U Up? Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: When Body Image Becomes a Dating Issue ft. Sami Sage – Co-Founder of Betches
Release Date: February 11, 2026
Hosts: Jared Freed (Comedian), Sami Sage (Co-Founder of Betches, guest co-host)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the intersection of body image and dating, focusing on how personal struggles, family influences, and societal expectations impact both self-perception and relationships. With Jordana away, Sami Sage joins Jared for a candid, wide-ranging discussion, illuminating both her own journey and larger themes from the Betches community. They tackle everything from familial feedback to the taboo around weight loss medications, societal pressures surrounding having children, and the ways intimacy and vulnerability are negotiated in dating. Listener questions anchor the conversation, bringing the theory into relatable, real-life scenarios.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sami Returns: Brief Host Swap and Fan Expectations

• Sami and Jared banter about Jordana’s absence, touching on fan expectations and acknowledging the unique position of being original Betches hosts.
• Memorable Moment: Sami jokes about disappointing listeners due to Jordana's absence.

  "If I were a listener expecting Jordana and tuned in and got me, I'd be, like, kind of upset." — Sami Sage [01:04]

2. Family Dynamics & Body Image Issues

• Parental Influence:
  Jared reflects on his parents’ tendency to be both supportive and critical, especially regarding body image and career.
  • Sheds light on how parental impressions can shape self-esteem and even impact dating behavior later in life.
  • The concept of "enmeshment" (being overly involved emotionally with one's parents) is discussed, as well as the use of “therapy speak” in dating.
  • Quote:

    "You start to see yourself as they see you... You see yourself with this sort of, like, nudge down." — Sami Sage [05:33]

• Jared’s Humor as a Coping Mechanism:
  Jared reveals that he uses comedy to communicate family feedback and internal struggles, often balancing self-deprecation and pride.
  • Quote:

    "I sit in the shower and go, Jared, you are the funniest, most successful fudgeing dude. No one's better than you... And then I also go, you could work on that..." — Jared Freed [08:08]

• Reluctance to Overestimate Self:
  Discussion about self-awareness vs. delusion, especially regarding self-worth in the context of dating and success.
  • "I'm petrified of overestimating myself." — Jared Freed [09:22]

3. Married Life & Societal Pressure to Have Kids

• Sami’s Ambivalence about Parenthood:
  Sami candidly discusses her hesitation about having children—she and her husband enjoy their current, child-free lifestyle, and her family history (loss, caretaking for an autistic sibling) impacts her decision.
  • Quote:

    "We really like our life. We are happy and free, and it’s great... Economically, financially stable, enjoy each other..." — Sami Sage [11:09]

  • The impact of family trauma repeating itself is noted as a reason for her anxiety around having children.
• Social vs. Internal Pressure:
  Both hosts dissect whether societal pressure to have kids is felt directly (“Why aren’t you having kids?”) or just through cultural osmosis—Sami experiences more of the latter.
• Fertility Preservation:
  Sami mentions freezing embryos as a form of buying time, changing the urgency of the decision.
• On the Pros of Children:
  Deeper life experiences and meaning are acknowledged as reasons for having kids, but the unpredictability and added dimension to life are both enticing and daunting.
  • Quote:

    "Not having a child, like, you’re missing out on certain depths of life that other people will understand that you’ll never get." — Jared Freed [16:12]

4. Listener Emails & Body Image in the Age of GLP-1s (Ozempic, etc.)

A. Hiding Major Weight Loss in Dating

[27:51–44:55]

• The Scenario: A male listener suspects his new partner has undergone major recent weight loss using GLP-1 medications, citing her curated social media and avoidance of old photos. He’s unsure if her silence is a red flag or a personal boundary.
• Sami’s Personal Experience: Sami openly discusses taking GLP-1 medications and how much it's misunderstood in the public sphere, especially around shame and judgment.
  • Quote:

    "It’s not really about weight. Weight is the only thing we can see. But if you have eating issues, it's in your head, not just on your body." – Sami Sage [30:06]

• Navigating Vulnerability: They agree it’s an issue of intimacy rather than secrecy; sharing weight/medication history is deeply personal and will surface in time if a relationship grows. The right approach is gentle, organic, non-judgmental curiosity—not a forced disclosure.
  • Quote:

    "It's not like you owe someone an engagement ring because they like, spoke about their trauma... even the act of showing acceptance... will help." — Sami Sage [38:32]

• Practical Advice: Don’t confront or push for information early; instead, signal acceptance, and build enough trust so your partner feels safe being vulnerable.
• Sami and Jared share how integrating conversations about body image/eating issues has improved intimacy in their own relationships.

B. How GLP-1s Change Lives

• GLP-1s are analogized to ADD medication—not just about vanity, but quality of life and relief from chronic food/eating-related distress.
  • Quote:

    "It starts at vanity and then it’s not vanity... oh, I fixed my life problems." — Jared Freed [29:42]

5. “Ick or Picky”: When Editing Texts Becomes a Turnoff

[49:01–59:00]

• Listener Problem: A woman is turned off after a man repeatedly edits his texts—seemingly overthinking every word, emoji, and punctuation mark.
• Hosts' Reaction:
  • Both agree this suggests insecurity, which can trigger an “ick” for many daters. The issue isn’t the edits per se, but the visible anxiety and lack of self-assurance.
  • Owning your quirks and being authentic is more attractive than perfecting your presentation.
  • Quote:

    "Owning the statement is hot... the minute he removes “lil”, it’s an acknowledgment of, oh, maybe I don’t sound the right way, which is not a manly trait." — Jared Freed [55:05]

  • Sami:

    "It's like you workshop this at brunch—but you were alone." [57:11]

• Gender Dynamics: Jared admits if the texter was an attractive woman, he wouldn’t care as much—underscoring double standards around confidence and social “ick” triggers.

6. Red Flag or Deal Breaker: Overly Close Ties to an Ex

[73:15–80:19]

• Listener Scenario: A woman’s new boyfriend talks weekly with his ex-wife (“one of the people who knows me best”), dog-sits, and attends her parties. Is this a red flag?
• Hosts' Take:
  • Both find the arrangement unusual and a yellow/red flag, mostly because of the intensity and frequency—not occasional, practical contact.
  • Jared hypothesizes it might indicate he lacks other deep friendships; Sami dislikes the “good person” justification as vague avoidance.
  • Quote:

    "I need someone to see it’s weird. If he had said ‘yes, our relationship is peculiar...’" — Jared Freed [79:43]

7. Societal Pressure Around Milestones (Marriage/Kids/Commitment)

• Listener Email: Single man at 33 feels pressure from friends, dates, and family to explain his status.
• Hosts' Response:
  • Jared warns that "protesting too much" about loving single life sounds defensive; suggests owning the narrative instead of running from social expectations.
  • Quote:

    "Everyone notices, no one cares. Yeah, everyone notices you're single... Everyone's wondering what your plan is. No one gives a s***." — Jared Freed [86:27]

  • Sami connects this to similar societal pressure on women to have kids, emphasizing these conventions are often just conversational placeholders.

8. Valentine’s Day: Gift-Giving Dilemmas

• Listener Question: How can women make Valentine’s Day special for men?
• Hosts' Answer:
  • Typical “cute baskets” with socks, beard oils, or candy aren’t necessarily what men want—instead, focus on something genuinely thoughtful, useful, and (for Jared) ideally sexual.
  • Quote:

    "If your gift has any version of 'he could show it to his friends to show how well he did,' you've wasted your time and money." — Jared Freed [68:12]

  • Real win: Gifts that are functional, personal, and reflect attentiveness to his unique interests.

9. Miscellaneous Memorable Moments

• On “Child-free” Content:
  Both call out performative anti-child rhetoric as overblown.
  • “Humans under five need to transport, too!” — Sami Sage [18:05]
• On Valentine's Day in Long-Term Relationships:
  Both admit that after a few years, the day loses significance.
  • Quote:

    "Valentine's Day is only a holiday for a few people... For us, it's just a speed bump." — Sami Sage [64:44]

Notable Quotes with Speaker & Timestamp

• "If I were a listener expecting Jordana and tuned in and got me, I'd be, like, kind of upset." — Sami Sage [01:04]
• "You start to see yourself as they see you... you see yourself with this sort of nudge down." — Sami Sage [05:33]
• "I'm petrified of overestimating myself." — Jared Freed [09:22]
• "Not having a child, like, you’re missing out on certain depths of life that other people will understand that you’ll never get." — Jared Freed [16:12]
• "It’s not really about weight. Weight is the only thing we can see. But if you have eating issues, it's in your head, not just on your body." — Sami Sage [30:06]
• "I would never judge someone for taking [GLP-1s]." — Jared Freed [40:50]
• "Owning the statement is hot." — Jared Freed [55:05]
• "It's like you workshop this at brunch—but you were alone." — Sami Sage [57:11]
• "Everyone notices, no one cares." — Jared Freed [86:27]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:43–02:34 — Sami’s introduction, Jordana context, co-host banter
• 05:13–09:25 — Familial influences on self-worth and dating
• 10:10–16:42 — Married life, ambivalence around having children
• 27:51–44:55 — Listener email: transcending body image shame in new relationships/GLP-1 discussion
• 49:01–59:00 — "Ick or Picky": Turn-off from edited texts
• 73:15–80:19 — Red flag/deal breaker: New boyfriend and his ex-wife's close friendship
• 81:21–89:01 — Red flag/deal breaker: Single at 33—navigating social pressure
• 64:51–72:56 — Valentine’s Day gifting in relationships

Tone and Language

True to form, the episode melds honesty, self-deprecation, and humor with sharp cultural observations. Sami’s openness about personal struggles and Jared’s willingness to examine his own hang-ups open the door for listeners to examine their own relationship to body image, vulnerability, and societal expectations. Throughout, both maintain a conversational, irreverent, but empathetic style, always rooted in aiming for greater self-awareness and communicative relationships.

Takeaways

• Self-image in dating is deeply shaped by family, history, and broader expectations.
• There’s a fine line between privacy and secrecy when it comes to topics like weight loss or medical history—sharing takes time, trust, and a willingness to be vulnerable.
• Societal milestones (marriage, kids, coupled status) still exert strong pressure but shouldn't dictate personal choices.
• Authenticity and emotional openness are more attractive and effective than perfection or defensiveness.
• Gifting (or any major relationship milestone) should reflect knowing your partner, not just following generic scripts.
• Dating dilemmas are often less about “the rules” and more about communication, self-awareness, and accepting complexity.