In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationship, I dive into one of the most common yet challenging dynamics I see: the anxious–avoidant relationship. Instead of just giving surface-level advice like “communicate better” or “give each other more space,” I explore how shadow work is the real key to creating lasting change.

I share some of my own experiences with anxiety, avoidance, and love and why I realised that traditional approaches often just reinforce the old wounds. For me, shadow work has been the tool that allowed me to see the parts of myself I had disowned and projected onto partners, which kept me locked in unhealthy cycles.

Here’s what I cover:

Why anxious and avoidant partners are so magnetised to each other.
How your partner often mirrors the parts of yourself you’ve hidden or rejected.
Why symptom management (like “better communication”) doesn’t actually heal the root cause.
The difference between chemistry and true compatibility.
How I personally decide when a relationship is worth working on vs. when it’s time to leave.
The questions I ask myself when I feel stuck in old patterns.

This work has taught me that true growth in relationships comes from embodiment, not just intellectual understanding. That’s exactly why I created The Connected Woman to help women integrate shadow work with practices that shift attachment patterns, so we can all show up more secure, more authentic, and more fully ourselves in love.

WORK WITH MICHELLE:

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience

Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Episode 219: The Real Reason Anxious + Avoidant Relationships NEVER Work (Until You Do This)