Discover is accepted where I like to shop.

[Jared Freed]

Come on, baby.

[Jordana Abraham]

Get with the times.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

So we shouldn't get the parachute pants. These are making a comeback, I think.

[Jared Freed]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide, based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. Let's do another email. Go ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do it. Hi, jj, Quick dating question for you. I was on a date last night where he asked about my New Year's resolutions and then casually said his was going on a date every few weeks. Like, okay, is that an honest overshare, or am I just being picky for being turned off by it? What is the correct response to that besides, go get him, tiger? Thanks.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, my dating resolutions. Gonna get blown every week by a new woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

So what are your goals for the year?

[Jared Freed]

Any siblings? Yeah, I. Yeah, this is a tough one.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's also weird that he asked her about the New Year's resolution. I could almost see if someone caught you off guard and you said it, and then you were like, oh, I probably shouldn't have shared that one.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But he asked her, so he's, like, trying to share.

[Jared Freed]

Right. This is an example of, like, it's all in how you feed someone the information. Like, if someone was on a date with me, and I was like, what are your New Year's resolutions? And that is a conversation that could come up on a date that I would hope I would never be on. That's my. My feedback to this. Like, I don't think a date's going well if you're talking about New Year's resolutions. I don't think this had any chance. That's just me. That's my opinion. You might be on the best day of your life, and you're, like, two hours in and a little drunk, and you're like, what are your New Year's resolutions?

[Jordana Abraham]

I can see it coming up.

[Jared Freed]

You come up later, I think soberly.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

And in the first hour of a date, if New Year's resolutions come up, sure, we should make a resolution and never see each other again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Fair. Or if you're. But if you're like, oh, I'm going to the gym tomorrow. I'm trying, you know, I've, it's one of my New Year's resolutions. I'm trying to get back, get back to it.

[Jared Freed]

I think you're right. You're right. Well, I would say if you're going. Well, if someone said to me, I think there's a better way to say this. Like, you, if you're going to talk about your, on a, if you're on a date and you're talking about your resolutions, my resolution this year is to meet people more in real life. My resolution is to sign up for the dating apps. This is actually part of my resolution is to be on a date with you. I, I didn't really date last year and now I'm starting to date a little bit more and I'd like to, you know, meet new people and I'm looking for a relationship this year. You know, like, those are all, like, great ways to say that that's a great green flag, like, looking for the real thing. And, you know, I'm, I'm gonna be more intentional with my dating. These are all things you would love to hear from someone on a date. And if they took that wrong, you know, like, I, I, There's a little bit here where I'm like, she needs to like, I'm, I'm kind of like against the email or a little bit. Not like, totally, but like, go get them, tiger. Like, it shows a little bit about their insecurities that he's like, I, I, I know he could have said this differently, right? But like, if I had someone say to me, I'm looking to go on, you know, a new date every few weeks, like that does. People do make that resolution that isn't really.

[Jordana Abraham]

I, there's something wrong with the resolution in itself. I agree. It's about the way you're sharing it. And I could see if you're on a date, it kind of makes it, it can make it feel like I'm kind of like checking a box to get this thing done a little bit. One, and then two, I have another date with someone else. Just like, the idea, I think the, the idea of bringing up other dates on the date that you're on can feel less romantic.

[Jared Freed]

Totally. And, and, but this happens a lot with dating, especially dating apps. Dating apps have created this kind of like, data driven, gotta go on a lot numbers game. It's a little too much information for us all. Like, there are people who act this way where they're like, I am going on one date every Week for the year 2025, and they're almost losing the reason for all this. This is again, in the content creator world, the check.

[Jordana Abraham]

Checklist.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. But I think. What is the correct response to that? I would say it would be. I don't know, Like, I think you could make fun of it a little bit. Like, that would probably be the right response. It's like, all right, so, like, how does you know how. How am I doing, I guess, or something.

[Jared Freed]

Or well. Or your first intent. Your first reaction is probably the best reaction. Like, on a date. Like, hey, that's who you really are. I'm going on a date every few weeks. Well, what happens if this goes well for us? Will that ruin the resolution? That's kind of. I mean, kind of a weird thing to say to someone. Like, I think to call it out, like, at least you're having a real conversation, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it is not. It is not a real human to go. My New Year's resolution is to go on new date every few weeks. Like, that's not really. That's someone talking at you, like, to say to that person, well, what makes one date turn into a second date for you? Like that? That's kind of horrible for me to hear. I came here because I was like, I kind of had a good conversation with you. You know, like, there's a little vulnerability that could be shown. Like, I. I'm here because I'm not just, like, looking to go on a date for the date's sake.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Like, what about this was different? What made you go on this date?

[Jordana Abraham]

That feels a little quality, quantity over quality to me.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Like, I think, like, when you hear those things, because I've heard stuff like that on dates where it's like, well, I'm.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm trying to date.

[Jared Freed]

I'm trying to date more. Okay, well, what is more.

[Jordana Abraham]

More?

[Jared Freed]

Is it to get out of the house? Do you want something?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. There's ways to say this.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That sound more enticing than I think when you. I'm trying to put myself out there more sounds better than that. I'm trying.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, what would you say to a guy? Like, I mean, like, would. If. If. If a guy said to you, I'm going on a date every week this month because I just need to date.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would say, wow, I got a lot of competition, I guess.

[Jared Freed]

And then I would, like, I'm trying to think of. My response to that would be like, well, no, like, I'd soften it. I I would. I would back away completely. I'd backpedal. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is fine. But again, in line, that might show. Right. Well, I would know that about you. I mean, it's. I'm saying I would. I would put it in your file that that's part of what you. Of what you are, are doing. And again, it might. The way you said it might mean we were a match or not a match.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And then I go for the second date, you're like, I guess it didn't work out. What happened to the other date? Like, you could. Like. I think it'd be to. It's to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I'm saying. I would have fun with it. It's. I would have fun with it. Yeah. I would ask right after the date, like, so if you canceled all of.

[Jared Freed]

The other ones, let's say the rest of this day was actually fun. You go, we had this one weird moment where he's talking about, he's got a date every few weeks, but you liked him. I think you gotta make fun of this.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can come back from that.

[Jared Freed]

This can. You can come back from this. And also, this is something that can become, like, the fun thing you guys. You give him about when you do go on the second date or when you do, say, years. Yeah, right. And. And. And when we first went out, he said he was going on a new date every week. You can't even get a new date every week. You know, you can fuck with them.

[Jordana Abraham]

What a loser.

[Jared Freed]

Hey, it's Brooklyn Adams, and I'm partnering with Abercrombie to tell you about the newest drop from their Active brand. Your personal best YPB leggings are made with buttery soft fabrics that hug you in all the right places. And come in Abercrombie's viral curve love fit, designed to eliminate waist gap, paired with sports bras and super soft sweatshirts. It's activewear that supports every part of my busy lifestyle and gives me my best butt ever. Head into the new year feeling your personal best shop Active by Abercrombie in the app, online and in stores. New year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps plus fries and a medium soft drink for just $8 for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery. Let's play some games.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's do some games.

[Jared Freed]

Yes. Red Flagger Deal Breaker. We love Red Flag Deal Breaker. It is the game sweeping the country. You go on a date. You have a you, everything's great. Again, just like this date. You have a great date, one thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it but you keep going. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it because of this one thing. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm ready. Let's do it.

[Jared Freed]

J and J. I have a red flagger. Deal breaker for you. I'll get right into it. It I'm 34, female, started dating a guy, 38 male, over the summer. I met him through a volleyball club and he's from Brooklyn, New York. We spoke often about traveling abroad and appreciating diverse cultures, which was a huge turn on for me. I was even more excited when he told me he was planning a trip to Vietnam with his two guy friends as I spent two years teaching English and traveling in Southeast asia in my 20s and absolutely loved it. Fast forward to October when he went on his trip and all I heard from him from abroad was complaining eye roll emoji. See screenshots attached. You ready for the screenshots?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm ready.

[Jared Freed]

You. You be her. I'll be him.

[Jordana Abraham]

You. Unfortunately you have to be him.

[Jared Freed]

Tough one. Let's make sure everyone knows I am reading his text. These are not my opinions.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're not sound bites.

[Jared Freed]

Do not pull these.

[Jordana Abraham]

Make this the clip. Okay? All right, I'm gonna go back to sleep. Enjoy yourselves.

[Jared Freed]

I'm getting so tired of these roads and the poor walking slash driving etiquette that I just walk right into someone because we both played chicken and they don't move. Asian people in general are just very inconsiderate and me first and that bugs me. They were blasting tiktoks and facetiming on the ride up in addition to the coughing. It was just annoying. So shrug emoji, cultural differences. Everyone coughing on me in the cable car. No one here covers their mouth. The he keeps going. The communism bugs me. But yeah, it's nice for me. Hahaha communism.

[Jordana Abraham]

Lol. What's bugging you about the communism? Haha.

[Jared Freed]

I don't like communism and I assume that leads to the prices.

[Jordana Abraham]

What are you seeing that feels like communism?

[Jared Freed]

LOL and 9 year old homeless kids.

[Jordana Abraham]

Plenty of those here in Denver too. It's sad though. I know what you mean. Cambodia was the craziest in that aspect.

[Jared Freed]

This is a horrible country. Lol. Not me again, not me.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I mean the fact that that you need to say that I think makes it a clear like deal breaker. Well I guess. Why don't you finish the email?

[Jared Freed]

I understand traveling Abroad can pose some unforeseen challenges or cultural differences. But really complaining about Asian people as a whole group or claiming to hate the communism you feel ultimately it was a deal breaker for me. Would love to hear your thoughts. Red flagger. Deal breaker. He loves to travel but complains when he sees the real world. Thanks for doing the Lord's work. Sign burned out by his backpacking breakdown. Okay, go ahead.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I mean, I agree with her. I think this is a deal breaker. Very like, just not like a. Not a great way to see someone speak about people in an entire country and generalize about an entire country when they've probably been there for a week with no self awareness. I was not saying anything positive. Just giving like your whole critique.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Who are you?

[Jared Freed]

And also to give no good with the bad. Like, this isn't even someone who knows you. Like, listen, there's cultural differences. Like, and I've been to China, so I know that it is. It. It does feel like a different planet in some respects. Like, and you know to just say I hate communism. Like that doesn't even like give a. It's just so vague that it is rude. Like if it was more specific.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like offensive.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, it's offensive because of the blanket statements. Like if he was like, I saw this thing and due to that I believe it's communism related or. And this is why communist country. Like, there's just not a thoughtful. It's not thoughtful. And now you're saying these things. And I think the ultimate deal breaker for me is. And this happens sometimes, I think at the risk of sounding whatever, like sometimes you meet people and they just assume that you and them agree on every single thing because you and them have met. And that's annoying to me. Like I just. Because.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. No. No sense of like, how is this coming across?

[Jared Freed]

Right. Like in no sense of like I might just disagree with you. Like I might think of things in a different way to just like assume that I'm.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're saying things like they're facts.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

His opinions. He's stating as facts. This is a horrible country.

[Jared Freed]

To take this away from him being specific to one area. Like, I think people do this generally just with like, like a lot of politics things. They think because you look a certain way, you believe a certain way or you live in a certain area. So you think a certain way. I've had this with like not dates, you know, like, and I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And where I'm kind of just have to like. And you kind of sit there.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't not very self aware.

[Jared Freed]

No. And, and you're not even like having a conversation. You're just being spoken at like, that's where this is like a deal breaker for me. Like, I, you know, like communism, like, what.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you even know what you're talking about?

[Jared Freed]

Probably not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Also, like, it kind of, this kind of, it sounds like a douchebag abroad person, quote from like college abroad, right? But he's 38, right? Like, if she was like over 20 and he went, you know, he took like a couple weeks and I'd be like, oh, he's just like immature. But he's 38, right?

[Jared Freed]

I mean, I went to China and I remember I went on stage and did, I did shows in China and there was, I remember walking the streets and like, you do have to have, if you go to another country, you have to, you have to admit to maybe I don't know everything. And he's not doing that here. Like, right. He's doing the. I know everything. I, and that's annoying. Like, I'm like, I remember there was a smell in China that I smelled. And I was like, it wasn't recognizable and it didn't smell good to me, but I smelled it every morning. And I remember going on stage and saying, because there was a lot of expats at the show in China, I would say, like, listen, there is a smell every morning. And I go. And I go, maybe I go, the weird part is maybe that's your bacon. Like, when I wake up in New York City, I smell bacon and I'm like, ah. And I'm like, that's how foreign it is to be here. That I get up and I go, what is that? And everyone might be going, you know, like, and, and I, or like loving it, you know what I mean? Like, and I'm like, and I thought it was like an example of like, man, like, I know so little. I'm, I'm not, I'm a little speck on this great big marble, you know? Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, well, that's self awareness, right?

[Jared Freed]

I, I, and, and it's also taking something where I'm, I could have gone. And I, maybe someone's gonna tell me in the comments how horrific I sound. But like, to me, it was a way of saying, like, I could have gone another direction where I'm like, fuck that smell. But it's like taking a moment to go, this isn't my smell. This isn't where I live. You know? And he's not doing that. He's taking no moment to do that agreed deal breaker.

[Jordana Abraham]

And this is besides the point where he but he writes Asian people in general are just very inconsiderate in me first that's like the complete opposite of everything I've heard about Asian cultures which are very non individualistic and very much about like the whole and the community and like helping other people. So it doesn't even sound particularly accurate to me.

[Jared Freed]

Maybe he just met one asshole so I don't know. That gets the wrong.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I mean that's also.

[Jared Freed]

That's called being.

[Jordana Abraham]

But that's what I'm saying. Like someone who would do that. Someone who would do that as like a personality type. So let's do another one.

[Jared Freed]

Go for it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hi Jared and Joanna, Big fan of the pod. Thanks for the many laughs paired with great insight over the years. I have a red flag or deal breaker for you that I imagine is only an issue for me. I, 27, female, have been dating my boyfriend, 32 male for three years, living together for two. Everything is going great except this one nagging, annoying, constantly festering issue. Except for this one huge thing. My boyfriend does not do his chores. For example, I've expressed many times that I like to have the bed made, but when he's the last one up, he refuses to make the bed. When I confront him about this, he says it doesn't bother him to leave the bed unmade. We live in Manhattan together. It's not like it's a ton of work to clean our 800 square foot apartment. It's just the principle of the matter that I'm always the one cleaning. When I suggest we get a housekeeper, he says we don't need to spend the money on that. He works at a hedge fund and makes around five times more than I do, so he covers more of the rent and bills. But I don't want this to come with the expectation for me to do his chores for him. When I try to ask him to take out the trash, help with the dishes, fold the laundry, etc, I feel like I'm his mom or the stereotypical naggy wife. So I usually just end up doing it all myself. But have I Now enabled my 32 year old boyfriend to act like a child forever? So help please. What do you think? Red flag or deal breaker? He treats housework as optional for him and mandatory for me and lets money replace basic effort. I hope you say red flag and offer some great suggestions to fix this because we're looking at engagement rings now. Thanks sincerely. Not made for this life. It's a pun.

[Jared Freed]

It's a good pun. Jordana, how do you feel about this? Red flagger. Deal breaker. Should they stop looking for engagement rings?

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, here's the thing. I don't necessarily think they should stop looking for engagement rings, but I think they need to have a real conversation about money and the way they see how that affects their responsibilities as a couple. Because it seems to me that this guy is thinking, I pay more of the rent. I pay for more things, and therefore I. I am entitled to do less housework. Right, because you were getting, you know, you were getting more of the department paid for. So you were. Which, again, I'm not here to say that that opinion is right or wrong. I don't know how many hours he works. Maybe he works a lot more than her, so he feels like she has more time to do all this stuff. It seems like he doesn't want to pay more to, like, outsource it because he feels there's something that I'm. What I'm gathering from this is there's something that he feels like she should be taking on more of the work because he pays more. Yeah, that's kind of how I'm thinking that.

[Jared Freed]

He is thinking you and I.

[Jordana Abraham]

And she doesn't.

[Jared Freed]

You and I zoned in on the same thing. It's funny, like, when we ask people to email us and we get a lot of, like, response from people being like, just writing it at all was, like, helpful. Like, I think when she started this email, it was like, hey, I asked him to make the bed, and he says he doesn't care about it, and it really bothers me. And then the more she wrote, the answer became very clear. When she writes that he makes five times more than I do. So he covers more of the rent and bills, and he just says no with no explanation. To me having an issue with something that would feel like I am a minority stakeholder in this company of us. Like, that kind of how I, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

I work for him.

[Jared Freed]

You're a little bit. You're business partners, but you've invested less, so you have less of a say in the company. Like, I think that's how I would kind of not to tell her how she feels, but, like, we. We based on what she wrote, it sounds like that's how she feels.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it does sound like that. That's how she feels. It sounds like there's an accuracy.

[Jared Freed]

Right. When you say. And. But when you say, like, we don't know what he's feeling. Like, I. We don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

He.

[Jared Freed]

But it Seems the way she's inter. Like the way she's telling the story, it's like he's like, yeah, I make all the decisions on everything because I pay more and come to me and I'll think it over and me. And then I'll make a decision. Like, right. It's like, why is he let you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Know if we'll pay for a house?

[Jared Freed]

Right? Like, why? You know, if I were. I go pay for the housekeeper, I'd be like, here's half the housekeeper. Or here's your percentage based on how we do the rent. Like, I would get a housekeeper. Since you won't make the bed, we need the bed made every morning. We need the thing done. I paid for the housekeeper. It cost 100 bucks, but I paid 30, so I paid 30, $70. Like, if you want to be a business and act that way, or we can have like a real discussion because.

[Jordana Abraham]

That'S what they need to do that. The real discussion?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, the passive.

[Jordana Abraham]

Especially if you're gonna get married.

[Jared Freed]

You're getting married. Like, it sounds like you have not had any discussion about how money works in this relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think another thing is like, money and time. So you have to hear his rationale for. And that'll tell you a lot, a lot about him. So you shouldn't avoid this conversation. It's like, what's your rationale for not feeling like you need to so do anything around?

[Jared Freed]

I'll be him.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, maybe you have to make him.

[Jared Freed]

Say I'll be him. And you tell me whether you should get engaged to this person or not. Not. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Hey, can you make the bed since you were the last one out of it this morning?

[Jared Freed]

I'm just letting you know I'm never gonna make the bed. I wake up at 9 to go to work at 10, and I know that's later than you, but I then work until 10 o' clock at night. And I'm like, looking to get as many hours and minutes in bed as possible. And you get back at five and you have the time to do it. And I'm spending all that time working, and that's why I paid for 70% of the rent. And I just think that's where I chip in.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, well, if you feel like you're contributing more financially, then maybe this is something we need to outsource because I also don't have time to.

[Jared Freed]

But what are you doing after 5?

[Jordana Abraham]

Clean the kitchen every day?

[Jared Freed]

You don't have the time.

[Jordana Abraham]

You.

[Jared Freed]

You kind of just come home afterwards and sit around and watch Bravo.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not how I want to spend my time.

[Jared Freed]

So Bravo is more important than the bed. So why would we.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think. I think being able to relax after. After work is more important.

[Jared Freed]

I don't ever relax. I. I go and work so that we can afford this 800 square foot apartment.

[Jordana Abraham]

So do you think that that makes sense because you make more money and you contribute more financially? Do you think that means that I shouldn't have a say in how. In how we. How I get to spend my time after work or how, you know, how we.

[Jared Freed]

10 minutes apartment. You can still get in your. Bravo.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a long time. Have you ever made a bed? It's like not 10 minutes. It's like three minutes.

[Jared Freed]

Is that how long it takes? I don't know. I. I have a cleaning person.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I guess depending on how. On what you're.

[Jared Freed]

I'm not a cheapskate like this guy. No, but I. Even while I was saying it, I felt mean. You know, like, we're talking.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm gonna ask you this. We're talking about getting married. Like, do you. Are you assuming that when we. That, you know, as we build a life together, as we have kids, we move into a house that, like all of this stuff is going to be my responsibility?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Or we would, at some point get someone. I don't mind a messy house. Like, I don't care.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, well, I. I do. I do mind a messy house, but I feel like because this is a partnership, we should. You know, I care about the things that you care about, even if I don't care about them. Because you care about them.

[Jared Freed]

So my fantasy football league, I don't even know what I would care about.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't. I don't care if. I don't care if you get blow jobs. I don't care if you have sex that much. That's a. That's a you thing, right?

[Jared Freed]

Whatever you need.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I don't know. I. You would have to really put up a stone wall, like, even as I'm acting it out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Well, I don't think it's even about, like, the solution, because I don't again, think there's like one. One completely acceptable solution. I think different things work for different couples, but it's more about being able to have that conversation.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And being able to like, like, talk about your expectations, where they come from, and how you can come together. But someone's saying, because I don't care about this, I'm not gonna take Any part in it is not a good answer. But to say, yeah, obviously, like, this is a thing. I could understand why that would be important to you. Let's think about some solutions that that would work.

[Jared Freed]

I agree with you. Even as we were acting it out, I'm, like, so uncomfortable with, like, an argument that I'm like, whatever you say. Like, I. I even. Do you think anyone's watching us act it out and getting, like, angry? Like, when I'm saying, like, when I'm acting as the guy in this scenario where I'm like, I don't care about a messy house. No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because I think a lot of people.

[Jared Freed]

Clean it up. Yourself. Done with your bravo. Like, there are people that talk to each other that way, you know, like, there are, you know, like, I. I was.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that's a thing. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it was real enough for me that I was like, oh, my God, I feel bad for anyone in that relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, well, it's like, again, I think that's like a major. The she's everyone always talks about. His red leg or deal breakers is like, a little thing. But it's, like, indicative of the way one thing you had. The way you handle one thing is the way you handle everything.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. And this is. This is a little thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is he gonna get to say where your kids go to school? Because.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's paying for more of it. Like, And I think you could say, like, do you feel like. Because you. I think that's the real discussion. Do you feel like because you pay for more things, that that gives you the right to decide more things about our lifestyle?

[Jared Freed]

Right. And when you say, I will not make the bed and you don't care, it's basically you saying you don't care about me. That's how I take it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I think that's how I take it as a good maneuver in that conversation. Like, you know, I. I hear I don't want to make the bed after I've just made it. I told you, it makes me feel like I work for you. I have no opinion here. I'm just some idiot who thinks a bed should be made. And if I want to get it done, I can get it done because I don't make as much money and.

[Jordana Abraham]

You make all the rules.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. So, yeah. Even the way she wrote it here, that's how it sounds. So, like, that is obviously how she feels. So she needs to have a feelings conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And again, it seems like he. This would all be fine if he was like, I don't really want to do that. If you care about it, we can, we can get a housekeeper, right?

[Jared Freed]

That it would be a different story if her complaint was, he doesn't want to do it and I don't want to hire a, a housekeeper. We'd be looking at her being like, then you do it. Like we, we wouldn't have the same answer. Right. So let's do one more. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

J and J benefit subscriber, huge fan of everything you both do. I have a red flag or deal breaker for you. I'm a paralegal supervisor to a bunch of Gen z in Washington D.C. cue the mean girls reference about the kids keep me young. Recently, one of them told a story about applying to law school. She said that while visiting her long distance boyfriend in New York City, he told her that if she doesn't get into law school in New York, they'll have to break up. While he was declaring this, she was literally pressing the send button on her law school applications. He was also playing for her the fight songs for the various schools both in NYC and outside that she would be applying to. I didn't know that law schools had fight songs, but okay. As a 30 something year old woman who has listened to Jared Free describe the pre breakup for years, this is a deal breaker for me. But curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks for everything. What do you think this is? This is actually nuts to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know if I, I mean this is told to her secondhand. I don't know how this was said or if he was like, you better get into NYU or like we're over. That's obviously insane, right? If he was like, if he was like, if you don't, if you don't get into like a school in New York, this would be like a really long, long distance relationship. I would want to talk about like how realistic or feasible or like how much we both really want to do that Is like, that's a different discussion to me than get in or you're out.

[Jared Freed]

Well, let's say it's that way. I kind of took it more that way. If he said she's applying for law school, like to me, now is not the time for this conversation. I think it's more of a timing thing. Like what you're saying is, I totally agree, that's a different discussion. But like, hey, I got into NYU law. And then him being like, wow, I'm so excited to see where this can go. I'm excited for you to move to the city. Let's Discuss the next step, where you're living, where I'm living, and how we can kind of move forward as a couple. Or, hey, I got into Stanford Law. Hey, so we should probably talk about what we're doing here, like, because I don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're saying it should have. This all should happen after she right.

[Jared Freed]

To me bringing it up while she's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not helpful, I guess. Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Like, like you're basically saying, start the clock because this will be over. If you know, like when you start talking about your relationship as if it's a bag in the wind, that is when the relationship has end.

[Jordana Abraham]

As if like anything could destroy it.

[Jared Freed]

You're saying, right? Like, what do you. What are you talking about? So you're, you're already saying that you're putting it in God's hands.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I mean, I know people who apply for jobs only in a city that they, like, they must be in the city. Like, I have people who are like, like, married who were like, they're not apply. You know, they're applying to be doctors or lawyers, but they're not. They wouldn't apply somewhere that wasn't in the city where their husband is.

[Jared Freed]

No, I, I agree with that. But they, you know, there is a element of like, did this. We're getting this secondhand, so like our third hand kind of.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

You know, there's another version of this where they go, so I'm applying to schools in New York and California and the guy's like, good luck. And not having that conversation with them and not being like, well, why California? What will happen to us? Like, there's. I think a lot of people bring that up with a hope that someone will go, no, no, no, apply to schools here because what about us?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

And I'm saying that's what I would say.

[Jordana Abraham]

If someone, if I was dating someone who was, who already was long distance and was applying to, to go to schools in places that were not in the same city.

[Jared Freed]

I would never say that to someone. I would never. I would never say to someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't say, we're gonna break up.

[Jared Freed]

I would never say we're gonna break up. But I would never say, hey, what about us? Or I've never been with someone where I like them that much.

[Jordana Abraham]

You never say, what about us?

[Jared Freed]

I, I would because I don't want to be the one who. And I think this is like, you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are not a caring.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I think this is, this is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like the exact conversation with Big that she has when he had when he goes to Paris for work, right?

[Jared Freed]

I'm not gonna.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, we're gonna make it work. And she's like. And she's like. And you didn't even tell me. He's like, well, if I have to go to Paris for work, I have to go to Paris for work. Like, why would I tell you? That's you.

[Jared Freed]

That's me. Well, I would say when you're dating someone who I think when both people are motivated, when both people have career aspirations, the fear of the person with the career aspirations on one side that doesn't have to make this decision is like, now I've stopped you from your aspirations and made mine the a aspirations where both now your. Your and my. You have hitched yourself onto my wagon, and there's more pressure on me. Like, I have this with comedy, like, where it's like, it would be tough for me to tell someone, move to Delray beach, because this comedy thing is head to the moon. That would be kind of like what I would be saying by telling someone what to do with their career aspirations. Now, if they had no aspirations or, you know, aspirations for, like, different things that weren't work related, I think it would be different.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know. I think, like. And again, I think there's. It's not, like, there's not great law.

[Jared Freed]

Schools in New York fair.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know what I mean? It wasn't. You wouldn't be, like, giving up your whole career to come move to New York City.

[Jared Freed]

I wouldn't want that responsibility, though. I wouldn't want me being, you know, and I can't. I. I don't want to be a plot point in someone's story where I don't end up with them. And I came to New York for this ex who told me to apply to Fordham, and now I'm here because of that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, that's on you.

[Jared Freed]

I know. Well, that's why I'm not saying. I'm like, you apply, we'll see what happens. I. I think saying it before is like, I agree with the emailer. Like, saying it beforehand is like, the timing of it is like, hey, just so you know, like, we're gonna break up at some point.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think you could say when you're talking about what schools you're applying to is like, just so you know, like, I don't know if again, she already. They're already long distance. I think it's okay to say, like, I don't know if I could do another three years of long distance.

[Jared Freed]

Right? That. But that as you're right, I'm with you. But as you're heading send when you're talking, I just.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But I assume you're. I assume you would be talking about this while you're, like, discussing what schools are you applying to? You wouldn't find out when you're hitting send. I guess maybe it sounds like more of a fight if it's happening while you're hitting.

[Jared Freed]

Right. So, yeah. Which is actually like a worthwhile conversation. So it's like, I, I mean, this is the break.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

This is the breakup to me. I, I. Either way. It's the breakup.

[Jordana Abraham]

Either way. Okay. Like, I mean, I don't know if I was dating someone who lived in D.C. and they're applying to law school and they're applying to a lot of schools that are not New York. I'm assuming they're not that in, they're not that invested in the relationship with me.

[Jared Freed]

Let's play this out. You come to me, you're applying to law school, I'm your boyfriend living in New York and you live in D.C.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, here's how I would put it. I would say I'm applying to Stanford.

[Jared Freed]

Amazing. What a school. You should. I mean, who wouldn't want to go to Harvard? Harvard. I mean, right? I can't believe I'm dating a woman who is applying to Harvard Law. Like, who would have thought I'm such an idiot. Loser. I went to Penn State. I'm a idiot. I'm dating a genius. Okay. Where else.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I'm a plot. I'm applying to Columbia and nyu. Right.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, obviously anyone can go to those schools. But yeah. Okay, it's no Stanford, but yeah. Cool.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then. Right. So those are the schools I'm applying to, but I'm also apply. You know, I would say. And then you could ask me how those schools are ranked. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

What are the rankings?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't really know how they're right. Harvard, I would say Harvard is probably. Harvard's probably above the rest. Stanford and Columbia, those are like, pretty on par.

[Jared Freed]

But you don't have Napa. I don't know Napa and Columbia. You know, you don't have the beautiful redwood.

[Jordana Abraham]

Now you're trying to convince me to get out of here. Now you're trying to make this easier on yourself.

[Jared Freed]

I think when you say, when you say to someone, we are, listen, if you go to Stanford, we're gonna. This is probably over. Like, I think you've already. Your foot is out the door.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, I think it's more like if you got into Stanford in Columbia and you're choosing Stanford when your boyfriend.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Lives in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Your girlfriend lives in New York and they're both great schools. Yeah. I could see why you'd be like, I don't want to do this for three years when you could have gone to school, a great school in New York.

[Jared Freed]

The breakup is reasonable.

[Jordana Abraham]

But this is. I agree with the timing. The timing is, is makes sense.

[Jared Freed]

The breakup's reasonable.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's why the timing's important.

[Jared Freed]

And that's why, you know, again, like two motivated people. You have someone living in D.C. going to be a, you know, going to law school. You have someone living in New York doing whatever New York thing they're doing. Like, I unders. The breakup isn't like mean or mean spirited. It's just more that, like, I think if someone's bringing this up in the, like, the order of operations, like to me, you get in. And then I got into these three schools. What are you thinking? And it's like, hey, I am not gonna be like, my response to someone saying that to me, my girlfriend would be, I am not in a position to tell you where to go to school.

[Jordana Abraham]

Then I don't think your relationship's that serious and. Or not not tell you where. But I don't, I don't. I'm not in a position to be factored in that to your decision making to me would be like, you're breaking up with me.

[Jared Freed]

Where of holidays, vacations, New Year's and getting into law school. This is another one to add to the list. And global pandemics. All of these things will reveal how much someone really wants to make it work.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I would say if my boyfriend applied to schools that were equally good as the one near me.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And chose to go to the one not near me. And where I'm in an age where I'm looking to, you know, like, be in a real relationship.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would be, that would be a big issue.

[Jared Freed]

That's the thing. What becomes more important if he didn't get in, that's.

[Jordana Abraham]

If he didn't get in, that's a different story.

[Jared Freed]

Listen, I, I hear you. I'm. It is interesting. We're all faced with choices. Hey, I've always wanted to live on the west coast is something nobody says to the love of their life. That's.

[Jordana Abraham]

That is like, would you consider coming with me?

[Jared Freed]

Right, right, right, right. Again. Where there's a will, there's a way. Like, this is where, like, if he wanted to, he would like, I hate that saying when it comes to, like, a third date, because it's, like, off. But when it comes to, like, this decision. Law school, if they wanted to, they would like there's any, you know, like, this could be worked out, you know, but. Or you do distance.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I think it depends on how good the opportunity is away from you that you couldn't get here.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, we solved dating again. We did it.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back on Friday with your Friday feels episode.

[Jared Freed]

Absolutely.

[Jordana Abraham]

Boom.

[Jared Freed]

Betches.