8. What is Autism Part 4: The DSM Got It Wrong: What Autism Really Looks Like

SUMMARY

In this conversation, Patricia Young (she/her) and Alex McLaughlin (they/them) wrap up their discussion on the DSM criteria for autism through a deeply human, neurodiversity-affirming lens. They unpack how autism presents across childhood and adulthood, challenge medicalized definitions, and reflect on the lived realities of autistic experience—from masking and burnout to doubt, misdiagnosis, and the ongoing process of self-understanding. Together, they illustrate how embracing neurodivergence transforms shame into self-compassion and invites deeper connection and authenticity.

SOME KEY THINGS DISCUSSED

Grounded, authentic check-in emphasizing permission to "show up as you are."
Discussion of living in the "land of not enough" and the emotional toll of productivity pressure.
Exploration of Pervasive Drive for Autonomy (PDA) and its everyday impact.
Deep reflection on internal vs. external experiences of autistic people.
DSM Criteria C–E broken down in accessible, real-world language.
Criterion C: Autism traits must appear early but may be masked or misunderstood.
Examples of masked autism in childhood—early reading, "picky" eating, routine difficulty with change, hyperlexic tendencies.
Misinterpretation of autism traits within families where neurodivergence runs generationally.
Emotional safety and meltdowns as signs of regulation, not "bad behavior."
Childhood signs: intense interests, anxiety, internalizing vs. externalizing behaviors.
Discussion on autistic masking and burnout—"functioning" at great emotional cost.
Criterion D: Societal mismatch, not autism itself, causes distress.
Criterion E: Traits are not explained by intellectual disability; critique of deficit-based framing.
The importance of validation, fact-checking, and curiosity as autistic traits.
Common autistic professions: engineers, scientists, data analysts, musicians, writers, therapists.
Autism in helping professions and systems (e.g., military, therapy, police, law, medicine).
Reflection on doubt after diagnosis and the nonlinear acceptance journey.
The harm of misdiagnosis: autism overlooked as anxiety, trauma, BPD, or OCD.
Intersectional awareness—how autism is misdiagnosed or criminalized in marginalized communities.
Closing insight: embracing identity over pathology leads to freedom, compassion, and authenticity.

SOUNDBITES

"My internal experience is quite vastly different than how many people perceive me outwardly."--Patricia

"Traits must cause challenges not because of being autistic, but because we live in a world not built for us."--Alex

"People can have this impression that they're doing well, not knowing this isn't average—it shouldn't have to be this hard."--Alex

"I spent so much of my adult life trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me; learning I was autistic changed everything."--Alex

"How many kids in the juvenile justice system are really autistic but were misdiagnosed because of their color or class?"--Patricia

CHAPTERS (Please adjust for the addition of the intro):

00:00 Navigating Groundedness and Self-Reflection

02:44 Understanding Autism: DSM Criteria Overview

05:42 Personal Experiences with Autism in Childhood

08:41 The Impact of Social Dynamics on Autistic Traits

11:31 Challenges of Masking and Autistic Burnout

14:27 Criteria D: Life Challenges and Functioning

17:17 Criteria E: Disturbances Explained

19:58 Exploring Careers for Autistic Individuals

23:04 Misdiagnosis and the Need for Awareness

25:56 Navigating Self-Doubt and Acceptance

29:00 The Intersection of Race and Autism

31:42 Conclusion and Resources for Neurodivergent Individuals

ABOUT YOUR HOSTS:

Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master's in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today.

Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while fostering resilience, empowerment, and self-understanding—especially for Neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, BIPOC/POGM, and disabled communities. Trained in ERP, I-CBT (including ND-affirming I-CBT), sand tray therapy, TF-CBT, and somatic approaches, Alex also brings lived experience and is pursuing IFS to deepen their parts-informed practice.

Coaching, consulting and training coming soon! Head here to be notified when this practice opens!

Head to Alex's website here to connect further: Here

Patricia Young (she/her) has a Master's Degree in Social Work, and was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it's like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile, OCD and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive and Unapologetically AuDHD to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren't alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you

Patricia's website, podcast episodes and more here!

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Neurodivergent Insights Criteria for Autism Explained in Pictures–

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/dsm-5-criteria-for-autism-explained-in-picture-form/?srsltid=AfmBOoo8CLpY8e5DjhTWnVISfdEC3IXdZIRVLK7cMYgtjwjQUi25rccv