Friendship Contract

Summary

Podcast Summary: Unhinged & Immoral – Episode: Friendship Contract

Hosts: Jamila Bell & Mecca Evans
Production: Diamond MPrint Productions
Release Date: April 24, 2025
Duration: Approximately 67 minutes

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1. Springtime Reflections and Personal Comfort ([01:06] – [05:45])

Mecca and Jamila kick off the episode by sharing their personal experiences and preferences related to the spring season. They delve into topics like allergy struggles, the joy of outdoor activities, and the contrasting feelings towards different seasons.

• Jamila expresses her love for picnic dates:
  "[02:21] ... picnic dates. Interestingly enough. That's probably one of my favorite dates."

• Mecca discusses her battle with spring allergies:
  "[02:33] ... spring is my allergy season, if anyone cares."

The conversation highlights their differing attire choices to suit the season, with Jamila flaunting a stylish milkmaid dress and Mecca opting for comfort with velour sweatsuits. They emphasize the importance of stepping outside to enjoy the pleasant weather, despite personal challenges like allergies.

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2. The Intricacies of Theater and Method Acting ([05:45] – [16:33])

The discussion transitions into the world of theater, exploring the depths of method acting and its psychological impacts. Jamila and Mecca share their insights and personal experiences related to acting and rehearsing.

• Mecca reflects on the mental toll of deeply immersing oneself in roles:
  "[14:40] ... Heath Ledger went into a dark place because he was playing the Dark Knight."

• Jamila advocates for therapy among actors to cope with the emotional strains of acting:
  "[16:22] I would encourage all actors to seek therapy today."

They discuss the fine line between embodying a character and losing oneself, citing examples like Chadwick Boseman’s commitment to his roles. The hosts express concern over the potential for actors to become "a theater prick" due to the intense demands of their craft.

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3. Navigating Friendship Dynamics and Breakups ([16:33] – [49:36])

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting the complexities of friendships, especially focusing on conflict resolution and the painful process of friendship breakups. Mecca and Jamila share personal anecdotes and offer nuanced perspectives on maintaining healthy friendships.

• Jamila discusses the importance of vocal communication in friendships:
  "[18:11] ... friendships are relationships, right? And because they are a relationship, they cause a lot of action."

• Mecca recounts a personal experience of a friendship dissolution:
  "[27:54] ... Jamila, why am I arguing?"

Key points include:

• Communication is Crucial: Both hosts emphasize the necessity of expressing feelings and not expecting friends to read minds.
  Jamila: "[19:55] ... if somebody does something that you don't like and you don't tell them..."

• Compatibility and Growth: Friendships thrive when both parties grow together. Stagnation or mismatched growth can lead to tension and eventual breakups.
  Mecca: "[40:17] ... friendship requires you to grow together and to progress together."

• Different Types of Friends: Introducing the concept of "friendship contracts," where friends have different roles and expectations within their relationships.
  Jamila: "[35:47] ... departments of friends. Oh, yeah, friend departments."

• Handling Toxic Friendships: The hosts discuss recognizing toxic patterns and the importance of prioritizing one’s mental health over maintaining long-term but unhealthy friendships.
  Jamila: "[33:25] ... perceived because I would become. I would become a prick."

They also touch upon societal perceptions of friendships, gender differences in friendship dynamics, and the impact of social environments like New York and Sacramento on personal relationships.

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4. Advice Segment: Spin It Now ([49:34] – [61:30])

In the "Spin It Now" segment, Mecca and Jamila tackle listener-submitted issues with their signature blend of humor and blunt honesty. This episode features a listener seeking advice on managing the stigma of moving back to Dallas to rekindle a relationship with an emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend.

Listener’s Situation:

• Age: 27-28
• Background: Five-year relationship, emotionally abusive dynamics, moved twice between Seattle and Dallas.
• Concern: Shame about publicly announcing the move and the reunion due to past negative perceptions.

Hosts’ Responses:

• Mecca initially attempts to offer practical PR advice but is interrupted by Jamila’s candid perspective:

  • Mecca: "[51:09] ... unfortunately, you will look like all of those things, sister."
  • Jamila: "[51:20] ... an emotionally abusive man is something that you don't want to experience..."

• Jamila strongly advises against rekindling the relationship, emphasizing the likelihood of recurring abuse and the importance of building a supportive community outside of the toxic relationship:

  • "[56:14] ... Let him show that he's changed to the next woman who will never have to experience him as an abuser."

• Mecca offers a controversial take on not returning to abusive relationships, reinforcing Jamila’s stance:

  • "[57:02] ... you can't just have all your shit wrapped up in your romantic partner."

Key Takeaways:

• Avoid Reconciliation with Abusers: The hosts firmly discourage returning to emotionally abusive relationships, highlighting the high risk of recurrence.
• Build Independent Support Systems: Emphasize the necessity of cultivating friendships and community outside of romantic entanglements for emotional well-being.
• Authentic Communication Over PR Spin: While practical advice is considered, the hosts prioritize honesty and self-preservation over superficial public narratives.

---

5. Audience Interaction and Final Thoughts ([61:35] – [67:19])

The episode concludes with Mecca and Jamila engaging with listener reviews and comments. They address various feedback, ranging from appreciation of their humor to critiques of pop culture phenomena like "Bad Girls Club" and "Wild 'N Out."

• Listener Reviews Highlighted:

  • "Y'all are so funny. This has quickly become one of my favorite podcasts." – Kayleigh
  • "These shoes rule. These shoes suck." – Nerds
  • "BB Cece, Rumi and Sir Mecca, please." – Koya's Curated Chaos

• Pop Culture Commentary:

  • Discussion on the decline of shows like "Wild 'N Out" due to legal issues.
  • Critique of current iterations of "Bad Girls Club" for lacking coherent storylines and authentic character development.

• Shout-Outs and Social Media Mentions:

  • The hosts provide shout-outs to various listeners and discuss ongoing pop culture trends, maintaining their engaging and dynamic rapport.

Notable Final Quotes:

• Jamila:
  "[66:07] ... they took the narrative out of it."

• Mecca:
  "[66:27] ... I don't watch baddies, but I'm like."

The episode wraps up with announcements for future content, promotion of their Patreon, and acknowledgments of their production team.

---

Conclusion

In this episode titled "Friendship Contract," Unhinged & Immoral delves deep into the complexities of friendship dynamics, emphasizing the importance of communication, compatibility, and self-awareness in maintaining healthy relationships. Through candid personal anecdotes and blunt advice, Jamila Bell and Mecca Evans offer listeners both relatable content and tough-love guidance, all while maintaining their signature humorous and unfiltered style. Whether discussing the psychological demands of acting or the painful process of ending toxic friendships, the hosts provide a comprehensive and engaging exploration of what it means to navigate relationships in today’s world.

---

Notable Quotes:

• "[19:55] I'm always at the thought process of you cannot expect people to read your mind." – Jamila
• "[33:25] They can't be happy for you. That's what it honestly comes down to." – Mecca
• "[56:45] An emotionally abusive man is something that you don't want to experience." – Jamila

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Timestamp Highlights:

• Spring and Allergies: [01:06] – [05:45]
• Theater and Method Acting: [05:45] – [16:33]
• Friendship Breakups: [16:33] – [49:36]
• Spin It Now – Advice Segment: [49:34] – [61:30]
• Audience Feedback and Pop Culture: [61:35] – [67:19]

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For More Episodes: Subscribe to Unhinged & Immoral on your favorite podcast platform and join Jamila and Mecca every Thursday for your weekly dose of unfiltered fun and insightful discussions into the wildest corners of internet gossip and pop culture.

Transcript

[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

See full [e-mail] she flowing in that cash talk Walk in the booth like Naomi on the catwalk and tell them bitches it ain't even right though push me and I might go she ain't getting money I'm like what the fuck the hype for when them bitches bite flow make my appetite go poof gone V magic looking mad good just to pull up on them rampant welcome back.

[Mecca]

To another episode of Unhinged and Immoral. I'm Mecca.

[Jamila]

And I am Jamila.

[Mecca]

I love your milkmaid dress.

[Jamila]

Thanks. I bought this for a bridal shower last year actually.

[Mecca]

Oh, that's cute. It really is cute.

[Jamila]

Just a cute little spring number. Welcome to spring, right?

[Mecca]

I have a velour sweatsuit on. I look like I'm gonna go play bingo. But.

[Jamila]

You know, comfort is best. This was the first thing I saw. And so here we are.

[Mecca]

Perry too. You're gonna tell her.

[Jamila]

Please.

[Mecca]

It goes with the dress though. Like that was her vibe. Remember she was always in dresses and had her hair in like the natural.

[Jamila]

And I wear my hair like that often. If you follow me on TikTok, you already know.

[Mecca]

No, that's what made me say it. Cause you had did the imitation. I'm like when you do your hair like we do. Give that.

[Jamila]

That's when I. I like to sometimes tap back into my Neo soul era. Yeah, she's always in me. You know how you had your E Girl era and it's like always in you all black. That's me with. That's me with my Neo soul era. She will never leave me forever. Yeah, sometimes I have to tap back into her.

[Mecca]

You definitely look like you're gonna go listen to jazz in the park right now. So, you know, just going to go.

[Jamila]

With a picnic, you know, with a sandwich and maybe some fruits and things. A little picnic day. Actually, I do love picnic dates. Interestingly enough. That's probably one of my favorite dates. Too bad for that.

[Mecca]

Oh, I have really bad allergies. I don't mind. It's actually. Spring is my allergy season, if anyone cares. So I've been having to take my pills in the morning and at nighttime so that I can make it outside. Where I live now is a huge pollen tree in my front yard now.

[Jamila]

So, yeah, my son has really bad allergies. His. His eyes puff up really, really big, so he has to take his doses. And it's just he looks so puffy.

[Mecca]

I never have puffy eyes. Mine would get really, like, red and watery, but the puffiness not so much for me. But I definitely feel him. It's super puffy, but it's so cute still.

[Jamila]

I'm like, just cute with everything.

[Mecca]

You just be looking so tired, so sleepy.

[Jamila]

But it's getting better because the pollen is kind of slowing down now. So, yeah, we're going.

[Mecca]

It's weird because it's like spring has definitely sprung. It's been really nice outside. Like, really nice to the point where it's like I. I feel obligated to go outside and enjoy the weather. That's how I know we're getting old. Like, older. Because it's like, those are the things that are like, I don't know. I'm not. It doesn't. Doesn't mean have to go to the club, but we, like, let's go out to date, eat or something. Guys, we have to go outside.

[Jamila]

When I. I sometimes feel so bad when I waste a good day. Like, oh, it was a bus. I didn't even step outside. I'm the type of friend that's gonna say, can we sit outside?

[Mecca]

No, I was just gonna say I got for my birthday, a patio set was one of my gifts. And yeah, I've been sitting outside. No. And I set my whole garage up, set my porch up. So, like, I have three different areas in my house that I can literally go sit outside. But I've really been enjoying the backyard. Flex can go out there and frolic around and sit out there and drink my drinks, scroll TikTok and enjoy the weather.

[Jamila]

That's actually my next purchase is my outdoor set. And I want to get Noah some. Some more outdoor play things since I had no.

[Mecca]

It really is. It's A good one.

[Jamila]

So I have some seats and stuff, but I want some like, you know, so I can actually be back there and.

[Mecca]

No, like I said. Exactly. No exactly. You need the table. You need the Angelique. Actually, can I tell you again, this is how, you know the things that make us happy are changing. Angelique just moved into a house as well. Shout out to her. And she's doing a month long spring summer series for our friend group. Cause she purchased one of those big blow up theater things like the tv, like the projector. Oh, the projector. For her backyard.

[Jamila]

That's nice.

[Mecca]

So she's doing a little. She's been in the group chat. Like what movies do you guys want to see? That's gonna be her thing. The summer series.

[Jamila]

That's really fun.

[Mecca]

That's cute, isn't it?

[Jamila]

That's nice.

[Mecca]

I love that.

[Jamila]

I love outside activities, even though I hate bugs. That's the only hiccup. But I love being outside when the weather is nice. I love feeling the sun beat down on my face. I love the way it feels on my skin. I'm just like, oh, take me outside. I want to go to the swimming pool. I want to go to the beach. I want to be outside when the weather is nice. That's why I absolutely hate fall and winter. Honestly, I'm sorry. I am not a fall and winter girl. I like fall because I like when the leaves change colors. Like it's very pretty, but it's cold. I don't like being cold at all. I'm anemic. It's not fun. It's rainy and ugly. I like when the sun is shining in the blue sky. Maybe a cloud here and there, a breeze.

[Mecca]

Oh, I'm not, I'm. I was. I, I. Okay. I'm not a winter person. I feel, I feel almost identical to you with a caveat. I liked the winter when I lived in places that it snowed because I enjoyed a nasty coat.

[Jamila]

Hmm.

[Mecca]

Like when I was in Maryland, when I was in Virginia, like the coat. Going to brunch in the wintertime in D.C. the coat can be the outfit. A good, like, like a good winter coat. And my east coast people are going to really. My New Yorkers are going to get what I'm saying with this.

[Jamila]

They do love a coat.

[Mecca]

They do love a coat and a boot.

[Jamila]

Yeah.

[Mecca]

But see that, that, that can't be the only reason that I like the season. So it's like, I don't actually like the season. I like the fashions of the season.

[Jamila]

It's one of those things where I can experience it once a year but I don't need like, because I enjoy when it snowed out here. It was fun because it doesn't snow often, you know. So I was like, oh, this was a fun little moment, a fun little weekend where we got snowed in and we got to throw it and things. But like, when I went to New York in the dead of winter, I had, first of all, I had to purchase a real coat. Not one of them play play coat that you have in Atlanta. Because in Atlanta, y'all know we be finessing with anything, baby. You get a hoodie and a jean jacket and you be all right, bitch. In New York, I had to get me a real north face. And when I tell you I was.

[Mecca]

Still cold, oh yeah, you can have that big ass north face. Do you have a black puffer coat even? You're still gonna be freezing your ass off.

[Jamila]

It was so.

[Mecca]

It's just gonna keep you from dying. Literally. It just keeps you from literally dying.

[Jamila]

And I'm like, I can't. I couldn't do this every single year for multiple months on end. And on top of that, I know it's spring now, but it's still cold up there. Probably it don't get warm for real till like May, June. And it's like, bitch, I ain't got time for all that now, God damn it. I wanna a very long winter. I mean, not a long winter. A very long spring and a very long summer.

[Mecca]

Long summer.

[Jamila]

I can't do that. But shout out to the, you know, the cold, cold states. I'm sure you guys, they be going through it.

[Mecca]

They love it out there. They love their cold weather. They really do. They thrive in. It's drawing her furs. I do. Like the Detroit, the southerners and the furs up there in Detroit, in Indiana, they. They do that very well. Speaking of New York and furs and going out, Tony shout out to step on. Tony literally texts me like once a month, being like, so when are you coming to New York? He said that to our group was like, when the fuck are you bitches coming to New York?

[Jamila]

And it's like, you know what? Let me know when it's non jackable.

[Mecca]

Tony. Like when, when I can come outside and walk outside, like in the.

[Jamila]

I don't need no jacket.

[Mecca]

I don't need no jacket. Like, y'all will see me in New York on the stoop in Brooklyn. And they were so mad at Sean last year when he was. When. When they. It Turned into gentrification conversation. I was more effect at the. That he was trying to push the Alize agenda, like Nikki Parker. I was more upset with him for that.

[Jamila]

That was so funny.

[Mecca]

Cause it was like, we're talking about gentrification. Why is no one talking about Alize?

[Jamila]

And it's like, I'm sorry, y'all, he's black.

[Mecca]

What are.

[Jamila]

Why are y'all having this conversation with him? No shade, but like, black people can be gentrifiers.

[Mecca]

That's a. That's a take.

[Jamila]

Yeah. But to put that on him specifically as what video was anything about that was so strange to me. It was like.

[Mecca]

It was strange. And again, the Alize was right there. The Alize was right there. There's something you could fry him for doing. But I can't wait to come to Brooklyn this summer. I'm not going to stay, so you can't call me a gentrifier. I'm just a tourist. And I'm going to come and I'm going to, you know, party a little bit, and I can't wait.

[Jamila]

I love New York to pieces. It has a very special place in my heart. Next time I go, though, I have to see a show on Broadway. That's the one thing I keep not having time to do when I go.

[Mecca]

To New York to see on Broadway right now from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I just saw that she said mentioned it at the reunion. I think Chicago.

[Jamila]

Chicago has a special place in my heart as well.

[Mecca]

I love Chicago.

[Jamila]

I would love to see Chicago. I would love to see Dreamgirls. I don't know if they're gonna bring it back. I would love to see the Lion King. I would love to see any of the Michael Jackson things. I know they do, like the Jackson's, like, evolution type of thing. Then they have, like, a Michael Jackson play as well. There's a couple things. There was a Motown play. They have so many really cool stuff that I just would want to see on Broadway. I would absolutely kill to see Othello right now. Oh, my God, Are you killing me?

[Mecca]

Like, yes.

[Jamila]

Denzel, the Candy Burris production. I. I would. I would to see Denzel in theater.

[Mecca]

And Jake Gyllenhaal. A random pairing, but a great one nonetheless. Like, they're both toys, thespians, you know.

[Jamila]

Amazing. And the thing is that I love about Denzel as a fellow thespian is he always tells the people, you want to learn how to act. You go to theater. He don't play about that. He don't play about that theater. Go to theater. Go to the theater and get. Your theater is where you learn how to act. And he don't play about that. I would love to see him in action on that stage. I would probably cry just at the pure sight of him. You hear me?

[Mecca]

Fun fact. One of our really, really Good family friends, Ms. Alana Matthews, she's also like a federal judge. And maybe not a federal judge, but she was appointed by the governor, so I don't know exactly what that is, but she's a big time judge in California right now too. But she also. And she went to Spelman and she's your sororier. She is like all these wonderful things. And she's also an actress. And, like, she's really big in, like, Sacramento local theater. And so we grew up every time her or her daughter Jordan would be in like a play, like, we would always pull up to the play. So I have such a appreciation for not just like Broadway, but like, local theater because they always performed at, like, the black. The local black theater in Sacramento. And so that's that type of. I won't say weird shit, but, like, I will go see a play, a local play. If I lived in New York, I know I would be at Broadway once a month. Like, I would be going to see a play. Like, I would just be there. Oh, like, let's go see. Let's go see a play right now. And I would probably do turn into.

[Jamila]

The annoying theater queens that I hate so much.

[Mecca]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Me living in New York would not be good for, like, my friend group or me being perceived because I would become. I would become a prick. I'd become a theater prick. I'm not gonna lie. You know, they always say it's interesting.

[Jamila]

Because I actually kind of am already, like, very judgy when it comes to, like, film and TV and theater and acting, all those things. I don't know what it is about that field of study. You have to forgive us. It's something that happens when you cross over that threshold and study it in school. It's like they teach you to be a bitch about it. I don't know what it is, but it's like you cannot escape there without being a cunt, an absolute cunt. And I hate everybody that I went to school with. But at the same time, it's like, I see you brethren.

[Mecca]

I do understand where we're getting that from. That's why when Wicked came out, I was like, there's no way for me to talk about this without sounding like an uppity theater bitch. So sorry. You're like, theater people are bad people. Yeah. They just happen to be talented. That's why they're taking everyone's husbands and wives and shit. I mean, look at the. Look at the bitches who star in Wicked.

[Jamila]

And it's so funny because I always tell, you know, you just. When you meet someone who comes from that sector of art, you know, you can spot a theater bitch from a mile. Oh, bitch, you. You're a theater kid, aren't you?

[Mecca]

Yeah.

[Jamila]

And. And. And like I said, I apologize on behalf, but you have to understand, you have to be a level of cuckoo, fucking crazy nuts to be in theater and to survive and to act. Okay? It is absolutely deranged. I don't know if you've ever watched somebody rehearse. It gets real spooky.

[Mecca]

It gets weird. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, you're not lying there.

[Jamila]

And I enjoy being that brand of cuckoo, crazy nuts. It's why I actually don't like. I actually don't like to rehearse in front of people.

[Mecca]

I mean, but you kind of have to when you're in a play.

[Jamila]

Yeah, but I absolutely hate it. I don't mind rehearsing with my fellow people, but rehearsing in front of people who aren't theater there, it's like, I can't.

[Mecca]

You're not gonna get, like. You're not. Me switching in and out of, like, such strong emotions like that I've already snapped my brain in a way. Do you get. I'm saying, like, I've already had a mental snap to be able to do that. That's why, honestly, when they talk about, like, roles and people get too enmeshed into roles, you don't. I remember for, like, I was doing plays at Hampton, but I never really understood that. I was like, how do you. What do you mean? Heath Ledger went into a dark place because he was playing the Dark knight. And then all of a sudden, you have to practice this role, like, every day for such extended amounts of time. It's like, oh, I see. Like, where this is like. Like a fungus growing on me. It's becoming a part of me a little bit, and people definitely get lost.

[Jamila]

It's controversial. There are. It kind of depends on where you learn. Some people feel like method acting is improper, or they feel like it's not safe to teach, and so they teach a different way where it's kind of just like you are not becoming that person and that's one of those things where it's like, not all actors do that. Not all actors go there because some don't. Some don't have to tap into that element that's a part of them to get those emotions out. Sometimes they are just able to kind of snap their fingers and kind of just create these characters on their own. But a lot of actors, a lot of really good actors will tap into their own psyche. Sometimes they'll pull from their own references. And that can really disturb your sense of reality, especially when you stay in character throughout the film. So say if you're filming a movie for two months, some people don't break character, even throughout. Even when they're not on set, they remain in character. Chadwick Boseman was like that. A lot of people are like that. And so it's very understandable that some of these folks go batshit crazy or sometimes need to take a step back from doing certain roles and characters, because you can absolutely trick your mind.

[Mecca]

Yeah. I mean, even I feel like when I've done plays, I naturally method act because I pull from a. Well, how would I feel? How would I act this? And I feel like a lot of people do that. So you kind of naturally do it. And then you probably. In my head, as you're. If you're prolonging and going through that career path, you probably are like, okay, a little bit deeper, A little bit deeper. A little bit deeper each time.

[Jamila]

I would encourage all actors to seek therapy today. Even if you haven't acted in a while. I know you're cuckoo crazy nuts, because I am. I know what's in that head. Yeah, Mumbo jumbo.

[Mecca]

You just be talking to yourself a lot, huh?

[Jamila]

Same mumbo jumbo. Okay, I see. I see you, sister.

[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Crazy friendships. How do you navigate them? How do. How do you navigate when your friend's doing something you don't like? When you go out and your friend's too drunk, how do you let her know if she's getting too drunk on a regular basis? How do you let her know? Do you stay your friend if she doesn't see your problem with it? So many questions with so many perspectives and answers. Where do we even begin?

[Jamila]

You know, friendships are relationships, right? And because they are a relationship, they cause a lot of action. I don't believe in passive relationships, personally. If it's passive, then it's not very secured.

[Mecca]

Yeah.

[Jamila]

So for me, when it comes to my friendships, I'm very like, vocal. I'm very present. But I'm also not afraid of confrontation. Some people take that to be I enjoy confrontation. I, on the contrary, I absolutely hate confrontation. It is the bane of my existence. However, I'm not afraid of it. If I feel tension, dissonance, any type of weirdness, I simply have to say.

[Mecca]

Hey, because it's uncomfortable to like just sit there in tension. And even as much as you hate it, I would rather just, ugh, this is so irritating. I have to acknowledge this. But I'm not going to sit here and be uncomfortable. That's even more irritating. I personally, when there is tension in like a space where it's like either we're mad at each other or I hate those situations. Like, I would rather just not be here. Not cause I'm scared of it, but just cause it's like, if we're not gonna discuss this, I don't wanna sit and act like, pussyfoot around and act like we're cool for, not like, just tell me we're not cool.

[Jamila]

I'm always at the thought process of you cannot expect people to read your mind. So therefore, if somebody does something that you don't like and you don't tell them, and you then in turn turn around and be resentful for them and start being weird, you're now in the wrong.

[Mecca]

I do. I believe that.

[Jamila]

I think the best friendships work when.

[Mecca]

It'S like, I have a level of social awareness, but also you're not afraid to tell me. Because the thing is, you absolutely do need social awareness in some Situations like, you knew you were out of pockets. You knew that. I don't have to tell you that. But you might, you might not know every single time. Seriously, you might not know every single time. So you do need to be like, we're not mind readers. Need to communicate that. I've literally had friendships end because I did something and I tried to rectify it, and I was just like, oh, I'll say the situation. One of my best friends from high school, I thought we were best friends. She had a friend when we, we went off to Hampton and she stayed in Sac. She created a friend group. Cool. One of the girls in the friend group, I guess she didn't want to be friends with her anymore or something like that. Like, she was like, I don't really fuck with her like that no more. And I was like, okay, bet. But this is what ended up happening. I started talking to this fella who I had been trying to pop. I thought he was fine since I was in high school. So nothing was stopping me from fucking that nigga. I was gonna get that he was coming home with me. His best best friend, who was his roommate, they were together all the time. Started dating the girl that my best friend didn't wanna fuck with no more. So by default, I'm on double dates with this bitch now. I thought that I was, you know, communicating. And I'll give everyone fair game and say we were in our early 20s, people are immature, and I could have probably even handled it better. But I kind of noticed that my quote unquote best friend was acting weird. So I invited her over and I basically said, hey, girl, I know that you're not trying to be friends with this girl no more, but our niggas are best friends. So, like, there's, it's really weird. Like, I'm gonna look really bitchy and weird, you know, if I'm like, oh, I can't be around this bitch, because she's already at their house all the time, they want to go on double dates, you know, I, I, I don't know. I don't know what else to do. Are you basically okay with this? And she told me she didn't have an issue with it. That was a lie. Obviously it was a lie. And we're not friends anymore behind this. Actually, what's even funnier, me and Gloria are still friends. Cause she turned out to be delightful. I mean, she did turn out to be a delightful individual, but I didn't. Once my ex best friend started acting weird, I felt comfortable actually getting to know her. But, you know, situationally, I. That situation has always just kind of stuck with me in terms of girl code and how sticking to girl code can sometimes not be the best decision. Because I really feel like had I chose to do what my best friend wanted me to do and be a bitch to her in a very intimate setting, I would have looked crazy. You get what I'm saying? I also don't have sisters, I've been told. That's why I felt the way I did about that as well.

[Jamila]

I was going to say I can see both sides, I fear, because I don't necessarily care for. If I. If I had a huge falling out with somebody, I don't necessarily want my friends to keep being friends with them. But I also know that sometimes that's selfish, and sometimes it's like you can't dictate, especially if they haven't had that negative interaction. But it's like, well, you guys would want to be friends with somebody who is mean to me. I don't know. So then it's like, I also have that mentality. So it's like, that's why I say I can understand both sides of that being like, damn, like, you finna be with a bitch. That's like my op. But it's like, also, it's like, well, you know, it's not really that. It's just more so like, I'm in proximity with her, and so I don't want to create a scene where a scene doesn't need to be created. So I can see how that could create some dissonance. But she should have simply spoke out and said, hey, I actually don't like this at all, and I don't want you to be super cool with her. And then maybe y'all could have figured out a way to kind of, you know, coexist.

[Mecca]

That piece is like the early twenties of it all in terms of you have to have some sort of social awareness, but then you also need to speak your mind. Because I had the social awareness to know that when she kind of peeped us via Snapchat stories, and because, you know, Sacramento's very small, so she wasn't even seeing us together necessarily on my story or her story. She was seeing us together on the niggas stories, you know? Do you get what I'm saying? And I felt like it was clear, like, oh, I'm not trying to get cool with this girl. It's just like, our niggas are best friends. Like, they're roommates. So we're sitting around the couch. Like, we're sitting in the living room. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And I think the other piece. These boys were a little bit older than usual. And I was like. I said I had liked him since high school, and I was really worried about looking like, the immature girly, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, the immature, like, oh, what? You can't be in the same room with a bitch. Mind you, the reason my best friend didn't want to be friends with her was not because of anything, like, nefarious. It was just, like, she felt like she was annoying. So that was the other thing. It was like, well, nothing.

[Jamila]

There wasn't anything.

[Mecca]

Nothing crazy even happens. You just don't like her anymore, which is fair. Like, I respect it. And that's why I'm coming to you being like, hey, girl, I just want you to know, like, if you don't want me to even sit next to her no more, like, I'll try and keep my distance in this very small, confined space, but I'm just being nice simply because, you know, she's three feet from me. But it was an issue.

[Jamila]

What transpired between them is definitely important. I feel like when it comes to, like, not wanting your friends to be friends with your enemies or whatever, like, if it's just one of the things, like, bitch, you don't like, I'm like, okay, girl, you know? But if it's one of the things.

[Mecca]

Where, like, if she had done something crazy, I would have brought it to the nigga. Do you get what I'm saying? That wasn't like I. Like, I said we were a little bit younger than them, and so I was. I just didn't like, you know how when you're in your early 20s and you're dating the slightly older fella and you don't want to look immature. And I just felt like, this is such girl women business. Like, this is catty girl bullshit. I'm not gonna tell my nigga I can't be around this bitch that I'm. Because, you know, they're. They're catting at each other. Sorry. I was trying to be. I was trying to be in that nigga's skin. And I. Oh, I was trying to talk to him so bad. And I can say, like, maybe my male centeredness at that point or how much I liked him definitely dictated how I moved. Cause I was, like, by them being roommates, and they were, like, the type of best friends that were like butt buddies. Like, they were always together. Like, they were those type of best friends. So, like, though the double dates that we were on were so, like, obligatory. I didn't want to fuck it up. I'm sorry. It's okay. Gloria's a lovely lady. I will say, Gloria's way realer than the. I feel like I ended up with a better friend at the situation, to be honest. So. Well, you know, God, I guess that's.

[Jamila]

That on that God's team is always right. I've definitely had a couple of friend woes, friend situations that kind of turned into, like, conflict and things like that. I had, like, one really big one that is kind of, like, the most known amongst my people, and then a few, like, other. Like that, that, that, that, that. But what I noticed is sometimes you hold on to friendships because of the comfort and, like, the familiarity. And it's like, well, you don't always have to do that. And I feel like with that friendship, I was holding onto this idea of, well, I've known her for so long. We have been friends for so long. Everybody knows we're friends. What would happen if I was to end this friendship? Even though I knew deep down inside we were just not compatible as friends, number one. And I think that, like I said, friendships are relationships. Compatibility is important. We were not compatible as friends, and because we were not compatible, it created a lot of issues. It created a lot of tension where we were arguing about.

[Mecca]

What's an example. Yeah, of y'all not being compatible.

[Jamila]

I don't want to get too deep into the businesses. Um, but there were situations where I felt like I just wasn't being supported as much as I would want a friend to support me. It almost felt like I was a burden of a friend. Like, all of my news, all of my things, whether that be situations. I kind of want to just talk about good news, any of those things. It always seemed like it was just a burden. Like, I don't want to hear about none of that. And so that was frustrating to me because I never felt comfortable or safe to have, you know, just calm conversations. I felt like the temperament was weird. I felt like it was always, like I said, arguments spawning off of literally nothing. And I'm like, at some point, I was like, okay, now what the fuck?

[Mecca]

Like, why am I arguing? Hold on.

[Jamila]

Why am I arguing with my friend? Like, this is so weird to me. And I'm not an argumentative kind of person at all. I'm not argumentative. That is not my. It's not My tea. So I took a step away from that friendship, and everyone else still remained friends with her. So I still was in circles and community with her. But I'm very, very, like, headstrong when it's. When. I mean, I don't want to be in community with you. I mean that. And so I think people start to feel uncomfortable with us being in the same space, because I made it very known I don't want to communicate with her. I'm not friends with her. And everybody wanted so bad for us to just make up so that they could feel comfortable. And that was frustrating for me because I felt like nobody was hearing me and nobody was understanding my point of view. Y'all just want us to be friends again because it makes y'all feel uncomfortable, but y'all don't even know all the things that we've experienced. And so I started to kind of be a little bit more transparent with my closer friends about what was going on. Then they were kind of like, oh, yeah, no, that makes sense.

[Mecca]

Fuck her.

[Jamila]

Like, yeah, no, it makes sense that y'all aren't friends anymore. I'm like, yeah, like, I'm not just. You know, I'm saying, I'm not just the bitch, you know? And then time. As time progressed, we ended up kind of coming back together and becoming, like, a second friendship. And it just was not the same. And I knew it wasn't immediately once we started talking again, it wasn't the same. It was honestly even worse. And it was just like, this is very toxic, and I'm not. I don't like this. This is not fun. This is not like, I'm having a good time with my best bitch. This is like, oh, God, bitch, you're annoying. And I'm frustrated, and we are clashing. So after that, I was like, listen, this is not gonna work for me. And it was a. Just. We had two breakups. Like, those were two breakups. And I feel like the first one hurt way more than the second time, because the second time, it was just like, girl, bitch, I knew just like, what a nigga. But, yeah, just like with a man, it honestly feels very similar.

[Mecca]

Hurt more than nigga breakups, though I.

[Jamila]

Personally, in my opinion, it definitely can. I would say that one in the beginning definitely hurt way more because it's just like, damn. Like, I thought we was. Like I said, we were all very, very close. You know, there was friendship groups that had developed because we had known each other since middle school. Our families had become intertwined at some point, like, so, yeah, it was. It was weird, but I knew that I needed to do that. I needed to let that person go because it was seriously, like, challenging me and it was impeding on my life. And that's what some people don't recognize. Like, it could be just like a romantic relationship where you feel like it's bringing you down on all these levels. Like, no. Hell, no.

[Mecca]

Yeah, I've had. Outside of the one that I just mentioned, that was one that I was. It hurt my feelings at the time, but it was just like, oh, okay. I think my friendship breakups, like, in real adulthood, post 25, have been more so, like, what you're talking about, intentional. Just like we have grown past each other. And I personally, anyone who I am in close friends with always comes to me about their friendship breakups because I am someone who is pro friendship breakups. I don't think that we should stay friends because of time. Cause similar to what you're talking about, it can get really toxic. And it can get toxic so fucking quick. And people don't even realize, like, yeah, babe, you're always upset because your best bitch hates you and you hate your best bitch. And it's just as bad. It's just like with a nigga, you don't need to be around that energy. And that doesn't mean we have to funk. Like, let me. Let me say that I have had a friend who I very respectfully let go because I felt like they were not growing. And I don't want to say maturing, because that's not the word. They were not growing past trauma the way that I. I personally felt that they owed it to themselves to put in that work because I. Because. Because of the fact that I felt so highly about this person. Because the fact they really did love this person. I just, like, you don't see yourself the way that I see you. And I've spent years trying to make you see yourself in that light. And at this point, I feel like it's starting to affect me because the way that you're reacting to things, the way that you're reacting to my news, the way that you're reacting similar to your point, Jameela, It's. It's reflective of someone who is. Is not healed. And I don't want to.

[Jamila]

They can't be happy.

[Mecca]

They can't be happy for you. That's what I'm. That's what it honestly comes down to. You're not happy for me. And even the things that you want to talk about, like, I'M all for gossip, but, like, I don't really want to sit here and talk about how much we hate someone that doesn't know us. Like, do you get what I'm saying? Like, okay, a cheeky little fuck. That bitch is fun. Like, we're getting. We're picking someone apart for what we don't know. That bitch. It was just a lot. And I was just like, I, I can't, I can't. And I love you so much, but I. I can't. I can't do this anymore. And then I saw them quite recently, it maybe in the last like two years. And I was as hap.

[Jamila]

Cause.

[Mecca]

Cause again, it wasn't like a bad friendship breakup. So I was really happy to see them. I was like, oh my God, how are you? The energy I was met with remind, like, very quickly let me know why we are no longer friends.

[Jamila]

Oh.

[Mecca]

I said, oh, and that's. And that's why we're here. Oh, we're going to take a break.

[Jamila]

Spring into savings during blinds.com's Spring Black Friday sale. Happening now. Freshen up your home with brand new custom window treatments for less. Blinds.com makes upgrading your window treatments easy with free virtual consultations, free samples sent to your door, and professional measure and installation services. Plus, you always get Blinds.com's 100% satisfaction guarantee. Shoplines.com spring black Friday sale now save up to 50% sitewide plus a free professional measure. Blinds.com rules and restrictions may apply. Amber back what I think is really important, and you'll learn this as time evolves. I think it's totally okay and important to have, how should I say this? Departments of friends. Oh, yeah, friend departments. And I feel like once you have that in your mind and how you categorize your friendships, it makes it so much easier with your expectations. Because the expectation I have of my. My three best friends are not the same expectations that I have as somebody that I casually talk to once a year. Yeah, it's just not.

[Mecca]

And I think it's important to point out that the friendship breakups we're talking about are with people who were in our very, very close circle. So those expectations of them are a bit different than like, you know, a once a year friend or my go to the club friend.

[Jamila]

Yeah, right. And so once you start to realize that, it's like, oh, like actually, yeah, we're friends. But it's like, now that I think about it, I don't know anything about that bitch, you know, and it's not even A bad thing. Like, there are people that I would consider to be friends of mine, and I enjoy their company and I enjoy talking to them, but I don't know much about them because our relationship is not based off of knowing things about them. And so my expectations for them is going to be, like. Like I said, very different than my three best friends, where it's like, we have. They've even transcended friendship. I truly value them as, like, family to the point where their family, it's, you know, connected to my family. Like, I don't even. I can't even. It's funny because when I think about, like, if one of them made me mad or we got into it or whatever, it's like, girl, I'll talk girl. Anyways. Like, it's like, as if my sister or my brother said something to piss me off.

[Mecca]

Literally.

[Jamila]

Like, that's how I view it. Like, okay, like, sure, we may be upset right now. We may be in a little weird thing. We'll talk about it and then, like, I'll literally see you next week, girl. Anyways, like, that's how I. Like, that's how our relationship has been solidified in that bubble. But I definitely think with more casual friends where it's not that deeply invested. And this sounds bad to say, but it's. I think it's dishonest. I don't care as much if there is too much dissonance because it's like, well, I have not invested that much of my love and my space and my time and my actual life into this relationship. Yeah, we haven't kept up with each other enough to even have that, like, solid foundation to where it's like, if it gets weird, I'm kind of just like, oh, okay. Well, okay, it's getting weird. Like, let me just. I mean, that's just. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it doesn't even have to be beef, but I try to, like I said. But if I care about you in any sort of way, I still would want to address it, but I don't. I'm not invested enough to, like, do what I can to make sure it, like, stays exactly where it is.

[Mecca]

Yeah. And I think. I think that that's good. I think that you should have. I liked.

[Jamila]

I was.

[Mecca]

I always say you should have a friend for everything, but I like your departments of friends. I think that that's a really good way to put it. You should have people. You should have your besties. You should have people who are close and you consider family. You should have people who you go do this with, you go do that with. That doesn't necessarily require this very deep connection. And if that friendship, it could get. It has a potential to get stronger, but if it falls off, like, that's okay as well. And I do think that the thing is, like I said, friendship breakups can really hurt. And like I said, I get it. And I only think friendship breakups are required for people you're very close with. What you're talking about. If it just falls off, like, whatever. I'm not even gonna consider that a friendship breakup. I'm talking about people who you are very close to and talk about everything with, who really do know. Your family know all this stuff because you have to figure out, like, the breakup of it all. But I think a good example of what we're seeing, like, in real time, if you watch the Housewives, I think Portia and Shamia are excellent example of two women who. Friendship requires you to grow together and to progress together. And that's what I was saying with my friendship breakup that I had. I did not feel like we were progressing together. I felt like I was progressing, and you're staying right here. And so we don't have to be, like, at the same pace or the same speed, but it is important that we are both growing and growing kind of in the same direction. Because, you know, if one. If you over here and I'm over there, then when we link up, we gonna not be in the same place. And it's really important that foundationally, you and your friends think alike. This is a fun. This is a fun, cheeky example. But one thing me and my friends never got into it about was leaving the club to go hang out with a nigga because we were off and to go, you know, because for some girls, that's a big deal.

[Jamila]

That's a big.

[Mecca]

Like.

[Jamila]

Like.

[Mecca]

Like, that can be a. That. That could make bitches. What the fuck? You leaving to go hang out? I never had that issue because me and my friends, like, well, I was gonna get. I was calling my nigga right now, okay? Bet we on the same page. Like, having friends, communication is key.

[Jamila]

Communication is very important. One thing you don't do because, like, even if, like, I don't think that anybody would necessarily care about that. But, like, some people are, like, one thing I don't play about is that disappearing shit. Like, you're not disappearing from me. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, we, as friends, you're supposed to.

[Mecca]

Be, like, My Uber outside. That's what I was. Yeah.

[Jamila]

You know what I'm saying? We communicate very well as far as, like, what we're doing, you know, like, what's going to happen and stuff like that. But I want to say this because this is important.

[Mecca]

What?

[Jamila]

I've seen conversations happening online where people will be like, oh, why does nobody, you know, be friends with me? And I e I o. Ask yourself, are you a good friend?

[Mecca]

Ooh.

[Jamila]

And I don't say that to be mean. I say that to be honest and to be true. Sometimes you need some self reflection. Look in the mirror. Are you a good friend? People are not. And God damn it, everybody, say this again. I have to say this again.

[Mecca]

I fear.

[Jamila]

I fear. I fear the reason you don't have friends is not because you're pretty. That's. That's never. That's never been anybody's reason for not being a bitch friend. I can tell you that right now. Ooh. I know a lot of pretty bitches with a lot of friends.

[Mecca]

The reason that nobody ever wants to.

[Jamila]

Be your friend is probably because you're a bitch and probably because you're not a good friend. Look in the mirror. Behind that pretty face is a fucked up attitude. And you might not. You might need to work on that, sister. Sometimes y'all need to be told that your mom's told you the bitches were jealous of you your whole life. And I love that for her. You know, she wanted to build up that confidence. And now that you got that confidence, bitch, you need to sit down and be humbled. Sometimes your attitude sucks. Sometimes you're. You're not your. Your friend's biggest cheerleaders. Sometimes you want everybody to pour into you, but you don't want to pour into them.

[Mecca]

Ooh. And one thing about friendship, one thing about community, it's a give and take. You can't just come in here and take. You have to be willing to be inconvenienced at points in time to be a part of a community. Yeah. And no one. A lot of people don't want to be inconvenienced. It's inconvenience to me. I don't want to do it. Well, that's not, you know, and the older we get, this is why. Thank you for showing up to my birthday dinner. I really appreciate that. Because I know that, you know, you don't have to be doing that, but I do. See, the older I get why people kind of take the birthday dinners a little bit serious because it's Like, I mean, that you had four or five weeks. Let me know.

[Jamila]

Some conversations that are happening online, it's exposing a lot of people's mentality. All of a sudden, people don't want to help their friends move. People don't want to take their friends to the airport. Friends don't want to do a goddamn thing. That's in the friendship contract. Cynthia. Cynthia had one when she made that friendship contract. Let's bring those back. Some of you bitches need to read the fine print. Bitch. If you are my friend. Yeah. You are required to, like, listen to me. Vent, bitch. What are you talking about? All of a sudden. All of a sudden, it's not cool to talk to your friend about their feelings. I. I don't want to hear about your feelings. Y'all need to go to hell.

[Mecca]

Yeah, Bria made a video about that. How no one came. Like, a lot of people missed her baby shower. And like, yeah, that was.

[Jamila]

Her friends missed her baby shower. That.

[Mecca]

That would. It turned into a bigger conversation that I hopped into. And because they were like, I have social thing, you know, people I. All they try and explain. Because ISM is supposed to explain it all the way. It's like, well, no, that doesn't make you a bitch. Let's be serious. I understand that you have social anxiety, but the ISM does not exclude you from critique. It maybe can make us understand and have more empathy as to why you feel that way or why you're acting like that, but it doesn't excuse your behavior. And to decide day of, you're not gonna go to someone's baby shower. These are big events, and someone you call your friend, and they're supposed to just be okay with that. Fuck you. Like, no, seriously, you're. That you're a bitch, and you're not going to explain that away with social anxiety.

[Jamila]

And I was going to say, to decide the day of is shitty, because if you knew you weren't going to go, you could have always just been like, hey, you know, so this, this, and that. And for me, I. When it comes to major events in my life, whether I'm celebrating something, whether I'm just having something, right. I'm hosting something. Like I said, those expectations are there. I expect a few people to be there.

[Mecca]

Yeah.

[Jamila]

The other people, if they show up, cool. But if not, I'm not missing that. Beat it. Don't. It don't hurt me none. But if my core.

[Mecca]

You need to be in there.

[Jamila]

You best believe there's a good reason. I feel like, because that's how we operate.

[Mecca]

Yeah, you have. Exactly. That's. Dang, you took the words out of my mouth. I was gonna say it. Also, you have to foster in your tribe, in your community, that attitude, though. I think that's also like, you have to do the work in terms of setting expectations up. Like, you cannot be a part of this particular group if you're willing to show up. I think a lot of times when people are trying to create friendship groups, it's like, oh, like everyone's wishy washy. Like, no, y'all do need to have foundationally a standard, like as a group, like the contract that here. Because I know that's how my friendship group here in Houston is. We show up for things. Like, even like my. I never worried, like when I have get togethers at my house, I know it's going to be at least six or seven people now everyone else cool. But I know six or seven people are going to come because that is our core and that's the foundational vibe that we have fostered. We show up. So I do think you.

[Jamila]

I used to take advantage of that too, growing up. What do you mean? Because I didn't, I didn't realize what was happening. So when I was growing up and I would have birthday parties, so my birthday falls in the summertime. So typically a lot of times, even when I would try to invite a lot of friends at school, I wouldn't have a lot of turnout because it was summertime. Like, people would forget. We would be like two, three weeks post school. So it was like people would forget. We wouldn't see them all the time. Again, not to age myself, but to age myself. Social media was just different. So it wasn't like I could just send out reminders, you know, it was the old school invitations.

[Mecca]

Right.

[Jamila]

So sometimes when it came time for my birthday and I would not have a lot of people there, I would be so, like, down and I would just feel bad. Like, people aren't my friend. Like I don't have a lot of friends. And I would really internalize that. And like I said, I am very obsessed with my birthday. And so imagine waiting for this day that you feel like is your day and you're waiting to see all these people come and celebrate you. But the expectation was dropped because it's not as many people. But what I did not appreciate at the time was that. But look who showed up. Like, look at the people who did pull up. Like, you have people that were willing three weeks post school to come to Your birthday party. You know what I'm saying? And even just not being able to realize that, you know, the world doesn't revolve around me. That was a hard pill to swallow. And I'm still trying to swallow it honestly to this day. Like, wow, the world does not revolve around me. That's really crazy. Like, you mean people have other things to do. You mean people have lives outside of being friends with me. Like, it really does boggle my mind. But as I grew up and as I got older and wiser and I started to appreciate things and I started to recognize that, yeah, a lot of things go into play now. Present day, that expectation is relieved. And I don't feel that tightness in my throat when I'm only. If I. If it's only just three people that show up. Cause it's like, well, y'all was the three I expected to show up anyway.

[Mecca]

Exactly. So.

[Jamila]

And that's. And I know we have a good time. I'm cool, like, you know, and so I'm really only ever devastated if my core can't be there. You know what I'm saying? Everything else is just extra. And bonus, I think once you start to kind of feel that way, it. And appreciate that, things will become way more enjoyable.

[Mecca]

No, that.

[Jamila]

That's.

[Mecca]

That's tea. That's tea as child. Let's spin it. I don't have nothing more to add to that.

[Jamila]

Oh, the woes of being a girl.

[Mecca]

That was. That was a girl.

[Jamila]

I just don't feel like boys. I don't think that boys have this. A lot of boys don't experience a lot of friendship things.

[Mecca]

And I think that boys don't experience real friendship. They'll try and jump me, but.

[Jamila]

So I say it often, boys French. It's not that they don't experience real friendship, but this is what I will say based off of having male friends who have male friends. A lot of male friendships are shallow. And I don't mean that as a diss at all. I just think that the way in which they engage in relationships with other men is not as deep as sometimes women do. And so because it's not that deep, they don't have a lot of issues. Tight shit.

[Mecca]

You feel me? We're gonna take a break.

[Jamila]

And we're back.

[Mecca]

Welcome to our segment, Spin It Now. This is where we take your low down your messy, your disgusting gutter, but situations and put a little PR spin on them. Now, here's full disclosure. Jamil and I are not PR professionals. We Just studied communications in undergrads and we love the hustle. Don't forget to [e-mail] and when you send us your situations, you must add your age and your race. It kind of matters. Jamila, what do we have this week?

[Jamila]

Alrighty. Hi, Mecca and Jameela. I need help spending my situation. So I have been with my boyfriend about five years, going on six. He's currently 28 and I'm 27. When we first met, we were long distance. I'm from Seattle and he's from Dallas. After 11 months of talking, I moved to Dallas to be with him. Things quickly turned emotionally abusive and after about two years, I finally moved back to Seattle to get away from the situation and be around my people again. We were broken up for about a year when he reached back out and we rekindled. I stayed in Seattle until I knew with no doubt in my mind that he had changed and that things were going to be much better this time around. I moved back to Dallas in 2024 and I still haven't posted anything about me moving back or being back with him on social media. Because part of me is ashamed that I have moved twice now for a man that I talked a lot of shit about to my family and friends. So now I feel like I will look like a joke posting him on social media again and announcing that we are back together and that I am back in Dallas. Please help me spin it the situation to look more positive. Unfortunately, you will look like all of those things, sister.

[Mecca]

Oh, shit. God damn.

[Jamila]

Because you probably are all of those things.

[Mecca]

Okay, well, hold on, Jamila. Hold on, hold on.

[Jamila]

Okay.

[Mecca]

I have some follow up questions for you, sister. Has he actually changed? Has like, there's a lot that is like blaring red flags here. I want to give y'all the benefit of the doubt. I don't even think I. My mind and my bias will allow me to. But I'm going to try.

[Jamila]

Yeah.

[Mecca]

Let's just say everything is going great and he has changed and he's a wonderful, wonderful individual now. I would absolutely not post him on social media. For your own mental clarity, like PR spin aside, let's talk about you. Your family's absolutely gonna talk shit about you. Your friends are absolutely gonna talk shit about you. I was talk shit about you again. I'm taking, I mean, right now we're taking our biased out of the situation. We're gonna give you the PR spend, um, and then we'll get to what we need to get to. Don't post him. If you want to post that you're back in Dallas, allude to the fact that it's for a job. Um, say that you're, you know, it just happened to fall that way. I had an opportunity in Dallas. It'll be much easier to explain. You eventually bring him back into the fold. Because if people think like, oh, I had a business, I had a job opportunity in Dallas, that was great. I couldn't turn it down. And everyone knows that my ex lives in Dallas, and it's like, you know, just like you, he saw I was in Dallas and hit me up. That. That actually makes sense. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's some shit that makes sense. Plausible deniability, if you make it seem so. You said you've been out there since 2024. I would do the whole post. Like, you know, in 2024, I'm evil mastermind. In 2024, God blessed me with such an opportunity in Dallas. I had to go follow it. I didn't post about it immediately because of my history with Dallas and just, you know, prior situations that I'd been through. But I followed my heart and my pocketbooks and my destiny from God above. And it's been a year, and I'm just so happy that I did this. My life is flourishing, my money's great, my pockets are big, and it's wonderful. Do not mention him in the post, though. Don't mention him in the post. Make the post a thousand percent about you. And then in not even recent months, I'm talking six, seven months, you haven't posted them in a fucking year. You've been out there a year, you haven't posted them. You can wait another fucking year. Then you follow up with the post. If you're still together. Which Jameela's gonna get to that? I don't. Okay, let me finish my thing, then follow up with the. I was brought back to Dallas because of opportunity and money and status, and God brought you back into my life. See, the thing about blacks, I'm going to assume you're black, and especially if you're Christian. Bring God into everything. Bring. Say it's all God. It. It. It will. I mean, look. Look at Jonathan Majors. Just. Just say God. God. God brought you back into my life.

[Jamila]

And.

[Mecca]

And everything is going great and it's way better. And then by that time, if you wait another year, the breakup, original breakup was. How was. When it happened? 2020. It would have been three, four years is what I'm saying you can technically say he's changed. And now that I've said that, I have to say this. What the fuck are you doing?

[Jamila]

Yeah, sister, let me just tell you this. Let me tell you this, and I need you to hear me and hear me God damn well. You hear me? A man who was emotionally abusive to you, now being nice to you is just his way of manipulating you so you can get back to being abusive. Okay, Let me tell you something. An emotionally abusive man is something that you don't want to experience and you already have. And you went back to him. You didn't even have to go back. You chose to go back. You were not even in the same proximity. You went back home and came back to him. So, yeah. And now you're of an older age. And let me tell you this. This is how you'll know if he's emotionally still abusing you. Six years y'all have been doing this, right? Six. If he does not propose to you in the next six months, I guarantee you he'll be back to cussing your ass out in the next seven.

[Mecca]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jamila]

I would say those type of people don't change, bitch.

[Mecca]

Yeah. You know, I don't want to say it's impossible for people to change because I don't think it's impossible. But I do think the odds are very slim. And it really depends a lot on the person. I don't know how you started talking to him again, but I just doubt he did that much work in a year. I'm sorry.

[Jamila]

I hate to say it, and I hope I don't sound ridiculous. Men like that, usually when they decide to have their change, their arc. Right. It's with the. It's with a different bitch because that new bitch ain't gonna tolerate that. You've already let him know that it's not a deal breaker in the way that you. You think it is because you return. So in his mind. Let me just. Let me sweeten it up. Let me be nice. Let me not call her a bitch this time.

[Mecca]

You.

[Jamila]

You. And I don't want to say you allowed a man to disrespect you because when you're abused, you're a victim. But because you have allowed him back into your life, you're opening the floodgates. You're opening that door of possibility for him to do that shit again and to do it differently now because now he's going to have a completely different hold on you.

[Mecca]

Controversial.

[Jamila]

Keep putting yourself in a situation where it's like you it doesn't seem like you have much community around you in Seattle. That's not where you're from. You are only. It's gonna be very difficult for you to really see what's going on when you are wrapped in his arms.

[Mecca]

My controversial take, and this is not just for, you know, this listener, for anyone. I don't think that you should go back to men after certain situations. I don't care how much they've seemed like they've changed. I think that you should stand on business. And I feel like when abuse has evolved, you let him show that he's changed to the next woman who will never have to experience him as an abuser. You've already experienced him in a certain way. And I feel like on both sides, there's not really a way to get rid of that bias, because you kind of know what he's capable of. You're gonna be separate with him.

[Jamila]

You're gonna have. There's things that. When you go through emotional abuse, there are going to be things that it's very difficult for you to heal from. And because you're back with the same person that caused you that. That emotional and mental abuse, you are going to still be triggered by some things that he do and say, even if it's not meant to do it. So it's going to be causing this resentment. I don't think it's going to be a healthy relationship. I really don't. I don't think that it's a smart move. But, I mean, I get it. Sometimes we do dumb things. So you're going to do what you want to do, but I want you.

[Mecca]

To be very honest with you. Careful. Yeah.

[Jamila]

Yes. And I don't think you should have a goal for reposting and reintegrating him in your life at all. Because why are. Why do you need to do that? Let it sit, marinate, really sit in that and just. And just be. Because sometimes you really think that you.

[Mecca]

Should let people know you're in Dallas, though, I think, for sure.

[Jamila]

Please. I was gonna say I stopped trying.

[Mecca]

To hide only because if this shit goes left, it'll be less of an isolation situation. Like, your people will know where you're at. But like we said, do not mention him at all. And make it completely about God and your. And your job and you.

[Jamila]

Yep. And. And I need you to start developing some community in Dallas.

[Mecca]

Yeah. And that. That's another reason why I was saying you're in Dallas now, so. And you're, you know, you're. You're you're making the choice to be with him. Let's. Let's get you some community, sister, outside of him, you know, let's get you some resources, Mama, like, for real, stressing me the hell out.

[Jamila]

God damn it.

[Mecca]

You know, Jamila's not too happy with it. I can't say I'm too pleased, but Dallas is a fun city, and so I was gonna say when shit inevitably goes left, but let me not say that. I've already said it, but, you know, if it does not work out, I feel like Dallas is definitely a place. It's a fun city. It's a lot of people where you can have built up a community to have your back and to fall back on, because that's important in any situation. I don't think your boyfriend should be your only friend. I think that you. Your homegirls are so important. Your sister, tribe, your friend group is so important. You can't just have all your shit wrapped up in your romantic partner. So for real, like, make the effort to go outside and build that community. Let motherfuckers know you're in Dallas, you're having a good time, you're thriving, and that you want to make some new friends because you plan on staying there.

[Jamila]

And that'll also let you know where he's at mentally. How does he react to you going out and getting new friends?

[Mecca]

Oh, yeah. There you go. Yeah. That's a litmus test. Yeah. Mm.

[Jamila]

Do I react to you not posting him again?

[Mecca]

Yeah. Is he pressuring you to post him? Is that why you're asking about this? Because I can see that if he was emotionally abusive. Yeah.

[Jamila]

You haven't asked these questions, have you? Asked these questions to you? So I expect an update in a month.

[Mecca]

Well, we wish you the best of luck, friend, and all the blessings, and hopefully make Dallas everything it's meant to be for you. Remember God and job on Facebook, and.

[Jamila]

Houston's not far away if you want a new city.

[Mecca]

Honestly, Dallas has a bunch of little cities. You can just go to fucking Arlington or Fort Worth or, you know, you need to get away.

[Jamila]

All right, let's get into some of these amazing reviews. You guys are leaving us.

[Mecca]

Please make sure you guys are San Antonio. Charles Barkley hates San Antonio, though. What? Oh, you didn't know about Charles Barkley and his San Antonio rants? No. Okay. That's for the boys. Sorry.

[Jamila]

So random.

[Mecca]

That's for the boys.

[Jamila]

All right, y'all. Kayleigh on Spotify said, you guys are so funny. This has quickly become one of my favorite podcasts, Love from South Africa. Okay. Make me sweat.

[Mecca]

Okay. South Africa fucking with us. I know y'all. Y'all not fucking with African Americans a little bit right now. Cause the Zulu shit.

[Jamila]

Please don't bring that up.

[Mecca]

I never. I never been to the Zulu. We didn't go to Zulu. That ain't. You know, I was trying to say what Floyd said me for. I ain't never went.

[Jamila]

All right?

[Mecca]

Just. Just. Queena said I threw her glasses away as she's talking to Mecca wearing her glasses. And that's exactly how I felt. Matthew Y. Oh, no. Matthew Yancey 5333 said, can y'all do a full episode of Spinets please? That would be so fun. Y'all have to write in at. Y'all have to give us a lot of spin it so we'll have a lot of leftovers to do. Kayla Johnson 7381 said, you're saying too much. Not Mecca. Looking out for alternate universe Jamila more than Jamila is lay style Nerds said, these shoes rule. These shoes suck. Her name was Kelly and the song had me in a chokehold. Okay, so it wasn't Britney, but it was like, yeah, thank you. Shout out to all the black people who know Shoes because the way Jamila tried to play me last week, I.

[Jamila]

Just never heard of it. What can I do if I never heard of something?

[Mecca]

I don't know. Sorry. Amira143 said, I think my favorite pop culture was I got bronchitis. Ain't nobody got time for that.

[Jamila]

Yep, forgot about that one.

[Mecca]

Koya's curated Chaos said. BB Cece, Rumi and Sir Mecca, please. You know I have all the twin names for the girls and then I am is. Hold on. What the hell, girl? What the hell? Oh, Imani? Imani, is that you? Iman, is that you? You know, lack of spaces and punctuation can really fuck a sentence up. But this is her name. Iman, is that you? Said at 29, 27, my favorite pop culture moment were she ratchet and asking all them questions. Shout out to Emmanuel Hudson. Emanuel Hudson gave us a lot of gems in the early 2010s.

[Jamila]

They were so hilarious.

[Mecca]

The Hudson boys are hilarious, aren't they? Still on Wild N Out?

[Jamila]

Yeah, I don't know if Wild N Out's still a thing, actually.

[Mecca]

Oh, really? They be going on the tour all the time.

[Jamila]

Yeah, but I know Viacom is currently suing Zeus and Nick Cannon, so I don't know what that. How did they can get it on the Zeus too, because he's a part of it. He put his name on it and he's a part of the things that are like. You knowingly participated in this copyright infringement.

[Mecca]

For what Wild N Outs on Zeus they brought.

[Jamila]

It was like wild versus Bad, Bad versus Wild. But they used the same like logo kind of like they tried to spin it a little bit but it's. They're suing them for intellectual property and copyright and they absolutely are probably gonna win. So either. So I don't. Like I said I don't know what the status of that is, but yeah, it's a whole lawsuit going on right now.

[Mecca]

I did not know that. You see baddies got. It's not coming back or something. I don't watch baddies, but I'm like.

[Jamila]

I mean I wasn't surprised. I didn't think baddies was gonna last long. So I did watch it though. I ain't gonna lie.

[Mecca]

I watched the early seasons because baddies came out like at the turn of my frontal lobe. So they got me on a couple little episodes. I wasn't tapped into like all the, you know, they, it all the spin offs and the characters and it just, it became I, I wasn't tapped in on their universe. I'll be a real. I definitely remember Rolly and then like the first fight with that white girl Natalie fought from actual bad girls club. See that's the type of. That I was tapping in for when the old school bad girls were coming back for the baddies. Like that wasn't the new girls I wasn't too interested in.

[Jamila]

That's. I, I don't like how they're doing it as far as like who they're bringing up. It just it, it, it's not, not to say it declassified it because it was never classy. It's just one of those things where they took the narrative out of it. So it's.

[Mecca]

There is no point storyline. Like with bad girls club we knew why we didn't like there was actually a storyline as to why we wanted these girls to fight. They didn't like each other. They've been fighting over this. She said fuck you or took her nigga at the club. Like there was a literal storyline. There's no storyline with baddies. It's just like, like go ahead and fight each other.

[Jamila]

Yeah. That's literally what it's become. And then they just. When they're bringing the new girls on, the new girls don't really ever have anything established. So it's like they're trying to fight for their spot. And it's like the age difference between, like, Natalie's damn near 40, and you got a on here, that's 20. Like, why are you fighting? What the hell? Like, yeah, but, you know, I guess all good things come to an end, but, you know. Yeah.

[Mecca]

Okay, well, you guys, don't forget to, like, comment, subscribe, engage, subscribe to our Patreon. It's $3 per month. All right, we'll see you guys next week.

[Jamila]

Guys. Next Thursday, Unhinged and Immoral is hosted by Jamila Bell and Mecca, produced by Melissa D?

[Mecca]

Mont and Diamond Imprint Productions, post production by Coco Lawrence, production assistant by Melanie.

[Jamila]

D. Watson, music by Adi and Brooklyn.

[Mecca]

Billionaires, and graphics by Claudia Choi.