We're Engaged, So Why Am I Still Hidden on His Socials?

Summary

U Up? Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: We're Engaged, So Why Am I Still Hidden on His Socials?
Air Date: January 14, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

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Main Theme & Episode Overview

This episode revolves around relationship “labels,” the emotional rollercoaster of situationships, and the signs (especially on social media) that signal whether someone is truly all-in or keeping things low-key. Jordana and Jared answer listener emails about dating app etiquette, dealing with situationships, STIs, and the insecurity of being “hidden” on a partner’s social media—even after an engagement. As always, they blend candid dating advice with self-deprecating humor and real talk about setting boundaries, managing ego, and embracing reality over fantasy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Life Updates & The Reality of Resolutions

• [01:10–08:00]
  • Jordana is preparing for maternity leave, feeling the physical toll of her pregnancy.
    • "The pregnancy is definitely catching up to me. My back hurts now. I'm like one of those people." (Jordana, 02:21)
  • New Year’s Resolutions Debate:
    • Jordana’s husband, Mike, wants to run the NYC marathon; Jordana vetoes it considering their young family:
    • "We're about to have two kids. Your resolution is to spend hours every day alone?" (Jordana, 05:26)
      • They joke about couples picking each other's resolutions:
    • "I always thought it would be fun if your partner picked the resolution for you." (Jordana, 08:05)
    • "That's not called a resolution at that point. That's called shaming your partner." (Jared, 08:10)
  • Reflecting on What Makes for Good Relationship Goals
    • Jordana’s actual focus: “Making sure our relationship stays strong amongst having all the responsibility.” (Jordana, 06:29)
  • Jared's Adventures: Stand-up shows, VIP meet-and-greets, the ups and downs of touring, and the awkwardness of small turnouts.
    • "Any creative endeavor, the cost is generally money and embarrassment." (Jared, 14:56)

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2. Dating App Etiquette: The Rush to Move Off-Platform

• Listener Email 1 [25:33–36:00]
  • Scenario: A new match wants to move from the app to texting immediately, even before a real conversation happens. The listener declines—he unmatches her immediately.
  • Hosts’ Take:
    • Both skeptical of people who push for phone numbers instantly.
      • “Any time someone says, ‘Can I text you?’ right away, it’s a weird vibe.” (Jared, 27:10)
      • “I want us all to want to go on this date. … I want to be excited.” (Jared, 29:34)
    • Possible motives for fast-unmatching:
      • He’s hiding something (cheating, not single), wants quick hookups, or is a “quantity-over-quality” dater.
      • Some do it for “app cleanliness,” but Jared and Jordana agree it’s not a sign of genuine intent.
    • Key Advice: If someone tries to rush you, it’s usually a red flag—trust your instincts.

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3. Petty or Prudent? The Drama of Throwing Away an Ex’s Stuff

• Listener Email 2 [38:01–43:30]
  • Scenario: The writer throws her situationship's car key into a lake after he ghosts her and never comes to pick it up, then months later he DMs her asking about it.
  • Hosts’ Perspective:
    • Absolutely not petty—it’s prudent to set boundaries, give a deadline, and then move on.
      • “I think you give a deadline … The stuff is in the mailbox. After Saturday, that’s an assumed toss.” (Jared, 40:57)
    • If he ignores offers to retrieve his stuff, he doesn’t respect you.
    • If he later jokes about the key, he’s likely testing if he still has influence.
    • Jordana’s advice: Unfollow and don’t engage with exes who return just to stir the pot.

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4. Modern STI Talk—How & When to Ask

• Listener Email 3 [43:59–52:30]
  • Question: “How do I ask my new dating prospect for STI test results without being awkward or killing the mood?”
  • Jordana & Jared’s Take:
    • Treat it like a “company policy” – direct, not “fun.”
    • Ask simply before becoming physical: “Hey, before we go further, when were you last tested?”
      • “This is an opt-in thing. … I think it’s a totally normal thing to say.” (Jared, 46:23)
    • Don’t confuse asking for a test with asking for exclusivity.
      • “If you’re using STI conversations to find out exclusivity, you’re not practicing good communication.” (Jared, 47:52)
    • Recognize there are always risks, and that perfect guarantees don’t exist outside true exclusivity.

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5. Red Flag or Dealbreaker: He Writes Songs About His Ex

• Red Flag Game Segment [54:43–59:00]
  • Scenario: Listener’s friend is dating a musician who recently released a song with incriminating, clearly-about-the-ex lyrics; the ex also attends his shows.
  • Hosts:
    • The song itself isn’t necessarily the deal breaker; creative people draw from the past.
    • The boyfriend’s evasive response (“They’re just words, don’t mean anything”) is a huge red flag.
      • “You would think a creative would have a better creative explanation.” (Jared, 57:30)
    • Good communication means owning your feelings and being direct, not evasive.
    • If you swapped genders, most would feel equally awkward.
    • Conclusion: It’s not the song, but the lack of emotional honesty that’s the problem.

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6. Main Event: Engaged but Hidden on Social Media

• Listener Email 4 [60:23–71:44]
  • Situation: She’s now engaged to a guy after a nine-year, on-and-off “situationship,” but he still doesn’t post about her on social media.
  • Full Story:
    • Relationship started as “situationship”; a cycle of being avoidant & committed, with much emotional baggage.
    • Recent reconciliation came with an ultimatum: “If we do this, you have to marry me.”
    • He agreed, but six months into “commitment,” she’s still not visible on his socials—feels insecure.
  • Hosts’ Deep Dive:
    • The real issue isn’t social media—it’s the toxic relationship dynamic, the addiction to the “story,” and the need for external validation.
    • Quote: “I think she’s more addicted to the story than even to this guy.” (Jordana, 64:40)
    • Jared: “No one reads that and feels happy for you. … This isn’t healthy.”
    • Chasing the label of “fiancée” doesn’t cure underlying issues; feel proud of moving on and “failing faster” rather than forcing a fairytale ending.
    • Quote: “None of this was a waste of time – you learned, now move on. There doesn’t have to be this ending.” (Jared, 68:59)
    • Both hosts urge her to open up to friends and family, not keep this secret, and seek a truly healthy relationship.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Any creative endeavor, the cost is generally money and embarrassment.” (Jared, 14:56)
• “No hobbies this year, Mike!” (Jordana, 07:35)
• "Immediate unmatch is like what I’ve learned is … I hate the match-unmatch conversation." (Jared, 31:25)
• “[About the key]: Weeks went by, so naturally I tossed it into Lake Ontario. Call it heartbreak recycling.” (Listener email, 39:05)
• "If words don’t matter, what does matter?" (Jordana, 59:18, about the evasive musician partner)
• “I think she’s more addicted to the story than even to this guy.” (Jordana, 64:40)
• “The healthy relationship has to come first—before the label.” (Jordana, 68:10)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:10–08:00] – Catching up, New Year’s and life updates
• [25:33–36:00] – Dating app: Quick move to texting, red flags
• [38:01–43:30] – Petty or prudent? Throwing out ex’s stuff
• [43:59–52:30] – Asking for STI results
• [54:43–59:00] – Red flag/dealbreaker: Writing songs about your ex
• [60:23–71:44] – Engaged yet hidden on his socials: The real problem

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Conclusion / Episode Takeaways

The episode unpacks not just “symptoms” (e.g., social media insecurity), but spotlights the underlying issues—emotional addiction, seeking validation, and ignoring red flags. The consensus: don’t chase fairytale endings for ego’s sake, learn to communicate honestly, and trust your instincts about what feels right and safe. The most memorable insight: It’s better to “fail faster” and move on, than to cling to a story or label that isn’t serving you.

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For further dating commentary, polls, and bonus content, follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram or subscribe for early-release, ad-free, and bonus episodes.

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#End of Summary

Transcript

[Jordana Abraham]

This episode is brought to you by Tell Me Lies on Hulu. Tell Me Lies is back for season three, and Lucy and Steven are once again giving their relationship another try. Surprise, surprise. They swear things will be different this time. But very quickly, the past catches up, old lies resurface, and the fallout starts spreading beyond just the two of them. Before long, the entire friend group is forced to reckon with choices they thought were behind them. It's addictive, it's emotionally messy, and it will absolutely have you questioning every situationship you've ever had. The first three episodes of Tell Me Li Season 3 are now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.

[Jared Freid]

You know, a lot of the Gen Z you notice, like, it does. It does feel like they missed out on these prime years of socialization.

[Jordana Abraham]

Socialization.

[Jared Freid]

Like, even the level, the volume that they speak at, it's like this precocious child. It's like, hi, I'm Jennifer. It's like, all right. It's like, okay, no one told you you suck. Like, you should be at a seven. You know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello, and welcome back to the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. We are in studio. It's been a bit. How are you?

[Jordana Abraham]

I know it's been like a few weeks. I've been. I, like, almost. I was thinking yesterday, do I remember how to podcast?

[Jared Freid]

I mean, you better. We got a job here. We are. Yeah. We got to fix dating. Yes. How are you? Updates, anything? I mean, we're. We're about to send you off. This feels like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. So my. I mean, I got like three more, Three more weeks story, guys.

[Jared Freid]

Three more weeks. Don't worry. Don't get concerned, but you're going on material leave. This is like when your teacher in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Grade school starts bringing out the tv.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

The.

[Jared Freid]

We're like, like, we're, you know, like, oh, we're going to have a new. There's going to be a new teacher here. Only for a little bit.

[Jordana Abraham]

Little intro. It's okay. I. I still love you guys. Yeah, I'll be back.

[Jared Freid]

I. So I'm getting like, teod. This is a, a. A farewell. Do we have to do an immemorial. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Again, I've got a few. I've got a few more. I've got a few more episodes in me.

[Jared Freid]

That's good, good, good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Six more.

[Jared Freid]

Six more.

[Jordana Abraham]

Only six more episodes.

[Jared Freid]

Six. Move the clock, you know, Don't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Don't kick. I feel like you're like waving me out.

[Jared Freid]

I'm like, bring in the new co host.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm still here.

[Jared Freid]

I'm still here.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm still relevant.

[Jared Freid]

We can party later.

[Jordana Abraham]

The rest of the week at least. Yeah, it's been it. My this, the pregnancy is definitely catching up to me. I'm. My. My back hurts now. I'm like one of those people.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, my back. So this is like the sitcom. Like, are you getting cravings?

[Jordana Abraham]

No, no, just like my back hurts, just very unpleasant.

[Jared Freid]

And back hurting is like that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Kind of ruins the whole thing, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean it's been worse for Mike who's just been having to like get me carry you.

[Jared Freid]

What is it?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like he just has to like get me shit like sitting down. I just have to be like, can you get me this and this and this? That seems like, can you do this thing that I usually do, just like do all the things for me. But it was very funny because Mike.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know how he's getting through this.

[Jordana Abraham]

He'll be okay. He'll be okay.

[Jared Freid]

That's all I think about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Speaking of Mike. Speaking of Mike in this pregnancy. We were like talking about New Year's resolutions over the break. At first he's like, yeah, this is like kind of stupid. I do the say the same thing every year, blah, blah, blah. And then we're driving to Aen's house for New Year's where we would did New Year's.

[Jared Freid]

Hold on. So the BET got together for New Year's Eve. It was a Wednesday night, New Year's Eve and it's you great middle.

[Jordana Abraham]

I love middle of the week New Year's. Cuz it's the whole week is out.

[Jared Freid]

You're absolutely right. We should just make it Wednesday every single year. I loved Wednesday New Year's Eve. And my shows were even like appropriate. Like no one was like out of control or like, you know, no bandage dresses in the crowd.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

You know, like it wasn't like a big night. It was just like we're chilling, we're hanging people.

[Jordana Abraham]

Read the room.

[Jared Freid]

Read the room. So and I loved every show in San Diego. If you came to the shows, they were just so fantastic. I just want to shout out, Mike Drop comedy club, that club. Like some clubs are better than others. That one's a great club. Please go support that club. Rob, who's the manager was like, took care of me, just was like, you know, you're coming in from out of town. I'm a visitor. They make you feel comfy, Cozy. Mic drop Comedy club. Go, go, go, go. Just enjoy that club because they do a great job. So you're doing New Year's Eve. It's a caviar New Year's Eve. The batch is really alien since they sold out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Aliens. Got a guy.

[Jared Freid]

Got a caviar guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So you're on the way there, and there's a plan to reveal resolutions at the parties.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, we've just been talking about them because we've been together for two weeks and we have nothing else to talk about. We've been together.

[Jared Freid]

I think I'm gonna stay single.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's been. It was great.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I. I loved it. But we're like, so he's like, you know, he's like, I thought of a resolution.

[Jared Freid]

Mike's got one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. He's like, I've got one. I've got one. And I go, great. Like, what is it? He goes, I'm gonna run the New York City marathon this year. Oh.

[Jared Freid]

Oh.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I go, nope. Pick again.

[Jared Freid]

Midlife crisis, Mike.

[Jordana Abraham]

I go, pick again. This is not the year for that. Back to the drawing board.

[Jared Freid]

He was like. Said it.

[Jordana Abraham]

So confident. He's like, I like. He's. He likes to run.

[Jared Freid]

He's a runner.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's a runner. He, like. He's got a runner's body. Like, run. He's like, that's his, like, exercise of.

[Jared Freid]

Choice and does seem like odd timing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

I'm like, what are you going to do? This thing that takes hours a day?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I was getting, like, mad.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm like, we're about to have two kids. Your resolution is to spend hours every day alone with Twiblings?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, this is.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was. I really was just like, no, like, that's not. That's not your resolution for the year.

[Jared Freid]

Sorry, we're out of New York City marathons. Pick again. This. We've 86. He was, like, so p to tell me.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was like, what are you talking about?

[Jared Freid]

What do you think your reaction would be? Did he actually think this was like, I. I have done that. I have been dating people and, like, thought I had the best idea in the world. And it is like, are you out of your mind? So what was his reaction to your reaction?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think first, I think he thought I would be excited he had one because I like, okay. Sometimes he gets no, because I try to, like, gamify everything. And then he's like, you're giving me homework. Well, I'm like, if we die, where do you want to Be buried. He's like, I don't want to do this right now.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's your New Year's resolution? So like, what's your New Year's resolution? It feels like I'm like testing him a little bit, but he was like excited. He had an answer and then I just completely shot it down.

[Jared Freid]

What was your New Year's resolution?

[Jordana Abraham]

I talked about it on the show. It was about making sure our relationship stays strong amongst having all the responsibility.

[Jared Freid]

I guess both weren't listening. So you. But yours is kind of vague. His was like, it has like an.

[Jordana Abraham]

Actual time bound New York City.

[Jared Freid]

Mar. That. I mean, that announcement. I don't know how any.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have to get selected too. It's not like you could just like, I.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I don't know how it works, but anytime someone says it, I'm like, did they think we were all going to just like start applauding? Like, Like I. I have never heard a New York City marathon running announcement and been like happy for the person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

I'm like, ugh, I'm gonna have to hear about that. I mean, maybe I'll mute. And I'm like, I get to the part in the caption where it's like. And I'm raising money for.

[Jordana Abraham]

Mute.

[Jared Freid]

Like I don't even get to the place they're raising money for right off.

[Jordana Abraham]

We're not out of here. Yeah, but. Yeah, I mean, fine, you have. I'm. I'm into having a hobby.

[Jared Freid]

There is not this year. Yeah. No hobbies this year. So you should have said, what's your resolution? No hobbies this year.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, that's that. You know, if you're listening, Mike, which I'm sure you are. No hobbies this year.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, well, I guess the father related resolutions wouldn't make sense because he's never done it before. Like, my resolution is to be a better dad. No. To spend more time reading to the kids. No, he's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, right.

[Jared Freid]

Any amount of readings more than he did last year.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's true.

[Jared Freid]

My resolution is to listen, you know, to you and when you tell them, do whatever.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would be the best. I always thought, what resolution do you.

[Jared Freid]

Want him to have?

[Jordana Abraham]

I always thought it would be fun to your partner in a relationship, pick the resolution for you.

[Jared Freid]

Oh my. That's. I. I don't know if that's called the resolution at that point. I think that's called just like, you know, shaming your partner.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. No, I mean, but it's.

[Jared Freid]

My resolution for you is to lose a few we pick each.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, we pick each other's resolutions.

[Jared Freid]

Horrific. Yeah. That's like when the. That was. That whole thing with the woman for Christmas received a peloton bike from her husband, right? And it became this big thing that this.

[Jordana Abraham]

I never saw the issue.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You were a pro. You were pro. Peloton.

[Jordana Abraham]

Peloton wife. Was that what they called her? Peloton mom.

[Jared Freid]

It became a thing. Peloton wife. It was like, such a thing. That's so funny. So you go to the party. Are you angry? No. Start off on the road.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wasn't really.

[Jared Freid]

You thought it was funny? I thought he would even entertain the idea.

[Jordana Abraham]

I just made fun of him the entire. The entire. I was just like. I basically just broke it down exactly like this. I'm like, your resolution is to spend a ton of time doing a personal activity that doesn't benefit this family at all. As soon as we're about to have this massive amount of responsibility.

[Jared Freid]

And when. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

When you put it that way, right?

[Jared Freid]

Because when I tell people about you and what's going on, they're like, whoa, a lot of work to do. Slot. Oh, my God, they better get ready. It's gonna be hours, and they're never gonna sleep again. Like, no. There's the reaction of happiness, but then the reaction of, like, they better get ready. And Mike's like, well, I'll see you. Gonna go get my.

[Jordana Abraham]

Gonna go train to run 26 miles.

[Jared Freid]

I'm gonna do that. I love that.

[Jordana Abraham]

He was so confident, and I was like, no.

[Jared Freid]

Gonna be a no for me dog.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Immediate no. Immediate no.

[Jared Freid]

That's great.

[Jordana Abraham]

How was your New Year's?

[Jared Freid]

My New Year's Day. I told you the club was great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did you make out with your phone at 12?

[Jared Freid]

I made out with my phone. No, I was actually at. So it was, like, kind of perfect. I had a 7 and a 9:30 show. The 9:30 show got done at, like, 11:30. Like, I got through pictures. I did pictures after. I do pictures after every show. If you want to take a picture, I would love to take a picture with you. If you don't. You don't have to, like, come up to me and be like, I don't want to pick. Like, I. I don't need.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, yeah, it's an opt. It's an opt in thing. You don't have to opt out, Right?

[Jared Freid]

You can. Lee. I actually go back. I say to everyone, I go, I'm gonna go back and hide. You guys can line up and, like, I listen. I don't think anyone should want a picture.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you ever say, you guys can line up and then there's no line?

[Jared Freid]

It's happened. It's happened. No. Well, sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, like, the nature of a.

[Jared Freid]

I never told you the story when I sold the VIP meet and greet. So the last tour, I did a VIP meet and greet because I was so annoyed at how hard it. For whatever reason, it was difficult to take pictures at theaters.

[Jordana Abraham]

So. Oh, they put you in the alley.

[Jared Freid]

In the alley in Atlanta. If you were in my Atlanta show. I'm coming to Atlanta. We'll do it better this time. But my Atlanta show, they put us in, like, a parking lot, and then, like, another Christian rapper got done with his show, and then his whole audience came out and started yelling at my line about Jesus.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And no, shame on Jesus, but these.

[Jordana Abraham]

People were different kind of show.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah. Well. But it also to in a parking lot. And also the sounds would reverberate. So they're going, hey, you know, get. Get with J.C. jesus. And. And it's like, yeah, they were all pumped up from the rap show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So I was like, never. And we were like, come on, hurry. They're gonna keep yelling at us. We got like. We were taking pictures as if it was like the last ship out of Saigon. Like, it was crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

So you and the picture people went, like, all move together somewhere else.

[Jared Freid]

No, we took them there while they screamed at us. And it was like, I'll never do this again. I was like, I need to find another way. So then I was like, how about we get an extra ticket where we'll do, like, a whole, like, thing? I'll give it, like, I gave a VIP experience.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, Right.

[Jared Freid]

So I would do the pictures before the show. So the first one we did, it was in, I think, Minneapolis. And one person bought the VIP thing. And she was very nice. I, I, I. Thank you. She's probably. I hope she's listening. So maybe she's not anymore.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's actually, I mean, the great experience for her. You're the only one.

[Jared Freid]

I can tell right away she didn't want this level of attention.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, maybe she was also, like, I got ripped off. I'm the only one.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like, no one does. She thought, like, I think people, when they hear the, like, if I'm selling it, they. I would assume at least 50 people. No, she's the only one. And I'm like, They're like, where do you want to do this? I was like, well, do it in the green room. I'll Give her, like, a drink.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, yeah, we'll include a cocktail here.

[Jared Freid]

Right? And she walked in. She's like, hey. And, like, you could see right away, she's looking around like, where is everybody? And I was like, hey, what can I. And I was so worried about her, like, feeling like this was a good experience. I was like, have a drink. Take a seat. What's going on with you? Where are you from? What are you doing? Like, I'm asking.

[Jordana Abraham]

She was like, you're a VIP experience. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So. And then every week, like, I would do these VIPs, and it was just so brutal because, like, not brutal, because it was just, like, 10 people at most. And, like, you could tell, like, everyone was like, why did I do this? And, like, I don't. It wasn't about the money. It was about. It was really like, it's about the money if, like, a thousand people did it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

But at a certain point, you go, it's not about the money. It was about making a better experience.

[Jordana Abraham]

People who want to do that.

[Jared Freid]

And for me. So we stopped doing that. I was like, listen, I'll. Whatever it costs, I'll set up the pictures. Because you have to pay for, like, union people.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

To stay longer.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So. And you have to get the room and make sure. So we've. I've. I'm paying to keep the theaters going so we can do the pictures. So if you want to do pictures, like, make it snappy, because I got another. You got a paper?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It's on your dime.

[Jared Freid]

Right. But also. I'm kidding.

[Jordana Abraham]

You'll see when you do your book tour, which. Oh, yeah, you'll do, is some places are, like. You get a ton of people. They're, like, excited. You're, like, signing the books, all that stuff. And then occasionally you'll go to, like, a Barnes and Noble in New Jersey, and you will be the only person there. And then one person who's, like, in the store who, like, kind of wants to see what's going on.

[Jared Freid]

Right, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or like, oh, are you, like. Like, what do you think? They're like, oh, you write a book? And they're just sitting there, and they're like. They're like. And then they're, like, raising, because they're just like, oh, I stumbled upon, Right. Activity at the. What is your. But then they're like, what is your book about?

[Jared Freid]

They're at the book doors. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, especially for me, Aliens. The three of us, we get, like, hair and makeup done. We get, like, Us, like, you know, we get Simon Schusters. They're like, pay for a car to, like, take us, right. Like, probably two hours to this bookstore. And there's, like, one person who has no idea what the book is. That wasn't every event. But you. You get an occasional event like that.

[Jared Freid]

Well, any creative endeavor, the cost is generally money and embarrassment.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

You know, there's just, like, you're putting yourself out there, so. Yeah, no, I'm expecting that for the book tour as well. I. So now I do these pictures. And so I got done. So I did. At the clubs, it's easier because they're all set up with, like, six staff. And, like, I don't have to pay. You know, it's like. But, like, we got done with the pictures at, like, 11:30 for the second show. So I was like, great. And I call an Uber, and I'm, like, trying to get back to the hotel for, like, the ball drop so I could at least watch it on TV or be at, like, a bar or something. And I'm in the Uber at 11:59, and I'm like, hey, man, guess it's me and you.

[Jordana Abraham]

So you were like, happy New Year.

[Jared Freid]

I go, happy New Year. And then me and Carlos, the Uber driver, made out at midnight, and it was beautiful. And we held each other for a little bit, right? And, yeah, that was my New Year's. I was like, what? I was like, this is the most comedian New Year just in an Uber, coming back from the show with a Diet Coke in my hand. And that was it. That was a Happy New Year.

[Jordana Abraham]

Happy New Year.

[Jared Freid]

Which, listen, I'm excited for this year. It's gonna be. I. I'm expecting a lot going on. A lot going on. We got a. A book, a special. It's all happening.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where would you like to be next year when the clock strikes 12 with.

[Jared Freid]

My, you know, with my wife and.

[Jordana Abraham]

Family and about to run the New York City Marathon.

[Jared Freid]

Could only hope. Yeah, no, I. I don't know. I hope. I j. I sto. Last year, I said I wasn't going to work on New Year's ever again. And then this year, I got roped back in.

[Jordana Abraham]

You didn't like not working on New Year's, though, Last year? I feel like Miami, right?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I was in Miami. I sat at the bar alone, and I did that. It was a lot of alone last year. And then the year before, I was in Miami.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you ever want to go to, like, a friend's, like, party apartment?

[Jared Freid]

The parties. The friend party thing? Yeah, it would Be. Yeah, I would want to do that, I guess. I guess. I, I don't know. I just was like some of those party. I don't know. I, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't like those parties. No offense. If you're listening and you're one of Jared's friends who invited him to a.

[Jared Freid]

New Year's party, I'll talk. I'll talk about it next time in Friday episode. I have a story that I'll tell you because we're getting deep into this show about. I'm getting invited to a lot of these social events as like, like, again, Delray Beach. Like, it's like a more like, suburban thing going on. Do you have a click? No, I'm avoiding. There's clicks that have invited me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Trying to invite you to be.

[Jared Freid]

Trying to. I would.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I could see that. I would invite you to be my click.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Come, come. Hanging like this new guy who's got, like, a weird. So you're the cool.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're the coolest guy to have in the Click because you don't really, like, need the click. Usually the leader of the click is the one who's like, I could like, leave at any time because I don't need any of you.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Oh, well, nothing makes me, like, cringe more than, hey, you know, if you need any friends, any offer of friendship to a single man, like, we are offended.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Just. Just know if you offer friendship to a single man straight from a woman or from a.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyone.

[Jared Freid]

I don't want to hear about friendship from any anyone. Like, that's why this whole, like, the male loneliness thing has gone off the rails in such a way that I can't believe, like, we have gone into different episodes of this show that is like, crazy people. What. What people are discussing on that subject is stupid.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know if they're talking about people like you, though.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I think there's more people like me than get talked about. Like, I. I think, like, my group is bigger and quieter and not as. Than the incels. Yeah. I think we're talking about, like, a very small group.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it's funny. You think losers single, like, single older man.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then you get like. I think that the immediate one that comes to mind is, like, the incel.

[Jared Freid]

Like the extreme is what we think of. You know, it's not Dave. The Dave Matthews Band is a good band with nice fans. Their worst fans is who represents the Dave Matthews Band. So, like, with, like, anything, it's your worst fan.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So. But I. I digress.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. Let's get into the show. Let's do it. So much to talk about. We have so many great emails. Thank you guys for being listeners, viewers on YouTube. Hello, YouTube. Keep commenting, subscribing. Telling friends this show, you know, eight, more than eight years old, that's saying a lot for a podcast. I just saw, you know, the two kids from the Sopranos and their ended their podcast.

[Jordana Abraham]

They ended it. I thought it was pretty well over.

[Jared Freid]

Closed up shot why podcasts are going to start ending. I'm just telling you, like, there's not enough room for all these podcasts.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, is that why you're like shooing me out the door?

[Jared Freid]

No, we're bringing. Yeah, we're testing out new dynamics. No, I'm just saying, like, you know, these podcasts, people are finding their shows and they are committing to them and we have a great show here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, people think it's easier than it is.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, you gotta have. You got a show once a month. You got a fun dating story. Cool. What do you got next week?

[Jordana Abraham]

Exactly.

[Jared Freid]

We got a lot to go over here.

[Jordana Abraham]

We have eight years from now.

[Jared Freid]

That's right. We'll be, we'll keep coming back whether you like it or not. So keep telling your friends. Keep growing the show. I'm doing shows, I'm on the road. I have a big segment coming up and I need people to go to these shows.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where?

[Jared Freid]

Tampa.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Atlanta.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Charleston Beach? Mountain, North Carolina. I don't know why I said yes to this. It's like nowhere near anything on earth.

[Jordana Abraham]

Beach Mountain.

[Jared Freid]

It's a ski mountain. No, it's a mountain.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's not on the beach.

[Jared Freid]

It's not. It's. Listen, just come. If you're in the area. If you know that name. If you know that name.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Then you're close enough.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And then I am going to Houston, Dallas.

[Jordana Abraham]

Go to those cities. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Boston.

[Jordana Abraham]

All my siblings are gonna go.

[Jared Freid]

All your siblings are going. And they paid, which is crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I know. That's how you know it's a good show.

[Jared Freid]

That's right. Boston, we added a second show. Come, come, come. New York now New York City.

[Jordana Abraham]

When is that? It's like Valentine's Day week.

[Jared Freid]

It is the night before Valentine's Day. It's Valentine's Day Eve. If you want a win for your Valentine's Day or get tickets to my.

[Jordana Abraham]

Show or your Galentine's Day.

[Jared Freid]

Galentine's Day, Yeah, yeah. It's called the table.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's about being single, I think I can't Think of a better girls night than going to see the show and like that Valentine's Day week.

[Jared Freid]

I appreciate that. You're right. The first show sold out, so I'm adding a second show. Okay, so second show added. This is, you know, you're taking a.

[Jordana Abraham]

Chance both in one night.

[Jared Freid]

One night. One night only.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where?

[Jared Freid]

Town hall.

[Jordana Abraham]

Town hall.

[Jared Freid]

So the first one took longer than, you know, than I'd like for it to sell out. Like, I'm doing this, like, it's like one of those things. It's like. Do you want to add a second show and beg? You know, I, I don't have to beg. It's a good show. Just.

[Jordana Abraham]

I see. No, I know what you're saying. Right. You'd rather be like the biggest house on the small street for the show.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So listen, I'm adding that show. Toronto is the next night. I would like to add a show there. I don't know if I have the ability, so I'm debating that if it's.

[Jordana Abraham]

You got a lot of Toronto fans for this show.

[Jared Freid]

I love Toronto so much. I, I've, listen, I'm Mr. Toronto and I'm begging people to come to my show. It's crazy. So get your tickets. Toronto, New York, and that's it. That's what I got. Oh, and pre, the book. You mentioned the book.

[Jordana Abraham]

I pre ordered the book.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you. The, the pre order of the book. I think it's doing well. I, I, it's already doing well.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's great.

[Jared Freid]

It's like, great. Are you starting the year with a wardrobe refresh? Quince has you covered with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished. Perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. I have ordered a bunch of quint stuff. I mean, I love their socks, I always talk about their socks, but it doesn't feel like a big enough thing to talk about. Even though you wear socks every. Socks are great. I have made an order for their bamboo T shirt. I got an extra thick T shirt, all with the idea of like wearing it under a button down. All the basics that you need. And they're well priced because they've cut out the middleman and made sure that there's no warehouse you have to go to. It just sends it right to the customer. And let me just also say, their ordering process, they hold your hand through the whole thing. They let you know when it's coming, how it's coming. I have to say I was truly impressed with how good and taken care of I felt with their ordering. So I'm all about quints right now. Refresh your wardrobe with quints. Don't wait. Go to quince.comuup for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quincom. UUP to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com UUP you know, there's nothing worse.

[Jordana Abraham]

Than going to get dressed and realizing you've already worn all of your favorite pairs of underwear. Since I found skims, they're the only thing I ever want to wear. A great outfit all starts with the base layer and skims is just the best. Love skims. Literally. I think I've converted my entire wardrobe to skims underwear and skims bras because I don't have to think about that fact that I'm wearing underwear or bra, which is always the best sign of any good underwear or bra. You're not thinking about it. You're not pulling at it. You're not tugging at it, you're not adjusting it. Their bras and underwear are so comfortable. I literally will not wear anything else. Everything they make is just super, super high quality. And you know, you're getting something that looks great on you but is also super comfortable, which is very hard to find. I have the scoop bralette. I have the Fits everybody T shirt bra, full coverage underwear because I'm just in that mode right now, so. But they also have amazing thongs and all sorts of good stuff and you're not really thinking about the fact that you're wearing it, which is the best thing that can happen when you're wearing bras and underwear. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you Select PODC in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.

[Jared Freid]

What are we talking about today?

[Jordana Abraham]

All right, let's get into it. I will read our first email. Hi J. And J. Thanks for all you. It's funny because, just as a little side note, because of all the episodes we recorded while I had a horrible cold, now I'm getting people yelling at me for having a horrible cold. But it's like I've, I've already finished.

[Jared Freid]

What do you mean yelling at you?

[Jordana Abraham]

They're like Jordana with her like nasally conjecture. Like God Spotify comments.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, I, I never. I. I'm only raising positivity.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay?

[Jared Freid]

We're in two different worlds. I go to the YouTube comments. Everyone's so great on YouTube.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think they know you. You. You look at those.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I don't look at anything else.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

You want to get a message to me? You better be on YouTube.

[Jordana Abraham]

You better get on there anyway.

[Jared Freid]

You want to go on a date with me? Write it there.

[Jordana Abraham]

Write it on YouTube.

[Jared Freid]

YouTube. I'll see it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, you'll get you.

[Jared Freid]

That's like putting a message in a bottle.

[Jordana Abraham]

J and J. Thanks for all you do. Been listening loyally since 2020. And don't miss an episode. Subscriber, all the things. Can't wait to see Jared, you.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, Philly. I'm going this Friday.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, wow.

[Jared Freid]

Sorry, Big Philly.

[Jordana Abraham]

You already have been there, so.

[Jared Freid]

I've already been.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It's too late for you. I recently am back on the apps after a breakup of a relationship I was in for five years. I'm a 37 year old woman who just moved back to Philly after most of my adult life away from there. I just matched with a guy whose profile talked about golf. So I messaged something like, never have played golf, but I'm a quick learner. Have you taught anyone before? That's a nice.

[Jared Freid]

It's a great response to a question. It's like this guy's trying to like ward off, like he's putting golf in his profile. Like, this guy needs this podcast more than anyone. But she's playing. Yes. You know, well, it's like a hobby, I guess. It's nice.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a hobby. It shows you got some, like, money to pay for golf. Okay. It's an expensive. That's a expensive hobby.

[Jared Freid]

And I guess if we're going to the rules we kind of said with the last episode about you know, what to put in your day if you want to go see what to put in your prompts. It does shoot people away. You know, she's. She's playing with it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So that's a. An act of.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't be turned off by golf. All right, post. And he responded, yes, can I text you? Which gave me a weird vibe. So I said, and this is my. And this is my preference. I like to keep combos on the app until we decide to meet up. Instant unmatch. What is that guy's deal? What is the incentive for men to want to text immediately? I got a gut feeling it was weird. So I didn't give my number. But just curious about a man's perspective here too. Thanks for all you do. Keeping my digits to myself.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I'll say this. I hate when people want to jump off the app immediately. Yeah, I hate it immediately.

[Jordana Abraham]

He didn't even respond to her response.

[Jared Freid]

No. Hey, here's my number. Let's get this going. I don't like it. If anyone did that to me in any scenario, I wouldn't, like, feel comfortable.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? There's nothing flirty in that. Yes. Can I text you?

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like, and it's this. Like, what's the incentive? She asks. It's either he's cheating and he wants to be on the app and off the app immediately. He found he caught a fish and he's gonna run home to cook it. Yeah, that's one option. Honest in a series of options. That's not all it is. The other option is, you know, if you're there to hook up, you can't be blamed for a hookup if it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Happens quickly because you didn't, like, promise anything, right?

[Jared Freid]

No promises made, no promises broken. So when you go, hey, here's my number. If you get quick yeses, you're kind of, like, looking for quick, right? Like, if I. You're almost.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're doing it so that the person doesn't even have time to think about that. That's all that's happening, Right?

[Jared Freid]

I got. But I guess it's less manipulative than that. Like, oh, she won't have time to think. I'll. I. I'll. You know, she'll be all rattled, and she'll have to suck my dick to, like, keep her balance. Like, that's not really where it was going. But it is more like, if I were to move quick like that on an app, it would be like, hey, tonight, drinks. Let's go. I'm looking for quick, casual fun on, right? I want no depth, because the more depth that gets and this happens. Listen, there's. There is a case to be made for, like, move quick on the apps. There's such a thing as too quick, though. It feels a little cheap, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, not, like, monetarily wise, but just, like, the date feels, like, not. No anticipation, just, like, a little, like, quick hit.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And no thought.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And it's almost like you're just trying to get through these because you're like. Like, it's such a numbers game, right? I just got to get as many numbers as possible and just move as quick through this phase.

[Jordana Abraham]

But, like, yeah, right?

[Jared Freid]

I. I just. I've had this happen on my side, too, where women are like, let's jump off the app. We. I don't even need to text let's go on a date. And it's like, no, I value my time.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I want you to want to. I want you to value your time too. Right? Right.

[Jared Freid]

I want us all to want to go on this date.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I want to be excited for a date. The. What these people do, the people that are like, that will defend. I don't like to talk over the app. Those people are really extremists and they ruin the dating conversation.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. It's not like they've been. I can understand saying that after like, I don't. You're saying the people who say I don't. I want to stay on the app.

[Jared Freid]

The people who say that I want no chit chat on the app.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Because I don't want a pen pal. There's such a thing as saying that too soon.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I'm saying I can see saying that after like you've been talking for a week. We've kind of like no one has asked anyone to actually take this offline. Like I could see at that point being like, hey, like let's get together. Right?

[Jared Freid]

You and I have texted for an hour about a subject. Yes, we, we have. And we go back and forth for an hour and at the end of that hour, you know, we just kind of like fizzle off or hey, I gotta go there. There's a version of.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

In friends who know each other fizzle off more. And people who are just getting to know each other, they do a. Hey, I gotta go.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

That's how texting works. Just with take away the dating aspect. That is how it should work on the dating app. You have an hour to be going back and forth with someone. Hey, this is actually really great. I'm enjoying our conversation. I'd like to. To have the in person version.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

This is an opt in thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Unless you have like, Unless you're looking for like a cheap quick hookup.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I, I think a cheap quick hookup can happen from that too. Like, I, I just don't like if you're not even willing.

[Jordana Abraham]

The immediate unmatched is kind of weird is. Is immediately unwilling to have this be anything other than what I want in the immediacy.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I, I just.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is actually good for her.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because she got.

[Jared Freid]

He did her a favor.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Immediate unmatch is like what I've learned is like I, I hate the. The match unmatched conversation too, because it always gets taken over by the people. Like, well, I like to keep my app clean and I like to keep it organized. And you're like, I guess I can't. Like, those are, like, zero inbox people. You know, like, zero inbox people do exist.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

On a dating app. So, like, those are the same people who are like, I want zero. I want to be my dating life organized.

[Jordana Abraham]

Zero inbox is about you, though. This is like, you're making that someone else's problem.

[Jared Freid]

Not really.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I could be zero inbox and that, like, how does that affect anyone else?

[Jared Freid]

It doesn't. But I'm Saying if you're 0 inbox on an app, you're not really thinking of other people. Why? What do you owe the person that you match with that you don't, like, want to go out with anymore?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You don't owe them anything. You go, okay, let me get. Let me. Because a lot of dating apps, like, exist for organization, and that's probably the issue she's having right now. She's like, for a lot of people. And this is like, the issue with dating apps is, like, you're chasing after. You're throwing good money after bad. You're throwing good energy after bad. Like, right now, she's giving energy to this guy that unmatched her, which I appreciate her writing in. And I. I think the question's worth answering. But right now, her energy of, like, well, why would he unmatch right away is wasted. Like, it's not your problem. He unmatched because of either organization or cheating or.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Scammy.

[Jared Freid]

Scammy. You know? You know, all those answers, none of them are about whether. And she's going, well, he was attracted to me. Do you know what I mean? Like, when you match with someone, that's the bare minimum. And. But knowing that about someone fucks with.

[Jordana Abraham]

Your head because you're like, oh, it's a. It's. There's a possibility.

[Jared Freid]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

It's so hard for me to meet someone. And now I found this person that's attracted to me. They have said by matching me with me on the app. I'm attracted.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And I am so rarely attracted to people attracted to me. That's what everyone says back to us.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

It's so rare. I never like anyone who likes me. And now I've found one, and she's taking that. That little bit of information, blowing it up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Into how could you unmatch? I was already that far ahead. And it's like, it's not that much. Like, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Very beginning. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I match. And a man's matching finger. I am a slut. On a dating app.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think even saying, like, the fact that he said, yeah, like, yes, can I text you immediately? That I think is a. Is a. She was right. She sensed it was a red flag right away. Have you ever sold anything on Facebook Marketplace? I would assume. No, I would assume. I'm just going to assume.

[Jared Freid]

No, no.

[Jordana Abraham]

I have sold some things on Facebook Marketplace and the people who were like, when. As soon as you put it up, you get, I. I'm interested. When can I pick it up? Those people are trying to steal all your money.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, it is a right. Anyone who's like, we need. We need to, like, get this done immediately, has no questions for you about the item or your personality.

[Jared Freid]

Well, the problem is on Facebook Marketplace, no one says to you, well, I found my boudoir on with the first person that messaged, you know, like. Like, that's what happens on a dating app. Song goes well, my husband was like, let's get off the app and meet.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. We met that same night.

[Jared Freid]

So what's wrong with my husband? You think it's weird that he did this with me? We're in love and have three kids, and you have to, like, go, I don't think you're weird. I. You guys are. You're fine. You know, like, you have to acknowledge that all options have worked, you know, and she's. Because she even says, I. She says I gave me a weird vibe. So I said, and this is my preference. Like, you don't have to announce to us what you're prep. Your preference is your preference.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's a normal preference.

[Jared Freid]

Totally normal. You know, And I'm kind of under the. I think if it's weird, it's weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. This is a good case for, like, saying you don't like something because the. It's funny because people see this kind of thing as, like, a failure. Like, oh, I lost the guy because I stated what I want. It's like, no, you got rid of someone who was not what you wanted much quicker.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And if you didn't say this, then if you just gave him your number.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. Yeah. And. And I get it. It's hard when you know someone. Like, when I see someone match with me, what I think is, this person wants to me and this person wants.

[Jordana Abraham]

To buy my boudoir.

[Jared Freid]

Right. This person really likes all my old hangers.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

This. I. And. And I think if you think of it from a woman's angle and please tell me if I'm wrong, it's not. I want to. You when you match with me, it's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like he has potential. Right. We could date.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And I think if, if, if both sides came to terms with what the other side is thinking, it would kind of make the dating apps a lot easier.

[Jordana Abraham]

But, like, how would one react with that knowledge of this guy just wants to have sex with me.

[Jared Freid]

This guy wanted to have sex. If every. If you just boil it down to he just want to have sex, he unmatched the minute it got harder.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, Right.

[Jared Freid]

The minute sex became more difficult, he said goodbye.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. His tolerance for putting any effort into this thing was almost nothing.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And if I thought about why is a woman being weird with me right.

[Jordana Abraham]

After you've been on six dates, it's.

[Jared Freid]

He doesn't have potential.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

He's lost for what I'm looking for. So something worth thinking about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter? Right. And the best part, they accept Discover. Except Discover in a little place like this? I don't think so, Jennifer. Oh, yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Huh?

[Jordana Abraham]

Discover is accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby.

[Jared Freid]

Get with the times.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. So we shouldn't get the parachute pants. These are making a comeback, I think. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. New year.

[Jared Freid]

Same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps, plus fries and a medium soft drink for just $8 for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for del. Delivery.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do. Let's do it.

[Jared Freid]

We love a petty or prudent Jared and Jordana Feather. Feather, Huge fan of the show. I've been listening since the beginning. Have actually used a lot of your advice to successfully snag myself a boyfriend. So thank you for that. You're welcome.

[Jordana Abraham]

We'll see.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. I wanted to write in with a petty or prudent situation. That still cracks me up. So a while back, I was deeply in love with my situationship. Like, three years of on and off texting, false hope, and zero actual dates.

[Jordana Abraham]

Gates.

[Jared Freid]

Finally one day, he asked me out. I drove to him, picked him up, because of course I did. Yeah, this is. This shows you that if you're in control of the situationship, that other person. So I drove over, I picked him up. I got gas for his car and my car.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I mean, a situationship is basically kind of like one person under, like a magical love spell, and the other person could take it or leave it.

[Jared Freid]

Right. It's A druggie and a drug dealer.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's like, of course she did all. I would do that too.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And we had what I thought was a great night. I dropped him off, fully expecting to hear from him again. And shocker, never did. A few days later, I realized he'd left his car keys in my car. I texted him multiple times offering to leave it in my mailbox if he wanted to grab it. He never came. Weeks went by, so naturally I tossed it into Lake Ontario. Call it heartbreak recycling.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm just imagining the drama of, like, what she did. That.

[Jared Freid]

That's crazy date.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's over.

[Jared Freid]

Right? It is such a rom com scene that you'd be like, I guess I'll buy it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, like, I could see a situation where you, Dave, throw it off. It's so dramatic.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I love it.

[Jared Freid]

Fast forward to last week. This last week, how many years ago? With this last week.

[Jordana Abraham]

She doesn't say how long ago it was, does she? A while back. She says a while back.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, fast forward to last week. This man DMS me, quote, unquote, laughing, asking if I still have his key. So my question is, do I tell him it's long gone to the bottom of the lake? Is that too petty or perfectly prudent? And while we're at it, is it ever too petty to throw away an ex's stuff? Love you guys. Thanks for keeping me sane through all my bad decisions. Signing off. Key to no where.

[Jordana Abraham]

What do you think this was prudent?

[Jared Freid]

I think prudent to tell them that you threw the key in the ocean.

[Jordana Abraham]

Prudent to throw it through. Prudent to get rid of it if the person isn't answering you.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, I guess that's the second question because is it ever too petty to throw an ex's stuff away?

[Jordana Abraham]

I've thrown many ex's stuff away.

[Jared Freid]

I think it's the most prudent thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can do constantly.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, like, I think you give a deadline.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, but we said. We've said this. This is in our U UP rules of etiquette. I think you have. What did we say? What did we. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

For a real.

[Jordana Abraham]

For a relationship, a real relationship, you have a month for a sit for like someone that you don't speak to that often and it's a situationship like this, I think you have a week.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And you said it. Yeah, they're in the mailbox. As long as you tell people where they can get their stuff. Once you, hey, the stuff is in the mailbox. This Saturday, right after Saturday. That's just an assumed toss.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then he didn't even answer her.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And he writes back in a dm, which I'm sure was a response to her story being like, hahaha, where's my key?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

He's just trying to mess with you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. That's the, that's the most. It's not even like he texts. He has your number.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

He doesn't really want the key.

[Jared Freid]

The. Really, the, the, the, the prudent thing for her to do would be to unfollow on social media.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Like right now.

[Jordana Abraham]

Don't even answer.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Right now he has access to you. He's laughing because he doesn't think that there's a lot of consequence for getting in touch with you. Like he's going hahaha.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like this is whenever he wants.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And he knows you're with someone else, but he also knows he has a hold on you in a certain way. So. And you following is you basically saying he's correct.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like in this I, I think you guys might hook up again.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Like the idea that you guys are done and this is over and you're happy in your new relationship. You're still writing to us about him. You're still cracking up at this story. It's not that funny. Guy was, Guy didn't. Wasn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because he didn't want the key. How did he get home?

[Jared Freid]

This is how much he didn't want to be in a relationship with her. He was like, I'll just get rid of my extra car key.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's right. To me that's like so crazy. Like you just had sex with someone. You won't even answer them when they're trying to do you a favor to get you back something that's yours.

[Jared Freid]

It's.

[Jordana Abraham]

This guy stinks. He doesn't respect you at all.

[Jared Freid]

No. And, and now he's laughing. You still got that key. As if he, you think he didn't drive his car for the last month.

[Jordana Abraham]

He has a second key.

[Jared Freid]

He's got a second key. He doesn't need it. This is a reason to like reach out to like get the ball rolling again. See what you're doing, see if you're seeing anybody. And then. Lol.

[Jordana Abraham]

We don't fall for it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then you're not going to hear from him again.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Same, Same cycle.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Unfollow. But is it, is it petty to throw it into the lake?

[Jordana Abraham]

No. Get rid of it. Whatever way you want, right?

[Jared Freid]

You gave them the chance. It doesn't matter.

[Jordana Abraham]

On Etsy. Have her put a spell on it, Right? Yeah, I throw. I mean, yeah, I've thrown out sweatshirts. Anything you leave behind. Especially if you ended it with me. Or if you're not. If you're not answering, if you're not texting me in a normal way.

[Jared Freid]

The key is in the mailbox. No answer.

[Jordana Abraham]

That was more than I might have done.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, if they asked me for it, I would have said yes, depending. I don't know. How long is the situation going? You were inside me. You couldn't even text me.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, it's pretty. It's a pretty low bar, I think. So let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it. Okay. Hey, J. And J. I am so obsessed with Jared, it's not even funny. Thank you very much.

[Jared Freid]

My God, she. She meant Jordan.

[Jordana Abraham]

Aren't we all? Yeah. Would you. Are you so obsessed that you would go and pick him up and then try to get him his key back and then.

[Jared Freid]

Swim to the bottom of the lake?

[Jordana Abraham]

I've seen you both one time in D.C. and Jared three times. All right, I get it. You're his biggest fan.

[Jared Freid]

Keep going.

[Jordana Abraham]

Keep going. I can't wait for more.

[Jared Freid]

She'll keep going.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm a 34 year old female and recently back on the dating scene from ending a 5 year situationship. I know. LOL. Terrible. Listen up, emailer from the last email. I'm talking to someone new and I'm really interested in taking it to the next level. I want to ask him for a clean record STI check before moving forward, but I don't know why I'm so scared to ask. I'm a part of one of those are we dating the same guy groups and I hear horror stories of STIs and people not being honest about what they have. It's really freaked me out for future potential hookups. But should I be help? What's a good slash, mature slash maybe fun way to ask someone for their STI test tests. A healthy batch.

[Jared Freid]

So, Jordana, what would. How would you tell someone you've been infected with this baby if you were?

[Jordana Abraham]

I haven't. I have a sexually transmission. Is this an infection?

[Jared Freid]

I guess Incubus. Incubus.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think at this point they could probably Incubator. At this point they could probably tell. But for those who aren't wearing their STIs on their sleeve.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's. I think she's like asking the wrong to me. She's asking for exclusivity.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sort of. Don't you think?

[Jared Freid]

No, I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or she's asking for a condomless sex.

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. I. I think she's just a little. In her head. I think, like, I think the whole STI conversation, like, it's. It. There's so much stress to it. There's so much anxiety to it. Like, and. And then, like, there's also a lot of. Like, we do a lot of tiptoeing. Like, even when it made the change from STD to sti.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And then we'd get, like, feedback of, like, it's sti. I'm like, you know, no one said the thing wrong. I, like, listen, I understand, like, that if you're dealing with something like that, like, you're sensitive to.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

The way it's talked about, but that kind of, like, puts so much air into the balloon that it feels like it's gonna pop. And I think even her question, like, feels just so stressed out about something that, like, should just be like, a. And just a. Like, I think it's like a one of those, like, assume clothes situations. Like, she says, should I make it fun? I don't think that's, like, I don't think this should be made.

[Jordana Abraham]

How do you make it fun? Can I take some blood? Be fun? Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I think it's more like, want.

[Jordana Abraham]

To go to the clinic after drinks?

[Jared Freid]

Right. I think if you're, like, hooking up with someone and you're in the throes of a makeout and you say, hey, before we go any further, when's the last time you were tested? Like, I think that's a totally normal thing to say to someone. And if they say, I don't know, or I don't have those, you know, I. I really haven't been testing them in it. Hey, I'm having fun right now. But, like, that's something I need before I kind of go to the next level. And. And I. I. I don't think that has to do with condoms, because I wouldn't assume, because someone asked me about STIs, that I'm like, whoa, I guess I can rip off this condom and start, you know, raw dog. And, like, that's not my assumption. I. I don't think. And I. I don't think I'm that different than most men. But, like, I think, like, well, here's my question.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure is. Like, let's say he was like, I got tested last month. I'm Clean. Right?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

To me, that doesn't matter if he's having sex with other people. Right, Right. So to me, like, the question is almost like, you're not really gonna get. She's wanting a certainty of safety here. If that's what. If that's truly what she wants. It has nothing to do with, like, seeing where the guy's at or trying to figure out exclusivity. If it's really just about, like, the actual STIs. I don't think the question is really telling you that much information. Unless the test was done last week. He got the results yesterday and hasn't had sex with anyone in the. In the meantime.

[Jared Freid]

That's fair. And I think if you're using STI conversations to find out exclusivity, you're not talking to someone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. You're not being honest.

[Jared Freid]

You're not being honest. You're not having. You're not practicing good communication.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

That's just not a. That's a very immature way of figuring out what you two are. So I think for her, it's got to be like, I have a company policy. I think it's okay to have company policies.

[Jordana Abraham]

What's the policy?

[Jared Freid]

Hey, I don't, you know, if I'm gonna be. Because it sounds like it's stressing her out in a. To me, this email is very hypothetical. Like, she's like, I'm back in the dating world. It's been five years. I just, like, All I hear about is all these horror stories. I don't know if those. Are we dating the same guy groups are really good for you, to be honest. I. I don't. I think it kind of like. It's like. I think a lot of this stuff is like, you know, I. I'll have someone tell me that I'm crazy and more information is better. But I think, like, you know, it's like. It's. It's like. Like, you know, they say, like, we're getting dumber because we're using the Internet more.

[Jordana Abraham]

Of course.

[Jared Freid]

Like, we're not reading as much because we can have all this information that we just, like, ask the question. It gives us the answer. Like, there's all these studies on, like, we're getting dumber as a society. So it's like, you know, you learn less directions. You learn how to get places less because you have gps.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

So I think the. Are we dating the same guy? Facebook groups? While, again, we've done this conversation before, but, like, while it is helpful in these very extreme Situations. It's also, you know, relieving you of, like, maybe asking certain questions and being more choosy and, you know, and having more constructive, like, you know, problem solving going on while he's doing this. So I don't really like that. Well, he's not in the Facebook group, so I'm good. You know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

I. I think that's kind of one of the ills of it. So, like, with this, when she's writing in, being like, I'm on these groups, she's hearing about the worst things that could ever happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

And. And it's like, well, let's calm down. Let's go into company policy, which is when I hook up with someone, I want to know if they've been tested. And I would rather hook up with someone exclusively than not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I think the second part is very important.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And. And listen, if someone says to you, I'm not exclusive with you, you got to kind of take that for.

[Jordana Abraham]

Then I think it's my fear of, like, getting an sti.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Even while using a condom, which, again, possible, versus, like, how, you know, how. How much I want to sleep with this person. Right.

[Jared Freid]

And.

[Jordana Abraham]

And that's kind of like. That's sort of.

[Jared Freid]

That's part of the deal.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That's part of the game.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's no way out of that when you're sleeping with people that you are not. Not in a fully exclusive, committed relationship with.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, that's like.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a risk.

[Jared Freid]

I was thinking of, like, the difference between, like, the stresses. Like, there's always stresses. It's like, as a single guy, there's a stress of, like, oh, my God, do I have something? I gotta get tested, whatever. And then there's like, as a married guy, there's like, oh, my God, the kids need college educations. You know, like, it's like one. You know, you're never not going to be stressed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. There's no way to, like, eliminate. To go to that. To have that go to zero. Unless you're not having sex at all.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Which. We ain't doing that, baby girl.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. So, I mean, she's. I mean, some saying, like, I guess she could. You could still ask. I just don't think it's gonna. And she should feel free to ask about, like, the last time that someone's been tested. I just don't think it's going to be that helpful to her unless she also knows that that person is not sleeping with anyone else.

[Jared Freid]

And I think on that subject, which is the More. Right. And touchy subject. And I think she has to, like. And I think, like, like the big thing here is, like, she's like, talk. I think a lot of this is more that she's like, new to the scene. Like, she's out of the situationship. She's like, I'm back to dating.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know if, like, everyone out here has chlamydia.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And also she might. Right. And she might also.

[Jordana Abraham]

It might be how things are now.

[Jared Freid]

Right. That's how it goes now. And also she might think that because she's single, she has to hook up all the time. Like, the only way to like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I. I've had this.

[Jordana Abraham]

She said she wants to take it to the next level.

[Jared Freid]

Sure. But I'm saying, like, it's not with one guy now.

[Jordana Abraham]

She says I'm talking to someone new.

[Jared Freid]

And I'm really okay talking to someone new. Okay. So I'm sorry. So, yeah, I guess, like, letting them know, you know, I. I think, like, also understanding that, like, talking to someone new and like, going to the next level that maybe you, like, stop before, like, you don't have to, you know, not to be. Sounds like she wants to the priest.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I'm saying. That's sort of the. That's sort of an issue that comes with dating.

[Jared Freid]

Sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

Want to do something? There's risks to it. There's emotional risks. Risks. There's, you know, physical risks.

[Jared Freid]

If you're thinking about this, there's no guarantees out there. Well, and I think that's why these groups, when you read like, we're trying. As long as they're not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Well, as long as they're not in this group, then I'm good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? No.

[Jared Freid]

So go. No nice. Guys are sleeping with multiple women too.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, and. And guys who are being honest with you are sleeping with multiple women.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

You know, they're dating just like you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And they're okay with it and you might not be, and that's okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I think that's like, that's a thing that might get you less sexual partners, but that's fine. Again, it's about like weighing one versus the other.

[Jared Freid]

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[Jordana Abraham]

From your garage to your attic, visit.

[Jared Freid]

Homedepot.Com how doers get more done hey, it's Brooklyn Adams and I'm partnering with Abercrombie to tell you about the newest drop from their active brand. Your personal best YPB leggings are made with buttery soft fabric that hug you in all the right places. And common Abercrombie's viral curve love fit designed to eliminate waist gap. Paired with sports bras and super soft.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sweatshirts, it's activewear that supports every part.

[Jared Freid]

Of my busy lifestyle and gives me my best butt ever. Head into the new year feeling your personal best Shop Active by Abercrombie in the app, online and in stores. Let's play some games. We love Red flag. Deal breaker here. Here's the game. You are dating someone. It's going great. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it and you move on. Or is it a deal breaker, you end it sight unseen? Today we are sponsored by Hulu and season three of Tell Me Lies. Which Jordana, you're a huge Tell Me Lies fan.

[Jordana Abraham]

I am a huge fan. I talk, me and Sammy talk about it all the time. We love the show. It's like I would say it's, it's really good.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

It gets a little dark but like in a fun way. It's basically about like a very toxic situationship in college.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Break it down to like the the simplest terms about like a very unhealthy relationship and just kind of like it's set in 2011 in like college, which is where you know, when we went to school. So you get, you. Sorry, I'm a little older when me and Sammy went to school and you just get. It just feels like very of the moment. Then there's just like some dark fun themes and it's just like a really dramatic great show.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I got to see the first few episodes screeners of them and this season is great. I can't wait to watch more. Can't say enough good things about Tell Me Lies. This is the third season so I've.

[Jared Freid]

Watched the first two a three year situationship. This keeps going.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean it's college so.

[Jared Freid]

Right. That can happen. I mean we, we have people write in about five year situations.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And then they kind of like show. They kind of like go back and forth between showing you after college and during college and like the way that it all go.

[Jared Freid]

So you get some answers to how this like works out. In the future. Yeah, that's a good show.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's great.

[Jared Freid]

So in honor of tell me lies, we scoured the emails for the messiest stories possible. So let's get into it. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Jared and Jordana, love you. Love the pod. Let's get to it. This red flag or deal breaker isn't about me, but one of my closest friends, and we've been really torn about it. So love your take. My best friend, 28, female, has been dating a guy, 30, for about five months. I've only met him once, but he seems decent and she's really happy, which is huge because this is her first relationship after a very toxic ex. A few small flags have popped up before my friend. He dated someone for a couple of years and broke up with her when they started talking about moving in together because he didn't see a future. Fine. He was only single for a few months before meeting my friend, and his ex is still in his friend group, so she's around a lot, which already bothers my friend. He's the lead singer, guitarist, and songwriter in a band. Here's the real issue. He recently released a song with very incriminating lyrics that clearly sound like they're about an ex. Very I still think about you slash I hope I see you again vibes, and even the title hints at that. My friend admitted she hates the lyrics because they seem like they're about his ex, but he reassured her that they're just words and don't mean anything. I would lose my mind if my boyfriend did this. To make it worse, the ex regularly comes to his shows because other friends are in the band, so she'll likely hear him perform this song live. So red flagger Deal breaker. He writes a song about his ex and releases it for the public and will more than likely be performing it in front of her at some point. Thanks for all. You do hope to hear your takes. This is.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is a good one.

[Jared Freid]

I've been thinking about you all night long. You're my ex now, but I got a new girlfriend.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bold.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

To me, the song isn't the deal breaker so much as the response.

[Jared Freid]

Those are just words.

[Jordana Abraham]

Those are just words. Doesn't. That's like. That's a cop out.

[Jared Freid]

You would think a creative would have a better creative explanation, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It's like, so you're saying your songs are meaningless and have absolutely no depth to them.

[Jared Freid]

Right. He could have very easily gotten out of this and been like, that was how I felt the month we broke up.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And I wrote that song then, and.

[Jared Freid]

It kind of helped me get over it. And in conclusion, I'm over her.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Like, that is like the Easy. That's how they teach you how to write essays in high school. In conclusion, I am now over her and I am really into you. That's what he could have said, and he didn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Instead, he said. Basically just went like this. He just put his. Like. He was just like. Doesn't mean. Shh.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, just.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Words. Come on. You think words mean something?

[Jordana Abraham]

Artists write songs about their exes all the time and missing them and bringing. It's not that. To me, that's not an issue. It's more of the issue of, like. Like, where were you when you wrote it? What was the Jordan meaning when you had it?

[Jared Freid]

I'm an artist. I'm an artist, okay. When I write a joke all from truth, it starts in truth.

[Jordana Abraham]

Sure. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

There's nothing wrong with feeling. That's the reality. You don't just say these things for no reason. Nothing is said for no reason.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is how I felt at the time.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So. But the fact that he's. You're right. That he's not saying that. He's just trying to avoid the subject altogether. Which means. Which is probably worse. Right. And the fact that she comes to the concerts. What is hotter than that? Being the ex who he's still singing about.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And you had no idea.

[Jordana Abraham]

Girlfriend.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And if I were the friend, I would say, like, this feels a little embarrassing for me.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And which it does. The deal breaker is not talking it out like an adult.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, Right.

[Jared Freid]

He talked it out like an immature child. Oh, well, words don't matter. They're just words.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

If words don't matter, what does matter?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Also, like, isn't this your craft? You're saying you have, like, no skill.

[Jared Freid]

Right. You just, like, just. Just put a random. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, wouldn't that be, like. Even as a guy, like, wouldn't you think that would be embarrassing for you if your girlfriend was writing songs about missing?

[Jared Freid]

It would be emasculated.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the guy came.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. This is like, I'm dating this girl. She's the front woman for a band.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Her ex she's still friends with.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Comes to the.

[Jared Freid]

It's like, this is really not great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Remember? Yeah. He does that in that movie Inside of you.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Well, that was all. Get him to the Greek was like. That guy was like, from. For Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, was that. Oh, that was it.

[Jared Freid]

That was it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't getting to the Greek.

[Jared Freid]

Sarah Marshall.

[Jordana Abraham]

Getting Sarah Marshall where he sings the Inside View song.

[Jared Freid]

Well, Scotty doesn't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That old song in Euro Trip became a real song by Matt Damon.

[Jordana Abraham]

Great song.

[Jared Freid]

Great song. It was such a good song.

[Jordana Abraham]

Song of our generation.

[Jared Freid]

It really like took off from there. So. Yeah, I think you got to end it. Yeah. Let's do another.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hi, jj, Longtime subscriber here. I love the pod. It gives me such insight into the modern dating scene and has helped me develop a lot of my own social skills when it comes to communication and interpersonal relationships. I saw Jared back in Indianapolis last year and it was a phenomenal show.

[Jared Freid]

Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you his biggest fan?

[Jared Freid]

No, not. That's the other person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway, I have a red flag or deal breaker for you. I'm a 26 year old female and I've been in a nine year on and off relationship with my now fiance who is a 29 year old male for many years. Our relationship, quote unquote, was labeled as a situationship. Me being the one who wanted commitment and him being the avoidant one. Insert here lots of years of being in our early to mid-20s, making dumb mistakes and emotional manipulation on both ends. Sounds like tell me lies.

[Jared Freid]

This is it, right? It also started when she was what, 26? 17.

[Jordana Abraham]

Oh, she's 26.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah, she was 17 and he was 20.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Approximately six months ago, after three months of no contact, he came back into my life and told me that he's finally ready to be serious with me due to a realization that he did not want to live without me. In those three months, I heavily considered it, even debated on writing your to your show with an email back then. Ultimately decided to go with my heart and my gut, giving this relationship one last chance. The only stipulation being that if we. That if we both decided to give this one last serious opportunity, he would have to marry me. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Jordana, stopping the email here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Is this healthy?

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, let's keep going.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm gonna say no. We'll get into it.

[Jared Freid]

I. I just want to like start with like. No one reads that. I'm. I'm just like, sometimes people need shock, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think people think of this as a rom com, right? As like. And he showed up at my door with a ring like, no, that's still toxic, right?

[Jared Freid]

This like in making ultimatums like this like, I think people like hear this story, maybe friends, and they're like, okay, okay. And we're like, maybe the only people that will be honest with this person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Weird.

[Jared Freid]

It's. This is not good.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I. I don't think I've ever been in a wedding. If I was at a wedding and they were like. And she said, you. If you come back this time, we have to get married, I wouldn't be at that wedding being, like, so happy for them.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is gonna last.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm. I'm actually like, I'm. And this isn't me being. I'm not trying to. We're not trying to be mean.

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freid]

I'm just giving you my visceral reaction to what you wrote. And what you wrote makes me go, oh, baby girl, come on.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is not gonna.

[Jared Freid]

This ain't gonna work.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

All right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But let's get the law involved.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Come on.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, while we figure it out. He said he had absolutely no issue with that. We both acknowledged that we would have a lot of work to do, considering our history and past resentments before jumping into a lifelong commitment with each other. For context, I have known him and have had feelings for him Since I was 17 years old, and him being 20 years old, we have basically gone through our entire adulthood together. We haven't set a date yet, as we are still working on smoothing out those kinks and jagged edges that our relationship has been built upon.

[Jared Freid]

Did you get a ring?

[Jordana Abraham]

I wonder.

[Jared Freid]

I don't. I mean. Anyway, that's the least of her problems.

[Jordana Abraham]

But one thing that does stick out to me frequently is that even after nine years of being involved with each other and six months of us being in a serious, committed relationship, I have never been posted or acknowledged on any of his socials. I will say he is not the most active person online and posts maybe one to three times a year. But the fact that we have been in each other's lives for so long with virtually no paper trail on our relationship with does make me feel a bit insecure at times. I have mentioned it to him, but it's always the classic, I don't care about social media and don't post much anyways excuse. Am I overreacting, or is this a man's way of saying that once a situationship, always a situationship? Is this just another red flag for us to work through or more of a deal breaker? Sincerely, a recently unfriend zoned batch.

[Jared Freid]

So she's run. Yeah, you got to end this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's the issue with this situation. I understand what she's thinking here because, like, she's put so much time and effort and energy into this guy that she's like, it has to be for something. This is our, like, epic love story. I've known him since I was 17. She has, like, romanticized the story. Known him. I've loved him since I'm 17. And like, right. We've had all our ups and downs with Romeo and Juliet. Finally, like, we're starting to figure it out. And I think she's more addicted to the story than even to this guy.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

This guy is. Doesn't like, he sounds like he's average at best. He doesn't treat her that well.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

He doesn't seem like he's, like, really prioritizing her. It seems like he was never really sure he wanted to be with her. Like, I think she's. And I've done this before. I think a lot of people do this. They, like, give more weight to the story. So they ignore the fact that the person isn't even, like, that good of a match for them.

[Jared Freid]

And I would ask you, because I. My. I agree with what you're saying. Do you think. Because this is where my head went and it's related to what you just said, that she's like, I've wasted all these years.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I think that's a big part of it.

[Jared Freid]

That's like a big part of, like. Because even with the. The terms she's using, even the way she signs off, once a situationship, always a situationship. Is this another. Was something for. Another red flag for us to deal a recently unfriend zone batch. Like. Like all the labels are, like, embarrassing for her. So like, now the newest label, the marriage label, makes those all go away. You know, like, it feels like she's. Feels like she's taken all these losses. And the only way to feel like all these years were worth it is to get this final label.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And, like. Right. Is that kind of what's.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I think that's like, that's a huge. I think that's a really big part of it. It's like an ego thing.

[Jared Freid]

A lot of this feels ego.

[Jordana Abraham]

A lot of situationships are about ego. It's about. Because you think. Think about it. If these two people are like, in this situation where one person's constantly pulling back, the other person's much more into it. Like, they're clearly not a good, healthy match who are, like, great for each other and whose personalities are actually good for each other. So it's mostly what's keeping someone in. It is that high of feeling really liked.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And then it gets low when the person pulls away. And the un. She's part. Most of what she's attracted to is the fact that he's not fully there because that's where she gets the high.

[Jared Freid]

And well, and then she.

[Jordana Abraham]

And he's still doing it.

[Jared Freid]

He's so much. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because if he. If she was so sure that he was like, fully in this time, fully there. It's, you know, the thing that we always talk about. They always come back. Then she wouldn't be thinking about the social media thing.

[Jared Freid]

I was about to say, like, did she. She should notice one thing about our answer. We haven't even acknowledged her question. Question? Yeah, her question is the. The smoke. You know, like, is that smoke a problem? No, there's a raging inferno below that smoke. And we don't give a. About you getting posted on social media that is so far away from the issue. And the reason we're like, getting more serious about it, we're like this whole marriage thing, you're not even like, you're like, well, I need the. And it seems like the label, right? I got the label, so I have the security. So now. Now he said he'll get married. He'll say anything. Because he is also addicted to a certain drug.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

You have a drug. Yeah. You both have addiction issues. Your addiction is to this ego and to this high of getting the guy that you could never get. His addiction issue is to feeling loved by someone and having someone hold him when he's feeling lonely and also being able to go out and leave you and come back to you when he feels lonely again. So there's two people with issues here. Like, I'm not saying. Yeah, yours are worse, better, whatever it is. I'm just saying we're not really concerned with his because he's not writing into our show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, yeah, but calling someone your fiance that you were never in a real relation, real committed, healthy relationship with. That has to come first.

[Jared Freid]

The healthy relationship has to come first.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Before the. She's like, well, now we haven't set a date because we're still working on our issue. You don't even know this person, right?

[Jared Freid]

Well, I. I think you think you do.

[Jordana Abraham]

You don't really know this person because you've never seen them in their full, committed relationship.

[Jared Freid]

Like, I think what she needs to also hear is that, like, none of this was a waste of time.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Like, you know, like, you dated someone you. You know, because she brings up the 17 and 20 and we've our whole adult lives and there doesn't have to be this ending. We don't need the Tell Me Lies finale to wrap it all up with a bow. Like, the ending might be that you figured out how you feel, your taste, that this guy taught you a lot about love and life and how you kind of go through things and. And that's all it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

There doesn't need to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I. I like 50, right? This is, like, crazy. Like, to me, like, the idea that, like, it sounds like this is, like, her last ship that she can catch. And I'm like, I think she needs to hear, like, you're gonna be okay. Like, yeah. And this wasn't a waste of time. Like, you dated someone. You had your ups and downs. Let's move on. Let's, let's, let's, let's, let's. Let's fail faster.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And you're 26 years old. Like, right. This could be a great learning experience for you. And then you could go on and meet someone who's much better for you and say, I can't believe that I spent so long doing that thing.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But at least now I know. Now I know exactly what I deserve.

[Jared Freid]

And here's the other thing I've noticed from a lot of women that, like, have this issue. She says, like, since 17, he hasn't posted one thing. She might have not told anyone about this. Like, she might have been hooking up with this guy for, like, this many years. And, like, people know about him. So, like, it becomes even more embarrassing to her, right? Where she's like, we have all these years together, and I've never brought him home as a boyfriend. People have heard about him, but kind of ish. And it's always been this guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right? Like, now I've got this label. I've got a label.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And now I can be on running him around. And it's like. But now I'm not even on the social media, so, like, I don't want to tell everyone it's my fiance now. Like, it's another reason she can't show him off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And he's not really all in.

[Jared Freid]

Right. So I just think this isn't embarrassing. It's okay. I said, you got to fail quicker. That's probably a bad way to put it, because I don't think it's a failure. I just think, like, this relationship needs to fail quicker.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's going to be hard because, again, it's like an addiction.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

And that because they've been in this thing for so long, Even if she says, I don't want to do this, I think I'm done. He's going to come back harder.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because that's how these things work.

[Jared Freid]

Because he's an addict too.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. That's what I'm saying. You gotta tell.

[Jared Freid]

I think she's got to tell family and friends what's going on.

[Jordana Abraham]

And a therapist.

[Jared Freid]

And a therapist, like, yeah, yeah. We're not professionals. We're a bunch of idiots talking out of their ass.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because he will come back.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. And she's gonna need the community, she's gonna need the tribe to form around her and be like, like, no, stop it. You don't need this. Because I have a feeling she's keeping this a big secret.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

I think she's keeping this as much as a secret as he is.

[Jordana Abraham]

And the thing that she. The thing that she's hindering herself from is being. Is able to close the store and to find someone who's actually gonna treat her really well and love her and be like, you know, she's like, to feel lucky to be with her and then she'll have that to compare it to. But she's never had that to compare it to because she's been so blindsided by this game of being with this guy.

[Jared Freid]

Totally end it. You'll be better off. And no one's gonna be like, can you believe you're in that seven year thing? No one gives a.

[Jordana Abraham]

No one gives a. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

So thanks to Hulu and Tell Me Lie season three. I mean, you love this show.

[Jordana Abraham]

I love the show.

[Jared Freid]

Should I binge it? Should that be one of my shows?

[Jordana Abraham]

You should. If you like this show, you're gonna love Tell Me Lies.

[Jared Freid]

So if I like. Oh, you up?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, the show.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, if you like our show, you're gonna love Tell Me Lies. It's super dramatic. There's a lot. It's not just the main characters. There's other relationship dynamics. It's just like, very. It's just very, like, toxic fun.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, very, you know, millennial college experience. I love it.

[Jared Freid]

The first three episodes of Tell Me Lies Season 3 are now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers. So we did it. We solved dating.

[Jordana Abraham]

Proud of us. We'll be back on Friday.

[Jared Freid]

Boom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Thanks again to Tell Me Lies on Hulu for sponsoring this episode. Young love. It's a lot of trial and error, but what happens when you go back to something you already know? Didn't work the first time or the second time in season three of Tell Me lies. Lucy and Steven try again. No surprise. But the history doesn't disappear, and the impact of their lies starts to show up everywhere there, from personal relationships to the larger social circle around them. Nobody is safe from the fallout. The first three episodes of Tell Me Lies, Season 3 are now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.