Welcome back to the unSeminary podcast. We’re talking with Nick Stumbo, the Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries.

According to a Barna study, 75% of Christian men and 40% of Christian women view pornography at least occasionally, with 67% of pastors having a personal history of porn use. How can churches effectively address pervasive issues of sexual brokenness and foster healing within their congregations? Tune in as Nick shares his personal journey of healing, and how churches can create both a safe place and a safe process through which people can experience transformation and freedom.

Finding healing. // Despite the traditional approaches of using tools like accountability groups and software, Nick still found himself trapped in a cycle of pornography use during his time pastoring at East Hills Alliance Church. It wasn’t until he encountered Pure Desire’s deeper, more comprehensive approach—focused on understanding the “why” behind these behaviors—that he and his wife found lasting healing. His public disclosure to the church body led to a revival of forgiveness and healing that ultimately launched Pure Desire groups for men and women.
A pervasive issue. // Sexuality is a deeply ingrained part of human identity and many people grow up without proper teaching or guidance on how to handle their sexual desires. This, combined with the pressures of living in a highly sexualized culture, creates a perfect storm for addiction to thrive.
Addressing the root cause. // Pornography becomes the false solution to a real problem. We all have a warped view of our own identity and value and worth, and as a result, we have a warped view of who God is. Brokenness from past trauma or pain or lies we believe about ourselves stems from our early years. These emotional and psychological aspects of sexual brokenness need to be addressed for true healing to occur.
The church’s key role. // Churches often outsource healing in the area of sexual brokenness, encouraging individuals to seek professional counseling rather than providing support within the church. However, Nick believes that churches can and should play a key role in providing healing through small group-based ministries. The church, as a body of believers, is uniquely equipped to offer a safe space where people can share their struggles, find support, and experience long-term transformation.
Create a safe place. // Creating a culture of grace within the church is critical if we are going to shift the narrative surrounding sexual brokenness away from shame and secrecy and towards openness and support. Churches must become a safe space where people can confess their struggles without fear of condemnation. Leaders and staff may also feel pressured to present themselves as perfect. Rather than waiting until a crisis arises, begin creating a culture where issues of sexuality and pornography are discussed openly and regularly, without judgment. Provide opportunities for your staff to be discipled and pursue healing in this area as well.
Create a safe process. // Pure Desire Ministries can help churches provide clear pathways for people to get help, such as offering group ministries that focus on long-term recovery. Men and women can walk through a structured healing process, unpacking their personal stories and addressing deep-rooted issues of identity and worth.

Visit Pure Desire Ministries at puredesire.org to find local groups, purchase the Sexual Integrity 101 course, or see how your church can get involved. Plus download the free ebooks for 5 Steps to Freedom from Porn and 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma.

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Episode Transcript

Rich Birch — Hey friends, welcome to the unSeminary podcast. Really looking forward to today’s conversation. This is a topic that I know that people in your church are wrestling with. I know people on your team are probably wrestling with. It’s the kind of thing that we maybe don’t want to talk about, but we really should be talking about.

Rich Birch — Super excited to have Nick Stumbo with us. He is a third generation pastor, started his ministry career at East Hills Alliance Church in Washington state. He served as the lead pastor for more than a decade, observing the fallout of sexual brokenness and devastation in the lives of the men and women in his church.

Rich Birch — Confronted with his own addiction to pornography, Nick and his wife found hope and healing through counseling and group ministries of Pure Desire, and it radically changed their lives. Really looking forward to this conversation. His public disclosure to the church body led to a revival of forgiveness and healing that ultimately launched Pure Desire groups for men and women. Nick has stayed connected to Pure Desire and today serves as executive director. Nick, I am so glad to have you here today. Welcome to the show.

Nick Stumbo — Yes, thank you. So glad to be here.

Rich Birch — Okay. Fill in the picture there a little bit. If there’s, you know, what, what did I miss? How, how, how else do I want to, uh, you know, if people bump into you on the road, what, do what do you, what do you want to know about Nick Stumbo?

Nick Stumbo — Yeah, I think it’s so crucial that the ministry I get to help lead is the ministry that changed my life.

Rich Birch — That’s so good.

Nick Stumbo — Because my wife and I were really on the brink of of divorce because of my binge/purge issues with pornography. And I always like to clarify that like many, I think sincere Christian men, I believed my own lies. I believed that, okay, that time was the last time. I’m never going to go back to pornography. I’d apologize to my wife. I would own it. You know, I had accountability software. I did all the things that my Christian upbringing had taught me to do about this subject, and yet I would still find myself going back. And you just, you feel like you’re stuck in this cycle that you can never break out of until we found Pure Desire Ministries and really found ah still a very deeply biblical approach, but with a a much different angle than anything we knew before.

Nick Stumbo — And the way that that transformed our marriage and and my life is what led to, you know, the steps we took with our church and then ultimately becoming a part of the ministry was just seeing that there is real healing, that that Christ does set people free. But sometimes the answers we’ve given in the church are what I describe as being too thin. I mean, they’re they’re very true. Read your Bible and pray and trust God and confess. And all those things are vital elements.

Nick Stumbo — But what we have so often missed is the “why” question. Why do I keep going back to this thing? And when you understand the why, when you understand some of the deeper parts of your soul and your heart and your mind that need to be renewed, it’s a life-changing process. So I think that’s kind of filling in the blanks. It’s like, this isn’t just a job or another ministry. It’s a passion that we’re living. And then getting to see other people find freedom from something they’ve believed, maybe for decades. Well, this is this is the thorn in my flesh, right? This is the, all well, all guys struggle a little bit, don’t they? So I guess it just, it is what it is. It’s like, no, when when Christ said that we could be free, He meant it and we really can experience it um as we walk this road.

Rich Birch — Well, yeah, I don’t think there’s anybody that’s listening in today that’s like, oh, that I don’t...

Breaking Free: Addressing Sexual Brokenness in the Church with Nick Stumbo