U Up? Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: We're Engaged, So Why Am I Still Hidden on His Socials?
Air Date: January 14, 2026
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid

Main Theme & Episode Overview

This episode revolves around relationship “labels,” the emotional rollercoaster of situationships, and the signs (especially on social media) that signal whether someone is truly all-in or keeping things low-key. Jordana and Jared answer listener emails about dating app etiquette, dealing with situationships, STIs, and the insecurity of being “hidden” on a partner’s social media—even after an engagement. As always, they blend candid dating advice with self-deprecating humor and real talk about setting boundaries, managing ego, and embracing reality over fantasy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Life Updates & The Reality of Resolutions

• [01:10–08:00]
  • Jordana is preparing for maternity leave, feeling the physical toll of her pregnancy.
    • "The pregnancy is definitely catching up to me. My back hurts now. I'm like one of those people." (Jordana, 02:21)
  • New Year’s Resolutions Debate:
    • Jordana’s husband, Mike, wants to run the NYC marathon; Jordana vetoes it considering their young family:
    • "We're about to have two kids. Your resolution is to spend hours every day alone?" (Jordana, 05:26)
      • They joke about couples picking each other's resolutions:
    • "I always thought it would be fun if your partner picked the resolution for you." (Jordana, 08:05)
    • "That's not called a resolution at that point. That's called shaming your partner." (Jared, 08:10)
  • Reflecting on What Makes for Good Relationship Goals
    • Jordana’s actual focus: “Making sure our relationship stays strong amongst having all the responsibility.” (Jordana, 06:29)
  • Jared's Adventures: Stand-up shows, VIP meet-and-greets, the ups and downs of touring, and the awkwardness of small turnouts.
    • "Any creative endeavor, the cost is generally money and embarrassment." (Jared, 14:56)

2. Dating App Etiquette: The Rush to Move Off-Platform

• Listener Email 1 [25:33–36:00]
  • Scenario: A new match wants to move from the app to texting immediately, even before a real conversation happens. The listener declines—he unmatches her immediately.
  • Hosts’ Take:
    • Both skeptical of people who push for phone numbers instantly.
      • “Any time someone says, ‘Can I text you?’ right away, it’s a weird vibe.” (Jared, 27:10)
      • “I want us all to want to go on this date. … I want to be excited.” (Jared, 29:34)
    • Possible motives for fast-unmatching:
      • He’s hiding something (cheating, not single), wants quick hookups, or is a “quantity-over-quality” dater.
      • Some do it for “app cleanliness,” but Jared and Jordana agree it’s not a sign of genuine intent.
    • Key Advice: If someone tries to rush you, it’s usually a red flag—trust your instincts.

3. Petty or Prudent? The Drama of Throwing Away an Ex’s Stuff

• Listener Email 2 [38:01–43:30]
  • Scenario: The writer throws her situationship's car key into a lake after he ghosts her and never comes to pick it up, then months later he DMs her asking about it.
  • Hosts’ Perspective:
    • Absolutely not petty—it’s prudent to set boundaries, give a deadline, and then move on.
      • “I think you give a deadline … The stuff is in the mailbox. After Saturday, that’s an assumed toss.” (Jared, 40:57)
    • If he ignores offers to retrieve his stuff, he doesn’t respect you.
    • If he later jokes about the key, he’s likely testing if he still has influence.
    • Jordana’s advice: Unfollow and don’t engage with exes who return just to stir the pot.

4. Modern STI Talk—How & When to Ask

• Listener Email 3 [43:59–52:30]
  • Question: “How do I ask my new dating prospect for STI test results without being awkward or killing the mood?”
  • Jordana & Jared’s Take:
    • Treat it like a “company policy” – direct, not “fun.”
    • Ask simply before becoming physical: “Hey, before we go further, when were you last tested?”
      • “This is an opt-in thing. … I think it’s a totally normal thing to say.” (Jared, 46:23)
    • Don’t confuse asking for a test with asking for exclusivity.
      • “If you’re using STI conversations to find out exclusivity, you’re not practicing good communication.” (Jared, 47:52)
    • Recognize there are always risks, and that perfect guarantees don’t exist outside true exclusivity.

5. Red Flag or Dealbreaker: He Writes Songs About His Ex

• Red Flag Game Segment [54:43–59:00]
  • Scenario: Listener’s friend is dating a musician who recently released a song with incriminating, clearly-about-the-ex lyrics; the ex also attends his shows.
  • Hosts:
    • The song itself isn’t necessarily the deal breaker; creative people draw from the past.
    • The boyfriend’s evasive response (“They’re just words, don’t mean anything”) is a huge red flag.
      • “You would think a creative would have a better creative explanation.” (Jared, 57:30)
    • Good communication means owning your feelings and being direct, not evasive.
    • If you swapped genders, most would feel equally awkward.
    • Conclusion: It’s not the song, but the lack of emotional honesty that’s the problem.

6. Main Event: Engaged but Hidden on Social Media

• Listener Email 4 [60:23–71:44]
  • Situation: She’s now engaged to a guy after a nine-year, on-and-off “situationship,” but he still doesn’t post about her on social media.
  • Full Story:
    • Relationship started as “situationship”; a cycle of being avoidant & committed, with much emotional baggage.
    • Recent reconciliation came with an ultimatum: “If we do this, you have to marry me.”
    • He agreed, but six months into “commitment,” she’s still not visible on his socials—feels insecure.
  • Hosts’ Deep Dive:
    • The real issue isn’t social media—it’s the toxic relationship dynamic, the addiction to the “story,” and the need for external validation.
    • Quote: “I think she’s more addicted to the story than even to this guy.” (Jordana, 64:40)
    • Jared: “No one reads that and feels happy for you. … This isn’t healthy.”
    • Chasing the label of “fiancée” doesn’t cure underlying issues; feel proud of moving on and “failing faster” rather than forcing a fairytale ending.
    • Quote: “None of this was a waste of time – you learned, now move on. There doesn’t have to be this ending.” (Jared, 68:59)
    • Both hosts urge her to open up to friends and family, not keep this secret, and seek a truly healthy relationship.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Any creative endeavor, the cost is generally money and embarrassment.” (Jared, 14:56)
• “No hobbies this year, Mike!” (Jordana, 07:35)
• "Immediate unmatch is like what I’ve learned is … I hate the match-unmatch conversation." (Jared, 31:25)
• “[About the key]: Weeks went by, so naturally I tossed it into Lake Ontario. Call it heartbreak recycling.” (Listener email, 39:05)
• "If words don’t matter, what does matter?" (Jordana, 59:18, about the evasive musician partner)
• “I think she’s more addicted to the story than even to this guy.” (Jordana, 64:40)
• “The healthy relationship has to come first—before the label.” (Jordana, 68:10)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:10–08:00] – Catching up, New Year’s and life updates
• [25:33–36:00] – Dating app: Quick move to texting, red flags
• [38:01–43:30] – Petty or prudent? Throwing out ex’s stuff
• [43:59–52:30] – Asking for STI results
• [54:43–59:00] – Red flag/dealbreaker: Writing songs about your ex
• [60:23–71:44] – Engaged yet hidden on his socials: The real problem

Conclusion / Episode Takeaways

The episode unpacks not just “symptoms” (e.g., social media insecurity), but spotlights the underlying issues—emotional addiction, seeking validation, and ignoring red flags. The consensus: don’t chase fairytale endings for ego’s sake, learn to communicate honestly, and trust your instincts about what feels right and safe. The most memorable insight: It’s better to “fail faster” and move on, than to cling to a story or label that isn’t serving you.

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