Episode Overview

Title: Why Your Ex’s Instagram Still Messes With Your Head
Podcast: U Up?
Hosts: Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid
Date: December 12, 2025

This episode dives into the subtle but persistent power of social media—specifically, how seeing an ex’s Instagram post can trigger unexpected emotions, provoke self-reflection, and even hinder personal closure. Jordana and Jared candidly dissect their own experiences, listener dilemmas about gifts in new relationships, and the infamous “ick or picky” scenarios, all while maintaining their signature mix of vulnerability and humor.

Main Theme

Why does your ex’s Instagram still get to you even after the relationship is over?
The hosts unravel the psychology behind social media-checking, the emotional residue of past relationships, and how digital footprints can keep your feelings unexpectedly alive.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Emotional Aftermath of Seeing an Ex's Post

• Jordana’s Perspective: Most exes don't affect her much if she still follows them—if she unfollows, it’s because of a truly negative experience.
• Jared’s Honesty: Opens up about feeling unexpectedly unsettled after seeing a post by someone he ended things with.

"It felt like I was the dead version of me looking in the window of the life that I missed out on."
— Jared, [02:34]

• Both agree: seeing an ex living happily can trigger complex feelings—sometimes relief, sometimes nostalgia, and sometimes insecurity (“the Carrie Bradshaw thing”).

Notable Quote:

"The minute the post went up, I'm like, have they moved on? Like, what are they doing? No, I was, like, relieved they didn't have someone."
— Jared, [01:51]

2. Should You Like an Ex’s Post?

• Jared wrestles with liking a post after breaking up—unsure if it’s appropriate, or if it sends mixed signals.
• Jordana points out this depends on where you're at emotionally, and whether you’re genuinely neutral.

3. Advice for Managing Social Media Emotional Triggers

• If following an ex causes you distress, unfollowing is often healthiest.
• “If a guy wrote in, hey I ended something with someone... I would say, like, maybe unfollowing and getting away from them a little bit is probably the best thing for you to do…” — Jared, [03:31]

Listener Dilemma: “Am I Weird for Wanting to Get My Not-Official Boyfriend a Gift?” [16:41]

Situation

A listener dated a guy for about 2 months. He’s indifferent (not opposed) to holidays, and she loves gift-giving. Should she get him a holiday present, and if so, what?

Insights

• Distinction Between Apathy & Indifference:
  • Indifference means open to others’ traditions.
  • Apathy/disdain feels unattractive or emotionally disengaged.
• Gift-Giving Nuances in Early Dating:
  • Jared: Gifts can force people to clarify relationships—sometimes leading to breakups if one feels the gift means “more than it should.”
  • Jordana: Relates to being “indifferent” to holidays and validates it’s not a red flag.
• Rules of Thumb for Early Relationship Gifts:
  • Thoughtful but not extravagant (e.g., nice socks, scrubs, dinner snack).
  • Don’t expect a reciprocal gift.
  • Make the gifting about your personality (“I love giving gifts”) instead of pressuring a relationship definition.

Notable Quotes:

"The question about gifts becomes, am I crazy for doing this? No, you're not crazy for having feelings for someone... within reason." — Jared, [22:39]

"She should give the gift, but also not expect a gift. Only give if you're not going to be offended if you don't get one in return." — Jordana, [23:48]

Gift Suggestions (from hosts):

• Hospital worker: “Good sneakers, nice scrubs, or a snack for the hospital.”
• Something under $100, tied to an inside joke or small detail you remembered.

Practical Takeaways

• Gifts early on should be thoughtful and light, matching the relationship’s stage.
• Use gift-giving as a way to express yourself, not trap someone into reciprocation.

Segment: “Icky or Picky?” [27:55]

Listener Story:
A woman goes on a date with a charming-on-paper (tall, Brazilian PhD student) guy. He sends very long texts and dominates conversations, repeating details about himself.

Analysis

• Red Flags Identified:

  • Essay-length texts and excessive detail about himself, without reciprocal interest.
  • Choosing an odd meeting spot (“random street corner”).
  • Ending the date abruptly but asking for a second.

• Hosts’ Take:

  • There’s no need to continue if the connection isn’t there, no matter how objectively “great” the person seems.
  • Don’t over-analyze—trust your gut and don’t feel obligated to seek external validation for ending things.

Standout Quotes:

"You were, you know, six foot tall, hot Brazilian outweighed horrible conversationalist. And that's okay. But this is why the ick exists..." — Jared, [35:29]

"It sounds like from the way she's describing it, no, she didn't enjoy herself. So now it becomes... Do I want to go out with him again? If you can handle listening to this guy talk about PhD and catering at the seminars, then go out with him again. But don't come back to us and go, can you believe this loser wouldn't shut up about himself?" — Jared, [34:58]

• Jordana’s Wisdom:
  • “They're basically asking this invisible tribunal of women if it’s okay to have their own feelings. And it's like, you’re okay to say, I didn’t feel great after the first date." [37:11]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Am I being too honest on this show?" — Jared, opening up about post-breakup vulnerability. [02:04]
• "If you’re out there and you’re new here, this is a dating podcast. We talk about modern dating. We talk about it rationally. We talk about it reasonably." — Jared, on the podcast’s ethos. [06:13]
• “Love languages aren’t for you to tell someone else. It’s for you to realize about the person you’re dating.” — Jared [24:11]

Bonus: Comic Relief & Host Banter

Throughout the episode, Jared and Jordana riff on New Year's Eve loneliness, banana-dressed audience members, and the awkwardness of stand-up comedy countdowns—offering some lighthearted perspective amidst the heavier relationship topics.

Standout Moment:
Jared’s New Year’s Eve tales of cheering with strangers, and the infamous “banana dress” incident at a comedy show, add levity and reinforce their ethos of finding humor in life’s awkward dynamics. [12:46–15:34]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Ex’s Instagram Triggers: [00:00–04:01]
• Gift-Giving Dilemma: [16:41–26:46]
• Icky or Picky (Paragraph Texter): [27:55–38:04]
• Notable Banter/New Year's Stories: [06:13–15:34]

Conclusion

With their signature candor and wit, Jordana and Jared clarify that dating in the digital age is messy—and it’s okay to feel weird about your ex’s Instagram or nervous about a simple gift. As always, self-compassion and honest self-reflection trump arbitrary rules and outside approval.

"Listen, we solve dating again." – Jared, [38:31]

For more fun commentary and to submit your own questions, follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram or email uup@betches.com.