When Body Image Becomes a Dating Issue ft. Sami Sage - Co Founder of Betches

Summary

U Up? Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: When Body Image Becomes a Dating Issue ft. Sami Sage – Co-Founder of Betches
Release Date: February 11, 2026
Hosts: Jared Freed (Comedian), Sami Sage (Co-Founder of Betches, guest co-host)

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the intersection of body image and dating, focusing on how personal struggles, family influences, and societal expectations impact both self-perception and relationships. With Jordana away, Sami Sage joins Jared for a candid, wide-ranging discussion, illuminating both her own journey and larger themes from the Betches community. They tackle everything from familial feedback to the taboo around weight loss medications, societal pressures surrounding having children, and the ways intimacy and vulnerability are negotiated in dating. Listener questions anchor the conversation, bringing the theory into relatable, real-life scenarios.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sami Returns: Brief Host Swap and Fan Expectations

• Sami and Jared banter about Jordana’s absence, touching on fan expectations and acknowledging the unique position of being original Betches hosts.
• Memorable Moment: Sami jokes about disappointing listeners due to Jordana's absence.

  "If I were a listener expecting Jordana and tuned in and got me, I'd be, like, kind of upset." — Sami Sage [01:04]

---

2. Family Dynamics & Body Image Issues

• Parental Influence:
  Jared reflects on his parents’ tendency to be both supportive and critical, especially regarding body image and career.
  • Sheds light on how parental impressions can shape self-esteem and even impact dating behavior later in life.
  • The concept of "enmeshment" (being overly involved emotionally with one's parents) is discussed, as well as the use of “therapy speak” in dating.
  • Quote:

    "You start to see yourself as they see you... You see yourself with this sort of, like, nudge down." — Sami Sage [05:33]

• Jared’s Humor as a Coping Mechanism:
  Jared reveals that he uses comedy to communicate family feedback and internal struggles, often balancing self-deprecation and pride.
  • Quote:

    "I sit in the shower and go, Jared, you are the funniest, most successful fudgeing dude. No one's better than you... And then I also go, you could work on that..." — Jared Freed [08:08]

• Reluctance to Overestimate Self:
  Discussion about self-awareness vs. delusion, especially regarding self-worth in the context of dating and success.
  • "I'm petrified of overestimating myself." — Jared Freed [09:22]

---

3. Married Life & Societal Pressure to Have Kids

• Sami’s Ambivalence about Parenthood:
  Sami candidly discusses her hesitation about having children—she and her husband enjoy their current, child-free lifestyle, and her family history (loss, caretaking for an autistic sibling) impacts her decision.
  • Quote:

    "We really like our life. We are happy and free, and it’s great... Economically, financially stable, enjoy each other..." — Sami Sage [11:09]

  • The impact of family trauma repeating itself is noted as a reason for her anxiety around having children.
• Social vs. Internal Pressure:
  Both hosts dissect whether societal pressure to have kids is felt directly (“Why aren’t you having kids?”) or just through cultural osmosis—Sami experiences more of the latter.
• Fertility Preservation:
  Sami mentions freezing embryos as a form of buying time, changing the urgency of the decision.
• On the Pros of Children:
  Deeper life experiences and meaning are acknowledged as reasons for having kids, but the unpredictability and added dimension to life are both enticing and daunting.
  • Quote:

    "Not having a child, like, you’re missing out on certain depths of life that other people will understand that you’ll never get." — Jared Freed [16:12]

---

4. Listener Emails & Body Image in the Age of GLP-1s (Ozempic, etc.)

A. Hiding Major Weight Loss in Dating

[27:51–44:55]

• The Scenario: A male listener suspects his new partner has undergone major recent weight loss using GLP-1 medications, citing her curated social media and avoidance of old photos. He’s unsure if her silence is a red flag or a personal boundary.
• Sami’s Personal Experience: Sami openly discusses taking GLP-1 medications and how much it's misunderstood in the public sphere, especially around shame and judgment.
  • Quote:

    "It’s not really about weight. Weight is the only thing we can see. But if you have eating issues, it's in your head, not just on your body." – Sami Sage [30:06]

• Navigating Vulnerability: They agree it’s an issue of intimacy rather than secrecy; sharing weight/medication history is deeply personal and will surface in time if a relationship grows. The right approach is gentle, organic, non-judgmental curiosity—not a forced disclosure.
  • Quote:

    "It's not like you owe someone an engagement ring because they like, spoke about their trauma... even the act of showing acceptance... will help." — Sami Sage [38:32]

• Practical Advice: Don’t confront or push for information early; instead, signal acceptance, and build enough trust so your partner feels safe being vulnerable.
• Sami and Jared share how integrating conversations about body image/eating issues has improved intimacy in their own relationships.

B. How GLP-1s Change Lives

• GLP-1s are analogized to ADD medication—not just about vanity, but quality of life and relief from chronic food/eating-related distress.
  • Quote:

    "It starts at vanity and then it’s not vanity... oh, I fixed my life problems." — Jared Freed [29:42]

---

5. “Ick or Picky”: When Editing Texts Becomes a Turnoff

[49:01–59:00]

• Listener Problem: A woman is turned off after a man repeatedly edits his texts—seemingly overthinking every word, emoji, and punctuation mark.
• Hosts' Reaction:
  • Both agree this suggests insecurity, which can trigger an “ick” for many daters. The issue isn’t the edits per se, but the visible anxiety and lack of self-assurance.
  • Owning your quirks and being authentic is more attractive than perfecting your presentation.
  • Quote:

    "Owning the statement is hot... the minute he removes “lil”, it’s an acknowledgment of, oh, maybe I don’t sound the right way, which is not a manly trait." — Jared Freed [55:05]

  • Sami:

    "It's like you workshop this at brunch—but you were alone." [57:11]

• Gender Dynamics: Jared admits if the texter was an attractive woman, he wouldn’t care as much—underscoring double standards around confidence and social “ick” triggers.

---

6. Red Flag or Deal Breaker: Overly Close Ties to an Ex

[73:15–80:19]

• Listener Scenario: A woman’s new boyfriend talks weekly with his ex-wife (“one of the people who knows me best”), dog-sits, and attends her parties. Is this a red flag?
• Hosts' Take:
  • Both find the arrangement unusual and a yellow/red flag, mostly because of the intensity and frequency—not occasional, practical contact.
  • Jared hypothesizes it might indicate he lacks other deep friendships; Sami dislikes the “good person” justification as vague avoidance.
  • Quote:

    "I need someone to see it’s weird. If he had said ‘yes, our relationship is peculiar...’" — Jared Freed [79:43]

---

7. Societal Pressure Around Milestones (Marriage/Kids/Commitment)

• Listener Email: Single man at 33 feels pressure from friends, dates, and family to explain his status.
• Hosts' Response:
  • Jared warns that "protesting too much" about loving single life sounds defensive; suggests owning the narrative instead of running from social expectations.
  • Quote:

    "Everyone notices, no one cares. Yeah, everyone notices you're single... Everyone's wondering what your plan is. No one gives a s***." — Jared Freed [86:27]

  • Sami connects this to similar societal pressure on women to have kids, emphasizing these conventions are often just conversational placeholders.

---

8. Valentine’s Day: Gift-Giving Dilemmas

• Listener Question: How can women make Valentine’s Day special for men?
• Hosts' Answer:
  • Typical “cute baskets” with socks, beard oils, or candy aren’t necessarily what men want—instead, focus on something genuinely thoughtful, useful, and (for Jared) ideally sexual.
  • Quote:

    "If your gift has any version of 'he could show it to his friends to show how well he did,' you've wasted your time and money." — Jared Freed [68:12]

  • Real win: Gifts that are functional, personal, and reflect attentiveness to his unique interests.

---

9. Miscellaneous Memorable Moments

• On “Child-free” Content:
  Both call out performative anti-child rhetoric as overblown.
  • “Humans under five need to transport, too!” — Sami Sage [18:05]
• On Valentine's Day in Long-Term Relationships:
  Both admit that after a few years, the day loses significance.
  • Quote:

    "Valentine's Day is only a holiday for a few people... For us, it's just a speed bump." — Sami Sage [64:44]

---

Notable Quotes with Speaker & Timestamp

• "If I were a listener expecting Jordana and tuned in and got me, I'd be, like, kind of upset." — Sami Sage [01:04]
• "You start to see yourself as they see you... you see yourself with this sort of nudge down." — Sami Sage [05:33]
• "I'm petrified of overestimating myself." — Jared Freed [09:22]
• "Not having a child, like, you’re missing out on certain depths of life that other people will understand that you’ll never get." — Jared Freed [16:12]
• "It’s not really about weight. Weight is the only thing we can see. But if you have eating issues, it's in your head, not just on your body." — Sami Sage [30:06]
• "I would never judge someone for taking [GLP-1s]." — Jared Freed [40:50]
• "Owning the statement is hot." — Jared Freed [55:05]
• "It's like you workshop this at brunch—but you were alone." — Sami Sage [57:11]
• "Everyone notices, no one cares." — Jared Freed [86:27]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:43–02:34 — Sami’s introduction, Jordana context, co-host banter
• 05:13–09:25 — Familial influences on self-worth and dating
• 10:10–16:42 — Married life, ambivalence around having children
• 27:51–44:55 — Listener email: transcending body image shame in new relationships/GLP-1 discussion
• 49:01–59:00 — "Ick or Picky": Turn-off from edited texts
• 73:15–80:19 — Red flag/deal breaker: New boyfriend and his ex-wife's close friendship
• 81:21–89:01 — Red flag/deal breaker: Single at 33—navigating social pressure
• 64:51–72:56 — Valentine’s Day gifting in relationships

---

Tone and Language

True to form, the episode melds honesty, self-deprecation, and humor with sharp cultural observations. Sami’s openness about personal struggles and Jared’s willingness to examine his own hang-ups open the door for listeners to examine their own relationship to body image, vulnerability, and societal expectations. Throughout, both maintain a conversational, irreverent, but empathetic style, always rooted in aiming for greater self-awareness and communicative relationships.

---

Takeaways

• Self-image in dating is deeply shaped by family, history, and broader expectations.
• There’s a fine line between privacy and secrecy when it comes to topics like weight loss or medical history—sharing takes time, trust, and a willingness to be vulnerable.
• Societal milestones (marriage, kids, coupled status) still exert strong pressure but shouldn't dictate personal choices.
• Authenticity and emotional openness are more attractive and effective than perfection or defensiveness.
• Gifting (or any major relationship milestone) should reflect knowing your partner, not just following generic scripts.
• Dating dilemmas are often less about “the rules” and more about communication, self-awareness, and accepting complexity.

---

Transcript

[Jared Freed]

This episode is brought to you by courier on Uber. We all know how quickly life and dating gets busy. Valentine's Day sneaks up before you know it, and suddenly you're stressing about how to show up without doing too much or too little. That's where courier comes in. Whether it's picking up a gift from your place, bringing the outfit, the card, the one thing you can't reorder, or getting something meaningful across town right on time, courier moves what matters, person to person. So even when you can't be there in person, courier helps you show. Just open the Uber app, slide over to the courier tab, select your delivery type, and let courier help deliver what matters.

[Sammy Sage]

Feel like I warm up my voice.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, ready?

[Sammy Sage]

Set up straight.

[Jared Freed]

Sit up. Let's get it.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. This is a big moment for you.

[Sammy Sage]

My first appearance on the U podcast.

[Jared Freed]

Hello and welcome to the podcast. I am Jared Freed.

[Sammy Sage]

And I am Sammy Sage.

[Jared Freed]

It is so good to be here with you, Sammy Sage. Welcome to the show. Thank you for doing this.

[Sammy Sage]

Thank you for having me. I have to say that if I were a listener and I was expecting Jordana and I tuned in and got me, I would be, like, kind of upset.

[Jared Freed]

Why?

[Sammy Sage]

What are you talking about?

[Jared Freed]

Because you're one of our original co hosts.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, yes. Our first and first episode.

[Jared Freed]

First episode. Your second episode of the ufo.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, the reason is because Jordana's like, right now at like, kind of the big. The big moment in her life. And like, I want. If I'm a fan, I'm a listener. I want to hear from Jordana right now.

[Jared Freed]

You want to hear from her? You want to know what's going.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, that's why we're pre recording, so it's not like we can even. I can even give an update.

[Jared Freed]

Well, let me just say that's a great segue. Thank you for doing that. To sign up for benefits. Benefits. Jordana's still doing those episodes. We're going to get check ins with Jordana. Sign up. Five bucks a month. You get two extra podcasts a month plus no ads. It comes out a day early. That is what we call a deal.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm a subscriber.

[Jared Freed]

You're a subscriber. I get feedback from you all the time. Yeah. What's your thoughts? I mean, on which thing? Every. Whatever. What's the first thing that came to mind when I ask about the show? And what would you bring up? What would you question? You're a listener.

[Sammy Sage]

I would say, okay, if I'm a listener, I'd Be like, jared, you gotta.

[Jared Freed]

Come on, wrap it up.

[Sammy Sage]

What do you mean, wrap it up?

[Jared Freed]

Like, get married, find a girl.

[Sammy Sage]

No, I don't mean, I don't mean like, get married, find a girlfriend, wrap it up. I mean.

[Jared Freed]

Listening and not watching on YouTube. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Here's what, I'll tell you. Here's. I'll tell you. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing, same thing over and over again. Yes. Yes. And I think as a listener, I can only be fully honest.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Sammy Sage]

And say that sometimes I just want to, like, text you in the middle and be like, jared, get over it.

[Jared Freed]

Get over it. Well, get over what?

[Sammy Sage]

Like your parents making you feel bad about yourself.

[Jared Freed]

I, I, well, I talk about that.

[Sammy Sage]

I know some of it's funny.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I don't walk out of here.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And cry my way home. I'm not suggesting my, my things with my parents. Like, when I have things out here with, about them, this isn't something I'm, like, hiding from them.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

No.

[Jared Freed]

I do give them feedback, you know, so. But also, I'm never going to divorce my parents. I think that's actually, I think that's, like a thing right now where people are, like, what do they call it?

[Sammy Sage]

Going, no or no contact? You know, I don't think that's a go, no contact in any. I think your parents are great.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

I think, I think your problem. I think, no, I think your parents are great. I think you're very enmeshed with your parents. And, and, and, and you can, and I don't think you need to go no contact or even, like, separate from them fundamentally to be not enmeshed with them.

[Jared Freed]

I don't think it's a bad thing to be enmeshed with them. Like, I think that, like, that feedback from people.

[Sammy Sage]

I think I've, I think a therapist would disagree.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I think I would say this is me being, you know, stupid male Jared. Okay. This is why I come to Betcha. So I can hear feedback on my own opinion. I don't just go to the echo chamber. I only heard the mesh thing from women because why is it? Why is it. And this was back to the debate that we had about kissing the parents. Oh, do you remember that episode we.

[Sammy Sage]

Were talking about Tom Brady?

[Jared Freed]

No. We had a, we had someone write in that they're, they're seeing someone kissing their parents.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Jared Freed]

And I asked Jordana and people were.

[Sammy Sage]

She was like, but Jordana is very sensitive to these things.

[Jared Freed]

But that's okay. My point on that and the way I felt I was being misunderstood. I'm not for kissing a parent.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

I am not like sitting here saying it's not weird if I dated someone who happened to kiss their parents and everything else.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Was perfect. I wouldn't touch the parent kissing. I would go, yeah, let me let that boat flow down the river. Because I got everything else.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes, I'm with you on that.

[Jared Freed]

I'm with you. To me always seems like. I think sometimes these words like gaslighting.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Kind of get down. They. They start in a good place.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

And then it gets taken over by people who want to use them.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

To kind of work their way out of discussion. Because now we've brought in therapy words and now we don't have to use critical thought at all. We just.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, let me.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

Let me say it in a way that isn't using that word.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Sammy Sage]

I think that. So I mean, obviously, like your parents are critical of like your body and you're like, oh, what are you doing? Like, whatever. I know that some of that is like ball busting and it's like funny, but I think it is not.

[Jared Freed]

Well, no, I would, I would.

[Sammy Sage]

Some of it is.

[Jared Freed]

I, I would give credit to it. It is them being honest how they feel.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. I, I think it's. I think it's a few things, but when you hear that from like your parents who are your most important, like, relationship. Like you can't un. Unmake that. You start to see yourself as they see you. So you see yourself as like less. You know, you see yourself with this sort of like nudge down.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Sammy Sage]

Whereas like, I think, I think if you weren't. If, if this wasn't, you know, if I didn't make this symbol, you know, that's what I'm trying to say. It's like, it's like, I think that you would be. If you could be freed of your parents impression of you, which is what the symptom of enmeshment is. You could move to.

[Jared Freed]

That's a more relatable.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Understandable explanation of it.

[Sammy Sage]

Like you could be freed of. Freed of. Of like this, this voice that's like, whoa, my. Like, would my parents say something like about that?

[Jared Freed]

Or will they.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, they hate this person or this. Or what will they say about this job? You know, idea. Like you then could do. Could. Could know what they would say and also not be like driven by it at all. And that's what I mean.

[Jared Freed]

I think it's a more full story than Maybe I let on here because it's like, it's hard to tell the good.

[Sammy Sage]

You're trying to be funny also.

[Jared Freed]

I don't know. They are not trying.

[Sammy Sage]

No, you.

[Jared Freed]

You are trying to make jokes, right? And the. The positives are like, my dad will. Will look at me and go, you know, you're, like, very successful. Like, he'll say that to me, right? And he's. But then in the same, he'll go, you're very successful. Like, not a lot of people are doing what you're doing. You should be proud of that.

[Sammy Sage]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

And then I'll be like, yeah, the tick. He goes, how much are your tickets for the show? And I go, well, they're like 40 bucks. He goes, you're not worth more than that. He goes, that's a good price.

[Sammy Sage]

See, that's.

[Jared Freed]

See, that's what I'm saying.

[Sammy Sage]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jared Freed]

It goes back and forth. And to me, I think parents are always 10%. Right? Yeah. Look, it's because it comes from a place of honesty.

[Sammy Sage]

It's important to not.

[Jared Freed]

I'm not saying I'm not charging 200. That's the reason that people should be thanking me.

[Sammy Sage]

That's why I'm not charging $200. Like, what. Like, why is that the thing that we have to be focusing on when it comes to your career? Like, why do you, like. I. I think it. Every person needs to kind of hold two ideas in their head to stay not delusional, which is like, okay, I'm like, I've done really amazing things, and I've also, like, screwed up, and I'm. I'm not. I'm just one person and blah, blah, blah. And that's like, something that you have to, like, hold in your head. But if your dad's giving you that idea, it's like, you're kind of. How are you going to ever get past, like, the idea that you could be something more than what, like, your parents see you as.

[Jared Freed]

Sure, that's fair. But I think I do hold it in my. I do. Listen, the idea.

[Sammy Sage]

You are very successful.

[Jared Freed]

No, no, I have that in the shower, too. Like, I. I sit in the shower and go, jared, you are the funniest, most successful fudgeing dude. No one's better than you. Everyone else sucks. Everyone should go to your show. Everyone should laugh at every joke you say. And then I also go, you could work on that. Could be a little bit better. That story was kind of a hacky thing you did. No. And I Think we all. I think that's what makes us all aware. I think that's what makes this a good podcast.

[Sammy Sage]

I agree.

[Jared Freed]

And that's why we answer these questions.

[Sammy Sage]

I agree.

[Jared Freed]

In a way that's thoughtful, rational and fair.

[Sammy Sage]

Look, I also think that, like, most of. I don't want to be so general, but like, a lot of people who are talking about these kinds of things are a little bit more delusional about themselves. And I think generally, like, I'd prefer to listen to someone who's on the side of like, less delusional about themselves. Even if they're like, wrong, you know, they're both sort of wrong. And I'd rather someone. I think it's safer if someone sort of underestimates themselves. I don't know. I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

But listen, overestimate yourself. You're like, I'm with an unaware weirdo.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. You know, you're like, you really think, like, you're that important.

[Jared Freed]

I'm like, I know that that's the worst slip up. I think someone can do right. Is overestimating yourself.

[Sammy Sage]

And I think you are very afraid of doing that.

[Jared Freed]

I am petrified.

[Sammy Sage]

I know.

[Jared Freed]

Overestimating myself.

[Sammy Sage]

I know.

[Jared Freed]

What's going on with you?

[Sammy Sage]

What's going on.

[Jared Freed]

Married. We gotta talk. We gotta update people with your life relationship.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

They know you from, you know, the morning announcements and batches at batches.

[Sammy Sage]

The first episode of this show.

[Jared Freed]

The first episode of this show. A founder, a CEO, not quite whatever. You know, all those things.

[Sammy Sage]

You know, a news lady.

[Jared Freed]

A news lady. Yeah. I would never. Okay, news lady.

[Sammy Sage]

News lady.

[Jared Freed]

What is. What's going on with. You're married.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm married. I've been married since 2020, so five. Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Wow.

[Sammy Sage]

Five years.

[Jared Freed]

Five years and a half.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. And yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, what are you dealing with in. In married life right now? Like, what's. What's like thing on your mind?

[Sammy Sage]

I'll tell you the number one thing is like, should we have kids?

[Jared Freed]

How do you feel?

[Sammy Sage]

I don't know. I go back and forth.

[Jared Freed]

What? Oh, give me the back and forth. Let's. Let's go to the devil and the. Okay, I guess I don't want to call it a devil and angel.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Again, I'm being careful with my words.

[Sammy Sage]

Because let's just say the two. The two voices.

[Jared Freed]

The two voices.

[Sammy Sage]

The two. The two angels.

[Jared Freed]

Isn't it interesting that. That, you know, I'm more careful than anyone that I think that the regular, like my parents would be. My parents would Go. Why? And I'm sure you're hearing from these people. Why wouldn't you. What's. What's wrong? What's going on? And people don't know how to answer those questions, but they do have love when they ask those questions. I don't think they mean to be mean.

[Sammy Sage]

It really, like, depends on the person. I also feel like, because I talk a lot on, like, a microphone. Like, I'm. It's. It's not like you can't find out, you know, I. I've said things. I've said things for. Why? I have a few reasons. I do. Bad or bad. Okay, I'll do the no reasons first.

[Jared Freed]

The reasons for no. Not bad. Let's not put it under bad.

[Sammy Sage]

The reasons for no. Okay. Well, first of all, and this is probably, like, the most important, we really like our life. Like, we are happy and are free, and it's really great to be like.

[Jared Freed]

You sound like a. You know, you sound like a single man in his 40s. I know.

[Sammy Sage]

And like, because I'm.

[Jared Freed]

I'm. I'm in that same boat. Why would I. What. Why would I rock this boat right where.

[Sammy Sage]

And. Okay, I'll tell you parts of that.

[Jared Freed]

You guys like each other? Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, we like each other.

[Jared Freed]

We have travel.

[Sammy Sage]

We travel. We do stuff. We.

[Jared Freed]

No. No expense spared. I. If you watch you on Instagram stories.

[Sammy Sage]

We're incredibly.

[Jared Freed]

Tell every caviar, every concert. The Sages know how to live.

[Sammy Sage]

We. We have a lot of fun. We have a lot of fun. We are very lucky to be.

[Jared Freed]

I know how to embarrass the b. I know how to make them. Make them cringe a little bit. Mention Jordana's mansion. Spacious mansion.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, Jared glad he'd open the. No, I feel okay. This, like, we. We're very, very fortunate to be able to live freely like this and to, you know, feel like, economically financially stable and have, like, enjoy each other and enjoy each other.

[Jared Freed]

I think. I think the economic part, you have to say that the.

[Sammy Sage]

But it's.

[Jared Freed]

But it's true. It's part of it.

[Sammy Sage]

But I'm saying it definitely helps.

[Jared Freed]

It helps.

[Sammy Sage]

Money does buy happiness.

[Jared Freed]

Sure. But, you know, how much you spend is. Is really more important than how much you earn. You know? So I'm saying, like, anyone, at any level, if you're living within.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. You're paying over your means.

[Jared Freed]

You're feeling okay. So, you know, your means, you know.

[Sammy Sage]

And we can enjoy ourselves within them and.

[Jared Freed]

But I'm saying liking each other in a marriage five years in you go. Well, why would we add a variable?

[Sammy Sage]

Well, I'll tell you reasons. So my mom.

[Jared Freed]

Now I'm the devil. I'm going. I'm going.

[Sammy Sage]

No, no, no, no. This is. This is the. The why. This is like, why not to continued. I lost my brother. He was. He. He was autistic and he had a really, like. It was tough growing up, and it was not. Like, I did not have, like, an easy, lovely, amazing. Like, my life now is the smoothest it has ever been in my whole life. Most of it was not smooth.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

And really, since, like, post marriage was like, much post, like, relationship is when it kind of became much more smooth.

[Jared Freed]

Which would encourage the idea of, like, why would I change this up?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

And my. Okay. My mom also lost her brother and had also a very sick, like. So there's this kind of, like, you know, it kind of this feeling of like, family stuff repeating itself. And I don't know, like, I'm afraid that something would. You know, everyone pictures, like, having a kid. Like, they're picturing the good moments and, like, they know it's going to be hard, but they don't think about, like, I think there's a level and this isn't everybody, but let's say I do have a child. By that time, I will have thought about it so thoroughly and, like, decided that this is, like, something I'm doing. But I think a lot of people just, if that's the next thing you're doing, you know, married, kid, like, it would be almost like, what are we doing here? We're just sitting here waiting.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, I actually think a lot of people would know what to do with themselves if they were in, like, my Navi's position. Like, so what's the next thing? Like, there is no next thing. It's like, we have a lot of next things. Will plan a trip. A trip, a party, have people over. He. We have 13 nieces and nephews. Like, he has. He has four siblings who all have, like, four kids, five kids.

[Jared Freed]

Is your mom.

[Sammy Sage]

No. So my mom is. My mom's single.

[Jared Freed]

But is your mom pushing at all, or. No, not really his side of the family.

[Sammy Sage]

No, because they. So his family's religious, so they live sort of just like, a totally different, like, lifestyle than we do. And, like, I think that they kind of learned, like, don't push him to things because he doesn't like to be pushed.

[Jared Freed]

So. But that's actually. That's nice. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

No, it's. And they also have so many grandkids like, they want it.

[Jared Freed]

It's busy.

[Sammy Sage]

They're busy. They're busy. They're on the. I'm also feel like, okay, I froze my embryos. My embryos.

[Jared Freed]

So that takes a lot off your life.

[Sammy Sage]

A little bit off. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

And then on, like, okay, so. And then on the positive side, the want to side. I'll give you, like, the good reason. I'll give you the shallow reason.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

The good reason is that, like. And this scares me a little bit. It's also kind of the not want to reason is that all the work you put into a kid, the unpredictability of it, like, that you don't know what you're gonna get. Like, you don't know how they'll turn out. Anything could happen. That feeling, like, has a reward also, of course. And it deepens your life. And like, I know that I'm choosing to, like, not add that dimension for better and worse.

[Jared Freed]

What you're saying, the way you're saying it is the way you'll never see it on a TikTok.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Of this idea of, like.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

When you choose a direction, you lose. There's, you know, there's pros and cons to everything. And yeah. Not having a child, like, you're missing out on certain depths of life that other people will understand that you'll never get.

[Sammy Sage]

Exactly.

[Jared Freed]

And that's something that you would like.

[Sammy Sage]

I feel that. That I see the benefit of it. Yes. Yes. It's not like I'm like, why would anyone have kids? Like, yes, I think the world is very scary right now, but I don't think that that would necessarily stop me from having kids as much as being like, okay, well, at least I don't have to deal with any kids right now.

[Jared Freed]

Listen, we just made a list. It's going to be on a future episode of things that make me cringe on a date. Why would anyone want kids these days? Is one of those things I'd be like, I. I should stop talking.

[Sammy Sage]

Here's the thing. Like, I understand why you might have that, like, thought.

[Jared Freed]

The fear, I guess.

[Sammy Sage]

Fear.

[Jared Freed]

But the. Why would anyone.

[Sammy Sage]

But, like, no, like, humans have been through way worse shit and they kept procreating and, like, there's meaning in it. And I think the idea that, like, people try to, like, did, like, also, this is what, like, the child free stuff. Like, I don't always want to be around kids, but, like, I don't think the children are like, a waste and like a burden.

[Jared Freed]

Well, that those videos should be. Should show everyone that all of the videos are fraudulent.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Like when someone goes on and speaks about children, like, right. I would say this. I fly more than most.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I've never been bothered by a baby on a plane.

[Sammy Sage]

Really? Never Surprising.

[Jared Freed]

Let's say I'm in the. Let's say I'm. I'm not 100% away from the next person.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So let's say a baby has ruined your flight. The amount of times that that's happened is very small compared to the amount of times people talk about it. Yeah, like, you know, like, I mean.

[Sammy Sage]

It'S annoying, but, like, okay, it's a human.

[Jared Freed]

Like, right. And we have amazing headphones now. Yeah, we have amazing headphones. Like, like better headphones than anyone has ever had in the history of headphones. I just, I'm saying I fly. So whenever I hear someone complain about babies on planes, I go, that person is out to have people agree they're fraudulent, they're bad actor, or they're like.

[Sammy Sage]

In a bad mood and it's like compounding on their bad mood.

[Jared Freed]

It's a bad actor. They're trying to get everyone to know, to agree with them in some way because they're fucking miserable.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, sometimes humans under five do need to transport to other places.

[Jared Freed]

Listen.

[Sammy Sage]

How dare they?

[Jared Freed]

Our friend Jordana is going to be flying with a bay, a newborn, as new as it gets.

[Sammy Sage]

I can't even, like, imagine that.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I keep saying to her, I go left. Can you imagine your first thing? Like, at least let me feed it first. I got to bring it on a plane.

[Sammy Sage]

There's like, high level there. I mean, their situation is like, is like a sitcom because of, like, suddenly they're like, flush with baby.

[Jared Freed]

I know.

[Sammy Sage]

Please, God, you know everything. I don't know. By the time this comes out, whatever. And yeah, I'd like. Their first experience is like coming home on a plane with a baby.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I know.

[Jared Freed]

I. It makes me so happy. Like, I. When, when she said that when she got this special situation, I was like, yeah, right.

[Sammy Sage]

It's like, it makes sense why all the.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

Why all the special bad shit was happening.

[Jared Freed]

Right. It makes you, you know, so happy and it makes you. We're sitting here both gushing. That's what it makes you do. Okay, so.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay, so. So that. And then this actually is a good segue. The other reason to have them and is because of the, like, kind of like the social pressure or the social desire.

[Jared Freed]

Do you feel the social pressure?

[Sammy Sage]

Like, not, not the way other people do, but like, you can't avoid the social pressure, really. But it's not, it's not the social pressure. It's like, it's not even pressure. It's like people. Everyone's talking about it and I'm like, you're left out. I'm left out. But I'm also like, I don't actually want to talk about this. Like, I don't actually want to talk about, like, this. I also. Oh, this is another no reason. I don't want to have to deal with like the mom. Like, not, not being a parent. That doesn't bother me. Like, I actually think I would enjoy interacting with a small human. I do like kids, actually.

[Jared Freed]

No, I, I understand what you're saying.

[Sammy Sage]

Completely, but I don't want to go to the class and talk to the parents and have to do your art project because it's what, like, that's not like, I didn't know. This is made up.

[Jared Freed]

This is fake. Us men. There's no women's issues.

[Sammy Sage]

Exactly.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, it turns into high school. I mean, look at the Tisdale.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm not dealing with that. Like, I will not say you won't.

[Jared Freed]

And then you have a piece of you walking around and you see another kid push your kid over and now you want to murder that kid's mom.

[Sammy Sage]

This is what I'm saying.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it makes you into a different person. You don't know who you're going to be.

[Sammy Sage]

I can't, I can't with the petty. I can't do petty shit like that. I already did that when I was a child and I'm not going to.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, that's a. I would, I would think that would like, that scares anyone who grew up in a suburb. Like this idea of like, it's just boring. I have to go back to the suburban. The, the. And again, the world is so big now.

[Sammy Sage]

It's literally boring to me. And the thing is like, I feel like I have enough of a career in a life that I don't like, I can like excuse myself from that.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

But like, that can't be my life.

[Jared Freed]

I know. I'm with you. I. I understand that you would hope I don't get involved in the drama. But then you see like Ashley Tisdale and this mom group thing and you go, man, that is as recognizable as it gets.

[Sammy Sage]

See, Ashley Tisdale seems like the problem to me.

[Jared Freed]

I'm with you. I'm with you. Let's. Yeah, I think we. I think she like self owned herself. Like owned herself.

[Sammy Sage]

I think the cut Maybe let her.

[Jared Freed]

Of course Ashley maybe came to them. They go, are you kidding me? Are you gonna drop a piece of gold in our chest? That's crazy.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

If you have to layer to stay warm all winter long, you might as well be doing it in style. Quince has you covered with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished. Perfect for layering, mixing and building a wardrobe that lasts. I love Quint. I'm currently wearing their socks, which are a great staple. But I also really love so many items that they have. I have their duvet insert. They have such amazing high quality products, but they're at like the perfect price. Also, their cashmere sweaters cannot be beat. As soon as I am done having to wear exclusively maternity wear, I'll be getting right back into them. But I also got these cute little blank for the babies from Quinn, these cute little swaddles and cute little hats and they're just so adorable and they feel so luxurious and soft. I cannot recommend them enough. The quality shows in every detail. The stitching, the fit, the fabrics. Every piece is thoughtfully designed to be your new wardrobe essential. And like everything from Quints, each piece is made with premium materials and ethical trusted factories, then priced far below what other luxury brands charge. Refresh your wardrobe with quints. Go to quint.com UUP for free shipping on your order and 36065 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com UUP to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com UUP it's 2026 and if you're still paying rent without Built, it's time for a change. Built is the loyalty program for renters that rewards you for your biggest monthly expense Rent. Let me explain. With Built, every rent payment earns you points that can be used towards flights, hotels, Lyft rides, Amazon.com purchases and so much more. And here's something I'm really excited about now BILT members can earn points on mortgage payments for the first time, get rewarded wherever you live, and unlock exclusive benefits with more than 45,000 restaurants, fitness studios, pharmacies and other neighborhood partners. Personally, I'd redeem my points towards Amazon purchases or get gift cards from over 120 brands. It's simple. Paying rent is better with Built. And now owning a home can be better with built too. Earn rewards and get something back wherever you live. Join the loyalty program for [e-mail] UUP that's J-O-I-N B I L T.com UUP make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.

[Jared Freed]

We have emails here. We want you to Send yours in uup betches.com we love an email. We love a screenshot. We love for you to like the show. Comment on the show. YouTube, Spotify, Apple, podcast, wherever you go, comment on the show. I am on the road. If you're listening right now. This comes out on Wednesday, February 11th.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Who?

[Jared Freed]

New York City.

[Sammy Sage]

We're all 10 days away from the worst day of the year.

[Jared Freed]

We're almost there. Where we, we will dance around the campfire. On the actual day, let's say that.

[Sammy Sage]

Jordana's kid can't be born that day. It's like a little. It's like.

[Jared Freed]

It would be poetic.

[Sammy Sage]

Really late.

[Jared Freed]

That would be really late.

[Sammy Sage]

It would be weeks late. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So that they would probably induce at that point. Right.

[Sammy Sage]

There's no possible way it could.

[Jared Freed]

You can only pray.

[Sammy Sage]

No, no, no. It's not happening.

[Jared Freed]

So listen, this is coming out. I am in New York City the night before Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Eve. If you're looking for something to do, if you want to get a guaranteed win, buy a ticket to my show. First one sold out. Toronto. There's very few tickets left. And then I am coming to. Where am I going after that? Is it on there? Do we know? Tempe, Arizona, L.A. los Angeles. We added a show in Los Angeles for the Netflix is a joke festival. And then I am also coming to Vancouver and I'm coming to Seattle, which I think tickets are very low in Seattle. So get your tickets, Jared free.com and go check out Sammy's podcast at batches and morning announcements. Follow her. Sammy. And then you know I have a book coming out. Yes, the book is coming.

[Sammy Sage]

I want the book.

[Jared Freed]

I'll get you the book.

[Sammy Sage]

Jared, is the first book you've ever read?

[Jared Freed]

I've never. I still haven't read it. Who said I read it? I wrote it. What do I got to read?

[Sammy Sage]

Have you read? Well. Right, well, well, you know, just once.

[Jared Freed]

All right. You want me to pass one?

[Sammy Sage]

Pass.

[Jared Freed]

I did a little brush by.

[Sammy Sage]

Are you able to read this email or.

[Jared Freed]

We'll see. You want me to go or you want to go? You want to do the honors?

[Sammy Sage]

Do you think you can handle it?

[Jared Freed]

I can handle it.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

J and J and S. Yes. I'm a 36 year old man living in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, actively dating. I've been seeing a woman, also 36 for about seven weeks now and overall things have been great. We have strong banter, go on fun dates, have met some of each other's friends, we follow each other on Instagram. Okay, that is basically engaged.

[Sammy Sage]

How long is this overall? Oh, seven weeks.

[Jared Freed]

Seven weeks. Okay. She's beautiful, sharp, has a high profile job in Primary that I genuinely admire.

[Sammy Sage]

You want to marry her?

[Jared Freed]

So he likes her.

[Sammy Sage]

He wants to marry her.

[Jared Freed]

I don't really care much about social media. My Instagram is pretty weak and I mostly just scroll. That said, we became IG friends, I was excited to learn a little bit more about her. What stood out to me is that she doesn't have any older photos posted. Everything feels very curtain curated. At one point while she was showing me a family photo, I briefly saw an older picture of her where she looked noticeably heavier. It was quick and not something she lingered on since then. I can't shake the feeling that she may have gone through a significant weight loss recently, possibly with the help of GLP1 medications. To be clear, modern miracle, a modern Listen, we'll talk about it. To be clear, the weight loss itself is not a turn off. What's giving me pause is the feeling that she might be intentionally hiding that part of her past. When someone goes through a big physical change, it feels like something that might naturally come up over time. I'm wondering if there's an unspoken rule with these new medications to keep it private. I know some people are very open about it while others aren't. I'm torn because I don't want to project my own issues or come across as invasive. But I also can't ignore that it has turned me off a bit. I'm unsure whether this is and then he puts bullet point. This guy really went to this is.

[Sammy Sage]

A very well organized email.

[Jared Freed]

Great email, very literate. A red flag about transparency, a total normal boundary around body image and medical choices or something that's simply none of my business. So my questions are should I keep my mouth shut about anything related to body image or weight loss or is it reasonable to ask about it? If it's bothering me this early on, Would love your take on what whether this is my issue to unpack or something worth addressing. Thank you. What else are you hiding from me?

[Sammy Sage]

Potentially nothing.

[Jared Freed]

Well, if this was a man, every woman, what else is he hiding? I don't know.

[Sammy Sage]

I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

If a guy says my my relationship, I got a divorce. What you do you know? Like I'm just saying maybe it depends How.

[Sammy Sage]

How evolved the woman is.

[Jared Freed]

I'm just.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay. I get it. I have a lot of thoughts, actually. Okay. I actually was a big opportunity for this guy because if you. Okay.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

You don't have.

[Jared Freed]

Personal. First.

[Sammy Sage]

Personal. Yes, I've. I've done GLP1. You know, I am on it. It's the most amazing thing ever.

[Jared Freed]

I am on it. We talked about it on benefits. We. I mean, listen, I am one of the original dstrs. The original diet starts tomorrow. Guess I loved that show when you guys were on it. I had a blast going on that show and talking about body issues. I think that show, like, really got us to know the audience in a different way.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

It probably pushed me to talk more about it on stage. So that show was important to me. I would also say that, like, the glp one thing has been really badly translated to the public.

[Sammy Sage]

So bad.

[Jared Freed]

It has been taken over by, again, bad actors. And I think, like, to me, I would describe it. I. So I'm a month. Even the way it was presented to me from my parents. I talk about it on stage, about my dad offering me his Ozempic, and I do a whole bit on it. If you have gone to my show, just sit back and have fun with the bit. Like, you don't have to, like, get it. We don't have to have, like a kumbaya I can talk about on a podcast. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm done with the.

[Jared Freed]

But it's also like the. To me, it's like ADD medication.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it is like the. The idea. I. It isn't. It starts at vanity and then it's not vanity.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Like, it's. Well, it can start wherever.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

But.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, so whatever. But for me, personally, oh, I might lose some weight. And then it became, oh, oh, I.

[Sammy Sage]

Fixed my life problems.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I have a whole thing off my mind that I never had before. But would you, as a woman who, again, she's deleting all her pictures.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

What would you. How would you want to be approached on that if you're not bringing it up?

[Sammy Sage]

So this is what I mean about the opportunity, because it's not really about weight. Like, this is the thing with the GLP1 generally conversation. Everyone makes it about weight, but it's actually not really about weight. And weight is the only thing we can see.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

And weight is the only reason that people even realize that there was, like, something to treat, you know, but in reality, like, all of this is a. If you have. If you have eating issues, it's in your head, it's not just on your body.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

So what this person's dealing with is that they still have the head problem even though they don't have the body problem, quote unquote anymore. And I think that why this is an opportunity is because I think you ask or this person asks, you know, is it a red flag about transparency, a total normal boundary or something simply none of my business. It's like all, it's a little bit of all of them. Yeah. But if this person's going to be in a long term relationship with this woman, I actually think that something that will. And I mean in my relationship, like I actually, I have kind of like a parallel to this. When I started dating Avi, I was like, I lost. I was thinner than I had been. And then I have, you know, it was pre ozempic so I like gained weight later. But talking about my eating issues with him, like that is a thing that helped like our, helped our relationships help. Help me feel more safe. So it's like I think that this guy, it, she's not hiding something from him. I think she's hiding something more from like herself. Like it's, it's, it's. Well, there's shame around this body.

[Jared Freed]

Sure. And there's shame around. I mean that's why people have Trouble Talking about GLP1s is because the shame of like, of being fat, well also given off and like. Well, being fat. But also what goes with that? Like that people. You know, I have this debate with my dad. My dad believes that it's 70 a placebo effect.

[Sammy Sage]

It's not.

[Jared Freed]

And well, I, I know that. But I say to him, I go, I'm not, I'm not saying it's no placebo because I think taking anything has a certain amount of placebo.

[Sammy Sage]

That's true.

[Jared Freed]

But, but I, I would say we are opposite. I'm like, it's 9010.

[Sammy Sage]

I did not drop £70 in a year from a placebo.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, he's on it, telling me it's a placebo. So it's like, that's crazy. That's. But that has to do with shame. That has to do with his reasoning.

[Sammy Sage]

Generation is fucked and we should never lose. Don't word out of their mouth, but.

[Jared Freed]

Don'T put that on them. I'm saying the shame of. He has the same shame that anyone has is that, you know, not being in shape is not trying. And it's like, so when you take a medicine, you're like opting out of you're too weak to try, which is not the case.

[Sammy Sage]

That's what I'm saying about.

[Jared Freed]

So, I mean, she might have this.

[Sammy Sage]

She does. She does. I'm assuming she does.

[Jared Freed]

But to make it about a relationship I'm starting up because I don't think she's holding out on intimacy.

[Sammy Sage]

You do think she is.

[Jared Freed]

Absolutely. You're not sharing something that is. That is a part of who you are. Like, just like you said with obvious made the. Did it make the relationship better to talk about your eating issues with.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. Yes.

[Jared Freed]

But that's intimacy.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, it is. But I, you know, I'm trying to think back because I also had die source tomorrow, so it's like he could kind of under. You know, it's not like I had to just bring it out, like, randomly.

[Jared Freed]

Well, it was a little bit less difficult for you because you practice the words on a podcast. Like, I. I have that in my life.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

When I talk about dating, I can talk about dating on a date, and I sound like I know what I'm talking about because I can have. So, you know, I have you guys here to tell me. Right? Wrong. Maybe. You know, but he also.

[Sammy Sage]

He also, like, witnessed it. Like, when I would, like, I was obsessive about, like, about random things like food or, like, do I look skinny? Or blah, blah, blah. And like, so he noticed, like, oh, it's actually kind of annoying when you're constantly asking me, like, five times in an hour if you look skinny or, like. And so he gets that. Like, that is an issue. And that. That is part of, like, these feelings about, you know, my body. And I think the problem is that people feel like Ozempic is this. This cheat code because all they see is the weight. They don't see the person who is that size because of a bigger internal issue that Ozempic is treating well. And that's.

[Jared Freed]

Would you say someone who's dealing with that issue? Do you think this is a man writing in.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So I kind of, like, see his side of, like, I see where he's coming from, where it's like, if I was dating someone that wasn't telling me about it, I would feel like I don't.

[Sammy Sage]

What are they supposed to say, by the way? I don't know. I used to be fat.

[Jared Freed]

No. Well, now you're making it a body thing.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm just wondering. Well, well, what it is.

[Jared Freed]

I think there's a level of intimacy that you're ready to be vulnerable with someone.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And if you're not ready to do that maybe you're not mature enough to be in a very stable, communicative relationship. And I think every woman thinks from birth that they are ready for a communicative, stable relationship. And I would say, right, and if you're not practicing here. Well, like, I understand his anxieties.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, I think what I would say is, like, okay, if I were this. If I were this woman in her position and I was, like, super sensitive about this, which is what I would totally.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Which is normal.

[Jared Freed]

Like, totally normal.

[Sammy Sage]

This is the whole thing. What I would say, what I would want, what would make me feel the least uncomfortable is if at some point it comes up. It has to come up organically, but, like, something about maybe how you hid the picture. Like, hey, I noticed that you, like, hid, you know, you swiped away from. Or it has to come up. It has to come up organically.

[Jared Freed]

I'm trying to think organically. Could be. I mean, honestly, there's enough commercials for them now that could help.

[Sammy Sage]

Asking about, like, the drug necessarily, it's about asking about, do you feel like you don't, like, it's kind of like the. The guy has to say, like, hey, like, you don't have to hide. She has to feel safe to be like, admit that she. She's hiding. So he has to say first. He has to signal first. I think, like, you don't have to hide that you used to be fat, essentially, right? Like, I accept you, how you look, whether you achieved it with, like, GLP1 or not. Like, the guy has to communicate that somehow. I don't know how. Like, I don't think he should, like, sit her down and have a talk about it. But I think through the course of conversation, maybe you're a little drunk. Maybe you're telling each other, like, so I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

I've had this in dating before where I felt that I was, like, getting a version of someone, like, they were kind of quote unquote behaving.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And that was frustrating to me because it was hard for me because then I am forced to Be everyone behaving.

[Sammy Sage]

A little in the beginning of a relationship?

[Jared Freed]

Of course they are, but I. I'm just saying I felt that I was being less behaved than them.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay. You know, I felt it wasn't even amounts of misbehavior.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I. I just. It wasn't opening up. You know, I've been on dates where I'm like, you know, what's the thing where I was asked, you know, what's the thing you, you dream about having and you go, you know, and then you go in this explanation of like, well, I dream of this and I hope for that. And then the person, you go, what about you? And they go, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. You know, like, you're like, okay, well, what the. You know, I was forced to be. And sometimes I think, think in a world where from this guy's perspective, the email that's written in, it's like him being like, let me speak for myself. I would, I would say that if I was in a position where I felt someone was holding back and then I'm like, being there, then for me to do this step, I'd have to be like, totally sure about them. Like, for me to like, ask for this. And like, and that makes it even harder. Like from my end, it would make it so hard because I'd be like, well, now that I've asked for that and I've gotten them to be vulnerable, I kind of have no way out. I mean, that's my own insecurities.

[Sammy Sage]

No, no, because listen, I mean, he.

[Jared Freed]

Might want to hear that.

[Sammy Sage]

She, she might want to hear that.

[Jared Freed]

I'm saying, I'm saying he might want to hear that. He's not locked in.

[Sammy Sage]

He's not.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

He's not locked in. This is, Listen, this only feels like such a big conversation because he feels it's a big conversation and she clearly does too. But what I think is like, yes, you, you might have a point. Like he, she might be giving him a well behaved version, but the well behaved version might not be because she wants to hide something. It might be because she has inherent shame about this.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Sammy Sage]

And so you're getting that. And like, it might like, she may not be able to unlock anymore until she has a little bit of sureness. And the guy doesn't want to give sureness to her until he's sure, but actually he doesn't really owe her. It's not like you owe someone an engagement ring because they like, spoke about their trauma. Like people, it's, it's not like that. Like, I think that even the act of like, showing acceptance even if you don't end up together long term, will help heal this person to something or. I don't, I don't want to say that, but I don't know if it will. But, well, like, that will help that person to be vulnerable regardless of whether, like, as long as this person isn't trying to like really be judgmental or harmful, and they're really willing to give the relationship a chance.

[Jared Freed]

So what would be a way that if someone came to you and was like, hey, I noticed that you had a pretty significant weight loss. Is there anything you want to talk about? I don't know if he even has the right. Like, that's like, even as I said, I'm like, it would. Who the am I?

[Sammy Sage]

It would have to come up, like, organically. It would have to come up like in the course of. That's why I'm in the commercials.

[Jared Freed]

The commercials. Like, I'm like, ah, it's on tv. What are the. I would do the. I would do the. What are these things? Maybe Serena Williams.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

What do you think that kind of.

[Sammy Sage]

That kind of thing, like this Rena Williams thing might, might have been a good opportunity. It's in the past, but like, maybe if an actor, you know, something like that, or even if you know someone who lost a lot of or a, like a My mom's friend, blah, blah, like, you know, bring up something that makes sense and like be non judgmental about it.

[Jared Freed]

Well, of course, it doesn't sound like this person would be judgmental. It sounds.

[Sammy Sage]

No, I don't think so either.

[Jared Freed]

Have a pretty understanding.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Vibe to them. But I would say like, let's say I go like, I'm like, sammy, have you heard? Like, you haven't told me.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And I'm like, my aunt just told me they're on Ozempic. Is that like. And she looks unbelievable. Yeah. That's crazy. It's just amazing what these drugs can do. And then you just wait.

[Sammy Sage]

I don't think you do it like that. The way you're sitting, you're setting it up.

[Jared Freed]

In conclusion, these drugs sound pretty awesome.

[Sammy Sage]

And I would never judge someone for taking them.

[Jared Freed]

No, like, you know, pretty rad with these GLP1s are doing. It feels like you're giving the the be. The birds and the bees talk to you.

[Sammy Sage]

Have you ever tried to bring something up organically?

[Jared Freed]

No. Okay, what's going on, skinny mini? Tell me the story. Yeah, I don't know what I I I don't envy I I to me. I've been in this situation.

[Sammy Sage]

I think maybe you need to learn how to bring things up.

[Jared Freed]

I get scared when someone doesn't want to be this deep with me because it's like someone saying, I, I'm not ready to have sex.

[Sammy Sage]

To me it's not.

[Jared Freed]

Well, why not?

[Sammy Sage]

Because they're not conscious. They're not doing this. They're not like, someone.

[Jared Freed]

You don't think this person is holding out this information consciously?

[Sammy Sage]

No, no, they're doing it consciously, but they don't necessarily. Like, they're not doing it because it's not like, that straightforward. And.

[Jared Freed]

Well, here's the. Here's the sex version that I'm like.

[Sammy Sage]

If they're hiding it because they think they can hide it, well, are they.

[Jared Freed]

Gonna hide it forever?

[Sammy Sage]

No.

[Jared Freed]

When do they come out with it? When. When's the day that they tell the person they love about their past?

[Sammy Sage]

What is their past? That they were fat.

[Jared Freed]

You just had two different explanations. You can say it's not about fat.

[Sammy Sage]

No.

[Jared Freed]

And then go, oh, you want to hear about me?

[Sammy Sage]

No, but here's the thing. Like, what are they supposed to say? Like, what are they.

[Jared Freed]

I have issues with eating, and I take a med. Okay. That helps me through those issues. It's resulted in me having a body change that is really kind of a mind for me. Yeah. Well, I think that that's telling it to you. Makes me feel deeper with you on a different level. And I really wasn't sure how to bring it up. That's how. If I were her, that's how I would say it. But I can't, like, push a strength. I'm saying for sex, the. The con. The corollary to sex is, hey, sex puts me on a different level with someone. If we have sex right now, we are on a. I'm in a different relationship than I was before. I would say that's a sign that says beware of commitment.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, commitment. This way lies.

[Sammy Sage]

You know, my sense is that she's not, like, hiding from. From. From the emailer she's hiding from. It's, like, more about her.

[Jared Freed]

Right. No, no, I would agree. And you.

[Sammy Sage]

And, you know, this emailer, like, could be any person, like, anyone who they.

[Jared Freed]

Do you think her friends know?

[Sammy Sage]

Yes, of course her friends know. Unless her friends are all her friends from seven weeks ago.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, I. Well, right. She's forced to tell her friends because there's not.

[Sammy Sage]

No one. No, it's not. I don't think she's trying to hide that she's on it. She's trying to, like, put the evidence. Like, she just doesn't want it to, like, be there.

[Jared Freed]

It's also, like, trying to sweep it under the rug, but I don't know.

[Sammy Sage]

I'll treat you like when you're fat. So she would like to not have that burden on her social media.

[Jared Freed]

That's fine. That's fine. The social media, though, is a symptom, not the disease.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I just. I can't see myself with someone not hearing about that.

[Sammy Sage]

I agree.

[Jared Freed]

And. And how we came to those conclusions. And I'm not saying I. I guess I'm sounding like I'm saying, like, I deserve that as.

[Sammy Sage]

As a part deserving it. It's more about, like, I just feel.

[Jared Freed]

Like I wouldn't be in a partnership.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. I think that it is normal to know the level, to know the medications that you're. The person you're in a committed relationship with is on.

[Jared Freed]

Similar, but different. How is your relationship with Avi changed since being on it? Like.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, haven't really.

[Jared Freed]

Not at all.

[Sammy Sage]

Not really. No. And, like, I've been every weight. Like. Like, with Avi, and he was really very, like, non. He really wasn't, like, judgmental about my weight gain, like, at all. And then with the loss. Yeah. He's just like, okay. I'll tell you what he is. He's like. He's like you. He hates that I'm, like, so sedentary. You know what I mean?

[Jared Freed]

Well, he's like. He does so much.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes, yes.

[Jared Freed]

He's not to be trusted with what? Sedentary.

[Sammy Sage]

I know. Versus Exactly. Right, right, right. So he's like, okay. And then also, like, I'm just. I have very weird eating habits. Like, I eat, like, late in the day.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

I. He's like, how about some, like, real food? Like, last night he was. Last night I went to a dinner and he's like, I'm so glad you're going to a dinner. You're going to have a real meal. Like, you're not going to, like, order some.

[Jared Freed]

Would you, like, snack? Is that.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, snack. Or I'll just like. I hate having to prepare shit.

[Jared Freed]

That's.

[Sammy Sage]

I just want it to go from my hand to my mouth like a baby. This is why I have a baby. I am the baby.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Valentine's Day doesn't have to mean dressing up for someone else. Sometimes it's just about feeling super confident in the way you look. So you're presenting the best version of yourself. For me, that always starts with comfortable, flattering underwear. Skims has completely changed what I reach for every single day. They are doing it unlike anyone else. Honestly. I'm wearing one of their bras right now. They have a bra literally for every kind of occasion. And the best part about their bras is that you not only look great and lifted and you know where all your girls are, but also they're extremely comfortable. Usually you kind of have to sacrifice one for the other, but with Skims bras, I get the best of both worlds. Everyone's always like, what's the best bra? I'm always like skims. I've gotten to try almost all of their bras and literally they're all perfect for all sorts of different things. I have like the push up bra, I have the Fits Everybody bra. I have the Bralettes which I love for being a little more casual. So can't recommend the skims bras enough. My personal favorite is the Fits Everybody Scoop Bralette. I wear it probably five days a week. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gift for your valentine or for yourself, the Skims Valentine's shop is now open. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. February is full of flowers, candy, stuffed animals, and of course, lots of talk about relationships and love. It can be a lot Whether you're dating, single, married, or just focusing on you. No matter what your love story is, therapy can help you find your way and see more clearly where you want to be. Obviously on this show we talk about dating and relationships all the time. It's pretty much all we do. But at the end of the day, we're not licensed professionals. We're just podcast hosts. We have mics and we have fun talking about it. So if you're looking for someone with a real legitimate degree who's going to be able to help you navigate your relationships, figure out how to be in a healthy relationship. Can't recommend better help enough. There's so many things to figure out in terms of relationships that I personally have found so helpful to talk through with my therapist. I think it's been such a great tool for me. I get an objective person to really help me hash out all sorts of things so that I can have a healthy relationship. With over 30, 000 fully licensed therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. They do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored wrecks. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] UUP that's better. H E L P.com UUP let's do another question.

[Jared Freed]

I. Listen, I. I think this is a subject that is like. I'm happy we're talking about it.

[Sammy Sage]

We could talk about this.

[Jared Freed]

No, I could go all day. I. I mean, I think the snack food industry is in trouble.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, they'll be okay.

[Jared Freed]

You think so?

[Sammy Sage]

I don't really care.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, I'm not saying. I'm not saying.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm not.

[Jared Freed]

I'm not weeping for lays.

[Sammy Sage]

What are they? Do you really think that in trouble? Like. No, they'll be like.

[Jared Freed]

I'm just saying.

[Sammy Sage]

I still eat. I just had a bag of potato chips for lunch.

[Jared Freed]

I still eat. Yeah, but I would have had 17 bags of potato chip. I'm saying the. The. The snacks in my house have been there for a month, you know? Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, I know.

[Jared Freed]

So, I mean, that's different for me.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, I know. It's crazy.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it's crazy.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. You have to, like, clean out your kitchen every night.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Sammy Sage]

I know.

[Jared Freed]

That's crazy.

[Sammy Sage]

I know. I know. It's.

[Jared Freed]

And it's not because I'm not eating.

[Sammy Sage]

No, that's because you don't eat all of it.

[Jared Freed]

I'm. We're eating like it's the 1950s and I have a little tiny burger from McDonald's and I go, that was del delicious in these three fries. Let's do an Icky or picky. We love Icky or picky. It is the game that is crossing the country. Everyone's talking about it. You're dating someone, you get the ick. Is it a true ick or are you just being picky? Sammy, go for it.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

And we have screenshots.

[Sammy Sage]

I love screenshots. Nothing I love more than a screenshot. Hi, J. And J and me love you both. And I'm an adding you up and oversharing listener.

[Jared Freed]

Love it.

[Sammy Sage]

I have a Nicky or Picky for you that I would love your thoughts on. I went for a coffee date with a guy I met on Hinge. He was very sweet and easy to talk to, but when we were texting after the date, I noticed he was editing almost every text he sent. Normally, if I see edited under the occasional message, I assume it was a typo. And don't bother to look at the edit history.

[Jared Freed]

Hold on. I didn't know there was such a thing as edit history.

[Sammy Sage]

Are you regretting that?

[Jared Freed]

I'm not. There's really nothing to regret.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, have you ever edited something really embarrassing that you think maybe if I Was.

[Jared Freed]

It's like my own ocd. Same tendencies to be like.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Like.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I meant if not of.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

But I. I'm thinking about it now, I guess I've never thought about it. I thought you edited and it's just good to go. It should. So you basically.

[Sammy Sage]

So you thought they just said edited and then they didn't let the person know what was edited? Yeah, that would be silly.

[Jared Freed]

Is it? Yeah. You can unsend a message, you can't get that one back.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I guess unsend would be something that I would do for an embarrassing one.

[Sammy Sage]

And that's more like irrelevant now, right?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, I. I didn't even could do this.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, I'm glad that you haven't done anything. Glad you haven't written like you and then edited it.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, yeah, I meant muck you. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Suck you. Normally if I see edited under the occasional message, I assume it was a typo and don't bother to look at the edit history. But when I realized how many of his responses had been edited, it seemed unusual. I tapped on the edit history and saw that nearly every text had been edited four to five times. To move around a couple words, add or remove smiley faces, exclamation marks, etc. Part of me thinks it's sweet that he's trying to be so thoughtful about what he says, but the other part of me is a little bit turned off by how much he seems to be second guessing himself and feels like it might show a general lack of confidence. Either way, I'm almost certain he doesn't know that the edit history is visible.

[Jared Freed]

I would. I would say so. I don't think I would love to see the gender responses to do you know that this exists?

[Sammy Sage]

I do too.

[Jared Freed]

Every woman seems to. Jo, did you know?

[Sammy Sage]

Can we get a poll?

[Jared Freed]

You did though.

[Sammy Sage]

Maybe it's an age.

[Jared Freed]

Maybe it's age.

[Sammy Sage]

Maybe it's people who read the description on the when they updated the.

[Jared Freed]

I've never thought to click on edit.

[Sammy Sage]

I don't either because like who cares? It's usually just.

[Jared Freed]

Usually nothing.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. So screenshot attachment example for context on the date I was telling him about the Pilates studio I teach at which has a view of the mountains that will make sense when you see it. And told him I would send him pictures when I was back at work. So icky or picky. He edits all of his texts after he sends them and follow up, should I tell him I can see the edit history? Can't wait to hear what you think Maybe he's listening.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. He might be listening. We have no idea.

[Sammy Sage]

Do you want to go through the edits?

[Jared Freed]

Do you want me to read it? I'll read it the way it sounds to her.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

You ready?

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

You be her, I'll be him.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

All right. Perfect.

[Sammy Sage]

So she says, also, I promised you photos of the studio.

[Jared Freed]

So we're assuming she sent the photos of the studio with the mountain background.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Haha. It's actually the ultimate vibe. And agreed the mountains are a perfect little touch.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, like she put them there.

[Jared Freed]

And then he corrects it. Haha. It's actually the ultimate vibe. And I admit I'm only a tiny bit jealous. Winky face. The mountains are a perfect little touch though. Then he rethinks that one. Ha. It's actually the ultimate vibe. And I admit I'm only a tiny bit jealous. Winky face. The mountains are a perfect touch though.

[Sammy Sage]

He took out lil.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. And then he tries again. Oh, this is. It's actually the ultimate vibe. And I admit I'm only a tiny bit jealous. Winky face. The mountains are a perfect. Actually a perfect touch.

[Sammy Sage]

So that was.

[Jared Freed]

He's got double tight.

[Sammy Sage]

He actually had a typo there.

[Jared Freed]

And then he tries again. Ha ha. It's actually the ultimate vibe. And I admit I am only a tiny bit jealous. Winky face. The mountains are a actually a perfect touch.

[Sammy Sage]

Another typo.

[Jared Freed]

Now another typo. So now he's. This is his last shot. This is the final version. Ha ha. It's actually the ultimate vibe. And I admit I'm only a tiny bit jealous. Winky face. The mountains are actually a perfect touch. You finally nailed it on the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Try.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay, the thing is he only actually changed the sentence twice. Like he only actually changed the response. Like haha. It's actually the ultimate vibe. Is there every time. Then he adds I. And I admit I'm only a tiny bit jealous. So that stays there. Now that's in winky face. The mountains are a perfect little touch though. At first he. He adds the though and lil. And then he takes out the lil. And then after it's just Titans.

[Jared Freed]

I. I am so in tune with the female body that I know exactly the moment she dried up. I know it was. I know it.

[Sammy Sage]

I know when it was.

[Jared Freed]

It was when he.

[Sammy Sage]

It was the second one. No, I actually think it was the adding of the admit I'm only a tin bit jealous. Winky face. When the. The first thing. The first. Like if he just left and the mountains Are a perfect little touch. The first message had just been fine.

[Jared Freed]

Right, Right. Well, the admit he. I think the moment he acknowledged that lil was a little bit.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Little bit not manly.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Because that's an acknowledgment. The it comes from.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

He would have left the lil. But.

[Sammy Sage]

But the confidence of it.

[Jared Freed]

The. If you left the lil. I'm a guy who says lil touch. Yeah. L I L. The minute you remove and doesn't edit everything and does it. What's that?

[Sammy Sage]

Is confident to leave enough to leave my messages as they are.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And then the minute he removes the lil, it's an acknowledgment of, oh, maybe I don't sound the right way. Which is not a manly trait.

[Sammy Sage]

Correct.

[Jared Freed]

And that's what the ick is. It's generally a lot of women saying, it's a moment. I saw him act like not a man.

[Sammy Sage]

A manly trait is men being overconfident.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Yes. Lil is hot until you ignore. Until you go. I don't know if I should say little. What do I sound like? And now it's like, you're not hot now.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. Like, I think this is way less hot than if he just again, left. Haha. It's actually the ultimate vibe. And agreed. The mountains are a perfect little touch.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay, this is.

[Jared Freed]

You know what this is Owning the statement is hot.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. Because I never would. I just been like, okay, he says, like, here's the other thing. Avi texts weird all the time. I don't care.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, like, okay, you're a weird texter. Like, I don't give a.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, again, he's. It doesn't matter. It's like, like they're cute. They're not cute.

[Sammy Sage]

That's what I was about to say.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

This is.

[Sammy Sage]

This is creepy if you don't like them and not creepy if you like them.

[Jared Freed]

And then it's only creepy when you admit that's not who really who I am. So I got to take it back now. I don't do lil, but now I'm a guy who. Who does winky face emoji. And you're gonna take out the lil.

[Sammy Sage]

And you're not gonna take the winky face.

[Jared Freed]

Here's where I. I just. It's funny. When I first read this email, I go, well, the screenshots must show that he's like, correcting the spelling seven different times. Like, it went from like, good to hood to hood to good. Right. I thought it was like an OCD thing. Like, I thought it Was like a. I like for her to, like, know cat versus car. Like, I would go if I were her. I go, enough. I get it. I know it's cat. You didn't mean car. That's the little thing. It's actually a true ick.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. And, and, and the change of the sentences. The though. Like, who cares if you have an extra though, like, whatever, right?

[Jared Freed]

If it was just a word, it would be picky because it was this show of insecurity that it's like all of us can see.

[Sammy Sage]

It's okay. This is what it is. It's like, like, you workshop this at brunch, but you were alone.

[Jared Freed]

You just work, dropped it out. The brunch was on this text chain. Yeah. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

It's like, that's the kind of thing you'd only do when you care. Also, it just shows you, like, care too much about something that isn't important.

[Jared Freed]

And I feel for him because he's just trying to perfect it.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, you know, listen, it's unnecessary.

[Jared Freed]

One person, shitty text, right? One person. This is not mean. This is not bad. She's not like a bad person for noticing this. It just sucks. Like, you weren't that attracted to him in the beginning. And then he sends this text and corrects it seven different times, and you go, yeah, that's the straw that broke the camel's back. Like, it's over.

[Sammy Sage]

If a girl, a woman did this, what would you think? Is it. Did you get the it? Because it's like, she's.

[Jared Freed]

No, I, I. If it was a woman, I. It always comes down to, is she hot? I wouldn't be on the date. I wouldn't be texting with her if I wasn't.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And I think that the. It comes from this questioning of if I'm attracted to them or not.

[Sammy Sage]

Interesting. Okay.

[Jared Freed]

That's what I believe.

[Sammy Sage]

But what if she's attracted to this guy and he also edits his texts.

[Jared Freed]

Like a I, I, Right. I, I, I. He'd have to be way hotter than his pussified nature.

[Sammy Sage]

I can't imagine someone incredibly hot doing this because they, they have too much confidence.

[Jared Freed]

This is the whole ick thing.

[Sammy Sage]

They have too much confidence.

[Jared Freed]

It's.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

This is like a perfect ick, because again, like, he's not. The, the, the men that get mad about the ick are like, the least credible anger people on the Internet. They're. They're like, they want every woman to agree on what makes them want to a guy or not. Like, that's crazy.

[Sammy Sage]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

So what they're getting angry about is they're taking it personally cuz they're like, there's nothing you can do. It's like, dude, you're fine. This isn't going to happen to you if someone likes you.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

And they're worried that no one will ever like them.

[Sammy Sage]

You know what I think is sad about this one? It's that he was trying to prevent her from getting the ick originally.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Those are the funniest sex.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

His. She got the ick from him trying to not be an ick.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Like that's because you can hear his thought process throughout this, this whole editing thing. Admit last ones are, am I a little guy? Do I talk a little? Does Lil make me look unfuckable? I saw this. Tick tock.

[Sammy Sage]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

He said lil and now he's out and she won't blow him because of that.

[Sammy Sage]

This is why you need to workshop these things with the brunch table.

[Jared Freed]

Not in the street paying me.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

A monthly. And I'll go, you're good.

[Sammy Sage]

Just, just, just move on from the Lil.

[Jared Freed]

Right? Just move on. Move on. You're good. Just keep moving.

[Sammy Sage]

I wouldn't have even noticed it.

[Jared Freed]

I had a guy DM me the other day. He goes, I'm in a huge debate with my girlfriend. She said that an ick. Well, she sent him a video of a guy doing the golf swing with no golf club. Like the.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay. Like as men do.

[Jared Freed]

As men do. And he's like, she says it's an ick. And I'm like, dude, she doesn't like you. Sorry to inform you. No, I was like, google Jared Freed Golf Club swing. Tick tock. It's like one of my most viral videos.

[Sammy Sage]

Really?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, I didn't see it.

[Jared Freed]

And I said to him, I go, they all agree it's unfuckable. I was like, move on from debating it.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Him debating it.

[Sammy Sage]

It might be giving her the answer is more.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I go, back away, dude.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

This is a landmine.

[Sammy Sage]

Right? You're telling, you're telling me that this is. You're telling me that you're hot doing a fake golf swing, Right.

[Jared Freed]

That even worse offense than the golf swing itself.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. That's embarrassing. Thy ticket lady Jennifer of Coolidge. Well, many thanks. Thanks, good sir.

[Jared Freed]

Here is my Discover card.

[Sammy Sage]

They accept Discover at Renaissance fairs? Yeah, they do here. Discover is accepted at the places I love to shop. Geth with the times. With the times. You're playing the loot yeah, and it sounds pretty good, right?

[Jared Freed]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Based on the February 2025 Nil dearest.

[Sammy Sage]

Gentle reader, this is Lady Alison Hammond, host of the official Bridgerton Podcast. I'll be sitting down for high tea and fancy bonbons with my favorite members of the Bridgerton cast like Luke Thompson and Yerin Ha, AKA Benedict and Sophie. Claudia, Jessie and Hannah Dodd, who play our beloved Bridgerton sisters Eloise and Francesca are even be holding court with Queen Charlotte herself.

[Jared Freed]

Golda Roche, Val and Mama Bridgerton Ruth Gemmell. I'll also be chatting to some of.

[Sammy Sage]

The brilliant minds who bring the ton to life, such as showrunner Jess Brownow and TV legend Shonda Rhimes. You'll be able to watch our video episodes on Netflix right away. Meanwhile, audio episodes will debut weekly on Spotify, Apple and wherever you get your podcasts. So gentle reader, don your finest attire and ready your heart for the official Bridgeton podcast. If the Featherington carriage is a rocking do not go a knocking, it's a gala ball and you're all invited ta.

[Jared Freed]

Let's do another email uup betches.com we are here with at Sammy Sammy Sage and go watch listen to morning announcements at batches breaking down all the pop culture news. J and J and S subscriber here. Longtime fan of the show. I'm gonna get right into it. I've been dating my boyfriend now for a little over a year and of course our first Valentine's Day is coming up. This isn't the first Valentine's Day I've spent in a relationship and I always seem to have the hardest time with gifting for men on this day. Sure, some may say you don't really have to give gifts to each other, or that a nice dinner and some chocolates can be mutually enjoyed. Sure, but from my experience, the guy is usually always the one picking up the bill on the dinner and the one going all out. So my question is, what should girlfriends do to also return the favor? I'm sure Jared will say good old fashioned blowjob will make any man happy. And I'm not knocking that. Lol. Well, she took the words right out of my mouth.

[Sammy Sage]

I was going to say yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I was like yes, that's exactly the bit I was going to go into.

[Sammy Sage]

She.

[Jared Freed]

She stole away my bit.

[Sammy Sage]

Sorry she preempted you.

[Jared Freed]

I'm going to have actually answer this question.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, you're gonna have to come up with something you want.

[Jared Freed]

How about a blowjob Sandwich. I don't know. But for real, is that it? We're simple. We are simple beings.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

In the past, free. In past relationships, I've tied, I've tried to make the. Make cute baskets of candy with some of his favorite things. Body wash, beard oils, nice socks. But it always feels kind of eh. Us as women get showered on this day. Well, let's not say us. There's a few out there that are listening.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

With so many lovely things. And I think the guy sometimes gets the short end of the stick by paying for a nice dinner and flowers, sometimes jewelry and massages. And in return, he gets candy and some socks. This woman is hilarious that you think.

[Sammy Sage]

We get jewelry on Valentine's Day.

[Jared Freed]

She knows. Did she know? This podcast is the number one podcast given to woman who was just dumped before Valentine's Day.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, sorry. Also, like, this is the thing like.

[Jared Freed]

Like, us ladies getting massages and jewelry. Oh, what to do with all these gifts. But the men get nothing in return. What is she.

[Sammy Sage]

They'll be okay. This. You know what's funny? It's like, I feel like Valentine's Day is only a holiday for a few people, right. People who are in their 20s, in their first relationship, people who are in college and, like, kind of want to, like, around face relationship. And like, children in, like, days like preschool who are sending Valentine to, like, everyone in the class.

[Jared Freed]

So you and Avi, what will you guys do? You're married five years. Nothing.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, probably nothing. Like, I don't know. We don't get each other for this. Right.

[Jared Freed]

Once you have kids now you're getting them kind of dressed up for it. It becomes about the kid. Everything becomes like, we don't give a.

[Sammy Sage]

Maybe we'll go out to, like, we'll stop. We'll go out to dinner. Literally.

[Jared Freed]

You think Valentine's Day is not a thing for us.

[Sammy Sage]

We don't care about that.

[Jared Freed]

If he said nothing. If your husband five years in, wakes up on Valentine's Day and just ignores it for the day, you will be okay with that?

[Sammy Sage]

I mean, like, we sort of acknowledge that we don't care.

[Jared Freed]

I didn't ask that question.

[Sammy Sage]

No, he would be like, happy Valentine's Day. Like, it's like.

[Jared Freed]

No, I'm saying, but if you said nothing, you would go, what the.

[Sammy Sage]

I don't know. Like, I, I, I guess maybe those.

[Jared Freed]

Tick tocks were like, the wife or husband, like, messes with the other ones. I saw one yesterday. My brother sent it to me. This couple. The, the woman went into the Bagel place and got a bagel and then gave her husband, like, the small bagel. Oh, like the little baby bagel. And she acted like nothing happened. And he was like, what is going. And I could. His reaction is like, perfect. I saw another one where the guy opened up his burrito and the wife goes to kiss him and then she bites into his burrito and he gets like, so mad.

[Sammy Sage]

That's really funny.

[Jared Freed]

This is one of those that I don't even think any relationship would touch. Like, if you were like. Like, watch. As I don't wish my wife a happy Valentine's Day and see a reaction.

[Sammy Sage]

I like, I never know the date, first of all. So I 14 it would take. No, I know. I know that it's. I know that that is Valentine's Day. It's more like I would, like, wake up. I wouldn't, like, think about what day it is. And I like, wouldn't.

[Jared Freed]

But you get to 3 o'. Clock.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. No, I would notice.

[Jared Freed]

You would notice. I'm just saying it's. It's Valentine's Day. At a certain point, for a lot of people, Valentine's Day is a speed bump to get over.

[Sammy Sage]

Honestly, it's like I. I actually think we have, like, just so disregarded it as, like, a meaningful thing.

[Jared Freed]

I'm not saying it's meaningful. Yeah. But every one of us has to deal with it. Everyone has to deal with Valentine's Day. Everyone has to. If you're hooking up with someone, you have to have it go through your brain. Do I do something? Do I say something?

[Sammy Sage]

If you're hooking up with someone, if.

[Jared Freed]

You'Re married to someone, you have to say it.

[Sammy Sage]

I guess.

[Jared Freed]

Beetlejuice. You gotta say it.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, sure. I mean, it's.

[Jared Freed]

If you don't. I dare someone listening to not say happy Valentine's Day. I'll dare.

[Sammy Sage]

See what happens.

[Jared Freed]

See what happens. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

No.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, so Jay and J. And.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Help me out here. What's a good way to make Valentine's Day just as special for him? Jared, what would your ideal Valentine's Day gift be? Thank you for all you do a trying to be romantic and thoughtful.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I'm happy she asked.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Oh, God.

[Jared Freed]

This is my. My perfect Valentine's Day.

[Sammy Sage]

What would they done this before?

[Jared Freed]

Well, no, I would say my perfect. I think what gets. I think what women do for Valentine's Day.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

For their husbands, boyfriends, Fiance's. Whatever. The mistake they make is that they give them a gift that they would want.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Want.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

No, man who doesn't want beard oils. Right? Beard oils.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

And.

[Jared Freed]

And. And a basket that's Valentine's Day themed.

[Sammy Sage]

It's very. Mom.

[Jared Freed]

No man needs to.

[Sammy Sage]

A basket.

[Jared Freed]

Well, societally, I don't have to show everyone that I've been acknowledged. Right.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

You.

[Jared Freed]

I think a lot of women, they have to go. Yep. Flowers.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

I found a good one. Right. Got a good one. He knows the drill.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Anyone with no flowers, loser. Anyone with flowers, winner.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. Yes.

[Jared Freed]

So that. This is society.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm not looking at society.

[Jared Freed]

The weather.

[Sammy Sage]

This is society.

[Jared Freed]

No man deals with that. So if your gift has any version of. He could show it to his friends to show how well he did. You've wasted your time and money.

[Sammy Sage]

It depends, though.

[Jared Freed]

What if.

[Sammy Sage]

What if you got a good gift?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Gift.

[Sammy Sage]

What if you get a good gift?

[Jared Freed]

My gifts. When I get them, if I was to show a friend, it would be because they go, where'd you get that?

[Sammy Sage]

What if you get assigned Tom Brady helmet?

[Jared Freed]

It would go in my house. I'd put it on the counter.

[Sammy Sage]

You wouldn't send a picture to anyone?

[Jared Freed]

My parents, maybe. But, like, I'm just saying it doesn't. I'm saying it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day related. Related.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. I agree.

[Jared Freed]

And I think that's the mistake is what would. But I'm saying the basket that has the beard oils and has probably the tissue paper, that's pink.

[Sammy Sage]

Red. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Waste of time.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Give him something really good that he really needs and wants. Functional gifts. We like things we can use, like a blowjob.

[Sammy Sage]

Things that last.

[Jared Freed]

Things that last. No, but we know we want.

[Sammy Sage]

What about a nice bottle of alcohol?

[Jared Freed]

I'm okay with that, but I'm not. Like, unless I've been asking for it. Like, if I was like, man, I think it would be nice. Like, if I'm like, what's the alcohol? Pappy Van Winkle. That's, like, the one.

[Sammy Sage]

I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

That's, like, really expensive. I don't drink it. I would say that's one that, like, people would buy for someone on a special occasion. That's like, a thing where, if he's been talking about, like, what I would.

[Sammy Sage]

Do to buy something they've been talking about.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, right. I think. I think the Valentine's Day gift would have to. If you really want to make a guy feel special, it's got to be the same thing. You get them for a birthday, get them for an anniversary.

[Sammy Sage]

Agreed.

[Jared Freed]

Something that's thoughtful.

[Sammy Sage]

That's why I think Valentine's Day is dumb.

[Jared Freed]

Well, that's the thing. That's why it never is a win for women. Because a guy gets you flowers and a card and some candies, and it's all, like, Hallmark junk.

[Sammy Sage]

That. That's the thing.

[Jared Freed]

There's no male version of that that makes you just as happy. I would just be like, oh, the blowjob.

[Sammy Sage]

This is the thing with, like, the flowers and the bullshit on. On Valentine's Day, I almost, like, I. I almost feel like it's like this. This is not. Like, I don't think this is, like, the general opinion of Valentine's Day celebrators, but, like, I feel much happier if Avi brings me flowers on a random day than if he brings them on Valentine's Day. Because Valentine's Day, it's like, oh, he knew he had to do it because everyone's doing it.

[Jared Freed]

How about this? Here's the scenario.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Avi comes home, January 19th, has a flower, gives you flowers. He goes, sammy, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. Here's some flowers. I was just thinking about you.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, that does happen.

[Jared Freed]

And then you go, that happens. Yeah. And then after he gives you the flowers, you give him a hug and a kiss, and he whispers in your ear, he goes, check me off for Valentine's Day, too. Are you cool with that? Like, this is the thing. It's a no win.

[Sammy Sage]

It's like.

[Jared Freed]

You don't even have to say it. Consider this the Valentine's Day gift, you know? No, because that's annoying, right?

[Sammy Sage]

But if he just didn't get me something on Valentine's Day, I'm like, okay. Like, we're busy.

[Jared Freed]

I'm gonna really. One day, there's gonna be a day where I get into a relationship. Because this is all the. I would love to do. Have fun with those flowers, because they.

[Sammy Sage]

Gotta last a month.

[Jared Freed]

Good for Valentine's Day, too. I would say that.

[Sammy Sage]

There's no question, Jared, you'll know that you found the one when she can take these jokes and think that they're fun.

[Jared Freed]

Funny. That is funny. If you're out there and you're.

[Sammy Sage]

The thing is, it's like. It's funny to me, sitting here doing it to me.

[Jared Freed]

I know. My perfect Valentine's Day. I was trying to think. I wake up.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

The woman is rubbing my feet with. With. With. And I'm not even a foot guy. This is. I hope this isn't taken out of turn with lotions and things. Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Then wipes them down. I don't like them greasy. We get out of bed, slip. I don't want to slip. Then I get out of bed. I give her her flowers that I bought on January 19th.

[Sammy Sage]

Here. They're dead.

[Jared Freed]

We. We go for breakfast.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

We both eat a massive amount. We really go to town. We come back. All farts allowed. Everyone can fart.

[Sammy Sage]

You would love my relationship. We fart all the time.

[Jared Freed]

A lot of farts.

[Sammy Sage]

A lot of farts.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Farts.

[Jared Freed]

Fart. Friendly house.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Even the apartment in Manhattan. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

We don't like.

[Jared Freed]

And the country home. All right, let's play some games. Red flagger deal breaker. This is the game that is sweeping the country. You're dating someone, great date. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it and move on? Or is it a deal breaker?

[Sammy Sage]

They edit their text five times.

[Jared Freed]

They edit their. It really did make him look like a loser. It was.

[Sammy Sage]

It was a red flag.

[Jared Freed]

Dear J and J and S. I'm 35. I've been on four dates with a 38 year old I met on Hinge. I have a red flagger deal breaker for you. He mentioned he was divorced. On the apps we talked about relationships of her past. On our second date he said that they separated because when they got married they both didn't want kids. A few years into the marriage she decided she did want kids. They tried including IVF and didn't get pregnant. That prompted stress and the conflict was too much. He said they are still on good terms and talk in part because they share friends circles and sometimes he will watch her dog when she goes out of town. We were talking about next weekend and he mentioned she is hosting a party which he is going to and asked if he would bring a plus one. I asked how much they still talk and said about weekly. For example, she had stopped by to borrow tools from him this week and occasionally talked to him about her boyfriend. He asked my perception and said and I said it was a flag. At a minimum a yellow one. I asked why they're so close and he said she is one of the people in the world who knows him best and while they didn't work out, she is a good person person. He said if we move forward he would want me to feel comfortable. So what do you think? How much communication with an ex spouse is okay and for what purposes? Before it becomes a red flag or deal breaker, thanks for all you do. Sincerely, why call your ex when you can go to Lowe's?

[Sammy Sage]

I don't know about?

[Jared Freed]

Well, I don't know. Why call your ex when you go to Lowe's? That's like.

[Sammy Sage]

Because it's free.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. And you keep in contact. You have an amicable relationship. Like, it can happen.

[Sammy Sage]

Happened. Yeah. I don't think that's crazy.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

Specifically, it's interesting. I've never. I've never seen anyone where this is the case.

[Jared Freed]

Have you ever kept up with an ex?

[Sammy Sage]

No.

[Jared Freed]

No, not. No, not like this.

[Sammy Sage]

Never? No. Not even close.

[Jared Freed]

Here's the problem.

[Sammy Sage]

This is actually like, is someone gay? That's what it feels like.

[Jared Freed]

It does, Right.

[Sammy Sage]

It feels like the relationship after someone has come out.

[Jared Freed]

That's fair. That. That does have that vibe. I would also say what he said is really kind of a weird thing to say.

[Sammy Sage]

He said, she's a good person.

[Jared Freed]

She's the one of the people in the world who know him best and they didn't work out. She is a good person. Like.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, I don't care. There's a lot of good people.

[Jared Freed]

There's a lot of good people.

[Sammy Sage]

And that's not a reason you.

[Jared Freed]

I think he has no friends.

[Sammy Sage]

You think?

[Jared Freed]

I think in a relationship, a lot of times men don't, you know, women keep up their friendships in more depthy ways. Just generally. I don't think he may. He might not have a lot of people to talk to.

[Sammy Sage]

That's an interesting theory.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. It's just a theory because the way. The way it's being said where he's like, she's the only person who knows me.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, you don't know him best.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

The person you're married to would know you best.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Like, who would? Yeah. And then the reason they end. Well, they ended for this off reason that she says she wants to have a kid, then they don't. It sounds like she dumped him.

[Sammy Sage]

It does.

[Jared Freed]

And it sounds like the reason is I don't know about kids. And because of that, you do want kids. And now that we've gone through that, I'm out.

[Sammy Sage]

It seems so. It seems like, too clean.

[Jared Freed]

It does.

[Sammy Sage]

But also that kind of thing. Like, it's not impossible. Maybe they just aren't. They don't have feelings as strongly.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, but when it's clean like this, when there's no feelings anymore, you gotta go to your separate sides and, like, readjust with your own friends, like, to keep this up. Like.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. Like, why do you have to talk that much?

[Jared Freed]

Right. Once a week. She's the only one that knows me. A good. A good person just is like, I hope no one describes me As a good person. That's why they keep up with me.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Because also like, who are you? You're a judge or God.

[Jared Freed]

Right? Who are you?

[Sammy Sage]

I hate when people. Can I be honest? I actually hate when people. A pet peeve of mine. When people say like so and so is a good person or someone be like, I'm a good person or like they're a bit. It's like how the. Do you know who are you? You're there with the scales.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Sammy Sage]

Like what do you know? If someone's a good person, bad person, go yourself.

[Jared Freed]

It's a really easy Right. Sammy's not a good person. She will judge your good person with a no.

[Sammy Sage]

It's like, maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

[Jared Freed]

I don't know by whose standards.

[Sammy Sage]

By whose standards. Exactly. Exactly.

[Jared Freed]

I agree with you. I also think it's one of those resume items that's really easy.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. It's like, you're not a bad person.

[Jared Freed]

I'm a good person as a mother, as a father, as a girl, dad, as a Jew. As anytime someone says as a. Yeah. They are fraudulent.

[Sammy Sage]

But also anytime someone is like as.

[Jared Freed]

A board certified physician. Fine. That's a different thing.

[Sammy Sage]

Fine. Fine. You have a degree.

[Jared Freed]

If you say AZA and it's not followed up by a. No, not just.

[Sammy Sage]

If it's followed up by something that.

[Jared Freed]

You just graduate level degree. That's the only way I trust it.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

As a Penn State graduate. No, not as enough.

[Sammy Sage]

I went to the school as a woman, like, oh. All I did was be born.

[Jared Freed]

Like as a 58 year old age. Also a horrible resume item.

[Sammy Sage]

Unless it's specifically about 58 year olds.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Then I guess that would give you the right.

[Sammy Sage]

Depends on the thing. On the.

[Jared Freed]

But then. But I don't believe the same thing for mother. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

But anyone as a mother. No.

[Sammy Sage]

You could be very, very bad mothers around as a.

[Jared Freed]

It has to have the next word expert. Right. It has to be certified. I need a diploma. As a fart enthusiast.

[Sammy Sage]

You don't have a diploma.

[Jared Freed]

I don't. Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

It needs to be something that there's a. A consensus about.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

But with this again, good. What. What does that mean?

[Jared Freed]

Well, it means we're hiding something thing. I think when you say she's a good person.

[Sammy Sage]

No, it's.

[Jared Freed]

You're hiding.

[Sammy Sage]

No, I actually think the reason people say someone's a good person is because they want to like vouch for. They want you to like. That's how they tell themselves they're a good Person.

[Jared Freed]

Why? Because.

[Sammy Sage]

Or that they hang out with good people. Like, I ass. They're a good person. And I, I ass. You know?

[Jared Freed]

You know, I think get her to shut up.

[Sammy Sage]

Get hurt. Oh, get the girl.

[Jared Freed]

Get the, the emailer.

[Sammy Sage]

Huh?

[Jared Freed]

Like they're a good person. And then what are you gonna say?

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, right, right. That is something people used to make people shut up.

[Jared Freed]

Right, right. I think it's like a, A good way to like, get people to like, back away.

[Sammy Sage]

If someone, if someone's like, I'm not sure if I'm a good person, I'm like, you're probably good because you are not.

[Jared Freed]

So I know whenever someone says, how are you today?

[Sammy Sage]

Like, fine.

[Jared Freed]

I'm okay.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I don't say good. I don't say bad.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I'm.

[Jared Freed]

I'm okay. I'm alive.

[Sammy Sage]

Thank God.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Sammy Sage]

You know? But yeah, no, I think, look, I think it's a red flag.

[Jared Freed]

It's a red flag. It means I, I'm with you. It is teetering on deal breaker. Because I would say, hey, you got to clean up your house. And if you don't see that, this is weird. I need someone to see it's weird. Like if he had said, like, yes, yes, our relationship is peculiar. And to say she's a good person is actually. You're skirting the issue.

[Sammy Sage]

Right? It's. It's a canard there that people use deal breaker.

[Jared Freed]

I'm actually out.

[Sammy Sage]

You're saying deal. I'm saying red flag. But it has to. I agree with you. They need to acknowledge, like, yes, I understand this is extremely peculiar. We have a weird situation, but it just works for us.

[Jared Freed]

But he literally did not say any of that. Well, which. And this is a 30 or 8 year old man, maybe he will. But I would even say if I spoke to him again, hey, there's an answer I would have felt really comfortable with. And you gave the answer that is like actually the one that made me write into a podcast to strangers. So can you just elaborate debate on how weird this relationship is with your good friend, your ex wife. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Your good friend. Close friend. Who is a good person. Well, okay, what if they don't say it but you ask and you're like, do you think, do you agree? Maybe that's a little strange. And the guy was like, yeah, I totally think it's. I know it's really exceptional or unique.

[Jared Freed]

I don't even know. Because she did ask good questions. When he said he wants me to feel comfortable, like, so this is just gonna happen.

[Sammy Sage]

It Sounds like you're co parenting with.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, there's a net. There's another.

[Sammy Sage]

You want me to feel comfortable?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I don't like that.

[Sammy Sage]

There's something where there's something.

[Jared Freed]

Something's off. Let's do another.

[Sammy Sage]

Keep your eyes open, girl. Okay. Hi J and J N s. I'm a 33 year old guy and all of my close friends are either married or in long term committed relationships. I'm the last single one in the group. Jared, this, this was me. This was you seven years ago.

[Jared Freed]

Seven years ago, me? Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

I've been single for a while, mostly by choice. I date, I put myself out there and I genuinely enjoy my life.

[Jared Freed]

Sure.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm not rushing to set. You're going to question this guy. I'm not rushing to settle down. But I've started to notice this unspoken pressure from friends, family, and sometimes even dates that I should have moved into the next phase by now. I'm sorry, I probably would have made you feel that way too. No one really outright says, hey, just commit. I'm sure some do behind your back, but there are a couple of friends asking, okay, and now what? When I'm over seven dates with a new woman, as if it's all on me to make the decision on dates, it can feel like my relationship status is being quietly evaluated. For example, a woman I went on a date with last night asked me when my last serious relationship was and I told her it was when I was 25. She did the mental math. Wow, really tough. One of the years.

[Jared Freed]

Seven plus two divided by. By three.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay, eight years. That's some time. How long was that relationship for? I definitely felt away about it. My friends are saying something, but now my dates are like, being single at 33 is something that needs explaining instead of just being where I'm at. So here's the red flag or jailbreaker question. Single at 33 and loving it. A red flag would love your take. Not even a red flag. It's just, this is not even a red flag problem.

[Jared Freed]

This is also. Well, this is a dependent on where he's living. I had a friend that I remember, they moved from D.C. to New York and they felt like they, they got younger.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. D.C. is a cultural black hole of old people.

[Jared Freed]

It's a very conservative socially place. Like not, not politically, but like. No, conservative. Like listen, I love doing shows in D.C. they're the most thoughtful people. They're fun. They'll go with you as far as, like as far as comedy is concerned.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I think when it Comes to the friend group in that area. This, it's a, that's an area that can be suffocating. I hear what he's saying. If I'm to give this guy feedback on his red flag or deal breaker, his attitude is the red flag. It's not being single at 33, it's, that's not weird. You have to accept that your lifestyle is a question to people, is what's the plan? And as long as you're saying to people, I'm having a great time and I'm not going to settle, settle for to meet someone, it's got to be the right match and situation to get me this great life even better. And that's not to say that the people I meet aren't great. Then I'm not going to do that. And I think it's all about how you sell it. And right now you're selling loser. Like, like I, I, not to be too mean. I'm just saying like you read this like are people real? When you get into like that, that languaging of like do people really judge someone who's single and 33. Newsflash, people are judging everything you do all the time. Everything, all the time. Someone looks at you and goes, look at that stupid fucking idiot. And how they did that thing, I would do it the exact opposite of them. They're a loser, idiot, stupid. And I would never associate with them. And you know what? We're better off not knowing that people are thinking that. But we should acknowledge that if someone has a different opinion than you about your life, that's okay.

[Sammy Sage]

Also this is obvious. Like you know, if you exist in the world that people have thoughts about a single 33 year old man and his ability to, whether to choose to find someone or to not.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. But the problem is the more he says I love it and the more he says of course you love it. I'm great. Well, the more you say that, the more people don't believe you. Yeah, they think something else is wrong.

[Sammy Sage]

They think you have a commitment issue.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And that's why when I read this and I, and I say he sounds, he sounds like the red flag.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Flag.

[Jared Freed]

It's not whether you believe what you're saying or not, it's just how you're saying it.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Okay. This also speaks to something that I sort of relate to with the like having kids. There's this expectation of like, oh, you're not gonna like do the next phase right? Like you're not gonna go do it right now when Are you gonna do the next phase? Like, let us know we're. We're watching. And then it's like whenever you see someone who you see every few months or something they want an update on, like, so what are you thinking about kids? And it's like, it's like, I don't know, like, and, and it's not that people are asking it because they want to, like, you know, make you feel bad. It's just people ask because no one knows.

[Jared Freed]

They're void of personality. I, I think this is like cheap fodder. I think it's like the weather.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

When someone's like, when are you gonna get married? Like, that's them filling the air in the room.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Because they can't deal with either the silence that fills it or the critical thought it takes to come up with a new topic for conversation.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Just talk about other.

[Jared Freed]

Right. So I, I think like, the idea of like, when are you gonna settle down? Like, yeah, like, I don't. I would just give a speech, but like, I would just go, ah. Whenever I find the right person.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. And I think I would go.

[Jared Freed]

And then I would go, you got anyone for me? But here I have two. I have two mottos in life. Everyone notices, no one cares. That's it. Everyone notices, no one cares. So, yeah, everyone notices you're single. Everyone's wondering what your plan is.

[Sammy Sage]

No one gives a. Yeah, they're just wondering because there's something to wonder.

[Jared Freed]

Right. It's. It's literally just wonder.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And I think it's harder for women on this stuff because societally and you know, the judgments and the other side of it, like when someone asked the guy, like, like, you're not dating anyone, it's like, we don't immediately go to like, he must have a micro penis. Do you know what I mean? Like, we don't go to like the most awful thing for men.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. Right.

[Jared Freed]

When we go, you're not dating anyone. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with it? It's very light when someone say it to women. You're not dating anyone.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Women's things are very much like, less in their control, I think. And so it seems like, you know, even this obviously isn't true. Totally. But like, there's this old fashioned sort of idea that like, the woman gets picked by the man and like, like she's taken off the market. My mom actually said this to me when Taylor and Travis got engaged and.

[Jared Freed]

We'Re doing there always comes back to Taylor. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

It was doing and did their podcast and she was saying she was like, you know, it was so refreshing to hear him say that he like picked her and that he felt so lucky to have her. Because when we, when I was younger, like, it was always that like the woman was so lucky to be picked by the man and like, she was so lucky to be like, with this guy, like with a guy who like had an amazing job or whatever. And she's like, like, so I, I think that that's kind of like the default.

[Jared Freed]

So you're saying that she was happy that Taylor picked him?

[Sammy Sage]

That, no, that he realizes that he has caught someone legit.

[Jared Freed]

He's, he's been picked by the most amazing. Yes, I, I, I get that.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. And so I think with like, and also with women, like having babies, like, it's not always, it's not necessarily in your control. Like when that happens, it's not a.

[Jared Freed]

One plus one equals two equation. A lot.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. And I think men get asked these things because, because it's like people feel like you're in the driver's seat.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, that's what he, the one thing he does say in that email where he's like, I'm expected to like, push to the next thing. That's a lot of pressure. I and I feel that pressure of like, okay, I like you. What are we doing? And it's like, what are you doing? It's a lot of like, it does feel like you're looked at to like, I. Okay, little lady decider, hop on my back. Let's go to relationship down. I feel that, Yes, I feel that pressure. So I understand.

[Sammy Sage]

I also think that's because you're like at the part of like, I think if you were 28, I think it would be like dating a 27 year old.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, it would be less. A lot less. Well, Sammy, this was fantastic.

[Sammy Sage]

This was so much fun.

[Jared Freed]

We solved dating.

[Sammy Sage]

We did.

[Jared Freed]

We did it. Everyone go follow Sammy morning announcements at Betches. I'm Jared Freed. We are here every Wednesday and Friday. We have a Friday feels coming with a whole new special guest guest back on Friday.

[Sammy Sage]

Boom.

[Jared Freed]

Thanks again to Courier on Uber for sponsoring this episode. Whether you're looking to send a Valentine's surprise, a homemade treat or something else meaningful across town, Courier can help deliver it. Courier is an on demand delivery service inside the Uber app that helps deliver what you already have stress free, like forgotten items, package returns, or that niche gift you left at home that says I really know you. Because when love gets busy, there's courier. Just open the Uber app, slide over to the courier tab, select your delivery type, and let courier help. Deliver what matters.